Practical Steps for When Chastity is Too Hard.

SINIKKA ROHRER

As a Christian wedding photographer, there's one thing I say to my couples as I pray over them, on our final call before their weddings:

“May the Lord give you peace, patience, and purity during these final days on your journey to the aisle.”

Soul Creations Photography

I remember my own engagement and its temptations. My husband, Alan, and I went back and forth between being so intentional as to set bedtimes and make sure there was space between us on the couch, and throwing caution to the wind by cozying up verrry close under blankets, into the wee hours, during date night movie time.

I was personally surrounded by women filled with faith--but only the amount they wanted to be filled with. Many girlfriends of mine were already living with their fiancés Others were being told it was a good idea to test drive the car before buying, and seriously considering doing so.

Maybe you’ve been there and heard those things, too. While we can’t change that we live in a world that so often prioritizes lust, we can change how we react.

To be completely real with you, sexual self-control is often harder than actual wedding planning.

Here, three tips that helped my husband and I stay fixed on the purity of heart we so desired for our relationship.

Back away.

It’s time to start talking about the sexual weaknesses that silently permeate Catholic culture and stop living on an island of guilt or regret, because you are not alone. If you believe it's taboo to confide in a good friend about sexual sin, know that this conversation will not only help free you from the grip of sin, where it thrives in darkness; it may also help your confidant.

I don’t know if you struggle with masturbation, pornography, or any type of sexual sin, which sometimes tend to become gray areas that are glossed over during your formation, but I do know we are called to flee from these things outside of the marriage room (1 Corinthians 6:18) and outside a full, wholesome sexual relationship between man and woman.

When you're tempted to push the physical boundaries of engagement, turn to Scripture and prayer, knowing no temptation is greater than you can bear: “God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Knowing our God is with us gives us even more strength to back away.

Turn your eyes from each other (Psalm 119:37) and put them on Jesus (Romans 13:14), the author and perfecter of our hearts. With his strength, we’re given the grace to persevere in keeping our bodies holy as His is holy; as He has called us to be (Ephesians 5:3). 

Reorient yourselves.

By reorienting yourself, I do not mean turning around hypothetically or physically. What I do mean is being honest with yourselves, identifying practical ways to avoid repeating certain regrets.

So reorient yourself. Right yourself. Particularly when the culture exerts a strong pull--pray for God’s grace, and then collaborate with him. Stop playing that CD in your car if your eyes are opened to how many innuendoes it contains. Change the channel when a sexual scene comes on. Change the topic when friends start down the path of raunchy stories from their weekends, or better yet, take a break from time with those friends.

Remember why.

As you plan your wedding and pack for a honeymoon with the man of your dreams, it’s easy to forget why this marriage thing is such a big deal in the spiritual realm. So here’s a  reminder:

Your marriage, in particular, has been planned by the Lord that you might shine His Light and be a power couple for Him in the world as His hands and feet.

Because of this, marriage, and its consummation, are to be held in high honor (Hebrews 13:4). It helps to conceive of appropriate boundaries as principles in your mind, rather than simply in where your body parts are or aren’t placed.

I don’t know where you are or what stage of life you are in. I don’t know if you are battling temptation, already living with your soon-to-be spouse, or are even struggling through finding a priest that will marry you if you live together.

Wherever you are, know that you aren’t alone in your struggle. I challenge you to seek God's infinitely loving mercy as you pursue purity of heart and intention, chastity and self-discipline. I challenge you to stay close to the Eucharist and let your heart be convicted.

Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

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About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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A Heart Like Mary.

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

One of the fondest memories of my wedding reception comes from near its conclusion, as my new husband left the room to smoke a cigar with our male relatives. While the men gathered outside, my mother's close friend pulled me onto the dance floor, where I was immediately encircled by all of the girls and women present. We danced together, celebrating the joy of my marriage and the friendship that had brought each of us there. Twirling on the dance floor with these ladies wasn't in my plans that day, but like so many of the beautiful moments from my wedding, it happened because I had made room for grace.

Mel Watson Photography

I like to be in control of things. My wedding was no exception. One of the first things I did after getting engaged was put together a wedding binder that I proceeded to carry around with me everywhere for the next eight months. Every spare moment was given to thinking about the big day, since I had bought into the idea that a girl's wedding day should be the most perfect day of her life.

My fiancé Stephen and I concentrated on planning our wedding Mass, and my mother spent weeks perfecting reception matters with me. I thought I had every detail covered for both the Mass and the party, including a contingency plan in case our violinist--who was eight months pregnant--went into labor and needed a substitute. My plan was to master this wedding game and plan a flawless wedding our friends would talk about for years to come.

Early on, Stephen and I decided we wanted needed to make our confessions right before the festivities began, allowing us to enter our married life in a state of total grace. We asked our celebrant, a family friend, to come to the rehearsal early for confessions, and I ended up being so grateful that we took time to receive the sacrament. Because our priest knew me (and my control freak tendencies) so well, he gave me what should have been one of the hardest penances of my life:

"Once you leave the confessional in a few moments, I want you to be Mary for the rest of your wedding weekend."

What did "being Mary" mean? He elaborated, saying I needed to stop focusing on doing so much, like Martha in Luke's Gospel and instead be like her sister Mary, sitting and receiving graces from Jesus. There would be abundant graces flowing during our wedding Mass, he reminded me, but if I was going to receive them, and take them into my married life, I had to be open to doing that. If I tried too hard to do things on my own, I’d miss the chance to receive. I had no idea if I would be able to let go of this event I’d worked on for so many months. But I decided to try.

By the time the next morning arrived, gray with misty rain, I had forgotten all about trying to make things happen the way I had planned. I got so caught up in enjoying the small moments that I forgot to control things. Because of that, our wedding surpassed my greatest expectations.

That is not to say that the day was perfect, but that its beauty came from the unexpected things. Any stress I might have felt from the rainy morning or the photographer's early arrival disappeared when Stephen came across the lawn to take our first look pictures, gazing at me with more love and joy than I had ever seen.

Walking down the aisle with my father, I wasn't nervous or distracted by a few unfamiliar people who had stayed for Mass, because I was radiating happiness in anticipation of the sacrament about to take place. Later, at the reception, I clapped and cheered through an epic dance competition between one of my brothers and Stephen's housemate, forgetting all about the photography shot list I’d left at home and the timeline I hadn't made. And my plans hadn't included the lovely tunnel of friends, cheering, as we left the reception and walked out to our car.

When I got out of the way and stopped trying to control every facet of the day, other people could get involved in the celebration spontaneously, making it memorable in beautiful ways I couldn't have foreseen.

So when I was pulled onto the floor to dance with all of the important women in my life, I could accept that gift without reservation. Instead of worrying about being the perfect hostess. I could see what mattered most: that I celebrate with my guests and be present to receive their love. What I thought would be a difficult penance turned out to be a great source of beauty throughout the entire day, and I'm grateful I was given the openness to receiving that counsel in the confessional.

Wedding planning is notoriously stressful, especially in the wedding industry when the focus is on the party and not, as in the Church, on the sacrament. The graces of the sacrament of matrimony are abundant; we just have to be open to receiving them. As you are wedding planning, allow yourself that openness.

It's alright to be Martha while you're planning--there are, after all, lots of details that require planning, but don't forget to focus on the sacrament. Once your wedding day arrives, fully be Mary. Sit at the feet of our Lord and soak up all the graces he offers you as you enter married life, letting the Holy Spirit work through the people around you.

Married readers, is there any great advice you received before your wedding day that you'd like to pass on to others?

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days reading, writing, and volunteering in her community, trying to make her part of the world a little more beautiful. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in central Pennsylvania.

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Editors Share: Proposal Stories

One of the greatest gifts of the work we do here at Spoken Bride is the opportunity to hear so many beautiful love stories. The many submissions we receive for "How He Asked" and wedding features give us hope for the future of marriage in the Church, and we truly appreciate you allowing us to be a small part of your story. In gratitude, today each member of the Spoken Bride team will be sharing her proposal story. We hope you enjoy! 

An Endless Pursuit Photography 

Andi, Business Director

We had a “pre-proposal proposal” on August 14, 2006, seven months after we started dating. We decided to get married at 4am while we were at the little park above Corona Del Mar Beach (where I saw him for the first time) staring at the ocean. proving that occasionally, good things happen after 2am. Shortly thereafter, we decided on September 8, 2007 as a wedding date and then I just waited for Matt to make it official. On December 2, while I was at work, he made dinner at my mom’s house and she helped him decorate the table. I was shocked when I got home, and then noticed the ring box and knew something was up. The box mysteriously disappeared while I went upstairs to change and after dinner we went back to the park above Corona Del Mar Beach to look at Matt’s childhood photo album. On the last few pages he put pictures of us and a really sweet note (quoting Flight of the Conchords) to describe his love for me. The ring was taped to the album but I didn’t notice it so he shined a flashlight on it asked me to marry him, and we just celebrated our ten year anniversary this past September!

Christina, Associate Editor

Kristian’s original plan was to propose to me atop the Dome of St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome (he’s definitely a romantic), but since we were both impatient to get engaged and knew that a trip like that wouldn’t be possible in the near future, Kristian proposed five months after we began dating on July 28, 2016, in the chapel where we were later married. After spending the morning in prayer together at a Marian shrine in west Austin, he suggested that we go to confession and daily Mass at my childhood parish across town. After Mass, we went to the Divine Mercy icon to pray in thanksgiving for our relationship. After a a minute or so, Kristian looked over at me and said, “God has been so merciful to us.” I tearfully replied in the affirmative, but was oblivious to his plan until he suggested that we take a photo in front of the altar. He asked a random lady who was still in the chapel to take the photo and then got down on one knee and told me that he loved me and wanted to be a saint with me. Would I marry him? I said, “Yes,” through tears of joy and the laughter of surprise. He slipped his grandmother’s pearl ring on my finger and we embraced in front of the same altar where we were married five months and one day later.
 

Jiza, Co-founder + Creative Director

I had just moved to outside of Philadelphia, PA from my hometown of Virginia Beach, VA to complete an internship at the Theology of the Body Institute. This placed us closer together since he was finishing his last year at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, and we were able to see each other more often on weekends. Unbeknownst to me, one weekend, he drove from Annapolis to Virginia Beach to ask my dad permission to marry me, and then got back into the car to drive back up to West Chester, PA to spend the day with me before he had to report back to Annapolis. That’s about 12+ hours in the car in 24 hours! On the morning of Sunday, January 11, 2009, at beautiful St. Agnes Parish in West Chester, PA, we attended Mass together. At the conclusion of the recessional hymn, Mark suggested that we pray in front of the statue of Our Lady. While reflecting on the Seven Sorrows of Mary, he abruptly grabbed my arm and told me to stand up. Completely annoyed and startled, thinking there was some sort of emergency, I said, “Oh my gosh! WHAT?!” Then he got down on one knee and said some things that I cannot remember and asked me to marry him. Even though I knew Mark had been looking at rings for awhile, I was still completely surprised by the proposal!

Stephanie, Co-founder and Editor-in-Chief

I met my husband Andrew in college, at Mount St. Mary’s University in Maryland. It was on that holy ground that I developed a devotion to Our Lady for the first time through Militia Immaculatae, a prayer movement founded by St. Maximilian Kolbe, and that Andrew experienced a renewal of his spiritual life through the Rosary. I can see only the Father’s hand at work when I consider how deeply Our Lady drew each of us into her heart, independently of each other, before we were a part of each other’s lives.

When we first began dating my senior year, we frequently went on nighttime Rosary walks. Our school being named for and placed under the patronage of Our Lady, there are devotionals to her scattered throughout the campus. A favorite one of ours was a small Marian grotto next to the chapel, flanked by a beautiful pond and garden.

The summer after I graduated, as Andrew and I prepared for a year of grad school and mission work, respectively--from two different states--we celebrated my birthday and the end of my mission training with a picnic on our campus, which is near his family’s home. After our meal, Andrew invited me to walk with him and pray the Rosary. At the start of each decade, he offered a spontaneous prayer for our relationship, which wasn’t typical, but I anticipated nothing. As we walked, I kept trying to guide Andrew to our favorite spot at the grotto. He kept redirecting me! Finally, we found ourselves beneath Our Lady’s feet as we concluded our prayers. Andrew followed our Rosary with a beautiful speech, during which I still didn’t suspect anything more than an outpouring of emotion as we prepared to date long-distance. Until he got down on one knee. In that moment was the clearest, easiest yes I’d ever say.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Hunter and I met when we were 19 and so by the time we were thinking about marriage we had been together for about 4 years. We were both ready to enter more deeply into our relationship and see where God was leading us our journey together. I knew a ring was in the near future, but I was expecting Hunter to propose at Christmas or New Years. Instead, he decided to completely surprise me on the Feast Day of my confirmation saint, St. Cecilia.

I went to classes that morning and then had plans for lunch with a couple of good friends. Hunter and I had planned for me to drive to meet him at his graduate school in Baltimore that afternoon so I was planning to hop in my car to drive up Route 95 after lunch. I had a lovely lunch with my two girlfriends at my alma mater, Catholic University.

After we ate, my friend Chelsea, asked if we could all go to the statute of Our Lady of Wisdom on campus to pray for a special intention of hers. We walked over to the statue and stood there praying for a moment at the statue where Hunter and I had prayed together many times before. Then, Chelsea reached behind the statue, and presented me with a dozen red roses and a note from Hunter. I was in complete shock and realized that something was up. I kept asking where Hunter was! I don’t remember exactly what the note said but it alluded to the fact that up until that point of our relationship, Hunter had only bought me white or pink roses, representing friendship, and now that we were about to embark on this new step in our relationship, he gifted me with red roses representing mature love.

At this point, I started to shake with excitement and nervousness so my friends had to take the coffee cup I was holding out of my hands as they directed me to the Garden of Mary behind the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, which is right next to CUA’s campus. There is a long pathway leading from the top of the garden to its center where I saw Hunter standing. As I reached the garden, Hunter took my hand, told me he wanted to be mine forever and knelt down in the same spot where he had asked me to be his girlfriend 4 years earlier. The funny part was that he was so nervous that he was on his knee for about 10 seconds before bouncing up and putting the ring on my finger. Of course I said ‘yes’! As someone who isn’t easily surprised, I was so happy that Hunter had enlisted my friends to help pull off this beautiful engagement.

Vendor Spotlight | Sarah Ann Design

Sarah Ann Design developed from a long-term love affair with letterform and bespoke details. Sarah Erickson, the woman behind this lovely typography and calligraphy company, believes in the character behind every letter, and the personality that every flourish brings to life.

"I'm relatively new to the wedding industry," says Sarah, "but have felt The Lord calling me to explore this realm of design." With a formal education in creative advertising and graphic design, and a passion for hand-lettering and typography, a transition into calligraphy and custom invitation design felt like a natural fit. "As much as I loved designing logos and brands, God placed it on my heart to collaborate with engaged couples as they prepare to enter the sacrament of marriage." 

A quick glance at Sarah's portfolio reveals an attention to detail that is increasingly rare in the wedding industry: "I love to hear all about a couple's unique love story, and find distinctive details unique to each one. Often, these inspirations do come from family stories and heirlooms, sentimental venue choices, or a love for spiritual tradition. I firmly believe The Lord has called me to this, and am constantly inspired by His whispers in my heart to continue pursuing this path He has laid out for me." 

From Sarah: Paper goods are one of the rare tangible memories of your special celebration; they are the first impression to your guests, and the last item you’ll hold onto for years to come. My ambition is that every piece of your invitation suite captures the essence of your unique love story. I design for the romantic couple who doesn’t want to forget a single moment of their wedding day. Ultimately, I desire to provide cherished keepsakes from this treasured celebration—reminders of true romance, a lifelong commitment, and vows for eternity.

Sarah Ann Design has been featured in Brides of North Texas, Glamour and Grace and Aisle Society. 

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How He Asked | Rose + Jonathan

Jonathan and Rose met in 2013 when they were both completing their residencies in the medical field. Working in the largest medical complex in the entire world in Houston Texas, Rose never thought she'd cross paths with the love of her life just four weeks after moving there from where she grew up in Mississippi. God in His mercy had divine plans in store for this beautiful couple.

In Rose's words: When we first met, Jonathan and I were in very different places in our spiritual walks. He was a fallen away Protestant wrestling with faith in the context of science as he launched head first into the world of medicine. At that time, I was an infant in my Catholic walk, clinging to my “good works” which provided a heavy dose of smug self-righteousness. I was deeply discontent with singleness and was wrestling spiritually with fear, loneliness, and angst about what my future held.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, Jonathan chose to pursue RCIA and found so much peace in finding the Faith. His devotion as a new convert inspired me to become a more committed Catholic myself. From that time until now, God has transformed us bit by bit into a fortified Catholic couple pursuing a shared direction and vision in life. As the Lord reminds us in Scripture, transformations are rarely painless. Our dating relationship had its challenges: the distance between Texas and Massachusetts (where he moved for a fellowship), the fears of the unknown future, my nagging desire for marriage and children, cultural differences, family strain, past emotional trauma. Through these challenges, Jesus taught me the beauty of letting go of my plan, to accept being 30 and unwed, and to love another flawed human being more than myself. In doing so, I was able to love more freely and completely.

A big part of his waiting to propose was related to our distance. God in his faithfulness opened the door for us to take jobs in the same hospital, in the same clinic, seeing the same patients in Austin, TX. How's that for close?! This level of proximity helps me see Jonathan in a totally new light. I fell even more in love with him as I witnessed him show Christ to his patients - praying with them, caring for them, and gently healing them. Another perk is that he constantly wrote me adorable post-it love notes and I got the cutest lunch date, like, every day. Based on the content of these love post-its and our conversations about readiness, I could tell that the big question was coming.

On a drizzly Sunday evening he picked me up for Mass. On this particular day, however, he picked me up wearing a three piece suit and an adorable grin. He said he wanted to "give God [his] best" but I had a sneaking suspicion he had something else up his sleeve...

When we arrived at our parish, I quickly noticed the empty parking lot. We were way too early! So, as Jonathan recommended, we went to the adjacent prayer chapel for some contemplative time before mass. A minute of prayer hadn't passed until Jonathan got down on one knee and proposed. Since Jonathan is basically a mathlete, he told me how many text messages we had sent to one another since starting dating (19,787), the number of home cooked meals I have made him (78), and the number of souls I helped find faith (1) – for which he gives me way too much credit. He asked me to share forever with him. He also coordinated for my family to come into town from Mississippi the following weekend and for our families to meet over dinner.

As I reflect on the proposal, I'm thankful that the didn’t choose to propose with fancy grand gestures or in front of a large audience. He wanted the proposal to be before Christ and for his words to be tenderly shared on the sacred ground - where we go every week for strength and grace. And I love him for this.

Looking back, I am grateful that no one walked into the chapel, as they would have found two love struck kids kissing and crying in the pew. Afterwards, we got a blessing from the priest and celebrated with a dinner at my favorite spot. I'll never forget feeling soaked in the rain, drenched in grace and love, and thankful to the Lord of mercy and kindness.

Rose's reflection on engagement: The engagement season isn’t easy – the stress of wedding planning and preparation places a unique strain on our communication and problem solving. Daily, I have to remind myself to ask God for the grace to die to my to-do list and selfish nature for Jonathan. We are phenomenally blessed through our parish who paired us with a seasoned couple – Michelle and Paul - to work through our premarital workbook together. As the wine was poured in their cozy home over the course of a few months, we were able to dive deeper into the beauty and meaning of the Sacrament of marriage. Pressing into areas of discomfort, fear, and doubt was a game changer for us and it continues to take us to the next level of preparedness and appreciation for the Sacrament.

I am deeply indebted to the Church for investing in our future marriage, and for the couple who committed to entering into this journey with us. Michelle totally blew my mind when she shared these sage words: when discontent creeps into her heart, she will then choose to intentionally and selflessly serve her husband even more. She said these acts of service transform her heart and give her freedom from discontentment. This is one of many pieces of wisdom that I plan to carry into marriage.

Our prayer is one of gratitude and of desire: Lord help us die to ourselves in the service of one another. I cannot wait to call Jonathan my husband and I am thankful that the Lord faithfully answered my heart’s desire for the vocation of married life.

Photography: Amanda Pomilla Photography | Engagement Session Location: Laguna Gloria, Austin, Texas | Blue Dress: Slate & Willow | Pink Dress: BCBG | Shoes: Stuart Weitzman | Slide Bracelet: Family Heirloom | Necklace: Tiffany Co. | Engagement Ring: Custom | Suit: Suit Supply | Hair: Drybar - Austin | Makeup: Rae Cosmetics

Three Reasons to Have a "First Look"

JIZA ZITO

We have all heard that it is “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride before the wedding,  and many couples take this tradition quite seriously; however, many do not know about the less-than-romantic origins of this tradition.

During the time when arranged marriages were customary, the betrothed couple was not allowed to see each other before the wedding. Marriage, for many families, was essentially a “business deal.”. The father, who was the head of the household, would ideally marry off his daughter to a rich, land-owning male. Once the engagement was contracted, the parents of the bride and groom would keep the couple apart, fearing that if the groom saw the bride before the wedding and found her unattractive, he wouldn’t go through with the marriage.  While today we think of the wedding veil as a lovely must-have accessory,  its original purpose was also to keep the groom from finding out what the bride looked like until the last possible minute, when it was too late to back out of the transaction. Romantic, huh?

More and more couples today are choosing to buck tradition in favor of the “first look” before the wedding ceremony. While the Church has no definitive stance on first looks, every couple has different reasons as to why they would or would not do a first look. Below are three reasons to consider having a first look, and three alternative ideas to consider if you want to have a moment with your groom before the wedding, while saving the “big reveal” for your walk down the aisle.

Jiza Zito/Olive & Cypress

Maximize your time for photos without sacrificing time at the reception.

While you may have your photographer for 8-10 hours, it’s amazing how fast time flies on the day of your wedding and how easily the timeline can get sidetracked. Most often, portraits with family and the bridal party take longer than expected, and then the next you know, you only have less than 15 minutes to take romantic images of just you and your groom. When you make the first look a priority, it gives you time for those special portraits without being rushed to your cocktail hour or reception. Especially when you also place a large investment into your wedding photography, getting the time to get more photographs of just you and your groom together and in such a candid and special moment can definitely be worth it!

Diminish pre-wedding nerves.

Some couples have a hard time showing emotion in front of a crowd, and understandably so. There is a lot of emotion mounting up to that moment of seeing each other for the first time. When you do a first look with just you and your groom (and your photographer(s) in the background), it gives you both the chance to be yourselves freely while seeing each other for the first time without a crowd of loved ones snapping iPhone photos.

Get some much-needed alone time with your husband.

The first look allows you and your groom to have some alone time before your day gets busy. Unless you set time aside for it later in the day, it’s the only time you both will be alone on your wedding day until you leave the reception. It can also help set the tone for the perfect mood for romantic portraits. Images of just the two of you are also what you’ll decorate your home with and possibly pass down to family, so it makes sense to spend some quality time taking them

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Alternatives to the First Look

While a first look has its many perks, it’s not for every couple. Here are some alternative or additional photography ideas for your big day:

A First Look with Dad or Father Figure

If you’re a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl, or have a close relationship with another male relative, this is a lovely option to consider. Another idea is also for the father to escort the bride to the first look with the groom.

Emily Jane

A First Look with the Bridal Party

You have been through the engagement party, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. Now your bridesmaids are excited to see your completed look on your wedding day. Have your photographer catch their reactions as they finally see you dressed as a bride!

Kinsey Mhire

The “Reach and Pray”

This one is my personal favorite. It’s a beautiful and meaningful way for a bride and groom to come together before the ceremony while still avoiding the pre-wedding first look. You can hold hands around a corner or a door, or keep your eyes closed in a prayerful exchange in your favorite grotto or side chapel.

Elissa Voss Photography

No matter what you decide for photographs on your wedding day, communicate with your photographer and make sure you get enough allotted time to capture images of just you and your spouse. These will be the images that you will always cherish.

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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Elise's Wedding | The Big Day!

Our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, married her college sweetheart Hunter, on August 12! We're overjoyed for them and are thrilled to share their wedding day with you today as Elise concludes her series of wedding reflections. Join us in congratulating and praying for Elise and Hunter as they begin their life together!

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I know it seems cliche, but Hunter's and my wedding day was a taste of heaven! As stressful as the weeks and days leading up to the wedding were, I was so blessed to feel calm and present on our big day. There was so much preparation and effort on both sides of our family to make this day happen: we had an aunt who hosted family from out of town, my mom and sister were with me running errands and ticking of my to-do list and friends flew in to town early to help with preparations. We felt so completely surrounded with love and support!

We were told in the months leading up to our wedding that the day goes by in a blur and that it's easy to let it go by without taking a moment to soak it all in. With that in mind, Hunter and I made sure to take small moments during our wedding day to pause, pray and just be with one another. I remember several times throughout the day taking in the scene in front of me and committing it to memory thinking, "Lord, You are SO good!". After so many years of waiting, I can not describe the joy that comes with being united with your love in the Holy Sacrament of Marriage in front of your family and friends. Our wedding day is truly a testament to the fact that the Lord provides and is faithful to His promises. 

I hope you enjoy the photographs below taken by the beautiful Sarah Price. Thank you for journeying with Hunter and I over the last year as we prepared for this moment in our lives. Your prayers have been fruitful and meant so much to us! I will leave you with the quote that we placed in our wedding mass program:

"Beloved, you do not know how deeply you are mine, how much you belong to my love and my suffering-because to love means to give life through death; to love means to let gush a spring of water of life into the depths of the soul, which burns and smolders, and cannot burn out." -Karol Wojtyla (Pope Saint John Paul II), "The Jeweler's Shop"

Photography: Sarah Price Photography | Church: St. Augustine- Elkridge, MD | Wedding Reception Venue: Cattail Creek Country Club | Florist: Corner Florist | Signs + Table Numbers: Custom Crafted Calligraphy  | Caterer: Cattail Creek Country Club | Bridal Gown: BHLDN | Bridesmaid Dresses: Global Bridal Gallery | Partial Wedding Planner: Cedar and Lime Co | Cake: Graul's Market | Hairstylist + Make Up Artists: Up-Dos for I-Dos | Music: Chris Laich Music Services | Groomsmen Tuxes: Cys

How to Get Through Family Photos With Grace

SINIKKA ROHRER

The hot sun is beating down on your perfected curls. You glance over at your Groom, who is calling to his grandparents again that they can’t leave yet; his family photos aren’t finished. Your cheeks are tired of smiling and your hands are starting to get sweaty from holding your bouquet in the same place for so long. Grandma Rose pops in on your left, the photographer adjusts your dress for the hundredth time, you quickly smile as the camera clicks and the next group is called out.

Oh, dear Bride. I understand well how these family photos go. You might be dreading it or forgetting about it, but at some point during your wedding planning process it will come up. You may not be particular about the number of your family photos if, but the reality is that these photos are not as much for you as they are for your relatives.

Soul Creations Photography

These are the moments that will be printed for your great-grandmother’s coffee table,  our grandma’s foyer, and your mother’s living room. You won’t see a photo of you and your Groom stylishly overlooking your venue or a photo of your bridal party throwing bouquets up in the air. Those photos are for you, but the family photos are for all those who are supporting you.

For your family’s sake, let your mother and your future mother-in-law tell you what photos they want.

For your family’s sake, ask your photographer to start with large extended family photos.

For your family’s sake, let your smile shine, even if you don’t feel like it.

Soul Creations Photography

The one thing I’ve been learning recently that has changed both my perspective on family and weddings is that it’s not about you. I know that’s a countercultural idea. According to the wedding industry, you should be able to make 100% of the decisions regarding your day. From what you wear to the decor on your reception tables, the wedding industry says you should have the final say. But as Catholics, we know that our weddings, marriages, and lives in general are about the gift of self.  

Soul Creations Photography

Just like Jesus patiently welcomed the messiness of human life, I encourage you to do the same when your ringbearer won’t look at the camera while your aunt’s new baby cries. In the moments that you feel most frustrated, continue to love them and embrace the mess of life, just as Jesus did. On your wedding day, take advantage of the opportunities you have to serve, love, and support those who have been doing exactly that for you and your Groom for longer than you know.

Sinikka Rohrer is a daughter of the King, wife of a man she'd only imagined, and lover of waking up quietly. She is the owner of Soul Creations Photography, a business on mission to capture testimonies, encourage hearts, and inspire marriages, and is a Spoken Bride Vendor. You can see more of Sinikka's beautiful photography here, and read her reflections on engagement here. 

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When Earthly Marriage Feels Preferable to Heaven.

STEPHANIE CALIS

This summer as I prepared for the birth of my third child, an otherwise typical Facebook scroll led me to an article on reducing childbirth-related deaths in the advanced world of American medicine. Having experienced postpartum complications in the past, I was surprised to learn excessive bleeding and hemorrhage, issues my hospital had handled quickly and easily when I experienced them, are in reality leading causes of maternal death. I spent the better part of a week in tears, unable to lift the weight of anxiety and fear of death, of leaving my husband and family.

My grief, I know, stems from a realization I’ve recently come to; one I wish didn't have such a hold on me. Here it is: as a Christian, I'm embarrassed to say I often don't feel ready for heaven. Not in the sense of being unprepared, though I almost certainly am--aren't we all, except by grace--but in the sense that my fully human, earthly mind can't fathom something that will fill my soul more than being married to my husband and raising our family.

I find myself secretly hoping Christ’s Second Coming won't happen during my lifetime. I tear up immediately when I think of being separated from my husband. I frequently wrestle with the idea that, theologically, there's no marriage in heaven.

I am immeasurably blessed by my husband, a man who shows me Christ's love in such a tangible way. By extension, I wonder if, by loving him so much, my love for the Father somehow fades into second place. I am in awe of my husband, thankful to him, passionate about him, and I trust him completely, in a way that goes far deeper than just feelings. Shouldn't I see God in this way, and to an even deeper extent?

I know, of course, that my husband isn't--nor should he be--an idol or ultimate source of my happiness. Yet the thought of our being apart, even if it means one of us is rejoicing before our maker at the heavenly feast, is hard to contend with.

Have you experienced this, the fear that heaven couldn’t possibly be as joyful as living out your vocation on earth--one you’ve probably dreamed of and prayed for for years--and its counterpart, a fear of death? I wish I could say I’ve come through this fire with wisdom to spare on the other side, but the truth is that my only recourse has been prayer. Specifically, I ask the Lord to increase my desire for him and to silence my anxieties when I think of eternity. We live in the longing, after all, we humans--imprinted with a restlessness and longing for the fullness of the divine from the moment of our creation. My prayer is that these longings of mine be directed well, aimed fearlessly at the heart of heaven.

I find peace in the thought that if love and marriage on earth are meant to give us the tiniest glimpse of eternal life, and if heaven is such a banquet of perfect love, free from our weakness and imperfection, I don't even know what I'm missing out on. Of course it's better than anything I can imagine, because in my humanity, I literally can't imagine it.

For now, I know my call: to love and sanctify my husband and family and to receive their purifying love in return. And know I’m meant to trust that until these missions are fulfilled, in whatever time the Father intends, death needn’t be a concern.

St. Augustine famously prayed, Make me a saint, but not yet. He echoes my own thoughts in relation to life and death: Get me to Heaven, but not yet. I pray to desire it now, to live with eternity in mind; to be not afraid.

If fears like mine have taken hold of your own heart, know I’m there with you in the tension and that you have my prayers. If any particular practices have brought consolation to your soul, we love hearing your wisdom and sharing in your sisterhood.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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A Heart of Responsibility for Your Wedding Guests

“Spouses,” wrote Pope St. John Paul II, “are therefore the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross; they are for one another and for the children witnesses to the salvation in which the sacrament makes them sharers.” Permanent. Witnesses. In the moments after you and your beloved have spoken your vows, and on through all the rest of this life, you’re given the graces of great joy and a sweetness that lightens crosses to come. You’re also shouldered with a new responsibility: to bear the self-emptying love of Christ to the world--sometimes overtly, and other times without a word.

Her Witness Photography

Responsibility can feel heavy, during the season of wedding planning and beyond: experiencing division in your family relationships because of your faith beliefs, willing the good of your beloved even when your heart’s just not in it, caring for young children. It can also come with a temptation to pride. It might be manifest in a sense of personally desiring to change minds on matters like marriage, contraception, and divorce, whether through direct or indirect rhetorical or religious argument.

These are completely normal, understandable tendencies. Moreover, they’re rooted in a desire that’s good. When you feel so convicted of the joy on tap in a distinctively Catholic wedding and marriage, it’s natural that you want to share its fullness with those you love and help open the door to a new perspective. It’s helpful, in this sense, to view the weight of responsibility to your wedding guests as a way to be witnesses, compassionate yet strong. You can choose to extend an opportunity for understanding the Catholic faith, ever the same, in a new and inviting light.

With a spirit of charity and intentionality in mind, there are ways you can lift up your family and friends in the hope that their hearts be more fully disposed to experience truth, goodness, and beauty on your wedding day.

Pray for your wedding guests.

Ultimately, of course, the point of your wedding is to enter into a sacrament with the one God has called you to love and sanctify. At the same time, the Church is a body, a community. The two of you aren’t in this alone, yet amid the busyness of preparing for your big day, it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of who it’s for. Make a conscious effort to step back and  view your guests as the individuals dear to you and to your families that they are, rather than an endless list of names for whom to track down RSVPs and seating assignments. Prayer, too, can shift your focus for the better. Clarity. Pray for your wedding guests by name as you address their invitations, offer a decade of the rosary for a different individual or family each day, and if you feel comfortable, invite guests to privately share their prayer intentions via email or your wedding website.

Consider limiting alcohol.

Dominic Prummer, O.P., a Dominican priest, wrote, “Drink to the point of hilarity.” This recommendation generally conveys a spirit of giddiness and freedom, but not mere license. If, depending on the dynamics of your guests, you anticipate the possibility of drunkenness putting a damper on your reception, consider choosing alcohol options that encourage choice and intention, rather than zero limits. You might opt for an open bar for the first few hours of the evening, for instance, then switch to cash later in the reception, or consider offering a smaller selection of spirits.

In all things, cultivate charity and peace.

So often, what sets a person of faith apart is in her actions, not just her words or theological arguments. The trials of wedding planning and preparation for marriage--last-minute emergencies, sexual self-control, delicate conversations over matters of faith or etiquette--all present an opportunity to conduct yourself with virtue, and to bear an example of Christ-like love to those in your life. Practically speaking, that might look like choosing peace over overreaction as inconveniences arise, sharing a few minutes of quality face time with each of your guests during your reception, reminding them of their value and your gratitude, and handling conversations about morals or manners with empathy in mind first, and conversion second.

The particular sense of responsibility each couple feels for their wedding guests varies by matters of faith, past wounds, and strengths and weaknesses among family members. We’ve known the pain of division and disagreement ourselves, and the desire to share what is good with loved ones. Know of our prayers for each of you, and know that in the Father all things are made whole--even if the fruits aren’t visible in this life. If there’s a particular way you’ve developed a heart of responsibility for your own friends and family, we’re eager to hear them in the comments and on our social media.

How He Asked | Sam + Kat

Sam and Kat met as college students, became fast friends, and eventually--under a starry sky--they both confessed deeper feelings for one another and became a couple. Kat recalls that Sam, "told me how he had liked me from the moment he first saw me. From then, it's been a beautiful, unbelievable relationship." 

In Kat's words: The proposal was so incredible! Throughout our whole relationship, Sammy and I knew we were going to get married. All I asked for in the proposal was that Sammy or someone get a picture. Sammy got several of his best friends involved, half of whom are talented photographers. Sammy began planning the proposal at the beginning of the year, and he was finally ready to propose on April. The original plan was to take me out into these beautiful fields and do astrophotography (photography of the night sky), writing out "will you marry me?" in Christmas lights on a hillside. Sam and his friends could not find enough extension chords, so they had to scrap that idea. They then came up with the idea to use a device called a pixel stick. Harrison (one of Sammy's friends involved in the proposal) owns a pixel stick, which is a pole around 6 or 7 feet long with a strip of LED lights running down it. The lights flash and change colors, and when a long exposure picture is taken, the light will either create a design or write out words or draw a picture. Sammy then hired a friend from our Church, Keith, who majors in graphic design to create a program that would make the pixel stick write out "Will You Marry Me?". Keith did an amazing job!

The night before the proposal, Sammy and all the guys drove out to Silverhill Farm to find the perfect location for the proposal. On April 8th, 2017, Sammy took me on a day long date that ended with the proposal. We played around with the pixel stick and did photography for an hour or two, and I was trying to convince myself I would be okay if Sammy didn't propose that day.

The last location we went to was a dirt road in the middle of a field. There was the beautiful tree in the background and the night sky was visible all around us. Harrison said he wanted to get a few pictures of the couple, so Sammy and I took our turn in front of the camera. Sam's best friend and best man Alan ran behind us with the pixel stick. Harrison called us over to look at the photo, and when I saw it, I just stared at the picture (shown above) for a solid 20 seconds. I turned around, and there was Sammy down on one knee asking me to marry him! I cried and jumped around, then he put my grandmother's wedding ring on my finger.  We then recreated the moment Sammy proposed (we didn't get a picture of the actual proposal, which I have hanging in my room. I love Sammy with all my heart, and I absolutely cannot wait to marry him June 23rd (The Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus), 2018!

Photography (top image): Harrison Tarabella (friend of groom) | Graphic Work: Keith (friend of couple) | Engagement Location: Silverhill, Baldwin County

Creating Your Own Wedding Novena

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

One of the beautiful things about Catholic devotional life is that there is a prayer (or prayers) for every problem and occasion. Novenas in particular are increasing in popularity amongst younger generations of Catholics, thanks to sites like PrayMoreNovenas.com. And while engaged couples can find plenty of novenas to pray in preparation for marriage with a simple Google search, my hope is that this post will inspire you and your fiancé (or your maid of honor/best man) to write your own unique novena to pray with your guests in the nine days leading up to your wedding.

I first encountered the idea of a custom novena for someone’s wedding as a college student at the University of Notre Dame; one of my friends wrote a novena for a soon-to-be-married couple I knew. I thought it was such a wonderful idea that I have since offered to write one for my close friends and family who are preparing for marriage, and was blessed to receive the same gift from my sister Elisa (also my maid of honor) when I got married last year. Even if you don’t have someone who can spearhead the novena for you, writing a novena with your fiancé can be a beautiful way to grow as a couple. Below are simple instructions for how to put a novena together and share it with your guests:

Karly Jo Photography

Together with your fiancé, choose nine favorite saints.

These could be your patron saints, saints who have been meaningful to you as a couple, saints whose feast days fall on the days leading up to your wedding, or a combination of all three. My husband and I enjoyed this part of the process, although it was definitely tough to narrow down our list!

Find prayers to those saints that you can customize (or write your own).

Thanks to the internet, this part is surprisingly easy. All you have to do is search for prayers to the saints you’ve chosen and you’ll get lots of options that you can easily customize by inserting your names or changing the wording. If you’re ambitious and have some extra time on your hands, consider writing your own prayers to each Saint. Here’s an example of a modified prayer that I wrote for my sister Elisa’s wedding novena:

St. Joseph, pray for Elisa and Thomas as they begin their life as husband and wife. Pray for Thomas, that he will love Elisa the way that you loved Mary, and that he will teach his children the way you taught your Son. Pray for Elisa, that she will love Thomas the way Mary loved you, and that their union would imitate your holy marriage to Mary. Grant them both, with their future children, the grace of a happy and peaceful death.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of Christ, and for the gift of his earthly foster father, St. Joseph.

Create an email list of guests who you’d like to pray the novena with and for you.

An invitation to pray, even to those who aren’t Catholic, is never a bad thing. However, if you’re concerned that some of your guests may be offended by the idea of praying a novena for you and your fiancé, that’s something to keep in mind when making your list. I also recommend delegating this task to a bridesmaid or groomsman who can commit to sending out the prayer for each day.

Note: You may have older relatives who do not use email or check it regularly, but would love to participate in the novena. Consider printing and mailing copies of the novena to them; they’ll be so grateful.

Write an explanation of 1) what a novena is and 2) how to pray it for those who are unfamiliar with novenas, and send it out with the first day’s prayer.

Even if all of your guests (or everyone on the email list) are Catholic, it’s still helpful to include a brief explanation of novenas in general and yours in particular. It doesn’t need to be long or detailed. This is the explanation I included with my sister’s novena:

What is a Novena?

A novena is a prayer said over the course of nine days, and is popular in Catholic devotion. Novenas are usually prayed for a special intention and through the intercession of a particular Saint. We ask for the intercession of the saints because they are in heaven and are great prayer warriors. We do not worship the Saints or pray "to" them in the same way that we pray to God. We do honor them for their heroic virtue and holiness, and look to their example as we "work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling" as St. Paul says in Philippians 2:12.

For Elisa and Thomas, each day of the novena is dedicated to one of their favorite Saints. The idea is to have as many of Elisa and Thomas’ family and friends praying for them and their life together on the days leading up to their wedding.

How to pray the novena:

Begin in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Pray the specific prayer for that day.

End with the Our Father and a Hail Mary.

Pray the final novena prayer together with your wedding party before your rehearsal.

Kristian and I had a holy hour before our rehearsal, so we printed copies of our final novena prayer and invited everyone there to pray it with us. Those who were not at the holy hour could still pray it on their own at home.

In my experience, praying a customized wedding novena is a beautiful way to remain focused on the sacrament of marriage in the final (typically crazy) days of wedding preparation. It’s also a wonderful way to invite your guests to support you, especially those who are far away and unable to attend the wedding. My hope is that Kristian and I will pray our wedding novena each year in the nine days leading up to our anniversary, so that we don’t forget the holy men and women who interceded for us as we entered into married life.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Chastity and the Battle to Let Love Conquer Lust

STEPHANIE CALIS

If you ever imagined and prayed once your finger held an engagement ring, your relationship and spiritual life would soar to the heights and become less complicated, only to learn the truth sometimes more resembles the opposite, you aren’t alone. The love of man and wife is transformative and real, life-giving, with the power to transcend and change this world. It’s obvious why the enemy constantly snaps at the the heels of something so good, so beautiful, so much more powerful than death.

During my own engagement, I was suddenly more aware of spiritual warfare than ever before. In times past, to be honest, I’d always considered attacks from Satan more of a superstition than a reality, yet here came a hurricane of self-doubt, anxiety about the future, and particularly for my fiancé and I, battles with purity. At the time, I was serving a mission year as a chastity speaker, and my boss told us to expect a battle.

Photography: Petite Fleur Studios

As I began my mission, and as my husband-to-be and I embarked on thirteen months of long-distance dating and engagement, we struggled constantly, spending our rare visits arguing about wedding matters and staying up too late, too physically close--sex was a line we were resolved not to cross, yet we’d inch closer to that line than we’d intended, all the same. The deeper I fell in love with him, the more I wanted to express that love fully.  

Don't misunderstand me. Desire for your beloved is good and it’s holy, but of course, its fullness is ordered toward marriage. Before engagement, our physical relationship was something I was proud of. The degree of purity my fiancé and I had preserved had deeply healed me from a past relationship, and I could honestly say I'd never felt lustful towards him, never felt the desire to overpower, to take from him, or to reduce the truth of who he was.

But the human heart is a battlefield between love and lust. When authentic love is what you prize and when you’re able to rise above the culture’s message that being lusted after is desirable, you still might find yourself sliding into habits of lust and use without even meaning to, and find yourself wondering if you’re worthy of your vocation. That’s a lie.

When I was with my fiancé--and even when I wasn’t--I couldn't get the enemy off my back.  Between my engagement and my work, I was determined to be pure in my thoughts, words, and actions, to become ever more free and fully alive. Yet I found myself constantly going back to confession for what felt like the same old sins, and there were a few times I just broke down with anxiety.  

On the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a day when Our Lady's conception crushed the head of evil, I was consumed with anxiety about my worth as a woman. Rather than looking to Mary as a perfect model of faith, beauty, and purity, I saw her as an unattainable ideal whom I could never come close to imitating. How could I--so imperfect and so unworthy--be a real bride when it was her who was the real one, the one seeking the will of the Father in all things and embodying a perfectly integrated sexuality? It became increasingly difficult to not view my marriage as a finish line I couldn't wait to just stagger across, when the whole fight would presumably be over and I could stop feeling so fake, keeping my battles a secret. Another lie whispered in my ear: if only they knew.

The world wonders why, if chastity is such a fight, not to just give in and plant a white flag in the sand. But I knew I wasn't just following the rules. I was so internally convicted of the right path, knowing it was the best way to show my love.

So live in encouragement. Live in the tension of awaiting the full expression of your love for one another on the day you become man and wife--become one.

Believe with your whole heart you are good. You are worthy. You are also human, and the Lord delights in our humanity, flaws and all. Looking back, I'm sure now that through every attack on my purity, I was receiving graces I didn't even know about. Ask for the grace to refuse your temptations, to silence the part of you that feels unworthy, and to endure whatever trials your relationship is going through. Run to his mercy as many times as you need to, and be renewed. The Father is so loving and so gentle with us. Remember to be that with yourself, too.

A Benedictine monk told me once to combat spiritual warfare by standing between the pillars of Our Lady and the Eucharist. He said when we recognize darkness, say, Evil, I reject you. I claim victory. I claim the Cross. 

I made a consecration to Our Lady in college. Sometimes I forget that behind every perfectly worn chain or Miraculous Medal is a very imperfect woman. I am inadequate, strengthened only by grace. These devotionals aren’t so much a desperate tether to stay close to her, I’ve realized, as much as a reminder that she has also chained herself to me. A loving mother never gives up on her children. Rest in her loving mantle, cling to her son, and even while storms rage and the battle continues, you will know peace.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Newlywed Life | The Joys and Challenges of Having a "Honeymoon Baby"

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Many Catholic couples hope for a "honeymoon baby," either because they dream about having a large family, or (like my husband and I) they get married a little later and want to start their family as soon as possible. Some newlyweds have a come-what-may attitude toward pregnancy: if it happens right away, it happens, and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. There are couples for whom it is a matter of prudence to avoid pregnancy in the early months or years of marriage. And there are couples who would love to get pregnant right away, but struggle to conceive--couples for whom friends’ pregnancy announcements, or even a blog post like this, can be painful to read.

My intended audience for this post is those engaged and newlywed couples who are afraid of or anxious about getting pregnant right away (and by “right away”, I mean within the first year of marriage), for whatever reason. Perhaps you’re afraid of how having a child will change your relationship with each other. Maybe you’re anxious about how different life will be once you have a baby who is entirely dependent on you for everything. It could simply be that the thought of going through all of the less-than-pleasant aspects of pregnancy and childbirth is terrifying--especially in a cultural climate where pregnancy is often looked upon as an illness that needs to be treated, instead of a natural state of being for a fertile woman.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

Whatever the source of your fear is, I can probably relate, because I had all the fears before I got pregnant. Thanks be to God and my wonderful husband, I was able to move past that fear and into trust, and we were blessed to conceive on my second cycle after we were married.

As happy as we were on the morning of that positive pregnancy test, I would be lying if I told you that we haven’t had our share of struggles as we adjust to the reality that we are not simply a married couple, but parents. At our childbirth classes, we are by far the most newlywed of the couples in attendance. In the eyes of many, Kristian and I didn’t give ourselves enough newlywed time to enjoy being “just us” before we invited a third party into the mix. And I get that.

Part of me wishes that I hadn’t been in the first trimester haze for three of the ten months that we’ve been married. Part of me wishes that Kristian and I had been able to take a camping trip with all of the awesome gear we got as wedding gifts before I started having to use the restroom approximately twenty times a night. Part of me wishes that we could have had years to take advantage of Kristian’s flight benefits (he works for a major airline), travel the world together, and enjoy being “just us”.

But that’s not the best part of me, and I know it. I know that, at the end of the day, my life and our marriage is not about me--or us--it’s about being living witnesses of the love of a God who continually pours himself out to us. I also know that so many of my dear friends and family members would have loved to get pregnant right away, but had to suffer through years of fertility struggles, and in some cases are still struggling. I don't know why we received this gift right away, but I know that it is a gift.  And when I look back on the past ten months, mild morning sickness and weight gain notwithstanding, I wouldn’t change a thing.

The first trimester, when I felt sick and tired 90% of the time (the rest of my pregnancy has been relatively easy), was such a time of growth in our relationship and an opportunity for me to receive Kristian’s love and for him to serve me in a new way. Staying in more and socializing less gave us an opportunity to spend quiet evenings together that we won’t have again until our children are grown and out of the house. Knowing that our family is growing has given us more of an eternal perspective on things like finances and home ownership. I knew when we were dating and engaged that my husband had a servant’s heart, but since I became pregnant, I’ve been newly struck by his selflessness and daily sacrifices.

Now, as I settle into the third trimester and the reality that I am a mother and we are actually going to have a baby sinks in, I give thanks for our son, who will undoubtedly draw my husband and me even closer to Christ and one another, and teach us to love in radical new ways that we can hardly imagine. And while it is scary to think about how different our lives will be once Baby arrives, I know that fear is never from God. He gave us the grace to say “yes” to the vocation of marriage, and he will pour out new graces upon us as we welcome our son into the world. And if the Lord gives you and your future spouse the gift of a honeymoon baby, whether or not it was in your plan, you can expect the same outpouring of grace.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | Claire Watson Photography

A lawyer by day and creative soul off the clock, Claire Watson began teaching herself photography with a personal food blog. A publicist friend noticed Claire’s work as she improved, and invited her to shoot some business images for a local baker. After styling and shooting the baker’s products, Claire decided to throw in some headshots. She lent the baker her curling iron and mascara, and the realization began setting in: she liked working with people even more than with objects. She began shooting more and more portraits, loving the opportunity to give encouragement during a shoot and to witness the joy in her clients viewing their images for the first time.

Encouragement informs every aspect of a client’s experience with Claire. Engagement sessions are built into wedding packages, allowing couples not just to get comfortable in front of the camera, but to share their stories with Claire, and they receive a surprise in the mail following their sessions. Claire also specializes in timeline construction, helping her couples maximize the various locations, groups of family and friends, and desired shots that make up their wedding days. Her blog brims with wedding planning tips, and Claire loves texting with her brides to answer questions and to see when they purchase their gowns, and loves seeing the fruits of their marriages down the road.

All these investments in Claire’s client experience go far deeper than business decisions. Scroll through her blog and Instagram feed, and alongside her gorgeously airy, naturally lit portraits, journalistic images wherein a wedding day unfolds, and detail shots that nod to her start as a still-life photographer, you’ll find yourself starting to feel like you know Claire’s brides and grooms. That sense is rooted in her storytelling: how a couple met, what their personalities are like, anecdotes from their wedding day or engagement session, and boundless compliments on their choices in dress, decor, and traditions. Her stories bring a distinctively personal touch to her brand, rooted in true connection and an investment in the heart.

From Claire: Carefully watching for unfolding moments between cousin flower girls or a silently capturing that tear running down a daddy's face is what motivates me to become a better photographer. Those images only get more valuable as time marches on and I feel incredibly flattered when someone trusts me with documenting the first day of their marriage.

God looks on us with such a loving gaze, but often we don't see the loveliness He's built in us. If I can help people see a small fraction of that beauty, I feel like I'm doing good work.

CLAIRE WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Katherine + Dominic | Fourth of July Wedding

Dominic and Katherine met in chemistry class during their sophomore year of high school. Dominic would always make Katherine laugh during class, and they would run into each other at church every Sunday. Their friendship blossomed into a romance during their senior year of high school, and they dated for a few months before going to separate colleges. While in college, their relationship continued to grow, and so did their faith. Katherine would often pray for their relationship at Seton Hall's Chapel of the Immaculate Conception. Dominic proposed to Katherine in that very same chapel where she had prayed for their relationship so many times before, following a homily comparing the facets of a diamond to the community of believers within the Catholic Church. Both Dominic and Katherine felt through these details that God's hand was truly on them as they took another step towards their vocation of marriage.

The nuptial mass took place in Katherine and Dominic's home parish, Immaculate Conception Church in Annandale, New Jersey. Dominic's uncle is a deacon and he preached a beautiful homily tying Dominic and Katherine's relationship to the readings they had chosen. As Dominic and Katherine made their grand exit following the nuptial mass, the guests had blush, gold, and lace ribbons as well as American flags to wave at the couple. Katherine's father is in the Navy, and the wedding took place on 4th of July weekend, so they thought it was fitting to mix in their American pride into the elegance of their wedding.

The reception took place at David's Country Inn, a charming old mansion that made the fairly large wedding feel quite intimate. At the cocktail hour, there were photos of the bride and groom's parents and grandparents on their wedding days, as well as photos of loved ones who had passed away, accompanied by Bible verses. Instead of a traditional guest book, Dominic and Katherine asked guests to sign their first family Bible. The couple decorated the tables with photos of their various stages of life and their relationship. The dance floor was crowded all night long as family and friends danced and laughed the night away!

From the Bride: Our spiritual takeaway from our wedding day was that God is in all of the details of our lives. God has made his presence known to us throughout our relationship, and our wedding day was no exception. We felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so deeply in all of the details of the day. We felt God's presence in the gifts we gave to each other (Dominic gave me a crucifix ring, I gave Dominic my purity ring and a miraculous medal, since he has a special devotion to Our Lady), in the mass through the readings and music we had so carefully chosen together, and in the joy and love shown to us by family and friends at both the ceremony and reception. We prayed for our wedding day for so long, and on that day it was clear that God had heard our prayers, and that He would be faithful to us as we began our vocation of marriage together.

Photography: Anne Molnar Photography | Church: Immaculate Conception Church - Annandale NJ | Wedding Reception Venue: David's Country Inn | Floralist: Elegant Wedding Florals | Reception Florist: Fleurs Divine |  Hair & Make-Up: Artiste Salon • Jewelry: Trezar Fine Jewelry • Groom & Groomsmen Attire: Calvin Kline, Men's Wareshouse • Bride's Shoes: Kate Spade • Bride's Gown: David's Bridal Collection • Bridesmaids Dresses: David's Bridal | DJ: Paul Anthony Entertainment • Cake: Palermo's Bakery

Battling Fear and Anxiety During Engagement

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

Before I got engaged in July 2016, I had visions of non-stop romantic dates and bridal showers and holy hours with my fiancé...and not much else.  Let’s just say that I was more than a little bit surprised when my adolescent Catholic rom-com visions of engagement didn’t turn out to be entirely accurate.

The biggest surprise was that, as overjoyed as I was at getting married to the man I love, the weeks following our engagement were emotionally difficult (to put it mildly). Not only were Kristian and I talking dates, reception venues, guest lists, and who would preside over our wedding Mass, we had to start looking for a place to live post-marriage, have really uncomfortable (for me) discussions about money, and we had to deal with all of the issues that arise when you try to plan a huge celebration for two large extended families.

What saved me from despair during the first few weeks post-engagement (aside from consolation from Kristian, therapy, and the adoration chapel) was the fact that several of my married girlfriends opened up to me about how difficult their engagements had been, especially in the first few weeks of stress-inducing wedding planning.

I was comforted by this, but also perplexed; why hadn’t anyone told me before that engagement isn’t all staring deeply into each other’s eyes and getting showered with love and attention from the entire world?

My theory is that many women assume that there must be something wrong with them if engagement isn’t always easy, so they don’t talk about it, which only perpetuates the engagement-is-all-fun myth. Combine that with the Instagram feeds and Facebook updates and wedding websites filled with pretty pictures taken at the exact right time with the right lighting (or at least the right filter), and you have a recipe for misconception.

The truth is, I was afraid to talk about my engagement stresses with anyone (other than my therapist) for fear that I would find out that there was something wrong with me, or that I was not meant to marry Kristian.

Eventually, thanks to pre-marital counseling and meaningful conversations with my now husband, I realized that engagement is a lot like the rest of life. If you're naturally prone to anxiety and (like me) a bit more high-strung than the average bear, that's not going to change because you're engaged. And even if you're naturally pretty chill, emotional rollercoaster rides are par for the course during engagement. To top it all off, your emotions will probably ebb and flow more than your fiancé's. And, if you’re using your engagement to actually prepare for marriage (as opposed to just planning the wedding) that is to be expected.

Kristian and I did not shy away from talking about everything with each other, from how we would handle our finances to what Christmas traditions we wanted to be a part of our family culture. In our pre-marital counseling sessions (and conversations afterward), we shared our ongoing emotional, psychological, and spiritual struggles with each other, which required a level of vulnerability that is anything but comfortable. Wedding-planning stress reared its ugly head on more than one occasion, leading to tear-filled (on my side) dinner dates. And of course, we both had our moments when the gravity of what it means to be married in the Church sank in: that we were promising to be an image of God’s love till death do us part. Wow.

In addition to normal human fear and anxiety during engagement, it’s also worth noting that spiritual attack often increases during this time. I’m thankful that my therapist recommended that I read Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher during engagement, because it helped me to recognize when the fear and anxiety I was experiencing was the result of the Evil One trying to discourage me from pursuing the Lord’s will wholeheartedly. St. Paul tells us in Ephesians 2:14 that Christ and his will “is our peace”, and even in the most intensely anxious moments of my engagement, I experienced that peace.

That said, if you have persistent and intense fear or anxiety regarding marriage in general or your fiance in particular, please talk to someone about it. It could be a sign of a deeper issue within your heart or in your relationship that needs to be addressed before you get married, and it’s better to address those concerns now, rather than after you say “I do.”

As paradoxical as it may sound, I am thankful that our engagement was not a fairytale, because marriage isn’t a fairytale. It is a supremely real path to heaven, and thanks to the preparation we had during engagement, I am hopeful that my husband and I will be able to--with God’s grace--face whatever the future holds in our marriage: good, bad, and in between.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Fun Reads Featuring Strong Marriages

ADA THOMAS

As a bride-to-be or newlywed, you've probably noticed the plethora of self-help books directed at nearly every area of your life: DIY wedding books, conflict-resolution books, and even Catholic how-to books. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of advice that is thrown at you as a bride, and at the end of the day you’re often left wondering, “How does this work in real life?”

In her list of wedding resources, Elise mentioned that she and her fiancé found mentor couples to help them prepare for their wedding day. If that is not an option for you (or maybe just isn’t your style), these books from many different genres may help fill the void. There are many accessible, enjoyable books that feature strong marriages, perfect for reading on your commute or when you need a break from wedding planning.

My Life in France by Julia Child

Although Julia and her husband Paul were not Catholic, their marriage is a wonderful example of a strong union and a helpmate relationship between spouses. During Paul’s time working for the State Department, Julia moved with him to France, Germany, Norway, and finally back to the United States. She supported him in his work, while he supported her in her newfound love of cooking, and together they created a home where their friends could feel welcome and revel in Julia’s delicious cooking, perfectly complimented by her husband’s extensive knowledge of wine. 

Paul and Julia are a real life example of what it means to grow within marriage. Julia did not start cooking until well into her thirties, and she and Paul continued to cultivate their personal interests together as a couple. While Julia filmed her first  cooking shows, Paul was behind the camera, washing her dishes for the next scene or taste-testing her delicious food.

Not only will this book encourage you to offer loving support to your husband-to-be, it may also inspire you to master the art of French cooking with your sweetheart!

The Story of the Von Trapp Family Singers by Maria Von Trapp

There’s much more to the famous “Sound of Music family” than a classic movie with a catchy soundtrack. In her autobiography, Maria Von Trapp chronicles her time with her family, both as their governess and later as their mother. She candidly discusses coming into a disunified family and how music brought them all together.

After Hitler came to power, the Von Trapp family, who had become famous in Austria for their musical talent, fled to the United States, where they finally settled in Vermont. They started a camp near their Vermont home for other families to come together to grow in appreciation for music and each other. Maria’s story faith, strength, and  devotion to her family make an inspiring read for anyone hoping to start a strong family of their own.

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

While this may seem a slightly counterintuitive suggestion, bear with me! Within its typically dickensian six hundred pages, David Copperfield contains the only happy family in all of Dickens’ vast canon. The Copperfield’s maid, Peggotty, marries the willing Mr. Barkis and relocates to Yarmouth where they live in a barge-turned-house on the beach with Peggotty’s brother, her nephew, and Peggotty’s adopted niece, Emily.

Despite the many misfortunes and hardships which the family endures, Peggotty and Barkis’ home is a welcome bulwark against the harshness of the world around them. It is the place where young Davy Copperfield feels most at home and most happy before the gloom of his mother’s marriage to the evil Mr. Murdstone settles into his own home. The little boathouse on Yarmouth beach is a jewel of domestic bliss in a world of turmoil, unhappiness, and, frankly, terrible marriages.

Anne’s House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery

Most women are at least vaguely familiar with the Anne of Green Gables series by LM Montgomery, but if it’s been a few years since you got these classics off the shelves, consider reading the fifth installment, Anne’s House of Dreams, as you prepare for marriage. In this book, Anne returns to Avonlea to finally marry Gilbert Blythe, and the picture that LM Montgomery paints of wedding preparation and newlywed life reminds us that, despite all of the difficulties that crop up in daily life, we are meant to enjoy this special time.

Anne and Gilbert’s love, supported by those who love them best, is the sole focus of their wedding day. There is no worry about the church, the reception venue, or the caterer, and their home is a reflection of the comfort and joy that their love brings to each of them. Even in times of great sorrow, the Blythes find consolation in their home and in their mutual love. Their neighbors also seek out the “house of dreams” as a refuge, knowing that there will always be a warm welcome for them there.

If you decide to read one (or all) of these books as you prepare for marriage, I hope you will discover what I have found: beautiful literary reminders of what is essential in the process of making two lives one.  

About the Author: Ada Thomas studied English at the University of Dallas and currently teaches elementary school. She will be marrying her college best friend in November. When she is not wedding planning or teaching, Ada can be found contemplating classical education, redecorating her apartment for the hundredth time, and reading British novels.

Anna + Mike | Downtown St. Paul Wedding

Anna and Mike met in ROTC early on in college, but didn’t become friends--and begin seeing the truth of one another’s hearts and character--until a few years later on a camping trip with mutual friends. In the months that followed, Anna felt herself falling hard for Mike, but didn’t think he was interested.

On her friend’s advice, Anna offered her and Mike’s relationship back to the Lord, asking that whether as spouses, friends, or even mere acquaintances, their interaction glorify Jesus. “The day I finally felt myself relent and let go of how I wanted the relationship and accepted what God had in store,” she says, ended up being the very day Mike expressed his romantic interest, and they began dating.

From the Bride: We dated for two years, including two long-distance summers--one of which was “letters only” while Mike attended field training. These months were trying, yet truly beautiful and formative times in our relationship. Marriages in which both spouses are members of the military present a unique set of challenges--these summers provided a taste of what such a marriage could like. We clearly saw our relationship was something special and worth defending.

We discussed marriage early on. By God’s grace, Mike and I had both spent a considerable amount of time as single individuals prayerfully considering the type of person we’d like to marry someday. As the months passed, it became more and more clear the this relationship fulfilled both of our desires.

I expected Mike would propose around the start of our senior year of college, but as the school year started with no signs of one, I began getting disheartened and frustrated. By a stroke of luck, I found myself at a Praise and Worship event at our campus parish one Sunday night after Mass. On a whim, I met with one of the religious brothers there and offered my relationship back to the Lord. Walking home, I felt overcome with a wonderful sense of peace. No matter what happened, I felt confident of the Lord’s presence in my life and knew I had no real reason to fear. The next day--our anniversary--Mike proposed. I was caught completely off guard and absolutely thrilled.

Mike and I envisioned our wedding day being a gift of joy, love, and excitement for as many people as possible. I pictured a wedding aesthetic that would be unique, but also timeless and classic.

I spent the night before the wedding with my bridesmaids. I was nervous for the big day, and it was such a comfort to be surrounded with wonderful, loving, generous, women; dear friends who had prayed with and comforted me back when Mike was just a long-shot crush of mine. One of my favorite memories was showing my bridesmaids my dress, which I’d kept secret, for the first time.

We invited many non-Catholic, and even non-Christian, guests, and felt it was important to portray the essence of the Church through our nuptial Mass. We knew that for many, this would be their first--and maybe only--glimpse of the Church and aimed to utilize our readings and music to describe our faith to the wedding guests. Tobit 8, Romans 12, and John 15 painted a picture of the love we will strive for in our marriage and our lives as Catholics. The opening song we chose, Here is My Life by Ed Conlin, powerfully describes the gift of self we were humbly offering that day. Remembrance by Matt Maher during Communion helped convey the holiness of the sacrament to guests unfamiliar with the Eucharist.

We honored dear family and friends throughout our nuptial Mass. Mike’s mom, a talented musician, wrote the music for the Psalm. Friends served as lectors and Eucharistic ministers, and a married couple who mentored us through our engagement were gift bearers, along with their son. We honored deceased family members in the Prayers of the Faithful.

The Mass was filled with special moments, but the homily was particularly moving. To hear our priest, Father Jon, say he was proud of us and would be there for us throughout our marriage was profoundly humbling and touching. Such statements, made by a man standing as the representation and authority of Jesus, carry a deep implication: that God himself is pleased with the relationship that has brought us to this point, and he will stand by us through every trial we will face.

After the Mass, we had a receiving line, which I definitely recommend to couples who will Once the reception starts, it is much more challenging to keep track of everyone and interact with guests individually.

Our reception was held at the Minnesota History Center in downtown St. Paul. It is a beautiful museum with soaring ceilings and enormous windows, with a lovely terrace that was perfect for the outdoor cocktail hour we both wanted, and a two level dinner-dance location that provided the element of uniqueness I had been hoping for.

My mom came up with the idea of paying tribute to our relationship with nature-inspired centerpieces featuring letters Mike wrote to me during his field training. The wood and vines nodded to our love for the outdoors and the camping trip that started everything, and the letters were a way to share our journey to the altar with our guests.

Our first dance was like a dream. Looking around, surrounded by flashing lights and loud music, and seeing people from every community we are a part of: family, church, college, the military, childhood…it was sort of bizarre, but in the best way possible! Since we’ll probably never have all those people in the same room again, it was important to just be present in the moment and acknowledge how special it was.

One of my favorite parts of the entire day was taking portraits with Mike. Our relationship has often conveyed more through expressions and body language than through speaking. Taking portraits was a delightful, private time for us to be physically close and revel in the emotions of the day. We genuinely felt so close to one another in those moments, and I’m blown away by how well our photographer captured that feeling. I vividly remember the feel of Mike’s arms around me and am grateful for such a powerful sensory memory of our wedding day. We said more to one another in those embraced than we probably ever could have in words or letters.

The love the Lord calls us to is a sanctifying love. While beautiful and awe-inspiring, this love is also self-denying and at times, terrifying. Preparing and fully giving the complete gift of oneself is not easy. Yet it isn’t necessarily meant to be easy; it’s meant to draw us deeper into a relationship with the person of Jesus. Beautiful gifts are often hard-earned.

It is, as St. Teresa of Calcutta said, a paradox: when you love until it hurts, you’ll find the hurt stops and you’re left with only love. I’d encourage every bride and groom to pursue sanctifying love in their relationships. Surround yourselves with people who will call you on to the Church’s mission of love, and be brave in the face of the new ways the Lord asks you to love your partner and those you encounter each day.

Photography: Leslie Larson Photography | Church: St. Lawrence Catholic Church Minneapolis, MN | Wedding Reception Venue: Minnesota History Center St. Paul, Minnesota | Rings: Brilliant Earth, Avenue Jewelers, and King Will | Flowers: Family friend | Invitations: Wedding Paper Divas | Caterer: D’Amico Catering | Bridal dress: David’s Bridal | Bridesmaid dresses: David’s Bridal | Groom’s tux: Men’s Wearhouse | Groomsmen tuxes: Men’s Wearhouse | Cake: D’Amico Catering | Hairstylist: Taj Salon and Spa | Make up: Taj Salon and Spa | Music: Northern Lights DJ | Pre-marital counseling: Quo Vadis Therapy Center

Receptivity: The Essence of Being a Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Over a year ago, the morning of May 21st, 2016, I was in the library on the ground floor of my beautiful high school, getting ready for my wedding. The Mass would be held in the St. Francis de Sales Chapel at the very center of my alma mater, where I’d sat for school Masses so many times before. Even before then, I had come often as a little girl with my parents, who have worked there since before I was born.

In those final moments between the library bookshelves, just before my mom and sister helped button the back of my dress and my dad hugged me one last time, as I tucked the strand of hair back into place behind the pin it kept slipping out of, the priest who would celebrate our Mass came down to see me.

Elizabeth M Photography

He pulled me aside to tell me one last thing--“the most important thing”--according to him, before I walked upstairs and the celebration started. His words were these:

“You have done so much to prepare for this moment. So much planning, so much preparation, so much prayer. Endless conversations have been had, decisions made, things accomplished. You don’t need to focus on any of that anymore. All you need to do now is simply receive. Just sit back and place yourself in the position to receive all the grace God wants to pour into your heart through this sacrament. Don’t focus on any other details at this point. Just open your heart and receive all the love that’s about to flood in.”

They were the words I needed to hear. He knew that. He had probably given similar advice to other brides on their wedding days, and as he hugged me and told me he’d see me upstairs, I let them sink in.

These words shaped the rest of my wedding day. They’ve shaped my life as a wife since. They have radically impacted my experience of this vocation, and thank goodness for that. I’m not sure if that sweet priest realized the weight of his words for me.

But because of Fr. Gregory’s little reminder that what God wanted for me on my wedding day was to receive his grace in a profound and tangible way through the gift of my husband, I could recognize and truly receive that gift. The gift of peace I felt poured onto me on my wedding day seemed to drape over everything. I felt how deeply bridal it was to position myself with my heart open to Christ and those around me--particularly the man who became my husband that day.

I’ve realized more and more since that humble receptivity is the very essence of this vocation. Living as a wife means the constant work of receiving your husband with love. Living as a mother extends this reality profoundly to your children. Living as a woman, in a most basic and beautiful way, asks us to make our hearts a home for all those we encounter.

And even further, the vocation of marriage asks that we be prepared to be received by our husbands in love, and to accept the love of Jesus through them. Trying to return, again and again, to a place of intentional openness is so woven into my experience of being a wife that I can see it as the bridge that connected engagement and marriage for me.

It’s true that many things change through the reception of this sacrament and the entering into this new stage of life, but what remains essential is the call for an open heart--even if its expression changes shape over time.

And so engaged, married, or single, these priestly words of wisdom shared with me that May morning can inspire your heart like they have mine. When we are open to the grace God wishes to give us each day, He will never cease to meet us and pour Himself into us to make us stronger and more capable of love. And that will always make us able to more wholly receive each day the gift it is meant to be.

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About the Author: Corinne Gannotti studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University of Steubenville and works now as a middle school religion teacher in Pennsylvania. She loves many things, not the least of which include theatre, her hilarious husband Sam, running, Dunkin Donuts, and St. Bernadette. She and her husband are anxiously awaiting the birth of their first baby. She is a consistent contributor to the Integrity blog. 

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