Integrity Makes Us Whole: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

STEPHANIE CALIS

In my experiences working with brides and engaged couples, I’ve talked to many women who excitedly describe their wedding plans to me, often followed by a qualifier something like, “but of course, the sacrament is the most important part.” 

It’s true! Entering into marriage, speaking your wedding vows with soul and body, is transformative. An outpouring of grace. 

Photography: Fiat Photography

And yet, why do couples sometimes feel guilt when they dream of a visually beautiful wedding day? Is it that they hope beauty won’t be a distraction from the greater, divine reality taking place, or that downplaying the material elements is somehow more virtuous?

If you’ve ever felt this way, I commend your spirit of humility and moderation. I also invite you to reconsider the purpose of beauty. 

Any desire you have for a beautiful wedding--the church, the music, the gown, the flowers, the meal, and more--isn’t at odds with the sacrament. In fact, I’d argue sensory beauty enriches the beauty of the sacrament. God himself is all truth, goodness and beauty.

Therefore, held in proper perspective, any wedding elements that evoke the true, good and beautiful are an opportunity--an invitation--to know the heart of God more deeply. These desires are a good thing!

I call this an “appeal to the heart.” Beauty stirs something within us; an ache for meaning and for the infinite. We are made for eternal life, and so these longings draw us into our identity and purpose. 

Truth, goodness, and beauty are relational. A bridge. Wherever you are in your spiritual life, whether or not all your wedding guests are Catholic, beauty speaks a language we can all understand. It brings together the intangible with the real, integrating them into something more powerful than either could be on its own and making us more wholly human.

Integration and integrity are so closely linked. When our priorities are rightly ordered, there is peace, and less disconnect between our interior lives and the exterior we present to the world.

I see this sense of order extend beyond wedding planning and into the dynamics of relationships and marriage: love itself is a school of integrity.

When we act out of love, rather than seeking to gain, we’re free to express love in a way befitting our current state (whether engagement or marriage). In living out authentic love as best as we’re able--that is, a love that gives freely, faithfully, totally, and fruitfully--our words and bodies communicate respect, reverence, and an encounter beyond just the physical. A true sense of integrity.

When the body, soul, and mind are ordered toward freedom and self-gift, authentic love becomes far more than guidance or rules; rules become unnecessary, because we’re already living out our personhood as we’re meant to.

Have you experienced these tensions--that is, a desire to prioritize the sacramental nature of your wedding day while still conveying visual and sensory beauty? A hope to lessen any division between the inner and outer parts of who you are?

That tension is our humanity; the gift and weight of living in this world while anticipating the next. I hope beauty stirs and moves you, that your wedding day and marriage make God’s goodness visible, and that the pursuit of integrity bears abundant fruits in your vocation.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Emotions and Will in a Season of Waiting

STEPHANIE FRIES

Seasons of waiting and preparation are inherent to the Catholic liturgical calendar. Both Lent and Advent are significant and intentional times to ready our minds and hearts for a new encounter with Christ--through both his birth and his death and resurrection. 

Similarly, seasons of waiting and preparation are embedded into our personal lives, especially in times leading up to significant encounters of relationship. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: EVAN KRISTIANSEN PHOTOGRAPHY

Engagement is a space prior to a wedding. Pregnancy is a space prior to the birth of a child. The passage of time can often be a trigger for the rise and fall of emotions. How we manage, process and project those emotions is part of our personal journey toward holiness. 

In the Gospel of Matthew, we are instructed to “be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” In our earthly pursuit of sanctification, we can learn from the perfect human hearts of Jesus and Mary. 

Fully human yet divine in nature, we see that both Jesus and Mary, in their separate experiences of approaching death and childbirth, respectively, were affected by feelings of impatience, fear, or anticipation. 

In the sorrowful mystery of Jesus’ agony in the garden, we read Jesus experienced feelings of sorrow and distress in the final stages of his preparation. Keep in mind how, in many ways, his entire public ministry was all a part of the journey towards his new reality in heaven. The agony in the garden is not his solitary experience of anticipation, but a final culmination of waiting before the new journey to the cross begins. 

Despite his soul being filled with sorrow, he approached God in prayer three times, praying, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!”

He feels the breadth and depth of sorrow, a deep emotional experience, and he admits the ache of his heart! Yet in the same sentence, he unites his own will to God’s will. He surrenders his sorrow to trust in God. 

We hear an echo of this surrender in Mary’s experience 33 years prior when she prepares to conceive, deliver, and raise Jesus as her own son. In the joyful mystery of the angel Gabriel’s Annunciation unto Mary, she responds with a question, a doubt: “How can this be?”  

The dialogue continues between the angel and Mary until she united the questions of her heart to God’s will and says, “May it be done to me according to your word.” Her pregnancy continued through additional experiences as she journeyed--emotionally and physically--to the birth of Jesus. 

In these stories, we read of two human beings who engaged in seasons of waiting with strong emotions, yet perfectly offered their will to God’s desire.  

The Liturgical seasons of the church are intentional times to help us reflect on the posture of our hearts as we approach the ever-new realities of our faith. Even more, the seasons of waiting embedded in our vocations as wives and mothers are real-life opportunities to turn reflections into practice.

As it was with the agony in the garden, the Annunciation or engagement and pregnancy, certain opportunities may be once-in-a-lifetime. This Advent, create a space in your heart for the season of waiting to implant itself deep into your heart so when the opportunity comes, you too can surrender your sorrow, fear, anxiety or doubt to the will of God the Father with hopeful trust.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Happy Thanksgiving from Spoken Bride! Holiday Wedding Inspiration + Reflections for the Season.

From us to you, Happy Thanksgiving Day! May the Father draw your gaze to all of his gifts and pour out his abundance in your vocation.

Here, as the holiday season begins, our favorite pieces from the archives on liturgical living, Christmas weddings, creating traditions with your spouse, and more.

Liturgical Living + Advent

A prayer of thanksgiving for couples | Creating Advent traditions in your marriage and family | A reflection on waiting and anticipation, and their surprising fruits during engagement | The sense of waiting continues on into married life. Yet the Lord is ever present and there is much “joyful hope.” | Meditations on Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception, celebrated December 8 | Even Saint Thérese experienced longing and impatience to begin her vocation. Thoughts on embracing seasons of preparation. 

Gifts

5 Creative gift ideas for newlyweds | Spoken Bride Vendors share Christmas gift ideas, including many custom and handmade items | A gift guide curated by the Spoken Bride team

Relationship Health During the Holiday Season

5 Tips for balancing family, social events, and time as a couple during the holidays | Distinctively Catholic ideas for celebrating the Christmas season with your beloved | 

Holiday Weddings

Spoken Bride Features Editor Mariah Maza shares the story of her Christmas Octave wedding and tips for planning your own | Claire and Andrew’s blue and silver wedding in a Tennessee cathedral, celebrated on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception | Bridget and KC’s Christmas Octave wedding, filled with symbolism and intention and inspired by Pier Giorgio Frassati | Natasha and Tim’s Minnesota New Year’s wedding, centered on family and community--down to the bride’s vintage gown | Emily and Daniël’s Praise and Worship-filled Christmas season wedding | Christina and Kristian’s Austin wedding, with holiday colors and Christmas hymns | Genevieve and Dalton’s festive celebration at Rock ‘N Bowl | Caroline and Matt’s elegant cathedral wedding, rich with family heritage | Kaitlyn and John’s New Year’s wedding in blue, gold, and white | Becca and Phil’s Christmas picnic wedding

The team shares favorite winter and holiday date ideas:

“Getting coffee and going to see Christmas lights in the neighborhood. Shopping for a holiday gift or food drive. Local Christmas programs or pageants, and cookie decorating!” - Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

“Volunteering at a food shelter.” - Andi Compton, Business Director

“Baking pies!” - Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

“Seeing light displays and attending a holiday show like The Nutcracker or an orchestra.” - Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Photography: Wild Elegance LLC, As Seen In Bridget + KC | Traditional Christmas Octave Wedding

Expanding Your Vision of a Bridal Party

DENAE PELLERIN

Choosing your bridal party can be one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning. Balancing other’s expectations and feelings while also considering friendship dynamics and your budget can cause uncertainty and fear. It may even feel like “ranking” deeply personal relationships. God has chosen people to come and go throughout our lives, and what makes one person “feel” closer than another does not necessarily measure the significance of their impact on your journey. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY

Growing up, I was part of many unique communities and intentionally pursued those relationships for years. The newest friend at my wedding was someone I lived with! My husband and I chose our first and longest friends as our best man and matron of honor. These were people who had been with us “through it all,” and no matter what life would bring in the future, their presence up until the day we were married was unquestionably special. 

Despite this, we still wanted to honor and include everyone we loved on our special day. In Romans 12, Paul outlines that each one of Christ’s followers is given unique gifts that serve the Body of Christ. Drawing on this Scripture, we included many other friends and family in our wedding day, depending on their gifts and roles they played in our lives. 

When we began “breaking the news” about our wedding party to those who were not chosen, we shared with each person their importance to us, what gifts we saw in them, how they impacted us, and invited them to be part of our day in another significant way. In this way, we crafted an “expanded vision” for our bridal party.

And so, reflective of their unique roles in our faith journey, our loved ones took part in our Mass or helped us design the wedding program. This included our godparents, family who introduced us to the faith, and friends who were accountability partners or prayer warriors at crucial times in our life. We also invited priests to co-celebrate the liturgy who were important to the discernment of our vocations and careers. 

Having these intentional people pray over us the day of our wedding reminded us of the life of faith we had lived thus far. It reminded us that we had a strong community to support us as we became a new family through marriage. 

Romans 12 also challenged me to look within our community when I was hiring vendors. Rather than employing a stranger, I first considered family and friends who had experience with hair and makeup styling, photography, videography, calligraphy, graphic design and musical talents. Many of them were excited to practice their art and spend time with me in preparation for the wedding. In fact, getting ready the morning of my wedding felt like friends were coming over on any usual day, and their presence provided me a great sense of calm.

Many of my girlfriends were relieved they didn’t have to buy a one-time-wear dress and be “on display” all day. Instead, they used their gifts of creativity and organization to help me with the little details of the wedding reception. The time we spent together allowed us to share in the joy and excitement of my approaching wedding day with their assistance. It communicated to them that I cherished their presence in the intimate moments of my life. It also relieved a lot of anxiety in the days leading up to the event, because I knew my trusted friends were taking care of things! 

Since our actual bridal party was so small, and we had crafted an “expanded vision” of it, we made sure to schedule time during our wedding day to get photos with other guests. My husband and I chose to do a “first look,” and so, before our nuptial Mass, we invited some of our closest friends to come and take pictures with us. This gave us a special and exclusive moment with people who would have been part of a more traditional “bridal party.” 

In addition, rather than having a receiving line after Mass, we invited guests to join us in the outdoor space near our reception hall during the cocktail hour. This was a great time to laugh and talk with them before the reception. We also took more photos with our cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. 

At the end of your wedding day, I pray that you cherish how special it was to have everyone you love in one room to celebrate you and your beloved. 

Choosing to include them and honor them in special ways was one of the best decisions we made. When people asked me if I was worried something would go wrong, my response was always “no, because I am in a room full of people who love me and will help me.” It was a blessing to be celebrated by and celebrate the people who have and always will love my husband and I, for better or for worse.

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About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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3 Money-Management Practices That Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Are you and your beloved communicating about money for the first time? 

As you enter into engagement or newlywed life, there’s a new weight to your purchases and habits, with the knowledge that they’ll impact not just you, but your spouse. Managing your daily, weekly, and monthly finances highlights each of your individual temperaments, strengths, weaknesses, and formation from your families of origin. 

Just getting started on your wedding budget? Read our coordinator-approved first steps here.

As these aspects of who you are are more clearly revealed, budgeting and financial matters can actually become a source of growth for your relationship. Good money habits can also be good relationship habits; principles that apply to money management can also apply to improving your communication, honesty, and intimacy.

Here, for the newly engaged and the recently married, three ways healthy money habits can foster a healthy relationship.

The money matter: Considering joint accounts

The benefit to your relationship: Accountability

A Severe Mercy is a memoir recounting one couple’s courtship, marriage, and conversion to Christianity. As the author and his future wife fall in love, they vow never to keep secrets between them, calling hidden thoughts and actions “creeping separateness.” 

Whatever your income, debt, and spending tendencies as a single person—barring serious issues or destructive spending habits—merging your bank account with your spouse’s after your wedding encourages accountability, vulnerability, and a tangible shift in perspective from “mine” to “ours.” Particularly in relationships where one of you tends toward saving and the other toward spending, joint bank accounts can encourage transparency and honesty between you.

Read 4 ways to minimize fights about money.

The money matter: Identifying your priorities.

The benefit to your relationship: Intentionality and hope

Dreaming together is fun. Do you have a house in mind? A special vacation? Even hopes for weekly takeout and movie nights? Taking a moment to list each of your top 3-5 saving and spending priorities in your budget—in both the near and distant future—grants clarity, deeper understanding, and a sense of purpose with your financial goals that you can take on as a team. Knowing what you’re saving for and anticipating can help you both be intentional with your spending and investing.

Categories you might consider prioritizing are travel, education, tithing, dates, hospitality and entertaining, and gifts for each other.

The money matter: Frugality when necessary

The benefit to your relationship: Hearts of sacrifice

If money is tight—or even if it isn’t—considering your spouse each time you make a purchase or payment communicates respect--particularly if you have significantly different spending habits. 

In times you’re tempted to ignore your budget, consider ways to put your finances at the service of your spouse--rather than spending on a temporary or unnecessary item just for yourself, for instance, consider putting it toward a date night or mutual long-term goal, instead. 

The dollars really do add up! Keeping each other in mind, even with small shopping trips isn’t weak, fear-based, or passive; it’s a simple, near-daily way to build habits of sacrifice and looking outside of yourself, towards another: the one you love.

We love walking and growing alongside you in the vocation to marriage. Share the money-related habits you and your beloved have found most helpful in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

Can Catholics Write Their Own Vows?

The wedding industry today feeds brides the lie that their wedding day is all about them. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY

You must personalize the whole day, right down to the words you say to pledge your love for your spouse.

Couples spend months trying to find the right words to highlight what makes their relationship special and adequately express their deepest thoughts and feelings.

The Church, on the other hand, does not permit couples to write and say their own vows during the wedding ceremony. 

The Catholic Church does not desire to snuff out the uniqueness of each couple by requiring the traditional vows, but rather desires the couple to make of themselves a more complete gift to one another and the church. 

Unity of Liturgy

As Catholics we proclaim that the Church is one, holy, and apostolic. 

You can attend mass anywhere in the world and still understand the miracle taking place because our liturgy reflects this idea that we are members of a united Body. 

Whether or not you choose to have a full Mass as your wedding ceremony, Catholic wedding vows are said within the context of a liturgy which contains certain essential parts. 

These immutable elements, instituted by God and guarded by the Church, cannot change without affecting the validity of the sacrament. 

But even more importantly, the traditional Catholic wedding vows remind the couple that they are part of something much larger than themselves. 

They unite the couple, not only with one another, but with the entire Body of Christ across time and place. 

Related: Why it matters that we are getting married in a Church

Canon Law

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage.’” 

Consent in terms of Catholic marriage means that the couples acknowledge that the come freely and wholeheartedly to promise their fidelity to each other, and their acceptance and upbringing of children. 

Consent is vital for a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church.

And since a couple declares consent during the wedding vows, the Code of Canon Law requires that the wording of the consent is made abundantly clear. 

If the vows contain wording that place conditions or limits on the marriage, than the Church may have reason to doubt the validity of the sacrament. 

Related: Why I’m grateful for traditional wedding vows

Sacred Covenant

“The sacred character of the marriage rite must not be compromised at the altar with romanticism,” wrote Archbishop Socrates Villegas of Lingayen-Dagupan.

Despite what the wedding industry will try to sell you, your special day is about more than just you and your feelings for your spouse. 

The day contains a sacredness that goes far beyond the couple. And human words will ultimately fall short of the depth and mystery of the eternal weight which is contained in this special moment. 

When the couple recites their vows, they not only enter into a deeper relationship with one another, but they establish an eternal and unbreakable covenant with God Himself. 

The vows given to us by the Church are divinely inspired and reflect the sacredness of the moment in which the two become one.

They allow you to look beyond the joyful feelings of the day and openly receive the grace to help you through the seasons of difficulty. 

And they invite God to be the foundation upon which you build your life together. 

Editors Share | How I Chose My Wedding Gown + Theme

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, for any bride just beginning the wedding planning process, the team shares the stories of how they chose their wedding gowns and an overall theme for their big days.

Photography: Sarah Wirth Photography

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

Planning a winter wedding in Arizona is beautiful. When I woke up on my wedding day, the weather outside was sunny and in the 70s. But what I really loved about our date, December 30, (although I didn’t love the idea of a winter wedding at first), is that it was during the octave of Christmas! That meant the church would already be decorated with beautiful trees, greens, and florals. The Christmas “stress” would already be over for most of our guests, yet the joy of the liturgical season would still remain. And within the following couple days, we could celebrate our newlywed joy with the start of a new year.

Once I let go of the summer wedding I thought I wanted, I fully embraced the joy of the Christmas season. I chose colors for our theme that were more wintry than Christmas-y: navy blues, emerald greens, maroon, and gold as an accent. I incorporated beautiful wintergreens, berries, and gold stems into the bouquets for me and my bridesmaids. I realized that my favorite Christmas hymns could be incorporated into my nuptial Mass as well, if I wanted. 

Read Mariah’s planning tips for a Christmas Octave wedding.

For my wedding dress, I chose dainty cap sleeves and a very full A-line skirt that looked more like a ballgown, with a cathedral length veil that trailed far behind me in elegant lace. A sweetheart/illusion lace neckline lined with pearls completed the look. What other day of your life can you dress in princess attire? And I loved getting married during the mild coolness of an Arizona winter, instead of sweating it out in the 120 degree summer!

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

We got married in August in Houston, so we definitely had to make choices that would be practical in the heat. I am Filipino on my mother’s side, so my husband opted for traditional barongs instead of suits. These shirts are formal in Filipino culture and way more breathable in hot, humid temperatures than suits or tuxes.

Our anniversary is also the day before my parents’, so that reflected a few decisions, as well. My bridesmaids wore pale yellow dresses, like my mom’s did, which I felt was fitting and fun for summer. I also always knew I wanted to wear my mother’s wedding dress, which was still in great shape. Surprisingly, it didn’t even need alterations, so I just had it cleaned by a local wonderful seamstress. 

I made the dress my own by choosing unique accessories. The dress is ivory and has spaghetti straps, so after quite a bit of hunting online with no luck, I finally found a perfect bolero at the local David’s Bridal. I definitely felt it completed my bridal look for Mass.

My favorite part of my wedding attire was my veil. I stumbled upon the perfect lace-edged veil at a bridal shop while on pilgrimage in Lisieux, France during my engagement. I have a strong devotion to Saint Thérese and also knew St. Zélie, her mother, was a lacemaker. My now-husband and I were long distance at the time while I finished grad school up in Europe, and for me, that felt like a special sign that the Lord was guiding us, along with some powerful intercessors, while we prepared for marriage. I also wore silver glittery heels (purchased on a layover in London at Heathrow airport—another fun story!), along with an ivory fascinator from BHLDN during our reception. 

Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

As a born-and-bred Marylander, I’ve always been drawn to classic, preppy styles and bright colors. For our July wedding, I hoped for a casual and summery vibe, choosing navy, pink, and green for décor, florals, stationery, and wedding party attire.

I wanted a gown that reflected the lightness of the season, as well; an unfussy style I’d look back on and think of as timeless. I loved ballgown-style dresses and didn’t want a train or beading, but struggled to find the clean, unembellished look I hoped for. Ultimately, I found a USA-made line of simple styles available in a variety of fabrics, and chose a strapless ballgown with a bow sash in textured slub silk.

Andi Compton, Business Director

By the time I was 15 I had planned several weddings (I even had a binder like Monica from Friends—she gets me!), so when I got to finally set things in motion for myself, I was thrilled! My family throws big, formal weddings and my favorite colors are black and white, so we went with those, with silver as an accent. As far as décor, I just wanted over the top white florals. All my husband Matt said was, “No pink, and I’m wearing my own dress shoes.”

We had already decided to get married several months before Matt proposed, so when I visited Houston with my parents we went to the Priscilla of Boston shop I had been dreaming of since I was a teen. I tried on a giant ball gown with tulle, silk, and tons of beadwork and both my parents said it was what they’d always pictured for me, but we didn’t buy it since we didn’t have a date yet.

Fast forward to when I began working at a bridal store with my friend, and the same dress was on display when we walked in for our first day. She told me it was my dress, but I wasn’t sold yet. After a few months of modeling wedding gowns at the store I had tried on over 50 dresses, so I knew what I wanted: my giant beaded ball gown. It just needed a tulle bolero to be ready for Mass, cathedral length veil, and a tiara. 

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

I don’t think we really had a “theme” for our wedding. Getting married on Long Island, where my family is from, we couldn’t really have the simple wedding we wanted—Long Island weddings tend to be extravagant. So we made a lot of decisions about colors, flowers, stationery, and décor based on our desire to make sure our own personalities weren’t lost in the planning. For example, we chose sky blue and yellow as our colors because it was my favorite combination.

As for my dress, I wanted something timeless and elegant. My mom and I went looking at a small bridal boutique; the attendant there took my vision and immediately pulled the perfect dress off the rack. It was a cap-sleeved fit-and-flare dress, perfect for a May wedding. When I tried it on, I felt beautiful and so much like myself. 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

In truth, I was not much of a wedding daydreamer at any point in my childhood or engagement! I was eager to be married, but empowered my sister, an experienced event planner, to make many of the wedding planning decisions.

Shopping for a wedding dress was a spontaneous activity one afternoon with a friend. I had set a budget, but had no idea what I wanted. I was intimidated by the process and grateful to follow my friend’s exuberant enthusiasm. The professionals at the dress boutique were amazing and kind; they quickly helped me build a vision for my wedding dress. 

After trying on a few dresses, I knew I wanted something feminine, simple, and modest. Most importantly, I wanted to feel confident and beautiful. With those qualities in mind, I went back to the third dress I’d tried on and called it mine! I FaceTimed my parents, sister, godmother, and future mother-in-law to include them in the final decision before I said yes. 

I walked out of the store that day with my dress, a lace-trimmed Cathedral veil, a simple bridal veil and a thin belt--all under budget. The ease of this process was absolutely an answered prayer.

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

As a life-long Disney enthusiast, I always hoped my wedding dress would not only be the most beautiful dress I’d ever wear. I also dreamt this dress would make me feel like a princess. The dress I chose certainly did not let me down!

While we didn’t have a particular theme for our wedding, I was greatly inspired by the live-action Cinderella movie starring Lily James. Inspired by the film, I knew I wanted a ballgown-style wedding dress similar to the sparkly blue gown Cinderella wore in the movie. I wanted something elegant, timeless, romantic, and—of course—magical! 

After a long search, I finally found the perfect dress at Raffiné Bridal. It was a pure white ballgown with a multi-layered tulle skirt, designed by Stella York. It had a sweetheart neckline and was overlaid with lace at the top, which added the perfect modest touch for our Latin Mass wedding.

Planning a nuptial Mass in the Extraordinary Form? Looking for fairytale-style inspiration? See Danielle and her husband Jeff’s wedding feature here.

For a more traditional look, I chose a cathedral-length veil, made by my mother-in-law, and a crystal necklace, earrings, and a jeweled comb. I also had the seamstress (aka fairy-godmother!) replace the jeweled appliqué around the waist for a crystal belt. Just by altering that little part truly made it for the wedding dress of my dreams! For a day I literally felt like Cinderella. And though the magic has since worn away (not all the magic—I still have the shoes), I am more blessed because of that day and so thankful to Our Lady and Our Lord for making my dreams a reality.

Wedding Planning | How the Bridal Party Moves through the Ceremony

Wedding planning is not all color schemes and floral arrangements. As you consider the logistics of your wedding ceremony, you will determine how your bridal party will move through the sanctuary and share in the day as primary witnesses of your vows. 

Whether your vows are embedded within a full Mass or not, think through the order of the ceremony with your bridal party in mind. How can their presence and movement make the invisible reality of two becoming one more visible for all in attendance? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY & DESIGN

Some decisions may carry more significance and intention than others. Throughout these decisions and dialogues, your priest and the wedding coordinator from your church may offer input and perspective to help you make choices. 

The Procession 

Do bridesmaids and groomsmen process into the sanctuary together or separate?

Do men await the procession of women at the front of the aisle? 

There are many ways to think about the bridal party’s procession. If men and women process into the church together, they represent--from the start--the joining of two lives in a fruitful communion. If men and women process into the church individually, they mirror the procession of the groom and bride, who come into the sanctuary alone yet leave arm-in-arm. When men await the women near the front of the altar, they bring to life a quality of receptivity and patient respect for the woman to open her heart, her garden, as professed through aching desire in The Song of Songs. 

The Welcome 

Does the bridal party immediately go to their seats or do they stand near the altar for the bride’s procession?

Whether the bridal party awaits the bride from their seats or surrounding the groom and celebrant, this movement requires some planning and choreography. As a couple, visualize this moment and imagine your surroundings as you approach the altar together for the first time on this solemn day. The bridal party will have a “front row seat” from either perspective. The choice is yours. 

The Celebration of Matrimony 

Where does the wedding party stand during the Marriage Rite?

As you and your beloved exchange vows, does the bridal party remain at their seats or standing alongside the bride and groom?

During the Marriage Rite, the bride and groom will face each other at the foot of the altar. The priest will join them as he facilitates the exchange of consent and the exchange of rings. In addition, the Maid of Honor and Best Man will stand alongside the bride and groom as primary witnesses--and a second set of hands to offer the rings and hold the bride’s floral bouquet. 

There are options concerning the remainder of the bridal party. In most churches, the bridal party is invited to stand alongside the bride and groom in a horseshoe shape towards the wedding guests. While imagining your church’s environment, the side of your bridal party, and your own desires, should your dear friends and family members stand near the bride and groom, stand at the front of the altar but distanced from the center, or remain seated throughout the Marriage Rite? 

The Recessional 

You’re married! How will the bridal party leave the sanctuary? Will they be arm-in-arm in pairs or walk individually?

Would it help to have a conversation about facial expressions and body language? 

This point of the ceremony may be the simplest decision to make regarding the bridal party’s movement. Most often, the bridal party exits in pairs as they joyfully walk down the aisle behind the new Mr. and Mrs. Nonetheless, it’s important to take the recessional into consideration within the context of the ceremony in order to have a full picture of how the bridesmaids and groomsmen represent the coming together of man and woman in the sacrament. 

Are you married or planning a wedding? Did you consider an option for your bridal party that is not included here? Share it with our community on Facebook or Instagram. 

Editors Share | Strategies for Gift-Giving

Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and acts of love; store-bought, homemade, experiential and meaningful—there are so many opportunities and strategies surrounding gift-giving. What traditions do you and your spouse have in giving and receiving gifts?

With the holiday season around the corner, the Spoken Bride team reflects on different approaches they have used for reciprocal gift-giving with their spouse and family. We hope our reflections affirm there is no right or wrong way to offer an act of love.

We would love to hear your approach to gifting! Share your personal reflections with our community on Facebook and Instagram.

Andi Compton, Business Manager

We don’t really have any traditions for gift giving, it usually depends on the budget and what we need. In the early years we had a strict budget for $50 per gift (for each other), but now we just have one big gift budget for us, the kids, and family that we play around with. For birthdays we tend to do outings, using Groupon whenever possible. Matt got me a nighttime kayaking trip to watch the fireworks in the harbor for my birthday and it was a lot of fun. We ended up doing a big family trip for our 10th anniversary that we hadn’t really planned on, but everything came together and the kids are begging to do it again. Lately we’ve been replacing things for our anniversary: last year it was a new blender and vacuum, this year he got me a new showerhead and I got him a cast iron griddle and a spice for when he makes apple pie (it’s the gift that keeps on giving.) And we’re going to try another cooking class together! 

I buy all the Christmas presents except my own, so Matt usually goes all out and gets me something I wouldn’t normally by myself such as new pajamas, a peacoat or boots. It really helps that I keep a detailed spreadsheet of gifts and outings from the entire Advent and Christmas season because it can be so hard to remember that we need a little gift from Santa for our Christmas party, St. Nicholas gifts, Christmas gifts, and gifts from the wise men all times 5 for our children. Plus extended family gifts! 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

My husband and I are still building traditions surrounding holidays and celebrations as we continue to establish our budget, our love languages, and our desires for exchanging gifts or sharing experiences. For our most recent first wedding anniversary, we debated sticking with the traditional “paper” gift, leaving it open-ended, or allocating money to take a weekend vacation together. In the end, we did a mix of all three. He brainstormed a weekend getaway and I offered him a gift to start a new hobby (involving paper!). 

We don’t have a set plan for gift-giving yet, and that’s okay (I still appreciate the spontaneity and flexibility depending on the year and our budget)! As we prepare to celebrate various holidays in this season of life before children, I enjoy having conversations with my husband about the traditions we want to establish and why, with the hopes they will continue--and expand--as our family grows. 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I are less than 2 years married, so we haven’t built any strong gift-giving traditions--but I have learned to be okay with that! For our first anniversary, he surprised me with a 24-hour romantic getaway to the Grand Canyon, and I bought him a few small gifts I thought he would find useful. At first I thought my little wrapped presents paled embarrassingly in comparison with his surprise trip, but he loved each one because I had taken the time to think of his needs.

One of my favorite things to buy my husband for birthdays and holidays are Groupons. We’ve done horseback riding, boat rides with dinner, and more. In fact, he was so in love with an online barista/bartending course I bought him (for $2!), that he started pursuing mixing drinks as a serious hobby. He’s steadily learning all the different kinds of liqueur, has a nice bar set, and a thick bar book with recipes and inspiration. Plus, I’ve gotten a lot of tasty, fancy free drinks in the process! 

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

I think spousal gift-giving can be somewhat challenging at times, especially as a wife. I just think, in general, that buying gifts for men is more difficult than buying gifts for women. For my sister or other girl friends I can easily think of cute feminine products that are not too expensive that women always love — such as bath bombs, makeup brushes, eye shadow, earrings, scented body lotion, perfume, candles, etc. Unfortunately, there really isn’t a male equivalent to some of these easy, affordable, staple gift items.

Luckily, my husband has an active Amazon.com wish list that he keeps up to date and I frequently refer to it when buying a gift for him for his birthday, our anniversary, a Christmas gift, etc. Currently, my husband has been interested in a book series that is 8 volumes called Sacrae Theologiae Summa. Since I know he is interested in collecting the whole series sometimes I will get him one of those books as a gift for his birthday or another occasion.

But many times, instead of buying a physical item as a gift, we will also use our money to have fun experiences together. One year, for St. Valentine’s Day, I got my husband concert tickets to see Eric Whitacre and it was an experience both of us thoroughly enjoyed! Earlier this year we went to see a Jim Gaffigan comedy special and we are also planning to take a trip to Walt Disney World in January 2020 as our wedding anniversary gift to each other. Many times, I prefer the shared experiences together — which turn into lasting memories we can fondly look back on.

When Your Proposal Isn't Picture Perfect

CARISSA PLUTA

It seems like there is a lot of pressure nowadays on the proposal to be just as photo-worthy as the wedding itself.

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love seeing photos from that special moment and the story attached to it. I love hearing about how he asked, and I love celebrating the couple’s love for one another. 

But I also know the temptation to compare your story to someone else’s can sometimes feel overwhelming.

My husband asked me to marry him while sitting on a bench in a graveyard (yes, a graveyard). Without any fanfare or extra words, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. 

I had seen the proposal coming from a mile away so I didn’t gasp like you see in the movies, and I barely cried. My answer was simple and straightforward. 

We didn’t go home to a huge party with all of our loved ones, instead we went home to get ready for work. 

And while I wouldn’t have changed a thing about our proposal,  I was tempted to wish it was a more glamorous tale whenever another engagement announcement popped up on my news feed. 

Thanks to social media, it is far too easy to feel discontent when your life and your relationships don’t fit perfectly into those curated little squares. 

Maybe you dreamed about that moment since you were in high school and set unrealistic expectations that your finance could never live up to. Or something about it fell short of what you hoped for. 

Maybe, it was quieter. And maybe, that bothers you a bit when you scroll through your feed.

But your proposal story (or your wedding for that matter) doesn’t define your marriage. The highlights reel doesn’t make up for all the messy or hidden moments that purifies and strengthens a couple. 

The private and intimate moments throughout your life contain a sweetness that a quick shot on your iPhone can never contain.

Don’t give into the lies sowed by comparison and discontentment. 

Whether it began on a gorgeous, picturesque mountain top with a photographer or in the summer stillness known firsthand only to you and God, your season of engagement will see many of these hidden moments. 

Profound moments of growth and change, sorrow and beauty, joy and forgiveness--this is where you’ll find yourself becoming the person you were meant to be.

And in these moments, God dwells. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Our Favorite Quotes on Love + Marriage

Are you in search of quotes for your wedding program, reception tables, family mission statement, or other planning elements?

Truly, the Church is a body; community. There is comfort in knowing alongside God, the saints, and faithful peers, we never walk alone. Here, to form, guide, and encourage you in your vocation, a selection of wise words on marriage and authentic spousal love.

From Scripture

This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. - Genesis 2:23

Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife. Send down your mercy on me and on her, and grant that we may grow old together. - Tobit 8:7

Glory in his holy name;let hearts that seek the LORD rejoice! - Psalms 105:3

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory. For the wedding day of the Lamb* has come, his bride has made herself ready. - Revelation 19:7

For you were called for freedom, brothers. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love. - Galatians 5:13

From the Saints

Pure love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. - Saint Faustina

May you seek Christ, may you find Christ, may you love Christ. - Saint Josemaria Escriva

It is necessary that the heroic becomes daily and that the daily becomes heroic. - Saint Zélie Martin 

I lay my face against the Beloved's face. Everything fell away and I left myself behind, abandoning my cares among the lilies, forgotten. - Saint John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul

Love and sacrifice are closely linked, like the sun and the light. We cannot love without suffering and we cannot suffer without love. - Saint Gianna Molla, The Journey of Our Love 

From Theology

God, Who has fatherly concern for everyone, has willed that all men should constitute one family and treat one another in a spirit of brotherhood. For having been created in the image of God, Who "from one man has created the whole human race and made them live all over the face of the earth" (Acts 17:26), all men are called to one and the same goal, namely God Himself. - Gaudiam et Spes

Love alone brings a human being to full awareness of personal existence. For it is in love alone that man finds room enough to be what he is. - Dietrich von Hildebrand, Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love 

Every mystery of life has its origin in the heart. - Hans Urs von Balthasar, Heart of the World

Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.- Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility

We do not have to become saints by our own power; we have to learn how to let God make us into saints. - Jacques Philippe, In the School of the Holy Spirit

There is no greater force against evil in the world than the love of a man and woman in marriage. After the Holy Eucharist, it has a power beyond anything that we can imagine. - Cardinal Raymond Burke

From Literature

Now I have seen the most beloved music living. I have seen it with its closed eyes, its breathing body, its beating heart. I have seen the soul and mind of this music, which is you. I have seen the music open its eyes and look back at me. And in that moment there was no distance between the composer, the musician, and the one who hears the music...the future opens ahead of us a great mystery before which we can only kneel in reverence. - Michael O’Brien, Island of the World

Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation. - Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace

Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves.” - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

It is love and friendship, the sanctity and celebration of our relationships, that not only support a good life, but create one. - Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety

To know and love one other human being is the root of all wisdom. - Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited

We love sharing in your own journey and the words you live by. Share your favorite quotes on love and marriage in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Madi Myers-Cook Photography

Wedding Planning | Sharing Joys with the Mother-of-the-Bride

ABIGAIL GRIPSHOVER

When my boyfriend surprised me with a proposal much earlier than I anticipated, I found myself with a wedding to plan in the midst of finishing college. While home for summer vacation, my “planner” personality kicked in and I quickly started making arrangements and researching vendors. I rushed to confirm as many details as possible while I spent my summer months in the town we would get married.  

In the midst of my business, I forgot to cherish the wonder of engagement and I forgot to include others in my plans. Most regrettably, I forgot to include my Mom, who I absolutely love and with whom I have a wonderful relationship.

The episode which caused me to finally realize my cold, systematic approach to wedding planning was hurting my Mom still haunts me today. Fortunately, these oversights were brought to my attention before it was too late to repair them. I hope to share lessons I learned the hard way, with the hope that future brides will remember their moms while wedding planning. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

Your Mom Has Expectations and Wedding Dreams Too

The bride is not the only one with expectations and dreams for how the wedding planning process will go. My mom has fond memories of collaborating on wedding plans with her mom, even though their relationship is not as strong as that of my mom and me. She looked forward to making similar memories with me, and I was oblivious.  

Just as the bride may have hopes and dreams for her day, the mother-of-the-bride may carry her own hopes and dreams.

Perhaps your mom has ideas she would love to see at the wedding to make sure you feel as special as you deserve. There may even be details your mom wished she had included in her wedding that she wants to make sure you do not miss. 

Be open-minded and give your mom a chance to make these memories and voice these ideas. Even if your visions are not the same, the opportunity to see how much she cares about this day being perfect for you will be a great blessing.

The Wedding is Also a Reflection of your Mother  

Especially if your parents are paying for the wedding, the event is one that reflects both of you. A calm and loving dialogue about logistics will go a long way in helping your mom feel like a valued contributor to the planning and not just a line of credit.

If the guests are not properly taken care of, if there is not enough food or if the accommodations are poor, your parents will take the responsibility upon themselves. The bride-to-be would do well to listen to her mom's concerns about the guests. She knows her family and in-laws much better than you do and will know what things could cause unnecessary drama. She will also know what details will be meaningful to help everyone have the best day possible. 

I am ashamed to admit I was horrible about giving our guests proper consideration as I planned my wedding.  My mom had to be the voice of reason, reminding me that even though this was "my day," the people traveling to celebrate with us needed to be taken care of properly so that everyone could enjoy the occasion.

She is Gaining a Son-in-Law, But Also Losing You...

As two families are joined together in marriage, each family gains a new member but also loses one. Even though you can still remain very close to your original family after your marriage, the relationship will change. Your husband is your number one confidant, provider, and priority now. You defer to him and the two of you are now a package deal. Though in most happy instances the previous relationships are still able to stay strong, they are going to be different.  

You are going to endure things you may not be able to talk to your mom about, have intimate details that remain hidden from her, and create parts of yourself that belong to someone else. Your spouse, who is new to your life compared to her, will be given all of you. He is your confidant, your family. 

Your mom will understand this new dynamic—she went through the same changes with her family when she married your dad. But understanding doesn't make the transition easier on her heart. By pausing to have special moments throughout the planning process, you show her that she will always be special to you.  Even though your priorities are changing, she will not be replaced—and never could be.

She Might Be Afraid and Unsure of Her Place

You are becoming a married woman now, and your mom might worry about how to appropriately interact with you in your new life. As you grow into your vocation, you will develop opinions about how to do things, which may differ from the way she did things in her household. As you face challenges and hard times, your mom may not know how to support you and respect your privacy.  She may be unsure of how to continue building an open relationship with you without overstepping her bounds.

Open dialogue and forgiveness is important during the wedding planning and newlywed phases of life.

Your mom has a wealth of information she would love to share, but she may be waiting for you to ask. Let her know when you want her advice; if she offers it at the wrong time, find a good moment to have an honest conversation with her about the areas of your life that you would like to remain more separate from criticism.

Ultimately your mom wants to be a part of your life for the long-run, so figuring out how to handle disagreements early on will only make the continued relationship easier to navigate. 

Wedding planning can feel rushed and overwhelming. Pausing to make sure your mom is included and properly cared for during your engagement will ease the tensions of planning, provide special memories for the two of you to cherish, and strengthen your relationship so it can thrive in your changing mother-daughter dynamic.

I hope my experience will help brides remember, love, affirm, and celebrate their moms throughout wedding planning and the transition to married life. 

Now that I have a daughter, it hurts to think of her excluding me the way I initially excluded my mom from my wedding planning. Even though my daughter is only six months old, I've already thought about how special and hard her wedding day will be, if God calls her to marriage. 

If I could go back, I would include my Mom from the beginning and would make sure that in the midst of my wedding day, I took a moment to thank her for everything. My Mom will always be my inspiration and the reason I am able to be where I am today. I hope that she looks back on our wedding planning with the fondness she hoped she would and that other engaged women are able to give their moms the gift of precious memories before they "forsake all others" to cling to their spouses first.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Abigail C. R. Gripshover is a beach girl living out her dual-vocation as writer and wife while striving to overcome chronic illness. She loves coffee shop dates with her husband and believes one can never have too many books or family traditions. Life right now consists of juggling new motherhood with full-time work from home, while prayerfully trying to find a way to balance it all with grace. She writes on her Instagram account and hopes to be starting a blog again soon.

Considering Custom Wedding Rings? A Catholic Jeweler Shares What to Expect in the Process.

JAY ROSS

When I designed wedding rings for my wife and me, it was so easy I barely had to think about it--of course, this is only because I am a third-generation jeweler; at the time (I was in college), my part-time job was working at my dad’s jewelry store,with access to professional casting houses and stone setters. I could have chosen any stone, any design, any metal, any ring, from any one of our many suppliers. 

I had literally every option available through a network of professional jewelers, but I opted for a custom design. It was empowering because I already had an idea of how it worked.

Here, if you and your spouse-to-be hope to pursue custom-designed wedding jewelry, tips, considerations, and information to put you in the same position. 

Photography: c/o 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Material

Tradition has voted in favor of precious metal--especially gold wedding rings. In our experience, many customers choose this metal over platinum. Gold is manufactured in an alloy (a metallurgist term meaning a mixture of metals). Rings can be white or yellow gold (or even red or green gold!), all of which have the same amount of pure gold; a similar price should accompany each metal. Be aware that there may be additional labor charges for metals that are more difficult to work with or require special equipment (palladium and platinum are examples). 

Allergies

White gold often has a high nickel content, so if you are allergic to nickel, make sure to tell your jeweler. There are nickel-free gold alloys that cost a little more because they have more valuable metals (like palladium) creating the white color instead of nickel. Platinum is also a great  option for allergy-prone purchasers. 

Contemporary metals

Materials like tungsten, titanium, or even nylon have begun to make an appearance as wedding ring options. While many jewelers have the torches required to repair or size many kinds of metals, some jewelers may refuse or may not be equipped to work on them because contamination of their tools with non-precious metals may negatively affect the tools or otherwise leave residue that can mar future orders in gold, silver, or platinum. Some jewelers may lack experience with these metals. The upside is that these metals are inexpensive, often offer a wide range of very cool colors, and sometimes offer a wide range of mass, which means a ring can feel almost as heavy or as light as you like. 

Precious metal considerations for Catholic couples

As Catholics we regularly use incense, candles, formal vestments, and precious metals (think chalices) as part of our celebrations. These precious objects do more than articulate the importance of our sacraments; they illustrate the value we place on the sacraments themselves. 

In Exodus, God filled Bezalel with the Holy Spirit to create artistic designs in gold, silver, and bronze (Exod. 31:4); Bezalel was the craftsman who created the Ark of the Covenant. So for those looking to celebrate the sanctity of marriage, in choosing gold you would certainly be in good company!

Developing design ideas 

Draw out some thoughts on paper--and don’t be afraid of your artistic talent (or lack thereof!). Many jewelers are used to rough sketches and are able to incorporate your dreams into something truly beautiful. 

You might find jewelry that almost suits your tastes, but not quite. You can communicate this by creating a Pinterest board for your jeweler or sending pictures via phone or email. Each of these options gives your jeweler an idea of your aesthetic so he or she can create a piece that matches your style and is structurally sound. 

 Determining sizes and widths

Width: Many couples go into ring shopping knowing they need a ring size (a measurement of how big the inside of the ring will be), but without an idea of how wide the rings should be (a measurement of how much of the finger is covered by a ring). 

The most popular ladies’ wedding bands are between 1.5mm for the very thinnest recommended size, and about 4mm wide for the thickest. Most popular men’s sizes are between 6mm and 10mm. I advise my couples to choose complementary rings, rather than exact matches. 

Ring size: Even ordering online, you have many options for determining your ring sizes--many online jewelry stores, for instance, have ring-sizing printables. Alternatively, you can measure your finger with string and then easily google your ring size. 

A more precise method, of course, is to visit a local jewelry store to acquire your size in person. At that time, make sure you have developed an idea of the width of your rings first.

A thin ring may fit you perfectly, yet a wider one in the same size might not even go over your knuckle. This is because of the amount of metal that needs to pass over the knuckle varies by width. 

You may fall somewhere in the middle of a size. Whatever your size, be sure to take note of this and inform your jeweler beforehand, since some wedding bands cannot be sized after their construction. In my business, some customers prefer to try on a ring created on a 3D printer before it is made in gold, just to make sure it fits perfectly.

Photography: c/o 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Choosing an artisan

Many towns have independent jewelers, which allows you to support a small business with your purchasing power--something increasingly important to couples who want to shop small. 

Also consider different jewelers’ areas of expertise. Maybe you are inspired by the wedding story of Sts. Zelie and Louis Martin, or perhaps a special devotion to Mary has a place in your journey with your spouse. A Catholic artist with this knowledge would be a great fit. 

 Perhaps you want your ring to utilize a specialty technique like micro-pave (a multitude of tiny diamonds creating a pavement effect) or makume gane (a Japanese technique of laminating multiple metals to create a woodgrain look). Choose an artisan who specializes  in what is important to you. 

The process

Initial Sketches: A jeweler will help you decide what the rings will look like by drawing a few examples. These are great moments to document and share with family and friends. You can also share these ideas with your children as they plan their own weddings one day! Take pictures or keep the initial sketches your jeweler creates. 

Jewelry models: A jeweler may carve your rings out of wax and use the ancient lost-wax method to cast a ring for you out of your choice of metal. Some jewelers will create a 3D printed model that will be melted away just like a wax carving and cast into the couple’s choice of metal. Both options produce beautiful results. 

One benefit to 3D-printed models is that they can be mailed to a couple for approval before they are made in metal. Wax, on the other hand, can break easily and then must be carved again. Either option gives you another great milestone to document your wedding-planning journey. 

Pouring molten metal: Many jewelers use the lost-wax casting method to create rings. This method actually dates back to Exodus. During this process, the jeweler welds wax models or 3D-printed models to a flat plate using beeswax. A metal cylinder is placed around them, and a mixture of powder and water is poured over the model and left to dry for two to three hours. Then the wax is melted out over the course of roughly eight hours, revealing a negative space that is an exact replica of the rings. 

The artisan measures out enough gold to fill the negative space. They melt the metal in a crucible and inject it into the negative space using either vacuum or centrifugal machines. Voila! Your rings have been created! At this time, any stones are set in place by the stone setter. Any (or all!) of these steps are incredibly interesting and can make a great photo opportunity if your artisan can photograph parts of the process. Just ask!

You should expect to pay an average of about $200-500 more for a custom ring set than for pre-made styles. The weight of the rings and the labor involved will ultimately dictate price. 

Off-the-shelf rings can appear inexpensive at first, but be aware that precious metals are sold by weight; price fluctuations are either due to less metal or undervalued labor.  

For the most important piece you will ever wear, there is certainly great value in considering wedding rings that are entirely unique.

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About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

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What to Do With Your Dress After the Wedding

CARISSA PLUTA

Your wedding dress is arguably the most beautiful, meaningful, and often expensive piece of clothing you will ever wear.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA DESIGN

And now that your big day has passed, you may be wondering what you can do with that gorgeous gown hanging in your closet. 

Thankfully, there are so many options for your dress that guarantees that it will remain a special reminder of the occasion. 

Keep it

Many people choose to keep their wedding gown for posterity’s sake. 

Having your dress preserved is not as complicated as it sounds, and it makes it possible for you to pass it down to a sister, friend, daughter or even granddaughter. 

You can do it yourself, however, hiring a professional preservationist ensures that you get the most effective and safe cleaning procedure for your unique gown by surveying its unique material, embellishments, and even stains.

Sell or Donate it

There are many options for people looking to clear up closet space by selling their previously worn wedding dress. 

You can choose to sell your dress online to a soon-to-be bride or you can choose to donate it to a worthy cause. 

There are many nonprofit organizations that gift or repurpose used wedding dresses to support many different groups or individuals. 

Related: 6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Dress

Repurpose it

The material of your wedding gown can likely be repurposed into another item that can be used again and again. 

You could make it (or, for us less crafty ladies, have it made) into a Christmas tree skirt, pillow, or quilts which will serve as a regular reminder of your special day. 

Or you might consider having your dress made into a baptism gown or communion dress for your children, another option for a bride who wants to create a family heirloom to pass down.

Not only is this a meaningful gift for your children, but it also serves as a powerful visual reminder of the fruit (both physical and spiritual) borne through your vows. 

Wear it 

As I will always consider my wedding dress to be the most glamorous dress I’ve ever worn, it seems a shame to only be able to wear it once. And who says you have to?

Some brides make a new tradition by wearing their wedding dress to celebrate their anniversary. (You can even invite your friends to join you in celebrating by doing the same). 

If your dress still fits and you’d love to get back in it, consider making this part of your annual tradition.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Honoring Mary on Your Wedding Day

“From Mary we learn to surrender to God’s will in things. From Mary we learn to trust even when all hope seems gone. From Mary we learn to love Christ, her Son and the Son of God…”

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAUREN EMILY PHOTOGRAPHY

Countless saints throughout the history of the Catholic Church have spoken on the importance and power of the Blessed Mother.

She is our greatest intercessor and the Mediatrix of all graces. She sets an example of humility and trust for all, especially those called to marriage and family life. 

Some couples might choose to honor Our Lady by choosing a Marian feast day (like today’s feast of Our Lady of the Rosary) for their wedding celebration but there are many other ways you can prayerfully include Our Blessed Mother in your wedding. 

During your ceremony

Many Catholic couples choose to honor Mary during their nuptial mass by placing flowers or lighting a candle. A groom may escort his bride, usually after communion, to a statue of Our Lady where the couple will pray for her intercession as they enter their vocation of marriage. 

You might also consider choosing a Marian hymn like “Ave Maria” or the “Salve Regina” for entrance procession or during the time of prayer by the statue of Mary. 

With the Wedding Party

You can invite your wedding party to join you in praying a rosary either the night before the wedding or the morning of. This is a great way for the whole party to enter into the prayerful spirit of the day. 

Praying the rosary in a group will not only strengthen the bride and groom as they prepare for this holy sacrament, but will also pour grace upon the whole party. 

You might also consider giving your bridesmaids and groomsmen rosaries or Marian-themed jewelry or cuff links as gifts before the ceremony. 

Related: The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find the perfect Marian-themed jewelry or gift. 

With your Spouse

There are many ways you and your spouse can invoke the intercession of Our Lady on your wedding day (and in the days that follow). 

If you want to deepen your devotion to Mary, consider praying Marian Consecration in the days leading up to your wedding. You might even consider planning a trip to a Marian pilgrimage site for your honeymoon. 

Invite her into your home by creating a sacred space or placing an icon or sacred image in your bedroom. 

Creative October Feast Day Celebrations for Couples

The feasts and rhythms of the liturgical year are a great gift to our faith, building in natural occasions for prayer and community. The forthcoming month of October, in particular, celebrates many Spoken Bride favorites whose lives and spiritualities resonate with the vocation to marriage.

Here, a selection of October feast days, suggestions for entering into them, and some favorite fall date ideas from the team.

October 1, Feast of Saint Therése of Lisieux

Pray: Read a passage from Therése’s autobiography, Story of a Soul, or from Fr. Jacques Phillipe’s The Way of Trust and Love: A Retreat Guided by St. Therése of Lisieux. Remembering Therése’s “Little Way,” offer the tasks and inconveniences of the day for the glory of God.

Celebrate: Therése promised to she would spend her eternity showering down roses upon the earth from heaven, and is particularly associated with the flower. Bring home a bouquet of roses for your table.

October 2, Feast of the Guardian Angels

Pray: Give thanks not only to your guardian angel, but to your beloved’s, asking that he or she be protected, fulfilled, and led closer to the Father on this day and always.

Celebrate: Make an angel hair pasta dish or angel food cake! If you and your beloved don’t have a strong education in or devotion to the angels, seek out media that can spark your knowledge. Formed, available through most parishes, offers a variety of quality video and book resources.

October 4, Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi

Pray: Franciscan orders take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Discuss and identify ways to live out these virtues in your relationship.

Celebrate: Francis was a lover of God’s creation. Go on a hike or walk together.

October 5, Feast of Saint Faustina

Pray: Read a selection from Faustina’s Diary and pray or sing the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

Celebrate: In thanksgiving for Christ’s gift of endless mercy, plan a date night that begins with going to confession. Saint Faustina frequently described water imagery in her conversations with Jesus, calling his mercy “an ocean,” with our sin but a single, insignificant drop in comparison to his vast love and forgiveness. If you live near an ocean or lake, consider spending an afternoon or evening there.

October 7, Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary

Pray: Say a decade or more of the Rosary with your beloved. If you’re unfamiliar, research the origins of this feast day, on which Our Lady came to the aid of Christian soldiers in battle.

Celebrate: Pick out new rosaries as gifts for each other.

October 15, Feast of Saint Teresa of Jesus (Teresa of Avila)

Pray: Teresa, a great mystic and doctor of the Church, is famously depicted in a state of divine rapture in Bernini’s sculpture The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa. Meditate on the sculpture and on the nature of earthly and divine desire--this piece provides a welcome starting point.

Celebrate: Make or go out for a Spanish meal, in honor of Teresa’s heritage.

October 22, Feast of Saint John Paul II

Pray: One of the most prolific popes in recent history, John Paul’s writings illuminate the human heart. Choose a selection from his writings, including his World Youth Day addresses, Letter to Women, Letter to Artists, or the Theology of the Body Audiences, to read and discuss together.

Celebrate: John Paul was a man of many hobbies who strove to be fully alive. Spend time together engaged in one of his favorite pursuits, like theatre, hiking, or skiing.

Fall date suggestions from the Spoken Bride team:

Pumpkin picking and carving, and baking pies. - Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

Wineries, foliage tours, or hiking. - Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Apple picking, volunteering at a food shelter, or a cooking class to anticipate Thanksgiving. - Andi Compton, Business Director

Brunch and consignment shopping. - Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

We love hearing your stories and traditions. Share your favorite liturgical living traditions and seasonal date ideas in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Laurel Creative, seen in Jamaila + Andy | Nature-Inspired Wedding

Dealing With Spiritual Desolation During Engagement + Married Life

DENAE PELLERIN

Desolation characterized most of my dating and engagement relationships with my husband. At one point in dating as we sat outside an Adoration chapel, I confessed, “I don’t think that I believe in God anymore.” 

He looked at me and said, “I will love you regardless and pray for you, because that must be so hard for you.” 

Photography: Jordan Dumba Photography, from the author’s wedding

Faithful for so many years, I was sitting in the midst of the answer of my prayers for a Christ-like man to become my spouse, yet I could not experience the presence of God in a way I once knew. 

My husband’s response to my struggles brought forward an image of a tender Jesus, patiently waiting for me--not a dictator waiting for me to conform. How broken my image of God had become; where I feared him and lived in compliance. 

As we approached our wedding day, I began feeling anxious about whether or not this sacrament would give me the “high” I longed for--that connection I once had felt with the Lord. I began to fear: would it mean something is wrong if that didn’t happen? What do I have to do to make sure I “feel” something? Is my lack of faith a sign that this vocation is not for me?

Faithful trust pulled me forward, helping me believe that even without the spiritual high, God would be present and our wedding day could bring glory to him. 

I also began reflecting on the gift of desolation, which allowed my mind to discern my vocation without the clouding of emotions and “signs” that could lead me to confusion. My past prayer journals showed me how my soon-to-be-husband was exactly what I had always longed for, and I had an immense sense of peace at the thought of marrying him. 

I vowed to put intentional effort into everything about our wedding, as though I had complete trust and faith in God. As I began contemplating the intricacies of our nuptial Mass, I was drawn towards readings and songs that kept me grounded in the truths of the Catholic faith I could believe in this moment, the hope I held for our future, my past experiences and journey to a place of faith, and requests for assistance from God and the saints. 

One of the reasons I chose the parish we were married in was for the stained glass image of the Annunciation right above the altar. For years I had been attending the parish; often during Mass, I would gaze upon the image of Mary kneeling before the angel. At one time, I had a great devotion to Mary and her words “Let it done to me according to thy will” were the words that came to me in moments of great risk and faith.

In this time of desolation and uncertainty, I found comfort and affiliation in the image of me kneeling with my husband, and Mary, before the angel. 

On our wedding day we approached the altar to Sara Groves’ “He’s Always Been Faithful to Me,” a song that proclaims a truth my heart cannot always make. 

Our Gospel reading was the Beatitudes. As the line “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy” was proclaimed, it pierced my heart. As a social worker and pro-life advocate, so much of my desolation had come from experiencing immense brokenness and not seeing God’s power within it. 

That desolation had brought me to a place of hopelessness and struggles with sin. Yet here on this day, I heard the voice of the Lord telling me he saw me. 

He saw my merciful heart for others and in response, his mercy would extend, overwhelm, and overlook all the brokenness I had been feeling and experiencing. I was-- and had always been-- enough for him, despite my struggles with lack of belief. 

It did not overtake my body like so many experiences of the Holy Spirit had before;, it was not a fire lit in my soul. The experience was so intimate, and what I realize now is that it was an acknowledgement to the constant burning, which had been there even when I could no longer see.

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 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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Wedding Planning | Saying the Vows

While considering all of the aspects of a wedding day, attention quickly focuses on decisions regarding location, menus and color schemes. The wedding ceremony itself provides many more opportunities for a bride and groom to make personal and intentional decisions. 

When it comes to saying the vows, there are two primary options—and other variables—for couples to consider. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Called by name 

At the moment of exchanging “The Consent,” or the marriage vows, both the bride and groom receive their calling from God and say “yes” in committing their lives to another in an eternal act of love. The priest initiates the consent by calling first the groom, then the bride, by name. 

When you meet with your priest or deacon  in preparation for your wedding ceremony, clarify how you would like him to address you on the Altar. Should he only mention your first name? Would you prefer if he referenced your first and middle name? Is it significant for your Confirmation name to be included?  

After the presider calls attention to the bride and groom, it is the moment of consent.

Say “I do”

The first option is for the marriage minister to offer the vows in the form of questions, so the couple will individually respond “I do.” This is the format and language used for other sacraments in the Church, beginning with Baptism. 

Recite the Vows 

The second option is for each individual to proclaim recite your name and the vows to the other. You may recite the vows from memory, read them from a printed card, or echo the promptings from the priest or deacon. 

Determining the right option for your wedding day is a personal decision—and there is no right or wrong. Have you and your beloved imagined this moment of exchange in your imagination? When you visualize your wedding day, what do you hear yourself saying? 

If you don’t initially have a strong opinion, your presider may be able to offer insight from his past experience at weddings. Prayerfully invite God into this decision and follow the direction he leads your heart. Perhaps it would also be inspiring to speak with your parents or grandparents to learn about the decisions they made for their wedding day. 

Decisions about the visible environment and logistics of the wedding day are vital and create a lasting impact for everyone present. In a different way, the words you speak in the Consent may be the most important and impactful words you say in your life. This is the moment you offer yourself freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully to your spouse. Prepare with intention and joy as you journey toward your vocation. 

A Reflection on Veiling and Intimacy

STEPHANIE CALIS

How did a recent Mass reading about the Ten Commandments lead me to tears over the gift of the body and the hidden, particular relationship spouses share with one another?

Photography: Fiat Photography

The Book of Exodus accounts how, after times in conversation with God, Moses would descend Mount Sinai radiant; literally and visibly changed by the encounter. The Israelites were uncomfortable at the sight, “afraid to come near him.”

Ultimately, we read that Moses makes the decision to veil himself when he comes down from the mountaintop, covering the radiance upon his face. He only removes it when alone and in the presence of God, in prayer.

How beautifully analogous this sense of veiled radiance is to the way our own prayer lives can or should be, and to the nature of marriage. How there is deep joy in being unveiled, naked before the Beloved, but only within the most intimate, free, and trusting setting.

Why is it I felt shy in front of friends and family after returning home from my honeymoon? Why do we struggle to hide our stupid, seemingly uncontainable grins from others after a moment of transcendence in prayer or in our relationship with our spouse?

It’s hard to re-enter the world right after those mountaintop experiences, still wearing that radiance. Part of my desire to do so, I’ve realized, is a wish to keep the experience sacred. Hidden. Not out of shame, but out of reverence for the gift.

On her wedding day, a bride veils herself, reserving the fullness of a face-to-face gaze for her bridegroom alone. At every Mass, the tabernacle is kept covered or closed until the Liturgy of the Eucharist--the holy union wherein time stops and heaven meets earth.

It is when these respective sacraments are complete--consummated--that an unveiling takes place, honoring the goodness of the body: those of husband and wife, speaking the language of their wedding vows in the flesh, and that of Christ himself, broken, poured out, and given to his bride the Church.

Just as Moses encountered the living God in a direct, personal way, so too do the sacraments draw us into his presence as closely as is possible on earth. And we are indelibly changed: Ven. Fulton Sheen reflected on the knowledge of another that is revealed to spouses in marriage. There is no return to how things were, he says, for “neither can live again as if nothing had ever happened.”

Whether you’re in the season of discernment, of preparing for marriage, or of living out married life, may all earthly joys reveal to you the love of our divine Beloved. May you be encouraged in freedom, unmasked, unveiled, and radiant with his love.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Newlywed Life | A Responsibility to be Obedient

STEPHANIE FRIES

The first sin in the Garden of Eden was the sin of disobedience. Baptism is the initial sacrament in our Christian journey which cleanses the stain of original sin. 

At the moment of our baptism, we no longer belong to ourselves, but we “belong… to him who died and rose for us.” With the grace of the sacrament comes a responsibility to live in service, obedience and submission to God and the Church. The stain of original sin predisposes us to temptation, to fall away from God throughout our lives.

Throughout the lifespan, every sacrament, including the Sacrament of Matrimony, is a gift from God to empower men and women in their journey of service, obedience, and selfless submission.  

PHOTOGRAPHY: DU CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY

Obedience is about responding to a call or a command. Children learn obedience in the home through the instruction and discipline of their parents. An obedient child is one who hears an instruction from a parent and responds appropriately and respectfully. In much the same way, our “grown up” responsibility requires adults to hear the command of God the Father and respond appropriately and respectfully. 

When the two become one flesh, man and woman are called to obey for the sake of their beloved, either in protection of or nurture for the other. And through marriage and family life, spouses collaborate to fulfill God’s commands and live as visible signs of his unconditional love. 

One must first discern the will of God before exercising freedom and choosing to obey him. 

Do you know the call God is asking you to obey? As it may relate to you in your individual life or within the context of your marriage, God yearns to be heard. He speaks through the big moments of our lives as well as the quiet movements in our hearts. In order to discern his will, we must create a space to ponder him--in the Mass, prayer, confession, and personal reflection. 

In the chaos of our lives, the will of God can be muffled amidst external responsibilities or expectations from others. 

Work can be a source of complication; for example, ‘I am confident God called me to this job, but my employer is asking me to sacrifice family dinner in order to meet a deadline... is God asking me to surrender family time for this job?’ 

In another context of extended family life, ‘I strive to honor my mother and father, yet they expect me and my husband to abandon our weekly date-night in order to spend more time with them; is God asking me to abandon intimate time with my husband in order to obey my parents?” 

These questions—and the decisions we must make—are complex and complicated. There is not often a clear “right or wrong” answer. Returning to a process of prayerful discernment and an examination of conscience may provide clarity in making the best choice.

Woman and man were created as reciprocal helpmates for each other. Through the gift and grace of marriage, couples can discern, discuss, and set boundaries for decision making in accordance with both God and their personal family values. 

Making a decision to protect personal intimacy with God and spouse may not be understood by others. Such unpopular boundaries may parallel an experience of Christ’s carrying of the cross; by fulfilling God’s design for his life with obedience, he received blows to his body from his peers and community members. 

An act of obedience, as established through Baptism, is to obey the will of God. As established through Marriage, holy obedience is a means for joint sanctification of both spouses. 

“Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one’s own responsibility. By free will one shapes one’s own life. Human freedom is a force for growth and maturity in truth and goodness; it attains its perfection when directed toward God, our beatitude.”

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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