How to Create + Give a Spiritual Bouquet

ANDI COMPTON

On the morning of our wedding, my Maid of Honor presented me with a bouquet of daisies. Tied to the flowers were sweet cards written with prayers and sacrifices our bridal party and friends had been offering for my husband and I as as we prepared for our wedding day. I was absolutely floored by this wonderful, thoughtful gift; a spiritual bouquet. It was incredible to see all the ways our loved ones were bringing us to the Lord. A reminder of how we are all part of the body of Christ, praying and sacrificing for one another always.

There is no right or wrong way to create a spiritual bouquet, a lovely way of gathering prayers either from yourself or a group, for anyone who could use some spiritual encouragement. Essentially, it is a gift of prayer--like a bouquet, a collection of beautiful offerings intended to bear fruit, goodness, and beauty in the life of the recipient--that can be presented in a creative, tangible way to commemorate a significant event.

If you’re a bridesmaid looking to intercede for a bride, or a bride hoping to infuse your gifts for parents and wedding party members with a spiritual dimension, here are ideas to inspire you.

Binder of prayers

This works well when you’ve got a large amount of people--even groups of several hundred--contributing, or when flowers simply wouldn’t be practical or affordable. Use the free printable we’ve created below to distribute the cards. Have participants to fill in with prayers and sacrifices, then collect them and use plastic trading card sleeves to put them in a binder.

Embroidered flowers or a floral painting

For flowers that last forever, considering ordering or creating your own work of art. Hyssop and Honey turns your prayers into flowers for a lasting keepsake. If you're feeling artistic, try painting or crafting your bouquet as you pray.

Greeting cards

Something as simple as sending a loved one a card like this one, citing prayers you’ve offered for them, is a great way to show your love and encouragement.

Download our Spiritual Bouquet printable below:

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Cultivating Gratitude for Your Body

EMILY KELCH

This piece is the first in a two-part series on fitness and self-image. Emily Kelch and her neighbor, Jenny James, are the founders of SoulStrength Sisters, a women's fitness ministry that prioritizes community, feminine strength, and the wholeness of who women are created to be. Read Jenny's reflection next week.

Navigating the waters of fitness as a Catholic woman can be a treacherous journey. Nurturing our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit is a just and worthy pursuit. But women, in particular, face a tension that exists between being fully alive--mind, body, and soul--and being a slave to sloth or exercise: the mirror or the magazines? The chocolate or the comparison?

I was immune to this tension in high school and college as I immersed myself in sports. But when I began preparing for my wedding day, I was bombarded with eating plans and bridal boot camps designed to help me achieve the coveted toned arms, sculpted six pack, and perky glutes of glowing, gowned models in magazines. I'm sorry to say I resorted to the not-so-healthy habits of under-eating and hours on the treadmill.

Ten years later, I am still bombarded with images of the ideal, but this time in the form of 4-week postpartum, bikini-clad celebrities, fitness models preaching the perfect exercise for my body, and articles claiming they know the secrets to gain "only belly weight during pregnancy." Sisters, it doesn't stop after your wedding day, but I wish I would have been able to tell my bride-self these five pieces of wisdom to help foster gratitude for the temple.

Own your Beauty.  

Just as we are given spiritual gifts to nurture and grow, we are also given physical gifts--and we shouldn't be ashamed! If we are fearfully and wonderfully made, we must walk, run, and lift with poise and dignity despite knowledge of our flaws. No, you may not be able to pull off that lipstick your girlfriend dons or wear your sister's skinny jeans, but those curly locks? That dimpled smile? They are gifts, so rock your own unique, unequivocal beauty.

Move with Joy.

I love deadlifting heavy weights. My dear sister is a natural yogi, while my best friend finds peace in the quiet monotony of a morning swim. Find something you love so "working out" isn't actual work.

Change with the Season.  

Seasons of life prune us as we go: a new job's schedule may conflict with your favorite barre class; the little life growing within you will prevent your all-time-squat PR; liturgical seasons like Lent force you to assess attachments to vice and sin. The seemingly small changes in our lives are opportunities for grace and are built-in mortifications. Accept them as gifts, and adjust realistically.

Find Community.

We live in constant temptation to compare, so find a tribe that speaks to your heart, challenges you physically, and encourages you spiritually.

Be grounded in prayer.

When I am meeting the Lord in prayer every day, I am reminded that my worth isn't in the absence of a thigh gap, impeccable meal planning, or a perfectly planned workout schedule. My worth is found as a daughter of God. When we are grounded in prayer, fitness is less likely to become an idol and more likely to be viewed as a tool to grow in temperance, self control, and obedience.

Through ten years of marriage, five babies, multiple failures and “beginning agains,” I've found that to be the best gift I can give my husband and children, I must aim to be my best self--body and soul. I still stumble at times (many times!), but I always come back to these points to help refresh my perspective.  

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About the Author: Smitten wife, mama of five, homeschooler and nurse (on the very, very side), Emily is a recovering people-pleaser whose favorite things include deadlifts, feminine dresses, St. Therese, and 90s music playlists. While she thoroughly enjoys hosting dance parties and serving British delicacies with her very sanguine husband, she is happiest in the company of life-giving friends, deep conversations, and drinking in the beauty of quiet, prayerful mornings, and fresh--not yet reheated--coffee.

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Holy Week Traditions for Couples

Creating your own traditions as a couple with each new liturgical season is a great blessing of growing a shared life in Christ. As the Lenten season draws to a close and we prepare to enter the most solemn, silent week of the year, consider adding spiritual and sensory reminders to your routine that invite deeper contemplation of Christ’s Passion and death and encourage a sense of ritual and closeness between you, your beloved, and your loved ones.

Here, our suggestions for a meaningful Holy Week and Easter Triduum.

Photography: Kelly Ginn Photography, seen in Sally + Matthew's engagement

Throughout Holy Week

Pray together as you designate a spot in your home for palms.

If you haven’t already done so on the fifth Sunday of Lent, take time this week to cover any crucifixes, religious art, or statues in your home. Broadcloth, in purple or another somber color, is an affordable option from fabric stores. Like any bride, the Church veils what is good and beautiful for the purpose of reserving that beauty for the proper occasion--in this case, the fullness of life made new on Easter Sunday.

Choose one of the Gospels, and read a portion of it each night.

Employ an extra penance you and your fiancé or spouse can both take part in this week, such as no meat, no TV or media, or a fast from unnecessary spending.

Plan to attend a Tenebrae service in your diocese.

Holy Thursday

Attend your dicoese’s Chrism Mass, wherein the holy oils used in the sacraments throughout the year are blessed by a bishop. This Mass reminds the faithful of Christ’s great gifts to us of the sacraments, and its beautiful cathedral setting invites reverence and worship.

Pray a Holy Hour together after the Mass of the Lord’s Supper, before the Blessed Sacrament if your church offers it. If time and geography allow, consider partaking in the tradition of the Seven Churches Visitation, essentially a pilgrimage of Eucharistic Adoration in various locations.

Good Friday

Starting today, begin the Divine Mercy novena.

Following Stations of the Cross and the Good Friday service, cook a simple dinner together.

Spend a portion of the day together in silence.

Holy Saturday

If your family makes a big Easter feast, consider assisting with cooking and preparations. Get to know your beloved’s family stories and recipes.

Pray for your marriage--or future marriage--in a particular way. Holy Saturday speaks to so many instances of waiting, from the anticipation of your wedding day to a longing for answered prayers in work and family-related matters.

For all of this coming week, in fact, enter into the waiting, this sense of bated breath. Allow yourselves to sit with your longings. Entrust them to the Lord, knowing he desires nothing hidden from us, that he loves just as we are in our brokenness, and that he rejoices in our vulnerability. His love restores. Know of our prayers for you as we prepare for the joy of the Resurrection, and don’t hesitate to contact us with specific intentions we can share with you and unite to the Cross.

Lent, From Victim to Hero

SARAH SABO

I sit, next to a tax document I was almost too lazy to search for and print out--in a business center of my apartment. It is quiet, and the task utilitarian enough, to make me ponder the big questions. That’s what quirky people like me do when confronted with drab walls, clacking keys, and low toner beeps. They try to think deep thoughts.

Sadly, I haven’t whipped up a beautiful poem from these deep thoughts, but I have had a recent epiphany about my marriage,and, I daresay, marriage in general.

It is the season of Lent and my life reflects that  right now. With so much in my life to feel thankful for, I feel insecure about voicing my struggles, fearing that I present myself to the world as whining wimp with a bunch of first world problems. I struggled with what to give up for Lent this year. I do love me some chocolate, but honestly, I have pretty good willpower and after having my third baby, some extra weight loss wouldn’t exactly be penance.

Eventually I decided to give up my victim tendencies--that is, my habit of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in hopelessness when circumstances don’t go according to my ideal--for these 40 days. It has been the most liberating thing I could have done for myself and my marriage; it has truly brought me closer to God.

Let me set the scene: a frazzled mother of three waits on pins and needles for her knight in shining armor to get home. Normally, I most anticipate seeing my husband at the end of the day because I need the help. I need more hands! Someone hit someone. What the heck is in the baby’s mouth? The kids ate their vegetable and protein, but I forgot to make a starch. I really should read them a book.

The inner mistakes and guilt trips prevail, putting me in such a state of confusion, irritation, and desperation that I decide to jump down my husband’s throat when he arrives  home twenty minutes later than he planned. My reaction of the cold shoulder and wounded heroine routine feels both obvious and justified as I imagine him out doing things like enjoying a novel and latte at a ski lodge. Oh, wait a second. I recall that in reality, he spends his days busting his butt at work and finishing up his dissertation, all the while being a present and loving husband and father.

So I decided for Lent, I’d slay that tiny, whining, victimized dragon--the scaly, ugly monster who whispers, He just doesn’t care. I bet he was late because he was yukking it up with his coworkers. Does he even know how many disasters have happened today? To my surprise, silencing these thoughts has been easier than I anticipated.

 Simply knowing and believing that the man I married is trying his best, and holding myself accountable to do the same, has freed me from tendencies to blame and wallow. If you’ve ever felt the same mentality as mine creeping in, strive to stop worrying about what is fair and what he should do for you because you already did x and y for him. Give like there isn’t a bottom of the barrel. Love like a hero who doesn’t need rescuing!

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About the Author: Sarah Sliviak Sabo is a mother of three beautiful girls pretending her tiny, overpriced apartment is a log cabin. Most of the time it works. She is the owner of Be Not Afraid Learning LLC, a tutoring business.

How to Support Your Fiancé's Growth in Spiritual Leadership

SINIKKA ROHRER

You close your eyes, fold your hands, and let your chin fall, ready to pray for the first time with your beloved leading. You wait for his words to come. With every passing second, you realize you might have just asked him to do something he’s never done out loud before, especially not in front of his fiancé, whom he is desperate to continue to impress until she says I do.

Soul Creations Photography, as seen in Becca + Kyle's Mediterranean-inspired styled shoot

If you have ever felt like you and your fiancé’s prayer lives are on opposite ends of a spectrum, know you’re not alone. Many times in the Catholic faith, we are used to reading pre-written prayers or praying silently along as someone else leads. There are few times we are asked, or encouraged, to lead a prayer without any sort of prompt.

But now that you’re engaged and starting a journey toward the aisle--and heaven--with a partner, there are bound to be more occasions of unscripted, and it may be a first for you. As women, we often desire concrete spiritual leadership, i.e. a man tuned into his loved ones’ spiritual welfare.

For many men, this is something new to grow into during engagement--not as the result of any weakness or deficiency on their part, but simply as a result of this being unfamiliar territory. There’s a new, more serious call to spiritual strength in engagement and marriage than in just friendship or dating. That means that the firsts he will experience will be as your family’s spiritual leader, as he prays around the dining room table or at the beginning of a meal while you are on a double date.

While your fiancé experiences many firsts in his spiritual life during engagement, you will, as well.

In marriage, men and women are each called to lead in different, unique ways.

Invite each other to pray when you’re together, prompt one another with prayer ideas, and ask your love to pray for you in specific needs you have. I also encourage you to pray, both silently and aloud, for your husband-to-be. Use the resources around you to pray for his career, friends, faith, health, and priorities.

Praying in front of one another does not always come naturally. As you become husband and wife, I challenge you to pray daily for your marriage, friends and relatives, and specific needs you personally have. A nightly routine will bring fruit in engagement and set up a firm foundation to cover your marriage, family, and friends in much needed prayer.

When you do finally make your way down the aisle and find yourselves praying before meals, at bible studies, and passing accidents or emergencies while you’re in the car, I challenge you to use both the pre-written prayers of our Church and spontaneous prayers of your heart. Because as you grown in your shared prayer life, and as your husband grows as a spiritual leader, the most powerful place to be is on your knees.

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About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on a mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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When Your Reception is "Just" In the Church Hall

In a culture awash with Pinterest-perfect images, it’s easy to feel inadequate about having a relatively simpler wedding. In a word, don’t.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Soul Creations Photography

Reception venues, in particular, can help convey the desired theme for your day, from a rustic-chic barn to an elegant ballroom. But what if these locations just aren’t in the cards for you?

Couples on a budget frequently turn to parish halls and event spaces for their receptions, and truly, they are as worthy a dwelling for your joy as anywhere. Even without certain amenities, your church hall reception will be beautiful, because at its heart it will reflect the love between you, your new husband, and your shared love for Christ. Consider these ways to embrace your reception situation.

No need to apologize.

Knowing you and your guests might have attended more elaborate wedding venues in the past, you might be tempted to apologize for “just” having a church hall reception. But there’s no need.

As much as guests might appreciate certain glamorous elements, it’s not the glamour they’re attending your wedding for. It’s you. And being there for you on your big day involves enjoying any and all offerings, from food to favors to music, with gratitude. You, your beloved, and your parents are the hosts of your day, and it’s gracious for hosts to embody poise and self-assurance, rather than self-consciousness, in their choices. Your guests will follow your lead and, in all likelihood, will be so happy to share in your day that anything besides your union with your new spouse will be secondary.

In the mid-twentieth century, many city parishes held weekly dances for young adults, as well as meals and shelter for those going without. The hall was a central part of parish life; in holding your reception in one, know that you’re taking part in a long tradition of Catholic culture. Additionally, there are the benefits of little to no travel time between your Mass and reception, allowing for more time for photos and with guests, and of knowing you’re making a financial contribution to the Church.

Cultivate creativity and confidence.

If your hall is simply arranged, consider it a blank slate and, if it's a priority for you, find ways to maximize the setting. Adding in ambient lighting to offset overhead bulbs, renting pretty chair and table covers, and using blank wall areas for décor can all help enhance your space.

What’s more, trust in your wedding vendors to help you maximize your resources. Coordinators, for instance, are familiar with working in a variety of settings. Photographers have trained themselves in using natural and artificial light to its best advantage and to prioritizing tighter, close-up shots when a location calls for it, all to produce beautiful images that capture the spirit of your day.

Remember it’s the experience that will linger.

Wedding photographers frequently say that no matter how well-dressed their clients are for a session, or no matter how beautiful the shooting location, if the clients feel stressed or awkward they won’t look at their final images with fondness. In other words, people generally remember how they felt more than what their surroundings were like. So strive to create a reception atmosphere that’s relaxed and festive, filled with affirmation, warm greetings, and dancing. When you and your guests look back at your wedding images, you’ll remember that palpable sense of joy more vividly than any other aspect.

The weddings we’re honored to share with you in this ministry range from elaborate to simple, with a variety of aesthetics unique to each of our brides and their beloveds. We love getting a glimpse of your hearts and hearing your stories, knowing you share with us a love for the good, true, and beautiful. And we know that you know it’s not about the material trappings of weddings: what shines forth most brightly, what makes a “Spoken Bride wedding,” and what we are here to share above all, is that a love rooted in Christ is the ultimate source of immense beauty in and of itself.

Newlywed Life | 4 Ways to Have a Prayerful Honeymoon

STEPHANIE CALIS

The morning following our wedding, my husband and I went to Sunday Mass, ate breakfast at a diner where we were given a free piece of pie, and spent the next eight hours in the car en route to Wilmington, North Carolina. We spent the next week exploring the gardens, downtown, and beaches of this beautiful seaside town. Its small-city feel, with its mix of opportunities for culture and relaxation, suited us perfectly. Simplicity.

Before marriage, I’d listened with awe to my friends’ stories of running through the streets of Rome in wedding attire, eager to get a good spot in the sposi novelli section of the Pope’s weekly audience. Their trips sounded amazing, yet I knew that immediately following our wedding, time and budget constraints would mean a Roman honeymoon just wasn’t a possibility for us. I felt at peace with this fact and, moreover, was excited for a slower-paced trip that I knew suited our temperaments.

Even in the absence of international travel and a papal blessing, though, my husband and I talked about maintaining a disposition to prayer on our first-ever trip together. If you and your spouse-to-be are among those graced with the opportunity for a honeymoon in Rome, it will surely bear fruit in your new marriage. Yet it would be a misperception to believe Rome and the Vatican are the only locations where you can enjoy your first days as husband and wife in a deeply spiritual way.

If your honeymoon plans are stateside or if you’ve chosen another country or type of trip for your getaway, know that your choice is an equally worthy one and that it’s possible to have a prayerful, intentional honeymoon no matter where in the world you and your beloved are.

Here, our recommendations for bathing your honeymoon in a spirit of prayer.

Chase the Eucharist.

Commit to daily Mass, or even a daily holy hour, for the duration of your honeymoon. Depending on your destination, you might make one parish your home base, or prefer to explore different churches in the area. The Mass Times app is a valuable tool for finding Masses and Adoration, even internationally, and might surprise you with new--or old favorite--saints to whom you can pray in a particular way. The parish my husband and I frequented during our time in Wilmington was named for Saint Therese, whose intercession played a major role in our relationship. Coincidence?

Read a spiritual book together.

Diving into new-to-you reading during this sacred time, like Elise and her husband did, offers not only material for contemplation, but an experience to remember your trip by and refer back to in the future. See recommendations from us and some of our brides here.

Develop a prayer routine.

Newlywed life, particularly on your honeymoon, offers significantly more time together than you’ve had in the past, including time for prayer first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. Use these first days of your marriage to expand upon the prayer rituals you employed while dating and engaged, or create a routine for the first time. Rest, however, in the fact that there’s no pressure to have everything figured out by the time you head home. Developing a spiritual intimacy takes time, and the Church offers such depth and richness of options that suit you and your spouse, ranging from rote prayers and devotions, spontaneous prayer, lectio divina, music, and the Divine Office.

Consider a mission statement for your marriage.

This might sound official, but it doesn’t have to be! Men and women called to marriage are tasked with the mission of bearing Christ’s love to the world through their love for each other and, God willing, for their children. Taking time to converse about your hopes for your life together and ways you’ll live out your particular call to marriage can act as a touchstone for your vocation: principles to live by, words to turn to during dry or difficult seasons, and a succinct reminder of your path to heaven. A mission statement for your marriage puts into words the universal truth of the married vocation, in a way specific to you and your beloved. You might write your own statement, or you might turn to a particular word that arises in your hearts or a quote from Scripture or a saint.

I have to admit that my husband and I have never officially done this ourselves, but over time, there have been two quotes we’ve consistently turned to that express our relationship; ones that encapsulate the standards we strive to hold ourselves to in our marriage. One is “freedom exists for the sake of love,” from the old translation of Saint John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility, and the other is Saint Teresa of Calcutta’s exhortation that each of us “be the one” to quench the thirst of Jesus on the Cross, in the form of daily acts of love and prayer.

We love hearing about your own journeys and the ways, small and large, you enrich your spiritual life with your spouse. If there are practices that helped you look to Christ on your own honeymoon, be sure to share them in the comments and on our social media.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Into the Desert: A Conversation About the Exodus 90 Men's Program

Freedom resides in a particular realization about sacrifice: it’s the recognition that when dying to self is painful, it doesn’t mean our sacrifice isn’t working. It means that it is.

Photography: Sarah Ascanio, seen in Natasha + Tim's engagement

Inspired by God’s people being led to freedom in Scripture, Exodus 90 is a 90-day program created to call Catholic men out of slavery and into freedom; out of themselves and into the heart of God. Founded on principles of fraternity, prayer, and asceticism, the program intends to cultivate habits that sanctify men, equipping them to better serve the Lord as they live out their vocations.

We recently chatted with James Baxter, Executive Director of Exodus 90 and Those Catholic Men. The program is particularly recommended for men preparing to enter into their vocations, and we hope you’ll share it with your fiancé; additionally, many men find it meaningful to begin or end the program on a liturgically significant day. Those who embark on Exodus 90 beginning next week, on February 19, will conclude the program on Pentecost and, God willing, witness the fruits of the Holy Spirit in abundance. Read on for James’ thoughts on spiritual exercises, chastity, and freedom, along with his advice for the brides supporting their men in the pursuit of heroic virtue.

The Exodus 90 program includes, among other resources, daily Scripture verses from the Book of Exodus. Can you tell us more about the significance of this book to the intentions of the program?

The singular goal of Exodus 90 is freedom. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, but we drift away from it over time, often quite unknowingly. I know that freedom is a cultural buzzword, and thrown around to justify everything from sexual exploits to abortion.

But the hard fact is that we need to reclaim our definition of freedom. That's because the Church places a heavy emphasis upon it, especially in our sacramental rites--including marriage. Freedom is the condition, the foundation, the soil out of which love grows. When we're not free, we cannot bear the fruit of love. And in a particular way, when men are not free, it's wives and children that suffer the most. That's why we're entirely committed to freeing Catholic men with Exodus 90.

The Church tells us the gift of our sexuality is meant to be lived in freedom. In turn, Exodus 90 emphasizes the virtue of chastity. What practical tips can you offer engaged and married couples for developing and living out this virtue?

I'm engaged to an exceptionally good woman, whom I also find the most beautiful woman in the cosmos. Her name is Colleen, and we'll be married on June 16, 2018. Chastity in marriage preparation is a reality that's close to my experience right now. Here are my recommendations regarding chastity:

First, start today. All virtues are dispositions, or habits, toward the good. It takes time and experience, and failing and trying again to possess them. Your behavior yesterday affects who you are today. So, start again now. Identify your triggers, take control of your glances, use your screens only for work or school. This will make the chastity of your future, married selves much easier.

Second, express physical affection within the scope of proper discernment. Being appropriately physical tempers the passions--at least that's been my honest experience over the past few years.

Lastly, tell the truth. Ever since the fall, we have the tendency to avoid God, deceive ourselves, and blame others when it comes to sin. The Catechism teaches us that the relationship of man and woman gets to the heart of the human condition, and in that process, the experience of our fallen nature is painfully acute. You're going to mess up. But when you do, just speak the truth. Make your confessions to your loved one and the Church, and move forward. Don't let the darkness become something that divides you. God has a marvelous way of turning our brokenness into the very source of our attractiveness; he’s been in that business for a very long time. And no one is above or below that mercy.

Purification of the body, mind, and soul can be painful. What advice can you offer those struggling with the pain of purification?

My advice here is somewhat direct, but I hope that the sincerity is clear. What if we just accepted that purification is painful, and it is so because we are fallen and life is complicated? If we do not first accept that profound purification and self-denial are needed in each of us, it’s difficult to understand in the proper context that God wants to fulfill the desires of our hearts. Otherwise, it's hard to differentiate our faith from that of the prosperity Gospel, or the idea that God just gives us whatever we want, when we want it, and how we want it. The purification of the self is painful but it is also deeply meaningful when it bears the fruit of freedom, as we've seen so many times through Exodus 90. Because then we can love. And that’s what life is about.

This journey of purification and growth in holiness can be as hard on loved ones as on the individual undergoing it. Can you share some concrete ways women can support their fiancés or husbands in programs like Exodus, and can hold themselves accountable to growth and self-denial, as well?

The program’s tenets of fraternity, asceticism, and prayer can benefit both individuals in a relationship during this journey. For fraternity, I’d tell women it's essential that your man is accountable to other men. Though that means at times he is away from you and the home, it will be worth it in the long run. So, encourage your man to find a fraternity or to be proactive and form one. I’d encourage you to do likewise with a group of women that raise you up.

For asceticism, a big part of what makes Exodus 90 so hard is the constant self-denial. And we ask that men don’t modify the regimen to them, but bend themselves to it. Self-denial will be easier if a man’s fiancé or wife is also denying herself in her own ways. There is a beautiful camaraderie that can happen when both are engaged in actively saying no to things they would otherwise have. And here’s the secret: this has frequently meant that husbands and wives are communicating way more! What woman doesn’t want that? By the end, wives and kids like the man at the end way better. But a lot of no’s have to happen before this yes emerges.

For prayer, Colleen and I have experienced that praying as a couple is hard, especially amidst the hustle and obligations of young lay life. At our latest marriage prep session, our priest, Fr. Andrew, told us the story of the holiest couple he had ever met. After years of admiring them from a distance, the priest finally asked: "How do you do it? How are you two so holy?" The husband responded, "We pray together every day." Fr. Andrew was delighted by this answer and asked him further, "What's the secret prayer? I'll tell all my couples!" The husband smiled and said, "Right before bed, we grab each other's hands, and say the Our Father. That's it." That's it. Colleen and I are trying to do this more before we go our separate ways each evening.

The program began as a way to help men combat addictions and distractions in a particular way, though any man can participate. In your opinion, how can a couple discern when an addiction is debilitating enough to require more than spiritual help alone, and what resources can they turn to?

If the question is at all there, you would do yourself some good by accepting that it’s there. There’s a reason you’re wondering, and acceptance is the way to freedom in the future. For resources related to pornography addiction, check out Integrity Restored and watch some videos with Matt Fradd and Dr. Peter Kleponis, who are experts in this field. Matt Fradd just released a great book called The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality behind the Fantasy of Pornography. And Dr. Kleponis frequently writes on the topic at Those Catholic Men.

Exodus 90 is a step toward recovery for those in the throes of an addiction, and if you need help of a psychological nature, it can be a great resource and supplement to therapy. We actually get calls from therapists about using Exodus 90 clinically. I will say, we have had men break decades of addiction through the experience, but again, we are not therapists and this isn't a porn-recovery program as such. All we have done is re-present the spirituality of the Desert Fathers for contemporary men, and that's why this is working and spreading so rapidly. Prayer, asceticism and brotherhood leads to freedom.

In three sentences, what are the top three pieces of advice you'd share with engaged and married Catholic men?

Put your phone in a box under your bed, and spend undistracted time with your fiancé or wife. Read more books this year than you did last year. I’m reading Dr. Jordan Peterson's new book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, and it’s been captivating. Whatever work you do, strive to be the best at it without losing your soul; excellence glorifies the Father, inspires evangelization in the workplace, and bestows meaning.

Men interested in pursuing Exodus 90 can learn more and sign up for the program here.

Images by Sarah Ascanio Photography.

Let Jesus Interrupt Your Life.

ANDI COMPTON

A couple nights ago as I did the dishes after feeding what felt like 100 people (okay, maybe it was really nine), I listened to one of Fr. Mike Schmidt ‘s homilies. He made this arresting point: becoming a saint really means letting Jesus interrupt our life.

Our plans. Our expectations. Even our hopes and dreams. Just think of Saul. I’m pretty sure he never planned on seeing a heavenly light, falling down, hearing the voice of Jesus, and becoming blind on the way to Damascus. He was probably content with his life and his persecution of Christians. Despite divine intervention, he had the free will to choose complete indifference. Instead, he was transformed, becoming one of the greatest apostles, whom we still read about and ask for intercession some 2000 years later!

In a much less dramatic way, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t let Jesus interrupt my life in ways big and small.

At 17, I was accepted to Loyola Marymount University to study Film and Business. After attending a weekend visit, however, I was overcome with a huge feeling telling me not to go. I wrestled with all the expectations my family had for me, but in the end, I chose not to attend. In that moment when I said no out loud, I was at peace. That program wasn’t where I was meant to be.

That ended up being the easy part. Telling my parents and grandmother, knowing I had disappointed them, was devastating. I’m a perfectionist; not fulfilling all the plans they had for me, for the first time in my life, was just brutal. But I knew I had to do it. Though they were initially upset, by the grace of God I managed to enroll for classes at the local community college right before the semester began.

Eight months later my mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, while my dad was studying law a few states away. We found out on the same day I left work early because a coworker had committed suicide the night before. It was a huge blow, but how grateful we all were that I was able to live with my mom at the time, instead of being across the country at Loyola.

During all this time, I had been dating a guy from high school. It was getting serious and we were starting to discern marriage, but as I reverted more and more towards my Catholic faith, I knew in my heart I was just not called to marry him. He was very nice and came from a loving family I’d grown to love and respect, but his mother and I could both see the problems that would come from us taking the next step to a mixed faith marriage.

God had another plan to completely interrupt my life.

While my boyfriend was away on vacation, I took care of their sweet puppy. Planes got delayed and his family ended up spending an extra night away, so I randomly decided to go to the LifeTeen Mass our church was having.

During the sign of peace, a man turned around to offer me a hug. He just glowed, and a small voice said, I’m going to marry that man. I had no idea who he was, yet it felt like any and all feelings I had towards my current boyfriend were gone. There was nothing left. And I felt like an absolute idiot.

As luck would have it, this mysterious man was part of the LifeTeen core team, and had been going to our parish for a little over a year, though we’d just met. I instantly joined the core team and started making friends who were growing deeper in love with Jesus and the faith. Surrounding myself with those growing in virtue made all the difference in a time when I was so unsure of the next step.

I still hadn’t broken up with my boyfriend, because it was hard. I honestly didn’t want to hurt him, and we ended up breaking up and getting back together twice within the span of a few months. Even he knew I was in love with this guy from church. We finally let the relationship dissolve and I was at peace, knowing that I had done the right thing even though it hurt.

My friends tried to get me to enjoy the single life for a bit after two years in a relationship, but I was restless. I was trying so hard to listen to their advice of taking things slow, being his friend first, and most of all, waiting for him to approach me. Those five and a half weeks of being single, knowing this man was right there, was driving me insane. But I’m glad I listened. I later found out he was discerning a call to the priesthood when I came along, and he decided to take a chance on me.

At least this time, he knew it was a sure thing and wouldn’t get rejected. On January 14, 2006, I spent an entire core team meeting whining about how hungry I was, how I had gift certificates to California Pizza Kitchen, and how I wished someone would go with me. All my friends mysteriously had plans. After saying our goodbyes, I walked, defeated, to my car.

As I was opening the door I looked up and saw him a few rows over in the empty lot. He took  a deep breath and said, “Do you want to go out to lunch?”

We ended up having a nice lunch and watching King Kong at the theatre across the way, because we didn’t want the date to end.

And that’s the story of my last first date.

My husband and Matt I have been married for 10 years, and I am so grateful for God completely interrupting my plans. Had I gone to LMU, would we have met? Had that plane not been delayed, would the sequence of events leading us to each other that day ever have commenced? Would we be married to each other, or would he have gone on to become a priest while I settled into marriage?

Give God permission to interrupt your life, no matter where you are in the journey of your own vocation. Your interruption, of course, probably won’t be a breakup, but another matter he’s planned for your heart alone. Our God is a God of surprises.

Images by Rae and Michael Photography.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Lenten Promises for Couples

January 28 of this year marked the start of Septuagesima in the Latin liturgical calendar, or the period of official preparation for Lent. Whether you and your beloved celebrate the Latin, Novus Ordo, or other Rite of the Church, these weeks before Ash Wednesday invite contemplation of how you plan to enter into Lent.

For the engaged and married couples, these forthcoming 40 days present a distinctive opportunity to unite your spiritualities as one through prayer, sacrifice, and self-gift. Here, fifteen Lenten promises you can choose as a couple:

Prayer

Commit to a daily Rosary, praying only the Sorrowful Mysteries. Meditate on the profound nuptial significance of Jesus’ Passion and Crucifixion--consider this Theology of the Body-inspired prayer book for inspiration.

Attend weekly Stations of the Cross at your parish, followed by an at-home date night of cooking a simple meal together.

Alone or with friends, set aside a weekly evening of playing and praying with Praise and Worship music on instruments.

Set a standing weekly date for a holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament. If you’re married, consider scheduling your prayer time for late night or early morning.

Choose a spiritual book to read together. You might choose the Diary of St. Faustina, to read in time for Divine Mercy Sunday after Easter, this six-week devotional for couples, or these selections that invite a fresh look at your prayer life.

Fasting

If TV is part of your nightly routine, make a promise to pray together before beginning your leisure time. Consider limiting your watching to one episode per night, rather than binge-watching.

Cultivate presence: with the exception of necessary, time-sensitive communications, keep your phones away when you’re spending time together.

Work out together. This program, created by and for Catholics, combines exercise with prayer and includes a workout employing the Stations of the Cross.

If you’re engaged and your schedule allows, fast from non-time-sensitive wedding planning: avoid browsing for material goods (décor, apparel, and/or registry items) and take a break from reading wedding blogs and magazines. Focus, instead, on developing your spiritual disposition toward the sacrament of marriage.

For women, abstain from wearing makeup. Meditate on your feminine genius and on concrete ways to appreciate your authentic beauty.

Almsgiving

Mother Teresa made a private vow to Jesus that she, as his bride, would refuse him nothing. In the small--and perhaps larger--dimensions of your own daily life, make an effort to willingly, open-heartedly say yes to your beloved’s requests and needs.

For married couples, do your spouse’s least favorite household chore for him or her.

Make a donation to a charity or ministry close to your hearts.

Join, or even start, a ministry in your parish or community. Consider leading a Scripture study or young adult group, participating in pro-life activism, or taking part in your church’s choir or liturgical ministries.

For each day of Lent, make a phone call or send a text or letter to an individual involved in your wedding: family members, bridesmaids, groomsmen, clergy, and other guests.

In this season, we enter the desert. We thirst; we are tempted; we cry out. In these times of desolation, embrace the tension between sacrifice and desire, earth and heaven, knowing from the love of your fiancé or spouse and from the Father, there flows endless mercy and grace, cherishing you just as you are and calling you on to greatness.

Embracing Marriage as a Child of Divorce

ALEXA DONCSECZ 

St. John Chrysostom says, “the love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.” But what if you are a child of divorce, and the love between your parents proved incapable of holding your own family together, much less society? Where, in this world of false freedom and loose commitments, can an adult child of divorce turn for strong examples of holy marriage?

Emily Jane Photography

This is a question I’ve reflected on often throughout my life. My parents divorced when I was eleven years old, and I think of that chapter as the time when my childhood ended. I’m not saying that to sound dramatic. It is simply honest. Navigating adult issues and emotions forces a child to grow up quickly, regardless of how amicable the situation might be, or how much effort adults devote to shielding their children from the aftermath.

Still, I remember feeling drawn to the idea of marriage from a young age. In high school, I had an experience that sealed my desire for marriage as something stronger and more deeply rooted than all my other aspirations.

It happened in my junior year Theology class. A guest speaker shared his testimony of how chastity had been a key part of his relationship with his fiancée. I listened to him describe how purity had helped him and his future bride center their relationship on God, giving them a strong foundation for a marriage built to last, and I remember thinking, That’s what I want.

It might seem like a small moment, but most pivotal moments do seem small at the time. Either way, I know now that this young man and his humble reflection provided me with the first tangible example of what I believed marriage should look like, and of what I wanted for myself when I was older.

Now, a decade removed from that day in Theology, and more than fifteen years since my parents’ divorce, I am engaged and preparing for my own marriage this year. As you can imagine, I’ve done a great deal of introspection on my ideas about marriage and where they came from, what it means to be a wife and eventually a mother, and what is to be expected in my relationship with my husband.

I have also required a fair amount of healing. My journey toward the altar has brought to light wounds I never even knew I had from navigating divorce. With that, I would like to share five things that have helped me prepare for marriage as an adult child of divorce.

A greater appreciation for the permanence of marriage

Any hardship can produce either bitterness or improvement. History can either repeat itself, or it can spark a change for the better.

While we should all ideally be able to rest in the peace that marital love--whether our own or our parents’--is permanent and unconditional, divorce provided me a constant reminder that marriage requires work to remain healthy and thriving.

I know many whose parents are still married, and those individuals also have a tremendous appreciation for marriage and its permanence. I would in no way imply that children of divorce are more likely to value that aspect of marriage than their peers from intact families. I can definitely say, however, that for me personally, encountering divorce as a child forced me to evaluate marriage early on and decide what it meant to me, and what I would want if I got married one day.

For me, that extra element of reflection and intentionality made a huge difference in certain decisions I made as I got older, like striving for chastity and choosing to make faith a key component of my romantic relationships. Strewn throughout my dating life were subtle habits and tendencies--mostly faith centered--that I believed would help “divorce-proof” my future marriage, because that security was extremely important to me.

Trusting in the grace of the sacrament

It’s often said God will not give us more than what he knows we can handle. As Catholics, we believe when we receive the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we gain special graces that will help us fully live out our vocation to married life.

Coming from a broken home, it was no secret to me that marriage brings obstacles and challenges, many of which test the bond of commitment between husband and wife. As I grew older and reflected on the struggles that led to the breakdown of my household, it wasn’t unusual for me to become discouraged by doubt. I wondered how couples overcome trials or simply recovered from arguments, and wondered whether a lasting marriage is an unrealistic expectation in the world we live in.

This is where understanding grace played a significant role for me.

When a couple receives the sacrament of marriage, they likewise receive all the graces necessary to help them fulfill their vocation: as spouses to each other, as parents to their children, and living out the universal call to holiness in their individual lives--ultimately gaining eternal salvation. Of course, this doesn't mean marriage will be easy, or that doing what is required of us always feels good or provides immediate fulfillment.

But it does mean we have all the tools we need to live out our marriage in accord with God’s plan and be sanctified by it, because we have the unyielding support of sacramental grace.

The sacramental aspect of marriage acknowledges God’s indispensable role in the relationship between husband and wife, a reminder that marriage is not something we do alone. In order to be successful, we need to constantly rely on God and on the graces of the sacrament, in sacrifice and in radical trust.

Making peace with the past

Throughout my dating experiences, especially as I became more serious about marriage and became engaged, it was important for me to make peace with my past. This mainly meant talking to each of my parents about what happened in their marriage that led to the divorce. Not only did these conversations help me piece together a narrative I would not have been able to process as a child, they also shed light on some of the issues capable of driving marriages apart.

I have been fortunate to have a strong relationship with my parents, both of whom were gentle and understanding with me over the years as I came to them with questions. Their candor allowed me the opportunity to explore our shared situation and to better my own understanding of marriage. I realize, however, that such openness is not possible in all divorce situations. In those cases, there are other ways a person can make peace with her past and find the healing necessary to move forward.

More recently, I was very fortunate to stumble upon a discussion group specifically geared toward adult children of divorce who share the Catholic faith. With this group’s support and shared insight, I've been able to revisit many questions and thoughts I’ve carried with me from various points in my journey. Several members of this group have been married for many years, and talking with them about their experiences has given me valuable insight and perspective.

Talking to good priests and mentors

Marriage preparation and sessions with a priest have been so much more than just another item to check off the wedding list. God has placed so many wonderful priests in the lives of my fiancé and I who have guided us in our spiritual journey.

I have been blessed, in particular, by two priests whom I’ve leaned on and sought out at all stages of this process. Both are wise and holy men whom I know are deeply invested in the fruitfulness of our lives and in the success of our marriage. They have guided me in spiritual direction and are always willing to discuss whatever dilemma or anxiety is on my mind. They have answered all my difficult questions and provided peace when I needed it most.

My fiancé and I are also grateful to have met many married couples through our work for the Church; couples who image what it means to embrace God’s plan for marriage. Some of them are older and several steps ahead of us, but many are our own friends and peers who are able to walk with us side-by-side, as we venture into uncharted territory together.

Priests and mentors are great resources when it comes to journeying through the spiritual life. There is truly strength in numbers. Creating a network of support around yourself and your relationship can make a huge difference in your marriage. When building a support system for your marriage, it is important to look for individuals who advocate for the unity in your relationship, and who will not take sides or create division during times of struggle.

If you are healing from a broken home as you prepare for marriage, I highly recommend finding a priest you feel comfortable talking to and allowing him to walk with you on your journey.

Looking to the Holy Family

Finally, if you ever feel at a loss for a good model of marriage and family, especially in a culture where it can be difficult to find examples of holy marriages, our Catholic faith gives us an excellent blueprint in the holy family.

When I struggle with my image of what a wife and mother should be, I find consolation in talking to Mary. When I need a reminder of what familial love looks like in God’s plan, it helps to reflect on the interactions between Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

Overall, the challenges we experience are part of what shape us into the people we become. Our wounds can become our strengths if we invite God in and allow him to heal us. And while divorce has been a painful part of my past, I have faith that with the constant help of God and the sacraments, my marriage will be built to last.

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About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned her B.S. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. She serves as the Assistant Director for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown, where she has been happily employed since 2014. Alexa and her fiancé Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and are excitedly planning and preparing for a June 2018 marriage. Together they enjoy Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos have the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

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Preparing for the Wedding Feast...of the Lamb

EMILY RICCI

When my husband proposed to me, we sat around being cute and happy for approximately an hour before I pulled out a notebook. “Okay,” I said to him. “Are you ready to get to work?”

From that day on, and throughout the entirety of our 306-day engagement, I don’t think I ever stopped thinking about wedding details. I was a DIY bride with a penchant for holding a wedding on a budget, so I was always doing something: hand painting frames for centerpieces, printing and cutting invitations in my college library, spending hours scouring the internet for deals.

The only time I’d ever really pause would be during Adoration. I work at a college, and each morning, I’d stop at the chapel to pray. As I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament, I'd mentally count down the days until our wedding, letting go of the details for a few moments. Truly resting in the beauty of the sacrament I was preparing to receive.

It was during one of these times of reflection, just prior to our wedding day, that I had this thought: Jesus often uses the imagery of a wedding during his teaching, because he equates a wedding to what heaven will be like. Imagine, then, if we were to prepare for the Wedding Feast of the Lamb like we prepare for our own weddings.

What would that preparation look like? And how can the different stages of wedding planning aid us in our journey both to the altar and our ultimate destination? Here, my suggestions for navigating your planning with our ultimate purpose in mind:

Your Announcement

There’s something wonderfully thrilling about seeing the word engaged next to your name on Facebook and watching the reactions and shocked comments pour in.

As I restrained myself from posting every subsequent detail about wedding planning throughout my engagement, I started thinking about how I presented myself online in general.

Did my friends and family know, for instance, how important my faith is to me? I realized that in coming to my wedding, some may be surprised how “Catholic” it was going to be, and that perhaps being less afraid to talk about my faith online might be an easy way to continue evangelizing after the wedding.

Selecting Your Wedding Party

For our earthly wedding, we select the wedding party with care. We look to close relatives and friends, choosing men and women who will not only be fun to celebrate with, but whom we can depend on; people who are reliable and will keep us calm and organized.

In the same way, we can prepare a “wedding party” to accompany us on our faith journey, surrounding ourselves with people who lead us toward God and encourage us to follow him.

Revel in the moments spent with dear friends. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to lean on others for spiritual support. The community of women within Spoken Bride is a lovely place to start.

The Dress

I went wedding dress shopping early, because that was the stage of planning I was most looking forward to. I tried on the first dress the stylist chose, saw myself in the mirror, and instantly knew it was the dress. I did try on two others, but an hour later had already put down the deposit on the first. I knew people would think I was crazy for buying the first wedding dress I’d ever tried on, but it didn’t matter. I just knew it was the one.

What makes your soul feel beautiful? For me, it’s playing Christian music on my way to work. While Praise and Worship may not be everyone’s style, rocking out to a spiritual tune sets my soul on fire. Whatever makes your soul feel beautiful, do that. Don’t feel pressured to conform to what works for others’ spiritual journeys, but ensure you are taking time during this season of engagement to beautify your soul in addition to your body.

DIY

I was a DIY bride: everything I could make myself, I did, loving being such an integral part of the process. Did it cause me to have breakdowns about postcard paper mailing weights and how to glue together paper frames? Absolutely. But I regret nothing, because I got the full wedding experience I’d wanted for myself.

Ironically, when it comes to preparing for the Wedding Feast of the Lamb, I’d advise the exact opposite: don’t try to DIY it.

We were made to be social creatures. Spiritual communion can be a beautiful thing among friends. One of my best religious memories is of praying the Rosary with my college friends when Daily Mass was cancelled one day, echoed beautifully when these same friends all came together to pray the Rosary before the Blessed Sacrament the night before our wedding. Be especially unafraid of relying on your fiancé or husband. That is your ultimate calling--to lead one another to heaven!

All the Details

My personality and habits made me meticulous about the details of our wedding. From including handwritten, personalized notes inside each place card to redoing the venue’s menu cards so everything would be the same color, I wanted everything to be perfect.

Yet my perfectionism didn’t always translate to my faith. While in my mind everything had to be the right color at my wedding, I was perfectly fine giving myself excuses about my prayer life: well, God can’t expect me to be perfect.

The thing is, he can, and he does. My wedding encouraged me to not settle for average in my faith life, but to strive to be as spiritually perfect as I can be.

The Wedding Day

The day of our wedding, I woke up at 5 A.M. I took a deep breath, looked at the sun streaming through my window, and was filled with elation, just like I always thought I would be.

Then--unlike I ever thought--I looked at the time, decided I was still tired, and fell back to sleep for another half hour. At the very moment I thought I’d be most nervous, all the stress of the past months simply melted away in the joy of marrying my best friend, whom I had been longing for and anticipating for years.

That’s how I want to feel on the day that God brings me home. I want to feel so prepared, so  ready for his coming that I can be full of peace in finally being united to him. Just as I gave myself wholeheartedly to my husband on our wedding day, so too do I want to be able to give a pure, loving heart to the Creator, free of sin and full of joy, with longing anticipation to be totally his.

The period of engagement can be beyond hectic, but allow yourself the time and space to make it a spiritual journey, as well as a practical one. Know of my  prayers for you as you prepare for your big day here on earth, and for the other “big day” you’ll someday reach in heaven!

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About the Author: Emily Ricci – Emily Ricci is a Spoken Bride vendor and the owner of Gloriam Marketing, a Catholic marketing, consulting, and event planning firm that also designs programs and custom inserts for Catholic weddings. She married her college sweetheart and best friend on June 16, 2017 and has a passion for Christ, marketing, and the Oxford comma (in that order).  

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How to Pray About Your Wedding Vows Using Lectio Divina

LIZ ESCOFFERY

I think back often to my engagement, and to its many hours spent at Eucharistic Adoration. During that time, I would beg Jesus to make me into a good wife and, someday, mother.

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I didn’t know then that those many hours of prayer would carry me through the smooth and bumpy parts of married life my husband Bill and I would encounter. Five years into our marriage, a strong prayer life remains a gift and refuge in the midst of full, enjoyable--but busy--days of family life and work.  

Introducing Lectio Divina

Lectio Divina is a type of prayer I return to often. Latin for “divine reading,” it is a Benedictine form of prayer, traditionally done by reading a short passage of Holy Scripture and choosing a word, phrase, or image that stands out to you. The passage should be read several times in its entirety, once aloud if possible. Then, whomever is spending time in prayer meditates on her standout word, reads the passage again with new eyes, and engages in an exchange with God about what he wants to reveal. This prayer can be individually, as a couple, or in a small group.

We can do the same thing with any text, whether thoughtful prose or poems, song lyrics, or liturgical rites. In that spirit, I want to share with you a way to use lectio divina to meditate on the Catholic Rite of Marriage.

Below, along with the text of the Rite, I offer my own reflection questions to help you enter more deeply into this encounter. Whether you pray this on your own or in the presence of your fiancé or spouse, first take a moment to ask for the Holy Spirit to guide your time in prayer. Breathe deeply and savor the silence around you.

(Name) and (name), have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?     

Is there anything I need to surrender or let go of before entering into this Sacrament? What does it look like to make a free gift of myself to my spouse?  

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?  

Who are some holy couples whose marriage I admire? What can I learn from their witness?

What will be the building blocks of a lifelong marriage? Is there a particular virtue I need to cultivate now that will allow me to love and honor my spouse for the rest of my life?

Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

How do I view my fertility? Have I learned Natural Family Planning and been diligent in trying to understand the Church’s teachings on the dignity and purpose of sex in marriage?

Have I considered the possibility of infertility? Of an unplanned pregnancy? How would I love my spouse through these situations?   

Which dimensions of my sexuality need the Lord’s healing touch (Consider spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, communicative, emotional)? Is there a dimension we are very strong in already? Is there one we need to grow in as a couple?  

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

Where am I spiritually  with this vow: does it make me nervous? Excited? Does it seem like it will be difficult? What fears or anxieties do I have in committing myself to this purpose?

Depending on your wedding liturgy plans,  additional text for your prayer time can be found in the language of the wedding Mass, wedding outside of Mass for two baptized persons, and a wedding between a Catholic and unbaptized spouse.

Check out the Nuptial Blessing and the Blessing at the Conclusion of the Wedding, as well, to find more liturgically rich and beautiful language which is great for lectio divina.

I hope this exercise in prayer helps you take any inspiring, holy text and use it to enter into a dialogue with God and with your spouse in marriage. Whether you utilize lectio divina to prepare for your wedding day or to savor the graces of your marriage in the weeks, months, and years afterward, may it bless you and encourage you to continue in prayer.

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About the Author: Liz Escoffery is a Certified FertilityCare Practitioner and Birth Boot Camp Instructor with Indy FertilityCare. In May 2017, she earned her Master of Arts in Theology from St. Meinrad Seminary & School of Theology. She enjoys working with engaged couples and newlyweds (both in Indianapolis, IN and virtually) and has helped over 175 women and couples learn the Creighton Model. She and her husband Bill have two children and another due in March 2018.

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The Limits of Pre-Marital Inventories

STEPHANIE CALIS

As a middle schooler, my love for personality quizzes took root in magazines and a young internet. There was something so satisfying about being told what flavor of lip balm best suited my style, which boy from Harry Potter was my soulmate, and what future tattoo I should get.

A few years later, my penchant for quizzes took a more serious turn when I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory for the first time on a youth group retreat. Reading through each bullet points describing INFJs, I thought, that’s me. That’s me. That’s me.

This short paragraph seemingly nailed exactly who I was. As an awkward teenager, the comfort found in reading about who you are, and discovering there are enough others out there with your same tendencies to categorize them into a personality type--the feeling that maybe I wasn’t as unusual or as much of an outsider as I sometimes felt like--was not to be underestimated.

I know now that the sense of deep recognition I felt speaks to every heart’s cry to be known. We desire to be understood; to be told we aren’t alone in certain weaknesses and struggles inherent to our personality--even when the one telling us is an inanimate piece of paper or computer tab.

Fast forward to my engagement, when my husband and I took the inventory in the book The Temperament God Gave You at our sponsor couple's recommendation. Specifically, they asked us to consider what aspects of our temperaments, upbringings, and spiritual lives might be a source of contention in our future marriage. I happily complied.

My husband, however, was suspicious. He didn’t want who he was to be put into one of several boxes, he said, nor did he believe a book could tell us everything we needed to know about ourselves and our relationship. I half-seriously wondered to myself if his not liking personality inventories would be a source of contention. Truly, though, my husband was on to to something.

Unlike inanimate text that, insightful and knowing as it may be, is meant for thousands and can’t personally interact with us, the living God does know us, so intimately and particularly. He knows each person as so much more than a designated personality type or set of letters. In that fullness of who we are, we are loved.

It’s this love spouses are called to reflect to one another. For the first time, I began to consider what we were like simply as we were, rather than what we were like according to tests and inventories.

I’ve realized these materials do warrant critical thinking rather than blind acceptance of their results. If, like us, you are given inventories like the temperament test or FOCCUS as part of your marriage prep, it can be helpful to approach them with an open, yet critical mind and to consider how you might deal with potential concerns.

One drawback that arises from these inventories, for instance, is the false perception that you’re locked into your weaknesses: hearing a dead-on description of myself in the temperament test, in both my strengths and struggles, initially led me to believe I struggled with complacency, laziness, and following through on things because that was simply my temperament; who I was. In reality, I can see now that personality descriptions aren’t there to tell us who we are and then let us be. Instead, they can serve as a means of bringing to light vices and struggles we can become more aware of, in the hope of improving upon them.

Moreover, when you and your beloved fall into seemingly opposite personality categories, or if your inventory highlights opinions or areas of your lives in which you majorly differ, anxiety over your compatibility might arise. Bear in mind that marriage preparation isn’t intended to test how right you are for one another, but to offer tools that enrich your discernment and encourage communication about topics you might never have discussed previously. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in seeking peace over unrest, in whatever way that looks like in your relationship.

Being told who you are by a test is fun, and can provide you with new language and a new lens to understand you and your beloved’s identities within a certain set of qualities. Yet ultimately, our deepest, truest identity comes from Christ. We are loved and willed into existence, we are conformed to him, we are made for love--all of us, no matter what combination of letters makes up our personalities.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Our Best of 2017

Thanks to the beautiful vulnerability and generosity of spirit given by each of you in the Spoken Bride community, it’s been our honor to share such precious parts of your hearts, and ours, in 2017. Here, as we close this year, a look back at our featured love stories and a collection of our favorite posts.

As you plan your nuptial liturgy

• Guidelines and suggested wording for your wedding program
• An introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage
• Writing your own Prayers of the Faithful

Practical and spiritual wedding planning tips

• 3 first steps to take after getting engaged
• A non-typical, yet incredibly effective, system for planning and organization 
• Distinctively Catholic ways to commemorate the dead at your Mass and reception 
• Questions to consider as you decide whether or not to have a First Look 
• Why pre-marital counseling might be a better fit for you than you thought

Prayer

• How to create your own wedding novena
• How to pray with your beloved when you have different habits and spiritualities

If you’re in need of encouragement

• You are more than your imperfections.
•  Struggling with chastity? You’re not alone…
•  ...and these practices might help you in your struggle.
• Ways to grow in friendship with your spouse when romantic emotion comes and goes
• Living in the longing
• Advice for finding comfort amidst fear of losing your beloved

As you plan your honeymoon

• Real talk about your wedding night, no matter where you’ve been
• Tips for a Roman honeymoon and having your marriage blessed by the Pope
• The joys and challenges of a “honeymoon baby”
• The editors share their favorite unexpected, yet essential, traveling items

You are a bride, a beloved. Cherish this sacred time.

• This is the essence of being a bride.
• A professional tutorial on doing your own wedding-day makeup
• How to give yourself permission to be surprised
• You are a bride always--even if you no longer feel like one after your wedding day.

Our Best Nine, According to Instagram

L-R Clockwise: Laurel Creative, Rae & Michael Photography, Elissa Voss Photography, Mary Katherine Photography, Leah Muse Photography, L'Osservatore Romano Photography, Sweetness & hope Mamas, Du Castel Photography, Jenn HarkleRoad Photography

From us to you, thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride's ministry, whether through your social media interaction, your submissions, your patronage of our Catholic wedding vendors, or simply through having clicked over to the site. All glory and thanks to the one whose hand has guided this mission and brought you here. We sincerely hope the words and images you've found here have been a source of authenticity and beauty in your heart, your spiritual life, and your relationship. Be assured of our prayers as we, like you, strive for heaven in this vocation of marriage. We’re grateful and eager to continue serving you and sharing in sisterhood in 2018!

Advent, Marriage, and Waiting in Joyful Hope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

All of us know how difficult it is to wait: for Christmas morning, for an acceptance letter, for a diagnosis, for a spouse, for a job offer, for a child. If you’re currently engaged, you know how difficult it is to wait for your wedding day, and how the longing to be united to your beloved increases day by day.

If you’re married, you know that when that day finally does come, while it is the fulfillment of so many hopes, dreams, and prayers, it’s only the beginning. You begin to wait for the next big milestone: your first child, your first home, and so on. And when the pregnancy test is positive, or you sign the lease or mortgage papers, a new season of waiting begins.

Leah Muse Photography

It’s tempting, however, to think that once we get what we’ve been waiting for, we’ll be set. A friend of mine calls this “missing puzzle piece syndrome”. As a single woman, I struggled against the false notion that once I was married, I’d be set: no more loneliness, no more anxiety, no more waiting. Thankfully, the Lord purified me of this belief throughout my decade of singleness and helped me embrace the truth that I will be waiting and longing for the fullness of redemption until I die.

Not only did this realization prepare me for a more realistic (and therefore beautiful) understanding of the purpose and meaning of marriage, it also prevented me from making my husband into an idol, or expecting him to save me. Marriage, like all of vocations, is a path, not an end unto itself. And in that sense, it is a season of waiting like Advent.

As I’ve gotten older, Advent has become more to me than a season of waiting and preparation for the great feast of Christ’s Nativity; it’s also a reminder to us that we, both as individuals and as a Church, are still in Advent. We are still waiting for Christ to come, both at the end of time and into each moment of our daily life. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) wrote that

Advent is not just a matter of remembrance and playing at what is past—Advent is our present, our reality: the Church is not just playing at something here; rather, she is referring us to something that also represents the reality of our Christian life. It is through the meaning of the season of Advent in the Church’s year that she revives our awareness of this. She should make us face these facts, make us admit the extent of being unredeemed, which is not something that lay over the world at once time, and perhaps somewhere still does, but is a fact in our own lives and in the midst of the Church.

As Advent draws to a close, take some time to meditate on the fact that no matter what you are waiting for, the Lord has even more that he desires to give you: Himself. And you don’t have to wait till Christmas morning to receive this gift: He is waiting for you now, in the Eucharist, in his Word, and in the incarnate love of those he has placed in your life. 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Five Distinctively Catholic Ways to Celebrate Christmas as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

The season of Advent is rich with rituals and traditions: prayers like the O Antiphons and St. Andrew Christmas Novena; Advent wreaths; nativities; Lessons and Carols; the feasts of St. Nicolas, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and St. Lucia. Each of these point us to our Bethlehem, stretching us in desire and anticipation for the Father’s most generous gift to us: his own, beloved son.

Elissa Voss Photography

But what about the Christmas season? Suddenly, after four weeks of preparation and deeper silence, you’ve arrived at the humble stable where our Savior was born, perhaps with a sense that there’s less time or opportunity to celebrate liturgically. It’s true the Christmas season might bring with it different social obligations than the days prior--matters like travel and extended visits with family and friends--yet it’s still possible to truly enter into Jesus’ birth by creating new spiritual traditions of your own. Here, five suggestions for continuing to cultivate prayer, reverence, and wonder with your fiancé or husband after the fourth purple candle is lit:

Go to Mass, as a couple, as often as possible.

If the two of you have time off from work or school, take advantage of daily Mass. At Christmas, the reality of the Incarnation--of our salvation come down to us in the flesh--rings out. Meditating on the living Jesus in the Eucharist, in light of his coming to us as a tiny child, is profoundly beautiful. May we receive him, may we come to adore him, in full. Even if you’re staying with faraway family or friends as guests or have a packed social calendar, carving out an hour to attend Mass together, maybe with time for a quick coffee date after, is a relatively small investment of your time that pays dividends in graces received.

Host a Christmas morning party…

...in the middle of the night. If you’re attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, invite friends from your parish or community to celebrate with you after. It can be as simple as a potluck, caroling and games or as involved as a more formal, elaborate meal. One of my fondest memories of growing up is the block party my parents and neighbors would hold each year on the night of Christmas Eve, chatting in the street around a fire pit while sharing Christmas cookies, wine, and simple hors d'oeuvres.

Delve into the gift of self.

St. John Paul II wrote, “The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.” If you’ve never taken in this great saint’s Theology of the Body, a series of weekly audiences intended to illuminate our identities as man and woman within the Father’s divine plan for creation and salvation, the Christmas season is the perfect time for an introduction. The Theology of the Body explains the ancient, constant truth of God’s immense love of lavishing gifts on us, his created and embodied children--made out of love, for love, in his own image--in the language of spousal imagery and the hope of our resurrection and eternal life. After all, it’s through the body that Christ is born to the world; through the body that he lays down his life; through the body that we receive his real presence still, the source and summit of our faith.

Create a ritual to celebrate the Christmas Octave.

The Octave of Christmas, as its name suggests, is the first eight days of the season, beginning on Christmas Day and concluding with the Nativity of the Lord. Liturgically, each day of the octave is celebrated as a solemnity, as if each day is equal in magnitude and joy as December 25.

To acknowledge and feast in these eight days, consider employing a special ritual with your beloved for each day or night of the Octave. You might exchange daily love letters or prayer intentions, Mass or Adoration, and enjoying a treat together--samplers of coffee, spirits, or chocolate are widely available, at every price point, around this time of year.

Anticipate Epiphany.

It’s a great gift to us that seasons within the Church are so distinctive, with particular practices for all her various feasts and celebrations. As the Feast of the Epiphany, the conclusion of the Christmas season approaches, take time to consider ways you might celebrate as a couple, such as King Cake or the Chalking of the Doors.

The first year we were married, my husband and I drove four hours to stay our families for the holidays, the trunk of our shared car packed with half-ready gifts. We stayed up long past midnight on Christmas Eve, drinking coffee and wrapping presents. He hoped, he told me, that every Christmas to come would be marked with a similar giddiness borne of anticipation, exhaustion, and a shared life. My heart beats faster when I stop to recognize that in the years since, that’s been more than true.

We love walking with you in your vocation and your own pilgrimage to the Christ Child, and would love to hear the Christmas rituals you’re developing in your own relationship and home!

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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The Language of Complementarity

STEPHANIE CALIS

After my conversion--largely shaped by the future St. John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility and Theology of the Body audiences--but before my first serious relationship, I thought the “rules” of pursuit, along with men’s and women’s unique and complementary roles in it, were totally clear: men should pursue and initiate, and women should receive. It was simple, until it wasn’t.

PHOTOGRAPHY; AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

The first time my now-husband Andrew asked me out, I said no. I’d recently ended a long relationship and knew I should take time to recharge spiritually and emotionally. At the time, we’d been friends for months, and I knew deep in my heart we would one day be married. He was perfectly understanding of my wanting to wait before we began dating, and said to tell him when I was ready.

None of my spiritual books had prepared me for this. The ball was squarely in my court, put there in a way entirely respectful and well-intentioned on my husband’s part. But I worried: I was more than comfortable having our feelings for each other out in the open, yet suddenly I was in the position of pursuing, rather than waiting to be pursued, as I discerned the proper time for us to date.

Conversion is a funny thing. It sweeps you up in divine romance, in all its goodness and beauty, then forces you to reconcile all that romance with reality.

In my case, I felt bound by the TOB-inspired nature of complementarity: as a woman, how could I tell this man I was ready to walk into what I hoped would be forever, without stepping outside the boundaries of what I thought was feminine?

As we began dating, that question of how to be feminine arose again during the times I wanted to take his hand first, the times I didn’t mind driving for our dates, and the times I wanted to treat him to coffee on my dining hall plan. Then, without my noticing, the questions started fading into the background. Simply as we settled into each other and forged an identity as a couple, an easiness and peace took over.

Like many goods that might initially seem like rules, the language of pursuit and complementarity now seems more to me, in reality, to be a roadmap to a flourishing relationship. At its root, pursuit is about freedom: allowing man and woman to each become more fully who they were created to be.

And while it’s true there are inherent and good differences between men and women, it’s also true each person is uniquely, unrepeatably made. The ways in which each of us lives out those differences speak to our individual strengths and virtues, and reality doesn't always fit neatly into spiritual boxes.

What I’ve come to realize, through the subtlety born of time and maturity, is that femininity doesn’t always mean always being the asked, never the asker; always the pursued, never the pursuer; always the comforted, never the comforter. It doesn’t mean being afraid to argue or voice strong opinions.

It means loving my husband, in his uniqueness, in the specific way only I can. Like any language, that of the complementarity between man and woman can feel foreign at times as you navigate the different seasons of your relationship and come to know the other more deeply. Through serious dating, followed by engagement and marriage, I’ve realized I should never take for granted that I’ve won my husband’s heart. He still deserves the best of me, and for me to express my love in the ways that speak most deeply to who he is.

Have you ever been in a situation like mine, overanalyzing the “man’s role” and “woman’s role” in your relationship? I encourage you to take the pressure off of yourselves. Simply by striving to give of yourselves and receive the other in the inherently unique ways men and women do so, you are living out your masculine and feminine identities. Make it a goal to be the best, most vulnerable, most honest version of yourself with your beloved, because when you’re living in the truth, you see who you really are--who you already were, all along.

Three weeks after he first asked, I was ready, at least for the moment, to put aside convention and go out into the deep. I sat on a bench outside our college library and asked Andrew to ask me out again. In that question, I wasn’t bound by rules; I was free. A true yes always is. "For freedom Christ set us free..."

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Catholic Engagement and Wedding Ring Inscription Ideas

If you’re engaged (or about to be), you’ve probably already had a conversation about what you’d like to have inscribed on each other’s rings. Some couples surprise each other, some get the same thing on both rings, and some forego the ring inscription entirely.

For Catholic couples, the ring inscription can be more than a way to remember the wedding date; it is an opportunity to celebrate the God who called them to the sacrament of marriage. There are as many ways to do this as there are couples. Our Associate Editor Christina Dehan Jaloway and her husband Kristian have the Italian phrase Ti voglio bene ("I will your good.") inscribed on their rings, whereas Editor-in-Chief Stephanie Calis and her husband have "Before thee we kneel" (from the Memorare, their favorite Marian prayer) engraved in theirs. If you're having trouble coming up with ideas, we hope the list of possibilities below will inspire you: 

Mary Katherine Photography

A favorite Scripture verse

Note: If word count is an issue, consider using the Biblical reference instead of having the entire verse inscribed. If you have enough room, some of the shorter verses listed here are a great option:

This is my body given up for you.  (Luke 22:19)

Do whatever he tells you.  (John 2:5)

Duc in altum. (“Into the deep.” Luke 5:4)

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.  (Song of Songs 6:3)

Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:8)

I have found the one whom my soul loves. (Song of Songs 3:4)

Be not afraid. (John 14:27)

Nothing is impossible for God. (Luke 1:46)

A pithy quote from a favorite Saint.

Verso l’alto. (“To the heights.”) --Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati

Whatever God wants. -- St. Gianna Molla

Do small things with great love. --St. Teresa of Calcutta

Open wide the doors to Christ. --St. John Paul II

My vocation is love. --St. Therese of Lisieux

Love until it hurts. --St. Teresa of Calcutta

Jesus, I trust in you. --St. Faustina

A line from a favorite prayer

Before thee we kneel. (The Memorare--this is what our Editor-in-Chief, Stephanie, and her husband have on their rings)

Come, Holy Spirit.

Thy will be done.

Did you and your fiancé or husband inscribe your rings? We’d love to hear what you chose in the comments!

An Introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage

JULIA DEZELSKI

If you’ve ever attended a Catholic wedding, you know the Church does weddings a little differently than other traditions- there are certain things we do and don’t do. However, if you are a Catholic in the United States, chances are you may not know that the Church has different marriage rites, depending on the liturgical rite a couple belongs to. I barely knew myself until I was planning my own wedding in the Byzantine rite. For every liturgical rite in the Catholic Church (there are over twenty!) there is a different liturgy of marriage in keeping with the rite’s tradition.

Last December, when I was married in the Byzantine rite, I had only once attended a wedding in the Eastern Catholic Church and needed plenty of instruction. I had been officially welcomed into the Eastern Catholic Ukrainian Church the previous June after requesting a change of rite (from the Latin rite in which I was raised). It was during my studies abroad in Rome that I stumbled upon the Byzantine rite through association with the Russian Catholic Church established there on the Esquiline hill. I was initially attracted by the beauty and depth of the liturgy (although I didn’t know any Russian!) and after further study of the history, iconography, and spirituality of the East, I knew that I wanted one day to embrace that patrimony as my own. Upon returning to the United States, I had the opportunity to do so and my husband-to-be was very supportive (and curious) about marriage in the Eastern rite.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Despite our inexperience and our guests’ unfamiliarity with the Eastern celebration of marriage, everyone was touched by the unparalleled beauty of the rich symbolism behind every gesture and edified by the solemnity of the rite.

Here are a few of the most interesting features of the Byzantine rite marriage:

The Procession

Much to the surprise of our guests, my father did not accompany me down the aisle. Instead, my husband and I processed hand-in-hand down the aisle behind the celebrants. By entering together, we crossed over the threshold of the church as equal partakers in this unfolding mystery of love. The focus is not on the bride alone, but on the couple, already becoming one mind and one heart as they make their way into the House of God.

Unlike other weddings, we did not have a handsome band of ladies and gents as an entourage. Instead, our two witnesses led the wedding procession carrying icons of Jesus and the Virgin Mary into the church. These icons now hold a prominent place in our home and serve as a reminder of that sacred day and its foundation. The choir’s intonation of Psalm 27 during the procession served as a reminder: “Happy are all who fear the Lord, who live according to His will. You shall eat the fruit of your own labors, you shall be happy and you shall prosper. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the heart of your home …”

The marriage rite actually begins in the vestibule of the church with the service of betrothal that confirms the free will and intent of the bride and groom. Although we were already betrothed (more on that later), we reaffirmed our free and unconstrained consent to enter into the marriage covenant.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Intercessions

As soon as we had publicly professed our intent, we were prayed for by those around us. The Byzantine liturgy is sprinkled with intercessory prayer: for the soon-to-be spouses, for blessings upon their marriage, for the fruits of the bride’s womb, for the couple’s children and their children’s children. Drawing upon a rich array of biblical marriages, the priest then offers a prayer to bless the couple like the biblical couples from Adam and Eve to Mary and Joseph. By being prayed over with such powerful imagery, the new couple becomes a part of the biblical story of redemption and a link in the genealogy of Christ’s second coming.

Marriage Vows and Crowning

To seal their participation in the story of salvation, the bride and groom are now invited to place their right hands on the Gospels. The priest then covers their hands with his stole as the groom followed by the bride read their marriage vows. Both my husband and I appreciated that we were not asked to repeat the words of the priest - we read them for the first and only time directly off the page. The vows were simple and profound, undergirded by the promise to love, respect, and be always faithful to our spouse with the help of God and all the saints.

The sacrament of matrimony in the Byzantine rite is also called the Holy Mystery of Crowning. The reason why becomes apparent at this moment, when the bride and groom are now crowned - that’s right - literally crowned with either a wreath of myrtle or a crown of jewels (not exactly precious jewels, but not plastic, either!)

The crowning is most certainly the most dramatic part of the ceremony, not only for the spouses who are trying to keep their heads upright, but for the whole assembly that witnesses a new dimension of marriage that is not typically highlighted in a wedding. The crowning is not some sort of mock celebration of how the newly wedded spouses might feel on top of the world but instead the “crowns of glory and honor” placed on their heads symbolize the honored martyrs who shed their blood and gave their lives for Christ and their neighbor. Like the crown of martyrdom, the crown is a prize of a marriage well-lived: a crown of sacrifice and self-giving. It is a foretaste of a glorious marital end!

Jonalee Earles Photography

The Common Cup and Procession

The Byzantine marriage rite is not celebrated within the context of a eucharistic celebration. However, a chalice of unconsecrated wine is offered to both husband and wife, symbolizing the bitter and sweet moments of married life that they will share together. This is followed by a final ritual journey when their hands are joined with an embroidered cloth and bound to one another, the couple is led around the tetrapod - a symbol of Christ - three times, by the priest carrying the Gospels. Again, the couple is starting their journey together by following the Word of God with Christ as the cornerstone of their life’s foundation.

The concluding prayer invokes God’s blessing on the couple until their crowns are received into God’s kingdom.  

In every Catholic liturgical rite, marriage is a sacrament that places you on a life journey of complete self-giving (and hopefully, a crown will be your prize!). Francis and I began our life journey walking as a couple over the threshold of the church and hope to journey together towards the Kingdom of Heaven while building our domestic church day by day. Regardless of rite or tradition, all Catholics are building the same Church - in their marriages and homes - each in their own way. This is the beauty of the Church: its unity and its diversity.

About the author: Julia Dezelski is currently finishing a doctorate in Theology. Her areas of interest include marriage and family, consecrated states of life, and the feminine genius among others. Julia was married last December in Washington, DC and can’t wait to cuddle with her first child due in January.