The Advent of Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

This new liturgical season brings me back to my engagement. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON

In fact, I often described that season of my life as a “little Advent,” as it was marked with the same feelings of joyful expectancy and intense longing. 

Both seasons provide us with a chance to prepare our hearts, not only for a particular day, but also for the new life to come. 

However, far too often amidst the hustle and bustle of both seasons the joyful feelings wane and the seemingly never-ending to-do list takes its place.

It’s easy to forget that we are preparing for something much bigger than ourselves. 

I found myself wishing away that season of my life. 

Honestly, once we completed our marriage preparation, it was hard not to want to grab the nearest priest and get the whole thing over with right then and there. 

I couldn’t wait to get to the day after the wedding, where we could start enjoying our new life as husband and wife. 

However, the joy of Christmas cannot truly exist without the anticipation of Advent. 

The longing helps us fully taste the sweetness of the gift that will be given. 

Engagement changes the relationship between a man and a woman. Their relationship is deeper than their season of dating, but they have not yet experienced the consummation of it found within the sacrament of marriage. 

The desire for oneness with your soon-to-be spouse is at its height. The longing for a life spent growing in love with your future husband intensifies. 

The anticipation helps remind us of what we have to look forward to. And when you finally reach the day where you enter into that holy covenant, your longing turns into a profound rejoicing. 

The ache for marriage during the season of engagement mirrors our souls’ ache for unity with God. It can be uncomfortable, even painful at times. 

But more than anything, it is good. 

If you allow it, that desire can be the purifying fire that refines our hearts to more fully receive, not only our husbands, but Christ Himself. 

Embrace the longing; don’t run hide from it. Enter into it with a prayerful heart willing to be transformed.

Let yourself experience the joy in the waiting, so you can more completely enter into the joy that awaits you.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

What do your Sundays currently look like? Do they align with how you’d like them to look?

Personally, I love coming home from morning Mass to have lunch with my family and read a book during my kids’ nap times, yet I admit I frequently spend the rest of the day cramming in meal prep, chores, and errands in an attempt to feel “ready” for the week ahead. In a culture of busyness and distraction, I suspect I’m not the only one.

Photography: Laurentina Photography

What does “ready” really mean, though? True, my Sunday habits help me feel materially and practically prepared, but too often I experience the creeping awareness that my spiritual and emotional readiness just hasn’t been satisfied. Lots of doing; not enough being. I crave carefree timelessness, but struggle to use my time well.

What do you and your beloved do for fun? Get ideas from the hobbies the editors share with their spouses.

I love the idea of a true Sabbath; a day to embrace the practices that help me, my husband, and our kids simply enjoy being present with one another in the activities that renew us and bring us joy. Here, for any others like me who desire a restorative Sunday routine, four questions to guide you in planning and entering into a fulfilling day of rest with those you love. 

What do we value?

Consider you and your beloved’s temperaments: what relationships, activities, and habits are most particularly important to you? For some couples, the answer might be social time with friends and family and for others, time alone for a date or a few relaxing hours at home. For some, it might be time away from screens, and for others, it might be catching up on movies or a show. For some, exercise is leisurely; for others, Sunday can be a break from the workout grind.

Examine and discuss what each of you values, and build those values into your Sabbath accordingly.

How can we distinguish our Sunday routines from the rest of the week?

Brainstorm and discuss ways you and your beloved can make each Sabbath feel distinctive from your typical weekly routines. This could take the form of morning or nighttime habits that encourage quality time and unhurriedness, like sleeping in and reading in bed, going for a walk, sharing reflections on the Mass readings for the day, or cooking a leisurely breakfast or dinner together. 

If you have children, consider simple, memorable rituals they can be involved with--for young kids, practices as seemingly ordinary as attending the donut Sunday after Mass, taking a family walk, or creating a short, Sunday-only prayer routine can become indelible memories! In my family, we like coming home from church to make eggs and toast and try to go on a low-key Sunday outing to nearby playgrounds or biking trails.

Playfulness enriches your marriage. Read more on cultivating a childlike spirit of joy.

What makes us feel most refreshed?

So many of us wish we had more time for hobbies or have a bucket list of activities we’d love to try “someday.” If you’re like me, perhaps you’ve ignored these lists in favor of scrolling through your phone, only to look up from the screen feeling restless and dull.

I encourage you--along with myself--to take the Sabbath as an invitation to engage in the activities that leave you feeling most alive and refreshed: time outdoors, reading, playing an instrument, or otherwise. Identify with your fiancé or spouse the activities you both love and can take part in together.

What weekend responsibilities can we reserve for Saturday instead of Sunday?

The imminent work week can make Sunday feel like an ideal time to get things done around the house and check off your to-do list, yet in my experience, I so often feel rushed trying to accomplish everything before Monday morning.

Instead, consider the time to breathe you afford yourself when you reserve cleaning, shopping, and organizing for Saturdays instead of Sundays. By doing the bulk of these tasks earlier in the weekend, you provide yourself with a cushion of extra time to get things done, as well as a needed break before your weekly routine begins again. 

So before the weekend starts, talk with your beloved about the responsibilities each of you hopes to accomplish, and plan how you can share and complete them as early on as you can.

What about you? If any of you have similar hopes for creating a true Sabbath, I’d love to hear the practices that have helped you do so and to learn about the weekend activities that bring you fully alive. Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Integrity Makes Us Whole: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

STEPHANIE CALIS

In my experiences working with brides and engaged couples, I’ve talked to many women who excitedly describe their wedding plans to me, often followed by a qualifier something like, “but of course, the sacrament is the most important part.” 

It’s true! Entering into marriage, speaking your wedding vows with soul and body, is transformative. An outpouring of grace. 

Photography: Fiat Photography

And yet, why do couples sometimes feel guilt when they dream of a visually beautiful wedding day? Is it that they hope beauty won’t be a distraction from the greater, divine reality taking place, or that downplaying the material elements is somehow more virtuous?

If you’ve ever felt this way, I commend your spirit of humility and moderation. I also invite you to reconsider the purpose of beauty. 

Any desire you have for a beautiful wedding--the church, the music, the gown, the flowers, the meal, and more--isn’t at odds with the sacrament. In fact, I’d argue sensory beauty enriches the beauty of the sacrament. God himself is all truth, goodness and beauty.

Therefore, held in proper perspective, any wedding elements that evoke the true, good and beautiful are an opportunity--an invitation--to know the heart of God more deeply. These desires are a good thing!

I call this an “appeal to the heart.” Beauty stirs something within us; an ache for meaning and for the infinite. We are made for eternal life, and so these longings draw us into our identity and purpose. 

Truth, goodness, and beauty are relational. A bridge. Wherever you are in your spiritual life, whether or not all your wedding guests are Catholic, beauty speaks a language we can all understand. It brings together the intangible with the real, integrating them into something more powerful than either could be on its own and making us more wholly human.

Integration and integrity are so closely linked. When our priorities are rightly ordered, there is peace, and less disconnect between our interior lives and the exterior we present to the world.

I see this sense of order extend beyond wedding planning and into the dynamics of relationships and marriage: love itself is a school of integrity.

When we act out of love, rather than seeking to gain, we’re free to express love in a way befitting our current state (whether engagement or marriage). In living out authentic love as best as we’re able--that is, a love that gives freely, faithfully, totally, and fruitfully--our words and bodies communicate respect, reverence, and an encounter beyond just the physical. A true sense of integrity.

When the body, soul, and mind are ordered toward freedom and self-gift, authentic love becomes far more than guidance or rules; rules become unnecessary, because we’re already living out our personhood as we’re meant to.

Have you experienced these tensions--that is, a desire to prioritize the sacramental nature of your wedding day while still conveying visual and sensory beauty? A hope to lessen any division between the inner and outer parts of who you are?

That tension is our humanity; the gift and weight of living in this world while anticipating the next. I hope beauty stirs and moves you, that your wedding day and marriage make God’s goodness visible, and that the pursuit of integrity bears abundant fruits in your vocation.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Emotions and Will in a Season of Waiting

STEPHANIE FRIES

Seasons of waiting and preparation are inherent to the Catholic liturgical calendar. Both Lent and Advent are significant and intentional times to ready our minds and hearts for a new encounter with Christ--through both his birth and his death and resurrection. 

Similarly, seasons of waiting and preparation are embedded into our personal lives, especially in times leading up to significant encounters of relationship. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: EVAN KRISTIANSEN PHOTOGRAPHY

Engagement is a space prior to a wedding. Pregnancy is a space prior to the birth of a child. The passage of time can often be a trigger for the rise and fall of emotions. How we manage, process and project those emotions is part of our personal journey toward holiness. 

In the Gospel of Matthew, we are instructed to “be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” In our earthly pursuit of sanctification, we can learn from the perfect human hearts of Jesus and Mary. 

Fully human yet divine in nature, we see that both Jesus and Mary, in their separate experiences of approaching death and childbirth, respectively, were affected by feelings of impatience, fear, or anticipation. 

In the sorrowful mystery of Jesus’ agony in the garden, we read Jesus experienced feelings of sorrow and distress in the final stages of his preparation. Keep in mind how, in many ways, his entire public ministry was all a part of the journey towards his new reality in heaven. The agony in the garden is not his solitary experience of anticipation, but a final culmination of waiting before the new journey to the cross begins. 

Despite his soul being filled with sorrow, he approached God in prayer three times, praying, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!”

He feels the breadth and depth of sorrow, a deep emotional experience, and he admits the ache of his heart! Yet in the same sentence, he unites his own will to God’s will. He surrenders his sorrow to trust in God. 

We hear an echo of this surrender in Mary’s experience 33 years prior when she prepares to conceive, deliver, and raise Jesus as her own son. In the joyful mystery of the angel Gabriel’s Annunciation unto Mary, she responds with a question, a doubt: “How can this be?”  

The dialogue continues between the angel and Mary until she united the questions of her heart to God’s will and says, “May it be done to me according to your word.” Her pregnancy continued through additional experiences as she journeyed--emotionally and physically--to the birth of Jesus. 

In these stories, we read of two human beings who engaged in seasons of waiting with strong emotions, yet perfectly offered their will to God’s desire.  

The Liturgical seasons of the church are intentional times to help us reflect on the posture of our hearts as we approach the ever-new realities of our faith. Even more, the seasons of waiting embedded in our vocations as wives and mothers are real-life opportunities to turn reflections into practice.

As it was with the agony in the garden, the Annunciation or engagement and pregnancy, certain opportunities may be once-in-a-lifetime. This Advent, create a space in your heart for the season of waiting to implant itself deep into your heart so when the opportunity comes, you too can surrender your sorrow, fear, anxiety or doubt to the will of God the Father with hopeful trust.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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The Heart of Marriage: A Husband's Perspective

SAM GUZMAN

The following thoughts on marriage, by Sam Guzman of The Catholic Gentleman, is from the coffee table book Spirit and Life: The Holy Sacraments of the Catholic Church, published by Sophia Institute Press and available here. As the Advent and Christmas seasons draw near, consider this volume for the men in your life!

Spirit and Life contains reflections on the beauty of each sacrament by top authors today are featured throughout the book along with Sacred Scripture, high-end original photography and words of the Church Fathers.

Excerpt used with permission.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ST. MICHAEL CATHOLIC CHURCH CHICAGO, IL

The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses. The answer is clearly articulated by the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

“The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.” 

Marriage, then, is no mystery but is well defined. And I might well continue to unpack this definition, exploring what marriage is and isn’t by citing Church Fathers, Church documents, philosophers, and theologians.

But this would be talking about marriage from the outside, and it would be a mistake. I want to speak of marriage from the inside. That is, I want to speak from the heart, not about what marriage is, but what marriage means.

For marriage is not merely a solemnly defined article in a catechism; it is not an abstraction or an idea for academics to toy with. Like all sacraments, it is a lived experienced, a concrete reality. And it is of this reality that I want to speak.

When I was younger, and indeed more immature, I viewed marriage as the fulfillment of my longings. It was the answer, I believed, to my hunger for intimacy, to my desire for affirmation, and yes, even to my sexual urges. If only I could find a wife, I imagined, I would be content.

Eventually, I did find a beautiful woman whom I loved, and who, wonder of wonders, loved me in return. We quickly became engaged and began preparing for marriage. I eagerly pored over marriage books and articles and listened to countless talks about how to be a good husband. In my naivete, I was quite convinced that I knew exactly what marriage was about, and I would no doubt be a wonderful and enviable husband.

I understood marriage from the outside, and not from the inside.

But then I got married. No sooner had I done so than I came face-to-face with the ugliness of my own immaturity, my own selfishness, my own pride. It was jarring and unpleasant, to say the least. Wasn’t I better than this? Didn’t I know more about marriage than most young husbands? How can I hurt so often the woman I love? What is wrong with me?

These questions and more plagued the early days of our marriage, for I felt like a complete failure as a husband within a very short time. Despite my real love for my wife, I endlessly chose my needs and desires over hers, and I could not understand why.

What I did not realize then, and do realize now, is that marriage is not about self-fulfillment. It is certainly not about satisfying sexual cravings or about mere emotional affirmation. It is a school of love. And as a school of love, it is a duel to the death with our disordered passions and lusts. It is a daily dying to our sinful selves. It is a moment-by-moment choosing of the way of the cross, which is the way of sacrifice.

Marriage, rightly lived, will indeed bring you more joy than you can possibly imagine. But you cannot find this joy by seeking it directly. This will only lead to disillusionment. “Whoever would save his life will lose it,” our Lord tells us, “and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Life can be found only through surrendering it. So too with the joy of marriage—it can be found only through self-forgetfulness and self-gift.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SHARAYAH AND BENCE FONYAD

My wife and I have been married for eight years, and although I know it is almost a cliché to say it, I love her more now than I did when we got married. Through our years of marriage, I have learned much about authentic love and sacrifice (though I still have much to learn). And yet I have also realized that no matter how much I give to my wife, she has given me far more.

It is not enough to know that God loves us in an abstract sense. We must experience His unconditional love and mercy in a concrete way, and we most often do so through other people.

My experience of God’s love has come most profoundly through my wife.

I brought many insecurities and self-doubts into our marriage. I feared fully revealing myself to anyone, lest I be despised and rejected, and as a result, I had erected many defenses to guard myself from emotional vulnerability. Some of these defenses were harmless, while others led me to wound the woman I loved.

But despite my frequent foolishness, my insecurities began to heal one by one through my wife’s relentless love. Through her forgiveness and unconditional acceptance, I received a rare and precious gift—the gift of being fully loved as myself. My defenses began to drop; my heart began to heal. I learned the meaning of true intimacy and the joy that it can bring. And I am still learning it.

Marriage is a sacrament, a channel of grace, a way to know and experience the love of God. St. Paul tells us that it is a great mystery that illustrates the relationship between Christ and His Church. Reflecting upon these truths, I see that there is one defining attribute that characterizes this mystical marriage between the Lord and His people more than any other: mercy.

Why did the Eternal Word, the brightness of the Father, humble Himself, take on flesh, and descend into Mary’s womb? To save us from our sins. Why did the Lord of all creation allow Himself to be beaten, mocked, and nailed to a cross? To forgive us, to reconcile us, to demonstrate His unfathomable love for us. “One will hardly die for a righteous man,” St. Paul says in breathless astonishment. “But . . . while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” 

Mercy is at the heart of our redemption. And it is at the heart of marriage.

Giving and receiving it. Being healed by it. I am firmly convinced that we come closest to the heart of marriage when we forgive—when we see each other exactly as we are, sins and all, and lay down our lives for one another anyway.

I began this article speaking about sacrifice and self-gift. In our self-indulgent age, these are dirty words. We associate them with pain, discomfort, even misery. Yet, for one who has experienced mercy, sacrifice is no burden. It flows naturally from the heart. It is the greatest joy.

In my marriage, I have indeed given much to my wife and children over the years. But nothing I have done can compare with what they have given me: a glimpse of the mercy and love of the Lord Jesus.

Our marriages, our families, must become schools of genuine love and mercy. For if we love one another unconditionally, if we mercifully accept one another exactly as we are, we will experience a joy beyond description and a very real foretaste of heaven. Even more, our homes will become beacons radiating life and light to a world hungry for the love of God.

Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Happy Thanksgiving from Spoken Bride! Holiday Wedding Inspiration + Reflections for the Season.

From us to you, Happy Thanksgiving Day! May the Father draw your gaze to all of his gifts and pour out his abundance in your vocation.

Here, as the holiday season begins, our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living, Christmas weddings, creating traditions with your spouse, and more.

Liturgical Living + Advent

A prayer of thanksgiving for couples | Creating Advent traditions in your marriage and family | A reflection on waiting and anticipation, and their surprising fruits during engagement | The sense of waiting continues on into married life. Yet the Lord is ever present and there is much “joyful hope.” | Meditations on Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, celebrated December 8 | Even Saint Thérese experienced longing and impatience to begin her vocation. Thoughts on embracing seasons of preparation. 

Gifts

5 Creative gift ideas for newlyweds | Spoken Bride Vendors share Christmas gift ideas, including many custom and handmade items | A gift guide curated by the Spoken Bride team

Relationship Health During the Holiday Season

5 Tips for balancing family, social events, and time as a couple during the holidays | Distinctively Catholic ideas for celebrating the Christmas season with your beloved | 

Holiday Weddings

Spoken Bride Features Editor Mariah Maza shares the story of her Christmas Octave wedding and tips for planning your own | Claire and Andrew’s blue and silver wedding in a Tennessee cathedral, celebrated on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception | Bridget and KC’s Christmas Octave wedding, filled with symbolism and intention and inspired by Pier Giorgio Frassati | Natasha and Tim’s Minnesota New Year’s wedding, centered on family and community--down to the bride’s vintage gown | Emily and Daniël’s Praise and Worship-filled Christmas season wedding | Christina and Kristian’s Austin wedding, with holiday colors and Christmas hymns | Genevieve and Dalton’s festive celebration at Rock ‘N Bowl | Caroline and Matt’s elegant cathedral wedding, rich with family heritage | Kaitlyn and John’s New Year’s wedding in blue, gold, and white | Becca and Phil’s Christmas picnic wedding

The team shares favorite winter and holiday date ideas:

“Getting coffee and going to see Christmas lights in the neighborhood. Shopping for a holiday gift or food drive. Local Christmas programs or pageants, and cookie decorating!” - Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

“Volunteering at a food shelter.” - Andi Compton, Business Director

“Baking pies!” - Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

“Seeing light displays and attending a holiday show like The Nutcracker or an orchestra.” - Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Photography: Wild Elegance LLC, As Seen In Bridget + KC | Traditional Christmas Octave Wedding

How Marriage has Changed my Heart

STEPHANIE FRIES

A trusting relationship has the power to transform a person from the inside-out. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK PHOTOGRAPHY

Throughout childhood, I had learned to utilize different strategies to protect my heart. “Don’t let the other team see you cry after a hard game,” and “Be a listener and not a sharer while on retreat” were specific lessons I learned. 

This kind of self-preservation was well-intentioned because we don’t always know who we can trust with our hearts. Unfortunately, this self-preservation inhibits authentic, intimate relationships with those whom we can trust with our hearts. 

If we could draw the spectrum of vulnerability, one side would represent the extreme of  self-preservation. Meanwhile, the other side would represent the extreme of complete transparency and exposure without boundaries. Somewhere in-between is a holy middle ground where we encounter authentic relationship with a balance of boundaries and vulnerability. 

Through the vocation to married life, two become one. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden, spouses stand emotionally exposed, “naked,” in a completely reciprocal offering of self and reception of the other. 

I was not ready to infuse my life to another on the day I met my future husband. Though I would have felt safer learning how to love and be loved in isolation, God began to bring my heart closer to that middle ground through relationship. 

Learning to love and be loved in a trusting relationship has completely transformed my heart--both in hidden and visible ways. The most obvious outward sign of love’s tenderness on my heart is through tears. 

I cry more than ever before! And I can’t blame hormones or the time of the month. Experiencing a purity of trust, desire, love, and empathy has exposed me to a greater breadth and depth of emotion. Rather than fearing and hiding the movements of the heart, I have begun to feel them with freedom. Tears are a sign of a new sensitivity because my heart is more fully alive.  

Many of the Gospel stories involve a physical journey on a path from one place to another; this is a visual and physical metaphor for the internal journey we are called into as we become like Christ. Growing in holiness is an active process of movement, growth, and change. Holiness is in no way static.

For the man and woman united in marriage, the experience of sharing their lives is the pathway toward the narrow gate. Regardless of where you are on the journey-single, dating, engaged, or married--God calls you to holiness. Every season of life presents an opportunity for growth and transformation from the inside-out.

The fruits of the Holy Spirit--love, joy, peace, faithfulness, generosity, patience, kindness, self-control, and gentleness--have transformative power. When received in one’s heart, the seeds of this fruit implant new growth. In turn, the one who received the seed becomes fruitful in their own life and love. 

In what ways has your heart transformed through love? Have you experienced an outward expression of this transformation? Share your experience with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Evangelizing as a Family

CARISSA PLUTA

As Christians, we are all called to “make disciples of all nations” and those of us called to marriage can live out this call in a unique and very real way.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

In Familiaris Consortio, St. John Paul II wrote that Christian married couples and parents “not only receive the love of Christ and become a saved community, but they are also called upon to communicate Christ’s love to their brethren, thus becoming a saving community.”

However, unless you are actively involved in ministry, it is easy for married couples and families to dismiss this call. With jobs and responsibilities at home, we fail to see how we can share the Good News with those we meet.

So, what does evangelization look like for those called to the vocation of marriage?

Investing in friendships and your community

Pope Francis said, "We need a Church capable of walking at people's sides... a Church which accompanies them on their journey." 

Authentic friendships encourage evangelization. Christ invested deeply in a few men by sharing life with them--going fishing together, eating meals together. 

Getting together with friends becomes much more difficult as you get older. With work, kids, and other activities, it is far too easy to excuse ourselves from investing in friendships, both old and new. 

Write a letter or call an old friend. Go on a double date. Grab coffee with another woman from your mom group or join a bible study. Become active members of your parish. Make time to cultivate a shared space for Christ’s grace to grow.

Opening your home

One way married couples can show love to their friends and others in their community is through the practice of hospitality.

Creating a home and inviting others into it allows you to more fully “share life” with others. You can invest more deeply and meaningfully in another when sharing a private and more intimate space.

St. Paul writes in his letter to the Thessalonians: “With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very selves as well, so dearly beloved had you become to us.”

Enjoying a meal or a cup of coffee with a guest gives you an opportunity not only to share your material goods and physical space with another but in some way, yourself. 

Letting others into your occasionally messy and imperfect home grants them permission to come and be loved as they are, messy and imperfect human beings.

Inviting others to pray with you

How do you pray as a couple or as a family? However you do it, invite others to join you in that time of prayer.

Personal invitation can facilitate a powerful encounter with Christ. Even something as simple as praying a rosary or grace before meals can lay the foundation for a relationship with God. 

Praying with others is a great way to accompany them on their faith journey and to demonstrate the deep way Jesus has affected your life and home. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Liturgical Living for Catholic Couples

ANDI COMPTON

Growing up, I never saw the seasons of the Church outside of the Mass. The priest changed colors occasionally, the Church was beyond crowded on Christmas and Easter, and every year Ordinary time seemed to go on forever. As a young adult, I was fascinated to learn about the different ways saints are venerated and celebrated throughout the world. I soon discovered liturgical living. 

The concept of Liturgical Living is simple: make the seasons of the Church come alive in your domestic church.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH ASCANIO PHOTOGRAPHY, SEEN IN NATASHA + TIM | NEW YEAR’S WINTER WATERCOLOR WEDDING

Over the past twelve years, my husband and I have tried many different traditions and celebrations in our marriage, in our home, and with our children; I share some of our favorites of the Liturgical seasons below:

Ordinary time

Decorate the home with greenery in a vase on the mantle, on the table, or in the windows. Some years we hang a wreath of greenery on our doorway as well.

Celebrate the saints’ feast days. Our go-to celebration includes reading a short blurb about the saint or feast day during dinner, and either cooking a dish from the saint’s home country, where they are regionally celebrated, or creating a dessert and trying to tie it in (ie., angel food cake for Guardian Angels). Some great saints to celebrate are St. Francis de Sales, St. John Bosco, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Agatha, Sacred Heart of Jesus, Corpus Christi, Immaculate Heart of Mary, St. Benedict, Sts. Peter and Paul, St. Kateri Tekakwitha, St. Dominic, The Transfiguration, St. Lawrence, St. Maximillian Kolbe, The Assumption, The Coronation of Mary, St. Monica, St. Augustine, St. Teresa of Kolkuta, St. Therese, Guardian Angels, Our Lady of the Rosary, St. Luke, and St. Cecilia. 

Advent

During our first married Advent, we hosted a Church New Year Party. I decorated with purple and pink and made the atmosphere festive. Unfortunately I fell asleep during the party because I was pregnant--true story. I wish I could tell you if the guests enjoyed it!

Wait to put up Christmas decorations. We set up our tree when advent begins and use it as a Jesse tree. Each night we read one or two Bible stories to journey through salvation history from Adam to Jesus. We begin to turn on the tree’s lights on St. Lucy’s Day (December 13), and we put the ornaments up on the 24th. Some years we also wind purple and pink ribbons on the tree.

I created an 8x10 Advent printable that hangs in a frame on our front door until the 24th when it gets swapped for a Christmas wreath.

Celebrate Our Lady of Guadalupe. Some areas will have mananita Mass, but if you can’t find one nearby, you can celebrate the day with a trip to visit a parish with an Our Lady of Guadalupe image and indulge in your favorite Mexican food.

Purchase an Advent wreath and a set of candles. Every night before dinner prayers we shut off the kitchen lights and light the candles while singing “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” and then say prayers. 

Place a nativity in your home. There are so many beautiful options of nativity scenes! I know friends who collect nativities wherever they travel; others have the Fontanini collection and add a piece every year.

Christmas

Go to Mass. We usually go to Mass on Christmas morning and open presents afterwards while eating waffles made with the recipe my husband’s grandfather made for them. 

Celebrate the octave of Christmas as the solemnity it is: eight days of feasting! We try to do an outing each day and let the kids (and ourselves) eat dessert every night.

Have a 12th night party for Epiphany. Celebrate Epiphany with gifts. Many cultures celebrate Los Reyes Magos and children receive presents on January 6th instead of Christmas Day. We leave our shoes out the night before and the Wise men leave us oranges, chocolate coins, and sometimes small toys.

Be really bold and leave up some decorations until February 2 for the Baptism of Our Lord. 

Lent

Prepare for Ash Wednesday. Before Ash Wednesday Mass, pray and talk about what penances and prayers you’d like to do together and separately. Also consider ways you could serve and give of your time to help the poor in your community. 

Attend Stations of the Cross at your local parish. Many even have a meatless supper afterwards to help build community.

Celebrate Passiontide, the week before Palm Sunday, by covering up all the holy images and items in your home with purple cloth. This has actually become my favorite Lenten tradition. Our home feels so different, so tomblike, without the faces of Jesus, Mary, and the saints watching over us.

Easter

Feast for 50 days. I’m not joking, eat dessert as much as you can. We begin with waffles after Mass, and all throughout Easter our kids get to eat the candy from our big neighborhood egg hunt.

Celebrate Divine Mercy Sunday. Say a chaplet with friends and family, then indulge in Divine Mercy Sundaes! We serve vanilla ice cream with two “rays” of whipped cream topped with red and blue sprinkles.

Celebrate the Ascension and Pentecost by saying the mysteries of the Rosary for those feast days and plan a special meal. 

Celebrate the Crowning of Mary. Often times May, the month of Mary, falls within the Easter season. If you have a special statue of her inside or outside of your home, crown her! There isn’t a wrong or right way to do this. You can say prayers, sing Marian hymns, and buy or make her a little crown of springtime blooms. Keep her company this month with lots of rosaries!

The quickest way to begin new liturgical living traditions is to incorporate green, white, purple, rose, and red tablecloths as a visual reminder of the significant day or season. It’s an easy change that makes a big impact in any space. If you’re able to buy or paint an “It’s your special day” plate, it can be used for birthdays, feast days, and to celebrate the anniversary of someone’s sacraments.

What is your favorite way to celebrate the different seasons of the Church? Share your reflections with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

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About the Author: Andi is the Business Director for Spoken Bride, combining years of professional event coordination with a passion for helping couples truly enter into the sacrament of marriage. She has been married to her Beloved for 12 years and they have 5 children from toddler to tween.

Newlywed Life | Defining Your Identity as a Wife

STEPHANIE FRIES

The human person has a natural desire to define their identity in order to know themselves; for as we come to know ourselves, we come to know God who created us. In this process, it can be difficult to differentiate between “who am I?” and “what do I do?”

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY + VIDEO

For example, claiming an identity through a professional vocation may sound like “I am a nurse.” Straight away, this sounds like an answer of who I am! The language is straightforward and consistent with the question. With second thought, however, this sentence holds greater claim to what I do--it defines an occupation more than it defines a person’s being. 

Take the same thought into the ways we identify as a wife. “I am a wife.” This statement is a true and valid identification for many women. Often more personal than a professional vocation, this definition more closely defines who I am because it intuits how God has called woman to a lifelong and all-encompassing relationship to love and be loved. 

What qualities define one’s identity as a wife? By digging a little deeper into this role to answer the question, “Who am I?,” we may uncover a beautiful revelation of our identity as designed and intended by God the Father. 

When my husband was traveling for months at a time this past year, I wrestled with my identity as a wife and recognized this part of my identity was defined by the roles I fulfill in our marriage, in our relationships with others, and in the duties of our home. 

In fact, it seemed my identity as a wife was void without his presence and the opportunities to serve him in tangible ways. I realized my confidence and self-efficacy was the byproduct of productivity and action. Perhaps Satan was trying to strip me of all confidence and joy in our first year of marriage (and I was close to falling in that trap), but God’s grace slowly led me away from isolation and despair. 

Beyond the literal ways we show up and fulfill the wife role and responsibilities--by bringing home a paycheck, wiping babies’ hands, or keeping a home--how does God desire to define our identity through the Vocation as wife? 

In his “Letter to Women,” Saint John Paul II makes a personal address to wives when he says, “Thank you, women who are wives! You irrevocably join your future to that of your husbands, in a relationship of mutual giving, at the service of love and life.” 

What do you give your husband at the service of love and life? 

I invite you to pause and answer this question, noting your initial response. 

My impulse jumps to the tangible acts of kindness and service: I give my husband dinner every night when he is home, I share my body and heart with him in marital intimacy, I have offered up my career in order to partner together and pursue his. This is where I pause, with caution, for there is more. 

God calls husbands and wives into a mysterious, life-giving union. Fulton Sheen says, “existence is worth,” and I believe this simple statement begins to answer the questions of identity in Vocation. 

Living into a spousal union in the image of God is more about existence than it is about productivity. When a wife joins to her husband for the duration of her life on Earth, she is fulfilling her role. It is that simple. Her whole-hearted living presence is the foundation of her identity as a wife.

The gift of self is not always a measurable action. Being a gift of self is being alive, existing, renewing the “yes” we claim in the marriage vows. Being a gift of self and fulfilling the vocation as a wife is the combined offering of everything you are, in who God created you, and everything you do “at the service of life and love.” 

The same is true for Jesus in his spousal presence to his bride, the Church. He concurrently exists in the presence of the Eucharist, and continually offers himself to us through the tangible Eucharistic sharing of his body, blood, soul, and divinity. 

What you do is absolutely a part of who you are; but what you do is not the foundation of your identity. Regardless of your occupation, Vocation, or any other roles you may fill in a day, you were created by God as beautiful, worthy, and whole in your existence alone. Uncovering the mysterious identity as a wife reveals an even deeper affirmation of your beauty, worth, and wholeness through your sheer existence in your marriage.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Married Saints You Can Learn From

One of the greatest gifts from our rich Catholic tradition is the communion of Saints.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Our brothers and sisters in the Church Triumphant have left behind a legacy and example we can learn from and offer their prayers for those of us still on earth. 

There are so many wonderful saints we can look toward in this vocation of marriage, who better to ask for help than couples who practice heroic virtue in their own relationships. 

Saints Anne and Joachim

Saints Anne and Joachim are the parents of the Blessed Mother and the grandparents of Jesus. 

Not much is known about Anne and Joachim but traditionally it is believed that they conceived their daughter in their old age but went on to instill in her a deep faith and love of God. 

The Church sees the parents of Mother of God as the ones who taught her how to respond to God’s request with “May it be done to me according to your word.”

Saints Elizabeth and Zacheriah

After being barren for many years and advanced in age, Elizabeth, the cousin of Mary and Zacheriah, a priest in the temple, were promised a son through the messenger Gabriel.

Their son, John the Baptist was a prophet who foretold the coming of the savior, even from within his mother’s womb. He has been called “the greatest man born of woman” and held in high esteem in the Church. 

Elizabeth and Zacheriah are exemplary models for married couples of patience and trust in God.

Related: What the Visitation can teach us about friendship

Saints Louis and Zelie Martin

The parents of St. Therese of Lisieux became the first married couple to be canonized together. 

Louis Martin and Zelie Guerin had both wanted to enter the religious life but learned that God had other plans for them. The couple had nine children, four of whom died immaturely. The remaining five daughters all went on to become Carmelite nuns. 

The Pope stated in his homily during their canonization mass: “The holy spouses Louis Martin and Marie-Azélie Guérin practiced Christian service in the family, creating day by day an environment of faith and love which nurtured the vocations of their daughters…”

Blessed Maria & Luigi Beltrame

Luigi and Maria Beltrame Quattrocchi "made a true domestic church of their family, which was open to life, to prayer, to the social apostolate, to solidarity with the poor and to friendship." 

During the Nazi invasion of Italy, their apartment remained a place of peace as they prayed the rosary together each evening and consecrated their family to the Sacred Heart. It also became a shelter for refugees. 

With Maria’s fourth pregnancy, she experienced serious complications that greatly reduced her chance of survival and was advised to abort the baby. Trusting in God, Maria and Luigi refused. All four children went on to have vocations to the priesthood or religious life. 

The couple was beatified together on October 21, 2001 by Pope John Paul II. 

Blessed Karl of Austria & Zita

Karl became the last Emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Empire during the First World War and both he and his wife, Zita were devout Catholics. On the eve of their wedding, Karl told Zita: "Now we must help each other attain heaven." 

During his reign, Karl worked to create peace within his empire made every decision with the temporal and spiritual welfare of the people in mind. And at home, Karl and Zita raised their eight children to love the Lord and to serve others. 

The couple’s hearts are enshrined together in Muri Abbey, Switzerland.

Related: Married Saint Tote from the Spoken Bride Shop

The Integrated Journey | Men and Women Reveal Each Other's Beauty

STEPHANIE FRIES

Men and women are created equal but different. Both share an equality of dignity, yet possess unique qualities apart from the other. Through the lens of the married vocation, men and women are invited on a journey to integrate their complementary masculine and feminine qualities in order to help each other grow in purity and perfection. 

Previously published reflections on the feminine and masculine genius establish some of the qualities born into the hearts and souls of men and women. Expanding on these qualities by looking at their complementarity will help us understand how men and women are called to use their inherent gifts to love and serve the other.

PHOTOGRAPHY: RED FERN PHOTOGRAPHY

As we relate our own being to Adam and Eve, through the creation story in the Garden of Eden, we recall how Adam was created from the external world while Eve originated from man’s innermost being. These different origins yield different natures for men and women; man is attuned to the external and woman is attuned to the internal. 

This reality takes shape in many different dynamics of the human person and human relationship. By taking a closer look at how men and women are invited on a journey of integration pursuing holiness together, we focus on a specific function of this mystery of complementarity: 

Through his origin in and attention toward the external, man shows woman the beauty he sees of her body. Through her origin in and attention toward the internal, woman shows man the beauty she sees of his heart. 

Men and women often differ in their attractions and affections. (And, consequently, men and women often differ in their greatest temptations to sin.) These differences are not meant to stand against each other in conflict; rather, these differences are the design of God for man and woman to unite and grow through authentic love.  

Through the sacrament of marriage, men and women are invited to enter into vulnerability and intimacy to see the depth of their spouse and to be seen by their spouse. The more we are seen, known, and loved—the more we are called beautiful in our spiritual and physical nakedness—the greater our capacity to love and be loved. 

In his presentations of the Theology of the Body, Saint John Paul II speaks in depth about attraction, love, lust, beauty, wonder and mystery. He echoes the romantic poetry of the Song of Songs as he recognizes and affirms that the human person is attracted to beauty. In support of the complementary role of man and woman as they reveal beauty through their complementary union, Saint John Paul II writes,

“It is possible that the bridegroom...expresses more directly the beauty of the bride… with the eyes of the body; The bride by contrast looks rather with the eyes of the heart through her affection.”

Even more, we may more clearly understand how men and women are called to help each other grow in love by acknowledging patterns of brokenness, fear and sin in our world.

Where women struggle with self-image or eating disorders, men have the God-given strength to see woman’s authentic beauty, love her in her weakness, and help her grow in virtue. Where men may act in violence out of a fear of being too emotional or too sensitive, women have the God-given strength to see man’s authentic beauty, love him in his weakness, and help him grow in virtue. 

We find the answers for growth, healing, and love through Jesus, the new Adam, and Mary, the new Eve. They model perfect unity of body and soul, the masculine and feminine, man and woman. They show us the perfect integration we are destined to in heaven.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Newlywed Life | Sharing a Meal is a Sharing of Who You Are.

Rejoicing over her engagement and the anticipation of married life, Saint Gianna Molla wrote in a letter to her husband-to-be, “With the help and blessing of God, we shall do all in our power that our new family may be a little cenacle where Jesus may reign over all affections, desires and actions.”

What is a cenacle? In Latin, the root translates to “Upper Room,” and in Greek, to the name for the first Christian Church. It follows, then, that Gianna hoped she and her beloved Pietro could create a domestic church centered on divine love. 

Consider, too, the Last Supper. The site of Jesus’s final meal with his disciples, wherein he instituted the Eucharist and granted them the instruction to do the same, is known in the Holy Land as the Upper Room or Cenacle.

Read more on creating a sense of peace and routine in your home life.

The disciples did not remain in the upper room; they were sent forth. There is something powerful and profound about breaking bread and then going out into the world, fortified. Though Jesus’s disciples became the first priests, those of us called to married life can embody these same principles of sharing a meal and sending forth, by cultivating hospitality.

The Catholic faith is a sensory one, whose source and summit is the very body and blood of Christ. It is a faith filled with beautiful settings, art, poetry, music, incense, and more; all called to draw our minds and hearts heavenward to the Father--the source of all beauty. When we experience a desire to create a comfortable, beautiful home for ourselves and our guests or to assemble an attractive and delicious meal, we partake in that desire for beauty that inspires and heightens our senses.

Combining food and faith can be Eucharistic--literally, thanksgiving. Read our interview with Emily Stimpson Chapman, author of The Catholic Table.

What’s more, a desire to share and communicate this beauty with others is a natural outpouring of marriage. Authentic love naturally leads to fruitfulness; a desire to exist beyond the spouses. 

This is seen in an obvious way through the gift of children, but also through the gift of hospitality and invitation. Saint John Paul II wrote in Familiaris Consortio, his apostolic exhortation on the family’s role in the world--in the world, not as an island--that “the family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love, and this is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God's love for humanity and the love of Christ the Lord for the Church his bride.”  

Inviting friends and family members into your home life for a meal and conversation is intimate and revealing for this very reason; sharing of yourselves at the service of others opens a door and encourages true communion. It feels like no coincidence that in a breaking of bread, there is also a breaking down of walls. 

It’s okay not to have a picture-perfect home. Read more on the home as a place of transition.

If, then, you and your spouse find yourselves eager to foster community and invite others into your domestic church, your cenacle, do it! The fruits of hosting and preparing a meal for guests can communicate something far deeper: a sharing of yourselves.

Any guests or dinner parties on your calendar this month? Cookbook recommendations from the Spoken Bride team:

Paleo Comfort Foods by Julie and Charles Mayfield, recommended by Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Against All Grain by Danielle Walker, recommended by Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook by Deb Perelman, recommended by Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

Dining In by Alison Roman, recommended by Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Celebrating Saint John Paul II on his Feast Day

Today is the Feast of Saint John Paul II. Through the fruits of his own intimacy with God, he became a great modern saints who continues to influence how many people know, understand, and live out the Catholic faith. His writings and teachings regarding God’s design for marriage are powerful resources for couples worldwide. 

In celebration of Pope Saint John Paul II, we invite you to reflect on some quotes about married love from our beloved heavenly friend.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

“Life teaches us, in effect, that love—married love—is the foundation stone of all life.” from The Love within Families

“As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” from his Homily in Perth

“Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it.” from Redemptor Hominis

“The person who does not decide to love forever will find it very difficult to really love for even one day.” from The Love within Families

“All married life is a gift; but this becomes most evident when the spouses, in giving themselves to each other in love, bring about that encounter which makes them “one flesh.””  from Gratissimam Sane Letter to Families 

“Love consists of a commitment which limits one’s freedom-it is a giving of the self, and to give oneself means just that: to limit one’s freedom on behalf of another.”  from Love and Responsibility

“If Christian marriage can be compared to a very high mountain which places the spouses very near to God, we must acknowledge that climbing this mountain requires a lot of time and effort. But is this a reason to suppress or raze the mountain?” from his Homily in Kinshasa

Do you have a favorite quote from Saint John Paul II about marriage and family life? Share it with our community on Facebook or Instagram. 

Our Favorite Quotes on Love + Marriage

Are you in search of quotes for your wedding program, reception tables, family mission statement, or other planning elements?

Truly, the Church is a body; community. There is comfort in knowing alongside God, the saints, and faithful peers, we never walk alone. Here, to form, guide, and encourage you in your vocation, a selection of wise words on marriage and authentic spousal love.

From Scripture

This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. - Genesis 2:23

Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife. Send down your mercy on me and on her, and grant that we may grow old together. - Tobit 8:7

Glory in his holy name;let hearts that seek the LORD rejoice! - Psalms 105:3

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory. For the wedding day of the Lamb* has come, his bride has made herself ready. - Revelation 19:7

For you were called for freedom, brothers. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love. - Galatians 5:13

From the Saints

Pure love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. - Saint Faustina

May you seek Christ, may you find Christ, may you love Christ. - Saint Josemaria Escriva

It is necessary that the heroic becomes daily and that the daily becomes heroic. - Saint Zélie Martin 

I lay my face against the Beloved's face. Everything fell away and I left myself behind, abandoning my cares among the lilies, forgotten. - Saint John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul

Love and sacrifice are closely linked, like the sun and the light. We cannot love without suffering and we cannot suffer without love. - Saint Gianna Molla, The Journey of Our Love 

From Theology

God, Who has fatherly concern for everyone, has willed that all men should constitute one family and treat one another in a spirit of brotherhood. For having been created in the image of God, Who "from one man has created the whole human race and made them live all over the face of the earth" (Acts 17:26), all men are called to one and the same goal, namely God Himself. - Gaudiam et Spes

Love alone brings a human being to full awareness of personal existence. For it is in love alone that man finds room enough to be what he is. - Dietrich von Hildebrand, Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love 

Every mystery of life has its origin in the heart. - Hans Urs von Balthasar, Heart of the World

Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.- Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility

We do not have to become saints by our own power; we have to learn how to let God make us into saints. - Jacques Philippe, In the School of the Holy Spirit

There is no greater force against evil in the world than the love of a man and woman in marriage. After the Holy Eucharist, it has a power beyond anything that we can imagine. - Cardinal Raymond Burke

From Literature

Now I have seen the most beloved music living. I have seen it with its closed eyes, its breathing body, its beating heart. I have seen the soul and mind of this music, which is you. I have seen the music open its eyes and look back at me. And in that moment there was no distance between the composer, the musician, and the one who hears the music...the future opens ahead of us a great mystery before which we can only kneel in reverence. - Michael O’Brien, Island of the World

Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation. - Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace

Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves.” - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

It is love and friendship, the sanctity and celebration of our relationships, that not only support a good life, but create one. - Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety

To know and love one other human being is the root of all wisdom. - Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited

We love sharing in your own journey and the words you live by. Share your favorite quotes on love and marriage in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Madi Myers-Cook Photography

Honoring Mary on Your Wedding Day

“From Mary we learn to surrender to God’s will in things. From Mary we learn to trust even when all hope seems gone. From Mary we learn to love Christ, her Son and the Son of God…”

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAUREN EMILY PHOTOGRAPHY

Countless saints throughout the history of the Catholic Church have spoken on the importance and power of the Blessed Mother.

She is our greatest intercessor and the Mediatrix of all graces. She sets an example of humility and trust for all, especially those called to marriage and family life. 

Some couples might choose to honor Our Lady by choosing a Marian feast day (like today’s feast of Our Lady of the Rosary) for their wedding celebration but there are many other ways you can prayerfully include Our Blessed Mother in your wedding. 

During your ceremony

Many Catholic couples choose to honor Mary during their nuptial mass by placing flowers or lighting a candle. A groom may escort his bride, usually after communion, to a statue of Our Lady where the couple will pray for her intercession as they enter their vocation of marriage. 

You might also consider choosing a Marian hymn like “Ave Maria” or the “Salve Regina” for entrance procession or during the time of prayer by the statue of Mary. 

With the Wedding Party

You can invite your wedding party to join you in praying a rosary either the night before the wedding or the morning of. This is a great way for the whole party to enter into the prayerful spirit of the day. 

Praying the rosary in a group will not only strengthen the bride and groom as they prepare for this holy sacrament, but will also pour grace upon the whole party. 

You might also consider giving your bridesmaids and groomsmen rosaries or Marian-themed jewelry or cuff links as gifts before the ceremony. 

Related: The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find the perfect Marian-themed jewelry or gift. 

With your Spouse

There are many ways you and your spouse can invoke the intercession of Our Lady on your wedding day (and in the days that follow). 

If you want to deepen your devotion to Mary, consider praying Marian Consecration in the days leading up to your wedding. You might even consider planning a trip to a Marian pilgrimage site for your honeymoon. 

Invite her into your home by creating a sacred space or placing an icon or sacred image in your bedroom. 

How Couples Can Embrace Gospel Poverty

CARISSA PLUTA

“If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to [the] poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.”

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

This idea of Gospel poverty seems to go against logic for most married couples and families. Surely God doesn’t mean He wants us to actually sell what we have and give it to the poor. 

But He does. 

He might not be asking us to sell everything we own, but He is asking us to embrace simplicity, live in solidarity with the poor, and to give from our need, not simply our excess. 

So in the spirit of St. Francis, whose feast we celebrate today, here are some suggestions for how couples and families can embrace the spirit of Gospel poverty. 

Live simply

Living simply allows you to make more room in your life for your relationship with God and others.

You don’t have to sell your home for a smaller one in order to live simply. There are many small changes you can make to prioritize simplicity in your daily life. 

Put down your phone. Cook good food, share meals, or read a book. Get outside, plant a garden, or take a deep breath. Invest in people and hobbies and find something to thank God for every day. 

Do more of the things that make you human. 

Foster detachment from material possessions

At the heart of Gospel poverty is a spirit of detachment from material goods and viewing our temporal possessions as belonging to God, not to us. 

St. Basil the Great once said:  “The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry; the coat unused in your closet belongs to the one who needs it; the shoes rotting in your closet belong to the one who has no shoes…” 

When we fill our closets with unused clothes, shoes, household items, and other things, we are essentially withholding them from those who need them more than we do. 

Go through the things you own and donate them to local charities. Or literally sell what you can and give the money to the poor. 

Then before making future purchases, ask yourselves if you really need the item you are buying. Take some time to investigate your motive for wanting that particular item. Is it to gain attention or popularity? If so, pray about going without it. 

Be good stewards

Time and time again we see in Scripture the call to be good stewards of the spiritual and temporal gifts God has given us.  

Stewardship looks differently for each couple, and husbands and wives should take time to pray about and discuss what it means for their particular family during this season of their life.

One of the most common ways to practice good stewardship is through tithing. While the Catholic Church does not mandate a particular percentage, she does make clear that we should return the first-fruits of our labor to the one who ultimately gave them to us to whatever extent we can. 

Take time to talk to your spouse about your physical and spiritual gifts and how you can use them to serve the Church.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Readers Share | Receiving a Rose from Saint Therese of Lisieux

Today is the feast of Saint Therese of Lisieux: a Caramelite nun, a Doctor of the Church, and a saintly friend to many. Upon her death bed, Therese said, "After my death, I will let fall a shower of roses. I will spend my heaven doing good upon earth. I will raise up a mighty host of little saints. My mission is to make God loved..."

With awe and gratitude for the promises of her Little Way, we celebrate the ways Therese has showered Spoken Bride brides, couples, and women with roses--both tangible and through spiritual grace. 

If you are curious about praying a novena to Saint Therese, today would be a great day to begin offering your heart to Jesus through her Little Way.

Spoken Bride readers share their testimonies of receiving a rose, an answered prayer, from the Little Flower: 

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

A Rose for Discernment 

Hapjimmy4 | The first I prayed leading up to a retreat my then boyfriend and I went on to discern if we should be married. I asked Therese for red roses if I should marry him. When we arrived we each had separate cabins. He opened the door to his and there stood a statue of St. Therese hold a huge bouquet of red roses. I almost screamed I was so excited. It was so hard restraining myself because my husband needed to learn we were to be married on his own. I shared the story with him after we were engaged. 

Teresa_likes_chocolate | Right before I started dating my fiancé I did a novena to her for clarity and discernment. I found a rose on the ground literally seconds after deciding that. We are engaged now.

Avaacatherine | She revealed my vocation to marriage through red roses.

Thesongwriterstephanie | I wanted more confirmation on the relationship I was in at the time, who is now my husband. I prayed the Novena and requested for a rose that had two colors, a white rose with red lining. I happen to finish the Novena at the start of a women's retreat with corazonpuronyc, and the Rose on my bed was exactly the one I requested--and the only one in the room of 10 that was exactly how I requested. Everyone else had red roses or yellow roses. 

Kataducci | I was in a relationship and was unsure whether to stay with the man or break up. I asked for a single rose if I was supposed to be single and multiple roses if we were supposed to stay together. My nana passed away within those nine days and the ninth day was her funeral. My mom, not knowing about the novena I was praying, handed me a single rose from her casket. She listens and provides!

Youngcaballerolife | Yes, when discerning if I was to date my now husband/ if he was to be my future spouse 

Magin5 | I was praying for guidance during a relationship. I was asking for a red rose if staying in the relationship was a good idea or a white rose if it should end. I started praying a novena to St. Thérèse and on the first day my boyfriend had sent me a picture of a book with a white rose on it. During the middle of the novena he started a conversation about the future and the relationship came to an end as we both felt this was best. On the last day of the novena I went to a wedding and our centerpiece was one single pink rose. I took this as St. Thérèse telling me that a pink rose (a mix of both) meant she was watching out for me and to trust God and He would give me peace.

Rach__marie | I prayed for pink roses when my now fiance began pursuing me to affirm our discernment. The first time we went to adoration together, on the last day of the novena, the adoration chapel had a huge bouquet of pink roses in front of Our Lord! 

Floratherese | asked for colorful roses while discerning my relationship with my husband. I saw them during winter. 

Adventureblood | I received a bouquet of roses on the last day of the novena from my boyfriend (now husband). He didn’t even know I was praying the novena! 

Chelseasliwaphotography | I asked St. Therese for a yellow rose to let me know I was with the right man. A few months later he bought me yellow roses (without having known my prayer). We broke up later on because he wasn’t Catholic and I was fearful of the issues we would have. The day after we broke up, he went to RCIA. Nine months later he entered the Church. Three months after that he asked me to marry him in a church in Mexico City and we noticed after I said yes that a single yellow rose was sitting high on the altar behind where he proposed. 

Jetsettingsrta | I prayed for my vocation. Red for married, white for religious life, and yellow for me to wait. I found 400 yellow roses on the last day. 

A Rose for Pregnancy 

Mrsthomas97 | I was married at 40. We had an ectopic pregnancy. My mother was a special friend of St. Therese and she began to pray that we would have children. We got a call from my mother-in-law overseas and said a young woman asked if my husband and I would adopt her baby. My mother started a Novena as soon as she heard about the baby. There was no assurance the mother would go through with it. The birth mother flew to our home and gave birth. Our daughter was born on October 1, St. Therese’s feast day. Three weeks later, the reliquary of St. Therese visited our parish and I took our daughter there and of course, there were roses everywhere. Seven weeks after our daughter was born, we were pregnant with twins

Hapjimmy4 | The second was if my husband and I should keep trying for a baby after some months of not being able to conceive--again asked for red roses. The last day of the novena a women named Therese, wearing a red shirt, and holding a red rose pen came to my bible study. Two weeks later our daughter “Anne Casey Therese” was conceived. Thank you, St. Therese!

Rach__marie | I prayed a novena leading up to my sister’s delivery for her and her child’s safety. She didnt share names prior to the birth, but her daughter’s middle name ended up being Rose! 

Katethibs | I prayed for clarity and peace with our miscarriage and got a white rose! 

A Spiritual Rose 

Meaghan.osborne | I have a few times! However, most of the times I have prayed her novena I haven’t received physical roses, but spiritual confirmation/an answered prayer during the Novena or shortly after. She always comes through!

Gingerjulesg | I visited her home in Lisieux. When we got out of the car I immediately smelled the strong scent of roses. My friend didn’t smell them and the closest rose bush was 75 feet away and only had a faintly sweet scent. I’m convinced the experience was a gift from the LIttle Flower herself! 

A Rose for Family

Kelly_marie_taylor | I prayed a novena to St. Thérèse in the midst of our struggles to blend our family of 6. Dating and marriage after trauma and divorce is a complicated journey, and so my request during the novena became to find unity in Christ for the seemingly broken pieces of our family. While traveling out of state, we attended Mass for the The Assumption, and the priest gathered a single rose from the altar display before he processed out of the church, handed it to our tiniest child, and said, "We do receive gifts from Heaven. Put this on your family's altar." We love you, St. Thérèse! And we love Our Lord, who unifies and strengthens unceasingly!

Jaramillomaggie | I didn’t even pray the whole novena (I intended to make it an official nine-day novena). One day I simply asked Saint Therese as I drove past the cemetery, “Can you send me a sign that my grandparents are in heaven?” When I got to the local adoration chapel there was in front of the altar a HUGE bouquet of my favorite colored roses!!! It’s like a coral color. I’ll take that as a big fat answer to my prayers. 

Jacquelinewh321 | I was asking for a rose as a sign of God's love that he loved me and for my family, because I was not feeling confident as my uncle was very sick. Since I started praying, I felt a growing sense of peace and love in my heart. When I'm with God and with my family, I felt a renewed sense of connection and understanding. It was confirmed with a snapchat of a rose, then a single rose, and then a whole bouquet on the day my novena ended.

Savannahrhea | I prayed a novena to St. Thérèse in the middle of winter when my family’s house wouldn’t sell. It had been on the market on and off for almost 4 years. We were all in a really bad place spiritually and mentally from where we were living. After the novena was over, my mom found a rose had sprouted out of the the cold, hard ground. We were amazed and our house sold that spring.

Mbdevenney | I have many stories of St. Therese's intercession! She never fails to remind me that she is near and helping! My most recent favorite was from last summer. My father had suddenly passed away and I have an association with yellow roses connected to my father. My family had gone to his favorite vacation spot 2 months after his death. I prayed to St. Therese to find my dad and send me yellow roses when she found him. I specifically asked to send them on the beach. Our second to last day, a bouquet of roses washed up on shore right in front of me with the yellow roses on top. I was in complete shock. 

Mmburckel | When my sister had mono and was super sick. I prayed and a neighbor gave us a rose bush! 

A Rose for a Personal Prayer 

Schimmoelleralyssa | I finished praying a novena to St. Thérèse while on mission with the sisters of charity in Haiti, and I received a rose and a St. Thérèse prayer card together from another man volunteering with them!

Sb_ratcliffe | St. Therese is an amazing intercessor. I’ve always requested 3 red roses. I sent prayers regarding my spouse, my university choice, small decisions, big decisions. One Christmas I decided to ask for snow in Georgia - a white Christmas. Does anyone from Georgia remember December 25, 2010? The first white Christmas in ATL since 1881! I honestly haven’t asked for anything since because it was so big, I barely believe it still! 

Sammierosecarel | I prayed for yellow roses if I was meant to move to Flagstaff for a youth minister job and white roses if I was supposed to stay in Scottsdale. She sent me yellow roses and to this day, one of my teens say I saved her life by being her youth minister in Flagstaff!

Daniellereneephotos | I prayed for a shower of roses, and I was sent roses on my surprise birthday cake, a rosary, and a bouquet of roses at the feet of my church’s statue of Mary. Incredible prayer and very humbling!

Mary_leslie_maharg_ | I haven’t done a novena to her, but I know that every single time my sister in law has done one, she has always received a rose. A few years ago, on the last day of the novena, she was praying outside of our local abortion clinic by herself on an afternoon it was closed. She wasn’t holding a sign or anything, just kneeling and silently praying. A woman pulled her car over, got out, and handed her a rose. She said the rose was to say thank you for being out there praying--she had an abortion scheduled in that building a couple years ago, but saw someone outside praying and because of that she didn’t even go inside. And then she pointed to her little boy in the back seat and said it’s because of people like her that he is alive today, and thanked her again. 

Oliviadjak | I saw red roses for 175 days after I prayed a novena to her; never heard of that happening.

Catholic_graces | I asked for her to send me roses if my dad was in heaven. One evening I was making tacos for dinner and I had a very strong smell of roses. Not trusting myself I asked my husband if he smelled something and he said yes roses. Some time later I asked her to send me roses if my husband's mom was in heaven. She sent me a visual picture of a black rose that was tipped with a beautiful blue and sparkled like diamonds. I asked my priest about this and he said that she was probably still in purgatory. Just a couple of months ago I asked her to send me roses when my mom gets to heaven and just a few days later my daughter and I were driving in my car and we both smelled the scent of roses for a good 4 minutes. She has been good to me through God's blessings.

Racejgale | I prayed for my board exam that was on her feast day. When I get home my sister had a bouquet of red roses...I passed.

Ashleyokwuosa | I was at a crossroads in my life and I needed help making a decision. So my friend told me about Saint Théresè’s novena and I prayed it. It was the best decision I ever made and it was the first time I had ever prayed a novena. I felt so blessed to have her intercede on my behalf and guide me through a difficult time in my life.

Mrseliadams07 | My husband and I have received quite a few roses from our little saint! When we were dating, we prayed her novena leading up to her feast day for our relationship and she left us a beautiful pink rose at a bar that we went to! Most recently we prayed for a job decision for my husband and asked for a specific colored rose, and when we went out to dinner that night the only open table was a table outside with a rose on it the color we asked for! She’s too good to us.

Ksulauren129 | When I was at a wedding in St. Paul in June 2016, I asked for her intercession at the cathedral. They have a small chapel for her. I specifically asked for her help for a new job and my vocation. The next day, I found her novena prayer card at a random church...asked her for yellow roses or white tulips for both intentions before my next birthday. In December of that year, I started a new job. I spotted a bouquet of roses in a church kitchen after my first week. There was also a cute boy I noticed at work. The second weekend after starting that job I saw another bouquet of yellow roses. Well, I’m marrying the cute boy in three weeks!

Denaeelenora | My fiance and I prayed this novena when we were discerning whether to have a full Mass or not at our wedding. My family is not Catholic, so I was hesitant to have the Eucharist, since it may create an obvious divide. We asked for yellow flowers if we were to have a full Mass, lilies for whatever we want because God will bless it either way, or red flowers if just the liturgy. On the 5th day we went for a walk around the reception hall and we came across a patch of yellow lilies! We felt so loved and free, it confirmed for us that we wanted a full Mass and that it would be blessed and okay for my family’s experience. 

Allygirl122 | we prayed for providence from St. Therese for a rug for our daughter’s room. The floor gets extremely cold in the winter. Someone donated a huge rug that fits perfectly in her room and it had roses all over it.

Maryhinze | I prayed for a red or white rose and received a bouquet of pink roses!

For more bridal stories involving Saint Therese’s intercession, check out this Engagement Feature and this Wedding Story.

Does your engagement or wedding story involve the intercession of a saint? Consider submitting your story to be featured on Spoken Bride.

Creative October Feast Day Celebrations for Couples

The feasts and rhythms of the liturgical year are a great gift to our faith, building in natural occasions for prayer and community. The forthcoming month of October, in particular, celebrates many Spoken Bride favorites whose lives and spiritualities resonate with the vocation to marriage.

Here, a selection of October feast days, suggestions for entering into them, and some favorite fall date ideas from the team.

October 1, Feast of Saint Therése of Lisieux

Pray: Read a passage from Therése’s autobiography, Story of a Soul, or from Fr. Jacques Phillipe’s The Way of Trust and Love: A Retreat Guided by St. Therése of Lisieux. Remembering Therése’s “Little Way,” offer the tasks and inconveniences of the day for the glory of God.

Celebrate: Therése promised to she would spend her eternity showering down roses upon the earth from heaven, and is particularly associated with the flower. Bring home a bouquet of roses for your table.

October 2, Feast of the Guardian Angels

Pray: Give thanks not only to your guardian angel, but to your beloved’s, asking that he or she be protected, fulfilled, and led closer to the Father on this day and always.

Celebrate: Make an angel hair pasta dish or angel food cake! If you and your beloved don’t have a strong education in or devotion to the angels, seek out media that can spark your knowledge. Formed, available through most parishes, offers a variety of quality video and book resources.

October 4, Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi

Pray: Franciscan orders take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Discuss and identify ways to live out these virtues in your relationship.

Celebrate: Francis was a lover of God’s creation. Go on a hike or walk together.

October 5, Feast of Saint Faustina

Pray: Read a selection from Faustina’s Diary and pray or sing the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

Celebrate: In thanksgiving for Christ’s gift of endless mercy, plan a date night that begins with going to confession. Saint Faustina frequently described water imagery in her conversations with Jesus, calling his mercy “an ocean,” with our sin but a single, insignificant drop in comparison to his vast love and forgiveness. If you live near an ocean or lake, consider spending an afternoon or evening there.

October 7, Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary

Pray: Say a decade or more of the Rosary with your beloved. If you’re unfamiliar, research the origins of this feast day, on which Our Lady came to the aid of Christian soldiers in battle.

Celebrate: Pick out new rosaries as gifts for each other.

October 15, Feast of Saint Teresa of Jesus (Teresa of Avila)

Pray: Teresa, a great mystic and doctor of the Church, is famously depicted in a state of divine rapture in Bernini’s sculpture The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa. Meditate on the sculpture and on the nature of earthly and divine desire--this piece provides a welcome starting point.

Celebrate: Make or go out for a Spanish meal, in honor of Teresa’s heritage.

October 22, Feast of Saint John Paul II

Pray: One of the most prolific popes in recent history, John Paul’s writings illuminate the human heart. Choose a selection from his writings, including his World Youth Day addresses, Letter to Women, Letter to Artists, or the Theology of the Body Audiences, to read and discuss together.

Celebrate: John Paul was a man of many hobbies who strove to be fully alive. Spend time together engaged in one of his favorite pursuits, like theatre, hiking, or skiing.

Fall date suggestions from the Spoken Bride team:

Pumpkin picking and carving, and baking pies. - Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

Wineries, foliage tours, or hiking. - Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Apple picking, volunteering at a food shelter, or a cooking class to anticipate Thanksgiving. - Andi Compton, Business Director

Brunch and consignment shopping. - Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

We love hearing your stories and traditions. Share your favorite liturgical living traditions and seasonal date ideas in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Laurel Creative, seen in Jamaila + Andy | Nature-Inspired Wedding

Dealing With Spiritual Desolation During Engagement + Married Life

DENAE PELLERIN

Desolation characterized most of my dating and engagement relationships with my husband. At one point in dating as we sat outside an Adoration chapel, I confessed, “I don’t think that I believe in God anymore.” 

He looked at me and said, “I will love you regardless and pray for you, because that must be so hard for you.” 

Photography: Jordan Dumba Photography, from the author’s wedding

Faithful for so many years, I was sitting in the midst of the answer of my prayers for a Christ-like man to become my spouse, yet I could not experience the presence of God in a way I once knew. 

My husband’s response to my struggles brought forward an image of a tender Jesus, patiently waiting for me--not a dictator waiting for me to conform. How broken my image of God had become; where I feared him and lived in compliance. 

As we approached our wedding day, I began feeling anxious about whether or not this sacrament would give me the “high” I longed for--that connection I once had felt with the Lord. I began to fear: would it mean something is wrong if that didn’t happen? What do I have to do to make sure I “feel” something? Is my lack of faith a sign that this vocation is not for me?

Faithful trust pulled me forward, helping me believe that even without the spiritual high, God would be present and our wedding day could bring glory to him. 

I also began reflecting on the gift of desolation, which allowed my mind to discern my vocation without the clouding of emotions and “signs” that could lead me to confusion. My past prayer journals showed me how my soon-to-be-husband was exactly what I had always longed for, and I had an immense sense of peace at the thought of marrying him. 

I vowed to put intentional effort into everything about our wedding, as though I had complete trust and faith in God. As I began contemplating the intricacies of our nuptial Mass, I was drawn towards readings and songs that kept me grounded in the truths of the Catholic faith I could believe in this moment, the hope I held for our future, my past experiences and journey to a place of faith, and requests for assistance from God and the saints. 

One of the reasons I chose the parish we were married in was for the stained glass image of the Annunciation right above the altar. For years I had been attending the parish; often during Mass, I would gaze upon the image of Mary kneeling before the angel. At one time, I had a great devotion to Mary and her words “Let it done to me according to thy will” were the words that came to me in moments of great risk and faith.

In this time of desolation and uncertainty, I found comfort and affiliation in the image of me kneeling with my husband, and Mary, before the angel. 

On our wedding day we approached the altar to Sara Groves’ “He’s Always Been Faithful to Me,” a song that proclaims a truth my heart cannot always make. 

Our Gospel reading was the Beatitudes. As the line “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy” was proclaimed, it pierced my heart. As a social worker and pro-life advocate, so much of my desolation had come from experiencing immense brokenness and not seeing God’s power within it. 

That desolation had brought me to a place of hopelessness and struggles with sin. Yet here on this day, I heard the voice of the Lord telling me he saw me. 

He saw my merciful heart for others and in response, his mercy would extend, overwhelm, and overlook all the brokenness I had been feeling and experiencing. I was-- and had always been-- enough for him, despite my struggles with lack of belief. 

It did not overtake my body like so many experiences of the Holy Spirit had before;, it was not a fire lit in my soul. The experience was so intimate, and what I realize now is that it was an acknowledgement to the constant burning, which had been there even when I could no longer see.

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 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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