Vendor Spotlight | Indy FertilityCare

When the vocation to life-giving love within marriage answers a deep need and question in the world--specifically, the question of how couples are called to understand the beautiful mystery of their embodiment and creation--amazing fruits result.

Liz Escoffery learned the Creighton Model of Natural Family planning during her engagement. “The more I learned,” she says, “the more I became passionate about the science and information I was learning about my body. I gained a new appreciation for the Church's teachings on marriage and sexuality. I began sharing it with everyone I knew, especially those in their childbearing years--but really anyone who would listen!”

The seed of Liz’s passion for NFP and fertility awareness was planted. It continued to flourish during the first year of her marriage as she pursued a certification as a Creighton FertilityCare practitioner. A believer in continual professional development and the wholeness of the human person, she has since additionally earned a Masters degree in Theology and become a childbirth educator. As Liz’s own family has grown to include three children, her fertility care services have become her primary work. Her business, Indy FertilityCare, offers both in-person and virtual courses in the Creighton Model, email and phone support, and speaking engagements related to women’s health, Catholic marriage, and the Theology of the Body.

For anyone to whom NFP might seem dry, dubious, or awkward, Liz takes pride in “making the process of learning Natural Family Planning engaging, interactive, and thorough.” She loves witnessing couples become a team in their efforts to begin charting their fertility, and walks alongside them every step of the way, offering resources to connect clients with holistic medical providers in their area, support for long-term reproductive health, and teaching courses in childbirth preparation and postpartum NFP.  

In this way, Indy FertilityCare supports not just women, but families: “I am so inspired by my clients,” says Liz.. “Those who have faced devastating side effects as the result of being on hormonal birth control previously. Those who have used NFP their entire marriages. Those who have converted to the Catholic faith (perhaps later in life) and find themselves using NFP for the first time after feeling their family is ‘complete.’ Those experiencing high-risk pregnancies or miscarriages and finding courage to try again. Those living (and struggling) with chastity before or during marriage. I learn so much from each of my clients and am enriched by them!”

Watch Liz's interview with Song On Fire, on sexual intimacy in marriage, here.

An interview with Liz

Hometown: Indianapolis, Indiana

I root for: the Miami Hurricanes and the Indianapolis Colts

Favorite saints: St. Mother Theodore Guerin and Blessed Solanus Casey

What is your favorite thing about working on weddings? The opportunity to see the raw, maturing love between bride and groom in the weeks and months leading up to their wedding and be inspired by the gift of self they are choosing to make to one another.

I take my coffee: strong, with flax or almond milk.

Favorite place I've traveled: Tanzania. I had the chance to go with my grandparents and loved getting to see familiar zoo animals, but in their natural environment.

Ministries and projects I’m involved in: PreCana marriage prep retreats, vocation awareness in my parish, and classes at my local crisis pregnancy center.

Best wedding day memory: our first dance, which my husband and I choreographed ourselves!

On my bucket list: Own a condo in Miami with my husband and fly there on the weekends.

Love means...to sacrifice and give until it hurts.

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Kelly + Peter | California Museum Wedding

Kelly met Peter at fifteen and seventeen, respectively, as youth group and Confirmation leaders at their parish. They spent their time going to football games, instant messaging, attending Mass, and secretly liking one another. Peter revealed his feelings on Kelly’s sixteenth birthday, when she was permitted to start dating. Kelly remembers the Mass she attended that day: “I prayed especially for my new dating life, my future spouse, and also prayed that perhaps my first boyfriend would become my husband.” The Father heard and answered these desires of her heart.

Eight and a half years later, Peter wrote and performed a song on guitar entitled, “This Love was Made by God.” After singing it to Kelly, he proposed. 

From the Bride: We went to World Youth Day in Krakow, Poland for our honeymoon and got to see Pope Francis. We are living our happily ever after.

My wedding gown was the second one I tried on, and I knew it was meant for me. It was from 2006, designed by Oleg Cassini. I had it altered by removing the original ribbon and adding a transparent ribbon with rustic flower details to replace it. I purchased a second dress in hopes we’d receive a blessing from Pope Francis, but I forgot to bring it with me to Krakow. Instead, I bought a $8.00 white dress from a thrift shop in Poland!

I knew I wanted a traditional-looking veil that would cover my head. I was thrilled to find my traditional mantilla veil, with modern flair featuring polka dots and rose gold details.

Our central goal for our wedding Mass was that it be filled with the God’s presence and that each guest to feel his power and love. Our guest list was very diverse and included people from all walks of faith, including fallen-away Catholics. We hoped they’d experience God throughout our Mass. It was so special being married at the church where we first met.

For music, we chose contemporary worship and a band at the ceremony. We were blessed to have our friends' band, Lang Station, play at the Mass, and the music was one of the highlights. I walked down the aisle to "Messiah/You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham. Every time I listen, it gives me butterflies and takes me back to our wedding. Peter cried when I walked down the aisle! The bridesmaids walked to Matt Redman's "10,000 Reasons," and the other songs included "Oceans" and "How He Loves."  

While we professed traditional Catholic vows, we were also invited to include personal messages to read out loud during the ceremony. The night before our wedding, I accidentally took Peter's note card with his message to me, so he had to try to remember what he wrote. The rest he made up on the spot! Our priests were Father John, the priest from my college parish, and Father Matt, who was our youth minister and who watched Peter and I grow together. Our wedding was the first he presided at, as a newly ordained priest! We had our friends and cousins present the gifts. It was very special having our loved ones included in the Mass.

 After the Mass, Peter and I went to Jamba Juice in our wedding attire. It’s  where Peter first told me he liked me and asked me out on our first date. We sat at our table to enjoy a few moments alone before the reception.

Our reception was held at Rancho Camulos Museum, a National Historic Landmark that holds an old (not currently used) Catholic chapel. We had an outdoor reception that included market lights above the dance floor and big tree with a chandelier above our table. The meal was catered from the same restaurant where Peter and I went on our first date, and guests enjoyed listening to Lang Station during the cocktail hour and dinner.  

My favorite part of the night came at the end, when most of guests had departed. Those remaining included our very close friends, some family, and neighbors whom I’m very close to. Two friends recalled that as a child, I’d wanted to dance to Train’s "Drops of Jupiter" at my wedding, and they requested it as the last song of the evening. Peter and I danced with unkempt hair, his jacket over me, through a scene of bubbles provided by a couple of people. We then slowly walked away to our cars, talking with our friends like it was just another ordinary night. But it was perfect.

Although it’s very easy to get caught up in all the wedding details--decorations, music, the timeline--the most important thing is to be present and enjoy the moment. Let go of all the things that don't matter, breathe deeply, and take notice of all the blessings around you. During your wedding day, reflect on how God got you to where you are and be thankful. Remember the insanely amazing spiritual things that are happening to give you a new sacrament!

Lastly, know that sometimes it’s easy to become disappointed in certain aspects of your wedding. Remember those feelings are fleeting, and you get to look forward to an adventure of a lifetime with the man God provided for you.

Video produced by Forestry Films

Photographer: Worden Photography | Reception Location: Rancho Camulos Museum; Piru, CA | Church: Saint Kateri Tekakwitha Catholic Church; Santa Clarita, CA | Bride's Wedding and Engagement Rings: Jewelry Couture in Ventura, CA Groom's Wedding Ring: Na Hoku | Flowers: Yamaguchi Nursery in Santa Paula, CA | Invitations: Download and Print | Save the Dates: Shutterfly | Rentals:  AV Party Rentals in Santa Clarita, CA | Caterer:  Stone Fire Grill | Bride's Dresses: The White Dress for Less in Newhall, CA, Dress designed by Oleg Cassini | Veil: SmithaMenonBridal on Etsy | Bride's Shoes: Step! Shoes in Santa Monica, CA, Shoes: Sabrinas Juliet 34910 in Bone Nappa Leather | Bridesmaid Attire: Various dresses chosen by bridesmaids | Groom and Groomsmen Attire: Men's Warehouse | Cake: Jills Cake Creations in Santa Clarita, CA | Hairstylist: Amy Wolf | Ceremony Music/ Cocktail Hour/ Dinner Music: Lang Station | Reception Music: Crowd Theory Entertainment | Reception Planning/Coordination:  Lalonde Events; Christine Lalonde | Videography: Forestry Films

Newlywed Life | Accepting Imperfection

STEPHANIE CALIS

My prayer during my engagement was earnest and intense, if not terribly varied. Most of my petitions revolved around the hopes I had for my marriage:

Prepare me to be a good wife. Prepare him to be a good husband. Slay my selfishness, Father, and help me make a gift of myself. Help us have long, happy, life-giving years together.

I was determined to make marriage make me better, not for my sake but for the sake of the man I loved.

Over the course of a year, I made my way through Venerable Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married, highlighting entire pages with his meditations on love and sacrifice. Sheen frequently notes the that even in all the beauty of married life, God alone satisfies our deep ache for completion, asking questions like, “How can one love self without being selfish? How can one love others without losing self? The answer is: By loving both self and neighbor in God. It is His Love that makes us love both self and neighbor rightly.”

Somehow, this point got obscured in the elation of my engagement. It felt impossible not to imagine that, despite our human weaknesses and the inevitable arguments and inconveniences, marriage would be a perpetual state of transcendence. The heights.

And in many ways, it really has been. I try to stay aware and thankful of the fact that my marriage has been a purifying gift, with many moments of scarcely believable joy and true communion. Yet as I anticipated these days I once only dreamed of, I still created an elevated ideal of what I thought marriage would be--and, more specifically, how I would be.

I thought love would drown out any voices of self-doubt in my mind. I thought gratitude for my husband would make petty bickering simple to resolve. I thought no matter what lay ahead on the exterior, that the interior--the particular relationship and bond I’d share with my husband alone--would be untouchable.

As with any great love, there’s a heady early stage filled with infatuation and good will. Even for those of us aware of this tendency, it’s hard to avoid that rush. Without intending to, I’d become infatuated with marriage itself, idealizing it, and idealizing who I wanted to be as a wife, in my hopes for perfection.

After our wedding, I found myself wrestling with my worth through a season of unemployment and loneliness in a new town, annoyed when my husband did chores differently than me, and resentful that exterior issues like in-laws and long-distance holidays still cast frustration on my overall happiness.

I wanted to be the best wife I could be, and ended up misinterpreting “best” as “never dissatisfied.”

It wasn’t my husband’s doing. Never in our relationship have I felt on less than equal footing with him, and never has he been less than affirming and consoling when I’ve needed his tenderness and strength most. It was my own self I had to confront. Just as my veil was lifted at the altar on my wedding day, I was forced to see the me that resided beneath the veil of my ideals. The lifting of that veil, and the opportunity to contend with the fact that, despite my efforts, I couldn’t be a perfect wife--nor was I called to be--was painful.

I became so aware of my shortcomings in a way I hadn’t been before getting married. Seeing how I reacted to irritations and trials in relation to another person were like a mirror to a version of myself I’d never seen before. The image wasn’t the one I’d always hoped to see.

But who you are in your vocation isn’t just the person you or your spouse sees reflected back at you. Who does the Father see?

In all my concerns, all my desires to be the best I could be at marriage, my focus was so narrow I often forgot to welcome the channel of grace. I forgot to invite the Lord to form me alongside my inferior human designs, to welcome the formation that hurt. And ultimately, to trust that even in my imperfection, he loved me the same. It’s the same kind of love spouses are called to bear to one another--the holy one’s own face--and the kind of love I received time and again from my husband.

During a recent storm of anxiety and self-contempt, a therapist showed me an image with three concentric circles. The outer ring was labeled facade, encompassing the people, things, achievements, sensual things, and tendencies to pride and vanity we might attach ourselves to in the world. Within it was a circle called defects, including our failures, past sins, disappointments, anger, and means of escapism (food, materialism, sex, or substances). The center circle read core, and listed who every child of God is and is made to be: Beloved. A temple of the Holy Spirit. Full of grace. Holy. A new creation.

These three circles, she said, together make up our spirituality. While we, and others, can see the facades and the defects--surrounded by our idols, the things we desire to be or what we want the world to see--God’s transforming, radical love, his vision of us, quite literally cuts to the core.

He sees the us in that center circle, not discounting the imperfect parts of us, but never withdrawing his love in spite of them. Knowing this, it’s like having permission to let the idols topple. It’s natural, and good, to desire becoming your spouse’s closest earthly example of excruciating love. It does take three to get married, though, because peace lies in knowing you aren’t doing it alone and, moreover, knowing the Lord wants us to become more and more an embodiment of his love in our vocation.

Imperfection is a part of us, but it’s not who we are. Our identity doesn’t lie in our shortcomings or in the masks we wear. It lies in who we are: his daughters and sons.

Images by Rae and Michael Photography, as seen in How He Asked | Jocelyn + Cheyne

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Shopping for Bridal Jewelry? We Love These Catholic Small Businesses

You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride; you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one bead of your necklace. - Song of Songs 4:9

There is something sacred about adorning yourself on the morning of your wedding; solemn and joyful all at once. Are you currently shopping for your bridal accessories? Here, our selection of women-run Catholic small businesses offering beautiful religious jewelry that can take on a special significance both on and long after your big day.

Photography: Jen Harkleroad Photography, as seen in Emily + John | Classic Virginia Wedding

Atelier Zovak: Hand-cast and knotted medals, rosaries, and jewelry inspired by antique and heirloom designs.

Caritas Dei LLC: Jewelry and rosaries with a vintage sensibility, offering reproductions of antique religious medals and pieces.

CRS Ethical Trade: Ethically made jewelry benefiting small, local businesses worldwide, vetted by and contributing to Catholic Relief Services’ Fair Trade Fund.

Her Witness: Necklaces handmade by Tara Heilingoetter, one of Spoken Bride’s photographers, specializing in Miraculous Medals.

Lillian Jude Designs: Launching soon, offering modern takes on saint medals with hand-drawn and stamped designs.

Mary With You: Clean, simple scapular and rosary bracelets in leather and cord.

My Saint My Hero: Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and rings, ranging from minimalist to elaborate, with a wide range of Benedictine cross pieces in particular. Founded with deep respect for the dignity of work, the company’s pieces--for women and men--are ethically created by women artisans in several cities around the globe.

Our Lady’s Armory: Rosaries and other religious articles crafted by husband-and-wife team and Spoken Bride Vendors Nick and Elizabeth Jobe. We love their cuff links as a gift for your groom!

Small Things Great Love: On-trend charm bangles featuring Catholic devotions.

Stella & Tide: Delicate, feminine articles, including customizable options, featuring the saints, Our Lady, and symbols from Scripture.

For more bridal accessories we love, check out the editors’ favorites.

And tell us; how did you choose your wedding jewelry? If your pieces have a story behind them, we’d love to hear it in the comments and on our social media.

Sarah + Brian | Country Chic Wedding

Sarah doesn’t even drink coffee, but when a young man casually asked her to join him and a friend after one Sunday Mass, she said yes. The friend--Brian--joined them at the coffee shop, and he and Sarah discovered their common interests and shared Catholic faith. They began chatting via Facebook, and went on their first date son after.

From the Bride: At the time we met, Brian was finishing a Marian consecration. I had made my first one a few years earlier in college, and I warned him that his life would definitely change for the better. It is a powerful prayer! Early on in our relationship, we both expressed our desires to remain fixed on Christ and to save sex for marriage. Though these commitments were, at times, very hard, by grace we stuck to them.

We soon found out our similarities and differences. Brian has an engineering-oriented mind, while I am more creative and emotional. These differences really compliment each other, helping each of us keep the other’s concerns in check. We both love the outdoors, camping, running, and biking. We even ran a mini marathon together. 

As our we got to know each other more and more, Brian also grew deeper in his faith. He began to see and realize the need for healing in certain areas of his life. This was frustrating and very hard for me at times, but I knew God desired this experience for Brian. I never stopped praying for him, and never stopped supporting him.  

During our first year of dating, we were blessed to travel to Lourdes, where Mary appeared to Saint Bernadette. It was such a beautiful experience. After that trip, Bernadette took on a special place in our hearts and we have since asked her often to intercede for us. We also made plans to hike the Camino together, which is a 500 mile hike on foot from St. Jean, France to Santiago, Spain. However, I ended up not going, which was God's perfect plan: Brian had a beautiful opportunity for reflection and alone time with God. The pilgrimage took him 23 days, which equals hiking about 21 miles a day to complete it. That was probably the biggest turning point in our relationship. It has made Brian a better spiritual leader, our relationship stronger, and has truly opened his heart for a deeper conversion with God. Our Lady knew what she was doing!

Two and a half years after our first date, Brian proposed on a pond dock with bouquets of daisies surrounding us.

From the moment I said yes, I knew we were in for the most beautiful, messy, vulnerable, and love-filled adventure.

Marriage can be taken lightly these days. The overall vision and expectations can be greatly skewed and may cause great heartache. The beauty of marriage is not just waking up to your best friend whom you love so deeply, but also seeing beauty in the vulnerable moments you share. It is quite a profound thing to see a person's heart with their strengths and gifts, but there is also something truly beautiful and intimate in knowing the other's weaknesses.

Marriage is about getting the other to heaven. It is about truly desiring the good for the other. It is walking with them through their joys and their sufferings. It’s transparency; and knowing everything about your spouse and still choosing to love him or her deeply. Sacrificial love shines forth, reflecting our wedding vows.

That's why on our wedding day we were filled with joy, gazing at each other at the altar, with God as our witness along with our families and friends. Two people at the altar, tears in their eyes, knowing we were making the most beautiful covenant to each other.

I'm sure you’ve heard Dostoyevsky’s quote, "beauty will save the world." True beauty is a reflection of God. In fact, he is beauty. We hoped to bring his divine beauty to our wedding day.

Growing up, I absolutely loved the cello. I even started cello lessons at 27 years old! The first song I learned was “Be Thou My Vision.” For as long as I can remember, this song has captured my heart. Since high school, I’d dreamed of entering into the church to that hymn on my wedding day. God had even more beautiful plans.

He put a wonderful cello teacher in front of me, a retired second chair from the Indianapolis symphony. He taught me how to play the song and ended up playing it as I walked down the aisle.

When I was little I had a lot of anxiety. I would sometimes walk in my parents backyard in a nearby grassy field where horses grazed. I remember seeing daisies everywhere. They were so simple, yet beautiful and free. I longed for that freedom in Christ and the daisies in that field almost become a symbol of that beauty and freedom. From then on, daisies have always been my favorite flower; a reminder of the freedom that I attained through Christ. I chose to wear a simple, flowing gown, and carry daisies in my bouquet.

For our honeymoon we were able to go to Rome and have our marriage blessed by the Pope!

Shortly after our wedding, we were blessed with little baby, which sadly ended in miscarriage. We named her after our beloved saint of Lourdes, and now we know we have two Bernadettes interceding for us. We can't wait to grow our family and are hoping to do foster care in the near future. Another desire of ours coming true!

Praise you, God, for all you have done for me and all you have done for Brian.

From the Groom: The night before our wedding, Sarah and I had the opportunity to receive the sacrament of reconciliation.

I was really excited when I found out our priest, Fr. Whittingto, was offering this to us, so we could be purified before committing our lives to each other.

I felt a reminder that, to be a good husband and father--to lead my wife and children to God--I first have to humble myself, admit my faults, and be in a right relationship with God.

Being humble can be a difficult thing, especially for men, who desire to be their family's ultimate protector and example. I’m often tempted to emphasize my virtue and dismiss my failures, thinking I need to show my wife and future that I’m a role model whom they should look up to. I'm glad I had this reminder, through reconciliation, that the best leaders are humble and seek forgiveness for their failures.

The morning of our wedding seemed to stretch on for ages. It felt like the time for Mass to begin would never come. I remember trying to fill the time of anxious waiting with prayers for God to prepare my heart and to allow me to see all the beauty in this day. While God still has plenty of work to do in my heart, I look back on my time in prayer that day and see yet another moment where God was calling me to himself.

Though Sarah and I both had times while dating when we weren’t certain if we’d be led to marriage, we always turned toward God and trusted in him to lead us and to give us the grace to be who he made us to be. As I was waiting for our wedding mass to begin I found myself praying almost the same prayer, only without any uncertainty this time:

Lord, thank you so much for this huge blessing, for putting this beautiful woman in my life. Give me the grace to be the husband she deserves throughout our whole marriage.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Church: St. Nicholas Catholic Church, Sunman, IN | Reception: St. Anthony Hall, Morris, IN | Florals: Roberta Haas (Family Friend) | Bridal Gown: Bridal and Formal in Cincinnati | Shoes: David's Bridal | Bridesmaids' Attire: David’s Bridal | Groom's Suit: Express | Groomsmen Attire: Express | Live Music: Brother Smith Band | Photobooth: Picture Perfect Photo Booth | Videography: Vibe Video Productions 

Behind the Scenes | Andi's Insider Look at the World of Catholic Wedding Planning

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Today, we’re excited to share with you an inside look at a wedding coordinator’s responsibilities--and how you, as the bride, can have the best experience with your coordinator, if you’ve chosen to hire one, and to anticipate the details that make for a smooth wedding day. Read on for Andi’s testimony, her advice for a joy-filled marriage--the fruit of 10 years with her husband, Matt--and the #1 piece of information to share with your coordinator.

You've loved weddings and had a creative streak for a long time! How did you get started in the wedding industry?

I've been planning parties since my fourth birthday, when I told my parents we were having it at Chuck E. Cheese! Each year my parties got increasingly complex. My parents were very supportive of my ever-growing love of crafts, taking me to the store for classes and demos and letting me take over a cabinet (then a closet) for all of my supplies.

Then at 15, I saw the movie The Wedding Planner. I had no idea people could earn a living getting to help others with parties! This is long before Pinterest, so I’d save my allowance to subscribe to any bridal magazine I could get my hands on, then cut and paste together mock weddings.

In college I worked at Mon Amie, the largest bridal store on the West Coast. I learned so much about the wedding industry and even got to model dresses on the weekends.

When my husband proposed, we came up with a budget and I finally got the chance to learn exactly how to put together the ideas I’d been reading about for so long. After our wedding we were blessed with a bunch of babies (and lots of birthdays to plan!), and I would occasionally help a friend with her wedding.  

Soon I was being asked to essentially coordinate these weddings. I felt a pull towards making things official with a name, website, and branding. Then came networking and coordinating styled shoots, where I could meet other local vendors and build a relationship.

Do you work mostly with Catholic couples, or with others, as well? What, to you, sets a Catholic wedding apart?

The majority of the couples I work with are Catholic, and I would really enjoy that being my focus. I still work with secular couples, but they are mostly family friends or referrals.

Jesus Christ is what sets a Catholic wedding apart! Having the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord truly present at a wedding is just beyond phenomenal.

Do you have any stories of seeing the faith come alive in the couples you've worked with?

I arrived to the church an hour early before one wedding and prayed in the Adoration chapel until the wedding party arrived. At that time, I noticed the groom was nervous. I told him to go and sit in front of our Lord for awhile, and it was beautiful to see him, his brother, and their friend in prayer.

Now That's a Party offers services from basic wedding day timelines to full-on coordination from start to finish. What aspects of wedding planning are your brides most surprised by?

I think the biggest surprises are the little details that can easily be overlooked--like ordering meals for your vendors, packing an overnight bag if you're staying with your new husband in a hotel, and designating plans for cleanup and taking gifts home.

Here’s an example of unexpected details it’s important to plan for: one wedding I did was in a park overlooking the ocean, and the bride had ordered rose petals. I had her look over city regulations, pack a rake for after the ceremony, and schedule the petals into the timeline.

Brides have so much access to visual inspiration, message boards, and dozens more resources when planning their weddings, often before they even meet their vendors. As a coordinator, have you noticed pros and cons to this?

Pinterest can be an awesome tool to visualize your ideas and discover what trends you’re drawn to. On the flip side, it can make everything seem overwhelming; almost paralyzing. The biggest downside for me is having clients say, "Sorry, this isn't really going to be Pinterest-worthy wedding," as if that were the goal.

Becoming a Pinterest trend or getting featured on a wedding blog should never be your focus. Viewers will care about it for a day or so, then move onto the next thing. But the man you're engaged to wants to be your husband for the rest of your life.

Another disadvantage of inspiration overload is that so many wedding images on Instagram, Pinterest, and blogs are simply unattainable to the average couple, yet it can tap into our vanity because we want to fit in. Few wedding blogs feature simple receptions in church hall, yet I've happily coordinated those; and truly, the couples are so filled with the grace of the Holy Spirit from their wedding. It is just beautifully infectious to all their guests.

What's the most helpful thing a couple can do for you, as their coordinator, before and during the big day?

Hands down, send me copies of every single signed contract and give me contact info for each vendor, friend, or family member who will be there for setup, as well as emergency contacts. Once I have all of that info, I can contact each vendor and helper so I know what to expect and can construct a timeline for each person involved, so we are all on the same page. That timeline is gold on the day of!

We’d love to hear stories from some of the weddings you've worked on! Are there any particularly profound moments that stand out to you? Any funny or otherwise memorable ones?

One of the most fun moments at a wedding was when a bride and groom surprised their families with a belly dancing ensemble. One of the groom's cousins came out and played drums with the drummer, and everyone there was really into it. They even danced with swords! Another couple went all out smashing cake into each other's faces. That was rare for me; in my experience, most couples are nice and don't want to make a mess.

Does being immersed in weddings and, by extension, marriage, influence your relationship with your husband and family, and vice versa?

Yes! A big trend I've seen in the past several years is elaborate, showy proposals. They are featured on blogs, go viral on YouTube, and are all over Pinterest. Though I, of course, cherish my husband, he absolutely did not stage a "dream proposal," and I've had to try really hard to develop humility, accepting the reality of what happened and growing in gratitude for who he is. A proposal is all of five minutes, but having someone by your side, someone who constantly chooses to love you in sickness and in health, in bad times and in good…well, that's real love.

Lastly, what distinctively Catholic planning secrets can you share with brides-to-be?

First, before booking any vendors, book your church. Many dioceses require 6-9 months of preparation before the wedding. Second, develop an openness to Natural Family Planning. For many couples, it's their first time delving into the technical aspects after years of just hearing about it. No matter where you’re coming from, learning about the body God gave you is truly empowering.

Photography: Leif Brandt Photography, as seen in Sara + Calvin | Sophisticated Handcrafted Wedding, coordinated by Andi.

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Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Newlywed Life | When You Aren't Able to Have a Cocoon Period

STEPHANIE CALIS

I clearly remember the hours spent on the phone with my husband-to-be during our long-distance engagement. At some point, at least several times a week, we’d express how much we missed each other, following our unintentional script: “I can’t wait until this time is over and we can see each other every day.” “Me neither. We won’t have to say goodbye anymore! Instead, it will be goodnight.”

Photography: Karly Jo Photography, seen in Vendor Spotlight | Karly Jo Photography

Short of a handful of work-related trips and bachelor and bachelorette weekends each, my husband and I have been blessed with the opportunity to come home to one another almost every day of our marriage, a gift we try not to take for granted. Having friends in the military, ministry, and the corporate world, we’re aware that for some couples frequent travel and separation is the norm, not the exception.

What will your own living and time situation look like after your wedding day? Being able to insulate and fortify your marriage in its early days--a “cocoon period” wherein your relationship and its boundaries are a top priority--is an incredible grace. But if by necessity or circumstance--school, a job requiring regular interstate trips, selling a home, or otherwise--you and your spouse aren’t able to be together daily, your marriage certainly isn’t doomed. Where some opportunities are absent (namely, the ease of spending significant amounts of time together as husband and wife--and it’s alright to find this difficult and undesirable), others present themselves. But only with the Father’s hand.

I recently talked to two friends, a couple married six years who spent the first six months of their marriage living in two different states as one spouse completed her PhD and the other established his business. I find their devotion to prayer, theology, and liturgical living so inspiring, and as we chatted about their advice for married couples who are frequently separated, it appeared clear to me that some of the very habits established during their time apart later flowed into the habits they maintain still, now together each day and with their children.

Here, their tips for couples experiencing temporary long-distance marriages.

Invest in your prayer life as a couple.

My friends told me when they shared their forthcoming situation with their pastor during engagement, he urged them to develop habits of regular prayer, both individually and as a couple. Going so far as to schedule specific times to pray is very helpful for accountability--they committed to praying on the phone before work each morning, using this prayer for married couples, followed by spontaneous prayer and intentions.

If necessary, get creative with your time and schedules.

Making time to chat each day was a priority for my friends, one that involved a well-worth-it effort to align their schedules across different time zones and responsibilities. Depending on your situation, this might look like one or both spouses waking up an hour earlier or talking during meals or work breaks.

Know your limitations, however, and prioritize each other’s well-being--my friends decided to impose a rule of no evening Skype calls on weeknights, because they’d both be too willing to stay up too late.

Find things to do together from a distance.

Reading the same book, watching the same show, or even making the same recipe can help you feel connected across the miles.

Try to see each other as much as possible.

As time and finances allow, it’s worth making efforts to see one another often. This might involve certain sacrifices; my friend, for instance, decided to live with family during his time apart from his wife, and the money they saved in rent went to plane tickets, instead.

Expect an adjustment when you’re reunited.

The end of your time apart will surely be one of great joy. Bear in mind it will also be a big move for at least one spouse, with many changes: living with someone new and adjusting to a new location, job, and community. Give yourselves times to ease into the transition, in the form of taking a few days off from work and taking things slowly before overloading yourselves with social commitments.

A temporary long-distance marriage probably feels more unfair than a long-distance engagement; after all, the contentment of significantly more time together is a privilege of becoming husband and wife. Yet opportunities for your sanctification and the strength of your relationship do exist; gifts even in a less-than-ideal situation. If you have or will experience frequent separations from your spouse, be assured of our prayers, and be sure to share the practices that have helped you on your journey.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Kaitlyn + John | Southern New Year's Wedding

A few months before her freshman year at Notre Dame, Kaitlyn’s aunt showed her a newspaper article about a local young man’s involvement with campus ministry on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. On her first day of Philosophy 101 at school, she quickly recognized “the Mississippi kid from the article.” It was John, who, it turned out, had grown up only 20 minutes down the road from where Kaitlyn was born.

Kaitlyn introduced herself on that first day of class, and John sat behind her. Midway through the semester, they began studying and attending daily Mass together. John asked Kaitlyn out, and before they knew it they were falling in love.

From the Bride: Little did we know, while we were busy falling for each other our parents were doing some behind-the-scenes research! My dad called his best friend, a priest who happened to be on a school board with John’s father. When asked about John’s family, Fr. Paddy--who later concelebrated our wedding--replied, “Oh they are cream of the crop!” My dad was sufficiently satisfied, and apparently so was John’s family in their discoveries about me.

Our friendship, and subsequent romantic relationship, was founded on our mutual love of Christ. After Mass, we’d often discuss our faith lives and pray.

I knew from the first time we prayed together that I could trust my heart with such a man. His devotion to the Lord and our Blessed Mother were so clear, and they continue to be.

John asked me to marry him next to the Sacred Heart statue in front of Notre Dame’s famous Dome, as our family watched via webcam and our friends stood nearby.

Our wedding Mass was the main focus of our planning and where we devoted most of our energy. Between getting married close to New Year’s Eve and being ND grads, it was an easy decision to choose gold as a central wedding color. Our colors were inspired by my engagement ring, which belonged to John’s great grandmother and is gold with an aquamarine stone (my birthstone).

We wanted the natural beauty of the Mississippi Gulf Coast, where we held the ceremony and reception--including the beach, old Southern oaks, and a nearby lighthouse--to influence the general aesthetic of the day. We incorporated cream and soft blue details to reflect these local features.

My dress and bouquet were influenced by our traditional style and the setting of the gorgeous cathedral where the Mass was celebrated. My sister got married three months before me, and we actually bought our wedding dresses on the same day! We decided to share the veil, so it could be our “something borrowed” and signify the closeness we share.

Our wedding date, December 30th, is often celebrated as the Feast of the Holy Family depending on the liturgical calendar. This seemed incredibly apt, as we want the family we created, starting at our wedding mass, to be an image of the Holy Family, reflecting their love in all we do.

We wanted to find a way to dedicate our marriage to the Holy Family during the Nuptial Mass. We searched for statues and images online to whom we could pray and present flowers during the Mass, but never found exactly what we were looking for. So John came up with the idea of “commissioning” my dad to paint us an icon of the Holy Family, featuring the many devotions we have developed as a couple.

The finished icon includes the Sacred Heart of Jesus, a nod to our engagement location, Saint Joseph, to whom my family has a longtime devotion (my parents met on his feast day, which is also my birthday), and Our Lady, who is particularly precious to John’s parents. We asked for the artwork to depict Joseph with his trademark lilies and Mary with the image found on the Miraculous Medal. At our Mass, my mother handed us a lily to present to Saint Joseph, and John’s mother and father gave us a rose to give to Our Lady and the Holy Family. Inviting our families into these dedications, alongside this image my dad had painted, symbolized a blending together of families and our devotions to create a new family.

The Nuptial Mass was truly grace-filled, with so many friends and family members serving through readings, gift bearing, altar serving, and music. It was especially beautiful seeing how all of this love and grace was only possible through the love of the Holy Family.

Our reception was a wonderful celebration highlighting the many people we are so blessed to have in our lives. It took place at the Biloxi Visitors Center, with a gorgeous view of the gulf and Biloxi lighthouse. A jazz band from New Orleans played many of our favorite songs. John was a section leader in the Notre Dame Band, so many of his fellow band members helped us select jazz pieces for background music. They, along with many of our ND friends, family members, and childhood friends hit the dance floor after a delicious traditional coastal meal of jambalaya and gumbo.

I think we will always treasure our first dance to "Fly Me to the Moon," and the dances we shared with our parents. The band led us in an Anniversary Dance where my grandparents, who celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary this year, won for longest marriage. When asked their advice for a long and happy marriage, my blessed grandfather said something along the lines of, “She’s always right.”

Immediately after John proposed, our friends serenaded us with “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.” I helped John conduct our friends in another rendition of the song, and we finished the night with a second line taking us down the stairs and out to our car, covered in shaving cream courtesy of John’s brothers and groomsmen. Our families sent off fireworks from the beach across the street!

There is a poetic line in Luke’s Gospel that has often struck me in times of great joy: “And Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Our wedding day was filled with graces and moments of true joy that, like Mary, I have treasured in my heart.

We not only felt the peace that comes from fulfilling the vocation God had in mind for us; we also felt a taste of that heavenly wedding feast where love and joy have the final word over sin and death.

To feel the support of so many incredible people, including those loved ones who joined us only through the mystical communion of the Eucharist, was a reminder of the abundant and gratuitous love God has for each of us. Since John and had dated for over five years and been engaged for two, there was no doubt remaining about the call to love and devote ourselves to each other’s spiritual and physical well being that God placed on our hearts.

When I said my vows out loud, it felt as natural as the sun rising each morning.

It was just a day, but also a sacrament that has given us the strength to live every day after, for the rest of our lives, in fidelity and selflessness. That doesn’t mean that now we bend over backwards to empty the trash or fold the laundry, but there is a grace through the sacrament to face this crazy world as a team, bound together.

The image of the Holy Family which now hangs in our bedroom reflects the truth that God uses the family to bring about salvation. That it is through the sacrifices we make within that unit, and together as a unit for the outside world, that God’s mercy is shown. The sacrament of marriage, and the graces that come from responding to the call God places deep in our hearts, fill us with joy and strength to be images of that mercy.

Through prayer we continue to discover the beauty of our vocation to love each other for life, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and for better or for worse.

Photography: Julie Holmes Photography http://www.julieholmesphotography.com | Church: Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary Cathedral, Biloxi, MS https://nativitybvmcathedral.org | Wedding Reception Venue : Biloxi Visitors Center, Biloxi, MS, https://www.biloxi.ms.us/visitor-info/museums/visitors-center/ | Liturgical Music: Jacqueline Coale and Terry Maddox | Reception Band: Dr. Jazz and the New Orleans Sound http://www.drjazzmusic.com  | Flowers, Catering & Wedding Coordination: Fountain Events http://www.chezcharlesevents.com | Cakes: Torta Dulce Bakery http://www.tortadolcecakesandmore.com/ | Makeup: Ashley Mills http://www.makeupbyashleymills.com | Hair: Salon Rouge https://www.salonrouge-ms.com | Dress: Marie Gabriel Couture https://mariegabrielcouture.com | Bridesmaid dresses: Bella Bridesmaids https://www.bellabridesmaids.com | Suits: Studio Suits https://www.studiosuits.com  | Bridesmaid shirts: Lettermix Studio on Etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/LettermixStudio | Rings: Windsor Jewelry https://windsorjewelry.com | Invitations: Minted https://www.minted.com

Editors' Picks | Vol. 12: Favorite Love Stories

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

The best romances direct our earthly emotion and longings to the Holy One, the beloved of our souls whose love is bottomless. Today, we're sharing the love stories that inspire us from literature, movies, TV, and the lives of the saints.

Photography: Vanessa Velez Photo, c/o The Mantilla Co.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe from the Anne of Green Gables series: Oh, where to begin?! There is something about Anne and Gil that will always give my stomach butterflies or make my heart skip a beat. I love Gil’s devoted pursuit of Anne and that he loves her for who she is, even when she is absolutely stubborn and unreasonable. From their early rivalry to their friendship to their eventual marriage, this fictional romance is one of my all-time favorites.

Chiara Corbella Petrillo and her husband, Enrico: Chiara is a young Italian wife and mother who died in 2012 of carcinoma. When you read her biography, Chiara Corbella Petrillo: A Witness to Joy, written by her friends Simone Troisi & Cristiana Paccini, the beginning delves a great deal into Chiara and Enrico’s roller coaster courtship. Their marriage, too, was also not short of great suffering and sacrifice up until her death. Their relationship is real, gritty, and painful, yet still full of joy, trust, and redemption. In a world that idolizes the appearance of a curated, blissful marriage, I find great consolation in Chiara and Enrico and their absolute surrender to always serve God and do His will, no matter how much it hurts.

Andi, Business Director

Jim and Pam from The Office: this has got to be one of the most down-to-earth, relatable love stories out there (you know you cried at their wedding!). From the start I loved how Jim and Pam were friends; their relationship just slowly grew from there, and the show drew it out over a few seasons because real life is messy and doesn’t always happen on our schedule. Jim was so patient and it was worth it in the end!

Mary and Joseph: As I recently prayed the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary, I was reflecting on the theological virtue of hope, and Mary and Joseph came to my mind. Saint Joseph shows us so much trust in the Lord when he decides to marry Mary, despite the unexpected news of the Word becoming flesh in her womb. They both show us hope by trusting in God’s plan for their marriage and family, even with all the unexpected circumstances they had to endure.

Ella and Kit from Cinderella (2015): I had very low expectations going into this Disney remake and ended up blown away by the tenderness and affection that grew between Cinderella and Prince Kit. So much depth, personality, and actual motivations were given to these characters, and it made them so real! I think my favorite aspect of their relationship is the purity it’s portrayed with: neither had the intent to use the other for their own purposes, and neither felt worthy of the other, allowing real love to grow.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

Kitty Scherbatsky and Konstantin Levin from Anna Karenina: Tolstoy’s novel is most famous for its portrayal of a love story gone off the rails, via the affair conducted by the title character. So I found myself surprised, as well as incredibly moved, when I read the book for the first time and discovered that in contrast to Anna’s infidelity and emotional caprice, the story also traces the development of another relationship, one rooted in constancy and personal growth. The romance between Kitty and Levin matures as each grows in awareness of human nature and suffering, culminating in one of the most beautiful proposals I’ve ever encountered--fictional or real.

Saint Gianna Molla and her husband Pietro: Saint Gianna, to me, is a woman of vocation. She embraced all the Lord called her to in both gladness and trials; her decision to give birth to her fourth child at the cost of her own life embodied our ultimate call, as Christians, to lay down our lives. Her sacrifice is heroic, yet what stands out to me most is the ordinariness of who she was, in the best way: a 20th-century working mother, like so many of us, who desired to create a joyful and peaceful home for her family. The number of canonized married saints is few, so I am grateful for the poetry and encouragement I’ve found in the letters exchanged between Gianna and her beloved husband, Pietro. They cared for one another with a beautiful regard for one another’s spiritual well-being, with a sweet tenderness, and even a holy boldness--feeling certain of her devotion to Pietro, who was the shyer of the two, Gianna was the first to say I love you, expressing her desire for a lifelong commitment and family!

Tami and Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights: I consider myself emotional when it comes to love (read: crying over practically every Spoken Bride wedding submission), but I’m not easily swayed by shallow sentiment or sweeping gestures. I find the real and the messy romantic, because that’s who we, as humans, are. It’s what I love in the relationship between Coach Taylor and his wife. I truly can’t think of another TV marriage that is so realistically and positively portrayed: one rooted in abiding trust and good will, even when frustrated by life and work’s demands, one that doesn’t blow problems out of proportion for the sake of drama but confronts them with honesty and respect, and one with expressions of endearment and physical affection that feel so unaffected and true to life.

Did we include your favorite couple on this list? Share the love stories you love in the comments and on our social media.

Engagement + Newlywed Retreats, Part II | How to Plan Your Own Personal Retreat

This post is the second of a two-part series. Find Part I, our regional guide to the best retreats for Catholic couples, here.

If you and your beloved crave a respite from wedding planning or life’s busyness--quite literally, retreat--yet your time, travel, or financial circumstances aren’t suited to a more formal, sponsored retreat, it’s still possible to create your own day(s) of contemplation and fruitful discussion.

Here, our tips for planning a DIY retreat.

Photography: Dominick Tardogno, seen in How He Asked | Caty + Ryan

Choose a destination.

A shrine, monastery, cathedral, or other holy site in your area (or within day-trip distance) are good potential retreat locations. If you live in or near a city, consider planning a day of pilgrimage to several shrines or chapels. This directory of Catholic sites in the U.S. is a handy starting point for your plans.

Seek out the sacraments.

In the real presence of the Lord, the sacred beckons. Allow time in your day and travels for Mass, confession, spiritual direction, and/or Eucharistic Adoration.

Bring materials for introspection and prayer.

As deeply as we all desire quiet and rest, once we find it, it’s easy to feel...restless. The fruit of our perpetually connected, phones-at-the-ready habits. It’s alright if you struggle to focus during longer periods of prayer; persist, asking the Father to remove distractions from your heart and draw you into himself.

Moreover, come prepared, and allow time to practically and spiritually renew your relationship. Plan for at least one, and up to several, periods of Adoration or quiet prayer before the Tabernacle during your day of retreat. Designate a time for structured prayer, reading, or other devotions. You might consider…

Lectio divina (read Spoken Bride vendor Liz Escoffery’s tips for praying with your wedding vows here) | Spiritual reading on love and marriage (find our recommendations here) | Beloved, a video series on Catholic marriage | The Culture Project International’s lecture series on St. John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility | a talk from the National Forum on the Theology of the Body | How-To Catholic, a podcast on liturgical living and the daily life of the faith, hosted by a husband-and-wife duo | Bishop Robert Barron’s Word on Fire podcast | Leah Darrow’s Do Something Beautiful podcast | Dr. Gregory Popcak’s More 2 Life podcast, focused on relationships

Talk.

Discuss the thoughts and insights borne of your prayer, reading, or listening. If questions surface--from the fun to the serious--ask them. A Q+A book for Christian relationships, like this one from the author of The 5 Love Languages, can spark your inquiries. Should particular issues arise that invite further probing and communication, pray about whether pre-marital counseling or spiritual direction can benefit you.

Plan a date.

End your day of retreat with dinner, a long walk or hike, or favorite hobby. For movie buffs, Christopher West’s The Cor Project offers a free, downloadable guide to “Theology of the Body at the movies” when you subscribe to their mailing list.

As Christ is transfigured atop the mountain, a vision of heavenly glory, his friends desire to linger there. Yet, he gently reminds them, they aren’t meant to stay forever at the summit; it’s back on the ground, amid the world, that they’re called to be his witnesses.

And so it is with a retreat, just as with marriage: some moments are so elevated, so glorious, we never want to leave. In the times we’re back in life’s trenches, when the crosses feel heavy, when our hearts cry out, it’s those memories of transcendence that sustain us. May you find true peace and rest during your time of retreat, re-entering the world remade and brought to life.

Maggie + Ryan | Vineyard Brunch Wedding

In the vocation to marriage, blindness is overcome by a true seeing and removal of the veil.

At a fundraising gala on the feast of All Saints--aptly named the Night of Hope--Maggie saw Ryan for the first time. But it wasn’t the first time he’d seen her: a few hours earlier, she’d been the reader at the Mass he’d attended. As she began reading, says Ryan, “everything closed in around me.”

He could hardly believe it when they were seated next to each other at the gala. They talked that night about Maggie’s hopes of becoming a FOCUS missionary and about Ryan’s childhood blindness that had influenced his feeling of being called to optometry. Both of them heard the Lord speaking to their hearts that night: Ryan called his father on the way home, telling him he’d just met the girl he would marry. At the same time, Maggie told her mother she knew who her future husband was.

Several months later, Maggie invited Ryan to her senior thesis defense, which prompted so many questions he insisted on taking her out to coffee to ask them all. They soon began a long-distance relationship, Maggie serving in Nebraska with FOCUS and Ryan studying optometry in Arizona.  

The first year of Maggie’s mission, however, required a dating fast. This was to be a time of putting the Lord first, being radically available to her students and teammates, and praying seriously in discernment of her vocation. Knowing Christ would provide the strength and grace for their new relationship to endure this time of purification, Ryan joyfully joined her fast. They entrusted their relationship to the prayers of Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin, and their first year of dating unfolded over handwritten letters, weekly FaceTime calls, the counsel of good friends and spiritual directors, and prayer and fasting on each other’s behalf.

While watching a brilliant sunset in Ryan’s hometown, days after their fast ended, he and Maggie were able to fully discuss all the Lord had revealed during that year spent far apart--including their desire to pursue the vocation of marriage together. A few months had passed when Ryan invited Maggie to get her first eye exam at his school clinic. When she reached the smallest line on the vision charts, it read, Maggie Elizabeth, will you marry me?

From the Bride: Our early-morning wedding took place in Lincoln, Nebraska, where I had served two years with FOCUS. Many of our guests joked that Nebraska wasn’t quite what they pictured when they heard the words “destination wedding,” but we were excited to bring my family from Arizona, and Ryan’s from North Dakota, to the place where our relationship had unfolded.

When we started planning our wedding, one question drove our decisions: when else will we be able to invite all those we know and love to Mass, and to show them the faith we love as fully as we can?

We wanted to share the beauty, truth, and goodness of our faith to our guests through a beautiful liturgy, with the hope that Christ could use our wedding day not only to pour sacramental grace upon us, but to lead our guests to encounter him anew.

Ryan and I prayed a 54-day rosary novena before our wedding day, entrusting the conversion of our family and friends to the Blessed Mother. We chose a morning Mass and a brunch reception so we could celebrate in the daytime. The warm sunshine of early spring was so fitting for the Easter season. The Resurrection takes place in the light and joy of the morning.

When we woke up to pouring rain the morning of the wedding, I guessed that God might have other plans than sunshine. I will never forget feeling so much peace as we prepared and the surreal joy that filled my heart when we prayed together moments before the Mass, realizing the day we had hoped, prayed, and waited for was here. A gift from the one who had planned it all.

I remember ascending the steps to the altar (precariously! Ryan moved much quicker than I could in my dress) and being overtaken by being so close to the Tabernacle. It was as if the Lord was speaking to me in the first moments of our nuptial Mass, I’m right here. Be at peace, be at rest in this time. This is a gift I have prepared just for you.

I took in the beautiful music Ryan had planned--he’d even written new arrangements for our favorite hymns, offered by friends with whom he’d played and sung with in choirs and bands throughout college.

We said our vows while holding a crucifix, a gift from our priest the evening before. It’s a miniature replica of the crucifix in a chapel on Ryan’s college campus, where he had spent so much time in as a student. It was a sweet way to honor the sacred place where he had prayed in hope for his vocation, while standing in the place where I had spent hours praying for mine.

As the liturgy of the Eucharist began, a beam of sunlight seemed to burst through the stained glass image of Christ, brightening the entire church. The morning light of the Easter season t came in God’s timing. We brought a dozen white roses to Mary, and I remember asking her to bless us with 12 children! Growing up, I always wanted 12 kids, and had 12 as my number in sports. Ryan wore the number 12 on his jerseys, as well, and has always considered it his lucky number. He also put twelve diamonds total in my wedding and engagement rings. We’ll see if that wedding-day wish comes true!

We wanted the style of our wedding to reflect the light and joy of Easter. For our colors, we chose a light, almost-neutral blue, white, and gold, complementing our vineyard brunch. All of our flowers were white with lots of greenery. I loved the simplicity and light they brought to the day. I can’t recommend our florist, Avant Garden floral, enough!

I wanted big windows and natural light to fill our celebration, so our wedding party traveled in a trolley with the windows down as we danced, rapped, and sang the entire way to the reception! I loved being able to see the Nebraska countryside on our way to the vineyard. All of that dancing--plus the wind during the drive--definitely wreaked havoc on my updo, but ended up being one of my very favorite memories from the day.

We feasted on brunch foods with a waffle bar and bacon sampling, as well as delicious white and red sangria. Our cake topper and the on our dessert table reflected the lyrics of our first dance song, Ed Sheeran’s “Tenerife Sea.” It was one of the first songs Ryan sang and played for me on his guitar.

Our favors were cards featuring a quote by St. John Paul II: “There is no place for selfishness - and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.”

We wanted to share with our guests that sometimes love looks like bright mornings, dancing, and eating mini fruit-tarts, but we know the Lord will also give us challenges, ask us to sacrifice, and to be courageous in the face of what will attempt to eat away at our love for him and for each other.

It was an incredible day, and in the months since, we have been amazed at how those graces have been continually renewed and poured out upon our relationship with God and with each other.

The one thing Ryan and I were both overwhelmed with on our wedding day was how close the Lord was to us, in so many different ways. We felt the fulfillment of the promises he had made throughout our entire courtship: all of the days of long-distance brought to an end, his presence in the holy priests who had sacrificed and prayed for us as we prepared for marriage, the gift of saying our vows just feet from the tabernacle and receiving Christ immediately in the Eucharist. We saw him in the countless family and friends who traveled to celebrate with us. It was such a gift and blessing to experience intimacy with the Lord filling every moment of the day. Our memories have become a fountain we can always return to and draw from as we face new challenges in our life together.

Videography: Oculi Cordis Media

Photographer: Mel Watson Photography | Church: St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church, Lincoln, NE | Wedding Reception Venue : Junto Wine, Seward, NE | Floral: Avant Garden | Catering: Chef au Chef Catering | Dessert: Butterfly Bakery | Rentals: Uptown Rentals | Hair: Sweet Jane Salon | Bridesmaid Dresses: Azazie | Bride Dress: Ellynne Bridal | Groomsmen Attire: Halberstadt's, Fargo, ND | Rings: Golden Harvest Jewelry, Grafton, ND

Healthy Ways to Talk About You and Your Beloved's Pasts

STEPHANIE CALIS

Have you and your fiancé’s past relationships--and your actions within them--influenced your engagement?

Before our wedding, my husband and I spoke extensively about regrets from former relationships, in everything from physical boundaries to the ways we’d fought or solved problems with our exes. Our discussions generally felt constructive, and were probably aided by the euphoria of newer love, making us quicker to forgive and express empathy than we might have been otherwise.

Photography: Elizabeth M Photography

It wasn’t until recently, several years into marriage, that the impact of the past hit home for me. My husband and I imagined what we would have thought of each other if we’d met at a younger age. With lightness, trust, and an innocent curiosity in my heart, I asked if I could read some of the messages he’d exchanged with an old girlfriend. That lightness turned heavy as I read through nicknames and jokes so similar to ones my husband had written to me. I quickly clicked the window closed.

I didn’t feel sad that he’d ever had feelings for someone else. It was the echoes of our own relationship I read in his teenage self’s words that unsettled me, making me feel as if our love were somehow less unique.

I should be clear in stating that I don’t blame my husband in any way for this. After all, we didn’t even know of each other’s existence at the time he’d written those words, and essential parts of who we are are consistent in every relationship, romantic and otherwise. Rooted deep in my soul is the knowledge that I have chosen, and been chosen by, a man entirely committed and faithful to me. But it hurt all the same.

What I know now is that my asking to read that correspondence was neither healthy nor constructive. Our relationship has thrived on honest vulnerability about our past mistakes, yet I’ve realized honesty and prudence aren’t always the same thing.

Having already known and discussed my husband’s thoughts and areas of growth from that relationship, my asking to know it in more detail than necessary was fruitless, inflicting fresh salt on wounds that had long ago been cleansed. I wish I’d been more at peace with not knowing. While, in my opinion, it’s important and good to gently reveal your past errors in judgment or sexual sins in a broad sense, I’ve also arrived at the opinion that delving overly into specifics often causes more hurt than healing.

As you and your beloved work through your own past dating experiences on your path to the altar, here are other habits that have helped me do the same.

Ask yourselves the purpose of what you’re revealing.

The right sorts of disclosure--that is, the sorts that bring peace, restoration, and mercy--enable mature love to grow. If you choose to reveal parts of your past as solely as a means of feeling emotionally closer, as an occasion of pride that leads to feeling superior to your fiancé’s exes, or out of prurient interest, chances are these revelations will inspire more division than unity. Be real with yourselves about what purpose your inquiries and revelations serve.

As someone prone to nosiness, I’ve struggled in this area and have grown in greater wisdom and self-knowledge about why I might be asking about certain parts of my husband’s past. It takes ruthless honesty to admit to yourself that your intentions might not be the purest of heart, and to discern whether their fruits would be nourishing or bitter.

Get rid of all items from past relationships.

Though you haven’t yet made your wedding vows, engagement is a time of declared commitment that’s moving toward a specific end: your wedding day. In light of this gravity and forthcoming permanence, these months of preparation are an ideal time to get rid of any lingering possessions, gifts, texts, and emails from the past. Even if you and an ex have remained in each other’s orbit by choice or circumstance, it’s healthy to remove items with romantic significance from your life. It’s a gesture of faithfulness, and of turning forward in hope, to your fiancé.

Appreciate who you are now, not who you were then.

Conversion is a powerful thing. Saints are made along the path of reconciliation and virtue. Matters like past emotional entanglements and sexual sins, though, aren’t small; feeling their sting months and years later is normal. It’s valuable to keep in mind not just that the past is the past, but that who your beloved used to be--in all his or her weaknesses or poor choices--is also the past. Praise the Father for the gift of who your fiancé is, and for all the experiences that have brought you to the present.

If necessary, don’t fear professional assistance.

Premarital counseling or therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Knowing when to invite the help of a professional shows great strength and dedication to your relationship.

If one or both of you have struggled with addictions and sexual sin, a Catholic counselor can provide spiritual and emotional tools to facilitate healthy communication.

And if one or both of you have been through any form of sexual abuse or assault, know, above all, that in the Father’s eyes you are nothing less than whole, blameless, and worthy of love. Working through these experiences together, with a counselor, helps cultivate trust, intimacy, forgiveness, and true peace.

Give every part of yourselves to the Lord.

If you struggle with aspects of your pasts, ask for the grace of healing. During a guided holy hour on a retreat I once attended, a priest advised asking Christ in prayer to reveal to us what wounds in our lives he desired to reveal. Sit with these wounds and confront them as they surface, he instructed, and then visualize giving them back to Jesus. Christ, the ultimate beloved of our hearts, desires so deeply to share our heartaches and, moreover, to redeem them.

Resolve to forgive, no matter what.

Forgiveness might take a long time. That’s alright. I encourage you and your fiancé, however, to promise one another that no matter what, you will eventually forgive all past wrongs. Grudges are poison; a source of doubt that limits true freedom. Trust in each other, and in your love, and you will reveal the Lord’s mercy to one another.

There have been times in our relationship where I’ve badly desired the will to forgive my husband and move on, even as I struggled to get my bruised heart on board. I feel thankful that even while upset, I’ve frequently sensed the Lord’s peace amid the storm within. In that peace, I have so strongly felt the certainty that I would forgive, even if I wasn’t ready at the moment. I never doubted I would, and prayed I could feel ready to do so quickly. Let me let go of this, I begged. Help me trust in this certainty.

Never lose sight of prayer for your fiancé, yourself, and your relationship. Prayers of agony, of asking for the grace to diminish or remove former sins from your memory, and even prayers of thanksgiving for the emotional weight of dealing with the past are all more than acceptable.

Our every prayer is a delight to the one who so ardently asks for our total trust: Jesus, I trust in you.

In the times I experience that deep conviction of forgiveness, I thank God for these gifts of trust. Gifts that have affirmed to me my husband’s deep goodness and the ways in which our hearts are so specifically suited to one another’s. I hope, truly, for you and your fiancé to be flooded with similar graces: filled with his peace, living examples to one anotherof divine love and mercy.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Engagement + Newlywed Retreats, Part I | Supplementing Your Marriage Prep

This post is the first of a two-part series.

We’ve been asked recently for our tips on making your marriage preparation as in-depth and transformative as possible. Whether you’ve chosen a day-long workshop, pre-Cana classes at your parish, or meetings with a sponsor couple, consider taking time for further education and prayer, as time and finances allow, with a supplemental retreat for you and your beloved. In these days of the New Evangelization, the Church is rich with resources ancient and new that invite rest, contemplation, and time to be drawn nearer to one another as you both are drawn into the Father’s love.

Photography: Mel Watson Photography

Because so many worthy resources exist for different spiritualities, devotions, and needs of the heart, it would be impossible to list them all. Your diocesan website is a good place to begin seeking upcoming events that might bear fruit in your relationship. Another is the dwellings of religious orders in your area, some of whom welcome visitors to join in their daily rhythms of prayer, work, or ministry or who host speaking events.

And think beyond the confines of topics related specifically to marriage prep: retreats with the themes of prayer, art, theology, mental wellness from a Catholic perspective, and beyond allow ample time for discussion, self-examination, and growth in faith.  Below, by region, are a series of programs and ministries that can provide the silence and deeper dive you might be thirsting for.

East Coast

Charis NYC: Ignatian retreats by and for Catholic young adults, with several program options centered on spiritual concerns common in this stage of life, including discernment, contemplation, meaningful living, and life’s transitions (New York City).

Given: A day-long event for engaged or married couples featuring talks, worship, and the sacraments (Baltimore).

International Institute for Catholic Culture: Founded in response to John Paul II’s call to the faithful to re-evangelize the culture and form a “civilization of love,” this non-profit educational center well-suited to lovers of theology and academics provides classical language courses, lectures on the intersection of faith and culture, art exhibits, and musical performances (Philadelphia).

Our Lady of Bethesda Retreat Center: An apostolate of Regnum Christi that hosts Ignatian-inspired retreats of varying length, as well as monthly reflection events. The center is particularly gifted with meeting the needs of couples, offering its own marriage prep program for engaged couples, speaking events for newlyweds, and marriage workshops. Catholic counseling and therapy are also available onsite, through the Alpha Omega Clinic (Washington, D.C.).

St. Joseph Retreat House: Serving the New England region with guided retreats inspired by St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises, with time included for structured prayer, recreation, and spiritual direction (Boston).

Theology of the Body Institute: Offering a variety of 5-day courses designed to form the entire person, “head and heart,” the Institute combines academics with the sacraments while educating on Saint John Paul II’s Theology of the Body Audiences, Love and Responsibility, and other writings, alongside topics like beauty, interior prayer, and a retreat created specifically for engaged or married couples (Philadelphia).  

Midwest

Love Your Marriage: An day-long event for married couples, with an emphasis on creating a holy, thriving relationship through all stages of life, including newlywed years and parenting (Denver).

Ruah Woods: a Theology of the Body education center offering study courses and retreats both on and off-site. The center also offers psychological services from Catholic professionals whose worldview informs their work with clients (Cincinnati).

St. Benedict’s Abbey: Men’s, women’s, and couples’ retreats led by Benedictine monks (Atchison, Kansas).

Tabor Life Institute: Programs and retreats that teach the Theology of the Body through the use of Scripture, writings by Church mystics, art and iconography, and the Eastern Rites of the Church. The Institute--whose staff includes a priest who attended some of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body audiences in Rome, the first time they were delivered--additionally hosts Pre-Cana weekend event for couples preparing for marriage in the Byzantine Rite (Chicago).

South

Alexander House: Founded by a longtime-married couple who restored their relationship from the possibility of divorce with the help of a Catholic therapist, this apostolate for couples in all stages of marriage and family life provides courses for engagement and problem-solving for troubled marriages, all in light its mission to help couples create a joyful domestic Church (San Antonio).

Casa Maria Convent & Retreat House: Offering structured retreats, including those for couples, that include talks, personal prayer time, the sacraments, and participation in the Divine Office with the beautiful Sister Servants of the Eternal Word (Birmingham).

Catholic Charismatic Center: Offering retreats for young adults and couples (recent leaders include Father Stan Fortuna), rooted in the spirituality of the Charismatic renewal movement (Houston).

Three to Get Married: An engagement retreat aimed at comprehensive formation of spouses-to-be--spiritual, psychological, emotional, and cultural--through presentations from priests, married couples, medical professionals, and trained psychologists (Nashville).

West Coast

John Paul II Resource Center: Providing day-long Theology of the Body retreats on a variety of topics--including those geared toward women, men, parents, couples, and educators--as well as talks for marriage preparation and enrichment (Phoenix).

New Camoldoli Hermitage: A beautiful, coastal Benedictine hermitage, offering preached retreats throughout the year by the Camoldolese Benedicitines and inviting participants into the prayer of monastic life (Big Sur).

Our Lady of the Rock: Retreat opportunities hosted by Benedictine sisters, inviting guests to participate in the daily prayer and tasks of their monastic farm life, which is largely self-sufficient (Shaw Island, Washington).

Sacred Heart Retreat House: A site run by Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart, this house provides retreats for men, women, couples, and young adults, rooted in the Carmelite spirituality of leading the faithful into a deeper relationship with Christ (Los Angeles).

Nationwide (U.S.)

Passion and Purpose for Marriage: An initiative of Dynamic Catholic, this one-day event, hosted across the U.S. and based in California, offers talks for couples in all stages of their relationship on practical matters in the vocation of marriage, prayer and worship, and time for one-on-one discussion.

Miles Christi: Guided Ignatian silent retreats hosted by the Miles Christi brothers, offered nationwide and based in Michigan and California.

We thrive on the community you help us to grow. If a program or retreat you’ve attended has blessed your relationship outside of marriage preparation, be sure to share it with other brides in the comments and on our social media.

Next week, read more on retreats, including digital resources and how to plan your own retreat with your beloved.

Blair + Jordan | Fireside Black-Tie Wedding

Blair is from Washington state. Jordan is a native Texan. Through the Father’s providence, they both ended up in the Catholic Studies program at the University of St. Thomas, in St. Paul, Minnesota. After three short months of friendship, Jordan asked Blair on a date. She agreed, but still felt like she didn’t know him well.

When Jordan picked her up for their date, however, bringing a gift of an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and encouraging Blair to look into total consecration to Mary, as he had recently done, she knew she was in the company of a man pursuing sincere holiness. “Throughout the time we dated,” she says, “he proved this to me again and again.”

Around a year later, Jordan proposed at the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe in La Crosse, Wisconsin.

From the Bride: Jordan and I were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Lourdes in Spokane, Washington--my home parish before moving to Minnesota. We both hoped our wedding liturgy would, in every aspect, reveal the richness and beauty of our ancient faith. We hoped, too, that it could be a moment of evangelization--as every Mass is--through the Scriptures and the witnesses to the sacraments and the truth.

We were grateful the cathedral’s choir, organist, and trumpeter were able to provide beautiful music for the liturgy. The Mass was chanted, and among other pieces, the choir sang Mozart’s “Ave Verum Corpus” and Palestrina’s “Alma Redemptoris Mater” and “Sicut Cervus”.

We chose to say our vows over a crucifix, symbolizing the marriage covenant made and sustained not through our own merits, but through the grace of God. After honoring our Blessed Mother with a bouquet, we each took a flower from the vase and surprised our earthly mothers by presenting the flowers to them, along with a hug.

The liturgy was reverent and beautiful. This is such a blessing of marriage in the Church: the sacrament is not just about the couple (and certainly not just about the bride!), but about their union and how that union may reflect the glory of God. We do not write our own vows, for instance, to highlight the uniqueness of our relationship. Instead, we recite the words that have been said by countless Catholic couples before us. We then hear these vows at every Catholic wedding we attend in the future, we're reminded of the promises we ourselves made. Though it can seem that Catholic weddings are less “personal” this is actually a gift given to us by the Church--just one more way for us to be a witness to the true purpose of marriage: to glorify God and help each other, and all we encounter through our marriage, to achieve salvation.

Our reception took place at a local 19th-century mansion. With the fireplaces roaring on that chilly November day, it was a glowing, cozy evening. We requested a black-tie dress code; it was so lovely seeing the women in formal gowns and the men looking dashing in tuxes and suits. Sticking to a traditional reception format, after dinner and beautiful speeches by our closest family and friends, we all danced the night away.  

Our reception was a beautiful time to reflect on what the heavenly banquet might be like. For here we encountered family and friends from all over the country, whom Jordan and I grew to love in all the varied stages of our life, all feasting together.

As Jordan thanked our guests he noted this fact, and prayed this brief day of joy and unity might reflect that unending happiness we will one day encounter in eternity, in the presence of the Lord. Though our wedding day seemed much too short, it is meditating upon the idea of a much greater feast to come that allowed us to end the day with great joy.

Though many suggest that your wedding is the best day of your life, I think it’s important to remember that the wedding day is only a gateway to even more beautiful, blessed days with your spouse.

Ultimately, I encourage brides to not to be pressured to “feel” a certain way on their wedding day. Rather, try to take in all of the peace and grace the Lord offers.

Jordan and I had a blast on that wonderful day and we both count it as the most beautiful, grace-filled day we’ve yet encountered. What a beautiful preparation our wedding has been for receiving many graces in the days that have followed!

As an engaged woman working daily on wedding details great and small, I had to constantly remind myself that these details do matter. Though each bride handles wedding preparation in her own way, it’s okay to take the time to make the day beautiful for you, your future husband, and your guests. It is through this great care that can reveal your respect and care for the sacrament into which you will enter.

Of course, I had to carefully make sure I didn’t cross the line into frivolity or lose sight of the greater picture as to why this carefully planned event was taking place in the first place.

If you, like me, can become obsessive over details, I encourage bringing prayer into your planning.

Before working on any aspect of the wedding, it brought me great peace to pray to my patron saint, asking her to grant me both a spirit of care and attention to the wedding details, but also a spirit of poverty into my planning.

A few months after the wedding a priest friend questioned us: “So, did you memorize the vows?” We had not done so for the wedding day. “Great!” he said, “now is the perfect time to learn them!” What a beautiful set of words to take to meditation (especially when encountering struggles in marriage) and to repeat again each anniversary:

“…I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

This is the promise that all Catholic couples make, and that they will keep, if only through the grace bestowed by our Lord.

Photography: Joanna Traeger Photography http://joannatraegerphotography.com | Church: Cathedral of Our Lady of Lourdes – Spokane, WA | Reception: The Glover Mansion – Spokane, WA | Day-of planning: http://www.hayloevents.com | Florist: https://www.specialtouchfloristandgifts.com | Makeup & Hair: https://www.kissandmakeupspokane.com | Dress: https://www.celestialselections.com  | Tailoring and Custom Veil: http://www.ninacherie.com | DJ: https://completewedding.com  | Catering: http://www.redrockspokane.com 

Our Favorite Quotes on Fruitful Love, on the Anniversary of Humanae Vitae

This week, the Church commemorates 50 years since the publication of Blessed Pope Paul VI’s encyclical letter Humanae Vitae--translated as ”Of Human Life.” Drawing from the hundreds of years of Scripture and tradition on which the Church was founded, the letter was composed in response to a commission whose purpose was to evaluate the effects of newly and widely available contraceptives on society.

The Pope’s words praise the goodness of married love: he calls it “fully human,” involving both body and soul--the whole person--and imaging Christ’s free, faithful, total, and fruitful gift of self. Love like this reserves nothing and bears real fruit, ending not in death but in eternal life.

Life. Whether physically, spiritually, or both, all married couples are called to be abundant and allow new life to flow forth from their love.

Amid social pressure and speculation over whether the encyclical would “reverse” the Church’s directive that contraceptives are contrary to the nature of authentic love, Paul VI courageously maintained that artificial means of birth control are never in keeping with a sincere, unreserved gift of the self and exchange of persons.

After all, as he pointed out, the nature of love itself; the nature of Jesus’ sacrifice at Calvary, hadn’t changed since before the commission--how, then, could human beings change their imitation of this love, without changing the definition of love entirely? His appeals to logic--and his recognition that every person desires to be loved without conditions or limitations--draw attention to the high, yet attainable, calling of our path to heaven.

If you’ve never read Humanae Vitae, engagement and new marriage are ideal times to contemplate the love spouses are called to imitate; to be the human face of the Father’s love to one another in the particular way only they, as individuals, can.

What’s more, if the demands of love, and the Church’s reasoning on contraception, are difficult for you, take time to turn inward in prayer and ask the Lord if he’s calling you and your beloved to deeper understanding or a lifestyle change. He is merciful in all things and desires nothing less than our deepest happiness.

When the love of husband and wife mirrors the Father’s love as closely as possible, we are drawn more deeply into the heart of God and that much closer to the fulfillment and true flourishing on earth that he intends for us, his children.

This list of resources, including prayers, studies, and media, from the U.S. Bishops is a rich and accessible starting point. For your further contemplation and inspiration, we’ve compiled a selection of passages, from holy men and women past and present, that make us excited and motivated to live out love’s demands.

On authentic love

As a passion sublimated by a love respectful of the dignity of the other, [the relationship between spouses] becomes a “pure, unadulterated affirmation” revealing the marvels of which the human heart is capable. - Pope Francis

Self-discipline...is a shining witness to the chastity of husband and wife and, far from being a hindrance to their love of one another, transforms it by giving it a more truly human character...it brings to family life abundant fruits of tranquility and peace. - Humanae Vitae

For the Lord has entrusted to [spouses] the task of making visible to men and women the holiness and joy of the law which united inseparably their love for one another and the cooperation they give to God's love, God who is the Author of human life. - ibid

On the love of God

All love ends in an incarnation, even God’s. Love would not be love if it did not escape the limitation of individual existence by perpetuating itself...wherein death is defeated by life. - Ven. Fulton Sheen

The liberating message of the Gospel of Life has been put into your hands. - Saint John Paul II

Do you want to see the difference [between NFP and contraception]?...There’s nothing to fear. Trusting him is only threatening if he’s a tyrant. He’s not. He’s perfect love. Let go. Let him in. Trust him. - Christopher West

On family size, discernment, and infertility

The number is not in itself the decisive factor. The fact of having few or many children does not on its own make a family more or less Christian. What matters is the integrity and honesty with which married life is lived. True mutual love transcends the union of husband and wife and extends to its natural fruits — the children. Selfishness, on the contrary, sooner or later reduces love to a mere satisfaction of instinct and destroys the bond which unites parents and children. - St. Josemaria Escriva

I would therefore like to remind spouses in a condition of infertility, that this does not thwart their matrimonial vocation. Spouses are always called by their baptismal and matrimonial vocation itself to cooperate with God in the creation of a new human life. The vocation to love is in fact a vocation to the gift of self, and this is a possibility that no physical condition can prevent. Therefore, whenever science finds no answer, the answer that gives light comes from Christ. - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

On sacrifice and its fruits

...the seeking [of Jesus]  is a going out from ourselves. It is a going out from our illusions, our limitations, our wishful thinking, our self-loving, and the self in our love. - Caryll Houselander

Want to be happy?…Lose your life in love and you will find it. Give your life away as a gift, and you’ll come to resurrection. - Bishop Robert Barron

The various forms of sacrifice include one positive similar meaning: Life is surrendered in order to be transformed and shared.” - Scott Hahn

On charity with regard to Church teaching

We are fully aware of the difficulties confronting the public authorities in this matter…"the only possible solution to this question is one which envisages the social and economic progress both of individuals and of the whole of human society, and which respects and promotes true human values." - Humanae Vitae

Now it is an outstanding manifestation of charity toward souls to omit nothing from the saving doctrine of Christ; but this must always be joined with tolerance and charity, as Christ Himself showed in His conversations and dealings with men. - ibid

On human nature

Our body is a cenacle, a monstrance; through its crystal the world should see God. - Saint Gianna Molla

Woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning. - Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)

For man cannot attain that true happiness for which he yearns with all the strength of his spirit, unless he keeps the laws which the Most High God has engraved in his very nature. These laws must be wisely and lovingly observed. - Humanae Vitae

As always, we at Spoken Bride are here for you. No matter where you’re coming from, no matter your opinion or experiences with this aspect of Church teaching, we’re committed to truly seeing and hearing you. We welcome your thoughts, your questions on married love and Natural Family Planning, and even your reservations and respectful disagreements, so know that you have the freedom to share them in the comments and on our social media. Consider this an invitation to conversation, with our hopes of living out our mission of truth, goodness, beauty, and authenticity with charity and productive dialogue.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography, seen in How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

 

Jenna + Michael | Italian Family-Style Wedding

Jenna had just finished her waitressing shift when she went to a bar in Providence, Rhode Island for a Catholic young adult event. There was one spot left at the table, next to a handsome newcomer to the group. They chatted and exchanged numbers at the end of the night.

Jenna and Michael’s friendship blossomed soon after, as Michael began a new journey of discernment after departing from religious life and as Jenna began the annulment process from her previous marriage. Though both sensed the Father’s hand at work in a special way, they agreed to postpone dating until the annulment decision was finalized, one way or another.

On December 8, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Jenna received word that her annulment had been granted. Two months later, Michael asked her to be his girlfriend, and on another Marian feast, the Feast of the Annunciation, he proposed at the Shrine of Our Lady of LaSalette in Attleboro, Massachusetts.

From the Bride: We knew from the beginning that the Nuptial Mass was the most important part of our wedding. Both of us have sentimental hearts and love for details that we tried to incorporate into the day. Our Mass, for instance, was held at the same parish where my parents were married. This was particularly special to me, as my father passed away at a young age. Choosing to be married in the same location he was made me feel connected to him in a special way. The Maid of Honor was my best friend, and the Best Man Michael’s cousin.

We are in our early 30s and wanted to keep things simple, yet joyful and beautiful, for the Mass and reception--a true representation of our relationship. For the Gospel reading, we chose the Parable of the pearl of great price, a nod to my pearl engagement ring. Pearls are my favorite gem and have particular significance in Michael’s Portuguese culture. I also carried and decorated with my favorite flowers, sunflowers.

Our mothers did the readings, and my close friend sang during our dedication to Our Lady, for which we made a special consecration to her. The bright July afternoon felt so visually fitting for who we are as a couple.

Our reception was held at a family-style Italian restaurant, where we served a casual, delicious chicken dinner. Our friends Ryan and Elizabeth sang our first dance selection, “Oceans” by Hillsong United. By the time our guests joined us on the dance floor, we stayed there all evening, and it’s a time we’ll always remember.

As a new bride, I can honestly say that surrendering to God's will through dating and engagement has shaped a truly beautiful foundation for our marriage.

Pray together always, and seek his will above all. Continue to pray together once you’re married, and don't forget to laugh and forgive one another often!

Photography: Andrea Van Orsouw Photography | Church: St. Agatha Parish- Woonsocket, RI | Wedding Reception Venue : Savini's Pomodoro Italian Kitchen & Bar | Engagement Ring: Piette Jewelers- Woonsocket, RI, Wedding bands: Kay Jewelers | Bridal Hair: Hair Stage 5- North Smithfield, RI | Music Mass: Sarah Moore (friend of the bride), Vocalists Reception: Ryan & Elizabeth Tremblay (friends of the bride and groom) | Videography- Steven Jordao (cousin of the bride) of Gue Productions | Flowers: Whole Foods | Cake: Kelly St. Gelais (friend of the bride), Bridal Gown and Maid of Honor's Dress: David's Bridal, Centerpieces and other décor- DIY by the bride and family/friends.

Cultivating a Heart for Your Single Friends

STEPHANIE CALIS

I remember the first time I felt it. I’d just helped send my sister off to prom--nine years later, her date would become her husband--giddy with admiration for her beaded dress and lack of preoccupation with her looks. Three years before, I’d reluctantly attended my own senior prom, feeling the weight of expectation that it was what you were supposed to do, supposed to feel emotional about, at the end of high school. No one asked me. My dad dropped me off.

Photography: Kelli Seeley Photography

I felt it again the day an old friend called, breathlessly sharing the story of how she’d gotten engaged hours earlier on a snow-covered bench. At the time, I was navigating the waters of serious dating for the first time, aware my current relationship was diminishing my spiritual life and sense of who I was, yet too fearful and passive to do much about it. Where, I wondered, was the man I’d marry, and when would it be my turn?

Those stirrings in my heart had a name: an ache. My heart was beating; I was alive; and it hurt.

Sometimes, it was physically painful to sit on the floor of the chapel, eyes glazed before the tabernacle and desperate for the road to my vocation to present itself. I shared in the joy of my sister and my friends as they experienced the wonder and recognition of meeting the men they’d say yes to, forever. I was sincerely glad for them; not envious, just...sad. Something was missing. I struggled not to idolize marriage, knowing my ultimate fulfillment and truest home for my longings lay not in a spouse, but in the Father’s love. Yet all the same, I longed.

Then I found myself engaged, scarcely believing a man as sacrificial, tender, and endlessly fascinating as my fiancée was even a reality, let alone someone who would choose me. Those whispers of the ache came back, in the form of empathy for several close friends enduring recent, and very raw, breakups.

I remembered the feeling that my dating life had existed in an entirely different world than that of my engaged friends, and feared I’d now be the one inflicting pain on women I loved who were currently single.

As a result, I stayed close-lipped for a while about my excitement and planning experiences with certain friends, concerned oversharing would be hurtful. Until my best friend looked in my eyes and told me not to be worried. She was happy for me, she insisted, and my sharing the details of wedding plans didn’t lessen that happiness.

It takes a woman of great strength and selflessness to say something like my friend told me; someone of pure good will and an ability to enter into the joy of another as if it were her own. My friend gave me such a gift that evening, not only in her other-focused love for me, but in her honesty.

For weeks, I’d wondered what she was feeling as she ordered a dress, planned my bridal shower, and listened to my minimally detailed stories about registry scanners and accessory shopping, all while weathering a storm of uncertainty after what seemed like a promising relationship suddenly ended. I was anxious, constantly wondering if it was too self-important of me to even have the worries I did. As it turned out, directness was so much clearer--so obvious; so much simpler--than speculation and anxiety.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, unsure of how much of your engagement or newlywed life to share with your single friends, I recommend a heart-to-heart. The only way to be sure is to communicate. Ask your friend what sort of involvement in your plans is helpful, what’s difficult, and how she’d like to participate. Chances are, she’ll feel honored you asked, free to be honest with you, and ultimately, sincerely excited about your forthcoming marriage.

Conversations like these can be mutually uncomfortable. But on the other side lies greater comfort than ever, each of you more in tune with the other’s heart and feeling the unspoken freedom and permission to share your thornier emotions. Additionally, the practices of taking time during your engagement to spend quality time with friends who are single and interceding for them, placing your trust in the Lord’s timing with regard to their own vocations, bear only good fruit.

“...love always communicates itself, that is, love listens and responds, love is found in dialogue and communion.” - Pope Francis

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Insider Tips for your Dress Shopping Appointments

ANDI COMPTON

I spent six months working as a sales representative at Mon Amie Bridal, one of the largest bridal stores on the West Coast. It was my first experience in high-end retail; we sold dresses anywhere from under $1000 to $10k. During my time on staff, I had the opportunity to meet several designers visiting for trunk shows, and l also got thrown into modeling gowns at our fashion shows.

Here, from the fruits of my experience, my tips for planning and attending your dress shopping appointments.

Photography: Laurentina Photography, seen in Edith + Bomani | Kenyan Catholic Wedding

Before you go

How to stay on budget

I suggest starting your shopping with an overall Apparel budget,  meaning all the items you'll be wearing. For instance, an apparel budget of $1000 might look like:

• Dress (don’t forget sales tax!), $500

• Alterations, $150

• Undergarments, $50

• Veil, $100

• Shoes,$75

• Accessories (be specific), $125: necklace, bolero for Mass, tiara/headpiece, etc

Additionally, it’s wise to come up with a number value before going in and trying on gowns. It’s so easy to get attached to gowns you can’t afford. And know that “affordable” isn’t a number; it means something different to everyone. Be able to tell your consultant at the store, “I’m looking for a dress in the range of [number] to [number].”

Keep dress codes in mind.

Check with your church to see your shoulders must be covered, or if other guidelines are requested for for brides and bridesmaids. Because your wedding will be before the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ, present in the Blessed Sacrament--as well as in a house of worship--modest dress is appropriate. Many brides opt for shawls or small jackets to be removed after the ceremony. There are also so many beautiful, current gowns available with sleeves.

Pray.

Give everything to Jesus in prayer. For inspiration, begin with this beautiful prayer for brides as they prepare to dress shop. Each time we bring the Lord into the center of our decisions, we can trust that he will provide and can practice keeping him at the center of our lives.

Consider timing. Shop earlier, rather than later.

Even if you have a long engagement, plan to purchase your dress 6-8 months before your wedding. If your dress has to be custom-made--through Etsy, for instance--or ordered from overseas, you’ll have plenty of time for its creation and journey through customs.

Short engagement? Pick out a dress as soon as you’re able. The bride’s gown often sets the tone for the formality and style of the wedding, and it will help you make other aesthetic decisions down the road.

If you can swing a weekday appointment, the salon will be much calmer. Saturdays and Sundays are the busiest times, as is typical with retail. The same applies right after the New Year, when many holiday proposals have taken place.

At Your Appointment

Two’s company, three’s a crowd.

Take a small number of trusted individuals with you when you shop; women you can trust to give you an honest opinion on fit and style. The first time I went dress shopping, I actually took my mom and dad, and tried on the gown I would end up buying five months later. It was simply the right one for me.

Get a sense of what you like.

Bring a few photos with you, or whip out your Pinterest board. If your consultant has a keen eye, he or she will be able to notice patterns in your selections and offer some great suggestions. With that in mind…

...Let your consultant make a few recommendations.

Even if you are dead set on a sparkly ballgown, it’s okay to try on a lace sheath with sleeves, just to rule it out. You may end up realizing certain details or silhouettes you hadn’t considered are flattering and beautiful.

Additionally, don’t be afraid of sample dresses or those off the rack--these items can be a great fit and perfect deal. Many stores like ModCloth, Nordstrom (be sure to check out the white bridesmaid section for beautiful, more affordable options), and BHLDN have dresses you can purchase online and try on at home. Rent the Runway also offers fun dresses and accessories worth peeking at.

It’s okay to say “no thank you.”

If for any reason your consultant is being pushy or pressuring you to buy, it’s alright to politely say, “no thank you.” It’s also okay to speak to a manager and ask for a new consultant if the one assigned you is not treating you well in any way. Be an advocate for yourself.

Consider accessories.

This definitely applies if you find your gown at your appointment. Try on different lengths of veils, ones with lace or edging, and different headpieces while you’ve got the gown on. Feel free to ask the consultant for bustle recommendations if your dress has a train. Your gown will be bustled either during photos or at your reception, which means it will appear this way in a large portion of your wedding images.

Buy for the size you are now.

You are beautiful, just the way you are. Don’t purchase your dress in a smaller size than you need. It can always be altered down, but it can be next to impossible to size up with certain styles.

Speaking of sizing, bear in mind most designers do not use “street sizing,” so if you’re normally a size 8, you could end up ordering a 10 or 12 according to their size chart. Bridal stores generally go by your largest measurement, but you ultimately have the final say--it’s your money and you are the person signing the contract. Just remember, it’s only a number. If size bothers you, you can always cut the tag out. No one will know the size anyway, and the right dress will make you look and feel amazing!

The Final Purchase

Read and understand every detail of your contract. Ask questions if you need clarification. This applies to every single contract you sign for your wedding--no exceptions!

Photography

When you arrive, check with your salon about their photography policy. Some permit you to photograph anything, while others only allow picture-taking once you’ve purchased a gown. Be respectful of their policy.

I hope this guide helps you feel more confident as you prepare to shop for your wedding gown. It’s not often we get to shop for sacraments!

Share with our community; what was your wedding dress shopping experience like?

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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How He Asked | Mary Kate + Jason

Having just ended an emotionally exhausting relationship, Mary Kate cautiously took measures to protect herself from the pain of heartbreak, saying “every novena imaginable” to saints Anne, Jude, Joseph, Our Lady Undoer of Knots, Raphael, and Anthony. Her future husband was a constant fixture in her prayer life.

A line from the movie Little Boy, spoken by a priest, echoed in Mary Kate’s heart: “you moved me to move the bottle.” She deeply desired that the Lord would move to give her a holy spouse, praying for her husband’s strength and courage as they waited to meet each other.

That summer, she met a seminarian for her diocese. They became friends. And for a time, that was that.

In Mary Kate’s words: Jason and I always had good conversations, especially about the Catholic faith and about music. I often saw him, with other seminarians, at many young adult events in the area. At the conclusion of a pastoral year, Jason returned to seminary.

I continued my constant prayers for my future husband, trusting completely that God would bring him into my life when the time was right. One Sunday, about a year after our first meeting, I saw Jason’s announcement on Facebook that he had discerned out of the seminary, and would not be continuing in formation. I was shocked, and a little disappointed. If anyone would have made a good priest, it would have been Jason.

That Wednesday, I saw him again, and we were able to catch up. Over the next three and a half weeks, we saw each other frequently at different young adult events, attended several priestly ordinations together, and started getting to know each other better. At the end of that time, we went to a couple movies together. The day before Corpus Christi Sunday, Jason asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Two years earlier, I had asked God to bring me a good Catholic man, and to bring him to me on the Feast of Corpus Christi. In return, I would get married as close to Corpus Christi Sunday as I possibly could. To say I was a overjoyed might be an understatement.

On March 17, 2018 we celebrated nine months of dating. Jason had spoken with my parents in February and had received their permission to ask for my hand in marriage. On Tuesday of Holy Week, I assisted with the Chrism Mass in our diocese. The Mass totally got me in the Holy Week mood, and I was ecstatic. Jason and I usually see each other on Tuesdays and weekends, so I already knew I’d be seeing him that evening after work. On my way home, as we talked on the phone, he suggested we go to the Perpetual Adoration chapel in town that evening He got to my house, we had supper, and then we left for the Chapel.

We’d been there almost a full hour when Jason stood up from our pew and proceeded to kneel right in front of the monstrance. He’d done that before, so I didn't think much of it. Except that he knelt there for forty-five minutes. As it turns out, he had been waiting for me to get impatient and ask him if we would be leaving soon. We’d each thought the other simply needed some serious prayer time!

Finally, Jason looked back at me and nodded for me to come forward. I knelt beside him. After a moment or two he stood up, so I did, too. As soon as I was standing, he knelt back down, and on one knee, proposed to me in front of Jesus. I, of course, said yes. An older couple was there for their holy hour; they politely clapped and congratulated us. On the car ride back to my house, I learned some of my siblings and their families were waiting with champagne to celebrate with us! It was such a joyful evening, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect proposal.

Besides the fact that Jason proposed before Jesus in the Eucharist--thus making him the foundation of the next stage in our relationship--I think my biggest takeaway from our engagement is a reflection on my ring.

My ring has a sapphire and a ruby on either side of a diamond. My favorite color is blue, and Jason’s is red. There is a twofold significance: first, two become one in the sacrament of marriage. Second, it takes three to get married, with God as the center diamond and Jason and I as the jewels on the sides.

Engagement Location: St. Joseph's Church Perpetual Adoration Chapel | Ring: Diamonds and Jewelry Unlimited

Newlywed Life | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home

In one of his many homilies on marriage, Saint Josemaria Escriva wrote, “Every Christian home should be a place of peace and serenity. In spite of the small frustrations of daily life, an atmosphere of profound and sincere affection should reign there together with a deep-rooted calm, which is the result of authentic faith that is put into practice.”

Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography, seen in Elise's Wedding | Our Favorite Marriage Prep Resources

Even the most mundane daily practices, like brushing your teeth together, feel infused with newness and promise during the first months of married life. In these small matters, as well as larger ones, foundational habits and routines are formed. Because it’s such a formational period, the start of your marriage is both an easy and exciting time to choose habits that facilitate a shared prayer routine.

An oratory is a place of worship not attached to a parish. Oratories are often inhabited by religious orders, but it’s not just our brothers and sisters in religious life who have the opportunity to formally worship in this way. The Catechism of the Catholic Church recommends creating a corner for contemplation and worship in the home, a space for a “little oratory” in family life.

Whether or not your first home has room to accommodate an entire corner for prayer, the effort of designating a space for contemplation--alone and with your spouse--pays dividends in beauty and consistency in your prayer life. Here, four tips for designing and enjoying a prayer space in your home.

Choose a space.

At minimum, one to two chairs and a small table are effective starting materials for a prayer space. If your space is more limited than a corner of your living room allows, incorporating your religious items and prayer materials into a vignette on your coffee table or choosing a seated spot (even the kitchen table) in view of a crucifix or piece of religious art are worthy alternatives.

Set the scene.

Beauty inspires worship and reverence, drawing our attention out of the everyday and toward the sacred. Fill your space with a crucifix, images or icons of the saints, religious statues, a candle, and flowers or greenery.

Store your prayer resources close at hand.

Make use of a nearby drawer, basket, shelf, or table to stash or display the items you use for prayer: journals, Rosaries, spiritual reading, musical instruments, and/or devotionals.

Create a routine.

Choose a time of day, perhaps over coffee in the morning or before beginning your evening leisure activities, to be with your spouse in your prayer space. You might pray individually in silence, do a decade or more of the Rosary together, read spiritual books together or on your own for a designated time, or pray spontaneously and aloud.

Remember that establishing a prayer routine that feels comfortable, fruitful, and well-suited to your lifestyle and personalities can take time, and that’s alright! Learning the subtleties of your spouse’s spirituality is a beautiful fruit of a holy relationship, one that never reaches a point of perfect clarity this side of heaven--it’s in the learning, and the constant unveiling of who you are, before the Lord, that joy resides.

And if you aren’t a newlywed, but have been married for longer yet have never incorporated a prayer space into your routine, it’s never inopportune to begin. We love hearing about your prayer rituals with your husband and the ways you invite the Father into your home. Be sure to share about your prayer spaces and routines in the comments and on our social media!