Wonder and Delight: Five Stories of C.S Lewis to Read during Engagement

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EMILY DE ST AUBIN

 

“We must not be ashamed of the mythical radiance resting on our theology. . . . We must not, in false spirituality, withhold our imaginative welcome. If God chooses to be mythopoeic . . . shall we refuse to be mythopathic? For this is the marriage of heaven and earth: Perfect Myth and Perfect Fact: claiming not only our love and our obedience, but also our wonder and delight . . .” -C.S. Lewis, Myth Became Fact

While we were dating and engaged, my husband and I spent about a year in separate states while he finished his master’s degree in Ohio and I worked in Colorado. 

As anyone who has dated long-distance knows, it can be hard to think of things to talk about during those long phone conversations and skype-sessions. We wanted to talk on the phone for hours but as the weeks apart dragged into months, and without shared experiences to discuss, we struggled to engage with each other. 

Once we were engaged and living in the same state, wedding planning, apartment hunting, and job searching took over our shared experience to such a degree that we were dying for anything to take our mind off it.

The best idea came to us totally by accident- Eddie (my now husband) couldn’t believe that I had never read The Chronicles of Narnia. C.S. Lewis was already my favorite author, but since I had been unimpressed by the movies they made based on his famous children’s series, I never felt compelled to read them. So we decided to read them aloud to each other over the phone.

We started with The Magician’s Nephew and read all the way through The Final Battle. Beyond the joy of just listening to each other’s voices for a while at the end of each day, it gave us something to discuss and draw meaning from––an experience we both longed for while long distance. While we were drowning in the details of wedding planning and preparing for our life together, it gave us a meaningful and lighthearted escape that drew us together.

Below you’ll find a list of five books from (or about) C.S Lewis to read with your fiancé during your engagement. I hope they help pass the time together, take your minds off the practical details, and reawaken your sense of pure, impractical wonder.

The Chronicles of Narnia

Arguably C.S Lewis’ most well-known work, The Chronicles of Narnia consists of seven stories from the marvelous fantasy world of Narnia.

These easy-to-read books are stuffed with enough metaphor, simile, and allegory to fuel a year’s worth of late-night conversations.

The Space Trilogy

This lesser-known science fiction series by C.S. Lewis is much stranger and geared more for adults than Narnia. In it, Lewis answers the questions surrounding salvation history here on Earth and life on other planets. Essentially, with this series he states, “If Jesus is the saviour, he must be the saviour of the entire universe.”

Till We Have Faces

Till We Have Faces, Lewis’ final and most masterfully written novel, is one of my all-time favorite books. In it, Lewis gives us a dark and deeply romantic retelling of the myth of Cupid and Psyche through the lens of Psyche’s embittered sister Orual.

While not as easy to read as some of Lewis’ other works, this book will invite conversation and contemplation between you and your fiancé.

The Great Divorce

This is a truly fun story about heaven and hell and the roads we all walk between the two every day. Reading it, I came to realize just how well Lewis understood the sinner’s heart.

The Great Divorce tells of an extraordinary bus ride to heaven and the journeys the passengers must take. This thought-provoking novel provides the reader plenty of ideas to discuss and learn from. My husband and I still reference this book and its characters at least once a month. 

A Severe Mercy

I’m not exaggerating when I say that the lessons in this book saved my life. In A Severe Mercy, author Sheldon Vanauken writes about finding God in the midst of his pagan love story. 

While not written by C.S. Lewis, the author plays an important role in the conversion of Vanauken and therefore, a pivotal role in what unfolds in this memoir. This moving story will make you cry like a little baby, but you’ll be glad you read it.

What books would you add to the list? Share your book recommendations on our Instagram page.

About the Author: Emily is a '15 graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville with a bachelor's of science in marketing. Since college, her experience in ministry has included teaching the Catholic faith through wilderness experiences in the Colorado Rocky Mountains with Camp Wojtyla, Core Team with her local LifeTeen, and participating in Young Adult groups throughout her many moves. Emily has been married to her husband Eddie for five years and they have three children together.

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Setting Boundaries with Technology in the Bedroom

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

"Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why… It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the nothing.” ––C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

We live in a culture in which noise and busyness constantly vie for our attention. The enemy not only tries to push us towards sin but wants to distract us from what is truly important. 

Modern man’s cell phone use might not seem like a big deal; however, if we are not intentional, time that we could spend fostering our marriages will be lost in this sea of busy nothing, simply staring into a screen. Setting the healthy and simple boundary of keeping cell phones out of your bedroom can help.

Not only does keeping your cell phone out of your room can help you get a better night’s sleep, but it will also benefit your marriage in more ways than one.

Your marriage bed is sacred; it is a place where you can connect with your spouse. Make yourselves present and attentive to one another by removing distractions, like screens, from your bed. Doing this will naturally foster emotional and physical intimacy that would otherwise be lost.

Our jobs, our extended family, and social media do not need us available 24/7. Our spouses, however, need us to make time for connection everyday. Sometimes we get busy with our daily tasks and the only intentional moments you have together are before you fall asleep at night or before the day begins. It’s important, especially when life seems busier than usual, to focus on your spouse’s needs and use the time you do have to the benefit of your marriage.

Related: Newlywed Challenge | 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage


Having our first or the last thoughts of the day dictated by social media or our inboxes isn’t good for us. 

While I enjoy ‘vegg-ing’ out on my phone in bed after a long day, I began to notice that I would inevitably find myself thinking about something I read online that bothered me or comparing myself to some unrealistic standard. Then I noticed a similar pattern in the morning; checking social media in the morning ultimately left me feeling overwhelmed and distracted before the day even began.

Using an actual alarm clock rather than having my phone on my nightstand can  help you break the habit of browsing social media and checking your inbox in bed. My husband and I have a charging station outside our bedroom where our phones typically stay overnight. (Bonus: Doing this with your spouse will also make implementing a similar rule for your future teenagers much easier and more natural. 

I’ve noticed that the space from my phone has not only been good for my marriage but it has also been good for my relationship with Christ.

While I don’t always practice this perfectly, I strive to start and end my day with some silence and prayer to root myself in Christ. Eliminating distractions when I first wake up has helped me to remember to tell Jesus that I love him every morning and offer him my day before my feet hit the floor. In the evenings I can reflect on my day and take time to pray with my spouse.

I have found this simple practice allows me to be more intentional with my spouse, to cultivate my relationship with Christ, and protect our marriage from the enemy’s distractions. I encourage you to try this out in your own marriage and see what fruits you find from keeping your phones out of your bed.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Kathryn + Pedro | A Surreal Spanish Celebration

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A long-distance love story seemingly lifted from a Hollywood film culminates in a romantic wedding abroad. A nuptial Mass in an ornate Spanish church followed by a starlit reception overlooking historic Granada.

Kathryn was living with a family in Madrid, working as an au pair while learning Spanish. After three months in Spain, she met Pedro, and they became good friends instantly. 

Pedro’s English was better than Kathryn’s Spanish, so he would sometimes help her with errands around town. He also introduced her to some of his friends to help her practice her language skills. 

Kathryn and Pedro continued to grow in friendship for months before beginning a dating relationship spanning countries and continents.

From the Bride:

The reality is, I went to Spain without any thought of finding my life partner. Really, I just wanted the cultural experience of living in another country and to truly learn how to speak Spanish once and for all. 

I left the rest up to God and His plan for me.

Pedro and I remained close friends for months before we actually started dating. Our courtship began right before I headed back to the United States.

Despite the distance, we continued our courtship for a full year following my return. We video chatted daily, but only saw each other once when Pedro visited me during Christmas. 

At that time, he met my entire family. My mother is one of 13 and my father is one of eight, so you can imagine how big my family gets! 

During his visit, we even made a trip to Niagara Falls and saw its beauty in mid-winter. It was cold, but amazing! We attended midnight Mass with my family and truly enjoyed the holiday together.

After Pedro's visit, I knew I would marry him. It was just a matter of when. 

The entire time I kept thinking about how surreal our entire courtship felt. It seemed like something straight out of a movie. 

Six months after his Christmas visit, Pedro came back to Michigan and ended up staying. He proposed three months later, and we started planning our wedding.

We had a long engagement and ended up getting married in Granada, Spain—Pedro's hometown and a popular tourist destination. We did our Catholic marriage preparation in the U.S. and had everything sent over to the church he grew up in, Iglesia de san Pedro y san Pablo.

During our marriage preparation, Pedro and I prayed together and spoke about our future plans to have children and the importance our marriage would be as the foundation to build our family. 

Due to VISA requirements in the United States, and to make it easier to get married out of the country, we completed the civil marriage license and paperwork in the U.S. long before our actual wedding. 

However, it was important for us to get married in the Church with God as our witness because that is the marital foundation we wanted to build our family on.

On our wedding day, Pedro wore a pin showing he is a costalero with the Iglesia de san Pedro y san Pablo. A costalero is one of the boys/men who carry the statue of the Virgin of that church during Semana Santa (Holy Week). 

The traditional processions of Semana Santa in Andalusia, Spain date back to the fithteeth century and are still very important today. People from all over Spain, and the world, visit the south of Spain during Semana Santa to witness the elaborate displays of the holy figures.

Taking part in the processions is considered to be a big honor in representing the Catholic faith and the Church. 

Many other Spanish traditions were incorporated into the wedding ceremony. My suegra (mother-in-law) wore the traditional black peineta and mantilla in her hair. This is something formally worn during special occasions such as bullfights, during Holy Week, and at weddings. 

The peineta and mantilla are used as a sign of respect and to cover a woman's shoulders. The mantilla is a way to emulate Mary, our mother, who is archetypically pure and humble, a symbol of modesty. It also veils a woman's beauty so the beauty of God can be venerated instead.

We also had a traditional Spanish choir at the church called a Rociero Choir.

Finally, once Mass had finished, all the Spaniards ran outside with bags of rice to throw at the new bride and groom as we exited from the church. This custom represents abundance and symbolizes fertility and prosperity for the new couple. 

Of course, all the Americans remained in the church, as they did not get the memo and are accustomed to allowing the bride and groom to exit first as a sign of respect. This was just one of many cultural differences we discovered.

The service at the church was exquisite. I still feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to participate in the sacrament of marriage with the love of my life in such a beautiful setting. Some tourists even came into the church to witness our commitment to God and to one another. 

After the Mass, everyone gathered in the courtyard outside the front of the church and began a nice walk along the Carrera del Darro up to the Carmen de los Chapiteles for the reception.

The Carmen de los Chapiteles dates back to the fourteenth century and was given by the Catholic Monarchs to the General who commanded their armies when they won back Spain. It sits up on a hill under the gardens of La Alhambra overlooking one of the oldest parts of the city, Albaicín and El Sacromonte.

Jamon Serrano (a Spanish dry cured ham) was served during the cocktail hour on the terrace while guests visited with one another. Dinner and entertainment followed. 

As is Spanish tradition for the bride and groom, we passed out small gifts and visited with all the guests during dinner. We also cut our wedding cake using a sword, another Spanish tradition. We had around 80 guests total, 23 of whom traveled from the United States for the occasion.

To say our wedding was from a dream would be an understatement. Just like our entire relationship, our wedding was well beyond anything I could have imagined. 

Finding the person who was right for me and for my future family was something I prayed for. 

The fact that I met the man I would later marry thousands of miles from home, in another country, makes me think there was truly divine intervention. 

God has a plan for us all and blesses us with His love and generosity daily. I thank Him every day for these blessings. 

My wedding day reminded me of how fortunate I am to have loving family and friends and Christ our Lord guiding us along our life journey.

God truly blessed us with a gorgeous day and the perfect celebration to start our life together as husband and wife.

Photography: Mazintosh Fotografia | Nuptial Mass Location: Iglesia Parroquial de san Pedro y san Pablo, Granada, Spain | Reception Location: Carmen de los Chapiteles, Granada, Spain | Music: Dry N Wet | Floral Design: Floristeria Armiflor | Hair and Makeup: Peluqueria & Estetica Manuela Dote

His Will is Our Hiding Place: Marriage Wisdom in Corrie Ten Boom's Memoir

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

My husband and I celebrated seven years of marriage in May, and on my wedding day if you had asked me what our lives would look like seven years in, I would have predicted that we'd be a lot more settled and a lot more competent at marriage and parenting. 

By seven years, we'd definitely have things figured out.

I couldn't have anticipated just how exhausting the work of parenting small children is (let it be noted, I couldn't have anticipated the joys of it either). I couldn't have fathomed the world of invisible special needs we're now navigating for one of our children. I couldn't have foreseen all the career swerves we'd take and the consequential life-transition-whiplash we'd find ourselves in again and again. And I think I'd be surprised by just how far we've still got to go in learning how to love each other and our children well.

Sometimes it feels like we could have strategized our lives a little better.

I feel this particularly in regards to the winding career paths we've taken, but if I'm honest, on the hardest days at home with small kids, I've wondered if we should have waited a little longer to start a family or spaced our kids out a little more.

I found a lot of wisdom and solace in my own life in Corrie Ten Boom's memoir The Hiding Place, in which she describes her and her family's involvement in the Dutch resistance during WWII.

The title refers to the hidden room in their home where Corrie, her sister, and her father sheltered Jewish men and women from persecution. The title also refers to God's will. Corrie and her sister, Betsie were ultimately sent to a concentration camp where her sister died from illness. Corrie, herself, was released due to a clerical error. Had she stayed, she would have been killed with the other women in her age group a week later.

Corrie wonders at the timing of all this--that she is saved and her sister is spared a worse death than the one she endured. She writes,

"There are no “ifs” in God’s kingdom. I could hear [Betsie's] soft voice saying it. His timing is perfect. His will is our hiding place. Lord Jesus, keep me in Your will! Don’t let me go mad by poking about outside it."

At another point Corrie reflects on how startling it is that these world events came crashing in on their quiet lives and required them to choose between living in safety or to protect innocent life. She doesn't see the two disparate circumstances as unconnected: "this is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for a future that only He can see."

Corrie's words and witness brings me comfort in my marriage. Her prayers have become my prayers. Even in a life free of the kind of dangers that Corrie and family faced, we still must make choices and live with those choices without wondering about the what ifs.

Standing here seven years in, I can't know what our future holds no matter how much expert strategizing we do for it, but I do know that if we have discerned well, then Corrie's words are true: "that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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How to Include an Outside Musician in your Wedding Mass

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SOPHIE GRAF

 

Using the music director and cantor provided by your ceremony location  is important to the flow of the Mass, but did you know it’s also possible to include outside musicians in your wedding ceremony? 

Here are six tips on how to do so. 

Keep an open line of communication between yourself, the church music director, and the outside musician(s). 

This is key, especially if the outside musician hasn’t worked with your music director before, isn’t Catholic, or doesn’t have extensive  experience playing for wedding ceremonies in the context of the Mass.

If possible, find a Catholic musician. 

A practicing Catholic will know the structure of the Mass, what music is appropriate when, and exactly when to start playing. They will also be able to participate fully in the Mass by saying the responses, singing with the congregation when they’re not playing, and knowing when to sit, stand, and kneel. Plus, they will probably pray for you and your marriage! 

Your music director likely has a list of musicians he or she recommends, but don’t be afraid to look for one on your own, especially if you’d like to include an instrument that’s not on the director’s list. Include search terms like “(Catholic) wedding [instrument] in [city]” and similar in your research.

Look for a musician with a music list specifically for Catholic weddings…

...Or make sure all selections are approved by your church music director. Musicians who regularly play for secular ceremonies will have a wide range of music available, yet since most pop music is not appropriate for the Mass, it’s helpful to find a musician familiar with Catholic  selections. Never fear though--you can always include pop music during the reception!

Related: 3 Tips for Choosing Your Mass Music

Consider  how you’d like the outside musician to work with the church musicians. 

Do you want your outside musician to play along with the church music director/cantor, or would it make more sense to split up the playing between the church musicians and the outside musician? 

Single-line melody instruments such as the flute, violin, or trumpet sound better with other instruments supporting them, whereas multi-note instruments such as the harp, or a group of musicians such as a string trio or quartet often sound better alone. 

Quieter instruments such as the harp can often be covered up by the piano or organ and so might benefit from playing solo, whereas the trumpet is loud enough that it will still be heard above an organ with all of its stops open! 

Your outside musician will advise you on the best strategy to take advantage of her instrument’s particular sound. Keep in mind that if your outside musician is playing with church musicians they haven’t worked with before, she might need  a rehearsal that will require an extra fee.However, outside musicians are likely able to play well-known religious selections, such as the Ave Maria, with only a brief rehearsal before the Mass.

Do you want your outside musician to play throughout the whole Mass? 

You may only want music during moments of transitions in the mass, like the prelude, the processional, the presentation of the gifts, and the recessional. Or you may want to incorporate music throughout the mass like the Psalm, the Alleluia, and the mass parts during the Eucharistic prayer. Understanding what your vision for your wedding mass is important when choosing a musician.

Again, this is something that the outside musician can advise you on. Some musicians, especially those who play regularly at Sunday Mass, are comfortable playing a complete Mass, whereas others (especially those who would have to write or arrange Mass parts for their instrument) are less familiar. 

A full Mass includes 2-3 times the amount of music usually used in a secular ceremony, so be prepared for a higher quote than a secular ceremony. Some musicians charge slightly different amounts depending on how much music they actually play, so make sure to ask about that if your budget is tight. 

Don’t forget about the business-y details. 

An outside musician will likely have his  own contract and will probably be paid directly by you, not by the church. Make sure you understand the contract and process, as it may be different than the church’s.

Bonus tip: If you’re thinking about including friends or family members as ceremony musicians, carefully consider their qualifications. Some very well might be qualified – but some professional musicians have a policy of only working with musicians who have a degree in music or experience in music ministry to avoid any difficult  situations. 

And above all, don’t plan on singing at your own wedding! There will likely be too many emotions for you to give a performance you are proud of. Choosing musicians you trust can relieve a lot of the stress surrounding wedding music planning--you’ll be thankful for their professionalism when the big day arrives.

So please, don’t be afraid to hire an outside musician. You and your guests will enjoy a little something special and we Catholic musicians will love being part of a wedding that truly embodies God’s plan for marriage!

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About the Author: Sophie Graf is a freelance harpist based in her hometown of San Diego. She enjoys a lively business performing for secular weddings but treasures the opportunity to perform as part of a Catholic wedding. Please pray that she gets hired for more!

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What's New this Month in the Spoken Bride Community

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Resources for your fiancé (or anyone you might know) who is journeying through RCIA

  • Balancing family, work, school and social life as your spouse begins a new chapter as graduate students

  • Finding real and authentic romance in movies and books – what’s your favorite love story?!

  • Celebrating new life on the way, as well as the hardships that can come with pregnancy 

  • Supporting small Catholic businesses while creating a warm and hospitable environment in your home.

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • How to create a budget for families – and stick with it! 

  • A discussion on how to get involved in your parish as engaged and married couples… where to start, how to stay involved, and how to determine your unique gifts and talents. 

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Re-Defining DIY: Prayerfully Including God and Family in Reception Details

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MARY FAGAN

 

On the eve of our wedding, my husband and I weren’t at our rehearsal dinner. No mishap had occurred—it’s just that the event had taken place across town the day before. That night, we were dressed in jeans and t-shirts, preparing our reception venue with a small army of loved ones.

He rigged up twinkle lights above the patio dance floor with a groomsman, and I disentangled the baby’s breath with my bridesmaids. On a nearby banquet table, my sister decorated the stunning wedding cake she’d baked for us, and in the next room aunts, uncles, and friends rinsed rented dishes and ironed tablecloths. My parents, undeterred by the many details to be arranged, were somehow everywhere at once.

Looking back, I remember being humbled that it wasn’t possible to “do it all ourselves” at this DIY reception. I also recall being a bit embarrassed to ask so many people to help us in this way, instead of inviting them to relax before the big day. I feared that I was taking advantage of their generosity. If I’m being honest, I was also self-conscious that we didn’t have the budget for what I thought of as the “usual” sort of venue—the kind where every fork and flower arrangement has been attended to by trained staff.

Related: 7 Reception DIYs for Brides On a Budget

But sister, let me share something with you: that vulnerability made way for a unique kind of joy. Through these reception preparations, I beheld visible signs of our loved ones’ love for us. I looked around that night and saw my godson enthusiastically learning the art of floral arrangement with some greenery tucked behind both ears like some preteen Caesar. I saw my father-in-law cheerfully traversing the grounds with a leaf blower, ensuring that the outdoor space looked neat and tidy. I met my future sister-in-law for the first time that night, and she jumped right in and hand-lettered the chalkboard by our cards and gifts table.

I realized, as I took it all in, that our loved ones were modelling God’s invitation to call upon Him.

No detail of our lives is too small—He wants to be included in it all. God wants us to know that we never have to do it all ourselves, and indeed, that we never can. He is the One from whom all blessings flow, who forgets not the smallest sparrow. After all, Christ’s first miracle was in response to His mother’s plea for help on behalf of another bride and groom, who found their stores of libations wanting. In my family’s generous response to our call for aid, they were helping us care for our guests just as Christ did at Cana. And when we re-entered our venue the next day as husband and wife, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and thanksgiving for the love that had transformed the space.

As you plan your wedding, I invite you to reflect on the true purpose of a “reception.” Remember that it is a celebration of God’s overflowing blessings upon you through the sacrament of marriage. Remember, too, that at this event, the two of you will receive guests for the first time as husband and wife. In the days and months leading up to your wedding, do not be afraid to humbly ask for help in preparing for this great feast. Let your loved ones know how much you appreciate them, and also let those unable to help with physical preparations know that you treasure their prayers just as much. Most of all, do not be afraid to bring the details to God in prayer.

Read more: When Your Reception is "Just" In the Church Hall

In the end, the idea of a “DIY reception” can be a dangerous illusion, for we can do nothing on our own. But when we learn to accept the help of loved ones and put our faith in God, we can trust in His power to provide for us. I can’t promise that the pace of your preparations won’t be harried, or that your best-laid plans won’t be thwarted in some unexpected way. But I can promise that, as you look back on your reception, what you’ll remember most is being surrounded by love.

About the Author: Mary is a Ph.D. in English candidate at Princeton University, where she is writing a dissertation on intercessory prayer and narratology in the Renaissance. She is also a Contributing Writer for Natural Womanhood. In her spare time, she can be found dreaming up recipes for her literary food blog, thelibrarykitchen.com. She and her husband live in their hometown of Cleveland, Ohio.

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Mourning a Mother, Becoming a Bride

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

My mother made her own wedding dress, designing, constructing and piecing it together with her mother at their farmhouse dining room table. She was crafty like that.

As a little girl, I recall pouring over the thick leather-bound photo album sitting on the mahogany coffee table in our formal living room. Each framed image captured my young parents on their wedding day, my mother with the tiara from her own mother’s wedding ensemble and my dad with his boyish, youthful face and well-rested eyes. It seemed like the archetypal wedding, one I wanted mine to one day model.

From a young age, my mom taught me how to sew; first by hand and little by little I grew my way to the Husqvarna machine with its embroidery settings and foot pedal. As I made little aprons and elastic-waist skirts, my mom would lean over my shoulder guiding my hands as we directed the needle across the fibers of the fabric. I looked forward to working on an even bigger project with her one day: making my own wedding dress.

A woman always so generous with her time and talent, my mother was quick to offer her assistance and lend a helping hand. Whether it was altering the fit of bridesmaids dresses and hemming groomsmen suit pants for friends’ weddings or arranging flower bouquets for my cousin’s special day, her heart was one of service. I looked forward to sharing those moments with her one day preparing for my own wedding day.

Like many little girls, I dreamed of planning a wedding, preparing for marriage and making a home of my own. I had the Pinterest board and took mental notes of the lovely details with each wedding I attended over the years.

I saw friends before me go from boutique to boutique alongside their mom, grandmother and friends to find the right dress; I saw the photos on my social media feed of the mother-daughter venue visits, food tastings and planning luncheons to make wedding day decisions together. I looked forward to my turn to share the excitement of such a season with my own mother-of-the-bride. . .

When the day came, the joy of finding the man I would marry was such a pinnacle moment; one, though, that carried a cross at its peak. My mom was battling a terminal illness. The grief of this reality mixed with the joy of being engaged and preparing for marriage taught me the two could coexist: joy and sorrow.

Her ability to walk with me in this season was going to be different than we had both imagined. Suddenly, dreams were met with disappointments. Expectations encountered reality. The stepping stones to the altar I had hoped to share with my mom were not what I had seen others experience. Processing her illness and its manifold extenuating circumstances was heavy. Pairing that alongside detaching and grieving my mom’s full presence in this period of my life was too. Once more, I wanted to see my mom lean in, excitement illuminating her eyes, to guide me through every stitch formulating my impending new life as a wife.

Maybe you are going through something like this too? Maybe you are navigating a time that carries with it both blessing and sorrow. Maybe you’re taking steps into married life, grieving the one who first showed you what it meant to be a wife.

Maybe you’re experiencing the painful tension of walking alongside a loved one who is ill, comforting and caring for them, acknowledging the profound cross they are bearing, while also confronting your own personal grief caused by their suffering.

If you are, I see you. I’m praying for you. You are not alone.

Such pain is real and valid. The desire for your loved one to walk with you over the threshold into marriage is good. And it can be lonely to mourn your mother as you become a bride. Even if you are happy for others who didn’t have to endure the ache you’re living.

Nonetheless, your cross of suffering is real; the price of this surrender, sanctifying. I’ve been in those trenches and it is hard on the heart.

Name the hopes and dreams you once had about this engagement season. List them on a sheet of paper. See them for the valid disappointments they are. Tell the story of what you had hoped this time in your life would look like. The more tangible you allow these disappointments to be, the easier they are to let go. But first, let yourself mourn.

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Jayme + Aaron | Multicultural Wedding with Mexican Traditions

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Modern aesthetics meet old-world charm in this intimate celebration inspired by the colonial architecture of a city in the heart of Mexico. Sunshine fades to starlight as the bride and groom dine and dance beneath swaying palms, pampas grass, and soft string lights to the sounds of a mariachi band.

Jayme and Aaron knew their relationship was a result of God’s perfect timing. While Jayme was born in South Korea and raised in South Dakota, she eventually moved to Seattle in 2018 with stops in Los Angeles and San Francisco along the way. 

Aaron was born in Southern California, growing up both there and in Aguascalientes, Mexico, before also moving to Seattle.

Their modern fairytale began through an online dating match and flourished due to their mutual love for God.

Despite ever-changing wedding plans in the midst of a pandemic, Jayme and Aaron focused on remaining rooted in the sacrament.

From the Bride:

Aaron and I were a match made in God’s hands because God moved us across the continent to meet each other. 

When we met, Aaron was a practicing Catholic, and I was a non-denominational Christian. We prayed over the decision to date because we wanted to make sure we were a fit for marriage.

Through prayer, we both knew that we were meant to be. Our values, major life goals, and love for God aligned perfectly. Aaron proposed to me in April of 2019. 

During our engagement, I decided to convert to Catholicism. When we took our premarital courses, we scored highest in the areas of commitment to God, covenant, and teamwork. 

But these were not just scores. They were the very areas that we prayed over and practiced in order to root our love in God. 

As we prepared for our wedding, we were adamant about incorporating all of the Mexican wedding traditions into the Catholic ceremony. 

Our nuptial Mass was held in the historic Templo de San Marcos in Aguascalientes, Mexico. This was a Church Aaron grew up going to and took over 30 years to build. Its beautiful colonial architecture matches the downtown area of Aguascalientes where most of the buildings were built over 60 years ago. 

Aaron’s baptism madrina (godmother) was our madrina of the lasso, which was placed around us during our nuptial Mass. Aaron’s brothers and sister were our padrinos and madrinas (godparents in Latino communities) of the 13 arras, rings, and prayers during the wedding ceremony. 

Aaron’s sister and grandmother were the Madrinas de Peticiones (Godmoms of Prayer) and read four novenas relating to matrimony and the importance of two people serving one another for life in humility and compassion. 

A favorite part of our ceremony included the ofrendas and how each of the people carrying the ofrendas has made a lifelong commitment to Christ. Most of the people who carried the ofrendas to the altar were men that Aaron grew up with in Church. 

After the ceremony, we and our guests were greeted by a Mariachi!

While we had one of our first unofficial dances as a married couple, the mariachi followed us in a parade style from the Church to the reception area where crowds of people were saying “Felicidades!” (Congratulations). 

This is a tradition for many Mexican weddings, and it was Aaron’s top non-negotiable detail for the wedding.

Our reception was inspired by romance, Aguascalientes’ architecture, and our multicultural guest list. 

Stepping into our reception felt like stepping into a floral garden. Both Aaron and I love flowers.

When we were first dating, Aaron would drive every Sunday to drop off flowers for me for the week. We wanted to incorporate this into our reception decorations. 

We also wanted to make sure our guests were well fed. With different foods for different people, we decided to create a menu that was a range from spicy to non-spicy dishes and settled on lasagna, chicken poblano, and morrita chile. 

We wanted to accommodate our guests who celebrated with us during a global pandemic.

We both grew up with hearts for hospitality and wanted to make sure there was something for everyone. 

Three weeks before the wedding we had to change caterers, photographers, the DJ, and the venue. But leaving it all in God’s hands, God answered so many prayers through our wedding planner, who addressed these concerns and got us even better vendors than before.

We knew we were meant to be as emergencies popped up and God took care of each one with an even better option than we imagined. 

Due to COVID-19, we had to trim our 120-person guest list to 75, and then down to 30. It was the wedding party and family that ended up coming for the event, but every moment was better than we expected. 

From our sweet first look to dancing the night away under the stars, our wedding was a celebration of God’s perfect timing.

Since our love story began, Aaron’s grandmother suggested we regularly pray the Novena for the Nativity of Mary and it has stuck with us as a couple. We have been inspired to fulfil our duties in the Church we belong to, and although we plan to create our own family, we were recently asked to be madrina and padrino to our friend’s baby in the sacrament of baptism. 

We both feel a distinct calling to serve others—much like Mother Teresa and Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton—focusing on our local community in providing food resources to low-income families and educational resources to students where we both work at a tech school in Seattle. 

God has brought us together from different worlds and cultures and has blessed us with the sacrament of marriage where we serve together in our community and love fulfilling God’s teachings in giving to others.

Ultimately, it didn't matter if there was a crowd of people or only two witnesses on our wedding day. The most important aspect was honoring our marriage before God. The wedding itself is the easy and fun stuff, but marriage is both beautiful and challenging. 

We would rather enter holy matrimony with God at the center than worry about if the dresses were just the right color, or if we made sure to pick out someone's favorite song, and so forth. 

This approach was absolutely reflected during our wedding day. We didn't have a guest book, party favors, or a photo booth. I didn't have a maid of honor—only bridesmaids. 

We worried less about what our wedding “should” be like, and I am happy we were more focused on how we would stay rooted in God and prepare the foundations of our marriage. 

I am so happy that I prayed that I would be concerned with the important pieces of our marriage and not the event that fades with time. 

As a couple, we felt incredibly loved by all our family and friends near and far during that day. To me, as the bride, that made my heart so full after planning a wedding during a pandemic.

Photography: Fer Mur Foto | Nuptial Mass Location: Templo de San Marcos, Aguascalientes, Mexico | Reception Location: Palenque Patio, Aguascalientes, Mexico | Event Planning: LILA Event Planning | Floral Design: Casa Mokara | DJ Services: HRE Producciones | Catering: Chef Cesar Perez | Dessert: Sugar & Spice | Hair & Makeup: Ciara's Makeup and Hair | Bride’s Dress: David's Bridal | Groom’s Suit: Glamour Aguascalientes | Bridesmaid Dresses: AZAZIE | Groomsmen Attire: Glamour Aguascalientes | Stationary: Marry Me Paper Boutique

Setting the Date for a Catholic Wedding

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

You just got engaged and are eagerly waiting to set the date. 

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If you are struggling or hesitant to finally set the date, consider these tips to help guide your discernment.

Not all dates are equal.

When choosing a date, it’s important to consider what time of year you want to get married during and why. This allows you and your future spouse to consider dates that make sense without it feeling too random and is important especially if you are planning to invite more than just your immediate families. 

Don’t go overboard with considering each one of your guests, but it might help to try and think about what most of your guests might be doing during that time of year.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your fiancé and what works best for you two in your current state of life, so if your date doesn’t work for everyone, that’s okay! Choose a date, not only because you like the date or because it’s a month sooner but because it makes sense for you as a couple and ultimately gives you a lasting sense of peace.

You don’t have to get married on a Saturday.

With the exception of Good Friday and Holy Saturday, the Catholic Church allows couples to get married any day of the week, including Sundays. Just remember to consider the availability of your guests and reach out to your parish to make sure whatever day you are thinking of will work for them. 

For more Catholic wedding planning help, check out the Spoken Bride archives. 


Keep the Liturgical season in mind. 

Consider the Liturgical season in which you’d like to get married as they carry significance for Catholics. 

For instance, the Advent and Lenten seasons are times for reflection and anticipation of the feast that’s to come, so although couples are allowed to get married during this time, it is something to be aware of. 

If you do plan to have your wedding during one of the penitential seasons, despite the more subdued tone, your wedding can still be a joyful celebration similar to how we still observe major feast days during Lent.         

You might also consider getting married during the festive seasons of Christmas or Easter.

You can have a Sunday wedding.

Sunday weddings can be a wonderful option for those couples who still want to get married on the weekend but are trying to save a little money. 

Since Saturdays are currently the most popular day for weddings, you may notice that some vendors have a discounted price for their services on other days of the week, sometimes including Friday and Sunday. This isn’t a hard and fast rule though so be sure to do some research for the venues and other vendors you are considering. 

Another note about having a Nuptial Mass for a Sunday wedding (and on some of the other major feasts in the Church) is that the couple may not be able to choose the readings for the Liturgy of the Word since it doubles as a Sunday Mass or a solemnity. 

Again, check with the Church where you plan to get married because there may be some other restrictions due the priest’s schedule or a conflict with another Church service or event.

Choosing a date can feel overwhelming, and it can be exhausting responding to all those family and friends who ask if you have a date yet. But it’s okay to take your time in deciding. It’s better to have a date that you’ve really thought about and feel at peace with than to rush the process.

So long as you keep your focus on what’s important, asking the Lord for guidance, you can put your trust in the Lord that everything will work out in His timing.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Questions to Ask When Deciding on a Photographer for Your Catholic Wedding

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GRACE BROWN

 

After my husband proposed, we knew we wanted to get married before he moved across the country for six months of military training (and I stayed behind in Texas to finish up college). This set our wedding planning timeline at just under three months! 

Once we solidified our plans for a beautiful ceremony and reception, I realized it was just as important to me that we captured those moments and memories from our wedding day! With only a couple months before the big day, I scoured the internet for everything I needed to consider when hiring a wedding photographer.

For many couples (including myself), selecting the perfect wedding photographer can be mind-boggling. How can you know you have chosen the right professional to document your big day while you’re busy enjoying it? After extensive research into wedding photographers, I was blessed with a fantastic experience, but, unfortunately, I have good friends whose experience was disappointing! But don’t worry!

Whether you have three months or three years to search for your dream wedding photographer, the following questions will help you understand what you most desire in a photographer and, ultimately, to make a confident, informed decision.

What am I looking for out of my wedding photos?

Professional photographers have their art down: beautifully framing and capturing every aspect of your wedding day, and delivering photos that will delight you for years.

Before sifting through specific wedding photographers in your area it’s helpful to clarify your own preferences!

Are you in love with candid giggling photos of bridesmaids or posed pictures all in a row (or a mix of both)? What’s the setting like at your ceremony and reception venues (such as an outdoor reception or indoor formal church ceremony)? What aesthetic do you want from your final pictures--do you prefer light and airy style edits or more dramatic shots?

Save lots of images on Pinterest that capture the style you’re drawn to, and look for common patterns. Identifying what you love helps you find a photo that complements your venue, decor, and wedding style. 

Once you know the look you’re going for, start sifting through wedding photography portfolios online. I highly recommend checking out Spoken Bride’s Catholic Vendor Guide, The Knot, and Facebook to begin your search. 

Does this photographer’s portfolio fit the aesthetic and quality we’re seeking?

A photographer’s online work offers a solid understanding of their best captures, edits, and poses. Do your prospective photographers’ portfolios reflect the work you’re looking for, and do they have experience with weddings, rather than other genres of photography? 

Photographers familiar with Catholic weddings will already know that certain moments can differ from secular weddings. For example, the priest probably won’t say ‘you may now kiss the bride’ after the Rite of Marriage. Instead, the couple’s first kiss might happen at the sharing of the Sign of Peace--it’s alright to have a respectful, inviting conversation with your photographer about their familiarity with Catholic weddings and important moments during the liturgy.

As with any service, it’s wise to hear from wedding photographers’ past clients through online reviews: were they happy with their experience and images? Did the photographer fulfill their services according to his or her contract? 

Once you’ve found several photographers whose work sparks joy and aligns with your preferences, then you can start assessing their work process:

How would my dream photographer deliver the photos?

Photographers are service providers with a variety of offerings. In addition to matters like the cost of a package, the number of hours booked, number of photographers present, and any complimentary sessions (like a bridal or engagement shoot), I encourage you to pay attention to one matter in particular: How, and for what investment, are photos delivered? 

In other words, does your package include just shooting, editing, and digital delivery, or does it include additional fees for purchasing physical prints or albums? For budgeting purposes and to envision the final images you’ll hang in your home or display in an album, it’s helpful to clarify delivery and extra print items up front. 

Should I find a duo or team of photographers?

While a single photographer can absolutely capture the most important moments of your wedding day, depending on the size and location logistics of your wedding, you might want to consider a photography team or a photographer whose package includes a second shooter. 

In order to capture both bridesmaids and groomsmen getting ready at separate locations, as well as the large crowd at our reception, I opted for a vendor who offered two photographers. 

Does this photographer make me feel comfortable?

Taking photos on your wedding day shouldn’t feel like a hassle or super unnatural and neither should finding the best wedding photographer for you! A fantastic photographer makes you genuinely laugh while suggesting poses and keeping you informed about what pictures they’re taking.

You’ll be 100% confident they’re capturing every special moment of your wedding day--and they’ll be enjoying themselves, too! Find a photographer whose personality works well with yours and who is genuinely interested in helping your wedding day run smoothly and peacefully.

I hope these questions offer you clarity in what you want out of your wedding photos, as well as what to discuss before booking your photographer. Godspeed in your wedding planning!

About the Author: Grace Elaine Brown is a Presbyterian to Anglican to Catholic convert who likes musicals, whiskey, writing, and watching the rain. She’s been married for over two years to a country-singin’ United States Marine, Caleb, with whom she is expecting her first baby in July!

Grace is also the creator of the Catholic homemaking blog, Graceful, which shares her journey as a young married lady striving to be Catholic in this not-so-moral world in which we’ve been planted.

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Navigating Prayer in a Catholic Dating Relationship

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

We rightly want to entrust all of our relationships to the Lord, our dating relationships included but figuring out what that looks like with your significant other can be difficult.

One key element to praying together while dating is to keep things simple. As a dating relationship naturally progresses, entrusting your relationship to the Lord together should also follow that progression. Just as we are prudent with our physical bodies and emotional needs, we should also be virtuous with the intimate parts of our spirituality.

With this in mind we should be conscious of how we are weaving our prayer lives together with someone we are dating. Our focus should be our own relationship with Jesus and the way he is speaking to our hearts about the relationship and our own faith journey. When we spend too much time intimately in prayer with someone we are dating, it can be confusing and make it more difficult to make decisions about the relationship from a place of clarity.

Dating is one big lesson in discernment and as such it is a time to really focus on the Lord’s voice in your own personal prayer life. 

The more you are spending time with Him the more you will know and recognize the way he is inviting you to move forward in your relationship or the possibility that he is inviting you away from the relationship because he has greater plans for your life.

When you first begin going on dates with someone, before you’ve stepped into a relationship with them, I would suggest just lifting up your date and that person to the Lord simply from your own heart.

Once you enter an exclusive dating relationship, an easy way to introduce prayer is to choose a memorized prayer you both like and pray that together at the beginning or end of spending time together. Maybe a Memorarae, a Hail Mary or Our Father, or any other prayer you both know and love. This is a good way to take time to entrust your relationship to God, thank him for the joy you find in spending time together, and surrender your desires to his will.

As your relationship gets more serious and you are discerning engagement your prayer together can grow accordingly. One thing my now-husband and I integrated into our dating life at this stage was a daily mass and breakfast date once a week. Sometimes we would talk about the readings or the feast day/memorial over breakfast, but mostly it was just a simple way to come to Jesus together in prayer and offer him our discernment. We also occasionally attended confession or Sunday Mass together.

Related: The Dating Advice I Would Give My Younger Self

This helped us both to picture what living our Catholic faith together might look like in marriage but kept our own personal relationships with the Lord at the forefront. A simple prayer routine that follows the natural progression of the relationship at this stage should do exactly that. It should help you to imagine what living your Catholic faith alongside one another might look like in marriage, remind you that you are each seeking the will of God rather than your own desires, and keep your individual relationships with the Lord the primary place of prayer.

Praying with someone you are dating will appear different from couple to couple. But whatever that might look like, when we allow our prayer to progress prudently it prepares us to move forward in whatever way God is calling us towards vocation, be that engagement and marriage, a different relationship, or towards religious life. While there is a lot that can be said on this topic, I hope that each of you can find peace in this area of dating that doesn't need to be over-complicated.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Living Courageously in Your Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

"'Have courage' we often say to one another. Courage is a spiritual virtue. The word courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means "heart." A courageous act is an act coming from the heart." - Henri Nouwen

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Those few sentences, nestled quietly within a reflection I recently found, felt monumental to read. They have entirely upended what I thought I knew about being courageous. They made it obvious to me with such clarity and swiftness that courage has a lot more to do with authenticity and perhaps much less to do with interior resolve than I had previously taken it to. This new consideration of the nature of courage has been both freeing and challenging, especially in what it means for marriage.

Marriage demands a lot of courage.

I would have told you that long before Henri Nouwen's words unveiled what that meant in such a radically new way for me. Before, I mostly understood courage to look a lot like strength. An image of myself ready to brace up against whatever was to come against me, with the resolve to hold my shield at attention for as long as it took to weather it. That was courage.

But here, Henri seemed to be describing exactly the opposite. An image of myself in a posture of much greater risk. Hands open, vulnerable, heart exposed and leading the way. Nothing to hide and no focus on self-protection. That's a much different way of imagining what this spiritual and moral virtue looks like lived out. But I think it's a more honest one. 

Marriage does demand courage, but it's because any good marriage demands really living from the heart.

It is important to be understand our 'heart' in this context as more than just the place of our emotions. Henri speaks of it as the center of who we are at the core of our being. "The center of all thoughts, feelings, passions, and decisions."

For a marriage to be rich in this virtue, what really matters is honesty. There is no place for a lack of authenticity in what is meant to be the most intimate of our relationships. 

If I dare to hope for my marriage to be truly courageous in the way that Henri describes, I need to be willing to bring my whole self to my spouse. I must dare to be fully seen for who I am. 

Practically, I must bring honesty and openness to our conversations. I must work to share my thoughts, feelings, and passions, and work to make decisions together in light of them all. I can't try to self-protect and shield myself to avoid the risk of being misunderstood or feeling rejected by my spouse.

That false image of strength can never serve me here. And it couldn't be further from the kind of humility and trust required in these moments. 

It can be easy to communicate well when our thoughts, feelings, and passions feel aligned with our spouses'. But courage asks for such honesty at all times, even when it's most difficult.

And doing just that is how we gain the very virtue we are longing for. In the language of faith, different kinds of virtues are described and understood in different ways. Moral Virtues, of which courage (sometimes called fortitude) is one, differ from Theological Virtues chiefly in the manner through which they can grow within us. The Moral Virtues are “acquired by education, by deliberate acts and by a perseverance ever-renewed in repeated efforts" and of course, aided by God's grace.”

This means that it is in those sacred and vulnerable places, during all those repeated efforts we make together to live from the heart, that we will grow and the fruit of this virtue will become clear. We will have a greater ability to "conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions." Our acts of authentic courage within marriage can gift us greater confidence in the face of all things. This is certainly what God wants for us.

I used to think that courage looked a lot like being willing to fight - to defend and protect and shield. And I suppose there is some truth in that. But in marriage that work becomes shared, and so it changes shape entirely. The only way to defend and protect the relationship is through honesty and vulnerability with each other.

And so the challenge becomes - will I act from the heart? Will I dare to live my marriage courageously?

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Adelae + Joe | Eclectic Coffeehouse Wedding

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A chic, boho style wedding with quaint coffee shop vibes on the plains of the Lonestar State. An international love story with Christ as the architect and the attentive care of Our Lady of Victory.

After meeting at a young adult event hosted by the Capuchin friars in Washington, D.C., Adelae and Joe dated long distance for a couple months, with marathon Skype calls and Joe driving from Toronto to Baltimore to take Adelae on dates. 

But after a few months of dating, it became clear that God was calling them out of the relationship and to go their separate ways. Adelae needed to go on a healing journey after having been very wounded from a prior dating relationship. 

The hardest decision was to say goodbye, but they did so leaving no expectations for a future relationship in order to honor one another's heart and leave each other in freedom. 

They seemingly closed that chapter, losing touch soon after.

From the Bride:

Later that summer after discerning to end our relationship, Joe wrote and recorded an album named "Love Is." In the Fall, I moved down to TX to respond to a call to work in ministry. 

Within weeks of taking the job in a suburban Catholic parish in Dallas, I learned that Joe had booked a stop on his album release tour in my new parish community. 

Unaware that I had moved to Dallas, Joe had avoided MD altogether when booking his shows to help guard our hearts. 

Unbeknownst to either of us, our paths crossed a year later in a state that neither of us called home.

On Pentecost Sunday, I attended Joe’s concert. Of the more than 50 tour dates Joe had scheduled, there were only three free days. 

Though Joe had tried over and over again to book the date after his Dallas concert, he never could. We came to find out that the Lord had a plan for it. 

We spent that free day following the concert together. By the end of the day, we were dating once more. And three months later, we were engaged.

Joe's immigration visa was approved only three weeks before our wedding day, which means we only finalized all the details three weeks before our actual wedding date.

Invitations went out, the venue and vendors were solidified, and flights were booked merely weeks before because nothing was certain before! 

The visa only allowed 90 days for us to get married. He arrived in town in Dallas a week and a half before the big day.

We were married on a Sunday, so our wedding Mass took place between Sunday Masses at the parish. We chose to do our photos before our wedding at the Dallas Arboretum.

Joe and I chose to process into the Church together, as a sign of our free-will choice before the Lord to enter into this covenant with Him and one another. Since my dad didn't walk me down the aisle, he escorted me to Joe for our first look.

Immediately after our first look, Joe's brother gave us a blessing as we embarked on the day together.

During our dating and engagement season, we had begun to notice key saints that we felt drawn to and felt their prayerful support over our journey together. We incorporated these saints into a personalized Litany of the Saints that was prayed right before we exchanged vows.

Our marriage vows were received by Joe's brother, who is a diocesan priest in Canada. His brother, Fr. Francis, gifted us a beautiful crucifix that we placed our right hands on to say our vows. 

The crucifix now hangs over our bed as a sign to us of our fidelity and the source from where our love stems.

Joe, his uncle, and his brother worked together to build a couple's prayer kneeler, which Joe brought down when he immigrated. The kneeler was the place we received the Eucharist together for the first time as husband and wife. 

Today, that prayer kneeler is a formidable part of our family prayer life, where we pray with our son every night.

My pastor and spiritual director gifted us with a gold chalice as a wedding gift. This chalice was used for the first time during our nuptial liturgy. 

The gold chalice remains in our home and is used as a blessing cup for special occasions; namely, it was used once more during the baptismal Mass of our son.

Since our wedding day was a Marian feast day, we felt led to consecrate our marriage to Our Lady. We did a 33-day consecration preparation and prayed our consecration prayer to Our Lady of the Rosary during the Marian dedication after Communion.

For our reception, we rented out a local coffee house that was special to us. It was near the international airport, where we had many reunions during our dating and engagement season. 

We would often find ourselves frequenting this coffee shop to catch-up after time apart, dream about the future, and enjoy a coffee. We became friends with the owners and the baristas, and they were the ones that put on our celebration. (Some even attended our wedding Mass!) 

We are avid coffee enthusiasts; so not only was the cafe itself special to us, but coffee was something we appreciated together—so it seemed fitting.

Joe and I chose an eclectic spread: a taco food truck (fitting for yummy TexMex), a popsicle bar, a charcuterie spread, and coffees on tap—all of our favorite foods thrown together.

Our first dance song was written and recorded by Joe, titled "Rib to My Heart." (It can be found on Spotify, iTunes, etc.)

The title was inspired by a reflection on how Eve is formed from the rib of Adam and how she is meant to protect his heart just as the rib would. 

The lyric, "I'll be your shoulder," was inspired by a reflection on the shoulder wound Christ received from carrying the cross. St. Simon of Cyrene came alongside to shoulder the cross and help bear the burden—so spouses do for one another in bearing one another's sufferings and coming alongside each other to walk through the pain.

Our wedding felt like such a day of victory and triumph! After a 13-month immigration process that was four times longer than estimated, and the third planned wedding date, we walked into our nuptial Mass feeling absolutely surrounded by the grace that had moved mountains, demolishing obstacles for us to be together. 

There wasn't a moment's second guess that this was the Lord's plan for our life and our union. And Our Lady's mantle was all around us.

Our visa was approved while our family was praying the novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots (to untie the knots of our immigration application process); our clearance to schedule his immigration interview took place the week of the Assumption, after we'd prayed for her intercession during the Assumption Novena; the first immigration interview date available was on the Feast of the Most Holy Name of the Blessed Virgin Mary; and Joe was approved that day for his visa. 

Joe received his visa in the mail on the Feast of Our Lady of Ransom, giving him permission to cross the border. (We joke that Our Lady helped ransom him from Canada.) 

We were married on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary (formerly celebrated in the Church as Our Lady of VICTORY!). 

I mean, you just can't make this stuff up. Our Blessed Mother’s presence was so evident to us.

Photography: Du Castel Photography | Nuptial Mass Location: Mary Immaculate Church, Farmers Branch, TX | Reception Location: GEORGE Coffee + Provisions | Photography Location: Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Gardens | Bride's Dress: BHLDN | Hair & Make-Up: Pretty on Premises | Music: Dave + Lauren Moore | Videography: Jonathan Hilsden

Confronting Mental Temptations in Your Relationship

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

I recently heard a talk by Sr. Anna Marie McGuan, RSM, on her podcast Scripture and the Spiritual Life entitled "Cultivating the Interior Life" in which she made a crucial distinction between your self and your thoughts.

PHOTOGRAPHY: DESIGNS BY JESSINA

PHOTOGRAPHY: DESIGNS BY JESSINA

Perhaps it's surprising to hear that your interior life is not synonymous with your thoughts or imagination. In fact, your thoughts don't always originate from yourself, and Sr. Anna Marie refers to a particular type of thought, the logismoi, as being sent by Satan himself.

In marriage diabolic thoughts, or logismos, might look like: "Why is her life easier? Must be nice that her husband makes enough money to let her stay home (or go on fancy vacations or afford private school)" Or "We'll never be on the same page about faith or parenting. Why didn't I see this before we were married? Our kids are headed for disaster as grownups!" Or "What would my life look like if I hadn't gotten married? I could have followed that dream and I might have had a more fulfilling life." Or "Why do I always get emotional when we fight? I'm so sensitive and dumb." And so on.

They can be disturbing like adulterous images or they can seem entirely reasonable which, Sr. Anna Marie notes, are the most dangerous thoughts of all.

Wherever we have a weakness, the devil can take it and use it to lead us away from the truth.

And these thoughts, rooted in envy, despair, anger, and so forth, are not ones most of us would readily admit to entertaining, especially when people around you--friends or social media personalities--never reveal that they've had negative thoughts about their marriages. Consequently, if the primary image you form about everyone else's marriages is that they are never tempted to doubt or imagine their lives differently, you might be filled with self-loathing when you do experience those thoughts.

But the fact is, if you've ever experienced detracting thoughts about your marriage, you are not evil. You are human. Everyone has them. If not about marriage, then certainly in some other sphere of their life.

As Sr. Anna Marie points out, these thoughts do not say something objective about who you are or the state of your interior life. They are temptations. And when the logismoi pops into your mind, you haven't actually sinned. You are only accountable to the extent that you accept it and subsequently indulge in it.

How then, do we battle these intrusive thoughts?

Sr. Anna Marie describes the interior life as the heart, not the organ, but the deep heart, the inner man, the place of encounter with God, and the only way to cultivate the life therein and to build defenses against mental temptations is through self-awareness and prayer.

Self-awareness entails identifying which thoughts are diabolic triggers. We have to spend time reflecting about our thought patterns and what mental paths they threaten to lead us down. A nightly examen prayer is a good way to start taking notice of the life of our minds.

And prayer itself is a defense against the logismoi because it's a channel of God's grace in us. In prayer, we are given the peace of God's own triune life that is so distant from the panic of the logismos.

One highly practical form of prayer that Sr. Anna Marie suggests is the Jesus prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner." This advice has transformed my own prayer life. Any time I'm tempted by a logismoi, I slow my breathing and say the Jesus prayer. It functions on multiple levels: the name of Christ is power against evil, and I'm reminded of who I am--someone in need of healing. It's both defense and solace.

Exposing the logismos for what they are and turning to God's mercy in prayer, rather than being distracted by the chaos and shame Satan wants to ensnare me in, wipes clean my interior vision. And this simplifying of attention makes me freer to see the mission of my marriage more clearly and love my spouse more purely.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Carolina + Jordan | Multicultural Modern Fairytale Wedding

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A love story spanning hemispheres and cultures celebrated with a renewal of vows against the lush tropical backdrop of Rio de Janeiro, bedecked with crystal chandeliers and elaborate arrangements of pink lilies, orchids, and roses.

As a teenager in her native Brazil, Carolina began praying to St. Anthony for her future spouse. Years later while studying in Savannah, she met Jordan online.

While fleeing from a hurricane, the seemingly unlikely couple found they had more in common than they originally thought. 

Despite the challenges of immigration, families on different sides of the globe, and differing faith traditions, Carolina and Jordan were ultimately able to celebrate their relationship in grand fashion in the presence of all their loved ones.

From the Bride:

I was never a girl who dreamed of her wedding, but I always knew I was going to marry a good husband.

That is because I was born on the feast day of St. Anthony (June 13th), who in Brazil is considered the patron saint of matrimony, or the “matchmaker saint.” 

(As a fun fact, that is why Brazilians celebrate Valentine's Day June 12th, a day before St. Anthony's feast, in which all the single women can lift prayers to St. Anthony to find their significant other!)

As a devout, cradle-Catholic, once I got to my teenage years, I would pray to St. Anthony every year to help me find a good boyfriend.

But I was a dreamer and a hopeless romantic, so no real boy actually met all my expectations. I would go on dates, but I never seriously “dated” anyone.

Jordan and I met when I was 21 and he was 26. It was my second year of college in the United States. 

I had only had one previous relationship, which had left me heartbroken. By then I had given up on idealizing the perfect man.

Instead, I put all my hopes and dreams on Jesus himself—He was the only one who could truly fulfill me and love me unconditionally.

Once I learned to lean into my relationship with Christ, the world around me got so much easier. 

Jordan and I met online, and our first date was in a cute coffee shop in Savannah. He was a pretty laid-back, open guy. Despite having totally different backgrounds and personalities, I discovered we had a lot in common,  

He had a military background; I was an artist. He was practical; I was a dreamer. He was from cold, upstate New York; I was from tropical Rio de Janeiro. 

But we shared the same values and had similar goals in life. We were attracted to each other in that sense—our views of the world really aligned. 

Also, his stepmom was Brazilian, and his father had lived for a few years in Brazil and even knew how to speak Portuguese! What are the odds?

A few days after our first date a hurricane hit Savannah, and we all had to evacuate the city. Jordan and I met again in Atlanta, while running away from hurricane Matthew, and spent the entire weekend together exploring the city. 

When it was time to go back, he asked if I wanted to keep seeing each other. On our following date, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I actually said no! 

I was still getting to know him, I had just gotten out of another relationship, and I wasn't ready to commit. 

But then I realized: Isn't that what dating is for? To discern things before you're ready to commit to something bigger?

The second time he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes—and the rest is history.

We dated for a year, my family came to visit from Brazil to meet him, and the following year we got engaged. Jordan also went to Rio de Janeiro to meet the rest of my (big) family and see my hometown. 

Because of logistics (my family living in another hemisphere) and immigration (I was an international student when we got engaged), we had to split our wedding celebration into different steps. 

For immigration purposes, our civil marriage was completed first in Forsyth Park in Savannah. It was a gorgeous, but COLD day for us Brazilians! Our families finally met for the first time, and it was all very intimate. 

We exchanged vows in front of the beautiful Forsyth Fountain and a street musician even started playing the wedding march and “The Girl From Ipanema” (a famous Tom Jobim song) totally impromptu!

Our nuptial Mass was celebrated six months later, as soon as I graduated college, and we were ready to move in together. 

My family came from Brazil, and it was very intimate once again. We had a wonderful priest who accompanied us during marriage prep. 

To exchange our marriage vows in the Church, I wore a gorgeous, but simple, floral summer dress. We celebrated afterwards in a beautiful restaurant on River Street.

We decided to have our wedding reception and renewal of vows in Rio because, if there is something we Brazilians know how to do, it's throw a good party.

For the renewal of vows, we went as grand as it could be! I'm a huge Disney-princess fan, and I wanted to have a gorgeous and romantic ceremony.

It turned out perfect, and we finally had all my family and friends to celebrate with us.

Since our marriage, I have seen the power of the Holy Spirit blessing our relationship. Jordan, who was raised Baptist, was finally baptized just months before our second anniversary, and our marriage officially became a sacrament!

I am eager to raise a loving, bicultural family. Praise God and St. Anthony for my marriage! 

I still thank my patron saint every day.

Photography: Aszmann | Nuptial Mass Location: Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church, Savannah, GA | Renewal of Vows and Reception Location: Casa das Canoas, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil | Bride’s Dress: Airé | Bride’s Veil: Rosa Clará | Bride’s Crown: Ateliê Priscila Gamino | Engagement Ring: Verragio | Wedding Bands: Brilliant Earth | Hair & Makeup: Marcelo Hicho | Orchestra: Delfim Moreira Orquestra

Praying with Mary, Wife of Joseph

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ERIN BUCHMANN

 

In sacred art, popular devotion, and even the liturgical calendar, the Church often honors the Blessed Virgin Mary in her role as Jesus’ mother. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA PHOTOGRAPHY

This makes sense: after all, each of our lives draws meaning from Jesus and is meant to be centered upon Him, and Mary’s life was centered upon Jesus in a very concrete way through their mother-child relationship. 

But while she is in fact Jesus’ mom and the spouse of the Holy Spirit (and not to diminish those realities!), during her earthly life she was also the wife of a human spouse, St. Joseph.

As brides, we can relate to Mary in this shared role. She has so much to teach us about human love and spousal life!

As the Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful and Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary help the faithful to meditate upon Mary’s relationship with Jesus, consider praying over the keystone events in Mary’s relationship with St. Joseph in a similar way, especially in this year dedicated to St. Joseph.

Here is a rosary-style reflection on five events Mary and Joseph experienced together in their marriage: their wedding, the flight into Egypt, their search for Jesus in Jerusalem, daily life in Nazareth, and Joseph’s death.

The First Spousal Mystery: Mary and Joseph are Wed

“Joseph … was a righteous man”

I imagine Mary must have been excited about her upcoming wedding. Joseph, being a righteous man, would likewise have been approaching their wedding day with complete purity of heart and mind. Surely neither one ever expected the path their love story would take (who could anticipate receiving multiple angelic visits and parenting the son of God, after all?), but by rooting their hearts in a perfect love of God and of each other, Mary and Joseph would have been able to receive each blessing from God and from each other as a gift unshrouded by sin, selfishness, or expectations.

Mary, help me to love my husband with perfect purity.

The Second Spousal Mystery: The Flight into Egypt

“Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed for Egypt.”

Assuming Jesus was a typical, squirmy, squirrely little kid, Mary probably had her hands full with him, especially as they fled to Egypt to avoid the wrath of King Herod. Not to mention that they were traveling at night and probably trying to travel quietly! She must have relied on Joseph to guard their little family from all sorts of dangers and potential pitfalls during this journey. She could not do everything on her own, but neither was she called to. Just as God had given her to be a helpmate to Joseph, God had given Joseph as a helpmate to her.

Mary, help me to trust in my husband’s ability to provide for our family.

The Third Spousal Mystery: Searching for Jesus in Jerusalem

“Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”

The three days during which Mary and Joseph were searching for Jesus must have been among the most stressful times of their shared life. Mary surely trusted in God’s providence throughout, but as she herself says, she was more than a little nervous! There must have been a great temptation for both Mary and Joseph to cast blame on the other, to grow sharp with each other, and to withdraw from each other rather than draw closer together in light of the stressful situation they were facing. Yet, after three days of searching, Mary and Joseph arrived at the temple side by side and there found Jesus.

Mary, help me to always remember that my husband and I are on the same team.

The Fourth Spousal Mystery: Daily Life in Nazareth

“Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your home”

We know little about the day-to-day life of the Holy Family in Nazareth. Like any family, the Holy Family probably also experienced their share of hardships: misunderstandings, tight finances, challenging circumstances, deaths and divisions in their extended family. Mary likely knew well the exhaustion that accompanies long nights sitting up with a sick child and the tedium of household chores. There may have even been times when Mary longed for a break from her household and her family, even though she loved them dearly. Mary and Joseph were both human, after all!

Mary, help me to see the gifts and the graces hidden within my ordinary, daily life.

The Fifth Spousal Mystery: The Death of Joseph

“Perfect love drives out fear”

Mary was probably only in her thirties or early forties when Joseph passed away, leaving her a widow. Despite the relative brevity of their relationship their marriage was clearly a successful one, as both Mary and Joseph are not only saints, but Queen of Heaven and Patron of the Universal Church, respectively! I imagine their final moments together at Joseph’s deathbed were infused with sorrow at their impending separation, but also filled with hope, joy and a deep peace. Each was entrusting both themselves and their beloved spouse to God in a new way.

Mary, help me to love my husband with the peace that comes from God.

Spend some time meditating with these moments in the life of the Holy Family, and learn from the example set by Mary and St. Joseph’s marriage to help you grow in holiness through your own vocation. 

About the Author: Erin Buchmann hails from the lake country of central Minnesota. She enjoys writing things, cooking things, growing things, and spending time with her family. She and her husband are the parents of two little miracles.

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