Words Become Flesh: Speaking in a Way Worthy of our Vows

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MARISOL B.

 

So many graces have been poured upon us, from the words exchanged during the Sacrament of Marriage, and we carry out their meaning in our day to day life.

From the moment the sun rises to its setting, we have the opportunity to give purpose to our daily conversations and hold them against the promises exchanged.

The question is, how intentional are we with our daily words? We might speak words of love and encouragement, or defeat and disapproval. We may speak words which build and restore, or words which crumble and discourage.

I remember a specific moment in my first year of marriage when my husband and I were having a conversation about household duties. As I was cleaning a coffee table, I was given unwelcome directives on how the task needed to be accomplished.

As my husband continued to correct my methods, I was filled with pride and resentment. I stopped the activity and went to the bedroom of our small apartment and closed the door without saying much. I probably shut the door a little louder than usual to “make my point.” I was filled with self-contempt, and as I sat by our bed, my eyes caught sight of a book I had close by.

It was Venerable Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married, and as I picked it up and opened it randomly, I was met with following words: “In history the only causes that die are those for which men refuse to die.”

I knew marriage to be a worthy cause and I realized right away that my prideful disposition needed to take a break. I decided to write a note to my husband; one that surrendered and expressed something along the lines of: "I realize our cleaning methods might defer, and I am open to learning better ways."

My pride probably had a quick reappearance and made a mental note that in reality my cleaning method was better than my husband's, and that he was being unreasonable; yet, at the same time I was humbled and determined to die to self.

I opened the bedroom door and found he had fallen asleep on the couch, so I placed the note in front of him and began working on other activities.

Once he woke up and read the note, he came running towards the room and hugged me, asking me to forgive him for being so petty. We were gifted with a moment of great humility and connection.

Related: The Art of the Apology

How many moments of similar nature are part of our daily life and how do our words (whether written or spoken) communicate goodness, truth and beauty?

I find particular strength to fulfill this call, by starting my day filled with the Word of God in Scripture; through Mass or a daily devotional. It feeds me and prompts me to remain centered in Christ and on His great love for all of us and through all of us. It helps me to speak words which bring life to others; especially my husband.

I take an honest thought inventory and examine my self-image, to ensure that I am not speaking words out of fear or insecurity. To ensure that my words come from a deep sense of love and belonging.

We hold in our own hands, a constant invitation to make love incarnate, through our thoughts, words and actions. Are we listening?

About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment, building a life of purpose and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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What Can You & Your Beloved Do to Support Each Other's Dreams?

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

“But where will you find the time?” he asked. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, again, my brain already whirring through potential comebacks.

As often as I’ve wished my husband and I had a brag-worthy, Insta-perfect habit of wholeheartedly supporting one another’s dreams, the truth is that I’m an idealist and he’s a realist (and of course, the truth is that I know our life could never be completely reflected in a single caption or image on social media). We dream very differently.

Have you and your beloved discussed your dreaming styles before? Early on in our relationship, I’d literally tell my husband one of my wildest dreams (usually, for me, related to hobbies, travel, or home projects), expecting a shared sense of excitement and purpose. Instead, these revelations would frequently be met with a series of questions that brought my imaginings crashing back to earth. I’d ask him about one of his own future goals or ideas, and would hear in his words the sense of hesitation and doubt. 

It’s been revelatory to encounter the ways our individual temperaments and upbringings have shaped our differing attitudes towards goal-setting, risk, and aspiration. These differences used to cause a great deal of hurt and misunderstanding, yet time has helped us recognize each of our habits, desires, and areas for growth when we talk about our dreams.

If you and your beloved, like us, have different balances of idealism and practicality, here are the questions and discussion points that have helped my husband and I grow in understanding and support for one another’s hopes and ideas.

Related: What do you want your home and family life to look like? What mission are you called to as a couple? How can you refresh yourselves after stressful seasons? Dream together with Spoken Bride’s Family Culture Workbook and Relationship Reset Guide.


State the end goal of your conversation.

Vulnerability expert Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind,” meaning conversations go most smoothly when each person communicates their needs, intentions, and expectations without vague language or avoidance. She frequently relates this concept to leadership, yet it’s been transformative in my marriage, as well, fostering an ever-deepening sense of understanding, empathy, and union between usI.

It’s been a particularly fruitful concept in this area of talking about our dreams. We (usually I) used to just dive into a conversation about my ideas, beginning with “Wouldn’t it be so great one day to…,” which frequently led to dampened enthusiasm or discouragement. Now, when sharing a dream, my husband and I both try to clearly state the context and goal of the conversation at the outset--that is, we’ll say whether we’re looking for specific advice and actionable steps related to an idea, or if we’re simply daydreaming and thinking aloud. Clear is kind!

Do you have a specific time frame in mind?

Some dreams, like my husband’s hope of getting his band’s music on college radio, have a sense of urgency and a deadline in mind; within one year, for example. Other dreams, like my longtime desire to take our children to Disney World once they’re old enough, are more of a distant-future idea that don’t make sense to concretely plan for just yet.

Discussing whether our dreams are short-term or long-term, time-sensitive or flexible, gets my husband and I on the same page, and leads to the next question addressed here:

What concrete matters should we address to make this dream a reality?

Personally, I love the thrill of possibility and don’t struggle to dream without the constraints of material or practical concerns. My husband, on the other hand, considers limitations before giving himself permission to really enter into an idea and consider how it might take shape. By identifying the concrete matters involved in a given undertaking, we’ve become better able to embrace the tension of ideal versus reality, and to feel the empowerment of a roadmap and to-do list.

So when one of us is ready to really dive into a dream, we benefit from listing the resources and steps that will help us get there. Consider what amounts of your time, finances, education, and materials you’re willing to invest (individually and as a couple), and write them down or set a date to commit to these investments. 

How will I support you, and how will we pick up any slack in our home and family life?

My husband started a graduate program, after much discernment and steps forward in trust--the year our first child was born. Though the constant work, low pay, and long hours on campus were hardly a dream come true, we both felt the peace and confidence of knowing this path was where the Lord had led us, and that the end goal would be the true fulfillment. It took so many conversations about distinguishing work time and family time and about household responsibilities before we felt in a rhythm with what his program would require of us both. The excitement of what teaching and study opportunities the degree would open up helped motivate the both of us to stay the course.

The summer I set out to write a book manuscript, my husband took over the at-home parenting duties, taking on the bulk of tending to our kids, cooking, and chores that I typically do when he’s at work during the school year. Flexibility with role reversal, and a spirit of service and sacrifice, made it relatively easy to act as true helpmates after identifying the areas of our life where we’d need to step in for each other.

Like any other area of our relationship, the act of supporting one another’s dreams has been learned; a work in progress. In this progress, I can now look back--and ahead, as we continue to dream--and see the ways each of our natures complements the other.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Sierra + Patrick | Family-Centered TLM Wedding

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A classic summer wedding in shades of blue, filled with faith, tradition, and big band swing dancing.

Sierra and Patrick met at Czech Hall, through mutual friends from the Newman Center, where Patrick asked her to swing dance.

They courted for a year before getting engaged on their one year anniversary.

Throughout their courtship, engagement, and the start of their life as husband and wife, Sierra and Patrick kept their faith in Christ as the firm foundation of their life together.

From the Bride:

Patrick proposed on our courting anniversary after Saturday morning Mass in the church where we would eventually get married.

He went down to genuflect and didn’t get back up. 

We had a betrothal ceremony two weeks later and an eight-month engagement. Patrick and I decided to celebrate our wedding in the tradition of the Solemn High Latin Mass, and said our vows on the crucifix we now have in the center of our home.

There is no better way to start off your lifelong journey with your best friend when you have God as the center of your life. Patrick and I tried to emphasize that throughout our wedding day and relationship.

From the Photographer:

I met Sierra through going to Church at Saint Benedict. We have been friends for over 10 years and have attended various mission trips and retreats together. 

After their engagement, Sierra and Patrick had a betrothal ceremony, during which the couple solemnly pledges to marry one another and becomes officially engaged in the eyes of the Church. 

They received a priestly blessing for their engagement and Sierra’s engagement ring was also blessed! It brought the couple many graces and started their marriage on a solid foundation.

Sierra and Patrick celebrated the sacrament of marriage with a Traditional Latin Mass. In this tradition, the Rite of Marriage happens at the beginning, and is followed by the Mass.

They intentionally planned their wedding to honor God, bless their loved ones, and to make their day memorable. They brought the crucifix that would hang in their new home and said their vows over it. 

They shared their first kiss ever right after their ceremony. It was the perfect way for them to celebrate their new life as husband and wife! 

Appropriately enough, the reception was held in the place Sierra and Patrick first met, with a big band, where they had originally enjoyed swing dancing together. 

While they started their first dance slowly, the band then went crazy and the newlyweds quickly transitioned to a choreographed number. They enjoyed seeing the reactions of their parents and guests to this epic first dance.

The foundation of their marriage and the most important part of their day was incorporating their faith. It was incredibly special to them to be able to truly focus on what mattered most to them for their wedding day!

Photography: Constance Photography | Nuptial Mass Location: St. Damien Catholic Church, Edmond, OK | Reception Venue: Czech Hall, Yukon, OK | Catering: Interurban | Cake: You Need a Cake | Floral Design: Kristy’s Flowers & Gifts and the Center of Family Love | Bride’s Dress: Bella Rose Bridal

 
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The Wonder of Marrage After the Fall

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JESSICA JONES

 

“O God, by whom woman is joined to man, and the companionship they had in the beginning is endowed with the one blessing not forfeited by original sin nor washed away by the flood.” So says the nuptial blessing in the Roman rite of marriage.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO

If you’ve been to numerous weddings as I have, these words pronounced at the end of the nuptial Mass might seem familiar, comforting, even a tad stale. This part of the blessing, buried after praises for a God who created marriage as an inestimable gift of friendship and as a foreshadowing of the covenant Christ makes with his Church, does not seem remarkable. Praise for marriage as a gift of friendship and unity is not altogether unexpected.

Lately, however, I have been struck with this particular part of the nuptial blessing: that marriage is the one divine gift not forfeited by original sin. I wonder . . . why?

Why of all the gifts enjoyed preternaturally was marriage preserved for us who live in a postlapsarian world?

It cannot be that marriage, blessing though it is, preserves us completely from the effects of original sin. The priest friend who married us spoke of marriage at our reception as a “wound of love”: that through marriage, as with the rest of the sacraments, God takes imperfect, broken, sinful people, raising them up through their suffering (not in spite of, but through) to draw him closer to each other in true love and to Himself. So the gift must not be one that preserves us from the “something that is seriously wrong with human beings,” from the sin with which we still struggle after baptism or the guilt of original sin from which we must be expiated.

Then, why and how was marriage preserved? Saint Augustine gives a twofold answer of a natural and supernatural quality.

From the very beginning, Augustine reminds us that God created human beings with a certain nature. Our nature is not isolated or independent; our nature is social and dependent. For this reason, we thrive on the bonds of friendship and kinship—two of the greatest natural goods of human life.

The first “natural” bond of human beings, then, even prior to the Fall, is found most perfectly in marriage. In marriage, we have the coming together of two persons in friendship by a decision of their free will, which in turn leads to the propagation of that other great bond of nature, kinship. In the power of the marriage union, our very nature as social and dependent is made evident and even flourishes (De bon. coni. 9.9).

These natural bonds, of course, were not left untouched by the ravages of original sin—as Augustine describes so well in his Confessions, even the best of natural friendships without God’s grace are usurped by the desire to place earthly goods above God. We easily make idols.

But the supernatural answer to the preservation of marriage after the Fall provides a window into God’s plan for renewing our capacity to love him, others, and ourselves. Marriage is restored to its original glory in the sacrament: it becomes possible once more to enjoy true friendship and kinship through the bonds of Christian marriage.

If that was not enough, those natural goods are elevated. God reveals his ultimate design for marriage: it is to transform this covenant, as Augustine says, into a sign of “the unity of us all made subject to God, which shall be hereafter in one Heavenly City” (De bon. coni. 18.21).

The social nature of man, expressed in marriage before the Fall, is given an even more perfect salvific end. Marriage is a sign that redemption for us as individuals happens not alone but in community. God saves us according to our social nature, not in opposition to it.

Marriage is the one blessing not forfeited by the fall because we did not forfeit our nature because of the Fall. Our desires for friendship, kinship, and worship of God were badly broken, but not lost. At our reception, our priest friend spoke not only of the “wound of love,” but also of its communal character. Long before I met my husband, this friend had said to him once as they were converting to Catholicism, “You know I can’t do this without you.” Now we travel together—my husband and I in marriage, a covenant ordained by God to serve as the sign of the City of God, our friend wounded by love in a distinct, more perfect sense. His covenant with Christ is not mediated by another. And together, according to our nature, we live by God’s grace for the other side.

About the Author: Jessica Jones resides in Washington, D.C. and is a Ph.D. candidate in philosophy. Her husband Patrick is also a Ph.D. student in moral theology. These days, you will find her, coffee in hand, writing furiously for her regular job or her dissertation on Plato, playing music with Patrick, winding her way through Julia Child's cookbook, or watching all Richard Linklater and Wes Anderson movies over again.

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Benefits of Charting Beyond the Bedroom

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KIKI HAYDEN

 

Even after we learned that physical intimacy wouldn’t go as planned, my husband and I decided to continue to chart my cycles together. 

Charting together has been such an affirming experience for our marriage. The very act of charting together has helped us grow in virtue and deepen our  emotional intimacy in ways that I hadn’t anticipated.

Humility

During our engagement/betrothal, my husband and I attended an NFP class together. At the start of the class, I thought I knew everything there was to know about charting. After all, I’d read several textbooks about it and had been charting for some time before becoming engaged. 

Spoiler alert—I had a lot to learn. And I still do, even years later. A woman’s body and her cycles are deeply mysterious. I’m having to let go of my hubris and accept the humbling reality  that I’m not always right.

Impatient for my husband to learn the rules of the sympto-thermal method, I became anxious and spoke harshly to him. I didn’t want him to “mess up” my charts. Allowing him to participate in this sort of intimate medical record-keeping took a lot of trust and humility. It was (and is still) hard for me to let go of control.

The painful but necessary side effect of this is that I’m learning how to argue with my husband more respectfully. Often, I question his judgment on our charts, but I’m learning to bring it up in a more respectful way, open to the idea that perhaps he is right and I am wrong. Growing in humility isn’t my favorite activity, but it is definitely improving the way I communicate about conflict—even very personal conflict.

Trust

It’s difficult for me to allow my loved ones to make a mistake when I know I could have prevented it. My instinct is to jump in and just do it for them. I often think I know better than they do. This is especially true when I encounter someone who solves problems differently than I do.

My husband definitely solves problems differently than I do.

So you can imagine how frustrated I felt when I watched my husband incorrectly mark peak day or fail to identify a temperature rise. My responses were far from gracious.

“Can’t you see there are more fertile days? I’ll just mark peak day.” “You’re not following the formula. I’ll just mark the temperature rise.” “You aren’t working the app right. I’ll just do it.”

Eventually, there was nothing left for my husband to do. He felt left out. “I want to do this together,” he said.

It took a few years (and yes, I mean years) before we developed a rhythm for charting together. In different seasons of our marriage, our rhythm has changed to meet our current needs. But we always make sure that each of us has an important role. 

Currently, my husband records my temperature and I record my symptoms (fluid sign and medical symptoms like headaches). Together, we decide when to mark peak day, temperature rise, and the first day of my new cycle. We also talk with each other about the  patterns we notice with my physical symptoms. The extra communication involved in charting  together has increased our trust of each other and our respect for the  other’s thinking processes.

I’m learning (sometimes through gritted teeth) to trust my husband to contribute to my charts. And sometimes he has insights that I hadn’t noticed about my symptoms. Which brings me to the next benefit of charting I’d like to discuss.

Related: How Men Can Be Supportive in NFP

Caring for each other

My cycles are a hot mess. Not to get into details, but I have a lot of really awful menstrual symptoms, like brain fog and extreme fatigue. (Yes, I’m consulting doctors about this—don’t worry.)

Through trial and error, we’ve noticed that my brain fog seems worse when I forget to eat enough carbohydrates. So my husband, saint that he is, watches my chart carefully. The week of my period, he adds extra pasta to my plate, or bakes me some yummy homemade bread. (Did I mention that my husband is a saint?)

We know I’m liable to experience extreme fatigue at certain times during my cycle, so he’s proactive about helping me get extra rest during those times. He even picks up extra chores around the house so I don’t have as much to do when I get home from work.

If my morning temperature seems off, he lets me know. “Baby, you’re colder than usual for this time of the month.” And he throws extra blankets on me. Also, he’s the first to notice if I have a fever.

Although I don’t chart my husband’s health, I’m trying to reciprocate this intimacy and caring. I try to check in daily with my husband about how he is feeling—how are his stress levels? Does he have a headache or a stomachache? Does he have enough energy? What is his mood like? 

Sometimes I add extra protein or fiber or his favorite sweet treats to our grocery list, depending on his needs. And when I’m able, I try to pick up some extra chores so he can relax after dinner. I’m not as good at this as my husband is, but I’m trying to learn from him.

As we work to improve my health, I try  to encourage him on his health journey too. We’re both working on improving our posture and finding time to stretch and exercise even during a busy work week.

Even if intimacy doesn’t go as planned for you and your beloved, I encourage you to chart your cycles together. Teamwork during medical record-keeping can help you to grow in emotional intimacy as a couple, improve your trust and humility, and even help you to care for each other.

About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual speech therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. To read about how God has changed her life through speech therapy, check out her blog and/or connect with her on Instagram

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Natasha + George | Bridge Between Two Hearts

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A love story beginning on the streets of NYC finds fulfillment in a Cincinnati summer wedding filled with military flair.

Natasha and George met for their first date at the Canal Street Station in New York; they walked around the city, chatting easily about life. From the start, Natasha noticed that George would acknowledge each person he walked by, rather than ignoring various passersby as she was accustomed to doing on busy NYC streets. 

What was supposed to be a lunch date, turned into an all-day event, traversing the city and the Brooklyn Bridge, grabbing gelato, and heading to a local restaurant to top off the evening where Natasha eagerly agreed to a second date.

While navigating career moves, long distance, shuttered churches, and a pandemic, Natasha and George held on to the hope of being married in July, before George would be subject to deploy at any time.

God faithfully answered their prayers as they entered the Sacrament of marriage in a beautiful Church surrounded by navy blue hues and bright white florals. They then celebrated their union with their bridal party at the base of another very special bridge.

From the Bride:

I was a journalist at Bloomberg News, and George was a senior at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. On our first date we dove into our faith lives, talking about growing up Catholic, attending Mass with the Pope, and participating in various young adult groups.

I could barely believe it: George was a devoted Catholic, a gentleman, a motivated learner—and not to mention, very good looking!

Falling in love in New York City was a dream. We strolled through Central Park, attended Sunday Mass in the Lower East Side, visited the Met, had a rooftop picnic, saw a Broadway play, and cheered on the home team at Yankee Stadium. I was even able to see George’s graduation from West Point and his commissioning as an officer. 

George helped me move to North Dakota for a short-term job, and he moved to Oklahoma for his first duty station. Neither of us enjoyed long distance, but we tried to make the best of it as we watched movies over FaceTime, cooked new recipes for dinner dates, and prayed together each night before bed.

It didn’t take long for the two of us to realize we wanted our relationship to last forever; in fact, it only took a few months. George asked me to marry him during our first Thanksgiving holiday as a couple. He gave the sweetest speech, ending it with, “Will you marry me?” 

Leading up to Christmas, we prayed a Novena to the Holy Family and began an intensive marriage preparation program. We learned more about our faith, our roles as man and woman, and our responsibilities to each other and the Church through marriage. 

We were able to talk more deeply with each other. I felt very lucky that contraception was not on the table for either of us. 

Although George was worried that would mean we would have 11 kids and counting, I reassured him that through Natural Family Planning we could faithfully plan our family together with God. The actual NFP course reassured us even more that we were doing the right thing for our marriage, future family, Catholic community, and God.

However, planning a wedding during the COVID-19 pandemic really put us to the test. George was quarantined at his duty station in Kentucky for months, and I was an emotional wreck at my parents’ home in Ohio. 

We faced uncertainty and a lot of changed plans surrounding our July 11 wedding date, but we felt this was our one shot, as George could get deployed at any time in the months following. We prayed more, but it was often a struggle, as we both felt distant from God because churches were shut down.

In preparation for our wedding day, we prayed a second Novena to the Holy Family, begging Jesus to keep us and everyone else from getting sick and to bless our marriage. To our surprise, when the day rolled around, everything fell into place.

When George saw me for the first time, walking down the aisle, he cried, and I felt even more assured in that moment that God had led me to the right man. During our wedding Mass, we together sang our hearts out, held hands and prayed, received Communion, and laid flowers before Mary. 

After Mass, in a small room by ourselves, we washed each other’s feet as a symbol of service to one another.

Even with all the uncertainty of wedding planning during the pandemic, I would do it a thousand times over, as long as I’d get to spend forever with my sweet husband, George.

From the photographer:

Natasha and George’s wedding day had so many special moments. During Natasha’s first look with her father, I was privileged to witness firsthand the joy and admiration on his face. The love of a father for his daughter is so tender and special, and this moment was truly priceless.

The couple chose to exchange letters and pray together before Mass. This was such an intimate moment between them, right before they became husband and wife. 

We took bridal party photos at Smale Riverfront Park beside the Roebling Suspension Bridge. This bridge held special meaning for the couple as it connects Ohio and Kentucky—where they each grew up. 

It also happens to have been designed by John A. Roebling, who went on to design the Brooklyn Bridge in New York City, the setting of George and Natasha’s first date! 

Despite the pandemic and all of the restrictions, the Lord blessed this couple abundantly. It was so evident how much they loved the Lord and each other. 

Their wedding Mass was the center of their day, and it was clear how seriously they took sacrament. It is always so life-giving to encounter faithful Catholics whose witness provides me with so much hope for the future.

Photography: Laura and Matthew | Nuptial Mass Location: St. Boniface Catholic Church, Cincinnati, OH | Reception Venue: Receptions Fairfield, Cincinnati, OH | Bride’s Gown: Wendy’s Bridal, Morilee by Madeline Gardner | Floral Design: Swan Floral | DJ: Absolute DJs | Cake: Cakes By Mindy At Receptions | Bride’s Hair: Heidi Rogers | Bridesmaid Hair: Kentucky Updos | Bridesmaid Dresses: David’s Bridal, Vera Wang | Invitation Suite: Posh Paper

Marriage as a School of Love: How our Vocations Educate and Enlighten

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

What does it mean that marriage is a school of love? 

When I was engaged the phrase seemed lovely and poetic but vague to me. Maybe it was also my allergy to well-meaning but grave voices warning me that marriage was "hard work" that made me gloss over this term, "school of love." 

As far as I was concerned, my fiancé was easy to love and so I assumed that marriage would be a school in the sense that my favorite subjects growing up were part of school--delightful and easy to pass.

Lo and behold, marriage actually is hard work, but rather than the drudgery those well-meaning voices made me envision, when we've integrated our hearts and minds with God's will, the work of marriage is enlivening. It's only until I was in the thick of marriage experiencing this kind of formative work that the term "school of love" took on substance and became a valuable framework for my vocation.

The following list outlines some aspects I've found helpful in thinking of my vocation in the language of education:

Everything is formation

Marriage and everything within it is not linear. You don't always progress nicely in peace and virtue and happiness. 

I expected the sweetness of babies but not the accompanying anxiety, the hilarity of toddlers but not the defeating frustration. I had no conception of how fraught decisions concerning careers or family size would be. 

And I never expected God would wrench away and destroy my ideas of what kind of wife and mother I would be and then simply ask me to love my children, love my spouse, and love Him more than my dreams of self. 

But the periods of difficulty and the questions that have no easy answers are all meant to form me. As I stumble along struggling and feeling irritated or even desolate, I'm given, often unwittingly, the grace to grow in patience, fortitude, and trust.

Humility is a prerequisite for learning

When I taught literature I would urge my students to divest themselves of their assumptions about a work before we read it. There's no room for learning if you've already made up your mind one way or another. 

The same goes for marriage. 

There's no real end to how much you can learn about, understand, or love another person. So I've found it to be a best practice to approach the people God has given me in the gift of this vocation with a generous dose of gratitude and at all times to be willing to have my presuppositions upended and to grow in directions I never expected.

A good teacher can make all the difference

Over the years, my marriage mentors have included other married friends, spiritual writers, confessors, and a slew of incisive novelists. 

There's nothing like someone sharing with you that they've been where you are and have lived through whatever hard thing you're going through. There's nothing like the wisdom of someone who has a strong understanding of human nature, can look at your life with an objective eye, and can lend practical advice. 

This is perhaps the one bit of advice I reuse most frequently for friends who are getting married or starting families--find good mentors.

You are both a student and a teacher

This notion struck me fresh as I sat in line for confession glancing over the examination of conscience handout one day. Down the list I read the question: Have I neglected the intellectual and spiritual needs of my spouse and children? 

Of course it's obvious to me that I'm supposed to be a student in this school of love, and I am aware that my husband and I are the primary teachers of our children. But something about the wording of that line imbued with extra heft the imperative to foster intellectual and spiritual growth in our home. 

Moreover, it made me realize how interconnected the learning is. The more I learn to become an instrument in God's hands and the more I learn to see my spouse and children as God does, the better I can identify and attend to their spiritual and intellectual needs.

There's a line from Cormac McCarthy's novel All the Pretty Horses that comes back to me each time I see someone get married: "It was good that God kept the truths of life from the young as they were starting out or else they'd have no heart to start at all." That sounds dismal, but there's a truth to it. 

Seven years ago, if I could have peered into my life now I would have trembled over all the lack of sleep and difficult decisions waiting for us. I imagine if I could peer into my life seven years hence I might tremble all the more for whatever lies in wait. 

But as one of my wise married friends says: "there's no grace for hypothetical situations." It's only because of the grace we've received and the formation we've undergone through these years in this school of love that makes it possible to say yes to what we are asked in this present moment and whatever will be asked of us for the rest of our lives.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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These Projects Not Included in Pre-Cana Helped Me Prepare for Marriage Like Nothing Else.

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

If you’ve ever put an IKEA bookshelf together with your beloved from start-to-finish, hosted a dinner party with him, or played multiple rounds of Boggle together, all with zero bickering or arguments, I would like to know about it.

I have always found comfort and motivation in the fact that the Church is forever steadfast in her teachings, offering us something beyond just dogma and instruction. She challenges us, through mercy and grace, to go beyond teaching and enter into practice.

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If a foundational teaching of marriage is that this gift exists so spouses’ “mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man,” then a foundational practice we’re invited into is loving our spouses with this Christ-like love: sanctifying, life-giving, and without end. 

So much easier said than done. 

I remember, during marriage prep with our mentor couple, saying in one conversation that I couldn’t wait to put everything we were learning into practice. “But you already are,” said one of our mentors. Wedding planning, creating a website and registry, browsing honeymoon destinations, and more, she pointed out, were all endeavors that employed our aptitudes (or lack thereof) for clear communication, ready forgiveness, and compromise. 

Now, having been through the planning experience and having seen my husband’s many facets revealed more deeply over time, I once again see the fruits of entering together into the place where teaching and practice meet--and actively seeking occasions to embody a love more like Jesus’s own.

If you find yourself wishing for the same, praying to become the best spouse you can be as your wedding draws near, I’ve found the following projects to be surprisingly telling and sanctifying, showing my husband and I more of who we are and the specific ways we’re called to love one another.

Furniture and decorating

When I met my husband, I’d sometimes plunk down on the grass in the middle of my college campus at night, looking up at the stars and laughing; giddy at having found someone who understood me so well even at the outset and who loved so many of the same things I did. 

Fast forward to two years later, though, and by the standard of what items we were drawn to for our wedding registry and future home, we seemed to have practically nothing in common. 

You and your beloved might not share identical tastes in home decor, either, and it’s okay! Learning one another’s preferences, compromising on looks or price when appropriate, and seeing each other’s habits in action as we assembled and arranged  furniture together has ultimately helped us create a comfortable home we both love and that reflects who we are, together.

Driving and Following Directions

How much time and preparation does each of you build in when leaving for an appointment or event? Does a wrong turn stress you out or not feel like a huge deal? 

It took a few too many short-tempered drives to restaurants and friends’ houses before my husband and I talked clearly about how we each preferred to drive and navigate. Questions like, “Do you want to hold the map (phone) or have me read it?,” “What can I help you do before we leave?”, and “How much of my input do you want if we get lost?” have made our car conversations so much more peaceful.

Games

The online game nights my husband and I have participated in during quarantine have held up a mirror to the ways we treat each other when we’re (literally) on the same team. Partnering with your beloved, whether you prefer sports, board games, or vids, reveals each of your degrees of competitiveness, decision-making habits, creativity in problem-solving, and ways you critique one another. When taken as a pursuit of growth and healthy communication, it’s a great feeling to take pride in each other’s strengths.

Related: Board Games Suggestions for an Enjoyable At-Home Date Night

 Cooking/hosting

Do you love planning events rich with themes, details, and multiple courses, or do you prefer a more spontaneous approach to hosting? What about cleaning and preparing your home for guests? As with games, hospitality offers ways to grow as a united front (even if you aren’t living in the same home yet) and learn your beloved’s approach to plans, organization, and cooking.

It’s at the intersection of teaching and practice that we’re invited to love with the head and the heart. To express our inner knowledge by embodying it in our outer actions, quite literally putting that knowledge into practice. And what is the merging of inner and outer, after all, if not sacramental?

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Sarah + Jacob | Flawless Fall Wedding Amidst Pandemic

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A marriage celebration among the rolling hills of a country farm, awash with golden autumn sunshine and a kaleidoscope of colorful blooms.

After attending the wedding of a close friend, Sarah began praying for, and writing to, her future spouse. However, she never expected to meet her husband, Jacob, due to a home improvement project gone wrong.

While an Ohio wedding was not what the couple originally had in mind, their chapel ceremony and outdoor reception provided the perfect beginning to their new life together. 

The dusty blue hues of the bridal party’s attire supplied a stunning backdrop for the brightly colored florals to truly shine—and not even a pandemic could darken their joyful rays.

From the Bride: 

It was a brisk summer day in a small Oregon mountain town. My best friends were getting married there that weekend. 

As we began the rehearsal, the bridal party lined up to practice their walk down the aisle; however, my groomsman counterpart had yet to arrive. 

I would need to make the 100-yard trek alone. At the end of the aisle stood my spiritual father, Fr. Nathan, smiling as I made my way. 

As the rehearsal progressed, and the bridal party began to exit our rows, I was still partnerless. Fr. Nathan looked at me, took my arm and started walking with me down the aisle. 

He whispered, “You will find your St. Joseph one day.” Thus, I began praying to find my St. Joseph.

Three short months later, I sat frustrated in my room journaling to my “future St. Joseph” about my failed attempt at hanging new shelving. 

My unsuccessful efforts had left numerous holes in the wall. I dreamed of the day I would have the man I wrote to there, helping me to hang those shelves just as St. Joseph the carpenter would have done.

Defeated, my roommate kindly asked her brother to help.

Little did I know that as I watched this man help hang those shelves and patch the holes, my St. Joseph was standing before me.

Jacob and I were married on September 26th in Christ the King Chapel with a smiling Fr. Nathan standing at the altar.

Now, Jake and I are currently remodeling our 120-year-old home. Some joke that he is the “Chip” to my “Joanna”. 

I do not see it this way. Because each day I am reminded more and more of the words whispered to me in a small church in Oregon: “You will find your St. Joseph one day.”

From the Photographer: 

Imagine the most perfect early fall day, the warm sun shining, some passing clouds and ending the day with a cool breeze. Now, picture a beautiful farm in the country, a large white tent lit with string lights, filled with your dearest friends and family. 

The sounds of laughter, music, and dancing filling the air as the sun sets over the rolling hills. That is just a taste of the beauty of Sarah and Jacob’s wedding day in Steubenville, Ohio.

Though they were originally planning on a west-coast wedding, their plans changed due to the COVID restrictions in California. They decided to keep their wedding date, but move the location.

They were married in Christ the King Chapel on the campus of Franciscan University. Sarah and Jacob originally met in Steubenville and plan to continue living there, so it was fitting that they were married in the place it all began.

Everything about their day was picture perfect, from the gorgeous details at the beginning of the day, to the stunning BHLDN gown and veil. But the detail that stole the show were the florals; everyone was talking about them! 

Flowers have the ability to elevate a wedding in a way that no other detail can. The bright pinks, lush greens, and happy oranges provided stunning pops of color throughout the bouquets, centerpieces, and even the cake! 

Even though Sarah and Jacob’s plans for their wedding day had to change drastically and many beloved family members watched via livestream, God blessed them with a joyful and beautiful wedding. Their focus was on the Lord, the sacrament, and the beginning of a lifelong marriage together.

Photography: Laura and Matthew | Nuptial Mass Location: Christ the King Chapel, Franciscan University, Steubenville, OH | Wedding Reception Venue: The Sunnyside Country Retreat, Amsterdam, OH | Bride’s Dress: BHLDN | Wedding Planner: Jeannene Lillie Events | DJ: Brandon Michael | Videography: Meredith Munro | Floral Design: Rachel Lash | Cookie Table and Cake: Family and friends of the couple | Hair and Makeup: Legal Hair | Catering: Cooked Goose Catering | Bridesmaids Dresses: Lulu’s + Called To Surf | Groomsmen Attire: Macy’s + The Tie Bar | Stationery: Minted | Rentals: All Events Rental

For the Good of His Church: How Marriage Blesses the Body of Christ

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

For the past few weeks, I've found myself meditating on how I fit, within the context of married life, into the Body of Christ. Into the living mission of Jesus on earth. 

Day to day, I spend most of my time and energy at the service of those who have been given directly to me in this vocation- my spouse and our children. Loving and serving my family is where I first answer God’s call. But in a real way, the whole Church and even the world is the family of God. I also have a role to play in that family, one with meaning and value.

When we understand marriage as a vocation, we are proclaiming that it is a way we can live out God's calling for us to love and serve Him. And in a particular way, the Catechism reminds us that this means seeking the Kingdom of God by living in such a way that we direct the temporal things of our life according to God's will. Through this, marriage draws us up into the greater mission of Jesus - of bringing everyone into the fold of His family, His Kingdom. How am I living for that mission?

Is my life, shaped and fed through my relationship with my husband, at the service of the God’s will in this way?

This past Sunday during mass, part of the Eucharistic prayer struck me in a way it hadn't before and seemed to respond to these questions of my heart. It was the moment when we respond to the priest's offering of the consecrated gifts, praying that God would accept the sacrifice: "for our good and the good of all His holy Church." Those words spoke to me both about the mass I was praying and the whole of my married life. 

The Eucharist, the most intimate of the Sacraments – is given for my personal good but also the good of all the Church, and ultimately the whole world. My marriage, the most intimate of my relationships – is given to me for my personal good but also for the good of all the Church and the whole world. Beginning to consider marriage with this Eucharistic view has helped me to see more clearly what God’s vision for it may be in the life of His Body.

I mean, consider this: receiving the Eucharist is deeply personal. We receive the host, consume it, and our body literally digests it. You can't get much more personal than that. But it also goes beyond us. We are sacramentally fed by God and His presence within us affects us, making us more capable of receiving others in love as we have received Him. 

Marriage seems to have a similar pattern. Our need for love and deep, personal belonging is fed by our relationship with our spouse. But the love we first cultivate within our marriage should not only flourish for us to enjoy, separated from others. It is not only meant for us. It is not only meant for our children. It is meant to bear fruit for the world, a collaboration in the greater mission of Jesus.

It is rightly ordered to focus first and most deeply on loving and providing for those in our immediate family – responding to the needs of our spouse, our children if we have them – but there’s also a real temptation to do solely that. We can’t allow our lives to become so insulated that we focus always and only our own good with no concern beyond that. 

If we truly believe that marriage is a vocation through which we work to accomplish God’s will in the world, we need to be convicted as a couple to resist the urge to make our lives only about us. 

This isn’t to dismiss the primary importance of walking with our spouse on the road of sanctification, or the good of making our homes havens of peace and comfort. But if we get too comfortable to ever leave our own four walls, it could tragically cause us to forget about the bigger family we belong to. Mother Teresa might tell us that in so doing we have in fact “drawn the circle of our family too small.”

The fruit of our marriage should be the ability to love and bless those we encounter more fully and more freely because we have first received that kind of love from God manifest through our spouse. 

Our spouse helps us answer the question "am I loveable?" with confidence, and so we can help answer this question for others - for our children, for our friends, but also for the poor, the marginalized, those in our community whom we have a real capacity to assist and invite into our lives. 

They are also our brothers and sisters. Our marital love should move us towards a lived devotion to the works of mercy.

It’s a great mystery how God gives himself to us through the sacrament of the Eucharist. It's likewise a mystery how He gives himself to us through the life and love of our spouse. And what beauty and conviction there is in meditating on the reality that both of these encounters with God are meant to feed us so that we may bear fruit for the life of the world. So that we may serve others. 

Our marriages are eucharistic, "for our good and the good of all His holy Church." And that really shapes everything.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Board Games Suggestions for an Enjoyable At-Home Date Night

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MAGGIE STRICKLAND

 

After my husband and I got engaged, we started asking our newly-married friends for suggestions on building our registry. One answer that we received more than we expected was board games. 

We added a few to our registry, which meant we were prepared to host game nights, but over the years, we’ve added to those original games and figured out which ones are best with a group and which ones can be played easily with just the two of us. 

Leisure is a necessary part of both marriage and the Christian life. Playing board games provide unique opportunities for quality time, laughter, and developing communication skills. And they make a perfect at-home date night or a relaxing Sunday afternoon activity. 

Here are our top three two-person games that you and your spouse can enjoy together. 

Dominion

Dominion was the first game that we really played seriously as a couple; we loved it so much that we invested in several expansion packs and brought several of them along on our delayed honeymoon. This is one of our favorites and the one we almost always go back to.

The premise of this game is that each player is the monarch of a small kingdom who is vying with neighboring monarchs to acquire the most land. This deck-building game starts with small identical decks for each player and an assortment of other “kingdom” cards to buy and build your own custom deck to help you win. The original game stands alone quite easily, but any of the kingdom cards from any expansion can be mixed in, so there is quite a lot of variety.

Bananagrams

I grew up in a Scrabble-playing family, but the one downside to that game is how long it can be, since you have to wait for the other players to come up with a word before you can play again; we have had multi-hour games of Scrabble, which isn’t always conducive to marital harmony when one spouse (in our case, me) is impatient.

We prefer Bananagrams because it doesn’t require a board or score-keeping, and each player goes at their own pace. The game itself is really small – 144 tiles in a banana-shaped bag – which makes it a good game to pack when traveling. Using the tiles, each person constructs their own crossword, trying to use up their letters as quickly as possible. The speed of the game means that sometimes spelling errors are made in pursuit of winning, but we always end up laughing at the words each of us has chosen.

Forbidden Island

We were introduced to Forbidden Island by some new friends whose board game collection is extensive; they recommended it as a good way for us to get to know each other. It was great to play with another couple, because it was interesting to see each others’ communication styles, but it also works well for just two people.

In contrast to the previous two games, Forbidden Island is a cooperative game, in which players must work together to move around an island collecting items before the water level rises too high. Each player takes on a different, but essential role in helping to achieve the goal; there are multiple levels of difficulty, which makes this a good game to go back to. It isn’t a difficult game to learn, which makes it a good starting point for people who aren’t avid board game players, and the design of the board and pieces is beautiful.

One last note: board games can be expensive, especially if you end up not enjoying a particular game, so I recommend trying them before you purchase (or add them to your registry) if that’s possible. Some library systems will allow you to check out board games, or you might ask around to see if anyone you know owns a copy of the game you’re interested in playing.

About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Tara + Sean | Elegant Extended-Celebration Wedding

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While wedding planning during a pandemic brought countless challenges, Tara and Sean were determined to be married on the date they originally set, May 16.

These college sweethearts chose to celebrate their marriage on two distinct days, allowing them to fully focus on the different aspects of the celebration. After five years of dating and an 18-month engagement, God provided for them to be joined as husband and wife in the presence of their closest family members and bridal party.

On a sunny day later that summer, they gathered with the rest of their wedding guests to celebrate their union. With months between their nuptial Mass and reception, Tara and Sean learned firsthand that love is patient, and God is faithful.

From the Bride:

Our story is one of faithfulness. A story that stood the test of time and of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. The rainbow at the end of the storm.

Seven years ago, Sean began to pursue me in a way that no other man had ever sought to know me. We met our freshman year of college and were drawn to each other because of our similar beliefs. 

He’ll claim that it was my smile and my faith in God that he was first attracted to. I’d say it was his selflessness and sense of humor.

I knew we were on the right path when he asked my dad for permission to date me. After five years of growing closer to each other and closer to God, Sean proposed during a surprise photo shoot with my family. 

The next day, we felt God’s blessing over our engagement when the readings from the Mass reminded us that, “what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”

In 2020, not even the 18 months of wedding and marriage planning could prepare us for all of the uncertainty that came with the COVID-19 pandemic. 

We were forced to make unimaginable changes, but God prevailed in the end. He sent us the most compassionate priest and allowed us to celebrate our marriage on two days.

After many tears and lots of prayers, we were able to be joined in the sacrament of holy matrimony in the presence of our closest family members and wedding party. 

God protected us that day and allowed us to experience pure joy. A few months later, we finally got to celebrate our marriage at a reception with the rest of our wedding guests. 

Our faith was strengthened through the trials, and the final results were a testament to God’s faithfulness.

The blessing of having two days to celebrate our marriage was that I was able to focus on the two major parts of the wedding. For part one, the emphasis was on the nuptial Mass, and for part two, the emphasis was on the celebration. 

Thankfully, we had quality time with our wedding party to get ready together on both days. This time together meant the world to us after months of being apart. 

We shared gifts with our closest people, and they wrote letters to us. It was the perfect way to start the day with a walk down memory lane of some beautiful friendships and a reminder of our support system. 

Sean and I both come from large, Irish-Catholic families. Being the oldest girl cousin in my family, I knew I wanted some of my cousins to be involved in the wedding. We were so thankful that they were able to be there as our flower girls and ring bearers. 

Our parents received special gifts as well, since these days would not have been possible without them. I will forever treasure the moments of my mom helping me get into my dress and my dad seeing me as a bride for the first time. 

While Sean and I decided to go the traditional way of waiting to see each other until I walked down the aisle, we had a special moment together back-to-back as we read letters to each other. Sean also read a letter that I had written in 2013 to my future husband—just a few days before we officially started dating. 

Just moments before walking down the aisle, one of my bridesmaids offered to pray over me.

Her words of faith and encouragement were exactly what I needed in that moment. After a crazy morning of rushing to get ready, those moments to pause and take it all in were incredibly special. 

My dad and I joked about the first time he walked me down the aisle, which was actually about 20 years earlier when I was a flower girl in my aunt’s wedding. I wouldn’t walk alone because I had just busted my lip moments prior to the ceremony. 

I promised him this time I would be more careful, but he could still hold my hand as he walked with me. 

As the church doors opened, Sean turned around and started bawling. I couldn’t help but smile as I walked towards my soon-to-be husband—a moment that I honestly wasn’t sure would happen during the uncertainty of changed wedding plans. 

The beauty of the Catholic Mass put me at ease. It felt like a ceremony I had attended many times before, but this time God was uniting us in the most holy way possible.

Our family members read some of the same readings that we heard at Mass the day after our engagement. We were reminded of “a still more excellent way” and that He will “allow us to live together to a happy old age.”

During the homily, our priest talked about how our love is so resilient. As a part of our marriage preparation, he had us write letters about our hopes for our marriage in 10 years. 

We didn’t know until that moment that we would read those hopes aloud to our family and friends. We both talked about our commitment to each other, desiring a God-centered family, and growing together as we lead each other to heaven. 

Perhaps one of the best moments of our May ceremony was the opportunity to be extraordinary ministers of holy Communion. Because most churches were still closed due to the pandemic, this was the first time in months that many of our guests had physically received the Eucharist. 

We could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit as we offered the body of Christ to each of our loved ones. 

We left that Mass as husband and wife with celebratory “Mr. & Mrs.” balloons to show for it. 

In August, the rest of our guests came together to witness our final wedding moments. We finally got our first dance together, special dances with our parents, speeches from our loved ones, amazing food from our caterer, ice cream and cake for dessert, and a sparkler send-off as a grand finale. 

Although we had to wait a few more months, it was worth it to have most of our friends and family there to celebrate with us. 

During the planning, I remember focusing so much on the songs, timeline, decorations, and other little details of the day. But when the pandemic occurred, I was reminded that I am not in control. 

It was a lesson of giving over control to the One who is in control. Because in the end, both days came together beautifully. 

While it wasn’t the original plan we had imagined, the love and support that we received surpassed all of our expectations. It was a testimony to God’s plan for us and the ways that He has instilled our trust in Him as He continues to bless our marriage.

Photography: Catherine Rhodes Photography | Nuptial Mass Location: Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, O’Fallon, MO | Wedding Reception Venue: Stone House of St. Charles, St. Charles, MO | Rings: Diamonds Direct St. Louis | Floral Design: Petal Pushers STL | Stationery: Rock Paper Scissors | Caterer: Ces & Judy’s | Bride’s Dress: Cleo Bridal | Bride’s Jewelry: Olive & Piper | Bridesmaid Dresses: White Traditions Bridal | Suit Rentals: Savvi | Cake: Wedding Wonderland | Ice Cream: Clementine’s Creamery | Bar: Booze Brothers | Hair and Makeup: Belleza Salon | Videography: Pancho3

Why Holy Leisure is Essential for a Healthy and Holy Marriage

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

When was the last time you and your husband did something that made you both feel completely alive?

After a long day at work, or an exhausting afternoon of keeping children alive while also trying to minimize tantrums, it’s hard to want to do anything more stimulating than sitting on the couch in your pjs. 

Husbands and wives find themselves needing to unwind from the day's events, so they often default to watching a television show for date night or scrolling on their phones to “relax” when they have any downtime. 

Who has the time or energy for anything else?

Today’s culture which promotes productivity and lauds those who “hustle” has warped the holy idea of rest. 

Instead of seeing rest as a necessity for a fully human life, it is seen as a time to wind down and shut off; a chance to charge our batteries like machines so we can get right back to work.

However, true leisure goes beyond this.

In his book Leisure: The Basis of Culture, Catholic German philosopher Josef Pieper writes that leisure is like “the stillness in the conversation of lovers, which is fed by their oneness… And as it is written in the Scriptures. God saw, when ‘He rested from all the works that He had made’ that everything was good, very good, just so the leisure of man includes within itself a celebratory, approving, lingering gaze of the inner eye on the reality of creation.” 

True leisure, holy leisure is not a state of inactivity, but of an active, contemplative stillness and wonder. It invites you to behold Truth face to face, to drink in His Beauty. 

This leisure is necessary for the Christian life and a healthy marriage.

Firstly, Leisure reminds us who we are. 

Pieper writes: “Leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves. We tend to overwork as a means of self-escape, as a way of trying to justify our existence.”

We often believe (even subconsciously) that we must prove to ourselves and others that our life is meaningful; we feel the need to quantify our contribution to our households, to society. 

This comes from us placing our worth in what we do, rather than the truth of who we are. But rest helps reorient our thinking. 

Ultimately, we rest because God rested. We are made in the image and likeness of a God who took time to delight in His creation. 

We rest to remind ourselves that we aren’t slaves to our work, but daughters and sons of the King.  And it is from this identity that our lives and our relationships, particularly our marriages, must flow. 

Not only does leisure help you better understand your identity, but it also breaks you of the mindset that other people's worth comes from what they do, equipping you to love more fully. 

Leisure helps you to love more fully. 

It may seem counterintuitive to think that doing something enjoyable and lovely would help you love someone better. But, although it fills and pleases you, true leisure is not self-centered or pleasure seeking.

Pieper writes: “Nobody who wants leisure merely for the sake of ‘refreshment’ will experience its authentic fruit, the deep refreshment that comes from a deep sleep.”

When we make time to fill our own cups, we have more to pour out on the other people in our lives. It makes the giving more joyful and ultimately, more fruitful. 

Leisure invites you to look out beyond yourself, and gaze lovingly at the Beloved, the source of Life and Love.

It teaches you to truly behold the other, recognize God dwelling in them, and allows you to wholeheartedly say to them: “It is good that you exist.”

Related: How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple


Finally, leisure allows for true worship.


Pope Benedict XVI said: “If leisure time lacks an inner focus, an overall sense of direction, then ultimately it becomes wasted time that neither strengthens nor builds us up. Leisure time requires a focus- the encounter with him who is our origin and goal.” 

Leisure isn’t good for us because it makes us feel good, but because it facilitates an encounter with our mysterious, all-loving God. 

Binge-watching television shows, or mindlessly consuming content on the internet, while they do provide the needed rush of dopamine to make us (momentarily) feel good, are not activities that invite us to ponder the depths of God. 

Pieper even goes so far as to describe worship as the highest act of leisure. 

Worship, like other forms of leisure, cannot be utilitarian. It is pure celebration and communion with Goodness and Beauty Himself. 

Leisure, in the ways it attunes your heart to the presence of God, brings you and your spouse deeper into the eternal dance, the unending song of praise to the Creator. 

When I see your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars that you set in place— What is man that you are mindful of him, and a son of man that you care for him?...O Lord, our Lord,  how awesome is your name through all the earth.

So, talk to your spouse about the things you “don’t have time for.” 

Maybe it’s stargazing, hiking, or rock-climbing. Maybe it’s knitting or gardening, listening to beautiful music or reading good literature.

How can you make time for the activities that give you life and joy, that fill you with wonder and awe? 

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Vendor Week 2021 | What is Your Relationship Founded On? Scriptures to Ground You Throughout Engagement & Marriage

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KRISTEN McGAUGHEY & SINIKKA ROHRER

 

If 2020 taught us anything, surely it is that life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Reflecting on the year that passed, and sitting in the tension of these current tumultuous days, I have found myself frequently running back to consider three questions:

  1. Where does my hope lie?

  2. What am I trusting in?

  3. Do I really believe that God is good?

This may seem like a weird way to begin a blog post on marriage. But I've found it to be so true that what I believe, trust in, rely upon, and adhere to affects my entire life, and moreover my marriage. We must be anchored to truth and have a firm foundation on which to stand!

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:24-25 that Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.r 25 The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house.s But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock.

When the foundation was solid, the house stood. What does that mean for us today?

If you look closely at this verse, you'll see that Jesus gives us a few key instructions.

First, we must 'hear his words'.

God has given us a treasure by giving us his Word, the Bible. We see the heart of our Father in these pages. We see the life and teachings of Jesus. We see the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hebrews 4:12 tells us that Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart. Scripture changes us! We must be women of the Word to establish our lives and our marriages on a solid foundation.

Secondly, in the verse, Jesus tells us that we not only need to hear his words, but also to do them.

The book of James echoes that same instruction, Be doers of the word and not hearers only... (James 1:22).

Thirdly, Jesus warns us that the storms will come.

He tells us in John 16:33 that in the world we will  have trouble (emphasis mine), but to take heart, for He has overcome the world. It is this that gives us reason to have hope, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19).

We do not have to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34) for he will never leave or forsake us (Joshua 1:9), as he is with us always. (Matthew 28:20). What beautiful promises we have to cling to, whatever life may throw our way throughout our marital journey.

I don't know how 2020 shook out for you and your groom, or how the forecast for 2021 is looking. Maybe you're currently still trying to figure out rescheduled wedding plans. Maybe you had a quarantine wedding where most attended via Zoom. Maybe you're newly married and trying to figure out this new season of life as a wife. Maybe you're five, ten, or fifteen years married with a crew of babies underfoot.

Whatever your season may be, these things are vital to consider. We will never outgrow our need to center ourselves on Truth. We will never arrive at a place where we don't need to be in the Word, in prayer, and in fellowship. 

We will never escape our desperate need for Christ.

Jesus tells us in John 15:5, I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. A branch will wither apart from the vine, and so it goes with us; we must cling to Him, building our days, our marriages, and our lives on the solid rock of Jesus Christ.

As you consider these things, I'd like to encourage you to spend some time reading the following Scriptures this week:

Philipians 2:1-18

John 15:1-27

Ask the Lord to show you how these truths can be applied to your life right now:What does it look like to love your fiancé? How can you demonstrate the love of Christ in your daily living? What does obedience to his Word look like right now?

I am praying that you will be rooted and grounded in love, that you may be able to comprehend the width, length, depth, and height of Christ’s love. My team and I  pray you may truly know the love of Christ which surpasses all knowledge, and be filled with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:17-19).

We are praying that your marriage be blessed, and that you will continue to build your marriage on the firm foundation of Jesus, and always abide in him, being hearers and doers of the Word. May you feel the Lord’s presence around you as we lift you up!

About the Authors: Kristen McGaughey and Sinikka Rohrer of Soul Creations Photography are part of an Indiana-based photography team offering a unique client experience centered on spiritual and practical support for Christian and Catholic brides on their way to the aisle and all throughout their marital journey.

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Vendor Week 2021 | Navigating Catholic Dating & Engagement With Confidence

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SARA FEOLINO

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

My parent’s divorce set me up for failure in my relationships.

I was raised by my single mother because my parents separated when I was still an infant. I didn’t have my dad around all the time to show me how a man should love and so I learned the hard way...

I’ve experienced both ends of the relationship spectrum. Possessive, demanding, manipulating boyfriend to having a boyfriend who didn’t really try to be in our relationship.

In my worst relationship, we fought so often that I would go out of my way to avoid rocking the boat, only to have accidentally rocked it in some other way. Instead of having healthy boundaries and healthy communication, I was faced with demands and ultimatums and being yelled at for things I didn’t know would upset him.

My husband also had his fair share of toxic relationships in the past. He struggled to communicate his needs and emotions and would end up bottling it all up until the dam would burst.

He struggled with things that many couples face like lust, chastity, and pornography. He was actually engaged to another woman that he was with for over five years. But by the grace of God and the help of his spiritual director, he started recognizing these unhealthy habits and behaviors, which led him to make the hard decision of ending the engagement.

I remember him sharing his story openly with me early in our friendship and saw the similarities of experiences we both had.

We realized that no one really taught us how to be in a healthy relationship which resulted in our challenging past.

When we started courting, we decided to do things differently so we wouldn’t repeat what happened in our other relationships.

The most important thing that was missing in all of our past relationships with Christ. We knew that in order for things to change in our relationship, we would have to keep Him in the center. 

We made it a priority to attend daily Mass on most days together, went to Confession often, started a weekly Eucharistic adoration devotion, plugged into a Catholic young adult ministry, and served in our parish together doing youth ministry. We needed His grace to experience healing of our past and find clarity in our discernment together.

We also decided to invest in our own personal and relationship growth. We studied & learned from experts in the areas of relationships, marriage, finances, and so much more and found ways to implement them. We invested in different conferences, events, and courses. We didn’t want to rely on our pre-Cana three day weekend retreat to prepare us for a lifelong marriage. 

We knew that if it took a seminarian nearly a decade to prepare for the priesthood, we had to invest more in our relationship if we wanted our marriage to last a lifetime.

This whole journey of creating a more Christ-centered and growth-focused relationship helped us avoid hurting each other the way our past relationships had. We learned how to communicate our wants and needs, discuss the hard questions and concerns, without fear or tension building between each other.

By developing our skills in our relationship before the wedding day, we confidently entered into our marriage. We were able to work through “tough” situations and take care of it as a team. We are now more proactive in our marriage, not reactive.

In our ministry as premarital relationship coaches, we have seen firsthand the importance of couples intentionally growing in their faith and relationship as they discern marriage. Building the skills of communication, conflict resolution, finances, dating, and more help them have clearer vocational discernment, and enter their marriage with momentum.

See, entering marriage is like entering a battlefield. You don’t win battles by just “winging it” and trying to figure it out while you’re in the heat of things. There needs to be intentional planning & strategizing prior to entering the battle to increase chances of victory. This intentionality before marriage allows couples to be more proactive, rather than reactive, when they experience challenges in their relationship.

The devil despises marriage and divorce is his victory;I’m sure you’ve seen the saddening divorce statistics. However, this can be avoided if we keep Christ in the center, master key relationship skills, live with intention, and never fall complacent!

If you’re reading this right now, whether you’re dating, engaged, or newly married, there is hope for a lifelong marriage.

It doesn’t matter what challenges and struggles you may have experienced in the past, you can create a holy & thriving marriage by the grace of God. His mercy and power is abundant and He is with you always.

Whatever you do, stay proactive in your relationship. Don’t sweep issues under the rug or wait until your relationship is filled with unhealthy habits & behaviors to start working on it. It’s like how you sustain your spiritual life– you receive the sacraments by going to Mass, spend time in Adoration, go to confession, and read spiritual books, all to be proactive with nurturing your faith. You must implement this same type of intention, tenacity & persistence with your relationship if you want it to thrive.

We are praying for all you holy couples on your journey to marriage. God be with you. Stay hopeful, my friends!

About the Author: Sara Feolino & her husband, Raphy, are the founders of Journey to Marriage, a ministry that empowers Catholic couples to create holy and healthy relationships before marriage. She is a Certified Relationship Coach & Wedding Planner. They are hosts of the podcast, Journey to Marriage - For Catholic Brides & Grooms, which reaches couples worldwide, sharing practical spiritual, relationship, & wedding advice. They hosted the first ever virtual conference for couples preparing for marriage, the Catholic Engaged Summit, a virtual event featuring over 60+ married Catholic speakers sharing their marriage secrets & expertise to Catholics around the world. They live in Las Vegas, Nevada and are huge foodies, enjoy jammin’ to Disney & worship songs, burning up the dance floor, and loving on their newborn daughter.

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One Moment in Time: Why Every Moment of Your Wedding Day is Worthy of Being Documented.

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MARIA CARPENTER

 

Whether you have been dreaming about your wedding since you were little or the excitement began once you got engaged, it is one of the greatest days of your life to enter the sacrament of marriage with your soulmate. 

You’ve probably been told to enjoy your wedding day as much as you can because “it goes by so fast.”

Why then has the wedding industry normalized giving couples the choice of cramming their day into a 6 or 8-hour window or having their photographer miss important wedding day moments?

We have all been there. You begin the search for your wedding photographer, find some that you love, and then your heart sinks when you see on the investment page that you can only afford the shortest amount of time.

You start to wonder:  Well maybe they don’t need to capture everything. Maybe we can just shorten the day so that they can be there for all of the big moments. Before you know it, you are making compromises to change a day that you have spent countless hours planning and investing a lot of money in to make it perfect.

As photographers, we believe that all-day coverage is the best  way to capture a wedding  day as authentically as possible. In order to stay true to that belief, we always include all-day coverage for our couples.

It allows you to have a more peaceful and relaxing day, and will help you remember all of the special moments from it–big and small–for the rest of your life. 

All-day coverage offers a more flexible wedding day timeline, allowing for some extra wiggle room in case something happens to throw off the schedule. It also gives you a chance to mentally and emotionally prepare before the ceremony. If you wanted to have that downtime but was hiring a photographer for a shorter number of hours, then you would feel like you were “wasting an hour” to not have them photographing some of the posed group photos since you have them there for less time.

Limited hours often lead couples to choose between the “getting ready” photos or most of their reception photos, but those are the two best  times to have captured. 

So many of our brides have told us that their favorite pictures of them and their mom or other close female figures are the “getting ready” photos. 

Yes, the pretty posed pictures outdoors are beautiful and important, but there is something so sentimental about documenting the woman who put your first dress on you now helping you into your wedding dress. That is when the emotions of the day start to flood in and become a reality; you aren’t trying your dress on at the bridal store, alteration shop, or your home, this is when you are finally preparing to meet your beloved.  

If you choose to have the photographer there for those important getting ready moments but then leave early before the reception is over, then you are missing out on some of the most fun candid shots of the day. 

There are the heartwarming moments like the first dance, family dances, and toasts but there are also all the fun pictures once the dance floor opens that totally exude marital bliss. 

All your favorite people in one room, singing and dancing to celebrate their love for you two as a couple, which is why they tend to be some of the favorite and most shared pictures for our couples. 

We have photographed the bride giving the maid of honor a piggyback ride, a groom and his groomsmen serenading the bride with an acappella song, a group of sisters recreating their childhood dance to their favorite song, and so many more incredible moments during the celebration. 

The reception is when the  stress and expectations for the day are over and couples are free to act like their truest selves. They have such a carefree spirit about them and the joy they radiate as they leave their reception to begin the rest of their married lives together cannot be posed or prompted.

Wedding photography certainly is not “one size fits all,” but when considering the best fit for you, make sure you are not compromising and shortening the happiest day of your life to fit the time frame of an average workday. 

You have been preparing your whole life to marry the person that God made for you, and you should cherish every moment of the day that you become one in spirit.

About the Authors: Maria and ayton are the faces behind Fenix Photography, Design, and Events. They both have pursued numerous creative outlets but fell in love with photography: they loved that they could bring the best emotive moments out of couples, and then edit them in a vibrant and colorful way. The motto of Fenix Photography, Design, and Events is "God writes the story... we just document it." As photographers, Maria and Dayton believe their job is to capture the deepest form of love that God can bestow on two people. They desire to build friendships with their clients through the wedding planning process and help them fully enjoy their special day. 

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Vendor Week 2021 | Evangelizing Through Your Wedding Mass

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JOY FOSTER & MARY DORHAUER

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Your wedding liturgy offers a wonderful opportunity to witness not just the love you and your fiancé share, but also the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage and sacrificial love. There are subtle but profound ways you can evangelize to your wedding guests, all within the guidelines the Church has for liturgy. 

Your guest list likely includes not just practicing Catholics, but also fallen-away Catholics, confused Catholics, Protestant and Orthodox Christians, and those of other beliefs, or even no beliefs at all. 

In fact, your wedding may be the first time someone has set foot in a Catholic Church or their first return in decades, and yet, they are there out of love for you and your fiancé!

With this consideration, make your ceremony a beautiful and welcoming exposure to the Catholic Faith.

Even for a small wedding, having greeters in the vestibule to hand out programs (or direct to a table or stand where the programs or worship aids are) is a nice touch and offers a place in the wedding party for a young teen or a friend that offers to help. Ushers are also a helpful escort, even for a smaller wedding, because some guests may not know where they should appropriately sit in a Catholic Church (many of our weddings utilize the groomsmen to help seat the arriving guests).

For those getting married in the Ordinary Form of the Mass (or having a liturgy of the Word ceremony), you are able to select readings from the Old Testament, Psalms, New Testament, and the Gospel. 

Those selections can vary from country to country, the liturgical season may alter a few options, and if you are getting married on a solemnity, the readings for that day will be your ceremony or Mass readings. 

When it comes to selecting your readings, take time with your fiancé to carefully read over the options. Be intentional with it!

This is a great time to practice some Lectio Divina, as each reading will give you some insight into marriage and your overall Christian life.

Check with your priest or deacon to see how he typically prefers to address the homily. Some priests will write one based on your readings and customize it to you and your fiancé. Others tend to have a “set homily” for weddings, and while they will of course, customize it to be fitting for you and your beloved, it may not specifically address your selected readings. 

This is important to know if you have chosen a reading such as Ephesians 5:22 or 1 Peter 3, as both are often misunderstood or misinterpreted, even among Catholics, and can sound uncomfortable to non-Catholic ears. If you choose either of these beautiful readings, we highly recommend asking your priest to explain and expand on them from a Catholic viewpoint during his homily. 

If one or both of you are recent converts to Catholicism and your conversion caused some serious contention with a beloved immediate family, know that it is perfectly okay to go with some of the more well known and easily interpreted readings like Genesis or Song of Songs, instead of Tobit or Sirach (which are more difficult for a layperson to understand). You know your family the best and a ceremony where the readings are common to both Catholics and Protestants may be the best option for harmony. 

For those marrying in the Extraordinary Form of the Mass or on a Solemnity, we still encourage you to practice Lectio Divina over the Sacred Scripture options for the Ordinary Form Nuptial Mass and include a favorite verse or two on your wedding program or worship aid, just as you would with a message to your guests or a “thank you for being part of our special day.”

Another custom that can be confusing to those outside the Church is a Marian Devotion or the practice of bringing flowers to an altar or statue of the Blessed Mother. 

Asking your priest to give a brief explanation as you prepare may help guests understand the significance of the moment which usually takes place right after the vows or after everyone is seated after Holy Communion. If your priest prefers not to give an explanation on this custom, have it in your program so non-Catholic guests understand that we aren’t “worshiping Mary,” but asking for her heavenly, intercessory prayers.

Pope Saint John Paul II tells us that “All men and women are entrusted with the task of creating their own life; in a certain sense, they are to make of it a work of art, a masterpiece!” Similarly, your wedding may be seen as a work of art to others. 

The church building, with its art and architecture, the beauty of the hymns, and the solemn tradition of Catholic worship, are all a witness to your guests about the dignity and glory found in the Catholic Church. 

Strive to make your wedding Mass as touching, beautiful, and welcoming to your guests as possible. We aren’t always privileged to know what parts of our lives God has used to affect a change in someone else, and it’s a wonderful thought that your wedding ceremony might not just bring you and your fiance together, but might also bring another person back into the fold of the Church!

About the Author: Joy Foster and Mary Dorhauer are co-owners and wedding planners of Something Blue, a company dedicated to Catholic Weddings.

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Vendor Week 2021 | Stress-Free Catholic Wedding Programs

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EMILY CONSTANCE

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

There are so many little details when it comes to planning a wedding. 

As a wedding photographer, I had some idea what to expect, but it was so different being on the ‘bride’ side of things instead of ‘vendor’ side of things. 

One of the often overlooked, but important pieces for a Catholic wedding is the program. Here are some tips I learned during my own wedding planning experience to ensure that this is one detail you won’t stress about!

Start Early

When it came to my wedding programs, I had planned to create them in Photoshop with gorgeous metallic fonts and floral designs printed on special paper to really create that WOW factor. But in reality, I waited until the last minute so I thought I was going to have to  just eliminate the programs all together. 

With the stress around planning a wedding, wedding programs might not be on the top of your to-do list. But since they are so important, especially with helping non-Catholic wedding guests understand and follow your ceremony, I’d recommend not leaving them until the last minute.

Enlist the help of family and friends

Instead of forgoing a program, my mom came to the rescue! She designed and assembled all 200 of my wedding programs with the help of my dad. I couldn’t have done it without them!

You can easily delegate the task of designing, printing, and/or assembling wedding programs to family members and friends. 

Design first, print later

If I were to plan a wedding again today, I would start the design process for my programs earlier to give myself time to create something beautiful and beneficial to my guests. Then I would print the programs closer to the wedding to allow for any last minute changes.

Find the right template

One of the roadblocks I ran into to was - What exactly do you put in a Catholic wedding ceremony program? There are plenty of non-religious program templates on Etsy and Pinterest. But I wanted our program to reflect our faith and be easy to follow for all of our non-Catholic guests. 

My mom purchased blank wedding programs and designed them in the word editor on her computer.  You can also buy Catholic-specific wedding program templates to make sure that your program has everything your guests need to enter into the beauty of your wedding mass. 

About the Author: Emily Constance is a Catholic wedding photographer serving Tulsa, OK and surrounding areas with 10 years of experience. She loves her faith and uses her knowledge to help guide Catholic couples both professionally and personally through their special day. She loves capturing the joy that radiates from couples, as well as the timelessness and beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage.

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Exodus 90 Wife: Advice for Surviving and Thriving During These 90 Days

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

Is your husband doing Exodus 90?

Exodus 90 is a powerful 90-day spiritual exercise for men that helps them grow in self-mastery and find freedom from temptations and addictions through daily prayer, asceticism, and fraternity.

The “rules” for Exodus may seem strict, or even impossible at first. No alcohol, sweets, or television. No meat on Wednesdays and Fridays, daily holy hour, regular exercise, and cold showers are among the list of disciplines your husband will practice. 

When first hearing about all of the sacrifices your husband will make for 90 days, it’s hard not to consider how his sacrifices will inevitably affect your day-to-day life. 

I’m no stranger to fears and frustrations of being an Exodus 90 wife. 

While working as a campus missionary, my husband participated in Exodus 90 three times. Since moving to his new assignment in a parish, he has been participating in their follow-up program Day 91 and is now participating in their newest Lent program. 

I’d like to offer some advice that has made this time fruitful, not only for my husband, but for our marriage and family as a whole

Understand your husband’s why

Why does your husband want to participate in one of the Exodus programs? What areas of his life does he need freedom in?

Understanding the driving force behind your husband’s desire to undertake this exercise will help you face any challenges you may encounter with joy and love. 

Decide if/how you'd like to be involved

While there is no official “women’s version” of Exodus 90, some wives find it spiritually fruitful to join their husbands in (at least some of) the program. 

Maybe you’re excited to find some new meatless meals to eat on Wednesday and Friday; or maybe the idea of meal planning makes your head spin. Maybe you want to give up television or social media alongside your husband, or maybe you’d like to do a daily holy (half) hour. 

Determine how you’d like to (and are able to) participate or support your husband in this program and make your desires known. 

Communicate

This program was made for your husband and your marriage, not the other way around. The conversation about this program shouldn’t just happen once before he commits to it, but rather it should continue throughout the 90 days. 

Both you and your husband should communicate your concerns and expectations for the program, and address any difficulties or unmet expectations as they arise. 

If there is something that truly stresses you out about the program, talk to your husband. If you feel strained and in need of extra support, bring it up. Don’t let the problems simmer until they turn into resentment. 

Related: The Deep Roots of Marital Communication--And Why They Matter

Make a plan

Daily holy hour, daily exercise, weekly fraternity meetings– the extra commitments of Exodus shouldn’t require your family’s entire schedule to be flipped upside down for 90 days, but it often does require a little more planning and flexibility.

Sit down with your husband and make a plan. What does he need? What do you need? How can you ensure you both get what you need to thrive?

Find support in sisterhood

In the same way that your husband will journey with other men, a fraternity of accountability and support, it is helpful if you can find support from your sisters in Christ. 

Maybe the other men in the fraternity have fiancés or wives who understand what you are experiencing over these 90 days. Reach out to them, ask how they are doing, and talk about how you’re feeling. 

We, especially as women, need friendship and community outside of our home that we can look to for support and solidarity. 

Pray + affirm

If you and your spouse decide that Exodus 90 is right for your marriage and season of life, know that your husband can’t do this without you. 

Maybe you can set aside time each day to pray for your husband to have unwavering strength and commitment in this endeavor. Or you can work to intentionally acknowledge the improvement and growth you’ve noticed in your husband. Regularly extend words of encouragement, affirmation, and love.

Your prayers, affirmations, and support are vital to his success.

Will Exodus 90 require sacrifice on your part? Most likely. It’s not possible to separate the interior spiritual life of one spouse from the other. But if done right, this program offers you and your family far more than what you’ll give.

Exodus 90 offers freedom to men, and when you’re married, that freedom extends to and edifies your whole marriage.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Ingrid + Martin | City Glam and Multicultural Traditions

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A celebration rooted in community with cultural traditions, a luxe NYC setting, and marriage lived out as mission.

Ingrid and Martin met through Frassati Fellowship, a Catholic volunteer community in New York City. They grew close and fell in love as they worked together planning missions to Peru and Jamaica. 

As they planned their wedding, they sought to invite their guests into the rich community life they’d found in the city, and into the mystery of sacramental marriage. 

In the original cathedral of New York City, celebrating with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, they bore witness to the beauty of the Creator and to their respective heritages.

From the Bride:

Now, more than ever, Martin and I feel so lucky to have been able to have our wedding before everything changed [due to COVID-19]. We really loved having a more intimate wedding by traditional standards, but now we know what a luxury it was to have a wedding with over 100 guests in New York and can’t imagine what couples are experiencing now.

We chose Old Saint Patrick’s Cathedral in SoHo for our wedding Mass. Not only had we done much of our volunteer work there, but the historic landmark has an incredible sanctuary with vaulted Gothic arches, stunning stained glass windows, and an 1868 Henry Erben Pipe Organ. The organ was played during the Mass and the music was led by some of our close friends from the Franciscan Friars. 

The rich music combined with the splendor of the space created for us and our guests a sublime setting where one couldn’t help but be filled with awe and joy. Exchanging vows at the altar will be a moment we will both forever treasure.

We have so many favorite memories from the day; it’s hard to pick just a few. Our wedding captured the reverence and solemnity of marriage but also the pure joy and bliss of a once-in-a-lifetime celebration. 

If I had to pick my favorite memories, they would have to be when Martin turned around during our first look (I cried) and, of course, walking down the aisle with my father.

When we were walking down Mott Street in SoHo, everyone was so friendly when people saw I was in a wedding dress--the drivers didn't even honk when we stopped traffic!

Also, we loved giving our favors--they were custom-made capiz shell votives sourced by my Tita, which is “aunt” in Tagalog, and hand-carried by my mom all the way from the Philippines. I also loved dancing with my niece Isla on the dance floor and being hoisted up on chairs during the reception.

Finally, we loved [all of the personal and cultural details we were able to include in the day]. From the custom invitations, the ceremony programs, the Spanish trio that played at our cocktail hour, the hand-painted escort cards, and all the décor. 

It was incredible to see all the aspects of the day woven together to create such a beautiful experience for us, our families, and our guests. Guests shared how it was both the most beautiful ceremony they'd ever seen plus some of the most amazing food they'd ever had at a wedding. For us to get compliments covering both the spiritual and reception aspects of the spectrum was incredible.

From the Wedding Coordinator: 

The overall design for the wedding was based on Ingrid and Martin’s Filipino and Peruivian backgrounds and incorporated their favorite color, blue--which also showed reverence for Mother Mary. They complemented the deep blue shade with mauve and tan--beautifully fitting for a fall celebration.

The Nuptial Mass included the Filipino traditions of sponsors for the wedding candle, wedding lazo (lasso), and arras (coins). Ingrid and Martin also had a pair of rosary rings blessed during the Mass that belonged to Martin’s mother. They now wear them on their right hands and on mission trips.

Both the Philippines and Peru are known for their textiles, so we pulled inspiration from these nations’ native dress for the attire. To complement these elements, we included natural details like Filipino capiz shells. 

Ingrid wore a romantic dress by Watters and a custom veil. One of my favorite details of the day was her navy velvet Manolo Blahnik heels; they made a beautiful statement against her ivory gown. She also wore her grandmother’s earrings and carried a capiz shell clutch from the Philippines. 

Martin wore a midnight blue pin dot tuxedo and shoes by Jimmy Choo. He also wore mother-of-pearl cufflinks that Ingrid’s mother had purchased in the Philippines. 

Ingrid asked her flower girls to choose a floor-length dress within the color palette, instructing them to pick something “that made them feel beautiful.”

The cultural significance extended to florals, which contained spray garden roses, ranunculus, dahlias, anemone, chrysanthemum, foliage, lisianthus, Lunaria, and privet berries. The bridal and bridesmaids’ bouquets, corsages, and reception centerpieces contained café au lait dahlia, anemone, Jasmine vine, garden roses, and Lunaria, some of which are grown in the Philippines and are very special to Ingrid’s family. The cream, mauve, and soft honey tones matched the season and the elegance of the day.  

The reception in a Little Italy restaurant, with its warm brick interior, exposed kitchen, and dramatic high ceilings, made the gathering of 113 guests feel like one big family dinner. Watercolor imagery and gold accents on the stationery complemented arrangements of vintage bottles and vases on each table, with custom votives and gold candlesticks. The votives were given as favors at the end of the evening.

In place of a traditional guest book, Ingrid and Martin asked guests to sign a beautiful coffee table book about sacred spaces that they'll display in their home. 

Photography: Laura Rose Photography | Nuptial Mass Location: Basilica of St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral, New York, New York | Wedding Reception Venue: Gelso & Grand Restaurant, New York, New York | First Look Venue: The Ludlow Hotel, New York, New York | Wedding Planner & Designer: Desiree Adams of Verve Event Co. | Videography: Filmwell Studios | Bridal Boutique: Our Story Bridal | Bride’s Gown: Shiloh by Watters, Style 3004 | Bride’s Shoes: Manolo Blahnik | Veil: One Blushing Bride | Bride’s Stole: Oscar de la Renta | Flower Girl Dresses: BHLDN | Flower Girl Crowns: Fancy Girl Boutique | Matron of Honor Dress: Jenny Yoo Logan Velvet Dress for BHLDN | Bridesmaid Dresses: Jenny Yoo Malia Dress for BHLDN | Getting Ready Robes: Jenny Yoo Isabella Robe | Ring Bearer Suit: Appaman | Ring Bearer Shoes: Converse | Floral Design: Ephemera | Groom’s Suit: The Black Tux | Groom’s Shoes: Jimmy Choo | Groom’s Tie: Tie Bar | Hair Stylist: The Drawing Room, New York, New York | Cake: Pip ‘N Bits, New York, New York | Wedding & Engagement Rings: Tiffany & Co. | Makeup Artistry: Glam Squad | Stationery: Louelle Studio | DJ: Ambient DJs and Greg Hollmann