I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Planning Phase of Your Engagement + 2 Downloadable Workbooks

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Last month, Andi introduced an alternative to a month-by-month wedding planning timeline: the Phase Approach. Here, she breaks down for you the first phase, Planning, and has created two sets of worksheets to help you envision exactly what you'd like for your Nuptial Mass and reception. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

Once the excitement of early engagement starts to wane, and more and more people begin asking, “When is the wedding?” it’s time to seriously begin praying and discerning what your wedding day will be like, and how it will give glory to God.

Every couple has different expectations about their wedding day. Some imagine an intimate gathering of their nearest and dearest at a swanky hotel or art gallery, dining on rich food and dancing until midnight. Others picture everyone they’ve ever known at a casual backyard reception in the afternoon, eating a simple buffet and delicious cake, with lawn games and minimal dancing while they sit and talk to guests.  

The Planning Phase is the time to sit and talk with all the parties who will be contributing to the wedding about their expectations. While, yes, the day is to celebrate the bride and groom, parents are often investing large sums of money into the day. Their opinions deserve to be respectfully heard.

You would be surprised at how many parents, dads included, have a vision for their child’s wedding. During my own planning, I was surprised to find my husband’s family has a completely different approach to weddings than what my family was accustomed to, and my future in-laws had never been to a wedding like the one we were planning. It was also crazy to find out my dad had always thought I’d wear a ball gown (he knows me!) and that my mom always dreamed of elaborate white flowers for me.

So before you meet with any vendors, and even before you start getting numbers together to set a budget, dream big! I’ve created a free downloadable workbook for you that’s full of questions and lots of space for you to write down answers, draw or paste pictures; whatever you need to really dig deep and get to the heart of wedding planning.

The workbook below is designed to guide conversations with your fiancé and families. It has plenty of room for notes and cutting and pasting images from magazines or the internet. So please, feel free to get messy with it and get all your thoughts on paper.

We’ve also created a checklist for this Planning Phase that begins upon engagement and generally ends about 6-9 months before the wedding, depending on your timeline. I've aimed to make it comprehensive, but feel free to cross off items that don't apply to you and to add your own to-dos to the list!

Download the Planning Phase resources below:

• PLAN Worksheet
• Planning Checklist

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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You Are More Than Your Imperfections.

CARISSA PLUTA

The Garden of Eden was, by no exaggeration, Heaven on earth. It was there in which perfect union between God and man existed and seen clearly in the union of Adam and Eve. But we know how the rest of the story goes: earthly paradise had a traitor in its midst.

Photography: Kassondra Design

The evil one, disguised as the serpent, convinced Eve to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. He did this, not by forcing her and not because Eve was stupid or weak, but by bringing into question her identity as a daughter of God.

He says to her: ”You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of [the fruit] your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Eve, feeling lied to by her Heavenly Father, eats the fruit. Because of the voice of the serpent, Eve believes God does not desire her good. Eve eats the fruit because the serpent causes her to question the love God has for her. This questioning causes a rift in the union between God and man, and in turn between Eve and Adam. It is a rift we still often feel the effects of in our own relationships and in our marriages. 

I spent years of high school and college being reminded at various women talks that I am a daughter of God. But perhaps it was the “fluffiness” of the whole thing that stopped me from trying to gain a deep understanding of this knowledge: "You are the daughter of the King. You are a princess!" It’s not that being a princess sounded like such a terrible thing, but it sounded too much like a fairy tale to truly believe.

But I’ve only begun to realize recently that the uncertainty that accompanied my identity made it harder for me to hear God’s voice while the serpent’s voice came more clearly. When we are not grounded in who we are, it is hard to hear anything over the lies, over our insecurities, over our wounds; if you are not a daughter, the serpent says, you are nothing more than your imperfections.

And how often, then, do these falsities creep into our relationships, particularly our relationship with our fiancé or spouse? "I am so stupid; I can’t do anything right. How can he truly love me with all of my imperfections?" Our knowledge of self, the assurance of our identity, has to be the foundation of our relationships and marriages. 

When it is not, we give in more quickly to fear, to anger, to jealousy, and to distrust. We allow our peace to be taken and our relationships to grow a little more chaotic. We are easily annoyed by minor mistakes made or we compare ourselves to others. We are not open to receive love from our husbands, and giving fully of ourselves is made impossible. We eat of the fruit and the unity of our marriage suffers. 

Instead, ask for the graces that are your inheritance and glory in the knowledge that you are a daughter of the King of the Universe.

The Creator who formed the Earth with His hands, who painted the stars we see at night, who breathed life into man. That you are a daughter of the One who calls the sun to rise each morning and set each evening, and the One who commands armies of Angels. That you are a daughter of a Father who created you to love and to be loved by Him, of a Father who suffers alongside his children and who triumphed over death.

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About the Author: About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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How He Asked | Janae + Ryan

We recently featured Janae and Ryan's beautiful Texas summer wedding and were delighted when they also submitted their engagement story. Janae and Ryan's met on their university tennis team, where their shared love of Jesus and tennis brought them together--even though Ryan was not yet Catholic. Through Janae's prayers, love, and a book by Scott Hahn, Ryan entered RCIA and entered the Church a year before their engagement. When he proposed to Janae, he chose to do so at the shrine where he made his first Confession, and we can't think of a more romantic spot for a proposal!

In Ryan's words: Janae and I met on the UT Tyler tennis team. From the time Janae and I started dating I knew it was part of God’s Divine plan. Faith had very little to do with my life the few years prior to us dating. My sophomore year in college I began to truly experience the mercy of God when my roommate and I went to Bible study. This is when I began to really encounter Him, and when He began the healing process in me. I opened up to those closest to me about my journey and my past, and the next day I went on a date with my future wife. 

Janae is holy, and made me strive to be holy! I was completely unworthy to deserve a chance to lead her, but she graciously trusted her heart to me. Janae and I dated for nearly two years before I proposed. It is crazy looking back how He used a completely incredible woman to sanctify me, and grow me. God held our hands and led us to marriage. Looking back, there is nothing more obvious in my entire life than that Jesus wanted Janae and me to be married.

However, there is a twist in this story that shows God’s providence. When Janae and I were dating she was Catholic, and I was Protestant. What bound us together was that we both loved Jesus. As we began to become more serious, we talked about how we wanted to raise a family in the same church. Out of respect for Janae, I began to look into Catholicism. 

While Janae went to Peru for a mission trip, I was spending time at home and making a long road trip to visit family. Janae decided to leave me the book Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn. This is where the twist in my spiritual journey began! I discovered so many new beauties to the faith that I was never aware of. I continued to read, discuss with my family, and soon couldn’t wait any longer! Six months later I joined RCIA and became Catholic on June 2nd, 2015. Since then, having access to Confession and the Eucharist has been unbelievable. I want others to feel the supernatural grace of the Sacraments and to experience God firsthand in the Catholic Church.

On July 3rd, 2015 Janae and I went to a Latin Mass at the Mission of Divine Mercy, the place I made my first Confession. The mission has beautiful grounds and a walking Stations of the Cross. After Mass, I led my beautiful bride to be down a path that led to an empty tomb with a cross. It was there that I asked her to be my teammate for a lifetime through the vocation of marriage. Looking back, I am glad I proposed at this particular place. The cross and the empty tomb symbolize the crux of the Christian story and our call as a married couple. The cross is the greatest symbol of love. Jesus suffered unimaginable pain and died in the most brutal fashion. Just as Jesus died for me, I offer the same sacrificial love to my wife. St. John Paul II wrote that “Spouses are the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross; they are for one another and for others the witnesses to the salvation in which the sacrament makes them sharers”(Familiaris Consortio). Janae and I are bound together and united by this cross. God has placed a teammate and helpmate by my side to help me on my journey towards heaven. If I ever find myself on Calvary hill, I know Janae will be like my Veronica and be there to wipe away my tears, and I hope to be like her Simon of Cyrene and help carry her burdens. 

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to discuss everything and anything before marriage. This is person is going to be your best friend through life and it is important to establish that open line of communication. We are only a few months into marriage, and we are already seeing the joy and intimacy that came as a fruit of these conversations. It may not always be pretty or easy, but it is important to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly! Also have those completely weird and random conversations. Express your hearts to each other often! Jesus works in those words.

In Janae's Words: 15 months ago Ryan gave me a pretty ring on my finger and endless joy in my heart but none of that compares to the joy of our Lord. Ladies, my advice is learn what it means to be the bride of Christ. It will teach you so much about becoming the bride of a man. 

Photo Credit: Brother of the bride | Engagement Location: Mission of Divine Mercy- New Braunfels, Tx

3 Books You May Not Have on Your Marriage Prep List

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

As a Catholic bride-to-be, you’ve probably been inundated with book recommendations, engagement prayers, and NFP method comparisons. Despite all of the doomsday talk we hear about the state of marriage in our culture (much of which is justified), I think we are living at a wonderful time to get married in the Catholic Church. Never before have there been so many resources available to engaged couples, ranging from theological to practical.  Elise wrote an excellent post on her favorite Catholic resources (she hit everything on my list!), and while those were foundational to Kristian’s and my preparation, we also found wisdom and guidance in books that don’t qualify as spiritual reading.

Photo courtesy of Susan Reue. 

Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy

I would count Attachments as one of the books that changed my life. Shortly before I met my now husband, I became aware--through the help of my therapist--that much of the distress I had experienced in past relationships was due to a lack of secure attachment. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake my fear of abandonment and rejection, which made it impossible for me to be truly vulnerable with anyone. And if you can’t be vulnerable, you really can’t have a healthy or happy marriage. My therapist recommended this book, and I don’t think I would be engaged today if it weren’t for the practical help it gave me. A few months after we started dating, Kristian read it on my recommendation and also found it helpful, not only for understanding me, but also for making sense of his own life and relationship history.

Attachments breaks down the different styles of insecure attachment (i.e. the reasons why so many relationships are unstable and unhealthy) and the root causes of them, e.g. traumatic/abusive/unhealthy experiences from our childhood. The authors give real-world examples of each attachment style and practical guidance on how to become securely attached in your relationships with God, family members, friends, spouses/significant others, and your (future) kids. Attachments, true to its title, helped me understand why I “love, feel, and act” the way I do. It also helped me understand why my ex-boyfriends, siblings, parents, and even friends love, feel, and act the way they do. It’s not a silver bullet, by any means, but after reading the book and putting into practice some of the authors’ recommendations, as well as discussing what I learned with my therapist, I started to notice positive, seemingly miraculous changes in the way that I related to others--especially my family and my husband. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Although it’s written for already-married couples, I think Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work should be required reading for anyone who is seriously dating or engaged. Dr. John Gottman uses his impressive and extensive body of research to shed light on the common causes of divorce (they’re not what you think) and the habits of couples who not only make it, but are genuinely happy together throughout their married lives. It’s full of quizzes and activities that you can do with your significant other that can help you identify potential problem areas and start building a solid “relationship house” even before you say “I do.” Dr. Gottman isn’t Catholic (I’m not even sure if he’s a Christian), but Seven Principles is grounded in the truth of what it means to love someone “till death do us part”, and thus belongs on every Catholic couple’s bookshelf.

The Betrothed by Alessandro Manzoni

And now, for something completely different. It was actually Kristian's idea to read the classic Italian historical novel The Betrothed (“I Promessi Sposi”) together; he read it in Italian (yep, he knows Italian) and I read the English translation. The Betrothed is ultimately a story about the mysterious nature of God’s plan for our lives, and that nothing can separate us from his love. The story follows the lives of Lucia and Lorenzo, an engaged couple living in 17th century Italy who are prevented from marrying by the powerful lord Don Rodrigo, who desires Lucia for himself. While they escape the clutches of Don Rodrigo, they become separated and must persevere in their love for each other while the whole world seems to crumble around them. I must admit that I skipped some of the Italian political history stuff (Kristian did not), but I thoroughly enjoyed the book and was encouraged by the faithfulness of Lucia and Renzo, not only to each other, but to the Lord.

I hope these resources prove to be as helpful to you and your fiance as they’ve been to Kristian and me. Regardless of how far along you are in the marriage prep process, it never hurts to add a few more books to your list--even if you don’t get to them until after you’re married. If you’re engaged or married and have read these books, what did you think? Did you find them helpful? Would you add any others to the list? Let me know in the comments!

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About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Katherine + Jonathan | New Orleans Traditions Wedding

Jonathan's brother was a priest in the Archdiocese of New Orleans, and his grandfather was a famous local sportswriter. He and Katherine first met at Christ in the City, a night of Adoration and fellowship hosted by the archdiocese, but she didn't think much of their first encounter. A few weeks later, the New Orleans natives met again at a Mardi Gras parade, where they danced together in the street. That night, Katherine started to see him differently and realized how much fun this man was.

Jonathan soon asked Katherine out, wherein they ate charbroiled oysters and listened to live jazz--two beloved New Orleans traditions--on their first date. Katherine noticed right away how secure she felt with Jonathan, and they spent many of their early dating days exploring their city. It wasn’t long before they realized God had brought them to each other. They recognized early on that they were meant to be together for life. 

On October 22, the feast of Saint John Paul II, Jonathan carried out his plan to propose. He knew it was a special day because of Katherine's devotion to the pope, and he also knew he'd have to work hard to surprise her. So he asked the diocesan young adult coordinator to send an email about an event happening in the St. Louis Cathedral in honor of the feast day--to Katherine only. John Paul II visited the cathedral in 1987 and prayed in some of the same spots Katherine and Jonathan frequented.

Right after receiving the email, Katherine forwarded it to Jonathan, telling him they should go. His plan worked! When they arrived, there was no one at the cathedral except the two of them. They walked down the aisle towards the altar and knelt. Jonathan proposed there before the tabernacle, where just months later they'd make their vows and kneel before the Lord for the first time as bride and groom. Jonathan's brother, the priest, exposed the Eucharist afterwards as they took time to rejoice together before the Father. 

Every year on the anniversary of their first Mardi Gras parade, Katherine and Jonathan celebrate the first of many times they danced together.

From the Bride: The night before the wedding, Jonathan and I decided to have our rehearsal dinner filmed. Words of Affirmation is a shared love language of ours, and we knew there would be a few speeches from the night that we'd want to cherish. 

It was so important to both Jonathan and me to be peaceful the day of our wedding. We knew there would be so many things going on, but we both just wanted to focus on how we were entering our vocations that day, with Christ as our goal. So I started off the day in Adoration while Jonathan went on a quiet run. This helped both of us truly focus on what was about to happen. 

The day was June 5, and it was absolutely beautiful. Granted, it was June in New Orleans, so it was pretty hot. But the sun was out, there was joy and anticipation in the air, and it felt like the weather knew exactly how to showcase this. My bridesmaids and I got ready at my childhood home. This was really special to me; this home was my family's since I was two years old, even enduring total destruction and renewal during the time of Hurricane Katrina. Jonathan had worked at the cathedral since he was in high school, and he and the groomsmen were allowed to utilize the rectory as their place of preparation. This made for incredible groomsmen pictures in St. Anthony’s Garden behind the cathedral. 

Jonathan and I wrote wedding-day letters to each other which were delivered by our siblings. In addition to a letter for me (addressed to Mrs. Finney, my married name!!), Jonathan gave me an incredible gift: he took the time to type up and put together a bound book of all of our text messages, from our first ones to the ones right after we started dating. My tears flowed abundantly when I received it. I was overwhelmed with emotion, looking back on when we first started talking to each other to where we were that day: about to start our married life together. It was truly one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received, and it came to me on the perfect day. 

The bridesmaids and I took our time getting ready, as the wedding wasn’t until 7 in the evening. It was such a beautiful day full of prayer and laughter.

When we got to the cathedral, everything went so smoothly and prayerfully. My father and I walked down the aisle to a song called “I Give Myself Away,” which was sung by my high school students. They did a fantastic job. It was so meaningful having them there to sing such an important song, as I prepared to give myself away to my groom. In addition, so many of my students came for our ceremony that almost the whole center of the church was full. This truly touched me, because it reminded me that as a married woman, I can be a witness to the goodness of God. 

When I approached Jonathan, I saw that one of his glasses lenses was fogged up because of how much he was crying. It was precious! Our Mass was absolutely beautiful. I couldn’t have imagined it being more prayerful and special. Father Peter, Jonathan’s brother, was the main celebrant, and he gave such a personal and well-written homily about how our steps together lead us to our ultimate goal--union with God in heaven. 

We said our vows holding a crucifix to represent the reality that we are taking up our cross through this marriage, and we want to bring each other to where Jesus is. 

The chalice used at our wedding was used by and donated from St. John Paul II when he visited New Orleans in 1987. Receiving the Eucharist was the most emotional part of the wedding for me because not only did I receive Jesus from such a meaningful chalice, but I was deeply aware of the fact that Jesus is my one true love and that Jonathan is here for me so that Jesus can love me through him.

Jonathan and I prayed before both a statue of Our Lady of Prompt Succor (meaning “quick help”--she is the patroness of New Orleans) as well as St. Joseph. We thought it was important to pray not only before our Blessed Mother but also her spouse, since both she and St. Joseph have been a major influence on our relationship. 

Jonathan and I walked down the aisle together as man and wife to a beautiful rendition of Charles-Marie Widor’s "Toccata.” This was significant for Jonathan, since it was the same song to which his mom and dad processed out of the church at their wedding.

The reception was so much fun! We had a live band and wanted to represent tons of New Orleans traditions. One of those traditions, a common one in the South, was a groom’s cake. Jonathan's groom’s cake was a three-tiered king cake, a dessert eaten in New Orleans during Mardi Gras season. The first tier was purple and gold for LSU, Jonathan’s alma mater. The middle tier was black and gold for our favorite football team, the New Orleans Saints, and the bottom tier was purple, green, and gold to represent Jonathan’s favorite time of year and the time we fell in love--Mardi Gras. I made the cake topper out of modeling clay and paint, and it represents Jonathan as a doctor and myself as a high school religion teacher, holding the Catechism.

Another New Orleans tradition is to have cake pulls at the bottom of the wedding cake for the bridesmaids. The pulls have charms on the end to represent something for the bridesmaid--for example, who’s going to have the next baby and who will get married next. I used New Orleans symbols--a streetcar, pelican, saxophone, and others--as the charms for my cake pulls, and adapted them to take on traditional meanings.

Lastly, one of our favorite New Orleans traditions was having a second line out of the reception to end the party. Traditionally, a second line refers to the people or crowd that marches behind a brass band as they process out of a church after a funeral. More recently, New Orleanians have adopted “second lines” for weddings as part of the reception. Just before our second line, Jonathan and I changed into our “going away” outfits and danced the last few songs before the second line started. Once the second line was over, we made it to our getaway vehicle and drove off towards our honeymoon.

The night was everything we wanted it to be--prayerful and peaceful, but also extremely fun. Overall, Jonathan and I wouldn’t change a thing about our wedding day, since it was a day that celebrated perfectly our sacramental love with Jesus at the center--and a whole lot of dancing at the end!

It is only when we realize Christ is the one who can really fulfill us that we can be truly happy. Our wedding, for me, was a depiction of this idea because it centered on God as our one true love--the one from whom we came and the one to whom we're going. I believe we gave our guests an opportunity to witness this reality through the beauty and prayerfulness of our liturgy. 

Since God is a God of joy, and everyone wants joy, we wanted our wedding celebration to be filled with lasting joy. By focusing primarily on Christ and setting the stage for the night with our liturgy, we were able to enter into a time of great joy, dancing and celebrating at our reception. We celebrated a God who gives joy through dancing and carrying out classic New Orleans traditions that were special to us.

Photography: Sabree Hill Photography | Church: St. Louis Cathedral, New Orleans, LA | Wedding Reception Venue: Arbor Room at City Park, New Orleans, LA | Florist: Crystal Vase Flowers | Invitations: Hand-painted and formatted by the bride; Shutterfly Custom Invitations | Reception Band: The Boogie Men | Bride's Dress: Town and Country Bridal | Bride's Veil: A Busy Mother via Etsy | Bride's Shoes: Aldo | Bride’s Hair Comb for Reception: Allure Wedding Jewelry via Etsy | Bride’s Going Away Dress: Modcloth | Bride’s Going Away Blue Shoes: Charlotte Russe | Bride’s Going Away Veil: Marisey Accessories via Etsy | Bridesmaids’ Dresses: Weddington Way | Bridesmaids’ Earrings: J. Crew | Groom’s Suit: J. Crew | Groomsmen’s Suits: Tuxedos To Geaux | Wedding and Groom’s Cakes: Haydel’s Bakery | Hair: Perfect 10 Salon, Metairie, LA | Makeup: Lauren Fowler Rodas at Up’sa Daisy Hair Salon | Rehearsal Dinner Videographer: Reed Between the Lens | Videographer: 63 Films

Cultivating Inner Beauty During Engagement

NICOLE M. CARUSO

Engagement is a time of expectation and preparation for one of the most important milestones a couple can share: marriage. Amid the checklists and details of wedding planning, it is easy to forget about preparing your heart and mind to be a wife.

As a lover of makeup and beauty products, and as one who knows that within our dignity as women lies the truest, most real beauty, I recommend taking time during your engagement to frequently call to mind that inner worth and radiance. Rather than spending all your time and energy devoted to finding the perfect dress and planning the best reception, take 30 minutes out of each day to cultivate your own inner beauty. Not only will you ready yourself to receive the gift of your husband, but you’ll become ready to be a gift to him as the best version of yourself.

Here are 3 ways to cultivate inner beauty that reinforce good habits and bring about peace of mind and heart.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness, as defined by psychologist and Catholic Mindfulness instructor Dr. Gregory Bottaro, is “non-judgmental awareness of the present moment.” Flowing from one present moment to the next--rather than serious multitasking--reduces anxiety, frustration, second-guessing, and wandering thoughts. In the midst of the biggest pre-wedding crisis, remember that the goal of your wedding is not to throw the best party, but to rejoice in the sacramental grace you will receive.

I was thrown many, many curveballs during our five-month engagement, all of which had me speed-dialing my then-fiancee with hopes of troubleshooting together. The worst one of all was the night before our rehearsal. One of our priests found us decorating the Church Hall and remarked that we had not completed the inventory interview required to go ahead with the wedding.

I panicked. I abandoned my friends to finish decorating the reception space and started down a spiral of anxious thoughts, most of which revolved around the idea that my wedding was going to get cancelled. In reality, our parish was fairly small, our priests were very accommodating, and we got the inventory completed in time for our ceremony. Had I known how to be more mindful, I would have helped finish decorating, laughed a little more about the irony of the whole thing, and not let a little setback steal my joy.

Mindfulness is not about controlling your thoughts or emptying your mind, but allowing thoughts to pass through without reacting. As we practice mindfulness, it is easier to focus and give ourselves more wholly to each moment of the day.

It enables us to form healthy boundaries, make better decisions, and be intentional about how we treat others. Inner beauty beams out of us when we experience inner peace.

Self Care

Self care is the practice of incorporating moments that bring joy into your day; things that express your talents, inspire, and give that inner sigh of peace. More than an indulgence, dedicated “me time” is what you need in that particular moment. During my engagement I found I needed both time alone and social time. For me, there was nothing better than lighting the five candles in my bedroom, listening to jazz, painting my nails, and sketching or editing photos. Yet I also knew I was most energized by meeting friends for coffee, taking a day trip to Manhattan, or going shopping with my sister.

For some, self care can look like spending quality time with dear friends, solo outings to a cafe, reading, writing, creating art, or catching a sunrise. For others, it could be a book club, girls night in, a special treat from the grocery store, or a massage. Whatever is your way to unwind, laugh, or get in touch with what makes you feel like you, make sure to do one thing each day that feeds your mind and body.

Prayer

Prayer is centering. It connects us in conversation with God, consoles us, and inspires us. It reveals to us what is true, what is good, and what is God’s will for our lives. During engagement, it is so important to spend a few moments in prayer each day, hopefully at the same time to make it easier to form a routine. Prayer can start with five things you are grateful for that day, intentions for your future spouse and your relationship, or a guided morning offering from The Magnificat, Blessed is She, or the Laudate app.

My favorite way to pray is in front of the tabernacle. Many nights during my engagement, I walked to the Adoration chapel to say nightly prayers, journal my thoughts, or pray for a special intention that was particularly tugging at my soul. Most of all, I always sat there imagining our lives together, praying for the success of our marriage, and hoping for children. Being there reminded me that my wedding day was not about me, nor any family expectations, but about starting a new family with the grace of God, and following through on his plan for my life, with my future husband at my side.

Finding inner beauty during your engagement requires dedicated time each day. If you’re able, a silent retreat is another way to incorporate mindfulness, self care, and preparing your soul for your wedding day.

The sacrament of marriage presents a husband as a gift to his wife, and a wife as a gift to her husband.

When your husband-to-be sees you walking up the aisle, he will see your beautiful dress and smile, thinking of how incredibly beautiful you are. When he holds your hands in his, gazing into your eyes as you say your vows, he will see the steadfastness of a soul radiating inner beauty as you say, “I do.”

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About the Author: Nicole M. Caruso is a wife, mother, makeup artist, and writer. Formerly the Beauty Editor of Verily Magazine, Nicole now shares her expert style and beauty advice, tips on healthy living, and reflections on marriage and motherhood on her website, where she hopes to inspire women to invest in their self-worth. The New York native now resides in Northern Virginia with her husband and daughter. 

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Editors' Picks, Vol, 5 | What We're Reading

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

Whether you prefer literature, spiritual reading, or nonfiction, the best of the written word has the power to illuminate truth and goodness and to reintroduce us to ourselves. Take a look at what we're currently reading, and we hope you'll find inspiration for your own library or reading list.

Andi, Business Director

The Poldark Series by Winston Graham: I know it's cheesy, but I enjoy the show and a certain Spoken Bride team member (who shall remain nameless) said the books were great, so here I am. The books have actually been better reads than I expected: no Fabio-esque hair blowing in the wind, beautiful descriptions of Cornwall, and an omniscient narrator so I finally can understand what's behind all the longing glances on the show.

The Catholic Table by Emily Stimpson Chapman: I just love this book. If you read Emily's blog by the same name, you'll find it's a lovely approach that gets to the heart of our faith: fasting, feasting, and how Jesus brings it all together. I love Emily's understanding of hospitality--it's always been my goal to have a comfy home with a open door, and it was nice to read about someone else who loves having guests in their home.

Write. Publish. Market. by Jodi Brandon: This is a well-written, straightforward book with great information on how creative entrepreneurs can self-publish or get published through traditional avenues. I've got ideas swirling in my head and sketchbook of a project I'd never, ever, even thought of doing until the Holy Sprit recently started nudging me.

Daily Companion for Married Couples by Allan F. Wright: I picked up this little daily devotional at the Mission Santa Inez gift shop as a Christmas present for my hubby. Each day we have a short quote from a saint, author, the Bible, or the Catechism, followed by a short reflection and discussion question. It's been nice having something to talk about together right before we go to sleep, and is short enough that we can read and discuss the topic within five minutes.

On my list for 2017:  Karol Wojtyla's The Jeweler's Shop, David Clayton and Leila Marie Lawler's The Little Oratory, Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married (again), and G.K Chesterton's Orthodoxy.

Elise, Social Media Manager

The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp: I'm not exaggerating when I say this book has been completely life-changing. Although Ann is not Catholic, I was incredibly surprised by how well her thesis supports the Catholic theology of communion. The Broken Way is a compilation of Ann's reflections on how as humans we can live an abundant life, not despite, but with our wounds and brokenness. Ann's words touched me deeply and the book was a great reminder that "I am His and He is mine." 

The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines: Any of my friends or family can tell you I love Chip and Joanna's show, Fixer Upper, on HGTV. For me, this story was one of hope. I cried multiple times while reading it. As an entrepreneur, I could relate to Chip and Joanna's story of ups and downs in trying to run their multiple businesses. It was incredibly inspiring and reassuring that Chip and Joanna overcame many obstacles in their lives and still remained faithful to what they knew to be God's calling for them. 

The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber: For 2017, my goal is to work more on my business instead of in my business, meaning I need to continue learning how to be the best manager, boss and bringer of clients instead of only doing client work. Easier said than done. The E-Myth has helped me shift my mindset as a business owner and learn how strategize when it comes to scaling my business. 

Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist: This book is a beautiful reminder to view ourselves how God sees us. It is only when we understand God's truly unconditional love that we begin to align our lives with our true vocation and calling. 

On my list for 2017: Seth Godin's Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable, Elaine Sciolino's The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs, and Henri Nouwen's The Inner Voice of Love.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp: Ann Voskamp candidly shares about her life’s struggles and faith in the book “The Broken Way”. Emotional, raw, honest, this book is full of nuggets of wisdom. However, this leads to my next book. 

Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart by Fr. Jacques Philippe: Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) and your classic ENFP, I can get easily swept away or deeply engrossed in the intimate & emotional experiences of others. That being said, I needed a breather from The Broken Way and picked up this book in its place. Being written by a priest, this book offers objective & gentle spiritual direction and wisdom on finding and keeping peace that only comes from God and God alone. 

For the Children’s Sake: Foundations of Education for Home & School by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay: If you follow my personal Instagram, you’ll find a lot of homeschooling photos of my children. While I am still new to it, I love Charlotte Mason’s methodology and approach to education. This book beautiful frames Miss Mason’s belief on educating not just the mind, but educating the will and the entire person. 

Black Moon (The Poldark Series) by Winston Graham: This is my “waiting room” book. It’s an easy fictional read for anytime I just need my mind to turn off. If you love British television, I’m sure you have already been watching Captain Ross Poldark and all his drama. Season 2 left me a bit distraught, so I hopped on Black Moon to eagerly read about Ross’s redemption that supposedly happens in Season 3. 

On my list for 2017: Brian Kennelly’s To the Heights: A Novel Based on the Life of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (I need to finish reading this one), Sigrid Undset's Kristin Lavransdatter (this one, too), Jennie Allen's Nothing to Prove: Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard, and Jennifer Fulwiller's Something Other Than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

Island of the World by Michael D. O'Brien: A few friends had recommended this modern classic of a Catholic novel, but the 800-page commitment intimidated me. I shouldn’t have worried. This story of a soul, the fictional Josip Lasta, is the amazingly compelling chronicle of one man’s life, from boyhood to old age, under the Communist regime in Croatia. Amidst the depths of human evil and depravity and to the heights of love and communion, Lasta’s life serves as a reminder that no man is ever truly alone and that the hand of providence is constantly, actively at work in the world. Reading this, I have been staying up long past my bedtime on pure adrenaline and wonder, have recalled many similar details from John Paul II’s youth and young adulthood in occupied Poland, and have experienced a renewed sense of the fact that freedom is complete gift and grace.

Mansfield Park by Jane Austen: As a former English major who wrote her senior thesis on Jane Austen, I’m a little embarrassed to admit I only recently picked up this book for the first time. Austen once said that of all her characters, she identified most with Fanny Bryce, the heroine of this novel, and I can see why. A sharp observer of conduct and of the subtleties that pass between men and women, Fanny is often the lone individual with the eyes to see falsehood and shallowness for what they are when her family becomes taken with two beguiling new acquaintances. What Mansfield Park lacks in romantic banter compared to, for instance, Pride and Prejudice, it more than makes up for in dead-on emotion and perception that still feels relevant hundreds of years later, a quality I’m really enjoying.

Frances and Bernard by Carlene Bauer: I am forever, and I mean constantly, in search of a love story that will sweep me off my feet. Between my being a hard sell on grand, emotionally-driven gestures and having some differences of opinion with the culture’s notions of romance and dating, I guess my bar is pretty high. But I think I might have found one. This funny, unpretentious, and beautifully written novel, told in letters, is based on the real-life correspondence of Flannery O’Connor and the poet Robert Lowell. O’Connor was a convert to the Catholic faith, while Lowell was a religious skeptic for much of his life. Their discussions of the Church and the faith often feel like spiritual reading, and the depth of goodwill and admiration between Bauer’s imagined versions of these writers has brought me to tears. Truly, in my opinion it’s a romance for the ages!

Landline by Rainbow Rowell: Sometimes the right book comes along at the right time. A few months ago, my husband and I experienced one of the rougher periods in our marriage as we struggled to prioritize each other over our other responsibilities and as a particularly overwhelming, sleep-deprived season of our parenthood took its toll on our ability to show each other basic patience and kindness. This book introduces a married couple that’s drifted apart. With the help of a surprisingly plausible magic phone, they receive a second chance to make good on their relationship. Their story moved me in a way it might not have, had I not recently experienced this difficult time. It struck me profoundly how small wounds can pile up over time and cause serious damage to a relationship, and how our every interaction with our spouse presents us with a choice. To choose forgiveness over pettiness, sacrifice over self, and authentic love over convenience is painful and purifying, but a worthy effort every time.

On my list for 2017: James Keating’s Spousal Prayer: A Way to Marital Happiness, Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, Amor Towles’ A Gentleman in Moscow, and Cardinal Stanislaw Dziwisz’s A Life with Karol: My Forty-Year Friendship with the Man Who Became Pope.

Christina, Associate Editor

From Generation to Generation by Edwin H. Friedman: One of my passions/side hobbies is psychology, especially when it’s related to family of origin. This book (so far) is an excellent introduction into the world of family systems psychology, which focuses not only on the problems of each individual within a family, but how dysfunctional family patterns exacerbate those problems. Even for someone like me who has been in and out of therapy for much of her life, I’m still learning quite a bit from this book about how I can be an instrument of peace and healing in my own family.

Authenticity: A Biblical Theology of Discernment by Fr. Thomas Dubay: Like all of Fr. Dubay’s books, this one is a spiritual kick in the butt. It’s so easy for us to think we’re following God’s will, when what we’re really following is our own plans and desires wrapped up in spiritual packaging. Fr. Dubay challenges his readers to cultivate humility and poverty of spirit--and to seek the help of a competent spiritual director-- so that they can more readily attend to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Authenticity is not a light read, but it’s worth the effort if you want to grow in your capacity to discern God’s will in your life.

Anne’s House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery: Since high school, when I first discovered Anne, I’ve probably read the entire Anne of Green Gables series at least ten times (and my favorites--like Anne of the Island--even more), so I couldn’t resist reading Anne’s House of Dreams during my first month as a newlywed. I’ve always loved this fifth book in the Anne series, but in some ways I felt like I was reading it for the first time; I could relate to Anne and her wifely joy in a new way. Anne’s House of Dreams is also unique among the Anne books because Anne’s rosy outlook on life is challenged for the first time by tragedy. If you’re looking for a fun, easy, yet surprisingly profound novel to chase away the winter doldrums, this is the book for you.

Co-Workers of the Truth: Meditations for Every Day of the Year by Joseph Ratzinger: I am unabashedly obsessed with Joseph Ratzinger (aka Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) and his writings. He has done more for my post-graduate intellectual and spiritual development than any other theologian, and there’s rarely a time during the year when I’m not reading something by Ratzinger. The only downside to Co-Workers of the Truth is having to pace myself and only read one meditation per day.

On my list for 2017: Christianity and the Crisis of Cultures by Joseph Ratzinger, The Eternal Woman by Gertrud von Le Fort, Sweetening the Pill: Or, How We Got Hooked on Hormonal Birth Control by Holly Grigg-Spall, To Know Christ Jesus by F.J. Sheed, and a slew of novels by Dorothy Sayers.

Introducing Our New Associate Editor!

Starting this week, we are thrilled to welcome Christina Dehan Jaloway to the Spoken Bride team! A lifelong student of beauty and the Catholic faith, in and out of the classroom (she has a Masters in Theology from Notre Dame and taught high school Religion for nine years), Christina is the honest, observant voice behind the blog The Evangelista and writes as a missionary of the true, good and beautiful. 

Christina married her sweetheart, Kristian, this past Christmas season after a setup, courtship, and engagement that transpired in a whirlwind of certainty and peace. We're grateful for her perspective as she enters into newlywed life and eager to share her insights on the blog in the upcoming months!

From Christina: I remember seeing the first posts from Spoken Bride shortly before getting engaged, and I was so excited about the prospect of not only learning from the wisdom of others, but also sharing my own experiences during engagement and newly married life. I'm thrilled to begin my work as Associate Editor, using my love of writing, beauty, and all things Catholic wedding-related to bless our readers. 

A little about me: I'm an Oklahoman by birth, a Texan by the grace of God, a double Domer (meaning I have two degrees from the University of Notre Dame--both in theology), and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI's biggest fan. I spent my first 9 years post-graduate school as a high school theology teacher and loved (almost) every minute of it. Besides Austin and Houston, I've lived in Falls Church, VA, Washington, DC, Phoenix, AZ, and South Bend, IN. These days, I divide my time between freelance writing, blogging, speaking, reading, wine tasting, hiking, loving my new husband, playing with my nieces whenever I get the chance, and re-watching episodes of Parks & Rec. 

How He Asked | Katherine + Dominic

Katherine and Dominic lived in the same New Jersey town for almost their whole lives. They attended the same church, but their paths didn't cross until high school, where they began dating their senior year. During their college years at separate universities, they faithfully prayed God would guide them and keep them close.

In Katherine’s words: Believe it or not, Dominic and I met during a chemistry class in high school! Our friendship quickly blossomed, and we frequently got in trouble for talking and laughing during class. We stayed friends after Chemistry, but didn't have any classes together again until our senior year. I always looked forward to seeing Dominic with his family at Sunday Mass. From the very beginning of our senior year, Dominic walked me to my locker every day. A few months later, we both began to express our feelings for one another. Dominic asked me to be his girlfriend over a couple of ice cream cones, and we enjoyed the rest of high school attending prom and graduation activities.

Dominic attended St. Johns University in Queens, New York while I stayed in New Jersey to study at Seton Hall University. During these college years at separate universities, I faithfully prayed God would keep his hand on us. 

I often prayed for our relationship inside Seton Hall’s Chapel of the Immaculate Conception, my favorite spot on campus. The chapel has always been special to me: aside from being breathtakingly beautiful, it is where I decided that I would attend Seton Hall and is where I connected with God on a much deeper level and grew closer to Him during my college years. When Dominic proposed to me in that very chapel, I knew it was God’s way of showing me my prayers were being answered. Now, that beautiful sacred spot is not only special to me, but to both of us. 

In Dominic’s Words: Early on in our relationship, I knew Katherine was the girl I wanted to marry. I frequently prayed God would continue to guide us and reveal his plan for us, and felt strongly that his plan was for Katherine and I to become husband and wife.  

After getting the ring, there was only one thing left to do. On Father’s Day, while Katherine was out of town visiting family, I went to her house and asked her dad’s permission to marry her. After receiving her parents' blessing, I was ready to propose. 

I asked Katherine to attend daily Mass with me at the chapel she so loved at Seton Hall. We heard a brief but beautiful homily, comparing the facets of a diamond to the community of believers. I understood this as a sign from God that we were exactly where we were meant to be! When Mass ended, I asked Katherine to pray at the altar with me. Once we had said our prayer, Katherine stood up to leave. I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. 

A few hours later, we learned that the day of our engagement, June 29th, is the feast day of Sts. Peter and Paul. This is a special day because Katherine’s grandpa’s name was Pedro, or Peter. He passed away 13 years ago. Since Pedro was our only grandparent who never got the opportunity to know us as a couple, we saw this as a sign of his blessing. Not to mention, the day that I asked Katherine’s father for permission, she was attending mass at the Parish of St. Peter and St. Paul in San Francisco, California with her cousins! God had all of the details worked out for us long ago.

Photography: Rachel Gallic Photography

It's Okay Not to Have a Picture-Perfect Valentine's Day.

STEPHANIE CALIS

From food to emotion to personal interactions, our culture prizes authenticity, even in instances like social media when that same culture places the authentic just out of reach. Yet authenticity does carry real weight when it comes to truth and self-knowledge. Knowing yourself is a way of understanding truth: the more you come to know God, the more he, the source of all truth, reveals you to yourself.

My husband and I have our differences when it comes to special occasions. Until recently, I’d find myself scrambling around at this time of year, trying to think of a creative gift and out-of-the-ordinary date to share with my husband, wanting to share with him something original that I myself would enjoy receiving. That I would enjoy.

In my eagerness, I tended to ignore or forget the fact that my husband simply isn't interested in many bells and whistles. He is quick to communicate his appreciation when I give him a present or propose a different way to spend our time, but I’ve ultimately come to realize those aren’t as meaningful gestures to him as others. Gift-giving is not my husband’s love language, and he is true-blue to his favorite hobbies.

What’s more, even without the threat of a single Instagram post in sight, he sometimes struggles to feel at ease with things that, on the surface, seem more like something fun a couple should do, rather than what they actually want to do. I admit that I used to perceive this as disagreeable, a sentiment purely for the sake of making a statement against the falseness that can accompany social media.  

In reality, the only statement my husband expresses in these preferences is who he is. And who he is is someone I have chosen, someone who fascinates me and about whom I still love learning something new. With time, I have found more and more contentment in our different viewpoints about Valentine’s Day and other celebrations, because joy is a fruit of putting another before yourself.

We have grown in self-knowledge, and from that knowledge flows peace. As a spouse, I’ve grown increasingly aware that the best gestures are the ones that feel most authentically us. It’s my responsibility to honor and fulfill my husband’s preferences when it comes to holidays and celebrations, just as it’s his responsibility to do the same for me. We are specific. We are known. We are loved.

It's an ongoing refinement, and I still struggle. Gift giving is one of my love languages, for instance, and as young parents I truly love the rare opportunities we get to vary our routine with a date night that’s not at home. But now it actually makes me happy not giving my husband extravagant gifts or planning elaborate nights out, choosing to do extra chores around the house and carve out time to spend together instead. In turn, he finds happiness in the occasions where we do go out for something fancier, knowing that I enjoy it.

The more I know and love my husband, the more I know myself.  Our lives are so shared that it doesn't feel possible to know one of us better without knowing the other. I am blessed by a man so intentional and discerning in his choices, and so comfortable and un-self-conscious in them, because that’s who he is. Like in the fact that for one anniversary, we got burritos from Baja Fresh and then stayed home for the night. My husband wrote a beautiful poem that made me cry. I love his quiet creativity and I loved the entire day. There are certainly times I wish we took advantage of more photo ops for our future selves, or that we documented some of the recipes we've tried or places we've gone. But on the whole, this is our life and these are our celebrations, and they feel peaceful and perfectly suited to us because they’ve brought us into deeper knowledge of each other.

And that’s the point. It’s not about whether it’s more praiseworthy to share a quiet Valentine’s date at home or a more photogenic evening out. The best Valentine’s Day for you and your beloved is the one best suited to your particular personalities and love languages. It’s about about how special occasions--and what they look like for each person’s heart--are telling. Revelations. You are specific. You are known. You are loved.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Newlywed Life | Consider a "Cocoon Period" After Your Wedding.

ANNE MARIE WILLIAMS

The priest who assisted my husband James and I with our marriage preparation shared two memorable pieces of advice with us. First, he told us to pray together every single day. Second, he encouraged us to observe a "cocoon period" for six months after our wedding.

Essentially, a cocoon period is a time to soak in married life with your new spouse, working to minimize overcommitments and develop habits of a shared life. As close as dating and engagement can draw you together, making decisions and plans as a married couple doesn't come automatically and takes time to get used to!

This is what our cocoon period looked like: we didn't sleep over at anyone else's houses during those first six months, but always came home together and slept in our own bed. We spent the majority of our time together, rather than me going out with my girlfriends or him going out with the guys as frequently as we had at times in the past. As part of the commitment, too, our priest suggested the rule that neither of us was allowed to go running to Mom (or anyone else) with problems or complaints. He told us that during this time in the cocoon, our marriage would be strengthened in order to then enter the world around us as a united force. 

We took this advice seriously, and truly found our first year of marriage was not so challenging as we had expected or heard from others. Spending a lot of time together led us to a lot of Lighthouse Catholic Media CD-listening, and we developed a habit of asking each other about something we'd learned each day. It also led us to a baby!

Honestly, though, for me that cocoon period was so key. James had been a high school football coach in the past, and I knew what the time commitment was. I was very afraid that if he coached during our first year of marriage, I would never see him. James's loyalty to the cocoon--and subsequent decision to take the year off from coaching--was huge in showing his love for me and commitment to our relationship as spouses. Having all of that time just spent in each other's presence, talking about anything and nothing and then spending some of the times just in silence, really has made me feel known by him. He knows so well the things that bother me or bring me great joy (M&M blizzards from Dairy Queen, for example). During that time, too, I like to say that my husband "loved me into" several changes, as opposed to arguing with or scolding me.

Another thing I learned during our cocoon period is that differences in temperament or habits aren't signs of incompatibility, but a call to greater knowledge of the other.

James doesn't share my urgency in resolving issues immediately. When I get upset with him, I tend to feel we have to talk about it right away, even if I'm not ready to speak reasonably at the time. Additionally, if I am really upset about an interaction with a coworker or acquaintance, my husband just listens and doesn't tell me to calm down or get over it. I feel so respected by his quiet, steady confidence that I'll come to the right conclusion over time, whatever it may be in a particular situation. It really makes me feel loved unconditionally; his affection and courtesy are not contingent on my behavior.

I'd like to share with you one tradition we incorporated into our wedding Mass, one that paved the way for our settling into marriage during the cocoon period. The marriage crucifix tradition comes from a town called Siroki-Brijeg in Bosnia and Herzegovina, which has no recorded divorces amongst Catholic inhabitants. In keeping with the tradition, a crucifix was carried in our wedding procession alongside the rings and bouquet for Our Lady. When we said our vows, we both held the crucifix.

The celebrant wrapped our hands together with his stole and said, "You have found your Cross! It is a Cross to love, a Cross to carry with you, a Cross that is not to be thrown off but rather cherished."

As our first kiss, we then both kissed the cross. That crucifix is displayed prominently in our home, as a constant reminder that if we abandon each other, we lose Jesus in the process.

Those sacrifices in our first six months as a married couple were big, like James's willingness to step back from coaching, and small, like my husband's willingness to vacuum the house or sweep the floors before I get home from work, knowing that I feel more relaxed in a clean house. In turn, I live out my love for him by drinking 2% milk instead of the skim that I grew up with and have given up certain foods I love as a fast, in petition for James's healing from a health problem. It's beautiful knowing our sacrifices for the good of the other are meant to mirror, albeit imperfectly, the sacrifice of Christ for his own bride, the Church.

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Anne Marie Williams is an ICU nurse from Springfield, IL. She met her husband James on Catholic Match in 2012, dated long-distance for two years, and were married in spring of 2015. A year and a half into the biggest adventure of their lives to date, they now have one son.

Janae + Ryan | Texan Summer Wedding

Back in 2012, Janae was a high school senior applying to schools, while Ryan was a college sophomore discerning a transfer to a different university. Both ended up at The University of Texas at Tyler, where they met on the tennis team. Neither had a firm reason as to why they were supposed to attend Tyler, but knew it was where the Lord had called them.

During Janae's freshmen year and Ryan's junior year, the Lord drew them both into deeper relationship with him. No longer surrounded by her parents and friends, Janae had to take ownership for her faith. At times she felt alone, but it was in times of loneliness that she discovered her helpmate in God. That same year, the Lord was working in Ryan's heart, as well. He began to follow Christ with his whole heart and felt his life transform. Their individual faith journeys landed them in the same Bible study.

After two years of pursuing the Lord and of countless tennis matches later, Ryan asked Janae to be his teammate for a lifetime through the vocation of marriage. 

From the Bride + Groom

In Janae's Words: Ryan and I chose to do a first look before the Mass so we could still get all the photos we hoped for with our tight timeline. It gave us a chance to break away from the craziness of the day and just be together. During that time, we washed each other’s feet to reflect on Christ’s example. Jesus exemplified humble service by washing the Apostles' feet. He showed us that true love looks like dirty feet: we have to bend down, bear burdens, forgive, love, and serve. It is our hope and prayer that our marriage reflects this call to serve, and that we daily embrace the messiness and beauty hidden in the vocation of marriage. 

We got married in the parish where I grew up. It's where Ryan was confirmed into the Catholic Church and where I received all of my sacraments. I thought the church itself looked beautiful, so we didn’t do much to decorate; we just wanted it filled with as many as of our family and friends as possible. Because many of our guests were not Catholic, we provided a guide explaining the Mass. Ryan learned a lot during his time in RCIA and wanted to help others understand there is so much beauty and deeper meaning behind what may seem like repetition and rituals. Our hope was that all our brothers and sisters, no matter their denomination, could have a wonderful worship experience during the ceremony. 

One of my favorite moments of the day accompanied the readings. We chose Tobit 8, the story of St. Raphael, Sarah, and Tobias. A few weeks before the wedding I stumbled upon an old letter I'd written before college. It hit home with this reading.

When I decided on UT Tyler, I joined their Catholic Campus Community Facebook page and saw a prayer that really resonated with me. After reading it I felt a huge sense of peace about my decision to attend, and I wrote this letter:

July 2012
To my future husband,

I pray about you and for you all the time. You are important to me, and I’m learning the value of prayer for the big things and the small things. One of the really big things I have been praying about lately is UT Tyler. I leave next month to college and I’m looking for a strong Christian support group. In doing that, I joined Tyler’s Catholic Campus Community page on Facebook. This is the first post I saw:

"Saint Raphael, in all confidence I ask your guidance in the task of planning my future. Obtain for me through your intercession the light of God’s grace so that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life… Find for me a helpmate in life, the person whose character may reflect some of the traits of Jesus. May he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere, and noble…

Saint Raphael, friend of the young, be my friend, for I shall always be yours. To your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future spouse. Direct me as you did with young Tobias and Sarah to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s holy will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life and attain eternal joy in the next. Amen.”

I love that prayer. The words are exactly what I want to say and the prayer was reassurance that Tyler is where God wants me to be.

Praying for you.
Janae Warren

At the end of his homily, our deacon read my letter aloud. I had tears in my eyes as I heard those words I wrote exactly four years prior and was able to see so clearly God’s providence. 

I am all about the details so I had so much fun planning a wedding. Before the rehearsal dinner we had an open Adoration hour for anyone who was in town. This was a special time for us to slow down, reflect, and invite Jesus into the center of all we were doing. 

I love to DIY, so I did the calligraphy for the seating chart, made the invitations, and created a photo booth back drop. I used the sleeve of my mom’s wedding dress to wrap my bouquet, wore my grandmother’s earrings, and used a box my grandfather carved to hold our rings. My cousin made us a custom kneeler that we will use to pray together for years to come. Our flower girl wore her mom’s flower girl dress.

Since Ryan and I are both tennis players and a lot of our wedding party was from the tennis team, we exited the church through a tunnel of our wedding party holding vintage tennis racquets. I love peaches, so we had peach-themed wedding reception.

Our guest book was my parents' family Bible that they gave us as a gift. We had our guests highlight a verse that was meaningful to them and leave a note or advice for us as newlyweds. Our moms made a lot of the desserts. Ryan and I are both Texas kids, so our first dance was to a good two steppin’ song, "She's Like Texas." We had a last dance, “God Gave Me You,” with just the two of us on the dance floor while our guests headed outside for our exit.

In Ryan's Words: Our wedding ceremony had so much meaning thanks to my bride. Janae is more creative than I am, and can come up with wonderful ideas, including ones for our Mass. Of course, the Mass is always special because we receive the Body and Blood of Jesus. One of my favorite parts of the Mass, and a moment that was very special to me, was communion. Janae came up with the idea of us being the extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist. It was special because our first act as a married couple was an act of service to those who love and support us, and we were able to give them the best gift--the body of Christ! We pray that we continue to bring Jesus to those around us every day.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to communicate! This is person is going to be your best friend through life and it is important to establish that open line of communication. We are only a few months into marriage, and we are already seeing the joy and intimacy that came as a fruit of these conversations. It may not always be pretty or easy, but it is important to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly! Also have those completely weird and random conversations. Express your hearts to each other often! Jesus works in those words.

Janae has been supportive and loving to me. She forgives me right away every time I make a mistake and acts like it never happened. Through this, I realized every time I sin I hurt God and the world. Yet he always forgives me. I always thought I couldn’t make it up to him or work for it to be right. But for some reason, Janae’s love has helped me truly start to understand God's forgiveness. I cannot pay God for all the wrong I have done. It’s pure love and mercy. Marriage has helped me understand this love. 

Photographer: J. Violet Photography | Videography: Ryan Barry Productions | Church: Sts. Peter and Paul Catholic Church, New Braunfels, TX | Reception Venue: The Springs, New Braunfels, TX | Cake: Sweet Dreams Bakery | Bartender: Margarita Madness | Hair + Make Up: Meaghan Pavuk, Style by Meaghan | Stationary + Invitations: DIY | Caterer: River City Catering | Rings: Ernesto's Jewelry  | Photobooth: DIY | Groom's and Groosmen's Tuxes: San Anthony Jewelry & Formal  | Bride's Dress: Ventura's Bridal | Bridesmaids Dresses: RenzRags

Faith, Hope, Love: A Letter From One Bride to Another

SINIKKA ROHRER

Dear Ladies,

As your season of planning comes to a peak, as the stress of family expectations mounts, as your patience with your beloved wears thin, I will be praying for you.

It’s in these small moments and long days that grace really shines. It’s in these stressful situations that you need encouragement to let faith, hope, and love overcome the challenges you face daily.

That said, I pray this letter slows you down, inviting you to think through what it means to look more like Jesus during this season of transition into marriage.

During our own engagement, my husband and I were often distracted by family members' opinions and negotiating costs with vendors. Our hearts were often more turned to take on the world, than to each other or to Christ.

I know you've already heard this, but it's the truth: Your engagement will not last forever. So while you are waiting anxiously for your day, I encourage you to take hold of the excitement and anticipation you and your beloved are experiencing and turn back to Christ, together.

To really see what it looks like to be the new creation he’s called you to be in this season, faith, hope, and love will be your stronghold; will help you balance the load and focus on Christ during this time of purification.

Faith

When my husband Alan and I first got into the thick of wedding planning, our minds were perpetually wrapped in budgets and expectations. One evening, Excel spreadsheets open and calculators in hand, again, I sat contemplating the idea of building our florist a website in exchange for his services, while my husband-to-be relentlessly clicked in search of affordable hotels for our post-reception stay.

Brows furrowed, we barely spoke. After we finally booked a hotel and decided we could spend a bit more for flowers, we stood up. I realized it had been hours since we last did even that! It sunk in that wedding planning had us doing things we hardly cared about, in the only time we had together. My beloved pulled me in for an embrace that almost entirely erased every angry moment, confused look, and hard conversation we'd shared about money that evening. We just were, and in that moment Alan’s love was Christ's; scooping me into his arms, reminding me that I am fully loved and fully enough. Reminding me I can lean into him when things get hard.

Hope

Alan and I spent much of our engagement job hunting. The plan was to graduate, wed, and start working immediately after college. The pressure was on. Alan had a job, but I didn't, which was critical since his opportunity wouldn’t start for 6 months after graduation. So while we planned, I hunted.

In my heart of hearts, I wasn’t sure I'd be able to get a job with the income we needed.

What we did know, though, was that God was trustworthy and that even in all of our efforts, our hearts could rest in the hope that the Lord was the one with the plans. We were just seeing them through.

It was hope in his providence that got me through multiple job applications, wedding planning trips, and networking meetings, to the one company who was ready to hire me immediately and value my potential.

Love

Okay, you say. We know about love. Christ is love. He’s shown us love. It’s both a feeling and an action. We get it.

I know that. But here’s what I hope you'll remember: even when you have the right answers, it doesn’t mean your heart is yet convinced.

The first time we walked into our mentor couple’s house, my fiancé and I held our chins high. I mean, why not? By the standards of our pre-Cana program, our marriage inventory results matched well enough, so we felt good to go. With our walls up, though, our mentors weren't able to see between the lines we were keeping hidden. We didn’t want to get vulnerable or talk about the selfishness both of us knew would be a massive obstacle in our first months of marriage (and it was the hardest obstacle we faced as newlyweds).

Love is so beautiful, and so embodies Christ, yet it’s hard to reflect his love when you’re tired. It’s hard to reflect it when the dishes still aren’t done, when you start to learn each other's' bad habits, and when you both encounter the struggle of self-discipline for the sake of another.

Throughout that first hard year of growth, the Lord saved and mended our hearts time and again. Because of Christ’s love, my husband and I finally started opening our hearts to change together, allowing ourselves to identify what triggers in the world turn our hearts to selfishness.

In this mess of our humanness, my beloved and I have had multiple opportunities to show Christ’s mercy and compassion to each other, and the healing we’ve sought since is starting to make its impact on our selfish hearts.

Love is starting to flow more freely, but not because of us. It's because of Christ in us. It’s Jesus who loves even when we don’t want to. It's his love that sees the goodness, the beauty and the person.

And so…

Let your guard down in mentor meetings. Let your planning dates slip just a bit. Let your heart be molded to enjoy your engagement, instead of to see it as drudgery.

Your day is not about you. Your day is bigger than you. Just as we, the Church, are Christ’s bride, I pray your day glorifies him, reminding all who attend of his great love, great presence, and great grace. I pray your capacity to embody his love increases day by day, that you and your beloved may find solace in the One True King that brought you both together, and that you may have peace in the waiting.

May the Lord give you the grace to allow his perfect faith, hope and love to continue through your engagement, so that the world may see His Face evermore through yours.

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Sinikka Rohrer is a daughter of the King, wife of a man she'd only imagined, and lover of waking up quietly. She is the owner of Soul Creations Photography, a business on mission to capture testimonies, encourage hearts, and inspire marriages, and is a Spoken Bride Vendor.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Enter Spoken Bride's Valentine's Giveaway

LOVE is in the air during engagement season! In celebration and in sincere thanks for the love, support, and sisterhood you've helped us create in the Spoken Bride community, we're thrilled to be giving away a practical and pretty package from some of our own.

One lucky winner will receive a copy of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner, written and signed by our Editor in Chief Stephanie Calis, and FIVE gorgeous prints donated by our vendors When Beauty Met Truth, Just Love Prints, Sarah Ann Design, Telos Art, and Sea & Sun Calligraphy. 

Sarah Ann Design

Just Love Prints

Telos Art

Sea & Sun Calligraphy

When Beauty Met Truth

Invited: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner by Stephanie Calis

Click on images to view individual websites.

Here's how to enter (up to 2 entries per person):

1. Follow @spokenbride, @whenbeautymettruth, @justloveprints, @sarahann_design, @telosart, and @sea.and.sun.calligraphy on Instagram.
2. Share and repost the original giveaway image on your Instagram feed and use #spokenbrideloves so we can find you.
3. Tag a bride-to-be or newlywed in the comments who would love Spoken Bride's community with other brides seeking true holiness and true beauty.

The giveaway is open now until Friday, February 3, 2017 at 11:59pm EST/ 8:59pm PST. Winner will be randomly selected and notified via Instagram on Monday, February 6, 2017.

Click here to read the official giveaway rules. 

We wish you luck and love this opportunity to return your support with these sweet Valentine's gifts! 

How He Asked | Catie + Will

Catie and Will first crossed paths through a missions organization as she was beginning her service and he was completing his. Catie first heard Will's name as she was talking with coworkers about her love for health and natural medicine. Someone asked, "Have you met Will? You guys should talk about this stuff!"

Fast forward a few years, and Catie and Will had ended up working together and become friends. For a long time, it seemed like friendship would be the extent of their relationship. 

In Will's Words: “At last…” Adam’s first words in Genesis are words of a man who was searching, a man whose heart was longing to answer an echo heard in every waking moment and every dream. When he first saw woman, he knew “at last” that this creature would draw him into deeper understanding and deeper mystery—into finding himself and losing himself.

In October of 2015, I drove to Long Island to visit a few friends who were working there, one of whom was Catie. During my stay Catie and I found some time to sneak away to a café and catch up. I didn’t visit with an agenda, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped for some time with her.

“If I’m being honest, I am more than interested in you” was written that night in a letter to her, which she wouldn’t read until much later. The following week, I called Catie to tell her how incredible she is and asked her out on a date. And from our fantastic first date on, I knew that this was special.

To think of our marriage discernment, I can think of two crucial elements: prayer and one important conversation over coffee last winter. We have tried to pray often, sometimes daily, and to make each other a priority even when the busyness of life makes that a challenge. But there was one day last winter where Catie truly won my heart. It was then that she shared with me the sacrifices she has made in her life for her future husband, and I shared similar sacrifices for my future wife.

I remember writing later, “Could this be real? I had almost stopped hoping for a love that was chaste and free existing in this world. I was wrong to doubt.” I felt the words traveling down through the generations: “At last.”

Eventually, I surprised Catie by flying down to Nashville while she was home with family and with friends from college. Her sisters were instrumental in getting her out of the house and into my proposal scheme. In a clearing in a park which overlooks the Nashville skyline, I waited for her. She laughed and asked, “What are you doing here?!” I told her why I love her and why I want her to be my wife, got down on one knee and asked her with all my heart to marry me. 

For me to get from the point of dating to the point of popping the question, I had to learn to live the tension and to be intentional. I actually learned these two matters from my bride-to-be. To live in the tension means to press into difficulty as a chance to grow. Chastity requires a tension between desire and self-control. Dating requires tension in the “not knowing yet” and restraint from making plans before their time. There is tension in veiling parts of the self early on and in having the courage to bare those parts when the time is right. There is tension when you discover that you disagree. We are learning to press into that; we are learning together to live intentionally. 

In Catie's Words: God knew the best place for me to get to know Will and be totally myself was the friend-zone. I can’t say enough, in hindsight, what a gift that time was. Then there was a period of time, once we no longer worked together, when I started hearing from him quite a bit more. Then one night at a party I caught him looking at me just a little bit differently than he had before. “Something is different with me and Will,” I told a girlfriend later. I had no idea what would happen, only that something would. 

It didn’t take long for us to start dragging one another on silly adventures, fun dates, runs in the park, road trips. One of the most surprising things to me was how natural and fun it was to fall in love with him. I can't believe just how steady he has been for me during the entire time of dating and engagement.

When we seriously started talking about the future, we decided we wanted to bathe our whole decision about whether to get married in prayer. St. Louis de Montfort’s consecration to Jesus through Mary had been an important step for each of us in our walks with Christ. So, we began. And, on the 33rd and final day of prayer--the feast of St. Maximilian Kolbe--Will flew down to Nashville to interrupt a girls’ weekend and surprise me with an engagement ring, complete with a perfectly orchestrated scheme involving my sisters and best friends. I honestly could not have planned it better myself. And of course, I had, in my head, many times. 

Engagement has been a season of fun, planning, challenge, self-discovery, and the list could go on and on. We are preparing to make the biggest and most final decision we will make in our entire lives. I have learned that love and marriage are not a romantic comedy, nor my own personal fulfillment project (learned that lesson from Fr. Mike Schmitz). I do, though, feel so lucky to be marrying this man who is teaching me so much about life and about the way that God loves me. It is affirming and purifying, humbling and healing. We view marriage as an important mission, and we are so excited to take it on.

Photography: Charlie & Co. 

Vendor Spotlight | Mary Katherine Photography

Scroll through her blog or Instagram, and you'll instantly sense that she's a traveling soul: from European Christmas markets to Carolina shores, Mary Kate Anthony's portfolio captures her wandering spirit. But, inspired by another famous pilgrim, Jean Valjean of Les Miserables--the book and musical that famously proclaims "to love another person is to see the face of God"--Mary Kate, owner of Mary Katherine Photography, knows the world isn't our true home.

Yet by capturing the love of a bride and groom on their wedding day, Mary Kate freezes in time those moments when we are reminded of our first heavenly home, the place from which we are loved and willed into existence and the place to which married couples vow to return their spouses before the Father. As a girl, she fell in love with photography through National Geographic's travel and nature books at the library, and by high school she was shooting sessions for her friends and family.

It was around then that Mary Kate began discerning whether her beloved hobby should, or could, become a career. Two weeks after graduating high school, she shot her first wedding and, through prayer, made the bold decision to defer starting college for a year in order to focus on her photography. One year later, she was the owner of a licensed business and a full range of equipment.

From Mary Kate: I am observant, idealistic and detail-oriented, with a deep-rooted desire to take care of others. All of this comes into play with my clients. Each and every one of my couples become so much more to me than clients. I fall in love with them, with their story, with their families, and with their love for each other. On their wedding day, I become a friend whom they can laugh, cry, and be themselves with. I am there to hold their grandmas' hand, to give tissues to their moms, and to assist with anything and everything I can. With a rich theological understanding of marriage, I view weddings as sacred events that I am beyond privileged to witness, let alone capture with my camera.

"To love another person is to see the face of God," wrote Victor Hugo. This sums up my philosophy of photography in eleven simple words. I truly believe each person I encounter is radiantly beautiful, because I know the profound truth that they were made uniquely in the image and likeness of God. I am inspired by the souls of those I encounter. I am inspired by the beauty they possess and might not even be aware of. I am inspired by genuine emotion, by the raw and messy yet beautiful reality that is life. I am inspired by finding God in the simple joys.

See more of Mary Kate's work in Maria and CJ's wedding, an elegantly romantic day held near Franciscan University, where the bride and groom met.

MARY KATHERINE PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Becca + Kyle | Mediterranean-Inspired Styled Shoot

We're pleased to share with you our first styled shoot today, courtesy of Spoken Bride Vendor Sinikka Rohrer of Soul Creations Photography.

We're also beyond excited to include in this piece something that's not always evident in picture-perfect shoots: the story of a love hard-won, refined by holy fire and filled with constant unveilings of the heart. Becca and Kyle, newlyweds and the models for this shoot, have learned firsthand that purification is painful. Yet like the Cross, there is a sweetness--and victory--in suffering for love's sake and in losing yourself to find yourself.

Becca and Kyle were engaged long-distance and planned most of their wedding over the phone. To stay connected, they'd pray together each night before the first of them went to sleep--whether the other was with friends, at the gym, or making dinner. Prayer was their stronghold. They also read Thomas G. Morrow's Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World, Dr. Gregory Popcak's Holy Sex, and Eric and Leslie Ludy's The First 90 Days of Marriage during their engagement.

Three weeks after the wedding, Becca went, as had been planned months ago, on mission to the Philippines with no wifi. Kyle worked back home in Indianapolis and prayed his wife was safe.

From the Photographer: When Becca got home from her mission, life really started. Kyle finally learned what life was like with “ever-present Becca,” and Becca faced working through every buried expectation she'd had about marriage prior to the wedding. Before marriage, she never realized she was so excited about the big picture of her vocation to be Kyle's wife that she'd overlooked about the small details of actually living as a wife. Details like making decisions for two, washing dishes, being intentional about healthy eating, and creating a harmonious environment to come home to.

Their first year of marriage brought challenges, but had Becca and Kyle both thinking constantly of how they can show Christ's love to each other. That passion and desire has brought them together while they grow in Christ, seeing his intangible love in each other. They walk to Mass every day from their shared office building.

This chic Mediterranean styled shoot was inspired by the Soul Creations Photography brand and made possible by the incredible vendors involved with the Indianapolis chapter of the Rising Tide Society.

Soul Creations Photography has just launched a new brand fully focused on serving the Christian bride, which sparked the desire for a styled shoot able to paint the picture of a holy wedding: full of spiritual decor, Middle Eastern dishes, Israeli florals, and a Christ-centered bride and groom.

With the help of local artists and wedding vendors in the Indianapolis Rising Tide group, this dream theme turned into an elegant Mediterranean reality at Emerald Acres Wedding Barn.

The bespoke wedding gown was chosen to evoke a goddess-like feel, with lace details at Becca's shoulders and expertly crafted embellishments gracing her hips. Her real life Maid of Honor, Tristin, was also adorned in a Bella Bridesmaid gown, whispering of Spring in all its glory.

Rebecca and Tristin’s hair and makeup were intended to reflect the essence of tame, yet powerfully beautiful women, with soft, windswept locks accompanied by natural makeup.

The handcrafted florals were full of greenery and flowers found in the Holy Land, including lavender, eucalyptus, olive branches, and heather. From these options, The Zionsville Florist Company created a table runner, bouquets, tabletop displays, boutonnieres and a decorative arch.

To take full advantage of the venue’s brick-lain floors, we collaborated with A Handcrafted Affair, owned by an incredible artist out of Fishers, Indiana. With owner Nakia’s help, each place setting, from gold-rimmed plates and red wine glasses to gold chargers and a hand-stitched tablecloth, exuded the rustic elegance of a Mediterranean dinner table.

Our buffet included lamb cutlets with mint, goat cheese on crostini, and figs stuffed with mascarpone,items that would all be found at a wedding in the Mediterranean. The ‘naked’ cake we chose was decorated with fresh heather and lavender to fit the theme.

As a photographer, my goal was to capture the truth: a relaxed, spiritual story reminiscent of Becca and Kyle's real wedding day. With the help of our incredible vendors and models, the truth of what it looks like to have a Christ-inspired wedding was captured in the most indescribable way.

When recounting a memory from their first year of marriage, Becca told me that Kyle once asked how she was doing as they put away laundry. She really was not okay. Immediately, Kyle threw down the clothes, held her and listened, affirming her along the way. From her own words, if it was normal life, he would never throw down his shirt… and he did it for her! She said, “If we can heroically love one another and God, then love won’t be work anymore.” 

I pray you make every moment with your beloved and those around you extraordinary, because Becca is right. We are called to heroic love. Becca and Kyle's relationship shows that overcoming challenges and trusting Christ with our life's steps is what we've been made for in our call to love.

Videography by Unique Heart Productions

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Photography Assistant: Chloe Luka Photography | Venue: Emerald Acres Barn, Indianapolis, IN | Coordination: Sparkles & Lace Events | Videography: Unique Heart Productions | Models: Kyle and Rebecca Kovert, Tristin Martin, Rajan Sra | Paperie: Athena Street Creative | Hair + Makeup: Megan Logsdon Hair & Makeup Artistry | Catering: Jaquie's Gourmet Catering | Decor: A Handcrafted Affair | Bride's Dress: Sophia's Bridal | Groom's + Best Man's Tuxes: DC Tux | Maid of Honor Dress: Bella Bridesmaids | Cake: Classic Cakes, Carmel, IN | Florals: Zionsville Flower Company 

Elise's Wedding | Two Become One: How to Combine Your Spiritual Lives

ELISE CRAWFORD

SAVE THE DATE ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by: Meaghan Clare Photography

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When Hunter and I met in college, we were both undergoing a deep spiritual renewal in our faith. We were studying theology and philosophy at the Catholic University of America and fell in love with St. Thomas Aquinas, the Patristic Fathers and the wide variety of spirituality possessed by the saints.

My sophomore year, I helped establish a charismatic prayer group at CUA. Hunter attended and became a part of the community. We also had the blessing of living across the street from the John Paul II Shrine and the Dominican House of Studies, which hosted various talks and events. Needless to say, we were both greatly enriched spiritually during our college experience.

As we've moved on from Brookland to graduate school and into our careers, our spiritual lives have continued to develop and change. We've noticed over the last few years that Hunter and I tend towards varying forms of spirituality. I've continued to love charismatic prayer and meet the Lord most deeply when using the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Hunter encounters the Lord through intellectual pursuits and quiet meditation in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

Through the busyness of life in our early twenties, we've had to work through our developing faith practices and decide what they looked like with our changing and filled schedules. It has by no means been easy or perfect, but we've figured out several ways to blend our spiritualities so that we both feel like we are being spiritually fed. Below is a list of steps you and your future (or current!) spouse can take towards building a spiritual practice together that fits both of your personalities and needs. 

Assess Your Own Spirituality.

Our spiritual tendencies change over time. What you once enjoyed a couple of years ago, or even a few months ago, might not be how you encounter Christ now. Through the lay and married vocations, our roles in life are almost constantly changing. You might have taken a new job or become a mother. 

Take some time to evaluate your current spiritual needs: do you have less time for reading than you used to and need something that isn't quite as time-intensive? Have you moved and no longer live as close to an Adoration chapel as you once did? I found that after college I no longer was within my regular charismatic community, so I had to adjust to my circumstances. I became comfortable with praying by myself for shorter periods of time at the beginning of my day and found a group of young adults who occasionally gathered for praise and worship. Before you and your spouse try to combine spiritual practices, first know your own spirituality. 

Discover What's Out There.

There are as many ways that one receives Christ as there are as people on this earth. We each encounter Christ in our own unique hearts in a personal manner. The Rosary and Liturgy of the Hours are incredibly powerful spiritual practices, but there are many others out there as well! You and your spouse could join a lay community, begin the practice of reciting the Divine Mercy Chaplet or discern serving your local parish through volunteering.

Invest time in exploring the possibilities of how you two can practice your faith together. Take a look at your Diocesan website and see if there are groups or events you can attend to meet new people in your surrounding faith community. There's more out there than you think!

Find Spiritual Directors.

It is your responsibility as a fiancée to assist your soon-to-be spouse on his journey to heaven. This means learning of his struggles, joys, best qualities and worst qualities. As much as we are meant to walk alongside our significant other, it's also wise to note that sometimes you both need guidance from an older, more spiritually developed mentor.

Take some time to find individual spiritual direction for the both of you. You can ask a local friary, religious community or your parish, if there is a religious or priest who would be willing to be your spiritual director. Don't be intimidated! Start off by meeting once a month, get to know each other see if you are a good fit, and take it from there.

Learn Where Your Hearts Intersect.

Once you and your fiancé have spent some time getting to know your own spiritual tendencies and where you'd like to improve in your faith life, it's time to see where your spiritualities intersect and differ. Hunter and I joke at times that if we had turned to the religious life instead of married life, I would be a Sister of Life and he would be a Benedictine monk. I'm all about the spirituality of John Paul II, and Hunter loves monastic spirituality. I prefer community prayer, and Hunter likes solitude. However, over the years we've learned that we both love the Liturgy of the Hours and the Rosary. Our prayer life together has also been enriched through prayer over one another, something we do before we part ways. It's a beautiful way to bless your beloved with God's grace and pray for his or her intentions. 

Attend Mass Together.

Of course, attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist together is the most important part of creating a shared spiritual life. Even if you are not able to physically attend Mass together every weekend, there is a unity that you will find with your fiancé in the Eucharist. No matter if your spiritualities are very similar or they differ greatly, the Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith. It's the perfect common ground where you and your fiancé can worship the Lord as a couple and be enriched by his body and blood. Although Hunter and I strive to attend Mass together every Sunday, I always offer the Mass for our relationship and our future marriage even when we aren't able to attend together. 

What about you? Do you and your fiancé have similar spiritualities or are they polar opposites? Are you married and have discovered ways that you and your beloved have connected in your spiritualities?

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

WEBSITE | BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Spoken Bride is Seeking an Associate Editor!

If words are your gift--spiritual reflection, sharing the fruits and vulnerabilities of your engagement or marriage, list-making, or otherwise--we want to hear from you! Spoken Bride is seeking an Associate Editor to join our team beginning in February 2017 and is accepting applications through February 1.

Responsibilities include:

• Writing and/or editing three or more original pieces per month for the Spoken Bride blog
• Constructing blog posts from start to finish, including drafting, editing, graphics, and preparation for social media
• Editing several contributors' pieces per month and networking with past and future contributors
• Assisting with editorial calendar
• General communication and input with the team

Feeling called to apply? Here's how:

Fill out the form below with your qualifications and an original sample blog post. Sample posts should not have been previously published on other sites. Suggested topics can be found here. Some submissions will be featured on the Spoken Bride blog in upcoming months; see here for our editorial terms and policies.

Notes + Guidelines

• At this time, Spoken Bride positions are not monetized. The Associate Editor position is unpaid, but does offer exposure of your work and unique viewpoint to our community of hundreds of Catholic brides each month.
• Experience in writing, editing, theology, and/or weddings is ideal, but not required. Applications will be evaluated holistically, not on merit of qualifications alone.
• Writing samples should be between 500-1,200 words.
• The new Associate Editor will be notified by mid February.

We look forward to hearing your voice! Know of our prayers for you as we entrust this new position in our ministry to the intercession of Our Lady and of St. Francis de Sales, patron of journalists and writers.