The Art of Letter Writing: A Practice in Hospitality

SHANNON MESSINK

“She gives of her best everywhere adding a touch of generosity, tenderness, and joy of life.” -Pope St. John Paul the Great

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY AS SEEN IN MAGGIE AND RYAN’S VINEYARD BRUNCH WEDDING

As a bride, one of our obligations within marriage is to consider how we, with our husband, can practice hospitality. The task of letter writing is one I consider the greatest (and simplest) way to practice hospitality, regardless of living situation, financials, number of little ones, highest college-English course completed, or personality type.

Good Old “Snail Mail”

Complementary to the art of homemaking, letter writing provides an opportunity for our feminine genius and generosity to blossom. Whether it be a thank you note to a friend, a get well card to an elderly relative, or a Mass card to someone who recently lost a family member, all these instances provide a chance for us as wives – the heart of the family – to express God’s love, care, and mercy to those within our relational community. 

The reason email, the internet, and social media have caught on so fast, aside from it’s obvious conveniences, is the human desire for making intentional, personal connections. As a child, if you had a pen-pal (do children today still have pen-pals?) or received the annual birthday card from Great-Aunt Jean, then you know what it feels like to be filled with anticipation at what awaits you when going to the mailbox or post office. This desire for personal, intentional, affirming words to and from another person is truly a gift.

Where to begin?

If the art of letter writing has piqued your interest, here are a few pointers on how to begin. Pull out that family calendar or that handy, old address book and  start with your immediate family and friends. Is your best friend’s birthday coming up? Send her a card! The holidays are (always) around the corner; consider  sending Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas cards to some of your closest friends and relatives.

Once you start , don’t stop with just these common occasions. Consider the events in people’s lives that are truly unique and meaningful and then go the extra mile to show that you are thinking about them. Engagements and wedding anniversaries, a new pregnancy or news of a miscarriage, reception of the sacraments, having a rough week, a Marian Consecration anniversary, the death of a family member, a move to a new town far from family–all of these occasions present opportunities of prayer for that special someone and a letter or even a Spiritual Bouquet card is one way to make tangible your prayers and kind thoughts. 

I assure you that the response to this simple gesture will surprise you; in fact, it often encourages others to pick up this “dated” habit and you might even find a few surprises in your own mailbox!

Have Fun!

In the end, hospitality or letter writing is not meant to be a chore, have fun with it and start where you are comfortable. Get creative by printing your own address labels, adding stickers or stamps, or even crafting your own greeting cards. If you’re not at that point yet, there are a plethora of stores that sell sweet, fun, and personal stationary for you to use. 

So try sitting down and writing to someone special in your life (even if it’s only to your husband). You’ll be gracefully affirmed for your thoughtful gesture.

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About the Author: I am a cradle Catholic, wife to the most amazing husband ever, and mother to three little ones (the oldest of which awaits us in Heaven). My family and I reside in North Florida where we will soon be building a house and farming. I am an avid Eucharistic Adorer, servant of Mamma Mary, and love exploring the vast depths of our Catholic Faith and the feminine genius.

Introducing The Spoken Bride Community! | Our New Platform for Dialogue, Prayer & Relationship.

Spoken Bride’s mission is rooted in a culture of encounter: the power of dialogue, goodness, truth, beauty, and holy marriages to draw others into the loving heart of our Creator. 

Earlier this year when we felt a nudge to forge deeper personal connections--true encounter--among our brides, team members, and vendors, we set out to find the best way of doing that.

We are proud to introduce The Spoken Bride Community, launching January 4.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we designed to be different from any other feed out there, with greater depth and a leap from screens to real life: one that invites pause over more scrolling, conversation over surface-level comments, rest over restlessness.

We created The Spoken Bride Community to bring you together with other Catholic women who are joyfully pursuing the vocation to marriage, through:

• Exclusive prayer events

• Conversation prompts

• Wedding & marriage education from our team’s experts

• Virtual small groups tailored to your location and season of your vocation

You’re invited.

How do I join The Spoken Bride Community?

The Spoken Bride Community runs through the Mighty Networks app, available in your phone’s app store or accessible here from your desktop. Download the app and create a username and password. On January 4, log in and, when prompted, search for Spoken Bride and request to join.

How is The Spoken Bride Community different from your blog, Instagram, or Facebook?

Spoken Bride’s blog and social media are impactful platforms for sharing the spiritual and practical content we create for brides-to-be and newlyweds, highlighting Catholic wedding vendors, and showcasing real couples’ divinely written love stories. We love seeing you share our content and tag your friends, trusting that the Holy Spirit speak to our brides the words they most need to hear.

For all these strengths, though, do you ever find yourself wishing social media allowed for...more? More genuine dialogue and meaningful encouragement. More long conversations. More opportunities for real-life friendships. With The Spoken Bride Community, our goal is to meet these needs, offering daily opportunities to share your opinions, intentions, questions, and experiences through conversation and prayer. We can’t wait to join you in your vocation through monthly prayer events, Ask Me Anythings, planning education, and more.

Is it free?

The Spoken Bride Community will be a paid membership platform. For about the monthly cost of two small (or one large!) coffees, you’ll have access to this group of women--brides-to-be, newlyweds, wedding industry pros, and members of the Spoken Bride team--committed to living out their call to marriage with all its realness and supporting one another as sisters in Christ.

It’s our goal that our offerings through the Community, along with your involvement and input, will be fruitful and valuable; a daily investment in your marriage and spiritual life.

What about my fiancé or husband?

We’re eager to highlight both the feminine genius and the gift of authentic masculinity through the topics we’ll share in The Spoken Bride Community. Those of us on the team who are engaged or married can’t wait to have our beloveds join in on prayer events and share on the wedding planning process from the groom’s perspective!

We made this platform for you, and can’t wait for the contributions and fruits your unique voice will bring. See you there for honest conversation, authentic relationship, and prayerful support.

When the Holidays Don't Go As Planned

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

It was not until I was an adult that I truly appreciated the nuances of the Church’s celebration of Christmas. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: I’M MARY KATHERINE AS SEEN IN MARY-KATE + FARIS’ EMERALD CHRISTMASTIDE MANOR WEDDING

While the world shouts for all of December about magic and happiness and wonder, the Church waits slowly and quietly through the Advent season, until we reach the feast of Christmas and our great joy at the mystery of God become man overflows. We rejoice with the angels and celebrate for twelve days, all the way to Epiphany.

And yet, at the margins of our celebrations, there are small hints, reminders that the story does not stop with the baby in the manger. 

The wise men’s gifts of gold for the baby King, yes, but also the frankincense and myrrh that foretell His death for us. The feast of St. Stephen, the first martyr, on December 26th, which makes clear the price of following that baby in the manger. The feast of the Holy Innocents on December 28th, reminding us that evil has not left the world just because Jesus has come. 

I had known these things all my life, but it took a long time for me to understand just what a gift the Church gives us by her insistence that you cannot have the wood of the manger without the wood of the cross.

I had big dreams for my first married Christmas. We had married in January, so by Christmas I expected that my husband would have finished graduate school and found a lucrative job, we’d have a cute little house that I would have decorated from top to bottom, and if we didn’t have a baby in our arms yet, there would be one on the way.

In short, I was envisioning the picture-perfect end of a Hallmark movie and I couldn’t wait.

By December, it was clear that my vision wouldn’t be reality. My husband had finished school, but he’d discerned a call to teach college, and academic jobs are hard to come by at that time of the year. We were living with my parents to save money, so my few Christmas decorations were packed away. And we were beginning our struggle with infertility; I wouldn’t be holding a baby until our fourth married Christmas. That year, I shed more than a few tears over this reality that so starkly contrasted with what I had dreamed.

But the great feast happened anyway, and I found for the first time that I could really appreciate the miracle of Jesus being born into the mess of our world. 

He didn’t just descend from heaven as the divine Being He is, but chose to unite His divinity with our humanity. He didn’t erase the effects of Adam and Eve’s sin, but allowed us to reconcile ourselves with God and gave us the hope of Heaven. 

My plans may have been a mess, but Jesus was right there anyway.

This Advent and Christmas season may have been difficult. 2020 was, as we were continually reminded, a strange year, and the pandemic may have affected the plans you made for this holiday.

If you are a newlywed and you find yourself disappointed that your first married Christmas is different than you had envisioned, I understand. May you find comfort and hope in the Church’s celebration of this season, and knowing that wherever you are is where Jesus dwells. 

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Editors Share | Advent + Christmas Traditions in Marriage

The Advent and Christmas seasons in the Church are rich in tradition and customs and every family has their own unique ways of celebrating and observing these liturgical seasons. 

Today, members of the Spoken Bride team share some of the holiday traditions they brought into their marriages and the new traditions they are cultivating with their husbands and children. 

Jessica Jones, Contributing Writer

This year, my husband and I are trying to remember Advent as a time of prayer by incorporating the Rosary together into our lives more frequently! Can’t say we’ve been super successful, but hey, we’re trying! We plan also to steal a friend’s tradition of putting the tree up on Saint Nicholas Day. 

Most of our other ideas so far are food related: we want to do the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve (a tradition I’d like to resurrect from my Italian side) before Midnight Mass, and we’ll make my family’s traditional lasagna for Christmas dinner. I also may try to make a pitta ‘mpigliata, a Calabrian Christmas pastry that my relatives used to make.

Andi Compton, Co-Founder & Business Director

I brought zero Advent traditions into our marriage, I didn’t even start going to Christmas Mass until we were engaged because I didn’t realize it was a Holy Day of Obligation.  I grew up celebrating Noche Buena on Christmas Eve and having a low key Christmas Day.

Now on Advent evenings we dim the lights, sing a verse of “O Come O Come Emmanuel” while we light the candles on the Advent wreath, say a little prayer, and then read the scripture for our Jesse Tree ornament. 

Stockings are filled for St. Nicholas Day, one of our daughters dresses up for St. Lucy’s day and makes hot cocoa (this is usually when we put up outdoor lights), and we have Mexican food for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. 

We usually do a family gathering on the 24th, then Christmas morning Mass followed by presents and brunch. No present opening until after Mass! Then Los Reyes bring oranges for their shoes and little trinkets on Epiphany. There’s also some Elf on the Shelf thrown in there (we’re up to three elves!)

Catherine Boizelle, Community Manager

I brought the classic tradition of praying and lighting candles on the advent wreath daily—my husband is a convert so this is all new to him! This year we’ve chosen Blessed is She’s advent devotional Maranatha and have been getting up early to pray with our morning coffee at the kitchen table. While not really a tradition, we are trying to attend daily mass together twice a week as well. 

Stephanie Calis, Founder and Editor in Chief

My husband and I have prayed the St Andrew novena for the past 6 or 7 years during Advent, and it is truly amazing to see the big things the Lord can do when we come to him and to Our Lady in complete humility and confidence. More recently, we’ve started having candlelight dinners during the Advent season, which has been really special for our kids. And we always listen to the same album, Bebo Norman’s Christmas from the Realms of Glory, on our drive to Christmas Eve with extended family. The opening song signals the start of Christmas for us—I highly recommend choosing a particular album or playlist as a foundation for your own family’s season!

Dominika Ramos, Contributing Writer

I came into marriage with so many ideas and have had to tone down my enthusiasm after the reality (exhaustion) of kids hit me. We light the advent wreath at dinner, or more often breakfast with the kids on weekdays. 

We put shoes out for oranges and chocolate coins from St. Nicholas on December 6th which is something I grew up with, but I've added the kids getting a Christmas book from St. Nicholas to add to our collection every year. This year I ordered St. Nicholas postcards to write the kids notes from St. Nicholas a la Tolkien letters from Father Christmas style. We'll see if I keep it up.

This year I'm having the kids memorize a poem and carol to share with our family and as a gift for baby Jesus on Christmas day. I'm trying really hard to find a way to avoid the focus of Christmas morning being just the stuff.

My sister usually makes a crazy good seven fish stew for Christmas Eve. We listen to Sufjan Stevens “O Holy Night” and Benjamin Britten's “Ceremony of Carols” on the way to midnight Mass. 

Our whole family comes over Christmas morning and I make biscuits and gravy and my sister brings to-die-for coffee iced cinnamon rolls. Then we go over to my parents in the evening for a traditional Slovak dinner.

The Transcendent Beauty of Ordinary Love

DOMINIKA RAMOS

Once I heard an older acquaintance remark how she and her friends had such great plans for their lives in high school, but then they just grew up, got married, and had babies.

That won't be me, I thought. I'll get married and have babies and accomplish all my creative dreams. But life hasn't turned out exactly that way.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRSTEN ANN PHOTOGRAPHY

I got married two weeks after my college graduation. I had spent the previous semester not job hunting but working on my undergraduate thesis and wedding planning. 

After we returned from the honeymoon, I had to find a job, any job, so I took on a customer service position at an eye doctor's office. 

As I snapped pictures of people's retinas and failed dreadfully at small-talk, I thought about friends who were blazing through their masters' programs, doing mission work abroad, or beginning professions in fields they were passionate about.

It left me feeling a bit deflated--here I was, not using my English degree, not disciplined enough to pursue my dreams of writing in the evenings, and, let's face it, as a Catholic newly-wed with a blithe sense of natural family planning, likely to have a baby sooner rather than later who would then upset any individual ambitions I was harboring.

Before my five month stint in the world of healthcare was up, I was indeed pregnant. And while there was much I looked forward to in motherhood, there was an attitude I couldn't shake that between me and my due date was a countdown to the end of time I could call my own. 

As I waited for that baby to arrive, I feared that my life story, too, would be that I grew up, got married, and just had babies.

Well, I wasn't wrong about being robbed of my time. The baby made basic tasks about as easy as walking up an escalator backwards and blindfolded. 

And perhaps the life story I once feared will remain true, but motherhood transformed my perspective and made it so that I don't fear that life story.

I didn't just become a mother in some general sense, but to a particular person. Just as falling in love with a particular person, my Joe, buoyed me over any hesitation I had toward marriage, so too did this little boy with his lamb-like cries, delicate frame, and arresting gaze, my Leo, shatter my hesitations over any tedium in motherhood. 

I wasn't expecting to be stunned by the beauty of even the most menial tasks of caring for another human being. And yet those tasks frankly were menial, and getting married and having a baby is still a conventional path. 

When I became a mother, I recalled a professor of mine noting that falling in love is so extraordinary an experience precisely because it is so common--that everyone from a supermodel to the girl next door can be engulfed in that ennobling sentiment of love makes it all the more meaningful. 

And having my son filled me with a like awareness--that the mysteries of motherhood have indelibly marked the lives of so many women from time immemorial is strikingly profound.

In my individual vocation as "the queen of our castle" as my now five-year-old puts it, I go beyond myself in a symbolic way. 

Through the dress and veil I wore on my wedding day, through the rings I will wear all the days of my marriage, and through the body that has carried and nurtured my children, I, with every wife and mother that has ever lived, make visible these mysteries of life and love--mysteries that point to the ultimate mystery of God.

Yet while it is illuminating to be aware of how, through my very being, I body forth a bridal dignity, it's also haunting to be aware that all those brides and mothers throughout history that I am linked with have been largely forgotten in time. 

Their bodies--those very bodies they loved and mothered with, those bodies they quite literally carried history forward with--have turned to dust, and so too will mine.

Even this unsettling thought of being forgotten has become redeemed for me though. 

Early in my marriage, I read the novel, The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder, in which a friar, Brother Junipero, tries to discover why God would permit the sudden death of seven people in the collapse of a bridge. Neither Brother Junipero nor his author can logically answer for the ways of God. Instead the reader is left with this observation:

"We ourselves shall be loved for awhile and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

To do the work of love all the days of our life without the consolation of knowing that we will be remembered here on earth is something that requires courage and faith. 

To build up with your spouse what in your child's eyes is a kingdom and in the world's eyes something as ephemeral as a sandcastle is to live in hope.

 As Wilder suggests, love is the only intelligible force amidst the tragic decay of this life, and even the most ordinary acts of love give a glimpse into eternity.

I still hope to fulfill my creative ambitions. With the perspective of being five years into parenthood, I can see how my panic that children would make writing impossibly difficult was a bit dramatic--they do eventually learn how to sleep on their own and stop nursing round the clock. 

Yet, there's a peace in knowing that if I live these primary vocations as wife and mother faithfully, whether or not professional success is a part of the picture, I will have lived a life of transcendent beauty.

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About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Newlywed Life | All for Good

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Around the time my husband and I were approaching our first wedding anniversary, I sat in our small apartment reflecting. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY

As I tried to prayerfully contemplate the gift the past year had been, with all its changes and newness, I remembered the question many friends and family members had asked amidst cheerful anniversary wishes: "What's surprised you the most so far in married life?" 

I really tried to think about it. I mean, there was a lot. I felt like I had learned so much about myself through the beautiful demands of marriage even just one year in. 

I scanned back through the moments that came most easily into my mind's eye. They were a mixture of good and bad and normal. Adventures and dates and last-minute trips we had taken, arguments and misunderstandings that revealed areas where we needed to heal and grow in virtue together, quiet nights just being in each other's presence.

It occurred to me as I leafed back through all those experiences that my feelings about the hard and ugly moments weren't full of the anger or hurt I felt living them. I was shocked at the sense of gratitude and strength that accompanied the memories. 

In places where I previously thought only resentment or shame could grow, there was peace. 

Something about the fact that we had passed through those painful moments and made it to the other side together was deeply gratifying. We forgave each other and stepped forward. We learned more about each other and how to better love. We tried harder every day.

Marriage draws us into such a beautifully unique kind of relationship. We show up, with our brokenness and baggage, seeking to be loved in entirety. Our spouse seeks the same from us. 

This reality is so central to our covenant. "I take you...to have and to hold, from this day forward...for better or worse...until death do us part." We stake our life on fidelity to that promise. In front of God, our family, our friends. 

It can be hard sometimes because we are broken people who love imperfectly. Sometimes we disappoint and hurt each other. Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse. But here is the good news. God's very life was present in the exchange of those words, and He has never left us since.

It's such an encouragement to press into the difficult moments in our relationship with our spouse through the lens of the generosity of God. He wastes absolutely nothing. If we continue to seek Him in our lives, even in the midst of our brokenness and struggle, He will use it all for good. 

He will take those seemingly ugly and hard moments and craft them into evidence of how deeply we are loved. 

They can then become for us signs of how accepted we are by our spouse - that even at our worst, in times of selfishness or anger or whatever it may be, our spouse remains with us, chooses us, and we make it through. 

This is an image of the love God the Father has for us manifest in our spouse.

This is not to say that the pain of disagreements, arguments, and disappointments in marriage aren't real and can't be damaging to our relationship. It's not any kind of excuse for real harm done in the context of married love. That is never what God intended for us.

But it is a deep source of hope to know that as we strive to forgive and learn to love our spouse no matter what, we can find God's gracious presence for us in that space. 

We keep striving in marriage, and God uses that for good. Even the difficult, not-so-radiantly-beautiful married moments He uses for our sanctification – steps on our journey back to Him. 

The most surprising aspect of married life for me at the cusp of that first year, surprises me again and again and likely will forever: God has the power to use every aspect of our marriage to draw us closer to Him. 

May we all continue to be surprised by how God takes the imperfections in our marriages and uses them for good. He uses them to transform us and help us understand more deeply the character of His steadfast love.

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About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Announcing Our First Black Friday Event! We're Here to Serve You Today Through Cyber Monday

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Whatever you need for your wedding and gift list, we’ve got you.

This weekend, we’re offering the beautiful, practical, and distinctively Catholic products in our Shop at a limited-time discount--so it’s easier than ever to simplify your wedding plans, shop for the women in your life, and prepare for married life with your whole heart. 

Mark your calendar now for these upcoming sales:

Friday, November 27: All wedding programs $10 off

Saturday, November 28: All prints, $5

Sunday, November 29: 10% off all tees, mugs, & totes

Monday, November 30: 15% off our Catholic Wedding Workbook & Mini Guide Sets

Wherever you are in your engagement or newlywed journey, we’d love to serve you. See you there!

When It’s Time to Switch NFP Methods

BRIDGET BUSACKER

There’s a mentality within the “NFP world” that once you pick a method, you have to stick with it until you hit menopause. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY + VIDEO

But, the reality is that your body changes, just as the seasons do, and what method works for you during your first years as a newlywed may not work as well postpartum. 

Of course, this isn’t to say that you will need to switch; ultimately, if you’re happy with your method and it’s working for you and your spouse, that’s what matters most! 

However, if you find you’re struggling or something just isn’t working, know that switching methods is a viable option. In fact, it is pretty common. 

But how do you determine whether your method of NFP is right for you?

Sit down with your spouse and talk about it

Ask yourselves what’s working and what’s not going so well in your charting journey together. Are there aspects of this particular method that are hard? Are certain protocols challenging and it’s just not working super well? Is it the technology you’re using and not so much the method itself? 

As an example, if you’re using a sympto-thermal method and it’s really hard to take your temperature at the exact same time every morning, instead of using an over-the-counter thermometer from your local drugstore, try investing in Tempdrop. You can wear it as you sleep and it monitors your temperature, so you don’t have to fumble with a thermometer at 6a (or whatever time it might be for you). 

Related: Three Methods of Natural Family Planning and How to Choose the One for You

Be sure to get granular in your questions with each other. There’s no shame if it’s hard to do a particular aspect of charting. Different methods exist for a reason, so it doesn’t mean that you’re failing at NFP. 

Talk to your practitioner

Once you’ve nailed down the issues and challenges of charting, make sure to reach out to your practitioner and have a conversation with them. Tell them your struggles, what’s working, what’s not, and let them help you process and find solutions. 

Most likely, this person will be able to speak more specifically to your struggles to help you determine changes you need to make within your practice or when it’s time to make a change. 

If you find that your practitioner is not understanding or isn’t listening to you, it’s time to break up and work with someone else. This can feel hard, but ultimately, this is about you and your health care journey!

Looking for a NFP practitioner? Check out these Catholic options. 

Switch to a new practitioner

If you need to make the hard call to switch practitioners, that’s okay, too! 

Sometimes, when a method is hard, it might mean you might need a new practitioner to help you navigate the challenges to find solutions. You want to be with someone you feel like you can be honest with and ask questions. You shouldn’t feel the need to apologize or not ask something because you’re uncertain of how they will react or judge you. This is a judgement-free zone! 

So, how do you switch practitioners? Be sure to reach out to either a designated email provided or a general email and explain your situation. You’ll be connected with someone within the organization that can help you find someone new to work with. It’s that easy - really!

It’s time to change methods

If you find that, even with a practitioner change, it’s still not getting any better and it’s just not working out for you, it’s time to make the method switch. 

This can feel daunting, but there are great resources available to help you find a different method that works better for you and your lifestyle! There’s no “one way” to practice NFP in your marriage, so there’s no need to feel ashamed or overwhelmed that you’re stuck. 

I recommended using Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop of NFP resources for women and couples that I designed out of my own personal frustrations with trying to compare and contrast available methods. This resource allows you to compare different methods and find one that works best for you based on commonly asked questions.

The practice of NFP can be challenging in and of itself (it’s the ultimate virtue builder!), so there’s no need to make it twice as hard by pushing your way through a method that really doesn’t fit your needs or your lifestyle. 

You need a method that allows you to feel confident in your tracking and makes you feel empowered. There’s nothing wrong with that! 

The challenges of NFP come with the seasons of marriage, so make sure the wrong method for you isn’t one of them. There are always options and great practitioners available to help you on your charting journey. You’ve got this!

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

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The Most Wonderful Time of the Year | Holiday Roundup

With the start of the holiday season less than a week away, we at Spoken Bride want to help you fully and joyfully enter into this meaningful time of year. 

Here are our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living, Christmas weddings, creating traditions with your spouse, and more. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: I’M MARY KATHERINE AS SEEN IN MARY-KATE + FARIS’ EMERALD CHRISTMASTIDE MANOR WEDDING

Liturgical Living + Advent

Cooking Through the Liturgical Year | Liturgical Living ideas | Creating Advent traditions in your marriage and family | Creating Holiday Traditions as a Couple| Engagement as a “Little Advent” |A reflection on waiting and anticipation, and their surprising fruits during engagement | Waiting in Joyful Hope | Meditations on Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, celebrated December 8 | Thoughts on embracing seasons of preparation. 

Relationship Health During the Holiday Season

5 Tips for balancing family, social events, and time as a couple during the holidays | How to Decide Whose Family to Visit for the Holidays| Distinctively Catholic ideas for celebrating the Christmas season with your beloved | How to avoid fights about money | Spiritual Tuneups for Couples | The Habit of Affirmation | How to Apologize

Hosting and Gift-Giving

5 Creative gift ideas for newlyweds | 4 Winter Hospitality Ideas | Editors Share their Strategies for Giving Gifts to their Spouses | Gifts, Prints, and Digital Downloads from the Spoken Bride Shop | Prayer Books for Brides | Stewardship in Marriage

Holiday Weddings

Maria and Patrick’s Rustic Christmastide Georgia Wedding | Sally Ann and Alex’s Wintery Texas Garden Wedding | Mary-Kate and Faris’ Emerald Christmastide Manor Wedding | Spoken Bride Features Editor Mariah Maza shares the story of her Christmas Octave wedding and tips for planning your own | Claire and Andrew’s blue and silver wedding in a Tennessee cathedral, celebrated on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception | Bridget and KC’s Christmas Octave wedding, filled with symbolism and intention and inspired by Pier Giorgio Frassati | Natasha and Tim’s Minnesota New Year’s wedding, centered on family and community--down to the bride’s vintage gown | Emily and Daniël’s Praise and Worship-filled Christmas season wedding | Christina and Kristian’s Austin wedding, with holiday colors and Christmas hymns | Genevieve and Dalton’s festive celebration at Rock ‘N Bowl | Caroline and Matt’s elegant cathedral wedding, rich with family heritage | Kaitlyn and John’s New Year’s wedding in blue, gold, and white | Becca and Phil’s Christmas picnic wedding

Join Our Team | Social Media Volunteer Team

We are excited to announce we are expanding the Spoken Bride team! We’re eager to work with individuals who share in our passion for Catholic marriage, with an eye for beauty and a voice of authenticity.

Spoken Bride is seeking a team to manage our social media platforms; specifically, one volunteer each for Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram Stories, & our Instagram Feed. Applications are open through Monday, November 30.

Our ideal candidates are collaborative-minded servant leaders who desire to use social media as an avenue for relationship, community, and growth.

Above all, candidates should have a heart for Spoken Bride’s mission and for the sacrament of marriage. Experience with writing, digital marketing/PR, weddings, and/or theology is ideal.

Feeling called to apply? Find further information and an application form below.

Social Media Team: Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram Stories, & Instagram Feed Managers

The Social Media Team will work closely with the Social Media Manager to design, compose, schedule, post, and engage with daily content on Spoken Bride’s social media platforms.

Each of these positions requests a one-year commitment and is on a volunteer basis.

We look forward to hearing from you! Thank you for considering sharing your gifts and experience with Spoken Bride, and be assured of our prayers.

Making a Home

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

Before I got married, I never thought much about making my dwelling place feel like a home. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: NICOLE CLAREY PHOTOGRAPHY, C/O ASHLEY EILEEN FLORAL DESIGN

Throughout college and graduate school and my first year of teaching, my dorm rooms and apartments were just places for me to put my stuff during the school year; there were several places that I never even hung pictures on the wall, since I spent most summers back at my parents’ home.

But when my fiance and I found the apartment that would be our first home together just months before our wedding, I started to think more about what I wanted our home to be like. 

He moved in immediately and, in the weeks after our wedding as I unpacked my boxes in my new home, I realized that I didn’t want to just consolidate our possessions. I wanted our house to feel like a home, and with my husband furiously writing his dissertation before his funding ended, it was up to me to make it feel homey.

Related: Home as a Place of Transition.

I had a vision: a home that was cozy and inviting, full of books, laughter, and love. I wanted to create a home that welcomed my husband back at the end of the day, a place where we could invite our friends and that, one day, our children would want to invite their friends to visit.

I wanted to create a home like the Marches’ in Little Women, where the lonely neighbor boy looks at the window for a glimpse of family life, or Bag-End from The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, where there was always plenty of food and drink and coziness. 

I also had no idea how to execute that vision.

After almost six years of marriage, I’m much closer to having the kind of home that I dreamed about as a new bride. I’m not completely there yet, but here are some of the resources I’ve found that have helped me make our various dwelling places home.

Creating your Vision

If you’re looking for inspiration for your vision of home, Haley Stewart’s The Grace of Enough: Pursuing Less and Living More in a Throwaway Culture is an excellent read. 

Stewart shares the story of her family’s year in a tiny house on a sustainable farm and how that helped them to live more simply and intentionally. The book includes discussion questions at the end to help you figure out how to apply the virtues discussed in the circumstances to which God has called you.

Related: Finding Heaven in a One-Bedroom Apartment

Housekeeping

My husband and I started our marriage with different ideas of what a clean house meant; he was much more laid-back than I was, and I couldn’t see how he could stand to live somewhere that wasn’t immaculate at all times. Eventually, I realized I was trying to create a house museum and not a home, and we’ve settled into a routine that gives us a reasonably clean home most of the time. 

While there are lots of routines available on the internet, I like to have a good reference book handy, such as Cheryl Mendelson’s Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping House.

Home Comforts is not a small book, but it is incredibly useful because, as the preface states, “This book contains practical how-to-do-it material on many of these subjects [meeting people’s needs], for both novices and those experienced in keeping house, and, because keeping house is a labor of love, it devotes space to its meanings as well as to its methods.” 

Every couple will have their own preferences about the division of labor, but keeping love at the forefront is essential.

Decorating

Interior decorating has never been a great skill of mine. I always want to have a nicely decorated, cozy home, but whenever I get the decorating urge, I tend to get overwhelmed, either by Pinterest or the number of aisles at Home Goods. 

Enter Myquillyn Smith, author of The Nesting Place, Cozy Minimalist Home, and Welcome Home. After we bought a house last year, I devoured her first two books and I’m slowly making my way through Welcome Home, her newest release from this past summer.

I have found these books especially useful because Smith teaches her readers how to embrace the imperfections of their spaces and budgets while still creating a home they love. 

Our home isn’t anywhere close to being fully decorated, but I’m learning to take my time, use Pinterest wisely and in a way that doesn’t lead to envy or overwhelm, and be creative in my pursuit to have a home that works for life with a toddler and a puppy, but also allows us to entertain when we’re able.

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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What's in a Kiss

CARISSA PLUTA

“Is that the first time we kissed today?” I said to my husband as we were laying down for bed one evening. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: AMY AND KYLE CATHOLIC PHOTOGRAPHY

We stared at one another in disbelief when we realized that we had waited until almost 10 o’clock at night to show this basic sign of love.

How could something so simple slip through the cracks of our day?

Like most families, our mornings are always a little hectic. We get up at different times (he’s an early-riser, and I always need a little extra sleep after waking up to feed the baby throughout the night). We have to get the toddler up, dressed, and fed. Get the dog out for a walk. 

Usually we were in the habit of kissing when Ben was on his way out the door, but when his “commute” looked more like walking upstairs to hop on a Zoom call, it became easy to overlook. 

Because if our normal daily tasks don’t get done, there is an immediate, concrete, and noticeable effect. 

But forgetting to kiss? The effects are sneakier--more long-term, and quite frankly, far more lasting. 

When you’re dating, affection, particularly through sharing a kiss, plays a major role in your relationship. It is how you greet each other and how you say goodbye. It’s how you celebrate and comfort, how you express love and your desire for the other.

But as the years go by, couples may find that affection no longer is a cornerstone of your relationship. This simple gesture makes way to deeper emotional and physical expressions of intimacy. It is quietly shuffled aside, and by the ordinary (and sometimes messy) acts of sacrifice and love.

Love isn’t a feeling, they say. And I understand why. 

Those butterflies in your stomach from your first date eventually settle down and those blissful days from your honeymoon period eventually become mundane and routine. While the vows you made can be broken by death alone. 

But affection isn’t superfluous in a marriage. It’s a necessity. 

A kiss communicates to the other: You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you. And what better way to start the day than with a simple affirmation of the promise you made at the altar? 

Ben and I now try to make the intentional choice to kiss every morning. We don’t want another day to go by where we miss opportunities to directly affirm each other and the love between us. We don’t want the other to have to wonder about where they stand, about whether or not they are delighted in.

Actions speak louder than words and a morning kiss says what both of us need to hear. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Newlywed Life: Beyond the "Honeymoon Phase"

EMILY JANARO

It has been about two months since my wedding and yet somehow, the time feels longer than the ten and a half months I was engaged. Whenever I mention to people that I’m recently married, many respond with the common cliche: “Oh, so you’re in the honeymoon phase!” 

While smiling and nodding politely, I have found myself reflecting on the implications of that phrase. What does a “honeymoon phase” actually mean, and what do people imply when they use the expression?

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA-ANNE SMID

I first experienced the term when my husband John Paul and I started dating during our undergraduate semester abroad in Rome. For obvious reasons, beginning a relationship in a foreign country was a whirlwind of excitement. There were endless date possibilities, weekend travel adventures, and beautiful churches on every street corner, in which we could pray about our budding relationship. It would be impossible to count the number of cappuccinos and gelatos we consumed during those three months. 

And to top it all off, it was the very first relationship I had ever been in. I woke up at 5 AM every single morning because I was too excited to sleep. By all definitions, John Paul and I were in the “honeymoon phase” of our relationship.

Yet even then I remember the resentment when someone labeled our relationship in that way.

By being in a “phase,” did that mean it was only a matter of time before the phase would be over and we would not be “madly in love” anymore?

Were our current feelings immature and silly, prevailing only in the absence of major challenges that would test our relationship?

I didn’t think so. 

Our relationship certainly changed when the semester ended and we faced a summer apart back in the States. John Paul and I lived an hour and a half apart--a distance closer than some couples have to navigate, though a lot further than adjacent apartment buildings in Rome. We learned the delicate art of texting and FaceTime without drowning in the muddy waters of miscommunication. 

Eventually, we went back to school for our senior year; another great opportunity for quality time and deepening our relationship.Then we graduated and spent another year miles apart. He started a full time job while I lived with my parents to save money and take prerequisites for grad school.

I understand where the framework for classifying a relationship into phases comes from, because the external challenge of a long distance relationship was a drastically different experience than our carefree Rome semester. In addition, I have no problem with acknowledging the reality that the honeymoon vacation I took with my husband had an end date when we came back to the “real world” and started work and school again. 

However, when people commonly use the term “honeymoon phase,” consciously or not, they assume the stereotype that hyper-romantic feelings of love will fade into a humdrum coexistence of bills, errands, and arguments. Date nights will hinge on rearranging work schedules or finding a babysitter. The thrill of newness is expected to disappear once the couple “gets used to each other.”

While movie love stories end with a honeymoon, our real life love story is just beginning with one.

I would much rather find out what is going to happen next than relive the comparatively short story leading up to our wedding day over and over. 

Maybe as a newlywed in the “honeymoon phase” of my marriage, I am unqualified to predict that in 20 years, I will be just as in love with my husband as I am now. Maybe I’m naive; blinded by the newness of physical intimacy and constant companionship. Obviously no one can have complete certainty of what the future may bring. But to live in fear that it will all go away and lead to break up or divorce is the main attitude that I want to reject. The spark of our love for each other doesn’t have to die if we continue to nourish it and feed the flame. If we are so focused on the flame going out, we will forget to do anything to keep it alive.

We can feed that flame in countless little ways that add up over the course of our lifetime. I still feel a thrill of excitement when my husband texts me to ask how my day is going, even though I know I will see him again in a few hours. Seeing a note on the refrigerator saying “I made you coffee! Love, JP” makes me feel the same way I did when he first told me he loved me. 

The little acts of service and affection that make up a marriage don’t get monotonous with time; on the contrary, they aggregate to create a relationship that is a combination of the flirty, childlike emotions and the deeper, more mature life experiences. JP and I are “getting used to each other” in the sense that there are a lot of new aspects of marriage. However, we are constantly discovering new things about each other and appreciating one another’s small daily sacrifices.

We were supposed to go to Rome for our honeymoon before the world pandemic hit, and we were pretty upset when those plans had to change. I had envisioned ten days of bliss, in which we would revisit all of our favorite places, go back to the restaurant where we had our first date, and probably get our marriage blessed by the Pope for good measure. 

Maybe a dream honeymoon like this is what people are thinking of when they describe the honeymoon phase, or when they imagine the honeymoon that romantic comedy protagonists will take as they drive into the sunset. I’m sure people don’t imagine a road trip to Branson, Missouri--which is what we ended up doing (and it was perfect).

But if changing our plans taught us anything, it was that a love rooted in Christ defies all external circumstances.

It defies unreasonable expectations, the media’s idea of perfection, and any challenge that could possibly come our way during a lifetime of marriage. Jesus never promises that there won’t be hardships in a marriage. 

Instead, He says, “In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world” . His promise to walk with us, individually and with our spouses, through all the hardships of life, should reassure us that faithful, beautiful love is very much a reality. We have nothing to fear as a couple as long as we rely on each other and on God.

John Paul and I have a favorite country song called “Then,” by Brad Paisley, that sweetly captures this love that gets stronger with age. It describes a couple’s life from dating to engagement to parenthood and old age. At every milestone, he thinks that there is no possible way he could ever love his wife more than he does. Every subsequent time he proves his younger self wrong. He sings the refrain: “We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in/ And I'll look at you and say/ ‘And I thought I loved you then.’ ” Those little moments of appreciation and self-gift keep adding up with time, until they realize their love has continued to grow--even when they thought they were in the honeymoon phase with the greatest amount of love possible.

It’s true: my husband and I are in this “honeymoon phase” of marriage, where the ups and the downs of life are awash with the rosy glow of newness. But rather than dreading the inevitable deterioration of our love, I can’t wait for whatever arbitrary “end” to the honeymoon phase that time may bring about, because I know our love will be transformed into a dazzling sunset by the end of our lives.

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About the Author:  An English major turned Physical Therapy student, Emily Janaro loves to write creatively on her breaks from studying how the human body functions. She married her best friend John Paul in August of 2020 and together they live in Virginia. They have every coffee-making appliance known to man, and enjoy hosting friends and family to share a cup of joe (or something stronger).

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Finding your Family's Mission

CARISSA PLUTA

When we were newly married, a more seasoned couple offered us advice on creating a family mission statement. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA AND MATTHEW

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People writes: “A family mission statement is a combined, unified expression from all family members of what your family is all about — what it is you really want to do and be — and the principles you choose to govern your family life.”

We followed their advice, asked questions, spent some time in prayer, and carefully crafted a mission statement that we recall daily in our work and prayer even now four and a half years later. 

The effects of a family mission statement on our marriage and home life have been profound. 

Forming a family mission statement helped my husband and I sort out our priorities, make decisions, and see more clearly who God was calling us to be as a couple, as a family, and as Christians. 

It grounds us in our identities as a daughter and son of God, unites us, and orders our life toward heaven. 

Read more: How to Create, and  Live By, a Family Mission + Motto

We began the process of creating a family mission statement by asking ourselves several questions:

What are our strengths? 

Take some time to determine your gifts and talents, both as individuals and as a family. Maybe it's hospitality or maybe it's a heart for serving others in your community. 

God has given each of us qualities, talents, and virtues to build up His kingdom both in our homes and in the world. What has He blessed you with and how do you think He wants you to use them for His glory?

What do we value? 

Values are the principles that give our lives meaning and help us in making decisions. Make a list of the values that are at the core of your family. 

This isn’t the time to be idealistic. Focus on those values and principles that truly resonate and inspire every member of your family, not what you think you’re “supposed” to value.

How do we imagine our family in 10+ years?

A mission statement is meant to help you grow and succeed, but to do that you have to have your goals in mind when you write one. 

What does our home look like? What are our dreams? What are some adjectives we would like people to use to describe us and our home? What kind of relationships do we want to have with one another?

Discuss how you might cultivate the soil now for those hopes to flourish in the future.

It’s never too late (or too early) to write your own mission statement and it even makes a great date night activity. 

Surrender the notion that the first draft has to be perfect; just like your family will grow and change over the years, so too can your mission statement.

Answering these questions can help you come to a better understanding of who you are and who God made you to be, and writing a family mission statement can give you the tools to get there.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Holy Marriage Blesses the World

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Most Catholics probably understand on some level that the vocation of marriage benefits the world; it provides structure to our societies and produces children. We also know that marriage can model the love of God and lead us and others to holiness. 

But what do those words actually mean? How can our marriages actually accomplish this work in reality?

PHOTOGRAPHY: Emily Constance Photography

My first small glimpse of how my vocation to marriage affects the rest of the world occurred on my honeymoon. 

The day after our wedding, Dalton and I took a road trip to Orlando, where we would stay the night before embarking on our cruise the next day. After over a year of planning, we embraced a rare moment of spontaneity and decided to book our hotel in Orlando while we were on our way there. 

We found a reasonably-priced hotel near lots of shops and restaurants while we talked about the future and sang along to our honeymoon playlist during the ten-hour drive. It was utter bliss, absolutely how a honeymoon road trip should be.

But things took a turn for the strange when we finally pulled up to the hotel. 

Three fire trucks and an ambulance were parked outside. Dalton dropped me off at the front entrance, and I went inside to wait in the long check-in line.

But it wasn’t a check-in line. It was a line of disgruntled guests who were requesting room changes due to a strong odor of smoke from a fire in the hotel earlier that afternoon. 

Eavesdropping over the hotel soundtrack, I learned that no one was injured, but a lot of people were looking to be moved to the other side of the hotel. I wondered if we should just leave and try another place to stay. I was still wondering when it suddenly was my turn in line.

This is embarrassing to admit as an adult woman, but I still get uncomfortable sometimes when speaking with strangers, especially when I have to ask for something that I want. 

In this case, I awkwardly stated that I was checking into the hotel oh and by the way would it maybe be possible to not have a smoky room because it was my honeymoon?

The guy behind the counter looked visibly deflated. His shoulders sank, and he rubbed his eyes. It had clearly been a day. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said in a somber tone.

I felt terrible for asking. I thought again about changing our reservation. 

My thoughts turned to Dalton, waiting for me in the car. We’d have fun wherever we went.

I smiled, thinking about putting our playlist back on and driving around looking for another place to stay. Suddenly, I laughed out loud as I realized that the hotel loudspeaker was quietly playing “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel.

“Are y’all playing this on purpose?” I asked, still laughing.

The clerk looked at me blankly, and then suddenly he heard it too. We both laughed and had a moment where I could sense that we were seeing each other as humans for the first time, instead of just an awkward interaction.

“You know what? Let me do something,” he said, and he smiled as he typed on his keyboard.

He put us in a suite, far away from the smoke, and gave us vouchers for free breakfast the next day. We were both still smiling as I walked back to the car.

Such a simple moment, and yet I’ll never forget it. I was happy, overflowing with love from our wedding day and looking forward to the days to come. 

This joy had put everything in perspective for me, and it had been easy to laugh in the face of stress. 

My joy then touched this stranger, who looked like he had laughed for the first time all day.

Of course, not every day is day one of a honeymoon. It’s easy to spread happiness and peace when you are at peace yourself. 

Some days, it can be difficult to summon the energy for our daily obligations, much less a joyful attitude about getting things done. Still, the effort we put into sustaining joy in our marriages does not just benefit us. 

Fill up your husband’s coffee mug and send him to work with an extra-long hug. Send him a song that makes you think of him. Tell him that he makes you proud, thank him for doing something he’s always done. 

Surprise him, sing with him, love him.

You never know who else will benefit from the joy you share.

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Editors Share | At-Home Date Nights

Planning a date night is a wonderful way to reconnect and spend some quality time with your spouse or fiance. And especially in this time of pandemic, at-home date nights have become more important than ever. 

Today, members of the Spoken Bride team share their favorite date ideas for a night in. 

Main image

Andi Compton, Director of Business Development

Exercise together. We put in a workout or go on a run/bike ride. 

Maria Luetkemeyer, Twitter Manager

We get take-out sushi, then sit in the living room and pray the rosary aloud, reading the Scriptures from the corresponding mysteries between. Then we play Scrabble or watch a movie from an ongoing list we have of movies we’ve never seen before.

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I loving playing a geeky board game together! Think a fantasy-kill-all-the-monsters-complete-the-quest type of game. This is usually paired with a couple of mixed drinks he makes with his bartender set—it’s one of his hobbies. 

After that, we’ll end the night reading out loud to each other (our current read is Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring) or watch the next episode of Merlin, a BBC show based on the legends of King Arthur. 

Jessica Jones, Contributing Writer

Pat and I have been learning to cook together--we make a recipe from Julia Child, Alison Roman (Nothing Fancy), or Deb Perelman (of Smitten Kitchen fame), and see if we can pull off making something we’ve never done before! And there must be at least one bottle of wine involved. 

For those who are budget conscious, it’s a great way to make new dishes that are both relatively simple to cook, inexpensive, and unique. 

Dominika Ramos, Contributing Writer

We do choose-your-own-adventure board games. We also read aloud or memorize poems together. We used to live right next door to a Trader Joe’s and would try new snacks from there every Friday night. 

Emily Brown, Podcast Manager

We love playing Trivial pursuit, swimming together, and doing rosary walks on the beach (we live five minutes away). We’ve also taken to watching movies we haven’t seen before and discussing afterwards.

Corinne Gannotti, Contributing Writer

Lately we’ve been ordering takeout from local spots, then just talking for a while and playing the ever classic Mario Kart for some racing duels. 

Rhady Taveras, Vendor Coordinator and Newsletter Manager

We live in Downtown Philadelphia and our building has a rooftop with a beautiful view of the city. We’ve often gone up there to do the rosary, and lately we’ve been going up there with our picnic blanket and a bottle of wine to play a card game called Skip-Bo. Winner usually gets breakfast in bed the next day. 

Is NFP Just "Catholic Birth Control?"

BRIDGET BUSACKER

Is Natural Family Planning (NFP) just “Catholic Birth Control?” 

The Church’s teaching on the use of Natural Family Planning and the distinction between it and the various forms of contraception can be difficult to understand.  I myself have struggled to find a concise way of explaining it.

This article will break down the differences between them and provide you some resources to help you learn more.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH WIRTH PHOTOGRAPHY

What’s NFP again?

NFP is the terminology used by the Roman Catholic Church to embrace the teachings on Theology of the Body and the application of fertility awareness based methodology.

The Catholic Church embraces - and encourages couples to embrace - the integration of faith and science in their marriage. She supports women understanding their bodies for greater self-awareness, which leads to greater self-control. Not birth control.

Read more: NFP: What It Is, How It Works, and Why it is a Blessing to Married Couples

A virtue builder

Let’s not pretend that NFP isn’t hard. Sometimes, as in the case of abstinence, it can be downright painful. But, this is where the spiritual reality of NFP must be paired with the physical reality of charting. 

Fertility awareness is an amazing tool for a woman and/or couple to utilize in order to better understand and respect the female physiology. By choosing to practice Natural Family Planning and discern family life together, you challenge the cultural narrative (dating back to the Fall of Adam and Eve) of treating individuals as objects rather than persons. 

When we actively practice NFP in marriage, we seek to love the other beyond ourselves, our own desires, and even our wounds because in doing so we choose to deny ourselves for the sake of the other. 

We tend to glorify the sacrificial, brooding love in young lovers, but we despairingly laugh when this type of sacrificial love is practiced in true, sometimes awkward, intimacy in marriage. 

NFP challenges a husband and wife to love each other in creative ways and navigate difficult seasons of abstinence. It allows sex to be truly unitive and couples to have a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful.

We have to be willing to re-integrate a worldview of virtue back into our bedrooms.

This can be hard when a common American lifestyle prioritizes the global good over the local good, and preaches a gospel of personal sacrifice to gods of degeneration: money, food, pleasure. 

But ours is a God of “generation,” that is, of life.

The practical aspects of NFP

NFP challenges married couples to discern and have important conversations about family life and the intention of achieving pregnancy.

Hormonal contraception presents an unnatural and frankly, offensive approach to the female physiology by shutting down a healthy, functioning system. These synthetic hormones create withdrawal bleeds in women (no, it’s not a real period) and can cause a host of other health problems.

But, what about a condom? There are no hormones messing the system up and it’s responsible, right?

According to the Catholic Church and our understanding of sacrificial love, no, it’s not. It’s a bandaid solution to a deeper reality: our fear of sacrifice to love fully.

The use of contraception (both hormonal and barrier methods) may seem like an easier solution, but would it point us to the deeper reality of a free, total, faithful, fruitful love? Would it help us become saints? Of course not!

Something that contraception doesn’t allow for: conception.

The beauty of NFP is its ability to not only avoid pregnancy as needed, but to also achieve pregnancy with a holistic approach to and respect of a woman’s body in its entirety. It’s welcoming the man and woman’s bodies into the marriage fully, without muzzling any part of them. That is full love.

I don’t know about you, but the fact that my husband doesn’t ask me to shut down part of myself makes me feel fully loved and respected as a woman.

NFP integrates new life (either potential or actual) and existing life, that of two loving spouses. Contraception sterilizes the act, dislocating the life-giving nature of sex.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH WIRTH PHOTOGRAPHY

A love that is procreative & unitive

NFP is not “Catholic birth control” because it embraces the Catholic Church’s teaching that sex is intended to be both procreative and unitive. 

This doesn’t mean that you are supposed to try to conceive every time you have sex; instead, it means that you must discern your family life together as a couple, through embracing the woman’s reproductive system and her fertility. 

The woman’s body is designed by our Creator with times of fertility and infertility, just as in the Creation account, God both worked and rested. 

“In [fertility awareness] the married couple rightly use a faculty provided them by nature. In [birth control] they obstruct the natural development of the generative process.”

If you discern that you need to avoid pregnancy for a season (refer to Humane Vitae in the additional reading list below for a framework of discernment), then you abstain from sex during the fertile period of the woman’s cycle. In doing so, you are not taking away one of two integral aspects of sex. 

This is a difficult teaching, but only a fool would argue that virtue should be avoided because it is difficult. 

This is a bold and radical way of living; you are invited to surrender and trust the Lord in a new (and sometimes difficult) way. By choosing to practice NFP, you choose to fully embrace your spouse, your fertility, and the plan God has for your life.

Additional reading:

Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI

Why NFP is not Contraception by the USCCB

Why I don’t refer to Fertility Awareness as Contraception by Emily Frase

Natural Family Planning and the Myth of Catholic Contraception by Michael Wee

If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Lessons for Newlyweds from Meg March

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

Despite the enduring popularity of Louisa May Alcott’s novel Little Women, not all of the March sisters are given equal consideration, especially in the two most recent film adaptations (2017 and 2019).

PHOTOGRAPHY: ALEX KRALL PHOTOGRAPHY

Jo is the feminist heroine, eschewing traditional female roles to pursue her dreams of being a writer, Beth is the tragic sister suffering from poor health, and Amy is the adventurous artist who goes from being an obnoxious child to a poised and well-traveled young woman. 

And Meg, the oldest sister? Meg gets married and has babies almost right away, which fits with the conventional expectations for women in the late 19th century. Because her story centers around marriage and children after she gets married, Meg gets rather sidelined in these films. 

In the novel, however, Meg grapples with the same kinds of issues that modern women encounter, particularly early in marriage, and Alcott’s resolution of these problems points at how we might solve them too.

In the beginning of the novel, Meg’s ambition is to marry a wealthy man. Though her family isn’t well-off, they were at one time and she remembers the physical comforts that they had had.

She ends up marrying John Brooke, a family friend with little money and declaring that she’ll be content with a man who loves her, even if they are poor. This turns out to be easier said than done.

At first she is happy in their small house, but Meg’s envy of her wealthier friends begins to steal that happiness and she starts spending money on things they don’t need just so she can participate in shopping trips. 

The final straw comes when she spends a large amount of money on fabric for a dress and it means that John has to go without a new overcoat in a cold New England winter. Meg feels so terrible about this that she swallows her pride and goes to Sallie with a request that she buy the fabric from Meg, which she does, and the overcoat can be purchased after all.

In our age of social media, it’s even easier to look at someone else’s life and struggle with envy. 

I can tell when I’ve been spending too much time on social media because I start to feel restless and wish for change when normally I’m happy with my life – I start daydreaming about beach vacations or obsessively searching for new furniture. 

I often forget that most people only post the highlights of their lives; they aren’t living some kind of enchanted life any more than I am. When I spend more time working on family projects instead of online, I’m much less apt to compare myself to others and I’m satisfied with the life my husband and I have built.

Envy isn’t the only vice Meg struggles with; she also has to deal with a fair amount of pride. 

While she’s grown out of her vanity about her looks by the time she’s married, pride manifests itself in a different way in her marriage: she has expectations that she’ll be a perfect housekeeper from the very beginning and far overestimates her ability to execute what she’s seen her mother do for years. 

The combination of a rash promise to host a dinner without warning, a desire to make a ton of jam without actually knowing how, and a husband who took her up on that promise lead to the first major fight of the Brookes’ married life. 

Both John and Meg decide independently not to be petty and both intend to be the first to forgive, so the incident ends with their reconciliation; they choose to help each other overcome their vices and so grow in virtue together.

There is so much compromise that goes on in marriage, and it’s easy to let pride get in the way, even in the honeymoon period of early marriage. However, I think the advice Meg received before her marriage from her mother holds true even now: 

“Watch yourself, be the first to ask pardon if you both err, and guard against the little piques, misunderstandings, and hasty words that often pave the way for bitter sorrow and regret.” 

This is such hard advice to follow sometimes, especially if you’re convinced that you’re right or justified in your opinion or reaction, but a little humility can often go a long way.

Marriage doesn’t cure us of our vices, but rather puts them under a magnifying glass because we can see in a new way how our sins affect others, specifically those we love deeply. But, as Alcott’s Meg shows us, working alongside our husbands to root out the sins of both spouses is important. 

That cooperative work, along with receiving the sacraments frequently and having a robust prayer life, will help us have a happy home life.

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Contemplative Love--A Comfortable Silence

STEPHANIE FRIES

I remember the silence of an early date with my now-husband.

PHOTOGRAPHY: EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY

It was the first time we made pizza together at my apartment in Washington, DC. At the time, we were somewhere between all the initial get-to-know-you-phase and the we’re-comfortable-enough-to-talk-about-anything-relationship. 

As we stood back-to-back, each taking responsibility for a slab of dough, there was a lull in conversation that lingered for several minutes. 

Silence can be filled with awkwardness and anxiety, no doubt. But not this one. (Not for me, at least.) I remember feeling comfortable and content in the silence.

I was filled with gratitude that I could be there, making dinner with a kind, good-looking gentleman, void of the pressure to keep a conversation going. 

Obviously, this visceral memory has stayed with me over the years and through many transitions. While recently reading an article about the process Lectio Divina--reading and listening, meditating, prayer, and contemplation--the following excerpt brought this memory back to mind:

"Finally, we simply rest in the presence of the One who has used His word as a means of inviting us to accept His transforming embrace. 

No one who has ever been in love needs to be reminded that there are moments in loving relationships when words are unnecessary. It is the same in our relationship with God. Wordless, quiet rest in the presence of the One Who loves us has a name in the Christian tradition--contemplatio, contemplation. 

Once again we practice silence, letting go of our own words; this time simply enjoying the experience of being in the presence of God."

Though I had experienced being in the presence of God before I started dating Geoff--in Mass and in prayer--that contemplative posture was not something I sought out or craved. I wasn’t aware my heart needed moments of “quiet rest in the presence of the one who loves us.” 

Learning to love Geoff and learning to let myself be loved by him opened new sensations in my heart. I was awakened, for the first time in my life, to my desires for Eros.

The experience of silently making pizza in the presence of Geoff helped me realize how much I crave being in the presence of Love.

Our dating relationship journeyed through many ups and downs before we discerned our shared desires to pursue a vocation to marriage together. The years of dating and separation were less about how we fit in each others’ lives, however, and more about where God fit in each of our lives. 

I learned about my heart through Geoff. That knowledge was a catalyst for my heart to seek God. And the more I pursued God, the more my heart was aflame to love and be loved by Geoff. The cycle continued (and still continues). 

This unity between husband, wife, and God is so rich and beautiful. As the relationship between husband and wife grows stronger, the relationship with God simultaneously grows stronger. As individuals continue growing in their personal intimacy with God, they will naturally build deeper intimacy with each other. This is the mystery of love; a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. In this way, the fruits of love are not only children, but also a deeper love and stronger virtue. 

Now that my husband and I live in the same home and are raising a daughter together, we have to be intentional about creating moments to be silent in each others’ presence, simply for the sake of enjoying the experience. It’s too easy to talk about the happenings of the day, to turn on the TV or music, or to stay busy with chores around the house. 

Similarly, I have to be purposeful in scheduling moments to pray. Left to its own devices, my schedule will quickly overflow with commitments and demands, pulling me away from a posture of contemplation. 

Every heart is designed, by God, to love and to be loved. Whether we know it or not--whether we admit it or not--we long for silence, rest, companionship and intimacy. We yearn to be seen and known by Love. 

Make the time and space to enter into the silent presence of the ones and the One who loves you. Make the time to “enjoy the experience of being in the presence of God.”

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

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Using NFP Won't Just Affect You

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Most married couples who use Natural Family Planning will tell you that it can be difficult. For some, this is an understatement. 

However, we know that NFP can improve marriages by allowing couples to grow together in the holiness that comes with sacrifice.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

When you make the choice to use NFP in your marriage, it often feels like a decision that will impact you and your spouse- and only you and your spouse. 

While it is true that natural family planning is an intimate act of intentional submission to the will of God for your family, the effects of this submission can affect not only your family, but the world.

The obvious evidence of this is, of course, children. Accepting children is the “supreme gift” of marriage, and the creation of new souls should not be taken lightly. 

Spouses should discern the planning of this gift through an open and ongoing conversation with God, but ultimately, NFP is about more than just the nuclear or even the extended family.

Consider the conversations that many of us have had with coworkers or friends who are not Catholic. When the subject of family planning arises, how do we respond? Certainly, it is our right to decline to talk about intimate topics which might make us uncomfortable. 

However, if you feel called to speak, think about what a witness you might be if you talk about NFP in an honest and loving way. 

So many women are now looking for more natural alternatives to the pill and other forms of contraception- maybe you could be the first person who has ever mentioned a healthier alternative. In a world where you can buy “natural” ketchup, these alternatives should be appealing to many.

Don’t be afraid to be honest- if you tried several methods and found one that works best for you, say that! That is a common experience for most women, regardless of whether they use NFP or not. 

Since many people still associate NFP with the rhythm method, speaking about the advances in our understanding of reproductive health can help to spread the word about this option for all women.

Another context in which you might be able to educate others about NFP is when you speak with your doctor or midwife. 

Many care providers are extensively trained in the different options available for contraception, and it’s part of their job to be able to provide evidence-based information to patients. However, those of us who use NFP often find that there is a knowledge deficit surrounding the use of fertility-awareness methods. 

This is a huge problem for all women, not just for Catholics. NaPro Technology has been useful for many couples who struggle with fertility issues but who wish to treat the cause, not just the symptoms.

Imagine if all providers were aware of this technology and knew how to refer their patients. Imagine if they learned it themselves! There would be better access to this care for all women. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of your doctors and nurses and to provide information to them as needed.

If you actively use but hate NFP, I’m still talking to you. You don’t have to keep silent, and in fact, you shouldn’t. 

Hearing about some of the difficulties that come along with using natural methods can help other married couples to not feel alone in their struggles. In particular, if there is an aspect of NFP that you struggle with that is related to confusion about a specific method or frustration regarding fertility options, speak up! This can call attention to areas that need further research or support. 

Speaking with your priest, bishop or others in your diocese who encounter families using NFP can also demonstrate that more resources are needed.

Discussing methods of natural family planning and fertility awareness is so important, not only in your own marriage, but for our society. So much of what we see in the media, hear at work, and even have internalized in ourselves is not consistent with what Catholics believe about sex, marriage, and family. 

Talk about NFP with your friends, married or single. Talk about it with your family, your coworkers, and your doctors. Talk about when you begin to date someone seriously. Keep talking about it with your spouse. 

Our conversations can create real change in our world.

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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