Saints for Those Discerning Their Vocation

Need help discerning your vocation? There’s a saint for that. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO. AS SEEN IN HANNAH AND JOSH’S PRAYER-FILLED FALL WEDDING

One of the most incredible gifts given to us by the Church is the Communion of Saints. Those of us still on earth recognize the holy men and women beholding the face of God in heaven as our brothers and sisters, willing and able to help us on our journey. 

In moments where you feel lost or unsure, the saints can help guide your steps and bring you closer to Christ. 

For those readers still praying for clarity and courage in pursuing their vocation, here are seven saints to help you in this season of discernment. 

St. Joseph

As the earthly father of Jesus, Saint Joseph is a powerful intercessor for his spiritual children. He also demonstrated great trust in the will of God during his life, moving forward in faith even when God’s plan wasn’t entirely clear. 

Even when Joseph’s plans for his future seemed abruptly upended when the woman to whom he was betrothed was found with child, he remained open to hearing what God had in store for him. When an angel appeared to Joseph and told him to take Mary as his wife, he was obedient.

If you are struggling with trust in or obedience to God, pray to St. Joseph for help. 

St. Therese of Lisieux

Saint Therese of Lisieux, also known as the Little Flower, was a French Carmelite whose writings on the “Little Way” of holiness led her to be named a Doctor of the Church. She is quoted as saying a phrase that all Christians should hold in their mind, especially during seasons of discernment: “My vocation is Love!”

While Saint Therese had confidence in her call to the convent from a very young age, many people ask Saint Therese for help with discerning their vocations and have found their prayers are answered with a rose. 

Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati 

Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati is often called “the Man of the Beatitudes” because in his 24 years on earth, he lived a life of love and service. 

Many people related to Blessed Pier Giorgio because he was an ordinary guy. He became a saint by living his ordinary Christian life well. Like so many of us, he did not have it all figured out. He did not wait for the “big decisions” to be made to begin living a life of heroic virtue and love of the poor. 

Ask Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati to help you pursue holiness and excellence in this season of life. 

Related: Readers Share | The Saints Who've Shaped Your Relationships

Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin

Parents of Saint Therese, Saints Louis and Zelie Martin modeled holiness in their call to marriage and family life. However, did you know that they both initially wanted to join the religious life?

I imagine Louis and Zelie felt a lot of sorrow and confusion upon being rejected from the orders they applied to. They might have also questioned their discernment ability; yet, when Zélie first saw Louis, she heard our Blessed Mother tell her that this was the man she was to marry. They went on to have nine children, and the five that would survive infancy went on to become nuns (and saints!). 

If you’re feeling confused or unsure in your discernment, ask Saints Louis and Zelie to help you find consolation and courage in this season. 

St. Raphael

The archangel Raphael is considered the patron saint of happy meetings (and the unofficial patron saint of those seeking a spouse). In the Book of Tobit, Raphael guides Tobit’s son Tobiah to his future wife Sarah so many people often pray to Saint Raphael to similarly lead them to their future spouse. 

Pray to St. Raphael for help finding a holy spouse if you’re called to the vocation of marriage. 

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Saint Ignatius of Loyola was the founder of the Jesuits and offers a framework for discerning God’s will through his Spiritual Exercises. 

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius provides rules for the discernment of spirits which can help you better understand the interior movements of your soul and what God desires for your life. 

If you are looking for practical ways to pray about your vocation, consider attending an Ignatian retreat and asking St. Ignatius for guidance.

Mary, Spouse of the Holy Spirit

Vocational discernment requires an openness to the Holy Spirit, so who better to turn to than Our Lady, the Spouse of the Holy Spirit, when you are in need of help when it comes to discernment? 

Saint Louis de Monfort wrote in True Devotion: “When the Holy Spirit, her spouse, finds Mary in a soul, He hastens there and enters fully into it.” 

Turn to Mary and ask her to teach you how to open your heart up to the movement of the Spirit and how to give your “fiat” to whatever He calls you to do.

Community Shares | Incorporating Prayer into Your Wedding Day

Invite a spirit of prayerfulness into your wedding day but intentionally incorporating moments of intercession and thanksgiving with your (soon-to-be) husband, your parents, bridesmaids, and even your guests. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CHELSEA SLIWA AS SEEN IN MADISON AND AJ’S 1920S RAILWAY STATION WEDDING

This week, we asked members of the Spoken Bride Community how they incorporated prayer into their wedding day, and here’s what they had to say: 

I prayed a Divine Mercy chaplet with my bridesmaids before the wedding. During the Nuptial Mass, our priest allowed us to lead the Litany of Trust after the vows, since that prayer was deeply meaningful to us. At the reception, a priest friend led the blessing. Finally, and maybe most importantly, we prayed together, just the two of us, after the wedding.  // Siobhan O.

My husband and I had our confessions heard after our wedding rehearsal, before driving to the dinner, and prayed our penances side by side in the empty chapel. I remember feeling so overcome, like, "this is it," and such peace and anticipation. We also read through the readings for our liturgy in the days leading up to the wedding, which I really loved. We used Tobit 8, Eph. 5, and the Wedding Feast at Cana. // Stephanie C.

I prayed the rosary with three of my bridesmaids the morning of our wedding. We also concluded a novena  we had put together for our wedding, on our wedding day. Instead of a "first look" we met in the back of the church with the confessional doors between us to pray the final prayer of our novena together. It was a really special moment to be able to hold each other's hands and pray together before walking down the aisle. // Catherine B. 

My husband and I went to confession together early in the morning before the day's festivities began––I loved being able to say our vows with a completely clean heart and felt much more prepared to enter into our marriage. We also prayed in front of the Marian statue after communion together and had several holy friends of ours pray over us at the reception. It was such a gift to have many quiet moments of prayer with my new husband as well as celebrating our joy through prayer with loved ones. // Carissa P. 

My friends surprised me with a spiritual bouquet and at some point my mom gave me a blessing. At the reception we had a friend and groomsman lead everyone in the blessing before meals. And this was my favorite: when we got back to our hotel room my hubby had a reading from Tobit that we read together and prayed before we had some fun. // Andi C. 

Searching for an intimate and authentic community of like-minded Catholic brides as you plan for your wedding and to cover you and your special day in prayer as you enter your vocation? Come join the Spoken Bride Community. ⁠⁠

Your Marriage's Role in the Story of Salvation

CORINNE GANNOTTI

What story is your life telling? What story is your marriage telling?

PHOTOGRAPHY: PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS

These questions are meaningful, even if they may seem to us at first a little self-important. They are the questions of purpose and value. They are the 'why does it matter?' that we can return to in the moments when we may be tempted to believe it doesn't anymore, or when things are really difficult and desolate. They undergird the times when we feel the goodness of God flourishing in our relationship in blossoms of evident grace.

It’s worth it for us to take time to ponder these questions because the implications of how we answer them touch everything that we do and are. They speak deeply into the scope of how we see ourselves in the greater world in which we live. And so, we do not have to fear pride when we take the time to reflect on them. Nor do we have to believe the lie that we aren't important enough to need to answer them. And above all, we do not have to fear that we do not know the answer to them. Because God has given us the answer in Christ.

The truth is that our story is bound up in a much bigger one. Our lives, and in turn our marriages, have a place in the fullness of the story of Salvation History - unfolding in real time, in beauty and mess and detail, under the providence of God. 

It’s a story that began at the very beginning and hasn’t stopped since. Through periods of enslavement and wandering and the unfolding of His law. Into ages of prophets and kings and the rising up of a great nation. Into the fullness of time, when He took on flesh and taught and healed and consummated it all on the cross. From His rising to His anointing of those to whom He left his Church and His mission. Into the years of that Church drawing close to Him through His sacraments. All pointing ahead to life fully redeemed with Him and in Him.

The story of your own family fits nestled right in its appointed place in this unfolding tale of God’s love. These historic, Biblical, covenantal moments can be traced through the timeline of our world all leading up to this moment now – the one you’re living. They all lead up and into the reality of your life story and fill it with meaning and scope.

If we mistakenly think that our marriages are only about us, or even more tragically that they are not really meaningful at all, we may miss the most important truth of all. The love that you and your spouse offer each other in fidelity through your lives is part of the way God has chosen to reveal His mystery to the world. It is a part of the greatest and most important story there is. And because of that, your marriage has cosmic level significance. The way you live – the unfolding story of your life, matters immensely.

Far from being meaningless or only about you, your life, vocation deeply included, is drawn up into the story of God's divine love. Henri Nouwen, a favorite spiritual writer and kind of spiritual father to me, once wrote in his book Bread for the Journey:

"We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them." 

The more we come to see our place in the greater story of God’s love for humanity, the better we can comprehend the real importance and dignity of our own life. The more, like Henri would encourage us, we can then trust that our story deserves to be told and shared and lived well. 

Because our story matters, and it is not just our own. 

Our marriages matter deeply to God. And when we can sense our personal significance to Him, life becomes better. We may then find ourselves capable of living more fully in every respect, which is really all God wants for us.

So maybe the real question of importance then becomes, “How do I see my marriage within the story of God's plan of love?”

Meditating upon that question and finding we can answer it well, can free us from the fear that we do not matter. God wants us to trust that the unfolding stories of our marriages rest in His arms, us confidently knowing the depth of their value.

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About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Choosing the Readings for Your Wedding Mass

CARISSA PLUTA

Choosing the scripture readings for your wedding mass might be a surprising detail about your wedding day that needs your attention, but it can also be one of the most spiritually edifying parts of the planning process. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA-ANNE SMID

According to The Order for Celebrating Matrimony, which contains the ritual text used by the celebrant, the Liturgy of the Word should express “...the importance of Christian Marriage in the history of salvation and the responsibilities and duties of Marriage to be attended to for the sanctification of the spouses and of their children…”

The readings for your mass emphasize your role as a couple in Salvation history and present a beautiful opportunity to evangelize Catholic and non-Catholic guests by highlighting the divine gift of Christian marriage.

They can also offer encouragement and support throughout your life, wisdom from God to guide you through the good and the bad closer to Himself. 

But where do you even start when it comes to picking the readings for your nuptial mass?

Like any special mass, your nuptial mass will have three readings and Psalm: the First reading with the exception of the Easter Season will be from the Old Testament, the second reading from the New Testament, and then a reading from one of the four Gospels.

The Order for Celebrating Matrimony offers several options from Scripture that particularly express the importance and dignity of marriage; however, you may choose to go outside of these options, as long as at least one reading explicitly speaks of Marriage (and it’s okay with your celebrant!)

Looking for a uniquely Catholic wedding program? Check out the Spoken Bride Shop.

Here are some tips for choosing meaningful readings for your Catholic wedding mass:

1. Talk to your fiancé and your celebrant

The process of choosing your wedding readings should be a cooperative one between you and your spouse first. You want your readings to reflect you as a couple and be a source of inspiration for you and your husband as you journey together toward heaven.

What readings truly speak to you? What verses played a part in our story? Which bible passages reflect the marriage we hope to have? 

Communicate your thoughts and desires to your celebrant, as soon as possible. Some priests are open to other options for readings, especially if you have a good reason for wanting to include it in your wedding ceremony; while other priests may prefer to stick with the book so it is important to talk with him early in the decision-making process.

2. Don’t dismiss the challenging readings 

There are several readings listed in The Order for Celebrating Matrimony that might make some listeners uncomfortable (hello, Ephesians 5:22), but don’t dismiss them out of hand.

The Word of God contains His wisdom and all of the options the Church offers for mass readings contain invaluable help for couples. 

If you feel the tug on your heart to consider the less popular wedding readings, talk to your fiancé, a trusted friend, mentor couple, or priest. Sometimes, when we feel uncomfortable, we might be recognizing places in our hearts that need God’s light. Even if you don’t choose one of those readings, God might extend His healing or wisdom to you that will nourish your soul before you become a bride. 

3. Pray with the Readings

Before choosing your wedding readings, take some time to pray with the options by using Lectio Divina or some other form of meditative prayer. 

Lectio Divina is an ancient practice of immersing yourself in Scripture, opening your mind and heart to hear God’s voice. Invite the Holy Spirit into the decision-making process, and allow God to guide you. 

Return to these readings frequently throughout your engagement, delving deeper into their significance and meaning as you prepare to enter your vocation. 

Related: How to Pray About Your Wedding Vows Using Lectio Divina

The readings for your nuptial mass can hold so much meaning and significance for you wedding day and for the rest of your life. God desires to speak to you through His Word and will use the scriptures to draw you and your spouse closer to Him. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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What Married Couples Can Learn from the Rhythms of Religious Communities

ERIN BUCHMANN

Growing up, I was confident my vocation was to the religious life. As a teenager and young adult, I visited a variety of convents and talked with many, many religious sisters. In time God revealed my calling to marriage, but those early encounters with the monastic lifestyle opened my eyes to its richness, depth, and sublime beauty.

PHOTOGRAPHY: COLETTE M. PHOTOGRAPHY

Although marriage and the religious life are very different vocations in many ways, there are several practices broadly characteristic of monasticism which a couple can incorporate into their family life. Here are a few of the practices that have proven fruitful (and achievable!) in my marriage.

Set a schedule

The monastic life is grounded upon and centered by the Liturgy of the Hours. With their days hinged upon Lauds in the morning and Vespers in the evening, all the religious’ other prayers and works fall into their allocated, proper places.

Having a shared schedule, with times for prayer, family meals, work, and recreation, can give refreshing order to a family’s day too. A certain degree of flexibility here is okay and even necessary in our lay vocation, but having a schedule can help us live intentionally and prioritize the things that are truly important in our day.

My husband and I try to keep our routines in sync by getting up in the morning and going to bed at night together. A cornerstone in our day is the 30 minutes or so each evening when we pray the daily readings and the rosary together. Many weekends we try to do something outdoors as a family, like a hike or a bike ride. Holding this framework in common provides the added benefit of drawing us both into the same room of our home multiple times a day. Conversation and connection come easily when we’re both brushing our teeth or setting the table in anticipation of a shared bedtime or meal!

Pray, together and alone

One of the things that surprised me most about prayer post-marriage is how much it, like everything else in my life, became an “us” activity rather than a “me” activity. Praying together as a couple is so key to a healthy marriage, but taking time to be alone with God is indispensable too.

Even religious communities, whose members spend so much time in communal prayer, often still have certain devotions that are prayed alone. In some communities this is a daily rosary, in others it is the stations of the cross. Members are expected to set aside time apart from their other prayers and work to practice this devotion in a way and at a time of day that they personally find particularly suitable. While one religious might prefer to say her rosary during a walk through the garden, another might find that being alone in her cell or in the chapel while she prays draws her mind and heart most fully to God.

Similarly, husbands and wives need not be afraid to cultivate their personal relationships with God, in ways they individually find fruitful. It is okay if these ways are different between spouses!

I find that praying with the psalms orients my heart more properly to God, so I try to pray Lauds each morning. My husband likes to reflect upon the life and heart of his patron saint, St. Joseph, as he works and sacrifices to provide for our family. Although these are devotions we pursue individually, we can usually tell when the other hasn’t been praying well! Our personal relationships with God really do affect every aspect of our shared life.

Observe the evangelical counsels

Poverty, chastity and obedience each have their place in a marriage. Although couples are not bound through public profession to follow these counsels in their fullness, as many religious are, observing the evangelical counsels in a manner appropriate to the married vocation is nevertheless an excellent way in which spouses can grow to imitate Christ more fully.

The ways in which a married couple lives out the evangelical counsels will look very different from the ways in which a religious does. Yet, in their striving to love purely, the spouses find a model in Christ’s chastity. By acknowledging that everything they receive comes from God and should not be clung to but instead given generously, they emulate His poverty. In seeking to follow God’s will in all things, they recall His obedience.

Related: How Couples Can Embrace Gospel Poverty

Keep silence

Many religious communities observe “grand silence” following Compline, the final communal prayer of the day. Silence extends until Matins, the first communal prayer of the next morning. As its name suggests, there is no talking permitted in the community during these night hours—it’s a time for the religious to rest alone with God.

A much-scaled-back version of grand silence can also be practiced in marriage. My husband and I have found devoting an hour or so in the evenings to electronics-free connection time to be enormously beneficial to our relationship. During this time we might pray or read together, work on a puzzle or play a game, or just talk and cuddle. The key is that this is a time for us to simply be together, without outside distraction. It’s a time for us to reconnect with each other and with God before turning in for the night.

Read more: 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage

Spouses are certainly not called to observe all the rigors and devotions characteristic of a monastery. As St. Frances of Rome, herself a wife and mother, said, “A married woman must often leave God at the altar to find him in her household care.” Since the ultimate goal of a life lived in any vocation is union with God, however, married couples can look to the monastic lifestyle for inspiration and encouragement as they seek to cultivate a home life that honors God and makes Him known to the world.

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About the Author: Erin Buchmann hails from the lake country of central Minnesota. Her spiritual role models include St. Teresa of Avila, St. Edith Stein, St. Catherine of Siena and, of course, Our Lady. She and her husband are the parents of two little miracles.

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Short Prayers for Catholic Couples to Know

DOMINIKA RAMOS

As marriage is a living sign of the love of the Trinity, it's no surprise that the devil wages war directly against it.

PHOTOGRAPHY: CORI NATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY

Of course that's evident in the culture at large, but it's true, too, that if in our Christian marriages, we aren't vigilant about our daily attitudes to one another and if we aren't making concrete resolutions to love each other better, the enemy will work insidiously against us.

In my case, the wedding day felt like a spiritual triumph of graces and a kind of crowning event at the end of our college days in a robust Catholic community. But the farther I've gotten from that day and the more careworn I've become with the duties of work and family, the easier it has been for me to become lax in my prayer life, to feel as though I'm merely being tossed about by the conditions of my life, and to let resentment creep in.

This spiritual stupor can happen almost imperceptibly, and when I realize it is taking hold, I know I need to do something immediately. 

Reception of the sacraments, speaking to a good friend, and taking a step away from my husband and children for an hour or two (or even a revitalizing ten minutes in a hot shower) to get some perspective and appreciation are all incredibly helpful, but the following short prayers have been the ones I go when I need something really quick for a shift in my mind and my heart:

Visita, Quaesumus, Domine

Lord, we beg you to visit this house and banish from it all the deadly power of the enemy. May your holy angels dwell here to keep us in peace and may your blessing be upon us always.

The Memorare to St. Joseph

Remember, O most pure spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary, my great protector, Saint Joseph, that no one ever had recourse to your protection, or implored your aid without obtaining relief. Confiding therefore in your goodness, I come before you. Do not turn down my petitions, foster father of the Redeemer, but graciously receive them. Amen.

The St. Michael the Archangel Prayer

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

And lastly, when I don't have the energy to summon up the words even to say one of the above prayers, I find it grounding to simply focus on calm breathing and to repeat the name of Jesus.

These prayers, these words that are not my own, cut through my internal noise and remind me that Christ resides not in a far off place I can only reach when I'm well-put together, but that he's always abiding with me especially in my weakness and heaviness of heart, freely offering his grace, and gently inviting me to be a monstrance of his love to those in my home.

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About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Becoming Rich Soil for Your Spouse

CORINNE GANNOTTI

An image I've loved meditating on at times throughout my marriage is one that comes from the Parable of the Sower. 

You've probably heard this passage from the Gospels many times before. In it, Jesus speaks to the crowds that gathered along the shoreline of the Sea of Galilee to hear him.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KELLI SEELEY AS SEEN IN ALANA AND STEPHEN’S CALIFORNIA AIR FORCE WEDDING

He teaches them profoundly through images of nature about the disposition of heart we must cultivate if we hope to be able to receive the good news of the kingdom of God, the word of love and freedom that He has for us, and be changed. 

That seed of His word can only grow and flourish if sown into a heart which is open and attentive, humble and receptive - a land of rich soil. Not an open path, leaving it exposed and vulnerable to be snapped up by the birds. Not rocky ground, where roots can't take hold and the sun burns hot, withering it up. Not among the thorns which come to choke it. But rich soil, allowing for growth and life and fruit.

It's an incredibly beautiful image. In my own prayer with this story, Christ has helped me see how it applies to my life within my vocation of marriage. He has given me the beautiful opportunity as a wife to become, in some sense, rich soil for the life of my husband.

It is true that in his parable, Jesus is speaking about the landscape of the personal heart of each disciple. So I don’t mean to say that we're the responsible force for making our spouse receive and live the Gospel message. That’s the work of the Holy Spirit in the freedom of each person’s soul. 

But since in our sacramental understanding of marriage we can truly say that we are no longer two but one flesh, there is a sense in which we can read this Parable from the place of our shared life in the Spirit. Doing that has been incredibly meaningful for me because it’s given me imagery to work with as I try to understand the role I play in the spiritual life of my husband and he in mine.

When I come to understand myself as rich soil for my husband’s life, I can free myself from the temptation to believe that I need to be the one in control of sanctifying him, incapable as I would be at accomplishing this task to begin with. 

I am not the gardener, the sower of seeds. That is God. Tempting as it may be at times, it is not my responsibility to till and weed and prune my spouse into my own vision of spiritual perfection. Even when I long for his holiness with purity of heart because I desire his good, I do not need to direct the growth of his life of faith. 

I do much more to serve and love him when I remember that I’m the helpmate. I’m not called to the work that could only ever belong to the Gardener, but I do play an indispensable role in His plan. 

I have an incredible impact on my husband's experience of God's love for him. The manner in which I speak and act in our relationship does a great deal in shaping my husband’s view of himself – his goodness, worthiness, dignity as a son of God. Do I help, through my words and deeds, to cultivate rich soil in which he can confidently grow with God? Praying in this way has placed into check my own tendency for control and reoriented my heart in trust and hope – that God is constantly working for good in my husband, revealing Himself to him, sowing the seed of His word.

But how to be that helpmate, that ‘rich soil’ where the word can take root? What does it look like practically in the life we share with our spouse? Jesus helps us understand, when he goes on to teach the deeper meaning behind the veiled images of his parable. He explains,

“The seed sown on the path is the one who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it, and the evil one comes and steals away what was sown in his heart. The seed sown on rocky ground is the one who hears the word and receives it at once with joy. But he has no root and lasts only for a time. When some tribulation or persecution comes because of the word, he immediately falls away. The seed sown among thorns is the one who hears the word, but then worldly anxiety and the lure of riches choke the word and it bears no fruit. But the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.”

With Christ’s words in mind, I think living as rich soil for our spouse means helping him to make sense of the movement of God in his life, to really understand and respond to the action of the Holy Spirit.

It could look like encouraging his life of prayer, protecting time for him to be alone with God consistently. It could mean listening to him share thoughts and desires without judgement or critique. It could mean being intentional with encouragement and affirmation. It could mean responding to his failures and shortcomings with compassion. It should definitely mean praying in the quiet of your heart for him to be a man of receptivity to God. 

Rich soil is hearty, solid, safe. It stands between the evil one and the heart of your spouse with courage, so that nothing can steal away what God intends for good in him. It is defense against the pains and persecution that come with his life of discipleship, because the roots of faith can be nourished there - unlike out on the rocky ground. It is protection from the anxiety and materialism of the thorny world. Soil is home for a plant, and we have the gift of being like home for our spouse during our time together on earth. What an incredible gift that is.

Maybe take a few minutes today and read through the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13. Listen to the words of Christ speaking to you gently and ask him how you may be conformed into a rich soil in the life of your husband so that He can freely sow His word in him. May Jesus give us the grace to love our spouses well, becoming like rich soil for them to grow in the freedom of His love.

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About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Wholeheartedly Doing the Will of God as a Married Couple

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

Recently, I watched The Sound of Music for the first time in many years, and this time, I was struck by a bit of dialogue that I hadn’t paid much attention to as a younger viewer. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KATE ALLEY PHOTOGRAPHY

Early in the film, Maria is in the Reverend Mother’s office and the abbess asks her what the most important thing she had learned at the abbey. Maria replies “To find out what is the will of God, and to do it wholeheartedly.” That leads, of course, to Maria being sent to the von Trapp house, but after I finished the movie, that one line stuck with me as a succinct and beautiful description of holiness.

I returned to that line again after finishing Absent in the Spring, a novel published by Agatha Christie under her pseudonym Mary Westmacott. It is one of a few Christie novels that are not crime novels; it is instead a character study of a middle-aged married woman, Joan Scudamore, who is traveling home to England in the late 1930s after visiting her daughter in Baghdad.

Related: Three Classic Novels for Brides

The weather strands Joan as the sole traveler at a rest house on the Turkish border for a few days, and the people who work there speak very little English. Once she runs out of reading and writing material, she begins to examine her life, coming to some unexpected and unwanted realizations in the meantime. Joan, on the cusp of her twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, has not spent the last decades “finding out what is the will of God, and doing it wholeheartedly”; rather she has spent her marriage arranging things according to her own desires and depriving herself of the opportunity for deep and meaningful relationships with her children, and especially with her husband Rodney.

Early in their marriage, Rodney comes to her and tells her that he hates being a lawyer in the family firm and he really wants to take the money they’ve saved and start a farm – it won’t be as lucrative, he admits, but he will be much happier and it will be good for their children. She is horrified and tells him he would be foolish to turn down a good position that will make them financially comfortable: “She had got, she saw, to be firm about this. She must be wise for the two of them. If Rodney was blind to what was best for him, she must assume the responsibility. It was so dear and silly and ridiculous this farming idea. He was like a little boy. She felt strong and confident and maternal.”

Rodney goes into the family firm because she is so insistent, and she thinks that they are happy, but years later, he tells their older daughter that “a man who’s not doing the work he wants to do – the work he was made to do – is only half a man … And if you think that your love, or any woman’s love, can make up to him for that, then I tell you plainly that you’re a sentimental little fool.”

Even then, Joan doesn’t see that her inability to discern with Rodney and to try out his dream of farming has harmed her marriage. It isn’t until she’s alone in the desert, thinking about her life that she realizes the damage she has done to her husband. And her forcing him into a life that he hated and “taken from him his birthright – the right to choose his manner and way of life” is made all the worse because she did it thinking that she loved him. She realizes then that the only way forward is to ask for his forgiveness and she becomes even more impatient to get home to Rodney.

Related: A Note from Our Creative Director | Exercising Discernment Through Seasons of Life

Perhaps this story is even more poignant to me because I was in a similar position early in my marriage. My husband realized that he didn’t want to use his doctorate to do industrial research, but rather to teach physics, and initially I was completely against the idea because it would mean upending everything we had planned. But he was convinced that teaching was where God was calling him, and so, on the advice of a good friend, I agreed to try it, just for a year.

That was five years ago, and while our life is much different than we planned, having the courage to follow where we were being led has led to a happy life. And although difficulties have arisen, we’ve faced them together with that same courage, deepening our love for each other.

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Words Become Flesh: Speaking in a Way Worthy of our Vows

MARISOL B.

So many graces have been poured upon us, from the words exchanged during the Sacrament of Marriage, and we carry out their meaning in our day to day life.

From the moment the sun rises to its setting, we have the opportunity to give purpose to our daily conversations and hold them against the promises exchanged.

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRUTH AND BEAUTY PHOTOGRAPHY

The question is, how intentional are we with our daily words? We might speak words of love and encouragement, or defeat and disapproval. We may speak words which build and restore, or words which crumble and discourage.

I remember a specific moment in my first year of marriage when my husband and I were having a conversation about household duties. As I was cleaning a coffee table, I was given unwelcome directives on how the task needed to be accomplished.

As my husband continued to correct my methods, I was filled with pride and resentment. I stopped the activity and went to the bedroom of our small apartment and closed the door without saying much. I probably shut the door a little louder than usual to “make my point.” I was filled with self-contempt, and as I sat by our bed, my eyes caught sight of a book I had close by.

It was Venerable Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married, and as I picked it up and opened it randomly, I was met with following words: “In history the only causes that die are those for which men refuse to die.”

I knew marriage to be a worthy cause and I realized right away that my prideful disposition needed to take a break. I decided to write a note to my husband; one that surrendered and expressed something along the lines of: "I realize our cleaning methods might defer, and I am open to learning better ways."

My pride probably had a quick reappearance and made a mental note that in reality my cleaning method was better than my husband's, and that he was being unreasonable; yet, at the same time I was humbled and determined to die to self.

I opened the bedroom door and found he had fallen asleep on the couch, so I placed the note in front of him and began working on other activities.

Once he woke up and read the note, he came running towards the room and hugged me, asking me to forgive him for being so petty. We were gifted with a moment of great humility and connection.

Related: The Art of the Apology

How many moments of similar nature are part of our daily life and how do our words (whether written or spoken) communicate goodness, truth and beauty?

I find particular strength to fulfill this call, by starting my day filled with the Word of God in Scripture; through Mass or a daily devotional. It feeds me and prompts me to remain centered in Christ and on His great love for all of us and through all of us. It helps me to speak words which bring life to others; especially my husband.

I take an honest thought inventory and examine my self-image, to ensure that I am not speaking words out of fear or insecurity. To ensure that my words come from a deep sense of love and belonging.

We hold in our own hands, a constant invitation to make love incarnate, through our thoughts, words and actions. Are we listening?

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About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment, building a life of purpose and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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The Wonder of Marrage After the Fall

JESSICA JONES

“O God, by whom woman is joined to man, and the companionship they had in the beginning is endowed with the one blessing not forfeited by original sin nor washed away by the flood.” So says the nuptial blessing in the Roman rite of marriage.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO

If you’ve been to numerous weddings as I have, these words pronounced at the end of the nuptial Mass might seem familiar, comforting, even a tad stale. This part of the blessing, buried after praises for a God who created marriage as an inestimable gift of friendship and as a foreshadowing of the covenant Christ makes with his Church, does not seem remarkable. Praise for marriage as a gift of friendship and unity is not altogether unexpected.

Lately, however, I have been struck with this particular part of the nuptial blessing: that marriage is the one divine gift not forfeited by original sin. I wonder . . . why?

Why of all the gifts enjoyed preternaturally was marriage preserved for us who live in a postlapsarian world?

It cannot be that marriage, blessing though it is, preserves us completely from the effects of original sin. The priest friend who married us spoke of marriage at our reception as a “wound of love”: that through marriage, as with the rest of the sacraments, God takes imperfect, broken, sinful people, raising them up through their suffering (not in spite of, but through) to draw him closer to each other in true love and to Himself. So the gift must not be one that preserves us from the “something that is seriously wrong with human beings,” from the sin with which we still struggle after baptism or the guilt of original sin from which we must be expiated.

Then, why and how was marriage preserved? Saint Augustine gives a twofold answer of a natural and supernatural quality.

From the very beginning, Augustine reminds us that God created human beings with a certain nature. Our nature is not isolated or independent; our nature is social and dependent. For this reason, we thrive on the bonds of friendship and kinship—two of the greatest natural goods of human life.

The first “natural” bond of human beings, then, even prior to the Fall, is found most perfectly in marriage. In marriage, we have the coming together of two persons in friendship by a decision of their free will, which in turn leads to the propagation of that other great bond of nature, kinship. In the power of the marriage union, our very nature as social and dependent is made evident and even flourishes (De bon. coni. 9.9).

These natural bonds, of course, were not left untouched by the ravages of original sin—as Augustine describes so well in his Confessions, even the best of natural friendships without God’s grace are usurped by the desire to place earthly goods above God. We easily make idols.

But the supernatural answer to the preservation of marriage after the Fall provides a window into God’s plan for renewing our capacity to love him, others, and ourselves. Marriage is restored to its original glory in the sacrament: it becomes possible once more to enjoy true friendship and kinship through the bonds of Christian marriage.

If that was not enough, those natural goods are elevated. God reveals his ultimate design for marriage: it is to transform this covenant, as Augustine says, into a sign of “the unity of us all made subject to God, which shall be hereafter in one Heavenly City” (De bon. coni. 18.21).

The social nature of man, expressed in marriage before the Fall, is given an even more perfect salvific end. Marriage is a sign that redemption for us as individuals happens not alone but in community. God saves us according to our social nature, not in opposition to it.

Marriage is the one blessing not forfeited by the fall because we did not forfeit our nature because of the Fall. Our desires for friendship, kinship, and worship of God were badly broken, but not lost. At our reception, our priest friend spoke not only of the “wound of love,” but also of its communal character. Long before I met my husband, this friend had said to him once as they were converting to Catholicism, “You know I can’t do this without you.” Now we travel together—my husband and I in marriage, a covenant ordained by God to serve as the sign of the City of God, our friend wounded by love in a distinct, more perfect sense. His covenant with Christ is not mediated by another. And together, according to our nature, we live by God’s grace for the other side.

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About the Author: Jessica Jones resides in Washington, D.C. and is a Ph.D. candidate in philosophy. Her husband Patrick is also a Ph.D. student in moral theology. These days, you will find her, coffee in hand, writing furiously for her regular job or her dissertation on Plato, playing music with Patrick, winding her way through Julia Child's cookbook, or watching all Richard Linklater and Wes Anderson movies over again.

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Marriage as a School of Love: How our Vocations Educate and Enlighten

DOMINIKA RAMOS

What does it mean that marriage is a school of love? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

When I was engaged the phrase seemed lovely and poetic but vague to me. Maybe it was also my allergy to well-meaning but grave voices warning me that marriage was "hard work" that made me gloss over this term, "school of love." 

As far as I was concerned, my fiancé was easy to love and so I assumed that marriage would be a school in the sense that my favorite subjects growing up were part of school--delightful and easy to pass.

Lo and behold, marriage actually is hard work, but rather than the drudgery those well-meaning voices made me envision, when we've integrated our hearts and minds with God's will, the work of marriage is enlivening. It's only until I was in the thick of marriage experiencing this kind of formative work that the term "school of love" took on substance and became a valuable framework for my vocation.

The following list outlines some aspects I've found helpful in thinking of my vocation in the language of education:

Everything is formation

Marriage and everything within it is not linear. You don't always progress nicely in peace and virtue and happiness. 

I expected the sweetness of babies but not the accompanying anxiety, the hilarity of toddlers but not the defeating frustration. I had no conception of how fraught decisions concerning careers or family size would be. 

And I never expected God would wrench away and destroy my ideas of what kind of wife and mother I would be and then simply ask me to love my children, love my spouse, and love Him more than my dreams of self. 

But the periods of difficulty and the questions that have no easy answers are all meant to form me. As I stumble along struggling and feeling irritated or even desolate, I'm given, often unwittingly, the grace to grow in patience, fortitude, and trust.

Humility is a prerequisite for learning

When I taught literature I would urge my students to divest themselves of their assumptions about a work before we read it. There's no room for learning if you've already made up your mind one way or another. 

The same goes for marriage. 

There's no real end to how much you can learn about, understand, or love another person. So I've found it to be a best practice to approach the people God has given me in the gift of this vocation with a generous dose of gratitude and at all times to be willing to have my presuppositions upended and to grow in directions I never expected.

A good teacher can make all the difference

Over the years, my marriage mentors have included other married friends, spiritual writers, confessors, and a slew of incisive novelists. 

There's nothing like someone sharing with you that they've been where you are and have lived through whatever hard thing you're going through. There's nothing like the wisdom of someone who has a strong understanding of human nature, can look at your life with an objective eye, and can lend practical advice. 

This is perhaps the one bit of advice I reuse most frequently for friends who are getting married or starting families--find good mentors.

You are both a student and a teacher

This notion struck me fresh as I sat in line for confession glancing over the examination of conscience handout one day. Down the list I read the question: Have I neglected the intellectual and spiritual needs of my spouse and children? 

Of course it's obvious to me that I'm supposed to be a student in this school of love, and I am aware that my husband and I are the primary teachers of our children. But something about the wording of that line imbued with extra heft the imperative to foster intellectual and spiritual growth in our home. 

Moreover, it made me realize how interconnected the learning is. The more I learn to become an instrument in God's hands and the more I learn to see my spouse and children as God does, the better I can identify and attend to their spiritual and intellectual needs.

There's a line from Cormac McCarthy's novel All the Pretty Horses that comes back to me each time I see someone get married: "It was good that God kept the truths of life from the young as they were starting out or else they'd have no heart to start at all." That sounds dismal, but there's a truth to it. 

Seven years ago, if I could have peered into my life now I would have trembled over all the lack of sleep and difficult decisions waiting for us. I imagine if I could peer into my life seven years hence I might tremble all the more for whatever lies in wait. 

But as one of my wise married friends says: "there's no grace for hypothetical situations." It's only because of the grace we've received and the formation we've undergone through these years in this school of love that makes it possible to say yes to what we are asked in this present moment and whatever will be asked of us for the rest of our lives.

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About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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For the Good of His Church: How Marriage Blesses the Body of Christ

CORINNE GANNOTTI

For the past few weeks, I've found myself meditating on how I fit, within the context of married life, into the Body of Christ. Into the living mission of Jesus on earth. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KATZIE AND BEN PHOTOGRAPHY

Day to day, I spend most of my time and energy at the service of those who have been given directly to me in this vocation- my spouse and our children. Loving and serving my family is where I first answer God’s call. But in a real way, the whole Church and even the world is the family of God. I also have a role to play in that family, one with meaning and value.

When we understand marriage as a vocation, we are proclaiming that it is a way we can live out God's calling for us to love and serve Him. And in a particular way, the Catechism reminds us that this means seeking the Kingdom of God by living in such a way that we direct the temporal things of our life according to God's will. Through this, marriage draws us up into the greater mission of Jesus - of bringing everyone into the fold of His family, His Kingdom. How am I living for that mission?

Is my life, shaped and fed through my relationship with my husband, at the service of the God’s will in this way?

This past Sunday during mass, part of the Eucharistic prayer struck me in a way it hadn't before and seemed to respond to these questions of my heart. It was the moment when we respond to the priest's offering of the consecrated gifts, praying that God would accept the sacrifice: "for our good and the good of all His holy Church." Those words spoke to me both about the mass I was praying and the whole of my married life. 

The Eucharist, the most intimate of the Sacraments – is given for my personal good but also the good of all the Church, and ultimately the whole world. My marriage, the most intimate of my relationships – is given to me for my personal good but also for the good of all the Church and the whole world. Beginning to consider marriage with this Eucharistic view has helped me to see more clearly what God’s vision for it may be in the life of His Body.

I mean, consider this: receiving the Eucharist is deeply personal. We receive the host, consume it, and our body literally digests it. You can't get much more personal than that. But it also goes beyond us. We are sacramentally fed by God and His presence within us affects us, making us more capable of receiving others in love as we have received Him. 

Marriage seems to have a similar pattern. Our need for love and deep, personal belonging is fed by our relationship with our spouse. But the love we first cultivate within our marriage should not only flourish for us to enjoy, separated from others. It is not only meant for us. It is not only meant for our children. It is meant to bear fruit for the world, a collaboration in the greater mission of Jesus.

It is rightly ordered to focus first and most deeply on loving and providing for those in our immediate family – responding to the needs of our spouse, our children if we have them – but there’s also a real temptation to do solely that. We can’t allow our lives to become so insulated that we focus always and only our own good with no concern beyond that. 

If we truly believe that marriage is a vocation through which we work to accomplish God’s will in the world, we need to be convicted as a couple to resist the urge to make our lives only about us. 

This isn’t to dismiss the primary importance of walking with our spouse on the road of sanctification, or the good of making our homes havens of peace and comfort. But if we get too comfortable to ever leave our own four walls, it could tragically cause us to forget about the bigger family we belong to. Mother Teresa might tell us that in so doing we have in fact “drawn the circle of our family too small.”

The fruit of our marriage should be the ability to love and bless those we encounter more fully and more freely because we have first received that kind of love from God manifest through our spouse. 

Our spouse helps us answer the question "am I loveable?" with confidence, and so we can help answer this question for others - for our children, for our friends, but also for the poor, the marginalized, those in our community whom we have a real capacity to assist and invite into our lives. 

They are also our brothers and sisters. Our marital love should move us towards a lived devotion to the works of mercy.

It’s a great mystery how God gives himself to us through the sacrament of the Eucharist. It's likewise a mystery how He gives himself to us through the life and love of our spouse. And what beauty and conviction there is in meditating on the reality that both of these encounters with God are meant to feed us so that we may bear fruit for the life of the world. So that we may serve others. 

Our marriages are eucharistic, "for our good and the good of all His holy Church." And that really shapes everything.

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About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Why Holy Leisure is Essential for a Healthy and Holy Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

When was the last time you and your husband did something that made you both feel completely alive?

PHOTOGRAPHY: MAGGIE DUNN PHOTOGRAPHY

After a long day at work, or an exhausting afternoon of keeping children alive while also trying to minimize tantrums, it’s hard to want to do anything more stimulating than sitting on the couch in your pjs. 

Husbands and wives find themselves needing to unwind from the day's events, so they often default to watching a television show for date night or scrolling on their phones to “relax” when they have any downtime. 

Who has the time or energy for anything else?

Today’s culture which promotes productivity and lauds those who “hustle” has warped the holy idea of rest. 

Instead of seeing rest as a necessity for a fully human life, it is seen as a time to wind down and shut off; a chance to charge our batteries like machines so we can get right back to work.

However, true leisure goes beyond this.

In his book Leisure: The Basis of Culture, Catholic German philosopher Josef Pieper writes that leisure is like “the stillness in the conversation of lovers, which is fed by their oneness… And as it is written in the Scriptures. God saw, when ‘He rested from all the works that He had made’ that everything was good, very good, just so the leisure of man includes within itself a celebratory, approving, lingering gaze of the inner eye on the reality of creation.” 

True leisure, holy leisure is not a state of inactivity, but of an active, contemplative stillness and wonder. It invites you to behold Truth face to face, to drink in His Beauty. 

This leisure is necessary for the Christian life and a healthy marriage.

Firstly, Leisure reminds us who we are. 

Pieper writes: “Leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves. We tend to overwork as a means of self-escape, as a way of trying to justify our existence.”

We often believe (even subconsciously) that we must prove to ourselves and others that our life is meaningful; we feel the need to quantify our contribution to our households, to society. 

This comes from us placing our worth in what we do, rather than the truth of who we are. But rest helps reorient our thinking. 

Ultimately, we rest because God rested. We are made in the image and likeness of a God who took time to delight in His creation. 

We rest to remind ourselves that we aren’t slaves to our work, but daughters and sons of the King.  And it is from this identity that our lives and our relationships, particularly our marriages, must flow. 

Not only does leisure help you better understand your identity, but it also breaks you of the mindset that other people's worth comes from what they do, equipping you to love more fully. 

Leisure helps you to love more fully. 

It may seem counterintuitive to think that doing something enjoyable and lovely would help you love someone better. But, although it fills and pleases you, true leisure is not self-centered or pleasure seeking.

Pieper writes: “Nobody who wants leisure merely for the sake of ‘refreshment’ will experience its authentic fruit, the deep refreshment that comes from a deep sleep.”

When we make time to fill our own cups, we have more to pour out on the other people in our lives. It makes the giving more joyful and ultimately, more fruitful. 

Leisure invites you to look out beyond yourself, and gaze lovingly at the Beloved, the source of Life and Love.

It teaches you to truly behold the other, recognize God dwelling in them, and allows you to wholeheartedly say to them: “It is good that you exist.”

Related: How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple

Finally, leisure allows for true worship.

Pope Benedict XVI said: “If leisure time lacks an inner focus, an overall sense of direction, then ultimately it becomes wasted time that neither strengthens nor builds us up. Leisure time requires a focus- the encounter with him who is our origin and goal.” 

Leisure isn’t good for us because it makes us feel good, but because it facilitates an encounter with our mysterious, all-loving God. 

Binge-watching television shows, or mindlessly consuming content on the internet, while they do provide the needed rush of dopamine to make us (momentarily) feel good, are not activities that invite us to ponder the depths of God. 

Pieper even goes so far as to describe worship as the highest act of leisure. 

Worship, like other forms of leisure, cannot be utilitarian. It is pure celebration and communion with Goodness and Beauty Himself. 

Leisure, in the ways it attunes your heart to the presence of God, brings you and your spouse deeper into the eternal dance, the unending song of praise to the Creator. 

When I see your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars that you set in place— What is man that you are mindful of him, and a son of man that you care for him?...O Lord, our Lord,  how awesome is your name through all the earth.

So, talk to your spouse about the things you “don’t have time for.” 

Maybe it’s stargazing, hiking, or rock-climbing. Maybe it’s knitting or gardening, listening to beautiful music or reading good literature.

How can you make time for the activities that give you life and joy, that fill you with wonder and awe? 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Vendor Week 2021 | What is Your Relationship Founded On? Scriptures to Ground You Throughout Engagement & Marriage

KRISTEN McGAUGHEY & SINIKKA ROHRER

If 2020 taught us anything, surely it is that life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Reflecting on the year that passed, and sitting in the tension of these current tumultuous days, I have found myself frequently running back to consider three questions:

1. Where does my hope lie?

2. What am I trusting in?

3. Do I really believe that God is good?

Photography: Soul Creations Photography

This may seem like a weird way to begin a blog post on marriage. But I've found it to be so true that what I believe, trust in, rely upon, and adhere to affects my entire life, and moreover my marriage. We must be anchored to truth and have a firm foundation on which to stand!

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:24-25 that Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.r 25 The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house.s But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock.

When the foundation was solid, the house stood. What does that mean for us today?

If you look closely at this verse, you'll see that Jesus gives us a few key instructions.

First, we must 'hear his words'.

God has given us a treasure by giving us his Word, the Bible. We see the heart of our Father in these pages. We see the life and teachings of Jesus. We see the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hebrews 4:12 tells us that Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart. Scripture changes us! We must be women of the Word to establish our lives and our marriages on a solid foundation.

Secondly, in the verse, Jesus tells us that we not only need to hear his words, but also to do them.

The book of James echoes that same instruction, Be doers of the word and not hearers only... (James 1:22).

Thirdly, Jesus warns us that the storms will come.

He tells us in John 16:33 that in the world we will  have trouble (emphasis mine), but to take heart, for He has overcome the world. It is this that gives us reason to have hope, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19).

We do not have to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34) for he will never leave or forsake us (Joshua 1:9), as he is with us always. (Matthew 28:20). What beautiful promises we have to cling to, whatever life may throw our way throughout our marital journey.

I don't know how 2020 shook out for you and your groom, or how the forecast for 2021 is looking. Maybe you're currently still trying to figure out rescheduled wedding plans. Maybe you had a quarantine wedding where most attended via Zoom. Maybe you're newly married and trying to figure out this new season of life as a wife. Maybe you're five, ten, or fifteen years married with a crew of babies underfoot.

Whatever your season may be, these things are vital to consider. We will never outgrow our need to center ourselves on Truth. We will never arrive at a place where we don't need to be in the Word, in prayer, and in fellowship. 

We will never escape our desperate need for Christ.

Jesus tells us in John 15:5, I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. A branch will wither apart from the vine, and so it goes with us; we must cling to Him, building our days, our marriages, and our lives on the solid rock of Jesus Christ.

As you consider these things, I'd like to encourage you to spend some time reading the following Scriptures this week:

Philipians 2:1-18

John 15:1-27

Ask the Lord to show you how these truths can be applied to your life right now:What does it look like to love your fiancé? How can you demonstrate the love of Christ in your daily living? What does obedience to his Word look like right now?

I am praying that you will be rooted and grounded in love, that you may be able to comprehend the width, length, depth, and height of Christ’s love. My team and I  pray you may truly know the love of Christ which surpasses all knowledge, and be filled with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:17-19).

We are praying that your marriage be blessed, and that you will continue to build your marriage on the firm foundation of Jesus, and always abide in him, being hearers and doers of the Word. May you feel the Lord’s presence around you as we lift you up!

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About the Authors: Kristen McGaughey and Sinikka Rohrer of Soul Creations Photography are part of an Indiana-based photography team offering a unique client experience centered on spiritual and practical support for Christian and Catholic brides on their way to the aisle and all throughout their marital journey.

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Exodus 90 Wife: Advice for Surviving and Thriving During These 90 Days

CARISSA PLUTA

Is your husband doing Exodus 90?

PHOTOGRAPHY: KENNETH MUNYER PHOTOGRAPHY

Exodus 90 is a powerful 90-day spiritual exercise for men that helps them grow in self-mastery and find freedom from temptations and addictions through daily prayer, asceticism, and fraternity.

The “rules” for Exodus may seem strict, or even impossible at first. No alcohol, sweets, or television. No meat on Wednesdays and Fridays, daily holy hour, regular exercise, and cold showers are among the list of disciplines your husband will practice. 

When first hearing about all of the sacrifices your husband will make for 90 days, it’s hard not to consider how his sacrifices will inevitably affect your day-to-day life. 

I’m no stranger to fears and frustrations of being an Exodus 90 wife. 

While working as a campus missionary, my husband participated in Exodus 90 three times. Since moving to his new assignment in a parish, he has been participating in their follow-up program Day 91 and is now participating in their newest Lent program. 

I’d like to offer some advice that has made this time fruitful, not only for my husband, but for our marriage and family as a whole

Understand your husband’s why

Why does your husband want to participate in one of the Exodus programs? What areas of his life does he need freedom in?

Understanding the driving force behind your husband’s desire to undertake this exercise will help you face any challenges you may encounter with joy and love. 

Decide if/how you'd like to be involved

While there is no official “women’s version” of Exodus 90, some wives find it spiritually fruitful to join their husbands in (at least some of) the program. 

Maybe you’re excited to find some new meatless meals to eat on Wednesday and Friday; or maybe the idea of meal planning makes your head spin. Maybe you want to give up television or social media alongside your husband, or maybe you’d like to do a daily holy (half) hour. 

Determine how you’d like to (and are able to) participate or support your husband in this program and make your desires known. 

Communicate

This program was made for your husband and your marriage, not the other way around. The conversation about this program shouldn’t just happen once before he commits to it, but rather it should continue throughout the 90 days. 

Both you and your husband should communicate your concerns and expectations for the program, and address any difficulties or unmet expectations as they arise. 

If there is something that truly stresses you out about the program, talk to your husband. If you feel strained and in need of extra support, bring it up. Don’t let the problems simmer until they turn into resentment. 

Related: The Deep Roots of Marital Communication--And Why They Matter

Make a plan

Daily holy hour, daily exercise, weekly fraternity meetings– the extra commitments of Exodus shouldn’t require your family’s entire schedule to be flipped upside down for 90 days, but it often does require a little more planning and flexibility.

Sit down with your husband and make a plan. What does he need? What do you need? How can you ensure you both get what you need to thrive?

Find support in sisterhood

In the same way that your husband will journey with other men, a fraternity of accountability and support, it is helpful if you can find support from your sisters in Christ. 

Maybe the other men in the fraternity have fiancés or wives who understand what you are experiencing over these 90 days. Reach out to them, ask how they are doing, and talk about how you’re feeling. 

We, especially as women, need friendship and community outside of our home that we can look to for support and solidarity. 

Pray + affirm

If you and your spouse decide that Exodus 90 is right for your marriage and season of life, know that your husband can’t do this without you. 

Maybe you can set aside time each day to pray for your husband to have unwavering strength and commitment in this endeavor. Or you can work to intentionally acknowledge the improvement and growth you’ve noticed in your husband. Regularly extend words of encouragement, affirmation, and love.

Your prayers, affirmations, and support are vital to his success.

Will Exodus 90 require sacrifice on your part? Most likely. It’s not possible to separate the interior spiritual life of one spouse from the other. But if done right, this program offers you and your family far more than what you’ll give.

Exodus 90 offers freedom to men, and when you’re married, that freedom extends to and edifies your whole marriage.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Unconditional Commitment

MARISOL B.

Dear bride, you said yes.

You have decided to build a home; to build a family with a man you deeply love and admire.

You have begun a noble journey; a worthwhile journey. One that may be filled with great joy, and great triumph. And one that may at times appear long and leave you feeling weary.

Photography: Simple Heart Photography, with Something Blue, LLC

You and your husband-to-be gave your yes. The sacrament depends on your free decision and it will continue through your constant and wholehearted commitment. You have become a reflection of Christ’s relationship to his Church and that mystery will be filled with abundant grace, growth, opportunity for self-giving. And at times, moments of great setback.

Success in marriage is a decision. A series of constant decisional pivot points as various scenarios arise. It is not a series of perfect circumstances--since the perfect set of situations rarely present themselves and we cannot depend on those to start doing the things we are called to do, to get us to where we want to get in our life and marriage. Our call to sanctity.

Sometimes we will inevitably wonder whether we made the ‘right choice’, yet instead of wondering whether we have made one right decision, we are called to make a series of constant decisions, and bring those decisions to light--in order to fill them with goodness, truth and beauty.

This is all dependent on our attitude. An attitude that doubts, will say I am not sure, and will therefore ask the question: Should I?

An attitude of decision will say, I am in for life. I am fully committed and will instead ask the question: How will I? And once we start asking how, our creativity engages and the possibilities for growth and life-giving choices begin to be made visible.

“There is always a way, if you are committed.” I found these words inside a fortune cookie after eating Chinese takeout during a recent busy day.

I felt depleted at work and it bled over to my marriage. I posted the little piece of paper on my computer screen to remind me to keep moving forward. I had transitioned into a new role, right when the pandemic hit and altogether, it bred a lot of doubt. I began to experience Imposter Syndrome and wasn’t able to contribute at my best.

As the year continued, I decided to move forward, instead of doubting whether I had made the right career choice. I opted for resilience, innovation and focus. I committed wholeheartedly, and by the end of the year, the fruits of these efforts were made fully visible.

This same principle has worked in our marriage and our constant decision to renew our commitment as the years and seasons go by. It is an act of the will and self-discipline, accompanied by great love for one another and the abundance of grace in our life.

In marriage and in life, success is not a matter of circumstance. It is a matter of choice.

Finding new circumstances won’t make you successful, but making new choices can.

Attitude is simply the way we choose to see a set of circumstances, and when we continuously commit--when we continuously strive for life-giving choices, we can experience a richness in our marriage that is beyond words.

God’s grace is abundant in every sacrament, and we must decide to reach for his grace willingly--one day and season at a time.

Because the truth is, very few hardships in marriage are without a solution. Most relationship setbacks can be overcome with a sense of renewed commitment and the ability to pivot and recalibrate. It is a matter of the right balance between prayer and action (ora et labora).

Dear bride, your yes is fully given. Gifts come in mysterious ways! As you journey together, don’t give up on the call of this sacrament. Doubt doesn’t stand a chance.

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About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment, building a life of purpose and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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A Note from Our Creative Director | Exercising Discernment Through Seasons of Life

JIZA ZITO

“All the things in this world are gifts of God, created for us, to be the means by which we can come to know him better, love him more surely, and serve him more faithfully.” - St. Ignatius of Loyola

Does discernment end after you have “found” your vocation? Perhaps this is not a common question that comes to mind for the days after you say I do.

Photography: Lauren Emily Photography

However, with today’s dating culture and its overemphasis of “finding the one” or the pressure that can be found among some social circles to “figure out” one’s vocation, it could almost seem like once you have made the choice to commit to your future spouse it is the end of discernment. The reality could not be more opposite. 

The exercising of proper discernment is essential in our life as Christians. Discernment helps us be aware of ourselves as we progress in our relationship with God, to better understand the promptings of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and to take action in order to grow in holiness and to serve others and Christ.

St. Paul often mentions the necessity of discernment throughout the New Testament (see 1 Thessalonians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 12, Hebrews 4-5, Romans 12:2). St. John touches on discernment in the Gospel (see 1 John 4), and the topic was important enough for St. Ignatius of Loyola to include Rules of Discernment within his Spiritual Exercises. Discernment gives the Christian life proper, right, and fruitful order.

At the start of my photography business in 2014, my prayer at the time was to serve married couples, initially assuming that this was exclusively meant for my small business.

However, I recognized a need for community and support among Catholic creatives within the wedding industry, and I realized an even greater need to share the beauty, truth and goodness of the sacrament of matrimony to a world starting to severely undervalue the sanctity of marriage.

What started as a seed grew into something much bigger than myself. By the grace of God, Spoken Bride came into fruition. 

Over the years, Spoken Bride has flourished through the sharing of hundreds of beautiful stories and articles from couples, the showcasing of exquisite work by an abundance of talented vendors, and the many connections created with ministries and organizations serving the Body of Christ. My time building Spoken Bride has been sustained and edified by the brilliant and dedicated women who have served as team members and have become friends throughout the years, as well as by the many steadfast prayers offered for us on our behalf.

We have received countless notes of encouragement, sharing with us how Spoken Bride has touched or helped brides, which is always a welcomed gift of affirmation in the midst of the hustle and bustle of our work. Reflecting back on the years and on the work the Holy Spirit has done through us, I feel nothing but humbled, grateful, and at peace. 

Discerning the will of God has now brought this beautiful season of my time with Spoken Bride to a close as he is moving me on to serve on other paths. It is with sweet surrender that I look with excitement, hope and thanksgiving to my own future as well as the future of Spoken Bride.

Entrusted to Our Lady and the patronage of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, I have no doubt that the work of Spoken Bride will continue to be a light in the darkness. Please keep myself and the team of Spoken Bride in your prayers as we embark on to new chapters. 

God is always good and faithful, and by prayer, he grants “peace that is beyond all understanding” (Phil 4:7). To re-emphasize St. Ignatius of Loyola, one of the greatest consolations from discernment and our greatest earthly reward is this: Coming to know that “all the things in this world are gifts of God, created for us, to be the means by which we can come to know him better, love him more surely, and serve him more faithfully.” 

Jiza’s Suggested Reading:

Discernment of Spirits in Marriage: Ignatian Wisdom for Husbands and Wives by Fr. Timothy Gallagher

Spiritual Warfare and The Discernment of Spirits by Dan Burke

The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius

Conversation with Christ: The Teaching of Saint Teresa of Avila About Personal Prayer by Peter Thomas Rohrbach

Inviting the Saints into your Wedding Day

CARISSA PLUTA

One of the greatest gifts given to us by our baptism is membership into the communion of saints. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY AS SEEN IN ASHLEY AND LUKE’S LIGHT AND AIRY ROMANCE and featuring SPOKEN BRIDE VENDOR SOCK RELIGIOUS

Our heavenly brothers and sisters have walked this often crazy earthly journey, and made it to our eternal home. They are an incredible source of inspiration, encouragement, and assistance to those of us still yearning to arrive there.  

As a Catholic, you’ve probably called upon these holy men and women throughout your life, including in your relationship with your future spouse, and you may find yourself wanting to incorporate them into your wedding ceremony and reception. 

Honoring the saints on your wedding day is a meaningful way to offer them thanks and to invite their continued prayers for your marriage.

Save the date

When picking your wedding date, you might choose a day significant to your favorite saint (feast day, birthday, etc.)

Of course, this depends on where this day falls within the calendar year and on the availability at the church, but it is a beautiful reminder to call on this saint year after year for the rest of your life.

Carry them with you

There are many physical reminders of the Church Triumphant that you can seamlessly incorporate into your wedding day. You could put saint medals in your bouquet or buy saint-themed socks for the groomsmen. 

For my wedding, we borrowed first class relics of St. Therese and her parents, Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin from a friend. Not only did we hold these relics as we said our vows, but we also were able to touch our wedding bands to them making them third class relics. So now, we have a unique reminder of these holy saints that we carry with us every day.  

Pray with them

The most obvious way to honor the saints on your wedding day is through prayer. Of course, by simply having a mass, you are inviting the saints into your wedding day, as we join them in their ceaseless worship of God.

You can also invite the prayers of the saints on your special day by incorporating the litany of saints into the mass, praying (or writing your own) wedding novena to a particular saint, or including custom made holy cards for wedding favors. 

By inviting the saints into your wedding and marriage, you are opening yourself to all the grace you’ll need to one day join them in heaven. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Newlywed Life | Lessons in Love from Quarantine

STEPHANIE CALIS

If hours spent indoors alongside my husband, inhabiting the same four walls for days on end has revealed anything to me, it’s this: in marriage, there is nowhere for me to hide.

And as we enter our eleventh month of quarantine amid COVID-19, I’m actually grateful for the purification we’ve undergone. In these months of increased isolation, my shortcomings have never been more pronounced. To acknowledge them, rather than to hide, has been an ongoing pursuit.

Photography: Shannon Acton Photo, seen in Sandra + Shaheen | Glamorous Orange County Wedding

Has your relationship undergone something similar? Being home together more frequently than we ever have before has shown my husband and I who we are, and on the best days, has given us the resolve to be more who the Lord calls us to be. If the pandemic has also brought you and your spouse to this level of deeper--and sometimes, more painful--vulnerability, here I’m humbly sharing some of the lessons and fruits I’ve experienced:

It’s okay to do things differently.

In the early weeks of lockdowns, my husband and I bickered constantly over our daily routines: what was the better way to load the dishwasher? Why didn’t he make the bed right after waking? Why did I let unread texts and emails accumulate in my notifications?

While it sounds blatantly obvious to recognize that most daily tasks have no moral dimension, we struggled so frequently with thinking our personal ways of doing things were the only way. As time passed, we talked about inviting the divine into the mundane of our routines--that is, remembering even with our differing habits, we’re on the same team for life. 

Apology is a language.

Much like receiving love, receiving and accepting apologies takes on particular meaning to every person. Have you and your spouse ever discussed your “apology language”? Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, cites “expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting,” and “requesting forgiveness” as distinct languages of apology. I encourage you to talk with your spouse about what words and actions you each find most impactful and provide the most closure on an issue. This apology quiz by Dr. Chapman can help illuminate ways to facilitate meaningful apologies in your relationship.

In a time when my husband’s and my tempers have flared more frequently, quick apology and sincere forgiveness have made a noticeable difference in the overall tenor of our days. 

Loving encouragement is a skill you can develop.

My husband and I trust each other with our failings and try to receive correction humbly and honestly. Emphasis on try. In these months at home, there has been such a stripping away of myself before the man who calls me on at my worst and still sees the best in me. 

It’s become increasingly clear to us that how we call each other on is just as important as when we do (that is, not when one of us is preoccupied or when our kids require our presence and attention), and what issues we choose to bring up with one another. Instead of saying things like “Man, can’t you put your phone down?”, something more like “Is all this constant internet time the most fulfilling thing for you right now?” expresses the same sentiment in a constructive, thought-provoking way. Words matter, and my husband and I have been challenged to make our communication more loving and clear.

Enter into your shortcomings--but don’t stay there.

In quarantine there is, quite literally, no place to run. What could be an occasion to turn inward in my shame has instead shown itself to be an opportunity to go outside of  myself--confronting my weakness instead, and allowing the Lord to bring my husband and I into a deeper union.

Deciding to own up to my bad habits and daily failures hurts. But like removing any disease or poison, there is restoration on the other side of the pain. If I were to deny my mistakes, rationalize them, or refuse to believe I’m ever in the wrong, I can only imagine a bone-deep sense of loneliness. When I ask my husband’s forgiveness for my instances of impatience, bad moods, or criticism, I’m realigning myself with him, knowing that to be in error alongside him is more consoling--and more productive--than remaining unapologetic in my pride, alone. 

“It’s amazing how God has designed marriage for the salvation of the spouses: you have the choice to either close in on your selfish tendencies, refuse to serve each other and end up broken and alone. Or you can choose to learn how to place the other first, to serve each other in sacrifice and find happiness. The choice is our own.”

If the pandemic has left your home life struggling, know you aren’t alone. Communication, apology, and mercy are foundational skills we can always grow in, with the help of grace and the support of a loving spouse. Whenever the time comes that my husband and I are no longer working from home and together nearly 24/7, I pray I’ll look back on this time as one of great growth.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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The Meaning of Vocation

CARISSA PLUTA

A recording of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

Catholics talk a lot about vocations–about how to find it and then, how to live it. But what does it actually mean to have a vocation?

PHOTOGRAPHY: KATHLEEN STRAUB

As a young Catholic, the word “vocation” probably conjures up images of that smiling happy couple and their gaggle of adorable (and well-dressed) children coming to mass each Sunday, or perhaps of a habited nun spending her days joyfully praying in front of the Eucharist.

Maybe the thought of it frustrates you because you’re desperately waiting for the right guy to come along, or fretting what happens if he doesn’t. 

Maybe you are worried that you’ll miss your true calling and spend the rest of your earthly life in misery. 

I remember in college spending a lot of time in the chapel panicking over what God was calling me to, and sometimes even feeling like my life could not truly start until He revealed it to me. (Maybe you can relate?)

But our vocation is not the cheese at the center of the proverbial maze, rather a path to our true destination. Finding it is not your sole purpose for existing, instead it is meant to help you understand more deeply why you are here.

Related: Am I Called to Marriage? How to Discern Your Vocation 

Pope Saint John Paul II says this about vocations:

In the hidden recesses of the human heart the grace of a vocation takes the form of a dialogue. It is a dialogue between Christ and an individual, in which a personal invitation is given. Christ calls the person by name and says: ‘Come, follow me.’ 

Vocation is a dialogue, ongoing and open; it is not the end of the story. 

God calls, and continues to call, each one of us by name to invite us into a relationship with Him. He asks us to walk with Him and to allow Him to walk with us. Our vocation is the way in which we are to follow.

Every human heart was made to know, love, and serve God and spend eternity in perfect communion with Him. 

Your vocation is a personal and particular way of responding, freely and without reserve, to the universal call to holiness given to us at Baptism. 

Read more: Kat’s Vocation Story

Simply finding your Vocation–to marriage, to religious life, or to singlehood–is not what will make you a saint. Sainthood lies in following His voice and the movements of the Spirit wherever you are along the path laid out for you.

Whether you have been married for a decade or you’re still discerning what the next step is, your vocation is to respond wholeheartedly to His outstretched hand and His call to Come, follow me.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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