6 Tips for Planning a Wedding Novena

KIKI HAYDEN

You know you’re Catholic when you say a novena for (almost) every occasion. If you never have before, it’s not too late to start!

Photography: Noteworthy Expressions

A novena is a prayer said over nine days, usually for a specific intention. Spending nine days in prayer is an intimate way to invite the Lord into your daily life, whether in thanksgiving or petition. Novenas can be prayed in anticipation of favorite feast days, birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and--of course--weddings. A wedding novena is a beautiful way to unite in prayer with your future spouse, your friends, and your family as you prepare to enter your vocation.

Here, a step by step process for creating a personal wedding novena.

Decide when to pray your novena.

Novena prayers are a powerful way to enter into preparation for your vocation. You can pray a novena early on, just after engagement or betrothal. Developing a habit of prayer early in your engagement keeps Jesus at the front of your mind amidst the overwhelm of wedding planning.

As other options, consider a novena in the nine days leading to your wedding, or beginning on your wedding day and lasting through your first nine days of marriage—a honeymoon novena—to establish a practice of daily prayer in your new life with your beloved.

Don’t limit yourself! My husband and I invited our friends and family to pray two novenas alongside us: one at the beginning of our betrothal, and another leading up to our wedding day. And we privately say a novena for the days leading up to each anniversary. The Lord is so generous and loves hearing our prayers.

Make a list of intentions.

This sets the tone for your novena. You might identify one intention for each day, or you could come up with a list of a few important intentions to pray throughout the nine days. Fitting intentions for your wedding might include commitment to God and one another. 

You can also include personal prayers based on your passions, hobbies, and love languages. Additionally, practical prayers, such as prayers for health for you and your family or for peace in your home, can foster trust in the Lord to provide for your needs as a couple. 

Keep your petitions open to God’s will. And of course, give thanks for the community who is praying with you!

Write a litany of saints.

Invite the angels and saints to join your novena by including a small litany. To personalize your novena, consider including your patron saints and those whose feast days fall on or near your wedding date. 

I also recommend invoking the intercession of saintly couples whose vocation inspires your own, such as Louis and Zelie Martin, or Aquila and Priscilla, as well as any personal devotions to Jesus, Mary, and favorite saints.

If anyone in your family or support network has passed away, you may want to include them in the novena litany too, as a way of intentionally inviting them into your wedding.

If you can’t decide, you can always ask “all the angels and saints” to pray for you. 

Decide who to pray with.

After identifying your time frame, intentions, and litany of the saints, decide which living friends and family members you’d like to join in your novena. Ask yourselves if you’d prefer your novena to be a private prayer for just the two of you, a group prayer with your wedding party, or a prayer open to all your guests through your wedding website and invitations. 

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance as to whose prayers you need the most. If you do invite your guests to pray with you, consider saying the final prayer day at your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.

Consider the religious backgrounds of your prayer warriors.

There are ways to express your Catholic faith that include your non-Catholic guests. If you are inviting Christians who are not Catholic, consider making the litany of saints optional, with an instruction like, “If you feel comfortable asking for prayers from the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), please pray this litany.” 

For those of other faiths, offer the option to pray to God the Father instead of to the Trinity. And for guests who aren’t religious, encourage them to think of intentions as “good thoughts” or “wishes” rather than prayers. These modifications invite non-Catholic guests into your wedding preparation and allow anyone who wishes to participate in the novena prayer. 

The Lord listens to everyone. Our non-Catholic guests expressed gratitude for being included in my husband’s and my novenas, and we really appreciated their support! No matter each guest’s background,  the Lord answered the petitions in abundance.

Pray it forward

After you’ve had the experience of writing your own beautiful and personal wedding novena, consider sharing this gift with other couples.

When friends get married, my husband and I say a novena for them using this process. I usually send a text each day telling the couple  the intention or saint of the day for their novena. 

For my non-Catholic friends, I modify the novena to meet them wherever they are in their spiritual journey (I send them nine days of “wishes/prayers”). Your friends will appreciate your support, and the Lord loves to spend time with you as you earnestly share the desires of your heart for your friends. Novena prayers are a powerful expression of love for your friends and family, your spouse, and Jesus.

---

About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. She writes about how God has changed her life through speech therapy at Speaking With Kiki.

BLOG | INSTAGRAM

Gina + Michael | Easter Octave Lace and Florals

Joyful, romantic simplicity in the Kansas springtime.

Gina and Michael first met in what they consider the unlikeliest of places: a country dancing bar in Kansas City. Both were attending with a Catholic young adult group, and quickly hit it off. At the end of the night, Michael walked Gina outside.

“I got into my car,” she says, “and I was overwhelmed with a deep sense of peace and clarity that I had just met my future husband.”

They quickly started dating, regularly attending Mass and Adoration together and striving for a relationship grounded in prayer. “What really struck me about Michael,” Gina says, “was how virtuous he is. It didn’t take long before we were both confident that God was calling us to marry. Something we both noticed in our discernment was a peace rooted deeply in prayer. I had heard many times before that peace follows God’s will, which was absolutely true for us.”

Michael proposed on the Feast of the Nativity of Mary, in the Adoration chapel of Gina’s parish,  after a day spent in significant-to-them places all over Kansas City. It was the same church where they were married, 13 months after their first meeting and during the Octave of Easter.

From the Bride:

Since our wedding took place in the octave of Easter, we wanted it to radiate the joy of Christ. Being in the Easter season, we selected a passage from Revelation 19 for our first reading. “. . . Blessed are those who have been called to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” We wanted to allude to the fact that while we are overjoyed to celebrate our marriage here on earth, our ultimate purpose is to be with God in heaven. We hope and pray that we will one day be in heaven in the eternal marriage supper of the Lamb, the union of the Christ and his Church. 

This is not the ultimate wedding feast we were created for. Our marriage is meant to point us to something greater: heaven.

We hoped to uphold the reverence and the beauty of the liturgy during our wedding Mass, and tried to put as much effort into planning the liturgy as we put into planning the reception.  A talented group of friends formed a beautiful choir, for instance, and the ushers set up kneelers during communion so the congregation had the option to receive the Eucharist on their knees. 

After receiving the Eucharist, kneeling next to my husband, I thought: I could freeze this moment and it would be a taste of what heaven must be like.

One very special part of our wedding was my twin sister’s involvement in it. She is a Religious Sister of Mercy, and it has been so special to see our vocations unfold alongside each other. She was a reader at the wedding Mass and gave a toast at the reception.

Her toast left the entire room in tears as she revealed that Michael and I met only a few days after she completed a 54-day Rosary novena for my vocation. She then unveiled the wedding gift from her religious community: a beautifully framed Papal Blessing from the Vatican! It was a special moment I will cherish for the rest of my life.

After getting engaged, Michael and I decided to pick a patron saint of our relationship who could be our guideposts on our own journey to heaven. After praying about it independently, we both felt called to embrace Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin as our patrons, primarily because the story of how we met almost felt like a modern-day retelling of their story. We ask for their intercession in our nightly prayers as a couple, and gave Louis and Zelie prayer cards as wedding favors.

People always told me my wedding day would go by so fast. I made a conscious effort to be truly present and soak up every bit of that joyful day. I felt no stress or worry on the wedding day, and I feel like I remember every moment. It was a grace for sure!

Side by side gazing at Christ: this is the vocation of marriage.

Photography: Meredith Hiller Photography | Church: Cure of Ars Catholic Church, Leawood, Kansas | Wedding Reception Venue : Deer Creek Golf Club, Overland Park, Kansas | Rings: James Allen | Flowers: Cathy’s Flowers  | Invitations: Vista Print | Bride & Bridesmaids Dress: David's Bridal | Jewelry: Stella & Tide | Cake: My Price Chopper | Hair: Hair by Tamara Lee | Makeup: Emily Cairney | DJ: DJ Connection | Groomsmen’s ties: Tie Mart

Setting Priorities Straight: A Responsibility of Marriage

STEPHANIE FRIES

Through the sacrament of marriage, each spouse is empowered with grace and commissioned to love beyond comfort.  

Husbands and wives not only receive the gift of marriage, but also the responsibility of marriage. A responsibility to uphold your spouse, and your marriage, as the top priority in your life.  

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY

In so many facets of our lives, we are pressured to believe that everything should be ‘the most important thing.’ In the workforce, we work long hours and bring work home—literally or emotionally. In the social setting, we overcommit our schedule and strive to keep up with the latest trends. Even at church, we can be pulled in many directions. 

A vocation to marriage helps us simplify our priorities by defining the most important things: God, spouse, children, and everything else. In that order.  

We are filled by the love of God in order to pour love into the lives of others. I’ve heard of an image of an overflowing glass to help visualize this truth. 

Imagine yourself as an empty glass. You receive the love of God which fills you to the brim. But God’s love, mercy and grace is infinite; so as you continue to receive the love of God beyond your fill, the overflowing contents spill from your capacity to others’ lives. Through our vocation, we are called to pour into our spouses first—and always. 

The beautiful and serious thing about this responsibility is that no one can do it for you and no one can do it as well as you. 

God has journeyed alongside you into this vocation. From the single years, through dating and engagement, and beyond the exchange of vows, he has been by your side. When a heart is receptive to his grace, God provides the strength and wisdom to make sacrifices for love. 

Satan is attacking marriages and families; Saint John Paul II says, “as the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” We are berated by the devil’s temptation to choose anything over God and family, because the conditions of our world mirror the conditions in our families.  

Because the threat of temptation is so real, the call to prioritize your marriage is even more important. You are called to love God, love yourself, and love your spouse in good times and in bad. You have vowed to say “yes” to love in sickness and in health. You are empowered to be the best version of yourself and bring out the best of your spouse all the days of your lives. 

Choosing your spouse and making them a priority is oftentimes a sacrifice. And choosing your spouse each day is a gift, an act of faith and love. 

---

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

How to Use Personality Inventories in Your Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

When my husband and I were engaged we both accidentally found ourselves at a Myers-Briggs personality assessment class hosted by Career Services on our campus.

We both were required to attend for different reasons, and were surprised when we walked out of the class with a better understanding of our future spouse. 

Assessments like the MBTI, the Four Temperments, and the Five Love Languages are used to give people insights into their personalities and to help foster self-reflection.

While it’s true that these assessments such cannot paint a full picture of an individual (nor do I think they should be used to define compatibility), they can provide useful information that can help you better understand yourself and your spouse. 

Related: The Limits of Pre-Marital Inventories

Highlight Strengths (and weaknesses)

Individuals can use personality assessments to gain a better understanding about who they are as a person and can help individuals recognize their strengths and weaknesses and gain insight into how that may affect their relationship with their fiancé or husband.

For example, according to the four temperaments, I am a Melancholic. This means while I am a thoughtful, reflective person, I also may have a difficult time with offering forgiveness to people who have hurt me. Learning about my temperament has made me more aware of my problem-areas and have personally helped me better deal with them. 

Again, tests like this can be affected by a person’s upbringing and lifestyle, so it is not an all-encompassing glimpse into an individual; however, it can increase self-awareness which is important for a successful marriage. 

Foster Understanding

Ben and I learned that our Myers-Briggs types were similar in many ways but we noticed many of our miscommunications and arguments stemmed from our differences. 

Learning about how the other processes emotions, and how they perceive and interact with the world around them allowed us to “step into the other’s shoes.” It gave us a better awareness about how they might view and react to a situation, and in doing so, helped us approach them with more understanding and compassion. 

 Understanding the differences in the individuals’ personalities can help alleviate animosity and criticism within a marriage. 

Keeping these differences in mind when approaching a difficult situation can help couples navigate challenges with more patience and empathy. 

Grow in Love

Personality assessments can also help give you a more clear idea of what would make your spouse feel the most seen and loved, and can give you the tools you need to love them well. 

For example, knowing your spouse’s love languages can help you to show affection in that specific way more often. Or perhaps you might choose to intentionally nurture a structured home environment knowing that your husband thrives in order. 

Personality assessments can ultimately give you a deeper appreciation for the uniqueness of each person, including your spouse and your children and can ultimately help you see this uniqueness as a gift from God. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Shelby + Allan | Candlelight and Greenery Wedding

A journey of discernment and Divine Mercy, and a celebration invoking the purity and natural beauty of the Garden.

Shelby and Allan first met at their parish during Shelby’s middle school years, bonding over a shared love of board games, Boy Meets World, and their Catholic faith. Game nights often stretched into long conversations, and their friendship progressed to a dating relationship.

While on a group pilgrimage to Krakow, Poland for World Youth Day, Allan heard the Lord prompting him to consider the priesthood. When he and Shelby arrived home, he ended their relationship to discern his vocation. 

“In the time spent apart,” says Shelby, “we were both given the space to bring wounds to Jesus and ask for healing. We consider this time apart the most fruitful period in our relationship though it was accompanied by great trial and sacrifice. Through prayer and discernment, we ultimately heard the Lord call us towards the vocation of marriage. We were further convicted that entering into this vocation together would both sanctify us and fill us with great joy.”

Allan proposed on the weekend of Divine Mercy Sunday after reading Shelby a poem he’d written on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary. As they drove home, overwhelmed with joy, Allan said he needed to drop something off at their home parish--the one where they’d met years before. In the church were their family and friends, singing “Lord Prepare Me.” Alongside their loved ones, Shelby and Allan knelt before the tabernacle to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and celebrated with a potluck dinner. 

From the Bride:

As Christ’s love with his church is a gift extended to all, Allan and I also hope that our marital love will not only be a gift to each other but to the whole world. 

There was a special sweetness in so many of our friends and family participating in the liturgical and wedding traditions of the day. The cantor of our wedding liturgy was our dear friend Erika, whose voice lifts all people up to heaven. Our celebrant, Fr. Raymond Cook, was a priest who accompanied us on our pilgrimage to Poland. Another dear friend graciously served as our DJ and emcee, and our spiritual mentees Kaitlyn and Kevin served as our lectors. Our cakes were baked by our favorite local baker--and close friend--Marissa. 

Our wedding theme was garden-inspired, full of greenery to symbolize the original unity of Adam and Eve with God in the Garden of Eden.

Our friend Madeline Hill of Full of Grace Designs graciously brought this vision to life with dozens of eucalyptus bunches, golden votive candles, and hints of dark wood in the décor and centerpieces. The greenery and wood, combined with the golden candlelight, created the most beautiful reception space. The surroundings recalled how in the garden, light from the Lord poured out on the world’s first union of man and woman. 

Our wedding attire was focused on details. My engagement ring was custom-made with blue and red side stones representing our devotion to the Divine Mercy, 55 small diamond stones to represent the beads on a Rosary, and an image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. My wedding band is thin and covered in diamonds, with Mary’s Most Immaculate Heart engraved on the side. 

My bridesmaids’ bouquets featured a handmade rosary with a particular saint pendant chosen for each woman’s personality and devotions. My bridal bouquet was wrapped with a silver rosary from Italy, gifted to me by our friend and lector Kaitlyn.

My wedding dress was beautifully crafted, covered in floral lace that fit with our garden theme and made me like I was entering into something new, beautiful, and abundant. 

As we consecrated our marriage to Divine Mercy, we hoped to invite others into the Lord’s great mercy. Prior to the nuptial Mass, the lectors led our guests in a Divine Mercy Chaplet. I also made Divine Mercy prayer cards that were available to guests at the reception. 

Deepening the prayerful tone of the day was a journal Allan gave to me: a collection of letters he had written every day as he journeyed through Exodus 90. This journal, plus the most radiant beauty my bridesmaids emitted, and the appearance of my spiritual director during college, Sister Celestina of the Apostles of the Interior Life, led to many tears throughout the day

Our Liturgy was celebrated at St. John Vianney Catholic Church in Houston, Texas. We chose this church as it is stunning, grandiose, filled with natural light, and has a beautiful surrounding campus. It truly invites others into the glory and magnificence of the Lord. 

Our reception began with our first dance to the song “Bones” by Penny & Sparrow. The song speaks of the growing love of a man and woman and has been special to us for several years. 

While I wanted a garden-inspired cake, Allan wanted St. Michael’s image to be the featured on his. St. Michael is Allan’s confirmation saint, and we also have a fun story we like to tell about him: Allan once gifted Chance the Rapper a St. Michael prayer card and he has now referenced the prayer card in three of his songs, as well as on Instagram. This was a tidbit we added to the “Fun Fact” napkins we had printed!

Along with the napkins we desired to reveal our individual and shared loves in other wedding details. At the reception, Allan changed into a barong, a traditional Filipino garment, and we served lumpia (Filipino eggrolls) as appetizers to celebrate his heritage. Our wedding favors were simple bags of hand-filled, local Texas coffee to represent our great dependence on caffeine! I also hand-lettered acrylic signs of our favorite quotes from Scripture and the saints. 

The idea of a guest book became a very important detail to us. This was the space where those we love most deeply would sign their names as witnesses to our marriage and companions along our journey. Mirroring Jesus’ first miracle the Wedding at Cana, we had guests sign burgundy strips of paper and drop them into “stone” jars. A sign explained how wine is a symbol of new life and expressed our excitement to share this new life with our beloved guests. 

The reception included a group of men tossing Allan up in the air, flipping guests, and the Aggie War Hymn. The night ended with us dancing in the middle of our guests to “Sunday Candy,” a favorite of ours and our friends, and running out to a petal toss to continue with our garden theme. Allan and I left in his own car and passed by Whataburger before journeying to our new apartment together, where Allan had lit Christmas lights lit and hung a “Welcome Home” sign.

Reflecting on our wedding day, we marvel and rejoice in the great providence of the Lord. He wove our paths together, provided us the grace to journey together in the dry and joyful seasons, and most generously gave us the most loving community to share this day with. 

The words community of love repeated in my head throughout the day. We pray that our marriage extends the same gifts we have received from our friends and family as they have shown us great hospitality, generosity, and pure love. As in the garden, we pray that the seeds sown in our hearts on our wedding day continue to bear fruit, and that everyday we strive to mirror Christ's love for his bride.

Photography: Kristin Manson Photography | Church: St. John Vianney Catholic Church (Houston, Texas) | Reception: Bridal Oaks (Cypress, Texas) | Groom's Ring: Chasing Victory Wooden Rings | Bride's Ring: Custom Made with Robson's Jewelers | Flowers: HEB Blooms Design Studio | Invitations & Signs: Handmade by the Bride | Bride's Dress & Veil: Ventura's Bridal Fashions  | Jewelry: BHLDN | Bridesmaids Attire: Tulle & Chantilly / Shawls from Etsy | Cake Baker - Marissa Martir  | Hairstylist & Makeup: Bespoken Beauty | Music: Cantor Erika Erwin (friend and cantor at Church of marriage) | Decorating: Madeline Hill (Full of Grace) 

Concerned About the Material Aspects of Wedding Planning? No Matter Your Budget, Invest in Beauty.

MARIETTE RINTOUL

Cultural and generational differences can yield surprising comments about wedding plans, particularly with regard to the size of your budget: What people spend on weddings these days is ridiculous! We spent far less than today’s couples and we've been happily married for years!

It’s enough to make any bride feel materialistic, indulgent, and wasteful indeed if she spends more than the bare minimum on her special day. But is beauty ever a waste?

Photography: Belinda Jean Photography

It's true that the wedding industry wants us to spend the most money possible. You can easily feel pressured to spend a literal fortune on your wedding. 

However, it isn't fair to hold today's bride to the actual dollar amount of her mother or grandmother.

Older women who spent conservatively on their weddings forty years ago will often say it was a still-lovely day with a white dress, flowers for herself and attendants, a cake and punch reception, and time shared with friends and family.

To make a similarly simple wedding happen on that budget today would be incredibly difficult. Our dollar simply doesn’t stretch as far as it did decades ago

But there’s another concern beneath comments about materialism and spending. Even if it isn't the speaker’s intent, these comments can chip away at the dignity and importance of the sacrament.

Marriage is so great and special a union that Christ performed his first miracle at of one.

Christ didn't say, "They've already had some wine; and after all, it's just one day." Instead, he was generous to the bride and groom at Cana, pouring out abundance at so great and important a celebration as their marriage.

Shouldn't we too find great dignity in this day; two people taking on the serious and beautiful endeavor of this holy sacrament?

I'm not talking about plunging into debt or spending beyond your means. Your wedding budget should be comfortable for you and any contributing family members.

Consider that the day you become one with another and pledge yourself to him before God and man is a day worth making as special as is prudently possible.

We don't find it a waste when a seminarian dons special new vestments on ordination day as he becomes a priest; newly transformed with the power to change bread and wine into Christ’s sacred body and blood.

We don't throw babies into dollar store onesies on their baptism days and consider something nicer a wasteful expense as they become children of God and heirs of heaven.

Therefore, a bride who desires to honor her entrance into marriage shouldn’t be held to a different standard.

Our society tends to favor the functional or profitable, seeing most anything else as superfluous. But a beautiful wedding celebration (no matter what your budget) has value and purpose of its own.

Flowers presented to Our Lady and Saint Joseph with petitions to be a holy spouse, a choir singing gorgeous music which can only lift the mind and heart to God, fine garments worn by the bride and groom, special food and drink shared by our dearest families and friends...these elements can’t be invested in a bank or made useful to the world. Yet we can gain so much from what is good for the souls.

Related: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

No amount of money--large or small--can make a happy marriage. Happiness, instead, comes from holy spouses showing up every day, giving everything they have and loving one another completely with all of the sacrifices the sacrament asks of them. 

However, in recognizing the great graces that come from this sacrament, how pleasing it is to God for two to seriously enter into it, and how beautiful the sanctifying aspects of marriage are. It only makes sense that making the day you pledge yourself to your beloved as beautiful as is prudently possible is a fitting way to honor the gift of marriage.

---

About the Author: Mariette Rintoul is a wife and mother, married to her best friend, Ethan. She passionately pursues health and holiness in her domestic church—a small 2 bedroom home in Eastern Nebraska. When she's not reading books to little people or cooking from scratch, she can be found blogging about the Catholic Faith, marriage, parenting, non-toxic living, and more at The Natural Catholic Mom...and probably starting another load of laundry.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Infinite Depths: What Sex Teaches Us About the Human Person

CARISSA PLUTA

Magazines, books, movies, and other forms of media pressure young couples to “test drive” their sexual compatibility long before they start looking for a ring.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBY CONSOLI

Our culture has taught us to think of sex as something that should be effortless from the start.  

However, if you’re married, I’d be willing to bet your wedding night did not go as smoothly as Hollywood led you to believe (I know mine was filled with a few hiccups and a lot of laughs). 

Newly wed couples need time and patience to learn how their bodies respond to one another, but those initial challenges can leave newly married couples questioning if (and when) they will have it “all figured out.” 

However, sex is not a puzzle to figure out, or a game that you can win. It is something constantly growing and evolving as a husband and wife grow as a couple. 

It takes a lot of communication and intentionality, not just at the beginning of a marriage but throughout it. 

You will go through seasons where it seems like coming together as husband and wife is effortless, but there will be other times where you will need to reevaluate what is working and what isn’t.

As your bodies change over time, your needs and desires will change too. For instance, the marital union will most likely look different before having children, than it does during the pregnancy and postpartum seasons. 

In the same way that our bodies, especially their participation in the marital act, can reveal deep truths about the nature of Love Himself, this aspect of sexual unity reveals the vastness of our God and the depth of His creations.

We can never get bored in heaven because we worship an infinite God. As much as we can learn and know about God through the scriptures and writings of theologians and saints, there will always be more to learn, more to contemplate.

We will spend eternity uncovering the intricacies and mystery of our Heavenly Lover. 

And our Earthly Lover reflects his Creator in this way.

Humans are beautifully complex creatures, and it takes time to even begin scratching the surface of who they are and what they contain. 

We will spend our marriage, unearthing the depths of our spouse, learning how to enter more fully into union with him. 

We will learn how to make ourselves a more complete gift and how to more fully receive the other.

We will see the infinite ways that our marriage bed can make incarnate a heavenly reality. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Are You Currently Abstaining in Your NFP Journey? 3 Scriptural Encouragements to Do So with Purpose.

The ideas in this post have been used with permission, from a talk given at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Ellicott City, Maryland and inspired by Fulton Sheen's talk on the tensions of the celibate life. Citations from the talk are indicated in italics.

In every vocation, God desires an intimate, personal communion with each of us; a depth of love that mirrors that between Christ the bridegroom and the Church, his bride. For men and women called to marriage, this outpouring of nuptial love takes on a literal and physical reality.

Physical, emotional, and spiritual expressions of sexuality are a great gift of married life. And yet, what about times when spouses are called to abstain from sexual intimacy?

Photography: Kathleen Straub Photography

Times of abstinence are built into every relationship throughout various seasons, due to engagement, discernment to avoid pregnancy, illness, or travel. It’s every couple’s prerogative to see these times as purposeful, rather than simply inconvenient or burdensome.

When abstinence is “treated only as a burdensome sacrifice, it isn’t really achieving anything.” Instead, couples are invited to dedicate their periods of abstinence to a particular spiritual purpose.

How? Sacred Scripture can point us to a deeper sense of purpose in married intimacy.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen identified three instances in the Old Testament wherein the Lord “gave a command of ‘temporary celibacy’” that are relevant to the married vocation. Rather than directives, they are ordered toward encouraging and positive purposes.

Abstinence in preparation to encounter the Lord

Chapter 19 of Exodus chronicles “The Great Theophany,” or appearance of the Lord to his people. God instructs Moses to tell his people, “on the third day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people...Set limits for the people all around...Moses came down from the mountain to the people and had them sanctify themselves, and they washed their garments. He said to the people, “Be ready for the third day. Do not approach a woman.”

Abstinence, in this instance, is ordered toward preparation of the heart to meet with the Lord. In your times of abstinence, you might pray that God clear your heart and mind of any idols and distractions, and turn your gaze to him.

Abstinence as preparation for battle

First Samuel tells of David and his men readying for battle in wartime, stating to a priest that they have been “consecrated” for the task at hand--that is, they have been abstinent. They have given themselves over not to license, but “to the Lord and his purposes.”

Even when you and your beloved aren’t preparing for battle in a literal sense, spiritual warfare is real; consider offering phases of abstinence for peace and communion to triumph over unrest and division in your relationships with each other and with the Lord.

Related: What does chastity look like in marriage? | Developing a healthy attitude towards chastity

Abstinence as freedom to serve

Sheen identified Old Testament priests (all of whom, in their culture, were married) who abstained from sexual intimacy when they served their turn in the Temple, or on occasions of dedication of the Temple. Abstinence was intended to free them to “serve the Lord more wholeheartedly.”

In the same way, those called to marriage are called to say “no” to certain things--physical, emotional, and romantic closeness with someone other than their spouse; sex at times not appropriate to their season in life--so they can say “yes” to their spouse and to something greater: a holy union that welcomes the Lord’s will. 

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

When we embrace it, rather than “white-knuckle it,” sacrifice is transformative. It purifies, strengthens, and redeems. If you and your beloved are currently in a season calling you to abstain from sexual intimacy, these Old Testament purposes can bring significance and fruits to this time. 

Consider, then, offering each “stretch of abstinence...for a particular spiritual purpose.” Draw strength from one another and from the one who is the source of love itself.

"Your Father, Who Sees What is Hidden" | A Collection of Lenten Reflections for Catholic Couples

As we enter the desert of the Lenten season, Christ walks alongside us in hunger and thirst. With us he cries out to the Father, and no movement of the heart goes unseen or unheard. Matthew’s Gospel for Ash Wednesday reads, “...when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.”

In the hidden and the silence, we are known. The Lord sees the most intimate parts of who we are, calling us into deeper communion. What is he whispering to you? What is he asking?

Rosary + Photography: Our Lady’s Armory

Here, to enrich your journey, a collection of Lenten posts from our archives.

Prayer, fasting, + almsgiving

15 ideas for you and your beloved to pray, fast, and give alms | The fruits of making sacrifices as a couple, plus a download for an intentional Lent | The books that transformed one bride’s prayer life

The pain, and fruits, of purification

Change is good. It’s okay that it’s also hard. | “Simply knowing and believing that the man I married is trying his best, and holding myself accountable to do the same, has freed me from tendencies to blame and wallow.” Consider giving up self pity, especially in a season of new parenthood. | “Remember you vowed “until death do us part.” Remember that part of the sacramental vocation of marriage is to prepare your beloved for a saintly death. You are called to help each other to Heaven.”

Liturgical living

Holy Week traditions you can start during engagement and newlywed life | Our Business Director Andi Compton’s favorite way to visibly live out the season in your home | 4 Ways to Embrace Hospitality During Lent

The tension of anticipation and fulfillment

Are you engaged during this Lenten season of waiting? Four habits you can start now to prepare for married intimacy. | Ways to view preparation for marriage through the lens of these holy 40 days

Real couples’ stories

Caty and Ryan’s proposal along the Way of the Cross | Brooke and Tim’s Good Friday engagement | How Emily and John fell in love over 40 days in their campus chapel | Bianca and Vitor’s Holy Week pilgrimage to Rome and Paris engagement | How one of Jaclyn’s Lenten promises led her and Tony to each other 

We humbly ask your prayers for us, as we pray for you, during this sacred time. It is our joy to pray for you and hear from you; don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions, by DM or at hello@spokenbride.com.

Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 10

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

From photographers and videographers who understand how to capture the most significant moments of your nuptial Mass, to coordinators who understand the needs of Catholic couples, artists whose jewelry, stationery, and prints become enduring keepsakes long after your wedding day, clinical and theological experts in the fields of fertility and relationships, and beyond, Spoken Bride Vendors view their work as a call and find deep joy in putting their talents at the service of the Lord.

What’s more, our vendors are truly engaging and fun. With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who they are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month:

Designs by Jessina
Fine & Fun Cookie Co.
Abbey Rez Photography
Bebeati Catholic Jewelry

---

Designs by Jessina

Bismark, North Dakota and surrounding areas

Jessina Kary began taking photographs as a hobby. Over time, her skills, experiences and desire to make financial contributions for her growing family inspired a business venture. Designs by Jessina is a way to support couples and to empower marriage throughout the challenges of daily life.

“When I started my photography business, I realized I wanted to do more than just show up for a photo session. I want to cultivate a sense of hospitality and friendship with everyone I work with. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. I want to live the Gospel for the people I encounter simply by my example and by being someone others can talk to. I don’t want to just photograph weddings. I want to see marriages succeed.”

My coffee order: Cream and brown sugar

Love means: Putting yourself last. Apologizing first. Forgiving quickly. Letting go of the small things.

My favorite thing about working on weddings: I would say the wedding day itself. It's busy, but everyone is happy, excited! I enjoy being able to make sure the couple gets a few moments alone for their first look shots, and for the photos of just the two of them - it's most likely the only time they will have alone the entire day - not counting the photographer ;) I also enjoy getting to know the members of the wedding party, the family, and the light banter that goes on throughout the day.

Learn more about Designs by Jessina

Fine & Fun Cookie Co.

Sweets delivered throughout the contiguous continental United States

Diane Able has decades of experience as a wife and mother, homemaker and baker. Through the years, a Christmas cookie-baking tradition transformed into a hobby and, now, a professional endeavor. Through Fine and Fun Cookie Co, Diane strives to bring joy to others through her creative cookies. But at the core of her sweet passion is a love for family. 

“My family inspires my work. My husband has supported us in the same job for over 40  years. Because I stayed at home, finances have always been tight. Now that he wants to think about retirement, I want to really make a go of my business so that when he does retire, we can work together.”

Love means: Making things work. Being generous. Trying to be as unconditional as possible. Accepting faults. Saying you're sorry and meaning it if you're at fault. Biting your tongue when you really want to lash out. Being a good listener. Giving your best as often as you think of it.

My favorite books and movies: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and all books by Jane Austin.

My favorite memory of my wedding day: The moment we took our vows. It was such a spiritual and emotional moment. I loved the confidence in my husband's voice when he spoke his vows before God and me and our friends and family.

Learn more about Fine & Fun Cookie Co.

Abbey Rez Photography

Southern California and available for travel

Abbey Reznicek thought she had discerned a vocation to religious life. But her spiritual director encouraged her to pursue film school and the trajectory of her life quickly changed. While at film school, she met her husband. They collaborated on film projects, laughed together, got engaged, planned their own wedding and got married. Now, Abby and her husband use their shared passion for storytelling to tell the love stories of the couples they serve.

“In a culture where traditional marriage and the family is under attack, I feel called to inspire others in their marriage, keeping Christ as the center of their life both on their wedding day and every day after.”

My favorite saints: St. Joseph, St. Therese of Lisieux, and Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati!

St. Joseph was key in my discernment and ultimately helped bring me to my vocation! I like to consider St. Therese my business partner, as we have dedicated the business to her - in an industry where over-the-top expense is encouraged, I think she is a great role model for every bride because of her simplicity, pleasing Christ being her only desire. Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati become a patron of our marriage. Verso L'Alto has become our family motto and we named our son Pier Giorgio (Gio for short).

My favorite food: Pizza all the way! I married a Chicago man and we take this very seriously.

Three things on my bucket list: Impact and encourage marriages through our photography business. Travel to Turin where Bl. Pier Giorgio lived and hike one of his mountains. Turn my little patio garden into a home solarium one day.

Learn more about Abbey Rez Photography

BEBEATI Catholic Jewelry

Serves clients nationwide

Siggy Everts has been creating jewelry since she was a child. With tools from her father’s iron workshop and an eye for sparkly trinkets, she would make something beautiful out of found materials. She continued making jewelry for many years; it wasn’t until her reversion to the Catholic faith when BEBEATI began. Siggy’s passions for creating beauty and pursuing intimacy with Christ faith meld together through this full-time work. 

“My Catholic faith is the center of my life. Since my reversion, the business was reoriented to creating Catholic jewelry. I have always made jewelry for brides… [now] I can provide an opportunity for brides to purchase their bridal gifts and jewelry from a Catholic source.”

Favorite place I’ve traveled: This is a difficult one. I've been fortunate to have traveled to some beautiful places. I would say, La Salette, France.

The inspiration for my work comes from: God and everything that He created; beaches , landscapes, sky, flowers—anything inspires me and the jewelry I craft. My Catholic faith is the ultimate source of my business and the center of my life.

Languages spoken: English, Portuguese, and Spanish

Learn more about BEBEATI Catholic Jewelry

Lenten Hospitality Ideas for Couples

CARISSA PLUTA

The upcoming liturgical season of Lent invites the faithful to pursue holiness with a greater intention.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS PHOTOGRAPHY

The Church suggests committing to acts of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving and within those areas, there are many ways you and your spouse can intentionally enter into this season together. 

If you and your spouse are looking for a unique way to observe the Lenten Season, you might consider cultivating the virtue of hospitality in your homes in a special way over the next forty days. 

Share a meatless meal

Sharing a meal with another person is one of the more obvious ways to practice hospitality. However, with fasting and abstinence in the mix, sharing a meal during Lent may seem like fruitless endeavor. 

True hospitality doesn’t require an extravagant meal, and even the simplest dish can make others feel loved and honored. 

Invite some friends to join you for pizza, fish, soup, or another simple meatless dish on a Friday. 

Start a Lenten Book Study

Prayer is a necessary part of a fruitful Lent and many people opt to include some spiritual reading into their daily routine. 

If you want to dive into a spiritual book during this Lenten season, consider starting a Lenten Book Study. 

You and your spouse can invite some friends or other members from the parish to join you in reading and discussing the book. You might even consider opening your home to host the meetings to give the others a cozy space to learn and grow. 

There are several books that would make good reads specifically for couples during this Lenten season.

Related: More recommended reading for couples

Get to know your parish’s catchehumans

Your parish may have several new people (and families) who are preparing to enter the Church at this year’s Easter Vigil. 

Catchehumans might not know too many other parishioners other than the people they see at RCIA and this can make it difficult for them to feel like they are truly a part of the parish community. 

Make a point to introduce yourselves and to make them feel welcomed in the Church. Invite them out for coffee or over to your home for that meatless meal. You may even want to invite other parishioners to join you so they can also get acquainted with these soon-to-be Catholics. 

Give up your phone

Phones can make practicing true hospitality very difficult. Notifications from text messages and social media often prevent us from giving others our full attention. 

Obviously, we can’t just give up our phones for all forty days but consider sacrificing your phone when you are spending time with other people, including your spouse. 

Keep it in your bag or pocket when you’re grabbing coffee, or keep it in another room during dinner. Rid yourselves of distractions and allow yourselves to be fully present with the people you are with.

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

How Lent Can Deepen Your Marriage Preparation

MELISSA BUTZ

During our season of engagement, my fiance and I have spoken a lot about “dying to self” and what it looks like to put the other’s needs above our own. This idea ties in perfectly to the season of Lent, the time when we remember the sacrifice Our Lord made on the cross, giving His life for each one of us.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY

The idea of "dying to self" completely goes against what society teaches us today. We are fed lies that "I" is more important than anyone else, including our spouses. 

Not only is it countercultural to put another first, but to go one step further and renounce something you desire, only to give another what they want instead... that's mind blowing! 

Yet, this is what spouses are called to do, and how they are called to live and love. The sacrament of marriage is a call to imitate Jesus in the way He loved his bride, the Church, giving up His very life for her and all its members - us! 

“Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the Church.” 

For engaged couples, Lent can greatly deepen the season of preparation before they enter into marriage.  

Anticipate

Naturally, as in most every season of life and in the Church, there is the idea of waiting.

During the entire forty days of Lent, and most especially during the Triduum, the Church anticipates the Resurrection of our Lord. This mirrors the expectations and anticipation felt by the couple during the engagement period. 

Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was done purely out of love for us, paralleling the gift of self during marriage and the union that will shortly take place between the two individuals and Christ himself. It reminds couples of the fact that they must die, to only then be united in full spousal love.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines unity in marriage as, "a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul."   

Lent is a really beautiful time for engaged couples to contemplate the sacredness of the sacrament that will shortly take place and pray through the eagerness they feel before the wedding day, when they will offer themselves fully to the other.

Purify

The acts of giving something up and fasting during the forty days are purifying for both the individuals and the couple as a whole, as they take this step in their vocation. 

It prepares one to say "no" to his or her selfish desires in married life, so he or she can say "yes" to this new vocation and everything it entails. The “no” is necessary so the “yes” can take place and the couple can enter into the conjugal love of the sacrament. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that conjugal love "...not only purifies and strengthens" the couple but allows them “to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving."

This renouncing of self and quenching of greed during the forty days of Lent is the beginning of a much deeper purification. 

“You will fast… for in that day there will be expiation done for you in order to purify you.” 

Sin

Before entering into heaven, each person must endure a purification, to prepare his or her soul to receive God's love in all its fullness. This can either happen through sacrifices on earth or in purgatory. 

Both the bride- and groom-to-be can use this Lenten time to deny their desires, in order to help them overcome personal sins.

While nobody will ever be perfect, our God is a healing God. If we ask for the grace to resist temptation, He will always provide it. Then it's up to us to use it and get back up when we fall, always remaining close to Him.

Thus, taking these forty days to ask for help to overcome specific sins or asking for the grace to grow where necessary can reap many rewards.

“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”  

Prayer

Lent cannot exist without prayer. 

While contemplative prayer on our Lord's passion is important, intercessory prayer is one of the most powerful forms of prayer. In it, we join with the communion of saints, whose main goal is to intercede for us here on earth.

So then imagine intercessory prayer between a married couple, who are united sacramentally in a covenant with Jesus and the Church - it's stronger than anything!

A priest once advised me and my fiancè to pray one Hail Mary every night before going to sleep, and to offer it for the other’s intentions and struggles. He told us this simple prayer for the other is enough to transform spouses into Mary and Joseph, and ultimately lead to holy families. 

He stressed that we don’t have to pray an entire novena or rosary for the other, but just this simple act, prayed with love daily.

These forty days, while just a bit more than a month, can have a big effect on individuals before being joined together sacramentally.

Let's use this time to the best of our ability, to get in the habit of making little sacrifices and praying for each other each day. It's these little "no's" to personal desires that allow us to say "yes" to a beautiful, God-filled wedding and marriage.

---

About the Author: Melissa Butz brought her southern Georgia roots to Rome, Italy, where she is blessed with a view of St. Peter's Basilica everyday. She works as a TV journalist for Rome Reports, covering everything Pope Francis and the Vatican.

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Marriage Preparation | The Fruits of Reflecting on Your Sacramental Journey as You Anticipate Your Marriage

In the sacraments of the Church, we are given a great and bottomless gift. In particular, it’s incredible to consider that they are lifelong, accompanying and equipping us all throughout our earthly journey.

As your entry into holy matrimony draws near, have you considered reflecting on your sacramental journey so far, and what it means for your vocation?

Whether you were born and raised in the Catholic faith or you entered the Church at an older age, taking time to contemplate the significance and experiences of the past sacraments you've received can deepen and enrich your anticipation of the one you're about to enter into.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit

Consider these prompts an exercise in thought and prayer, and an invitation to notice the Lord's specific, personal love at work in your life.

Baptism

Recall that in baptism, we are anointed for a lifetime mission as priest, prophet, and king; daughters and sons of a loving Father. 

Ask yourself: what will be our mission as spouses (both in a big-picture sense of evangelism and in the specifics of where and to what God is calling us)?

A family mission statement grounds, inspires, and motivate. Read steps for creating your own.

Reflect on the reality of his grace and the ways in which it has led you to your vocation and to your beloved, from the very start of your membership in the Christian community on your baptism day and on through today.

Reconciliation

Saint Faustina compared Christ's mercy to an ocean, with our  sin but a tiny drop. His love and forgiveness are inexhaustible when we kneel before him in humility and contrition. What's more, mercy involves not just forgiveness, but providence: his every movement in our lives, each decision or area of growth we're led to, is his loving will at work.

Ask yourself: How have mercy and forgiveness shaped my spiritual journey? Are there persisting issues my beloved and I need to work through toward healing? In what moments of my life can I see God making his will known to me?

Reflect on how deeply mercy and love are connected: thank Jesus for his unfailing love even through your weakness; ask him to draw you into deeper trust and dependence. 

Holy Communion

The source and summit of our faith is the most intimate encounter with Christ we can experience in this life. A gift of his living self.

Ask yourself: When have I sensed Christ’s real presence in my life? How am I called to embody self-gift in my relationship and future marriage?

Reflect on the nature of Christ’s complete self gift in the Eucharist. A free, faithful, total and fruitful offering of his body and blood. Consider the ways that sacrifice and intimacy in married life call spouses to imitate this gift.

Confirmation

The Holy Spirit takes root in our hearts in a real way through the sacrament of confirmation. With this fire, grace is truly present, strengthening us on the path to vocation and sainthood.

Ask yourself: What gifts of the Holy Spirit and what particular charisms do I recognize most clearly in my life? Like the Apostles and saints, how is the Lord calling me to put my gifts at his service?

Reflect on the treasure trove of graces on tap through intercessory prayer. No matter where you are in your spiritual life, identify ways to grow in devotion to you and your beloved’s confirmation saints.

Does your relationship have a patron saint? Find holy examples and prayers for your beloved here.

Time and prayer can encourage you to marvel at the good and find redemption and meaning in life’s challenges. As you reflect on your journey of the sacraments, may you be moved to marvel, to thanksgiving, and to closer attention to the Father’s abundance.

Abby + Zack | Gold-Dusted Country Estate Wedding

On a fall day in Maryland, in the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception, Abby and Zack were joined in the sacrament of marriage. Their photographer describes the love and spiritual devotion of this couple, surrounded by bridesmaids in deep blue and exuding supernatural joy.

From the Photographer: Abby and Zack met and fell in love at Mount St. Mary's University. Before and after they were married, they spent countless hours in adoration and weekly confession. Together, they read and discussed the daily readings with one another and established a routine of prayer. These habits brought them closer to each other. After their engagement, they planned a traditional Catholic Mass with Marian hymns to pay tribute to the Blessed Mother. 

Every aspect of their wedding day reflected the couple's deep devotion to their faith and to each other. You could feel the Holy Spirit moving throughout the ceremony and later at the reception as they danced the night away. 

After the wedding, Abby and Zack travelled to Rome for their honeymoon, and on a cold and rainy morning in November, they waited in line at the Vatican to catch a glimpse of Pope Francis. A few hours later, they met the pope and held his hands in theirs as they asked him to pray for their marriage. It was an unforgettable moment, and now they always remember to pray for Papa Francesco!

As the photographer, I was in awe of the beauty of the Mass and inspired to think deeper about my own nuptial Mass. Abby and Zack put so much thought into the readings and hymns that it was impossible not to experience the presence of Christ during the liturgy. They brought their rich prayer lives and the beauty of the sacrament to life for their guests, and it was beautiful to be part of such a marriage of souls.

Photography:  Alex Krall Photography | Nuptial Mass: Mount St. Mary's University Immaculate Conception Chapel | Wedding Reception Venue : Springfield Manor | Florist: Tiara McCowen @fiddlestixflorals | Day of Coordinator: Tiara McCowen @fiddlestixflorals | Hair: Kelly’s Hair Artistry @kellyshairartistry | Makeup: Elise Rizzo @lise.marie_ | Caterer: Carriage House Inn | Dress: Sincerity #3987

Spring is in Bloom | Recognize the Buds in your Life and Prepare for a New Beginning

STEPHANIE FRIES

I walk outside and sense a simmering energy on the verge of explosion. You can feel it, smell it and see it. In fact, in many ways, you can even taste the anticipation. 

As a resident of Japan, it is impossible to avoid the hype of cherry blossom season. The “sakura”--the five-petaled, baby pink flowers--have started to bloom! With the start of springtime comes the start of all the seasonal weather, events, festivals, and flavors. (You want sakura-flavored ice cream? Got it. Coffee? We can make that happen. Kit Kats? Done.) 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CLAIRE WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

It’s amazing to see how the Japanese culture is deeply embedded in the ever-changing seasons. Whenever the trees shift into a new phase of life, there is a new celebration for the gifts of the present moment. With anticipation and a timely response, everything shifts in unison to embrace the current season. 

This responsiveness to change is a metaphor to how we can adjust to changes in our lives, in our relationships. There’s no denying that our relationships move in and out of various seasons. Of course, some circumstances arrive suddenly or even as a complete surprise. But as the bud on a tree foreshadows the coming of spring, a personal new beginning can often be anticipated as well. 

To await change with a spirit of celebration is an attitude I have not-yet mastered. Made in the image of God, we are created with an intrinsic craving for infinity. Yet in our humanness, we are invited to embrace the ache of starting and stopping which magnifies this desire for the eternal.

Many circumstances of intimate relationships come with expectation: the transition from dating to engagement to marriage; the birth of a child; a military deployment or homecoming; a spike of demands at work; holidays, vacations, or time with extended family. 

Recognizing the buds of change in your life enables you to prepare for a new beginning. 

When spousal relationships transition into a different circumstance, it is helpful to adjust the method and means of communication. How, when, and why we communicate must flow in tandem with the ever-changing seasons of our lives. Being proactive with the effects of change can diminish the challenges of transition.

I am striving to shift my role in and purpose of my own marital communication as our lives continue to grow and change. 

As we’ve begun caring for our first baby over the last few months, my communication has become more direct. I’ve had to be intentional about stating my needs--for love, help, and collaboration--in a way that is unfamiliar and, honestly, uncomfortable. But the outcome has served us well as we navigate this sacred time in our family. 

As we prepare for a deployment in the coming months, we constantly discuss what kind of communication can support both our intimacy and our companionship. Phone calls, email, Facebook messenger, FaceTime, and the occasional snail mail each serve a unique purpose in how we stay in touch while we are apart for long periods of time. 

The movement in-and-out of seasons will look different for every relationship. The way we anticipate, prepare for, and respond to the fluid dynamics of a relationship will also vary on an individual basis. 

In the same way the Japanese look to the earliest signs of change and adjust their flavors and customs to enrich the present time, we can acknowledge dynamic change in our relationships and prepare intentional adjustments to support each new beginning.  

---

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

From the Groom | Even Through Imperfection, Peace Conquers All.

BENJAMIN TURLAND

It was May 2nd, the day we would become one flesh in the sacrament of holy matrimony. We had been waiting for this day for over 15 months.

I think I am not much different than most people, where I dream what the wedding day will look like and think, "my wedding day is going to be perfect, no problems. It will be the best day ever!" We don't always say it out loud, but we think it, right? I expected all our problems would go away and life would be serene for the days surrounding our wedding.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK PHOTOGRAPHY

Though it was the best day ever, I had to let go of these expectations—in reality, life did not stop happening for our wedding day. The week before the wedding, I was shaken by an uncontrollable event. The immense stress left me sick in the days leading up to our big day. We still had a lot to do and I was running around from here to there, picking up people from the airport, making and changing plans every day. My wife had an allergic reaction to a facial, and she broke out (which never happens). 

Rather than processing the stress, I pulled away from my groomsman, I didn’t talk to anyone, and I found it difficult to calm myself and focus in the hours before our wedding day. 

Then came the wedding day. I was still super nervous, stressed and sick. My groomsman could see it: I was the stressed-out groom. 

My groomsman came over to me, chose me, and prayed over me. Even though I had pulled away from them earlier in the week, they said “yes” to love and the Holy Spirit gave me peace through their presence. I realized the situations leading up to my wedding had been imperfect, but I could not let them ruin my peace. 

Between the once-in-a-lifetime wedding day and being surrounded by all my best friends, I chose to be present. I knew I could not change the past, but I could decide how much the past events were going to control me.

Through the Holy Spirit, it became easier to choose the moment. The prayer ended and I walked down the aisle. Here I was, before my God. Then came the bridesmaids, the flower girl, and finally Megan, my soon-to-be-wife. The person I had journeyed with to be here, through ups and downs. 

With Megan, I have never had someone who has brought me so much joy, laughter and love. But I have also never experienced hurt, distraction, frustration or anger with anyone like I have with her. This is love: it's not always perfect, but she is my best friend. Our relationship was not perfect, and no relationship is. I choose her in the imperfections. 

The Mass was everything I wanted. Becoming one—before God and friends—was the best experience. Our wedding day flew by and I still get sick and stress still creeps in. I have learned that marriage is just like my wedding day. 

Sometimes I idolize marriage and think that because I am married, life or the relationship will be perfect. This is hardly the case; marriage is another step in the journey towards heaven, towards intimacy with  God, towards sanctification. Marriage is the start, not the finish. This is the vocation that will get me to heaven. Megan will help get me to heaven. What is beautiful is that we are a sacrament. We offer grace to each other every day.

On that day, and every day in my marriage, I have to choose to love myself in my imperfections, while realizing I am on a lifelong journey and will never be perfect. I also have to choose to love and have mercy on Megan in her imperfections and support her on the journey she is on. 

Life is full of imperfections, but I try my best to not let those imperfections control me.

In marriage, you learn things about yourself you didn't even know existed; however, your spouse and the grace of the sacrament bring more joy than we can imagine. The experiences of marriage also bring extremes of every other emotion in the book. 

Even though the problems will not go away, I have someone who I know will battle with me till death do us part. Despite the stress and changes in expectations, I look back at pictures and truly see my wedding as the best day of my life.

---

About the Author: Benjamin joined the Catholic Church at age 17. Originally from a small mountain town, In British Columbia, he is now a full-time Catholic missionary with Catholic Christian Outreach and lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Benjamin loves sharing his faith, snowboarding, drinking coffee and traveling.

INSTAGRAM

A Love That Never Fails

CARISSA PLUTA

“Love is patient, love is kind...”

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH WIRTH PHOTOGRAPHY

You’ve probably heard this passage from Saint Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians at countless wedding ceremonies, or seen it written on numerous Valentine’s Day cards and on rustic-looking pallets in every craft store you’ve ever entered. 

I mean, I totally get it. Patient, kind, trusting, hopeful--who doesn’t want their love described like that?

But for me, it’s easy to let these pretty words just sit decoratively on a page or a canvas but much more difficult to actually have a love that never fails. 

The first Valentine’s Day I spent with my now husband was a memorable one, and one he would still (surprisingly) describe as the best yet. 

We were still in college and since it was my first Valentine’s Day in a romantic relationship, I was determined to make it special. 

However, when I woke up that morning with a sore throat (that turned into chills and a fever by the evening), we abandoned our previous plans, and opted for a quiet night of movie-watching in my apartment. 

Then, to my absolute horror, just as we were saying goodbye, I turned and got sick right in the middle of my tiny kitchen. Ben helped me up to bed and then cleaned up the mess I had left behind. 

Many of us, myself included, sometimes cling too tightly to the nice feelings associated with love. We want romance--candlelit dinners, dancing under the stars; we don’t often find ourselves yearning for the messiness of everyday life. 

The sentimentality that often accompanies this holiday in particular certainly has a place in relationships; feeling loved is a beautiful gift, romance is meant to be enjoyed. 

But this memory of my first Valentine’s Day with Ben is what I think of when I hear the definition of love given to us by Paul.

St. Paul describes love as an act of the will. Love demands that we make the choice time and time again to practice patience, kindness, or selflessness, especially when it is difficult. 

It often looks less like long walks on the beach and more like Christ on the cross, laying down our life to serve another. 

This makes the Christian understanding of love stand in stark contrast to the idea presented to us by the media and the culture. Love, we are told, is something you can fall in and out of as the winds change and it shouldn’t cost over whole selves. 

But love must be tested and found worthy before it can be said to be one that never fails. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Charlotte + Gabriel | Whimsical Blue-and-White Multinational Wedding

Charlotte, an American, and Gabriel, the boy from Brazil, crossed paths and fell in love during an exchange program in Belgium, before parting ways again. After that, they entrusted their long-distance relationship to the Lord, praying he would eventually provide a time and place for them to be united in marriage. Their love story spans more than four years, 4500 miles, and several countries, but no earthly obstacle is impossible for God.

From the Bride: When Gabriel and I decided to participate in a Rotary exchange program, we were not expecting to meet our future spouse. We left our families--mine in the US and his in Brazil--to spend a year in Belgium, immersing ourselves in the language and culture. We were hosted by the same Rotary club, so we got to know each other during monthly meetings. 

After an afternoon spent in the snow-covered Ardennes forest, a trip to the North Sea, and several guitar lessons, Gabriel asked me to be his girlfriend. 

When he asked to come to Mass with me a couple days later, I realized the Holy Spirit might be nudging me to take the relationship seriously. 

After that, our time left in Belgium together was short: a mere four months. As we spent weekends exploring gothic cathedrals and walked hand-in-hand along cobblestone streets, we revealed to one another the desires of our hearts and began to discern marriage. When it was time to return to our respective countries, we felt confident we had found our beloved. 

Anytime I was discouraged about the impending long distance, Gabriel reminded me that “God often calls us to be patient when it comes to the best things in life.” We were in a long-distance relationship for four years as I completed my undergraduate degree in Canada and Gabriel studied in Brazil. 

He visited me in the United States every Christmas, and I flew down to Brazil every July. Our relationship consisted of constant messages and Skype calls, forcing us to cultivate healthy communication habits. We learned to accept that our relationship was not in our control, and that Christ was calling us to trust in him and his perfect timing. 

Long distance was a source of many blessings, but it was often a heavy cross to bear as well. Gazing at our Lord on his cross at Mass every week strengthened me, and I was reminded I was not alone in carrying my temporary cross. I knew by God’s grace and through his divine will, Gabriel and I would one day be united as husband and wife.

During one trip to Brazil, on top of a waterfall as the sun set along the horizon, Gabriel asked me to be his wife. One year later, he immigrated to the United States, and we closed the distance after four years and five days of living over 4,500 miles apart.

We knew our wedding would be an international affair. Gabriel is Brazilian, and I come from a multi-national household. My mother is half-French, half-Italian and my father is American. We wanted to embrace the reality that we would have guests coming from five different countries, speaking four different languages. So we incorporated elements into our nuptial Mass and reception to reflect our mixed backgrounds.

Having family in various parts of the world also proved to be a challenge. Gabriel’s mother, father, stepfather, and sister were all denied their tourist visas to the United States, so they were unable to attend the wedding. It was difficult to adjust to the idea that Gabriel’s immediate family would not be there on the big day. This was particularly heartbreaking for my husband, who had already uprooted his life in Brazil to move to an entirely new country. 

In spite of this, he looked at the situation as an opportunity to focus on what really mattered about our wedding: entering into the beautiful sacrament of marriage and beginning our vocations as husband and wife. As much as we wanted to share the moment with family and friends, the sacredness of the day rested on our vows to one another, the priest as our witness, and the pouring out of God’s grace and eternal love.

July 20th, the day of our wedding, was the hottest day of the year. Waking up that morning, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude that God was calling me into the vocation of marriage, gratitude that I found the man who would lead me to Heaven, and gratitude that Christ’s abundant grace made it possible to patiently wait for this day. My heart leapt for joy when I saw Gabriel waiting for me at the end of the aisle. 

We were blessed to have Father Gerry, the chaplain of my undergraduate Newman center, celebrate our nuptial Mass. He allowed us to set up a YouTube live stream during the liturgy, so Gabriel’s family in Brazil could be virtually present. 

Something my husband and I find so special within the Catholic Church is its universality. To demonstrate this, we had each scriptural reading read in a different language. The first reading was read in French, the psalm was sung in Italian, the second reading was in Portuguese, and the Gospel was read in English. Quite the polyglot himself, Fr. Gerry was also able to pray several prayers in the various languages.

Gabriel and I recited our vows in English and then in Portuguese while holding a crucifix, a beautiful Croatian tradition we stumbled upon while preparing for marriage. 

The crucifix is a reminder that we are each bound to Christ and his cross, and that within the vocation of marriage we are called to die to ourselves to rise in a new life together. This crucifix now hangs above our bed, a visible sign of our wedding vows.

Seated at the foot of the altar, Gabriel and I often forgot we were in the presence of so many others. We felt the love exuding from our families and friends, but our focus was on each other and Christ the king. It was a blessing to share our love with our guests and to remind them, including those who were not Catholic, that our love was an infinitesimal fraction of God’s love for everyone. 

The inspiration for our reception came from blue and white delftware, the typical ceramic “style” of the Netherlands. The pairing of deep cobalt and white was elegant, while also fun and whimsical. To follow the blue and white theme, my mom made runners from toile fabric, crocheted doilies for tables, and I cross-stitched our table numbers. We spent the two years of our engagement collecting blue and white décor and candlesticks to use as centerpieces, as well as mis-matched vintage china and glassware for the place settings. 

Gabriel and I wanted to include multi-cultural aspects in our celebration, so we offered our guests cocktails from every country represented. Gabriel and my uncle constructed a directional signpost to display the various locations from which people traveled. 

Our reception was incredibly joy-filled. Gabriel’s aunts had his family on Facetime so they could catch glimpses of the festivities. I dearly wanted to include them in some special way, so we surprised Gabriel with a Skype call projected on a big screen. Our family and friends animated the evening with frequent cheering and napkin twirling. And during our first dance to “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley, a song we played together at the beginning of our relationship, our guests sang along to the chorus. 

We wanted our cultures reflected in the music, so our playlist included a mix of songs from the US, Brazil, France, and Italy. It was fun to see my family from Europe dancing with Gabriel’s Brazilian family and our American friends. 

As the night came to an end, I shed tears of happiness and gratitude. It was touching to realize how many people traveled great distances to support us and share in our wedding day. Looking at my husband that night, my heart swelled as I remembered the boy I met years before in Belgium. Gabriel and I will always cherish those memories.

As beautiful and joy-filled as our wedding day was, the most exciting part was embarking on our journey as husband and wife. 

To live out our vocation of marriage doesn’t mean seeking fulfillment in the other’s love, but looking to God to satisfy the innermost desires of our hearts. Then, through God’s grace, we can pour ourselves out selflessly for the good of the other.

Photography: Dapper Dewey Photography | Church: St Luke the Evangelist Catholic Church | Wedding Reception Venue : Highgate Carriage House | Engagement Ring: Poesie | Wedding Band: OroSpot (https://www.orospot.com/) | Flowers: Coombs Flowers (https://www.coombsflowers.com/) | Invitations: Greetings Island (https://www.greetingsisland.com/invitations) | Caterer: Fish Hawk Acres (http://www.fishhawkacreswv.com/) | Bride’s Dress: Coni and Franc (https://www.coniandfranc.net/) | Bride’s Shoes: Franco Sarto (https://www.francosarto.com/) | Bridesmaids’ Dresses: Dressystar (https://www.dressystar.com/) | Groom’s Suit: Jos A Bank (https://www.josbank.com/) | Groomsmen ties: Jos A Bank (https://www.josbank.com/) | Hairstylist and Makeup Artist: Kreations by Kylelee (https://www.facebook.com/kreationsbykylelee/) | Bartender: Tin 202 (http://www.tin202.com/) | Videographer: Jeffrey Boggess (no website)

Editors Share | How I Shaped My Wedding Budget

It is no surprise that wedding planning on a budget requires a careful balance of priorities, values, and dreams. Today, the Spoken Bride team shares their personal experiences of managing that balance.

For additional reflections on wedding planning on a budget, continue reading about Balancing Materialism and Majesty in your Wedding Plans or Planning your Dream Wedding without Breaking the Bank.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Stephanie Calis, Editor-in-Chief

A bridal magazine suggested my husband-to-be and I each list our top three priorities for our wedding day, in order to identify where we’d be comfortable spending more of our budget. We both chose the liturgy and photography as the first two items on our lists! My husband also listed music as a top priority, and I listed colors (for wedding party attire, florals, and décor). 

Though its usefulness sounds obvious, this exercise was far more helpful than we expected. Knowing one another’s priorities motivated my husband and I to stay on budget for our wedding expenses and to worry less about items that weren’t as important to us. We felt motivated and centered knowing that even if it was painful to forego certain things, we were investing in other things that we truly valued--I’ve found it true that what we valued most, we’ve remembered most.

Andi Compton, Business Director

I always encourage couples to rank their priorities. For us, photography and videography were our biggest must-haves for our parents and children. Then came the dress and our invitations (I’m obsessed with paper goods). No matter what your budget is, you won’t end up with everything you want.

Jiza Zito, Creative Director

When planning our wedding, my thought was always “What will people really remember?” By asking myself that often, it gave myself permission to let a lot of things go such as type of flowers, aesthetics of our invitation suite, or small details of my dress. Financially, we top-prioritized delicious food, good & clean reception music, and wedding photography. 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

My husband and I planned our wedding in four months—which was only possible with the help of my sister, our wedding planner. We wanted to be intentional about our wedding guests’ experiences: that non-Catholics would feel welcome and comfortable during the wedding Mass, and that everyone would come together to celebrate and mingle at the reception. These intentions shifted our emphasis, and our budget, to think about the environment.

With my sisters encouragement to pursue our experiential goals, we spent a substantial portion of our budget on designing and printing the Mass program, paying for lighting features to help set the mood at our reception, and enhancing both the ceremony and the reception with beautiful floral arrangements. Lighting and additional flowers were a surprising expense with major impact.

We made sacrifices in other areas of our planning to stay on budget, but our choices aligned with our desires and yielded an unbelievable outcome.

Join Our Team | Social Media Manager + Vendor Coordinator

Through discernment, and with our gratitude for the growth of the Spoken Bride community, we are excited to announce we’re expanding our team! We’re eager to work with individuals who share in our passion for Catholic marriage, with an eye for beauty and a voice of authenticity.

Spoken Bride is seeking a Social Media Manager & a Vendor Coordinator (Administrative Position) and are accepting applications until March 2.

Our ideal candidates are collaborative-minded servant leaders with original, creative takes on Catholic wedding-related content and an eye for growing and expanding our ministry. Above all, candidates should have a heart for Spoken Bride’s mission and for the sacrament of marriage. Experience with writing, digital marketing/PR, weddings, and/or theology is ideal.

Feeling called to apply? Find information and application forms for each position below.

Social Media Manager

The Social Media Manager will handle all facets of scheduling, drafting, and posting for Spoken Bride’s social media platforms, utilizing appropriate strategies and applications for long-term growth and engagement.

Vendor Membership Coordinator (Administrative Position)

The Vendor Membership Coordinator acts as the liaison between Spoken Bride and the small business and professional members of the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide. In this administrative position, the Vendor Coordinator will be responsible for all aspects of vendor membership, serving as the primary point of contact for membership-related questions, recruiting new vendors, and organizing vendor-related events.

Please Note: Both positions are unpaid & volunteer positions with a year commitment.

We look forward to hearing from you! Thank you for considering sharing your gifts and experience with Spoken Bride, and be assured of our prayers.