Setting the Date for a Catholic Wedding

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

You just got engaged and are eagerly waiting to set the date. 

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If you are struggling or hesitant to finally set the date, consider these tips to help guide your discernment.

Not all dates are equal.

When choosing a date, it’s important to consider what time of year you want to get married during and why. This allows you and your future spouse to consider dates that make sense without it feeling too random and is important especially if you are planning to invite more than just your immediate families. 

Don’t go overboard with considering each one of your guests, but it might help to try and think about what most of your guests might be doing during that time of year.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your fiancé and what works best for you two in your current state of life, so if your date doesn’t work for everyone, that’s okay! Choose a date, not only because you like the date or because it’s a month sooner but because it makes sense for you as a couple and ultimately gives you a lasting sense of peace.

You don’t have to get married on a Saturday.

With the exception of Good Friday and Holy Saturday, the Catholic Church allows couples to get married any day of the week, including Sundays. Just remember to consider the availability of your guests and reach out to your parish to make sure whatever day you are thinking of will work for them. 

For more Catholic wedding planning help, check out the Spoken Bride archives. 


Keep the Liturgical season in mind. 

Consider the Liturgical season in which you’d like to get married as they carry significance for Catholics. 

For instance, the Advent and Lenten seasons are times for reflection and anticipation of the feast that’s to come, so although couples are allowed to get married during this time, it is something to be aware of. 

If you do plan to have your wedding during one of the penitential seasons, despite the more subdued tone, your wedding can still be a joyful celebration similar to how we still observe major feast days during Lent.         

You might also consider getting married during the festive seasons of Christmas or Easter.

You can have a Sunday wedding.

Sunday weddings can be a wonderful option for those couples who still want to get married on the weekend but are trying to save a little money. 

Since Saturdays are currently the most popular day for weddings, you may notice that some vendors have a discounted price for their services on other days of the week, sometimes including Friday and Sunday. This isn’t a hard and fast rule though so be sure to do some research for the venues and other vendors you are considering. 

Another note about having a Nuptial Mass for a Sunday wedding (and on some of the other major feasts in the Church) is that the couple may not be able to choose the readings for the Liturgy of the Word since it doubles as a Sunday Mass or a solemnity. 

Again, check with the Church where you plan to get married because there may be some other restrictions due the priest’s schedule or a conflict with another Church service or event.

Choosing a date can feel overwhelming, and it can be exhausting responding to all those family and friends who ask if you have a date yet. But it’s okay to take your time in deciding. It’s better to have a date that you’ve really thought about and feel at peace with than to rush the process.

So long as you keep your focus on what’s important, asking the Lord for guidance, you can put your trust in the Lord that everything will work out in His timing.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Questions to Ask When Deciding on a Photographer for Your Catholic Wedding

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GRACE BROWN

 

After my husband proposed, we knew we wanted to get married before he moved across the country for six months of military training (and I stayed behind in Texas to finish up college). This set our wedding planning timeline at just under three months! 

Once we solidified our plans for a beautiful ceremony and reception, I realized it was just as important to me that we captured those moments and memories from our wedding day! With only a couple months before the big day, I scoured the internet for everything I needed to consider when hiring a wedding photographer.

For many couples (including myself), selecting the perfect wedding photographer can be mind-boggling. How can you know you have chosen the right professional to document your big day while you’re busy enjoying it? After extensive research into wedding photographers, I was blessed with a fantastic experience, but, unfortunately, I have good friends whose experience was disappointing! But don’t worry!

Whether you have three months or three years to search for your dream wedding photographer, the following questions will help you understand what you most desire in a photographer and, ultimately, to make a confident, informed decision.

What am I looking for out of my wedding photos?

Professional photographers have their art down: beautifully framing and capturing every aspect of your wedding day, and delivering photos that will delight you for years.

Before sifting through specific wedding photographers in your area it’s helpful to clarify your own preferences!

Are you in love with candid giggling photos of bridesmaids or posed pictures all in a row (or a mix of both)? What’s the setting like at your ceremony and reception venues (such as an outdoor reception or indoor formal church ceremony)? What aesthetic do you want from your final pictures--do you prefer light and airy style edits or more dramatic shots?

Save lots of images on Pinterest that capture the style you’re drawn to, and look for common patterns. Identifying what you love helps you find a photo that complements your venue, decor, and wedding style. 

Once you know the look you’re going for, start sifting through wedding photography portfolios online. I highly recommend checking out Spoken Bride’s Catholic Vendor Guide, The Knot, and Facebook to begin your search. 

Does this photographer’s portfolio fit the aesthetic and quality we’re seeking?

A photographer’s online work offers a solid understanding of their best captures, edits, and poses. Do your prospective photographers’ portfolios reflect the work you’re looking for, and do they have experience with weddings, rather than other genres of photography? 

Photographers familiar with Catholic weddings will already know that certain moments can differ from secular weddings. For example, the priest probably won’t say ‘you may now kiss the bride’ after the Rite of Marriage. Instead, the couple’s first kiss might happen at the sharing of the Sign of Peace--it’s alright to have a respectful, inviting conversation with your photographer about their familiarity with Catholic weddings and important moments during the liturgy.

As with any service, it’s wise to hear from wedding photographers’ past clients through online reviews: were they happy with their experience and images? Did the photographer fulfill their services according to his or her contract? 

Once you’ve found several photographers whose work sparks joy and aligns with your preferences, then you can start assessing their work process:

How would my dream photographer deliver the photos?

Photographers are service providers with a variety of offerings. In addition to matters like the cost of a package, the number of hours booked, number of photographers present, and any complimentary sessions (like a bridal or engagement shoot), I encourage you to pay attention to one matter in particular: How, and for what investment, are photos delivered? 

In other words, does your package include just shooting, editing, and digital delivery, or does it include additional fees for purchasing physical prints or albums? For budgeting purposes and to envision the final images you’ll hang in your home or display in an album, it’s helpful to clarify delivery and extra print items up front. 

Should I find a duo or team of photographers?

While a single photographer can absolutely capture the most important moments of your wedding day, depending on the size and location logistics of your wedding, you might want to consider a photography team or a photographer whose package includes a second shooter. 

In order to capture both bridesmaids and groomsmen getting ready at separate locations, as well as the large crowd at our reception, I opted for a vendor who offered two photographers. 

Does this photographer make me feel comfortable?

Taking photos on your wedding day shouldn’t feel like a hassle or super unnatural and neither should finding the best wedding photographer for you! A fantastic photographer makes you genuinely laugh while suggesting poses and keeping you informed about what pictures they’re taking.

You’ll be 100% confident they’re capturing every special moment of your wedding day--and they’ll be enjoying themselves, too! Find a photographer whose personality works well with yours and who is genuinely interested in helping your wedding day run smoothly and peacefully.

I hope these questions offer you clarity in what you want out of your wedding photos, as well as what to discuss before booking your photographer. Godspeed in your wedding planning!

About the Author: Grace Elaine Brown is a Presbyterian to Anglican to Catholic convert who likes musicals, whiskey, writing, and watching the rain. She’s been married for over two years to a country-singin’ United States Marine, Caleb, with whom she is expecting her first baby in July!

Grace is also the creator of the Catholic homemaking blog, Graceful, which shares her journey as a young married lady striving to be Catholic in this not-so-moral world in which we’ve been planted.

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Living Courageously in Your Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

"'Have courage' we often say to one another. Courage is a spiritual virtue. The word courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means "heart." A courageous act is an act coming from the heart." - Henri Nouwen

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Those few sentences, nestled quietly within a reflection I recently found, felt monumental to read. They have entirely upended what I thought I knew about being courageous. They made it obvious to me with such clarity and swiftness that courage has a lot more to do with authenticity and perhaps much less to do with interior resolve than I had previously taken it to. This new consideration of the nature of courage has been both freeing and challenging, especially in what it means for marriage.

Marriage demands a lot of courage.

I would have told you that long before Henri Nouwen's words unveiled what that meant in such a radically new way for me. Before, I mostly understood courage to look a lot like strength. An image of myself ready to brace up against whatever was to come against me, with the resolve to hold my shield at attention for as long as it took to weather it. That was courage.

But here, Henri seemed to be describing exactly the opposite. An image of myself in a posture of much greater risk. Hands open, vulnerable, heart exposed and leading the way. Nothing to hide and no focus on self-protection. That's a much different way of imagining what this spiritual and moral virtue looks like lived out. But I think it's a more honest one. 

Marriage does demand courage, but it's because any good marriage demands really living from the heart.

It is important to be understand our 'heart' in this context as more than just the place of our emotions. Henri speaks of it as the center of who we are at the core of our being. "The center of all thoughts, feelings, passions, and decisions."

For a marriage to be rich in this virtue, what really matters is honesty. There is no place for a lack of authenticity in what is meant to be the most intimate of our relationships. 

If I dare to hope for my marriage to be truly courageous in the way that Henri describes, I need to be willing to bring my whole self to my spouse. I must dare to be fully seen for who I am. 

Practically, I must bring honesty and openness to our conversations. I must work to share my thoughts, feelings, and passions, and work to make decisions together in light of them all. I can't try to self-protect and shield myself to avoid the risk of being misunderstood or feeling rejected by my spouse.

That false image of strength can never serve me here. And it couldn't be further from the kind of humility and trust required in these moments. 

It can be easy to communicate well when our thoughts, feelings, and passions feel aligned with our spouses'. But courage asks for such honesty at all times, even when it's most difficult.

And doing just that is how we gain the very virtue we are longing for. In the language of faith, different kinds of virtues are described and understood in different ways. Moral Virtues, of which courage (sometimes called fortitude) is one, differ from Theological Virtues chiefly in the manner through which they can grow within us. The Moral Virtues are “acquired by education, by deliberate acts and by a perseverance ever-renewed in repeated efforts" and of course, aided by God's grace.”

This means that it is in those sacred and vulnerable places, during all those repeated efforts we make together to live from the heart, that we will grow and the fruit of this virtue will become clear. We will have a greater ability to "conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions." Our acts of authentic courage within marriage can gift us greater confidence in the face of all things. This is certainly what God wants for us.

I used to think that courage looked a lot like being willing to fight - to defend and protect and shield. And I suppose there is some truth in that. But in marriage that work becomes shared, and so it changes shape entirely. The only way to defend and protect the relationship is through honesty and vulnerability with each other.

And so the challenge becomes - will I act from the heart? Will I dare to live my marriage courageously?

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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What's New in Our Community Platform

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Study and podcast recommendations on the women of the Scriptures

  • Ideas for celebrating mini anniversaries and milestones, and how “rituals of connection” strengthen your relationship the more frequently they’re recognized

  • The fun challenge, and symbolism, of making a gallery wall with zero personal photos

  • An incredible lay ministry for married couples to find community and growth with other Catholic couples in their season of life

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • A panel discussion on choosing an NFP method, featuring a Creighton Practitioner, Couple to Couple League Instructor, and a Marquette Method Instructor

  • Expert advice on constructing a family budget, featuring Spoken Bride Business Director Andi Compton

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Freely Making Decisions in the Wedding Planning Process

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Today’s wedding culture has a loud voice. It tells us what to do, what not to do, who to do these things with, who not to do things with, etc.

It can be overwhelming trying to learn about all the to-dos and not-to-dos especially right after you get engaged. Not all of us are wedding planners and just because you are engaged doesn’t mean you have now been bestowed with all the knowledge you need to plan the “wedding of your dreams.” 

Wedding planning takes time and if you don’t want to dive into all the details for yourself, it’s easy to fall into an outsider's vision of your wedding day.

Your wedding day is not only going to be one of the most significant days in your life, but also an extremely personal day. 

Unfortunately, the culture surrounding weddings and the brokenness of our world has turned this immensely personal day into a particular production that ‘requires’ a strict following of the proper ways to do things. 

Sure, people may tell you to do whatever you want, but deep down you might discover that this encouragement is tainted by a disordered understanding of what a wedding should be.

I’m not suggesting that every tradition and standard for a modern wedding is bad and needs to be purified, but rather, I am trying to point out that there is often a disconnect between the couple and their free choice in deciding how to go about making decisions for their wedding. 

Some couples may never realize the motives behind their decisions while wedding planning because the wedding culture is so pervasive. Oftentimes we just do what others tell us and never question why. You can make decisions that reflect who you and your fiancé are, even if you don’t follow every tradition or social norm.

A major key to all this is for you to be honest with yourself. Consider why you want certain elements and people included in your wedding and why you want to incorporate certain traditions. 

Try and have an answer for everything. Sometimes your answer is more of a feeling, and that’s okay, but really thinking about these things might make you realize that there is a real reason behind your feelings. 

So often we make decisions on autopilot (with a ‘it’s just what you do’ mentality), but seriously ask yourself why you want that bachelorette party, if you really want to invite that person or if they made the guest list because you felt bad, etc. This is not to encourage you to fall into an obsessive self-centeredness when making decisions, but rather an invitation to step back and examine your reasoning and motive behind them. 

Making decisions because you want to make them is much more liberating than deciding out of guilt or pressure. 

You may face some decisions that will be made harder knowing that some people will try to change your mind or will make comments that could make you feel unworthy or ignorant. Remember, however, that those opinions and loud voices will die down over time. And if these decisions are made freely with good reason, you will feel so much peace knowing that you welcomed the Lord to guide you.

An important note to add however is to try not to confuse the Lord’s promptings with our feelings. To do this, there needs to be constant prayer and discernment in each decision and to remain always open. 

Doubt is a real thing, so never make a rash decision based on confusion or desperation. This will help you avoid being overly scrupulous.

Wedding planning is no joke, and it can take a toll on you, so give yourself grace and time. Talk things over with your fiancé and people you trust. Bring yourself back to your ultimate purpose and have faith that all the work you both are doing is for a reason. So long as you are open to the direction of the Lord, you can be at peace even if every moment is not peaceful.

Once you can see your wedding day as something greater than a to-do list and you begin to make decisions that reflect you and your fiancé’s personality and values, you will notice the difference.

You will be able to identify the why behind your decisions, freeing you from the weight of comparison and feeling like you have to do everything and do it all the ‘right’ way. 

You can make decisions in a way that reflects who you are without checking all the boxes or including every tradition. 

Know yourself and ask Our Lord for clarity and guidance as you make decisions and for the courage and fortitude to listen to Him so to be able to trust in the process.

Wedding planning requires you to make decision after decision, so ask for these graces early and consistently, and bring yourself back to these petitions so as to keep you in the Lord’s company. If you are open to receiving these graces, the Lord will reveal the truth to you so that you may have the freedom to make decisions with confidence in Him.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Moving Towards Oneness

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

The journey of engagement is truly the final stretch of preparation for being made one with another. 

When so much of our early life is spent individuating and gaining autonomy by virtue of normal human development, there is a beautiful, generous, sacrificial shift that occurs as a matured adult chooses to unite herself with another. How do we understand the magnitude of this? 

I know that in my own season of engagement, I spent a great deal of time pondering this mystery: this impending transition to a state of “oneness” with another sacramentally and practically.

I recall wondering about how such a “one-fleshness” comes about in marriage. It is something so distinctly supernatural,yet, there is such a true convergence of two lives that occurs in an earthly manner as well. 

You merge households and bank accounts; you share a bed, debts, children, and responsibilities. You also unite your pathway to the Heavenly Banquet too at the feast of your own wedding. At the same time, I couldn’t ignore, the quite obvious facets of our separate natures that made this concept hard to gather: he was male and I was very much not; he was Canadian, whereas I was American; he was phlegmatic, while I took choleric to a new level; and the list could go on. In the physical sense, we were quite separate beings.

The visceral aspect of “being one” in the marital act was self-evident to me. Still, full comprehension of the spiritual significance was elusive. That is, until I read the words of St. John the Baptist in a marital lens:

He must increase; I must decrease. 

These words both stuck and challenged me. They illuminated a beautiful truth, not only about the reality of “being made one” in marriage, but a reality that parallels the communion we are called to with the Lord.

In this passage, St. John refers to Christ when he says, “He.” Since Christ is Love Himself, we could replace “He” with “love” here; Love must increase; I must decrease. 

There is a certain truth to letting love consume us so much that our ego, our “I,” diminishes to make way for the work of the Lord. In St. John’s case, he chose to humble himself to the great plan of rescue and restoration that Christ had come to fulfill. Jesus wants to do that in our marriages today. He wants to increase as we decrease. 

Marriage invites us to humble ourselves so that the spirit of division, of separateness, can melt away. Herein lies the greater plan for the union of spouses: that the oneness of a couple, fortified by the grace of the Sacrament, may be made one with God in all things. Not only are they unified with each other, they fulfill the design for marriage bringing about their union with God.

As I’ve continued to journey more and more deeply into this understanding in my own marriage, I have found prayer to be essential. It helps us conform to the godly design for our union in the living marital sacrament.

To encourage us on this path, I want to leave you with three prayers that are transforming my heart (in real time) in the hopes that they might bless you as they have me:

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Entrusting Your Marriage to Our Blessed Mother

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

It is no secret that Our Blessed Mother Mary is an important figure in the Catholic Church.

She is a powerful intercessor, a source of guidance, and our greatest example of sainthood. Countless saints proclaim the goodness of devotion to her, the devil flees from her, and she considers us her dearly beloved children.

You can honor Our Blessed Mother on your wedding day in countless ways, including consecrating your marriage to her.

Marian consecration is an ancient tradition of entrusting oneself completely to Jesus through the maternal care of Mary. We give ourselves fully to Mary so she can help to form us in the image of Christ her Son. Belonging fully to her we can belong more fully to the Lord.

When we consecrate our marriages to Our Blessed Mother we are handing over to her our vocations, our spouses, and ourselves entirely. We are surrendering our bodies, minds, possessions, works and all we are to her protection, guidance, and intercession. 

What better way to safeguard your marriage than to totally entrust it to the care of the Mother of God who loves you and wants your marriage to be happy, holy, and healthy in every way?

In our single lives both my husband, Joshua, and I made our own Marian consecrations. They had lasting impacts on each of us. Through her we experienced healing, joy, and deeper conversion. She was a guiding star for us and we both feel it was her love and attention that ultimately led us to one another.

We knew shortly after getting engaged that we wanted to entrust our marriage entirely to Our Lady on our wedding day. We wanted to honor her as our Mother for all the ways she cared for us and to offer ourselves anew as we entered our vocation; we chose a Marian feast day to get married on and set aside the thirty-three days before our wedding for prayer with Our Blessed Mother.

I found this intentional time walking with Our Lady before marriage to be particularly intimate and eye opening. Just like so many women around me were helping me to prepare the details of my wedding like flowers, decorations, and dresses,  Mary was there too. She was helping to prepare my heart, reminding me what it truly means to be beautiful, to be a bride, to be a daughter of God. 

As the days got closer and last minute adjustments had to be made she was there reminding me that the day of my wedding was not about everything being perfect. Rather, it was about the love Joshua and I have for each other and celebrating that with jubilant thanksgiving regardless of who couldn't make it or the craziness of being a ‘Covid-bride.’

Walking with Mary was a great way of preparing in the final days of engagement. 

We took time on our own to read and pray each day. We would share any reflections we might have had and pray the “Ave Maria Stella” as a couple each evening. 

During our wedding Mass we brought flowers to an image of Our Lady of Guadelupe and knelt to pray our Act of Consecration together. We altered St. Louis Marie de Montfort's consecration prayer slightly using ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘I.’ Because this version of the consecration prayer is long we did the first half on our own the morning of our wedding and the second half together during the Mass itself.

There are lots of styles of Marian consecrations to choose from. We chose the one written in the 1600s by St. Louis de Montfort but there is a simpler version that is very popular called 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitly, a nine day version by St. Maximilian Kolbe, or one which journeys with St. John Paul II. 

Each of these will provide you with readings for reflection and certain prayers to pray each day to help you to prepare yourself to make this great entrustment to Our Blessed Mother. Whatever you choose I would suggest purchasing a physical book or printing out the materials so you can have them on hand throughout the thirty-three days.

Marian consecration is not something you can only do on your wedding day! Any married couple or individual can choose to make a Marian consecration. Our Lady’s arms are always open to welcome us into deeper devotion so she can in turn lead us closer to her Son. If you are interested in learning more about Marian consecration check out the book True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis Marie de Montfort.

I am confident that if you choose to consecrate your marriage to the Mother of God you will be abundantly blessed in ways you never expected. 

May her maternal love guide you to heaven and make you more like her Son. 

Gratefully, Totus Tuus Maria.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Healing + Wholeness: The Fruits of Couseling in Your Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

Six years ago, I was engaged, freshly graduated from college, and had moved back to my hometown - living a state away from my husband-to-be. 

We walked through marriage prep and wedding planning long distance, visiting each other on the weekends and navigating our first jobs all the while. I had begun grad school classes in the evening. Some significant and difficult experiences were happening within my family at the time. 

I felt that in many ways I was living poised for a future that wasn't quite here yet, in a whirlwind of life happening with each step forward towards my wedding day. For all its glory and all its challenges, I can look back on that time now with gratitude and tenderness and see the gift that it was and the growth that happened in its course.

A significant part of that growth came because during that year, I went to counseling for the first time. I can't remember what exactly it was that finally prompted me to Google search Christian counselors near me one night. 

I do remember, in fact, feeling unsure that I had enough that I needed to "work through" to make counseling worth it - I mean, would it be fruitful? Would it be a waste of time and money? Would the counselor laugh in my face because I didn't even really know I was there? I wasn't sure. 

Were you to have asked me at that moment, I would hardly have been able to tell you if I thought I needed any real healing. But I did know there was a lot happening, and that it might be nice to talk it through with someone. So I called, and a few weeks later went for my first counseling session.

It was, in fact, worth every penny and sacrifice of time. 

Far from laughing in my face, the counselor whose client I became was patient and tenderhearted, listening attentively and inviting me to press more deeply into the circumstances of life so I could consider how they were impacting my understanding of myself and others, even God, and how that in turn affected my thoughts and actions in relationships. 

It was a pivotal time for me to begin this exploration, because so much of our experiences in relationships have to do with how we perceive things and where our motivation lies. Uncovering, with the help of this beautiful counselor, some of the wounded areas of my heart helped me to gain perspective so as to not be ruled by them. It gave me real things to bring to Christ in my life of prayer and ask for his healing presence to transform.

She helped me untangle intrusive thoughts that did not serve to prepare me for marriage, or live in a healthy way during that time. She listened with no agenda to help me with wedding planning, give me her take on married life, or critique my decisions. She mostly listened. She offered strategies to help me with anxiety and gave me a clearer language with which to express what was happening for me emotionally. Many a conversation during a weekend visit with my fiancée was spent sharing what I had talked about in counseling. It truly blessed us both.

I share all this to say that if you have found yourself considering counseling even in the slightest way, I truly believe it will never be a waste. I can see clearly from the vantage point of where I stand in marriage now, how my experience in counseling during engagement blessed me not only in the moment but for the years to come. 

Any time you spend on the kind of healing work that often happens in the context of counseling will serve you well, and in turn will serve your beloved – who shares life with you in a most intimate way.


Some of Good Fruit of Counseling that has been invaluable in my Marriage: 

• Time and space to examine my hopes, fears, expectations

• A third/objective party to whom I could bring my experiences to gain perspective, who has no agenda besides supporting me and helping me find healthy ways to live

• Practice in self-expression and unpacking emotions – learning how to share what’s happening internally in an understandable way

• Practice challenging assumptions made about others and becoming curious in the face of my reactions

• Practical tips, solutions, and practices to bring into my lived experience • A richer vocabulary to use when sharing my experiences

• The ability to be much more patient and gentle with myself and others

Read more: Pre-marital Counseling: The Wedding Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Counseling has blessed me in innumerable ways. But those are a few that felt worth sharing because of how meaningfully they’ve integrated into my vocation and helped me in my relationship with my husband. Part of the beauty of counseling is that it is fully ordered towards healing and wholeness, just like our vocation. Marriage, at its best, helps us to heal and find restoration so that we can ultimately be prepared for the eternal relationship of heaven.

I was recently rereading the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jaques Philippe and was struck by some of his words, which I feel capture what I mean to say about the experience of counseling with real clarity and understanding.

"We often live with this illusion. With the impression that all would go better, we would like the things around us to change, that the circumstances would change. But this is often an error. It is not the exterior circumstances that must change; it is above all our hearts that must change. They must be purified of their withdrawal into themselves, of their sadness, of their lack of hope".

Counseling can be a great tool to bring about renewal in our hearts by way of healing in our mind. It can be such a force for good in our lives and our vocations, offering hope and peace.

If you’re looking for a counselor who shares your Catholic faith, consider searching in your area on www.catholictherapists.com/ or check out the Marriage and Family Therapists on Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Meaningful and Budget-Friendly Wedding Gifts for Catholic Couples

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

During my college and newlywed years, I always scanned friends' wedding registries for that perfect gift that seemed both personal and also wouldn't cost me a small fortune. 

Even now I'm in no position to buy someone their longed-for Le Creuset dishware set and I wince when I find everything within my budget has been already purchased.

But I've found both as a recipient and giver of many wedding gifts that some of the best gifts are not listed on the registry at all but come from deeply personal and out-of-the-box thinking:

Handwritten advice

One good friend asked older married couples she knew to write us letters with marriage advice. We read the stack of them on our honeymoon which made for an encouraging and practical start to our marriage.

Book Bouquet

Another friend gifted me Alessandro Manzoni's The Betrothed as part of a bachelorette party gift which has since inspired me with one of my favorite ideas for an off-beat and affordable gift: a book bouquet--that is, a stack of books tied up with ribbon.  

There are several used book websites where lots of great books fall in the under $5 range, and the possibilities are delightfully endless. 

You could do spiritual books like Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married and John Paul II's Love and Responsibility, great literature like Pride and Prejudice and Anna Karenina, collections of love poems, or lighthearted mysteries featuring couples like Agatha Christie's married sleuths, Tommy and Tuppence, or Dorothy Sayers' inimitable duo, Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane. You could also find a beautiful coffee table book related to the bride or groom's interests and pair it with some thrifted favorites.

Check out some other recommended reading for Catholic brides and newly married couples here.

Honey Mead

A wedding gift I often give is a bottle of honey mead. The origin of the term 'honeymoon' comes from the custom of couples drinking honey mead during the first month of their marriage for good luck. But there's a spiritual significance here too as St. Valentine, patron of happy marriages, is also a patron of beekeepers.

A Unique Twist on a Spiritual Bouquet

Lastly, the most appreciated gift we received for our wedding were prayers. A couple of our guests wrote out incredibly thoughtful and detailed spiritual bouquets for us, and I've loved thinking of how many graces were sent with us into our marriage thanks to their prayers. 

A fun idea is to pair a spiritual bouquet with some seed packets. Many flowers or herbs are attached with spiritual legends and meanings, and at the same time, you can help a couple get started on a Mary garden or a windowsill herb garden.

Whatever your situation in life, these suggestions work as stand-alone gifts or pair well with something traditionally off the registry, but in my case, it's been these kinds of thoughtful and creative gifts that have held the dearest place in my heart.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Catholic Symbolism for your Summer Wedding Bouquet

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For centuries, flowers were often used as religious or spiritual symbols particularly in visual art to point the viewer toward eternal truths. 

Including flowers with Christian meaning to your wedding bouquet can be a unique way to invite you, your spouse, and your guests of your loving Creator.

Sunflower

Brightly-colored Sunflowers symbolize adoration because they continuously turn towards the sun as it moves throughout the sky. The rising sun in particular was associated with the Risen Christ and many churches were oriented towards the east, where the sun rises.

In many ways, the sunflower mirrors the disposition of the Blessed Mother as she never ceases to have God as the center of her gaze. 

Iris

Similar to the Lily, the iris is often used as a symbol of the Blessed Virgin Mary. 

Irises, particularly the “sword lily” (called such because of the shape of its leaves), was used by early Flemish artists to reference the seven swords that pierced the heart of Mary. Later, Spanish painters also adopted the iris as a symbol of the Queen of Heaven and the Immaculate Conception.

Iris also takes its name from the Greek word for rainbow, a sign of God’s faithfulness in the Old Testament. 

Related: 4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet


Pansy

Pansies would make a unique addition to your bridal bouquet and come in a large variety of colors to fit with your color scheme. Because of its petals’ typical tri-coloring, the Pansy has also been called the "Trinity Flower” and was considered the symbol of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

This meaning also holds special significance for a newly married couple as their love is meant to mirror that life-giving love of the Trinity. 

Cornflower

The Christian symbolism of the vibrantly blue or purple Cornflower seemed to come from a sort of baptism of a Greek myth. 

In the story, Achilles was wounded with an arrow poisoned with Hydra venom, and his wound was healed by applying cornflower plants. In Greek mythology the Hydra was usually depicted as a huge poisonous water snake. 

Among Christians, snakes were (and still are) associated with the devil so the remedy, cornflower, became a symbol of the one who crushed the head of the Serpent––the Queen of Heaven.

What's New in the Spoken Bride Community

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Sexual intimacy within marriage, and the finer points of what chastity looks like for spouses

  • The nature of being a helpmate and, as women, the tension of desiring self-sufficiency while recognizing the importance of asking our men for help

  • How to spend a date night writing your own personal marriage prayer

  • Special occasion makeup that befits your internal state and reflects your feminine genius, and how to honor one another’s preferences when your beloved enjoys a less made-up look

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • An overview of premarital and marital counseling topics, hosted by Maribel Laguna, Licensed Premarital & Marital Counselor, of In His Image Counseling Center

  • A panel discussion on choosing an NFP method, featuring a Creighton Practitioner, Couple to Couple League Instructor, and a Marquette Method Instructor

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Marian Honeymoon Destinations

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Are you planning your dream honeymoon or perhaps a getaway with your spouse after a crazy year?

As a newlywed couple, travel can give you some much needed quality time after the busy season of wedding planning, and as Catholics it can also be a spiritually edifying and faith-filled experience.

PHOTOGRAPHY: PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS

PHOTOGRAPHY: PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS

Looking to incorporate your love of the Blessed Mother into your travel plans? Check out these five Marian honeymoon destinations.

Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche 

Devotion to Our Lady of La Leche (or Our Lady of the Milk)  goes back to a 4th Century Grotto near Bethlehem which you can still visit today. It is said that the Blessed Mother stopped here to nurse the baby Jesus during the flight into Egypt. Many visitors to the Milk Grotto ask Mary for help conceiving a child. 

However, if you are looking to stay stateside and maybe spend some time at the beach, you can visit a beautiful shrine in St. Augustine, Florida dedicated to Our Lady of La Leche. This shrine is found at the Mission of Nombre de Dios which also has shrines dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe (Patroness of the Americas) and Our Lady of Perpetual Help.

Basilica of the Annunciation

If you are planning a trip to the Holy Land to see the Milk Grotto, be sure to also check out the Basilica of the Annunciation. Tradition holds that this site in Nazeraeth is where the Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary announcing that she would become the mother of God. 

Just a short walk away is the Church of St. Joseph, which is believed to be the site of St. Joseph’s workshop. So you can walk with your new spouse where the Holiest of families lived and walked. Ask for their grace to follow their footsteps throughout your married life. 

Shrine of the Miraculous Medal

In 1830, the Blessed Mother appeared to a French nun St. Catherine Labouré and told her to have the Miraculous Medal made. There are actually two major shrines dedicated to the Miraculous Medal for you to consider in your travel plans––the original convent in Paris, France where Mary first appeared and a chapel in Philadelphia. These two cities offer many unique experiences for travelers and would make excellent honeymoon destinations for city-lovers. 

Knock Shrine

If you and your soon-to-be spouse want to explore the Emerald Isle for your honeymoon, you should visit Ireland’s National Marian Shrine at Knock. 

The Knock Shrine is the site of an Apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary in 1879. Eyewitnesses say they saw the Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and St. John the Evangelist. Along with them appeared a Lamb standing before a cross on an altar surrounded by angels.The grounds of the shrine feature five churches, beautiful gardens, and a museum. 

County Mayo, where the shrine is located, is full of natural beauty and outdoor activities, and would make a unique honeymoon destination. 

Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe

The Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City houses the miraculous image of the Blessed Mother on St. Juan Diego’s tilma. It welcomes over twenty million faithful every year, making it the second most visited church in the world, after St. Peter’s in Vatican City.  So whether you want to head to a relaxing beach resort or explore more of what Mexico has to offer, you’ll want to make sure to check out this must-see Marian site. 

Gift Ideas for Catholic Bridesmaids

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The custom of giving gifts to your bridesmaids has grown more common in recent years, due in part to it becoming less common for couples to cover the expenses of the bridal party. 

While these gifts are certainly not necessary, it is a thoughtful way to express your gratitude for these women, their friendship, and their presence as you enter the vocation of marriage. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

Looking for gift ideas for a Catholic bridesmaid? Consider these unique suggestions: 

Religious wedding day jewelry 

A common gift for bridesmaids today is jewelry. Whether you want your bridesmaids’ accessories to match or you want to pick something unique for each person, jewelry is a great option to help your ladies look and feel beautiful on your wedding day.

Put a Catholic spin on this traditional gift idea by choosing religious-themed jewelry pieces like a rosary Bracelet, a saint medal necklace, or a miraculous medal ring.   

Shawls

Shawls over a gown creates an elegant look for bridesmaids, especially in the colder months. This gift can also serve a functional purpose if the church has a dress code for weddings (ie. shoulders must be covered). 

Shawls can also double as scarves post-wedding so your bridesmaids can use them again and again. 

Blessed candle

Some brides like to give something that their bridesmaids can relax with and enjoy back home like scented candles. Have your priest bless cute and/or fragrant candles so they can also be lit during moments of prayerful silence.

Related: Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

Religious-Made Goods

Many monasteries and convents around the world specialize in hand making items like coffee, cheese, jam, wine, soaps, and more. 

You can put a few religious-made goods in a small gift basket for them to enjoy during wedding weekend and beyond. You can also pair these items with products made by Catholic small businesses like mugs, tumblers, stickers, or candles for a religious-themed gift that builds up the whole Church. 

Handwritten letter 

If you have a particularly tight budget but still want to express your gratitude to your gals, a handwritten letter or thank you note is a meaningful gift that doesn’t cost a dime!

Taking the time to express your love and appreciation in writing is a special way to affirm your dearest friends and practice hospitality during your wedding. Make this gift even more spiritually edifying by tucking a prayer card into the envelope along with your letter.

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for your bridal party.

Don't Take Your Spouse for Granted | Practical Tips for a Healthy Marriage

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

A couple years ago I was talking with a woman who had a beautiful marriage and had raised a large brood of wonderful children. And I was like, "Okay, tell me the secret formula. Tell me the tips. Tell me the list of marriage and parenting books for success."

And she just laughed and said the fact I desired to have a good marriage and raise good children was a sign I was going in the right direction. I think my interior response was something like, "No really, I know you've got a ten-step program to holy married life tucked up your sleeve. Spill the beans, lady."

But she did say something that both surprised and helped me: never consider yourselves past the possibility of divorce. In other words, never take your marriage for granted. When stated in the latter terms, it sounds like clichéd marriage advice. When stated in the former terms, it's startling and perhaps affronts our Catholic sensibilities. After all, for devout couples who entered their marriages seriously, fully assenting to its character as an inviolable sacrament, the possibility of divorce seems absurdly far-fetched.

But around this same time, I heard another friend, who had been married a few years longer than us, say that she knew couples, faithful Catholic couples whose weddings she had been a bridesmaid in, who were now getting divorced. And that also startled me.

This is not to say that divorce is never the answer. The church, in her wisdom, allows it in such cases as abuse out of respect for the dignity of the victim. But in otherwise healthy marriages, it can be easy, I think, to consider your marriage too holy to be impervious to the wear and tear of sin and then to find you've slipped into a vipers' nest of presumption and resentment.

So how can we, practically speaking, not take our marriages for granted?

Pray together. 

Not as a vague resolution but as a scheduled thing. The morning office or even just a morning offering. A daily or weekly examen. Spending ten or fifteen minutes reading Scripture or another spiritual work together and discussing. Any one of these can be a fruitful way of knowing what's on your spouse's heart.

Pray for each other. 

When I remember, I like to say the noon Angelus for my husband because it's right at the height of the workday and I especially like novenas because they can be like tiny pilgrimages you undertake for someone. There are also many days when I say very short prayers and make small sacrifices for my husband's sake. As a result, I feel more closely united to him and am far more likely to have a tender-hearted response over the irksome things that are simply part of doing life with another person.

Read more: Creative Ways to Pray for your Spouse

Be attentive to their needs

Ask your spouse, "How can I help you today?" When my husband asks me this, I often find it's the question itself and not even the act of service that lightens my emotional load, because it shows the interest he takes in me and my daily life.

Avoid shaming. 

Shame is such an immobilizing force. When do we ever elicit kindness from someone when we heap blame on their head? When do we ever feel light enough to pick ourselves up and do good when we're mired in the heaviness of shame. A sense of humor and a sense of reality--we're all human, we all fail--fosters the peace and openness needed in marriage.

Seek counsel.

Go to marriage counseling or to spiritual direction. I know of a couple, whose marriage is ostensibly not in crisis mode, yet who go to regular counseling as "marriage insurance." Brilliant.

In my pre-married life, I imagined marriage as a kind of promised land of easy peace and fulfillment. But marriage is an invitation to a continual process of conversion which, while hard, is also infinitely more beautiful than a life free of demands. If we cooperate with God, we will be changed and stripped of our idols, thus becoming Christ-bearers to those within and beyond the walls of our homes.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Reconnecting the Spiritual & Physical Realities of Sexual Intimacy

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

You might already be familiar with the idea that the Catholic Church, in her wisdom and goodness, doesn’t see sex as a necessary evil or something to be scoffed at, but rather to be celebrated and enjoyed by married couples. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ALEX KRALL PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: ALEX KRALL PHOTOGRAPHY

This might sound absurd or even shocking to you, as it did for me when I first learned about it. I discovered this reality through the readings of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and Theology of the Body and thanks to the excellent witness of incredible Catholic couples and speakers.

“Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. Marriage bonds between baptized persons are sanctified by the sacrament.”

Not only does the Catechism of the Catholic Church talk about the commitment expressed through sexual intimacy, but that sex is created by God in His goodness as a source of joy and pleasure.

We don’t realize just how beautiful sex is in marriage because of how we have responded as a society to erotisicm and purity culture. We tend to take extremes, by responding in ways that don’t allow us to live out the fullness and goodness of sexual intimacy within marriage by a man and a woman.

The reality of renewing our wedding vows as married couples through sex is such a gift! And, it shifts the way in which we are challenged to think about sex with our spouse, family planning, and how our love is ordered. Do we respect the person in front of us? Are we choosing to love them or to lust after them? Do we see this person as subject or object?

John Paul II in his September 8, 1982 General Audience he said: “Marriage is the “most ancient revelation (manifestation) of the plan [of God] in the created world, with the definitive revelation and manifestation – the revelation that “Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her,” conferring on his redemptive love a spousal character and meaning.” 

God in His goodness shares His love for us and the beautiful love story of creation through the married couple’s sexual intimacy.

It’s time for us to start reconnecting our understanding of sex to the theological realities of our Catholic faith - understanding that reestablishing this understanding doesn’t mean that sex is purely theological. Rather, it is a dance of both the physical and spiritual realities together, constantly calling us into deeper love and understanding of the nuptial banquet.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

Trusting God with your Family Planning When Physical Intimacy is a Challenge

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MARISOL B.

 

Going through marriage preparation, we were required to attend an NFP class. Both of us already had great awareness around the formative and scientific aspects of Natural Family Planning, as well as the bioethics involved. We made a plan for how we envisioned our first year of marriage, and we initially agreed that while open to life, we would wait about a year before planning to grow our future family from a duo to a trio.

However, one day, my fiancé shared that during one of his weekly Encounters (a meeting where a group of men share a Gospel reflection and review life cases in light of our current culture, virtues and vices and Gospel passages – followed by spiritual and apostolic action), he felt called to pray for a honeymoon baby.

After this conversation, we decided to plan our family around that little prayer and continued to prepare for the Sacrament.

Fast-forward to our trip together after the wedding day and we discovered a major plot twist. As we found ourselves unable to physically consummate our marriage during our time away, we went back to our new home a little bit deflated and in search for answers.

After multiple OBGYN visits and a couple of failed procedures, I was finally given a diagnosis and I began a journey into recovery. 

I struggle with involuntary floor muscle spasms and I have found throughout the years that there is increased awareness around the topic and about the many women who suffer from inability to achieve penetration or experience painful intercourse.

It may feel like a lonely road at first; however, there are more widely available resources and tools to help with multiple pelvic floor conditions (either primary or secondary cases); including Physical Therapy, dilation practice, etc.

Related: Turning to the Eucharist When Physical Intimacy is Complicated

While NFP has not been utilized by us to avoid pregnancy during the thirteen years of our marriage (because of our inability to have intercourse in the first place), I have found the practice to be very helpful and a wealth of knowledge about my own body and the ways in which I can achieve healthy periods, ovulation and sustained energy throughout the years.

I have been able to notice changes in my body which I can easily modify with diet and lifestyle practices which support healthy female function. And we await the moment in which I make good enough progress in my journey to achieve consummation and hopefully pregnancy.

Read more: Benefits of Charting Beyond the Bedroom

Last year, during the pandemic, we unexpectedly received an invitation to host the image of Our Lady Undoer of Knots and each of the people that had prayed in front of this beautiful image before us, had added a prayer intention written on a piece of white ribbon.

After the novena was finished, we thought about what we would write as a prayer petition on our little white strand and the request was made for a ‘honeymoon baby’ which only God knows how, when and whether to grant. 

It is never too late to fulfill a resolution made back in 2007. After all, during the wedding at Cana the Choice Wine, produced by the miraculous hand of Jesus was served towards the later part of the celebration.

We faithfully await the moment when two may become one, and by God’s grace, a family of three or more.

About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment, building a life of purpose and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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Why We Should Stop Saying “Marriage is Hard”

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MARY DUFRESNE

 

As my fiancé and I near the end of our preparation for marriage, one thing that keeps ringing in my head is the often repeated phrase: “Marriage is hard.”

On too many occasions, this was the opening or closing statement from  married couples when we shared that we are engaged (or even when we were just dating).

I recognize that the intention might be good in telling this to a couple preparing for marriage, but why is it so often repeated? We do not often hear someone tell a seminarian or a woman about to enter the consecrated life “Oh wow, well just remember being a religious is hard.”

I have found the phrase to be, more often than not, a source of discouragement for young couples  rather than good counsel.

I do not suppose that any vocation is easy. Perhaps we repeat it for marriage because we worry the couple might have had too sweet a time in their period of dating or engagement.

However, I think most of us are actually very aware of the challenges that marriage and parenting will present. Society speaks many volumes to this point.

Engaged women (myself included) already occasionally experience  fear of tragedy or not having what it takes for marriage and motherhood. Constantly hearing the phrase “marriage is hard” can often draw out these fears and doubts even more.

I think we need to repeat more phrases that speak to the divine truths of this vocation like: “There are great graces to be received in the sacrament of marriage,” or “You have greater opportunities to encounter the glory of God in suffering beyond what you did before because for once—you will not be facing it alone.”

“Marriage is hard” relays that the engaged person has never encountered suffering in their life or that it is all too minuscule to count as  real suffering. Truly, there will be different kinds of suffering in marriage and parenting but  there will also be new and abundant graces through the sacrament.

Every vocation comes with its own particular sufferings and requires varying sacrifices. Suffering and joy go hand in hand while pursuing sanctity. Let us be courageous in our calling and ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen our “yes.”

When we see engaged couples, may we shout with joy and urge them to continue to seek the Lord’s will with zeal. May we speak of the joy, hope, and graces that are promised in the sacrament of matrimony.

Seeking holiness is hard. Pursuing the will of the Lord is hard. But that is the joy of it—that we cannot take any credit for the graces we are given to step into such a call. Our weaknesses might be highlighted at times, but those are the moments in which the Lord’s glory is revealed.

The Lord has prepared you for this and is continually preparing you. Have courage and know that there are graces given to you here—in this season and the next.

About the Author: Mary Dufresne completed her B.A. and M.A. in Theology at Ave Maria University and writes for Litany NYC, a Catholic ethical clothing line. Mary is looking forward to marrying her beloved this May!

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Uniquely Catholic Gifts for Parents of the Bride + Groom

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After years of love and support (especially, during the challenges of engagement and wedding planning) many Brides and Grooms want to find a unique way to thank their parents. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: DU CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: DU CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY

While not a necessity, giving a gift to your parents is a thoughtful and intentional way to offer your thanks and appreciation, as well as a sentimental reminder of this new and profound season in your relationship with your parents.

If you want to show your thanks in this way, check out these uniquely Catholic gift ideas for parents of the bride and groom.

Mass card

Having a mass offered in thanksgiving for your parents or soon-to-be in-laws is one of the best gifts you can give as a Catholic. 

Check with your parish about having a mass said for your parents on a significant day like their anniversary or birthdays. You can also consider having them perpetually enrolled at a meaningful shrine, so that their intentions will be remembered daily. 

Embroidered handkerchief 

Handkerchiefs are a subtle and practical wedding day accessory for both mothers and fathers, that you can make more unique by having it embroidered, which is why it has become a common gift for parents of the bride and groom.

You can put a Catholic spin on this idea by having their favorite saint quote or scripture verse embroidered on the fabric. 

Framed art

Leave a beautiful legacy in the space that was once your shared home by giving your parents framed pictures or artwork. 

You could put a photo from your wedding day side by side with a photo of your parents on their wedding day. Or you could also commission a custom portrait of the church in which your parents were married. You could even frame a quote print or two. 

Add a little note to the back of the frame to make it extra special.

Saint Icon

Similar to the framed artwork, Sacred Icons add beauty to a home and can elevate your parent’s prayer space. 

Choose an icon of their patron saints, or of holy parents like the Holy Family, Saints Anne and Joicham, or Saints Louis and Zelie Martin. Maybe you can explain why you choose that particular icon in a little card or print out/write a prayer for parents to go along with it. 

Blessed custom (or handmade) rosary

Custom rosaries are a go-to gift for many Catholics, and with good reason! Catholics, especially those with a devotion to Our Lady, love having rosary beads with a story behind them.

Buy or make rosaries using your wedding color palette, or the birthstone colors of their children’s birthdays, their anniversary, or another meaningful date. 

Have the rosary blessed by the priest celebrating your wedding for a unique keepsake of their child’s special day.

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for the Parents of the Bride and Groom.

Experiencing the Paschal Mystery in Marriage | A Holy Week Roundup

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After forty days of Lent, we now find ourselves in the midst of Holy Week, readying ourselves for the solemn remembrance of the Passion and Death of Christ before His triumphant Resurrection. 

As we approach the Easter Vigil, the greatest liturgical celebration in the Church, we at Spoken Bride want to help you cling tightly to the cross in your marriage and fully embrace the joy of the Resurrected Christ. 

Here are our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living as a couple, Holy Week reflections, and tips for living in the joy of the Resurrection.