Ministry Opportunities for Newlyweds

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Have you experienced “retreat high?” That feeling of ending a weekend with the Lord renewed in your faith, a fire within, affirmed in your identity, ready to bring the Gospel to everyone you encounter?

I had a wedding high.

My husband and I had heard the frequent adage that the first year of marriage would be the hardest. Yet in the joy of finally spending every day and night together after a long-distance engagement, we expressed to each other our surprise that all of the expected challenges of newlywed life felt like ones outside of us, rather than conflicts between us. 

For us, the graces of our new marriage were most evident in our resulting desire to serve other young couples.

We wondered, though, if being “new” at marriage meant we couldn’t offer as much as spouses who’d been married longer and been through more of their vocations’ trials. What we eventually realized was that our newlywed state had fruits of its own, and that couples in every season of married life, from the honeymoon phase through new parenthood, times of suffering, and on into later life, can illuminate particular truths about the heart and bless others by their experiences.

If, as a married couple--perhaps in a new parish--you and your spouse also desire to minister to other engaged and newlywed couples, consider these suggestions.

Serve your parish youth group.

As a high schooler, I remember being struck by the evident happiness and, well, normalness of the several married couples who served as youth leaders. Their sweet attentiveness to each other, strong prayer lives, frequent partaking of the sacraments, and willingness to explain their choices to follow Church teachings made an impact and played a major role in my hopes for a holy, strong, and tender husband.

Are you looking for community? Read 4 tips for becoming a part of parish life.

If your parish has a youth group, consider that simply by being who you are, and just slightly older than the youth you're able to set an example of prayer, chastity, and the pursuit of becoming fully alive in Christ.

Consider a role as educators.

Did any areas of your marriage prep particularly resonate? With your spouse, discern the possibility of sharing your experiences with communication, spirituality, Natural Family Planning, or the adjustment to married life. You might share your stories as a mentor couple or pursue certification in NFP education.

Foster community.

Ministry doesn't need to be formal to be fruitful! If you and your spouse are drawn to the charism of hospitality, you might host weekly or monthly gatherings for other couples in your parish or area. A loose structure of fellowship plus discussion encourages friendships rooted in virtue and gives you companions in the start of your vocation. Consider a potluck meal, followed by a group study, spiritual reading, or viewing a series from Formed.org. 

What if you're drawn to a quieter role?

Embrace the gifts the Holy Spirit places on your heart and trust that the unique way you embody and use your gifts are the most needed for the time and place where you are. One on one friendships with other brides, attending Sunday Mass with your spouse, being honest and authentic in your encounters; all of these speak volumes.

If and when you and your spouse feel called to serve and minister in the Church, know that your witness—in whatever form it takes—is meaningful and draws attention to the Father, the source of all love and communion.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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When the Ring No Longer Fits

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

I haven’t worn my engagement ring in over two years.

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

My fingers swelled during my first pregnancy and the already snug band became nearly impossible to slip on and off. 

Now in the midst of a second pregnancy, my wedding band has begun to feel a little tight as well, so it often remains on my dresser with the other one. 

My rings, these sacred signs of the love between my husband and I, of the vows we took, just don’t fit the same way they once did. 

When we were newly engaged, the ring that adorned my left hand was constantly being shown off to friends and family. It was pristine, unscratched; not yet tarnished by the wear and tear of daily life. 

During the wedding, a second ring was added, even more beautiful than the first. It carried with it a new weight as I promised to love my husband until death do us part. 

For the first several months, putting on my rings each morning was almost ceremonial. Never having been a jewelry-wearer, it took awhile for my hand to adjust to the feelings of newness that accompanied it.

But over time, the rings went on more out of habit, the feeling they had brought with them less noticeable.

Similarly, the love we have for our spouse won’t “fit” the same way it did when you were first falling in love, when you could almost taste the excitement and sentimentality of young love. 

The honeymoon phase wears off. Life with your spouse becomes routine and mundanity rules most days. 

The glamor of a fresh love becomes awash in sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and toddlers demanding a snack.

Then there are seasons when the difficulties and sorrows of a fallen world sometimes hit a little too hard. When you can only just see the familiar face of your spouse over the cross placed across your shoulders. 

Your ring won’t fit the same way forever, nor was it meant to. 

As you and your spouse grow through the years, the love between you is no longer shiny, new, and pristine but is rather tested and refined with a purifying fire. 

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 9

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We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who our vendors are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community. We encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings and reach out!

Our featured vendors this month (click to jump):

 

Emmaus Films

Wedding videography; serving Maryland, Virginia, and Pennsylvania.

Kevin Lohrmann grew up with a love for camera work, but after graduating from Franciscan University, he chose to pursue a career in web development instead. The following year, as freelance videography opportunities with Catholic organizations coincided with changes at his company, Kevin took his side hobby full time. Emmaus Films launched in 2018. 

From the start, most of Emmaus’ clients have been Catholic ministries, churches, and individuals. Kevin brings his years of experience to a “personalized, reverent” approach with brides and grooms, striving always to highlight the gift of beauty: “beauty in the sacrament of marriage; beauty in the people's stories; beauty in God's creation.”

I root for...the Baltimore Ravens!

Favorite movie: A Beautiful Mind

Love means: The total self gift of one person to another, while expecting nothing in return. I've also heard it as "The willing of the good of the other, as other."

Learn more about Emmaus Films

 

Fenix Photography, Design, & Events

Wedding photography; based in Virginia and available for national and international travel.

 Maria W. and her fiancé Dayton have pursued a variety of creative hobbies since their childhoods. When they first learned photography and realized the emotive power of visual storytelling, they were hooked. “Photography is not point-and-click or copying Pinterest poses, it's about creating an environment where you can capture your client's best self, and creatively capturing authentic moments that they will treasure for the rest of their lives.”

 “Our business motto is "God writes the story... we just document it." because we believe that we are just the people who capture the deepest form of love that He can bestow on two people.  We do our best to help our couples keep perspective throughout the wedding planning that even though all of the wedding details are very important, ultimately the joining of them in marriage is the most important part of the day.”

Our coffee order: We prefer Arnold Palmers!

Favorite saint: Kateri Tekakwitha

The best part of working on weddings: Since we spend so much time together on the biggest day of their lives, we love building a relationship throughout [our] couples’ engagements so that by the time of the wedding we are not vendors, but friends. This relationship is what builds trust so that the only thing they need to worry about is being in the moment with their spouse. For us, there is no greater feeling or "rush" than having the honor to capture the exact moment that God joins two souls for the rest of their lives.   

 Learn more about Fenix Photography, Design, & Events | Read Maria and Dayton’s insights into preserving memories beyond social media

 

Handmaid Home

Custom wedding quilts and bridal party gifts; handmade in North Dakota and available for nationwide shipping.

Kathleen Causapin’s first sewing projects were handmade bags. Years later, she learned the art of quilting and fell in love.

 There’s something special about wedding gifts that don’t stay tucked away for special occasions, but that become a daily, visible part of a couple’s life together. On the couch or hung on a wall, a wedding quilt becomes just that. According to Kathleen, “I see a quilt as a tangible reminder of that special day, with the unique ability to travel with the couple as they enter into the day-to-day life of marriage.” Handmaid Home specializes in quilts and cosmetics bags--the small bags are an ideal bridesmaid gift--with custom colors, designs, and your wedding date.

Favorite prayer: I have a special devotion to the Miraculous Medal.  It was part of our uniform at my high school and we each received a gold Miraculous Medal at graduation, which I still wear and even tied to my wedding bouquet!  Visiting the Shrine of the Miraculous Medal in Paris, where Mary appeared to St. Catherine Labouré, was an incredible spiritual experience. 

Best places I’ve traveled: Jordan is one of my favorites. There is so much history there and because it is relatively untouched, you really feel a part of it. It was incredible to look out from the top of Mt. Nebo and see the Promised Land that God showed Moses. I also studied abroad in Ireland and have been back several times, so it will always hold a special place in my heart.     

 Favorite book: I read Death Comes for the Archbishop, by Willa Cather, two years ago and have been telling basically everyone I know to read it ever since! I think knowing that Cather wasn't Catholic, yet still wrote with such beauty about Catholicism, makes it even more powerful. 

Learn more about Handmaid Home

 

Prolific Services

NFP Instruction and Fertility Education; based in Texas, with online instruction available worldwide.

From the start of her first NFP class as a bride-to-be, Nia Husk knew she would one day teach it. Captivated by God’s design for the body and the scientific knowledge that illuminates it, Nia became a certified Creighton FertilityCare Practitioner and founded Prolific Services in 2015. 

She and her team offer NFP Instruction according to the Creighton Model, NaPro Technology consulting, and fertility awareness talks. Prolific Services specializes in online instruction, making their services and education available no matter its clients’ locations. Now several years into her business, Nia says, “I'm still loving this way of serving him and my sisters and brothers in Christ as they begin to build their own families.”

On my bucket list: Raise all my kids to be able to defend their faith beliefs, experience Alaska, and try American Ninja Warrior with my hubby. 

Favorite Saints: Edith Stein, JPII, Mama Teresa, Peter Claver, Agnes of Rome, and Padre Pío.

Love means: Willing the good of the beloved.

Learn more about Prolific Services | Watch Nia’s Instagram takeover from Spoken Bride’s Vendor Week

Newlywed Life | Yours, Mine and Ours: Sharing Ownership of Belongings Reveals a Shared Life

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

For me and my husband, moving into our first house was a bit unorthodox. Two weeks after our wedding, we moved to Japan and into a hotel on a military base. Two weeks after hotel-living, we were granted access to our new home with temporary furniture. Two weeks after residing in a home together, my husband was sent off on his first deployment. Two weeks after he deployed, our shipment of household goods arrived for me to unpack and organize. 

I felt a tension of emotion in this experience. On the one hand, I was saddened that I could not share this time with my husband, especially because I was opening many wedding gifts for the first time. On the other hand, I could turn up the music and take my time nesting into our new home, preparing it as a gift for his highly anticipated homecoming! 

With every emptied box, our separate contributions were combined within our home. Our extra bedroom, which became an office, was the most visual representation of this new shared ownership of our marriage. His and her pens came together in one jar. His and her book collections came together on one bookshelf. His and her computers were placed on one table. His and her picture frames were displayed in one gallery wall. 

“What’s mine is yours” became really real. With great joy, I realized I married into the three-part Jason Bourne movie series! And with great humility, I relinquished complete possession to my own personal closet and bathroom storage. 

The tangible experience of bringing our things into one home reveals a new shared life. It is simple—almost common sense—but it is profound. Only in marriage are two hearts bound together in an eternal, covenantal union. The environment of our first shared home is the visual representation of this truth. 

Now, one year into marriage, I look in our kitchen and see the heart of our home. I look at our bookshelf and see our growing collection of hobbies, travel guides, and conversations. I look into our original office and I see our first baby’s nursery--the most abundant representation of the union of our love, in a new life. 

Just as our hearts and minds have grown more intimately together through the experiences of our first year of marriage, our home has flourished into a place of complete shared ownership. 

Even more, the home is a place for rest, hospitality, sorrow, joy, relationships, and growth. What realities, what truths, are made visible through the environment of the home and through your experience of sharing ownership with your spouse? 

If you are considering living with a significant other before marriage, consider what it means that the visible reality of your home miscommunicates the the invisible reality of your vocation; though your tangible belongings begin to come together, your lives are not covenantally bound until after receiving the sacrament of marriage.

If you are married, in what ways does your home represent and reveal a truth about the growing unity between you and your spouse? 

The fullness of God’s joy is received when our visible lives reveal his image; we reveal him by becoming who he created us to be. May our lives, and our homes, be a platform to reveal the mystery of the free, total, faithful, and fruitful love of marriage.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Chastity in Marriage

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“All the baptized are called to chastity.” Yes, even you, married friends.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK

How many of us see Chastity as a virtue necessary only until the wedding night (or if the couple needs to postpone a pregnancy?)

However, practicing this virtue in marriage can continue to strengthen the couples’ relationship for the whole of their lives. 

The CCC defines chastity as “the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” 

Humans are sexual creatures. We are body and soul, a cohesive whole, unable to be divided. Our bodies have a unique way of expressing our immortal soul, particularly within the sacrament of marriage and seen most spectacularly in the marital union. 

The marital union is the enfleshment of our marriage vows in which promise to make ourselves a complete and total gift to our spouse. Chastity allows you to make this gift of self and prevents you from seeing your spouse as a means to an end. 

While pleasure is a good of the sexual union, it is not the greatest good. 

More than provide pleasure, sex is meant to unify husband and wife and to bear fruit (both physically and spiritually). Anything that prevents these greater goods, or places pleasure at the center, goes against the virtue of Chastity. 

Chastity requires you to look on your spouse with love and appreciation. It calls you to avoid fantasizing about a more “perfect spouse” whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

Chastity calls you to guard your mind and heart against pornography or other media (even some romance movies or novels) that can titillate the imagination and make it difficult for spouses to fully partake in God’s plan for conjugal love. 

Chastity is radically counter cultural and demands self-mastery and sacrifice. It requires us to have an ordered love of God and in turn, an authentic love for others.

The obvious way of practicing chastity in marriage is remaining faithful to your spouse, or to avoid looking at another without lust, but chastity goes far beyond that. 

You should avoid over-fantasizing about your spouse to prevent them from becoming a way to merely satiate your sexual desires. 

You cannot isolate sexual pleasure from its procreative and unitive purposes, which means you must avoid contraception and sexual acts (such as oral sex or other forms for foreplay) without the intention of consummating. 

It might not be easy at first, but this virtue is worth cultivating.

The grace of the sacrament of matrimony can help couples live out this call to chastity in their marriages and to more clearly reflect the life-giving love of the Trinity.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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The Habit of Affirmation

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

My husband and I recently formed a little, yet powerful, habit that has strengthened our marriage in more ways than one.

Each evening before bed, we say what about the other we were thankful for that day. 

We began this nightly practice after noticing that so many of our miscommunications and little arguments stemmed from the fact that we sometimes forget, especially during difficult seasons or long days, the love and affection the other holds for us. 

So instead of waiting for those moments when one of us struggles to see it clearly, we make an effort everyday to remind the other that they are seen, known, and loved. 

We were amazed at how a seemingly small gesture can transform a relationship. 


Intentionally and regularly affirming your spouse creates an environment of thanksgiving, encouragement, safety, and love in your home. It can do so much to deepen the emotional bonds between two people. 

Affirmation fosters gratitude.  It has opened my eyes to see even more of the good in about my husband, and made it easier for me to respond to his goodness, even on bad days.

Recognizing and affirming the good in my husband has helped me view, not only my marriage, but my everyday life through the lens of thanksgiving. It has made me more thankful for all of the gifts I’ve been given and see all the ways, big and small, in which God is working in our life and marriage.

Having reminders that you are appreciated and valued in your home and family, especially from a trusted individual, can also provide some much needed encouragement in your pursuit of holiness in this vocation. 

After affirming one another, both my husband and I feel more empowered to wake up in the morning and love each other the way we vowed to. 

Affirmation can allow you to see yourself through the eyes of your beloved, and can help root out the lies you’ve begun to believe about your identity as a wife, mother, and most importantly, daughter of God. 

It can help root you in this identity, opening you up to more fully receive the graces God wants to pour out upon you and your spouse. 

These benefits can only be reaped with practice.

At first affirmation can be difficult to give and to receive, but with time and habitual repetition you will find that it gets easier. 

General affirmations (ie, “you’re such a good husband/wife”) can do wonders for a weary heart; however, more specific affirmations are often more meaningful and memorable so try to be specific when acknowledging the goodness of your spouse. 

And don’t be afraid to receive affirmation with a gracious heart. Don’t try to brush it off or play it down.

Establishing this habit has spoken truth into our life and relationship, often at times when we didn’t even realize how much we needed it. 

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? 4 Ideas for Catholic Couples.

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

At the altar, spouses solemnly profess to lay their lives down for one another, come what may and even unto death. The call to Christ-like love is a high one, worth attention and contemplation. But what about action?

For me, the gravity and huge significance of my wedding vows are beautiful to reflect upon, yet in all honesty, they sometimes leave me thinking, what now? That is, how, exactly am I being asked to live out these promises?

At the intersection of the theological and the practical is action: concrete steps I can take to embody the sacrificial love my husband and I are called to.

Here, if you’ve wondered yourself how to live out sacrifices in life’s daily rhythms, four practices that have helped me.

Consider your spouse’s love language.

Whether your spouse most deeply receives love through physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or quality time, take time to identify particular ways and times of day in which you can express these gestures to one another.

Do you know each other’s love languages? Find an inventory here.

For us, we satisfy my husband’s love language of acts of service, and mine of quality time, when we clean the kitchen together before bed. It sounds simple, but the time spent chatting and helping one another with chores has become a treasured ritual.

Dream together, and work toward a financial goal.

If money weren’t a factor, where would you go? Who would you help? Talk with your spouse about a trip you’d love to take, a city or state where you hope to live long-term, educational possibilities for your future or present children, and the charitable causes you’re most passionate about. Identifying specific matters you most deeply value makes budgeting and saving feel purposeful. Consider evaluating your budget for areas where you can allocate more to your financial dreams or enacting periodic spending fasts.

Offer up your workouts.

When framed in a healthy context, exercise can bear more than physical rewards. Fitness can be spiritual, as well. If you work out, consider offering each mile or each rep for your beloved’s sanctification or for specific intentions.

I find myself continually inspired by Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati’s motto verso l’alto; “to the heights.” A lover of nature, sports, and physical activity, Frassati strove to live beyond mediocrity, not for the sake of greatness itself or for worldly glory, but as an offering to the Father. I seek his example in times when I feel spiritually or physically inactive, knowing that self-discipline leads to true freedom and excellence gives glory to God.

Engage in one of your spouse’s hobbies.

Though my husband and I initially bonded over shared tastes in books and movies, we also have hobbies we each personally enjoy that the other isn’t as interested in. That makes the times we engage in each others’ individual interests that much more meaningful--my husband loves when I sit down to play a board game with him, for instance, and it means a lot to me when he chooses to join in on a show I’m watching.

What are your own individual hobbies? Consider the activities your spouse enjoys on his or her own, and choose to participate now and then. 

Sacrifice speaks a language: I see you. I value you. Your time and interests are important to me. I give of myself to you. What would you add to this list? Share the ways everyday sacrifices strengthen you and your spouse in love.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Do You Suffer Well Together?

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MARIAH MAZA

 

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 11/17/2020.

One of the best bits of marriage advice I received as an engaged woman came in the form of a question: “You both love each other very much, but do you suffer well together?”

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY

In our first two years of marriage, my husband and I have been handed more crosses than I ever expected. And that’s coming from a woman who walked into marriage expecting my share of suffering--a fruit of my natural temperament. After all, I thought, if our vocation is a large part of what God uses to mold us into saints, part of that refining process will be painful.

But in that time, I have learned about a different kind of pain: that there is nothing more lonely in a marriage than not learning how to suffer well together. As you prepare for marriage with your beloved, do not be afraid to grapple with the question I was once asked.

After a man and woman truly become “one flesh” in the sacrament, they are connected physically, emotionally, and spiritually for the rest of their lives. This supernatural connection bonds you more intimately than any other human relationship on this side of heaven, and it encompasses every part of your new life together, including suffering.

Before marriage, and especially during engagement, many couples walk through difficult seasons. These don’t have to be trials to merely be endured. They can also become a source of redemption and practice for a lifetime of sharing everyday experiences. There is also profound comfort in the knowledge that, after your wedding day, God has reserved generous, specific, and boundless marital graces for you and your spouse to endure “for better or for worse.”

So how can you prepare during engagement to face the crosses of marriage together? An honest discussion is a great start. Take turns asking each other, “when you encounter suffering, how do you respond?”

Maybe your natural response is to talk about your problems, cry, and be held in the embrace of a loved one. Your fiance may say he prefers to distance himself when he’s upset. He would rather think about and process problems alone, and he’s not one to express his negative emotions. Neither of these tendencies are wrong, but in a marriage, different personality traits can clash unexpectedly.

Genuine love means striving to understand your spouse, even (especially) in areas where you are different. These are often the areas that will require the most sacrifice and selflessness. Learning how to allow your differences to complement each other, especially in painful moments, is an ongoing process that is refined over years of marriage. It is something my husband will continue to refine for the rest of our lives. 

And yet, it is possible through the grace of confession and God’s mercy. You’ll learn how to better answer the next important question: “When crosses enter our marriage, how are we going to face them together?”

There is nothing like the feeling of facing a trial as a team, instead of letting it become a source of conflict, isolation, and loneliness. When husbands and wives suffer well together, they grow closer because of the pain, instead of being driven apart. They hold each other in silent but beautiful moments of shared grief, and are a source of comfort to the other.

I will never forget the day my husband and I received particularly bad news. It was the latest in a string of unfortunate events, some we had handled better than others. We sat together on the couch, and I asked, “what are we going to do?” We talked about our fears, honest and vulnerable, and then we held each other. 

We were both afraid of the uncertainties to come, but I found a strength in his arms that almost felt like joy in the midst of grappling with something out of our control. In that moment we faced fear as a team, and I finally began to understand, just a little, what it meant to suffer together.

When my husband and I said our wedding vows, we stood in front of the altar and held a crucifix between us. In that moment, we were a visible symbol of how we were to carry our crosses “until death do us part:” together, with Christ as our binding strength. Apart from the cross, there is no grace to suffer well. United to the cross, our suffering, especially in marriage, becomes something redemptive, refining, and unifying.

In a true miracle of grace, God can bring spouses closer through their crosses, and in the process closer to him. Do not fear the trials that may come in marriage. If you face them together, with courage and prayer, your love for each other can only grow stronger.

About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the lead editor for the pro-life non-profit Voices for the Voiceless and one of the journalists behind the Voices Docuseries: West. Read more

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Considering an Engagement or Wedding Submission? Tips for Sharing Your Story.

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JIZA ZITO

 

At Spoken Bride, we are dedicated to communicating the goodness, truth, and beauty of sacramental marriage. You, our brides, are an integral part of our mission to share distinctively Catholic relationship testimonies. Spoken Bride continually accepts engagement and wedding submissions for consideration, and we invite you to share your love story with us.

Most professional wedding photographers and planners are familiar with sending submissions to wedding websites. If you’re not familiar, we’re here to help! 

Here, if you’re a bride or vendor considering a submission to Spoken Bride, some helpful tips for the process. 

Read the Submission guidelines thoroughly

On our Submission page, you will find specific, detailed guidelines and requirements for the text and images you share with us. Due to the volume of submissions received, it’s important that these specific guidelines are met in order for your submission to be fully reviewed for consideration. 

Note, for example, the pixel requirements for images in order for them to appear clear and sharp on our site; or the request that your Dropbox folder include the names of the bride and groom to keep your information organized for our creative team.   

These guidelines let us best showcase your submission while also helping our team work efficiently. We realize that sometimes instructions get overlooked; bear in mind this can  delay the review process or affect acceptance. Therefore, we recommend reading and following each guideline! For more information, see our Terms & Policies. 

Be selective with your photographs

Wedding photographers typically deliver anywhere from 500-1000+ images for your gallery-- we understand it’s no easy task that we request no more than 100 photographs to include in your submission! Some images we love to see in submissions are:

  • Detail shots of the rings, invitation suite, dress, flowers, religious items, etc. 

  • The bride getting ready 

  • The groom getting ready

  • The first look or the “reach around and pray” of the bride and groom

  • The first look and/or candid images with parents or parent figures

  • Many details and images of the Wedding Mass, including...

    • Shots of the church and sanctuary 

    • Your wedding program

    • Walking down the aisle

    • Exchanging of Vows and Rings 

    • The Consecration of the Host 

    • Receiving Holy Communion 

    • The Dedication to Mary 

    • The kiss

    • Any special traditions or customs

    • Candid emotion of the bride and groom

  • A few shots with the bridal party 

  • Many more shots of just the Bride and Groom 

  • Details of your reception, including... 

    • A wide shot inside the venue

    • Decorations

    • The cake 

  • The first dance

  • Dances with parents or parent figures 

  • Any special customs or traditions 

  • The Exit 

In your image selection, we recommend avoiding:

  • Multiple images of the same or similar thing 

  • Poorly lit images

  • All of the formal family portraits

  • Numerous reception dancing photos

  • Unflattering or potentially embarrassing photos of wedding guests

  • Images of children, unless you’ve received permission from their parents

Give proper credit

At Spoken Bride, we strive to support small businesses and wedding vendors by attributing proper credit. We do this by providing a website link and/or social media handle, which serves as a way for potential clients to contact them. If you had a great experience with your vendor(s), sharing their work and business information--especially within a public website feature--is an excellent way to compliment them and to help send business their way! It is good practice to give credit and recognition wherever it is due. 

Allow time for review 

It is our joy to read and review each and every submission that we receive. No couple is exactly like another, and it never ceases to amaze us on the way God works with and through the lives of others.

Because we have to carefully review each submission, it requires time from our editors. You can expect a response to your submission form within 2-3 business weeks. However, if you have not heard back from us within that time, send us an email. We will gladly let you know if we have received your submission (because technology glitches do happen!) and where we are in the review process. 

I feel like my story isn’t a Catholic fairy tale, or like my wedding doesn’t look as aspirational as others.

With every story received and shared here at Spoken Bride, we should always bear in mind that God calls each and every one of us to holiness. When we look upon the lives of the Saints or at the stories within Scripture, no two lives are identical. The same goes for each of us as God draws us closer to him throughout our earthly journey. Your story matters, and only you and your beloved can tell it.

No matter your story, the aesthetic of your proposal or wedding, your upbringing, your background, your culture, your failures or your successes, we encourage you to be confident and at peace that “in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.”

Let your light shine before others. Send us your story “so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride’s mission of sharing the truth, beauty, and goodness of the sacrament of Marriage. We look forward to hearing from you! 

PHOTOGRAPHY: STEPHANIE MESSICK PHOTOGRAPHY, SEEN IN VICTORIA + DAVID | ANTIQUE GLAMOUR WEDDING & A CONVERSION STORY.

About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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4 Ways Couples Can Practice Hospitality this Winter

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

Practicing hospitality is an act of service that invites others into a deeper relationship with their fellow man and with God. And as John Paul II said above, it should be a habit fostered in our day to day life. 

Married couples can live out this call in a unique way, especially during this time of the year which highlights the warmth and delight that comes with this gift of hospitality. 

Open your home to out of town visitors

Do you have any family or friends coming from out of town this winter? If you have the space, consider offering them a place to stay instead of them staying at a nearby hotel. 

Opening up your home is the most obvious way to practice hospitality, but also one accompanied by the most stress. Let go of the pressure of making your house absolutely perfect before inviting others into it, and focus on creating a space for others to feel welcomed and loved. 

Celebrate one of the many winter feast days

The Church’s liturgical calendar invites the faithful dive deeper into the rich history and traditions of our faith. 

Intentionally living with the liturgical year can easily include friends or family. Earlier this month, for instance, my husband and I invited several friends over for a taco dinner and praying a rosary in honor of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

The winter months have many beautiful feast days and solemnities worth celebrating. You might want to plan a Catholic themed White Elephant/Secret Santa exchange on the Feast of the Epiphany or you can invite other couples over for donuts after mass on the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God. 

Get creative! 

Show some love to your neighbors

Communities often experience a willingness to grow in friendship as the holidays approach. So if you’ve been hoping to get to know your neighbors a bit better, take advantage of the warm feelings that accompany this time of year. 

You can deliver a tin of homemade cookies or offer hot chocolate to people as they shovel the snow off their drive- way. 

Taking time to get to know the people that live closest to you can really improve the strength of a community, and fulfills Jesus’ command to love your neighbor. 

Invite friends to pray Vespers or Compline

If you are looking for a strong way to finish out Advent or even a spiritual resolution for the new year, consider praying one of the hours in the Divine Office. 

The Divine Office extends the Liturgy found in the mass into one’s daily life and activities. It fulfills the Lord’s order to, as St Paul’s said in his letter to the Thessalonians, “pray without ceasing.”

You can easily invite other members from your parish or your friends to join you in praying evening prayer (Vespers) or night prayer (Compline) once a week. Make an evening out of it by offering drinks and desserts to enjoy beforehand.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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New Year's Resolutions for Catholic Brides + Couples

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Happy New Year from the team at Spoken Bride! 

The start of a new calendar year elicits a natural motivation for new habits, routines and goals. Whether you are embracing the new year in solitude or in collaboration with a significant other, the Spoken Bride archives offer a variety of ideas to kick start a fresh resolution.

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

 

How are you being intentional at the start of a new year? Share your ideas with our community on Instagram and Facebook. 

Newlywed Surprises | What I Didn't See Coming

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CADENCE MCMANIMON

 

“Could you hand me the curry?” I asked, shredding some lettuce.

“Sure,” my new husband replied, then turned to look at me with a cocked eyebrow. “But we’re having tuna wraps?”

“Yes, thus the curry,” I confirmed.

“What?”

We stared at each other quizzically across the kitchen table.

Most brides work hard to be prepared for marriage. My fiance, Chris, and I felt armed against all the common complaints concerning newlywed life. Child planning? Already taken care of with NFP classes. Theology of the body? Two book studies gave us a good grasp. Moving? We arranged his little apartment well ahead of time. Scheduling family events and work shifts? We’d been sharing a calendar for several months by then. We were prepared.

And then Chris and I actually got married. During the first six months, a few issues crept up seemingly out of left field. Nobody had warned us about them! Most weren’t a big deal, and some continued to be fun to explore as we went along. It’s awesome to keep discovering new things about your spouse in the first year of marriage!

So if you’re getting married soon, don’t be surprised if…

Grocery lists suddenly become unfamiliar.

Remember the curry confusion? Chris and I ate slightly different diets, just enough to make a weekly grocery list look a little funky. I had never eaten quinoa, but it was a staple in my fiance’s dinners. He wasn’t big into tomatoes or pastas, whereas I lived on Italian. This was one of those areas that could have been trouble, but turned out to be a lot of fun! I’m no Martha Stewart, but experimenting with new dishes together was a great way to design a pantry for our happy and healthy start. Keep in mind, if you or your fiance have any kind of food allergy or intolerance, plan some meals together beforehand. You’ll thank yourself for double-checking ingredients when you sit down for dinner together regularly.

Your family has anxiety about you leaving.

I’d lived at home almost all my life and was heavily involved in my little siblings’ daily routines. Not having me there every day was a big switch for them. The first few months of our marriage involved lots of letters and video chats between me and my littlest siblings, one of whom truly believed he would never see me again after the wedding. (Seriously, he cried for three hours on our wedding day.) My parents and grown siblings didn’t need the same level of reassurance, but it was still tough for them in other ways. If this becomes your situation, remember to have patience with anyone coping with your new transition--especially if you moved far away or won’t be able to visit on a regular basis. It’s not just you who has to get used to these changes.

You wake up and wonder who in the world got into your bed!

This one was probably harder for my husband than for me. Although I am a light sleeper by nature, I’d been sharing beds with sisters my entire life. Chris, on the other hand, had been used to his own bed for twenty-eight years. To say he was used to sleeping alone is an understatement! Sleeping in a new bed with a new person can be more of a shock to your system than you expect, no matter how much you love your new spouse. Don’t worry, though; in under a week we were both sleeping fine. In fact, your body may get so used to having your beloved beside you, you won’t be able to sleep without them!

Storage takes you by surprise.

I love decluttering, organizing, and keeping space free and empty. Chris doesn’t have a problem with storing things away “just in case” or because they’re sentimental. It was interesting how differently we approached . . . stuff. Honestly, I think we are learning a few good things from each other in this area. I tend to throw things away, even if a few months later it would have come in handy. Chris helps me remember to think ahead, and I help him decide which of those twenty-five Christmas cards are special enough to keep in the “memories box.” Couples may not think to discuss their clutter or organization habits, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal when differences come up. It’s just stuff, after all. Have fun collaborating on methods that work for both of you, and be open to new ideas!

Technology habits block quality time.

We all know how easy it is to spend too much time on our phones, but we often don’t realize just how much time we’re on them. A quick scroll at breakfast, checking media before bed, or a couple videos during a workout adds up quickly. Chris was in graduate school during our entire engagement and used his laptop and phone for hours every evening for homework. I work online, so much of my day was spent on a computer as well. When we got married, our ingrained screen schedules didn’t exactly line up with one another. Sometimes I’d be working well after he got home, or he’d have his phone out at dinner to check up on news and weather. We’ve built better habits by making sure my work hours line up with his, our meals and bedtime are free of phones, and one hour each evening is set aside for technology-free time together.

Chris and I are still newlyweds, just coming up on our first anniversary, so this list is far from exhaustive. But I hope it gives you a taste of the great adventure you are about to embark on. No matter how many little surprises or big changes arise, your new spouse is worth each and every one! If you work together and prioritize each other, discoveries like these can become delightful collaborations. 

Even prepping a quick quinoa dish or sprinkling curry into the tuna can serve as a happy reminder of just how much two can become one in marriage.

About the Author: Cadence McManimon is a published author and a special education teacher. She writes various types of fiction including Christian, historical, and fantasy. Cadence has always loved the creative world of art and music and took up writing during her years-long battle with Lyme disease. Her novels Name Unspoken and The Lily Girl are available on her website. Her favorite things include crayons, sarcasm, Sherlock Holmes, and hearing from readers!

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Editors Share | Professional Resources to Support Your Marriage

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The challenges and circumstances in our lives can push us to our limits of virtue. In certain seasons, you may feel called to seek professional support as a source of encouragement and clarity for personal growth and/or in the ongoing relationship with your spouse. God has empowered professionals with gifts and strengths to support mental health and marriage; receiving their gifts to strengthen our lives is receiving a gift from God.

Today, the Spoken Bride team shares some of their own experiences with professional resources that provide support in their own lives.

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

Andi Compton, Business Director

We have used Holy Family Counseling via phone which has been fantastic for us. Not having childcare, whenever we have a session we either do it when the kids are at school, or put a movie on for them and do the session in our room. It allows us some anonymity too, which we appreciate. Counseling has helped us heal some very deep wounds. 

 

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder and Creative Director

Throughout my engagement, I was working as an intern at the Theology of the Body Institute in Exton, PA. Being fully immersed in St. John Paul II’s rich teachings on the true meaning of our bodies, life, and creation on a daily basis profoundly impacted me. The theology of the body has personally brought a great deal of healing while at the same time answered many of my own questions on “the meaning of the whole of existence, the meaning of life” (TOB 46:6).

Whenever my then-fiancé-now-husband was able to permit some time in his schedule, we would attend the various events and courses that were being offered together. The seeds that were planted in our hearts through the theology of the body have certainly bore fruit throughout our life as a married couple and continue to do so as time passes. 

 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I have never sought professional help or spiritual direction, but that doesn’t mean we never will. In fact, I have kept my heart quite open to it as we anticipate the coming arrival of our first child and a lot of military-related separations in our near future. 

Growing up, I had the mentality that couples who went to counseling were those whose marriages were falling apart or were going through major life crises, because that was the stereotype I saw in the media. Although that can be true in many cases, I now understand the major benefit that can come from marriage and family counseling even for couples who are “fine.” We don’t have to learn healthier habits only after a problem arises.

Life’s inevitable changes will always have an effect—good, bad, or a complex mixture of both—on a marriage. Even those marriages who strive to keep their foundation rooted in Christ. Whether or not you have already attended counseling or spiritual direction with your spouse, keep an open heart and mind! God has given us spiritual and psychological resources to keep our souls and our hearts healthy.

 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

As a child, my family participated in Catholic family counseling to help us build stronger communication and conflict resolution skills. Fast forward nearly 20 years, and my parents have founded a nonprofit focused on supporting the family through professional counseling and education.

Now, as a wife and soon-to-be-mother, I desire to pursue some form of professional or spiritual direction to continue guiding my self-awareness, emotional literacy, and communication with my own young family. This desire is an ongoing prayer, and one I trust God will provide an answer to when the time—and opportunity—is right. I believe that pursuing professional support for personal growth requires a discernment process in order to ready the heart and to collaborate with the right means of support in a specific season of life.

Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness into Newlywed Life

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KATE THIBODEAU

 

Have you felt a surprising sense of losing independence or control after your wedding day? If you’ve experienced this in uniting your life with your husband’s, I understand. 

Photography: Diane Murtha, seen in How He Asked | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

Photography: Diane Murtha, seen in How He Asked | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

As an independent thinker and doer throughout my life, before marriage I took pride in going about my daily plans and crafting a great big future for myself. Seeing this resourcefulness bloom as a single adult, I enjoyed my self-reliance. I used my motivation to push myself in planning each future endeavor, from daily meals to progress towards my degree or future career.

Marriage throws a wrench in your independence when you realize you are no longer a lone ranger in complete control of your future.

While we usually recognize we are sacrificing ourselves, both body and soul, at the altar, this loss is felt more keenly in the field when we live out our marriage vows together day by day. 

 As a newlywed, I loved including my husband in my daily plans, spending as much time together as possible. Having survived a distance engagement, we were so enthralled by the opportunity of finally living as one and uniting our daily lives. 

However, after the first few months passed, I realized the difficulty of fully involving another’s thoughts, comforts, and wishes into my everyday decisions. Maybe I didn’t plan to cook tonight, for instance, but he would love a full meal after a hard day: a death to selfishness.

 These everyday inconveniences could be thrown aside with a bit of resolution and love for my spouse. Of course spouses want to accommodate and serve each other. However, the impact of losing this control over your own self and circumstances is a bigger trial. Life becomes completely shared with your spouse--something I was to learn sooner than expected.

My picture-perfect plans for my life, and our unified existence, was shaken by opportunities for trust. The first of these experiences came in the form of allowing myself to consider starting our family sooner than I had planned. In following Natural Family Planning, my husband and I were perpetually open to life, but coming into our marriage, we--rather, I--had been quite clear in the  expectation to attempt to delay pregnancy until a certain number of years had passed. 

 Marriage is compromise accompanied by trust. It shone through brilliantly when I quickly realized my husband’s desire to become a father was growing, and my preconceived notions were founded in a sense of doubt and denial that God could be calling us--calling me--sooner.

As a self recognized control-freak, I would gladly welcome our family’s future wrapped neatly in a box, signed, addressed, and dated with each big event dutifully marked in my planner. 

However, my vocation calls me to fluidity in our plans, to openness to the needs of my spouse and his ability to help support our family, and to patient trust in God’s providence. We must commit to ongoing communication about the direction of the adventure God should decide to take us. Whether that be moving where our careers call or sacrificing comfort for the security of our family, we must always trust in God’s leading hand to point us in the right direction. For when has he failed us before?

As newlyweds, our need to rise above the selfishness of our natures is a daily challenge. God does not call the weak to the vocation of marriage, but he does grant us regular opportunities to strive for virtue. Our vices in our single lives shine through more blatantly when met with the sacrifice needed for a fruitful marriage. 

 The drastic change from the single life to dependency upon your spouse can be jarring and uncomfortable. My experience, however, proves my husband and I feel most unified when allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, allowing God to direct our lives. 

Marriage is not only a death to self, but a death to pride, independence, and all the qualities that drive us to feel in control. 

It is a daily sacrifice to take my husband’s needs and desires into account, and a bigger challenge still to entrust our lives into the hands of an all-knowing God.

I do not pretend to be anywhere near overcoming my desire to be in control or in the know regarding our future. Yet I know the graces of marriage allow us to grow in virtue, both together and as individuals. 

 Rest assured that your vocation to marriage will lead you to a greater understanding of your personal vices, accompanied with a deeper desire to pursue a death to them. I challenge you, and myself, to continuously invite trust in God’s direction for your marriage, and seek to lift up selfishness in prayer. 

In those newlywed moments when you feel disconnected or disillusioned by the ideals of your perfectly planned life, know you are where God desires you to be. He is calling you to a greater future with your husband. A greater holiness.

 About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. Mama to angel baby, Charlotte Rose, and new Baby Lizzy, Kate has an English degree from Benedictine College, and strives to live the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

What do your Sundays currently look like? Do they align with how you’d like them to look?

Personally, I love coming home from morning Mass to have lunch with my family and read a book during my kids’ nap times, yet I admit I frequently spend the rest of the day cramming in meal prep, chores, and errands in an attempt to feel “ready” for the week ahead. In a culture of busyness and distraction, I suspect I’m not the only one.

Photography: Laurentina Photography

Photography: Laurentina Photography

What does “ready” really mean, though? True, my Sunday habits help me feel materially and practically prepared, but too often I experience the creeping awareness that my spiritual and emotional readiness just hasn’t been satisfied. Lots of doing; not enough being. I crave carefree timelessness, but struggle to use my time well.

What do you and your beloved do for fun? Get ideas from the hobbies the editors share with their spouses.

I love the idea of a true Sabbath; a day to embrace the practices that help me, my husband, and our kids simply enjoy being present with one another in the activities that renew us and bring us joy. Here, for any others like me who desire a restorative Sunday routine, four questions to guide you in planning and entering into a fulfilling day of rest with those you love. 

What do we value?

Consider you and your beloved’s temperaments: what relationships, activities, and habits are most particularly important to you? For some couples, the answer might be social time with friends and family and for others, time alone for a date or a few relaxing hours at home. For some, it might be time away from screens, and for others, it might be catching up on movies or a show. For some, exercise is leisurely; for others, Sunday can be a break from the workout grind.

Examine and discuss what each of you values, and build those values into your Sabbath accordingly.

How can we distinguish our Sunday routines from the rest of the week?

Brainstorm and discuss ways you and your beloved can make each Sabbath feel distinctive from your typical weekly routines. This could take the form of morning or nighttime habits that encourage quality time and unhurriedness, like sleeping in and reading in bed, going for a walk, sharing reflections on the Mass readings for the day, or cooking a leisurely breakfast or dinner together. 

If you have children, consider simple, memorable rituals they can be involved with--for young kids, practices as seemingly ordinary as attending the donut Sunday after Mass, taking a family walk, or creating a short, Sunday-only prayer routine can become indelible memories! In my family, we like coming home from church to make eggs and toast and try to go on a low-key Sunday outing to nearby playgrounds or biking trails.

Playfulness enriches your marriage. Read more on cultivating a childlike spirit of joy.

What makes us feel most refreshed?

So many of us wish we had more time for hobbies or have a bucket list of activities we’d love to try “someday.” If you’re like me, perhaps you’ve ignored these lists in favor of scrolling through your phone, only to look up from the screen feeling restless and dull.

I encourage you--along with myself--to take the Sabbath as an invitation to engage in the activities that leave you feeling most alive and refreshed: time outdoors, reading, playing an instrument, or otherwise. Identify with your fiancé or spouse the activities you both love and can take part in together.

What weekend responsibilities can we reserve for Saturday instead of Sunday?

The imminent work week can make Sunday feel like an ideal time to get things done around the house and check off your to-do list, yet in my experience, I so often feel rushed trying to accomplish everything before Monday morning.

Instead, consider the time to breathe you afford yourself when you reserve cleaning, shopping, and organizing for Saturdays instead of Sundays. By doing the bulk of these tasks earlier in the weekend, you provide yourself with a cushion of extra time to get things done, as well as a needed break before your weekly routine begins again. 

So before the weekend starts, talk with your beloved about the responsibilities each of you hopes to accomplish, and plan how you can share and complete them as early on as you can.

What about you? If any of you have similar hopes for creating a true Sabbath, I’d love to hear the practices that have helped you do so and to learn about the weekend activities that bring you fully alive. Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Integrity Makes Us Whole: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

In my experiences working with brides and engaged couples, I’ve talked to many women who excitedly describe their wedding plans to me, often followed by a qualifier something like, “but of course, the sacrament is the most important part.” 

It’s true! Entering into marriage, speaking your wedding vows with soul and body, is transformative. An outpouring of grace. 

Photography: Fiat Photography

Photography: Fiat Photography

And yet, why do couples sometimes feel guilt when they dream of a visually beautiful wedding day? Is it that they hope beauty won’t be a distraction from the greater, divine reality taking place, or that downplaying the material elements is somehow more virtuous?

If you’ve ever felt this way, I commend your spirit of humility and moderation. I also invite you to reconsider the purpose of beauty. 

Any desire you have for a beautiful wedding--the church, the music, the gown, the flowers, the meal, and more--isn’t at odds with the sacrament. In fact, I’d argue sensory beauty enriches the beauty of the sacrament. God himself is all truth, goodness and beauty.

Therefore, held in proper perspective, any wedding elements that evoke the true, good and beautiful are an opportunity--an invitation--to know the heart of God more deeply. These desires are a good thing!

I call this an “appeal to the heart.” Beauty stirs something within us; an ache for meaning and for the infinite. We are made for eternal life, and so these longings draw us into our identity and purpose. 

Truth, goodness, and beauty are relational. A bridge. Wherever you are in your spiritual life, whether or not all your wedding guests are Catholic, beauty speaks a language we can all understand. It brings together the intangible with the real, integrating them into something more powerful than either could be on its own and making us more wholly human.

Integration and integrity are so closely linked. When our priorities are rightly ordered, there is peace, and less disconnect between our interior lives and the exterior we present to the world.

I see this sense of order extend beyond wedding planning and into the dynamics of relationships and marriage: love itself is a school of integrity.

When we act out of love, rather than seeking to gain, we’re free to express love in a way befitting our current state (whether engagement or marriage). In living out authentic love as best as we’re able--that is, a love that gives freely, faithfully, totally, and fruitfully--our words and bodies communicate respect, reverence, and an encounter beyond just the physical. A true sense of integrity.

When the body, soul, and mind are ordered toward freedom and self-gift, authentic love becomes far more than guidance or rules; rules become unnecessary, because we’re already living out our personhood as we’re meant to.

Have you experienced these tensions--that is, a desire to prioritize the sacramental nature of your wedding day while still conveying visual and sensory beauty? A hope to lessen any division between the inner and outer parts of who you are?

That tension is our humanity; the gift and weight of living in this world while anticipating the next. I hope beauty stirs and moves you, that your wedding day and marriage make God’s goodness visible, and that the pursuit of integrity bears abundant fruits in your vocation.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Emotions and Will in a Season of Waiting

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Seasons of waiting and preparation are inherent to the Catholic liturgical calendar. Both Lent and Advent are significant and intentional times to ready our minds and hearts for a new encounter with Christ--through both his birth and his death and resurrection. 

Similarly, seasons of waiting and preparation are embedded into our personal lives, especially in times leading up to significant encounters of relationship. 

Engagement is a space prior to a wedding. Pregnancy is a space prior to the birth of a child. The passage of time can often be a trigger for the rise and fall of emotions. How we manage, process and project those emotions is part of our personal journey toward holiness. 

In the Gospel of Matthew, we are instructed to “be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” In our earthly pursuit of sanctification, we can learn from the perfect human hearts of Jesus and Mary. 

Fully human yet divine in nature, we see that both Jesus and Mary, in their separate experiences of approaching death and childbirth, respectively, were affected by feelings of impatience, fear, or anticipation. 

In the sorrowful mystery of Jesus’ agony in the garden, we read Jesus experienced feelings of sorrow and distress in the final stages of his preparation. Keep in mind how, in many ways, his entire public ministry was all a part of the journey towards his new reality in heaven. The agony in the garden is not his solitary experience of anticipation, but a final culmination of waiting before the new journey to the cross begins. 

Despite his soul being filled with sorrow, he approached God in prayer three times, praying, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!”

He feels the breadth and depth of sorrow, a deep emotional experience, and he admits the ache of his heart! Yet in the same sentence, he unites his own will to God’s will. He surrenders his sorrow to trust in God. 

We hear an echo of this surrender in Mary’s experience 33 years prior when she prepares to conceive, deliver, and raise Jesus as her own son. In the joyful mystery of the angel Gabriel’s Annunciation unto Mary, she responds with a question, a doubt: “How can this be?”  

The dialogue continues between the angel and Mary until she united the questions of her heart to God’s will and says, “May it be done to me according to your word.” Her pregnancy continued through additional experiences as she journeyed--emotionally and physically--to the birth of Jesus. 

In these stories, we read of two human beings who engaged in seasons of waiting with strong emotions, yet perfectly offered their will to God’s desire.  

The Liturgical seasons of the church are intentional times to help us reflect on the posture of our hearts as we approach the ever-new realities of our faith. Even more, the seasons of waiting embedded in our vocations as wives and mothers are real-life opportunities to turn reflections into practice.

As it was with the agony in the garden, the Annunciation or engagement and pregnancy, certain opportunities may be once-in-a-lifetime. This Advent, create a space in your heart for the season of waiting to implant itself deep into your heart so when the opportunity comes, you too can surrender your sorrow, fear, anxiety or doubt to the will of God the Father with hopeful trust.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Creating Holiday Traditions as a Couple

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

Being newly-wed or newly engaged offers couples a unique opportunity to approach the holidays with a new lens. 

Up until now, you may not have thought much about how you will celebrate, but approaching the holidays for the first time as new family may give you pause. How will my new husband and I enter into this holiday together?

As a newly-wed, I couldn’t wait to create special traditions with my husband. And between Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas (not to mention all of the upcoming feast days), there is a lot to be excited for. 

If you’re like me and you can’t wait to get started on making festive memories with your spouse, here’s some advice to get you started. 

Talk about what is important to you

With the amount of fun and festive activities available, it can easily become overwhelming for a couple to decide how to spend their energy.

Talk to your husband about what aspects of the season you’d most like to observe and celebrate. Decide as a family what values you want to uphold and how your holiday traditions can reflect that. 

Keep your family favorites

Traditions are deeply tied to family so both you and your spouse will likely bring some holiday traditions into your marriage. 

Discuss with your spouse which traditions you’d like to carry over your new family. It is fun to share in these beloved and memorable activities with your new husband and your future children. 

Be realistic with your expectations. When establishing a new family, you may need to make modifications or even some sacrifices to make the holidays work for everyone. 

Related: How to Decide Whose Family To Visit for the Holidays


Draw from the history of the Church

Why reinvent the wheel? The Catholic Church has over 2000 years of traditions for their members to draw from.

The Church’s liturgical calendar provides a rhythm for your daily life and a framework for the faithful to orient themselves toward heaven. It tells us when to repent and when to rejoice, when to fast and when to feast.

Learn more about the Church’s liturgical calendar and the various traditions that go along with it, then choose a few you want to implement in your domestic church. 

Related: Need some ideas to get you started? Check out “Liturgical Living for Catholic Couples"


Be Patient

Nobody has ever forced a good holiday tradition. (Trust me, I’ve tried). 

Family traditions develop organically throughout the years so don’t be in a rush to try to form something your great grandchildren will enjoy. 

Be willing to try several traditions before the right ones stick. This may even mean that some of the traditions you thought would last are lost over time. 

Don’t be discouraged. One day you will look back and give thanks for the life-giving (and possibly) surprising traditions that your family created. 

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Happy Thanksgiving from Spoken Bride! Holiday Wedding Inspiration + Reflections for the Season.

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From us to you, Happy Thanksgiving Day! May the Father draw your gaze to all of his gifts and pour out his abundance in your vocation.

Here, as the holiday season begins, our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living, Christmas weddings, creating traditions with your spouse, and more.

Bridget + KC | Traditional Christmas Octave Wedding

Liturgical Living + Advent

A prayer of thanksgiving for couples | Creating Advent traditions in your marriage and family | A reflection on waiting and anticipation, and their surprising fruits during engagement | The sense of waiting continues on into married life. Yet the Lord is ever present and there is much “joyful hope.” | Meditations on Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, celebrated December 8 | Even Saint Thérese experienced longing and impatience to begin her vocation. Thoughts on embracing seasons of preparation. 

Gifts

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5 Creative gift ideas for newlyweds | Spoken Bride Vendors share Christmas gift ideas, including many custom and handmade items | A gift guide curated by the Spoken Bride team

Relationship Health During the Holiday Season

5 Tips for balancing family, social events, and time as a couple during the holidays | Distinctively Catholic ideas for celebrating the Christmas season with your beloved | 

Holiday Weddings

Spoken Bride Features Editor Mariah Maza shares the story of her Christmas Octave wedding and tips for planning your own | Claire and Andrew’s blue and silver wedding in a Tennessee cathedral, celebrated on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception | Bridget and KC’s Christmas Octave wedding, filled with symbolism and intention and inspired by Pier Giorgio Frassati | Natasha and Tim’s Minnesota New Year’s wedding, centered on family and community--down to the bride’s vintage gown | Emily and Daniël’s Praise and Worship-filled Christmas season wedding | Christina and Kristian’s Austin wedding, with holiday colors and Christmas hymns | Genevieve and Dalton’s festive celebration at Rock ‘N Bowl | Caroline and Matt’s elegant cathedral wedding, rich with family heritage | Kaitlyn and John’s New Year’s wedding in blue, gold, and white | Becca and Phil’s Christmas picnic wedding

The team shares favorite winter and holiday date ideas:

“Getting coffee and going to see Christmas lights in the neighborhood. Shopping for a holiday gift or food drive. Local Christmas programs or pageants, and cookie decorating!” - Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

“Volunteering at a food shelter.” - Andi Compton, Business Director

“Baking pies!” - Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

“Seeing light displays and attending a holiday show like The Nutcracker or an orchestra.” - Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Photography: Wild Elegance LLC, As Seen In Bridget + KC | Traditional Christmas Octave Wedding

How Marriage has Changed my Heart

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

A trusting relationship has the power to transform a person from the inside-out. 

Throughout childhood, I had learned to utilize different strategies to protect my heart. “Don’t let the other team see you cry after a hard game,” and “Be a listener and not a sharer while on retreat” were specific lessons I learned. 

This kind of self-preservation was well-intentioned because we don’t always know who we can trust with our hearts. Unfortunately, this self-preservation inhibits authentic, intimate relationships with those whom we can trust with our hearts. 

If we could draw the spectrum of vulnerability, one side would represent the extreme of  self-preservation. Meanwhile, the other side would represent the extreme of complete transparency and exposure without boundaries. Somewhere in-between is a holy middle ground where we encounter authentic relationship with a balance of boundaries and vulnerability. 

Through the vocation to married life, two become one. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden, spouses stand emotionally exposed, “naked,” in a completely reciprocal offering of self and reception of the other. 

I was not ready to infuse my life to another on the day I met my future husband. Though I would have felt safer learning how to love and be loved in isolation, God began to bring my heart closer to that middle ground through relationship. 

Learning to love and be loved in a trusting relationship has completely transformed my heart--both in hidden and visible ways. The most obvious outward sign of love’s tenderness on my heart is through tears. 

I cry more than ever before! And I can’t blame hormones or the time of the month. Experiencing a purity of trust, desire, love, and empathy has exposed me to a greater breadth and depth of emotion. Rather than fearing and hiding the movements of the heart, I have begun to feel them with freedom. Tears are a sign of a new sensitivity because my heart is more fully alive.  

Many of the Gospel stories involve a physical journey on a path from one place to another; this is a visual and physical metaphor for the internal journey we are called into as we become like Christ. Growing in holiness is an active process of movement, growth, and change. Holiness is in no way static.

For the man and woman united in marriage, the experience of sharing their lives is the pathway toward the narrow gate. Regardless of where you are on the journey-single, dating, engaged, or married--God calls you to holiness. Every season of life presents an opportunity for growth and transformation from the inside-out.

The fruits of the Holy Spirit--love, joy, peace, faithfulness, generosity, patience, kindness, self-control, and gentleness--have transformative power. When received in one’s heart, the seeds of this fruit implant new growth. In turn, the one who received the seed becomes fruitful in their own life and love. 

In what ways has your heart transformed through love? Have you experienced an outward expression of this transformation? Share your experience with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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