6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Gown

Do you have plans for your wedding gown after your walk down the aisle? The choice is a personal one that might include preserving it for a relative, friend, or future daughter, repurposing it into baptism or First Communion pieces for your children--truly a visual representation that the bond established on your wedding day bears spiritual fruit through the years--or giving your dress to other brides, which fosters both sisterhood and a green sensibility.

If you’ve chosen to sell or donate your gown, the options can be overwhelming. Here, our curation of the best organizations the dress donation world has to offer, including some distinctively Catholic resources.

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography

For the ease of online transactions

Preowned Wedding Dresses: This online marketplace, the largest out there for bridal items, boasts 14 years of credibility and facilitates gown and accessory re-sales directly between buyers and sellers. It’s designed to minimize hassle and maximize profit, offering a one-time listing fee with no commission for the site, a dress value calculator, and a conveniently specific search function that makes it easy for your gown to appear in listings.

To give to military couples

Brides Across America: A nonprofit dedicated to military and first responder brides, this organization supports the men and women whose life’s work is our freedom, providing free wedding gowns at their events nationwide. Gowns less than five years old are accepted for consideration.

To support humanitarian causes

Adorned in Grace: This bridal shop and design studio in the Portland, Oregon area accepts wedding dresses five years old and newer, in-store or by mail, to be repurposed or redesigned by at-risk girls in the area, including those who’ve been in the foster care system or have been traficking victims. Rooted in a mission to convey to these young women their dignity, worth, and identity in Christ and to model the love and hope of faith-centered weddings, proceeds from the nonprofit go to design workshops, education, and/or counseling from human traficking survivors.

Brides for Haiti: A project of St. Mary’s parish in the Archdiocese of Washington, the Brides for Haiti program sells secondhand wedding and formal attire. Profits benefit St. Mary’s sister parish, St. Joseph’s, in Carcasse, Haiti, including health, education, and infrastructure initiatives. Volunteers and seamstresses are on-site at events to answer questions and provide information about the cause. Stay informed about calls for donations--in person or by mail--and upcoming sale events via the project’s Facebook page.

The Bridal Garden: Located in the heart of Manhattan, this not-for-profit shop dedicated to education specializes in discounted designer gowns from boutiques and donations. Earnings benefit disadvantaged schools and children in New York City.

To support the Church

Religious life: Our sisters in religious life are every bit the bride, espoused to Christ through their vows. In several orders, including the Colettine Poor Clares, Schoenstatt Sisters of Mary, Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate, and some Carmelite orders, it’s customary for women to profess their solemn vows in wedding attire. Contact communities in your area directly to discuss the possibility of donating your gown.

Parish resales: Parishes nationwide hold periodic sales of secondhand gowns, with proceeds benefiting the church or diocese. This donation option not only supports the parish community in your area, but encourages shopping locally. To keep up with forthcoming sale events and inquire about making a donation, try subscribing to your diocese’s newspaper, emails, or social media platforms and keeping an eye out in weekly bulletins.

Have you or are you planning to donate your dress? We love hearing about the local and national programs that support other women in their call to marriage, so be sure to share what additional means of donating you’ve employed in the comments and on our social media.

The Sophia Series | Annamarie

ANNAMARIE HAMILTON

I met my husband Kevin in college. We were best friends for about a year; as time passed, it became obvious that we had feelings for each other. From very early on in our courtship, we knew we would end up getting married. We knew we had each found the one who was God’s perfect match for us. Kevin proposed during my senior year, and the following August we got married. While our marriage has been far from perfect, we had had a fairly easy time for the first five years.

Photography: Mandy Chappel Photography

During that time we had three children; Dominic, Lucy, and Simon. Although having children definitely changed our marriage and made life harder and more stressful in general, we were still living a happy and generally peaceful life, and our marriage was as solid as ever.

On August 8th of 2017, a few days before our fifth anniversary, we ended up taking two-year-old Lucy to the Emergency Room. She had been very lethargic for a few days and wouldn’t eat anything. We were completely blindsided when she was diagnosed with leukemia.

Kevin and I were both in complete shock. It is the kind of thing that you think will never happen to you until it does.

The next few days were an emotional whirlwind of new information, surgeries, chemo, and hospitalization. Two days later, as we celebrated our anniversary in the Operating Room waiting area, I remember thinking and talking about our marriage, and how this was something we never could have planned for.

In our vows we say “in sickness and in health,” but we never really thought seriously that we’d have to deal with real sickness, or what that would look like.

That day, we talked about how grateful we were to be going through that together. To have someone else who knew exactly we felt and who loved our daughter just as much. Although this is never where we thought we would be, five years into our marriage there is no one else I would want to go through this with. Over the past few months, Kevin and I have grown closer than ever, and I think our marriage is stronger than ever. We have had to lean on each other and learned to love and support our spouse even as we deal with our own pain. That has given us a bond we could never have imagined.

This journey with cancer is far from over, yet we feel our family is finally in a good place again, and everyone has learned to adjust to the “new normal” that is our lives. We already feel stronger as a family and as a husband and wife from having gone through this. Although this time of our lives has been the hardest yet, we feel confident that if we can get through this, we can get through anything.

Annamarie’s words of wisdom for brides:

Don't be afraid to be dependent on each other, rather than trying to work out problems on your own.

Pray for each other.

Don't take the little, everyday things for granted.

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About the Author: Annamarie Hamilton is a stay-home-mom from Baltimore, Maryland. She is married to her best friend Kevin and together they have three children: Dominic, Lucy, and Simon.

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Reflections on 10 Years of Marriage

ANDI COMPTON

By the grace of God, my husband Matt and I have now been married for 10 years. We were married on one of Our Lady's feast days, and she really took care of all the details that day and throughout our honeymoon. Twenty-one year old Andi had no idea what the next decade of her life would bring, but standing here on the other side, I’d love to share with you some insights I’ve gained through it all.

Pray for each other unceasingly.

Thank God on your knees for the gift of your spouse and your vocation. Invite him into your decisions, large and small. Even a simple prayer of, “Lord, help me be a good steward of our money while I grocery shop” helps us keep God at the center of our thoughts and reminds us where all our blessings flow from.

There will be seasons.

Some years are just amazing, completely full of grace and tangible joy. Others have felt like overwhelming dark valleys where we’re just barely hanging on together. This is why I love the part in the traditional vows where we promised to love each other for better or worse. Because there really will be better and worse days and seasons.
 

Stay close to the Church.

Make Sunday Mass, Holy Days, and confession a priority for your family. Even on vacation. Even when you have to split up and take kids to different masses. Even when it seems pointless, just go and give yourself to God. Try to go to confession once a month and make a date out of it. If it becomes a habit now, it’s much easier to incorporate kids into the routine later on.

New identities and roles take time to get used to.

It takes awhile getting settled into a new identity as a wife (or a husband) and to set healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s all trial and error. For me, the two hardest adjustments were learning how to have a roommate and checking in with my husband before making large purchases. As an only child who lived at home until marriage, I’d never really learned how to share my space with others, and I had no idea of all the work it takes to take care of a home (bills, maintenance, cleaning, cooking, and more). I even joked with Matt that we should just get a bunk bed so I didn’t have to share my bed with him. Fast forward to ten years later and I can’t sleep if he’s not there!

Embrace NFP, especially when it's hard to do.

Natural Family Planning has been a real gift to us despite it being something so counter cultural and, some days, a huge spiritual battle for me to want to stick with it. Every couple will have a different experience during different seasons, and I want you to know that it’s okay.

Some couples will choose never to use NFP, joyfully accepting children if and when they come. Others will struggle immensely to abstain during fertile times but know it’s a cross they have to bear for a season. And then there will be those who honestly don’t struggle as much with abstinence and, due to circumstances have to abstain for months or years at a time. I’ve experienced all of the above situations and it’s likely you and your spouse will encounter a wide range of emotions towards how God is calling you to use NFP for the moment. And that's alright.

So long as we hold to the truth that God is in charge of our families, use our best discernment through prayer--individually and as a couple--and bring in a spiritual director if needed, we can make the best decisions for our families.

Learn to be vulnerable.

It takes time and patience to trust another person 100% with your spiritual life, emotions, sexuality, possessions, and the parts of your personality the rest of the world doesn’t see. There have been times in our marriage where that trust has been broken, and when we had to show love for one another by asking forgiveness and working towards complete vulnerability once again. Couples therapy can be a wonderful tool, and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help when you need it.

I think the wedding toast we’ve prepared for our kids pretty much sums up our thoughts on marriage: “May you be a slave to one another, but most of all to Christ.”

What’s one thing you’ve learned in your months or years of marriage that you’d like to share with other brides and wives?

Photography: Rae and Michael Photography | Shoot Location: Rancho Buena Vista Park, Vista, CA | Cake: Mili's Sweets | Andi's Apparel: Shirt, J. Crew. Necklace, Loft. Dress, Adrianna Papell. Shoes, Sam Edelman.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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An Anniversary + Our First Reader Survey!

Today we invite you to join in our mission by way of our first Reader Survey!

Two years ago this week, on the Feast of the Visitation, we launched this corner of the wedding world: a place rooted in sisterhood, unafraid of the raw and imperfect, in love with love and with beauty, knowing they provide only a glimpse of an even more loving, more beautiful Creator.

It’s entirely due to the work of the Holy Spirit and to each of you, our brides, that the Spoken Bride community has grown since that first day. We read and truly appreciate every submission, comment, and email and continually hold you in prayer. Your willingness to entrust your intentions to our team and community, to offer advice and support to like-minded women, and to give reverence and attention not just for the outer, but the inner, is a gift. It embodies our mission to make manifest the truth, beauty, and goodness of Catholic marriage--in all its joy and purification. Thank you.

We look forward to sharing more distinctively Catholic wedding-related content and joining you in prayer and witness over this coming year! We have big dreams for this ministry and a simple desire to serve you with resources best suited to your practical and spiritual needs.

To help us accomplish that, share your thoughts in the Reader Survey below. It’s our priority to create content and tools ideally suited to your heart and your particular needs as a Catholic bride,. We’re looking forward to hearing your voice!

Saint Joseph, Mary Most Holy, Saints Louis and Zelie Martin, pray for us.

He Invites Us: Developing a Healthy Attitude Towards Chastity

STEPHANIE CALIS

I spent my engagement on a year of service, speaking about chastity to middle and high school students. It was...a time of paradox.

Photography: Du Castel Photography, seen in Heather + Jude | Bohemian Bayside Wedding

Talking to five classes a day about reserving sexual intimacy for marriage while being tempted to do the opposite. Advising seventh graders to draw physical boundaries at simple kisses while navigating the more complicated boundaries of being in a serious, yet chaste relationship in your twenties. A crucible of formation and prayer wracked with frequent attacks. Awaiting my wedding, a day I was pretty sure would be among the happiest of my life, while coming to terms with the awareness that even the most beautiful earthly gifts can be idols, just a flicker when compared to the fire of divine ones.

It felt good, in a way I hoped wasn’t prideful or self-glorifying, to share my story of having stuck around too long in the wrong relationship for me, one in which I let myself be used, of writing stacks of letters to my future husband, and finding even my biggest dreams insufficient to the reality of the man I would marry; someone so sacrificial, self-giving, and pure of heart. The girls I spoke to sometimes cheered when I revealed all the letters I’d written would be a surprise for my husband-to-be in a matter of months. “And then,” said one student, “you’ll be married and you won’t have to worry about chastity anymore.”

I paused. Her words, though clearly rooted in a place of innocence and good will, didn’t sit right. But I couldn’t immediately explain why. I bumbled through an explanation that chastity doesn’t end in marriage, feeling the frustration of what seemed like a missed opportunity. On the drive home, I challenged myself to better articulate exactly why it doesn’t.

If chastity is not defined as mere abstinence, not just a list of no's but as sexual self-control for the sake of freedom and authentic love, so that your yes can be truly meaningful, of course it doesn’t end at the altar. Chastity embodies love that is free, faithful, total, and life-giving, so much so that the self-discipline and disposition to being a living gift--in whatever way that looks like, to your spouse and to others--spills over in the best way possible, changing not just your sex life, but your outlook on life in its entirety. Practically speaking, what’s the best way to do this, throughout engagement and on into marriage?

It’s natural, and so good, to anticipate the fullest physical expression of your love within marriage. Yet my thoughts on that drive home, and in the months and years since, have emphasized to me the importance of viewing that anticipation in a healthy way. I realized the notion of abandoning chaste love after marriage could easily encourage a white-knuckle attitude of just “making it through” times of abstinence, could make an idol of sex, and could become a crutch enabling a lack of self-control.

I wanted something more for my relationship: true freedom to give of myself instead of license to do whatever I wanted, a healthy perspective and respect for the gift of our sexuality instead of elevating it out of proportion as a highest, pleasure-focused good.

If, like I did, you find yourself still refining your view of abstinence, chastity, and anticipation during engagement, I encourage you to pray for a spirit of reverence in your physical relationship. Don’t feel discouraged if you recognize the need for a shift in perspective, but fortified and resolved. Authentic love and freedom aren’t a destination, but a long path. One on which we still might stumble, yet one far more exhilarating and alive than any other journey.

Your walk up the aisle is, quite literally, a walk toward Calvary: the image of a life poured out and given without reservation, for the sake of pure love. Ask for the grace to give of your own life in the same way; to imitate and embody the love of the Cross. Christ gave entirely, and invites us to do the same. His Passion and love are just that: not a milestone to reach and then move on from, but a constant outpouring of self. An invitation. He awaits us, and our yes, always.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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How and Why to Consider Bringing Examen Prayer into Your Relationship

Engagement is busy, and it’s noisy. You might be surprised, however, if you find that even after your wedding day, life still feels busy and noisy. Life’s demands and responsibilities never really cease; they simply change with our seasons in life. 

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in Elise's Wedding: Why it Matters that We're Marrying in a Church

It’s a paradox of our perpetually-connected, phone-at-the-ready lives: solitude and quiet can feel like freedom, or they can feel like desperation. Stillness doesn’t always come naturally, yet it can be developed. Whether your prayer life currently feels central or whether you’re looking for direction to guide your thoughts, incorporating Examen prayer might provide a link between a desire for self-reflection and figuring out exactly how you might bring that reflection about.

Rooted in Ignatian spirituality, an examen is a form of guided prayer that prompts reflection over the events of your day, instances of strength and weakness in your actions, and, above all, gratitude for and attention to the ways the Father is at work in your life. All self-knowledge, for better and for worse, is a grace; the Lord inviting us to consider ways we can best put ourselves at the service of love for him and for those in our lives. Gift.

This sense of service and self-gift takes on particular resonance in the vocation to marriage: you’re accountable not only to yourself and to God, but to your spouse. Developing a sense of attention to the blessings of your shared life, and to areas in which the Lord is gently prompting us to grow, can only bear fruit in your relationship. Consider committing to a week, a month, or more of bringing an examen into your prayer ritual, with time to share the movements within your hearts. You might spend this time before parting ways for the night if you’re engaged, or after dinner, before beginning your evening chores and leisure if you’re married.

There are a wealth of resources with suggested text and prompts for your examen, which means with time, you’re likely to find a particular version that’s well-suited to your spirituality as a couple. All examen prayer follows a general structure of giving thanks, bringing your petitions before the Father, reviewing your day and meditating on his hand in it (this part might take the longest), asking forgiveness for your shortcomings and meditating on the mercy of God, and looking to the following day with a sense of resolve and and renewal.

In light of you and your beloved, it’s helpful to consider the ways the Lord has shown himself in the time you’ve spent together during the day and in the ways you’ve shown, or fallen short in showing, his love to one another. As a starting point, we recommend this examen with meditations from Scripture and Saint Ignatius’s Spiritual Exercises and Fr. Michael Gaitley’s “BAKER” prayer that invites particular contemplation of Jesus’ merciful love.

Saint Ignatius prayed, “Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all I have and call my own. You have given all to me. To you, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only your love and your grace, that is enough for me.” May you and your beloved, together, enter more deeply into his love and the gifts he so desires to bestow on your relationship.

The Sophia Series | Marisol

We invite our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

Photography: Laura Kay Photography

My husband and I met providentially while hanging out with a mutual friend. We made a deep connection from the beginning, and I remember thinking that he brought out the best in me. I felt right at home. We got engaged after a courtship of over five years and have been married for the last 10 years.

On my wedding day, I remember a prayer after communion where I fully understood how much God loved my husband and how he uses instruments--especially those closest to us--to express that love. I understood that for my husband, I would be either a vessel or an obstacle to that love in the years to come. I prayed I would be the former.

The biggest obstacle to our marriage was discovered during our honeymoon. We had waited until that moment for physical intimacy. However, we were unable to have intercourse. Once we returned from our trip, I sought medical advice and after much research, I discovered I had issues with my pelvic floor muscles. Involuntary spasms have kept me, to this day, unable to consummate the marriage.

This has been a very big cross to bear and has created many moments of pain; however, it has also allowed the both of us great lessons and growth.

I am in awe at the fact that our marriage remains faithful after 10 years. Many times, couples have a harder time discerning whether to separate, based on factors such as children or the unlikely option of annulment. In our case neither of those factors exist, as our marriage is, to date, not physically consummated. It is beautiful to know it is our free will that keeps us in union and in constant yes for this sacrament.

I remember feeling inadequate, like a failure as a wife, due to my medical problem. I have learned self-love and self-compassion, which in turn allow me to be ever more loving and compassionate towards others.

Intimacy brings couples together at many levels, including physically, neurologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Since my husband and I do not have this great perk, we have learned to go from me to we in other ways. One of them is through each other’s love languages. His is acts of service, while mine is quality time. It is amazing how a concept so simple is so easily forgotten. Here is a recent example:

This past weekend was spent at home after my husband underwent a procedure requiring him to stay indoors for two days, which is unusual for us and for his sanguine temperament.

Imagine a total extrovert and a bit of a perfectionist trapped indoors during the weekend. We came to a moment where every area of the kitchen was in disarray. We had finished dinner and were in the middle of watching a movie. My husband paused the movie to feed our pet rabbit and in that moment, I thought it would be appropriate to come up with something to celebrate  St. Patrick's Day.

I pulled out a bottle of Irish cream and made some coffee. I could already taste the goodness. My cup and saucer were perfectly set next to a glass of Irish cream over ice, ready for the perfect Instagram Story.

As my husband came back downstairs, he began remarking on the dirty dishes, the stove splattered with olive oil, and groceries that needed to go in the pantry.

I could not believe he was ruining our ‘Irish’ little moment for this! I took offense and began feeling quite resentful. Remember that my love language is quality time--we were speaking it fluently until this moment of pause.

Things shifted to all the unfinished cleaning and suddenly, as I reluctantly washed dishes, I considered my husband's love language: acts of service.

Wasn't the dinner enough? Wasn't the glass of Irish cream over ice the cherry on top? Why couldn't we just continue watching the movie?

I realized I’d encountered a perfect opportunity to love. My resentment turned into determination to clean that kitchen and clean it well.

An hour went by and I could tell my husband felt guilty. He kept helping out and even started vacuuming in some random area of the house. He set the empty coffee cup on the table as if to signal it was waiting.

Part of me wanted to continue speaking his love language and serving. Yet my pride also kicked in, and I didn’t feel like jumping back into the movie and coffee. I could get over the interruption.

I considered the possibility of finishing the dishes and going upstairs to take a bath. My pride did not want to receive quality time after I was done with the effort of loving. I wanted to jump right into self-care--not the generous kind,but the kind that would give a clear message of how annoyed I still was, deep within.

As I moved on to cleaning the stove, my husband said it could wait. I was determined to finish and was reluctant to go back to that cup of coffee (I was still in full pride mode!).

My husband invited me to finish the movie. As much as my ego wanted me to run upstairs, I accepted. We had a good rest of the evening, and I knew that pause had been well spent.

The next morning, we attended a birthday brunch. We enjoyed time with friends, and afterward my husband made plans for us to spend the afternoon together. We went shopping, to the museum, walked around, ate hot dogs, and went to my favorite evening Mass, followed by a coffee shop.

My husband spoke so much of my own love language that weekend, and I can only say you can never outdo God in generosity.

I am not sure whether all these words would be enough to tell all the stories of our marriage. But I can say I have learned how to persevere through thick and thin and to focus on what matters, one day at a time. I have learned to be fully present to God, to myself, and my vocation.

I wish I could say there was a 'happily ever after' kind of ending to this story. The reality is that we continue to work with the big elephant in the room--our obstacles to intimacy--tackling it one bite at a time and never ceasing to gaze at the eternal.

Our vocation has gifted us with innumerable lessons and joys. I cannot wait to learn what other chapters God has in store for us!

In the past, I remember praying for a holy family. One year into my marriage, while looking at an image of the Holy Family, I realized that they do not represent the husband, the wife and their child. Mary, Joseph and Jesus represented the husband and wife, with Christ at the center. I realized at that moment, this is the one thing we need for a holy family.

We have many images from our wedding day; however, one of my favorites is the one where we are having a pillow fight. Our reception was at a hotel, with our suite nearby, so our photographer suggested an impromptu series in there. When I look at these photos, I cannot help but wonder at how the bedroom happens to be the place where our biggest struggle would take place. Just like that friendly pillow fight, we keep fighting in unison each day: to do God’s will and learn the art of love and communion ever more perfectly.

Marisol’s words of wisdom for brides:

Make room for the unimaginable. Each marriage holds a unique story. Let the Master author write the greatest lines.

Keep Christ at the center.

Marriage is the only sacrament not imparted by a priest. Husband and wife say yes to one another on their wedding  day, and they hold the power to say that same yes to one another on a daily basis.

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About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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Readers Share | 100 Words of Advice for Brides

Like the sacrament of marriage itself, we intend for this ministry to be lived in communion. We are wildly grateful, with all glory to God, for every story, comment, and prayer intention you entrust to us that makes that possible. Thank you. We recently asked Spoken Bride newsletter subscribers and social media followers to share with us their best advice for your wedding day and marriage, in 100 words or less. Here’s what you had to say.

Emma Dallman Photography

Invite as much love as you can to your wedding instead of worrying about limiting the invite list. The week of the wedding, when last minute people cannot attend, you will wish that everyone you love could be there.

My favorite memory, was sitting after communion just in front of the first pew. Being surrounded by the love of Jesus, my spouse, and my loved ones squeezing my knee after they received made me realize how blessed and loved I truly am. That is what I want for every bride. - Kayleigh 

My advice for brides on their wedding day is to slow down and really take in every moment. The whole day is such a blur once it’s over! There is so much pressure to make sure the whole day is “perfect,” but I really cherished the moments where it was just me and my husband taking in our special day together."- Michelle

My husband and I have been together for 21 years and married for 15.

Trust your entire life to your spouse’s love and intentions. Apologize and resolve any conflict right away, no matter who is at fault. Laugh and hug every single day you’re together. Find joy in who you are now and later, as you will both evolve. Never put yourself down. Never speak about stressful things as soon as you come home. Always eat dinner together. Talk constantly. Pray together. Hold hands during the homily. Kiss good night. Know that any hardship or joy is God’s will. This is just the beginning of a most beautiful life. - Milissa, @milis_sweets

Say Hail Marys throughout the day with the intention of soaking up each particular moment. It slowed me down, allowed me to take everything in, and challenged me to remind myself of Mary’s humility (because it’s a day when the attention is all on the bride!). - Kat, @katfinney

Realize that the day will go by in a blink. It’s you and your husband’s big day, but it will go by so fast and both of you will be pulled in a million different directions. Don’t let this frustrate you. Enjoy the day, roll with the tide, and know that any bumps or unexpected things will be sources of laughter for years to come. - Amy, @catholic_pilgrim79

When you find things difficult, think of the moment that brought you to choosing [your spouse] as a life partner. Think of the moments you both proved your love for each other. Think of the promises you made with God on the altar to stay together at all times. This moment will also pass away. Keep calm, pray, and ask for the grace to forgive and forget. Stand for your love at any cost. Be patient in prayer. - Matt, @matt.nrktl

Do as much planning as you think is necessary, but leave room for God’s plans, too. Allow him to lead your day! Try not to get overwhelmed by the little things because at the end of the day, it’s the sacrament that will hold the highest value. The details just make it all pretty! - Erika, @stellaofthesea

Soak up a bit of alone time with just your new husband throughout the day! We skipped the limo or group ride from the church to reception and opted to make the drive just the two of us--a very beautiful memory! - Janet, @rn2sahm

Stop and breathe. Take a look at everything and take it in. - Spring, @skinnybamboo

What would you add to this list? Share your advice in the comments and on our social media!

Editors Share | The Rituals that Make Up Our Marriages

It’s a gift to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well.

If major life events--your wedding, honeymoon, the births of children--are the framed, album-worthy milestones of a shared life, small daily routines are more akin to your phone’s camera roll. But who doesn’t love scrolling back through those memories? Rituals elevate the routine to something memorable. “Whether they’re big or small, simple or elaborate, daily or yearly,” writes Jenny Rosenstrach, “all our rituals serve the same purpose: They bring comfort, connection, and meaning to our days.”

Today, we’re sharing the rituals that deepen our relationships and create a sense of warmth and tradition in our marriages.

Photography: Wyn Wiley, seen in How He Asked | Emily + Jeff

Stephanie, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

The Rosary in the car: When my husband and I first started dating, we spent hours wandering aimlessly around our college campus, hand in hand, and would often find time to pray the Rosary as we walked. Years later, with three children four and under, our time for uninterrupted walks is limited, but we do still love to pray together to Our Lady, usually on long car rides home from visiting family. I hope the memory of falling asleep past their bedtimes, listening to their parents pray, is a memory our kids will hold on to.

Sriracha noodles: For a quick meal after our kids are in bed, for an indulgent Sunday lunch (butter, pasta, no vegetables), or for pure comfort, this recipe is our go-to a few times a month.

Crosswords: There are few things I find more relaxing than the feel of my husband’s hand on my shoulder as we hunch over the Sunday crossword at the kitchen table. We love puzzles, particularly crosswords, and you might be surprised how after just a few weeks, you’ll start to pick up on the structure of the clues and be able to fill in most of the answers!

Andi, Business Director

Netflix: My husband Matt and I love to watch movies and binge watch TV shows together. Half of the time we’re just talking about our day and random thoughts that come up, but it’s so nice to just snuggle up on the couch and watch something together. Current favorites include stand up comedy specials, Victoria, This Is Us, and The Crown.

Good ice cream: Whenever we travel somewhere, we like to find local ice cream spots to treat our kids at. Our favorite so far is McConnell’s in Santa Barbara--I was pleasantly surprised by their Lemon Marionberry during our last trip. I’ve been known to grab some Creamistry or Talenti Gelato for us, once the kids are in bed as a late-night treat.

Nighttime prayer: Every night we tuck the kids in their beds and Matt leads us in prayer. Many nights it’s the Rosary or Divine Mercy Chaplet, or the little litany of prayers that have slowly become our family favorites: the Guardian Angel Prayer, Hail Mary, thanking God for his blessings today, and naming all our family saints and asking for their intercession.

Christmas and Easter waffles: Every Christmas and Easter morn after Mass, we bust out our waffle maker and Matt makes waffles from his late grandfather’s recipe. When Matt was growing up, his family always went to Grandma and Grandpa’s after Sunday Mass for waffles, bacon extended family time. I hope it brings our kids happy memories of delicious breakfasts with us, even if it’s only twice a year.

Jiza, Co-Founder & Creative Director

British TV: At the end of the day after the children have gone to bed, my husband Mark and I like to decompress from the day by watching British television series. Everything from Downton Abbey, Poldark, Victoria...we have seen them all.

A brisk walk for heavy conversations: Sometimes talking about big life decisions and/or tough situations can be hard. So, taking a brisk walk or jog helps us to at least alleviate any physical tension and stress which makes for a more productive conversation. It helps us to clear our heads, get some exercise in, and sometimes a Rosary.

Taco Tuesdays: What can I say? We love everything about tacos. It is one of our favorite meals. It helps us during the week to have one dinner that doesn’t require too much planning.

Pilgrimages: Since we move often for my husband’s career, I always look for Catholic shrines or historic churches to visit during our travels.
 

Embracing the Easter Season, Even Through Struggle

STEPHANIE CALIS

I inhaled the richness of lilies and incense. A riot of color bloomed along the altar. Familiar words washed over me: prayers over humble bread and wine, taking me out of time. To my right, the image of Jesus beckoned, rays shining forth from his heart. Blood and water; the stuff of true life. As I bowed my head, tears came.

Because I wasn’t feeling much of anything. A little anxiety. But mostly nothing.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit, seen in Robyn + Greg's Easter season wedding on Divine Mercy weekend

Matt Maher’s “Christ is Risen” echoed through my thoughts on Divine Mercy Sunday: O death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory?

Right here, I thought. That’s where they are. I still felt that sting of death, and felt it strongly. Now halfway through this Easter season of tremendous glory and promise, I find myself, this year, lacking in joy and doubting the Father’s promises of the Resurrection. Specifically, a fear of death and a preference for this earthly life over the next have pervaded my heart for months.

Though our life is far from perfect--everyday busyness, sleepless nights with toddlers, chores we can never quite keep up with--I count myself abundantly blessed by my husband and our beautiful children, and by our relative lack of major hardship at the moment. It’s a life so precious  I’m scared to let go of it and be separated by death.

When I pray to be made holy, to reach my heavenly home, the back of my mind hastily and shamefully adds, but please not yet, Father.

Where, then, does someone who desires eternal life, but not yet--I desire it selfishly, on my own terms--find consolation in the Resurrection? In my current state, the thought of eternity cuts me to the core. It brings me not hope, but worry that all I hold close on earth will be lost to me in heaven. I wonder what I’ll miss out on, and more significantly, who I will miss out on.

Of course I’m aware, intellectually, that my soul’s fulfillment will be found in the presence of God. Theoretically, I will want for nothing at the heavenly wedding feast. But theory can be hard to wrap your head around when your heart’s so agitated. Surrendering such gifts to the Lord, trusting that they are impermanent and not mine to determine, feels...reckless. An abandonment I seek, but don’t yet feel strong enough for.

As I make my way through this spiritual storm--one in which, in spite of myself, I remain confident will end in a heart more united with Christ’s--I’ve realized the shortcomings of my thinking. I say that my circumstances, while fortunate, are imperfect. In the realest sense of the word, they’re unfinished. And that’s the point.

The Lord isn’t done working on my heart yet. He’s not done with yours, either.

If your Easter season has felt similar to mine, whether because of the stresses of engagement, a recent loss, tensions in your relationship, a literal lack of new life as it relates to your fertility, or otherwise, know I am there beside you. I’m trying daily to embrace this tension, rather than push it aside, to silence it, and miss an opportunity to be loved by the Father in this particular way. 

Just this past Sunday, I felt myself coming back to life, no small matter in these weeks centered on triumph over death. It struck me that in this year’s reading cycle, we hear Jesus’s same words on consecutive Sundays: Peace be with you.

He speaks to us first as he revisits his disciples for the first time, allowing Thomas, in Thomas’s doubt, to feel his wounds, and again after the walk to Emmaus.

We are invited to experience Christ in the flesh; incarnate. We are invited to reject fear--John describes the disciples’ fear as they hid, locked in a room, after the Resurrection and Luke recounts their terror and uncertainty at meeting the risen Jesus--and walk headlong into the ocean of peace and mercy he wishes so fiercely to surround us with.

I listened again to the Eucharistic prayers and prepared for my own encounter with Jesus’s body and blood. The altar, the surroundings, the Divine Mercy image were all the same as before. But this time I was a little different. Not yet fully delivered of my worry and my desire to cling to the things and people of this life, but on the way. My own road to Emmaus where, at the end, Christ will meet me in a breaking of bread. Self-gift and recognition.

Sorrow, even at Easter time, is alright. Give yourself permission to feel your aches fully, knowing feelings, though human and important, aren’t everything. Whether we feel it or we don't, the fact remains that we are daughters and sons of a reckless, undying love.

No matter what’s in your heart, particularly in light of your wedding and marriage, thank the Father for bringing you close to his heart. Cry out to him. The Cross signifies both agony and ecstasy. It’s so hard when all we can feel is the former, but it's not the end of the road. In whatever ways you are called to rise, you have my prayers.

Peace be with you.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Newlywed Life | 5 Tips for Long Periods of Time Apart

JIZA ZITO

When we become engaged to be married, we all dream of the day we can finally be with our spouse everyday. We look forward to less frequent long goodbyes and to more time spent together. However, due to careers or other circumstances, we may find ourselves in the challenging position spending long periods of time apart.

Perhaps you and/or your spouse are completing a degree at a graduate or medical school, or working strenuous hours in a “badge” career such as firefighting, law enforcement, EMS or first responder. Or perhaps one or both of you are serving our country’s military, working shift work at a plant, or traveling out of town for days or weeks at a time. Whatever your situation, we hope you will find the following tips helpful.

Photography: Flytographer, Seen in How He Asked | Susanna and Brad

Find a support group.

Many careers that provide unique challenges for married couples and families often have a support network available. You can find more information through a liaison or by searching online for a local group. Having a support network with others in the same job field can provide a sense of camaraderie and friendship while giving you a place to ask questions and access to specific resources. As you gain knowledge and experience, you can, in turn, help and mentor other new spouses in the future.

Become involved in a Church community.

Finding accountability and prayerful support with others who share the same faith can be a great source of encouragement. Try checking your parish bulletin or website for a Bible study or prayer group. If your schedule permits and you feel a particular call to volunteer your time and talent, look for a ministry or outreach group in which you could serve.

Enjoy a newfound hobby.

Still looking for a way to occupy your time? Make a list of projects or hobbies you would like to enjoy and accomplish during your time apart. Maybe you have a project within your home you’d like to finish, or a gift you’d like to create. Perhaps you want to take a class and learn a new skill like dance or cooking, or join a social group like hiking or a book club. Search your city newspaper or recreation catalog for local classes or events. You can also try websites like meetup.com in order to find a nearby group for your particular interest. When you reunite with your spouse, you can share your newfound interest and try it out together.

Prioritize self-care.

Long periods apart can be stressful on a marriage. It often requires emotional and mental adjustment both during and immediately after the time of separation. It’s important and helpful to maintain good hygiene, sleep, and eating habits, and to set time aside for personal leisure and exercise. Yet these days and months can be lonely and trigger feelings of depression and anxiety. If you find yourself feeling particularly low, speak with a doctor, therapist, or pastor or inquire with your support network on healthy ways to manage.

Remain close to the sacraments.

Most importantly, stay close to Christ and frequent the sacraments. Remain focused on him, and he who is always faithful will grant you and your spouse the grace to not only get through times of separation, but to thrive and grow together as well. Despite whatever hardships you both might face, he will always "equip you with everything good for doing His will.”

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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The Sophia Series | Amy

Last month, we invited our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

It's our honor to début this series, one we hope will illuminate the realities, crosses, and joys of this married vocation for newer brides, with Amy Thomas's testimony. Married since 2001 and the founder of Catholic Pilgrim, an initiative inviting the faithful deeper into the great adventure that is life with Christ, Amy's journey to the Catholic faith has become an anchor through grief and witnesses powerfully to the life-giving love of the Lord.

Purest Light Photography

I met my husband Dustin my junior year of college. It was my first day of Air Force ROTC. When I walked in I saw him sitting across the room, every fiber of my being cried out that he was the one. He felt like home to me. In a weird but beautiful way, it was like I already knew him. I was actually engaged to another man at the time, but I knew it would never work out with him, so I broke it off. Dustin and I were friends first, both secretly interested in the other but unable to say it out loud.

We finally got together after I announced my affection for him on my 21st birthday. I may or may not have had the help of a margarita. Once we realized the mutual feelings we had for each other, we just were. We never had an official first date or anything. Because we had been friends first, we knew each other and didn't need to get to know one another. Being in a relationship with Dustin was the most natural thing in the world for me.

At the start, neither Dustin or I were practicing our faith. He is Catholic and at the time, I was Protestant, but our faith lives were stagnant at best.

We decided to live together before marriage and, consequently, I got pregnant out of wedlock.

I could write an entire blog on why it's so important to wait to live together. Thankfully, we knew beforehand that we wanted to be married, and Dustin was always very committed to me throughout my pregnancy. We are an anomaly and don't recommend this strategy to anyone. We see now the beauty of what the Church teaches.

In June of 2001 we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Rhianna. Two months later, we were married. We were young--only 22--but very much in love.

We had the struggles any newlywed couple has, but along with the added struggles of being new parents right off the bat. We really grew up in those early years of our marriage, because we never had a chance to just focus on each other.

We had a baby girl with us from the get-go, and in many, many ways, I'm thankful to God for that blessing. Our daughter really did--and still does--bring out the best in us.

We had a second daughter, Sydney, in 2005. She came early and her birth is a crazy, whirlwind story, but today she's a happy, healthy teenager. After Sydney's birth, though, my husband and I slipped into a period of selfishness. It wasn't blatant or anything, but looking back I can see it clearly.

We weren't really going to church, because we couldn't decide on which church to go to. We fought frequently about my being Protestant and my husband being Catholic. We also were not open to life. I was using contraception from the start of our marriage, but I eventually stopped because it was literally killing me. I experienced severe health problems because of the Pill. I stopped taking birth control, but we weren't knowledgeable about NFP at all.

About this time, I started seriously discerning converting to the Catholic Church.

I threw a lot of lame arguments and misconceptions at my husband about the Church during our early years and he always had an answer that shattered my previous understanding. I finally saw the beauty and truth of the Catholic faith, and in 2009, I entered the Church. It truly has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

At this same time, I became pregnant. It is terribly sad for me to say, but I wasn't happy about it. I had become very selfish and since my kids were getting older, I enjoyed a lot of "me" time. I didn't want to hassle with diaper bags, nursing, and car seats again. It pains me to say that I was not being the best version of myself. I wasn't being a good mother either, because I was so focused on myself. Eventually, I warmed to the life growing inside me and became excited to welcome this new little soul. Sadly, however, we lost that baby to miscarriage. It was crushing.

For the next four years, we experienced eight miscarriages. Each one was like a slash through my heart. No doctor would test me, and we had no clue as to why I was losing so many babies. My husband and I were utterly devastated. It got to the point, for me, that when I would get pregnant, I would fall into despair, knowing where it would lead.

I was very angry with God and couldn’t understand why He would put us through such suffering.

After my husband came back from a deployment in 2012, we talked about whether we wanted to try again for a baby. We both knew if we tried, we needed to approach it differently--we needed to bring God into the decision and pray.

So, in 2013, we tried again. This time when I took the test and saw two pink lines, I smiled. I ran to my husband and we hugged. It was a good feeling. We soon welcomed our son, Jeremiah.

My husband and I both know Mary was a great intercessor for us. We've experienced two miscarriages after Jeremiah, so we have 10 saints in heaven. I look forward to meeting them someday, and I know they keep a careful watch on their momma. I love them dearly; even though I have never met them, they have blessed me in ways I could never have imagined.

Each one of these children helped strip selfishness from my soul.

They help me to be a better mom to my earthly kids and for that, I am grateful.

This experience was definitely a trial in our marriage, but I think Dustin and I both learned our suffering can purge us of weaknesses and bad behaviors and attitudes. We know now to always bring God into our pain.

In fact, we know that you just don't do married life well without him. In our 16 years of marriage we've dealt with 10 miscarriages, a suicide by a family member, the divorce of my parents, and other crosses along the way. Dustin is my partner, and he is who I want holding my hand through the trials of this life. I want to be there for him, too.

My sister-in-law once told me that marriage is about learning to love well. I think that's true. If we commit ourselves to our spouse and strive to love him well, no matter what life throws at us we can weather it together and come out even better on the other side of the storm.

Amy's words of wisdom for brides:

Always actively look for ways you can grow and become a better wife. So often we focus on what our spouse needs to fix about himself that we never look at what we need to change.

Date your spouse. When kids come, you have to get creative, but it can be done. You and your husband need time to connect and enjoy each other without focusing on babies, bills, and burdens.

With men, just ask them. We ladies often want men to do things how we would do things. We want them to see the mess or anticipate what needs to be done. Most men just don't operate that way, yet most will be quick to help if you simply ask nicely.

No matter where you've been and where you are in your vocation, know of our prayers for you and your marriage. Feeling called to share your own story? Submit your Sophia Series testimony here.

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About the author: Amy Thomas hails from the great state of Kansas, though she's lived the last 15 years away from the “Land of Oz” traveling the country with with her Air Force Airman. She graduated from Kansas State University in 2001 and married her love, Dustin, that same year. She has three amazing kiddos–two daughters and a son. Amy runs the website Catholic Pilgrim and loves to write about the incredible journey of living a genuine, authentic Catholic life. 

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Behold, You Are Beautiful.

JENNY JAMES

This piece is the second in a two-part series on fitness and self-image. Jenny James and her neighbor, Emily Kelch, are the founders of SoulStrength Sisters, a women's fitness ministry that prioritizes community, feminine strength, and the wholeness of who women are created to be. Read Emily's reflection here.

Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. - Song of Songs 2:13-14

Photography: Anne Molnar Photography, seen in Katherine + Dominic's Fourth of July wedding

How did I know my husband was the one? He was deeply interested in me--not in a falsely flattering way, but in a way that was drawing out the good in me. He sought me where I didn’t know that I was: curled up in a ball, in a cleft of a cliff, walling off the best parts of me in order to protect my heart.

Under his gaze, I opened like a bud in spring. Tentatively at first, but in the warmth of his love, I blossomed into the real me. Over the past eight  years, he has loved me as I’ve struggled with body image and doubts about my worth. No matter how many times my husband affirmed, “You look great! You’re beautiful!” I didn’t believe him.  

God loves beauty. He created beauty. He is beautiful.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look beautiful, healthy and strong. Our bodies are his temple, and he wants us to take care of them in the best way we can.

What is wrong is putting my worth into a distorted view of what I think beauty should look like in me. What is wrong is wanting to change the temple he gave me into something it is not, or into someone who I am not.

Slowly, with much prayer and effort, the Lord has given me the wisdom and discipline to eat healthier and become more consistent in my workouts. He’s even graced me with a love for weight training. But the bigger lesson is still being drawn out of me.

As my Savior calls to me, “arise my love, my beautiful one, let me see your face,” He beckons me away from my walled-off hole in the cliff where I self-analyze, tear down and obsess. He wants to see my face just the way I am.

If I turn my gaze to him, I will stop thinking so much about me, me, me.

I still have a long way to go. There are times--like tonight--when it’s that time of the month, I’ve had one too many dark chocolate pieces, and I hide myself from my husband while changing clothes before bed. What is this? I’ve crawled back behind my walls, hiding in that most miserable kind of pride: the pride of sensitivity that masks itself as humility.  

I can’t force these thoughts and feelings to go away. Through prayer, though, the Lord is changing me. He reminds me of my worth as his beloved. And gently, most gently, he takes my face in his hands, turning my thoughts away from me and towards him and others whom he wants me to love.  

If you haven’t read Song of Songs in awhile, go back and revisit it. Imagine you are the bride and Jesus the bridegroom. Then hear, a thousand times over, Jesus saying to you: Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful.

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About the Author: Daughter of the King, wife to the strongest, most loyal man, mama to three blossoming littles, Jenny left a "real" job at a solid company after (finally) recognizing God calling her to be wife and mother first. After struggling for years with fluctuating weight, Jenny found stability and consistency in weight training. When her dear friend Emily asked her to start a fitness coaching business with her, she jumped at the chance to teach other women about the beauty and success of weight training.  Along with Emily, Jenny is the co-creator of SoulStrength Sisters.

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Holy Week Traditions for Couples

Creating your own traditions as a couple with each new liturgical season is a great blessing of growing a shared life in Christ. As the Lenten season draws to a close and we prepare to enter the most solemn, silent week of the year, consider adding spiritual and sensory reminders to your routine that invite deeper contemplation of Christ’s Passion and death and encourage a sense of ritual and closeness between you, your beloved, and your loved ones.

Here, our suggestions for a meaningful Holy Week and Easter Triduum.

Photography: Kelly Ginn Photography, seen in Sally + Matthew's engagement

Throughout Holy Week

Pray together as you designate a spot in your home for palms.

If you haven’t already done so on the fifth Sunday of Lent, take time this week to cover any crucifixes, religious art, or statues in your home. Broadcloth, in purple or another somber color, is an affordable option from fabric stores. Like any bride, the Church veils what is good and beautiful for the purpose of reserving that beauty for the proper occasion--in this case, the fullness of life made new on Easter Sunday.

Choose one of the Gospels, and read a portion of it each night.

Employ an extra penance you and your fiancé or spouse can both take part in this week, such as no meat, no TV or media, or a fast from unnecessary spending.

Plan to attend a Tenebrae service in your diocese.

Holy Thursday

Attend your dicoese’s Chrism Mass, wherein the holy oils used in the sacraments throughout the year are blessed by a bishop. This Mass reminds the faithful of Christ’s great gifts to us of the sacraments, and its beautiful cathedral setting invites reverence and worship.

Pray a Holy Hour together after the Mass of the Lord’s Supper, before the Blessed Sacrament if your church offers it. If time and geography allow, consider partaking in the tradition of the Seven Churches Visitation, essentially a pilgrimage of Eucharistic Adoration in various locations.

Good Friday

Starting today, begin the Divine Mercy novena.

Following Stations of the Cross and the Good Friday service, cook a simple dinner together.

Spend a portion of the day together in silence.

Holy Saturday

If your family makes a big Easter feast, consider assisting with cooking and preparations. Get to know your beloved’s family stories and recipes.

Pray for your marriage--or future marriage--in a particular way. Holy Saturday speaks to so many instances of waiting, from the anticipation of your wedding day to a longing for answered prayers in work and family-related matters.

For all of this coming week, in fact, enter into the waiting, this sense of bated breath. Allow yourselves to sit with your longings. Entrust them to the Lord, knowing he desires nothing hidden from us, that he loves just as we are in our brokenness, and that he rejoices in our vulnerability. His love restores. Know of our prayers for you as we prepare for the joy of the Resurrection, and don’t hesitate to contact us with specific intentions we can share with you and unite to the Cross.

Longtime Married Readers, We Want to Hear from You! Introducing The Sophia Series.

Sophia is the Greek word for “wisdom.” With marriage comes an unveiling: emotional, physical, spiritual. The raw of who we are. And in that vulnerability, we are given the grace of a holy wisdom, born of experience and time. We invite you to share yours.

Sisterhood, community, and honest dialogue have become cornerstones of the Spoken Bride community, with all thanks to the Father and to your authenticity and sincerity. In that spirit of honesty, we know that behind every picture-perfect wedding photo is an imperfect bride and groom, striving always to live out free, faithful, fruitful, and total love. The Sophia Series will feature testimonies from longtime married women (five years or more) who have endured the fire of purification in their married life and emerged transcendent.

Maybe your purification has involved conversion to the Catholic faith, infertility, loss, addiction, or illness. Maybe your relationship has been tested by your own weaknesses or by others’ involvement. Here is a place for giving voice to the redemption of these trials. Our goal is that this series feels like sitting down with a friend, sharing in truthful, humble conversation and ultimately affirming the reality and goodness of Catholic marriage.

There is no Resurrection without the Crucifixion. The path to heaven comes only by way of Calvary. Yet there is never a doubt that suffering has meaning and purpose; that the Father never leaves our side and that through every cross, grace abounds. We hope you’ll trust us with your experiences and we pray your witness bears fruit for other brides--women who, like you, are on a lifetime pilgrimage in this vocation of marriage.

Feeling called to share your story of triumph from hardship? Submit your Sophia Series submission below.

Submissions are continually accepted and considered.

Lent, From Victim to Hero

SARAH SABO

I sit, next to a tax document I was almost too lazy to search for and print out--in a business center of my apartment. It is quiet, and the task utilitarian enough, to make me ponder the big questions. That’s what quirky people like me do when confronted with drab walls, clacking keys, and low toner beeps. They try to think deep thoughts.

Sadly, I haven’t whipped up a beautiful poem from these deep thoughts, but I have had a recent epiphany about my marriage,and, I daresay, marriage in general.

It is the season of Lent and my life reflects that  right now. With so much in my life to feel thankful for, I feel insecure about voicing my struggles, fearing that I present myself to the world as whining wimp with a bunch of first world problems. I struggled with what to give up for Lent this year. I do love me some chocolate, but honestly, I have pretty good willpower and after having my third baby, some extra weight loss wouldn’t exactly be penance.

Eventually I decided to give up my victim tendencies--that is, my habit of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in hopelessness when circumstances don’t go according to my ideal--for these 40 days. It has been the most liberating thing I could have done for myself and my marriage; it has truly brought me closer to God.

Let me set the scene: a frazzled mother of three waits on pins and needles for her knight in shining armor to get home. Normally, I most anticipate seeing my husband at the end of the day because I need the help. I need more hands! Someone hit someone. What the heck is in the baby’s mouth? The kids ate their vegetable and protein, but I forgot to make a starch. I really should read them a book.

The inner mistakes and guilt trips prevail, putting me in such a state of confusion, irritation, and desperation that I decide to jump down my husband’s throat when he arrives  home twenty minutes later than he planned. My reaction of the cold shoulder and wounded heroine routine feels both obvious and justified as I imagine him out doing things like enjoying a novel and latte at a ski lodge. Oh, wait a second. I recall that in reality, he spends his days busting his butt at work and finishing up his dissertation, all the while being a present and loving husband and father.

So I decided for Lent, I’d slay that tiny, whining, victimized dragon--the scaly, ugly monster who whispers, He just doesn’t care. I bet he was late because he was yukking it up with his coworkers. Does he even know how many disasters have happened today? To my surprise, silencing these thoughts has been easier than I anticipated.

 Simply knowing and believing that the man I married is trying his best, and holding myself accountable to do the same, has freed me from tendencies to blame and wallow. If you’ve ever felt the same mentality as mine creeping in, strive to stop worrying about what is fair and what he should do for you because you already did x and y for him. Give like there isn’t a bottom of the barrel. Love like a hero who doesn’t need rescuing!

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About the Author: Sarah Sliviak Sabo is a mother of three beautiful girls pretending her tiny, overpriced apartment is a log cabin. Most of the time it works. She is the owner of Be Not Afraid Learning LLC, a tutoring business.

Editors' Picks | Vol. 10: Beauty Favorites

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

When held in the proper perspective, makeup, hair, skin, and nail products are a fun part of femininity that can enhance, rather than be the source of, your self-worth. Today we’re sharing our favorite beauty products, for both wedding events and for everyday.

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in our DIY Bridal Makeup Video

Andi, Business Director

Trader Joe’s Face Mask Trio: Available every holiday season until it’s gone, my favorite mask of this trio is the exfoliating pineapple one.

Buxom Full-On Lip Cream in Mudslide: This is my everyday shade of lip gloss. One tube lasts me almost a full year, and the shade is neutral with just a hint of shimmer.

Bobbi Brown Blush in Nectar: Blush is the one beauty item I use almost every day. It helps break up the tans and browns in my complexion and hair color with a tiny pop of pink, and I find I’m a little perkier when I apply it. This shade works on a variety of skin tones and doesn’t look like a fake shade of pink.

OPI Nail Polish: I tend to go with extremes with nail polish, my current favorite being white for my toes, especially in summer. Come fall and winter, I love navy blue or black. I find OPI has the longest wear, and I don’t have use as many coats for full opacity.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

ACURE Organics Brilliantly Brightening Facial Scrub: It’s important to take care of your skin daily, especially as your body undergoes the stress that comes before your wedding day. A good skincare routine not only keeps your skin healthy before the big day, but allows you to get into the everyday habit of simple self-care. Pair a facial scrub with your daily cleanser and moisturizer 2-3 times a week, and it will help deep clean the pores of your skin. I love ACURE’s mission with their plant-based products. Not to mention, this scrub makes me think of the beach every time I use it!

YETI The Rambler 30 oz. Tumbler: A water bottle or tumbler isn’t a “beauty product,” per se. However, keeping your body hydrated is important when it comes to beauty. Bring a reusable vessel with you to work, school, vendor appointments, and marriage prep classes; by drinking at least 6-8 glasses of water a day, you help keep both your hair and skin looking and feeling healthy. I love a good stainless steel tumbler (easy to clean, easy for travel, and hard to damage), and the YETI now comes in pretty colors like pink and seafoam!

Honest Beauty Truly Kissable Lip Crayon: I am picky when it comes to my lip products and the way they feel on my lips. I like a nice color, but I don’t like anything too dry or sticky. I love this lip crayon by Honest Beauty, the new line by Jessica Alba and the Honest Company). Their antioxidant blend of jojoba seed oil, murumuru butter, and shea butter is so moisturizing and soothing on my lips, I wear it almost every day. This demi-matte lip crayons include a range of perfect colors for women going for a soft,  more natural bridal look!

Klorane Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk: For easier styling purposes, a lot of brides won’t wash their hair a day or two before their weddings. If this is your plan, but you don’t want your hair to get too oily or dirty in the meantime, dry shampoo helps keep it clean while also creating good texture and some volume for styling. I absolutely love Klorane’s dry shampoo! With oats organically harvested in southwest France, this dry shampoo gently cleanses my hair without weighing it down in residue.

Stephanie, Editor in Chief + Co-Founder

TruSkin Naturals Vitamin C Serum: After a ferocious battle with cystic acne a few years back (so painful inside and out), I now prioritize skincare in my beauty routine and try to keep my complexion clear enough to go foundation-free. Vitamin C is known for its ability to even skin tone and, when paired with SPF, its benefits of extra protection from sun damage. When researching options, I learned Vitamin C is considered most effective in concentrations of 20% or more; some luxury brands don’t meet that standard, but this no-frills serum does. It’s significantly lightened my old acne scars and noticeably smoothed and brightened my skin. When I do wear foundation, I use the original Bare Minerals formula for how natural it looks and for the fact that it lets my freckles show through.

Sally Hansen Diamond Flash Topcoat: Like Andi, I love dark nail colors. Chips drive me particularly crazy with them, though, because they’re so much more visible than when I wear paler shades. This topcoat takes care of things and could last you from your rehearsal dinner all the way through the first few days of your honeymoon. It’s thick and shiny like a gel, dries nails to the touch in 60 seconds, and helps my manicures endure almost a week with minimal chipping.

Flower Beauty Glisten Up Highlighter: I love the look of fresh, glowy skin. I’ve tried a few other highlighter products, but too often, “glowy” translated to “sparkly,” which just isn’t my preference. This stick version truly lives up to its name, imparting a pretty, glistening effect that doesn’t glitter, but beautifully enhances the radiance you already possess. For your wedding day look, a subtle highlighter like this would look lovely not just on your face, but on the collarbones or shoulders, as well.

L’Oreal Double Extend Mascara: Featuring a primer on one end of the tube and color on the other, I’ll be forever loyal to this two-step mascara that provides significant volume, doesn’t smudge thanks to “tube” technology that wraps around lashes instead of adhering to them, and rinses off with warm water; no remover required. While it’s true that tears are technically warm water--hello, wedding emotions--my secret is to avoid rubbing at my eyes when I get weepy, and the product stays put.

We love chatting with you about favorite things like these cosmetic items. Chime in with your favorites in the comments and on our social media! If you're planning on doing your own bridal makeup for your big day, don't miss our video tutorial with professional makeup artist Nicole Caruso.

Newlywed Life | 4 Ways to Have a Prayerful Honeymoon

STEPHANIE CALIS

The morning following our wedding, my husband and I went to Sunday Mass, ate breakfast at a diner where we were given a free piece of pie, and spent the next eight hours in the car en route to Wilmington, North Carolina. We spent the next week exploring the gardens, downtown, and beaches of this beautiful seaside town. Its small-city feel, with its mix of opportunities for culture and relaxation, suited us perfectly. Simplicity.

Before marriage, I’d listened with awe to my friends’ stories of running through the streets of Rome in wedding attire, eager to get a good spot in the sposi novelli section of the Pope’s weekly audience. Their trips sounded amazing, yet I knew that immediately following our wedding, time and budget constraints would mean a Roman honeymoon just wasn’t a possibility for us. I felt at peace with this fact and, moreover, was excited for a slower-paced trip that I knew suited our temperaments.

Even in the absence of international travel and a papal blessing, though, my husband and I talked about maintaining a disposition to prayer on our first-ever trip together. If you and your spouse-to-be are among those graced with the opportunity for a honeymoon in Rome, it will surely bear fruit in your new marriage. Yet it would be a misperception to believe Rome and the Vatican are the only locations where you can enjoy your first days as husband and wife in a deeply spiritual way.

If your honeymoon plans are stateside or if you’ve chosen another country or type of trip for your getaway, know that your choice is an equally worthy one and that it’s possible to have a prayerful, intentional honeymoon no matter where in the world you and your beloved are.

Here, our recommendations for bathing your honeymoon in a spirit of prayer.

Chase the Eucharist.

Commit to daily Mass, or even a daily holy hour, for the duration of your honeymoon. Depending on your destination, you might make one parish your home base, or prefer to explore different churches in the area. The Mass Times app is a valuable tool for finding Masses and Adoration, even internationally, and might surprise you with new--or old favorite--saints to whom you can pray in a particular way. The parish my husband and I frequented during our time in Wilmington was named for Saint Therese, whose intercession played a major role in our relationship. Coincidence?

Read a spiritual book together.

Diving into new-to-you reading during this sacred time, like Elise and her husband did, offers not only material for contemplation, but an experience to remember your trip by and refer back to in the future. See recommendations from us and some of our brides here.

Develop a prayer routine.

Newlywed life, particularly on your honeymoon, offers significantly more time together than you’ve had in the past, including time for prayer first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. Use these first days of your marriage to expand upon the prayer rituals you employed while dating and engaged, or create a routine for the first time. Rest, however, in the fact that there’s no pressure to have everything figured out by the time you head home. Developing a spiritual intimacy takes time, and the Church offers such depth and richness of options that suit you and your spouse, ranging from rote prayers and devotions, spontaneous prayer, lectio divina, music, and the Divine Office.

Consider a mission statement for your marriage.

This might sound official, but it doesn’t have to be! Men and women called to marriage are tasked with the mission of bearing Christ’s love to the world through their love for each other and, God willing, for their children. Taking time to converse about your hopes for your life together and ways you’ll live out your particular call to marriage can act as a touchstone for your vocation: principles to live by, words to turn to during dry or difficult seasons, and a succinct reminder of your path to heaven. A mission statement for your marriage puts into words the universal truth of the married vocation, in a way specific to you and your beloved. You might write your own statement, or you might turn to a particular word that arises in your hearts or a quote from Scripture or a saint.

I have to admit that my husband and I have never officially done this ourselves, but over time, there have been two quotes we’ve consistently turned to that express our relationship; ones that encapsulate the standards we strive to hold ourselves to in our marriage. One is “freedom exists for the sake of love,” from the old translation of Saint John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility, and the other is Saint Teresa of Calcutta’s exhortation that each of us “be the one” to quench the thirst of Jesus on the Cross, in the form of daily acts of love and prayer.

We love hearing about your own journeys and the ways, small and large, you enrich your spiritual life with your spouse. If there are practices that helped you look to Christ on your own honeymoon, be sure to share them in the comments and on our social media.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Into the Desert: A Conversation About the Exodus 90 Men's Program

Freedom resides in a particular realization about sacrifice: it’s the recognition that when dying to self is painful, it doesn’t mean our sacrifice isn’t working. It means that it is.

Photography: Sarah Ascanio, seen in Natasha + Tim's engagement

Inspired by God’s people being led to freedom in Scripture, Exodus 90 is a 90-day program created to call Catholic men out of slavery and into freedom; out of themselves and into the heart of God. Founded on principles of fraternity, prayer, and asceticism, the program intends to cultivate habits that sanctify men, equipping them to better serve the Lord as they live out their vocations.

We recently chatted with James Baxter, Executive Director of Exodus 90 and Those Catholic Men. The program is particularly recommended for men preparing to enter into their vocations, and we hope you’ll share it with your fiancé; additionally, many men find it meaningful to begin or end the program on a liturgically significant day. Those who embark on Exodus 90 beginning next week, on February 19, will conclude the program on Pentecost and, God willing, witness the fruits of the Holy Spirit in abundance. Read on for James’ thoughts on spiritual exercises, chastity, and freedom, along with his advice for the brides supporting their men in the pursuit of heroic virtue.

The Exodus 90 program includes, among other resources, daily Scripture verses from the Book of Exodus. Can you tell us more about the significance of this book to the intentions of the program?

The singular goal of Exodus 90 is freedom. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, but we drift away from it over time, often quite unknowingly. I know that freedom is a cultural buzzword, and thrown around to justify everything from sexual exploits to abortion.

But the hard fact is that we need to reclaim our definition of freedom. That's because the Church places a heavy emphasis upon it, especially in our sacramental rites--including marriage. Freedom is the condition, the foundation, the soil out of which love grows. When we're not free, we cannot bear the fruit of love. And in a particular way, when men are not free, it's wives and children that suffer the most. That's why we're entirely committed to freeing Catholic men with Exodus 90.

The Church tells us the gift of our sexuality is meant to be lived in freedom. In turn, Exodus 90 emphasizes the virtue of chastity. What practical tips can you offer engaged and married couples for developing and living out this virtue?

I'm engaged to an exceptionally good woman, whom I also find the most beautiful woman in the cosmos. Her name is Colleen, and we'll be married on June 16, 2018. Chastity in marriage preparation is a reality that's close to my experience right now. Here are my recommendations regarding chastity:

First, start today. All virtues are dispositions, or habits, toward the good. It takes time and experience, and failing and trying again to possess them. Your behavior yesterday affects who you are today. So, start again now. Identify your triggers, take control of your glances, use your screens only for work or school. This will make the chastity of your future, married selves much easier.

Second, express physical affection within the scope of proper discernment. Being appropriately physical tempers the passions--at least that's been my honest experience over the past few years.

Lastly, tell the truth. Ever since the fall, we have the tendency to avoid God, deceive ourselves, and blame others when it comes to sin. The Catechism teaches us that the relationship of man and woman gets to the heart of the human condition, and in that process, the experience of our fallen nature is painfully acute. You're going to mess up. But when you do, just speak the truth. Make your confessions to your loved one and the Church, and move forward. Don't let the darkness become something that divides you. God has a marvelous way of turning our brokenness into the very source of our attractiveness; he’s been in that business for a very long time. And no one is above or below that mercy.

Purification of the body, mind, and soul can be painful. What advice can you offer those struggling with the pain of purification?

My advice here is somewhat direct, but I hope that the sincerity is clear. What if we just accepted that purification is painful, and it is so because we are fallen and life is complicated? If we do not first accept that profound purification and self-denial are needed in each of us, it’s difficult to understand in the proper context that God wants to fulfill the desires of our hearts. Otherwise, it's hard to differentiate our faith from that of the prosperity Gospel, or the idea that God just gives us whatever we want, when we want it, and how we want it. The purification of the self is painful but it is also deeply meaningful when it bears the fruit of freedom, as we've seen so many times through Exodus 90. Because then we can love. And that’s what life is about.

This journey of purification and growth in holiness can be as hard on loved ones as on the individual undergoing it. Can you share some concrete ways women can support their fiancés or husbands in programs like Exodus, and can hold themselves accountable to growth and self-denial, as well?

The program’s tenets of fraternity, asceticism, and prayer can benefit both individuals in a relationship during this journey. For fraternity, I’d tell women it's essential that your man is accountable to other men. Though that means at times he is away from you and the home, it will be worth it in the long run. So, encourage your man to find a fraternity or to be proactive and form one. I’d encourage you to do likewise with a group of women that raise you up.

For asceticism, a big part of what makes Exodus 90 so hard is the constant self-denial. And we ask that men don’t modify the regimen to them, but bend themselves to it. Self-denial will be easier if a man’s fiancé or wife is also denying herself in her own ways. There is a beautiful camaraderie that can happen when both are engaged in actively saying no to things they would otherwise have. And here’s the secret: this has frequently meant that husbands and wives are communicating way more! What woman doesn’t want that? By the end, wives and kids like the man at the end way better. But a lot of no’s have to happen before this yes emerges.

For prayer, Colleen and I have experienced that praying as a couple is hard, especially amidst the hustle and obligations of young lay life. At our latest marriage prep session, our priest, Fr. Andrew, told us the story of the holiest couple he had ever met. After years of admiring them from a distance, the priest finally asked: "How do you do it? How are you two so holy?" The husband responded, "We pray together every day." Fr. Andrew was delighted by this answer and asked him further, "What's the secret prayer? I'll tell all my couples!" The husband smiled and said, "Right before bed, we grab each other's hands, and say the Our Father. That's it." That's it. Colleen and I are trying to do this more before we go our separate ways each evening.

The program began as a way to help men combat addictions and distractions in a particular way, though any man can participate. In your opinion, how can a couple discern when an addiction is debilitating enough to require more than spiritual help alone, and what resources can they turn to?

If the question is at all there, you would do yourself some good by accepting that it’s there. There’s a reason you’re wondering, and acceptance is the way to freedom in the future. For resources related to pornography addiction, check out Integrity Restored and watch some videos with Matt Fradd and Dr. Peter Kleponis, who are experts in this field. Matt Fradd just released a great book called The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality behind the Fantasy of Pornography. And Dr. Kleponis frequently writes on the topic at Those Catholic Men.

Exodus 90 is a step toward recovery for those in the throes of an addiction, and if you need help of a psychological nature, it can be a great resource and supplement to therapy. We actually get calls from therapists about using Exodus 90 clinically. I will say, we have had men break decades of addiction through the experience, but again, we are not therapists and this isn't a porn-recovery program as such. All we have done is re-present the spirituality of the Desert Fathers for contemporary men, and that's why this is working and spreading so rapidly. Prayer, asceticism and brotherhood leads to freedom.

In three sentences, what are the top three pieces of advice you'd share with engaged and married Catholic men?

Put your phone in a box under your bed, and spend undistracted time with your fiancé or wife. Read more books this year than you did last year. I’m reading Dr. Jordan Peterson's new book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, and it’s been captivating. Whatever work you do, strive to be the best at it without losing your soul; excellence glorifies the Father, inspires evangelization in the workplace, and bestows meaning.

Men interested in pursuing Exodus 90 can learn more and sign up for the program here.

Images by Sarah Ascanio Photography.

Lenten Promises for Couples

January 28 of this year marked the start of Septuagesima in the Latin liturgical calendar, or the period of official preparation for Lent. Whether you and your beloved celebrate the Latin, Novus Ordo, or other Rite of the Church, these weeks before Ash Wednesday invite contemplation of how you plan to enter into Lent.

For the engaged and married couples, these forthcoming 40 days present a distinctive opportunity to unite your spiritualities as one through prayer, sacrifice, and self-gift. Here, fifteen Lenten promises you can choose as a couple:

Prayer

Commit to a daily Rosary, praying only the Sorrowful Mysteries. Meditate on the profound nuptial significance of Jesus’ Passion and Crucifixion--consider this Theology of the Body-inspired prayer book for inspiration.

Attend weekly Stations of the Cross at your parish, followed by an at-home date night of cooking a simple meal together.

Alone or with friends, set aside a weekly evening of playing and praying with Praise and Worship music on instruments.

Set a standing weekly date for a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament. If you’re married, consider scheduling your prayer time for late night or early morning.

Choose a spiritual book to read together. You might choose the Diary of St. Faustina, to read in time for Divine Mercy Sunday after Easter, this six-week devotional for couples, or these selections that invite a fresh look at your prayer life.

Fasting

If TV is part of your nightly routine, make a promise to pray together before beginning your leisure time. Consider limiting your watching to one episode per night, rather than binge-watching.

Cultivate presence: with the exception of necessary, time-sensitive communications, keep your phones away when you’re spending time together.

Work out together. This program, created by and for Catholics, combines exercise with prayer and includes a workout employing the Stations of the Cross.

If you’re engaged and your schedule allows, fast from non-time-sensitive wedding planning: avoid browsing for material goods (décor, apparel, and/or registry items) and take a break from reading wedding blogs and magazines. Focus, instead, on developing your spiritual disposition toward the sacrament of marriage.

For women, abstain from wearing makeup. Meditate on your feminine genius and on concrete ways to appreciate your authentic beauty.

Almsgiving

Mother Teresa made a private vow to Jesus that she, as his bride, would refuse him nothing. In the small--and perhaps larger--dimensions of your own daily life, make an effort to willingly, open-heartedly say yes to your beloved’s requests and needs.

For married couples, do your spouse’s least favorite household chore for him or her.

Make a donation to a charity or ministry close to your hearts.

Join, or even start, a ministry in your parish or community. Consider leading a Scripture study or young adult group, participating in pro-life activism, or taking part in your church’s choir or liturgical ministries.

For each day of Lent, make a phone call or send a text or letter to an individual involved in your wedding: family members, bridesmaids, groomsmen, clergy, and other guests.

In this season, we enter the desert. We thirst; we are tempted; we cry out. In these times of desolation, embrace the tension between sacrifice and desire, earth and heaven, knowing from the love of your fiancé or spouse and from the Father, there flows endless mercy and grace, cherishing you just as you are and calling you on to greatness.