Considering an Engagement or Wedding Submission? Tips for Sharing Your Story.

JIZA ZITO

At Spoken Bride, we are dedicated to communicating the goodness, truth, and beauty of sacramental marriage. You, our brides, are an integral part of our mission to share distinctively Catholic relationship testimonies. Spoken Bride continually accepts engagement and wedding submissions for consideration, and we invite you to share your love story with us.

Most professional wedding photographers and planners are familiar with sending submissions to wedding websites. If you’re not familiar, we’re here to help! 

Here, if you’re a bride or vendor considering a submission to Spoken Bride, some helpful tips for the process. 

Read the Submission guidelines thoroughly

On our Submission page, you will find specific, detailed guidelines and requirements for the text and images you share with us. Due to the volume of submissions received, it’s important that these specific guidelines are met in order for your submission to be fully reviewed for consideration. 

Note, for example, the pixel requirements for images in order for them to appear clear and sharp on our site; or the request that your Dropbox folder include the names of the bride and groom to keep your information organized for our creative team.   

These guidelines let us best showcase your submission while also helping our team work efficiently. We realize that sometimes instructions get overlooked; bear in mind this can  delay the review process or affect acceptance. Therefore, we recommend reading and following each guideline! For more information, see our Terms & Policies. 

Be selective with your photographs

Wedding photographers typically deliver anywhere from 500-1000+ images for your gallery-- we understand it’s no easy task that we request no more than 100 photographs to include in your submission! Some images we love to see in submissions are:

• Detail shots of the rings, invitation suite, dress, flowers, religious items, etc. 

• The bride getting ready 

• The groom getting ready

• The first look or the “reach around and pray” of the bride and groom

• The first look and/or candid images with parents or parent figures

• Many details and images of the Wedding Mass, including...

  • Shots of the church and sanctuary 

  • Your wedding program

  • Walking down the aisle

  • Exchanging of Vows and Rings 

  • The Consecration of the Host 

  • Receiving Holy Communion 

  • The Dedication to Mary 

  • The kiss

  • Any special traditions or customs

  • Candid emotion of the bride and groom

• A few shots with the bridal party 

• Many more shots of just the Bride and Groom 

• Details of your reception, including... 

  • A wide shot inside the venue

  • Decorations

  • The cake 

• The first dance

• Dances with parents or parent figures 

• Any special customs or traditions 

• The Exit 

In your image selection, we recommend avoiding:

• Multiple images of the same or similar thing 

• Poorly lit images

• All of the formal family portraits

• Numerous reception dancing photos

• Unflattering or potentially embarrassing photos of wedding guests

• Images of children, unless you’ve received permission from their parents

Give proper credit

At Spoken Bride, we strive to support small businesses and wedding vendors by attributing proper credit. We do this by providing a website link and/or social media handle, which serves as a way for potential clients to contact them. If you had a great experience with your vendor(s), sharing their work and business information--especially within a public website feature--is an excellent way to compliment them and to help send business their way! It is good practice to give credit and recognition wherever it is due. 

Allow time for review 

It is our joy to read and review each and every submission that we receive. No couple is exactly like another, and it never ceases to amaze us on the way God works with and through the lives of others.

Because we have to carefully review each submission, it requires time from our editors. You can expect a response to your submission form within 2-3 business weeks. However, if you have not heard back from us within that time, send us an email. We will gladly let you know if we have received your submission (because technology glitches do happen!) and where we are in the review process. 

I feel like my story isn’t a Catholic fairy tale, or like my wedding doesn’t look as aspirational as others.

With every story received and shared here at Spoken Bride, we should always bear in mind that God calls each and every one of us to holiness. When we look upon the lives of the Saints or at the stories within Scripture, no two lives are identical. The same goes for each of us as God draws us closer to him throughout our earthly journey. Your story matters, and only you and your beloved can tell it.

No matter your story, the aesthetic of your proposal or wedding, your upbringing, your background, your culture, your failures or your successes, we encourage you to be confident and at peace that “in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.”

Let your light shine before others. Send us your story “so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride’s mission of sharing the truth, beauty, and goodness of the sacrament of Marriage. We look forward to hearing from you! 

PHOTOGRAPHY: STEPHANIE MESSICK PHOTOGRAPHY, SEEN IN VICTORIA + DAVID | ANTIQUE GLAMOUR WEDDING & A CONVERSION STORY.

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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Mary-Kate + Faris | Emerald Christmastide Manor Wedding

The beauty and allure of music is a thread woven throughout the story of Mary-Kate and Faris, two musicians who fell in love after sharing in the gift of music and song. Through prayer, Mass, and the sacraments, the Lord accompanied them to their beautiful wedding day, another joyful celebration full of song and dance.

From the Bride: Our story begins as many things have in our lives--with a concert. A co-worker of Faris' invited him to a house concert where my band "Seasons" was performing, and he was captivated by the short-haired young woman playing the harp. That night we exchanged words briefly during the break. 

For much of the rest of the summer, Faris became a regular at Seasons concerts until he summoned the courage to ask me out to dinner and an outdoor viewing of Back To the Future. Faris and I instantly discovered we had a lot of interests in common: music (Faris is a trombonist and music director at a Catholic high school) reading, wine, spending time with friends, and a love of our Catholic faith. We began attending daily Mass and adoration together. 

One year after our first date, Faris proposed to me on the tiny island of Tybee off the coast of Georgia. I immediately said “yes!” Through much of our engagement, we prepared for our marriage by praying the rosary and asking St. Joseph for his intercession, as well as frequent Mass and confession. I also create icons and spent the year before our wedding prayerfully painting an icon of the wedding at Cana, which was blessed on the altar on our wedding day!

The wedding included a full Mass, featuring a variety of musicians and musical selections drawn from our friends and cultural traditions. Musical highlights included a Highland march for the processional (we chose a formal processional in which the clergy, groom, his parents, bridal party, and bride all walked in together), the chorale from Faris' school (conducted by the choir director, who was also his best man), cantoring by my cousin, a trombone solo by Faris' teacher from State College, a full brass quintet, and a special performance by my band, Seasons (a sibling celtic band). 

The reception kicked off with a traditional Irish session of music and dance, and I was unable to resist playing the harp and singing a song. The celebration also featured traditional Arabic and popular music. We served baklava and hummus to honor Faris' Palestinian roots, then surprised everyone with a choreographed first dance. 

From the Photographer: Music plays such an important role in Mary-Kate and Faris' lives, and their wedding Mass was one of the most glorious nuptial Masses I have ever been a part of. They put great care into planning the liturgy, especially the music. The bride and groom were both completely relaxed all day and overflowed with their love and joy for each other and for their family and friends. It was such an amazing gift to be a part of their wedding day!

Photography: Mary Katherine Photography | Church: St Patrick's Cathedral Harrisburg, PA | Wedding Reception Venue : Stock's Manor (https://www.stocksmanor.com) | DJ // Peter Winter Lee (brother of the bride - no website) | FLORIST // Becca Terrio (friend of the bride - no website) | CAKE // Raisin the Bar (https://squareup.com/store/raising-the-bar-hbg-llc) | DRESS // Taylored For You (https://tayloredforyoubridal.com) |
BRIDESMAID’S DRESSES // Azazie (https://www.azazie.com) | GROOMSMEN ATTIRE // Strictly Formal (http://www.strictlyformals.com)

How to Love Lapsed Catholic Family Members Through Your Wedding

LAURA McALISTER

Your wedding Mass is one of the most special and important moments in your life. In this Mass, a bride and groom make an exclusive, total, and lifelong covenant to each other: to love each other faithfully; and by God’s grace, raise a family together.

It is a moment that you want to share with your family, your friends, and your community. But tensions may rise when you desire a Catholic wedding, yet close family members are not practicing the Catholic faith..

How can your wedding Mass express both love for God and faith as well as love for lapsed Catholic family? 

Pew Research indicates that over half of all adult Catholics in the US have left the Church. While some still consider themselves culturally Catholic, others have abandoned the Church entirely. Some have very positive feelings about the Catholic Church, but others really struggle with the Church—and may well struggle with your decision to be married in the Church they left.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

For many of us, lapsed Catholics aren’t statistics. They are our mothers and fathers, our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Perhaps you’re the only practicing Catholic in your family.

It is important to plan your Nuptial Mass with your family in mind. This doesn’t mean compromising your dreams of a truly Catholic wedding, let alone abandoning your convictions. 

It means finding ways to love your lapsed Catholic family. It means making them feel welcome and included in the Mass. Ultimately, it means extending the loving welcome of Christ who is always standing at the door, knocking at the human heart’s door and calling us back to himself.

Include Your Family

As much as possible, include your family members in the Mass. The most important thing, Jesus tells us, is that we worship God in spirit and in truth. The Mass is the supreme worship of God because in the Mass, we offer the Eucharistic sacrifice of Jesus back to the Father, as he pours his graces on us through the Holy Spirit. 

A wise rule of thumb is to ask people to do things they actually believe in. If your brother doesn’t believe prayer works, invite him to participate in a way other than praying aloud with your guests. If your aunt doesn’t believe the Scriptures are inspired by God, consider others to do the readings.

This not only safeguards the integrity of the liturgy as an act of worship; it also means your family members are not “forced” to “act religious” in ways that might be hypocritical to them. 

There are still non-liturgical aspects of the Mass your family can participate in without compromising either the sincere worship of God or your own convictions. 

For example, your dad can walk you down the aisle, your sister can be your bridesmaid, or your cousin can sign the Wedding Register. None of these is explicitly religious, yet these acts are all ways to include your family in the Nuptial Mass.

Be Patient and Bold

In some ways, having non-Catholic family members might be easier than lapsed Catholic ones. Most of us tend to be more polite and accepting of new things; we don’t want to be seen as difficult or intolerant. When we think we understand something, however, we can be more cutting or even intolerant.

Blessed Fulton Sheen said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

Be very patient and understanding towards your family. Understand they may have wounds or deeply personal struggles with the Church. Unfair though it may feel, inviting them into the Church for your wedding may bring up these tense emotions. Be an image of Christ, open and willing to hear their stories.

Pray for small opportunities to witness to Jesus. Share the meaning behind your decisions. You might be surprised where your conversations end up!

Explain Everything

Always start with the assumption that family members have no idea what you’re doing—even if they themselves were raised Catholic.

For a Catholic wedding, a beautiful and informative Wedding Program is essential. In the program, clearly mark when to sit, stand and kneel. Include all the prayers and responses for the wedding guests to follow. You can also ask the priest to guide the congregation when to sit and stand.

Explaining everything might seem overboard when you’re familiar with the Mass, but it’s a simple way to love others. No one wants to feel confused or left out at a wedding!

Pick your Battles

Even if you can explain something in the Mass, you still need to be aware of how things will come across.

For example, the traditional reading or epistle for the Nuptial Mass is Ephesians 5: 21-33, which begins “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This verse is often misunderstood! 

You and your fiancé might love this passage and understand it in the light of Christ’s radical and self-sacrificial love. But your mom may not. Chances are, lapsed and non-Catholics may simply shut down when they hear language like that.

There is a time to insist on the fullness of the Catholic faith, and there is a time to be prudent. When planning your wedding Mass, keep your guests in mind as you strive to reveal God’s truth and love in every decision. Be Clear but Gentle about the Eucharist

There are some battles you might have to fight—or at least be willing to plant your flag. The supreme gift of our faith is the Holy Eucharist because it is Christ Himself, made truly present under the forms of bread and wine.

Under Church law, only baptized Catholics in a state of grace may receive Holy Communion. Depending on your family and their experiences, some lapsed Catholics will still receive Holy Communion even when they shouldn’t. Others might want to receive, but remember that, under Church teaching, they cannot. Still others might have no desire at all.

Be as clear and charitable about this as possible. Many couples place a small note in their wedding booklets about who can receive Holy Communion. Others ask the priest to clarify who can receive Holy Communion. In the end, your effort can go towards being both hospitable and transparent about Church teaching; any final judgement is not your responsibility. 

Pray for Your Family, including Deceased Family, in the Mass

Finally, pray for your family. Pray for them throughout your wedding preparations and during the Mass itself. 

Pray they will encounter Christ anew and return to the Church. Pray that God will bless and heal them.

Pray publicly for your family in the Nuptial Mass, including deceased family members. Your lapsed Catholic family might not get teary-eyed over your favorite Palestrina or share your devotion to Our Lady, but they will always be touched by your prayers and concerns for them. 

And remember: however much we love our families, our Father in Heaven loves them infinitely more.

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About the Author: Laura McAlister is an Australian Catholic freelance writer and history-lover. She lives in Sydney and iis engaged to a handsome Irishman, whom she met while studying Medieval History in Ireland. Laura blogs about her struggles with prayer and perfectionism at Craving Graces. In her spare time, she loves chatting about Jane Austen, mysticism, and gender roles over tea and biscuits.

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How to Customize your Wedding Dress

CLARA DAVISON

When I got engaged, the first question following  the initial congratulations was always, “have you found your dress yet?” As one of seven sisters, I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and spent countless hours critiquing and comparing wedding dresses. However, when I started looking at wedding dresses for myself, I quickly became nervous. 

None of the dresses I saw online were what I hoped to wear on my wedding day. What if I couldn’t find a dress I liked in my budget (which, as a fulltime student, was very small)? What if I found two I liked and couldn’t decide? What if I liked the style of a dress, but it was the wrong fabric? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I finally agreed to go with my mother to a bridal store and shop in-person. As I tried on dresses, I learned I really loved a satin, off-white dress with a dramatic train. I wanted lace sleeves, but I didn’t want too much lace on the dress. I also wanted pockets, which I learned is a very uncommon feature of wedding dresses. 

Now that I could finally imagine myself in a specific style and design, I could not find the right dress. One dress might have the train I wanted, but no straps. Another might have the sleeves I liked, but no pockets or train. I grew more and more discouraged as the process continued. 

My mother suggested we look for an inexpensive “base” for my dress and work with a seamstress to customize it. With this in mind, we found a simple, satin, off-white dress with the perfect train--and pockets. It was a perfect foundation; I spent the remainder of my time and budget customizing more details and features until it was the perfect dress--my perfect dress--for my wedding day.  As you imagine the wedding dress shopping experience, it may be helpful to know some options for customization which may bring your visions and dreams to life. 

Overlays or Underlays

I imagined long, lacey sleeves, and an overlay provided the perfect layer to create the look I was hoping for. There are a wide variety of overlay options, easily accessible from a seamstress or bridal shop. Other dresses may benefit from a sheer underlay to create an illusion neckline. While I chose to go with the overlay option, I have friends who have incorporated a custom underlay option with positive results. 

An important aspect of overlays and underlays involves the skill of your seamstress. When I found a lace overlay that I loved, the lace did not line up with the neckline of my original dress. Rather than hunting for another overlay, my seamstress was able to lift the lace off the sheer base and shift it down half-an-inch to make it a perfect match! 

Belts

When I purchased the very plain base dress, I turned to belts as a way to add some sparkle and texture. I found hundreds of options from David’s Bridal and local bridal salons. I chose my favorites and brought them along to my first meeting with my seamstress to give her an idea of what I was looking for. 

While I ultimately chose not to wear a belt on my dress, the options helped bring my final vision to life. The belts I kept have been shared among friends who also hoped to customize their dresses. 

Splashes of Color

My seamstress suggested  incorporating my wedding colors into my wedding dress. Whether with a belt, tinted underskirt (perfect for cute bridesmaid pictures), or trim, there are dozens of ways you can incorporate color into a wedding dress. You can even do something as small as purchasing a swatch of your dress fabric and dying it to match your wedding colors. then adding the swatch along your neckline. 

These are a few of the many ways to personalize the wedding dress of your dreams! Rather than settling for something I just liked, I was able to create a one-of-a-kind dress that I loved. Keep an open mind as you go wedding dress shopping; think about the possibilities each dress offers, rather than simply focusing on how it looks on that first day. If you are willing to veer from the traditional shopping experience, the options are endless. 

Did you customize your wedding dress? Share your experiences and ideas with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook and Instagram.

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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4 Ways Couples Can Practice Hospitality this Winter

CARISSA PLUTA

“Welcoming our brothers and sisters with care and willingness must not be limited to extraordinary occasions but must become for all believers a habit of service in their daily lives.”

Practicing hospitality is an act of service that invites others into a deeper relationship with their fellow man and with God. And as John Paul II said above, it should be a habit fostered in our day to day life. 

Married couples can live out this call in a unique way, especially during this time of the year which highlights the warmth and delight that comes with this gift of hospitality. 

Open your home to out of town visitors

Do you have any family or friends coming from out of town this winter? If you have the space, consider offering them a place to stay instead of them staying at a nearby hotel. 

Opening up your home is the most obvious way to practice hospitality, but also one accompanied by the most stress. Let go of the pressure of making your house absolutely perfect before inviting others into it, and focus on creating a space for others to feel welcomed and loved. 

Celebrate one of the many winter feast days

The Church’s liturgical calendar invites the faithful dive deeper into the rich history and traditions of our faith. 

Intentionally living with the liturgical year can easily include friends or family. Earlier this month, for instance, my husband and I invited several friends over for a taco dinner and praying a rosary in honor of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

The winter months have many beautiful feast days and solemnities worth celebrating. You might want to plan a Catholic themed White Elephant/Secret Santa exchange on the Feast of the Epiphany or you can invite other couples over for donuts after mass on the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God. 

Get creative! 

Show some love to your neighbors

Communities often experience a willingness to grow in friendship as the holidays approach. So if you’ve been hoping to get to know your neighbors a bit better, take advantage of the warm feelings that accompany this time of year. 

You can deliver a tin of homemade cookies or offer hot chocolate to people as they shovel the snow off their drive- way. 

Taking time to get to know the people that live closest to you can really improve the strength of a community, and fulfills Jesus’ command to love your neighbor. 

Invite friends to pray Vespers or Compline

If you are looking for a strong way to finish out Advent or even a spiritual resolution for the new year, consider praying one of the hours in the Divine Office. 

The Divine Office extends the Liturgy found in the mass into one’s daily life and activities. It fulfills the Lord’s order to, as St Paul’s said in his letter to the Thessalonians, “pray without ceasing.”

You can easily invite other members from your parish or your friends to join you in praying evening prayer (Vespers) or night prayer (Compline) once a week. Make an evening out of it by offering drinks and desserts to enjoy beforehand.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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New Year's Resolutions for Catholic Brides + Couples

Happy New Year from the team at Spoken Bride! 

The start of a new calendar year elicits a natural motivation for new habits, routines and goals. Whether you are embracing the new year in solitude or in collaboration with a significant other, the Spoken Bride archives offer a variety of ideas to kick start a fresh resolution.

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

Book and Podcast Recommendations 

A Review of "The Artist of Love" by Alice Hildebrand | Suggestions if you are preparing for marriage this year | Fun reads featuring strong marriages | Podcasts for women

Encouragement for Physical Fitness Goals 

A Catholic approach to fitness | Foster gratitude for your body

Financial Planning in Marriage and Life

Avoid fights while setting financial goals | Finance tips for Newlyweds | 3 money-management practices for couples 

Prayer Life

Spiritual resolutions from Spoken Bride readers | Praying the Examen | Creative ideas for intercessory prayer | Finding rest in the unknowns with the Litany of Trust

How are you being intentional at the start of a new year? Share your ideas with our community on Instagram and Facebook. 

Christmas Blessings and Prayers from Spoken Bride

In these final days of hope and anticipation for the birth of the Savior, we retreat with our families and friends in joyful celebration of the gift of Christ’s life. As the season of waiting comes to close, we open our minds and hearts to receive Jesus into our homes. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELISSA VOSS, as seen in Emily + Daniël | Christmas Season Wedding

Our Catholic faith is rich with prayers, blessings, traditions, and symbols to bring the beauty of God’s light into the domestic church, the home. Christmas Eve is an opportunity to bring special attention to the beautiful decorations around our homes—especially the Christmas Tree or the Nativity Scene—with an intentional blessing and celebration. 

We encourage you to read and pray the Blessing of a Christmas Tree and/or the Blessing of the Nativity Scene with your spouse or family.

Browse holiday weddings + reflections on Advent and liturgical living | Are you newly engaged or married? Submit your story. | Send us a written contribution

Our team will be taking the next week off from publishing new content and is eager to continue communicating the goodness, truth, and beauty of marriage in 2020! New blog features and reflections will resume January 2. Meanwhile, follow along on social media for continued resources and inspiration, including our top posts of 2019.

From all of us at Spoken Bride, may Christ the Bridegroom be born in your hearts this Christmas season. May God continue to shine his light on you and your loved ones. Thank you for your trust, affirmation, support and participation in our mission—we are full of gratitude for every one of our brides, vendors, and readers and hold each of you in prayer.

Newlywed Surprises | What I Didn't See Coming

CADENCE MCMANIMON

“Could you hand me the curry?” I asked, shredding some lettuce.

“Sure,” my new husband replied, then turned to look at me with a cocked eyebrow. “But we’re having tuna wraps?”

“Yes, thus the curry,” I confirmed.

“What?”

We stared at each other quizzically across the kitchen table.

Most brides work hard to be prepared for marriage. My fiance, Chris, and I felt armed against all the common complaints concerning newlywed life. Child planning? Already taken care of with NFP classes. Theology of the body? Two book studies gave us a good grasp. Moving? We arranged his little apartment well ahead of time. Scheduling family events and work shifts? We’d been sharing a calendar for several months by then. We were prepared.

And then Chris and I actually got married. During the first six months, a few issues crept up seemingly out of left field. Nobody had warned us about them! Most weren’t a big deal, and some continued to be fun to explore as we went along. It’s awesome to keep discovering new things about your spouse in the first year of marriage!

So if you’re getting married soon, don’t be surprised if…

Grocery lists suddenly become unfamiliar.

Remember the curry confusion? Chris and I ate slightly different diets, just enough to make a weekly grocery list look a little funky. I had never eaten quinoa, but it was a staple in my fiance’s dinners. He wasn’t big into tomatoes or pastas, whereas I lived on Italian. This was one of those areas that could have been trouble, but turned out to be a lot of fun! I’m no Martha Stewart, but experimenting with new dishes together was a great way to design a pantry for our happy and healthy start. Keep in mind, if you or your fiance have any kind of food allergy or intolerance, plan some meals together beforehand. You’ll thank yourself for double-checking ingredients when you sit down for dinner together regularly.

Your family has anxiety about you leaving.

I’d lived at home almost all my life and was heavily involved in my little siblings’ daily routines. Not having me there every day was a big switch for them. The first few months of our marriage involved lots of letters and video chats between me and my littlest siblings, one of whom truly believed he would never see me again after the wedding. (Seriously, he cried for three hours on our wedding day.) My parents and grown siblings didn’t need the same level of reassurance, but it was still tough for them in other ways. If this becomes your situation, remember to have patience with anyone coping with your new transition--especially if you moved far away or won’t be able to visit on a regular basis. It’s not just you who has to get used to these changes.

You wake up and wonder who in the world got into your bed!

This one was probably harder for my husband than for me. Although I am a light sleeper by nature, I’d been sharing beds with sisters my entire life. Chris, on the other hand, had been used to his own bed for twenty-eight years. To say he was used to sleeping alone is an understatement! Sleeping in a new bed with a new person can be more of a shock to your system than you expect, no matter how much you love your new spouse. Don’t worry, though; in under a week we were both sleeping fine. In fact, your body may get so used to having your beloved beside you, you won’t be able to sleep without them!

Storage takes you by surprise.

I love decluttering, organizing, and keeping space free and empty. Chris doesn’t have a problem with storing things away “just in case” or because they’re sentimental. It was interesting how differently we approached . . . stuff. Honestly, I think we are learning a few good things from each other in this area. I tend to throw things away, even if a few months later it would have come in handy. Chris helps me remember to think ahead, and I help him decide which of those twenty-five Christmas cards are special enough to keep in the “memories box.” Couples may not think to discuss their clutter or organization habits, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal when differences come up. It’s just stuff, after all. Have fun collaborating on methods that work for both of you, and be open to new ideas!

Technology habits block quality time.

We all know how easy it is to spend too much time on our phones, but we often don’t realize just how much time we’re on them. A quick scroll at breakfast, checking media before bed, or a couple videos during a workout adds up quickly. Chris was in graduate school during our entire engagement and used his laptop and phone for hours every evening for homework. I work online, so much of my day was spent on a computer as well. When we got married, our ingrained screen schedules didn’t exactly line up with one another. Sometimes I’d be working well after he got home, or he’d have his phone out at dinner to check up on news and weather. We’ve built better habits by making sure my work hours line up with his, our meals and bedtime are free of phones, and one hour each evening is set aside for technology-free time together.

Chris and I are still newlyweds, just coming up on our first anniversary, so this list is far from exhaustive. But I hope it gives you a taste of the great adventure you are about to embark on. No matter how many little surprises or big changes arise, your new spouse is worth each and every one! If you work together and prioritize each other, discoveries like these can become delightful collaborations. 

Even prepping a quick quinoa dish or sprinkling curry into the tuna can serve as a happy reminder of just how much two can become one in marriage.

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About the Author: Cadence McManimon is a published author and a special education teacher. She writes various types of fiction including Christian, historical, and fantasy. Cadence has always loved the creative world of art and music and took up writing during her years-long battle with Lyme disease. Her novels Name Unspoken and The Lily Girl are available on her website. Her favorite things include crayons, sarcasm, Sherlock Holmes, and hearing from readers!

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Why We Did Marriage Prep Before Getting Engaged

MELISSA BUTZ

For better or for worse, the number of couples who call off their wedding after they get engaged seems to be around 20 percent.

PHOTOGRAPHY: CAITLIN RENN PHOTOGRAPHY

And it makes sense. Family demands from both sides, inevitable compromises while planning a wedding, and emotionally preparing for a life together make the engagement period stressful. There are also huge decisions to be made and plenty of learning curves, like where and how to buy your first house.

Catholic couples will also add a Pre-Cana wedding prep course offered by their local parish to the checklist, but that is usually the problem. All too often, Pre-Cana becomes another box to check off on the to-do list and another necessary document to present before saying “I do.”

But it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, when my boyfriend and I started talking about marriage after we had dated for three years in Rome, he had one request: we attend our Pre-Cana course before he asked me to marry him.

This tradition is very common in Italy, a country where the typical American “ring proposal on one knee” is quite rare. Most girls in marriage prep classes do not have an engagement ring and might not ever have one. The traditional gold wedding band is often the only ring ever worn on the left ring finger.

As an American, I imagined the proposal more than my wedding. The idea of a man getting down on one knee after asking for my father's permission seemed as “fairy-tale” as it could get--so I hated my boyfriend’s idea at first. It didn't help that my American friends could not wrap their minds around completing a Pre-Cana course before he asked if I wanted to marry him.

Niccolò, my now-fiancé, explained his personal conviction to me:

By completing our marriage prep course before becoming engaged, we would be able to treat it as a discernment course. We could prepare for the sacrament spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, without the distractions of planning a wedding. We could spot areas of weakness for improvement and focus on strengthening areas where we were already excelling as a couple.

Before signing up for classes at a parish in the center of Rome, Niccolò told me, “We have to go into this course with a spirit of discernment so pure, we will even be prepared to break up when it's over, if that's what we think God is calling us to do.” His goal was to truly listen to what God wanted for both of us. Thankfully, a few months after it ended, we got engaged instead!

Those months were our time to not only intentionally discern our vocation to marriage, which we had already done, but marriage to each other. After all, discernment and taking concrete steps toward what we believe we are called to is a serious part of the Catholic faith. Pre-Cana confirmed what we believed Christ wanted from both of us. We prayed our way through the whole course, lifted up our intentions, and were open about any fears that arose along the way.

My favorite part of our six months of marriage prep was talking to Niccolò about each session immediately afterward on our Saturday date night. We learned so much, and he helped translate any misunderstandings I had from our all-Italian classes.

Looking back, I would not do it any other way (even with Americans asking continuously if they had missed the announcement of our engagement). 

In fact, now that Niccolò and I are engaged, I feel like we can plan our wedding with the certainty that God has blessed both of us. We are on the right path, if only we keep trusting and looking to the Lord.

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About the Author: Melissa Butz brought her southern Georgia roots to Rome, Italy, where she is blessed with a view of St. Peter's Basilica everyday. She works as a TV journalist for Rome Reports, covering everything Pope Francis and the Vatican.

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Angela + Adam | Summertime Colorado Cabin Wedding

Angela and Adam’s Colorado wedding was bathed in prayer that began months before the nuptial Mass. As they planned for their wedding, they kept their main focus on preparing for the day-to-day living of the sacrament that would begin as soon as the celebration ended. This gave birth to a peace and beauty on their wedding day that can only come from Christ.

From the Bride: From the very beginning of our relationship, prayer was at the center. In fact, Adam was so nervous to ask me out on a date that he spent an hour pacing around his apartment, praying the rosary in hope I’d say yes when he called me. (Spoiler alert: I did). 

We always prayed before meals and went to Mass together on Sundays. The first time I told Adam that I loved him was in a church. We committed to a holy hour together every week and met with our mentor couple several times after engagement in preparation for the sacrament we would be living out together. Later, leading up to our wedding, we asked religious orders, family, and friends all across the United States to pray for our special day, and we could feel the grace of their intercession. 

Adam and I were ecstatic when we found out we would have three priests con-celebrate the wedding: Fr. Joe Mclagan, a good friend of Adam’s, Fr. Mark-Mary, a good friend of mine, and Fr. Brendan Rolling, a mutual friend from my time in FOCUS. They had each played a pivotal role in our lives and in our relationship, and it was a blessing to have these young, vibrant priests at the altar as we exchanged our vows. 

When Adam and I picked our wedding date, we didn’t know it was the feast of Saints Louis and Zelie Martin, parents of St. Therese of Lisieux and the first married saints with children to be canonized together. 

This was kindly pointed out to me later over a team dinner at World Youth Day by Sr. Bethany Madonna of the Sisters of Life. After that, we asked daily for their intercession as well as the intercession of St. Faustina. In fact, I had multiple ‘run-ins’ with St. Faustina leading up to our wedding day, including her relic being present for veneration during our marriage retreat. 

With our priests, families, and patron saints all aligned, we were prepared and ready to celebrate the sacrament. All that was left to do was walk down the aisle at St. Thomas More Catholic Church.

Many of our friends and family are fallen-away Catholics or non-practicing Christians. We wanted everyone to feel welcome, included, and uplifted during the nuptial Mass, but more than anything we wanted them to experience the liturgy in its fullest form. 

The music was performed beautifully by our friends; the piano, violins, and guitars made for a serene and reverent atmosphere. There was a profound sense of calm and peace during the ceremony, and the Mass proceeded without a hitch. Fr. Mark-Mary gave a moving homily, Fr. Joe read for the consecration, and Fr. Brendan looked so stylish with his goatee! Later on we had more people compliment the liturgy than the reception, which is exactly what we wanted.

The moment Adam and I hold most dear from our wedding day was our “first look.” It happened before the ceremony in the adoration chapel behind the church. Adam was praying in front of the monstrance before I arrived ten minutes later. When we saw each other for the first time, so many emotions flooded out of us: happiness, joy, relief, and a spirit of peace that we were beginning our lives together in the best way we knew how, in front of and with Christ. We knelt down and prayed together for a few moments, asking the Lord to be with us on that day and the rest of our days together. 

People will tell you “the day goes by so fast,” and it does. In the blink of an eye the wedding celebration begins, and then it’s over. All the toasts were funny and heartfelt, and the tacos were all-you-could-eat, but nothing moved us like those first moments in the chapel, the first moments of the rest of our lives.

Photography: Sam Regula | Church: St Thomas More Catholic Church, Centennial, Co | Reception: The Inn at Hudson Gardens | Videographer: Justin Ruiz Media | MUA & Hair: Kacie McIntosh | Flowers: Christy Joy McPherson Caterer: Y. Lo Epicure | Cake: Three Daughters Cakes

Wedding Planning | A Glossary of Wedding Words

Embarking on the preparations for a once-in-a-lifetime day may involve a new vocabulary of words specific to weddings, wedding planning, or the Catholic sacrament of marriage. As you begin planning your wedding and working with wedding professionals, we hope this glossary can be a valuable resource and source of confidence. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAHY & DESIGN

Bridal Attire 

More than your dress! Bridal Attire encompasses jewelry, shoes, hair pieces, accent belts, and any additional accessories you want to include on your big day.

Types of dresses | A-line, ball gown, mermaid, empire waist, and more! We recommend brides-to-be begin with some online research to know what the options are and what they can or cannot imagine wearing on their special day. Taking this information into a bridal boutique may help guide your initial dress-shopping process.

Bustle | A feature on the back of the wedding dress which gathers the train so it's not in the way during the reception of while moving from venue to venue. There are multiple types of bustles depending on the style gown you choose. An experienced seamstress will know what is best for your fabric and cut. Securing the bustle often requires additional hands, so take note (or pictures) so others can help you on the big day! 

Types of veils | Words like fingertip, chapel and cathedral describe the length of the veil as it flows behind you. 

Blusher | The veil worn over the brides face as she walks down the aisle or during part of the ceremony. 

Flowers and Lights

Pomander | A ball covered in flowers as an options for flower girls. Ask your florist about the average weight of a pomander; if you have a young flower girl, this option may be too heavy or distraction for her to carry through the ceremony. 

Posey | A small bouquet of several flowers, often used for flower girls, mothers, and grandmothers. 

Draping | The pretty fabric that is draped and hung on poles around the perimeter of a room.

Up lighting | Small lights places on the floor facing up to highlight an area or add a pop of color to the wall.

Pin spot | A very small spotlight that is pointed at something to make it pop! Pin spots are often used to highlight the cake or tall arrangements on round tables. You paid good money for those decorations and don't want them to get lost in a dark room!

Wash | Washes are a lighting feature which are less focused than a pin spot, but draw attention to a specific feature. Often used on long rectangular tables. 

Gobo | A custom stencil placed in front of a spotlight to project a particular design--such as a monogram--at the reception. Gobos can be focused on the dance floor or on a large blank wall to use lights as part of your personalized decor. 

Photography: Horn Photography & Design

Catholic Wedding Ceremony 

Betrothal or Rite of Betrothal | An ceremony held during engagement, in which a couple makes a binding commitment to marry. The Rite of Betrothal is an ancient tradition of the Church that has had a resurgence in the 21st century. It is optional, but beautiful, and can be as simple or elaborate an event as you desire.

Learn about the Rite of Betrothal here, and see Danielle + Jeff’s betrothal ceremony here.

Consent | The bride and groom profess their consent to one another through the saying of the vows. The consent must be completely a completely free act of the individual’s will. 

Celebrant / Concelebrant | The priest (or priests) present on the altar at a Catholic wedding ceremony stand as witness to the Sacrament as the celebrant. Their blessing of the marriage is a necessary component to make the marriage valid.

Confer | The bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament of matrimony; as they express their mutual consent, they confer the sacrament and grace upon each other with the priests and guests as witnesses to their consent. 

Covenant | Through the sacrament of marriage, a bride and groom are brought together in an unbreakable union as an image of the union of Christ and his bride, the Church. The nature of his union is covenantal. 

Consummate | Catholic theology is made visible through sacramental signs. In the Sacrament of Marriage, the truth of the spoken vows is made visible and complete when the marriage is consummated through the physical intimacy between the bride and groom. 

Receiving Line | This custom occurs at the back of the church when the newlyweds greet wedding guests as they depart from the ceremony. This can take a long time and isn't very common anymore; many couples make a point to speak with everyone at the reception.

Venues, Food, and Beverages 

PP+ | An abbreviation for per person. If a caterer quotes you $50pp+, for instance, it means $50 per person. The plus sign indicates plus service charge (usually 18-28%), then sales tax.

Service Charge | Typically if a service charge is included, it is not necessary to tip the staff. 

Pro tip: Note the customs of the region you are getting married. In the north, it’s customary to tip every single person involved in your wedding. In the south, it is not customary to tip anyone unless they go above and beyond in their job. 

BEO (or Banquet Event Order) | This is a phrase used by caterers to summarize the quote for all notes and details of the wedding day. 

F&B (Food and Beverage) Minimum | If a venue has the ability to host and cater your event, they may inform you of a F&B minimum. This is the minimum amount of food and beverage that must be--or money spent--as part of the event contract. If your menu does not equal or surpass the minimum, you may have to pay the difference as a rental fee. 

Pro tip: Unless noted, the F&B minimum does not include sales tax, service charge or alcohol tax; these are all charged in addition to the minimum. 

Reception

Cocktail hour | Occurs prior to the reception at the reception venue. Generally, this hour provides  the newlyweds, family and wedding party time to complete photographs. 

Budget tip: Cut the cocktail hour to save on additional food and drink costs. 

Escort Cards | Often presented as cards, written on a mirror or printed on a board outside of the seating area, the “escort cards” inform wedding guests what table they are assigned to. This is a tool to create order as guests transition to the reception. Planning seating arrangements requires more time and effort in wedding planning, but provides structure and organization for guests. 

Budget tip: Group families or couples together, rather than one card per person, to save on materials and time. 

Place Cards | These small cards assign each guests to a specific seat at their table. The only time this is necessary is when guests choose their entree before the wedding (if the option is available on their RSVP card). The place cards are used to communicate with the catering staff for effective meal service. 

Introductions | The band or DJ can announce and introduce the bridal party and the bride and groom for the first time! Specific music, dance moves, or accessories can be incorporated to show off the personality of the entire bridal party. 

Pro tip: This time offers a chance for the bride and groom to transition directly from their introduction into their first dance. You already have everyone’s attention and it eliminates an interruption later in the evening! 

Blessing | Consider if you will include a blessing of the meal and, if so, who will offer the blessing at your reception. This person--whether a priest, friend, or family member--should be prepared beforehand. 

Special Dances | Beyond the bride and groom’s first dance, other special dances include the mother-son and father-daughter dance, an anniversary dance, sorority or fraternity dance, etc. It is important that these plans--including the timing and song requests--are clearly communicated with the band or DJ prior to the wedding day. 

Bouquet Toss and Garter Toss | These experiences are often seen as long-standing wedding traditions, buy are not necessary. If you don’t want to draw attention to single wedding guests, or if this elicits an uncomfortable environment for you (or your wedding guests), simply omit this tradition or replace it with another creative tradition, such as a special dance. Whether you decide to include the bouquet or garter toss or not, the plan needs to be communicated to your emcee or DJ. 

Cake Cutting | Beyond cutting the wedding cake, this moment typically includes toasts from parents, the best man, and the maid or matron of honor. 

Pro tip: Beginning the toasts and cutting-of-the-cake while guests finish dinner is an efficient way to capture the attention of wedding guests while they are all still in the room and provides more time to bust a move on the dance floor later! 

Send Off | The moment the wedding guests bid farewell to the bride and groom. Sparklers, confetti poppers, and bubbles are some of the common tools for a send off into their “happily ever after.” 

Pro tip: At the end of the reception, the send off is a great way to signal to guests that it is time to leave. This helps eliminate overtime fees at venues and with vendors who are paid by the hour. 

Rain Plan (or Plan B) | If the reception is an outdoor venue, a rain plan is absolutely necessary! Some venues may require a deposit if you want to include an outdoor tent as part of your rain plan, while other venues have an indoor option available. The peace of mind for the secondary plan may be worth every penny. 

Belly bar | This is a high-top table generally used during a cocktail hour or around the periphery of the reception venue for guests to watch the dance floor or mingle away from the crowds. 

What words did you learn in the process of wedding planning? Or what what words have your heard that you don’t understand? Share your knowledge with and bring your questions to Spoken Bride’s community of brides-to-be on Facebook and Instagram. 

Editors Share | Professional Resources to Support Your Marriage

The challenges and circumstances in our lives can push us to our limits of virtue. In certain seasons, you may feel called to seek professional support as a source of encouragement and clarity for personal growth and/or in the ongoing relationship with your spouse. God has empowered professionals with gifts and strengths to support mental health and marriage; receiving their gifts to strengthen our lives is receiving a gift from God.

Today, the Spoken Bride team shares some of their own experiences with professional resources that provide support in their own lives.

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

Andi Compton, Business Director

We have used Holy Family Counseling via phone which has been fantastic for us. Not having childcare, whenever we have a session we either do it when the kids are at school, or put a movie on for them and do the session in our room. It allows us some anonymity too, which we appreciate. Counseling has helped us heal some very deep wounds. 

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder and Creative Director

Throughout my engagement, I was working as an intern at the Theology of the Body Institute in Exton, PA. Being fully immersed in St. John Paul II’s rich teachings on the true meaning of our bodies, life, and creation on a daily basis profoundly impacted me. The theology of the body has personally brought a great deal of healing while at the same time answered many of my own questions on “the meaning of the whole of existence, the meaning of life” (TOB 46:6).

Whenever my then-fiancé-now-husband was able to permit some time in his schedule, we would attend the various events and courses that were being offered together. The seeds that were planted in our hearts through the theology of the body have certainly bore fruit throughout our life as a married couple and continue to do so as time passes. 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I have never sought professional help or spiritual direction, but that doesn’t mean we never will. In fact, I have kept my heart quite open to it as we anticipate the coming arrival of our first child and a lot of military-related separations in our near future. 

Growing up, I had the mentality that couples who went to counseling were those whose marriages were falling apart or were going through major life crises, because that was the stereotype I saw in the media. Although that can be true in many cases, I now understand the major benefit that can come from marriage and family counseling even for couples who are “fine.” We don’t have to learn healthier habits only after a problem arises.

Life’s inevitable changes will always have an effect—good, bad, or a complex mixture of both—on a marriage. Even those marriages who strive to keep their foundation rooted in Christ. Whether or not you have already attended counseling or spiritual direction with your spouse, keep an open heart and mind! God has given us spiritual and psychological resources to keep our souls and our hearts healthy.

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

As a child, my family participated in Catholic family counseling to help us build stronger communication and conflict resolution skills. Fast forward nearly 20 years, and my parents have founded a nonprofit focused on supporting the family through professional counseling and education.

Now, as a wife and soon-to-be-mother, I desire to pursue some form of professional or spiritual direction to continue guiding my self-awareness, emotional literacy, and communication with my own young family. This desire is an ongoing prayer, and one I trust God will provide an answer to when the time—and opportunity—is right. I believe that pursuing professional support for personal growth requires a discernment process in order to ready the heart and to collaborate with the right means of support in a specific season of life.

The Advent of Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

This new liturgical season brings me back to my engagement. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON

In fact, I often described that season of my life as a “little Advent,” as it was marked with the same feelings of joyful expectancy and intense longing. 

Both seasons provide us with a chance to prepare our hearts, not only for a particular day, but also for the new life to come. 

However, far too often amidst the hustle and bustle of both seasons the joyful feelings wane and the seemingly never-ending to-do list takes its place.

It’s easy to forget that we are preparing for something much bigger than ourselves. 

I found myself wishing away that season of my life. 

Honestly, once we completed our marriage preparation, it was hard not to want to grab the nearest priest and get the whole thing over with right then and there. 

I couldn’t wait to get to the day after the wedding, where we could start enjoying our new life as husband and wife. 

However, the joy of Christmas cannot truly exist without the anticipation of Advent. 

The longing helps us fully taste the sweetness of the gift that will be given. 

Engagement changes the relationship between a man and a woman. Their relationship is deeper than their season of dating, but they have not yet experienced the consummation of it found within the sacrament of marriage. 

The desire for oneness with your soon-to-be spouse is at its height. The longing for a life spent growing in love with your future husband intensifies. 

The anticipation helps remind us of what we have to look forward to. And when you finally reach the day where you enter into that holy covenant, your longing turns into a profound rejoicing. 

The ache for marriage during the season of engagement mirrors our souls’ ache for unity with God. It can be uncomfortable, even painful at times. 

But more than anything, it is good. 

If you allow it, that desire can be the purifying fire that refines our hearts to more fully receive, not only our husbands, but Christ Himself. 

Embrace the longing; don’t run hide from it. Enter into it with a prayerful heart willing to be transformed.

Let yourself experience the joy in the waiting, so you can more completely enter into the joy that awaits you.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Honoring Marriages at your Wedding

DENAE PELLERIN

We understand the vocation of marriage through the example of families. In a world full of broken marriages and wounded families, it can be difficult to find families that have withstood the temptation of divorce. 

People say the amount of people choosing to become married is decreasing, and many Catholics find despair in this reality. It was only when I became engaged that I began to consider another perspective as I approached my own sacrament of marriage. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CHELSEA SLIWA PHOTOGRAPHY

“What you guys are doing is amazing,” said my brother as he took photos of the new sparkly ring on my left hand. I was stunned by the words I never thought I would hear him say; he admits he is the last person who will likely get married. He went on to explain how in the 21st century there is no obligation towards marriage--the social norms surrounding sex, marraige, parenting and cohabitation, for example, present a lifestyle in contrast to Catholic teaching. 

He went on to admit that by choosing to get married, my fiancé and I were “choosing to suffer for one another,” intentionally choosing to a more difficult and inconvenient life out of love for one another. 

While he comprehended his observation, I was taken aback by an additional revelation: is choosing to get married more of a witness to Christ than ever before? Could it be possible that a decrease in marriage means the marriages in the world are rare but authentic and significant models of intimacy? 

This reality inspired me to honor the vocation of marriage and family more prominently at our wedding. 

My fiancé and I are extremely fortunate to have come from families where none of our parents or grandparents are divorced. We desired to honor the incredible foundation and value for marriage our families have given us. 

A Tribute to the Past 

Many weddings present a display of wedding photos of grandparents and parents. It is a beautiful way to commemorate their sacrament and to show the family history. We added a unique flair by inviting the women in our family to display their wedding dresses. 

My mother and paternal grandmother, mother-in-law and husband’s great-grandmother’s dresses were displayed. My dad built wooden stands, my mother-in-law found forms to display the dresses on, and my Mom designed and finalized the installation. My mother-in-law had made a baptismal gown out of her dress for our niece, and we ensured it was also displayed. A wedding dress is so special, and it was meaningful to bring the dresses out of the closet and put them on display again! 

In addition to the visual display, our emcees introduced our parents and grandparents and shared how long they have been married as well as something sweet about when they were dating or getting married during the meal. 

A Shared Table 

I once heard that to choose to have a child is to choose to make room for another person at your table. Psalm 128 speaks to children being “like olive shoots around your table,” which, according to Pope Francis, means children are full of energy and vitality while the parents are the foundation of the home. 

As you enjoy your first meal as husband and wife at your wedding reception, you establish a new foundation from which others will be invited to share at your table. But before that day, you were first invited to another’s table. 

On our wedding day, rather than having a traditional head table made up of the bridal party, we sat with those who gave us the foundation to build our own table—our parents. It was a sign of the two families becoming one new family; a moment in time where the tables we came from came together. 

As wedding speeches were shared, we laughed and cried with the four most significant people who taught us what it means to be married and to form a family. It was an intimate experience. And for a bride who was nervous about being the center of attention, I was empowered by the love of those around me to be present in the moment and emotionally vulnerable. 

An Alternative to a Bouquet Toss 

I love a good Beyonce moment, but instead of tossing my flowers, we surprised our guests with a different opportunity to take the bridal bouquet home. 

Our DJ invited all couples to the dance floor and we danced to the Brad Paisley song, “Then.” The emcees began asking people to leave the dance floor based on how long they had been married. To make it more fun, they did this by speaking about historical events in specific years. 

It began with the non-married or most recently married couples leaving the floor, which eventually revealed the longest married couple on the dance floor. This couple received my bridal bouquet and a round of applause for their decades of commitment. 

You learn about marriage and family life from your biological family, long before you say I do. Your wedding day is the first day of your marriage; it is also a day married couples are reminded of their own vows and the joy of new love and new beginnings. I challenge you to find ways to celebrate and thank married couples for their witness and to re-inspire them in their vocation. 

In what ways have you seen marriage honored and celebrated at a wedding? Share your experience and observations with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook or Instagram.

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 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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How He Asked | Jenna + Paul

Jenna and Paul met in an unlikely place, but the Lord answered their prayers for a relationship grounded on a shared faith in Christ and the Catholic Church. From there, love grew and blossomed into a sweet proposal in front of a statue of the Blessed Mother, nestled in a Marian grotto. 

In Jenna’s Words: Paul and I met February of 2018 through a dating app. We were both praying to meet someone with a heart for Christ and his Church, but did not expect much from a secular dating platform. And yet, when I came across his profile, I noticed he was looking for a woman who shared his faith, which is exactly what I had written in my profile as well. I thought, “this guy is simply too good to be true.” 

When we first met in person after talking online for a few weeks, we sat and chatted and laughed for hours over beer and queso. On our third date we went to adoration together. Then, on March 4, 2018, Paul asked me to be his girlfriend. 

Our relationship is built on our love for Christ. We encourage each other when the other is feeling down, pray together, discuss difficult Church teachings, and strive to always see God in the other. I see Paul as a man seeking sainthood, because his priority is leading a life that is pleasing to God.

Malvern Retreat House in Pennsylvania is one of the largest Catholic retreat properties in America. Long before I met Paul, it became one of my favorite places in the world. I went on several retreats there in college and later led several more there for my students. It has always been a place where I encounter Christ. 

By the retreat center, tucked away in the woods, there is a Marian grotto modeled after Our Lady of Lourdes. I always take a walk down to the grotto to pray when I am on retreat. It is quiet except for the sound of a babbling brook, and I love this spot more than any other. Paul lives in Malvern, Pennsylvania, down the street from this retreat house. After we began dating, we intended to take a walk there, but it never happened because of conflicting plans, laziness, or weather. 

As June 2019 approached, I was preparing to chaperone a school trip to France with several of my students. One day Paul told me, "we should do our Malvern walk before you leave," and I said, “of course!” A trip to my favorite spot with my favorite person.

On June 4, Paul and I were celebrating our 15-month anniversary, so we decided to take our walk that day. When I arrived at his house, I gave him my monthly anniversary card (we do this every month on the 4th). He read my card, gave me a "thank you" kiss, and went into his room to "find my card." He came out a minute later and said, "I can't find your card, but I know it's here somewhere. Let's go take our walk before the sun goes down, and I'll find it when we get back." 

As we got ready to go, Paul put on his drawstring backpack which holds his journal, bible, and rosary. I wasn’t suspicious because we were going to pray. We arrived at Malvern Retreat House and walked down into the woods to the Marian grotto. It was a gorgeous day, and no one was there except us. 

We sat on a bench for a few moments while I rested my head on Paul's shoulder, and then we walked closer to the statue of Mary to kneel and pray. As we got ready to leave, Paul reached into his bag and exclaimed, "I found your card! I forgot I put it in here so you could open it at your favorite spot!" 

I opened the card, and the final line read, "I love you so much, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. It might happen sooner than you think..." I gave Paul a kiss and thanked him, then we got up to leave. Paul immediately took my hand and said, "You know what? How about now." 

He got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife!

I love that Paul, as always, made God the focus of the day. His proposal began with prayer, and Mary is in the background of all the pictures of this important moment. I find peace knowing that Paul is always going to point me back to Christ as we walk this journey towards marriage together.

Photography: Amy and Kyle Catholic Photography | Engagement Location: Engagement Location: Malvern Retreat House, Malvern, PA

Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness into Newlywed Life

KATE THIBODEAU

Have you felt a surprising sense of losing independence or control after your wedding day? If you’ve experienced this in uniting your life with your husband’s, I understand. 

Photography: Diane Murtha, seen in How He Asked | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

As an independent thinker and doer throughout my life, before marriage I took pride in going about my daily plans and crafting a great big future for myself. Seeing this resourcefulness bloom as a single adult, I enjoyed my self-reliance. I used my motivation to push myself in planning each future endeavor, from daily meals to progress towards my degree or future career.

Marriage throws a wrench in your independence when you realize you are no longer a lone ranger in complete control of your future.

While we usually recognize we are sacrificing ourselves, both body and soul, at the altar, this loss is felt more keenly in the field when we live out our marriage vows together day by day. 

 As a newlywed, I loved including my husband in my daily plans, spending as much time together as possible. Having survived a distance engagement, we were so enthralled by the opportunity of finally living as one and uniting our daily lives. 

However, after the first few months passed, I realized the difficulty of fully involving another’s thoughts, comforts, and wishes into my everyday decisions. Maybe I didn’t plan to cook tonight, for instance, but he would love a full meal after a hard day: a death to selfishness.

 These everyday inconveniences could be thrown aside with a bit of resolution and love for my spouse. Of course spouses want to accommodate and serve each other. However, the impact of losing this control over your own self and circumstances is a bigger trial. Life becomes completely shared with your spouse--something I was to learn sooner than expected.

My picture-perfect plans for my life, and our unified existence, was shaken by opportunities for trust. The first of these experiences came in the form of allowing myself to consider starting our family sooner than I had planned. In following Natural Family Planning, my husband and I were perpetually open to life, but coming into our marriage, we--rather, I--had been quite clear in the  expectation to attempt to delay pregnancy until a certain number of years had passed. 

 Marriage is compromise accompanied by trust. It shone through brilliantly when I quickly realized my husband’s desire to become a father was growing, and my preconceived notions were founded in a sense of doubt and denial that God could be calling us--calling me--sooner.

As a self recognized control-freak, I would gladly welcome our family’s future wrapped neatly in a box, signed, addressed, and dated with each big event dutifully marked in my planner. 

However, my vocation calls me to fluidity in our plans, to openness to the needs of my spouse and his ability to help support our family, and to patient trust in God’s providence. We must commit to ongoing communication about the direction of the adventure God should decide to take us. Whether that be moving where our careers call or sacrificing comfort for the security of our family, we must always trust in God’s leading hand to point us in the right direction. For when has he failed us before?

As newlyweds, our need to rise above the selfishness of our natures is a daily challenge. God does not call the weak to the vocation of marriage, but he does grant us regular opportunities to strive for virtue. Our vices in our single lives shine through more blatantly when met with the sacrifice needed for a fruitful marriage. 

 The drastic change from the single life to dependency upon your spouse can be jarring and uncomfortable. My experience, however, proves my husband and I feel most unified when allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, allowing God to direct our lives. 

Marriage is not only a death to self, but a death to pride, independence, and all the qualities that drive us to feel in control. 

It is a daily sacrifice to take my husband’s needs and desires into account, and a bigger challenge still to entrust our lives into the hands of an all-knowing God.

I do not pretend to be anywhere near overcoming my desire to be in control or in the know regarding our future. Yet I know the graces of marriage allow us to grow in virtue, both together and as individuals. 

 Rest assured that your vocation to marriage will lead you to a greater understanding of your personal vices, accompanied with a deeper desire to pursue a death to them. I challenge you, and myself, to continuously invite trust in God’s direction for your marriage, and seek to lift up selfishness in prayer. 

In those newlywed moments when you feel disconnected or disillusioned by the ideals of your perfectly planned life, know you are where God desires you to be. He is calling you to a greater future with your husband. A greater holiness.

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 About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. Mama to angel baby, Charlotte Rose, and new Baby Lizzy, Kate has an English degree from Benedictine College, and strives to live the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

What do your Sundays currently look like? Do they align with how you’d like them to look?

Personally, I love coming home from morning Mass to have lunch with my family and read a book during my kids’ nap times, yet I admit I frequently spend the rest of the day cramming in meal prep, chores, and errands in an attempt to feel “ready” for the week ahead. In a culture of busyness and distraction, I suspect I’m not the only one.

Photography: Laurentina Photography

What does “ready” really mean, though? True, my Sunday habits help me feel materially and practically prepared, but too often I experience the creeping awareness that my spiritual and emotional readiness just hasn’t been satisfied. Lots of doing; not enough being. I crave carefree timelessness, but struggle to use my time well.

What do you and your beloved do for fun? Get ideas from the hobbies the editors share with their spouses.

I love the idea of a true Sabbath; a day to embrace the practices that help me, my husband, and our kids simply enjoy being present with one another in the activities that renew us and bring us joy. Here, for any others like me who desire a restorative Sunday routine, four questions to guide you in planning and entering into a fulfilling day of rest with those you love. 

What do we value?

Consider you and your beloved’s temperaments: what relationships, activities, and habits are most particularly important to you? For some couples, the answer might be social time with friends and family and for others, time alone for a date or a few relaxing hours at home. For some, it might be time away from screens, and for others, it might be catching up on movies or a show. For some, exercise is leisurely; for others, Sunday can be a break from the workout grind.

Examine and discuss what each of you values, and build those values into your Sabbath accordingly.

How can we distinguish our Sunday routines from the rest of the week?

Brainstorm and discuss ways you and your beloved can make each Sabbath feel distinctive from your typical weekly routines. This could take the form of morning or nighttime habits that encourage quality time and unhurriedness, like sleeping in and reading in bed, going for a walk, sharing reflections on the Mass readings for the day, or cooking a leisurely breakfast or dinner together. 

If you have children, consider simple, memorable rituals they can be involved with--for young kids, practices as seemingly ordinary as attending the donut Sunday after Mass, taking a family walk, or creating a short, Sunday-only prayer routine can become indelible memories! In my family, we like coming home from church to make eggs and toast and try to go on a low-key Sunday outing to nearby playgrounds or biking trails.

Playfulness enriches your marriage. Read more on cultivating a childlike spirit of joy.

What makes us feel most refreshed?

So many of us wish we had more time for hobbies or have a bucket list of activities we’d love to try “someday.” If you’re like me, perhaps you’ve ignored these lists in favor of scrolling through your phone, only to look up from the screen feeling restless and dull.

I encourage you--along with myself--to take the Sabbath as an invitation to engage in the activities that leave you feeling most alive and refreshed: time outdoors, reading, playing an instrument, or otherwise. Identify with your fiancé or spouse the activities you both love and can take part in together.

What weekend responsibilities can we reserve for Saturday instead of Sunday?

The imminent work week can make Sunday feel like an ideal time to get things done around the house and check off your to-do list, yet in my experience, I so often feel rushed trying to accomplish everything before Monday morning.

Instead, consider the time to breathe you afford yourself when you reserve cleaning, shopping, and organizing for Saturdays instead of Sundays. By doing the bulk of these tasks earlier in the weekend, you provide yourself with a cushion of extra time to get things done, as well as a needed break before your weekly routine begins again. 

So before the weekend starts, talk with your beloved about the responsibilities each of you hopes to accomplish, and plan how you can share and complete them as early on as you can.

What about you? If any of you have similar hopes for creating a true Sabbath, I’d love to hear the practices that have helped you do so and to learn about the weekend activities that bring you fully alive. Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Unexpected Expenses for a Catholic Wedding

Creating a budget is often the first item on a newly engaged couple’s to-do list. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADELEINE DEIGHAN PHOTOGRAPHY

You can easily find wedding budget templates online but they often overlook the expenses specific to a Catholic wedding. 

So before you start planning, don’t forget to include these possible expenses in your wedding planning budget.

Church

The church where you plan to get married will usually provide you with a suggested donation for using the facility, which surprises some couples. 

The church relies on donations to pay their bills and to continue to serve their parishioners well. This donation covers the use of the space for the ceremony and rehearsal, and may also pay for the church’s wedding coordinator and ceremony musicians.

The suggested donation amount will vary parish to parish. However, if the bride and/or groom are registered parishioners (and most likely regularly contributing to the parish), the suggested amount may be minimal, or none.

Be sure to call the parish office and find out what they ask for. 

Priest and servers

It is customary to give a stipend to the priest (or priests) celebrating your nuptial mass as well as the altar servers serving alongside them. 

No specific amount is suggested, but couples may want to consider the time devoted to the marriage preparation, rehearsal, and ceremony.

However, there are several other ways that you can express gratitude to your celebrant for the time he has put into making your day special. 

Flowers for the church

You’ve probably already budgeted for the bouquets and boutonnieres for the couple, the bridal party, and the parents, as well as the centerpieces for the reception hall, but Catholic couples should also include flowers for the church where the ceremony will take place. 

Some couples plan for floral arrangements in the sanctuary and on some of the pews. However, these pieces don’t have to be super elaborate or expensive. 

The church’s wedding coordinator can give you a better idea of what works best with the layout of this particular space and what other couples have done. 

Also, if you want to present flowers to Mary or St. Joseph, make sure to include it in your budget. 

Marriage preparation

The marriage preparation requirements often vary by diocese (or even by parish) so make sure to check with your priest about what you and your soon-to-be spouse will need to do. 

Some couples attend a weekend retreat, while others meet privately with their priest or a "sponsor couple." Others may participate in a series of marriage preparation classes offered by their parish.

Inventories like FOCCUS or PREPARE have become more common in the last several years and also require a small fee for scoring by a facilitator. 

If you want to take a course on Natural Family Planning before your big day, you may also need to add it to the budget. The learning of and the materials for NFP varies by method and by the teacher but is well worth it. 

Looking for an NFP instructor? Check out our vendor guide. 

Designing and printing mass programs

Programs for a Catholic wedding mass tend to be a bit longer than your secular wedding, especially if you want to include more detailed instructions for non-Catholic family and friends. 

This added length may make designing and printing mass programs a bit more costly than couples may initially expect. 

Though the cost would be well-worth it if it helps your guests enter more fully into the sacredness of your wedding.

Check out the Spoken Bride shop for uniquely Catholic (and easy-to-use) wedding program templates that will help make this part of the wedding planning process smoother.

Integrity Makes Us Whole: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

STEPHANIE CALIS

In my experiences working with brides and engaged couples, I’ve talked to many women who excitedly describe their wedding plans to me, often followed by a qualifier something like, “but of course, the sacrament is the most important part.” 

It’s true! Entering into marriage, speaking your wedding vows with soul and body, is transformative. An outpouring of grace. 

Photography: Fiat Photography

And yet, why do couples sometimes feel guilt when they dream of a visually beautiful wedding day? Is it that they hope beauty won’t be a distraction from the greater, divine reality taking place, or that downplaying the material elements is somehow more virtuous?

If you’ve ever felt this way, I commend your spirit of humility and moderation. I also invite you to reconsider the purpose of beauty. 

Any desire you have for a beautiful wedding--the church, the music, the gown, the flowers, the meal, and more--isn’t at odds with the sacrament. In fact, I’d argue sensory beauty enriches the beauty of the sacrament. God himself is all truth, goodness and beauty.

Therefore, held in proper perspective, any wedding elements that evoke the true, good and beautiful are an opportunity--an invitation--to know the heart of God more deeply. These desires are a good thing!

I call this an “appeal to the heart.” Beauty stirs something within us; an ache for meaning and for the infinite. We are made for eternal life, and so these longings draw us into our identity and purpose. 

Truth, goodness, and beauty are relational. A bridge. Wherever you are in your spiritual life, whether or not all your wedding guests are Catholic, beauty speaks a language we can all understand. It brings together the intangible with the real, integrating them into something more powerful than either could be on its own and making us more wholly human.

Integration and integrity are so closely linked. When our priorities are rightly ordered, there is peace, and less disconnect between our interior lives and the exterior we present to the world.

I see this sense of order extend beyond wedding planning and into the dynamics of relationships and marriage: love itself is a school of integrity.

When we act out of love, rather than seeking to gain, we’re free to express love in a way befitting our current state (whether engagement or marriage). In living out authentic love as best as we’re able--that is, a love that gives freely, faithfully, totally, and fruitfully--our words and bodies communicate respect, reverence, and an encounter beyond just the physical. A true sense of integrity.

When the body, soul, and mind are ordered toward freedom and self-gift, authentic love becomes far more than guidance or rules; rules become unnecessary, because we’re already living out our personhood as we’re meant to.

Have you experienced these tensions--that is, a desire to prioritize the sacramental nature of your wedding day while still conveying visual and sensory beauty? A hope to lessen any division between the inner and outer parts of who you are?

That tension is our humanity; the gift and weight of living in this world while anticipating the next. I hope beauty stirs and moves you, that your wedding day and marriage make God’s goodness visible, and that the pursuit of integrity bears abundant fruits in your vocation.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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How He Asked | Jaclyn + Tony

Some love stories develop over a lifetime and some over a matter of months. After developing a friendship at daily Mass, Jaclyn and Tony started dating in March and were engaged by June, only three months later.

In Jaclyn’s Words: In December of 2018, Tony and I went to a holiday party at a friend’s house, but never spoke to each other. Later, after being asked to substitute for Eucharistic adoration and crossing paths at dinner parties through the Raleigh young adult group, we began talking. 

For Lent 2019, I vowed to attend Mass four times per week, not including Sunday. I switched churches and saw Tony during daily Mass at St. Raphael, where he'd been going for quite some time. 

We talked everyday after Mass, sometimes making him late to his next destination! Once we sensed a deeper connection, we continued to see one another. We prayed together at night on the phone, and loved to visit the Blessed Sacrament at Our Lady of Lourdes parish.

Tony said he never wanted to view me as an "object," and from that moment I began to trust him more and more. We began dating in March and were engaged by June. It felt like we went from friendship to dating to becoming engaged in the blink of an eye! But we knew we were right for each other, and God is wonderful at bringing couples together. 

In fact, the month we started dating, Tony knew he wanted to marry me. Once, after daily Mass, I mentioned something about a zip line for children, and he shared his dream about a zip line he had been discussing with his uncle: a line from his house across the lake to the next house. We talked about marriage, children, and starting a family, but I told Tony he had to ask my mother for her permission, since my father was deceased. 

In May, at a family cookout, Tony asked my mom, "what do you think about me marrying your daughter?" and she didn't say no! She did advise waiting a little; we had only known each other for a few months. Nonetheless, Tony and I knew an engagement was bound to happen, so during a road trip together we discussed the type of ring I liked and how I envisioned a proposal. 

Tony says it was stressful coordinating a proposal with my family in Maryland, and he had them handle many of the details. At the end of June, we were set to travel to Maryland for our friend Father Jim Proffitt's last Mass at St. John's. Tony also had a secret lunch planned with my family. Once we arrived, my aunt asked if we were hungry and if we would join her and my mother for lunch up the street. I was a bit thrown off, but agreed. 

In the restaurant I saw other family members and was confused, but my mom explained that she invited a few other friends to lunch. Hugs and kisses were given, appetizers were ordered, and grace was said. Tony sat across from me, not eating. I looked at him to see what was wrong, but he didn’t reply, and I got nervous! 

Suddenly, he got up from the table and asked me to come over. Tony said he loved me very much, then knelt down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I paused for 30 seconds as he started sweating bullets, then looked at him in the eyes and quietly but excitedly replied, "yes!"

Since then, we know that through the mercy and love of God, we have authority over the enemy who would attack our family; he does not like beautiful marriages and holy, committed relationships. The attacks started coming after we got engaged, to try and separate Tony and I. But together we thank the Lord for sharing his authority, power, and strength that will protect and carry us in the days ahead as we prepare for the sacrament of marriage.

Photography: Something Blue Photography | Engagement Photo Location: Raleigh, NC | Ring: Diamond's Direct  | Flowers: The Skinny Vase