Steffani + Dominick | Autumnal Southern Charm Wedding

Novenas, roses, and a fateful road trip to Wisconsin. Steffani knew, coming back from a trip in 2012, that Dominick would be her future husband. But they wouldn’t be married until six years later. 

Their love story is a beautiful reflection of patience, prayer, and deep friendship that poured over into marriage. At their gorgeous autumn wedding, in true southern style, they made their vows before God and joyfully waltzed the night away with family and friends. 

From the Bride: Dominick and I met in 2012 during my senior year of college. We were on a road trip with a group of friends to Wisconsin for a mutual friend's wedding. Dominick was an altar server and I was a bridesmaid. 

When we arrived in Wisconsin, we all spent an evening outdoors at a quaint house settled in the middle of acres of land and corn fields. Dominick gave me his shoes to sit on in the grass, and we immediately clicked over a mutual love of beauty in nature, books, music, art, and theology. 

We spent the rest of the trip like this: escaping to take nature walks to talk about life and each other, dancing, and star gazing. It all sounds so cliché, but it really was adventurous, romantic, and sweet. 

It was exactly what I had been praying for after a couple relationships that left me feeling hopeless. I had been writing letters to my future spouse since 2010 about how God was converting my heart. I said countless novenas to St. Joseph for the grace to prepare me and the husband I did not yet know. I also prayed the novena to St. Therese of Lisieux frequently, in which it is said she will deliver a rose as an affirmation of her intercession. 

When we returned from Wisconsin I knew, perhaps from intuition, that Dominick was the man I was going to marry. Perhaps it was Divine Providence that he asked me to be his girlfriend with a single rose he picked from the garden at the University of St. Thomas, Houston. I took it as a blessing delivered by St. Therese. 

I didn’t know it was the same garden where he would ask me to be his wife almost six years later, and I would present him with the letters I had been writing and holding on to for almost eight years. God and his saints have a way of planning things better than I ever can, and I kept this reality present and true while preparing for our wedding day. 

Preparation for the vocation of marriage and not just the wedding day was the heartbeat of our engagement. That was the most common advice shared with us by married couples, and we took that very seriously. We went to confession and Mass often, prayed together more, and read books like Three to Get Married by Venerable Fulton Sheen and By Love Refined by Alice von Hildebrand for discussion. We reminded each other often of the wise words from our sponsor couple: “marriage is not about you, it’s about God.” 

The highlight of our engagement was our betrothal ceremony, which we performed on the Nativity of Mary to dedicate our sacramental engagement to her Immaculate Conception. We did it with the prayer that Mary might help purify and perfect the “giving of our troth” to each other.

We wanted our nuptial Mass to be an expression of God’s gift of beauty. This was our goal, to give back to God what he had given abundantly to us. My husband is a liturgist, and I am a theology teacher and Catholic event planner, so liturgy is a common topic in our relationship. It would no doubt be our top priority and the longest part of our planning. 

Dominick and I spent much of our relationship going to Mass at Holy Rosary Catholic Church, a Dominican parish filled with gorgeous, detailed architecture, woodwork, and stained glass, so we knew we wanted to get married there. In fact, this was where Dominick would have proposed to me, but it took him too long to get the words out. And so we ended up at the rose garden instead. Coincidence? Not likely! 

We both love the Traditional Latin Mass, which Dominick grew up with. I was drawn into it during a major conversion through youth ministry and was more accustomed to the Novus Ordo (the most commonly used form of the Mass after Vatican II, usually spoken in the vernacular), as were many of our guests. After we considered doing the Traditional Latin Mass, we decided to use more traditional elements within the Ordinary Form such as chanting the Mass parts in Latin and singing the antiphons with more contemporary songs as the preludes. It was the perfect package of old and new. 

We wanted to pick readings that were truly expressive of our shared faith, so I picked the Old Testament reading, and he picked the New Testament reading. As a romantic, I chose lines from the Song of Songs which have always spoken to my heart. It is the story of the lover and the beloved, of God pursuing me and my relationship with Dominick being a delightful reflection of that. Dominick chose Ephesians 5, a tough passage, but a reading that we reflected and prayed with throughout our engagement with the help of the deacon who led our marriage prep. It is a reading we encouraged each other to live out, and one that we wanted our guests to hear and hold us accountable to. 

The highest point of the entire nuptial Mass was receiving the Eucharist with my husband. My soul experienced something in that moment that was beyond understanding. It was an elevation that brought me to tears, and I was fully aware that I was now united to this man in a way I would never be united to any other human being--by sharing Jesus’ Eucharistic sacrifice in an intimate way as husband and wife. 

My entrance song was “Eternal Source of Light Divine” composed by Handel. We coordinated a schola choir with our musically-talented friends who gifted us with their voices and sang the Ode, which was a heavenly piece as Dominick and I saw one another for the first time. We decided not to do a first look to preserve this moment, but had a private moment of prayer instead and said the last day of our St. Josemaria Escriva novena for a faithful and happy marriage. 

We were married in November, so we decided on an “autumnal southern charm” styled wedding. The décor was filled with deep, rich gem tones and mauve and gold accent colors. Being very much a southern girl, I knew I wanted a Gone with the Wind, antique, grand feel to our wedding and reception--but on a budget. We found a large plantation-style venue tucked away on a pecan orchard to capture the look we wanted. It was so dreamy. 

We were extremely fortunate that many of our friends and coworkers donated items we needed like printing, invitations, and decorations. I did a few DIY projects like floral lantern toppers, grand entrance bell wands, and “bride” and “groom” chair wreaths. We splurged here and there on antique pieces, like the mirror we used for our seating arrangement and frames. 

Our nostalgic invitations echoed our theme as well with mauve calligraphy and deckled edge paper. Our guest book was a poster of two characters made to look like us, and it now hangs nicely in our home. Since my husband is Italian-American, our sweets table was filled with some of our favorite treats made by my mother-in-law. We added Catholic touches by incorporating saints that played important parts in our lives on our table numbers. 

I got ready before the wedding at Link Lee Mansion, where we also had our rehearsal dinner. It is such a stunning location at our alma mater. I soaked in time with my best friends and listened to their stories about marriage and motherhood while drinking mimosas and being pampered by our hair and make up team. They also gifted me with a basket of wine; one bottle from each of them for a major moment in our marriage with handwritten cards fit to make a bride cry. 

My favorite moments after Mass were filled with dancing! Our first dance was a waltz to “La Vie En Rose.” My husband and I love to ballroom dance, so we showed each other off with our practiced waltz step. At every Aquila wedding his family circles up and sways back and forth, singing at the top of their lungs, and kicking their legs to the song “New York, New York.” My husband is one of eleven, so the evening was filled with lots of people, joy, and laughter. 

We also had a private last dance. I stole this idea from a wedding I had worked a couple years before. While people lined up to see us leave, we shared a dance alone in the ballroom to a Glen Hansard song that we sang to each other in our first year of dating. As the song goes, “maybe I was born to hold you in these arms.”

Our wedding day was the start of a journey I believe I was truly meant for. Taking time to spiritually prepare the way we did only made our transition into married life that much better. It's not always easy, but knowing that we set a strong foundation of prayer and receiving the sacraments together gives us the graces we need. 

Savoring all the joy-filled moments of the day and not getting caught up in details I could no longer change put the emphasis back on us, our vocation, and God. We were supported in every step of our engagement by our parish community, family, and friends who constantly poured love and laughter upon us. Dominick and I both believe a relationship is not meant to turn in on itself but is meant to be shared with the Christian community. My cup has run over from the many blessings this provided to us.

Photography: Ten23 Photography | Church: Holy Rosary Catholic Church Houston, TX | Reception: The Estates at Pecan Park | Flowers: Mary Tran | Invitations & Stationary- Pax Paper (Dominika Ramos) | Bride's Dress: Allure Bridal | Veil: Custom Cathedral Veil (Cindy Rose) | Bridal Shoes: Badgley Mischka | Hair and Makeup: BP Artistry | Rings: Helzberg Diamonds | Groom and Groomsmen Suits: Men's Wearhouse | Cake: Magical Memories Made Simple | DJ: Dave Clark Events

Change is the Only Constant... or is it?

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Marriage opens a door to an on-going season of transition. This is no surprise; Spoken Bride editors and contributors have shared about the realities of marital transition in the context of decorating the home, in regards to navigating the emotions of transition, and with respect to leaving your parents for your spouse

PHOTOGRAPHY: KELLI SEELEY

PHOTOGRAPHY: KELLI SEELEY

Like many new brides, the instant barrage of change following marriage left me feeling overwhelmed in my first year as a wife—from moving to a new home to navigating domestic responsibilities, forming an identity in my vocation and embracing an openness to life. 

Finally, I heard a phrase that resonated with the ache of my heart: Change is the only constant

These words became the title for a season in constant flux. Expecting change as a norm, however, gave me a sense of control and calm. For a time, these words seemed to offer consolation…And then, suddenly, they didn’t.

When I woke up on the one-year anniversary of our wedding, my new-found slogan made a mockery of my life, my identity and my confidence. While my husband traveled for work, I drank coffee in our quiet home, reflecting on the overwhelming number of transitions we had faced in one year and anticipating a daunting future of even more extreme change. Although the experiences have been positive—such as beginning a home together and expecting our first child—I was battered into defeat as I considered my weakness, my inability to handle the emotional ups-and-downs of the rest of our lives. 

Even when the love between a husband and wife is tangible, real, pure, and fruitful, marriage will be attacked by a temptation to doubt and despair.

With a desperate need for peace, I turned to Scripture; the Holy Spirit met me in the book of James. 

“Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers: all good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming doing from the Father of lights, with whom there is no alteration or shadow caused by change. He willed to give us birth by the word of truth that we may be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.”

If, in the silence of your heart, you can relate to feeling overwhelmed by the transitions and changes which accompany a new vocation, I hope you find peace in those holy words. 

As the Father of Lights, God never changes, nor does his brightness ever fade. Every experience that comes within your married life is a good and perfect gift from him. 

Believing “change is the only constant” in my life affirmed a false-truth in which I was living without desire or freedom. I believed I was a puppet to my circumstance. This verse from the book of James denies that lie through the truth of Love: with God, there is no shadow caused by change. Although at times the light may be dim, he is our constant companion of love and hope.

We are called to be receptive, present to each moment of our days. When our lives and our hearts feel battered by innumerable new circumstances and emotional transitions, peace is found in our Heavenly Father who is constantly, consistently shining his light into our lives. This is a truth which can set us free.

He is guiding the way and leading us to the fulfillment of vocation in sanctification. The road is not straight or clear or easy, but you are not alone in this journey.


About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Catholic Gift Ideas for the First Five Anniversaries

CARISSA PLUTA

 

I’ve always loved the traditional “themes” that go along with your wedding anniversary and enjoy the challenge of coming up with a gift idea to go along with it.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

Finding the perfect gift for your spouse isn’t always easy, so here are some thoughtful and uniquely Catholic ideas for the first five anniversaries:

First Anniversary: Paper

Spiritual bouquet: This gift idea is a favorite of mine. This thoughtful idea allows you to physically show your husband your prayers and sacrifices for him. There are several ways you can go about putting your spiritual bouquet together and you can even invite your family and loved ones to join in.

Framed Print: Beautiful Catholic prints and artwork like this St. John Chrysostom Print or this St. Josemaria Escriva print from our shop, would perfectly fit this theme for your first anniversary and fill your home with even more beauty.

More Here: First Anniversary Gift Ideas

Second Anniversary: Cotton

T-Shirt: Cotton shirts make a laid back but fun gift for your significant other. You can buy functional, everyday shirts or switch it up with a cool (and Catholic) graphic t-shirt like the Beloved and All the Days of My Life tees in the Spoken Bride Shop. 

New sheets or a quilt: Your bed shouldn’t just be the place in which you go to sleep each night, but a sacred space. It is where your vows are made flesh and should be adorned in a manner fitting of such a high honor. New cotton sheets or a custom quilt would help turn your bedroom into a sanctuary.

Third Anniversary: Leather

Leather bound Bible or Liturgy of the Hours: I love leather bound books, don’t you? You can buy a leather bound Bible or the set of Liturgy of the Hours for your spouse (and you) to use daily. These sturdy books will hold up well over the years and would make a great addition to your family’s sacred space.

Leather prayer journal: Does your spouse like to journal as a form of prayer? Buy a leather journal for him to take with him to the chapel for holy hour. 

Personalized Leather Tray: A leather tray to hold your wedding bands, keys, or spare change would make another good option for your third anniversary. You can even have it personalized with a meaningful quote or verse from your wedding mass readings. 

Fourth Anniversary: Fruit or Flowers

Custom painting of your wedding bouquet: If you have a photo of the bouquet from your wedding, you can find an artist to make a custom painting of it for your home. It serves as a beautiful reminder of that special day (and would last much longer than real flowers would). 

Marian Garden: Clear a spot in your yard and plants flowers around a statue of Mary. While this isn’t exactly a simple, one-time gift, it gives you something to watch grow and flourish as the years go on.

Fifth Anniversary: Wood

Crucifix: A wooden crucifix would remind you of your call in marriage to self-giving love, and make a beautiful and meaningful addition to your bedroom or sacred space. 

Wood beaded rosaries: Wooden rosary beads are also a good (and spiritually edifying) option for this anniversary. 

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for your upcoming anniversary. 


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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The Art of the Apology

CARISSA PLUTA

 

Learning how to apologize has been one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned so far in my marriage. 

I thought I knew how to apologize well. Isn’t that one of the earliest lessons we learn when we reach school age?

However, early in our marriage, I noticed that my apologies (if I apologized at all) often lacked humility.

A genuine apology and a swift forgiveness positively affect the whole dynamic of your relationship with your spouse. 

Take responsibility

Very few marital disputes are the sole fault of one of the parties, so you first must acknowledge your role in the problem or dispute. If you don’t your apology will lack sincerity. 

Step into your spouse’s shoes and see how your words and actions may have negatively affected or hurt him. Show him that you respect how he feels.

This first step takes humility, which can prove difficult for many of us, but will help build trust and love in your relationship with your partner.

Watch your words

Words have power and can affect the sincerity and validity of your apology. 

When struggling to overcome our pride, we often word our apology in a way that places the blame primarily on the other person.

“I’m sorry you feel that way” or “If I offended you, I’m sorry” are not apologies. And instead of reinforcing the connection between you and your spouse, further divide you. 

Use more “I statements” when apologizing like “I’m sorry I said…” or “I’m sorry I…” and use specifics. Show your spouse with your words that you actually know why you are apologizing. 

Ask for forgiveness

Honesty, this is the part I still struggle with. Asking for forgiveness is incredibly humbling often making it the most challenging part of an apology. But I promise, that it will become easier over time. 

You may be tempted to write it out or send it in a text, but it’s important that you verbally ask your spouse for forgiveness. Doing this offers release and closure for both people, and can help you grow in virtues that will benefit your relationship. 

If you struggle with this step, ask yourself why? What is preventing you from doing this? Take it to prayer and allow God to show you where you need to grow. 

Create an action plan

What steps can you take to prevent this mistake from happening again? What steps will you take to change? 

You can ask your spouse what he thinks could be done differently if the situation arises again. 

But don’t just tell your husband your plan, put it into action. Allow him to see your resolve to love him better. 

Change doesn’t happen overnight, so show yourself some kindness as you learn and ask God for the grace to help you were you still struggle.


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Editors Share | Hobby Ideas for Couples

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, the team shares the leisure activities and hobbies they enjoy with their spouses.

 

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

My husband and I love being outdoors, so hiking or even just going on a walk in our neighborhood has been a great way to spend time with one another. 

Recently, our activity of choice has been rock climbing. My husband got into before I did and kept asking me to come along. I was a little hesitant to try this new activity, but ended up loving it. I started asking him to go more regularly together. It’s a fun and challenging activity and gives us an opportunity to encourage each other to get better. 

We also love playing games with one another. We have a large board game collection and love spending an evening playing one, or more recently, Dungeons and Dragons. 

 

Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Gift-giving is neither mine nor my husband’s primary love language, but when I consider our favorite things to do together, they are centered around some of the most meaningful and most well-used gifts we’ve given!  

From the start of our marriage when we lived within walking distance of a rail trail, we’ve loved going on bike rides--a bicycle was my husband’s wedding gift to me--and now we continue enjoying family rides with our children.

We also love playing music together. I gave my husband a guitar when we got married, and over the years he has gotten me a ukulele (a longtime bucket-list item of mine) and keyboard (allowing me to follow up on my years of childhood piano lessons as an adult) as birthday gifts. We enjoy looking up chords to selections by musicians we love, as well as simply experimenting with melodies on our instruments and playing off each other.

Our other favorite hobby is discussing what we’re reading--we met in our college English class, after all! When we have the time, we enjoy reading the same novel together.

 

Andi Compton, Business Director

Ever since our dating days, my husband Matt and I have enjoyed watching movies together. Most nights we will throw on a movie or show while we work on other things; I love that we create our own inside jokes which give us excuses to laugh together during the day. 

Honestly, we are complete opposites in every way but the faith, and we tend to drag each other to things we each want to do. Matt will treat me to a musical now and then, he works on quilts with me, and I love dragging him to malls and model homes. He drags me outside on the occasional hike, to the beach, and to the park with our kids.

Lately I’ve been enjoying cooking with him when the kids are occupied with playing. He likes it much more than I do, but I like to pick the recipes, put on music, and be his sous chef.

 

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

We enjoy going on walks and to the pool with our kids. When we have a show that we are into, we look forward to watching an episode with some fun snacks, such as stove top popcorn, ice cream, or yogurt with lots of toppings.

From time-to-time we like to indulge in an early bedtime and read side-by-side. We have recently started talking about investing in some board games to mix things up, too! We love playing games with extended family and friends, but have never gotten into it as a couple. We also love trying out new restaurants, wineries, and breweries when we can!

 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

For better or worse, my husband and I are competitive. We were both athletes through college and met at a student-athlete conference; our competitive natures are ingrained in who we are! We’ve found some fun ways to keep the game day mindset alive while light-heartedly playing with (and against) each other. 

We love to take a soccer ball to a local field and play one-on-one. Bowling is definitely a favorite activity--one we did the first day we met, and on our wedding day! Game nights are perfect when we want to stay home. We especially enjoy Exploding Kittens, Settlers of Catan, and Scrabble. 

Some activities that keep us on the same team are traveling to new cities, exploring local breweries, and shopping at Ikea. 

 

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Three years ago, my husband started regularly working out through CrossFit. A year and a half later, I followed suit, and it has become one of the most fun parts of our marriage. We love encouraging one another and pushing each other towards personal goals week after week. This year we watched the CrossFit Games together and started reading up more on our favorite athletes and coaches. We have really come to enjoy being part of the CrossFit community. 

Our other hobbies include visiting historical sites and museums, visiting churches and shrines, tasting ethnic and local foods, and taking nature walks with our kids. 

We love sharing in community with you and hearing your own stories! Share one of you and your beloved’s favorite hobbies in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

 

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

Most nights my husband and I will cuddle and put on a show or movie to unwind. I really love cuddling just before bed—sometimes it’s the highlight of my day! My primary love languages are quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. So, I really enjoy being close and spending one-on-one time with my husband.

We also enjoy going out to eat and having intellectual conversations. One time an older couple came up to us when we were eating at Chick-Fil-A and they asked what we were studying—at the time, we actually weren’t studying anything! Both of us graduated with our master’s degrees a while ago, and we just like to nerd out and keep our minds sharp. Most of the time our conversations are on theological topics, but the subjects vary. If there is any way I can make a connection to literature, fairytales, or a Disney movie I certainly will!

Other activities we enjoy include playing board games and sightseeing. Sometimes we will invite friends or other couples over for a game night. Several of my favorite games include Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne, Lords of Waterdeep, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Gemstone Mining Game. Those games are great for indoor fun! If we decide to do an outdoor activity, we might go sightseeing at the zoo or take a stroll around the park.

Sara + Raphy | Hawaiian Paradise Wedding

Sara didn’t plan on returning to Hawaii after graduation. The friendship she had begun with Raphy looked like it was coming to an end. But when she did come back, and they picked up where they left off, the two friends realized their relationship was turning into something more.

From the Bride: My husband and I met the summer of 2016, but we didn’t start talking and hanging out until December 31, the last day of the year. Shortly after a dinner at the Salt Lake Chinese Restaurant, we coordinated a day to hike the Koko Head Arch and chill at the beach down below--just as friends. 

After the new year on January 14, 2017 I received an unexpected text message from him asking me to dinner, as friends. So we shared spaghetti and meatballs at Buca Di Beppo in the Ward Center. We got boba drinks afterwards and drank them at the Tantalus lookout. And then, on the ride back to my place, we sang Disney songs for the entire drive. 

Raphy walked me upstairs, hugged me goodbye, and then I left for Portland the following day. It was a night to remember, but I thought that would be the extent of our friendship since I didn’t plan to return to Hawaii after graduation. We kept in touch through the occasional phone call and sporadic text messages. 

I ended up coming back home after graduating in May, and on June 2 we planned a day to hang out and celebrate each other's birthdays after being an ocean apart. The day started off with Raphy surprising me with the Disney Aulani Character Breakfast in Ko'olina. In turn, I surprised him by taking him to Moanalua Gardens and dancing hula for him. We ended with worship performed by Jeremy Camp at New Hope. It was another memorable time together.

About a week later on Trinity Sunday my friends threw a surprise graduation celebration for me at a friends’ home in Kapolei. There was so much food and laughter. Raphy even showed up later on, another surprise for me! The celebration went on until there was just seven of us left. There was hula dancing, singing, and guitar playing. Towards the end of the evening, Raphy asked me if I'd like to enter into a courtship with him, and I said, "yes!" 

That October, I took a trip to Europe with my mom, and we explored Switzerland and Italy. I had the amazing opportunity to go inside the Basilica of St. Peter in the Vatican in Rome. I knelt down to pray at one of the altars, specifically for Raphy and our relationship. After I was done praying, I saw a small sign at the front; it was the altar dedicated to St. Joseph, Raphy’s confirmation saint. I fell to my knees in tears and knew I was ready to tell him I loved him when I returned from my trip. 

I arrived home in the morning, rested, and then reunited with Raphy for date night and adoration. As we were sitting in his car at the end of the night, he asked to be vulnerable with me for a moment. That's where he professed his love for me for the first time. I professed my love for him too, and this love that we had for each other grew into the love we share today.

The next April, Raphy took me to the adoration chapel at Our Lady of Good Counsel, Aiea to pray a holy hour together. Prayer is the priority and foundation of our relationship, so we always made time to pray together. 

During the middle of our holy hour, Raphy excused himself because of a stomach problem (nerves!) and asked me to meet him at the car after I was done praying. When I approached his car there were candles lit, the bible was open to the story of the Annunciation, Raphy's journal was lying nearby, and one of my favorite love songs played in the background: "We'll Be Okay" by Imagine Dragons. 

The journal entry I read shared how he felt about our relationship and led me to a garden dedicated to the Blessed Mother. That's when he started serenading me with his favorite love song, "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran. After finishing, he professed how much he wanted to love and serve me for the rest of his life. Raphy went down on one knee and proposed. 

With tears in my eyes and a big smile on my face, I gave him my yes! We embraced each other and prayed in front of the Blessed Mother to intercede and guide us as a newly engaged couple. 

In preparation for marriage, we attended a weekend Engaged Encounter retreat in Kauai. After many long and deep conversations about our plans for marriage, we made a formal pledge of betrothal to each other. Becoming betrothed in the Catholic Church is a deliberate, free, mutual, and true promise, externally expressed, of future marriage between both parties. 

We understood that marriage was a sacrament and that we needed to prepare ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. And so we committed to growing in holiness with each other. One of the boundaries we set was no wedding planning on Sundays, the day of rest.

On our wedding day, Father Peter Dumag, our celebrant, shared with everyone that there is the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. On that day we gave our 'yes' to God to live out our vocation of marriage. 

They say the wedding day is the day when two become one, but it is the two of us becoming one in Him. They say when you get married you're settling down, but you're actually elevating! My marriage brings my soul so much joy and peace. This is my path to heaven with my husband, through our Blessed Mother who brings us to her Son, Jesus Christ. We are so blessed for the many family and friends who witnessed our union in the sacrament of holy matrimony.

Photography:  Brandon Smith's Photography | Church: St. Elizabeth’s Church - Aiea, HI | Reception: Bird of Paradise Restaurant - Ewa Beach, HI 96815 | Rings: Honolulu Jewelry Co. | Flowers: Simply Elegant - Hawaii | Invitations: Shutterfly | Dress: David's Bridal | Veil: Amazon | Shoes: Macy’s  | Bridesmaids: David's Bridal | Hair & makeup: Lynn Yee Makeup


Scripture and Science Reveal a Masculine Genius

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Pope John Paul II’s Apostolic Letter Mulieris Dignitatem defines a feminine genius as four innate qualities of the dignity and nature of woman: receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity. Though self-reflection is a powerful tool for growing in intimacy with God, self, and others, reflecting on the origin of man may also yield a stronger union between the masculine and feminine in a spousal relationship. 

Saint John Paul II did not write an apostolic letter defining a masculine genius; however, Scripture and science help us understand what it means to be a man and identifies qualities which are undeniably masculine. 

Recognizing the innate qualities of man may help us see, know and love our spouses as they live with courage according to God’s call for their lives. 

Creation in the Garden of Eden 

On the sixth day of the creation story, God created man and told him: “Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth.” Eventually we hear, “The Lord God then took the man and settled him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and care for it.” This story depicts the vocation of man, as a man. 

Man is expected to live in harmony with God and his creation while having dominion over the Earth. After the fall to sin and throughout human history, this original good can be twisted into an ego-driven dominion and self-seeking control. Yet we must recall man in his origin: created as good, in the image of God, with an inborn yearning for holy authority. 

Man is also told to cultivate and care for creation. Man is equipped with the responsibility of managing and protecting all of God’s creation. After woman joins him in the garden, Adam maintains his role as leader and protector in their relationship and their environment, their home. 

Adam falls to the temptation of sin and the same will be true for the men in our lives. Our responsibility, as women, is to see and love the essence of their goodness in an effort to inspire him towards sanctification. 

Man’s Body Tells a Story 

The physical, anatomical structure of man’s body in relation to his responsibility to “be fertile and multiply” reveals even more about the masculine genius. 

In regards to physical intimacy and procreation, man’s body is created to initiate and offer a gift of himself. Where woman is created ready to receive, man is created ready to give. 

This physical reality is not only relevant to the physical intimacy, however. Man is designed to initiate and to be the head of the household—the domestic church of the family. 

Man’s means for physical union is outside of his body. From the beginning and throughout time, he is naturally more attuned to external reality than internal emotions. In a group of men and women, how often do men congregate and discuss work, sports or hobbies—the external world—while women come together and discuss matters related to personal relationships and the heart? 

Men and women are invited to experience perfect complementarity in their union of external and internal, head and heart, realistic and emotional. 

Several secular-looking traditions may have deeper roots in this spiritual reality. Consider how “old-fashioned” it is for a man to ask for a woman’s number, to pay for dinner on a date, to go one one knee and propose marriage. These gender norms are not meant to stifle women in an inferior way; rather, these practices echo the desires of the hearts of men and women in the most appropriate and empowering way. 

Marriage between man and woman mirrors the union between Christ and the Church. In these spousal unions, we recognize the parallel call for man, Christ, to become a total self-offering and for woman, the Church, to be wholly receptive to the gift. 

Science and the Brain 

Brain development and scientific fact supports the reasoning behind the masculine genius. Dr. Greg Bottaro, founder and director of the CatholicPsych Institute, writes, “There is less connectivity between the right and left hemispheres in the male brain. This allows for greater compartmentalization. At the same time, there is actually more connection between the front and back of each hemisphere in the male brain… Men are better at spatial organization and abstract thinking… These qualities dispose a man to make decisions and solve problems that are related to the external environment.” 

The scientific evidence related to brain development, hormones, physical development, procreation and child-bearing radically support the traits of the masculine genius discussed above. 

In his origin, man is very good. By original sin, man falls from his goodness and into temptation. We, women, have a beautiful opportunity in our call to see the heart of a man, love him for who God created him to be, and empower him to fulfill his vocation as man on the journey toward sanctification. 

For additional reading about the feminine genius, previous posts on Spoken Bride highlight what it means to be a woman in the context of Bridesmaid’s Dresses, Friendship, Last Names and more.


About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Unveiling Mystery | Venerable Fulton Sheen on Sacramental Marriage

MARIAH MAZA

 

We know through the wisdom of Scripture and tradition that Christian marriage, a lifelong, indissoluble covenant between two baptized persons, is a sacrament. In the fifth chapter of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he speaks about the self-giving love of husbands and wives and how this love reflects the love of Christ for his bride, the Church. 

Through Jesus, marriage is elevated to something more profound, divine, and mysterious. At the end of Ephesians 5, Paul confirms this: “This (marital love) is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.” This “great mystery” of marital love is something sacramental.

PHOTOGRAPHY: THE MANTILLA COMPANY

In fact, the origin of the word “sacrament” can be traced back to the Greek word mysterion meaning “mystery.” In return, the Latin word mysterium can be translated to mean “sacrament.” This is why, in the Byzantine Rite, the seven sacraments are referred to as the Holy Mysteries.

But these sacraments, despite being “mysterious” by their very nature, are something intended for us to enter into. The mysteries of the Church are not to remain shrouded in secret. God desires to reveal the divine beauty and reality of them to us through his grace. This element of mystery and the subsequent “unveiling” of it is especially true in marriage.

Soon-to-be-beatified Archbishop Fulton Sheen had a deep understanding of the divine mystery of sacramental marriage, despite his unmarried state in the priesthood. In his spiritual classic Three to Get Married, he writes, “great are the joys in marriage, as there is the lifting of progressive veils, until one is brought into the blazing lights of the Presence of God.” 

He wrote about four main mysteries, or “veils,” progressively lifted in marriage as a couple journeyed deeper and deeper into the sacrament: 

“In a true marriage, there is an ever-enchanting romance...First, there is the mystery of the other partner, which is body-mystery.”

Before marriage, a couple’s growing desire for intimacy manifests on multiple levels: emotional, spiritual, and physical. But until the sacrament is conferred, the ultimate expression of this desire for intimacy, for complete communion--for consummation--cannot yet be experienced. In the marriage vows, “both give themselves definitively and totally to one another. They are no longer two; from now on they form one flesh” (CCC 2364). Now the beauty of marital intimacy can be fully expressed in the spouses’ one flesh union. The first “veil” is lifted, because the beloved becomes totally known emotionally, spiritually, and physically in the sexual act of complete self-gift.

“When that mystery is solved and the first child is born, there begins a new mystery. The husband sees something in the wife he never before knew existed, namely, the beautiful mystery of motherhood. She sees a new mystery in him she never before knew existed, namely, the mystery of fatherhood.”

The Church teaches that “conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment” (CCC 2366). The mystery of sacramental marriage does not end after the wedding night, but rather grows and deepens through the fruitfulness of that consummation. 

Many times, that fruitfulness comes in the form of a child. And as a husband and wife welcome the birth of their child, an incredible transformation occurs in their hearts: the birth of their identities as mother and father. This reveals a facet of the beloved previously unknown. Spouses can delight in the unveiling of motherly and fatherly love they witness in each other with the onset of parenthood.

“As the children reach the age of reason, a third mystery unfolds, that of father-craft and mother-craft – the disciplining and training of young minds and hearts in the ways of God.”

Proverbs 22:6 admonishes parents to “train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.” And thus, another mystery unfolds in marriage: the mystery of the “domestic church.” Husbands and wives, now mothers and fathers, take on the responsibility of spiritually forming the souls of their children. They strive in family life to imitate the Holy Family where Christ himself was born and raised. To do this, the spouses must continue to lean on the endless graces of the marriage sacrament, which, in its fruitfulness, has only grown in life and love since their wedding day.  

“As the children grow into maturity, the mystery continues to deepen, new areas of exploration open up, and the father and mother now see themselves as sculptors in the great quarry of humanity, carving living stones and fitting them together in the Temple of God, Whose Architect is Love.”

As parents watch their children grow in age and virtue, they witness the fruits of their prayers and spiritual formation. In time, patience, and trust in the Lord, spouses can hope to see their sons and daughters become saints who take their place in salvation history. 

At this point the time before children, when the “body-mystery” of their one flesh union was yet to be unveiled, is many years past. But the mysteries of sacramental marriage continue, until, in the words of Fulton Sheen, husband and wife are “brought into the blazing lights of the Presence of God,” when Heaven itself is unveiled. “The body may grow older,” says Archbishop Sheen, “but the Spirit grows younger, and love often becomes more intense.”

If you are engaged, the excitement of these unknowns becoming known is something to joyfully anticipate as your wedding day approaches. If you and your beloved are newlyweds, perhaps you have already experienced the sacred beauty that awaits behind one or two of these “veils.” May you find joy in the unending mystery of the sacrament and strength in the graces God desires to lavish on you and your beloved.

Venerable Fulton Sheen, pray for us, for all engaged couples preparing for marriage, and for newlyweds just beginning to unveil the mysteries of the sacrament.


About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the co-founder of Joans in the Desert, a blog for bookish and creative Catholic women. Read more

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Creative Ways to Pray for your Spouse

CARISSA PLUTA

 

When it comes to praying for my husband, I’ve always had great intentions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I imagine myself getting to the adoration chapel for an hour or so and praying perfectly for my husband’s needs.

But in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, intercessory prayer often falls to the bottom of the list, unless of course, it’s a more urgent intention, in which a decade of the rosary might suffice. 

I don’t want to wait until an emergency or crisis arrives to pray for my husband, but carving out time during the day requires me to get more creative with how I do it.

Sacrifice something for him

As Catholics, we believe that our sacrifices and suffering have meaning and can be redemptive. 

In Salvifici Doloris, it says: “...Christ has also raised human suffering to the level of the Redemption. Thus each man, in his suffering, can also become a sharer in the redemptive suffering of Christ.”

Intentionally making a sacrifice, especially on behalf of another, can bring forth many graces in that person’s life. 

You might consider picking a day where you will offer something up specifically for your spouse. You can start small--maybe by giving up dessert, social media, or breakfast. 

Pray for him as you do chores

My husband and I split up the daily duties and responsibilities in our house, and I’ve found that I can use the time I spend doing them for prayer. You can choose a traditional form of prayer to do during this time, or offer up this valuable gift of your time and energy for your partner. 

Not only can you offer up your daily work for your spouse, but you can get even more creative by praying for specific things relating to the chores. 

For instance, sometimes when I fold laundry, I can pray for the bodily health and needs of my husband. Or when I am cleaning up after dinner, I can pray for his spiritual nourishment. 

You make a gift of yourself to your spouse and to God when you do your duties joyfully, and combining work and prayer can produce so much fruit in your life, your husband’s life, and in your marriage.

Create a spiritual bouquet

A spiritual bouquet is a collection of prayers and offerings from an individual or group for someone else. 

Not only does a spiritual bouquet make a thoughtful gift for your spouse, but it also offers you an intentional way to pray and offer sacrifices for his’ intentions. 

You can do this alone or you can invite friends and other loved ones to contribute. Make a note of how and when you pray for him during the week and then gift him with the note so he has a visual representation of the prayers you offered for him. 


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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4 Financially Smart Tips for Newlyweds

LARABETH MILLER

 

I am so very proud of my husband. 

We got married in his second year of medical school, had a baby, moved to another town and held ourselves together while he worked 80 hour work weeks and studied for 9-hour exams. Then we spent $10k on interviews before he landed a fantastic job. My husband then graduated from medical school and carried his little family to another state to begin a new chapter. 

 Now we are proudly Dr. and Mrs. Miller, ready to welcome our second baby. Oh, and we have six figures worth of debt to pay off. 

Truly, I’m laughing--because otherwise, I’d cry. And it might not seem like I’m very well-equipped to be writing about being smart with money. Taking on as much debt as we have is certainly a risk and stressor to any marriage. 

But with any kind of monetary undertaking, even just creating a family, it is essential to learn how to be financially literate. 

Money will always present itself as a major pressure in a marriage, yet if both you and your spouse are knowledgeable, it becomes a team effort instead of a fight. The virtues of prudence and wisdom are key here, in addition to faith in God’s providence.

Here, a few of the ways my husband and I have started our financial journey. 

Identify your spending personalities.

 This is an important topic to discuss before you get married. Consider: what are your spending habits like? Are you high maintenance? Do you budget your life already? What things are essential for you? What kind of financial examples did your parents display?  

It's crucial to get an idea of how your future spouse handles money, because he or she will be your “business” partner for life. One of you might need to grow more sacrificial in your  wants, while the other might benefit from loosening up on restrictions. Find a balance and learn how to compromise while identifying your shared financial goals. 

Set realistic expectations. 

One of my major pieces of advice is to stop looking at Instagram. There seems to be an ideal for millennials to have a house and two new cars by their late twenties. Some do accomplish this, but perhaps only with great debt. Its okay--and wise--to not be able to purchase a house right away. It's realistic to only have one car until a few years into your marriage. 

 It's also normal to not be able to have a social-media-worthy wedding. The life you and your fiancé are beginning is about both of you and how well you choose to shape it. God calls us to live with what he gives us, in order to care for each other and foster a simple, holy home environment. And your shared happiness will come easier without comparisons to everyone else’s seemingly “perfect” life. 

Know your financial playbook.

Start with what you have, identify what is most important, and make a flexible plan together. Are you starting out with student loans? Learn how to refinance them and get yourself on a manageable repayment plan. Are you having a baby right away? Find out what your insurance covers and learn how to look for inexpensive supplies. 

And, I cannot stress this enough: make a budget! Your budget will allow you to take an overall look at your financial state at any point and  give you a clear idea of where you are. It will allow you to grow in prudence and help you identify what is realistic for your family in terms of housing, food, and utilities. Being sacrificial can go a long way! My personal budgeting resource is mint.com, which allows you to connect your bank, credit cards, and any other billing accounts online in one easy place. 

Continue to grow in financial literacy. 

These are great resources  to start with, and it will only get better as you learn more. Pick up simple resources like Personal Finances for Dummies or find financial blogs for beginners. Always educate yourself before making economic decisions. It might not be the most entertaining way to spend your time, but I can guarantee it will give you greater peace of mind. 

All this being said, the most important thing is to consider your financial decisions together and with God. No matter what kind of obstacles pop up, He will always provide. Basing your actions in prayer is a vital component, helping you both discern God’s will in confidence.


About the Author: Larabeth Miller resides in Florida with her husband and two children. She likes to write and paint whenever she's not chasing after her two-year-old.

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Amy + Jay | Fort Harrison Wedding

Amy and Jay met later in life, after experiencing the joys and losses of their first marriages. At their wedding, their lives, hearts, and children came together to celebrate the beginning of a new chapter and the healing power of God’s grace.

From the Bride: I am a widow. My late husband, Karl, and I had eight children together. One died an hour and 27 minutes after birth. Sometimes, we talked about how we wanted the other to feel free to marry again if one of us passed away. I would always say, only half joking, “Who’s going to marry a woman with seven kids?” 

Then Karl died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 54, after 21 years of marriage. When he passed, the remaining seven children were between the ages of 6 and 20. 

Life as a single mom with five kids at home and two away at college was hard. Harder than anything I had ever done. One evening, after a particularly rough and emotional day, I found myself becoming increasingly tearful after dropping off one of the kids at an after-school event. I eventually pulled over in a parking lot and, sobbing, cried out, “I can’t do this by myself! Send me some help! Dear God, send me some help.” I don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe a coupon for free maid service?

That night, to distract myself, I logged onto Catholic Match and finished a previously started profile. All the while I thought, “Who wants to marry a 47-year-old woman with seven kids?” The next day at work was slow, so I started flipping through profiles. Few caught my eye. Even fewer lived close enough to consider, as I knew I wouldn’t be pulling my children out of school. 

But three days after my breakdown, Jay popped up as a possible match. It was clear from his profile that he loved the Lord and his Blessed Mother (you’d be surprised how many on Catholic Match don’t agree with all the teachings of the Church), so I sent him a message on the app. And he answered! I thought surely he hadn’t read my profile, as I had explained my whole story to avoid getting involved with someone who couldn’t handle my history. But we quickly hit it off. Soon we were sharing stories of broken hearts, broken marriages, and the children caught up in all of it--Jay is a divorced father of two.

He says he knew almost immediately that he would marry me, but I was trying to keep some distance. Karl’s first birthday without him here was quickly approaching. I told Jay we couldn’t meet until after my family had gotten through that first, and he was immediately supportive. But as the day loomed ahead, I realized I didn’t have anyone to help me through it. 

I reached out to Jay and asked if there was any way he could spend the day before with me. I had already arranged to be off work to deal with my own emotions, and then Karl’s birthday, a Saturday, I could devote to my children. Jay arranged to be off work and drove 200 miles to be with me. 

My heart was so confused the first time I was within ten feet of him. I was missing my late husband terribly, and yet there were butterflies at meeting Jay. We embraced like old friends and went to the cemetery, where he sat with me in my sorrow for an hour.

He let me sob and never once felt threatened by my tears. Never once tried to hurry me along. Never once tried to tell me to stop crying. He just sat with me, his arms around me, trying to bring whatever comfort he could through his presence and prayers. Who does that for someone they hardly know? At the end of that day, I knew I wanted to spend more time with Jay. The real challenge was how to tell my children.

My kids struggled through wanting me to be happy, but feeling angry because they thought moving forward meant I didn’t love their dad. We had lots of hard conversations, many of them ending in tears (theirs, mine, or both). Jay’s teens struggled with him moving away. He and I talked on the phone every day and prayed a Chaplet of Divine Mercy together every night. We also prayed a novena to Mary Undoer of Knots. 

Within six weeks of that first Match message, he had found a new job and moved to my town. Within three months of that first message, we were officially engaged. Four months after that we were married. 

By that time, all of the children were supportive of our marriage. That doesn’t mean everything has been “smooth sailing” ever since, but in general it has been much better.

Our nuptial Mass, which was offered for Karl’s soul, focused on faith and family. All of our children were involved: from the musicians, to gift and ring bearers, to Jay’s best man. My oldest son walked me down the aisle. In fact, one of my favorite photos was taken from the back of the church as Thomas walked me down the aisle. The band included a violin, viola, cello, and trumpet, as well as a piano and organ. Our two cantors led us beautifully in prayer.

From the Photographer: As a wedding photographer, I see many young couples preparing for their first marriage to begin, but this year I began the wedding season with an incredible pair who have ventured through life and gleaned the wisdom each year has brought them. 

Their incredible love, faith, devotion to Mary, and adoration for Jesus was so evident throughout their Mass that it brought me to tears many times. I admire Amy’s amazing trust that the Lord would bring her a man who could not only devote his time to stepping into the role of a father to her children, but the role of husband, again.

Jay is one of the most peaceful, fun men I've ever met. In his presence, you feel safe. I can’t begin to tell you how much their families will be divinely impacted by their love for each other, and most of all for Jesus.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography - Spoken Bride Vendor | Church:  St. Luke Catholic Church, Indianapolis, IN | Reception: The Garrison at Fort Harrison, Indianapolis, IN | Cake Vendor: Cheesecake Factory | Jewelry: Dress Barn | Rings: Engagement ring: Sam’s Club | Wedding rings: Jared | Bridal Gown: Ada’s Bridals, customized by erinyoungdesigns.com in Broad Ripple | Stationary / Invitations: Shutterfly | DJ: Brian Jackson | Hairstylist: Rebecca at Salon 6 in Broad Ripple

God's Ways are Not our Ways | Encouragement to Endure

STEPHANIE FRIES

 

For years, I have been aware of the verse from Isaiah which says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways.” 

In the context of natural disasters or global humanitarian crises, I find hopeful comfort in these words: God’s ways are not our ways. I may not understand what is happening in our world, or why, but I am called to trust that we are in God’s providential hand under his divine timing. And when he calls me to serve, I strive to be prepared to say “yes.” 

Despite my understanding on a social level, discerning, pursuing and fulfilling a vocation to marriage has been a provocation for me to encounter this truth in a personal and intimate way. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

Becoming indefinitely united to another and living into a sacramental reality is a catalyst for conversion. The word ‘conversion,’ in its Latin roots, means ‘to turn.’ Through marriage, our hearts and minds receive countless invitations to turn towards humility, selflessness, charity, patience, and faith. 

A vivid image of the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz comes to mind. For years, he sat rusted and immobile. All of a sudden, oil is released into his joints; though he creaks and aches while breaking through the stiff rust, he finds freedom in turning his joints and discovering his new potential.

Similarly, parts of my heart laid dormant for years. The sacrament of marriage is the oil which seeps into the deep crevices of intimacy, breaks into the rust of fear and self-doubt, and brings new freedom to our desires to love and be loved. 

Though living in the freedom of my heart’s potential is eventually a joyful revelation, I sometimes focus more on the painful, creaking, aching process rather than the hope of mercy. 

In our human nature, we don’t like pain. We would prefer to avoid it, if possible. But God’s ways are not our ways. Often, through grace, he invites us into our stiffness in order to create a new mobility of love. 

My heart desires freedom, desires to say “yes,” desires to receive love and mercy, desires to be seen. Yet my head knows the process may be painful and proposes barriers against turning toward Jesus in order to avoid the hurt. Will I trust the Lord, will I receive his mercy, will I endure the crosses of my vocation? The choice is ours. 

So often, life does not go according to plan; new circumstances present unforeseen challenges. God’s ways are not are ways, yet we are called to keep our eyes on him as we continue following his lead. 

The exchange of wedding vows requires active participation from three: bride, groom, and God. Therefore in the months and years following the wedding day, fulfilling the vows “in good times and in bad” is a continued participation of three: bride, groom, and God.

In the moments when we don’t understand his plan and can’t anticipate the journey of our lives, we can trust the validity of our vows—God is ever-present within our marriage and family lives. We can affirm our hearts’ desires and calm our heads’ worries because we are seen, known, loved and led by God. The mercy and grace he offers through the marital embrace will include the invitation to enter into pain, so we may turn toward love.

His ways are not our ways, yet his ways are perfect and pure. Trust the moment, enter into the painful process, and maintain a steadfast hope in the promises of the Sacrament.


About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 5

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

From photographers and videographers who understand how to capture the most significant moments of your nuptial Mass, to coordinators who understand the needs of Catholic couples, artists whose jewelry, stationery, and prints become enduring keepsakes long after your wedding day, clinical and theological experts in the fields of fertility and relationships, and beyond, Spoken Bride Vendors view their work as a call and find deep joy in putting their talents at the service of the Lord.

What’s more, our vendors are truly engaging and fun. With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who they are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month (click to jump):


Karly Jo Photography

Midwest Region

Karly Schafer grew up watching her father photograph as a hobby. She first learned film photography from him and it quickly developed into a hobby of her own. Eventually, she attended photography school and transitioned into a new career as a wedding photographer. Karly Jo Photography has been capturing significant moments between brides and grooms for eleven years. “I always try to imagine myself at the feast of Cana. I imagine myself as a servent listening to Mary say, ‘Do as he tells you.’”

What is your favorite memory of your wedding day?: Sitting at the head table, sipping wine feeling so happy and content as I looked at all of my best friends and family there with me in celebration.

What ministries are you involved in?: Raising 4 children and volunteering at their Catholic School.

What is your favorite place you have traveled?: I've been so lucky to travel and really try to take as many trips as possible. As a child we traveled with our horses around the country and Canada. As a single person, I've traveled to Europe a few times and lived in Italy as I worked as a nanny. Now as a mother, I enjoy traveling with my kids but it's different. We have been to Mexico twice with them and it is probably our favorite place to go. I also love traveling in Wisconsin... Door County and the Northwoods have my heart.

Learn more about Karly Jo Photography

 
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Kassondra Design

Lincoln/Omaha, Nebraska and surrounding areas

Kassie Christensen has a longstanding professional background in graphic design and has more recently included photography into her business platform. From collaborating with clients to owning her own business, her work is her passion, a gift from God and a personal source of energy and joy. “I also love becoming friends with the couple and I strive to make their day less stressful and more joyful. Capturing their memories is so special for me!”

What are your favorite saints or devotions?: I love St. Therese and her simple ways. I also love St. Tarcisius and his love for the Eucharist. St. Anthony is my best friend and St. John Paul the II, well, need I say more?! I could go on all day because I have a lot of favorite saints!

What is your favorite memory of your wedding day?: I loved after communion while my groom and I were kneeling, our cantor sang "How Beautiful" and it really just hit me. The sacrament, the gift Christ gave us, how we are called to love like Him. Our wedding day was so full of love and joy and family.

Do you root for any professional sports teams?: I am a HUGE Kansas Jayhawks basketball fan. My Grandpa worked there and my grandma has season tickets, and my whole family loves it.

Learn more about Kassondra Design

 

Paint Art Live

Gulf Coast counties and available for travel nationwide

Artist Jessa Pippin has always been called to create through her artistic gifts. As a Catholic artist, she recognizes every stroke of her paintbrush is an opportunity for intentional devotion and prayer. Jessa brings this prayers approach to her work when she collaborates with brides and grooms on their wedding day, “Not only am I creating a painting for these new couples, but I am devoting a prayer in every stroke as I create it for them. I pray for their future and for their vows and other special intentions they may ask of me when we first have a consultation.”

What are three things on your bucket list?: I would like walk at least the last 100 miles of the Camino de Santiago, open my own art studio and have a second baby!

What is your favorite place you have traveled?: Key West Florida. The sunsets were incredible!

What does love mean?: Love is an unconditional devotion above riches and poverty and sickness and health. It is absolute and endless and knows no bounds.

Learn more about Paint Art Live

 

The Little Flower Company

Nebraska, Southern South Dakota, Western Iowa, and Northern Kansas

Katrina Polk has built her business around her Catholic faith and flowers. Though a small business, she aspires to make a big impact through the beautiful presentation of flowers on a wedding day, especially through the bridal bouquet. She fulfills her professional calling to floral design with passion, joy, and gratitude, “When I am setting up the day of a Catholic wedding I love spending time in the church & thanking God for my job. I truly love what I do & none of this would be possible without Him.”

What is your favorite memory of your wedding day?: My favorite moment was seeing my husband for the first time while walking down the aisle. All the craziness of the day just melted away. I also enjoyed when the photographer pulled my husband and I away from everyone at the reception to take sunset pictures. It was nice to take a step away & enjoy each other in that moment!

What are your favorite books, movies, or music?: The Notebook because it's so stinking cute and still makes me cry. I am not too picky with movies and music, I just don't care for horror movies or country music.

How do you take your coffee?: Black or iced with a little soy milk.

Learn more about The Little Flower Company

 

Leave Your Father and Mother

CARISSA PLUTA

 
PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

The semester leading up to my wedding came with many challenges, but by far, the aspect I struggled with the most was preparing to, as the Scriptures say, “leave your father and mother.”

With my husband’s job as a missionary, I knew we would have very little say in where we would be sent after the wedding day, and no one could guarantee we would end up near our parents or other relatives. 

Moving away from home to start your new life with your husband, especially if you move out of state or even out of the country, can cause feelings of anxiety and even guilt in the heart of a young bride.

Should I feel like I am abandoning my family to start my own?


In the Book of Genesis where this verse initially appears, it comes after Adam, upon first encountering Eve, says: “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;This one shall be called ‘woman,’for out of man this one has been taken.”

It then continues: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother...” Leaving isn’t just a pointless command, an unnecessarily painful sacrifice. 

It means leaving something good for something even better. 

By entrusting something so valuable to the Lord, you allow Him to do something even greater in your life, your marriage, and your heart. 

And personally, even though this separation both physically and emotionally challenges me at times, I found that my relationship with my parents was actually strengthened by the grace I received in this sacrament of marriage. 

The relationship I was worried about abandoning took on a new life. 


I witnessed my parents step into new roles, that of in-laws and grandparents, and saw how these new relationships brought a certain joy to our family that wouldn’t have existed before. 

When I see my mom and dad laughing with my husband or embracing my little girl, I can see all the ways how following God’s call has enriched our whole family. 

Not only that, but in navigating the ups and downs of marriage and family life, I’ve learned to relate to my parents in an entirely new way--a way that has made me a more compassionate and loving daughter. 

So, if you’re worried about this aspect of married life, if you are afraid of the change that will come after you say I do or move the last box of stuff from your childhood room, that’s okay. 

But know that “leaving” your father and mother, “leaving” your sister and brother, will not only help you and your establish your married identity, but it can also allow your family to unlock a profound piece of their own identities. 


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Has Comparison Played a Role in Your Vocation? Thoughts on Humility + Authenticity.

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

In my attempts to dialogue about the Catholic faith with charity and respect, to help others feel seen and heard, and to treat differences of opinion with a sympathetic, analytical mindset, it’s easy for me to believe I’m immune to pride. 

But that outlook is, in itself, prideful.

Photography: Christina Canaday, c/o Something Blue, LLC

Photography: Christina Canaday, c/o Something Blue, LLC

The Pharisees, in Scripture, seem so different from me on the surface: confrontational, rule-bound, unmerciful. And yet, when I consider the deeper implications of their attitude, I see the painful similarities to my own bad habits, particularly in regard to comparison and pride.

Seeing your imperfections hurts. But they don’t define you. Read more here.

As my husband and I planned our wedding, we’d pat ourselves on the back for spending thousands less than wedding websites said a typical celebration would cost. As I cut sugar and flour from my diet in the month before the big day, I hoped family and friends would admire my fashion savvy and my looking thinner in the strapless ballgown I couldn’t wait to wear.

As we entered into newlywed life and, later, into parenthood, I’d mentally congratulate our willingness to travel and explore our new state when we could’ve stayed home instead, and our first child’s behavior he was calm and occupied in public.

What is it that distinguishes pride from being proud of yourself? Certainly, it’s not bad to spend within your means, to approach your appearance in a healthy way, to cultivate a fulfilling life and to parent attentively. But what about the areas of our wedding in which we overspent? What about the times my husband and I just didn’t feel like doing something social media-worthy? What about the times our baby fussed or struggled while we were out?

When I look at the root of these occasions, I see a desire for others to perceive me favorably, rather than a desire to be an instrument of the Father’s gifts.

I recognize the sense of underlying comparison, as if my choices make me superior, as if they define me, rather than just existing as choices. In my pride, I see the times in which can’t deny I’ve valued the earthly over the divine--a priority of myself above all else. How far I have to grow.

In Matthew’s Gospel, Christ condemns the Pharisees as “hypocrites.” The word hypocrite comes from the Greek word hypokrites, which means “actor.” 

Actors in ancient Greek theatre wore masks. When I consider my temptations to comparison and pride, I’m forced to confront the masks I want to wear: that my husband and I have a good relationship and have our lives together, that my appearance can garner attention, that my children’s good behavior is a direct reflection of my parenting. Again, these desires aren’t all inherently bad, yet in my desire to let them define me and to help others see me in the best light, I see the Pharisee in me, and I am humbled.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church quotes Saint Augustine in describing humility; the virtue of rightly understanding our nature and identity within the order of creation: “Man,” wrote Augustine, “is a beggar before God.”

Have you experienced similar thought patterns as mine--the belief that the choices you make in your engagement and marriage need to reflect well on you, and the fall into pride? Recognizing the masks we wear hurts; removing them is painful. When I remind myself I am seen, and accepted by the Lord in this journey of growth even without my masks, I find myself consoled and encouraged to live more authentically. More humbly. To examine the roots of my desires and strive to align them with God’s glory, not my own.

This week, I encourage you to examine your own desires: do you want to achieve them to draw attention to yourself, or to Christ within you? I can assure you that I’m right there alongside you, trying always to break my habits of comparison and to pursue greater humility. In our rawness and weakness, we are loved all the same.


About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Emily + Jose | Romantic Candlelit Rose Wedding

There is something so beautiful about the nuptial Mass and the heavenly celebration of two lives becoming one. There are graces in engagement and the marriage sacrament that transform broken hearts. 

Emily didn’t know what would happen next. Recovering from a previous relationship and loss of a job, she fell back on prayer. Then, through the intercession of St. Joseph and the courage to jump into community, Emily met Jose. The rest is history.

From the Bride: I made one of the hardest decisions of my life when I called off my engagement to an emotionally abusive fiancé and moved back home with my parents at 27 years old. And despite having amazing colleagues at work, I was not feeling fulfilled at my job either, which made the transition harder. 

During the following fall, I prayed constant novenas to St. Joseph asking for a purposeful, meaningful job. A few months later in December, I found out I was being laid off, and my last day would be in January. Even though I wasn’t in love with my job, I knew I needed to work, but nothing piqued my interest. 

So I kept praying. My mom knew I was developing a special devotion to St. Joseph and gave me a special bracelet with his icon on it as a little gift to cheer me up.

Around the same time, I found a new parish and began attending their young adult group. I’m a natural introvert, but I knew I needed to be around other people my age for support. I decided to sign up as a volunteer for a new event held at a local, historic theatre that recurred monthly,  because I knew the accountability meant I wouldn’t bail last-minute (a bad habit of mine). After the event I left on “Jesus high.” I loved feeling like I was a part of a community, of something greater than myself.

I was surprised to get a phone call the next day from a guy I had talked to the night before, asking me out to dinner, and I accepted! I had enjoyed talking to him and figured it wouldn't hurt to get to know him a little better--and yet I did not want a boyfriend. It sounds cheesy, but I didn't think I could find anyone who would make me happy and feel loved without any hidden agenda.

Jose brought the smile back to my face and the sparkle back into my eyes. We were very open and honest with each other from the start, since I learned just how important communication was from my last relationship. Most importantly, I looked forward to going to Mass with him on Sundays, something that I never thought would be so meaningful to me. 

A few weeks after I started dating Jose, I realized that Jose means Joseph in Spanish. Coincidence?

Several months later, I was hired by the organization that put on the young adult ministry event and ironically became one of the main people in charge of running it. Since Jose and I met at the theatre and spent a lot of time there, he decided it would be the perfect place to propose.

He contacted one of my colleagues who put him in contact with the event manager at the theater. The event manager then contacted me to come in and go over event details on a Sunday afternoon. I arrived for the “meeting” at the adjoining restaurant, and my manager asked if I wanted to go inside to listen to a band while they were doing their sound check. I thought, “sure, but won’t it be a little loud to talk?” After a few minutes inside the theatre, we headed back out where Jose was anxiously waiting.

He nervously turned me around and showed me the marquee where “Emily, will you marry me?” was written and got down on one knee. His whole family and my parents (along with restaurant diners across the street) were there to witness the joyous occasion. A champagne toast at the restaurant’s rooftop followed, and then we all went to the restaurant where we had our first date to celebrate our engagement! 

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As a former secular wedding coordinator, I hate to admit it, but I was hesitant to have a full Mass. Only about a third of our guests were Catholic and wouldn’t know what was going on. I also worried they would complain about the length of the ceremony. I spent twelve months of our fifteen-month engagement wrapped up in other details like most brides do: flowers, color palettes, catering, and on and on.

I felt like once I had my dress, the aesthetic details would fall into place. One of my old colleagues, Brittany, worked at a bridal boutique and told me about a trunk show they were having. I sent her pictures of dresses I liked and told her what I did not want. I wanted something not as “traditional” that reflected my personality, so when my guests saw me in my dress they would say, “that’s so Emily!” 

I have heard of people (or while watching too much “Say Yes to the Dress”) trying on twenty or more dresses, so I was expecting to visit several shops before I found “the one.” I must have been an exception, because it didn’t take me long to find my dress. In fact, it was the first one I tried on! The dress was not normally for sale, but it was brought in specifically for the trunk show that weekend. It had a crocheted lace top and a loose, chiffon bottom that had vertical panels of the same lace all around. It was meant to be. 

I never imagined wearing a long veil--I thought they were for royalty getting married in castles--but the church we were getting married in had the most beautiful, long aisle. I felt it would be a disservice not to have a long veil. The one I tried on when I bought my dress wasn’t long enough, so I chose to have it custom made to the cathedral length I wanted. It was an unexpected expense, but even my frugal mother felt it was worth it for my special day. 

One of my favorite details was the broach I pinned on my bouquet. It was given to my maternal grandmother from my grandfather on their wedding day and also worn by my mother when she married my father.

Then, a few months before the wedding, something unexpected happened. All of the superficial details and feelings of self-consciousness about the ceremony went on the back burner as Jose and I began planning our liturgy. We both became enamored with choosing the readings and music. We didn’t want it to feel “predictable,” and we wanted to make it our own, which I worried would be difficult with the pre-selected readings and music limitations to choose from. So we took our time, carefully studying each of the readings and psalms to decide which ones reflected our relationship with God as a couple.

Two weeks before the wedding I was at my parent’s house, and my mom, feeling nostalgic, pulled out a few things from her own wedding. As I scanned over the program, I thought the Gospel reading looked familiar. It turned out the Gospel reading we chose (John 15: 12-16) picked up from the verse where my parents had left off (John 15: 9-12). It was such a special surprise from the Holy Spirit.

I sprained my left wrist a week before the wedding. Other than the bruising, I worried how I was going to get everything done before the big day. No matter how prepared you are, there are some things you just can’t do in advance (like buying fresh popcorn for hotel welcome bags). 

I feel like God was telling me to slow down and ask for help, two things I am not good at. So instead of dwelling in pity, I made the situation as comical as I could. My dad and I joked about buying a brace to match my dress, and my mom told me I got all the “day-of mishaps” out of the way early. 

It was such a lesson in humility. Having your almost-husband tie your shoes and people open bottles for you really puts little things into perspective. As much as my naturally independent spirit wants to believe it, I can’t do everything alone. A beautiful representation of this was stated in our first reading, Genesis 2:18: “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him.”

It also reminds me that marriage is not something I can do on my own. You need the love and support of others. You need God. You need to sit back and listen to him when the world is loud, and you want to give in to what is popular, which is often not from him.

When the big day finally arrived, we were married at the church where we met almost two years before. Jose and I opted out of a first look, but exchanged hand-written cards and prayed together before the ceremony. 

Though “Canon in D” is a very common bridal processional, I got chills when the organist first played it during our engagement. I was reminded of how I had always pictured myself walking down the aisle to that song, and I didn’t care how many other brides made it their grand entrance. Other pieces that added meaningful touches to our ceremony were “I am the Bread of Life,” “Oh God Beyond All Praising,” and “Ave Maria” when we offered roses and prayers to Mary.

Meanwhile, Jose was persistent that we would have the full sacrament, and for that I am forever grateful. I designed our programs to note when to sit, stand, and kneel, and our deacon helped explain different parts of the liturgy to our guests. 

Throughout the whole ceremony, I felt like it was just the two of us on the altar, and my last thought was what others were thinking.

One of the biggest blessings of the day was that Jose’s uncle, a bishop from Mexico, was able to celebrate our nuptial Mass. He spoke of his brother, Jose’s father, who passed away several years ago from cancer. His mother carried a rose in remembrance of him and placed it where he would have sat during the ceremony. Even though nothing could replace him being there physically, we felt his presence during the Mass and throughout the day.

Everyone says that weddings go by fast, and it did. It felt like an out-of-body experience. We were surrounded by family, friends, and most importantly, Jesus. The day was a true celebration of joining two vastly different lives and cultures into one. It wasn’t just the end of my countdown app, but the beginning of a beautiful, God-centered life together.

Photography: Megan Eidson | Church: St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church | Dallas, TX | Reception: Howell & Dragon | Dallas, TX | Videographer: Chevy Chey Photography  | Flowers: Lizzie Bee’s Flower Shoppe  | Caterer: CN Catering | Invitations: Vista | Bride’s Dress (Pronovias)/Veil (Bel Aire): Lulu’s Bridal Boutique  | Bride’s Earrings: PeonyandPearlWedding | Bridesmaid’s Attire (bill Levkoff): Molly’s Bridal  | Groom & Groomsmen Attire: Jos. A. Banks | Rings – engagement: Shapiro Diamonds  | Rings – wedding bands: Zales  | Cake Baker: Arielle Pastry Works | Hair: Brittainy Boggs | Music – Ceremony: Michael Conrady | Music – Reception: Vida Weddings and Events  | Coordination: Stacey Williams

Wedding Planning | Ceremony Seating for the Bride and Groom

 

When planning a Catholic wedding, the bride and groom consider many details for the liturgy. One important decision is where they will sit, stand, and kneel through the duration of the ceremony.

Seated next to the Sanctuary, Facing the Congregation 

Imagine the way a priest sits, in a sacramental way, at the head of the sanctuary during the Mass, facing the congregation. In the same way, a bride and groom may choose to sit at the periphery of the sanctuary with their bodies facing the wedding guests.  

In their essence, the bride and groom embody beauty and love. They naturally attract the attention of their beloved family and friends. As they sit on the altar throughout the Liturgy, many wedding guests may gaze in admiration at the subtle movements and interactions between these living icons of love. 

One reason brides and grooms may choose to sit facing the congregation is to serve God as a visible witness of holy love and participation in the Mass. While wedding guests hear the word of God and see the bride and groom, their senses are filled with an image of unconditional, divine love. 

Seated in front of the Sanctuary, Facing the Altar 

A bride and groom may opt to sit facing the Altar, with their backs to the congregation throughout the Mass.

The Sacrament of Matrimony is an exchange between bride, groom, and God. The three become one through the mutual consent and exchange of marriage vows. The congregation of wedding guests attends as a crowd of witnesses, lifting the couple in joy, prayer and celebration for their new vocation. 

When a bride and groom choose to sit facing the altar throughout the duration of the wedding ceremony, their bodies, eyes and hearts are completely directed towards God--on the crucifix and in Scripture. Through their exemplary position in the front of the church, they lead the eyes and hearts of wedding guests to God. 

A Combination Option 

The Liturgy of the Word, the celebration of Matrimony, and the Liturgy of the Eucharist (if included) are three different movements of the wedding ceremony. By speaking with your priest and wedding coordinator at your church, there can be a way to include different seating arrangements for the bride and groom during different times of the Mass. 

Perhaps you and your soon-to-be spouse yearn to be a visible sign to your wedding guests, yet desire to point your eyes and hearts to God as well. Think creatively about how and when your bodies can communicate these desires throughout your wedding ceremony.

It may be possible, for example, to sit facing the congregation during the Liturgy of the Word, move to the front of the church for the Celebration of Matrimony, then remain in new seats and kneelers—facing the sanctuary—for the duration of the Mass. 

The only way to know the right option is by praying through these decisions and discussing them with your fiance and priest. The physical structure of your church may impact your decision, or your priest may have personal preferences based on his own past experience. 

When planned with intention, the little details of your wedding ceremony help create a meaningful and powerful experience for everyone present on the day you enter the Sacrament. 

Are you married? Where did you and your spouse sit during the wedding ceremony—and why? Please share your experiences with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

4 Secular Novels Featuring Insights into Authentic Love + Catholic Marriage

STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Can non-spiritual reading have a place in your formation and prayer life?

Catholic author Walker Percy said, “Fiction doesn’t tell us something we don’t know. It tells us something we know but don’t know that we know.” 

The Catholic faith offers us a rich treasury of theologians, ancient and contemporary, who have shed light on Scripture, the sacraments, prayer, and more, in a language we can comprehend in our humanness. And certainly, there are a wealth of resources on relationships and sacramental marriage, in particular.

I’ve found my world-view changed for the better by the religious works I’ve encountered on love and marriage. Yet the truth is, I’ve never felt entirely comfortable admitting that spiritual reading isn’t my favorite genre. 

A lifelong literature lover, it’s taken time for me to articulate what I now deeply believe to be true: stories that convey goodness, truth, and beauty--those that reveal the nature and purpose of the human person and human love--can be just as powerful as theological writing in showing us who we are and directing our hearts to God. 

While spiritual writing provides a good and necessary framework and lens for our understanding, literature, for me, brings these truths to life in a tangible, embodied way as we experience characters’ interior lives. Together, they supplement one another and offer an enriching education in self-knowledge, love, and faith.

Here, for fiction lovers like me, a selection of novels beyond perennial Catholic favorites like Austen, Waugh, O’Connor, Percy, and Berry, that illuminate the human heart and offer life-giving insights into love and marriage.

A Place for Us, Fatima Farheen Mirza

This story of estranged siblings and parents re-entering each other’s lives for a wedding jumps seamlessly through time and memory, sharing such recognizable, true-to-life accounts of longtime marriage, growing up with siblings, experiencing your first love, and the pain of distance and division. I finished this book in tears, filled with the hope that no matter how imperfect our earthly relationships might be, our hope lies in our resurrection at the heavenly wedding banquet.

Sample passage: “I have looked up at this sky since I was a child and I have always been stirred, in the most secret depth of me that I alone cannot access, and if that is not my soul awakening to the majesty of my creator then what is it?”

Circe, Madeline Miller

The centuries-long lifetime of the witch from The Odyssey, who famously turned men into pigs, is reimagined in this beautiful novel. Reading about the Greek gods’ immortal nature—and Circe’s resulting years of solitude and loneliness—I was repeatedly struck by the fact that eternal life means nothing without the divine Beloved; the Bridegroom. It is the love of God that gives meaning to our creation and existence.

What’s more, I found myself deeply moved by the incarnational, embodied dimension of love, as this book explores through the nature of gods and men: Christ took on human flesh and a mortal life out of love. Our mortality is not the end of the story.

Sample passage: “I have aged... Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I am vain and dissatisfied. But I do not wish myself back. Of course my flesh reaches for the earth.” 

Saints for All Occasions, J. Courtney Sullivan

How does the Lord work within the discernment choices we make? After sacramentally entering into a vocation and experiencing doubts, does it matter? This bittersweet story of two Irish Catholic sisters who immigrate to Boston in the mid-twentieth century delves into the daily rituals and intimacies that make up both married and religious life, with encouragement to seek God’s will in all things.

Sample passage:  “Think of a marriage, husband and wife. The piece of paper, the white wedding dress, they don't promise anything. A person has to stay there, fight for it, every day.” 

The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro

Love as an act of the will, rather than a flight of emotion, is integral to an authentic communion that imitates Christ’s own love. Is it possible, though, that an overcommitment to duty over emotion can become a source of regret?

As I read this story of an English butler and his relationships with his master and a fellow, female servant, I considered how the things we don’t say frequently speak as loudly as the things we do. I found it a poignant reflection on the human need for vulnerability and expressing affection.

Sample passage: “If you are under the impression you have already perfected yourself, you will never rise to the heights you are no doubt capable of.” 

I love pondering the ways in which the worldly echoes the sacred; the ways in which popular or secular media expresses a universal truth that aligns with human nature and the Catholic faith. What novels can you recommend for insights into love and marriage? Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.


About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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How to Connect with Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

CARISSA PLUTA

 

When using Natural Family Planning, married couples must frequently pray about and discuss their desire and plans for having more children. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK

And in some circumstances, through prayer and discernment, husbands and wives may make the decision to postpone a pregnancy (or another pregnancy). 

Abstaining from sex during periods of fertility can prove challenging for couples, and they may find themselves having difficulty connecting with one another during these times. 

But there are so many ways to feel intimate with your spouse even when you can’t be intimate. 

Communicate

Communication is key for couples trying to avoid pregnancy. Couples should not only remind each other of their “why” for avoiding, but should also discuss the challenges that may arise in doing so. 

But even more importantly, take this time to grow in emotional intimacy. Share your feelings, dreams, and interests with your spouse and actively listen to his.

Prayer

Praying with your spouse during this time strengthens both your individual relationships with God as well as your marriage. 

Prayer fosters humility, vulnerability, and trust. It calls husband and wife to look outside of themselves toward the other and Christ. 

Physical Affection

Just because the night can’t end in sex doesn’t mean you have to avoid all physical contact with your spouse until you’re back in your infertile time. 

Couples should focus on physical touch that affirms each other rather than arouses. Hand holding, hugging, even kissing can help couples feel intimate during times of abstinence. 

But if you have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy, you should know what physical contact you can handle and which will only make the avoiding harder. 

Get creative

You can get creative with how you and your husband can spend your free time together during times of abstinence. 

Carving out quality time with your partner can help you to connect in a new and fun way. Go bowling, play a board game or try a new hobby. Enjoy one another’s company. 

Laughter

Find ways to make each other laugh. Laughter releases tension and can really help couples during times when facing the challenges of abstaining. Not only that, but sharing jokes and laughter will draw you and your spouse closer together. 


About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Wedding Planning | Expressing Gratitude to Your Celebrant

Who are the clergy who will be involved in your wedding, and how can you welcome and thank them in your celebration?

Your wedding celebrant(s) might be an acquaintance, a family friend, or a peer. Regardless of whether you’ve been friends with your celebrant for years or whether he’s a relatively new acquaintance, etiquette and good will can strengthen your relationship and, God willing, make him a significant person in your wedding-day memories and future family life.

See Susanna + Brad’s Italian Vineyard-Inspired Wedding, with many priests and religious in attendance, and read their reflections on how married couples can honor the priesthood.

Here, four ways to express your thanks to your celebrant.

Make a donation.

Parishes, cathedrals, and other sites of worship typically request a donation fee in exchange for getting married there, which is used for maintenance and ministry purposes. It’s also appropriate to gift a personal donation to your celebrant in thanks, particularly if you’ve had a deeply enriching marriage prep journey with him, if he’s been in one or both of your lives for a long time, and if he is assisting with additional pre-wedding events such as a holy hour or confessions.

Invite him to the rehearsal dinner.

As your celebrant will be leading and directing your wedding rehearsal, it’s customary to have him attend the rehearsal dinner, as well. Invite him to say a blessing over your meal and to announce any pre-wedding events your rehearsal guests are invited to. Consider who in your families and wedding party he’d hit it off with, and introduce them.

Read 6 Ideas for Having a Spiritually Rich Wedding Rehearsal.

Write a note and consider a gift.

If your celebrant has made your engagement and marriage prep a memorable experience, don’t hesitate to say so! Consider how, for a particularly meaningful relationship, your thank-you note can go beyond basic gratitude by sharing your experience of your marriage preparation and/or friendship with him. If your celebrant is a close friend, you might also consider a gift related to a favorite hobby, saint, writer, or food or drink.

Invite him to the reception and ask him to bless the meal.

After celebrating your wedding ceremony, your celebrant will surely be sharing in you, your spouse, and your families’ deep joy. Be sure to create a reception table assignment for him and to communicate with your celebrant and DJ about the appropriate time for a blessing.

Pray for him.

It is a great gift to witness holy priests, brothers, and deacons living out their vocations as they witness you and your beloved entering into yours, particularly if you’ve shared in each other’s formation and friendship along the way.

We’d love to hear: what unique ways have you shown thanks to your wedding celebrants? Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.