Daniella + Christopher | Lavender Springtime Pandemic Wedding

A simple but stunning nuptial celebration, surrounded by intimate friends and family. Bright lavender florals and teal green accents brought delight in the midst of a global crisis, and chosen Scriptures encouraged bride and groom to joyfully put on love, the “bond of perfection.”

Daniella and Christopher never anticipated a global pandemic during their engagement, but even the difficult loss of the large wedding they had planned didn’t break their foundation of faith--something they intentionally cultivated throughout their six year relationship. Together, they found strength in the words of Scripture read during their nuptial Mass: “let the peace of Christ control your hearts” (Colossians 3:15).

From the Bride 

Christopher and I met in high school during junior year math class. We hung out before and after school and even spent time with the kids at my mom's home daycare. At one point, I fell out with some friends in our friend group, but Chris looked at me and simply said, "don't worry about them, I will be your friend." 

After that, I went to one of his baseball games in the spring, and he asked me to go to dinner with him. I knew he was finally going to admit he liked me as more than a friend, and after dinner when we went for ice cream he asked me to be his girlfriend! 

I remember one of the moments I knew I loved him: 

I was kneeling in a church pew by myself before Mass, because I had missed Mass with my family earlier that day. My eyes were closed in prayer, and when I opened them Chris was there. He had already gone to Mass that morning but wanted to spend time with me. 

We chose to attend the same Catholic college, and went to Mass together every Sunday evening. During that time Chris went on a “study and serve” trip to Guatemala, and I cried when he left. I felt overcome with the feeling that he was the man I was meant to marry. I met him in the airport when he returned home nine weeks later, and he told me that seeing me there was the moment he was sure he wanted to marry me. 

After six years of dating, he proposed at the Tulsa Zoo--one of our favorite dates. We went on to plan a large wedding for May 2020, but the global pandemic unexpectedly occurred. Through much prayer and some tears over our lost dreams for our wedding day, we changed plans, and then changed them again. Our wedding became an intimate Mass with only immediate family, and we postponed the large reception for our one year anniversary. 

Our relationship has always centered around our Catholic faith, and we wove prayer and Mass together into our weekly routines. While contemplating whether we were called to marriage, I prayed a novena to St. Therese of Lisieux. It was answered with a red rose that symbolized what I had already been thinking: that Chris and I would marry each other.

We were both born and raised in strong Catholic families that went to church every Sunday, and we attended Catholic schools from kindergarten through college. We planned our nuptial Mass around Chris’s grandfather, who was the first deacon in our diocese. His uncle is a priest in a neighboring diocese. Chris’s grandfather witnessed our vows, and his uncle gave the homily, the blessing of the coins, and the lasso ceremony. 

Chris and I eventually decided that we wanted a simple day that included our favorite colors, green and purple, and lots of family. My two sisters were my maid of honor and bridesmaid, and Chris’s brother was the best man. The Mass was live-streamed for any family who couldn’t be there. 

We included the Hispanic traditions of my family by doing the blessing of the arras, or coins, to represent prosperity in marriage. We also performed the lasso ceremony to represent our unity and commitment. 

We thought it would be fun to recreate one of our first pictures together, taken seven years before our wedding. Chris and I also took pictures popping a bottle of champagne we had been gifted for our engagement, then saved for 11 months to cherish on our wedding day. We all took pictures with masks for safety, but also to commemorate the unique time during which we got married. 

We were originally set to marry at Chris’ parish, but we had to change the venue two weeks before to my parish of St. Anne’s. We had also planned to have our reception at the Tulsa Zoo (where Chris proposed) but that has been postponed due the pandemic. 

Chris and I cut our cake and shared our first dance in the living room, and my family transformed my sister's home into the reception venue for our small group. It was filled with little details representing Chris and I, our love for each other, and our new last name. I designed rustic-style programs for the ceremony and gold accent pieces including the coins, the lasso, and the cake topper. 

I crafted gift bags for each guest and vendor that included a roll of toilet paper, a pack of tissues, and hand sanitizer wrapped with green, purple, and gold ribbons. My family had green and purple masks made to match our bridal party's attire.

We chose the readings for our Mass based on a common theme of biblical couples coming together to pray with a marriage centered on God: 

Our first reading was Tobit 8:4-8, which states: “Now Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age."

Chris and I are so blessed to be together and share our faith. We are blessed to be able to help each other work toward the noble purpose of fulfilling God's plan for our lives. Like Tobit and his wife Sarah, we hope and pray that God grants us the ability to live together to a “happy old age.”

We also like how this reading shows a couple coming together to pray for each other and for their life together, especially with the mindset of being a gift to the other. Chris and I know our marriage is a relationship between the two of us and Christ.

Our second reading was Colossians 3:12-17. The first verses list virtuous qualities to exemplify as God's beloved chosen ones: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Scripture states that "over all these put on love...the bond of perfection." While we want our marriage to embody each and every one of these qualities, we know that God's love for us and our love for each other is at the root of our relationship. We strive for the "bond of perfection:" to love each other in our choices and actions, even when we may not feel like doing so. 

Colossians 3:15 states, "let the peace of Christ control your hearts." Chris is good at remaining at peace and trusting God, while I sometimes struggle with maintaining that peace. So my husband reminds me to trust in God's plan and to re-find peace. 

Lastly, we are "called in one body" to do "everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." In a supernatural way, Chris and I are joined as one body, with Christ at the center of our marriage. We give thanks to God for this bond. We entered into this sacrament full of thanks for one another and for all God has blessed us with, continues to bless us with, and will bless us with in the future.

Our Gospel was John 15:9-12, which focuses on remaining in Christ's love. It’s a message similar to the previous reading's themes of loving each other while always remembering that Christ is the center of our relationship. Chris and I strive to show each other Christ's love on a daily basis. We want to live every day loving each other as Christ loves us and to let our lives be an example of God’s love.

After re-planning our wedding three times, our day was much different than expected, but it was a beautiful celebration that kept things simple. It reminded us that the most important things in this life are our faith, our love, and our families. It helped us more deeply understand the importance of the sacrament alone. 

In spite of everything that happened, we believe God called us to marry each other, and his plan for us was more beautiful than any elaborate wedding we could have planned for ourselves. 

Photography: Emily Constance Photography | Venue - St Anne Catholic Church | Flowers - Divine Designs by Mandy | Cake: Laurie Jenkins (Family Friend) | Donuts: Dunkin’ Donuts | Dress, Earrings, & Veil: David’s Bridal | Tuxedos: Men’s Wearhouse | Hair and Makeup: Primp Hair & Makeup Studio - Guest book and invites: Shutterfly | Shoes: Amazon | Wedding and Engagement Rings - Moody’s | Videography Live Stream: Bound for Glory Productions

It's Okay that NFP is Hard.

BRIDGET BUSACKER

“It’s like the honeymoon phase, over and over again.”

But, what if it’s hard? What if the season feels unending and the sacrifice of Natural Family Planning (NFP) can feel like it’s pulling your marriage apart rather than together?

Photography: Laurentina Photography + Video

But, if it feels scary or intimidating, it’s okay. You’re not alone, physically or spiritually.

What does this mean? It means that there are providers to walk with you to help you learn a method and ask questions (or to switch if the method or individual you’re working with just isn’t a good fit).

It means there is support available through great therapists. It means that Jesus understands the ache, the pain, of giving and hurting and—ultimately—loving to the end.

When we sugarcoat NFP, we sugarcoat the cross. We miss the mark of its purpose and we forget the true nature of NFP. It is a tool meant to sanctify us. It’s not meant to make everything comfortable and easy because we are not made for comfort in this life, we are made for greatness to become saints and to shed ourselves of the vices we struggle with and the sins we commit.

We can’t do this only with our spouse. We need Christ at the center. When we practice NFP, Jesus must be at the center of our marriage, so that when the storms come and the hardships hit us, we not only find ways to lean into each other, we lean into Jesus - the One who knows suffering so deeply and knows what it means to suffer out of love, too.

Romans 12:1-2: “I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Our bodies are a living sacrifice of love to each other, to God, in the great mystery of sex and the “yes” we give when we are open to new life. NFP asks us not to be conformed to this age of birth control, but to the renewal of love as God intended it and created us for. It challenges us to live out a love of responsible parenthood, abstinence during the fertile phase, discernment, prayer, and asking God to be actively a part of your sex life.

These are not easy or light—these can sometimes feel like great burdens to carry, but remember that Christ took it upon Himself to carry your burdens, your ache, your hurt on his way to Calvary, ultimately being nailed to the Cross to make us new.

NFP is capable of making us new, encouraging us to grow in virtue, and challenging us to grow in love.

Not a romantic comedy kind of love that promotes quick flings, fast relationships, and cheap sex, but rather faithfulness, permanence, and abiding love physically and emotionally with your spouse.

So, when we say that NFP is easy or beautiful, it’s true; it can be. But, if you’re struggling or find it hard, that’s okay, too. It means your love is being refined and, although not fun or comfortable, you are being asked to participate in the greatness of real, deep love.

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Joan + Philip | Singapore Convalidation

A convalidation initiated through a miracle of grace. Adorned with red and white florals, a beautiful bride walked to meet her groom, to begin joyfully anew in the sacrament of marriage.

Joan experienced a conversion two years into her civil marriage with Philip. Although he didn’t initially understand her newfound faith, through God’s grace and love, they decided to have their marriage convalidated.

In a simple but beautiful ceremony, Joan and Philip made a new and free act of consent before God and his Church. Joan wore a white wedding gown, radiating joy as she walked down the aisle to Philip, who looked adoringly at his bride.

In front of an intimate group of family and friends, they spoke their vows and thus began their new life in a sacramental marriage.

Be sure to watch the video of their ceremony below, in which Joan and Philip beautifully describe the life-changing faith that led to the convalidation of their marriage. Read more about the Church’s teaching on convalidations here and here.

From the Photographer:

Joanna discovered the Catholic faith two years after she and Philip entered into a civil union. After her baptism, she decided to change her life drastically for Christ. .

From the Bride:

Dear Lord, Heavenly Father, we thank you for implanting the love we have in our hearts. A love that I thought had a limit to it. I pray that every day, no matter how challenging, we will never forget that you will guide us. We place our trust in you.

From the Groom:

Trust and faith--it's really the cornerstone for a marriage. If you don't have that, you don't have anything, really...When we say our vows at our convalidation, this is in front of everyone, this is in front of God, and this is forever, in eternity.

Photography & Videography: PixelMusica Weddings | Church: The Church of St. Ignatius, Singapore

Newlywed Life | Checking in with Honors

KATE THIBODEAU

Every Sunday morning, my husband and I set aside time for a weekly check-in. We eat brunch, bring our coffee to the couch and sit. It’s a welcome ritual, a reprieve from the hustle and bustle of busy weeks and schedules.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY

We adopted this idea from a fellow couple, whose marriage is a bit more seasoned than our own. The point of the weekly check-in is to prioritize communication between the husband and wife in all areas (relationship, work, kids, faith, schedules, budget, etc). We use an agenda sheet to boot--which makes it quite official and structured!

Beginning this weekly check-in, we felt stilted and forced. It was great for practical uses and creating unity in our weekly schedules, however, we initially found asking the questions in our agenda to be awkward. 

1. What are two ways your spouse honored you last week?

2. What two ways did you try to honor your spouse last week? 

In our very first meeting, we stumbled over these questions. Who used the word “honor” in this way anymore? There’s something medieval--biblical--in it. Furthermore, what does honoring one another  truly mean to the modern Catholic couple? How are we to honor our spouses? What does that look like in practice? 

In a Catholic wedding Mass, the spouses vow to honor each other all the days of their lives. If you’re like me, you remember a blur of saying your vows on the altar; but while you promised yourself body and soul to your spouse, you did not take time to consider the meaning of “honoring” your spouse. I associated that word with something celestial. Maybe it meant placing your spouse above all worldly things, showing him the utmost respect and consideration. I had a vague understanding of the term, but an incomplete idea as to how that played out in the every day. 

The first several weeks of our meetings, my husband and I would half-heartedly laugh as we repeated the words of the prompt: “I noticed that you honored me...” or, “I tried to honor you by….”

This particular phrase became a sort of joke when we went about our daily activities and showed love by begrudgingly doing a chore for the other: “I’m honoring you by taking out the trash tonight,” and,“I was going to complain about this (minor inconvenience), but I won’t to honor you.” These moments gave us many a chuckle, and were passed. Sometimes we brought them up at our meetings, but for the most part they remained a running joke.

After several weeks of stumbling through  this ritual, I started to notice a difference in our meetings. Sharing was less awkward and formal, and we were beginning to learn more about each other. Vocalizing the moments we felt or showed honor was a window into the daily thoughts and actions of love we felt for each other, both mundane and extraordinary. Some Sundays I was surprised to hear the ways my husband chose to honor me, especially in actions that went unnoticed.

I was humbled and moved by his attention to my moods, my needs, my masked cries for help that past week. Some of the ways he honored me were simple, like picking up a pint of ice cream at the store (I usually noticed this), and some were more subtle and abstract, like listening to me vent when he could have used a turn at the mic himself.

We were able to name the little moments in which we actively chose to love and honor each other and recognize the ways in which we accepted this honor. This was more than a recognized pat on the back for ourselves: “I lived another day to out-honor my spouse”, but rather, a way to say: “I see you, I love you. I am trying to honor you. Help me to honor you better this week.”

Our personal love languages became more apparent and we were challenged to honor one another in ways that we truly desired to be loved and served, not just in ways that came most naturally to ourselves.

Similarly, our week-days apart and engaged in work became more devotedly invested in honoring each other. Maybe this would look simple, like preparing a favorite dish, or scrubbing a toilet after work, but the littleness of the action did not take away from the significance it held in our relationship.

I began to see my husband with a true servant’s heart, and I, in turn, wanted to honor him in a variety of different ways. I wanted to live each day of my week honoring him--and consequently, honoring the source and summit of our union: our Lord.

Additionally, our weekly meetings became more than an airing of grievances or a conference, but a vocalization of the ways in which we felt served, listened to, loved, suffered, and prayed for. We brought to light the struggles of our weeks and the victories and blessings that God gifted us. Our cups were filled by communicating not only the events of our weeks, but specifically where our family was headed and what particular areas were in need of work or healing.

Vowing to honor our spouses and living that out through our vocation is not always easy. It can be done in little or great actions. St. Therese is a great advocate for loving God in seemingly small or simple ways, and she serves as a model to us in our marriage

In honoring our spouses, we are actively choosing to see Christ in our beloved, and offering ourselves in service to them. Just as we should try to check-in with God through the sacraments, prayer, and adoration, it is imperative that we check-in with our spouses to see where they are and what help they need in their journey. Communication is as essential to marriage as honor is to God--and we hold them both dearly in this plight of vocation.

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About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. Mama to heavenside baby, Charlotte Rose, and new Baby Lizzy, Kate has an English degree from Benedictine College, and strives to live the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, teaching, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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Valerie + Jeremiah | Desert Softness Wedding

An invitation to follow the Lord into the unexpected. Boldness and trust in a Phoenix pandemic wedding.

Valerie first saw Jeremiah when they were both at Eucharistic Adoration. Christ has made himself known and visible in their relationship ever since. They were engaged in spring 2019 and joyfully began making plans.

From the Photographer:

Then the beginning of 2020 came around and things took a turn. With a virus spreading across the globe, Valerie and Jeremiah’s original wedding plans came crashing down, or so it felt at the time. The uncertainty of adjusting their plans caused hurt, confusion, and judgment from others, along with tension and anxiety between family members. This was one of the hardest things they had faced as a couple. Valerie and Jeremiah turned to their close loved ones for support and advice, and looked to God for his guidance.

All throughout, they still heard his voice, making it clear that it was his will for them to become one on the original wedding date they’d chosen.

Valerie and Jeremiah had initially planned for a 350-guest celebration, yet with grace and prayer found contentment in holding a more intimate day with only immediate family and close friends. It was nothing like they’d pictured, but once they were before God at the altar, none of the craziness in the world phased them.

From the Bride:

This was one of the hardest experiences I have ever had to go through. Like so many other women, I’d been planning and looking forward to my wedding day practically my whole life. The COVID-19 pandemic has been a very humbling situation--I did not get the wedding I planned for at all, yet it couldn’t have been more perfect. 

God challenged Jeremiah and I to trust in him more than ever during this time. We felt a sense of trust and confidence that by moving forward, our marriage would be so fruitful. It was truly the best day of our lives and it only allowed us to focus more on the meaning of sacrament--a wedding lasts a day but the sacrament lasts a lifetime.

Photographer: Brooks Photo + Video | Nuptial Mass Location: St. John Vianney Catholic Church
Goodyear, AZ | Dress: Luv Bridal | Suits: Nick’s Menswear | Bridesmaids Dresses: David’s Bridal | Rings: Kay Jewelers | Cake: Belinda Cakes | Hair: Lynsey Miller | Makeup: Brittany Espinoza

5 Ways to Be Intentional in a Season of Transition

KATHERINE FINNEY

Throughout the short five years I’ve been married, my husband and I have moved four times in three cities--spread across different regions of the country, he’s been through three stages of medical training and job relocation, and we’ve had two kids--with one on the way. That’s a lot of transitions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Transitions are a normal part of relationships, but they can really wear us out and add a lot of unnecessary stress to our lives. I believe that if we approach transitions with intentionality—that is, with a sense of conviction and preparedness about how to handle transitions well—we will find a lot of grace hidden in the middle of the chaos. I’ve brainstormed a few ways to be intentional with your beloved during a major period of change:

Pray for each other. 

This seems obvious, but it’s often the thing that goes out of the window first. Wake up a little earlier (even if it’s just five or ten minutes), go to bed a little later, pray in the car out loud, whatever you have to do to make prayer a priority in this time. 

When everything else around you feels like it’s changing, there’s Someone who isn’t. Our relationship with God is the most important thing in our lives, and that doesn’t change during times of transition. Make it a priority to talk to God about the changes, and surrender the things that feel out of your control to him. Without prayer, you won’t be able to have a way to re-center; things will feel overwhelming, and temptation to despair will be very strong. You may find yourself despairing your relationship with your spouse. 

You may begin to doubt your own abilities as a capable spouse, parent, employee, etc. In order to keep these doubts and discouragements away as much as possible (because they’ll come no matter what sometimes), we need God to show us who he is and to show us who we are in his eyes. This comes through daily intentional prayer.

Be patient with your spouse. 

Look for ways he/she is still the person you fell in love with, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe you fell in love with your spouse’s ability to hold a captive audience in a group of people. Maybe you fell in love with his/her love of dancing or reading or fine art. Perhaps your spouse makes you laugh the most of anyone you know. Look for the ways your spouse still possesses these qualities and remind yourself that this person is still the person you fell in love with. 

It may feel like everything else around you is changing, including yourself and your spouse, but reminding yourself of who your spouse really is to you will help you stay united in the midst of the changes.

Try harder than before to speak your spouse’s love language. 

Leave notes for him/her if it’s words of affirmation. If it’s physical touch, give him/her a big hug after a long day of work. If your spouse really needs acts of service, look for ways to help that you know he/she would appreciate. Sometimes stepping outside of our own worries and anxieties to serve others really puts things into a positive perspective for us and helps us to stay less focused on ourselves and our own sorrows and more on what really matters.

Pick up some of the slack around the house (if you are physically able). 

There will be seasons when you are the one in need of help around the house; if that’s the season you’re in, embrace it. If, however, your spouse is the one primarily going through the changes, voluntarily pick up the slack around the house before it becomes a point of contention for you both. 

Sometimes I find myself waiting for my spouse to change a diaper or do the dishes, and I end up resenting him when he’s too busy to do it. Often I need to change my perspective and notice the things he is already doing to help. More often, I have an opportunity to be merciful and steadfast in my duties. If I can do this voluntarily and preemptively before resentment starts to grow in my heart, I find a lot of grace to do things I otherwise would deem too difficult.

Get your spouse (and maybe even yourself) a treat. 

My husband loves when I make him a homemade cocktail. That’s easy enough as long as we have the ingredients. Maybe some flowers or a thrifted book would be a good way to show your spouse you’re thinking of him/her and enduring this time of transition together. Brainstorming ideas for this can be fun too!

Overall, times of transition are often just really difficult. Sometimes we’ll feel like we have a good grip on what’s going on, and other times we’ll just need to ride the chaos until we feel settled again. Don’t forget to pray, and everything else will take care of itself.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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The Surprising Activities That Prepared Me for Marriage

STEPHANIE CALIS

Vocation is truly a school of love.

My husband and I spent our engagement taking in a range of books and talks on marriage, determined to prepare for our life together with intention in purpose. To our surprise, though, so many activities seemingly unrelated to marriage prep revealed a new depth of our personalities and habits to one another, in a more tangible way than any book could teach.

As you anticipate your life together, don’t rule out the daily tasks and hobbies that can facilitate communication, problem-solving, and deeper knowledge of your beloved! Here, the activities that helped shape our married life.

Shopping for your future home

Even when you’re compatible at the deepest levels, most couples’ décor tastes aren’t identical--a fact that might not come to light until you’re preparing for your first home together. The day I brought home rose-colored hand towels I’d (impulsively, if I’m being honest) fallen in love with, my husband raised a wry eyebrow. They looked like something I’d have bought for the apartment I’d shared with female roommates before we were married, he said. 

Sometimes humility hurts, but he was right. Picking out items for your home--and more so, assembling them--is an exercise in compromise and honest discussion. But it’s exciting, too, to embrace opportunities to dream together about your future dwelling and the tangible items that will fill it.

Related: Explaining why you’ve chosen not to live together with an appeal to the heart.

Cooking

Are you and your beloved follow-the-recipe-exactly types, or more creative in the kitchen? Do you tend to stick with true-blue favorites or constantly seek out new meals to try? How do you feel about delegating specific tasks to one another?

Since our dating days, my husband and I have loved to cook together. Amid the many sweet memories, though, our time in the kitchen has uncovered the areas of my heart that are reluctant to give up control, encouraging me to grow in trust even through the mundane acts of chopping and measuring. I’ve come to realize--and still find myself constantly reminded--that another person’s manner of doing things differently than me is just that: different, not wrong or bad. 

Games

Competitiveness, risk-taking, reacting to success or disappointment...board games and sports have a way of revealing the subtleties of who we are. My husband and I are opposites in this area; as a majorly non-competitive person (I honestly don’t care much if I lose or win!), I enjoy seeing him pursue excellence and model healthy competition and sportsmanship to our children. During our engagement, when we’d play cards with his siblings nearly every weekend, being on the same team was hardly a more apt metaphor for our relationship--a time to strive together, appreciate one another’s skills, and be gracious and affirming with each other’s moves and strategies.

Related: Spoken Bride editors share the hobbies they (and their husbands) love

Planning your honeymoon

I wish I’d known this before marriage, but anticipating one another’s travel habits is something I’ve only recognized in hindsight. On our honeymoon and subsequent first trips together, my husband and I discovered our differing views on matters like how soon to be through security and settled before a flight, how to balance rest and sightseeing in our destination, how much spending was appropriate, and how much of our trip we wished to share on social media during and after. Discussing expectations ahead of time, we now know, sets us up for a harmonious time.

Related: Meet the couple whose intentional, prayer-filled engagement led to relationship coaching and a unique marriage ministry

 As I reflect back on these unexpected sources of preparation for marriage, I recognize my own littleness. Even years after engagement, I marvel at, struggle with, and grow with all the facets of who my husband is; purified, sanctified, and deeply known in all the details and acts that come together to make a shared life. It’s reassuring, and humbling, to know readiness doesn’t end at the altar: “Woman is given to man so that he can understand himself, and reciprocally man is given to woman for the same end. They are to mutually affirm each other’s humanity, awed by its dual richness.”

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Grace + Jared | Wisconsin Marine Corps Wedding

A wedding set apart by simple, classic beauty. With powder blue accents and a military polish, bride and groom strove to serve both God and their guests, in gratitude for their presence in their story of grace and conversion. 

Grace knew from childhood that she desired a husband who shared her faith. That’s why she never expected to fall in love with Jared, a Marine and devout non-denominational Christian. Their story is one of mutual understanding, refinement, and conversion. In the end, they entered into marriage in a joyful wedding celebration bathed in reverence and beauty. And in another miracle of sacramental grace, seven months after their wedding, Jared converted to Catholicism.

From the Bride 

Having grown up with a father who rediscovered his Catholic faith a decade or so into marriage, I was taught from a young age that I should prioritize marrying a man who shared my faith. That is, if I was called to marriage, and it was always an “if.” My dad never missed an opportunity to remind me that a vocation to the religious life was a wonderful option!

So I prayed for my future husband all throughout childhood, and upon entering college I was convinced I’d meet the wonderful Catholic man God had intended for me at my campus parish. Instead, I met Jared in a constitutional law class junior year, and we began dating just before our senior year. And while he was indeed wonderful, he was also Protestant.

But God blessed our relationship from the beginning. Jared was a non-denominational Christian who firmly believed couples should attend church together, so he attended Mass with me nearly every Sunday. We also had a standing Eucharistic adoration date every Wednesday, which he rarely missed. 

Our difference in faith nearly caused a break-up once or twice, but my saintly mother and St. Cecilia (on whose feast day Jared was born) always managed to smooth things over. She reminded me that Jared’s support of my faith and his own love for Christ were the most important things to focus on.

Not every interfaith relationship leads to a strengthening of faith or marriage, but we tried to be very intentional in ours. While we dated, I spent many hours in front of the Blessed Sacrament, praying for our relationship and for Jared’s eyes to be opened to Truth. 

And Jared, knowing how important my Catholic faith was to me, also prayed daily for Truth, heeding the wise advice of my mother: “Jared, ask God what he wants you to believe about these things.”

The most spiritual growth came after our engagement, however. Jared is in the Marine Corps, and the fall after our senior year of college he moved from Wisconsin to Quantico, Virginia for six months of training. During this time apart, I developed a love for the rosary, praying it daily for him. Meanwhile, he joined a program called Adopt a Marine, where families of faith around Marine Corps bases spiritually “adopt” single Marines. 

Instead of selecting a Protestant family, Jared chose to enter a Catholic family. He regularly attended Mass with them and joined them for family dinners, learning more and more about the faith. 

Our discussions on theology and faith became less tense and caused fewer tears on my side. He began to develop a deep love for the Blessed Virgin and St. Cecilia. And he taught himself to pray the rosary. As I watched both his faith and my faith grow, I began to truly appreciate God’s plan for my vocation.

During our eleven-month engagement, Jared and I had ample time to discuss what elements of our wedding day were most important to us. As a young religious couple, our ceremony took precedence over the reception, which we viewed as a giant “thank you” to all our friends and family who invested in us throughout the years.

The Catholic Church recommends a wedding ceremony without the liturgy of the Eucharist for interfaith couples, to focus on unity instead of division. This prompted a strong desire in us to fill the ceremony with as much reverence and beauty as possible, to make sure our day was visibly focused on how God had blessed our lives--not just on the romantic, “Hallmark-y” elements of marriage. 

Jared and I chose to walk down the aisle together, to symbolize the offering of both of ourselves to God in the vocation of marriage. The choir sang “All Creatures of Our God and King,” and later my little sister led the congregation in Psalm 148, reminding all present where our hearts and minds should lift their praises. 

Despite the mixed religious bag that was our guest list, Jared and I decided to offer a bouquet of flowers to Mary during our ceremony, to thank her for all she did for us while we dated. Two friends, both members of our city’s opera, sang a beautiful duet of Schubert’s “Ave Maria” with such power and beauty that our eyes welled with tears.

When asked about his favorite part of our wedding day, Jared always responds without hesitation: “the wedding vows.” 

Months prior we were struck by a dear friend masterfully projecting his memorized vows so not only his wife but the entire congregation could hear, and we elected to memorize them as a result. Jared and I wanted to say our vows with equal strength, witnessing to the permanent, powerful, and sacrificial nature of Christian marriage, without any fear or hesitation.

I can honestly say my favorite part was the entirety of the ceremony, but my second favorite part is so close a second it must be mentioned with the first. Exactly 364 days prior to our wedding, Jared received his commission from the United States Marine Corps. He promised that day to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States of America with everything he has, including his life. 

One day less than a year later, he promised himself in marriage to me, promising to die to himself every day, and I promised him the same. I promised I would be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and to honor him all the days of my life. 

A few minutes and one recessional hymn later, I walked with my new husband through an arch of swords under a promisingly bright and sunny sky. I then promised Lieutenant Smith--with a kiss and a sword to the derriere--that I would be with him in deployment and shore duty, in Okinawa and San Diego, and in all the other ups and downs of military life. 

Hearing the words, “Welcome to the Marine Corps, Mrs. Smith!” was a close second to our wedding vows. To me, that was what finalized my commitment. Inside the church I said “yes” to Jared and to God’s vocation for us. Outside the church I said “yes” to the Marine Corps and to all the joys and insanities the years ahead would bring us.

Our wedding reception followed at a golf club near my hometown. Throughout our engagement, we had worried very little about the details of the reception, insofar as they pertained to us and to our likes and dislikes. We viewed our reception as a way to thank the people who had travelled to witness the beginning of our marriage. While this did not mean we put in any less effort, it did mean we felt significantly less stress.

Social media glamorizes perfect receptions, but we were free to focus on the comfort and delight of others. This removed any disappointment if things weren’t “perfect,” or if a song we really wanted to dance to wasn’t played. It wasn’t about us! 

This attitude of centering the reception on our guests allowed Jared and I to have an incredible time, so incredible that we were the last to leave! We waved our guests off as they left, walking to our car with the DJ.

It can be tempting to view a wedding as an event that excuses, or even condones, selfish behavior from the bride or groom. As Catholics, we know selfishness is just another snare laid by Satan to rob us of the joy Christ seeks to give us, and that is never more apparent than in wedding planning. 

By focusing the ceremony on the greatness, majesty, and love of God, and the reception on expressing our gratitude to friends and family, it was possible to have a day devoid of the stress that modern weddings seem doomed to cause. By intentionally planning our day around the true meaning of marriage, Jared and I had the space to simply enjoy the goodness of God’s gifts to us. 

And as an extraordinary example of God’s continued generosity and grace in our married life, 7 months after our beautiful wedding day, Jared entered the Catholic Church.

Cooking through the Liturgical Year

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

As a newlywed, I struggled with how to incorporate liturgical living into our lives. The traditions I was familiar with, crafts and storybooks and the like, are geared towards teaching children about the saints and the seasons of the church year. We had received an Advent wreath as a wedding present, but, beyond that, I didn’t have a vision of how to anchor our lives into the church year; we didn’t have a list of family patrons whose feast days we desired to celebrate and I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of feast days that we could celebrate.

After a few years of floundering--including several before our son was born when I made my convert husband put out his shoes for St. Nicholas, since he didn’t get to do that as a child--I’ve started to think about participating in the liturgical year in a simpler way. This practice will undoubtedly get more complex as our family grows, but an easy way for me to think about living liturgically right now is through our menus, choosing simple foods like soup and bread during penitential seasons and going all out during feasting seasons. Here are some cookbooks our family has tried that help me do just that.

Advent

12 Months of Monastery Soups by Brother Victor Antoine d’Avila-Latourrette

I discovered this cookbook at the library one fall when we were part of a vegetable co-op through my husband’s work. With its recipes grouped by month and focused on using seasonally available produce, it quickly became a staple in my meal planning rotation. All of the soups are simple, with just a few steps beyond chopping the produce, and some months even have soups named for particular saints. During Advent, any of the fall or winter soups, served with some bread and perhaps fruit, would make a delightful, filling meal that is both cozy and fitting for a penitential season. 

Lent

This Good Food: Contemporary French Vegetarian Recipes from a Monastery Kitchen by Brother Victor Antoine d’Avila-Latourrette Another seasonal cookbook from the same monastery, this one is also filled with recipes that are just as easy as the soups and don’t use lots of exotic ingredients, since the monastery aims to be as self-sufficient as possible. In this cookbook, Brother Victor also includes suggestions for how the monks would serve the dishes; the Italian frittata might be served with salad and fruit as the main meal on a fast day, for example. Using seasonal ingredients is often more cost-effective, as they are in plentiful supply and therefore less expensive, which makes this a perfect cookbook to utilize during Lent, when many people try to make more money available for charitable giving.

Easter and Christmas: 

Holiday and Celebration Bread in Five Minutes a Day by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francois

This is one of our favorite cookbooks for special feast days; like the original cookbook, the base dough recipes are simple and mix up in five minutes, but they are then used in a variety of recipes that range from simple to complex. One of our family favorites is the brioche dough; we’ve used it to make the Holiday Star Bread for Christmas and Easter, as well as making it the base for our king cake on Fat Tuesday and birthday danishes. I like having a few tried-and-true recipes for special feast days and holidays, and I’ve learned not to be afraid of attempting complicated recipes for special occasions, because practice makes those dishes easier to produce each time.

Drinking with the Saints: The Sinner’s Guide to a Holy Happy Hour by Michael P. Foley

This recipe book is a fun way for adults who drink alcohol to participate in the liturgical calendar; Foley has gathered drink recipes and paired them with brief biographies of saints and descriptions of feast days. The first section of the book is arranged by month, with another section of the book for the seasons of the church year, so you have lots of options for how to approach this style of liturgical living. He does use the old pre-Vatican II calendar because there are more saints’ days on it, but there is an appendix in the back that allows you to switch to the newer calendar, which is the one that most people use. The introduction explains how to use the book, which is excellent if you’re novice cocktail makers like us, and the author discusses how to temperately use the book. 

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Vendor Spotlight | Vol. 15

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

From photographers and videographers who understand how to capture the most significant moments of your nuptial Mass, to coordinators who understand the needs of Catholic couples, artists whose jewelry, stationery, and prints become enduring keepsakes long after your wedding day, clinical and theological experts in the fields of fertility and relationships, and beyond, Spoken Bride Vendors view their work as a call and find deep joy in putting their talents at the service of the Lord.

What’s more, our vendors are truly engaging and fun. With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who they are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month:

Gianna of Albany
Soul Creations Photography
Her Witness
An Endless Pursuit

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Gianna of Albany

Gianna of Albany

Mechanicville, NY; Serving New York State, Vermont, Massachusetts, and online worldwide

Dr. Jan Patterson and the team at Gianna of Albany provide healthcare, fertility care, and NFP instruction for women and couples. Through their woman-centered practice, they highlight the beauty and elegance of a woman’s fertility and empower women to honor the gift of their body with knowledge and through caring support.

Favorite saint: Saint Gianna Molla, of course.

Favorite thing about working on weddings: Being part of the couples learning to use NFP for the first time. Helping engaged couples discover the beautiful gift of their fertility and their creation as unique and unrepeatable creations of a God who is just crazy about his beloved people.

Love means: To give myself totally, faithfully and hold nothing back... even my fertility.

Learn more about Gianna of Albany.

Soul Creations Photography

Soul Creations Photography

Indianapolis, Indiana; serving the Midwest States

Sinikka Rohrer imagined the possibility of encouraging engaged women through her photography skills in the wedding industry. Her dream became a reality through Soul Creations Photography. Sinikka collaborates with a team of four additional photographers who prayerfully capture God’s testimony of each beautiful couple through their camera lens.

Our favorite thing about working on weddings: Far and above, the important moments of prayer at the end of every call, every meeting, every engagement session, and before every bride walks down the aisle. This is where our hearts truly feels like we're doing God's work and where the ministry comes alive!

Sinikka’s favorite memory of her wedding day: The letters that her and her husband, Alan, exchanged prior to the ceremony. They sat back to back holding hands and read letters before Alan prayed over the day and their marriage. All the emotions that were felt from this moment to walking down the aisle were absolute certainty and full communion with God and with man!

Sinikka’s favorite place she’s traveled: Estes Park, Colorado

Learn more about Soul Creations Photography.

Her Witness

Her Witness

Charlotte, North Carolina; serving Charlotte, North Carolina and San Antonio, Texas

Tara Heilingoetter is not only a wedding photographer, but also a Catholic jewelry maker and designer. Her Witness is a platform to honor Our Lady through Tara’s creative talents, as a means to showcase the beauty of the Catholic faith and Sacraments. Tara remains faithful and authentic in all her creative endeavors and client relationships.

Three things on my bucket list: Visit the Holy Land, travel to Rome, and backpack the Camino De Santiago!

Favorite saints and devotions: Our Lady of Grace, Divine Mercy, St. Therese of Lisieux, Blessed Pier Giorgio, St. Maximillian Kolbe, the Holy Rosary and the Miraculous Medal

Favorite place I’ve traveled: Ethiopia

Learn more about Her Witness.

An Endless Pursuit

An Endless Pursuit

Leesburg, Virginia; serving Washington DC, Baltimore, and worldwide

Steve and Bernadette Dalgetty bought a camera as their first married Christmas gift for each other. The fun hobby turned into a favor for a friend and eventually transformed into a full-time career. With a love for relationships and a desire to capture authentic emotion and the “human element” through their photographs, Steve and Bernadette strive to know and truly see—and reveal—the heart of their couples on their wedding day.

Favorite foods:

Steve: Maryland Crab Feast with lots of Old Bay. Also, pizza is my love language.

Bernadette: Mashed Potatoes with a side of Thanksgiving dinner.

Favorite memory of our wedding day: The walk down the aisle. It was the longest aisle of any church in the diocese so it was a long lasting memory too!

Three things on our bucket list:

1. Take our whole family to Europe for 2-3 months

2. Record an album together

3. RV road trip across the country.

Learn more about An Endless Pursuit.

Ashley + Luke | Light and Airy Romance

Romantic, muted tones and love in every detail: a testament to the Lord’s delight in revealing his gifts of providence.

Ashley, an Oncology nurse, and Luke, a pharmacist, met the summer they worked together in the same Louisville hospital. They developed a slow friendship, and the following spring, Luke asked Ashley to be his girlfriend.

From the Groom:

When I got to know Ashley, it became more and more apparent that this girl was an answered prayer in my life. God had provided what I hoped for most in a woman: that she would be as faith-filled as my sister, and as selfless and loving as the other most important woman in my life--my mom.

The Lord continued to surprise us with the providential similarities and coincidences he’d willed in our lives. For instance, Ashley drove the same car as my mom. Her parents drove the same Honda CRV as my parents. We had even both traveled to Tena, Ecuador with Timmy Global Health at different times in college. On our separate mission trips, we’d stayed in the same huts in the same village. We had met the same yellow shaggy dog and had many of the same experiences nearly 3,000 miles away in South America.

God is a God of love. He always hears us and provides. Mother Angelica once said, “Patience is adjusting our timing to God’s timing.” This is what I’ve learned.

Looking back, he gifted us so many signs. He painted the path to marriage in providence for me, and held my hand all along the way. In reality, he holds all of our hands.

Some of us are running, and not walking with him. Some of us don’t realize he is holding us. But he is there.

He is always there. He is listening; he is ready for us. And he will embrace us and run to us, if we just turn to him.

From the Wedding Coordinators:

Ashley and Luke’s every decision and touch for their wedding was viewed through the eyes of two people who live out the joy of their faith and want to share it with the world. 

They chose November 16th as their wedding date to honor, remember, and most importantly, pray for those who have passed. This day is the feast of the St Gertrude the Great, a 13th-century Benedictine nun with a great love for the Holy Souls. It was only fitting, then, that Ashley and Luke offered their Nuptial Mass for the souls of their departed loved ones.

They created their own wedding website to reflect their Catholic beliefs, complete with a page to submit prayer requests, and they chose a Catholic photographer and wedding coordinators from Spoken’s Bride’s preferred vendor list.

The Nuptial Mass took place at Luke’s vibrant family parish where his close friend, Father Richard Doerr is the pastor.

Having a Holy Hour of Adoration the evening before the wedding was very important to the couple, as was being able to pray the Rosary together prior to the ceremony. They planned to see one another for the first time that day as Ashley was walking down the aisle in the procession.

With a little creativity thanks to a screen and back-to-back chairs in the parish library, they were able to pray the Rosary hand in hand before the Mass.

Later, their guests would take home blessed Rosary bracelets as favors.

Instead of an instrumental piece for a processional song, Ashley and Luke opted for a gathering hymn of “God Who Created Hearts to Love”, which allowed the guests to begin taking part in the liturgy from the very start.

The readings they selected highlighted the attributes of a godly wife and focused on the great mystery of marriage--the relationship of Christ and the Church. They also selected John’s Gospel account of the Wedding Feast at Cana, recalling Jesus’ first public miracle and the way our Blessed Mother’s direction leads us to her Son.

Choosing the Litany of Saints as the hymn during Holy Communion tied in beautifully with the feast of St Gertrude and the connection to the Holy Souls.

In a nod to social justice and the dignity of work, Ashley and Luke were very intentional in the wedding vendors they worked with, including locally sourced florals, ethically made goods, and support for another Catholic parish as their reception venue. 

The bridal party wore shades of blush and dusty blue, lending things a light, airy, and romantic feel. The bouquets and boutonnieres coordinated beautifully, featuring blush dahlias, peach, yellow, and blush roses, white anemone, blue thistle, eucalyptus, and and dusty blue succulent. The airy feel extended through the reception décor with gold accents and watercolor images of the saints atop each table. 

Ashley and Luke have a devotion to Saint Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower, and brought their love for her into the little details: yellow petals thrown during their church exit, the socks on the groomsmen, and a statue at their sweetheart table. Everything was selected with love, care, and an intentional simplicity. As the sign by their exit stated, “If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.”

There were so many beautiful things about Ashley and Luke’s wedding day, but perhaps the most inspiring thing is that they didn’t minimize faith for fear of being “too Catholic.”

Instead, they treated theirs like a gift they could share with those they love.

It was so lovely to watch guests pick up their blessed Rosary favors or admire the saint centerpieces. If all of us emulated that attitude, and shared our faith with the same joy, the Catholic faith could spread like wildfire.

Photographer : Fiat Photography | Wedding Coordinators: Something Blue Catholic Weddings | Nuptial Mass Location: Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Carmel, Indiana | Venue : St. Alphonsus Liguori | Make-up: Jessica Winchell with J. Marie Professional Makeup Artistry | Hair: Tangled Up Salon | Florist: Eufloric Events | Catering: Big Hoffa’s BBQ | Cake: Annie May’s Sweet Cafe | Ice Cream: Graeter’s | Reception Music: Troy Miller with DJ Sound Solution | Linens: A Classic Party Rental | Table Decor: Saint Script by Ali Towle | Men’s Socks: Sock Religious

Side Effects of NFP: Stronger Communication and Deeper Intimacy

BRIDGET BUSACKER

“Doesn’t talking about sex all the time remove the sponteineity?” 

I couldn’t help but wonder if Natural Family Planning (NFP) would drain the fun and spontaneity out of my relationship with my husband. The movies never showed sex as something thoughtful and planned. And, although I knew sex was sacred and beautiful, no one openly talked about their sex lives with me as an engaged person, so I really didn’t know what to expect. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

The process of picking a method and learning NFP was stressful enough, so I couldn’t help but be apprehensive that it might be just as stressful in practice in our marriage, too. That wasn’t exactly the rom-com experience I grew up watching and definitely didn’t desire a buzzkill effect in the bedroom.

After four years of practicing fertility awareness and learning more about the integration of NFP in our marriage, I learned that NFP isn’t a romance-killer, but rather the ultimate virtue builder and an honest conversation about intimacy, consent, and love. It didn’t kill romance for me, it shifted my skewed perception from a sex-obsessed culture that doesn’t integrate the reality of our personhood into the beautiful gift sex is.

NFP challenges my understanding of intimacy by pushing me to have open conversations about my cycle and my body (including my body image struggles). It is a space that invites me to openness--not just to life, but to my husband’s love. During times of trying to avoid pregnancy (TTA), we are both challenged in how we love each other in order to not get stuck or opt for our individual evenings. The nights we want to be together physically, but know we are not called to have a baby, we have to choose each other in new ways. It can be hard sometimes and we are reminded that this is a choice, not something forced upon us. 

In the moments of frustration, it requires us to refine our love and to get creative with each other. Sometimes, it’s a game night, a movie night with popcorn, a walk around our neighborhood and a stop at our parish’s Adoration Chapel, going to a brewery, playing cards in the park with snacks, reading a book out loud together. These are just a few ways we try to be creative and enjoy each other, being reminded that we don’t just appreciate each other’s bodies, we appreciate the person in front of us who we have the honor to love every day.

NFP pushes me to better understand consent and speak up for myself and my needs. I have to ask myself if I’m “not in the mood”, what are the motivating factors? Am I withholding love or the opportunity for closeness because I am overwhelmed? Do I need to ask for help to share the burden of what is causing me to say “no” (whatever it might be)? Am I tired? Am I feeling unloved in other areas? 

These are never easy questions to ask myself, but it’s necessary for me to get to the root of my reservations, in order to understand if it’s a valid reason or if I’m simply withholding due to other things going on that I need to communicate to my husband. 

Just because we are in a position based on my fertility to have sex while TTA doesn’t mean we have to have sex. NFP challenges both of us to remember that sex is a gift and it is sacred. It isn’t something to check off or abuse or take advantage of the other, but rather refine our hearts and our intentions. We also have a shared responsibility if we are choosing TTA versus trying to conceive (TTC); I have to be honest with myself and my husband about what’s going on emotionally, mentally and physically, and where I think God is calling us next in our marriage. 

This can be really hard to open up so honestly, but it is the great beauty of NFP which allows us to grow in intimacy and relationship by sharing our heart of hearts with someone we love so intricately.

NFP ultimately shifts my perspective about what love really is and how I’m called to love my husband in our marriage. 

Something that we say to each other often is, “We’re on the same team”. This phrase is a game-changer in all aspects of our marriage, but especially in regards to intimacy and sex. Even if we are struggling to agree or one of us may feel we’re in a position to have another child and the other is more hesitant, we are reminded that in order for our marriage to work and for sex to be valued, we have to remember that we ARE on the same team even if we aren’t perfectly aligning in the moment or season. 

This can be incredibly hard and refining and I won’t sugarcoat it: when you hear that NFP helps communication, it may not be in the way you expect it to be. Growing in virtue can be a painful process, but the outcome of pushing together and continuing to choose your spouse allows for beauty and a profound, abiding love to grow.

I was reminded of the reality of my marriage when a priest said, “Sometimes, your spouse is your cross. And, sometimes, you are your spouse’s cross.” But don’t we want to be refined? Don’t we want a beautiful love? Of course we do! We know through our own wounds and hurts that the world offers counterfeit love which never fulfills the deep longing we desire. Only God can ultimately fulfill us; yet, He shares with us the great vocation of marriage as a school of love. It is an education we never graduate from until we get to Heaven. 

Allow NFP to work in your heart, allow God to use this tool to refine your love, improve your communication with your spouse, and ultimately, cheer your teammate onto Heaven, our ultimate goal. 

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If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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The Marriage Crucifix

CARISSA PLUTA

The crucifix has long been a symbol of the sacrament of marriage, as it stands as the most perfect example of the sacrificial love and service husbands and wives are called to.

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRUTH AND BEAUTY PHOTOGRAPHY

In fact, St. Augustine went so far as to describe the cross as a “marriage bed [in which Christ] united himself with [His bride, the Church].”

More and more Catholic couples, including my husband and I, have decided to remember this meaningful image by incorporating the Croatian wedding tradition of the “Marriage Crucifix” into their wedding ceremonies.

This centuries old tradition is linked back to a small town in Bosnia-Herzegovina called Siroki-Brijeg, which reportedly remains the only place in the world with a 0% divorce rate. 

What is their secret to lasting marriages? Making the cross of Christ the foundation of their marriage. 

When the couple approaches the altar the priest says: “You have found your cross. And it is a cross to be loved, to be carried, a cross not to be thrown away, but to be cherished." He then blesses the Crucifix. 

During the exchange of vows, the groom holds the crucifix in his right hand and the bride places her right hand on the top of the crucifix uniting their hands together.

The couple unites themselves on the Cross, and they recite their vows over this visceral image of Love Himself. 

Before they kiss one another, the couple first kisses the figure of Christ, the source of their love. 

This tradition is called the Marriage Crucifix, rather than the Wedding Crucifix because it was meant to remind the couple of the covenant they entered into, not only during the wedding but throughout the rest of their time on earth. 

My husband and I processed down the aisle after the ceremony with that crucifix in hand to begin our lives together and it now hangs in a central location in our home. 

Before it, we beg God to make our hearts more like His and to make our marriage a more clear reflection of His sacrificial, life-giving Love. 

While including this tradition in your wedding is not necessary to build your marriage on Christ, it can serve as a powerful reminder of the magnitude of God’s call to us in this vocation and the divine weight of our vows.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Caitlin + Jake | Blush and Lace Vow Renewal

A soft, light-filled ceremony with vintage details, and a reminder that we hear the Father’s voice most clearly in the quiet and stillness.

When Caitlin and Jake agreed to participate in marketing materials for their parish’s marriage ministry, they desired to do more than pose for a styled shoot. With the bride in a vintage lace gown and bridegroom in gray and white, they took the opportunity to renew their marriage vows.

From the Photographers:

Though this was a styled shoot for St. Luke's wedding marketing, Jake and Caitlin chose to renew their wedding vows for real at the same time. It was so beautiful.

They were both excited to see each other, just like on their wedding day. Jake was actually a little nervous again—it was adorable! The renewal was just the two of them and Father. It was soft, sweet and deeply faith-filled. Both Caitlin and Jake have been youth ministers most of their adult lives and have a little one of their own, so this moment of stillness—a renewal of their sacrament with just the two of them—offered a quiet and tranquillity they hadn’t experienced in a while.

We were reminded life can be very full, in a very good way: full of family, friends, helping and taking care of others, work; the list goes on.

But just like Christ, there are times when we need to just be still.

And sometimes that stillness, that quiet is with just your spouse in prayer.

Photographer: Horn Photography & Design | Venue: St. Luke the Evangelist Catholic Church, Dahlonega GA | Artistic Florist: Cleveland Florist

Wedding Planning | Be Bold in Asking for What you Desire

THERESA NAMENYE

I was a bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s weddings.

Her ceremony was beautiful. You could feel the joy in the air. Afterwards, we piled into our wedding party bus and headed to the park to take photographs. The bride and the groom got their pictures, then the families, and then the entire wedding party together. The photographer called, “Alright, let’s head back to the reception; dinner is waiting!” 

My mind immediately started to race about the photographs I still wanted my friend to have! Didn’t we always talk about a picture of our friend group at all of our weddings? Didn’t we want shots of all the bridesmaids all together?

Awkwardly, I said, “Wait, aren’t there a few shots we still want?”

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

It wasn’t in the plan. The photographer seemed surprised. Long story short, we ended up staying for another 15 minutes to get all of the photographs we could ever need.

Looking back, I treasure the photographs from my best friend’s wedding. If I had not spoken up, and just listened to the part of me that didn’t want to “make a fuss”, those photographs literally would not exist. I have been a part of many weddings now, and in every one, including my own, some of the richest memories prove to be the images captured of us all together. 

I have close kindred sisters spread out all over the world. We live in an age where many loved ones are separated by distance. While we may have all been ridiculously close in high school, childhood, or college, the harsh truth is that some of our closest and dearest friends will be seen on Marco Polo apps and over text messages for the rest of our adulthood. We don’t crash on each other’s couches every weekend like we used to. We receive our children’s milestones from Facebook. We try ever so hard to schedule vacations or get togethers when we can travel from state to state. Given the current climax of the world, it really is more unknown than ever when we will all be back together hanging out.

But I will always have those wedding photographs that immortalize our bond, and radiate happiness in a way that an old android snapshot just doesn’t have the range to capture.

Don’t be afraid to ask for exactly what you want. Write a list of photographs you absolutely must have. It can be a pain to sit down and write out all the different shots you need and the order in which they will happen. But it is worth doing. Every time. 

I created a detailed list of every single photograph I wanted with other people. This included my parents, my siblings, my sisters, my grandparents, my husband’s family, my bridesmaids, my childhood friends, my college friends, and a plethora of other combinations. We obviously all had photographs taken scattered throughout our lives, but to be all dressed up with a professional photographer was an opportunity I absolutely did not want to go to waste. 

Since my wedding, my grandmother, grandfather, and father have all suddenly passed away. Guess what I have? I have photographs of us all together at my wedding. There is not any dollar amount that can put a price on those tangible memories.

When we created picture boards for my dad’s funeral, almost all of the photographs we had were because of my grandmother who was extremely passionate about capturing the moments with her family. We have a rich documentation of my dad’s life because someone had the boldness and assertiveness to demand family photographs, capture candid moments, and encourage us all to immortalize those precious moments forever.

Now, more than any other time in history, we have almost no excuse for not doing this in some capacity. Instead of playing a game or scrolling, stop to take the photograph. It doesn’t matter if we look perfect or “attractive enough”. We--and our loved ones--deserve to have these memories of a life that goes by fleetingly fast.

Be intentional. Be bold about asking and calmly stating what you will receive in the end. No amount of “wedding day stress” should derail you from the one piece of your special day that will remain immortalized for the rest of your life.

At the end of the day, the wedding ceremony and celebration really isn’t about the visual details or the decorations. Ultimately, it is about the bond of marriage; but even beyond that, it is about two lives intertwining. My life is the culmination of my family and my friends--I did not exist in a void. My friends were the ones who walked me through my engagement, my dating life, my hard break ups, my singlehood. And I cherish the photographs that captured the beauty of those friendship forever.

So take the pictures! All of them.

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About the Author: Theresa Namenye studied Humanities, Catholic Culture, and Philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She lives in Scottsdale, AZ with her husband Garrett and their children Leo and Aislin. When she isn't teaching fourth grade, she loves blogging, painting, and enjoying the outdoors.

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Spiritual Tune-ups for Couples

CARISSA PLUTA

Those of you who have musical abilities will know how important it is to have your instrument tuned periodically in order for the sound to remain melodious.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

If we put that much care and effort into maintaining our piano or guitar, how much more time and energy should we invest in maintaining the spiritual health of our marriages?

We don’t want to wait until we hit a season of difficulty or desolation in our relationship before taking the steps necessary to evaluate and meet our spiritual needs. 

Taking time with your spouse for a “spiritual tune-up” can benefit both married and engaged couples and can strengthen your relationship for the long-term. 

Talk about your spiritual life

This first one may seem obvious, but it may surprise you how easy it is forgotten. 

You can share what God has been saying to you in prayer, or ask your spouse questions about his prayer life. This can lead to deeply edifying discussions and makes for interesting dinner or date night conversations!

Talking about your prayer life is helpful for couples to better understand the spiritual needs of each individual and the marriage as a whole. It also helps foster a deeper emotional intimacy between you and your husband. 

Related: Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy

Head to Confession

As a sacrament of healing, Confession grants the faithful necessary graces for avoiding sin and growing in holiness, which is why going to confession at least once a year is considered a tenant of our faith. But why wait? This grace is available to you as often as you want to take advantage of it. 

My husband and I try to go to confession together once a month. We usually do it on a Saturday and make a little date out of it by grabbing coffee and donuts afterwards. 

Going to confession with your spouse can be a great way of being more intentional with maintaining the spiritual health of your marriage. 

Incorporating an daily examen into your routine will also help you become more aware of the spiritual realities constantly at work in your life, while better preparing you for your next trip to the confessional!

Go on a Retreat

For many couples, the Engaged Encounter Weekend is the first and last retreat you and your husband go on together but it doesn’t have to be.

Devoting a day, or even a whole week to spending time in prayer can leave you feeling spiritually refreshed and renewed, and can help you dive back into your daily tasks with a greater fervor and love. 

While you could choose to go on separate retreat weekends or plan your own personal one, you may also consider attending a retreat designed specifically for couples. 

Read a spiritually enriching book

Reading books from great theologians, philosophers, and (current or future) saints can greatly benefit those striving for holiness and a relationship with Christ. And luckily, the Church offers us a treasure trove of spiritual classics from which to learn. 

Reading a spiritually-enriching book can help build up the intellectual foundation of your faith, while also giving you practical tips to apply these topics in your life and marriage. It can also offer encouragement in your vocation and journey toward heaven.

You and your spouse might choose to spend time reading the book together during the week, or read it on your own time and then discuss the major takeaways. 

Related: Check out some of our reading recommendations for couples. 

Consider Counseling

Counseling isn’t just for individuals and marriages that are actively facing a major problem. In fact, most experts would say that couples should seek therapy long before they think they need to. 

Counseling provides couples with tools and techniques to help them improve communication, conflict resolution, physical and emotional intimacy, and more--all of which can greatly impact the spiritual health of your relationship. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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How He Asked | Jackie + Elias

From NYC to Lourdes, a lifetime invitation to dance.

Elias knew it from the first time he went: Lourdes, France, the holy ground where Our Lady appeared to Saint Bernadette, captivated his heart. Elias heard Mary speak to him and pull him back year after year, visiting on pilgrimages with his family business and through his service with the Order of Malta. Ultimately, this sacred place would take on an even deeper resonance. 

At the end of a Young Adult Mass at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral in Manhattan, Jackie found herself swept along in the crowd to the Christmas celebration that followed at a nearby bar. “I was literally being led,” she says. She enjoyed the evening but soon began glancing at the time, concerned about getting a train home from the city before it got too late. 

From the Bride:

I was about to leave, but was stopped by a girl complimenting my dress. I politely tried to hurry the conversation along, and then it happened: my heart was pierced. This strikingly handsome man passed me and moved my soul with his eyes.

My friend asked, “Did you feel that?!” I did. Deeper than I wanted to admit.

We introduced ourselves. His name was Elias, and we had a lot in common. Before long, we were salsa dancing and laughing, and though we were surrounded by hundreds, it was as if no one else was in the room. He never took his gaze off of me. At the end of the night, Elias offered to drive me home to Long Island, but I declined and he hailed a cab for me instead. I needed space to absorb what just happened: I’d met an incredibly handsome Catholic gentleman, after mass at Saint Patrick’s, on the Feast of Saint Lucy--patron saint of eyesight! All on a snowy night in New York City. I knew my life was never going to be the same. My many prayers were answered.

From the Groom:

After the beautiful Mass, filled with Christmas spirit, I quickly made my way over to the afterparty location, where I was setting up a table with World Youth Day information. 

As I mingled and chatted, I saw this incredibly striking woman walk up to the bar across from me and order a Jameson on the rocks. A beautiful Catholic woman, seemingly single, ordering my go-to drink. Thank you, Jesus!

Right then I made a promise that I wasn’t going home without getting her name, and hopefully her phone number, too.

When I made my move and approached Jackie and her friend, we locked eyes. As cliché as it sounds, time seemed to stand still. We eventually found ourselves in a group chat, sharing a little about ourselves and our interests. She had me at “faith, food and fitness.” By the time we were dancing, I tried not to step on her feet nor reveal how much I was secretly sweating. That night, I met Jackie and fell in love.

The Proposal

Jackie and Elias traveled to Lourdes on a pilgrimage trip to serve in the healing baths. The theme of the trip, “Do whatever he tells you” (John 2:5), left them with full hearts, on fire for growth, acceptance of their vocations, and the pursuit of the Father’s will.  

Saint Bernadette of Lourdes, in reference to Our Lady’s hand in her children’s lives, said, “the first movement does not belong to us, it is the second which belongs to us.” Jackie and Elias considered this first pilgrimage their personal “first movement.” The following year, they returned. They share:

 “The second movement: in 2019, we returned for the second time together with more experience, confidence and a desire to fully abandon ourselves to God’s will--and each other). It is believed that in year one Our Lady invites us; year two is our decision or fiat--our Yes.

“Saying “yes,” giving our fiat, was a continual theme throughout that trip. We said yes to encountering people where they were on their walks of faith, yes to performing our daily duties serving the people of Lourdes, and, in the most literal way possible, saying yes to one another.”

On a rainy Friday night on the Feast of Saint Anne and the final evening of a novena and their second year of service in the healing baths, Jackie and Elias attended Mass in the Grotto at Lourdes. In the moments that followed the Mass and Adoration, with their families tuning in from a livestream in New York, Elias read Jackie a letter, got down on one knee, and asked her to marry him. Her response: oui.

“We couldn’t have dreamed for a more perfect, holy and beautiful proposal,” they say, “and even more, the gift of one another. We are still overjoyed with the complete beauty, blessing and meaning in it all”.

Photographer: Martin Jernberg | Engagement Ring: H&F Diamonds

Reflecting on Our Engaged Encounter Weekend, Five Years Later

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Recently, on a sunny pandemic afternoon, my husband Dalton and I pulled out our old workbooks from our Engaged Encounter weekend and read them in our backyard while our kids played outside. Five years before, we had written in these books, completely unaware of what marriage would actually look like in practice. It was sweet and sobering--and often hilarious--to read our responses to the prompts, as young and inexperienced as we were. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: FENIX PDE

To give you some context, our Engaged Encounter weekend took place over three days at a retreat house in Baton Rouge. There were cafeteria lunches, camp beds, and awkward conversations with fellow engaged couples. Three married couples and a priest presided over the activities. Most of the day was structured to be similar to a classroom-style setting, with our instructors telling us personal stories about different topics, such as budgeting, newlywed life, NFP and child-rearing. We would then have “breakout sessions” with our future spouses, in which we would discuss these topics on a personal level.

As you might imagine, the whole weekend was really designed to offer as much as we as a couple were willing to put into it. Dalton and I were earnest, writing extensively in our workbooks and often having conversations that produced tears--usually happy, occasionally frustrated or anxious.

I recommend this pre-cana weekend to anyone who is willing to really commit to using it as a tool to improve communication and trust prior to marriage. After reading through our workbooks again, some seemingly contradictory truths stuck out boldly to me:

You will change.

One thing that stood out to me is how young we seemed in our communication. The idealism oozed out of the pages as we confidently wrote about all of the things we expected marriage to be. There’s also no evidence in our past voices of the deep intimacy that comes with time. My responses were casual and flippant, often glossing over some of the real issues we finally came to discuss only after we were married. 

The kids who filled out those pages were mere outlines of the adults we are today. Who knows how we will change in the next 5, 10, 50 years from now? 

You won’t change.

Despite some of the superficial responses we gave back then, the raw material of our souls is written on those pages. There was a section to fill out about what we perceived to be our biggest flaws, and I was sorry to see, five years later, that mine remain the same.

There was also a section about what gifts we would bring to the marriage. Happily, Dalton and I have both developed a lot of these gifts, far beyond what we might have expected when we first discussed what they were. Dalton’s patience, for example, is seemingly boundless and somehow only increasing as we add more children to our family.

You get to decide.

One of the most fun aspects of the weekend is the time you spend discussing what your future family will look like. How will you celebrate holidays, develop traditions, raise children?

Dalton and I come from wonderful families, but there were a few things we decided we would like to do differently in our own. Like the founding fathers writing out our own Declaration of Independence, the joy and excitement of creating something new leaps off the pages of our workbooks. For example, we decided that we would prioritize family dinner time. We added a clause about occasionally calling an audible for a rare “treat night” where we would order takeout and watch a movie during dinner. We have consistently kept this law and this amendment to this day.

You won’t get to decide.

Our workbooks covered many of the important topics that a couple should discuss before marriage, but there are certain lessons that come only with time and experience. There are some things you won’t get to choose. 

Prior to our marriage, we had never discussed in any meaningful detail some of the most difficult parts of life, including our deepest fears and anxieties. In the five short years we have been married, we have encountered some of these together. When we said our vows at our wedding, the “worse” of “for better or for worse”--sickness, poverty, death--were all theoretical. Although we have no idea what is still to come in our lives and marriage, we still trust in the mercy and love of God--just like the naïve kids we used to be. 

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Nontraditional Traditions for a One-of-a-Kind Wedding Reception

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

As a Catholic, I love tradition. I knew that when planning our wedding, particularly our wedding Mass, I would incorporate many of the traditions to embody the classic “tale as old as time” feel. When it comes time for the reception, however, there is more room for nontraditional, quirky moments to really make the day special. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: BEAUTY OF THE SOUL STUDIO

There are essential traditions in a Catholic wedding, which orient us toward heaven and unite us with God, and nonessential traditions. There is no Canon Law which states you must have a tiered wedding cake! Considering closely the reason behind common wedding customs and choosing traditions you love will ultimately relieve you of stress, delight your guests, and make the day uniquely yours.

If you find yourself wanting a mixture of traditional and distinctive, here are five ways to think creatively about incorporating unique traditions into your wedding reception:

Ask “Why?”

Who says that you have to have a formal cake cutting? If you’ve always imagined feeding your new husband cake in front of all of your guests, go for it! If you are uninterested or uncomfortable about something that’s “always done,” skip it. Lots of modern brides forgo a garter toss, for example. One of my favorite couples decided that they would rather dance all night instead of listening to speeches or having a bouquet toss. Nobody cared that there was no receiving line, and the band played on.

Opposites Attract 

A huge source of wedding-planning stress may come from the influence of other weddings you have attended and a perceived expectation. You may find creative inspiration by pursuing the opposite of the norm. If you have only attended a sit-down dinner in the evening, consider a wedding breakfast buffet. It will make a nice change for your guests, it will likely be cheaper, and who doesn’t love bacon?

Offbeat Location 

Our wedding reception took place in a bowling alley with a huge bar and a dance floor. The relaxed atmosphere made for a great party. Check out botanical gardens, aquariums, libraries, or backyards.

Personalization 

In much of the South, it’s customary to have a “groom’s cake,” which is often a different flavor from the primary wedding cake--and it is decorated to look like something the groom loves. Lots of couples have taken this concept and made it personal. We had donuts, for example, and my sister had a traditional New Orleans’ king cake. One of my favorite iterations of this was a selection of cookies decorated to look like the groom.

DIY Traditions 

Many wedding-specific accessories which are curated by an expert are convenient, yet expensive. I always thought wedding flowers had to be prepared by florists until I was a bridesmaid in friend’s wedding; the morning of her wedding, she and her bridesmaids created all of the floral arrangements--the church decor, the boutonnieres, the reception centerpieces, etc. Laughing and drinking mimosas with the bride as I made my own bouquet was one of the best times I’ve ever had as a bridesmaid, and the flowers were beautiful.

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Stephanie + Geoffrey | Military Elegance and the Lord's Abundance

Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor shares her and her husband’s journey of radical trust, healing gifts from Therese and other saints, and their Nashville destination wedding--an embodiment of community and life-giving love, planned in less than four months.

Stephanie and Geoffrey met during a college summer, spending hours together and with friends between Washington, D.C. and Annapolis, Maryland. After Geoff graduated, work transplanted him from place to place, and their relationship echoed the theme of constant change, uncertainty, and transition. Yet the Lord is eager to to pour out his gifts, with rock-solid, constant, and unchanging love.

From the Bride:

We were dating. Then we weren’t. I quit my job and moved to California. We dated again. Then we got engaged, married, moved to Japan and started a family. And now we’re here! 

In between those facts from start to present, we were both diving deeper into our own hearts to understand Who am I? and Where is God calling me? We couldn’t articulate those questions then, but retrospect offers wisdom into where we’ve been and how far we’ve come. 

I am a cradle Catholic. I grew up aware of right versus wrong, especially in regards to intimacy with a romantic partner. That knowledge came with a lot of fear. For most of my life, I made decisions to avoid punishment rather than in pursuit of love. Logic and reason kept me safe from emotion.

Dating Geoff tapped into a new area of my heart; all of a sudden, something rustled the desires and passions which had been suppressed for so long. 

Without a real prayer life to know myself and discern all the confusing and overwhelming movements of my heart, I broke up with Geoff. I feared that maybe I was being called to religious life. I heard a lot of voices in my head, had a lot of feelings in my heart and had no idea what was right. 

After we broke up, I was lost until St. Therese came to the rescue. Through a monthly novena and spiritual reading, my heart softened. It was a whirlwind season and I grew a lot. Commitment to Adoration, daily Mass, and continued novenas yielded healing and peace. 

I learned to trust the pure, passionate desires of my heart because God placed them there! I discerned that my love for Geoff, though immature in its origin, was rooted in purity and goodness. 

I was finally consoled when my will aligned with God’s and I took steps to pursue a relationship with Geoff again. 

In the depth of his own sorrow and heartbreak, Geoff also leaned on God in new ways. Eventually, through a number of factors that are still mysterious to me, he discerned his desire to enter the Catholic Church. 

I reached back out to Geoff and told him I was prepared to move wherever the Navy was taking him next. He was (rightfully) cautious, but eventually we both packed our bags for California. 

Our second start was awkward and slow; our friendship picked up where it left off but our dating life was more vulnerable and thoughtful than before. Surrounded again by a strong community of friends, our hearts were thriving and it was time to talk about marriage. 

Once our relationship was solid, talk of marriage was expedited by the military’s timeline--a move to Japan was in our near future. Geoff was clear he would not propose until after he entered the Catholic Church. I was restless, but desired to trust both Geoff and God’s timing. 

In less than 4 months, we planned a wedding, got married, and moved. Fortunately, my sister has an extensive background as a luxury event planner in Tennessee. Since she had the expertise and our family and friends were spread around the country, we planned a destination wedding in Nashville. 

Two weeks after Geoff proposed, we were civilly married to process military paperwork for our international move (we didn’t live as a married couple until after our subsequent Church wedding). Later that day, ironically, I bought my wedding dress. The thought of wedding dress shopping was not exciting to me; it was dramatically overwhelming. 

My roommate surprised me with an appointment at a local bridal shop. I tried on a handful of dresses available to take away that day and found one that felt simple yet special. The low-key dress-shopping process was a perfect fit for me. 

I wasn’t the girl who dreamt about her wedding. Together, Geoff and I decided “classy backyard barbecue” encompassed our ideal aesthetic and environment: beautiful yet comfortable, reverent yet approachable. The bridesmaids wore black and our flowers added a beautiful pop of color.

While my sister organized wedding plans, we focused on our top priorities. Despite the short timeline, we committed to praying a 54-day Rosary Novena leading up to our wedding. Many evenings, the prayers were said with heavy eyelids, but it kept our hearts focused on surrendering our desires and offering our vows to God. 

We found joy in bringing as much personalization and community into our day as possible by incorporating loved ones into different roles; we feel most alive while cultivating authentic relationships!

Friends in California helped create a Japan-themed paper crane backdrop for a photo booth at the reception. My grandmother embroidered our names and wedding date in blue that was sewn inside my wedding dress. My mother-in-law offered her mother’s vintage clutch to use throughout the day.

Our music and wedding program intended to unite our Catholic and non-Catholic guests. Included in the program was a prayer to Mary that Geoff and I wrote to offer a glimpse into our relationship with our spiritual mother. We created a Litany of the Saints to be sung during the Mass, which was probably the most profound moment for me--to be surrounded, spiritually and physically, by the communion of saints. 

Countless friends and relatives shared their gifts of singing, altar serving, reading, dancing, driving, ice cream-making, hair-fixing, cooking, dress-buying and more throughout the weekend. One family friend even loaned us her all-American getaway car. We were surrounded by generosity and God-given talents! 

My immediate family took initiative according to their personal strengths too. My sister’s eye for beauty and attention to detail is extraordinary. My mom created prayer cards as place settings at the reception. She and my dad had traveled to the Holy Land before our engagement, but came home with enough wine from Cana for the Eucharistic celebration during our wedding Mass. (Without knowing, Geoff and I had already selected the Miracle at Cana as our Gospel reading!) Finally, my dad and I had a very honest conversation about our wedding budget, which he had been preparing since I was a little girl. 

Geoff and I share a love language of quality time. With all but two guests traveling from out-of-town, we made an effort to spend time with everyone. Both our families rented houses in Nashville, which allowed our extended families and bridal parties to enjoy meals, late-night chats, and morning coffee together. 

After our wedding rehearsal, thoughtful toasts, and delicious dinner, we opened the restaurant patio for a “meet-and-greet happy hour” for all the wedding guests to visit; this was one of the greatest parts of our weekend.

By the ceremony, it felt like the guests from near and far already knew each other! It wasn’t just a crowd gathered to watch us get married, but a family united in love and authentic relationships. 

In lieu of a First Look, Geoff and I started our wedding day with a coffee date. We were able to sit in the quiet of the morning, before the sun was up, to prepare for the day together. 

We spent additional quality time with the bridal party between the wedding and reception at a bowling alley. We wore our fancy clothes, the photographers followed along, and we played together before being engulfed in the crowd again.

God showed up in big and small ways on our wedding day. He offered tangible waves of mercy, healing, joy and grace for everyone present, while simultaneously whispering intimate praises, just for me and Geoff. 

For example, my absolute favorite thing in nature is clouds. When we saw the Church of the Assumption for the first time to go to confession the week of our wedding, I was awestruck by the relief behind the altar: an image of Mary being assumed into heaven against a backdrop of perfect clouds. In addition, when Geoff became Catholic months prior, he chose Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati as his Confirmation name. On that same day, Geoff noticed the only prayer card of a holy person in the church’s entryway was for Bl. Frassati. 

During the time I was discerning my vocation and spending countless hours in an Adoration chapel back in Washington, DC, I was surrounded by several icons in the small prayer space. Each of them showed up on our wedding day: a statue of St. Therese by the church door; the infant Jesus of Prague and Divine Mercy image in the back of the church, and the pelican in piety image on the back of our priest’s chasuble (this was the most shocking as I’d only seen it once before on the altar under the tabernacle in the adoration chapel). The way God wove my experiences in Adoration into our wedding day is truly unbelievable. 

To describe our wedding itself, pure, beautiful, intentional, reverent, inclusive, joyful, and wholehearted come to mind. Geoff and I have said we just showed up to our wedding day. In many ways, we did. We were constantly amazed that this was our wedding. Yet it would be foolish to deny our commitment to wedding planning--the months of individual preparation and countless acts of mercy that have allowed us to share the vocation to marriage with joy. 

I have since realized in a new way how God takes our desires and magnifies them into abundant gifts and graces beyond our imagining. When the desires of our hearts align with God’s desires for our lives, there is no stopping the powerful movements of the Holy Spirit. 

A lot of people did a lot of work to make our wedding what it was, but the hand of God was the ultimate source of beauty and joy throughout the entire weekend. He provided abundant means as so many people utilized their gifts to create an extraordinary experience of the sacrament which, hopefully, revealed a glimpse of his glory.

Watching countless people do their “thing” brought us joy and increased the beauty of the day. In many ways, the multiplicity of gifts foreshadowed the fruitfulness of living a sacrament to marriage. 

Our relationships with God have shifted in different seasons of life; truthfully, our shared unity with God is still in an infancy stage in our married lives. Almost two years in, and we’re definitely still figuring out how to pray together, how to define our values and how to make our faith visible on our lips, in our home, and in our relationships. 

I am grateful we entered the sacrament of marriage when we were both at a point of spiritual highs. It’s a constant reminder and source of encouragement for what’s possible when we unite our hearts to God’s will. 

Photography: Details Nashville | Ceremony Venue: Church of the Assumption: Nashville, TN | Reception Venue: Marathon Music Works: Nashville, TN | Rings: Robbins Brothers | Flowers: Lauren Marie Atkinson | Event Planning: Alison Burry, the bride's sister | Post-Wedding Bowling: Pinewood | Cake: Puffy Muffin | Cake topper: Laster Tree | Wedding Dress and accessories: Luv Bridal | Bridesmaids Dresses: Dillards | Tuxes: Joseph A. Banks | Bridal alterations: The Perfect Fit | Food: Corky’s BBQ | Reception Rentals: Music City Tents | Lighting: Bright Event Productions | DJ: Spangler Entertainment | Cantor: Natalie Plumb | Organist: Albennia Ladieu