Editors Share | Wedding Readings

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, the team shares the meaning behind the readings used at their wedding Masses.

Carrie Joy Photography, c/o Emily Kathryn Designs

Christina, Associate Editor

First reading, Tobit 8:4b-8: When I was single, St. Raphael was one of my most-loved intercessors, thanks to the book of Tobit--one of the most under-appreciated books in the Deuterocanon. That alone was enough to make this reading a top contender, but in the end we chose it because of the important role prayer has played (and will continue to play) in our relationship, and because the prayer of Tobias and Sarah recounts the establishment of marriage by God in Genesis. It’s like getting two Old Testament readings for the price of one!

Second Reading, 1 Cor. 12:27–13:8a: For the longest time, I swore I would never choose this reading for my nuptial Mass, simply because everyone chooses it. But, as my husband Kristian and I were praying about which readings to choose, we kept coming back to St. Paul’s famous “hymn to love.” It is the perfect description of the kind of love Christ has for his Church, and the love Kristian and I strive to show each other.

Gospel, Luke 1: 26-38: We chose this Gospel because it is the preeminent example of the fact that “nothing is impossible for God.” Throughout our single years, Kristian and I both struggled to believe we could, like Mary, trust in the Lord completely and place our lives in his hands. When we met and fell in love, our faith in God’s ability to do the seemingly impossible was renewed. In response to this gift,we hope to make Mary’s fiat our own throughout our life together.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

First Reading, Tobit 8:4b-8: Valentines’ Day of my sophomore year of college, I read an article by the Vatican’s Zenit News describing several individuals who’d met their future spouses after habitually saying a particular prayer to St. Raphael, the intercessor of Sarah and Tobias’ relationship in the Book of Tobit, the patron of “happy meetings,” and of Christian marriage. Honestly, I was skeptical, but having known the ache of singleness and deep desire to be known and seen, I began saying the prayer daily for my future husband.

God is never outdone in generosity. Three years later, I met my husband, and we continued praying to St. Raphael in thanksgiving, and for friends and family, as we dated. When the time came to choose our wedding readings, an Old Testament reading reflecting our devotion to him seemed like a natural choice. This reading from Tobit, the wedding night prayer of Sarah and Tobias, is beautiful to us for its words of love prevailing over lust and life over death. A love that praises the Father and is life-giving is what we strive for in our marriage, and we revisit these words often.

Second Reading, Eph. 5:2a, 21-33: I have to admit choosing this passage as our Second Reading was partially rooted in defiance. St. Paul’s instruction that wives be subordinate to their husbands is so widely rejected or misunderstood. We hoped for an opportunity to shed some light and clarity on what is actually a beautiful framework for self-giving, self-emptying love that imitates Christ’s own sacrifice. Our priest did illuminate the true meaning of this reading wonderfully in his homily.

Gospel, John 2:1-11: From the start, Our Lady has been the avenue of grace upon grace in our relationship. At Cana, as Jesus readies himself to perform his first public miracle, water into wine, his mother instructs the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” My husband and I loved the fact that it’s at a wedding where Christ chooses to begin revealing his glory, elevating marriage to a sacrament, and moreover, that Our Lady speaks not only to the servants, but to us. Seeking to follow Jesus, through Mary, is a constant pursuit in our marriage, beginning with that Gospel right before we said our vows.

Andi, Business Director

First Reading, Genesis 1:26-28, 31a: I love this reading for its simplicity. At the time of our wedding in 2007, the definition of marriage was much less controversial. This is where it all began: God creating man and woman and affirming them as good. He then blesses all of creation and commands them to be fruitful and multiply--something we hoped would happen soon after our wedding.

Second Reading, Eph. 5:2a, 21-33: During my courtship with my husband, my girlfriends and I delved into this passage from Ephesians and what it really meant for husbands and wives. When wives submit themselves to the mission of their husbands, whose role it is to die to themselves for their wives and family. We were blown away by the beauty of it all.

The Gospel we chose is same as Stephanie’s, and we selected it for a similar reason.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Our Lady and the Solemnity of her Assumption played a significant role in our courtship, and since the date of our wedding providentially fell on that day, we decided to have our Nuptial Mass fulfill the Holy Day of Obligation. Our wedding was celebrated as a Solemn High Mass in the Tridentine Latin Rite (Extraordinary Form); within the Extraordinary Form, the readings are on a one-year cycle (vs. a three-year cycle in the Novus Ordo). Therefore, the readings for August 15, our wedding day, are always an Epistle from Judith 13:22-25 15:10, and a Gospel from Luke 1:41-50. It was so special for us to honor Our Lady in such a way.

Your story is a blessing to our community. We look forward to hearing the stories behind your own wedding readings in the comments and on our social media!

Advent, Marriage, and Waiting in Joyful Hope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

All of us know how difficult it is to wait: for Christmas morning, for an acceptance letter, for a diagnosis, for a spouse, for a job offer, for a child. If you’re currently engaged, you know how difficult it is to wait for your wedding day, and how the longing to be united to your beloved increases day by day.

If you’re married, you know that when that day finally does come, while it is the fulfillment of so many hopes, dreams, and prayers, it’s only the beginning. You begin to wait for the next big milestone: your first child, your first home, and so on. And when the pregnancy test is positive, or you sign the lease or mortgage papers, a new season of waiting begins.

Leah Muse Photography

It’s tempting, however, to think that once we get what we’ve been waiting for, we’ll be set. A friend of mine calls this “missing puzzle piece syndrome”. As a single woman, I struggled against the false notion that once I was married, I’d be set: no more loneliness, no more anxiety, no more waiting. Thankfully, the Lord purified me of this belief throughout my decade of singleness and helped me embrace the truth that I will be waiting and longing for the fullness of redemption until I die.

Not only did this realization prepare me for a more realistic (and therefore beautiful) understanding of the purpose and meaning of marriage, it also prevented me from making my husband into an idol, or expecting him to save me. Marriage, like all of vocations, is a path, not an end unto itself. And in that sense, it is a season of waiting like Advent.

As I’ve gotten older, Advent has become more to me than a season of waiting and preparation for the great feast of Christ’s Nativity; it’s also a reminder to us that we, both as individuals and as a Church, are still in Advent. We are still waiting for Christ to come, both at the end of time and into each moment of our daily life. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) wrote that

Advent is not just a matter of remembrance and playing at what is past—Advent is our present, our reality: the Church is not just playing at something here; rather, she is referring us to something that also represents the reality of our Christian life. It is through the meaning of the season of Advent in the Church’s year that she revives our awareness of this. She should make us face these facts, make us admit the extent of being unredeemed, which is not something that lay over the world at once time, and perhaps somewhere still does, but is a fact in our own lives and in the midst of the Church.

As Advent draws to a close, take some time to meditate on the fact that no matter what you are waiting for, the Lord has even more that he desires to give you: Himself. And you don’t have to wait till Christmas morning to receive this gift: He is waiting for you now, in the Eucharist, in his Word, and in the incarnate love of those he has placed in your life. 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Jamaila + Andy | Nature-Inspired Wedding

Jamaila and Andy’s story began with the Frassati Fellowship of NYC, a young adult group inspired by the life of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. Andy's experience with the group began the year he moved to New York to discern a life with the Community of the Franciscan Friars of Renewal. He later discerned out and moved back to his hometown of Columbus, Ohio, but stayed in contact with the order’s vocations director, Fr. Gabriel, CFR, who invited him to his first Frassati Fellowship retreat.

Andy left the retreat with a renewed desire for community. Soon after, he returned to the city, became a regular at Frassati, and later led the group's music ministry.

Meanwhile, Jamaila had begun working in the city around the time Andy was with the CFRs, attending one young adult event to another in search of other faithful professionals. But it would be five years before her path brought her to Frassati, and to Andy.

In 2015, Jamaila signed up for a mission trip to Peru with Frassat. Despite her reservations about making the trip from New Jersey to Queens, felt the Holy Spirit nudging her to attend a party for the missionaries prior to the trip. Like her, Andy also initially planned not to attend. At the last minute, he hopped on a bus from Manhattan to Astoria.

That night, Jamaila and Andy spent the entire party talking about their families and shared love of the outdoors. To Jamaila’s disappointment, Andy didn't ask for her number, and she left that night thinking she’d never see him again.

Much to her surprise, she received an email from Andy the following month, telling her about a hike with the group. Neither ended up going, but that note was the start of a correspondence, You’ve Got Mail-style, with constant emails throughout the day.

Three months after their first meeting, the two went on their first date to the New York Botanical Gardens. Soon after, atop a small mountain reserve upstate, Andy asked Jamaila to be his girlfriend as the sun was going down.

She took a picture of sunset with her instant film camera, writing on the film, "Lead me to adventures. Lead me to Christ. I'll follow."

Eight months later, at the Our Lady of Guadalupe Shrine in Lindenwold, New Jersey, Andy proposed.

From the Bride: During our first conversation, we learned we shared the same “Top 3” loves: God, family, and the outdoors. We planned for all three to be a part of our wedding day.

We chose to marry on the Feast of St. Jude to honor my devotion to him, the patron of hope and impossible causes. Our nuptial Mass was concelebrated by six priests, with our hope that our wedding witness not just to the sacrament of marriage, but also to the various vocations God calls us to, by having our religious brothers and sisters attend the wedding.

Starting the night before the wedding when we decorated the venue together, we were surrounded by our family and friends throughout. We used various greens as décor, from ferns tossed between our candlelit jars to the ivy hung as our photo booth backdrop to the eucalyptus in my bouquet.

My rings are inspired by God and his creation. They’re a sign of love: for God, His love for us, Andy’s and my love for each other, and our shared love of nature. My engagement ring has three stones, a reminder to keep him at the center of our relationship: in the center is a pearl, delicate like our hearts, always in need of his purifying grace. It was kept in its natural shape, unfinished, just like us. God isn't finished with us. The side stones reflect the silence of mountains and shadows of the setting sun. They appear pink and purple under the evening sky, and when the morning light hits, they turn blue-green like the ocean. My branch-like wedding band holds our memories of wildflower fields, giant trees, and times spent in awe of his creation. 

The night before our wedding, we had our rehearsal and more importantly, a Holy Hour. It included Praise & Worship led by Andy, confession, and Adoration. We desired to be in the presence of Christ in those last moments preparing for the sacrament. In the hours leading up to our Mass, various friends and family members asked how we felt. We could only describe it as peace.

From the get-go, we knew God made us for each other, so only his peace consumed us that morning. Our First Look before the Mass reminded me of Alice von Hildebrand’s words: she likens seeing your spouse as their true self for the first time to how the Apostles first see Christ in His Glory. She says,

“Trust this bright Tabor vision you’ve been given. Daily rekindle it in your heart and let it nurture your love. If you let it form the cornerstone of your faithfulness to your husband your marriage will be rich, indeed.”

It was truly a glimpse of Andy about to fulfill his vocation as my husband.

It was important for Andy and I to incorporate both Church traditions and cultural traditions into our wedding mass. We walked down the aisle together to signify our partnership and journey to God as one. During the Offertory, our cantor sang the Litany of Saints to invoke their prayers for our marriage. In the Filipino culture, the bride and groom are draped with a veil and cord. I had my aunt bring a veil and cord from her trip to the Philippines to incorporate into our Mass. The veil represents being clothed as one under the protection of God, and the cord symbolizes our bond. Before the final blessing we processed to a statue of Mary and laid a bouquet of flowers at her feet. As we knelt in front of our Mother, we prayed for her intercession for a holy marriage.

Leading up to the wedding, Andy and I prayed St. Josemaria Escriva's Novena for a Happy & Faithful Marriage. It helped us to stay focused on our marriage instead of the wedding itself. During our marriage prep, our priest recommended we appoint tasks to trusted friends and family during the wedding so we didn't have to worry about them. This truly helped us stay calm on the day of. Every time I look at our photos or watch our wedding video I am reminded of God's love for us.

Photography: Laurel Creative | Church: Church of Immaculate Conception of St. Teresa of Calcutta Parish in Montclair, NJ | Reception Venue: The Woman's Club of Ridgewood - Ridgewood, NJ | Rings: Ken & Dana Designs | Veil: Twigs & Honey for J. Crew | Dress: Bijou Bridal of Philadelphia | Caterer: Leonardo's Restaurant (Lawrenceville, NJ) | Band During Mass: Scott Tran Music | DJ/Emcee During Reception: Derek Hall of The Block Party

Five Distinctively Catholic Ways to Celebrate Christmas as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

The season of Advent is rich with rituals and traditions: prayers like the O Antiphons and St. Andrew Christmas Novena; Advent wreaths; nativities; Lessons and Carols; the feasts of St. Nicolas, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and St. Lucia. Each of these point us to our Bethlehem, stretching us in desire and anticipation for the Father’s most generous gift to us: his own, beloved son.

Elissa Voss Photography

But what about the Christmas season? Suddenly, after four weeks of preparation and deeper silence, you’ve arrived at the humble stable where our Savior was born, perhaps with a sense that there’s less time or opportunity to celebrate liturgically. It’s true the Christmas season might bring with it different social obligations than the days prior--matters like travel and extended visits with family and friends--yet it’s still possible to truly enter into Jesus’ birth by creating new spiritual traditions of your own. Here, five suggestions for continuing to cultivate prayer, reverence, and wonder with your fiancé or husband after the fourth purple candle is lit:

Go to Mass, as a couple, as often as possible.

If the two of you have time off from work or school, take advantage of daily Mass. At Christmas, the reality of the Incarnation--of our salvation come down to us in the flesh--rings out. Meditating on the living Jesus in the Eucharist, in light of his coming to us as a tiny child, is profoundly beautiful. May we receive him, may we come to adore him, in full. Even if you’re staying with faraway family or friends as guests or have a packed social calendar, carving out an hour to attend Mass together, maybe with time for a quick coffee date after, is a relatively small investment of your time that pays dividends in graces received.

Host a Christmas morning party…

...in the middle of the night. If you’re attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, invite friends from your parish or community to celebrate with you after. It can be as simple as a potluck, caroling and games or as involved as a more formal, elaborate meal. One of my fondest memories of growing up is the block party my parents and neighbors would hold each year on the night of Christmas Eve, chatting in the street around a fire pit while sharing Christmas cookies, wine, and simple hors d'oeuvres.

Delve into the gift of self.

St. John Paul II wrote, “The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.” If you’ve never taken in this great saint’s Theology of the Body, a series of weekly audiences intended to illuminate our identities as man and woman within the Father’s divine plan for creation and salvation, the Christmas season is the perfect time for an introduction. The Theology of the Body explains the ancient, constant truth of God’s immense love of lavishing gifts on us, his created and embodied children--made out of love, for love, in his own image--in the language of spousal imagery and the hope of our resurrection and eternal life. After all, it’s through the body that Christ is born to the world; through the body that he lays down his life; through the body that we receive his real presence still, the source and summit of our faith.

Create a ritual to celebrate the Christmas Octave.

The Octave of Christmas, as its name suggests, is the first eight days of the season, beginning on Christmas Day and concluding with the Nativity of the Lord. Liturgically, each day of the octave is celebrated as a solemnity, as if each day is equal in magnitude and joy as December 25.

To acknowledge and feast in these eight days, consider employing a special ritual with your beloved for each day or night of the Octave. You might exchange daily love letters or prayer intentions, Mass or Adoration, and enjoying a treat together--samplers of coffee, spirits, or chocolate are widely available, at every price point, around this time of year.

Anticipate Epiphany.

It’s a great gift to us that seasons within the Church are so distinctive, with particular practices for all her various feasts and celebrations. As the Feast of the Epiphany, the conclusion of the Christmas season approaches, take time to consider ways you might celebrate as a couple, such as King Cake or the Chalking of the Doors.

The first year we were married, my husband and I drove four hours to stay our families for the holidays, the trunk of our shared car packed with half-ready gifts. We stayed up long past midnight on Christmas Eve, drinking coffee and wrapping presents. He hoped, he told me, that every Christmas to come would be marked with a similar giddiness borne of anticipation, exhaustion, and a shared life. My heart beats faster when I stop to recognize that in the years since, that’s been more than true.

We love walking with you in your vocation and your own pilgrimage to the Christ Child, and would love to hear the Christmas rituals you’re developing in your own relationship and home!

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Vendor Spotlight | Stanley Murzyn Photography

It’s surprising how vocation can be a constant source of change: within a certain call, the Lord often continues to whisper still to our hearts. Stanley Murzyn gets this. A former seminarian turned husband and father-to-be, and former hurricane recovery worker, conservationist, and homeless shelter operator turned photographer, Stan’s professional and personal pursuits speak to pursuing the smaller calls within the larger ones, and putting them at the service of others.

A lifelong lover of taking photos, Stan first began pursuing photography more seriously during a study abroad program in Taiwan. Years later, after documenting a cross-country motorcycle trip using only his iPhone, he desired to grow in technical skill, and learned to shoot with a DSLR camera for the first time. Before long, at his wife Justina’s encouragement, his hobby became a business as of 2016.

A few years prior, after discerning he wasn’t called to the priesthood, Stan left seminary with a conviction that the best thing he could do with his life was to imitate Jesus and St. Joseph, particularly in their example of a simple, holy life and of practicing a craft. In this sense, he has a love for the technical aspect of the art of photography. That attention to technique, combined with his past experience in the non-profit and service world, lends itself not only to beautifully captured images, but to a client experience rooted in relationship. After all, it’s through relationship that we’re able to hear the Father’s voice and embrace our callings.

 From Stan: [My wife] has really kindled the creative flame within me, giving me courage to pursue that aspect of my personality. Since a child, I've always had a camera in my hand and loved telling stories. Now I'm dedicated to capturing and telling those stories for solid Catholic marriages. Christ has made himself so very present in our marriage and it's a daily gift. It's an amazing thing to be a part of and witness in others’ marriages.

STANLEY MURZYN PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER

 

Catholic Photographers Share 4 Tips for Your Engagement Session

BERNADETTE AND STEVE DALGETTY

For some--if not most--couples, getting your photograph taken can be unnerving! It’s not a common or normal experience. An engagement session is often the first time a couple has ever had professional photographs taken. From us to you, here are four ways to make the most of your engagement portraits so that, first, you and your fiancé receive images you're truly happy with, and second, that you have an incredible time during the actual session. In fact, the second point--having an amazing time--is critical because it directly influences the first--receiving photographs you’ll always cherish.

It's mutual.

Your photographer is going to bring the artistic vision and necessary equipment to create a session that delivers portraits he or she hopes will truly connect with you as a couple, providing something lasting and meaningful for your relationship.

That being said, it’s important to realize that you are co-creators in this process. For your photographer to truly capture amazing images of the real you, the real you needs to show up, ready to join in. In a big way, that means being willing to let your guard down: be vulnerable and share your love, your joy, your laughter, your tears, and your honesty.  

Consider: when it's just the two of you alone, and you feel truly connected as a couple, how do you act? How do you laugh? How do you embrace? How do you hold hands? How do you kiss? How do you look at one another?  

Focus on those questions instead of on posing or how you think you look. The couple "poses" that look absolutely amazing in final images are usually the ones that simply show a couple being truly themselves, letting their love shine through. Authentic love is about as natural as it gets, and you don’t need to be professional models to convey that.

You just need to be you. Sometimes that's incredibly serious and intimate. Sometimes that's silly jokes and laughing to the point of tears. Whatever it is, let it be you. If you're willing to show that level of vulnerability with your photographer, we promise you are giving them an incredible starting point to create meaningful engagement photos.

Prepare emotionally.

We have been married for eight years. One thing we've realized about our own relationship is that it's crazy hard to just flip an emotional switch, quickly changing from being wrapped up in our individual busy lives to being truly present to one another. There have been times we've gone out on amazing planned date nights, yet haven't connected at all because we weren't in the right state of mind. If our minds are stuck on work, kids, or other life obligations it's impossible to switch on the spot to romantic date mode. The result is that those dates ends up mediocre, at best. For us, as a couple, to go on amazing dates we have to proactively enter into the right state of mind and leave everything else behind.  

It's the same for photos. We just advised that you to show up and be your vulnerable, loving selves in front of the camera, but true to our own experience, we don't expect you to flip a switch at the start of your portraits and be able to do that on the spot.  

Our best tip for making that transformation a natural one is to consider making the entire day of your session about the two of you, letting your portraits just serve as an extension of an already amazing time. Better yet, make the entire weekend about you! No wedding plans; no talk about work or school or family obligations. Think about the days that have been most incredible for the two of you as a couple, and and identify ways to recreate them.

Spend time doing some things you love, and you’ll show up to your engagement session in that state. It will help you be more present and connected.  

Be you.

Dress like you. Be comfortable. Fit the environment.  

In other words, if you're going to be exploring fields and trails in the woods, leave the heels at home. If your session will feature a classy evening in the city and you love to dress up, then by all means, get dressed up.

At the end of the day, your clothing choices are not what the session is about. Yet it is important that your attire complements who you are as individuals, without diminishing your comfort level and emotional state.

Unplug.

Leave your phones in the car (unless there's a real emergency reason for you to be on call). Nothing kills being present like getting texted!

Images by the authors, via An Endless Pursuit Photography.

---

About the Authors: Steve and Bernadette Dalgetty are the husband and wife photography team behind An Endless Pursuit. For the past eight years they have documented stories, celebrating marriage and families throughout the greater Washington DC area and around the country. Steve and Bernadette currently live in a 125 year-old home in Leesburg, Virginia with their three kids. They met in college at Franciscan University of Steubenville, and named their photography business after their dating relationship that took a few tries to get right. They love the world of wedding photography because of the incredible witness it has been for their own marriage, observing the love of couples each weekend and seeing their joy as they make their vows.

WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

Mary the Dawn: Immaculate Conception Meditations for Couples

The Solemnities throughout the church year are a wonderful opportunity to take the time to reflect on the mysteries of our faith with your fiancé or spouse. Today, on the feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Mother, we hope you will be blessed and inspired by the quotations and prayers below. 

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. Amen. 

Mary is a “symbol of hope” for us all.

For these weeks of Advent she stands before us as the woman who is carrying the Hope of the world just under her heart and, thus, going before us on our way as a symbol of hope. She stands there as the woman in whom was is humanly impossible has become possible, through God’s saving mercy. And thus she becomes a symbol for us all. For if it is up to us, if it depends on the feeble flame of our goodwill and the paltry sum of our actions, we cannot achieve salvation. However much we are capable of, it is not enough for that. It remains impossible. Yet God, in his mercy, has made the impossible possible. We need only say, in all humility, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord” (cf Lk 2:37f.; Mk 10:27). --Joseph Ratzinger, What It Means to Be A Christian

“Mary Immaculate first and fully bore Christ within.”

"Our Lady offers God her canticle of faith this Advent.  As she watches her belly grow large with God, she becomes our Patron as we join her--waiting, watching, the Christ-Seed planted in us all. We learn from her how to foster the Christ-life within.  As we keep vigil, Our Lady sits with us, listening with the patience of a mother, responding with the creative energy of a young girl.  She teaches us that nothing is impossible with God.  She tells us her story--the trials, challenges, and adventures that attend us when God dwells within.  Christ rests in her womb, and Mary is transformed.  We are invited into that love and transformation.  Mary Immaculate first and fully bore Christ within.  This Advent, find yourself caught up in Our Lady's love for Christ.  Tell her your story.  Let her delight in God's love for you.   

O God who gives us grace to triumph over sin, make us beautiful in purity and truth so that Christ may be fully formed in us.  

Pray for us, holy Mother of God."--Caryll Houselander, Reed of God

“God does not want a certain percentage of us...he wants our whole being.”

Mary is the gift of mankind to Christ. And this in turn means that the Lord does not want some thing from man, but man himself. God does not want a certain percentage of us. He wants our heart; indeed, he wants our whole being. He wants our faith and the life that is based on faith. And from this life, he wants those gifts of which he will speak at the Last Judgment: food and clothing for the poor, compassion and mutual love, a word that gives consolation, and a presence that brings comfort to the persecuted, the imprisoned, the abandoned, and the lost.

What can we offer you, O Christ? We certainly offer him too little if all we do is to exchange costly presents with one another, gifts that are not the expression of our own selves and of a gratitude that otherwise remains silent. Let us try to offer him our faith and our own selves, even if only in the form of the prayer: “I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!” And on this day, let us not forget the many in whom he suffers on earth.-- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, The Blessing of Christmas.

Mary, Undoer of Knots

"The knot of Eve's disobedience was loosed by the obedience of Mary. What the virgin Eve had bound fast through unbelief, this did the virgin Mary set free through faith." --St. Irenaeus

“Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood.”

Mary the Dawn, Christ the Perfect Day;

Mary the Gate, Christ the Heav’nly Way!

Mary the Root, Christ the Mystic Vine;

Mary the Grape, Christ the Sacred Wine!

Mary the Wheat-sheaf, Christ the Living Bread;

Mary the Rose-Tree, Christ the Rose Blood-red!

Mary the Font, Christ the Cleansing Flood;

Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood!

Mary the Temple, Christ the Temple’s Lord;

Mary the Shrine, Christ the God adored!

Mary the Beacon, Christ the Haven’s Rest;

Mary the Mirror, Christ the Vision Blest!

Mary the Mother, Christ the Mother’s Son.

Both ever blest while endless ages run.

Amen.

--Medieval English text

Emily + John | Classic Virginia Wedding

Her freshman year at James Madison University, as Emily prepared to leave for a retreat called Arise, a young man approached and shook her hand, saying, “You may not know me, but I know you’re Emily. I’m John.” A friendship was formed that weekend, yet until their final semester of college, Emily only thought of and referred to John as her “Catholic guy friend.”

That Lent, Emily and John both decided to dive deeper into their faith before graduation. On Ash Wednesday morning, they sat in a Starbucks and decided they’d both attend Adoration as often as possible over the next 40 Days.

John had a key to the campus ministry building, and early in the mornings they’d sit before the Lord in silence, praying and growing in their individual relationships with him. Afterward, they’d share coffee and reflections. Unknowingly...

From the Bride: ...all the while, God was forming a rock solid bond between our two souls. It wasn't until the end of Lent--Easter Sunday to be exact--that we realized we were seriously in love.

Exactly one year later, John brought me back to the same chapel where we had prayed side by side throughout Lent. He started praying out loud, which was weird to me. I kind of tuned out because I hadn't had coffee, but I snapped out of it when I heard, "... and I pray she says yes."

He asked me to marry him, and as we drove to our favorite spot to watch the sun come up, it started snowing!

There are no words to express my gratitude to God for allowing such deep relationships to exist between people on earth and for giving us the gift of the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. We were beyond excited to profess our vows to God and each other, to uphold the sanctity of marriage, and to embrace this vocation as our pathway to heaven.

My maternal grandmother passed away one week before the wedding.On the day of, I realized I’d never chosen a bracelet to wear. My mom brought my grandmother's rosary beads to the hotel where we were getting ready, and without thinking twice I wrapped them around my wrist. I held the crucifix from her beads in my hand the whole day, from getting ready through the ceremony and reception. Her beads kept me ever-mindful of the cloud of witnesses above me and the realness of the presence of Jesus Christ that day--and every day since.

We got married in John's home parish by our good friend and spiritual leader, Father Thomas Cavanaugh. Two priests from my hometown of Jacksonville flew in to concelebrate. The image of the three of them genuflecting before the altar will never leave my mind. It was unreal to see all of my worlds come together for the day and to kneel before the Lord with John beside me, our family and friends behind us, and the unseen presence of all the angels and saints around us.

John and I had consecrated our lives to Jesus through Mary the previous year, and my good friend sang the Ave Maria as, together, we processed to Mary to ask for her intercession as we began our marriage. Mary is a huge part of our story: John asked for roses from Mary to signify it was "time" to propose. She gave them to him within a few months, when the timing was perfect. We strive to trust God by way of Mary.

A dear friend's mother handcrafted 250 rope rosary bracelets that were carried down the aisle next to our rings. The bracelets were blessed just before the end of the Mass and given to each guest as they left the chapel, along with an insert of how to pray the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet.

My mother gifted us a statue of Our Lady of Lourdes, which sat next to our guest book. Each guest got to sign next to a prayer of the rosary. So when everyone prays the one prayer they signed next to in the book, a perpetual living rosary is prayed! This still gives me goosebumps.

Each table and place card at our reception featured the icon of a saint instead of a number. We chose these holy men and women whom we have a connection with and carefully selected whose table got which saint. We also provided a personalized description of each saint, who they are and why we selected them for each table. We wanted our reception to be tied to our ceremony and for each guest to feel intimately invited into the love of our Church, not outside of or confused by it. John and I feel called to be missionary disciples; our wedding was the perfect opportunity to begin to share the love we are blessed to enter into.

Nothing was missing from our wedding day, because Jesus was truly present in the Eucharist. He was there. Not just in my mind, my heart, or in the people around me. But there. Physically. Fully. Truly. No doubt in my mind. For his love is so full and so true it's not possible for him to remain hidden in our hearts and minds and friends.

He has to pour himself out and enter us, for there's no other way he--or we--can be satisfied.

Our openness, our conscious consumption of him into ourselves, our yes, our acceptance, is only truly possible by receiving the Eucharist. Exactly like how married love must be consummated. Not because it has to, but because it wants to be made complete. Lovers feel a lacking until the moment their love is made complete. It is no different with God, our first love.

He can dwell with us in many countless ways but only in Holy Communion can our love be complete while we're separated from heaven. It's not a requirement, but an abundance of an out of control love that can't stay small; can't hide; can't blend into the background. His love is powerful, unique, strong and physical. It's his body and his blood that are alive and with us always.

Photography: Jen Harkleroad Photography | Church: St. Theresa Catholic Church - Ashburn, Virginia | Reception: Lansdowne Resort & Spa - Leesburg, Virginia | Rings: Ketterman's Jewelers | Bridal Gown: Love: A Bridal Boutique Jacksonville, FL (Dress: Essence of Australia) | Cake: Connie's Cake Creations  | Flowers: Rick's Flowers  | Planner: Lynn Iannizzi -The Finer Points  | DJ: Kurtis Cross | Video: Vu Nguyen - nVu Films  | Favors: Jill's Jellies and Jams | Rentals: Imperial Decor | Hair/Makeup: Alison Harper & Company - Ali (makeup) and Ilda (hair)

The Spoken Bride 2017 Gift Guide, Curated by Our Vendors

Last year, our team shared with you our favorite gifts for fiancés and spouses, family, and friends. Today, with our gratitude, we've turned to our vendors. Here, some top picks from their gift lists:

Lindsay Trezza, Artist, Just Love Prints

Handmade Wooden Pocket Rosary: This shop, Catholic Woodworker, is one of my favorites! Owner Jonathan Conrad is a talented craftsman who uses his woodworking skills for the glory of God. Any one of his creations would make a great gift for a husband, but this pocket rosary is definitely my top pick.

Customizable Wedding Vow Print: If you someone you know is celebrating their first, second, tenth--or 50th--Christmas together as husband and wife, this hand-painted 8x10 print will make the perfect keepsake. Give to a friend or create one for yourself! It's customizable with names and a wedding date to make this a truly unique gift that will be treasured for years to come. 

Lighthouse CD of the Month Club: With this subscription, a different Catholic CD is delivered to your mailbox each month. The discs cover a wide range of captivating topics that are great for long car rides and daily commutes. I think it's a perfect gift idea for parents and in-laws!

"Love Begins at Home" Print: This hand-painted print of St. Teresa of Calcutta's words makes a lovely addition to any home, as a holiday housewarming gift or any time of year. 

JUST LOVE PRINTS | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST

Brianna Fitzpatrick, Videographer + Photographer, OC Media

Artifact Uprising Photo Book: For a recently married couple, Artifact Uprising allows you to personalize your books to make them special. We often give these as gifts to our photography clients, and they LOVE them. Another great gift idea from the same company is a personalized photo box, accompanied by prints. We also love these wedding memory boxes from Etsy, or these glass keepsake boxes.

JORD watch: We were at a wedding where a bride gifted this to her soon-to-be husband the day of the wedding. Not only was it a beautifully crafted wooden watch, but it made for some great pictures during the wedding day! It was a great cue for my husband, who ending up gifting me with my own for Christmas that year. I absolutely love my watch!

Martin Family Icon: This can be a very beautiful gift from children to their parents! The Martin family holds a special place in our own hearts because they represent a whole family of saints.

OCULI CORDIS MEDIA | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Emily Ricci, Designer, Gloriam Marketing

Engraved handwriting bracelet: I actually gave this engraved bracelet to my mom as a thank you present at our rehearsal dinner, but it is such a sweet idea for any occasion to give to the awesome women in your life! The jeweler actually takes your handwriting and engraves it onto a bangle, necklace, or ring, which adds a beautiful touch of love and personalization to the gift. I love the idea of  aiding in creating a piece for a loved one!

Catholic Planner: This planner is perfect for just about anyone. It includes Scripture passages, Mass readings, and even space for journaling. For someone like myself who likes to be super organized, it's nice having that reminder right in my planner pages to let go and offer my busy life to the Lord.

GLORIAM MARKETING | WEBSITE I FACEBOOK I INSTAGRAM

Mel O’Keeffe, Photographer, Mel Watson Photography

The Night Sky Custom Star Map: I ended up giving this as a gift to my husband for our first anniversary this past August. It serves as the perfect Christmas gift, too! Want to see what the night sky and constellations looked like the night you had your first kiss, got engaged, or held your wedding reception, in poster form? All you do is enter the month, day, year, and location of your significant event and BOOM! The Night Sky finds the coordinates of that location, making instant constellation awesomeness to remind you what the stars looked like on a super meaningful and important night. You can also add a quote or words at the bottom of the poster.

The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home: This book is worth its weight in gold. My best friend gifted it to me right before I got married, and it's been so helpful for me and my husband in creating an intentional, prayerful environment in our home. The authors cover everything from praying the Rosary as a family to living liturgically to how to create an altar or "little oratory" in your home! It's perfect for a girlfriend who is engaged and is preparing for marriage, or friends who have recently gotten married. It truly is an aid for those striving to create their own domestic church.

MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

---

This season comes down to letting "earth receive her king"--heaven come down to us in the Incarnation, the ultimate act of spousal self-gift. Know of our prayers for you and your beloved during this sacred time of Advent. Be sure to check out our vendors' most recent work and to share your favorite gift ideas in the comments and on our social media!
 

The Language of Complementarity

STEPHANIE CALIS

After my conversion--largely shaped by the future St. John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility and Theology of the Body audiences--but before my first serious relationship, I thought the “rules” of pursuit, along with men’s and women’s unique and complementary roles in it, were totally clear: men should pursue and initiate, and women should receive. It was simple, until it wasn’t.

PHOTOGRAPHY; AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

The first time my now-husband Andrew asked me out, I said no. I’d recently ended a long relationship and knew I should take time to recharge spiritually and emotionally. At the time, we’d been friends for months, and I knew deep in my heart we would one day be married. He was perfectly understanding of my wanting to wait before we began dating, and said to tell him when I was ready.

None of my spiritual books had prepared me for this. The ball was squarely in my court, put there in a way entirely respectful and well-intentioned on my husband’s part. But I worried: I was more than comfortable having our feelings for each other out in the open, yet suddenly I was in the position of pursuing, rather than waiting to be pursued, as I discerned the proper time for us to date.

Conversion is a funny thing. It sweeps you up in divine romance, in all its goodness and beauty, then forces you to reconcile all that romance with reality.

In my case, I felt bound by the TOB-inspired nature of complementarity: as a woman, how could I tell this man I was ready to walk into what I hoped would be forever, without stepping outside the boundaries of what I thought was feminine?

As we began dating, that question of how to be feminine arose again during the times I wanted to take his hand first, the times I didn’t mind driving for our dates, and the times I wanted to treat him to coffee on my dining hall plan. Then, without my noticing, the questions started fading into the background. Simply as we settled into each other and forged an identity as a couple, an easiness and peace took over.

Like many goods that might initially seem like rules, the language of pursuit and complementarity now seems more to me, in reality, to be a roadmap to a flourishing relationship. At its root, pursuit is about freedom: allowing man and woman to each become more fully who they were created to be.

And while it’s true there are inherent and good differences between men and women, it’s also true each person is uniquely, unrepeatably made. The ways in which each of us lives out those differences speak to our individual strengths and virtues, and reality doesn't always fit neatly into spiritual boxes.

What I’ve come to realize, through the subtlety born of time and maturity, is that femininity doesn’t always mean always being the asked, never the asker; always the pursued, never the pursuer; always the comforted, never the comforter. It doesn’t mean being afraid to argue or voice strong opinions.

It means loving my husband, in his uniqueness, in the specific way only I can. Like any language, that of the complementarity between man and woman can feel foreign at times as you navigate the different seasons of your relationship and come to know the other more deeply. Through serious dating, followed by engagement and marriage, I’ve realized I should never take for granted that I’ve won my husband’s heart. He still deserves the best of me, and for me to express my love in the ways that speak most deeply to who he is.

Have you ever been in a situation like mine, overanalyzing the “man’s role” and “woman’s role” in your relationship? I encourage you to take the pressure off of yourselves. Simply by striving to give of yourselves and receive the other in the inherently unique ways men and women do so, you are living out your masculine and feminine identities. Make it a goal to be the best, most vulnerable, most honest version of yourself with your beloved, because when you’re living in the truth, you see who you really are--who you already were, all along.

Three weeks after he first asked, I was ready, at least for the moment, to put aside convention and go out into the deep. I sat on a bench outside our college library and asked Andrew to ask me out again. In that question, I wasn’t bound by rules; I was free. A true yes always is. "For freedom Christ set us free..."

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Catholic Engagement and Wedding Ring Inscription Ideas

If you’re engaged (or about to be), you’ve probably already had a conversation about what you’d like to have inscribed on each other’s rings. Some couples surprise each other, some get the same thing on both rings, and some forego the ring inscription entirely.

For Catholic couples, the ring inscription can be more than a way to remember the wedding date; it is an opportunity to celebrate the God who called them to the sacrament of marriage. There are as many ways to do this as there are couples. Our Associate Editor Christina Dehan Jaloway and her husband Kristian have the Italian phrase Ti voglio bene ("I will your good.") inscribed on their rings, whereas Editor-in-Chief Stephanie Calis and her husband have "Before thee we kneel" (from the Memorare, their favorite Marian prayer) engraved in theirs. If you're having trouble coming up with ideas, we hope the list of possibilities below will inspire you: 

Mary Katherine Photography

A favorite Scripture verse

Note: If word count is an issue, consider using the Biblical reference instead of having the entire verse inscribed. If you have enough room, some of the shorter verses listed here are a great option:

This is my body given up for you.  (Luke 22:19)

Do whatever he tells you.  (John 2:5)

Duc in altum. (“Into the deep.” Luke 5:4)

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.  (Song of Songs 6:3)

Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:8)

I have found the one whom my soul loves. (Song of Songs 3:4)

Be not afraid. (John 14:27)

Nothing is impossible for God. (Luke 1:46)

A pithy quote from a favorite Saint.

Verso l’alto. (“To the heights.”) --Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati

Whatever God wants. -- St. Gianna Molla

Do small things with great love. --St. Teresa of Calcutta

Open wide the doors to Christ. --St. John Paul II

My vocation is love. --St. Therese of Lisieux

Love until it hurts. --St. Teresa of Calcutta

Jesus, I trust in you. --St. Faustina

A line from a favorite prayer

Before thee we kneel. (The Memorare--this is what our Editor-in-Chief, Stephanie, and her husband have on their rings)

Come, Holy Spirit.

Thy will be done.

Did you and your fiancé or husband inscribe your rings? We’d love to hear what you chose in the comments!

Registry Essentials for Your Kitchen

AUBRY HABEN

When my husband and I got engaged, I’m pretty sure the first thing I did after saying “Yes!” was start an online wedding registry. I’m not ashamed to admit it (gift lovers, unite!). I couldn’t wait to start dreaming about the space I wanted to create for us. I probably spent hours reading reviews online on the best tools for my kitchen, in particular, and I want to share with you some of my discoveries.

For the most part, I recommend putting things on your registry that you know you'll use. That sounds obvious. But in our case, for example, we put some beautiful bar items on our registry that we really don’t use. I like to pretend that I’m the type to make a fancy cocktail at the end of the day, but in reality I drink a cup of tea or maybe a glass of red wine. So that cute copper cocktail shaker that caught my eye? It sits lonely and rejected in our cupboard.

Elizabeth M Photography

There are long lists of items that could be considered kitchen essentials and everyone differs in their cooking needs, but these are a few that come to mind as what has been most useful in my own kitchen (besides the obvious, like dinner plates or silverware):

A set of mixing bowls: This is a must for a basic kitchen. I find it especially helpful to register for mixing bowls that can double as serving ware . Kitchen stores usually have sets in different sizes that are beautiful, yet also functional.

A slow cooker: Appliances are one of those controversial kitchen topics where people argue about which are necessary. In my opinion, however, a slow cooker is a must-have. Ours is constantly used, whether to cook a batch of shredded chicken or make a soup. It’s great during hot summer months because you don’t have to turn on the oven, and as your family grows and life gets busier, a slow cooker is perfect for life on the go. I love being able to throw in a bunch of ingredients in the morning and call it done. 

Various table accessories: A small handful of beautiful items, like cloth napkins, candles, and marble serving ware, to dress up your table with is a great way to avoid needing to register for a whole set of china. We chose a set of white dinnerware at Crate & Barrel (this set, to be exact), and I use our accessories to set our table for a dinner party. It works great, and simplifies your cupboards.

Chef’s Knife: A good chef’s knife is a must, along with a paring knife and kitchen shears. I did a lot of research on knives, and found that Victorinox is an extremely high quality brand, but more economical than the popular--and pricey--Wüsthof line. This knife can’t be beat for quality and price.

Dutch oven: A Dutch oven is versatile and can transfer from stove to oven to table. It’s perfect for making stews, browning meat, and baking delicious bread. Le Creuset is the name brand winner for Dutch ovens, but the reality is that more economical options can also be great. A few years ago, my dad got me a $25 Dutch oven from Menards (the land of random finds) that gets the job done.

Baking sheets: Don’t bother registering for cookie sheets! Instead, I recommend choosing baking sheets in a variety of sizes, and you'll be good to go. Unlike aluminum cookie sheets, baking sheets are usually higher quality commercial-grade steel and will never warp on you. Also, using them to create easy one-pan dinners has become a staple in our household.

Stainless steel pans: I recommend registering for a few really nice pans. These will last you forever; typically, higher-cost brands such as All Clad have lifetime guarantees on their cooking ware. Register for at least a frying pan, 4-quart saucepan, and larger sauté pan.  

I'd love to hear your kitchen registry suggestions, too. What have been the most-used or most helpful items on your registry?

---

About the Author: Aubry Rose Haben is sassy wife to Max, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants mama to little Pascal Jude, and general lover of all things impractical and cute. She currently lives in the Washington DC area with her filmmaker husband, awaiting the next adventure God throws their way. 

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER

Maria + Santi | Buenos Aires Wedding

While earning her PhD at Stanford, Maria hosted an annual post-Easter vigil meal. One year, mutual friends invited Santi; he and Maria met again soon after at a Catholic young adults event.

Within a few months of dating, they began discussing the future. Maria knew that, with a year left before finishing her doctorate, she’d soon be looking for a job. “We both knew,” she says, “ that we had about a year to decide if this relationship was going to end in marriage. It was very quickly obvious that it was.” Santi proposed at the Fatima shrine in Maria’s Minnesota home parish.

From the Bride: Santi was born and raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina. From our first discussion of marriage, we knew we would get married there. Inspired by a post I saw online, we made a list of our goals for the wedding early on in the planning process, which helped guide later decisions. They read:

1. Create a magical experience for us and our guests.

2. Take advantage of this rare opportunity for our families to meet and form relationships.

3. Reflect the sacred nature of matrimony, with an emphasis on selected, meaningful traditions.

4. Maintain a symmetric focus on both of us, our families, and our personalities.

We spent a lot of time, energy, and money on the first two goals, trying to make the long trip to Argentina as easy and fun as possible. We developed a pretty extensive website detailing visiting and traveling in South America, both to get our guests excited and to be realistic about expenses. We set up a Facebook group as RSVPs came in, giving people a chance to introduce themselves, ask questions, and make travel plans. Shortly before the wedding, we also set up three Whatsapp groups for the two sides of my family and my friends, along with a few Argentine friends and family, so they could make plans on the fly in Buenos Aires and have a local resource in the days before the wedding. Finally, we arranged a series of family dinners--first with just our parents, then our parents and siblings, and lastly with my extended family that traveled from the U.S.

We paid for one of my best college friends, who had very recently been ordained to the priesthood as an Augustinian, to fly from the U.S., and one of Santi’s family members, a Spanish priest, to fly from another province in Argentina to concelebrate the Mass. They were joined by the parish priest who had celebrated Santi’s sister’s wedding, as well as the auxiliary bishop of Buenos Aires, who is a friend of his family.

Coordinating three priests and a bishop--from three different countries, speaking two different languages--was very intimidating! We tried to figure out the rules surrounding bilingual services and concelebration with a bishop, although in the end the priests figured it out amongst themselves in the half hour before the wedding.

We also created a bilingual wedding program that had almost every word spoken at the Mass, along with notes on the sacrament of marriage, sign of peace, and reception of communion. The readings were in a combination of languages: the first in English, the second in Spanish, and the Gospel proclaimed with short homilies in both languages. We opted for a bilingual Psalm and Prayers of the Faithful.

For the music, we prioritized songs that had translations in both English and Spanish, including “Come Thou Font / Fuente de la Vida Eterna,” “Pescador de Hombres / Lord, When You Came to the Seashore,” and “Ode to Joy / Himno de la Alegría”, along with the beautiful Argentine Mass setting, Misa Criolla. Though an organist and a soprano were already included in the fee charged by the church, we splurged on a professional choir, which was a great choice. When I heard them sing the Gloria, I knew they were worth every peso.

For various reasons, we decided not to have a wedding party. Instead, our parents served as our witnesses. It was important to me that I not be the only one escorted down the aisle by my parents, because Santi and I were entering into marriage as equal, complementary partners, and I wanted to avoid even the appearance that I was being given away by my father, rather than entering into marriage in my own right.

We considered several options for the procession, but in the end decided to enter together, preceded by our parents as examples of faithful marriages. This decision led naturally to us getting ready for the Mass together. I’m so happy we did that, because I know I was much calmer being with Santi all day than without him. 

I carried a bouquet of white calla lilies, along with a nacre rosary that the women of Santi’s family have carried at their weddings, starting with his great-grandmother. Santi carried a handkerchief from my grandmother in his pocket. During the Rite of Matrimony, we exchanged identical rings in the shape of Möbius strips that we bought on Etsy. A Möbius strip has a half-twist, which makes it a single-sided two-dimensional figure--even more infinite than a circle! I had always wanted a Möbius wedding ring since I learned about it in high school; fortunately, I married a nerd who also loved the idea! After communion, we presented flowers to Our Lady of Mercy, the patroness of the Mercedarian order whose church we were in, and prayed for her blessing on our marriage.

Most things happen later in Argentina than in the U.S. After the wedding Mass, which started at 8:30pm, we had an all-night party. We took immediate family portraits during the cocktail hour, which was followed by about seven hours of alternating dance sets and food: an appetizer, main course, dessert, cake and a champagne toast, and ending with pizza at 6:00 A.M. for those who could still eat. I think this schedule, with built-in breaks to recover energy before dancing more, was the reason half of our guests lasted the whole night, until the final photo!

The reception music was a mix of Spanish and English from several decades. One of my favorite parts was watching our friends and family mix out on the dance floor, especially when they learned new moves from each other--like when the Argentines taught the Americans how to dance to “Meneaito” and the Americans taught the Argentines the line dance to “Copperhead Road.” 

Another special moment was when we called our grandfathers up to sing together. My grandfather is Mexican and had lived for several years in Uruguay, so he shared a love for boleros and tangos with Santi’s Argentine grandfathers. It was so special to see the joining of families in this way!

Maria’s spiritual take-away from her wedding day: We really enjoyed the process of planning our wedding Mass. We read through the Together for Life book, taking a few weeks to cover each option for the readings, along with the commentary, and discuss them. We also were very fortunate to do our marriage prep with a deacon and his wife, another couple that we knew who were also preparing for marriage.

It was so special to me having my close friend, now a priest, concelebrate our wedding Mass. He had been ordained only three weeks before, and I was so grateful the timing worked out and that he agreed to come. There were so many parallels: there we were, both in white, starting our vocations at almost the same time. I had been there on the occasion of his first vows six years before, and now he was there to witness mine. We had even chosen the same readings for our wedding as he had used in his Ordination Mass! He agreed to hear our confessions the night before the wedding, which was a very emotional and grace-filled moment.

At the end of the service, we had the opportunity to make a few remarks. After thanking everyone for being there with us, Santi how special it was for us to have had a bilingual wedding Mass, because it represented not only the nature of our relationship, but also the universal character of the Church.

Photographer's Business Name : Foto Paleo | Church: Basilica Nuestra Señora de Buenos Aires in Buenos Aires, Argentina | Wedding Reception: Terry Recepciones, Buenos Aires, Argentina | Rings: Elegant Jewel Box on Etsy  | Choir: Coro para tu casamiento | Makeup and Hair: Celu Ferreira | Suits: Casa Florencia | Catering: Bennati Catering  | Hotel and Backstage photos: Hotel Alvear

Four Tips for Grad School Couples

STEPHANIE CALIS

When my husband and I first became friends in our undergraduate English class, he shared his dream of, God willing, one day teaching college literature courses. By the time I became his girlfriend, then his fiancée, then his wife, I knew that dream would entail many more years of school, moving, and lower income.

For many reasons, including the prospect of years of long-distance dating as the alternative, we discerned that getting married before getting settled, i.e. during my husband’s years in grad school, was where the Holy Spirit was leading our relationship. For our particular weaknesses and strengths in virtue, it's been a purification from which we emerge continually more joyful and in love.

Practically speaking, though, academic life for one or both spouses in a relationship is uniquely challenging. Grad school applications are long and daunting, always with an element of uncertainty and a forced willingness to move anywhere for the sake of a program and, ultimately, a career that's a good fit. Some full-time students, like my husband, are also student teachers. One of those pursuits alone entails bringing work home each night and working far more than 40 hours a week, for measly pay, and the combination of the two can involve even more. And, since there's not really a way around the fact that grad school is a means to an end, there are periodic needs to publish papers and travel for conferences and networking events.

I know every field has its struggles and busy times. If I can humbly shed some light on this particular field we're in as my husband completes his dissertation and final year of his PhD program, here's what has helped us ease some of the burdens of academic life:

If and when you have to move to a new area, seek out community.  

Following your beloved to a new town, maybe miles from home, can be isolating--particularly for the spouse who doesn’t have the built-in community of academic colleagues at school or a job lined up right away. After a somewhat slow start in the town where my husband was earning his Masters degree, the community life of our parish eventually drew us into volunteering with the youth group and becoming certified to teach NFP. Sharing in ministry together from the start of our marriage was was grounding. It forged true friendships we continue to maintain and cherish, even years and miles later.

For my husband’s PhD, he was blessed to be accepted into a program not far from where we both grew up. Returning to our families and college friends has been such a gift, especially as we've begun to grow our own family. Thinking you're in this alone is a lie. For me, cultivating relationships in our parish, with old friends, and in my husband’s program made a significant difference in my sense of contentment and belonging.  

Expect the unexpected when it comes to your time, and find ways to fill it while you're alone.

Like any profession, academia sometimes entails unplanned meetings and tasks that crop up during the day, particularly if your spouse is a teacher. What that often looked like for us was me expecting my husband home around a certain time, only to end up angry when his arrival got pushed back by a few hours--especially in those first overwhelming months after our son was born. Fortunately, I like to think we've become more flexible and forgiving about this over time.

I constantly remind myself that the difficulties with time aren't personal. When I strip away my pride and my temper, I know my husband would much prefer to be home for dinner on late weeknights or relaxing together rather than grading on a Saturday. Our years of marriage and early parenthood during school have been a long process of learning to identify and enjoy the pockets of free time we have together, compared to being constantly let down by expecting long blocks of leisure during evenings and weekends.

My husband is done with coursework now, but I learned early on that graduate classes are nearly always held at night, ending around 9 or 10 p.m. After a few weeks too many of endlessly scrolling through Netflix options, I made an effort to create a ritual for myself on those nights--usually journaling, painting my nails, and watching a show or movie I’d chosen ahead of time, as a way to be more intentional and to view those hours a routine to look forward to, rather than time to just get through until my husband was home.

Slack off now and then.

Really! It's a constant struggle for my husband to feel like there's always more he could be doing, which is probably true, and we try to be mindful of when continuing to work is good and important, and when just calling it quits for the day--either for the sake of his mental energy, our relationship, or our other responsibilities--is the best choice.

Discern things a year at a time.  

Following an exhausting two years of earning a Masters and one year as a very busy adjunct professor, my husband was sure he wasn't drawn to further study, yet here we are. The paths we've felt called down in our life together have changed with certain milestones, and we've tried to simply pray constantly pray as we go, asking the Lord to lead us in the right direction.

Toward the end of my husband’s Masters program, for instance--after which we’d expected to move back closer to family and for my husband to pursue high school teaching opportunities--I was offered a job that would allow us to grow our savings. We decided to stay in the area and lived there for another year and a half. It was during that time that the idea of teaching college continued pulling on his heart, and we experienced such clarity from the Holy Spirit that applying to doctoral programs was right.

If, at the beginning of all these years of school, we'd decided it was PhD or nothing, or if we'd gone into it with a just-get-through-it sort of mentality, much would have been lost from our spiritual growth and our sense of being present in our own lives.  

While in my weakness, I certainly get frustrated over our long-term academic situation more than I should sometimes, I do have the abiding confidence that we are doing God's will and that these particular crosses are sanctifying us. The truth is, I do have days where I think how nice it would be to be settled in a house in one semi-permanent place, knowing my husband would be working roughly 9-5 every day with commensurate income and be done with work when he left work. But experience has taught me academia isn't the only type of work that involves long hours and commitments we'd rather say no to--it'd be self-focused of me to think otherwise.  

So we pray and wait on the Lord, and up to now, every question of our calling has been answered with the peace that my husband completing his doctorate is the best thing for us and our family, if or until God comes knocking with something else. There's a true freedom in that.

What about you? Will one or both of you be in school by the time you're married? What's helped your relationship the most?  We love hearing your advice and being able to support each other in sisterhood as we pursue the callings unique to each of our vocations.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Vendor Spotlight | An Endless Pursuit

Boy met girl at Franciscan University in 2003, but for several years, the story ended there. Steve and Bernadette Dalgetty were fast friends in college, yet their future dating relationship--and eventual marriage--weren’t to be until later. For months, friends joked to Steve that he was “in the endless pursuit.”

Fast forward to 2009. Newly married, Bernadette and Steve launched their photography business with the idea that “a great relationship never stops pursuing. That's true for marriage. That's definitely true for our relationship with God as well as Catholics. We loved the idea of trying to weave that concept into how we tell stories of couples as they dive head first into marriage.”

Storytelling, in all its ability to capture raw emotion and evoke powerful memories for years to come, is a hallmark of An Endless Pursuit’s client experience. As with any story, the best one unfolds when its creator intuitively and specifically knows each person involved. That’s why Steve and Bernadette invest themselves in their clients’ love stories and wedding day priorities: from the trust and meaning they create with brides and grooms flow images that speak volumes and reveal the stories beneath the surface.

From Bernadette and Steve: We do not show up to weddings as a vendor there to check something off a list. For us, it's critical to show up with an authentic relationship with each and every couple. We can't really capture their story without a level of trust and understanding. We work with every couple up until the wedding to learn what's important to them and why.

A huge part of how we tell stories and how we look through our cameras at weddings comes from our own experiences as a married couple. There are a lot of similar elements from wedding to wedding-- the dress, the Mass, family portraits, and reception details--but at the same time, there are many subtle elements that are never the same.

Sometimes those elements are in the relationships of key people that shaped a couple's growth. Sometimes they are in the details and decor the couple worked on to convey something meaningful to them. Sometimes, they’re in the expression of a bride or a groom that can't be understood without knowing the backstory of what obstacle they overcame, the one that brought them to this day.

For us, it's that backstory that inspires what we need to capture. We try to show up to each wedding with an understanding of that, and let the day unfold naturally with that as the primary lens we look through.

See more of An Endless Pursuit's work in Robyn and Greg’s garden-inspired wedding, with beautiful springtime blooms indoors and out in the Dalgettys’ home state of Virginia, and in Emily and Ben’s elegantly rustic Nashville Wedding.

AN ENDLESS PURSUIT | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

An Introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage

JULIA DEZELSKI

If you’ve ever attended a Catholic wedding, you know the Church does weddings a little differently than other traditions- there are certain things we do and don’t do. However, if you are a Catholic in the United States, chances are you may not know that the Church has different marriage rites, depending on the liturgical rite a couple belongs to. I barely knew myself until I was planning my own wedding in the Byzantine rite. For every liturgical rite in the Catholic Church (there are over twenty!) there is a different liturgy of marriage in keeping with the rite’s tradition.

Last December, when I was married in the Byzantine rite, I had only once attended a wedding in the Eastern Catholic Church and needed plenty of instruction. I had been officially welcomed into the Eastern Catholic Ukrainian Church the previous June after requesting a change of rite (from the Latin rite in which I was raised). It was during my studies abroad in Rome that I stumbled upon the Byzantine rite through association with the Russian Catholic Church established there on the Esquiline hill. I was initially attracted by the beauty and depth of the liturgy (although I didn’t know any Russian!) and after further study of the history, iconography, and spirituality of the East, I knew that I wanted one day to embrace that patrimony as my own. Upon returning to the United States, I had the opportunity to do so and my husband-to-be was very supportive (and curious) about marriage in the Eastern rite.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Despite our inexperience and our guests’ unfamiliarity with the Eastern celebration of marriage, everyone was touched by the unparalleled beauty of the rich symbolism behind every gesture and edified by the solemnity of the rite.

Here are a few of the most interesting features of the Byzantine rite marriage:

The Procession

Much to the surprise of our guests, my father did not accompany me down the aisle. Instead, my husband and I processed hand-in-hand down the aisle behind the celebrants. By entering together, we crossed over the threshold of the church as equal partakers in this unfolding mystery of love. The focus is not on the bride alone, but on the couple, already becoming one mind and one heart as they make their way into the House of God.

Unlike other weddings, we did not have a handsome band of ladies and gents as an entourage. Instead, our two witnesses led the wedding procession carrying icons of Jesus and the Virgin Mary into the church. These icons now hold a prominent place in our home and serve as a reminder of that sacred day and its foundation. The choir’s intonation of Psalm 27 during the procession served as a reminder: “Happy are all who fear the Lord, who live according to His will. You shall eat the fruit of your own labors, you shall be happy and you shall prosper. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the heart of your home …”

The marriage rite actually begins in the vestibule of the church with the service of betrothal that confirms the free will and intent of the bride and groom. Although we were already betrothed (more on that later), we reaffirmed our free and unconstrained consent to enter into the marriage covenant.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Intercessions

As soon as we had publicly professed our intent, we were prayed for by those around us. The Byzantine liturgy is sprinkled with intercessory prayer: for the soon-to-be spouses, for blessings upon their marriage, for the fruits of the bride’s womb, for the couple’s children and their children’s children. Drawing upon a rich array of biblical marriages, the priest then offers a prayer to bless the couple like the biblical couples from Adam and Eve to Mary and Joseph. By being prayed over with such powerful imagery, the new couple becomes a part of the biblical story of redemption and a link in the genealogy of Christ’s second coming.

Marriage Vows and Crowning

To seal their participation in the story of salvation, the bride and groom are now invited to place their right hands on the Gospels. The priest then covers their hands with his stole as the groom followed by the bride read their marriage vows. Both my husband and I appreciated that we were not asked to repeat the words of the priest - we read them for the first and only time directly off the page. The vows were simple and profound, undergirded by the promise to love, respect, and be always faithful to our spouse with the help of God and all the saints.

The sacrament of matrimony in the Byzantine rite is also called the Holy Mystery of Crowning. The reason why becomes apparent at this moment, when the bride and groom are now crowned - that’s right - literally crowned with either a wreath of myrtle or a crown of jewels (not exactly precious jewels, but not plastic, either!)

The crowning is most certainly the most dramatic part of the ceremony, not only for the spouses who are trying to keep their heads upright, but for the whole assembly that witnesses a new dimension of marriage that is not typically highlighted in a wedding. The crowning is not some sort of mock celebration of how the newly wedded spouses might feel on top of the world but instead the “crowns of glory and honor” placed on their heads symbolize the honored martyrs who shed their blood and gave their lives for Christ and their neighbor. Like the crown of martyrdom, the crown is a prize of a marriage well-lived: a crown of sacrifice and self-giving. It is a foretaste of a glorious marital end!

Jonalee Earles Photography

The Common Cup and Procession

The Byzantine marriage rite is not celebrated within the context of a eucharistic celebration. However, a chalice of unconsecrated wine is offered to both husband and wife, symbolizing the bitter and sweet moments of married life that they will share together. This is followed by a final ritual journey when their hands are joined with an embroidered cloth and bound to one another, the couple is led around the tetrapod - a symbol of Christ - three times, by the priest carrying the Gospels. Again, the couple is starting their journey together by following the Word of God with Christ as the cornerstone of their life’s foundation.

The concluding prayer invokes God’s blessing on the couple until their crowns are received into God’s kingdom.  

In every Catholic liturgical rite, marriage is a sacrament that places you on a life journey of complete self-giving (and hopefully, a crown will be your prize!). Francis and I began our life journey walking as a couple over the threshold of the church and hope to journey together towards the Kingdom of Heaven while building our domestic church day by day. Regardless of rite or tradition, all Catholics are building the same Church - in their marriages and homes - each in their own way. This is the beauty of the Church: its unity and its diversity.

About the author: Julia Dezelski is currently finishing a doctorate in Theology. Her areas of interest include marriage and family, consecrated states of life, and the feminine genius among others. Julia was married last December in Washington, DC and can’t wait to cuddle with her first child due in January.

Editors' Picks | Vol. 9: First Anniversary Gifts for Catholic Couples

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

The traditional first anniversary gift is paper. This month we've chosen a few of the more creative, spiritually-focused items we've found to inspire your giving and receiving.

Calligraphy: Sarah Ann Design; Photo: Gray Door Photography.

Andi, Business Director

Papal Blessing: You can start working on this gift as soon as you’re married to have it ready for your first anniversary. Even if you’re not able to visit Rome for a Papal blessing, there is still a way to have your marriage blessed by Pope Francis, with a beautiful visual reminder for your home.

Your wedding vows: Have the words from the liturgy framed or written out. This personalized watercolor from Just Love Prints is beautiful.

100 Reasons I Love You: This one is kind of self explanatory, but simply writing down all the different reasons you love your spouse, collected and stored in a jar, would be an ideal gift for someone whose love language is words of affirmation.

Birth Certificate: If it's God's will, nothing says I love you more than a brand new addition to your family!

Christina, Associate Editor

A fancy edition of a favorite spiritual book: The only thing I collect is books, and I love beautiful, hardcover versions of my favorites. Something like this edition of St. Augustine’s Confessions would be a lovely gift to receive, especially since my only copy is a paperback I’ve had since college.

A handwritten letter: I don’t know about you, but for me, there’s nothing quite like receiving a letter from my husband--particularly when it’s accompanied by flowers. Letter-writing isn’t really his thing, which makes the fact that he puts the time and effort into it all the more valuable. And bonus: it’s definitely a budget-friendly gift.

Spiritual bouquet: Who doesn’t love to know others are praying for them? Asking your friends and family to contribute to a spiritual bouquet for your spouse is a beautiful way to celebrate the first year of your life together.

Jiza, Creative Director and Co-Founder

Photograph: As a photographer, I cannot repeat it enough: print your photos! It’s one of the many ways we can tangibly remember those we love and the precious memories we have with them. Personally, as a military wife, my husband is often away for long periods of time and living in tiny accommodations. He has also missed many anniversaries. So, a photograph with a note on the back is something he can carry easily; whether that is in his wallet, the inside of his hat, or tucked in his prayer book. Plus, the beautiful thing about printed photographs is that you both can look back at those lovely images together when you’re old and gray.

Missal or Liturgy of the Hours: While you can always get an app on your phone, there is nothing like having a tangible version of anything that inspires regular prayer. For a personal touch, write a personal note to your spouse on the inside or have their name personalized on the front.

Mass Intention: I am a big believer of enrolling loved ones for Masses. Oftentimes when I feel like I am falling short in my personal prayer life, I will enroll those on my heart so I know they are being covered in the most perfect form of prayer. What a beautiful gift we have in the Mass!

Stephanie, Editor in Chief and Co-Founder

 Holy Card collection: Nearly every couple has a love for certain saints whose intercession has played a role in their love story. Honor them, and begin a collection of devotionals you can use in your spiritual life together, by assembling a set of prayer cards featuring the holy men and women who've been your special patrons. Gift them to your spouse in a nice box; I recently read a novel wherein the matriarch of a large Irish Catholic family frequently brought out her holy card box as she prayed through her intentions, and loved the idea. Need suggestions for whom the both of you can pray to in your married life? Start here with our list of saints who embody spousal love.

Tickets: These are technically made of paper, right? Surprise your beloved by planning a special date, with tickets presented in an envelope alongside a sweet note. Your evening out could be as simple as a matinee or as major as a concert, sports event, or even a flight to a weekend getaway or pilgrimage.

A portrait or religious artwork: Art prints are a lasting and possible to see and enjoy daily. A hand-drawn or painted portrait of the two of you, like this one, is a gift I’d love to receive—a sweet way to commemorate the start of your life together and welcome guests to your home. Religious art, like these beautiful images, is equally special, encouraging you to entrust your marriage to the saints’ intercession.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Family Bible: If you don’t have one already, invest in a family Bible! You can ask the printer to stamp your family tree in the cover of the Bible and write you and your husband’s names at the top to commemorate the beginning of your own family’s history.

A Home Blessing: If you haven’t already done so by your first anniversary, ask your parish priest over to bless your new home! You can remember the occasion with a framed print. A house blessing is a beautiful way to begin your new life together and cover your family in special graces.

Homemade Artwork: My friend Teresa made her husband an adorable piece of art for their first anniversary that hangs in their home. Her piece featured the important dates in their lives together: their first date, the date of their first kiss, and their wedding date. You can customize yours to feature your own love story and important moments in your lives.

We love sharing in your marriages and drawing inspiration from your relationships. Share your first anniversary gift ideas in the comments and on our social media!

Beth Anne + Tom | Florida Springtime Wedding

Beth Anne and Tom met online. Although neither of them had been in a serious relationship before, they started dating shortly afterward. "All through our dating relationship," Beth Anne recalls, "I prayed for what God wanted for us. Tom hadn't been to mass in a long time as he worked weekends. I never pushed him to come with me. But I shared the faith with him through my actions. Over time he came around and after he stopped working weekends, he asked to come to mass with me one Sunday, and has been by my side at mass ever since."

After 18 months of dating, they fell in love and started to discern marriage. Tom proposed to Beth Anne on the same bench where they met for their first date. 

From the Bride: We had many family members come from out of town for our wedding. The week of the wedding we rented a big house for everyone to stay in together. My favorite memories of the wedding week were staying with my family and bridesmaids the days before the wedding and just having a lot of good "girl time." I really wasn't nervous; we went and got our nails done a few days before, and my manicurist said she'd never seen a calmer bride.

We were married in April (a popular month to get married in Florida because it's not too hot yet) at the Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine. One unique thing we did in our ceremony was processing into the church together. We had several reasons for doing this, one being that my dad passed away when I was eight years old, but our pastor also shared that it's actually the most liturgically fitting way to process. 

Since Tom and I were walking in together, we did a first look in the courtyard before the ceremony. I never thought I would do a first look, but I’m glad we did. It was a really special and intimate moment we had before all the craziness started. Some of my favorite photos are from that part of the day.

The reception was at Amici’s Italian Restaurant. My family is Italian and Tom’s is Polish. We didn’t intend on having an Italian reception, but it turned out really well! 

Beth Anne's Spiritual Takeaway: As devout Catholics, it was important to us to evangelize to our guests in subtle ways. I think I had the most fun with this part of the wedding. A friend offered to make us prayer cards to give to our guests. I chose an image of St. Faustina and quotes from her diary, as we got married the weekend of the feast of the Divine Mercy.

Instead of the bouquet and garter toss I gave each of the single women a white rose with a note on it promising to pray for them and their vocations. 
 

Photography: Copper Lens | Church:  Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine, FL | Reception: The Milano Room at Amici's Italian Restaurant | Rings: Kay Jewelers | Invitations: Kouture Kreations  | Table Linens: Connie Duglin  | Brides Dress & Bridesmaids Dress - Davids Bridal  | Brides Shoes - Foot Comfort | Jewelry: JCPenney  | Groom/Groomsmens Attire: Michaels Formalwear  | Cake/Cupcakes - Camicakes  | Cake Topper - Couplesoncakes.com | Hair: Beauty by Blakeley and Heather  | Makeup: Christine Shelley, Mary Kay Consultant  | Photobooth and DJ & Purple Lighting: Beachside Entertainment  | Florist: Flower Works

Newlywed Life | Facing Hardship Early in Marriage

BETHANY SWANSON

Andrew Peterson has a beautiful song about marriage. It goes, Let's go dancing in the minefields, let's go sailing in the storms. This is harder than we dreamed, but I believe that's what the promise is for.

My husband William and I stood at the altar a year ago and vowed to love each other in good times and in bad. We took each other's hands, exchanged rings, and prepared to forge a path together, with wide smiles and eager hearts. We've encountered many hardships during our first year, but the sacrament of marriage is rich in abundant grace and unexpected joy.

Horn Photography & Design

I asked William what he learned during our first year of marriage, and he said, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing." At that, we both started laughing. We’ve certainly learned much in this first year. In particular, we have learned how to live the "in sickness" part of our marriage vows, and to sail the storms that accompanied a continual illness I endured.

Facing hardship has allowed me to experience the beauty of Christ's love through my husband. When I am weak, William is strong. He takes care of me when I am feeling my absolute worst, and has carried me to bed many nights. He has accompanied me to every doctor's appointment and advocated for my health. When I feel like a burden, he speaks words of encouragement. He has done the little things, like running errands, leaving sweet notes, and making dinner. He has shown steadfast love amidst uncertainty and led us in prayer when peace is hard to find. He has shown me, time and again, what selfless love looks like.

Accepting my husband’s  help didn't always come naturally. I can be stubborn, inclined to to do everything on my own. I used to envision a  spotless apartment and warm meal on the table awaiting William every day when he got home. Since I'm not working, I thought I could at least keep our house in tip-top shape. That hasn't been possible for the majority of our marriage, though: I slowly learned pushing myself beyond my body's limits wasn't good for my physical health, and that resting was actually better for our relationship.

I discovered the ways I could honor and love my husband looked very different than the ways I had imagined. I learned my role as a wife didn't depend on perfection, especially as it relates to my health.

We have faced many storms during our relatively short marriage, including a stressful move right after our wedding day, settling into a new area, navigating NFP, waiting to someday have a child, and William's challenging workload. Through each of these challenges, we've found our love refined. These experiences have given us opportunities to turn toward each other, our eyes on Christ. Through all my health issues we've come to understand how deeply we truly care for one another.

During each difficulty we face, we seek a renewal of love. We pray to receive grace and be made new. The hardships of our first year as husband and wife have bonded us together, strengthening us by showing us "what the promise is for," as Peterson sings.

These months have shown us the blissful, unimaginable joy of marriage, as well. I am still amazed that I am even married to William; sometimes so in awe of who he is as a man that all I can do is praise God. There's a peace that fills our lives, despite the hardships. We've found that attending weekly adoration keeps our hearts overflowing with love. Each night we take turns leading a prayer guided by the Holy Spirit. Our prayer time often looks like praise: praising God for the gift of marriage, for the gift of having  found each other, for the immense blessings we have.

If you are a newlywed facing hardships, remember your vows. Look for strength in your spouse and in Christ.

Don't get discouraged by your own failings or your spouse's, or the challenges that life presents. Have hope, that this is a part of your vocation, one you have been called to live selflessly. You and your spouse are being refined and being made new. Turn to prayer, and be a living testimony to the grace of the sacrament.

Step back from the storm now and then, the better to see all the good that's happening: all of your spouse's goodness, and all of God's goodness. Praise God for every gift in your life.

---

About the Author: Bethany Swanson studied Humanities and Catholic Culture at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has served as a Jesuit Volunteer with JVC Northwest and as an assistant at L’Arche Spokane. She’s currently a stay-at-home wife and blogger at Strengthen My Heart and spends her free time reading, sewing, cooking, and learning photography. Originally from Oregon, Bethany now enjoys the beaches and warm weather of California with her husband William.

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

While wedding favors are by no means necessary, many couples want to thank their guests for their support and love with a memento of some kind. And while you can find lots of fun favor ideas on Pinterest, it’s a bit more difficult to find uniquely Catholic wedding favors--especially if you haven’t been to many Catholic weddings yourself. We compiled a list of some of our favorite Catholic wedding favors, and hope that those of you who are in the planning process will find something that suits your needs.

Calligraphy by Sarah Ann Design. Photo by Angela Sostarich.

A print with your favorite spiritual quotation

Hand-lettered prints with quotations from Scripture or the Saints are all the rage right now, and for good reason: they are wonderful reminders of the truth and beauty of the faith that look beautiful in any living space. Our associate editor Christina purchased small “Love is the beauty of the soul” (St. Augustine) prints for each of her guests from Rose Harrington Art. Other options to explore for this kind of favor include Spoken Bride vendors Just Love Prints and Telos Design, as well as When Beauty Met Truth, Be a Heart Design, and Brass & Mint Co. (just to name a few).

A holy card featuring your patron saint(s)

A personalized holy card is a wonderful (and inexpensive) way to both share your faith and encourage your guests to continue to pray for you and with you after the wedding day is over. You could choose a patron saint, an image of Mary and Joseph’s wedding or the wedding at Cana, or any favorite religious image. On the back, consider including your names, wedding date, and a prayer--either a traditional Catholic prayer to that saint, or a prayer that you and your fiance write yourselves.

Bottles of holy water or blessed salt

Holy water and blessed salt are powerful sacramental to keep in the home (or the car, or a purse…), so why not bless your wedding guests with their own bottle? You can find small plastic holy water bottles online (something similar would work for blessed salt), and as long as you have the time to fill them up with tap water or salt and a priest friend who will bless them, this favor won’t add much time or money to your wedding planning.

Rosary or chaplet

A rosary is the wedding favor that keeps on giving; not only will your guests be able to use it for personal prayer, but if you purchase a more unique-looking rosary such as this St. Benedict cord rosary, they will remember to pray for you and your groom each time they use it.

A CD Featuring your Wedding Music

If you and your fiance are music lovers and have the time and talent to do so, consider burning CDs for your guests featuring your own recordings of the music from your wedding Mass, or a collection of your favorite hymns or spiritual songs.

Are you planning on giving out favors at your wedding? We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!