Edith + Bomani | Kenyan Catholic Wedding

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Edith and Bomani met in 2008 at Edith's workplace in Kenya and it was love at first sight. They had a long distance relationship for many years, and spent hours talking on Skype and the phone. Throughout their relationship, it was evident that Edith and Bomani were meant to be together. From thousands of miles away, Bomani wooed Edith; Bomani sent Edith flowers and gifts, and would surprise her with occasional visits.

A few years later, they reached a turning point in their lives and had to prayerfully consider the direction in which their courtship was going. They turned to Jesus through the intercession of St. Faustina, the patron Saint of their relationship, and her famous prayer: "Jesus, I trust in You." It was a prayer of intense and complete surrender, difficult to say and even harder to live by, but Edith and Bomani knew deep down that God had a plan for their lives together. And despite some scary moments in their families, it came to pass. Bomani came to Kenya and asked for Edith's hand in marriage. She moved to the United States and they got married in a joyous nupital Mass celebration at St. Ann's Roman Catholic Church in Arlington, VA. 
 

 "When you make God your first person to talk to each and every morning, He protects you from all odds since He owns your life." --Edith

From the photographer: The Wedding Mass of Edith and Bomani was unlike any Mass I have ever witnessed. It was vibrant, celebratory, and full of joy! After making a reverent sign of the Cross and blessing themselves with Holy Water, the groom and wedding party danced their way up the aisle to the front of the sanctuary. The music was a combination of Kenyan Gospel music and Afro-Carribean beats. Since her parents could not be with her on her wedding day (as they live in Kenya), Edith took one emotional walk down the aisle and her Aunt gave her away to Bomani.

After the readings, saying their vows, the sign of peace, Holy Communion (which was not photographed per the Bride and Groom's request), the young Priest presiding over the Mass declared that today was not only a celebration for Edith and Bomani, but also a celebration of the guests' milestones. He asked if anyone was celebrating an anniversary, engagement, birthday, baptism during the month of August, and when we raised our hands (I raised my hand because my birthday was just one week prior to that celebration), the music played and everyone cheered. You could not help but be overwhelmed with tears of joy and laughter! 

The attire the wedding guests was also unique in that it was "white-on-white", both a timeless and seasonably appropriate color for a late summer Afro-Caribbean wedding. Edith had a traditional wedding dress on during the ceremony while Bomani had a traditional Kenyan wedding suit on. At the reception, both Edith and Bomani changed into a more casual traditional Kenyan outfit (black with bold reds, greens and gold patterns) and that contrasted nicely with the white dresses and suits of the wedding guests. 

The wedding reception took place at an historic boutique hotel in Old Town Alexandria, VA, which is a mix of contemporary and colonial decor.The ballroom was the perfect location for a small intimate wedding of 50 people. 

After the bride and groom made their grand entrance (dancing, of course!), they participated in a variety of wedding reception activities, such as cutting and serving each other the delicious 3-tier wedding cake, listening to speeches and well wishes from family and friends, and giving their own speech of thanksgiving and gratitude to their guests and the traditional gift giving ceremony. In Kenya, it is a tradition to not only receive gifts for their wedding, but also to give gifts to each guest that attends the wedding. As the music played, the couple and their guests danced together before posing for a picture and giving each guest their gift. 

This wedding also featured one of the best grand finale photo moments of any wedding I have photographed thus far. We used the curved staircase of the Morrison House Hotel and had everyone go outside for a photo opt: first a traditional/editorial pose and lastly, the "scream and shout" pose where Edith and Bomani shared one of their first kisses (dressed in traditional Kenyan colors) and as Mr. and Mrs. while the wedding guests (wearing white) cheered on!

What is your spiritual takeaway from this wedding? From a vendor's perspective, this wedding brought tears to my eyes. It was encouraging for me to see the diversity within the Catholicism that comes from cultures in the developing world and that it is a gift to share in these traditions. Though we are so different in many ways, we are one Body in Christ and that is something to celebrate and treasure. Edith and Bomani's journey of faith and love also showed me that when you truly surrender your life to Jesus, in whatever vocation you might find yourself in, all things are possible in His perfect time. And when all else fails? Just dance, and make a joyful noise unto the Lord! 

Photography: Laurentina Photography | Church: St. Ann Roman Catholic Church - Arlington, VA | Flowers: Flowers with Love, Arlington, VA  | Cake: Heidelberg Pastry Shoppe, Arlington, VA | Reception & Catering: The Morrison House Hotel, Alexandria, VA

Six Tips for Catholic Military Spouses

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SOPHIE WHEELER

 

If you know anything about military life, you know it can lend itself to a lot of time away. We’ve been lucky that thus far in our relationship, my husband Daniel has never been deployed. But I can tell you that within the four and a half years we’ve been together, there have certainly been large chunks of time spent apart. This was the first Easter in three years, for example, that we will be able to spend together. And we are grateful for this, because it also happens to be the first Easter with our baby.

Daniel and I met as the result of a mail mix-up. My family and I had just moved to the area, and Daniel’s family lived two streets down. The new high school I was attending sent a welcome package that ended up in the hands of Daniel’s mom. At the time, his youngest brother attended the same school, and we can only assume the mailman made an honest mistake. So our moms swapped mail, met for coffee and a year later I was offered a summer job from his dad. Daniel and I finally met, and the rest is history!

Everyone’s experience with marriage is different, and it’s no different for couples in the military, with maybe some added roadblocks. And a few moves. Daniel and I have been apart at critical times in our relationship: the summer we started dating, he was away for six weeks, with limited communication aside from a few short letters here and there. A few months before our wedding he was sent across the country. He was thankfully able to come back for our wedding and a five-day honeymoon, but we were separated soon after since I had to finish up my degree.

If your other half is in the military, distance and time apart is commonplace. Planning a wedding while apart, with sometimes little to no communication, is not the best scenario, but these are the types of struggles military families--and families-to-be--work through. We had to prepare for marriage while apart, and to navigate our newfound status as husband and wife in the same way. All difficult, but not impossible.

Here are a few things that helped us:

Communicate.

I know this comes up on every relationship advice listicle ever. But no matter how much we read about it, it’s still not always put into practice. Communication is key in every relationship, but its importance cannot be emphasized enough—especially in relationships involving stressors beyond your control, such as inconsistent schedules and extended time apart. Military life lends itself to all these things.

If you don’t put effort into talking to your spouse on a daily basis, or however often you’re able while he or she’s away, about even everyday occurrences, things can quickly deteriorate and you’ll end up with a pile of misunderstandings and frustrations. Try sharing even mundane moments with your spouse. For example, I usually text Daniel whenever I leave the house to go to the grocery store, and text him again once I am back home. Not that it’s necessary for him to know exactly when I go to the store, but it often results in further conversation about our days that wouldn’t come about otherwise. Daniel does the same for me whenever he goes out, which helps keep my day running smoothly and shows me that he's thinking of me and being considerate of my time.

You don’t have to fight.

This is something that has helped our marriage immensely. We have never fought. Please don’t misunderstand and think that we don’t ever disagree! We do. But we have never allowed our differences to escalate into a fight, despite numerous people telling us throughout our marriage prep that “You need to fight! It’s unhealthy if you don’t.”

Every couple has different personalities, but it’s not that we don't fight because we aren't confrontational. My husband and I both have tempers (our families can tell you that). The reason we don’t fight is because our goal is always to control immediate emotional responses, not to suppress our thoughts or feelings--that would be useless, and would achieve the opposite effect. Many times we do this by acknowledging the situation and allowing each other time and space before continuing the conversation.

I want to be extremely clear about this: we would never have made it through two and a half years of dating and more than two years of marriage if we were were in the habit of ignoring our thoughts and feelings simply in favor of not fighting. There would have soon been an explosion.

Don’t talk badly about your spouse.

This is a favorite piece of advice from my mom. It helps in so many ways. Because of Daniel being in the military, most of our time spent apart has been both involuntary and with limited communication.  If you have to spend time away from your husband or wife, the tension only increases when you vent your frustrations to your friend or family member about every little annoying thing that your spouse does.

Instead, spend your time away from each other reflecting on your marriage and thinking of ways to make the most of your time together, while serving one another. This advice most definitely applies even when your spouse is not away. It gives your thoughts room to breathe before you choose whether or not to voice them.

Make sure your spouse has a good connection with your children.

 My grandmother should be given an award for the amount of patience and kindness she has managed to keep after years and years of being married to a military man (if you haven’t deduced this already, our family is going 3 generations strong in making military families). In any case, what this point means is don’t pass off the punishments to the parent the kids rarely see. Don’t make them the bad guy. Make time for children to bond with their parent. After my grandfather came back from a long time away in Okinawa, he and my grandmother spent two days together to reconnect while their children were looked after by family friends. After they got back home, they set up a candlelit dinner for the two older children to enjoy time with their dad, without the littler ones. The day after, the littles got the same chance.

Always do date night.

 Well…whenever you can anyway. Why wouldn’t you want to? Date night refreshes your relationship, especially when you have children. It gives you the chance to communicate in a different setting than your usual day-to-day, gives you something to look forward to together, and will likely lead to joyful conversations about past dates.

Trust.

Through all of our experiences Daniel and I have repeatedly learned the lesson that we should always trust in God’s plan and timing. This is especially important when it comes to all of the seemingly ill-timed training away from home or possibility of upcoming deployments. These situations are the best reminder of this fact: you have little to do with what happens in your life, but you have everything to do with how you deal with it.

Feeling like you have no control over your life or plans comes often in the military, and the only solution is to trust.

Trust God and trust your spouse. Lean on each other, even while you are apart. Maintain loving and encouraging communication when it's possible. When it isn’t, pray for each other and your marriage.

Photos by Spiering Photography.

About the Author: Sophie Wheeler is a wife, mother and artist. She grew up in a military family and as a result has lived in five different countries: the United States, Panama, Spain, Argentina and Venezuela. After settling back in the U.S. and finishing high school, she graduated from George Mason University with a BFA in Arts and Visual Technology. She now runs The Anchor Theory, a freelance graphic design and illustration business. She lives with her husband, Daniel, and their 8-month-old son in North Carolina. 

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Elise's Wedding | 5 Ways to Thrive During the Last Few Weeks of Your Engagement

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ELISE CRAWFORD

 

Save the date ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by Meaghan Clare Photography

I'm writing this at 11:30pm after a full day of work in D.C. with clients, calls with my team and giving a talk this evening to a group of women business owners. I'm tired. Physically, yes but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Wedding planning can be fun and full of exciting adventures, but what happens when it's....not? I think every woman who has gotten married can identify a moment in their planning process when she's thought to herself, "I'm so ready for this to be all over with and just be married already!"

There's no doubt when preparing to enter into the sacrament of marriage that you will experience some sort of spiritual battle; the Enemy trying to keep you from becoming the woman God has made you to be. I've been engaged for almost four years: that's a long time to be engaged in a singular battle! There are so many ups and downs when it comes to wedding planning and as your wedding day draws even closer, those waves of overwhelm can seem to come in faster and even more ferociously. 

No matter how long you've been engaged, I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of fatigue and burnout during the last few weeks leading up to your wedding. Below I'm sharing my five tips for thriving during your final days of engagement. Enjoy and feel free to leave your own tips in the comments!

Stay close to the Eucharist.

 As I mentioned before, I've definitely noticed an increase in spiritual battle or struggle as my wedding day draws near. They can be identified as small or feelings of discouragement and overwhelm or an increased tendency to lose your temper. The Enemy plays on your weaknesses, particularly as you are about to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage. Spend some extra time alone with Christ during the last few weeks of your engagement in order to remain focused. Although you are about to give yourself completely and freely over to another in marriage, Jesus will always be your first Love. Let him nourish you, love you and sanctify you as draw closer to Him. Amp up your prayer life. Although it might seem impossible to fit in anything else in your schedule, it's important to prioritize daily Mass, confession and quiet prayer even more intensely as your big day draws near. 

Write everything down.

 This might seem like an obvious task, but I didn't even think about mapping out the next couple of months leading up to my wedding until I was complaining to a friend about how I didn't even know where to start when it came to everything that still needs to get done. Of course I had thought about having a day-of timeline for my wedding, but now that August 12th is just weeks away, it's been incredibly helpful to take time to write out every little thing that needs to get done before our wedding day, then share it with my bridesmaids, mom and whomever else is helping us prepare. That way, I don't feel like all of the weight of wedding planning is on just my shoulders, and I can breathe knowing there are others who know what needs to be accomplished.

Spend more intentional time together as a couple.

Protect your relationship as a couple. This might sound defensive, but unless you intentionally schedule time with your beloved during these busy weeks, it's not going to happen. It's important to cling to one another during this time. You are both about to experience a life-changing moment together. Engagement is a time of new challenges and maybe unexpected difficulties. Whatever stresses, worries and fears that you are experiencing, these are opportunities for you to grow stronger as a couple. But you can't do that unless you spend time together! Set apart time each week where you do not plan or talk about your upcoming nuptials (or at least keep the wedding chatter to a minimum) and just enjoy each other's company. Take time to still get to know your fiancé and fall even more in love together. Cherish this special time.

Take time for self-care.

 As Nicole Caruso mentioned in our Bridal Makeup Tutorial, it's incredibly important as a bride to take time for self-care. It might be the last thing on your mind, but when you don't take time to prepare yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically, for your new life as a wife, you can fall into the trap of losing perspective. Make sure to schedule time for not only prayer, but doing things that you love. That can be working out, taking a yoga class, reading a book from your favorite genre, attending counseling, taking a bath with your favorite bath salts or getting a massage. I'd highly recommend journaling during this time as well. Journaling helps me assess where I am emotionally and spiritually. Whatever self-care means to you, take time to do something just for yourself and relax. 

Let it go.

 In the words of Elsa, let it go. During your final weeks of engagement, remain focused on why you're getting married in the first place. You are being called into a sacred union with your beloved and Jesus Christ. Along with your to-do list, create a list of things that you are okay with not getting done before your wedding day. These might be last-minute DIY projects or fun ideas that just aren't getting executed. It's okay if not everything comes together as you had imagined. Your wedding day is just one day and at the end of it, you'll be married, which is all that matters!

Let go of any pressure that others, or you, are putting on yourself and go with the flow. If the florist doesn't get your order quite right or the ring bearers' suits aren't the perfect color, it's still going to be a beautiful day. Enjoy these last days of being a bride and soak up every moment. It only happens once! 

About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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How He Asked | Susanna + Brad

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Susanna and Brad met in college, and despite a deepening friendship and eventual dates, Susanna remained uncertain about her feelings for Brad. Thankfully, the Lord gave the couple a second chance, and after two more years of friendship, the couple fell in love during a trip to Rome for a mutual friend's ordination, hence the reason they had their gorgeous engagement photos taken in the Eternal City. 

In Susanna's words: I was not certain that Brad's and my relationship would end in marriage; after all, I had broken up with him once before! But after our time together in Rome, I knew that what was growing between us was something different, something new.

On November 23, 2015, I drove to 7:30a.m. mass at the Cathedral of Saint Paul in Minnesota to conclude my novena to Saint Joseph in his chapel. After praying the novena I simply sat with Joseph, hoping he would offer a few encouraging words--the definitive "turn around, your husband is standing right behind you" kind that most Catholic single women want to hear after praying a novena for their future spouse. Instead, St. Joseph remained very much in character and did not say much, though I did feel that he wanted me to be at peace in my day, knowing that he was with me.

As I stepped out of the chapel, I saw Brad in one of the front row pews. It was then that I had a feeling he would ask me out again. Sure enough, after Mass he nonchalantly began talking about how he was reading the book I recommended to him, Brideshead Revisited, and smoothly transitioned from talking about literature to saying, “when I finish the book, we will definitely have to get together to have drinks and discuss...but this time, I’d like to actually take you out to dinner. I know we’ve tried this one before, but I’d like to try it again.” I was trying to be suave and smooth too, but my heart filled with joy as I said “yes” to a second-first-date and I walked away from our conversation with my heart beating fast, a beaming smile on my face and a nervous giggle in my throat. 


In Brad's words: 

I proposed exactly a year after our "second first date" at High Cliff State Park. Susanna used to go there all the time growing up, we had gone there a handful of times together, and I knew that she loved going to pray by the water.

The night before proposing I was up late. I didn’t trust myself to remember everything I wanted to tell her before I asked her to marry me, so I wrote a letter. I figured that way I’d be able to say everything I wanted to, and she’d be able to keep it to read again later. The next morning I went to mass with my Mom at the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help. Mary had played a big role in our relationship, and I wanted to go pray for her intercession as I asked Susanna to marry me.

When we got to the park, we started walking toward the marina. Now, for a little context, it was November in Minnesota, so it was about 40 degrees and drizzling. As we get to the shore, Susanna saw the stone breakwater and said, “Let’s go out there!” Before I could say, “That sounds like a horribly dangerous idea,” she was already on the rocks. About halfway out, she knew I didn’t love the idea, so she said we could stop there. In my head, I was thinking, “Absolutely not! If we’re halfway out here, I’m proposing out here! And I’m proposing at the END!” So we got to the end, I got down on one knee, and asked her to marry me!

And she said “Yes!” 

Our engagement has been so filled with grace. While we were dating, we grew close and shared a ton, but I think in the month after getting engaged we shared more than we had in the entire year of dating. 

Susanna and I decided to wait to get married until until October 14, 2017. We would’ve liked to get married sooner, but with my brother Greg’s diaconate ordination on September 28th, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have him witness our vows! 

Susanna's reflection on engagement: Brad is more than an example of God’s love for me:  God has chosen Brad to be the vessel by which I experience His love. Even when my spiritual life is dry and I feel Jesus’ silence, I am still able to tangibly feel the warmth of my Father’s love through Brad’s words, deeds, and hidden sacrifices. Because I am weak, I cling to these little reminders of God’s love that Brad shows me, and they help me to behold God with awe and wonder. They help me recall my responsibility to become a saint; of our responsibility to become saints, here and now, on this side of heaven.

Photography: Roberta of Flytographer Enterprises | Location: Rome | Engagement Ring: Gold n' Treasures

I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Organizing Your Vendors + Downloadable Contact List

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ANDI COMPTON

 

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

We've talked vendor interviews and booking before in this series. Now let's get you a system for organizing them. 

As you're working hard researching and interviewing vendors, signing contracts and paying deposits, it's so important to keep track of everyone you've hired. By filing in all the vital contact details, you'll be able to find your photographer's phone number when you need it, or have your floral designer's address at your fingertips when it's time to write the final balance check.

Don't forget to keep all of your contracts in one place, preferably a binder or folder. Whether a coordinator or a family friend is running your wedding day, the info you provide will let them know exactly what is expected of each vendor. 

Download your free copy of our Vendor Contact List, covering everything from initial bookings through post-reception arrangements for you and your new husband, right here.

Happy Planning!

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Joined by Grace: 2 Marriage Ministers on Prayer Together + Getting the Most Out of Your Marriage Prep

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Despite being “ever ancient, ever new,” eternal and divine, some more human elements of the Church, particularly ministry, vary widely across dioceses and parishes. And so vary the lives of their attendees. If you’re preparing for a sacrament, particularly marriage, you’ve been somewhere different than anyone else and any other couple in the room: we are loved and willed into existence; we are planned; we walk the road of providence, whether we realize it or not.

Maybe you’re reading this as you’re revisiting the Church for your wedding and are looking for answers on the reasons behind seemingly arbitrary teachings and traditions. Maybe you’re already familiar and on board with the theology of marriage, and are looking for something more beyond the basics. Here’s a gesture, on our part, to help you experience and appreciate your marriage prep program with fresh eyes.

Teri and John Bosio are the creators of Ave Maria Press’s Joined by Grace marriage prep program, a sacramental approach to making good on your vows for a lifetime. The Bosios recently released a prayer book to accompany the program, and you, by inviting the Father into your dialogue as a couple. The book is a simple, beautifully designed resource with both the basics of Catholic spirituality and prayers alongside lesser-known devotions.

No matter what preparation program you’re enrolled in and no matter where you are in your spiritual life, it’s our hope that this recent conversation with Teri and John illuminates ways to make your preparations more personal, less one size fits all, and ways to take part in the life of the Church.

For couples who haven't shared a prayer life before, what steps do you recommend for finding a starting point and creating a routine?  

Engagement is such an important moment in your life as a couple. This is the time when new directions are charted, new habits formed, and decisions made that will influence your life for years to come. For couples wondering where to begin with prayer, our recommendation is to start with what you have in common--your love for each other, and the gratitude for how you feel.

One of you might say to the other, “Do you mind if we say a prayer of thanks to God for bringing us together?” Then, say the simplest prayer that comes to mind, such as the Our Father, or any others. This might be the start, or the continuation, of a conversation about how to make prayer part of your faith life, even if you are from different religious tradition. Engagement is a time to start your prayer traditions, including prayers before meals, evening prayers, and others. 

For those who already pray together and are looking to delve deeper during this time of preparation for marriage, what prayers or habits can they turn to?

We’d recommend praying in community. None of us can live in isolation. Researchers are finding that marriages connected to the life of their church community receive from it great spiritual and social support. The parish is where we are born spiritually in Baptism, and we return to the parish regularly for our nourishment through the sacraments. Although your parish after the wedding may be different and far away, it’s still valuable and important to participate in the life of the parish where you live at the time.

Make it a habit to attend Mass regularly, make use of the sacrament of Penance, adopt spiritual practices like the rosary or Eucharistic Adoration, and participate in acts of service with your parish community. You’ll find your parish becomes your extended family wherever you live, for the rest of your life. It can be a great source of strength and support, especially when you encounter challenges.

The marriage prep program the two of you designed, Joined by Grace, prioritizes the sacraments as a framework for married life. What are some ways couples can practically live out a sacramental mentality during engagement and, later, in marriage?

Joined by Grace invites couples to love each other as Christ loves the Church. One notable place Catholics personally experience this love is in the seven sacraments. You’re encouraged to answer the question, “What does the Bridegroom--Christ--do for his Bride--the Church--in each sacrament that I need to do for my spouse?”

For example, in Baptism we experience Christ’s forgiveness and acceptance. He shares his life with us and welcomes us into his Father’s family. Engaged couples learn from Christ the importance of mutual acceptance, without which no marriage can survive. Such acceptance is expressed in listening to each other attentively and respectfully, adjusting to one another’s habits, bearing with the other’s annoying quirks, being patient, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness and differences.

In Confirmation we experience God’s love through his commitment to be present to us with the Holy Spirit.  The bishop seals us to Christ with sacred oil, and we receive the gifts of the Spirit. One of the most important qualities of spousal love is the commitment to always be present to each other: to trust, to pay attention, to stand by each other, to give support, and to stay focused on the needs of the other.

Similarly, from the sacrament of the Eucharist couples can see the importance of self-giving and sacrifice; from the Sacrament of Penance they learn forgiveness; from the Anointing of the Sick, compassion, and helping each other heal. And from Holy Orders and Matrimony, you learn to serve one another and together, serve God.

The practical skills and loving attitudes we learn from the sacraments are critical, and are renewed and strengthened through the graces you receive at every Mass.

Joined by Grace also encourages mentorship from other married couples. Any advice for newlyweds and spouses-to-be for connecting with other couples and finding community, particularly if one or both of them will be joining a new parish or relocating after the wedding?

If you currently aren’t an active member of your parish, working with a mentor couple is a great way to get started.

Your mentors can introduce you to your parish’s prayer and social life and help you meet other young couples. In our 44 years of marriage, we’ve received many blessings from actively participating in the life of our parishes. For us, that looked like going to Mass regularly, attending social functions, teach religious education to children and adults, serving on the parish council, singing in the choir, and serving as ministers at Mass.  

During times of relocation, we always prioritized finding a parish where we wanted to belong. These churches became for us our extended family, where in each one we met many friends who were there through joy, illnesses, celebrations, job losses, and family deaths. We do not feel alone. In moments of needs our friends pray for us and help us. The parish stands by us and holds us up when we fall down. Don’t remain isolated! When you are new in a city and on your own, go to Mass to the nearest parish, read the bulletin, find things you want to do and become involved--it will be a blessing for your marriage.

The two of you have now experienced many seasons of your marriage, from newlywed life on into grandparenthood, and have worked with many couples through your marriage prep ministry. What aspects or realities of married life would surprise engaged couples the most?

So many aspects of married life caught us by surprise! First, little things can appear to be big things, but they’re not. We've learned to accommodate things like toothpaste left in the sink and to adjust to one another’s ways of doing things.

Second, we looked forward to children and were blessed with two wonderful daughters. It required an adjustment to our lifestyle, from being a couple to being a family. It took time to navigate our roles as parents and to balance meeting each other’s needs with the needs of our children.   

Third, we found it can be all too easy to find ourselves going in different directions. When one of us went back to school at a time the other was frequently traveling for work, we found we had little free time to spend alone. We had to deliberately make time. We started scheduling and budgeting for a babysitter so we could regularly date, like we had before marriage.

Finally, we found strength in knowing we are not alone.

We can draw strength from each other in difficult moments: job changes, sickness, moves, and beyond. Each of us have learned there is nothing more reassuring in those dark moments than remembering our spouse, and God, stands by us, watching out for our common good and helping us work out of predicaments together.

Any wedding planning and marriage advice you’d like to share with our readers?

Your wedding only marks the beginning of your married life. One is a day; the other is a lifetime. During your marriage you’ll each continue growing as individuals and will constantly change--there might be days you don’t recognize each other! Agree now on how you’ll handle those surprises and what life throws at you.

When you encounter challenges, think back to these days of planning for your life together. Think about how your love story started. When times get tough and the problems seem bigger than both of you, agree now that you will to seek help through prayer and openness to professional counseling.

Our best advice for your wedding planning comes from Pope Francis’ The Joy of Love. He writes:

“Here let me say a word to fiancés. Have the courage to be different. Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances. What is important is the love you share, strengthened and sanctified by grace. You are capable of opting for a more modest and simple celebration in which love takes precedence over everything else (212)."

John and Teri Bosio are active in parish and family ministry, serving parishes and dioceses around the country and leading couples retreats and family ministry workshops for deacons and priests. They are the writers of Joined by Grace, a marriage preparation program, and the accompanying Joined by Grace: A Catholic Prayer Book for Engaged and Newly Married Couples, from Ave Maria Press. They have produced three parish-based marriage enrichment programs, Six Dates for Catholic Couples, The Beatitudes: A Couple’s Path to Greater Joy, and Four Dates for Catholic Couples: The Virtues. The Bosios live in Nashville, Tennessee, and have two daughters and one grandchild.

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Gabrielle + Vince | Ordinariate Cathedral Wedding

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Gabrielle and Vince first became friends at their small Catholic high school while planning a retreat together. At the time, Vince was preparing for Marian consecration and for Our Lady’s intercession in his life.

All along, Gabrielle just knew Vince was the George Bailey to her Mary, the man who would make her a wife. Patiently she waited, in friendship and in kindness, praying for Vince to realize the same. She asked him for guitar lessons, which led to a period of discernment and starlit walks, which led to Vince’s asking Gabrielle to make their relationship official.

By their senior year of college, Vince asked Gabrielle the same question--this time, for eternity. As they concluded St. Louis de Montfort’s Marian consecration a second time, he proposed on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary.

From the Bride: Our wedding day was large and lovely. We decided to get married at noon, to have our Mass with the sun shining and an early night for guests who traveled. Our wedding did not intentionally revolve around a theme other than our express desire to have a beautiful liturgy. 

Everything was planned during our senior year of college. During exams I was trying on dresses; before class I was addressing invitations; in our college cafeteria we were choosing our wedding readings. It was chaotic and fun, and we enjoyed every minute of a very busy eight months.

Once I did find “the dress,” my Maid of Honor noticed it was made of alençon lace, which is a lace made mostly in Normandy, France. It’s a traditional material preserved in a large part by the craftsmanship work of Zelie Martin. Days after we were engaged, Zelie and her husband Louis were canonized in Rome. My Maid of honor attended the audience and prayed for us there. Throughout our engagement, and now our marriage, Vince and I often turn to Sts. Zelie and Louis as guides and patrons on this journey.

No amount of planning can prevent little hiccups. We had planned to have an hour of Adoration prior to our rehearsal, and only then did the stress and anticipation of what was happening the next day hit me. That evening, lightning and storms raged outside, flights were being cancelled, Vince was running late, and so were my parents and family. My bridesmaid and I stepped into the church at that point, where she comforted me and helped me practice walking down the aisle. This made the wedding appear a lot smaller: like something I could do, something I could accomplish with ease.

Inspired by our friends and college professors, we were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham in Houston, where we’d become parishioners long before our engagement. It was Vince planned most of our Nuptial Mass. We saw the Mass as an opportunity to beautifully and intentionally show our families the beauty of the Catholic faith.  

The liturgy was, for us, an intimate moment where as husband and wife we were welcomed into the sanctuary to consume the body of our Lord. We added a few personal touches to the Mass where we could: a small addition to the Commemoration of the Dead within the Liturgy of the Eucharist, for instance, helped us include all who were not present with us as part of the Liturgy. I carried my paternal great-grandmother’s rosary around my bouquet, and wore my maternal great-grandmother’s sapphire ring on my right hand. On the wedding day I didn’t get to spend much time with either of them, and these two pieces helped remind me they are by my side, maternally supporting me with the Blessed Mother. As a gift to us, Vince’s fellow altar servers from college served for our Mass. Our godparents were lectors.

The nuptial liturgy doesn't have a first kiss written in, and we hadn’t planned on what to do. Without thinking, during the Sign of Peace we kissed, as we do every Sunday. This was our first kiss as husband and wife.

My paternal family is Cajun Catholic, and slightly taken aback by the language, special prayers, and gestures within the Ordinariate Liturgy of Matrimony. Many of the prayers are said in Early Modern English (Elizabethan), and prayers from the Anglican Church are added to the liturgy to maintain tradition for those who have converted.

At the reception we featured a table with family wedding mementos, both from those still living and those no longer with us, celebrating the idea that Vince and I have now joined their ranks as members of a married tradition.

We chose to have a live band, which I can affirm was the greatest decision. The band, Danny Ray and the Acoustic Production, was versatile, talented, and fun. They easily filled up the dance floor moments after the meal.

Prior to our wedding, Vince was a best man at our close friends wedding. He concluded his toast with a Celtic Blessing toward the married couple. My father, unknowingly, spoke the same words on our wedding day in his the last and final toast as he asked friends and family to extend a blessing over us:

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Thank you for everything, Dad.

The story of every wedding is the same story of salvation history: we have made one another family. This encourages daily sacrifice and patience, but also produces the greatest moments of joy and love I have ever felt. Do not be afraid of young marriage! God does provide.

Photographer's Business Name : Meagan McLendon Photography  | Nupital Mass or Engagement Location: The Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham, Houston, Texas | Wedding Reception Venue : Sugar Creek Country Club - Sugar Land, Texas | Band: Danny Ray and the Acoustic Production | Wedding Party Flowers: Nora Anne's Flower Shoppe | Wedding Gown: Ivory Bridal Atelier

The Importance of Healthy Boundaries During Wedding Planning

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Wedding planning is stressful no matter how you slice it, but when you throw two different extended families into the mix, things can get…complicated. The mother of the bride wants everyone dressed in tuxes and evening gowns, while the mother of the groom insists on a more casual dress code. One side of the family isn’t Catholic and doesn’t understand why the wedding party can’t break out the bubbly right before the wedding Mass. Or perhaps the guest list is the bone of contention: one set of parents insists on everyone being invited—budget notwithstanding—including that friend-of-the-family you haven’t seen since you were two years old.

What some couples don’t realize is that there is an emotionally healthy and charitable way to keep these potential conflicts. By setting clear boundaries with both of your families, you’ll not only avoid wedding planning drama (and the tears that accompany it), you’ll also be setting the tone for your future interactions with extended family.

Be realistic about how much autonomy you and your fiancé can expect during the planning process.

If your parents are paying for some or all of the festivities, you probably can’t reasonably insist on having complete control over the details—especially when it comes to the reception. Think of it this way: this is your parents' gift to you. Normally, we don’t get to choose the gifts that others give us; we simply accept them, even if they’re not exactly what we wanted. No matter how frustrated you may get during the planning process, remember that at the end of the day, you and your husband will be married, which is what matters.

That said, if you want total control from soup to nuts, you’ll need to pay for most everything yourself (like one of our recent contributors, Katie, and her now-husband did). This may not be an option for young couples who are getting married right out of college or grad school, but it’s definitely something to consider if you and your fiancé have been working in the “real world” for a few years.

Communicate clearly from the beginning.

Figure out what you’re willing to compromise on, and what’s non-negotiable for you and your fiancé, and discuss it with both sets of parents as soon as possible. A face-to-face meeting of some kind (FaceTime counts) is preferable, as emails can be easily misinterpreted. Make sure your parents and future in-laws know how much you value their support and input, but make it clear that there are certain things you’re not willing to budge on—especially when it comes to the nuptial Mass. This will be particularly important if one set of parents isn’t Catholic.

Remember that you’re laying the groundwork for your new family’s future.

After you get married, your primary family unit is you and your husband, not you and your family of origin. This is a tough transition to make, especially if you’re close to your family or are still working on establishing healthy boundaries with them. Think of engagement and wedding planning as a trial run for newlywed life, when parents and siblings may struggle to accept that your primary roles are not daughter/sister anymore. You and your future husband are a team, and the more you act as a team while engaged, the easier it will be to set healthy boundaries with your families in the future—especially if you have children.

Don’t be afraid to say “no” (charitably).

Christian charity is not the same thing as being a doormat. Yes, it’s difficult to say “no” to your well-meaning family members (or future in-laws) when they offer their opinions, advice, or assistance, but there is a kind way to do so. The key is to thank them whole-heartedly for their suggestion, and calmly explain that you and your fiancé have already decided to go in a different direction.

Enlist your fiancé's help.

Your fiancé is your biggest ally and can encourage you as you try to establish boundaries, especially with your own family. Make sure you keep him in the loop as much as possible, so that he can call you out if he sees that boundaries are being crossed in either direction. On the flip side, be sure to let him know if you feel like he needs to work on boundaries with his family, especially if you feel as though he is prioritizing his family’s feelings over yours.

If you want to learn how to establish healthy boundaries, consider discussing the topic with a pre-martial counselor in your area. You and your fiancé may also want to check out the following books as part of your marriage preparation:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody


Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | BodaMaestra

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Maestra, in Spanish, means masterpiece, and that’s just what Esme Krahn wants your wedding--boda--to be. Esme was working full-time, coordinating weddings on the side, in Mexico when she first met a man named Joe, from Virginia, through online dating. Their initial conversations bloomed into a long-distance, cross-continental relationship that culminated in a Washington, D.C. proposal.

A lifelong Catholic and a lover of the Church and of her native Hispanic culture, Esme channeled her college event coordination experience into wedding planning the first few times she assisted with Hispanic Catholic weddings, and was awakened to a God-given gift. Now residing stateside with her husband, Esme earned her wedding planning certification through Weddings Beautiful Worldwide and transitioned her career into full-time wedding coordination and design. She’s served the D.C. Metro area through BodaMaestra, offering full and partial wedding planning or management plans, for over a decade.

Click through BodaMaestra’s gallery of recent weddings  and Instagram feed and you’ll find a range of gorgeous celebrations Esme has designed and coordinated for couples and venues of every origin; she happily takes on clients of any background. For Hispanic and American couples alike, her blog is a mine of practical information for brides and grooms seeking to plan a spiritually and visually beautiful day that exudes gratitude to God and to family and friends, with pieces on everything from creating an initial mood board to preserving your wedding cake to choosing the Catholic wedding readings best suited to you as a couple.

Yet Esme's specialty, the need she seeks to meet and the call she has answered in the wedding industry, is guiding Latin American couples in honoring the traditions of their heritage, through a nuptial Mass and reception that reflect the customs and rich culture of their families’ home countries. Latin America is a traditionally Catholic region with a uniquely exuberant sensibility when it comes to worship, dress, music, and other aspects of any celebration. The new union of man and wife is certainly cause to celebrate, and Esme’s ability to transform these aspects into something visible and beautiful in the particular and very needed niche she’s been called to, something guests can sense and be drawn into the the heart of God, is so inspiring to us.

Ultimately, it’s this focus on the Father’s love, goodness, and beauty that anchors all of Esme’s work and her client experience. She willingly and joyfully prays for each of her couples as they prepare to walk down the aisle, and encourages them to look beyond the wedding day as they complete their plans. Any wedding professional offers a service in the business sense of the word, but it’s this active sense of intercession, preparation, and grounding in virtue that makes Catholic wedding coordination, particularly BodaMaestra’s, distinctive--abounding in generosity and service in the truest sense.

From Esme: It is an honor to experience a couple's wedding day, as well as their preparation journey as I get to coach them and advise them on how to handle different situations. The beauty of marriage resides in becoming one and goes far beyond a one-day celebration. It is a longtime journey where the ultimate goal is to fulfill your vocation as a married couple and future parents, with God among you. To this day, I have helped dozens of couples, American and Latinos and anything in between!

I like to be there for my clients. At the outset of each coordination process, I hold discovery meetings where I find out what's truly important to the bride and groom. No couple is alike, so I take time to find out what each one’s main priorities are, what fears are hunting them and the overall feel they are looking for on their wedding day. My couples and I are a team where everyone has responsibilities and decisions to make. Our planning meetings are productive and a stress reliever--by the time the wedding day rolls around, the only thing they have to worry about is each other! My couples can trust me 100% that I will troubleshoot any day-of issues and will execute their plans as agreed. Each day is accompanied with a prayer for their life as a couple and for our team's abilities to shine and perform flawlessly.

BodaMaestra has been featured on United with Love, Ruffled, Borrowed & Blue, and Emmaline Bride.

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1940s-Inspired Styled Shoot

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We're excited to share with you our second styled shoot, photographed by Monica Jazmine of Jazzy Girl Photography and featuring one of our Spoken Bride vendors, Sea and Sun Calligraphy. If you appreciate vintage-inspired weddings, the 1940s, or World War II-era love stories, you'll love this shoot. 

Quick engagements and long-awaited marriages were incredibly common following the dark days of World War II.  Among those who found love were Rose Del Mese and Joseph Pizzale, both from Upstate New York.  The young soldier, newly back from the war, found his future in a dark-haired beauty he called Rosie.  They married on November 9, 1945, and were married for more than 60 years. 

To honor that marriage, a re-creation of their wedding day was captured by Monica Jazmine of Jazzy Girl Photography. To make the photoshoot even more memorable, Rose’s wedding gown and veil were worn by her granddaughter, Camarie McBride.

The rosary in Camarie's hands symbolizes her prayer life with God and seeking the intercession of the blessed Virgin Mary in her life as as a wife and mother in the Holy Sacrament of marriage. The Annunciation Card a symbol of Rose saying "yes" to her marriage to Joseph, just like Mary said "yes" to God's will in the Annunciation. 

All of the vendors involved in the shoot made sure that the details were in keeping with the 1940s theme: florals and table settings were designed by Annette Callari, and the engraved invitations, dinner menus, and hand-calligraphed envelopes bearing stamps from that era (created by Sea and Sun Calligraphy) added to the nostalgia of the shoot. 

Our model’s make-up and hair design were done by Trina Vigil of Makeup by TREEVG and truly brought to life the look and emotion of that November day in 1945.

The shoot was a beautiful tribute to an enduring love.  Rosie and Joe, no doubt, would be very pleased. 

From the photographer: I was so touched when Camarie McBride asked me to photograph this special tribute shoot in honor of her grandparents' love story, celebrating the beauty of their wedding day in 1945. Prepping for the shoot was a dream, as I got to work with Trina Vigil, whose makeup and hair captured the post-War era glamour perfectly.

Photography: Monica Jazmine of Jazzy Girl Photography | Model: Camarie McBride | Makeup & Hair: Trina Vigil of Makeup by Treevg | Set Designer & Floral: Annette Callari | Cake Designer: Irene's Dessert Table | Calligraphy: Sea & Sun Calligraphy | Handmade Paper & Envelopes: Spurle Gul Studio | Gold Wax Seal: Saint Signora | Stamps: Verde Studio | Ribbon: Honey Silks Co. | Vintage Rental: Oak Tree Vintage Rentals 

Planning your dream wedding without breaking the bank

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KATIE WALDOW

One semester during college, my friend Kate and I started the tradition of getting together to study a few times a month. And by “study” I mean we would meet at Barnes & Noble to pour over the pages of every bridal magazine on the shelf until they kicked us out because we only bought one latte.

I had been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a little girl (cliche, I know). It would be a summer wedding with me wearing a princess dress, bridesmaids in yellow chiffon, and every friend and family member on the dance floor in perfect harmony. Conveniently, I wasn’t dreaming about the financial and logistical implications of hosting a wedding for all of our nearest and dearest. The moment my now-husband, Stephen, and I started discussing engagement and marriage, however, all of that changed. Because we are both one of four, and because we wanted total freedom in the planning process we made the decision to pay for our wedding on our own. Today I am sharing a few ways we planned our dream wedding without breaking the bank.

Design a Dream Budget, but Be Aware of Reality.

Before we were engaged I made a list of all the things I wanted for our wedding day, including everything from dress to DJ. Next to each item I wrote the maximum amount of money I’d be willing to spend, and the grand total reached almost $45,000, which was both overwhelming and unrealistic. I wanted a dream wedding, but there was no way it would be possible at that price. Writing it all down was an important exercise for me, because seeing the potential reality of wedding costs on paper helped me to start planning with a firm grasp on reality.

Readjusting my expectations, knowing how quickly things could add up, crossing certain items off the list entirely, and being mindful of budget challenged me to get creative. It also helped me to reevaluate my priorities and focus on what is most important: the Sacrament itself.

Ask Friends and Family to Share Their Time and Talents

Like us, I am sure you have talented friends and family members who would love to be involved in your special day. Don’t be afraid to ask if they’d be willing to share their gifts and talents with you!  Our main motivation in doing this was to give the day a more personal touch, but it did save money overall to pay those we knew for their expertise. Stephen and I wanted to include as many loved ones as possible by supporting their time and talents, while also sharing their gifts with our other guests.

Although the major elements like venue and photographer were through traditional vendors, almost everything else came from friends and family. Our flowers were ordered online and put together by my youth group students, the groom’s cake was made by Steve’s aunt, and my best friend’s husband went above and beyond to make our wedding video. Two good friends from college and my baby sister sang for our Mass, and another of my sisters took our engagement photos. A dear friend made four different flavors of cupcakes in lieu of a wedding cake, and my family offered their beautiful car to drive me the church. It was truly special to look back on the day and see so many details lovingly created by people who mean so much to us.

Be Creative and Intentional about Saving Money

When I was living on my own I read the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and quickly adopted his Envelope System as a way to budget my money and pay down student loans.  I took this same approach to our wedding, writing savings goals or item totals on the outside of the envelopes, and dividing my paycheck into each one weekly. Figuratively spending my paycheck by budgeting this way allowed me to avoid impulse spending, and helped us meet the different payment deadlines for various vendors.

We are fortunate that Steve doesn’t have any student loan debt, and I was living with my grandmother during the time of our engagement, which allowed a good amount of money from our jobs to be used for wedding costs. Stephen’s parents generously hosted the rehearsal dinner, and my family was able to help with some of the venue costs. Despite these advantages, we still had to find creative ways to pay for everything. Throughout the year we were engaged I worked as a waitress in the summer, as a part-time nanny, and I helped a local wedding planner with her social media account, in addition to my full time job. I sold clothes I didn’t need on Poshmark, or through a local consignment shop. Steve worked two jobs, and picked up a summer parking gig at our parish. It was exhausting, I’ll admit, but it was temporary and I know it is a huge reason why we did not start our marriage with a massive amount of wedding debt.

Let Go of What the Wedding Industry Says You “Have to Have” for the Perfect Day

Now more than ever, there are so many options and elements that could go into a wedding day, and it’s easy to get caught up in the extras. Every time Stephen and I thought we’d remembered everything, another potential expense popped up. Knowing and continually revisiting our budget, and cutting out non-essentials helped keep us from feeling the pressure to add more and more.

I remember spending so much energy thinking about wedding favors, but we couldn’t ever agree on one thing that didn’t feel wasteful or was within the budget. After much debate we decided to forgo favors entirely, and focused instead on spending individual time with our guests and personally thanking them for sharing the day with us. As much as a sweet favor can represent the couple and add beautiful detail, it didn’t feel essential for us. Letting go of the elements that didn’t fit our style freed up the budget for the things that were most important to us.

Focus on God  and the Sacrament of Marriage

Throughout our engagement we used different resources to help us keep the focus on the sacrament itself. Three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen, Embracing God’s Plan for Marriage: A Scripture Study for Couples by Mark & Melanie Hart, and the Magnificat were all helpful resources we used to guide our spiritual preparation. The night before our wedding, we left our rehearsal dinner and headed to a local church with perpetual adoration. It was in this same church where our engagement story started and we wanted to take a few moments together to pray, knowing the next day would be a whirlwind.

Stephen and I went through many unexpected trials throughout our engagement, but centering ourselves in prayer was so key. It helped us trust that God would walk with us through the difficult days, and gave us peace of mind in all areas of the planning process.

The journey of engagement is a beautiful and joyful time, but merging finances and opinions and lifelong dreams can quickly turn into struggle and stress if you don’t have your priorities straight. Although Stephen and I were not exempt from these difficulties, we made it through together and we truly enjoyed every minute of our wedding day-- even the part where our getaway car died and we had to improvise. Praying throughout our engagement and knowing God was preparing us for a lifetime together instead of just one day helped put everything into perspective and brought us true peace and joy.

I hope that sharing some of the ways we saved for our wedding will be a source of inspiration for you, and I’d love to hear any creative things you have done throughout your own wedding planning!

Photography by Salt Water Studios


Katie Waldow is a youth minister currently living in Ocean City, NJ with her husband, Stephen, and their dog and cat. She loves the beach, a double espresso and anything blush colored. Her favorite way to pray is reciting the Divine Mercy Chaplet in song. You can find her documenting more of her life & adventures over at heykatie.co .                        

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How To Do Your Own Bridal Makeup | Video Tutorial

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This post contains affiliate links. All opinions are our own and those of the vendors featured in this piece. We believe in authenticity and honesty, and only recommend products and services we would buy and use ourselves. For more information about our disclosure policy as required by the FTC, please see our Terms of Service.

A major part of our mission at Spoken Bride is communicating God's goodness through the medium of beauty. Beauty is an invitation; an outer glimpse into the interior truth of every person. It reflects the deepest desire of our hearts to be known and seen: Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved...let me see your face, let me hear your voice. 

On your wedding day, of course, this longing to be seen is tangibly present as you, the bride, prepare yourself as a gift to your bridegroom. Self-gift is beautiful; radiant in a woman who knows her dignity, worth, and genius. The desire to take extra care with your appearance as you enter into your vocation is natural and good, an integration of the outer and the inner.

This spring, we were thrilled to collaborate with a team of gifted men and women out to pursue and share the Father's glory through beauty. Professional makeup artist Nicole Caruso believes and understands every person is beautiful, made in the Father's image, and jumped at the chance to create a bridal makeup tutorial you can follow and recreate for your big day, with pro-level results.

Click above to view video tutorial

From Nicole: On your wedding day, makeup, hair, and a beautiful dress accentuate your features with special touches. Makeup is a tool to highlight your natural beauty. Following this tutorial step-by-step will help you achieve a flawless, bright complexion, sparkling eyes, and a feminine blushing-bride glow that is the perfect accompaniment to any dress and hairstyle.

If you’re wondering what separates your everyday beauty routine from bridal makeup, just think of taking 3 additional steps than usual like adding extra mascara, a touch of blush, or a rosy lip— something that feels a little more glamorous than usual, but isn’t completely different to what you’re used to. Your wedding day is not the day to change your look completely, in my opinion. Save hair color changes, fake tanning, or a new skincare product for another time (or, test it months before your big day!). 

Typically, a professional makeup artist will charge anywhere from $100-$300 for bridal makeup. For some, that is a large investment for one day, and for others it is a special treat of self-care on their wedding day. In the event that you want to do your own makeup and need to purchase a few new items, the cost may also be between $100-$300, but you get to keep all of the makeup to take along on your honeymoon, and use throughout the first year of your marriage, since most products last up to 12 months (just check the bottom of the product to find out). 

If you follow these steps in this tutorial, I know you will not only look beautiful, but you will radiate confidence as you walk down the aisle. 

Products Used

Click images to enlarge.

The Team Behind The Scenes

Nicole M. Caruso is a wife, mother, makeup artist, and writer. Formerly the Beauty Editor of Verily Magazine, Nicole now shares her expert style and beauty advice, tips on healthy living, and reflections on marriage and motherhood on her website, where she hopes to inspire women to invest in their self-worth. The New York native now resides in Northern Virginia with her husband and daughter. 

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Meaghan Farley is a natural light, portrait, wedding and lifestyle photographer from the Maryland area. She wants her work to celebrate the uniqueness and beauty of the individual(s) she is capturing. As such, she aims to creates timeless, clean images that are not over edited. She works with the natural environment around her to focus on bringing attention to that which is already beautiful.

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Shelagh Bolger brings 7 years of event production experience in the entertainment, non-profit, and political industries successfully planning hundreds of events ranging in size from intimate dinners for 8 to festivals and conferences with thousands of attendees. Her comprehensive logistical and technical skills are coupled with a keen eye for event design and décor. Having lived in Rome, Italy, Shelagh brings her love of art and architecture into her design vision for each event. Styling credentials include attendance at the award winning En Masse Boutique Flower School and the Wild Hand Workspace Photo Styling and Image Creation Workshop. Shelagh’s styling and party planning tips have been published in Darling Magazine and Verily Magazine.

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Megan McCleneghen is originally from Dallas, TX.  She received her B.A in Religious and Pastoral Studies from Mater Ecclesiae College in Smithfield, RI. Megan worked as a coordinator of religious education and as a high school youth minister in Houston, Texas. In 2014 she moved to Washington, D.C. to begin a Master's degree in Theology. She is a current student of the John Paul II Institute at the Catholic University of America and works as a Development Associate at the Saint Luke Institute. Last fall she participated as a model in D.C. Fashion Week. In her free time, Megan enjoys a good British mystery and exploring the beautiful city of Washington. 

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Videography: Max Haben | Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography | Styling: Shelagh Bolger | Makeup Artist: Nicole Caruso | Model: Megan McCleneghen

Hannah + Jared | Elegant City Wedding

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Despite her skepticism, hearing of a FOCUS missionary's success story on the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel convinced Hannah to give the app a try. Within a few days, Jared popped up as a match, and he soon asked her out on a real date, willingly making the trip to meet her from his Army base in Biloxi, Mississippi. At the time, Hannah was studying Theology at Spring Hill College not far away, in Mobile, Alabama.

What started as a simple coffee date morphed into lunch, followed by a stop by Hannah's campus chapel, botanical gardens, dinner, and plans for a second date. When they officially declared their relationship a few dates later, both were struck by the ease of friendship and lightheartedness they shared, making the new feel familiar.

Shortly after, when Jared graduated medical school and was relocated near Seattle for residency, Hannah accompanied him on the forty-five hour drive to his new town. After days on the road, discussing life’s big questions and listening to Catholic radio, they knew their friendship had become real love. They saw in each other the desire for a holy marriage and the qualities of mutual love and respect that could make it possible. Three months later, when Hannah returned to Washington for a visit, Jared got down on one knee. 

From the Bride: A long-distance engagement didn't seem ideal, but it helped us focus on communication and was part of God’s plan for our engagement nonetheless. Thankfully, technology provided us with an opportunity to prepare for the sacrament of matrimony online through Catholic Marriage Prep's program. After six months, our endless planning, prayers, reflection, and support from family and friends brought us to our anxiously awaited wedding day. 

Like most Catholic little girls, I always envisioned myself having an elaborate wedding Mass, and upon realizing God’s call for my vocation was, in fact, to be a wife, the desire remained. Now though, I wanted a wedding mass for different reasons than when I was young--most importantly, the Eucharist. I knew now that if we were to have only a ceremony, there would be neither consecration nor distribution of the Eucharist. The presence of the Eucharist, being the “source and summit of the Christian life,” seemed particularly important for our wedding day.

One potential roadblock to having a full nuptial Mass, however, was that my groom was not yet Catholic, nor baptized. Jared was in RCIA at the time, yet until he was baptized we would not be able to celebrate our wedding as a sacrament. A special request was put into the Bishop of Seattle for an early baptism for Jared. On January 21st, one month before our wedding, Jared's long-awaited desire to become Catholic was fulfilled, and he was fully initiated into the Church!

In a spirit of thanksgiving, we planned our wedding Mass right away. Incorporating our guests was an influential factor--our friends and family in attendance would be from varying faith backgrounds. For some, it would be their first Mass experience; for others, it would be their first time in church after many years away. With that in mind, we wanted the songs and readings we chose to reflect our personal preferences, but more importantly, to reflect our experience of God as a loving and merciful Father. 

We chose John 15 for our Gospel reading, which includes the famous verse, “there is no greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Seeing in this verse the complementary nature between the love of Jesus and the love of husband and wife, it seemed to encompass the perfect ‘love triangle’ our marriage prep had been talking about. The rest of the passage was also a good fit for our congregation, and we hoped it would particularly speak to those who were unfamiliar with the Word of God: “You are no longer slaves if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything I have learned from my father I have made known to you.” 

The beauty of our wedding also served as a means of evangelization, both for our guests and in our own hearts as the bride and groom. The church itself where we were married, Holy Family Parish, is beautiful yet understated and about a hundred years old. The traditional design and larger-than-life wooden crucifix call one’s attention to Jesus. I had been confirmed in this parish, my many aunts and uncles had also made their sacraments there, including some of their own weddings.

Jared and I strove to dress up as gifts for one another. I'd only tried on a few dresses before choosing the long-sleeved, beaded gown that I hoped would compliment Jared's fancy Captain’s dress uniform. Other small details also had lasting impact: my grandmother handmade a dozen gold bows for the pews; white lilies, my favorite flower, flanked the altar; on top of that, sun poured through the stained glass windows during Mass and despite the February date, the day was warm.

Remembering loved ones who couldn't be physically present at the wedding was also important to us. Jared's father passed away a few years prior due to cancer; his mother had a picture and tribute made for him displayed at the front of the church. We also remembered him during the Prayers of the Faithful, as well as my deceased grandparents who'd attended the church for nearly sixty years. Being able to lift their souls up in prayer was a comfort, as well as a reminder of everyone’s true, eternal home. 

At the culmination of the celebration, we were both joyfully able to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. The hymn, “Here I Am, Lord” was sang during communion, a childhood favorite of mine, followed by “Amazing Grace,” a beloved song to Jared. Once again, the complementary nature of the songs seemed to symbolically encompass our new union as husband and wife, as well as the union of each individual with Christ in the Eucharist. It was truly a sublime moment, one that leaves a lasting impact on the soul.

Time. My only sadness on my wedding day was time. It was the fastest thing to go; I loved every minute of that day. I loved it so much so I wished I could pause the moments, store them away, and walk back into them whenever I wanted. As a finite creature, I know it just cannot be. But as a hopeless romantic, I nonetheless long for an eternal love story.

My wedding helped me realize something my ten-year-old self would gasp at: marriage itself still does not satisfy my deepest longings, which are for God. Upon saying I do, though joyful and full of love, I did not magically feel complete. Perhaps it was the recognition that even spouses and fathers, though dearly loved, are not ours to keep. Time is part of the human condition, and one day God will come calling for all souls, which truly belong to Him.

While I wished to somehow pause our wedding day and make it last forever, I also realized the wedding wasn't the end, but the beginning of something much greater. It was amazing to tangibly celebrate our covenant together, surrounded by loved ones. However, like all earthly things, the cake, dancing, and merriment had to come to an end. We’re left now with each other and the gift of each day. Like our wedding, my greatest desire going forward is that we simply invite Him in, letting the Prince of Peace reign in our hearts and marriage.

Photographer's Business Name: Steven Dray Images  | Church: Holy Family Parish - New Brighton | Wedding Reception Venue: Kimpton Hotel Monaco Pittsburgh | DJ/Host and uplighting: Kelli Burns Entertainment | Flowers: Blossoms by Jillian | Dress: Justin Alexander | Dress/Veil: One Enchanted Evening, Zelienople, PA | Dessert table: Lauren at Sweet Boots Baking Co., Pittsburgh, PA  | Cake: Bethel Bakery, Bethel Park, PA | Maid Of Honor Dress: Jenny Yoo | Flower girl: Wrare Doll Custom | Bridemaids: Weddington Way | Card box: Steven and Rae

Newlywed Life | To Love + To Honor: the Learning Curve of Married Communication + the Learning Curve of Prayer

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

Even with significant, comprehensive preparation, even with the purest intentions and highest hopes, the reality of marriage sometimes looks a lot different from what you've imagined. And that can be good: life together as man and wife is a mirror, a purification, a road to the Resurrection by which we can't avoid the Cross. Over the upcoming months, our contributor Carissa Pluta is sharing her insights into transition and developing deeper communication and honesty as a couple.

Photography: Visual Grace

Photography: Visual Grace

When I told my husband Ben I was going to be writing about communication, he laughed. He knows me too well. Just the other day we got into an argument after he held up a blackened piece of toast, asking, “Is this too dark?”

It really had nothing to do with the toast. Ben thought he was doing something nice for his wife, and wanted to communicate that he cared about me and my toast preferences. But I heard the frustration in his voice after a tough evening, and thought that frustration was directed at me. There were so many other factors, so many minute (but important) details that turned what should have been a simple question into a half-hour argument.

While I have grown in my ability to communicate, especially in the ten months of our marriage, for me communication is the area of our relationship with the steepest learning curve.

When you get engaged, and then again when you enter into marriage, you quickly learn you need to communicate in ways you’ve never had to before. Your thoughts, your emotions, your words no longer just affect you. They profoundly and intimately affect your fiancé or spouse. It can be an exciting gift, to share so much of yourself with another, to be called to love someone in an entirely new way. But that doesn’t make it easy.

Early on, attempts to effectively communicate often lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and maybe even hurt feelings. It can frustrate us, and if you are anything like me, it sometimes leaves us wondering: Isn’t this supposed to be a happy time? Why does it seem like we are fighting all the time? Is there something wrong with our relationship? 

Even in healthy relationships, communicating well is a challenge.

Cultivating effective communication skills is similar to cultivating an effective prayer life—it requires time and patience. But more importantly, it requires vulnerability and openness, humility and reverence, love and the knowledge that we are loved.

Christ himself taught us--through his coming to us as a newborn child and a broken sacrifice on an altar--that prayer begins with vulnerability. Prayer is able to go deeper when we approach God knowing who we are when we stand before him. When we are able to go to the Lord, knowing we are both sinners and his daughters, we willingly present our whole selves to be received by him.

Vulnerability, according to Dr, Brené Brown, “sounds like truth and feels like courage.” It means allowing ourselves to be received in our entirety. But how can someone receive what we are unable or unwilling to hold out to them? We first need to understand our inner selves—our emotions, our thoughts, our motives, our weakness, our wounds. We have to take an open, honest look and humbly see the many different facets of our beings—both our imperfections and, sometimes with even more difficulty, our strengths. We have to reflect on the ways in which these things have shaped us over the years and how they affect our moment-to-moment.

For example, in the Great Toast Argument, I needed to step back and reflect on why I had reacted to Ben’s words the way I did. I had been having an incredibly difficult week, and that night was the breaking point. In my reflection I saw that much of my frustration stemmed from insecurities I had developed over many years; the lies that told me I was not good enough. I needed to feel loved, but when I heard frustration, I panicked and took on a defensive stance.

It wasn’t until I was able to communicate all this to my husband that he began to understand my troubled heart. It wasn’t until I understood how I was feeling that I was able to communicate it to him. Only through self-knowledge are we free to really begin sharing our interior life with our spouse. However, all too often communication stops after this self-expression.

Communication is usually seen as expressing how we feel or what we think. And while that is an important aspect, it goes deeper than that.

Communication is just as much--if not more--about the other as it is about us. After all, what would prayer be if we never allowed for God to speak to us? For this reason, it demands reverence. This reverence first begins with our bodies. Prayer begins with putting ourselves in a position that encourages our mind to contemplate heavenly things. We generally don’t pray very well laying down in our cozy beds because it is hard to focus on what we are saying or on what God is trying to tell us. Kneeling or sitting upright in a chapel or in front of a religious image lends itself to much more fruitful prayer.

Similarly, our body language is important for effective communication. If we put our bodies in a position of receptivity, it makes our souls more open to receiving. Eye contact, uncrossed arms, standing with an open space or sitting upright on the edge of your seat, a nod of the head, an encouraging smile: these nonverbal signals make up even more of our communication than what is said. Our posture encourages listening and it helps the other person know that they are being listened to.

Listening is more than a means to an end; we are not listening merely to be able to respond. Prayer is more than just a one-way monologue; we are not simply speaking at God. It is a conversation with the Divine. Both sides speak, and when we speak we know the Lord listens —should we not return this act of love?

But more than likely, the Lord’s words are not heard with our ears but with our hearts. We understand more through thinking and feeling than we do through our sense of hearing, and we come to a deeper knowledge of who God is and who we are in that process.

Conversations with our spouse should be similar: seeking to understand and to listen well. In our argument, instead of asking my husband why he was frustrated, I assumed it was directed at me and, in my own frustration, lashed out. Only when I finally listened to him, and tried to understand his side, was I able to see how my own personal struggles also affect my husband deeply. I was able to see his love for me manifested in his taking on my own suffering. When we listen to others, especially our spouse, we create a space for them in our hearts. We allow ourselves to more intimately enter into their lives, into their pain, their excitement, their sorrows, their joys. We begin to know and can even feel as they do.

Finally, as in all prayer, we look to Christ on the cross as our example and as our source of grace.

He came to us with utter vulnerability, hanging broken on the cross, and allowed us to receive his very life which poured out from his open wounds. He listened to the broken and troubled heart of his Beloved and because he listened. He took on our pain.

And in all of this, his message from the cross was clear. It is the same message we must communicate to our spouse in all we do and say: Let every word, every breath tenderly, and silently speak the words I love you.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta graduated from Franciscan University in 2014 with a degree in English and Communication Arts, and is currently pursuing her Masters. Carissa is the new wife of a Catholic missionary. She enjoys hiking, painting, and drinking copious amounts of herbal tea. Carissa has a devotion to Mary under the title of the Mystical Rose and longs to reflect God's beauty in everything she does.

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Navigating the Revised Rite of Marriage

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

If you’re currently planning your wedding, or have ever been to a Catholic wedding, you know that Catholics do things differently. We don't do "sand ceremonies." We don't process to the altar to top 40 pop music. We don't write our own vows. Instead of 5-10 minutes, our weddings last an hour to an hour and a half. The list goes on.

What you may not know is that the Church recently revised the official marriage rite, and that those revisions could affect your plans for your wedding Mass. Since I got married right after the revisions took place, I was able to get a feel for what’s new and what hasn’t changed. Rest assured that regardless of these revisions, at the end of the day, the Nuptial Mass is what it always has been: a beautiful, joyous celebration of the union of man and woman in marriage.  

The Procession: Here comes the bride...and the groom...and the wedding party.

For some reason, before I got married I was under the impression that the Catholic marriage rite did not allow the groom, groomsmen, and priest to come in from the sacristy, while the bridesmaids and bride processed up the main aisle. At my wedding in December 2016 (days after the revised rite went into effect), my husband-to-be processed into the chapel with the clergy, the wedding party followed, and then I processed up with my Dad.

It turns out that there are quite a few ways to work the procession in accordance with the Church’s rubrics. The couple may process in together, after the clergy, or they may process in separately with their parents. The wedding party may process in two by two, or individually. And yes, the groom and groomsmen can come out of the sacristy and wait for the bride at the altar. The possibilities are almost endless, so be sure to talk with your presider about what you and your fiance are hoping for.

Fun fact: Catholic weddings do not include the question, “Who gives this woman in marriage?”

The Introductory Rites: Why not start with a song?

The revised rite encourages couples to include an opening song in their wedding Mass. This is not required, but it is a lovely way to celebrate the joy of the occasion. Many couples opt for instrumental music during the procession, and then sing a couple of verses of a favorite hymn once the bride and groom have reached the altar. If you don’t want to use a hymn, you could ask your presider to chant one of the antiphons suggested for nuptial Masses.

The Penitential Act is omitted from the revised rite, for reasons that the instructions for the rite do not make clear. What is clear is why the Gloria is now required for all wedding Masses: the Gloria is sung on Sundays (except during Lent) and all solemnities that the Church celebrates. How beautiful that the Church has elevated weddings to the same level as major feasts!

Fun fact: In a Catholic wedding, the presider will not ask if anyone in the congregation knows of a reason why the two people should not be joined in matrimony.

The Liturgy of the Word: Decisions, decisions.

The revised marriage rite includes more options from Scripture to choose from, but instructs that at least one the readings chosen must refer to marriage. Thus, a couple could choose St. Paul’s ever-popular hymn to love (1 Cor. 12:31-13:8a), but the Gospel or Old Testament reading would have to then explicitly reference marriage.

One thing to note is that if your wedding falls on a major feast day, like Epiphany, or during the Octave of Easter, the readings will be chosen for you based on the lectionary for that day.

The Celebration of Matrimony: Universal and particular.

While there aren’t any major changes in the actual rite of marriage, the revisions do stress the free choice of the couple, particularly in the “giving of rings” (previously called the “exchange” of rings): instead of asking each other to “take” the ring, they ask each other to “receive” the ring.

The revised rite also encourages the congregation to participate in an acclamation of praise--such as, “Thanks be to God” or “alleluia” after the couple has given their consent.

It’s no secret that the marriage rite has been adapted by many parishes to include various cultural additions, but in the revised rite some of these traditions, such as the exchange of arras (coins) as a sign of the groom’s promise to provide for the bride, have become “official” options for couples.

Fun fact: The official Catholic term for what most people refer to as “vows” is “exchange of consent”. In a Catholic wedding, the couple is not making a vow to God, but rather offering their consent to marry each other.  

The Liturgy of the Eucharist: This is my body, given up for you.

Usually, the only living people who are mentioned in the Eucharistic prayer are the Pope and local bishop; at your wedding Mass, you and your husband will be named in this prayer! How cool is that? You’ll also get a special Nuptial blessing (which focuses mostly on the bride), but that hasn’t changed with the new rite.


I hope this has been a helpful overview of the changes you might encounter as you prepare for your nuptial Mass. If you’d like more detailed information on the revised marriage rite, Pastoral Liturgy has a good overview.

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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How He Asked | Sally + Matthew

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From their first meeting, Sally and Matt knew the Lord was up to something, even if they both had reservations about the compatibility of a serious relationship and busyness of their lives, especially as Matt was just beginning medical school. Fortunately, they were both docile enough to the Holy Spirit to recognize that marriage was where God was calling them. Read on for a "his and hers" account of a love story only the Father could write. 

Sally: In January 2015 my friend Heather told me that a guy she knew from Mississippi State was back in Memphis and I should marry him. She said he was tall, handsome, and serious about his faith. I was sold. I jokingly proclaimed to my mom after meeting him once that. "I had found the man I was going to marry." Matt and I got to know each other during Bible studies, brunches, and other events with the young adult ministry at our church and I realized that I really did like this man. I was also pretty certain he liked me too! After weeks of nervous flirting at our weekly post-Mass brunch, I finally got tired of waiting for him to make a move (patience isn't my strong suit) and decided to ask him out via text message: 


"I know medical school is crazy busy and my job is just the same, but would you want to get dinner Wednesday night?"


Matt: This is the text message that left me looking at my ceiling, saying to God, "You think you're really funny, don't You?" I felt completely behind only three weeks into med school, and the girl I'd had a crush on since the day we met had just asked me out. Many have said, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans." My plan at that time was to abstain from dating until med school was over, so that I wouldn't risk the inevitable heartbreak messing up my grades. I knew the second I saw her message that He was laughing at my plans, and that the answer to her invitation was supposed to be and was going to be a "yes."

Sally: It didn't take very long for us to realize we had found something really special. Our relationship had been marked from the very first date by honesty, kindness, and simplicity. It was clear to both us through prayer that God was calling us to the vocation of marriage. We just needed to trust Him and say "yes." By August 2016, I was anxious to know when the proposal would be and it didn't help that Nanny (my grandma) had made it all but clear that Matt had already asked for the family heirloom we would use as my engagement ring. Matt, however, had assured me the proposal wouldn't be for a while so I wasn't expecting it on a Thursday evening after an exhausting day at work. 


"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."


Matt: This quote by St. John Paul II was written on the front of the card Sally gave me for Christmas in 2015. I kept it on my nightstand for almost a year, and taped it to the door of her apartment on the day I proposed. I wanted her to have a heads up, because - until she saw the note and flower petals on the ground - she was under the impression that my car had broken down and I needed to borrow hers. After I stopped shaking and she figured out how to unlock her door, I proposed and we both moved into the unknown.

Sally: While engagement hasn't been perfect, it's been mostly just a huge gift to us. We've faced a number of challenges with my job and his school, and our first response to these stresses has been to go to our Lord in Eucharistic Adoration. Praying the Rosary together has probably become both of our favorite way to end a date. I feel extremely lucky to be marrying a man who pursues Jesus with such sincerity and I pray that this is only the beginning of a lifetime of love for each other and for our Lord, Jesus Christ.

 

 Kelly Ginn Photography | Overton Park and St. Peter Church - Memphis, TN

I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Booking Phase of Your Engagement

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ANDI COMPTON

 

The booking phase is one of my favorite parts of wedding prep because after all your initial dreaming, you finally get to assemble a team to bring your vision and all your plans to life.

If you’re following the phase approach to wedding planning suggested in this series, you’ve already solidified many budget-related matters. As you move forward into booking, bear in mind that “affordable” is not a number. I see lots of requests online for brides seeking an “affordable” florist/coordinator/photographer, and frankly, affordable means something different to each couple.

Know how much you are willing to spend for each vendor, and be honest and up front when asking for recommendations. It’s much easier for a friend or coordinator to give you a recommendation when you ask “Do you of any local wedding photographers who cost less than $3,000?” than “Do you know of any affordable local photographers?”

Here are three tips to guide you as you research, interview, and hire vendors:

Order matters.

Certain categories of vendors tend to book a year or more in advance. This is generally limited to vendors who can only handle one event per day, or to those who are extremely popular in their area. Examples might include reception venues with only one event space or independent wedding photographers who are not part of a larger company. Prioritizing a particular order helps you focus, so you can assemble your dream team one vendor at a time.

First Priority:

Church

Reception Venue

Wedding Coordinator

Photographer

Caterer

Wedding Dress

 

Second Priority:

Videographer

Rentals (chairs, tables, linens, lounge furniture)

Florals

Ceremony and Reception Musicians

Bridesmaid Attire

Stationer

Cake/Dessert Baker

Hairstylist

Makeup Artist

Menswear

 

Third Priority:

Transportation

Seamstress for Alterations

Lighting Designer

Bartending Service

Rehearsal Dinner/Morning After Brunch Venue

Keep in mind an exception to this list: if there is a vendor in any category that you really want to work with, prioritize them in your budget and book them as early as possible.

Scroll down for download link. 

Limit interviews.

Limit yourself to interviewing 1-3 vendors per category. By all means, research as many individuals as you’d like, but only take the time to meet with those who are within your budget and whose product or service you truly like. It can quickly become overwhelming to interview 12 different photographers and try to remember each of them and the communication you’ve had. For some, the constant need to research and meet with vendors can become addicting, so strive to be aware of the possibility, know yourself, and slow down if you find yourself obsessing over anything. Click here for Elise's suggested interview questions for major vendors.

You aren’t booked until you sign a contract.

Even if a vendor has sent you a proposal, to which you’ve sent an enthusiastic response, you have not officially booked them until you’ve signed a contract and put down a deposit. Vendors often have many couples seeking their services for the same date. Depending on their policies, some might offer a few days to make your decision; others work with whatever couple submits their contract and deposit first. When in doubt, ask what a company’s booking policy is!

As our gift to you, we’ve created a free printable checklist for the booking phase to keep all your vendor details in one location. I highly suggest keeping a two inch binder with these sheets, along with a hard copy of each of your contracts.

Happy Planning!

Click here to download the Booking Checklist.

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party, where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Editors' Picks | Vol. 6: Bridesmaids Gifts

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At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

If you choose, your wedding party has the potential to be so much more than the friends and family members who join you on the altar and circle around during your first dance. These men and women can be powerful, loving intercessors during engagement and throughout your marriage--for that, and for all their assistance and investment preparing for your big day and standing next to you as you say your vows, they deserve a worthy thank you! Today we're sharing some of our favorite gifts for bridesmaids.

Christina, Associate Editor

When purchasing gifts for my bridesmaids--who were all close family members--I tried to give them something that they could use and enjoy beyond the wedding day. I ended up putting together gift bags with the following four items, and my bridesmaids loved them.

Anthropologie House & Home items: I got each of my bridesmaids a personalized mug except for my cousin, who got a candle--she has limited cabinet space and had mentioned to me before that she didn’t want anymore mugs. Anthropologie is my go-to for this kind of thing, and my secret to keeping costs down is to scour the sale section. Candles and mugs are often on sale for as little as $6!

Literary Heroine Bookmark: All of my bridesmaids love to read, and although they’re not all quite as nerdy as I am, I knew they’d appreciate one of these darling bookmarks from Carrot Top Paper Shop. Each got a different heroine, although I couldn’t resist giving my sister Elisa, my Maid of Honor, Anne of Green Gables and Hermione.

Earrings: Each of my bridesmaids wore a different, self-selected dress, so I decided to get them all similar earrings to pull everything together on the big day. As much as I wanted the gifts to be a surprise, I also wanted my maids to like their earrings enough to get post-wedding wear out of them, so I asked each about their preferred style of earring and got them all at Anthro, which I knew would be a hit.

Letter of gratitude: By far my favorite part of the bridesmaid gift bag was the personalized thank you notes that I wrote to each of my maids. Each of them is so precious to me, and since I’m a Words-of-Affirmation gal, I couldn’t help telling them so on my wedding day. I knew I wouldn’t have time to sit down with each of them before the wedding and pour my heart out, but a letter is the next best thing. I chose cards from Papersource that reflected each of our relationships and spent time in the weeks leading up to the wedding crafting well-thought out letters of gratitude to my two sisters, sister-in-law, and cousin-who-might-as-well-be-a-sister. It was one of my favorite parts of the wedding planning process, and I’m so glad I took the time to do it.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Plum Pretty Sugar Robes: I'm excited to be gifting my bridesmaids with these comfy robes for all of us to wear as we get our hair and makeup done the morning of my wedding! It's the perfect way to make your bridesmaids to feel pampered and comfortable during prep time, and always fun to match with your best girls!  

Customized makeup bags: These bags would be perfect for holding personal makeup while prepping for the wedding. Bonus: this bag can double as a clutch for your bridesmaids throughout the wedding day. Hello makeup retouch en route to the reception! 

Holy Family medal: A small medal of the Holy Family, the Blessed Mother or each bridesmaid's patron saint is a thoughtful way for you to add a spiritual touch to your wedding party gifts. If you want, you can have the medals blessed and even pray with them in the weeks leading up the wedding, before gifting them to your bridesmaids. 

Stephanie, Editor in Chief + Co-Founder

Mystic Monk Coffee or Tea + Brick House in the City Mug: Depending when in the day your wedding is, your getting-ready time can be anywhere from before dawn to a somewhat normal breakfast hour. Either way, ease into hair, makeup, and photos by treating each of your bridesmaids to her favorite hot drink. A box of gourmet coffee or tea--Mystic Monk is delicious and supports our Carmelite brothers in monastic life--along with a mug to remember the day by, elevates a normal morning ritual into a time worth remembering. One of our brides designed mugs as a favor for her guests; I also love this one from Brick House in the City, a Catholic-owned small business!

Naves Design Clutch: Between pajamas or getting-ready outfits, shoes, makeup, accessories, snacks, chargers, emergency items, and beyond, every bridesmaid has plenty to carry over the course of a wedding day. A pretty clutch, like this handmade one, helps your ladies keep their essentials close at hand through traveling and photo ops, and a metallic or neutral shade is classic and versatile enough for long after the big day.

Makeup brush set: If you’re all doing your own makeup, quality tools feel like a treat and can ease and simplify application. A set of brushes is the kind of item I’d never think to buy for myself, but would love to receive as a gift, one I know I’d frequently use. This budget option from EcoTools and this higher-end option from Too Faced each boast good looks and come well-reviewed by beauty-savvy women.

Andi, Business Director

Pretty Please Custom Nail Polish: Toss a fun shade of nail polish into a bag with some additional pampering essentials. It's fun receiving gifts of little luxuries you wouldn't normally purchase for yourself.

Telos Art Spiritual Bouquet: A beautiful image to accompany a personal list of prayers and intentions from you, to each of your bridesmaids.

Quality time: Nothing beats quality time with your best girlfriends and sisters. Treat the members of your bridal party to lunch, manis and pedis, a besties day at your favorite tourist trap...whatever gives you ladies great bonding time!

Tote Bag: My friend once gave each bridesmaid an LL Bean Medium tote bag, personalized with our initials and filled with a giant, fuzzy bathrobe. They're excellent quality bags--I still have mine almost 10 years later!

Flats or Flip Flops for the reception: Give your maids some cute shoes for the reception so they can tear up the dance floor. Personally, I love seeing bright, fun shoes paired with fancy bridesmaid dresses.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Bridesmaid Emergency Kit: The morning of the wedding can sometimes be crazy, so gifting an emergency kit is just a small way to help everyone have what they might need at the last minute. 

BHLDN Botanic Garden Robes: As a wedding photographer, I always love when all of the bridesmaids are in coordinating or matching robes while getting ready. It makes for a super cute group photo with the bride, attractive & modest "getting ready" photos (because no one wants to be photographed in pajamas, tank tops, or bras), and it's something your bridesmaids can continue to use after the wedding day.

My Saint My Hero "Trinity" Necklace: Looking to give a piece of beautiful jewelry to your bridesmaids? My Saint My Hero now offers these petite necklaces that are both feminine and a beautiful reminder of our faith. The Swarovski crystal comes in a few different colors, so you can pick one that coordinates with your wedding theme.

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your bridesmaid gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

 

Newlywed Life | Not About Flying: Deepening Your Friendship in the First Year of Marriage

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THERESA NAMENYE

 

I have been married for a little over a year and a half.

I grew up knowing my husband Garrett as the boy next door, quite literally. We became neighbors at thirteen and met on a homeschooling field trip. When we graduated high school and came home from college during breaks, our mutual best friend group grew closer.

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Summers were usually spent downtown on the beach, picking out a movie for after work, running to the grocery store for cheap brownies, and laughing in our parents’ basements over some ridiculous story. Several of us even planned a successful camping trip one beautiful weekend in August, where we climbed Sleeping Bear dunes and talked for hours around our campfire.

I don’t exactly know when we fell in love, but we did, days before we left for our senior year of college. The hesitancy to start dating stemmed partly from the fact that it was risking a lot to potentially ruin our beloved friend group. But we did.

Being in love lasted about a year and a half.

Being in love was fabulous. Some of the moments Garrett and I shared were so intense, so glorious, and so unbelievably...soaring, that I could scarcely imagine how beautiful married life would be. We felt stupidly and deliciously in love.

The day after we got married, we packed up everything we owned into a little car and moved across the country. We said goodbye to our friends, our families, our familiarity. And very shortly after, I also said goodbye to the intense feelings of romantic love.

Having spent the entirety of our dating and engagement long distance, we were in for a real shock living together. Sharing a studio apartment had seemed so romantic and cute before; now, we each found ourselves dumbfounded at the preposterous and downright insane living habits of the other person. Communicating on Facebook messenger suddenly wasn’t the way we talked. Coming from two completely opposite families, we dealt with stress utterly differently. I would lash out and be direct, and my calm Garrett would have no idea how to respond to this now- aggressively crazy woman he had married. Garrett treated our living space like the dorm room of a nineteen-year-old college student and just about made my sincere desire for order die a tragic death.

We suddenly found ourselves arguing, crying, and stressing out all the time. We reached for the comfort of our flaming, intense romance, but it wasn’t really anywhere to be found.

Instead, we slowly fell back on all those years of raw and authentic friendship. We spent evenings curled up, watching new shows on Netflix, laughing and staying up half of the night like we did with our friends, without so much as holding hands. We went to the store to buy gelato and wine on Friday nights, took walks, drove long drives, and laid in bed together watching ridiculous videos. We prayed in a way that was casual and comfortable.

Having the feeling of being in love was not the glue that brought us together our first year of marriage. It comes back and forth, but it is not constant. It's nice when it comes around.

Having married my best friend, a person whom I actually considered such long before I thought about dating him, made our relationship bearable. It made our mistakes laughable. It allowed us to communicate without the over-intensity of emotion. It provided countless beautiful memories for us to revisit when we missed home and family.

Seeing each other as lovers was exhilarating and felt like flying. But our life was not about flying all the time. Our life was about sinking our roots deep, lovingly planting the habits that would inform how we raised children, building a foundation on something solid.

Friendship--belly-laughing and carefree and vulnerable and happy friendship--was our something solid. It kept us strong and steady when the first year of marriage, in all its stress and newness and fear and havoc, hurled itself at us in full force.

Our romantic, passionate love is a wonderful thing. It is a grace we don’t deserve. But dying to yourself does not feel romantic, and making a sacrifice that burns doesn’t feel passionate. But, if anyone has provided me for an example of truly unconditional love, it has been my friends.

And as Thomas Aquinas writes, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” That is what I cherish the most in my husband. He is my friend turned lover, turned husband, and now turned father of our child.

Christ Himself says there is no greater love than to lay one’s life down for one’s friend. That is what the first year of marriage has shown me in a deeply transformative way. My days and months are full of laying down my own desires and bad habits and wants. For my friend.

The best friendships in life show us this. They show us the friendship God feels for us. And the friendship I share with my spouse is a gift that incarnates that love in a way romantic feelings just start to touch.

Images by Corynne Olivia Photo

Theresa Namenye studied Humanities, Catholic Culture, and Philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. Originally from the Midwest, she currently teaches fourth grade at a classical charter school in Scottsdale, Arizona. A former championship Irish dancer, Theresa still enjoys pursuing the arts in the form of painting, drawing, and calligraphy when she is not reading novels and writing. She and her husband Garrett will celebrate their two year anniversary in August and are expecting their first child in November. 

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Bridget + David | Summer Picnic-Style Wedding

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David and Bridget grew up in the same town, lived in the same neighborhood, and went to the same high school. They met during a high school theater production of Little Women, but didn’t fall in love until several years later. Once these two decided to date, the common response from friends was, "FINALLY!"

On June 27, 2015, David proposed to Bridget by incorporating one of Bridget’s favorite plays, The Jeweler’s Shop by St. John Paul II, and a little over a year later, the couple was married in the neighborhood where their love story began.

From the Bride: During the year of planning, David and I intentionally focused on the preparation for our marriage. David was in his senior year of college and living in household with Saint Paul’s Outreach, and I was in my first year of my master’s program and had recently joined events with the Catholic Advance Movement through Pro Ecclesia Sancta. Due to our busy schedules, we had limited time and wanted to use it well to spiritually prepare ourselves for marriage, but we still participated in half-day retreats once a month for engaged and newly married couples, which introduced us to a wonderful parish community and friends. We looked forward to the meetings each month and watched the Beloved DVD series by the Augustine Institute, which was very helpful in our preparation.

I put together a document of resources and information that I found online for us to do as a couple. We read books together and would go out for coffee to discuss and check in with each other, prayed together, and generally tried to do more than the basics of marriage preparation.  

In planning the wedding, we took care of the details with input from our parents, who were a tremendous help and so understanding throughout the process. David and I wanted to have a beautiful Mass to highlight the importance of our vocation and a fun, relaxing ceremony that everyone could enjoy. We decided on blush, light green, and gold for outfits and decor. We were blessed with generous family and friends who offered their time and help in putting together everything so we could stay on budget. The wedding flowers were faux and put together by my mom, aunt/Godmother, and sister. My bridesmaids' dresses were purchased at Target. One of the bridesmaids mom’s purchased beautiful pearl jewelry on a trip to gift to all the women, which matched everything perfectly. The men wore black suits and ties and were gifted with fun-colored socks to add some pizzazz to their outfits and photos. Music was done by a friend of ours. The cake was purchased at Byerly’s, and the topper was from a local artist on Etsy. David and I tried to find local artists and venues to purchase items and kept everything simple for the day.

On the morning of August 20, 2016, David and I were both nervously pacing our childhood homes as we excitedly got ready for our wedding. My friend Andrea graciously offered to do my hair and that of the bridal party; she did a stellar job! Everyone did their own makeup and helped each other with the finishing touches.

As I put my dress on, all the ladies present gathered together, including my aunts who came to help, to pray over the bride and to join together in faith. It was such a beautiful moment that brought tears of joy and hugs.

David got ready with his brothers and family, enjoying his final moments as a single man in his childhood home.

We met our photographers at Saint Charles Borromeo Catholic Church (which is right across the street from my house) and it was raining. It’s said that a rainy wedding day is good luck! We did first look photos in the church and took photos with our family and wedding party.

David and I wanted intentionally involved family and friends in the preparations of the wedding, Mass, and festivities of the day. The Mass involved friends and family in readings, music, handing out programs, bringing up the gifts for Holy Communion, and ushers. One of our friends organized the decor at the reception hall and my girlfriends helped in putting together the space. It was absolutely stunning and couldn't have been accomplished without all of their help! 

We were blessed with seven priests on the altar. The priests involved in the wedding had touched our lives in many ways, and we were grateful to have such holy men on the altar to celebrate and share our vocation with our guests.

David and I wanted to be sure to have three elements added to their ceremony: roses for the Blessed Mother, the Litany of Saints, and the blessing of a crucifix from Jerusalem. The Mass was beautiful and we memorized our vows. It was an absolutely beautiful and humbling day for both of us!

After the wedding Mass, we held a reception line and greeted our many guests. It was so incredible to see individuals from so many facets of our lives and to and share our joy with so many neighbors and friends David and I both grew up knowing.

The reception was held at Silverwood Park, which is also in our hometown. It is a beautiful wooded park that boasts a gorgeous events facility, grounds, and lake. The sun was shining by the time the party arrived and photos were taken with all the guests. After photos, the grand entrance took place with a little help from Justin Timberlake (“Can’t Stop the Feeling!”). The meal was blessed by Fr. Alvaro Perez, a dear priest and friend from our current parish, Saint Mark’s in Saint Paul. The meal was catered by The Lookout Bar and Grill and was picnic style, with burgers, brats, beans, chips, coleslaw and fruit.

The evening consisted of beautiful speeches by family and friends, a sweet video that David put together for me, dancing, drinking, and long conversations. The reception hall had an outdoor space with a bonfire that allowed guests to chat outside while others could be dance indoors. David and I stayed until it was time to clean up and danced and talked with family and friends; it was a beautiful night!

The biggest thing I have learned is that you can prepare and know so many different aspects of marriage, but it is in surrendering and entrusting yourselves to God to and the mystery and graces of marriage that you begin to enter into the vast love and deep knowledge that this vocation brings.

Photography: Dan Zeller Photography | Church: Saint Charles Borromeo Catholic Church, Saint Anthony Village, MN | Wedding Reception Venue : Silverwood Park, Saint Anthony Village, MN | Wedding dress: The Wedding Shoppe, Saint Paul, MN | Belt: Etsy | Shoes: DSW | Bride's Jewelry: Grandma's pearls | Bridal party dresses - Target | Rings: Wedding Day Diamonds (bride), Etsy (groom) | Hairstylist: Andrea Stalewski | Cake: Byerly's | Cake top: Etsy | Invitations: Online invitations designed via Paperless Post | Caterer, bartender: Lookout Bar & Grill | Music: Mitchell Gutenberg | Decor: Emma Strub, Mary Pokorny