How to Support a Bride When Her Wedding Plans Must Change

CLARA DAVISON

Perhaps it happened a few weeks ago or perhaps you got the text today—around the world, wedding plans are modified because of the Coronavirus. 

In the last month, three of our friends have canceled their weddings, for now. With each cancelation, I was both heartbroken and a bit unsure of how to react as I watched my friends navigate the unique circumstances around wedding planning in 2020.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

Here are four steps you can take (right now!) to support your friends or fellow brides who have changed their wedding plans:

1. Acknowledge the Loss

Yes, there are extraordinary things happening in the world causing a global heartache. A suspended wedding may not be headline news around the world, however, for your friend, this wedding was the beginning of her marriage and a major event she had meticulously planned with hopes and expectations for who would be present, how it would look, and how it would feel. Do not dismiss her sadness over the cancelled event simply because there are seemingly more tragic things happening around the globe. 

Acknowledge the loss and allow her to express her disappointment in a safe and nonjudgmental space. Affirm her reaction is entirely appropriate, and give her time to process this loss. It is okay to grieve the changes to wedding plans. 

2. Offer Help and Support

Planning a wedding is a huge task; after so much work, canceling and rescheduling the big day can feel like an insurmountable task. At the thought of having to redo months of wedding planning, the bride may feel overwhelmed with the amount of decisions and tasks at hand. 

Reach out with offers of help and support. Can you help call wedding guests with the news? Do vendors need to be coordinated with for the new wedding date? Are there rented decorations that need to be returned? 

Help the bride brainstorm and delegate tasks to family and friends who are willing to help. During a time when everything can feel overwhelming and unknown, it is especially important to make the bride feel she is supported with helping hands.  

3. Continue to Check In

No matter how far in advance a wedding day gets canceled or altered, it is a difficult adjustment. After the initial decision is made, continue to check-in with the bride and let her know you are thinking of her during this unexpected difficulty.  

Can you send a quick text or email letting her know you are praying for them? Can you send a small “thinking of you” gift on the date of the now-canceled bridal shower? Continuing to check-in after the initial decision will help your friend know that their wedding day is important to you too. 

4. Make the Wedding Date Special

Though plans are canceled, couples have several options in how they choose to move forward in pursuit of marriage. Some may postpone the entire wedding while others may have a private ceremony on the original date and a large party at a future date. Regardless of what they choose, their original wedding date will look much different than they initially anticipated.  

If you have a friend who has moved both the ceremony and the reception, make sure you reach out to this bride when her former wedding day arrives. This will be a difficult day for her and it is especially important for her to be surrounded with love. Can you have flowers or cupcakes delivered to her house? Can you mail her a card with a thoughtful note? Can you send her a care package filled with some of her favorite things? Spoken Brides’ Vendor Guide offers creative and thoughtful ideas for gift-giving. 

If you have a friend who is having a private ceremony, see if there are ways you can still be included in this bride’s wedding day! There are many creative ways to celebrate the new marriage during this time. Can someone livestream the wedding for friends and family who cannot be there in person? Can you decorate the car while they are inside the Church? Can you leave cards and gifts outside their new home for them to find after their ceremony?

This year has turned out very different than anyone anticipated; many engaged couples are experiencing this unexpected stress in unique ways. Experiencing this unprecedented adversity will be a foundation of memories and emotions for our entire world—in an extremely personal way for brides and grooms. Showing your soon-to-be-married friends extraordinary support during these extraordinary times is an act of love as they begin their married lives.

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Rosalie + Aaron | Traditional Scottsdale Wedding, Made Possible by St. Therese

Latin-inspired, elegant wedding filled with personal touches

Rosalie and Aaron had mutual connections throughout their time at Thomas Aquinas College, yet friendships and school work took priority over romantic endeavors. When Aaron was ready to start pursuing Rosalie, a friend encouraged him to pray a novena to St. Therese of Lisieux to receive a rose to guide his discernment.

Little did Aaron know, St. Therese is Rosalie’s confirmation saint and a dear friend. As Rosalie states, “St. Therese was the matchmaker of our relationship.”

Aaron prayed the novena while getting to know Rosalie in more casual ways; he was eager to see the “go-ahead” to follow his gut and ask Rosalie on a date.

From the Bride:

On the ninth day, when I walked into his line of sight, he was surprised to see I had several pins of roses in my hair that day! According to him, that was all the encouragement he needed. He asked me out not long after, but I wouldn't have said yes if it wasn't for St. Therese's influence in my life.

Long before I realized Aaron was interested in me, I started interviewing for teaching jobs after college. I was passionate about teaching, and I interviewed everywhere. Each time, there was something off about the job offer. The school itself wasn't right for me, the grade level wasn't my ideal, etc. Even interviewing for my top choice went hilariously wrong!

The very last school was so far off my radar, I forgot I even had an interview until the night before! Nevertheless, the interview was a dream. I fell in love with the school, the curriculum, the staff--and it was called St. Therese School! My patron! I knew it was meant to be.

This little fact was crucial to me when Aaron started showing interest, because I was not interested in a long distance relationship. (Although Aaron claims he would have moved anywhere for me...) St. Therese planted me in the perfect spot, so when Aaron asked me to date him, I was open-hearted, knowing our first few months of discernment would not be hindered by distance.

Two years later, we had the best day of our lives!

We wanted our wedding Mass to be traditional. It's the most important part of the day, after all! My cousin, Fr. Fernando Camou, was to be the celebrant, and he was a perfect fit. It was his idea to say the Mass ad orientum (facing the altar, not the congregation).

This form of the Mass reflects the sacraments of the Eucharist and Matrimony beautifully, we think. There is more of a sense of offering to God, sacrificing our own wills and giving them to Him through each other. I'm so glad Father suggested it to us. Aaron and I appreciate the value of the Latin Mass, attending the Tridentine Rite often while we were dating, but we knew many of the Catholics in attendance would be unfamiliar. Fr. Camou helped us reach a balance. We preserved some parts of the Mass in Latin, and used traditional music throughout, but the Mass was still in English in the familiar form, the novus ordo. 

I remember the music so distinctly. The makeshift choir of family and friends did an absolutely stunning job, and I was moved to tears more than once. I'm so glad Aaron and I share a love for traditional and Latin music. It echoed from the choir loft with an air of heavenliness, and the brightness of the church added to the effect.

The church itself is so gorgeous we didn't even feel the need to decorate with flowers! We let the mural speak for itself, and I'm very glad we did. At the last minute, my mom decided to tie the fake peonies from her decor at home on the pews with ribbon. It was a very sweet touch, since peonies are my favorite flower, and they are unavailable during the summer. With the path of peonies, the mural, the canopy, and the priest facing the crucifix, everything pointed to our Lord. It was perfect.

During the ceremony, my maid of honor and I carried a little baby bonnet gifted to me by my mother-in-law. It was the very bonnet Aaron wore at his baptism, which she had unstitched to turn into a small handkerchief for me. It dried happy tears that day, and was such a precious gift.

We wanted to tie traditional elegance into everything, while also keeping things simple and fun for the reception! I had always dreamed of a backyard reception, but in Phoenix in July, that just wasn't an option. Luckily, Grayhawk was very accommodating to my vision, and the bistro lights over the dance floor were perfect! My dress had an old fashioned boatneck neckline with lace, but the skirt was a modern tulle and so fun to twirl in.

Remember St. Therese? I pinned a little blue medal of her from my trip to Lisieux inside my dress, near my heart. She was my something blue.

Mostly everything at the reception was homemade: the centerpieces, floral arrangements, the cake, the favors, and even the menus! It's really fun to look back and say, "Oh so-and-so made that!" or "Remember how we slaved over those?" It just made the reception more truly ours.

Every aspect of that day was perfect, and the parts that weren't are perfect to us now!

From the Photographer:

 I have never photographed a more gracious couple, and was blown away by Rosalie and Aaron’s kindness and selflessness throughout the day. There was not a stressful moment, and all the focus was placed on the sacrament, rather than the less important details that often detract from the day. It was an honor to witness the start of such a beautiful vocation!

Photography: Sarah Wirth Photography | Ceremony: St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church | Reception: Grayhawk Golf Club | Dress: Rosa Clara via Panache Bridal | Hair: Maid of Honor | Cake: Teresa Grimm | Music: SKM Entertainment | Videographer: Robert Goldstein | Wedding Planner, Florist, Makeup: Bride

Catholic Podcasts to Enrich the Vocation to Marriage

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

I was first introduced to podcasts as a newlywed, when we moved away from family for my husband’s job and entered a season of regular road trips up and down the East Coast. I was hooked and have since curated a selection of favorite shows that I’ve listened to during various stages of our marriage. 

I’ve listened as I drove through the Pennsylvania countryside for a volunteer job, as I waited throughout the long weeks of pregnancy to meet our son, and, now, as my toddler and I run errands in the car and do chores at home. I’ve chosen a few of my favorite, can’t-miss-a-new-episode shows for the next time you want some accompaniment in your day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADELEINE DEIGHAN PHOTOGRPAHY

Hobo for Christ

Whenever I’m in need of a boost in my spiritual life, I turn to Meg Hunter-Kilmer’s podcast. Meg is a former high school theology teacher turned hobo missionary, as she describes herself, who travels the world speaking about the Father’s love.

Her podcast consists mainly of recorded talks, as well as some interviews during her travels, but everything revolves around the central message of Divine love. The archives are full of gems, like her saint stories for kids and topics like how your personality type can inform your prayer life, all of which will encourage you in your pursuit of holiness through your vocation to marriage. 

One of my all-time favorite talks is Some are Teresa, because often we need reminders that authentic, faithful Catholic womanhood doesn’t look the same for everyone. It’s especially easy during engagement and early in marriage to compare ourselves, our spouses, and our marriages to the marriages we see in our extended families, our parish family, and on social media, but God doesn’t call us to be carbon copies of somebody else. Meg provides examples of holy women throughout the centuries whose diversity of experience and calling can inspire us to holiness right where we are. 

Meg publishes new episodes sporadically, but she has been uploading them since 2015, so there are plenty of episodes in the archives. 

Risking Enchantment

This podcast is, to quote the show’s introduction, “a podcast about art, beauty, and the Catholic faith,” hosted by Rachel Sherlock and a variety of guests from Rachel’s Dublin apartment.

This podcast is a particular joy for me, a former English major, because of the way Rachel and her guests see reflections of Catholicism in beauty of all kinds. Whether they are discussing the hidden Catholic elements in Vermeer’s art, or the Catholic understanding of people that makes a good detective story, they have a keen ability to find the truths of Catholicism embedded in the world around them, which helps me be more attuned to find and create beauty for my family.

While a podcast episode about World War I might seem like a strange topic to suggest to a bride-to-be or newlywed, I highly recommend the episode Green Gables and the Great War.

Rachel and her friend Phoebe Watson (yes, Sherlock and Watson, although I don’t believe they solve mysteries) discuss Lucy Maud Montgomery’s novel Rilla of Ingleside and how doing one’s duty in challenging circumstances takes a particular kind of moral courage, which is also needed in marriage. Especially when the necessary day-to-day tasks of my life seem unpleasant or unwanted, Montgomery’s story of people who do their duty, no matter how difficult, out of love, inspires me to do better—much like St. Therese’s Little Way. 

Risking Enchantment usually has 2 new episodes per month, but they are worth the wait.  

American Catholic History

Despite the fact that I attended a Catholic high school, most of what I knew about the Church in America was pretty limited: I knew of a few American saints, that Maryland was founded as a haven for English Catholics, and that Spanish missionaries built the famous California missions.

Through this short podcast, hosted by husband and wife Tom and Noelle Crowe, I’ve been introduced to a treasury of people and places in the Church’s history: people completely new to me, like Daniel Rudd, a black Catholic journalist; people I knew, but didn’t know were Catholic, like Babe Ruth; and places I’d never heard of, like Mount St. Macrina, a pilgrimage site in western Pennsylvania that’s home to an order of Byzantine sisters. 

A few of the Crowes’ podcasts have been about American saints-in-the-making, including Servant of God Julia Greeley, who, after entering the Church in 1880, tirelessly helped the people of Denver, Colorado, often at night so they wouldn’t be embarrassed about receiving charity from a black woman. Although she never married, her story is a beautiful reminder to married couples that holiness can be found in the small or unacknowledged things we do for each other

American Catholic History has been published weekly since June 2019. 

I hope that these podcast suggestions are helpful, whether you want to grow in your spiritual life, learn to see beauty in unlikely places, or learn more about the history of the Church in America. If you’re looking for more podcast ideas, Features Editor Mariah Maza has shared a list of her favorites as well. Happy listening!

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 11

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

From photographers and videographers who understand how to capture the most significant moments of your nuptial Mass, to coordinators who understand the needs of Catholic couples, artists whose jewelry, stationery, and prints become enduring keepsakes long after your wedding day, clinical and theological experts in the fields of fertility and relationships, and beyond, Spoken Bride Vendors view their work as a call and find deep joy in putting their talents at the service of the Lord.

What’s more, our vendors are truly engaging and fun. With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who they are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Featured Vendors for This Month (click to jump):

Fiat Photography
Caitlin Renn Photography
Chelsea Sliwa Photography
Simple Heart Photography

Fiat Photography

Indiana-based, serving surrounding states and the midwest; available for nationwide travel.

Even in her childhood, Claire Dezember loved taking photos. After graduating high school, she began working with wedding photographers and videographers and loved the experience.

Two years later, while serving as a missionary for Christ in the City, Claire engaged daily with the poor in Denver and worked in marketing for the mission--specifically, through photography. “I accumulated many portraits of the homeless that portrayed raw, real emotions, something I never witnessed before,” says Claire. “That is when I fell in love with portrait photography, especially photographing authenticity and emotion.” Fiat Photography launched in 2018, with Claire’s hope of “inspiring, encountering, and loving” every person she encounters.

Best places I’ve traveled: Boulder, Colorado and Charleston, South Carolina.

On my bucket list: Get married and have children (God willing), climb to the top of a fourteener (a 14,000+ ft high mountain), and travel around Europe.

What inspires your work? Fiat has had a very important meaning in my life for a while now, especially while I was a missionary in Colorado. I was always inspired by Mary and her "yes" to God's plan for her. She dropped everything to follow God. That is how I [try to live] my life, and following that calling has blessed me beyond measure (along with the hardships and struggles that come with saying yes). 

I knew I wanted to carry that mindset and love throughout my business. Therefore, Fiat Photography was created. I knew I wanted to photograph Catholic weddings because it was so close to my heart, but with my experience loving and caring for the homeless, I knew I wanted to open my arms to all couples. I want to be a light to everyone I encounter, and this business gives me the opportunity to do just that. I focus on authentic and real moments.

Caitlin Renn Photography

Serving Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, California, Oregon, and Washington.

As a new mother, Caitlin Renn began to view the passage of time in a new light, eager to absorb her son’s growing wonder and development. She took to photography to capture his growth, and felt the stirrings of a realization “that I would love to be a photographer.” 

She hesitated, though, “not because I thought [my husband] wouldn’t support me, but more because I wasn’t sure I supported me. Voicing that dream out loud made it real, and that was scary. The risk of failing seemed bigger than the reward of succeeding. But when I did tell him what was on my mind and heart, when I was able to be vulnerable and share my dreams, he was so incredibly excited for me. And his excitement encouraged me to share even more, and suddenly, my dream included him, too. His affirmation helped me find the courage to explore these talents that I believe God has given me.” Caitlin Renn Photography was founded in 2019.

I root for...the Seattle Sounders, and also love the U.S. Women’s Soccer team. I was so excited when they won the World Cup!

Favorite wedding day memory: My husband and I wanted to go to Confession right before our ceremony so we could enter marriage as purely as possible. Twenty minutes before our ceremony, I stood with our priest in this dark hallway between the church and the rectory, and he heard my confession. I have never felt such peace wash over me as I received that sacrament; it still leaves me in awe as I reflect on it. My husband and I also prayed together before the ceremony, just the two of us, without seeing each other. Receiving three sacraments in one day, and starting a marriage in prayer, was such a joy!

How does your Catholic faith inform your work? I recently listened to an Abiding Together podcast episode about what restored masculinity and restored femininity should look like. Ultimately, it touched on the importance of spiritual fatherhood and spiritual motherhood. Our priests and nuns are critical in the restoration of the Church. But fathers and mothers are critical in the restoration of families. 

Mother Teresa said that if we want to change the world, we need to go home and love our families. Ultimately, I want my work to reflect that restoration. I want my images to showcase the protective love a father has for his children; the wild and deep love he has for his wife. I want people to see my photos and know the love of God is alive and real and very present in the everyday. I want people to look at my photos and not see the wedding day, the fancy flat lays and invitation suites and the perfect white dress. I want them to see the beginning of a marriage. A marriage that will bring hope back to the world that too often only sees statistics of failed marriages. Ultimately, I want people to look at my images and see Christ: the way he loves, the way he gives, and the way he brings light in the darkness.

Chelsea Sliwa Photography

Based in Dallas; available for nationwide and international travel.

“My business began out of a desperate longing to experience truth, beauty and goodness --three things I think we all long to experience in our daily lives,” says Chelsea Sliwa. “Three things that I struggled to find in my corporate job, in a cubicle ruled by structured procedure, four monitors, and binary decisions. Three things that I found with the very first shutter release.”

Chelsea first pursued photography as a creative hobby offering a contrast to her corporate routine, and says it became “abundantly clear” almost immediately that she had heard and answered a call. She began taking engagement photos for friends, and established her business shortly after. Chelsea loves wedding photography for its beauty: “the way a couples eyes look in each other’s familiar gaze.” She loves it for its truth: “that our authentic relationships are what’s really worth cherishing in this life.”And she loves it for its goodness: “in God’s gentle way of showing us his love through one another.”

Ministry work I’m involved in: I volunteer with an organization called In My Shoes, which houses, cares for, teaches, and supports homeless pregnant women in Dallas. It is a wonderful ministry and I have had some incredible moments with moms whose strength inspires me. In the worst of scenarios, they choose to bring life into the world. It is a true honor to walk next to them. 

I take my coffee: with almond milk only, please!

Favorite books: A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken, Interior Freedom by Jacques Phillipe, Into Your Hands, Father by Wilfrid Stinissen, Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly, and The Reed of God by Caryll Houselander.

Simple Heart Photography

Serving Indiana & Ohio; available for nationwide travel.

A lifelong lover of weddings, Rachel Meier was drawn in the first time she viewed one photographer’s work, observing “the details and the emotions of the day in a way I had not seen before.” Simple Heart Photography offers expert help, intercession, and a commitment to turning pure emotion and experience into art.

Now, with years of experience and as a wife and mother of five, Rachel still loves capturing emotion and reverence on her clients’ wedding days. Rachel’s husband is her second shooter, and each time they hear a bride a groom say their vows, “it’s a balm to my soul,” she says.

Favorite Devotion: the Divine Mercy Chaplet. This prayer has gotten me through some hard situations.

The best part about working in weddings: I love capturing the emotions and sweet moments that happen throughout the day: the Mother of the Bride really looking at her daughter for the first time when she is all dressed’ the bride choking up when she says "I take you as my husband;" the bride and groom exchanging glances through the ceremony; the groom playing with the new ring on his finger; the first dance and the Father-Daughter dance, which often makes me cry!

Love means: Giving all. Sacrifice. Putting the needs of others in front of yours.

Ivana and Samuel | Classic, Colorful Quarantine Wedding

An intimate, joyful gathering despite COVID restrictions.

Ivana and Samuel met while salsa dancing. Their partnership on the dance floor led to a year of friendship before pursuing a romantic relationship. Their dating relationship, engagement, and wedding all started in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. There is no doubt that Christ has been with them through every step of their vocation.

Ivana prayed a 54-day Rosary novena prior to their engagement, asking for the Blessed Mother’s help to be holy, joyful, and pure in their relationship.

When it came time to consider how the global pandemic of COVID-19 would affect their original wedding plans, Ivana and Samuel were able to maintain their holy, joyful, and pure intentions for their wedding—and each other—as they made new arrangements for their wedding day.

“I felt that God had been preparing me throughout our engagement to surrender and trust, and this felt like the ultimate lesson.”

From the Bride:

Things turned out so differently that what we had imagined. We had our wedding date set for May 9th, 2020, but with the uncertainty of COVID-19 and the shelter-in-place restrictions when March rolled around, there was fear of not seeing each other for two months while we waited to say our vows.

Because we had already finished our wedding prep and felt that what we most wanted was to be together, we sought wisdom from our priest to ask if marrying us sooner would be a possibility. When he first replied that "yes," he would marry us as soon as we wanted as an emergency sacrament, we were immediately overwhelmed with joy and excitement—followed by disappointment and sadness at the thought of losing our heavily dreamed of, articulately planned wedding ceremony and reception complete with our dearly beloved family and friends surrounding us.

After giving it a night to think and pray over the decision, we woke up with a firm understanding that this was indeed the right decision: asking for God's blessing and grace to be united in the Sacrament of Matrimony immediately was what we truly desired. 

In a time when sacramental grace is scarce, we felt it was so deeply special to enter into the sacrament of marriage, both for us and for others. When God unites a man and woman in marriage, it is a grace for both the couple and for the world, a sign of God's love for his people, his dearly beloved.

We felt that by partaking in this sacrament of marriage, we would be doing something beyond us; we would be accepting a gift of God to the world. 

Although we did without many of the details that we had originally planned for our special day, we managed to find a last minute florist who arranged a bridal bouquet, bouquet for Our Lady, a couple of center pieces, and some boutonnières. We were also able to ask our caterer to prepare a much smaller meal in lieu of the down payment we had already given him. With one of my dear friends and Samuel's sisters, we were able to photograph, video, and even live stream our wedding to include family and friends who were able to safely join the celebration from their homes. 

The reception was an intimate reception at my parents' home, complete with speeches, toasts, and the first dances. It was truly a beautiful day that we will remember for the rest of our lives; a story to pass on to many generations to come.

I learned to surrender my ideal of what my perfect wedding would look like and let God be the author of our romance. During our engagement season, there were many elements I wanted to control and I felt that God was continuously asking me to let go and to trust Him.

When this huge change came about, at first I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and scream: "This isn't fair!" But then I learned to lean into it and accept our new reality. I may not have had the perfect party and celebration that I had always dreamed of, but we celebrated love that day in an intimate and beautiful way and now I am so grateful to spend every second with the man who continuously shows me God's love and affection every day.

Photography: Cecile Basnage + Elizabeth Ramirez (Friends of the Bride & Groom) | Dress: BHLDN | Dress alteration: Angelica’s Custom Tailors | Wedding Rings: Shane Company | Church: Our Lady of Mount Carmel Catholic Church | Flowers: Blooming Vase | Invitations: Matthew and Bianca Remlinger | Food: Ulisess Catering | Cake: Mazzetti’s Bakery | Guestbook: Miss Design Berry

Wedding Jewelry | How Your Engagement Ring Can Be a Means of Evangelization

JAY ROSS

Weddings are all about “the first:” The first time we plan a major event. The first photo shoot. The first time you buy  a high-quality cake and plan a large catering event. The first time you’re fit for high-end clothing--maybe the first time you’ve seen a tailor. The first time you buy serious jewelry. In a lot of ways, it can seem like we have to invent everything for the first time. 

It can seem like marriage itself has never been done before and that we are blazing the path to do it right--especially with the multitude of options out there.

Photography: Rachel Kathleen Photography, seen in Mychael + Adam | Rustic Midwest Basilica Wedding

As a jeweler, I see this with wedding rings and I bet you do, too. When you observe jewelry trends and friends’ and family members’ wedding rings, you can see that they look a lot different than they have in the past 50 years. A lot of these rings aren’t even what we would consider jewelry 20 years ago--rings made of nylon, wood, titanium--even antlers. 

With this redefinition of the wedding ring it’s hard to be able to predict what your spouse-to-be might love.

As you begin designing or shopping for a ring, consider that the materials can take on a spiritual significance and be a witness to a loving God. 

Saint John Paul the Great wrote this Instruction, titled Redemptionis Sacrementum, on liturgical norms: 

[117.] Sacred vessels for containing the Body and Blood of the Lord must be made in strict conformity with the norms of tradition and of the liturgical books...It is strictly required, however, that such materials be truly noble in the common estimation within a given region, so that honor will be given to the Lord by their use, and all risk of diminishing the doctrine of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharistic species in the eyes of the faithful will be avoided. Reprobated, therefore, is any practice of using for the celebration of Mass common vessels, or others lacking in quality, or devoid of all artistic merit or which are mere containers....” (emphasis added)

This passage is about chalices. But after reading it, I found it incredibly important to me to educate whoever I meet about this since I realized that it is my calling is to make sacred objects of another type,one that nearly all faithful will wear at some point in their lives--rings. 

My friend Carlos Sacasa, a Canon Lawyer and speaker on prayer and Catholic tradition, says  “[Chalices]...the inner lining that touches to host and the body and blood of Jesus Christ has to be gold.”

This was enlightening. I asked, “Why gold?”

“It is a precious metal.” 

Only precious metals are supposed to be touching the host; it is a sign of reverence. Usually in the most traditional chalices they are lined with gold. As with rings, it’s actually an ancient tradition going back to the very beginning.

In Genesis 24:34-58, Abraham wants to find a wife for his son, Isaac, so he sends his servant, who finds her through a sign from God. When the servant finds her, he gives her a gold ring as a symbol of the betrothal.

So what does it say when choosing rings made of gold? It is a sign of reverence. For those who choose it, the more gold content in the ring, the purer, and the higher the karat, which can mirror the purity of your love. It also reflects the history of our faith: Scripture contains plenty of references to the purity of gold, to refining, to the crucible in both the Old and New Testaments. (Gold, of course, goes back to Exodus and is mentioned even in the creation section of Genesis--Gen. 2:12)). Diamonds are not mentioned--that doesn’t mean you can’t include them, but if a Scripturally rich ring interests you, consider that investing in a higher karat gold can ultimately amount to a similar price point as diamonds would.

In addition to materials, give some thought to the process itself. At our company, my wife and I ask clients to share their intentions as we are melting the gold for their wedding rings; we are honored to bring to God in the melting of this metal and the creation of their rings.

Any jeweler should be able to keep a small part of the materials from your engagement ring to be incorporated into your wedding rings when you purchase those. The pieces will be melted together, all three pieces of the same whole. A beautiful representation of the trinity. 

Lastly, consider the symbolism of certain stones and faith elements in your rings. In my company’s own experience, we’ve created rings that represented the sacrament of marriage, in a way that told the unique love story of the couple who bought them: in Texas the anastasis of Jesus Christ was incorporated (we used carved lilies and crosses to represent death and resurrection of both Jesus Christ’s passion and the death and resurrection of marriage). In Chicago, we represented the trinity using Celtic knots--and a mission trip to Tanzania using Tanzanite. We’ve done Melkite imagery. Stem lilies for St. Joseph. Anchors of Stella Mar. The list goes on. 

Artistic merit is not only present in these pieces of sacramental jewelry--it is fittingly representative of a Catholic sacrament. Feel free to email me at jesse@thirtyonefour.com even if you’re not our customer; I can help with the process of budgeting for labor and materials with any jeweler.

What, then, do you think she’s going to do when people ask your bride about her ring? She is going to evangelize. She is going to bring them home to Jesus Christ.

Here, my tips for incorporating these elements of evangelization with any jeweler you work with. 

Photography: Rachel Kathleen Photography, seen in Mychael + Adam | Rustic Midwest Basilica Wedding

Ask your jeweler about custom designing a ring with elements of your faith.

When they cast this ring in gold (some jewelers are only resellers that won’t be able to do this, but it’s easy enough to find one who makes the jewelry there in the shop), ask them to pray for your intentions.

Choose a higher karat.

Additionally, if you want stones for a ring, we (or any jeweler in your town) can walk you through the process of spending at a low price point for a cubic zirconia to a bigger investment for a beautiful gemstone like sapphire, emerald, ruby, or a synthetic or genuine diamond. The point is to at least be cognizant of the purchase and not to put all the weight there on the stone, but to redistribute the spending so you can make a more meaningful statement not only to your fiancée, but ultimately to the world at large, using the language of jewelry.

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About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

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Spoken Bride is on Spotify

The song choices for a wedding and reception make a profound statement about spirituality, affection, and personality. Music, through both the melody and lyrics, communicates more than words can state. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Over the years, the team at Spoken Bride has shared a variety of blog posts about music, such as collection of love songs, music for the wedding ceremony, first dance suggestions, and advice from a Catholic DJ. 

Now, we are eager to support your wedding planning in new ways as you research, discern, and choose the music which will become the soundtrack to your wedding.

Through a collection of playlists on Spotify, we hope to support you, brides-to-be, as you visualize how you and your guests will experience your wedding day—from the first song of the processional to the last song at the reception, and everything in between. 

A wedding is a multi-sensory experience—much like a Catholic Mass. The vision of a bride in white captivates a crowd. The flavors of specially curated foods and desserts evoke lasting memories. The songs which accompany the movement of the bride and groom throughout the day heighten the emotional experience for all. 

Check out Spoken Bride’s collection of playlists on Spotify or search “Spoken Bride” on Spotify. 

Any songs you’d like to see on our playlists? Let us know your song requests in the comments or on Facebook or Instagram.

Katie + Jorge | Classy Ohio Winery Wedding

A joyful, music-filled celebration of of the Lord’s faithfulness

Katie and Jorge met when they were serving as missionaries at a LifeTeen summer camp and while they were both on a year-long dating fast. 

“I would get butterflies every time he walked in the room,” Katie says, “but I pushed all that aside and focused my heart on the ministry at hand and my Savior who was rapidly pursuing me.” 

A year later, after their fast had ended, the two reconnected. Jorge knew he wanted to marry Kate before they began dating, but there was a particular moment when he felt God solidify the call to this vocation. 

“After our first date, he was walking through the dark, dangerous streets of my NYC and felt like he heard the Lord clearly telling him that he would be the one to take care of me,” Katie says. 

Even though Jorge lived in South Carolina and Katie lived in New York City, the two officially began their relationship.

From the Bride:

While I was still in New York, we did 9 months of long distance, and it was not easy. We definitely felt like we were being called to another level of trust, walking through those beginning months of our relationship. 

We grew in trust in the other person, but most of all, we grew in trust in the Lord that He was the one leading our relationship. 

We both discerned our vocation differently, but we can both say that the Lord was the one directing our hearts and giving us confirmation after confirmation about our relationship. 

We constantly relied on Him and that was what got us through our dating relationship and it is still what keeps us going in our marriage. We feel as though we can't go wrong if He is walking right there next to us.

From the photographer:

Katie and Jorge’s joy permeated every moment of their day. The Lord brought this couple together and they spent the day praising Him for His faithfulness. 

When I arrived at Katie's house the morning of the wedding, there was praise and worship music being played. As I took pictures that morning, listening to the music as I arranged her dress and details, it made the whole morning prep for the wedding feel like a prayer. 

The theme for the day was family. You could really see and feel just how much Katie and Jorge's families loved them.

Their families gave so much of themselves to the couple, sharing their gifts and talents to make the day beautiful and memorable.

I learned that flowers on Katie’s veil, which her mother made for her, came from her First Holy Communion gown and she had a broach with their family’s crest on it attached to her bouquet.

Katie’s uncle sang and played most of the music during Mass, as well as Billy Joel’s “Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)” for the Father/Daughter dance. Her mother wrote a song and sang it to the newly married couple after communion and her sisters sang a beautiful hymn during the presentation of flowers to Mary.

However, my favorite part of the day was at the end of the maid of honor speech, which was one of the most heartfelt and sincere speeches I have ever heard. Moira, Katie’s sister, began to sing the song “You’ll Be In My Heart” and then each of her siblings joined in and they all sang it together. It was amazing!

Katie and Jorge's day was filled with so much joy. Their families truly lived out the verse "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad." 

Photography: Laura and Matthew Photography | Church: Holy Family Catholic Church in Steubenville, OH | Reception: Hidden Acres Lodge and Winery in Mingo Junction, OH | Hair and Makeup: Legal Hair & Day Spa | Bridesmaid dresses: Azazie | Groomsman: Gen Tux | Dress: Carrie’s Bridal Collection |  Cake: Clare Venditti- Bread Alone

Living in the Joy the Resurrection

CARISSA PLUTA

“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.”

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABIGAIL CONSOLI PHOTOGRAPHY

These words spoken by Pope Saint John Paul II stand as a reminder that even though Easter Sunday has passed, we as Catholics are called to live in the Resurrection of Christ throughout our lives. 

But what does it actually mean to be an “Easter people?” How can we embody this spirit of joy that permeates this liturgical season and practically make it part of our lives and marriages?

Participate in the Liturgy

First and foremost, the best way to enter into the joy of the resurrection is by attending mass with your spouse. When we participate in Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist, we celebrate and enter into the Paschal Mystery. 

I know we are currently in a season where the suspension of public Mass has been deemed a necessity but even when we aren’t faced with a global pandemic, attending daily Mass isn’t always possible for many couples. 

However, the Liturgy of the Hours, or the Divine Office, is an accessible form of prayer that extends the Liturgy of the Mass throughout the day and allows the Paschal Mystery to permeate our ordinary lives.

The Divine Office consists of five “hours”: the Office of Readings, Morning Prayer, Daytime Prayer, Evening Prayer, and Night Prayer. Consider adding one (or more) of these hours into your daily prayer routine with your spouse as a reminder of the mercy and faithfulness of the Lord. 

Keep the Sabbath Holy

Every Sunday, the Church celebrates the Feast of the Resurrection. The unique Easter celebration that we just celebrated is reflected in the sacred events of the Christian Sabbath. 

It’s a little Easter, so treat it as such! Pray in a unique way with your spouse. Enjoy a feast of good foods and treats. Take time to rest and enjoy quality time with your partner.

Every Sunday, my husband and I enjoy a delicious breakfast of baked Brie and toasted, homemade bread--foods we reserve solely for the Sabbath. Indulging in special foods helps us set the day apart from other days of the week, allowing us to enter more fully into the joy of the resurrection.  

Related: How to Plan and Enjoy the Sabbath as a Couple

Live as a Missionary Disciple

As Catholics, we share a universal call to “make disciples of all nations.” By virtue of our Baptism, we are all missionary disciples and we have a duty to live out that call through evangelization. 

If we know the Good News, if we truly believe that Jesus suffered, died, and rose again for our salvation, we should desire for others to know Him too. Our joy is meant to be shared. 

You don’t have to shout your faith on a street corner or become a full-time missionary to do this. 

Be intentional about investing in your friendships and community, invite others to join you in prayer, or share your testimony with a stranger. Witness to your faith with your life and with your marriage. 

Don’t be afraid to boldly live out your faith and proclaim it to others. 

Related: Evangelizing as a Family

Embrace sacrifice 

Living as an Easter people does not mean we pretend that life is all rainbows and butterflies. Our joy should not be a shallow one. 

We must recognize and even face darkness, sin, poverty, pain, and suffering, but live in the light of the Paschal Mystery. We must remember that Jesus conquered sin and death once and for all through his Passion. 

In order to fully rejoice in the Resurrection, we must learn to rejoice in the Cross. 

Find ways as individuals and as a couple to embrace the spirit of joyful sacrifice, specifically in your marriage. 

A friend of mine recently gifted me sacrifice beads that I can carry with me throughout my day to help me build up a habit of offering prayers and sacrifices for others, and particularly, for my husband and children. 

Embracing sacrifice daily helps ready our hearts to fully embrace and live out the joy of the resurrection.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Receiving the Lord's Invitation in Times of Waiting

KATRINA MORETTA

My fiancé and I started dating when I was thirteen and he was fourteen. No reasonable adult entertained the possibility that we would stay together through the tumult of high school and the jarring transition into post-secondary. 

Fast forward almost a decade and we stand at the threshold of marriage, armed with an almost unreasonable amount of dating experience and an extraordinary sense of calm and comfort for a twenty-two and twenty-three year old. As we transition into this new, albeit much shorter, period of waiting, I have begun to reflect more keenly on the place of waiting both in our relationship particularly and in the life of faith more generally.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Over the years, many people have commented how uncommon and antiquated a relationship like ours is. These mildly awkward conversations often end with the phrase “I don’t know how you do it, I could never date someone for that long.” I usually explain that, for whatever reason, the Lord wrote straight with the crooked lines of our relationship. 

We went to separate high schools and the same university, were both leaders in our youth groups and university chaplaincy, and both lived in Catholic houses a mere ten-minute walk from one another. Through the passage of many years and the transition from immature teannagers to young adults, we grew up together. The questions and comments have slowed now that we are getting married and the years of dating have culminated to something a bit more tangible. 

Waiting has been an incredible blessing for me and my fiance. The time we spend learning and growing together has formed in us a very resilient affection for one another and has given us opportunities to sacrifice, trust, pray, and hope together that we would not have had otherwise. 

The daily vocation of waiting provided us an opportunity to love and trust in the Lord and his plan for us, even when the course of our lives seemed murky and difficult. 

I feel a particular connection to our biblical sister, Hannah, in this time, who waits and longs for a child. When her prayers are manifest in Samuel, she presents the fruit of her faith and labour back to the Lord. I hope to keep this story close to my heart on my wedding day when I, too, present the fruit of these seasons of obedience and waiting to the Lord to be sanctified and transformed. 

There are many seasons of waiting in our journeys of faith, some extensive and some momentary. In this day and age, when time and information seems to move with incomprehensible speed and our hearts long for peace, the Lord asks us to stay still and wait. In some ways, the desire and expectation for every experience to be as efficient as it can be has eclipsed our life of faith. 

While many people can easily wait hours for new technology or a favorite celebrity, the virtue of patience is put to the test in a new way when we must wait for matters of the heart. Whether it is the pursuit of a vocation or, even more significant, the Lord of the Universe present in the Eucharist, our response is “I could never wait that long.” 

We are called to seasons of waiting, both the anticipated and the unexpected.

Sometimes they are a decade of dating or an extended engagement, sometimes they are an extra period of waiting to receive Jesus incarnate from hands ordained to hold Him. 

We cannot know what the Lord desires to teach or form in us in the precious moments, hours, days, months, or years. Nonetheless, we receive His invitation to sit and be with him a while; upon reaching the end of this season of waiting, we may call out to the Lord saying “Oh, my Lord! As your soul lives, my Lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you.”

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About the Author: Katrina Moretta is from Caledon, Ontario and went to Queens University in Kingston where she completed a bachelor's degree in English Language and Literature, is currently working on an education degree, and plans to begin her Masters of English Language and Literature in the fall. She and her fiance began their relationship on August 6th, 2011, got engaged on March 25th, 2019, and intend to be married on August 15th, 2020. Over her journey of faith, she has grown in love for Christ in the Eucharist and desires to express that love and devotion in any way she is able.

It's Okay to Grieve Changes to Your Wedding Plans

In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, many couples have had to surrender their ideal plans for their wedding day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JANISSE VALENZUELA PHOTOGRAPHY

Some have opted to move up the date and accommodate less guests, and others have had to postpone it until this season has passed. When it comes to making these changes, there is no right answer, and there certainly isn’t an easy one. 

Having to make decisions about how to move forward, contacting vendors to cancel or reschedule services, and reaching out to family and loved ones with the news is a gut-wrenching process for couples during a time that was meant to be joyful.

Know that it is okay (and even necessary) to grieve your ideal wedding day, so you move forward with more peace. 

Name your feelings

Sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety--there’s a wide range of emotions you might experience during this time. Acknowledging and affirming your feelings is the first step in the grieving process. 

Don’t try to ignore or downplay your feelings by saying that other people have it worse. Nor should you try to talk yourself out of feeling a certain way. None of your feelings are invalid or unreasonable. 

Despite the idea of there being five stages of the grief, the process is not linear. You may feel fine one minute and angry or upset the next. Give yourself some grace and allow yourself some time to experience the emotions as they come. 

Take them to prayer and be honest with God. Don’t try to put on a brave face when your heart hurts, He wants to hear exactly how you are feeling. He wants to love you in the midst of your pain as much as He wants to be with you during your moments of joy. 

Take care of your well-being

Wedding planning can already be a stressful time for a person, but throw in the added anxiety of changing plans and global pandemic and you’re heading for a burnout.

Make sure you get enough sleep, stay hydrated, exercise, get outside, and take a few deep breaths throughout the day. Maybe take some time to journal, paint, or enjoy a glass of wine with girlfriends on Facetime. Take part in activities that you enjoy and that fill you with life.

Making sure your needs are met will allow you to face the challenges from this time with more clarity and patience. 

Focus on what is in your control

The uncertainty that accompanies this strange season can be an overwhelming reality for most people. There is so much about this situation that lies outside of our control, and focusing too much on these things will only make it harder for you. 

Instead, focus your attention and energy on what you can control. 

If you are moving your wedding day up, talk to your fiance about how you can make the day special and meaningful, no matter how different it will look from your initial plans. 

If you are having to postpone your wedding, find ways for you and your future spouse can make this extra time in anticipation and preparation fruitful and enjoyable. 

Reach out to friends

When grieving, it is easy for people to isolate themselves from friends and loved ones and during this time of social distancing, this is even easier to do. 

Reach out to your fiance, your bridesmaids, or even other brides going through a similar experience. Share your feelings and the challenges you are facing, as well as your moments of joy and gratitude.  

Allow others to pray for you and accompany you as you navigate this crazy time.

Embrace Hope

Of course, this step might be easier said than done. 

Your day may not look the way you envisioned it, or you may have to wait several months for it to come but your marriage (and your wedding day) has not been forgotten by God. 

The Lord has called you to this vocation and the graces He intends to pour out on you and your future spouse on this day are real. Whenever your wedding will take place, He will be there. 

This sacrament that you are, or will be, entering into will make the Church and the world richer and far more lovely, especially in this time of uncertainty and sorrow. Do not lose hope.

Vendors Share | Words of Encouragement for Uncertain Times

As both couples and wedding industry professionals navigate this season of discernment, sacrifice, and adjusting expectations during the COVID-19 pandemic, we asked our vendors to share one thing they’d like to share with Catholic brides and grooms right now.

We hope that, like us, you’ll find support, encouragement, and peace in their tips. Here, encouragement from Spoken Bride vendors as you navigate wedding planning in the coming months.

Photography: Mackenzie Baird Photography, c/o Saving the Date

Don't let it rob you of your peace, joy and love. Look for silver linings, they are there! - Allison Girone, G Photography and Films | @gphotographyandfilms

Remember that there is more than one way to handle a wedding affected by COVID.

A lot of it depends on your wedding vendors and their contracts, so before trying to tackle any decisions reach out to all of them and find out their policies for this situation. - Maria, Fenix Photography, Design, & Events | @fenixpde

Your love is not limited to a date. You will get married and it will be the best date. In the end it is about the sacrament and your spouse. - Savanna Faulkner, Saving the Date | @savingthedateevents

Find one bible verse that brings you hope and peace and every time a thought of uncertainty or fear comes to mind (or you have to make a hard decision regarding your upcoming wedding day), say that verse aloud! - Juliana Tomlinson, Juliana Tomlinson Photography | @julianatomlinsonphotography

I have a Catholic friend who got married a month earlier due to the coronavirus and thought her story was very beautiful. [There are still] so many bits of grace and consolation for brides. - Janisse Valenzuela, Janisse Valenzuela Photography | @janissevalenzuelaphoto

Michelle + Eric | “Love in the Time of Corona”

Simplicity and intention for an intimate Colorado celebration during the COVID-19 pandemic.

At exactly 1:00 AM on the Feast of the Epiphany, God woke Eric up.

“It’s not unusual for me to wake up briefly in the middle of the night,” he says. But usually he could fall right back to sleep. “This night was different.” After some time tossing and turning, Eric typed Catholic Match into his phone. 

Years earlier, he’d made the decision to quit online dating, yet he followed the prompting of the heart he was experiencing, and made a profile. Michelle appeared in his results, and he says, “I knew right then and there that she was the girl I was there to see.” A shooting star, seen as he was taking out the trash, caught Eric’s attention several days later.

Like for the Magi at Epiphany, the star brought the conviction that everything was about to change.

Michelle and Eric began dating soon after, and were engaged on the sandstone cliffs of Lory State Park in Fort Collins, Colorado. Michelle’s engagement ring, crafted by a Catholic jeweler, features the cross on one side, representing the sacrifice, suffering, and faith of married life, and the Tree of Life on the other, signifying growth, joy, and family.

They made plans, and then the COVID-19 pandemic began. Through prayer, Michelle and Eric decided to move up their wedding date and hold a small, intimate ceremony and reception.

From the Couple:

Once it was clear [most of our guests] wouldn't be coming--whether because of personal choice, the government's choice, or the Church's choice--we had no reason to wait! We were pumped to push our wedding up.

Planning a wedding in four days is the most incredible excuse not to sweat the small stuff and go into it for the right reasons. We were there to marry each other. In front of God. If everything else went up in smoke, that was fine. 

We were fully expecting all kinds of blunders. It was about the sacrament. And thanks to our amazing wedding planner, Emma Dolan, the only hiccups we had were getting a few lines out of order during the prayers of the faithful and a Facebook live stream that wasn't oriented properly.

It was a wedding like no other--on a Sunday in Lent, no less--and we feel incredibly blessed. We're so grateful to all the friends who made big sacrifices to help pull it together. It couldn't have felt more Catholic: if we’d already been living together or chosen not to have a sacramental wedding, the sense of urgency and gravity would’ve probably felt very different. 

We still plan on having a Mass with a special blessing and a reception at some point in the future. Our hearts go out to our vendors, in particular, and we don't want to abandon them.

For other couples holding “pandemic weddings,” these tips helped us:

Enjoy every moment.

Don't let pride get in the way! Ask for help when pivoting. Especially in these times, your few friends and family who can attend will be honored to lend a hand.

Keep a steward mentality and remember that God doesn't owe us anything, especially a big, picturesque ceremony and reception. He's already given you your future spouse's love! The rest can't compare.

Live streaming is awesome. We had tons of people tune in, including many whom we couldn't initially invites. Make sure to put your phone in landscape mode with Facebook Live!

Never panic. Never! There's never a good excuse. Healthy concern is fine, but fear is the root of all sin and is always from Satan. It also robs us of our reasoning at the moments we need it most.

We're not sure it's even possible to have a wedding with all the current restrictions, but as soon as the shelter in place orders are lifted and it's clear that hospitals are no longer overrun, we suggest going for it if it can be done safely.

Nothing is certain, but we can do our homework, pray, and do our best. Make it about the sacrament. You don't need to wait for a large audience.

From the Photographer:

I got a text from Eric that said, "So, what are you doing in four days? It looks like we are going to have to bump up the wedding."

I have always been told that my grandparents did things simply. They gathered for a simple wedding at their church, came back to the house, had cake and punch, and told good stories with their closest friends. Their priority was investing in their home and future, rather than throwing an extravagant party.

I have always wondered what it would be like to be a part of such a gathering. Little did I know that this global pandemic would afford me the ability. 

The mood of the day was hopeful even amidst great uncertainty in the world. There was a resounding joy that seemed to elevate every moment. 

Sure, they just had to effectively reduce a 200+ person wedding to just immediate family and a few good friends. 

Sure, they had their church and venue cancel on them and tell them there was nothing they could do. 

Sure, some of their closest friends could not make it.

But they had Christ and each other. And that was enough.

I always tell my couples I like to capture the day with their grandchildren in mind. Well, I'd wager that Michelle and Eric’s grandchildren will have more than a few stories to tell about this day. 

That's the good stuff.

Photography: Joshua Paul Photography | Church: Saint John XXIII Catholic Church · Fort Collins, Colorado | Wedding Reception Venue : Private residence | Dress: Unknown | Suit: Pre-Owned | Bridesmaids Dresses: Pre-owned or borrowed | Florals: Hobby Lobby & Palmer Flowers | Cake: Donated by local cake shop - @downrightsweettreats | DJ - Grooms Cell Phone, Spotify & A Google Home Max | Catering - Local Mexican Restaurant - Cafe Mex

The Sophia Series | Sylvia

SYLVIA BASS

We invite our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

"There is definitely a heart defect and we see a lot of soft markers for Down syndrome," said the perinatologist, moving the ultrasound wand across my pregnant belly. 

She went on to ask disdainfully how old I was and why I hadn't done the first trimester screening for genetic abnormalities. "You don't have much time to make a decision now!" she exclaimed. 

I met my future husband, Scott, in a tiny dingy dorm room while we were both freshmen at the University of Georgia. He was a country boy and a Southern Baptist; I was a city girl and a Cuban American Catholic. We went dancing at a "club" (it was more of a bar) with our friends in downtown Athens, Georgia shortly thereafter and this boy stole my heart. He kissed me, he got my number, and he called to ask me out the very next day. 

We dated for six long years. Neither of us were particularly devoted to our respective religions, and we made many mistakes. We grew up together, and with that came a lot of growing pains. But we felt inexorably drawn to each other no matter what. 

We both decided to attend law school. Scott took a gap year and pursued his degree at a school an hour and a half away from me, but we continued to date each other despite the distance. We were engaged during my second year of law school (his first), and married that summer. Fortunately, I was able to attend Scott’s school my final year yet receive a law degree from my original school. 

As newlyweds, we decided to use natural family planning; not out of any religious fervor, but because I was opposed to putting a bunch of chemicals or devices in my body. Our first unexpected pregnancy came a few months after getting married. We miscarried that child. Our second unexpected pregnancy came a year after that. That time, I was pregnant with twins. To my sorrow, we miscarried the twins as well. In my grief, I turned to the Church—particularly, Our Lady—for consolation. 

I found myself becoming more and more entranced with Church teachings on love and marriage and more and more devout in my faith.

We got pregnant (on purpose this time) with my eldest child, Ruth, and I quit work to stay at home with her. Then we had five more accidental pregnancies in quick succession resulting in six children about a year apart from each other. My husband became Catholic right after baby number six arrived. 

But the story I began with takes place during my pregnancy with Baby Number Five. We had the 20 week scan and found out we were having our fifth girl, when my doctor came in with that stunning announcement, “...soft markers for Down Syndrome.” Worst nightmare for a pregnant woman, right? 

In the chaos that was reigning in my mind, I impulsively turned to my husband, who was standing right next to me, holding my hand. I had no idea how he would react. 

"We are not making any 'decisions,' we are going forward with the pregnancy," he said quietly. The doctor was stunned. "You are so courageous!" she stammered to him. "No," he responded, "I am her father." And in that moment, I felt overwhelming peace. Because come what may, I had this man by my side, doing the right thing, no matter how difficult. 

It is not the fairytale bliss that makes a marriage. Rather, the times when you must weather a storm together truly make you fall in love with each other all over again. 

Iron sharpens iron, and as your mettle is tested, you can experience anew the wonder of the person you married; not because of a stupid reason like, "wow, he is really sexy when he dances!" (cough, Sylvia), but because of something worthwhile and praiseworthy, like, "wow, he is really heroic in how he defends and protects me and our children in the times when we are most vulnerable!"

Baby Number 5 was born shortly after Christmas, a little more than three years ago. We named her after the Blessed Mother. She withstood open heart surgery at four months old like a boss, and my husband never left her side. She is now a boisterous and busy little three-year-old. She does indeed have Down syndrome, but so far she hasn't let that slow her down. 

Every day, she runs to my husband when he gets home from work, gleefully shouts, "Daddy!," wraps her arms around his legs, and he hugs her right back.  I see the love in his eyes and I remember that, if you let them, trials can bring you closer together than you ever thought possible.

In the same way, trials in life can bring you closer to Jesus when you unite them to his suffering on the cross. The trials we endure throughout our lives, when suffered with hope and faith, bring us evermore closer to Love itself. 

Sylvia’s three pieces of advice for brides:

1. Don’t assume that he knows what is bothering you. He doesn’t. Just tell him. 

2. Read Fulton Sheen’s “Three to Get Married” right now. It is life changing. 

3. In the grand scheme of things, the wedding is just a day. Living out the sacrament for the rest of your life is the important part.

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About the Author: Sylvia Bass is a former attorney turned stay at home mom to her six children: five little girls and one baby boy. One of those little girls is rocking Down syndrome. Sylvia and her husband Scott have been making NFP look bad since 2011.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Surviving Social Distancing as a Married Couple

The world has been thrust into a season of uncertainty as we deal with the fallout of a global pandemic. 

Navigating these changes like social distancing measures put in place to help slow the spread of the disease isn’t easy. 

Here are some pieces from our archives that we hope will help and encourage you and your spouse during this challenging time.

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRUTH AND BEAUTY PHOTOGRAPHY

Health + Self-Care

Establishing a bedtime routine with your spouse | Professional Resources to Support Your Marriage | Hobby Ideas for Couples | 4 Secular Novels Featuring Insights into Authentic Love + Catholic Marriage | Fun Reads Featuring Strong Marriages | The Bookish Catholic Bride’s Guide to Good Podcasts | Increase the Quality in Quality Time | The Power of Childlike Play in Marriage

Prayer

How to Plan and Enjoy A Sabbath as a Couple | Establishing a Prayer Routine | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home | Creative Ways to Pray for Your Spouse | What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? | Modeling the Catholic Home in the Monastic Style| How and Why to Consider Bringing an Examen Prayer into Your Relationship | When Sacrifice Feels Like Too Much

Communication

The Art of the Apology | Actively Listening to Your Spouse | Tips for Forgiving Your Spouse | How to Talk About Your Spouse | The Habit of Affirmation |The Learning Curve of Communication + The Learning Curve of Prayer |What are the Non-Negotiables in your Relationship? | How to Connect with Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy| Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy | How to Avoid Fights About Money | Avoiding the “Four Horsemen” in Marriage | Cultivating the Spirit of Newlyweds Across Time

Encouragement

God’s Ways Are Not Our Ways: Encouragement to Endure| Do You Suffer Well Together? | You Are More Than Your Imperfections | Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness Into Newlywed Life| Becoming the Sacrament | Finding Heaven in a One Bedroom Apartment

From Our Brides: Marian Wedding Elements

Happy Solemnity of the Annunciation from all of us at Spoken Bride. If you’re unable to attend Mass today amid the coronavirus pandemic, know that we’re sharing your thirst for the sacraments and are uniting ourselves in prayer to all of the faithful.

Photography: Tara McGovern , seen in Melissa + AJ | Romantic Marian Wedding

Even--and perhaps especially--in these weeks of fear and uncertainty, Our Lady remains a steady comfort and protector. Truly a loving mother. In your moments of anxiety and discernment over future plans, rest in the knowledge that she rejoices in hearing her children’s prayers and bringing them to the feet of her son.

Saint Maximilian Kolbe wrote, “You are hers: let yourself be led by the Immaculate.” On this feast wherein Mary embodies all the receptivity, maternity, sensitivity, and generosity of the feminine genius in her yes to bearing Christ to the world, entrust yourself, your beloved, and your vocation to her.

Here, a look at Our Lady’s intercession in our brides’ stories, along with unique ways of honoring her on your wedding day and beyond.

Weddings

Melissa and AJ’s romantic Miami wedding and decision to make and periodically renew a Marian consecration | Renae and Steven’s journey of growth, engagement on the 100th anniversary of Our Lady’s appearance at Fatima, and their February wedding described as “a match made by Mary” | Abby and Zack’s elegant celebration at Mount St. Mary’s University, with Marian hymns chosen for their Nuptial Mass

Our Lady of Good Counsel’s role in Rosanna and Matthew’s prayer lives and California wedding | Jenna and Michael’s Italian family-style wedding and their story of new beginnings and milestones on Our Lady’s feast days | Julie and Rudy’s elegant blush wedding and a love story that began in Fatima

Chelsy and Ben’s wedding on today’s feast day, celebrated among the Washington, D.C. cherry blossoms | Our Lady of Perpetual Help’s role in Erin and Andrew’s love story

Engagements

Alexandra and Aidan’s proposal and candlelit offerings at Our Lady’s feet | Jenna and Paul’s Philadelphia engagement, where Paul proposed in a grotto devoted to Our Lady of Lourdes | Brooke and Tim’s engagement at the Catholic University of America, the year that Good Friday and the Solemnity of the Annunciation took place on the same day

Devotions and traditions

4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet | Not sure where to start with Marian devotion? A testimony of how she can bring your relationship to life, meeting you where you are. | Suggestions for honoring Our Lady during your ceremony, with your wedding party, and with your spouse 

To You, Our Community, in This Time of Uncertainty.

It’s hard to know what to say as the state of our physical, social, and emotional wellbeing seemingly changes by the day amidst the coronavirus pandemic.

Photography: Pillar & Pearl

In this desert, it’s normal, and alright, to feel heavy-hearted: concern for loved ones, especially the vulnerable and those working in essential industries. Anxiety over sickness and suffering. Social loneliness. Cancellation of Masses and the sacraments. The delay and uncertainty of long-anticipated milestones, including weddings.

From all of us at Spoken Bride to you, our community of readers, we see you.

We feel the pain and helplessness of your engagement and wedding looking different than you imagined; at the prospect of few to no guests in attendance; of delaying your wedding date or honeymoon; at confusion over deposits made and vendors booked. Our team members and vendor community hold you in prayer, wishing so deeply that we could offer concrete support along with the spiritual.

The answers to these wedding-related challenges might not be easily determined in the coming months. Yet through it all, the certainty of the Father’s love is as relentless and unchanging as ever. 

As we adjust to a new normal of social distancing and self-quarantine--a literal turn toward the interior--we’re here alongside you in striving to embrace this time as an invitation; a new depth of spiritual interiority and trust in God’s unceasingly merciful care.

We’re also here for you, in solidarity and practical assistance. Together we’ll navigate the challenges of decision-making and the practicals of adjusting your expectations and wedding plans, sharing insights from our team members and vendors here on Spoken Bride’s blog and on our social media.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions and to tell us your stories during this season of unrest. We want to hear how you and your beloved are entering into social distance, whether you’re together or apart, who we can pray for, and what changes your wedding plans have undergone. 

As we learn to move forward, life feels a little in a state of suspension. The edge of the dawn; during Lent, no less. Join us in praying the Sisters of Life’s Litany of Trust, knowing we are his beloved and that surrender brings peace.

Answering Common Questions from Non-Catholic Wedding Guests

Getting married in the Catholic Church can be an invitation for non-practicing or non-Catholic friends and family to encounter the faith. The experience of entering a Catholic church—whether for the first time or for the first time in a long time—can bring a range of emotions and questions. 

As the ministers of the sacrament of marriage, the bride and groom are not only responsible for exchanging vows with each other, but are also serving their guests as leaders and teachers. Here, we share some of the most common questions non-Catholic wedding guests may ask—or wonder—and suggested responses for each.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

Why is a Catholic wedding so long? 

A regular Catholic Mass typically lasts about one hour. The first half, called the Liturgy of the Word, includes introductory prayers, readings from Scripture, and a reflection from the priest. The second half, called the Liturgy of the Eucharist, includes the celebration and sharing of the Body of Christ with the addition of prayers and songs. 

When a Catholic wedding seems to last a long time it is because the exchange of vows and rings occurs within the regular liturgy. Therefore, you can expect the regular hour-long Mass plus the wedding ceremony. 

Catholic Weddings do not have to include the full Mass. So when they do, it was an important choice the bride and groom made when planning their wedding. 

What should I expect from the Mass? And what’s with all the movement up-and-down?

In general, the priest is the leader of the Mass. The congregation follows his words and actions for cues on what to say, when to say it, and how to move. However, other people support the Mass by reading and serving in different ways. 

You can expect that Mass will start with sitting or standing and listening to readings from the Bible. In the middle, the bride and groom will share their vows and rings with each other. Then the Mass continues with communion, or the Eucharist; this part involves more standing and kneeling and responding in prayer. 

How do I know what to do and should I follow it? Are there any rules I need to know about?

There are a few ways you can follow along with the Mass. First, you can observe the people around you and follow their lead. (Truly, no one will notice if you are a second behind the crowd.) Second, you can look for “The Order of the Mass” in one of the song books in your pew to follow a written outline. Third, if the bride and groom have prepared a program, you can use the program as a guide. 

As a non-Catholic, you are invited (and encouraged!) to participate in the sitting, standing, kneeling, singing, and praying portions of the Mass—as much as you are comfortable. After all, you have been invited to this wedding to be a part of the community of witnesses to pray for and celebrate the bride and groom. Regardless of your spirituality or religious beliefs, there is a joy to be shared as the two become one, through love, in marriage. 

When it comes time for communion, there are special considerations for non-Catholics. Continue reading the next question for more. 

What is communion? Can I take communion? What should I do during communion? 

Catholics believe that the simple bread and wine presented on the altar during a Mass become the living, real presence of Jesus--his body, blood, soul, and divinity. To receive communion is to receive the body of Christ. 

If you practice a different faith, do not share this belief, or have not been spiritually prepared through catechesis to receive the Eucharist, you are invited to remain present in the Mass without receiving communion. 

As the congregation processes to the front of the church during communion, you can choose to receive a blessing--by walking forward with your arms crossed on your chest so each hand rests on the opposite shoulder--or to remain at your seat. Either way, this is a time for reflection, solitude, and recollection.

PHotography: Alex Krall Photography

How can I support the couple during the ceremony if I'm from a different faith or am not religious?

Prayer can be defined as a longing of the heart. While you are present at a Catholic Mass to support a couple you know and love, give your heart space to long, to desire, for their eternal happiness, faithful love and total commitment to each other. This couple has invited you to be a part of their special day to not only celebrate the beginning of their married lives, but to also celebrate the history of their lives that led them to this day. 

Being present at a wedding ceremony is about a reciprocity of love—offering love for the new couple and receiving their love for your role in their life. Differences in faith or spirituality do not take away from this meaningful sharing of the heart. 

Are there guidelines about what to wear?

Imagine how you might prepare if you had the chance to meet the Queen of England. As you stand face-to-face with her regal throne and dress, you would likely present yourself with a certain level of prestige, reverence, and modesty. 

The same thinking is appropriate in preparation for a Catholic wedding. During the Mass, Catholics celebrate coming face-to-face with the King of Kings, Jesus Christ, who is fully present in the Eucharist. Maintaining a sense of prestige, reverence, and modesty in respect for the beliefs of the Catholic faith is a safe policy when choosing what to wear at a Catholic wedding. 

For more common questions and answers about a Catholic Wedding, check out a post from our archives: 4 Scripts for Explaining Catholic Wedding Traditions to Friends + Family.

Alex + Elijah | Southern Springtime Wedding

A story of saintly intercession and a Louisiana celebration with soft shades and Southern traditions.

Neither Alex nor Elijah remembers their exact first meeting, except that it was through mutual friends in their college campus ministry. Two years later, they became close friends during the summer their jobs kept them in town, bonding over camping, hiking, musicals, racquetball, and their shared faith.

That fall, they planned to watch a musical together, as friends. But Elijah decided their casual hangout should be a date, instead.

He planned on asking Alex to dinner before the musical, and headed to her apartment--except Alex had been in the library, working on an engineering project for hours. By the time Alex arrived home around 3 in the morning, Elijah was there with her roommates. He asked, and she agreed, but later canceled because of her exhaustion the following day. “Thankfully,” says Alex, “he was willing to give it another go!”

The following months were filled with discernment and decision-making for the future as Elijah completed his undergraduate degree and Alex applied to grad programs, hoping they could remain living in the same city. As the possibility of a long-distance relationship became more real, they prayed St. Josemaria Escriva’s Novena for Work--not once, but twice, the Lord provided them the opportunity to work and study near one another, with Alex beginning one of the best programs in the country and Elijah accepting a job offer. They got engaged at the Shrine of St. Francis of Cabrini in Golden, Colorado, near Elijah’s hometown of Denver.

From the Bride: 

Needless to say, St. Josemaria is a big patron saint of our relationship. In order to celebrate this, we included a card in our wedding invitations inviting our guests to pray his Novena for a Happy and Faithful Marriage in the nine days leading up to our wedding. This was so special for us. We got many excited texts from family and friends letting us know they were praying along with us; this was especially meaningful for those who wouldn't be able to physically attend the wedding to still join us spiritually. 

We also have many St. Francis's in our lives: we met at St. Francis of Assisi, attended St. Francis of Xavier while living in Birmingham, got engaged at the Shrine of St. Francis of Cabrini, and St. Frances de Sales has some great writings that have helped us through difficult times. So every night during our prayer time together, there is a litany of Francises whose intercession we ask for.

Our wedding Mass was celebrated by the priest from our college parish, who so willingly drove 5 hours to be with us. The church was in my hometown, and is the church where my parents were married, as well. Apparently it has the second longest aisle in Louisiana, but I can't believe how fast the moment of walking down felt! 

Our family was involved both in the ceremony and the reception. Each of our godmothers brought the gifts to the altar, my cousins and uncle formed a quartet for the hymns, we presented roses our Holy Mother and to each of our earthly mothers, a cousin did our flower arrangements, another cousin made our cakes, and yet another cousin took care of the reception hall.

We did not see one another before the ceremony, but we did meet around a wall to pray the final day of our novena together. Unfortunately, I could not hear a word Elijah said, because the church bells decided to pick that moment to chime for a solid eleven minutes! I couldn’t help but laugh when they just kept going! Additionally, a very noisy train decided to enter town right at the moment when we said our vows.

As noisy as they may have been, these peals and commotions could not disquiet the peace of the day as we were finally joined as one.

After the ceremony, we had a traditional New Orleans second line-- a brass band parade led by the bride and groom and wedding party to the reception.

The day was wonderful and went by so incredibly fast. My favorite part was just being able to talk with Elijah about how each of our mornings went, to reflect on how much love we felt from all of our family and friends, and how much grace we had to look forward to in the sacrament.

I went through quite a time of spiritual attacks, desolation, and anxiety in the second half of our engagement. I have often struggled similarly around times of change or of life-altering decision making because I worry so much about making the "right" decision out of a true desire to answer God's call. 

Discerning and ultimately choosing the vocation of marriage stretched my faith in the Lord in ways it had not been tested before—looking into the unknown future of possible suffering and sacrifices. 

I had to trust that the Lord would not desert us and would continue to provide in those times of trial. I know that as two imperfect humans, we simply do not have what it takes on our own. 

Throughout our engagement, I really learned that the Lord wants to be invited into each and every moment, the mountains and the valleys. We don’t have to have it figured out before we bring it to him--in fact, we can’t! It seems to me that there can't be a single "right" decision. It is truly about asking for his grace to see what is the right decision, right now in each and every moment of our marriage and lives going forward.

Photography: Grace Photography LLC | Church: St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church (affectionately called the Cathedral on the Bayou) in Plaquemine, LA | Reception: Main Hall in Plaquemine, LA | Flowers: Sloane's Florals, Antiques, and Fine Gifts | Hair and Makeup: A Pristine Beauty | Bridesmaid dresses: BHLDN | Groomsman: Black Tux | Videography: Willo Films | Dress: Bella's Bridal and Formal Birmingham

How to Talk About Your Spouse

CARISSA PLUTA

When sharing your heart through conversation, especially with other married women, you may find yourself wanting to share the challenges and difficulties you face in your marriage and in your role as a wife with them.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

However, there is a fine line between talking about your husband and gossiping about him. 

How you talk about your spouse and your marriage is important, not only for him but for you. Scripture reminds us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”

Gossiping or complaining do just as much (if not more) harm to the speaker than to the person being spoken about. It can foster feelings of resentment and bitterness that will only grow over time, to the detriment of your relationship. 

When seeking wisdom and understanding from other women striving for holiness in a similar way make you speak about your husband in a way that breathes life into your marriage. 

Communicate first with your spouse

Your husband should always be the first person you speak to, especially if the problem you are struggling with deals directly with him or something he did/said. 

While your husband may not be able to understand your feminine heart the same way a girlfriend can, it is good for your relationship for you to share your thoughts and feelings with him. 

Not only does it deepen your emotional intimacy, it also allows you to talk about problems (or potential problems) in your relationship before they worsen. 

Related: The Learning Curve of Married Communication + the Learning Curve of Prayer

Choose your confidants wisely

Choose who you talk about your husband and your marriage wisely, especially when dealing with sensitive or difficult topics. 

Don’t speak negatively about your spouse to family members, especially your children. Even your parents might not be the best choice for sharing these personal issues with. This could cause a loss of respect or tension in their relationship with your husband. 

Confide to friends of the marriage, or people who know and love your spouse and want your marriage to succeed. 

Speak with charity and prudence

How would your spouse feel if he heard you speak about him in this way? Or, how would you feel if your spouse spoke about you in the same way?

Remember, talking to a trust friend about your husband and your marriage is not an invitation to vent. Rather it is an opportunity to grow as a wife and be encouraged in pursuing holiness in this life God has called you to. 

Speak fairly and with consideration to the fact that each story has two sides. Paint a full picture of the situation. Focus more on how you felt, what you said or did instead of focusing on what your husband did (or didn’t do).

You also don’t have to divulge every little detail of the scenario for someone else to understand what you are saying or how you are feeling. Use prudence when deciding on what you want to tell another person.

Your marriage is sacred, and it deserves for its mystery and dignity to be upheld. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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