Freely Making Decisions in the Wedding Planning Process

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Today’s wedding culture has a loud voice. It tells us what to do, what not to do, who to do these things with, who not to do things with, etc.

It can be overwhelming trying to learn about all the to-dos and not-to-dos especially right after you get engaged. Not all of us are wedding planners and just because you are engaged doesn’t mean you have now been bestowed with all the knowledge you need to plan the “wedding of your dreams.” 

Wedding planning takes time and if you don’t want to dive into all the details for yourself, it’s easy to fall into an outsider's vision of your wedding day.

Your wedding day is not only going to be one of the most significant days in your life, but also an extremely personal day. 

Unfortunately, the culture surrounding weddings and the brokenness of our world has turned this immensely personal day into a particular production that ‘requires’ a strict following of the proper ways to do things. 

Sure, people may tell you to do whatever you want, but deep down you might discover that this encouragement is tainted by a disordered understanding of what a wedding should be.

I’m not suggesting that every tradition and standard for a modern wedding is bad and needs to be purified, but rather, I am trying to point out that there is often a disconnect between the couple and their free choice in deciding how to go about making decisions for their wedding. 

Some couples may never realize the motives behind their decisions while wedding planning because the wedding culture is so pervasive. Oftentimes we just do what others tell us and never question why. You can make decisions that reflect who you and your fiancé are, even if you don’t follow every tradition or social norm.

A major key to all this is for you to be honest with yourself. Consider why you want certain elements and people included in your wedding and why you want to incorporate certain traditions. 

Try and have an answer for everything. Sometimes your answer is more of a feeling, and that’s okay, but really thinking about these things might make you realize that there is a real reason behind your feelings. 

So often we make decisions on autopilot (with a ‘it’s just what you do’ mentality), but seriously ask yourself why you want that bachelorette party, if you really want to invite that person or if they made the guest list because you felt bad, etc. This is not to encourage you to fall into an obsessive self-centeredness when making decisions, but rather an invitation to step back and examine your reasoning and motive behind them. 

Making decisions because you want to make them is much more liberating than deciding out of guilt or pressure. 

You may face some decisions that will be made harder knowing that some people will try to change your mind or will make comments that could make you feel unworthy or ignorant. Remember, however, that those opinions and loud voices will die down over time. And if these decisions are made freely with good reason, you will feel so much peace knowing that you welcomed the Lord to guide you.

An important note to add however is to try not to confuse the Lord’s promptings with our feelings. To do this, there needs to be constant prayer and discernment in each decision and to remain always open. 

Doubt is a real thing, so never make a rash decision based on confusion or desperation. This will help you avoid being overly scrupulous.

Wedding planning is no joke, and it can take a toll on you, so give yourself grace and time. Talk things over with your fiancé and people you trust. Bring yourself back to your ultimate purpose and have faith that all the work you both are doing is for a reason. So long as you are open to the direction of the Lord, you can be at peace even if every moment is not peaceful.

Once you can see your wedding day as something greater than a to-do list and you begin to make decisions that reflect you and your fiancé’s personality and values, you will notice the difference.

You will be able to identify the why behind your decisions, freeing you from the weight of comparison and feeling like you have to do everything and do it all the ‘right’ way. 

You can make decisions in a way that reflects who you are without checking all the boxes or including every tradition. 

Know yourself and ask Our Lord for clarity and guidance as you make decisions and for the courage and fortitude to listen to Him so to be able to trust in the process.

Wedding planning requires you to make decision after decision, so ask for these graces early and consistently, and bring yourself back to these petitions so as to keep you in the Lord’s company. If you are open to receiving these graces, the Lord will reveal the truth to you so that you may have the freedom to make decisions with confidence in Him.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Moving Towards Oneness

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

The journey of engagement is truly the final stretch of preparation for being made one with another. 

When so much of our early life is spent individuating and gaining autonomy by virtue of normal human development, there is a beautiful, generous, sacrificial shift that occurs as a matured adult chooses to unite herself with another. How do we understand the magnitude of this? 

I know that in my own season of engagement, I spent a great deal of time pondering this mystery: this impending transition to a state of “oneness” with another sacramentally and practically.

I recall wondering about how such a “one-fleshness” comes about in marriage. It is something so distinctly supernatural,yet, there is such a true convergence of two lives that occurs in an earthly manner as well. 

You merge households and bank accounts; you share a bed, debts, children, and responsibilities. You also unite your pathway to the Heavenly Banquet too at the feast of your own wedding. At the same time, I couldn’t ignore, the quite obvious facets of our separate natures that made this concept hard to gather: he was male and I was very much not; he was Canadian, whereas I was American; he was phlegmatic, while I took choleric to a new level; and the list could go on. In the physical sense, we were quite separate beings.

The visceral aspect of “being one” in the marital act was self-evident to me. Still, full comprehension of the spiritual significance was elusive. That is, until I read the words of St. John the Baptist in a marital lens:

He must increase; I must decrease. 

These words both stuck and challenged me. They illuminated a beautiful truth, not only about the reality of “being made one” in marriage, but a reality that parallels the communion we are called to with the Lord.

In this passage, St. John refers to Christ when he says, “He.” Since Christ is Love Himself, we could replace “He” with “love” here; Love must increase; I must decrease. 

There is a certain truth to letting love consume us so much that our ego, our “I,” diminishes to make way for the work of the Lord. In St. John’s case, he chose to humble himself to the great plan of rescue and restoration that Christ had come to fulfill. Jesus wants to do that in our marriages today. He wants to increase as we decrease. 

Marriage invites us to humble ourselves so that the spirit of division, of separateness, can melt away. Herein lies the greater plan for the union of spouses: that the oneness of a couple, fortified by the grace of the Sacrament, may be made one with God in all things. Not only are they unified with each other, they fulfill the design for marriage bringing about their union with God.

As I’ve continued to journey more and more deeply into this understanding in my own marriage, I have found prayer to be essential. It helps us conform to the godly design for our union in the living marital sacrament.

To encourage us on this path, I want to leave you with three prayers that are transforming my heart (in real time) in the hopes that they might bless you as they have me:

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Simberly + Reese | Houston Wedding with Hispanic Traditions

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An interfaith Texas wedding showered with roses and brimming with family, cultural customs, and the presence of Our Lady.

On the anniversary of her dad’s passing, hearing his fatherly voice in her ear, Simberly finally agreed to take a leap of faith and go on a date with the cute guy she met online.

While Reese did not share Simberly’s Catholic faith, she could quickly see the Blessed Mother working in his life.

Once engaged, Simberly and Reese were able to find a Catholic parish that filled both their spiritual needs.

Their wedding day incorporated beautiful cultural traditions and even a surprise performance from the bride herself.

From the Bride:

I wanted to try out online dating but was hesitant about actually going out with any of the guys. Reese stood out to me from the beginning, and we went back and forth through messages and phone calls. 

After a few weeks, I kept making excuses as to why I could not meet him in person, just out of nerves. On July 17, 2015 he texted me to see if we could go out for drinks, but the day happened to fall on my father’s death anniversary. 

As I was getting ready to make up another excuse, a recollection came to mind. A few months before my father passed, I asked to go out with friends, and he said I could go as long as I promised that there would be boys present. 

I laughed it off and thought how sad that my dad was pushing me to go out and date. Looking back, I wondered: If dad knew this cute guy wanted to go out with me tonight, what would he say? 

He would probably look at me and say, “What are you still doing at home? Go.” I then responded, “yes,'' and went out on my first date with Reese that day, and a few years later he proposed to me on the same date. 

I felt like my father played huge a part in our meeting, and God found a way to turn such a tragic date into a bittersweet date. 

Reese grew up non-denominational, but has always respected my Catholic faith. So during our engagement, I prayed for us to find a parish that would meet both our needs. I was so worried he would never feel comfortable attending a Catholic church. 

After trying out a few, I thought we could try out a charismatic parish and halfway through the homily he leaned over and whispered that he wouldn’t mind making this our parish. I was so ecstatic and just remember praising Our Lord for working through him. 

Since then, he’s started picking up the Sign of the Cross and other little practices in the Catholic faith. Our Lady has been the biggest intercessor and she’s been present in our relationship since before we even met.

When Reese and I were first dating, he showed me a rosary that he kept. I was intrigued, but also confused because I knew he was not Catholic. 

I asked him about it and he told me that he found it on the side of the road one day while riding his bike. He picked it up and saw the cross at the end of the rosary and knew he couldn’t leave it there. 

It was a beautiful black wooden rosary with a heart in the middle. It was a little tattered and withered, but I had never seen a rosary like it. I smiled to myself and thought, wow. She’s already close to him, and he has no idea. 

I knew then that there was hope. His heart was so good that he personally chose to hold onto that rosary. Although the rosary didn’t align with his faith, it meant his faith was strong, and I could see myself with someone like that. 

There were of course times when we ran into rough patches, but I always tucked him and our relationship into my rosaries and our relationship strengthened year after year. 

Many of my close friends and family members that have been with us from the beginning have said that he’s changed so much since the day we met, and they are certain that the sacrament we received on our wedding day has only increased that. 

Reese has gifted me with rosaries, candles, and a painting of Our Lady of Guadalupe. To this day, her images can be found throughout our home, and I look forward to the day when I can tell my children all about her and how she played a huge role in our lives. 

The day of our wedding went by so fast it felt like a blur. The morning of, I got ready with my bridesmaids in the hotel room that was down the street from the church. 

Thirty minutes before the service, we all went over to change into our dresses, but after getting ready I realized I forgot my veil. I was so nervous, but luckily my mom was able to turn around and pick it up from the house. 

I was worried she wasn’t going to make it in time, that I was getting ready to walk down the aisle without my veil, but right before I was supposed to head out they called and said she just arrived. 

At the end of the ceremony, I was expecting the traditional, “You may now kiss the bride,” but it never came. I then realized that the service was over and that was the moment, so I quietly had to whisper to Reese that he could kiss me. It was definitely not how I expected that moment, but we were able to laugh about it after the fact. 

I was also very fortunate enough to have my great grandmother present at my wedding at 99 years old. She flew in from Mexico City and had never been on a plane before. 

When they were applying for her visa, the consulate asked why a woman of her age was requesting a visa. My aunts pulled out my save-the-date and said, “to see her great granddaughter get married in Houston.” 

The night before my wedding, she gifted me a beautiful white shawl known as a rebozo. She said it is customary for the bride to wear this on her wedding day and to use it as a swaddle when she has her first baby. 

When she placed it around me, she kissed me, and blessed me. It was one of the most beautiful and thoughtful gifts I had ever received. I was so grateful to have her there on my special day and will always treasure that memory. 

At the reception we had Mariachis, which is the norm at Hispanic weddings. I took classes when I was younger and used to sing at events, but stopped as I got older.

The last time I sang with Mariachis was actually at my father’s funeral, so I wasn’t certain if I would sing to my husband that day. 

After thinking about it, I decided to sing one song so that I wouldn’t look back at that moment and regret it. He had never heard me sing before, so he was completely surprised when he saw me go up with the Mariachis. It was definitely one of my favorite moments. 

After the Mariachis, we shared our first dance. When Reese and I met, he was not a dancer. My family and I are avid dancers, so throughout the years I took the time to practice with him. 

We started with salsa and worked our way backwards, so our first dance was a simple waltz, and he was absolutely perfect. After our first dance, I spent the majority of the night dancing with him and our guests. 

At one point we paused the dancing for the maid-of-honor and best-man speeches. We also took a moment to say a prayer for deceased family members, especially the recent passing of my grandparents. We had a table set up with photos of them to know that they would be there with us if they could. 

Three days before my wedding, both of my grandparents passed away. My grandfather had passed first, and my grandmother followed shortly after. 

It came so suddenly, and since it was in El Salvador, they scheduled the funeral right away which fell on the same day as my wedding. Throughout the entire day I was receiving messages of consolation from some and congratulations from others on my marriage. 

I really did not know how to react to it happening so suddenly. Unfortunately, many of my family members from my father’s side were so heartbroken with their passing and some flew out to El Salvador for the funeral. 

Others just couldn’t muster up the energy to attend my wedding because they were in mourning, and I had to respect that decision. I know some people actually expected me to cancel or postpone the wedding, but it was too late. 

Everything had been finalized so we had to move forward knowing that half of my family would not be present that day.

Despite the tragic news, it was comforting to know that my grandparents love for one another was strong and that they were both resting in peace. 

My spiritual takeaway from the day was the more you let go and let God, the less disappointments you will have.

Photography: Best Moments Productions | Nuptial Mass Location: St. Anne Catholic Church, Houston, TX | Reception Location: Pine Forest Country Club | Groomsmen Attire: Al's Formal Wear | Bridal Attire: Brickhouse Bridal | Rings: Jared | Floral Design: 2Cool Flowers | Cake: Susie’s Cakes

Tips for Merging Your Prayer Lives as Newlyweds

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EMILY DE ST AUBIN

 

Most engaged couples hear from their premarital counselors that it is vital for them to remain faithful to praying as individuals and as a couple. While dating and engaged my husband and I learned that we were both faithful to prayer and committed to its priority in our lives. 

But, our first year of marriage revealed that there were way more practical things to consider than just our love of God and desire to grow spiritually together.

For example, I’m a morning person. I prefer praying early- well before the daily grind begins. I like to wake up slowly and make coffee and snuggle with the Rosary and the Liturgy of the Hours. 

My husband, on the other hand, is a night person. He is often up late with the lamp on after the house and the streets outside have gone dark. He’ll pour over whatever scripture has his attention, allowing the Living Water to wash off his day; and he prefers the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to the Rosary.

Seeing each other’s prayer routine’s up close made us each feel ashamed in different ways. I felt guilty that after my morning routine, I usually felt like my spiritual work was done. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted and just want to turn my mind off- not turn my mind to spiritual things.

He was and is often put down by a lot of “manly” prayer exercises that require waking up before the sun when he simply isn’t conscious that early. I would see his inability to wake up with me as a lack of commitment. He would see my reluctance to stay up late in prayer with him the same way. We both often felt let down when the other wouldn't join in our prayer routines. 

While our commitment to God and prayer was deep, radical, and real- it manifested itself very differently in our different personality types and spiritual journeys.

Marrying someone who has been walking with God for their entire life is a tremendous gift, and it comes with the burden of joining together two well-established and deeply rooted prayer lives.

No matter if you are single, engaged, or married, this is an important conversation to have with the people that you share life with and want to grow closer to God through prayer with. You will need to support, encourage, and make space for each other to worship God in the ways that He is calling you to as individuals. You will also need to find new ways to pray that you can do together.

Here are some questions to help you start the conversation:

  • How would you describe your daily prayer routine?

  • Tell me about some hard times in your life. What types of prayer did you turn to? What brought you comfort?

  • When you have had a big decision to make, how have you prayed through it? -What spiritual devotions do you find most edifying?

  • What do you do when you can’t feel God?

  • What times of day do you find it easiest to pray?

  • What prayer do you want to invite me into? What would you rather do alone?

  • When you seem like you’re in crisis, what is the best way for me to encourage you to turn to God?

Make a plan, try it out, expect it to change. Each season of your life has taken on a new rhythm and tone. Take time to notice the things that have stayed the same, and aspects that have grown into something altogether different. Allow and expect God to guide you and your partner through the changes together- into something completely new.

A word of note: This is not a place to leave any doubt of love and acceptance. Allow your partner to teach you, and pray they allow you to teach them. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide and bless the conversation. 

Whatever your partner tells you brings them closer to God, see it from their perspective- even if it’s something that you’ve experienced very differently. Expect to come out of it with a new perspective.

About the Author: Emily is a '15 graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville with a bachelor's of science in marketing. Since college, her experience in ministry has included teaching the Catholic faith through wilderness experiences in the Colorado Rocky Mountains with Camp Wojtyla, Core Team with her local LifeTeen, and participating in Young Adult groups throughout her many moves. Emily has been married to her husband Eddie for five years and they have three children together.

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Entrusting Your Marriage to Our Blessed Mother

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

It is no secret that Our Blessed Mother Mary is an important figure in the Catholic Church.

She is a powerful intercessor, a source of guidance, and our greatest example of sainthood. Countless saints proclaim the goodness of devotion to her, the devil flees from her, and she considers us her dearly beloved children.

You can honor Our Blessed Mother on your wedding day in countless ways, including consecrating your marriage to her.

Marian consecration is an ancient tradition of entrusting oneself completely to Jesus through the maternal care of Mary. We give ourselves fully to Mary so she can help to form us in the image of Christ her Son. Belonging fully to her we can belong more fully to the Lord.

When we consecrate our marriages to Our Blessed Mother we are handing over to her our vocations, our spouses, and ourselves entirely. We are surrendering our bodies, minds, possessions, works and all we are to her protection, guidance, and intercession. 

What better way to safeguard your marriage than to totally entrust it to the care of the Mother of God who loves you and wants your marriage to be happy, holy, and healthy in every way?

In our single lives both my husband, Joshua, and I made our own Marian consecrations. They had lasting impacts on each of us. Through her we experienced healing, joy, and deeper conversion. She was a guiding star for us and we both feel it was her love and attention that ultimately led us to one another.

We knew shortly after getting engaged that we wanted to entrust our marriage entirely to Our Lady on our wedding day. We wanted to honor her as our Mother for all the ways she cared for us and to offer ourselves anew as we entered our vocation; we chose a Marian feast day to get married on and set aside the thirty-three days before our wedding for prayer with Our Blessed Mother.

I found this intentional time walking with Our Lady before marriage to be particularly intimate and eye opening. Just like so many women around me were helping me to prepare the details of my wedding like flowers, decorations, and dresses,  Mary was there too. She was helping to prepare my heart, reminding me what it truly means to be beautiful, to be a bride, to be a daughter of God. 

As the days got closer and last minute adjustments had to be made she was there reminding me that the day of my wedding was not about everything being perfect. Rather, it was about the love Joshua and I have for each other and celebrating that with jubilant thanksgiving regardless of who couldn't make it or the craziness of being a ‘Covid-bride.’

Walking with Mary was a great way of preparing in the final days of engagement. 

We took time on our own to read and pray each day. We would share any reflections we might have had and pray the “Ave Maria Stella” as a couple each evening. 

During our wedding Mass we brought flowers to an image of Our Lady of Guadelupe and knelt to pray our Act of Consecration together. We altered St. Louis Marie de Montfort's consecration prayer slightly using ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘I.’ Because this version of the consecration prayer is long we did the first half on our own the morning of our wedding and the second half together during the Mass itself.

There are lots of styles of Marian consecrations to choose from. We chose the one written in the 1600s by St. Louis de Montfort but there is a simpler version that is very popular called 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitly, a nine day version by St. Maximilian Kolbe, or one which journeys with St. John Paul II. 

Each of these will provide you with readings for reflection and certain prayers to pray each day to help you to prepare yourself to make this great entrustment to Our Blessed Mother. Whatever you choose I would suggest purchasing a physical book or printing out the materials so you can have them on hand throughout the thirty-three days.

Marian consecration is not something you can only do on your wedding day! Any married couple or individual can choose to make a Marian consecration. Our Lady’s arms are always open to welcome us into deeper devotion so she can in turn lead us closer to her Son. If you are interested in learning more about Marian consecration check out the book True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis Marie de Montfort.

I am confident that if you choose to consecrate your marriage to the Mother of God you will be abundantly blessed in ways you never expected. 

May her maternal love guide you to heaven and make you more like her Son. 

Gratefully, Totus Tuus Maria.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Trusting in God's Providence | COVID Wedding Roundup

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Entering the sacrament of marriage regularly requires spouses-to-be to surrender to God’s will in a profound way, but couples getting married in the midst of the 2020 pandemic were invited to lean even more heavily on God’s providence. 

Closed Churches, capacity restrictions, lockdowns, and constantly evolving health and safety guidelines turned the carefully made wedding plans of countless brides and grooms upside down.

Faced with more planning challenges than ever before, couples responded by moving up their wedding dates, postponing or rescheduling their nuptials, making their original schedule work with noticeable adjustments, or celebrating their ceremony and large reception on separate occasions.

In each instance, couples had to discern God’s will for the unique and unconventional circumstances of their entrance into holy matrimony. Their faith in God’s plan and in one another was constantly put to the test.  

Not only did God provide in each situation, but many couples were surprised to find that despite the cancelled plans and seemingly dashed wedding-day dreams, their nuptials were actually better than anything they could have orchestrated themselves.

When their original vision was no longer a possibility, Catholic brides and grooms were forced to refocus on what was essential—the sacrament that would usher them into the one-flesh union as man and wife.

Related | Surprised by Smallness: The Hidden Blessings Found in Intimate Pandemic Weddings

Brooke + Scott | Whirlwind Pandemic Wedding

When COVID-19 shuttered churches and threatened to delay the sacraments indefinitely, Brooke and Scott made the bold decision to get married almost a month early, with only hours notice, in the presence of only their immediate family members; but later that summer, they finally got their fairytale celebration.

Alexandra + Aidan | Baltimore Basilica Pandemic Wedding

From the divine grandeur of the Baltimore Basilica to the intimate, candlelit reception in the bride’s family home, this Maryland wedding exuded the supernatural beauty and joy of the sacrament, despite pandemic conditions. But after much prayer, patience, perseverance, and creative compromises, their intimate celebration remained “a day that will never be forgotten.”

Tara + Sean | Elegant Extended-Celebration Wedding

While wedding planning during a pandemic brought countless challenges, Tara and Sean were determined to be married on the date they originally set, May 16. These college sweethearts chose to celebrate their marriage on two distinct days, allowing them to fully focus on the different aspects of the celebration. After five years of dating and an 18-month engagement, God provided for them to be joined as husband and wife in the presence of their closest family members and bridal party.

Ashley + Andy | Birmingham Cathedral Pandemic Wedding

An intimate Mass celebrated in the halls of the magnificent St. Paul’s Cathedral in Birmingham, Alabama. Adorned with roses and blush elegance, a backyard reception became a beautiful celebration of the sacrament of marriage. Despite new social restrictions, their nuptial Mass held within the walls of their beloved cathedral felt anything but empty and isolating. As Ashley’s brother reminded her minutes before the ceremony, “the angels and saints are filling the rows.”

Gretchen + Peter | Autumn In Baltimore

A TLM celebration dusted with gold and Shire-inspired charm, illuminating the Lord’s providence amid the challenges of COVID-19 and military commitments. Gretchen and Peter decided to reduce their guest list of 250 to only 50 family and friends and to move their wedding day up by 5 weeks—a decision that would prove to be incredibly providential.

We’d love to feature your wedding or engagement and learn how God’s providence has worked in your love story! Spoken Bride is now accepting submissions. Share your story with our community!

Healing + Wholeness: The Fruits of Couseling in Your Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

Six years ago, I was engaged, freshly graduated from college, and had moved back to my hometown - living a state away from my husband-to-be. 

We walked through marriage prep and wedding planning long distance, visiting each other on the weekends and navigating our first jobs all the while. I had begun grad school classes in the evening. Some significant and difficult experiences were happening within my family at the time. 

I felt that in many ways I was living poised for a future that wasn't quite here yet, in a whirlwind of life happening with each step forward towards my wedding day. For all its glory and all its challenges, I can look back on that time now with gratitude and tenderness and see the gift that it was and the growth that happened in its course.

A significant part of that growth came because during that year, I went to counseling for the first time. I can't remember what exactly it was that finally prompted me to Google search Christian counselors near me one night. 

I do remember, in fact, feeling unsure that I had enough that I needed to "work through" to make counseling worth it - I mean, would it be fruitful? Would it be a waste of time and money? Would the counselor laugh in my face because I didn't even really know I was there? I wasn't sure. 

Were you to have asked me at that moment, I would hardly have been able to tell you if I thought I needed any real healing. But I did know there was a lot happening, and that it might be nice to talk it through with someone. So I called, and a few weeks later went for my first counseling session.

It was, in fact, worth every penny and sacrifice of time. 

Far from laughing in my face, the counselor whose client I became was patient and tenderhearted, listening attentively and inviting me to press more deeply into the circumstances of life so I could consider how they were impacting my understanding of myself and others, even God, and how that in turn affected my thoughts and actions in relationships. 

It was a pivotal time for me to begin this exploration, because so much of our experiences in relationships have to do with how we perceive things and where our motivation lies. Uncovering, with the help of this beautiful counselor, some of the wounded areas of my heart helped me to gain perspective so as to not be ruled by them. It gave me real things to bring to Christ in my life of prayer and ask for his healing presence to transform.

She helped me untangle intrusive thoughts that did not serve to prepare me for marriage, or live in a healthy way during that time. She listened with no agenda to help me with wedding planning, give me her take on married life, or critique my decisions. She mostly listened. She offered strategies to help me with anxiety and gave me a clearer language with which to express what was happening for me emotionally. Many a conversation during a weekend visit with my fiancée was spent sharing what I had talked about in counseling. It truly blessed us both.

I share all this to say that if you have found yourself considering counseling even in the slightest way, I truly believe it will never be a waste. I can see clearly from the vantage point of where I stand in marriage now, how my experience in counseling during engagement blessed me not only in the moment but for the years to come. 

Any time you spend on the kind of healing work that often happens in the context of counseling will serve you well, and in turn will serve your beloved – who shares life with you in a most intimate way.


Some of Good Fruit of Counseling that has been invaluable in my Marriage: 

• Time and space to examine my hopes, fears, expectations

• A third/objective party to whom I could bring my experiences to gain perspective, who has no agenda besides supporting me and helping me find healthy ways to live

• Practice in self-expression and unpacking emotions – learning how to share what’s happening internally in an understandable way

• Practice challenging assumptions made about others and becoming curious in the face of my reactions

• Practical tips, solutions, and practices to bring into my lived experience • A richer vocabulary to use when sharing my experiences

• The ability to be much more patient and gentle with myself and others

Read more: Pre-marital Counseling: The Wedding Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Counseling has blessed me in innumerable ways. But those are a few that felt worth sharing because of how meaningfully they’ve integrated into my vocation and helped me in my relationship with my husband. Part of the beauty of counseling is that it is fully ordered towards healing and wholeness, just like our vocation. Marriage, at its best, helps us to heal and find restoration so that we can ultimately be prepared for the eternal relationship of heaven.

I was recently rereading the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jaques Philippe and was struck by some of his words, which I feel capture what I mean to say about the experience of counseling with real clarity and understanding.

"We often live with this illusion. With the impression that all would go better, we would like the things around us to change, that the circumstances would change. But this is often an error. It is not the exterior circumstances that must change; it is above all our hearts that must change. They must be purified of their withdrawal into themselves, of their sadness, of their lack of hope".

Counseling can be a great tool to bring about renewal in our hearts by way of healing in our mind. It can be such a force for good in our lives and our vocations, offering hope and peace.

If you’re looking for a counselor who shares your Catholic faith, consider searching in your area on www.catholictherapists.com/ or check out the Marriage and Family Therapists on Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Meaningful and Budget-Friendly Wedding Gifts for Catholic Couples

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

During my college and newlywed years, I always scanned friends' wedding registries for that perfect gift that seemed both personal and also wouldn't cost me a small fortune. 

Even now I'm in no position to buy someone their longed-for Le Creuset dishware set and I wince when I find everything within my budget has been already purchased.

But I've found both as a recipient and giver of many wedding gifts that some of the best gifts are not listed on the registry at all but come from deeply personal and out-of-the-box thinking:

Handwritten advice

One good friend asked older married couples she knew to write us letters with marriage advice. We read the stack of them on our honeymoon which made for an encouraging and practical start to our marriage.

Book Bouquet

Another friend gifted me Alessandro Manzoni's The Betrothed as part of a bachelorette party gift which has since inspired me with one of my favorite ideas for an off-beat and affordable gift: a book bouquet--that is, a stack of books tied up with ribbon.  

There are several used book websites where lots of great books fall in the under $5 range, and the possibilities are delightfully endless. 

You could do spiritual books like Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married and John Paul II's Love and Responsibility, great literature like Pride and Prejudice and Anna Karenina, collections of love poems, or lighthearted mysteries featuring couples like Agatha Christie's married sleuths, Tommy and Tuppence, or Dorothy Sayers' inimitable duo, Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane. You could also find a beautiful coffee table book related to the bride or groom's interests and pair it with some thrifted favorites.

Check out some other recommended reading for Catholic brides and newly married couples here.

Honey Mead

A wedding gift I often give is a bottle of honey mead. The origin of the term 'honeymoon' comes from the custom of couples drinking honey mead during the first month of their marriage for good luck. But there's a spiritual significance here too as St. Valentine, patron of happy marriages, is also a patron of beekeepers.

A Unique Twist on a Spiritual Bouquet

Lastly, the most appreciated gift we received for our wedding were prayers. A couple of our guests wrote out incredibly thoughtful and detailed spiritual bouquets for us, and I've loved thinking of how many graces were sent with us into our marriage thanks to their prayers. 

A fun idea is to pair a spiritual bouquet with some seed packets. Many flowers or herbs are attached with spiritual legends and meanings, and at the same time, you can help a couple get started on a Mary garden or a windowsill herb garden.

Whatever your situation in life, these suggestions work as stand-alone gifts or pair well with something traditionally off the registry, but in my case, it's been these kinds of thoughtful and creative gifts that have held the dearest place in my heart.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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The Living is Easy | Summer Wedding Roundup

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While there isn’t a bad season to get married, summer has traditionally been one of the most popular times for couples to tie the knot. And that doesn’t come as much of a surprise.

The days are long and warm. There seems to be greater freedom in our schedules and fewer claims on our time.

Students and parents have a reprieve from the demands of the academic year. Families schedule reunions and extended vacations.  

We hop in the car for road trips and weekend getaways and find ourselves lingering in the backyard after leisurely dinners and holiday celebrations, fully enjoying the late sunset glow.

Overall, we tend to make more time to relax, recharge, and soak up the sunshine with friends and family.

And what better way to enjoy the season than with wedding?! 

After the challenges of 2020, it’s safe to say that we’re all looking forward to the summer months even more than usual.

As we head into these lazy, hazy, crazy days, we’ve rounded up a handful of summertime nuptials to help inspire your own fun in the sun.

Sabrina + Nick | Handcrafted Jersey Shore Wedding

Their love story encompasses conversion, Padre Pio, the Jersey Shore, and beehives—all part of their extraordinary, summertime wedding bathed in sunflowers and God’s grace. And it all began in a college architecture class.

Kelsey + Jacob | Missouri Summer Wedding

Kelsey and Jacob first met at a summer camp when they were 18. They became fast, close friends, but that remained the extent of their relationship for the next eight years. They went their separate ways, living in different states and cordially keeping in touch now and then. Until the Fall that everything changed.

Janae + Ryan | Texan Summer Wedding

Back in 2012, Janae was a high school senior applying to schools, while Ryan was a college sophomore discerning a transfer to a different university. Both ended up at The University of Texas at Tyler, where they met on the tennis team. Neither had a firm reason as to why they were supposed to attend Tyler, but knew it was where the Lord had called them.

Fatima + Jonathan | Tuscan-Inspired Summer Wedding

Fatima and Jonathan met as teens on a youth retreat--but they were from two different states. They maintained a long-distance relationship for three years, only seeing each other at various retreats and youth conferences. Before college, Fatima broke off their relationship; through the pain of their breakup, they both felt God asking them to trust him and grow on their own. Fatima had no idea the Father was preparing their hearts to reconnect, but Jon sensed otherwise.

Photography: Cynthia Shipp Photography as seen in Fatima and jonathan’s Tuscan-inspired summer wedding

Photography: Cynthia Shipp Photography as seen in Fatima and jonathan’s Tuscan-inspired summer wedding

We’d love to feature your wedding or engagement, no matter what the season! Spoken Bride is now accepting submissions. Share your love story with our community!

Catholic Symbolism for your Summer Wedding Bouquet

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For centuries, flowers were often used as religious or spiritual symbols particularly in visual art to point the viewer toward eternal truths. 

Including flowers with Christian meaning to your wedding bouquet can be a unique way to invite you, your spouse, and your guests of your loving Creator.

Sunflower

Brightly-colored Sunflowers symbolize adoration because they continuously turn towards the sun as it moves throughout the sky. The rising sun in particular was associated with the Risen Christ and many churches were oriented towards the east, where the sun rises.

In many ways, the sunflower mirrors the disposition of the Blessed Mother as she never ceases to have God as the center of her gaze. 

Iris

Similar to the Lily, the iris is often used as a symbol of the Blessed Virgin Mary. 

Irises, particularly the “sword lily” (called such because of the shape of its leaves), was used by early Flemish artists to reference the seven swords that pierced the heart of Mary. Later, Spanish painters also adopted the iris as a symbol of the Queen of Heaven and the Immaculate Conception.

Iris also takes its name from the Greek word for rainbow, a sign of God’s faithfulness in the Old Testament. 

Related: 4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet


Pansy

Pansies would make a unique addition to your bridal bouquet and come in a large variety of colors to fit with your color scheme. Because of its petals’ typical tri-coloring, the Pansy has also been called the "Trinity Flower” and was considered the symbol of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

This meaning also holds special significance for a newly married couple as their love is meant to mirror that life-giving love of the Trinity. 

Cornflower

The Christian symbolism of the vibrantly blue or purple Cornflower seemed to come from a sort of baptism of a Greek myth. 

In the story, Achilles was wounded with an arrow poisoned with Hydra venom, and his wound was healed by applying cornflower plants. In Greek mythology the Hydra was usually depicted as a huge poisonous water snake. 

Among Christians, snakes were (and still are) associated with the devil so the remedy, cornflower, became a symbol of the one who crushed the head of the Serpent––the Queen of Heaven.

What's New in the Spoken Bride Community

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Sexual intimacy within marriage, and the finer points of what chastity looks like for spouses

  • The nature of being a helpmate and, as women, the tension of desiring self-sufficiency while recognizing the importance of asking our men for help

  • How to spend a date night writing your own personal marriage prayer

  • Special occasion makeup that befits your internal state and reflects your feminine genius, and how to honor one another’s preferences when your beloved enjoys a less made-up look

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • An overview of premarital and marital counseling topics, hosted by Maribel Laguna, Licensed Premarital & Marital Counselor, of In His Image Counseling Center

  • A panel discussion on choosing an NFP method, featuring a Creighton Practitioner, Couple to Couple League Instructor, and a Marquette Method Instructor

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Evelyn + John Paul | Downtown Mountain Wedding

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A nuptial Mass saturated with profound symbolism in the center of Denver, followed by a mountain reception surrounded by the incomparable beauty of God’s creation.

Evelyn and John Paul wanted every detail of their Colorado wedding day to draw them more deeply into the truth and reality of the marriage covenant.

Each of their selections, from colors to flowers, was made with intentionality. 

In their wedding program they shared the meaning of each symbol with their wedding guests, providing an authentic witness to the nature and beauty of the sacrament of holy matrimony. 

From the Bride and Groom:

Like every other Catholic sacrament, weddings serve to make visible an invisible reality. In the sacrament of marriage, the invisible covenantal union of the couple is made visible though observable actions and signs. 

Thus, every detail of our wedding day was planned with intentionality to reflect this reality. 

First, the Church. We wanted to get married in a place that reflected the beauty and grandeur of the sacrament of marriage. 

Next, the wedding attire. John Paul and our bridal party were dressed in black, whereas Evelyn and the priest were dressed in white. 

The black reminds us that marriage is a death to self, while white—the color of Easter time—speaks of the resurrection of our new life together as one. 

The flowers Evelyn carried were white roses and white lilies. These are the flowers associated with Mary (who is often called the Mystical Rose) and St. Joseph. We hope to model our new family after the Holy Family. 

Among the white flowers were lots of greenery. Green is the liturgical color for ordinary time. Although on our wedding day we feasted, most of our married days will be very ordinary, and the green reminds us that even in those times we still remain faithful to Christ. 

On the altar we were surrounded by six bridesmaids and six groomsmen. Together they equal 12, the same number as the tribes of Israel, the apostles, and the number of diamonds in Evelyn’s engagement ring. 

The number 12 in scripture symbolizes a covenant, just like the covenant we entered into on our wedding day. 

Our wedding bands of gold called to mind the gold the Magi brought to Christ and reminded us that we too are a precious gift to Christ. 

After our nuptial Mass, we went into the mountains, just like Christ did so often when He wanted to hear the voice of the Father. The beauty of creation draws the mind and heart to God, and we think that nowhere is that more evident than in the beauty of the mountains. 

Above all, each detail of our wedding day—from the Church, to the music played, to the centerpieces at the reception—was chosen specifically to reflect the beauty and majesty, permeance and fruitfulness, faithfulness and totality of the gift of holy matrimony.

From the Photographer:

Evelyn and John Paul were united in a gorgeous, reverent nuptial Mass with transcendent music. The couple included the Hispanic tradition of the exchange of arras. 

They prayed to the Blessed Virgin Mary after their vows and had a grand send-off with all their guests upon exiting the church.

As a photographer, I experience a lot of different weddings throughout the year. This was one of the most beautiful Catholic weddings I have ever seen. 

Evelyn and John Paul were incredibly intentional with every aspect of their wedding, from the flowers to the music to the fabric of their clothes. 

You could tell that they had really prepared their minds, hearts, and souls to join together as one under Christ. It was a gift to work with them to capture their wedding day.

Photography: Madeira Creative Photography | Nuptial Mass Location: Holy Ghost Catholic Church, Denver, CO | Reception Venue & Catering: Mount Vernon Country Club, Golden, CO | Floral Design: Mae Flowers | Videography: Andrew Nease Video | Bridal Boutique: Dani West Bridal | Groom & Groomsmen Attire: Jos. A. Bank | DJ: Mobile Beatz of Colorado

Marian Honeymoon Destinations

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Are you planning your dream honeymoon or perhaps a getaway with your spouse after a crazy year?

As a newlywed couple, travel can give you some much needed quality time after the busy season of wedding planning, and as Catholics it can also be a spiritually edifying and faith-filled experience.

PHOTOGRAPHY: PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS

PHOTOGRAPHY: PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS

Looking to incorporate your love of the Blessed Mother into your travel plans? Check out these five Marian honeymoon destinations.

Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche 

Devotion to Our Lady of La Leche (or Our Lady of the Milk)  goes back to a 4th Century Grotto near Bethlehem which you can still visit today. It is said that the Blessed Mother stopped here to nurse the baby Jesus during the flight into Egypt. Many visitors to the Milk Grotto ask Mary for help conceiving a child. 

However, if you are looking to stay stateside and maybe spend some time at the beach, you can visit a beautiful shrine in St. Augustine, Florida dedicated to Our Lady of La Leche. This shrine is found at the Mission of Nombre de Dios which also has shrines dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe (Patroness of the Americas) and Our Lady of Perpetual Help.

Basilica of the Annunciation

If you are planning a trip to the Holy Land to see the Milk Grotto, be sure to also check out the Basilica of the Annunciation. Tradition holds that this site in Nazeraeth is where the Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary announcing that she would become the mother of God. 

Just a short walk away is the Church of St. Joseph, which is believed to be the site of St. Joseph’s workshop. So you can walk with your new spouse where the Holiest of families lived and walked. Ask for their grace to follow their footsteps throughout your married life. 

Shrine of the Miraculous Medal

In 1830, the Blessed Mother appeared to a French nun St. Catherine Labouré and told her to have the Miraculous Medal made. There are actually two major shrines dedicated to the Miraculous Medal for you to consider in your travel plans––the original convent in Paris, France where Mary first appeared and a chapel in Philadelphia. These two cities offer many unique experiences for travelers and would make excellent honeymoon destinations for city-lovers. 

Knock Shrine

If you and your soon-to-be spouse want to explore the Emerald Isle for your honeymoon, you should visit Ireland’s National Marian Shrine at Knock. 

The Knock Shrine is the site of an Apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary in 1879. Eyewitnesses say they saw the Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and St. John the Evangelist. Along with them appeared a Lamb standing before a cross on an altar surrounded by angels.The grounds of the shrine feature five churches, beautiful gardens, and a museum. 

County Mayo, where the shrine is located, is full of natural beauty and outdoor activities, and would make a unique honeymoon destination. 

Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe

The Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City houses the miraculous image of the Blessed Mother on St. Juan Diego’s tilma. It welcomes over twenty million faithful every year, making it the second most visited church in the world, after St. Peter’s in Vatican City.  So whether you want to head to a relaxing beach resort or explore more of what Mexico has to offer, you’ll want to make sure to check out this must-see Marian site. 

Gift Ideas for Catholic Bridesmaids

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The custom of giving gifts to your bridesmaids has grown more common in recent years, due in part to it becoming less common for couples to cover the expenses of the bridal party. 

While these gifts are certainly not necessary, it is a thoughtful way to express your gratitude for these women, their friendship, and their presence as you enter the vocation of marriage. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

Looking for gift ideas for a Catholic bridesmaid? Consider these unique suggestions: 

Religious wedding day jewelry 

A common gift for bridesmaids today is jewelry. Whether you want your bridesmaids’ accessories to match or you want to pick something unique for each person, jewelry is a great option to help your ladies look and feel beautiful on your wedding day.

Put a Catholic spin on this traditional gift idea by choosing religious-themed jewelry pieces like a rosary Bracelet, a saint medal necklace, or a miraculous medal ring.   

Shawls

Shawls over a gown creates an elegant look for bridesmaids, especially in the colder months. This gift can also serve a functional purpose if the church has a dress code for weddings (ie. shoulders must be covered). 

Shawls can also double as scarves post-wedding so your bridesmaids can use them again and again. 

Blessed candle

Some brides like to give something that their bridesmaids can relax with and enjoy back home like scented candles. Have your priest bless cute and/or fragrant candles so they can also be lit during moments of prayerful silence.

Related: Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

Religious-Made Goods

Many monasteries and convents around the world specialize in hand making items like coffee, cheese, jam, wine, soaps, and more. 

You can put a few religious-made goods in a small gift basket for them to enjoy during wedding weekend and beyond. You can also pair these items with products made by Catholic small businesses like mugs, tumblers, stickers, or candles for a religious-themed gift that builds up the whole Church. 

Handwritten letter 

If you have a particularly tight budget but still want to express your gratitude to your gals, a handwritten letter or thank you note is a meaningful gift that doesn’t cost a dime!

Taking the time to express your love and appreciation in writing is a special way to affirm your dearest friends and practice hospitality during your wedding. Make this gift even more spiritually edifying by tucking a prayer card into the envelope along with your letter.

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for your bridal party.

Ana + Alex | Marian Shrine Wedding

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Rich fall colors balanced with soft blush tones and gold accents create a portrait of elegance, exceeded only by the resplendence of the setting for their nuptial union.

When Ana and Alex first began to plan their wedding, they kept coming back to two things: their God and their people. 

They wanted their marriage celebration to mirror the wedding feast of the Lamb and witness to the true communion between heaven and earth. 

Under Our Lady’s tender gaze, the awe-inspiring atmosphere of their nuptial Mass fittingly pointed to the heavenly banquet to which each one of us is invited.

From the Bride:

Alex and I have friends and family all over the globe, and so we felt so honored and excited to bring so many of our favorite people together in joy. 

We wanted this day to serve that authentic communion as much as possible.

Even more so, we are so grateful to God for all that He is and all that He has made for and in us! 

God has worked so much in our relationship up until our wedding, and we cannot deny that our love is a gift straight from Him.

Reflecting back on our wedding day, my advice to other brides and grooms is to stay centered on each other and your love! Be gentle with yourself and trust God in the details and in the process. 

You do not have to have it all together before this big day. The flowers don't have to be perfect; you are probably going to break out a little bit (or like I did—a lot!); and our hearts do not have to be perfectly prepared in the way we think they should be. 

There is a wedding feast far greater than anything on this earth. Keep your eyes locked on Christ.

From the Photographers:

Did you know you could get married at a national shrine? We didn't until we had the honor of photographing Ana and Alex's wedding at the National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa! 

It was a day filled with family and friends, and the ever tender and watchful eye of Our Lady. The shrine was frequented by the brides' family who had a special devotion to this favorite Marian image of St. John Paul II.

Prayer was woven in every part of the day, from getting ready all the way through to the reception.

A significant host of priests concelebrated and bestowed blessings from both the bride's home parish and the couple's alma mater, Franciscan University.

Joy and elegance were in no short supply as the wedding party made their way to the reception.

Guests were met with details such as exquisite florals and—our personal favorite—an artist live-painting the reception space. 

With such a vibrant couple, it is no small surprise that this wedding ended with a massive celebration on the dance floor. It started with a Queen and ended with the Saints (Who Dat?).

Photography: An Endless Pursuit | Nuptial Mass Location: The National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa, Doylestown, PA | Whitemarsh Valley Country Club, Lafayette Hill, PA | Videography: Emmaus Films

 

Don't Take Your Spouse for Granted | Practical Tips for a Healthy Marriage

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

A couple years ago I was talking with a woman who had a beautiful marriage and had raised a large brood of wonderful children. And I was like, "Okay, tell me the secret formula. Tell me the tips. Tell me the list of marriage and parenting books for success."

And she just laughed and said the fact I desired to have a good marriage and raise good children was a sign I was going in the right direction. I think my interior response was something like, "No really, I know you've got a ten-step program to holy married life tucked up your sleeve. Spill the beans, lady."

But she did say something that both surprised and helped me: never consider yourselves past the possibility of divorce. In other words, never take your marriage for granted. When stated in the latter terms, it sounds like clichéd marriage advice. When stated in the former terms, it's startling and perhaps affronts our Catholic sensibilities. After all, for devout couples who entered their marriages seriously, fully assenting to its character as an inviolable sacrament, the possibility of divorce seems absurdly far-fetched.

But around this same time, I heard another friend, who had been married a few years longer than us, say that she knew couples, faithful Catholic couples whose weddings she had been a bridesmaid in, who were now getting divorced. And that also startled me.

This is not to say that divorce is never the answer. The church, in her wisdom, allows it in such cases as abuse out of respect for the dignity of the victim. But in otherwise healthy marriages, it can be easy, I think, to consider your marriage too holy to be impervious to the wear and tear of sin and then to find you've slipped into a vipers' nest of presumption and resentment.

So how can we, practically speaking, not take our marriages for granted?

Pray together. 

Not as a vague resolution but as a scheduled thing. The morning office or even just a morning offering. A daily or weekly examen. Spending ten or fifteen minutes reading Scripture or another spiritual work together and discussing. Any one of these can be a fruitful way of knowing what's on your spouse's heart.

Pray for each other. 

When I remember, I like to say the noon Angelus for my husband because it's right at the height of the workday and I especially like novenas because they can be like tiny pilgrimages you undertake for someone. There are also many days when I say very short prayers and make small sacrifices for my husband's sake. As a result, I feel more closely united to him and am far more likely to have a tender-hearted response over the irksome things that are simply part of doing life with another person.

Read more: Creative Ways to Pray for your Spouse

Be attentive to their needs

Ask your spouse, "How can I help you today?" When my husband asks me this, I often find it's the question itself and not even the act of service that lightens my emotional load, because it shows the interest he takes in me and my daily life.

Avoid shaming. 

Shame is such an immobilizing force. When do we ever elicit kindness from someone when we heap blame on their head? When do we ever feel light enough to pick ourselves up and do good when we're mired in the heaviness of shame. A sense of humor and a sense of reality--we're all human, we all fail--fosters the peace and openness needed in marriage.

Seek counsel.

Go to marriage counseling or to spiritual direction. I know of a couple, whose marriage is ostensibly not in crisis mode, yet who go to regular counseling as "marriage insurance." Brilliant.

In my pre-married life, I imagined marriage as a kind of promised land of easy peace and fulfillment. But marriage is an invitation to a continual process of conversion which, while hard, is also infinitely more beautiful than a life free of demands. If we cooperate with God, we will be changed and stripped of our idols, thus becoming Christ-bearers to those within and beyond the walls of our homes.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Saints for Those Discerning Their Vocation

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Need help discerning your vocation? There’s a saint for that. 

One of the most incredible gifts given to us by the Church is the Communion of Saints. Those of us still on earth recognize the holy men and women beholding the face of God in heaven as our brothers and sisters, willing and able to help us on our journey. 

In moments where you feel lost or unsure, the saints can help guide your steps and bring you closer to Christ. 

For those readers still praying for clarity and courage in pursuing their vocation, here are seven saints to help you in this season of discernment. 

St. Joseph

As the earthly father of Jesus, Saint Joseph is a powerful intercessor for his spiritual children. He also demonstrated great trust in the will of God during his life, moving forward in faith even when God’s plan wasn’t entirely clear. 

Even when Joseph’s plans for his future seemed abruptly upended when the woman to whom he was betrothed was found with child, he remained open to hearing what God had in store for him. When an angel appeared to Joseph and told him to take Mary as his wife, he was obedient.

If you are struggling with trust in or obedience to God, pray to St. Joseph for help. 

St. Therese of Lisieux

Saint Therese of Lisieux, also known as the Little Flower, was a French Carmelite whose writings on the “Little Way” of holiness led her to be named a Doctor of the Church. She is quoted as saying a phrase that all Christians should hold in their mind, especially during seasons of discernment: “My vocation is Love!”

While Saint Therese had confidence in her call to the convent from a very young age, many people ask Saint Therese for help with discerning their vocations and have found their prayers are answered with a rose. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati 

Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is often called “the Man of the Beatitudes” because in his 24 years on earth, he lived a life of love and service. 

Many people related to Blessed Pier Giorgio because he was an ordinary guy. He became a saint by living his ordinary Christian life well. Like so many of us, he did not have it all figured out. He did not wait for the “big decisions” to be made to begin living a life of heroic virtue and love of the poor. 

Ask Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati to help you pursue holiness and excellence in this season of life. 

Related: Readers Share | The Saints Who've Shaped Your Relationships

Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin

Parents of Saint Therese, Saints Louis and Zelie Martin modeled holiness in their call to marriage and family life. However, did you know that they both initially wanted to join the religious life?

I imagine Louis and Zelie felt a lot of sorrow and confusion upon being rejected from the orders they applied to. They might have also questioned their discernment ability; yet, when Zélie first saw Louis, she heard our Blessed Mother tell her that this was the man she was to marry. They went on to have nine children, and the five that would survive infancy went on to become nuns (and saints!). 

If you’re feeling confused or unsure in your discernment, ask Saints Louis and Zelie to help you find consolation and courage in this season. 

St. Raphael

The archangel Raphael is considered the patron saint of happy meetings (and the unofficial patron saint of those seeking a spouse). In the Book of Tobit, Raphael guides Tobit’s son Tobiah to his future wife Sarah so many people often pray to Saint Raphael to similarly lead them to their future spouse. 

Pray to St. Raphael for help finding a holy spouse if you’re called to the vocation of marriage. 

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Saint Ignatius of Loyola was the founder of the Jesuits and offers a framework for discerning God’s will through his Spiritual Exercises. 

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius provides rules for the discernment of spirits which can help you better understand the interior movements of your soul and what God desires for your life. 

If you are looking for practical ways to pray about your vocation, consider attending an Ignatian retreat and asking St. Ignatius for guidance.

Mary, Spouse of the Holy Spirit

Vocational discernment requires an openness to the Holy Spirit, so who better to turn to than Our Lady, the Spouse of the Holy Spirit, when you are in need of help when it comes to discernment? 

Saint Louis de Monfort wrote in True Devotion: “When the Holy Spirit, her spouse, finds Mary in a soul, He hastens there and enters fully into it.” 

Turn to Mary and ask her to teach you how to open your heart up to the movement of the Spirit and how to give your “fiat” to whatever He calls you to do.

Grace + Hunter | Classic Christmas Wedding

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A cozy and easygoing celebration filled with the colors, joy, and merriment of the Christmas season, with nods to the couple’s football fandom.

What started as a friendship based on a college-football connection, ultimately led Grace to the Catholic faith—and both she and Hunter to a Christ-centered marriage.

Grace and Hunter faced the challenge of preparing for their wedding during COVID-19, but they found comfort in God, the saints, and their beloved home parish.

Surrounded by their dearest family and friends, the couple made a point to incorporate meaningful details into their wedding in memory of loved ones who have passed to eternal life.

From the Bride:

Hunter and I met on Twitter, of all places, in 2016 through our mutual fandom of Tennessee football. We started out as friends and shared a deep love of Christ. 

We became engaged in December 2018. Hunter shared his Catholic faith with me, and I finalized my conversion to the Catholic faith in April 2021. 

I selected Saint Brigid as my patron because in learning about her life, I felt a kinship to her. And also because we both feel so blessed to be members of a wonderful parish that bears her name. 

Hunter is a cradle Catholic, and I have enjoyed learning so much about the faith with him. One of our favorite things to do together is review Franciscan Media's “Saint of The Day,” and we are always so inspired learning about these wonderful saints and their lives

God was definitely in the driver's seat for our wedding due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We learned quickly we were not in control. 

We ended up having a small, intimate ceremony with some of our closest family and friends. 

Deacon Tom, who celebrated our wedding, did a wonderful job getting to know us through our Pre-Cana marriage preparation process and made sure that the homily was personalized and filled with humor. 

Hunter and I are both members of Saint Brigid and absolutely adore our parish, so it was very special to get married there. 

My mom and my sister personalized my dress topper and made the sash I wore on my wedding day.

Unfortunately, both of my grandmothers have passed away, so I honored my maternal grandmother by carrying her rosary wrapped around my bouquet as my something borrowed, and I had my paternal grandmother's brooch pinned to my bouquet as my something old. 

Both my paternal grandmother and my beloved late step-grandmother were of Scottish heritage, so we honored both of them with the tartan accents at our wedding. 

I surprised Hunter with a memorial table and arrangement to his late mother including pictures of the two of them together and her favorite flowers. 

My maternal grandmother was from Ecuador, which is known for its roses, so I made sure my bridal bouquet featured Ecuadorian roses.

Our journey to our wedding day taught me to accept the things I could not change and to trust in God.

Photography: Cooper and Co Photography | Nuptial Mass: St Brigid Catholic Church, Johns Creek, GA | Reception Venue: Naylor Hall, Roswell, GA | Bride’s Dress: The Sample Shoppe by White Magnolia Bridal | Rings: Solomon Brothers | Caterer: Loyal Q Barbecue | Cakes: Henri's Bakery | Floral Design: The Flower Post | DJ & Photobooth: Club Rett | Rehearsal Dinner: Roswell Provisions | Stationery: Calligraphy with Style

The Feminine Genius in The Awakening of Miss Prim

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MAGGIE STRICKLAND

 

Dostoevsky wrote in The Idiot that “beauty will save the world.” This idea is often seen as mere sentiment, for how could mere aesthetics save the world? But, as the title character in The Awakening of Miss Prim discovers, real beauty, which springs from goodness and truth, can indeed save us.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JANISSE VALENZUELA

PHOTOGRAPHY: JANISSE VALENZUELA

It is the same beauty that St. John Paul II wrote of in his 1995 Letter to Women when he remarked that “there is constantly revealed, in the variety of vocations, that beauty-not merely physical, but above all spiritual-which God bestowed from the very beginning on all, and in a particular way on women.” Though it is not a utopia, the little village where the novel is set is organized in a way that allows the women to use their feminine genius to better their community.

The story opens as Miss Prudencia Prim, a modern woman who feels that she was born in the wrong era, arrives in the lovely little village of San Ireneo de Arnois in an unnamed European country. At first, all she sees are pretty houses, a quiet pace of life, and rather eccentric villagers, most of whose lives revolve around the adjacent monastery, which she isn’t interested in visiting. She discovers that the community she has come to is “a flourishing colony of exiles from the modern world seeking a simple, rural life,” and she is challenged on her notion that she was simply born in the wrong era.

At first, Miss Prim feels that the village’s habits are quaint: the villagers’ theories about education means that most of the children are educated by a group of adults who, though not trained as teachers, are deeply knowledgeable about the various subjects they teach. Many of the businesses in town are run by women, whose families live over the shops and they keep odd hours (the bookshop is only open from 10-2 and the dentist’s office from noon to 5) so that their work won’t conflict with their families’ needs. And every gathering includes tea or coffee and something delicious to eat, as a means of sharing hospitality.

These first two seemingly quaint habits – the education of the community’s children and the business hours being dependent on family needs – are in line with St. John Paul II’s vision for a society where the feminine genius is valued and able to flourish. This setup allows the women of San Ireneo to use their God-given gifts without having to choose between a family and a career, or feeling that if they have both, one or the other must suffer at times, which is precisely why Miss Prim came to San Ireneo not wanting to be married at all. 

Miss Prim has come to the community to work as the librarian for a man known only as the Man in the Wing Chair, an expert on languages and the guardian to his four nieces and nephews. He is one of the founders of the community and he, as a Catholic, has what she believes to be odd views on the world. Their differences often lead to verbal sparring matches, though he is always a gentleman; the novel reminds me in this way of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, but with spiritual differences rather than class differences. The Man in the Wing Chair is a Thomist, and everything he does is informed by this, which is difficult for Miss Prim to understand.

She is also challenged by the friends she makes in the San Ireneo Feminist League, which she initally thinks is an organization out of place in a village as old-fashioned as San Ireneo. She is shocked to discover that it is, however, an organization devoted to helping the women of San Ireneo personally and professionally – at her first meeting, the ladies work to figure out how they can help an engaged woman set up her own business so that she won’t be at her employer’s beck and call once she’s married, and they intend to find Miss Prim a husband, much to her horror.

As she spends time in the village, though, she begins to soften towards the idea of marriage and her friends help her to see that the things she dreaded about marriage are things she has misunderstood. When she brings up the question of the routineness of marriage and asks if it doesn’t get boring, her friend Emma tells her about the wild tulips that grow on the Russian Kalmyk steppe and explains that “Routine is like the steppe; it’s not a monster, it’s nourishment. If you can get something to grow there you can be sure that it will be real and strong.”

Throughout this and many other conversations, Miss Prim comes to see the beauty in the Catholic understanding of the world, but she resists visiting the monastery for a long time. I won’t spoil the ending of the novel, but I have returned to it several times because it’s a refreshing reminder to make my little bit of the world shine with beauty by living according to the truths of our faith.

About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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