Vendor Week 2020 | A Photographer's Tips for a Sacred, Memorable "First Prayer" Before Your Ceremony

SINIKKA ROHRER

Your wedding photographer is there to help you discern and plan a First Look before your wedding ceremony begins. A First Look, in addition to offering you and your spouse a moment of personal joy and quiet, makes it possible to get many portrait photos out of the way prior to guests arriving and minimizes the time guests are waiting for the reception to begin. As you plan your timeline with your photographer, talk together about whether you'd like to do a First Look and if you’d like to bring in an element of prayer.

Photography: Soul Creations Photograhpy, seen in Amy + Jay | Fort Harrison Wedding

Whether as a supplement to or substitute for a First Look, I highly recommend considering a First Prayer—not just for photos, but also for a phenomenal, precious moment that you and your beloved can hold on to tenderly before the day begins. 

Will you and your beloved have a First Look? Read more about considerations for making the decision.

As you and your beloved stand back to back, it not only gives your photographer time for additional images, but allows for a sacred, silent moment of alone time—something couples tend not to have much of throughout their day.

Here, 3 steps toward making your moment together sacred and special:

Stand back-to-back

One of my couples, Becca and Brian, wanted to have their First Prayer in the chapel, under the cross of Christ, on their wedding morning. Before we led Becca to her place, Brian had already been positioned, with his body faced away from the door as he stood beneath the cross of the One who loves him so deeply. 

After Brian was prepared, my team led Becca to her place as well, knowing in moments she would be in contact with her groom. Even though she wasn’t able to see him, they were right where they wanted to be: next to each other.

Hold hands

My husband and I chose a First Prayer ourselves for the morning of our wedding. We each brought a card for one another to read, and after doing so, we held hands for what seems like the longest moment of the day. Holding his hand helped me feel connected, united, and secure. He wasn’t going anywhere, and I wasn’t either. We hung on for what seemed an eternity. 

My clients Amanda and Craig held hands, as well, around the large, wooden door that would open again later when Amanda stepped down the aisle for her bridegroom to behold her. 

See Amanda + Craig’s First Prayer and their Classic Ballroom Wedding in Indianapolis

In this moment, Amanda squeezed Craig’s hand tight and let tears slide down her face. She was with her beloved, and no matter what difficulties had come that morning, she was reminded of their sacred bond, their journey to this day, and their unconditional love. 

Pray. 

As each of these men stood waiting to hear the voice of their brides, I placed my own hand on their shoulders and prayed: that they let Christ lead their marriage and lean on his shoulder as their family leans on them. I prayed they see Christ when they see their brides, knowing the love of these women perfectly reflects the heart of God. 

And as these brides, Becca and Amanda, stood anxious to approach their beloveds, I took their hands and prayed, as well: that they lean close to Christ’s chest just as they lean on their spouses’. That they support and walk closely with God, becoming more and more like him, and that they see Christ when they see their groom, knowing his love perfectly reflects the heart of God.

As they stood back to back, hands joined on opposite sides of the door, they prayed. Some of my couples choose to say a Hail Mary, some a Rosary or Chaplet, and some choose spontaneous prayer.

I encourage you to consider including a First Prayer in your timeline! Those moments that you have together are beautiful and will be captured for your album, but the sacred bond that you will feel is even more incredible. 

Take these moments to unite your heart with the sacrament about to take place. I wish you all the best on your engagement journey! 

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About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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Vendor Week 2020 | Embracing Moments More Than Social Media

DAYTON & MARIA

Lights. Camera. Post. After a moment takes place, it can feel like a race to document it and post it on social media. 

What used to be experiences shared only by the people present has evolved into an event valued by the number of likes, comments, or shares it gets, not unlike a competition TV show where your peers are the judges and your followers are the audience voting from home. 

Don’t misunderstand me! We also posted when we got engaged, when we had engagement pictures taken, and we’re excited to share future wedding photos. With a balanced mindset, social media can be a great tool to share moments with a larger group. 

Photography: Fenix Photography, Design, & Events LLC

As a wedding photographer, though, what can be problematic is when choosing vendors  shifts from Who can capture my day authentically and with a style I like? to Who is trendy or has been reposted on featured accounts and will get a lot of likes?

Consider past generations’ experiences: no app to search wedding hashtags; destination elopements, lavish estate weddings, or rooftop receptions. The quality of a photographer’s work wasn’t based on followers and likes—all that mattered was if you and your fiancé “liked” it, not thousands of others. 

Today, so  many brides immediately feel overwhelmed by a cloud of comparison when they start the wedding planning process. Naturally it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important about the day--entering the sacramental union of marriage.

As photographers, we absolutely understand and encourage prioritizing photography for their wedding, but we also encourage couples to focus more on finding someone that is the right fit for them and your  day—and less on whose pictures are the first search result on social media. 

Do we construct our couples’ wedding timelines to allow ample time to take beautiful portraits of the two of them, including extra time at sunset? Yes! Do we make sure to get “the shot” which shows both their emotions and the scenery in such a stunning way that it makes the perfect wall canvas? Absolutely! But during an authentic interaction, the best photographers will never be so focused on the most aesthetically pleasing shot that the attention shifts to taking the picture, rather than the moment itself. 

Of course, as photographers we’re constantly moving, climbing, and laying on the ground to get the best shots, but in doing so we’ll never compromise the moment. If we see your grandmother embracing you at the water station, for instance, we are going to take the best picture, with the best angle we can, at that time. Could we interrupt and ask you both to move over to the flower covered arch and re-create the hug again to make the shot “prettier”? Yes. But we never would.

When you look back at the image years from now, we want you to remember how your grandmother pulled you close, whispered wise words about love, and clutched your wedding dress that had pieces of her own sewn into it. Even though you’ll still have posed portraits with her from earlier in the day, the water station picture is the one you will show your children and say, This was your great-grandmother.

We tell all our brides, “your wedding day is an experience, not a glorified photoshoot.” We don’t want our brides to condense one of the biggest days of their lives into a certain short window, which is why our services include all-day coverage. If we really are putting the client’s investment where our mouth is, then in order to authentically capture the day we know we must allow time for those moments to naturally happen. 

As photographers, we frequently think of ourselves as directors. We’ve developed a sense for when it’s time to give direction and when it’s time to say action and then disappear into the background. For example, if a bride chooses to do a First Look, we will do our job to ensure  the location, angle, and lighting is the best for that spot, then step back and capture the entirety of the interaction until its natural end. 

We don’t have to coach you on how to hug, smile, or cry because the only reaction we want to photograph is the one that naturally happens--which is always the most beautiful. 

Have you noticed when wedding stories make the evening news or go viral online, they almost always revolve around an intensely emotional encounter? A bride is walked down the aisle by her ailing father; a handicapped groom surprises his bride by standing for part of their first dance; a letter titled “read this on your wedding day” is given to a bride that her mother wrote years ago before passing away. The meaning of these experiences walking, dancing, and reading can’t be rehearsed for the camera. 

The sooner you choose to let go of  “the perfect wedding day,” the fewer  distractions and greater focus on prayerful growth you’ll experience during your engagement. A wedding is one day, but marriage is eternal. Whether you have your reception in a small church hall, or at the most luxurious venue, you still are experiencing the day with the same people.

You can put a price tag on almost everything associated with your wedding day, except for the priceless interactions you have with your loved ones, whether that’s a dedicated handful or a loving army. 

The day you became one in spirit with your spouse is irreplaceable. That is why we believe in moments over social media.  

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About the Authors: Dayton & Maria are an (almost) husband and wife documentary photography team based in Virginia and the owners of Fenix Photography, Design, & Events LLC. Their business motto: "God writes the story; we just document it." “Moments in life are fleeting,” they share, “so it's our job to capture the most joyous ones for you to remember for the rest of your life."

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Vendor Week 2020 | A Wedding Planner's Tips for Getting Married in a Historical Catholic Church

JOY FOSTER

Many couples choose to get married in beautiful, landmark Catholic churches that often have a historical significance to them. These churches are known for welcoming non-parishioners when celebrating the sacrament of matrimony. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABERRAZIONI CROMATICHE STUDIO, SEEN IN FABIOLA + COLE | VATICAN CITY BASILICA WEDDING

However, this is more than just the “Catholic” version of a destination wedding. It’s also a viable option for couples who have chosen a wedding date only to discover their parish is not available (already booked, major renovation scheduled, etc.). Others may find their own church too small to accommodate a large guest list. Some may look for a “middle ground” location when families live on opposite sides of the country. Or maybe the bride or groom has a family connection going back generations, and they wish to continue the tradition of marrying at a specific church; no matter if they live two parishes over or a thousand miles away.

Whatever the reason, a wedding taking place in an opulent, historic church offers a wonderful opportunity to evangelize via the atmosphere. The sacred surroundings set the tone for prayer and reverence. The story of salvation history is told in the stained glass windows and frescoes that are usually in abundance. 

This gives your guests an opportunity to witness the holy beauty of our faith in a way they may never have been exposed to before. It is wonderful to bring a more sacred approach to the celebration of marriage (as does any Catholic wedding) in a world where the current trend for marital celebrations is usually a themed party that can take place anywhere.

With that in mind, here are some important things to remember as you plan your wedding at a historic Catholic church.

Take into account any extra cost

However, one concern with not being a parishioner of a particular church is the cost. In most churches the fee is significantly more for a non-parishioner compared to that of registered and active parishioners. You could view paying the wedding fee as an act of generosity to a place whose operating and general maintenance costs can be astronomical--especially since many of these churches have significantly fewer parishioners than those in suburban areas. 

By getting married there, you are also honoring all the founding families whose financial sacrifices helped to build a magnificent church. One boost to your wedding budget is that such a facility rarely needs any additional décor like altar arrangements or pew ribbons, so many couples only purchase bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages when making floral selections.

Become familiar with their policies

Additionally, the logistics involved with getting married outside your own parish can take more navigation than scheduling a wedding at your own. Before you book a date, look over the church’s guidelines and policies very carefully (a good reminder regardless of where your wedding is taking place). This goes a long way in preventing last-minute disappointments regarding what is allowed for music, decorations, dress code, and access times. 

Contact their wedding coordinator

Keep in consistent contact with the parish wedding coordinator throughout the scheduling process, and don’t hesitate to reach out to them should any questions arise. If a church is hosting a fair amount of non-parishioner weddings, they will usually have someone to assist you throughout the process, or someone who can direct you to the appropriate person to help with your concern. 

Get permission from your pastor

The final sentence of Canon Law 1115, under “The Form of the Celebration of Marriage” stipulates that, “With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.” In basic terms, if you wish to be married outside your geographical parish or where you are a registered parishioner, you need the permission of your pastor. That usually involves having your parish priest write a letter giving permission for the marriage to take place in another parish (or university chapel or shrine).

Choose your officiant

Very often, the historic church hosting your wedding will require you to provide your own officiant. If so, he must be a Catholic priest or deacon in good standing within his own diocese or religious order. His bishop or superior will need to provide documentation of this, via a Letter of Good Standing or Testimonial of Suitability for Ordained Ministry. These forms can usually be found on your diocesan website or by contacting the Office of Marriage and Family Life. 

Make arrangements for marriage prep

You may also need to make arrangements for required marriage preparation with your officiating priest or deacon, or perhaps the pastoral associate from your home parish. Some hosting churches offer the use of their own priest or staff to conduct marriage prep, but this is not common, so be prepared to need a little extra time and paperwork before your wedding is officially on the schedule.

Work with the parish when planning your music

Because most of these facilities have a pipe organ, they may require or strongly recommend the use of their parish organist or liturgical musicians. This helps to ensure appropriate liturgical music is used for your ceremony, and a large pipe organ is quite useful for filling an entire cathedral with beautiful, sacred music.

Finally, when getting married in such splendid surroundings, there can be a tendency to feel like everything has to be perfect, perhaps even more than if you were in the familiar environment of your home parish. Don’t let those feelings and pressures take hold. Focus on the beauty of each moment, regardless if your wedding takes place in a chapel, a local parish church, a cathedral, or a basilica. At the end of the day, you and your beloved are now "Mr. and Mrs.", joined in one flesh before God, and that's what matters most.

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About the Author: Joy is co-owner of Something Blue LLC, a wedding planning and coordination service for couples marrying within the Catholic Church. Prior to starting her business in 2018, she served as On-site Coordinator for her parish, which happens to be one of those ornate historic churches that welcome non-parishioner nuptial celebrations.

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Introducing Spoken Bride's 2020 Vendor Week! Tips, Education, and Exclusive Planning Info from Catholic Wedding Pros

This January 11-19 is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content and social media. 

Videography: Visual Rose Films by Nick DeRose, a Spoken Bride Vendor. The bride, Kate Capato of Visual Grace, and wedding photographer, Emma Dallman of Emma Dallman Photography, are our vendors, as well!

The Catholic wedding industry? Yes, it’s a thing! We are proud to offer the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first wedding directory specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Don’t miss our first vendor takeovers, featuring Evan Kristiansen of Evan Kristiansen Photography and Nia Husk of Prolific Services, a certified fertility education resource, over this weekend! Follow us on Instagram @spokenbride.

At the start of this post-holiday engagement season, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide as you begin booking your wedding vendors. Each of our vendors is a true gift, offering their talents for the glory of God and sharing of themselves, their stories, and unique personalities. 

Are you a Catholic wedding vendor interested in learning about Vendor membership? Read about membership benefits and join our waitlist here.

Follow along on our blog and Instagram this week for exclusive and personal education, tips, Days in the Life, and Q+A you’ll only find from Spoken Bride vendors. Forthcoming topics include…

• Tips for planning a pre-ceremony “First Prayer”

• Considerations for marrying at a church that isn’t your home parish

• Vendors’ tips for first steps in finding, choosing, and booking your wedding professionals

• Ways to communicate the importance of your Catholic faith with your vendors

• Instagram takeovers by a marriage therapist, a jeweler, an NFP instructor, wedding photographers, and more

Recently engaged and booking your vendors? Browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide:

Photography | Wedding Coordination | Bridal Attire & Jewelry | Stationery & Hand Lettering | Floral Design | Videography | Gifts & Home Décor | Marriage & Family Therapists | NFP Instructors | Music

Above all, weddings are about the personal: who you and your beloved are, and the professionals you invite in to help tell your story for generations to come. Our vendors are single, engaged, and married, alive with passion for their craft and their Catholic faith. They, and we, are so eager to share and correspond with you this week! Don’t hesitate to engage online and on social media with your questions and thoughts—it’s our hope that this week is mutually enriching, informative, and fruitful as you prepare for your wedding and marriage.

How to Love Lapsed Catholic Family Members Through Your Wedding

LAURA McALISTER

Your wedding Mass is one of the most special and important moments in your life. In this Mass, a bride and groom make an exclusive, total, and lifelong covenant to each other: to love each other faithfully; and by God’s grace, raise a family together.

It is a moment that you want to share with your family, your friends, and your community. But tensions may rise when you desire a Catholic wedding, yet close family members are not practicing the Catholic faith..

How can your wedding Mass express both love for God and faith as well as love for lapsed Catholic family? 

Pew Research indicates that over half of all adult Catholics in the US have left the Church. While some still consider themselves culturally Catholic, others have abandoned the Church entirely. Some have very positive feelings about the Catholic Church, but others really struggle with the Church—and may well struggle with your decision to be married in the Church they left.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

For many of us, lapsed Catholics aren’t statistics. They are our mothers and fathers, our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Perhaps you’re the only practicing Catholic in your family.

It is important to plan your Nuptial Mass with your family in mind. This doesn’t mean compromising your dreams of a truly Catholic wedding, let alone abandoning your convictions. 

It means finding ways to love your lapsed Catholic family. It means making them feel welcome and included in the Mass. Ultimately, it means extending the loving welcome of Christ who is always standing at the door, knocking at the human heart’s door and calling us back to himself.

Include Your Family

As much as possible, include your family members in the Mass. The most important thing, Jesus tells us, is that we worship God in spirit and in truth. The Mass is the supreme worship of God because in the Mass, we offer the Eucharistic sacrifice of Jesus back to the Father, as he pours his graces on us through the Holy Spirit. 

A wise rule of thumb is to ask people to do things they actually believe in. If your brother doesn’t believe prayer works, invite him to participate in a way other than praying aloud with your guests. If your aunt doesn’t believe the Scriptures are inspired by God, consider others to do the readings.

This not only safeguards the integrity of the liturgy as an act of worship; it also means your family members are not “forced” to “act religious” in ways that might be hypocritical to them. 

There are still non-liturgical aspects of the Mass your family can participate in without compromising either the sincere worship of God or your own convictions. 

For example, your dad can walk you down the aisle, your sister can be your bridesmaid, or your cousin can sign the Wedding Register. None of these is explicitly religious, yet these acts are all ways to include your family in the Nuptial Mass.

Be Patient and Bold

In some ways, having non-Catholic family members might be easier than lapsed Catholic ones. Most of us tend to be more polite and accepting of new things; we don’t want to be seen as difficult or intolerant. When we think we understand something, however, we can be more cutting or even intolerant.

Blessed Fulton Sheen said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

Be very patient and understanding towards your family. Understand they may have wounds or deeply personal struggles with the Church. Unfair though it may feel, inviting them into the Church for your wedding may bring up these tense emotions. Be an image of Christ, open and willing to hear their stories.

Pray for small opportunities to witness to Jesus. Share the meaning behind your decisions. You might be surprised where your conversations end up!

Explain Everything

Always start with the assumption that family members have no idea what you’re doing—even if they themselves were raised Catholic.

For a Catholic wedding, a beautiful and informative Wedding Program is essential. In the program, clearly mark when to sit, stand and kneel. Include all the prayers and responses for the wedding guests to follow. You can also ask the priest to guide the congregation when to sit and stand.

Explaining everything might seem overboard when you’re familiar with the Mass, but it’s a simple way to love others. No one wants to feel confused or left out at a wedding!

Pick your Battles

Even if you can explain something in the Mass, you still need to be aware of how things will come across.

For example, the traditional reading or epistle for the Nuptial Mass is Ephesians 5: 21-33, which begins “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This verse is often misunderstood! 

You and your fiancé might love this passage and understand it in the light of Christ’s radical and self-sacrificial love. But your mom may not. Chances are, lapsed and non-Catholics may simply shut down when they hear language like that.

There is a time to insist on the fullness of the Catholic faith, and there is a time to be prudent. When planning your wedding Mass, keep your guests in mind as you strive to reveal God’s truth and love in every decision. Be Clear but Gentle about the Eucharist

There are some battles you might have to fight—or at least be willing to plant your flag. The supreme gift of our faith is the Holy Eucharist because it is Christ Himself, made truly present under the forms of bread and wine.

Under Church law, only baptized Catholics in a state of grace may receive Holy Communion. Depending on your family and their experiences, some lapsed Catholics will still receive Holy Communion even when they shouldn’t. Others might want to receive, but remember that, under Church teaching, they cannot. Still others might have no desire at all.

Be as clear and charitable about this as possible. Many couples place a small note in their wedding booklets about who can receive Holy Communion. Others ask the priest to clarify who can receive Holy Communion. In the end, your effort can go towards being both hospitable and transparent about Church teaching; any final judgement is not your responsibility. 

Pray for Your Family, including Deceased Family, in the Mass

Finally, pray for your family. Pray for them throughout your wedding preparations and during the Mass itself. 

Pray they will encounter Christ anew and return to the Church. Pray that God will bless and heal them.

Pray publicly for your family in the Nuptial Mass, including deceased family members. Your lapsed Catholic family might not get teary-eyed over your favorite Palestrina or share your devotion to Our Lady, but they will always be touched by your prayers and concerns for them. 

And remember: however much we love our families, our Father in Heaven loves them infinitely more.

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About the Author: Laura McAlister is an Australian Catholic freelance writer and history-lover. She lives in Sydney and iis engaged to a handsome Irishman, whom she met while studying Medieval History in Ireland. Laura blogs about her struggles with prayer and perfectionism at Craving Graces. In her spare time, she loves chatting about Jane Austen, mysticism, and gender roles over tea and biscuits.

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How to Customize your Wedding Dress

CLARA DAVISON

When I got engaged, the first question following  the initial congratulations was always, “have you found your dress yet?” As one of seven sisters, I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and spent countless hours critiquing and comparing wedding dresses. However, when I started looking at wedding dresses for myself, I quickly became nervous. 

None of the dresses I saw online were what I hoped to wear on my wedding day. What if I couldn’t find a dress I liked in my budget (which, as a fulltime student, was very small)? What if I found two I liked and couldn’t decide? What if I liked the style of a dress, but it was the wrong fabric? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I finally agreed to go with my mother to a bridal store and shop in-person. As I tried on dresses, I learned I really loved a satin, off-white dress with a dramatic train. I wanted lace sleeves, but I didn’t want too much lace on the dress. I also wanted pockets, which I learned is a very uncommon feature of wedding dresses. 

Now that I could finally imagine myself in a specific style and design, I could not find the right dress. One dress might have the train I wanted, but no straps. Another might have the sleeves I liked, but no pockets or train. I grew more and more discouraged as the process continued. 

My mother suggested we look for an inexpensive “base” for my dress and work with a seamstress to customize it. With this in mind, we found a simple, satin, off-white dress with the perfect train--and pockets. It was a perfect foundation; I spent the remainder of my time and budget customizing more details and features until it was the perfect dress--my perfect dress--for my wedding day.  As you imagine the wedding dress shopping experience, it may be helpful to know some options for customization which may bring your visions and dreams to life. 

Overlays or Underlays

I imagined long, lacey sleeves, and an overlay provided the perfect layer to create the look I was hoping for. There are a wide variety of overlay options, easily accessible from a seamstress or bridal shop. Other dresses may benefit from a sheer underlay to create an illusion neckline. While I chose to go with the overlay option, I have friends who have incorporated a custom underlay option with positive results. 

An important aspect of overlays and underlays involves the skill of your seamstress. When I found a lace overlay that I loved, the lace did not line up with the neckline of my original dress. Rather than hunting for another overlay, my seamstress was able to lift the lace off the sheer base and shift it down half-an-inch to make it a perfect match! 

Belts

When I purchased the very plain base dress, I turned to belts as a way to add some sparkle and texture. I found hundreds of options from David’s Bridal and local bridal salons. I chose my favorites and brought them along to my first meeting with my seamstress to give her an idea of what I was looking for. 

While I ultimately chose not to wear a belt on my dress, the options helped bring my final vision to life. The belts I kept have been shared among friends who also hoped to customize their dresses. 

Splashes of Color

My seamstress suggested  incorporating my wedding colors into my wedding dress. Whether with a belt, tinted underskirt (perfect for cute bridesmaid pictures), or trim, there are dozens of ways you can incorporate color into a wedding dress. You can even do something as small as purchasing a swatch of your dress fabric and dying it to match your wedding colors. then adding the swatch along your neckline. 

These are a few of the many ways to personalize the wedding dress of your dreams! Rather than settling for something I just liked, I was able to create a one-of-a-kind dress that I loved. Keep an open mind as you go wedding dress shopping; think about the possibilities each dress offers, rather than simply focusing on how it looks on that first day. If you are willing to veer from the traditional shopping experience, the options are endless. 

Did you customize your wedding dress? Share your experiences and ideas with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook and Instagram.

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Wedding Planning | A Glossary of Wedding Words

Embarking on the preparations for a once-in-a-lifetime day may involve a new vocabulary of words specific to weddings, wedding planning, or the Catholic sacrament of marriage. As you begin planning your wedding and working with wedding professionals, we hope this glossary can be a valuable resource and source of confidence. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAHY & DESIGN

Bridal Attire 

More than your dress! Bridal Attire encompasses jewelry, shoes, hair pieces, accent belts, and any additional accessories you want to include on your big day.

Types of dresses | A-line, ball gown, mermaid, empire waist, and more! We recommend brides-to-be begin with some online research to know what the options are and what they can or cannot imagine wearing on their special day. Taking this information into a bridal boutique may help guide your initial dress-shopping process.

Bustle | A feature on the back of the wedding dress which gathers the train so it's not in the way during the reception of while moving from venue to venue. There are multiple types of bustles depending on the style gown you choose. An experienced seamstress will know what is best for your fabric and cut. Securing the bustle often requires additional hands, so take note (or pictures) so others can help you on the big day! 

Types of veils | Words like fingertip, chapel and cathedral describe the length of the veil as it flows behind you. 

Blusher | The veil worn over the brides face as she walks down the aisle or during part of the ceremony. 

Flowers and Lights

Pomander | A ball covered in flowers as an options for flower girls. Ask your florist about the average weight of a pomander; if you have a young flower girl, this option may be too heavy or distraction for her to carry through the ceremony. 

Posey | A small bouquet of several flowers, often used for flower girls, mothers, and grandmothers. 

Draping | The pretty fabric that is draped and hung on poles around the perimeter of a room.

Up lighting | Small lights places on the floor facing up to highlight an area or add a pop of color to the wall.

Pin spot | A very small spotlight that is pointed at something to make it pop! Pin spots are often used to highlight the cake or tall arrangements on round tables. You paid good money for those decorations and don't want them to get lost in a dark room!

Wash | Washes are a lighting feature which are less focused than a pin spot, but draw attention to a specific feature. Often used on long rectangular tables. 

Gobo | A custom stencil placed in front of a spotlight to project a particular design--such as a monogram--at the reception. Gobos can be focused on the dance floor or on a large blank wall to use lights as part of your personalized decor. 

Photography: Horn Photography & Design

Catholic Wedding Ceremony 

Betrothal or Rite of Betrothal | An ceremony held during engagement, in which a couple makes a binding commitment to marry. The Rite of Betrothal is an ancient tradition of the Church that has had a resurgence in the 21st century. It is optional, but beautiful, and can be as simple or elaborate an event as you desire.

Learn about the Rite of Betrothal here, and see Danielle + Jeff’s betrothal ceremony here.

Consent | The bride and groom profess their consent to one another through the saying of the vows. The consent must be completely a completely free act of the individual’s will. 

Celebrant / Concelebrant | The priest (or priests) present on the altar at a Catholic wedding ceremony stand as witness to the Sacrament as the celebrant. Their blessing of the marriage is a necessary component to make the marriage valid.

Confer | The bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament of matrimony; as they express their mutual consent, they confer the sacrament and grace upon each other with the priests and guests as witnesses to their consent. 

Covenant | Through the sacrament of marriage, a bride and groom are brought together in an unbreakable union as an image of the union of Christ and his bride, the Church. The nature of his union is covenantal. 

Consummate | Catholic theology is made visible through sacramental signs. In the Sacrament of Marriage, the truth of the spoken vows is made visible and complete when the marriage is consummated through the physical intimacy between the bride and groom. 

Receiving Line | This custom occurs at the back of the church when the newlyweds greet wedding guests as they depart from the ceremony. This can take a long time and isn't very common anymore; many couples make a point to speak with everyone at the reception.

Venues, Food, and Beverages 

PP+ | An abbreviation for per person. If a caterer quotes you $50pp+, for instance, it means $50 per person. The plus sign indicates plus service charge (usually 18-28%), then sales tax.

Service Charge | Typically if a service charge is included, it is not necessary to tip the staff. 

Pro tip: Note the customs of the region you are getting married. In the north, it’s customary to tip every single person involved in your wedding. In the south, it is not customary to tip anyone unless they go above and beyond in their job. 

BEO (or Banquet Event Order) | This is a phrase used by caterers to summarize the quote for all notes and details of the wedding day. 

F&B (Food and Beverage) Minimum | If a venue has the ability to host and cater your event, they may inform you of a F&B minimum. This is the minimum amount of food and beverage that must be--or money spent--as part of the event contract. If your menu does not equal or surpass the minimum, you may have to pay the difference as a rental fee. 

Pro tip: Unless noted, the F&B minimum does not include sales tax, service charge or alcohol tax; these are all charged in addition to the minimum. 

Reception

Cocktail hour | Occurs prior to the reception at the reception venue. Generally, this hour provides  the newlyweds, family and wedding party time to complete photographs. 

Budget tip: Cut the cocktail hour to save on additional food and drink costs. 

Escort Cards | Often presented as cards, written on a mirror or printed on a board outside of the seating area, the “escort cards” inform wedding guests what table they are assigned to. This is a tool to create order as guests transition to the reception. Planning seating arrangements requires more time and effort in wedding planning, but provides structure and organization for guests. 

Budget tip: Group families or couples together, rather than one card per person, to save on materials and time. 

Place Cards | These small cards assign each guests to a specific seat at their table. The only time this is necessary is when guests choose their entree before the wedding (if the option is available on their RSVP card). The place cards are used to communicate with the catering staff for effective meal service. 

Introductions | The band or DJ can announce and introduce the bridal party and the bride and groom for the first time! Specific music, dance moves, or accessories can be incorporated to show off the personality of the entire bridal party. 

Pro tip: This time offers a chance for the bride and groom to transition directly from their introduction into their first dance. You already have everyone’s attention and it eliminates an interruption later in the evening! 

Blessing | Consider if you will include a blessing of the meal and, if so, who will offer the blessing at your reception. This person--whether a priest, friend, or family member--should be prepared beforehand. 

Special Dances | Beyond the bride and groom’s first dance, other special dances include the mother-son and father-daughter dance, an anniversary dance, sorority or fraternity dance, etc. It is important that these plans--including the timing and song requests--are clearly communicated with the band or DJ prior to the wedding day. 

Bouquet Toss and Garter Toss | These experiences are often seen as long-standing wedding traditions, buy are not necessary. If you don’t want to draw attention to single wedding guests, or if this elicits an uncomfortable environment for you (or your wedding guests), simply omit this tradition or replace it with another creative tradition, such as a special dance. Whether you decide to include the bouquet or garter toss or not, the plan needs to be communicated to your emcee or DJ. 

Cake Cutting | Beyond cutting the wedding cake, this moment typically includes toasts from parents, the best man, and the maid or matron of honor. 

Pro tip: Beginning the toasts and cutting-of-the-cake while guests finish dinner is an efficient way to capture the attention of wedding guests while they are all still in the room and provides more time to bust a move on the dance floor later! 

Send Off | The moment the wedding guests bid farewell to the bride and groom. Sparklers, confetti poppers, and bubbles are some of the common tools for a send off into their “happily ever after.” 

Pro tip: At the end of the reception, the send off is a great way to signal to guests that it is time to leave. This helps eliminate overtime fees at venues and with vendors who are paid by the hour. 

Rain Plan (or Plan B) | If the reception is an outdoor venue, a rain plan is absolutely necessary! Some venues may require a deposit if you want to include an outdoor tent as part of your rain plan, while other venues have an indoor option available. The peace of mind for the secondary plan may be worth every penny. 

Belly bar | This is a high-top table generally used during a cocktail hour or around the periphery of the reception venue for guests to watch the dance floor or mingle away from the crowds. 

What words did you learn in the process of wedding planning? Or what what words have your heard that you don’t understand? Share your knowledge with and bring your questions to Spoken Bride’s community of brides-to-be on Facebook and Instagram. 

Honoring Marriages at your Wedding

DENAE PELLERIN

We understand the vocation of marriage through the example of families. In a world full of broken marriages and wounded families, it can be difficult to find families that have withstood the temptation of divorce. 

People say the amount of people choosing to become married is decreasing, and many Catholics find despair in this reality. It was only when I became engaged that I began to consider another perspective as I approached my own sacrament of marriage. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CHELSEA SLIWA PHOTOGRAPHY

“What you guys are doing is amazing,” said my brother as he took photos of the new sparkly ring on my left hand. I was stunned by the words I never thought I would hear him say; he admits he is the last person who will likely get married. He went on to explain how in the 21st century there is no obligation towards marriage--the social norms surrounding sex, marraige, parenting and cohabitation, for example, present a lifestyle in contrast to Catholic teaching. 

He went on to admit that by choosing to get married, my fiancé and I were “choosing to suffer for one another,” intentionally choosing to a more difficult and inconvenient life out of love for one another. 

While he comprehended his observation, I was taken aback by an additional revelation: is choosing to get married more of a witness to Christ than ever before? Could it be possible that a decrease in marriage means the marriages in the world are rare but authentic and significant models of intimacy? 

This reality inspired me to honor the vocation of marriage and family more prominently at our wedding. 

My fiancé and I are extremely fortunate to have come from families where none of our parents or grandparents are divorced. We desired to honor the incredible foundation and value for marriage our families have given us. 

A Tribute to the Past 

Many weddings present a display of wedding photos of grandparents and parents. It is a beautiful way to commemorate their sacrament and to show the family history. We added a unique flair by inviting the women in our family to display their wedding dresses. 

My mother and paternal grandmother, mother-in-law and husband’s great-grandmother’s dresses were displayed. My dad built wooden stands, my mother-in-law found forms to display the dresses on, and my Mom designed and finalized the installation. My mother-in-law had made a baptismal gown out of her dress for our niece, and we ensured it was also displayed. A wedding dress is so special, and it was meaningful to bring the dresses out of the closet and put them on display again! 

In addition to the visual display, our emcees introduced our parents and grandparents and shared how long they have been married as well as something sweet about when they were dating or getting married during the meal. 

A Shared Table 

I once heard that to choose to have a child is to choose to make room for another person at your table. Psalm 128 speaks to children being “like olive shoots around your table,” which, according to Pope Francis, means children are full of energy and vitality while the parents are the foundation of the home. 

As you enjoy your first meal as husband and wife at your wedding reception, you establish a new foundation from which others will be invited to share at your table. But before that day, you were first invited to another’s table. 

On our wedding day, rather than having a traditional head table made up of the bridal party, we sat with those who gave us the foundation to build our own table—our parents. It was a sign of the two families becoming one new family; a moment in time where the tables we came from came together. 

As wedding speeches were shared, we laughed and cried with the four most significant people who taught us what it means to be married and to form a family. It was an intimate experience. And for a bride who was nervous about being the center of attention, I was empowered by the love of those around me to be present in the moment and emotionally vulnerable. 

An Alternative to a Bouquet Toss 

I love a good Beyonce moment, but instead of tossing my flowers, we surprised our guests with a different opportunity to take the bridal bouquet home. 

Our DJ invited all couples to the dance floor and we danced to the Brad Paisley song, “Then.” The emcees began asking people to leave the dance floor based on how long they had been married. To make it more fun, they did this by speaking about historical events in specific years. 

It began with the non-married or most recently married couples leaving the floor, which eventually revealed the longest married couple on the dance floor. This couple received my bridal bouquet and a round of applause for their decades of commitment. 

You learn about marriage and family life from your biological family, long before you say I do. Your wedding day is the first day of your marriage; it is also a day married couples are reminded of their own vows and the joy of new love and new beginnings. I challenge you to find ways to celebrate and thank married couples for their witness and to re-inspire them in their vocation. 

In what ways have you seen marriage honored and celebrated at a wedding? Share your experience and observations with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook or Instagram.

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 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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Unexpected Expenses for a Catholic Wedding

Creating a budget is often the first item on a newly engaged couple’s to-do list. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADELEINE DEIGHAN PHOTOGRAPHY

You can easily find wedding budget templates online but they often overlook the expenses specific to a Catholic wedding. 

So before you start planning, don’t forget to include these possible expenses in your wedding planning budget.

Church

The church where you plan to get married will usually provide you with a suggested donation for using the facility, which surprises some couples. 

The church relies on donations to pay their bills and to continue to serve their parishioners well. This donation covers the use of the space for the ceremony and rehearsal, and may also pay for the church’s wedding coordinator and ceremony musicians.

The suggested donation amount will vary parish to parish. However, if the bride and/or groom are registered parishioners (and most likely regularly contributing to the parish), the suggested amount may be minimal, or none.

Be sure to call the parish office and find out what they ask for. 

Priest and servers

It is customary to give a stipend to the priest (or priests) celebrating your nuptial mass as well as the altar servers serving alongside them. 

No specific amount is suggested, but couples may want to consider the time devoted to the marriage preparation, rehearsal, and ceremony.

However, there are several other ways that you can express gratitude to your celebrant for the time he has put into making your day special. 

Flowers for the church

You’ve probably already budgeted for the bouquets and boutonnieres for the couple, the bridal party, and the parents, as well as the centerpieces for the reception hall, but Catholic couples should also include flowers for the church where the ceremony will take place. 

Some couples plan for floral arrangements in the sanctuary and on some of the pews. However, these pieces don’t have to be super elaborate or expensive. 

The church’s wedding coordinator can give you a better idea of what works best with the layout of this particular space and what other couples have done. 

Also, if you want to present flowers to Mary or St. Joseph, make sure to include it in your budget. 

Marriage preparation

The marriage preparation requirements often vary by diocese (or even by parish) so make sure to check with your priest about what you and your soon-to-be spouse will need to do. 

Some couples attend a weekend retreat, while others meet privately with their priest or a "sponsor couple." Others may participate in a series of marriage preparation classes offered by their parish.

Inventories like FOCCUS or PREPARE have become more common in the last several years and also require a small fee for scoring by a facilitator. 

If you want to take a course on Natural Family Planning before your big day, you may also need to add it to the budget. The learning of and the materials for NFP varies by method and by the teacher but is well worth it. 

Looking for an NFP instructor? Check out our vendor guide. 

Designing and printing mass programs

Programs for a Catholic wedding mass tend to be a bit longer than your secular wedding, especially if you want to include more detailed instructions for non-Catholic family and friends. 

This added length may make designing and printing mass programs a bit more costly than couples may initially expect. 

Though the cost would be well-worth it if it helps your guests enter more fully into the sacredness of your wedding.

Check out the Spoken Bride shop for uniquely Catholic (and easy-to-use) wedding program templates that will help make this part of the wedding planning process smoother.

Expanding Your Vision of a Bridal Party

DENAE PELLERIN

Choosing your bridal party can be one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning. Balancing other’s expectations and feelings while also considering friendship dynamics and your budget can cause uncertainty and fear. It may even feel like “ranking” deeply personal relationships. God has chosen people to come and go throughout our lives, and what makes one person “feel” closer than another does not necessarily measure the significance of their impact on your journey. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY

Growing up, I was part of many unique communities and intentionally pursued those relationships for years. The newest friend at my wedding was someone I lived with! My husband and I chose our first and longest friends as our best man and matron of honor. These were people who had been with us “through it all,” and no matter what life would bring in the future, their presence up until the day we were married was unquestionably special. 

Despite this, we still wanted to honor and include everyone we loved on our special day. In Romans 12, Paul outlines that each one of Christ’s followers is given unique gifts that serve the Body of Christ. Drawing on this Scripture, we included many other friends and family in our wedding day, depending on their gifts and roles they played in our lives. 

When we began “breaking the news” about our wedding party to those who were not chosen, we shared with each person their importance to us, what gifts we saw in them, how they impacted us, and invited them to be part of our day in another significant way. In this way, we crafted an “expanded vision” for our bridal party.

And so, reflective of their unique roles in our faith journey, our loved ones took part in our Mass or helped us design the wedding program. This included our godparents, family who introduced us to the faith, and friends who were accountability partners or prayer warriors at crucial times in our life. We also invited priests to co-celebrate the liturgy who were important to the discernment of our vocations and careers. 

Having these intentional people pray over us the day of our wedding reminded us of the life of faith we had lived thus far. It reminded us that we had a strong community to support us as we became a new family through marriage. 

Romans 12 also challenged me to look within our community when I was hiring vendors. Rather than employing a stranger, I first considered family and friends who had experience with hair and makeup styling, photography, videography, calligraphy, graphic design and musical talents. Many of them were excited to practice their art and spend time with me in preparation for the wedding. In fact, getting ready the morning of my wedding felt like friends were coming over on any usual day, and their presence provided me a great sense of calm.

Many of my girlfriends were relieved they didn’t have to buy a one-time-wear dress and be “on display” all day. Instead, they used their gifts of creativity and organization to help me with the little details of the wedding reception. The time we spent together allowed us to share in the joy and excitement of my approaching wedding day with their assistance. It communicated to them that I cherished their presence in the intimate moments of my life. It also relieved a lot of anxiety in the days leading up to the event, because I knew my trusted friends were taking care of things! 

Since our actual bridal party was so small, and we had crafted an “expanded vision” of it, we made sure to schedule time during our wedding day to get photos with other guests. My husband and I chose to do a “first look,” and so, before our nuptial Mass, we invited some of our closest friends to come and take pictures with us. This gave us a special and exclusive moment with people who would have been part of a more traditional “bridal party.” 

In addition, rather than having a receiving line after Mass, we invited guests to join us in the outdoor space near our reception hall during the cocktail hour. This was a great time to laugh and talk with them before the reception. We also took more photos with our cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. 

At the end of your wedding day, I pray that you cherish how special it was to have everyone you love in one room to celebrate you and your beloved. 

Choosing to include them and honor them in special ways was one of the best decisions we made. When people asked me if I was worried something would go wrong, my response was always “no, because I am in a room full of people who love me and will help me.” It was a blessing to be celebrated by and celebrate the people who have and always will love my husband and I, for better or for worse.

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About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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Can Catholics Write Their Own Vows?

The wedding industry today feeds brides the lie that their wedding day is all about them. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY

You must personalize the whole day, right down to the words you say to pledge your love for your spouse.

Couples spend months trying to find the right words to highlight what makes their relationship special and adequately express their deepest thoughts and feelings.

The Church, on the other hand, does not permit couples to write and say their own vows during the wedding ceremony. 

The Catholic Church does not desire to snuff out the uniqueness of each couple by requiring the traditional vows, but rather desires the couple to make of themselves a more complete gift to one another and the church. 

Unity of Liturgy

As Catholics we proclaim that the Church is one, holy, and apostolic. 

You can attend mass anywhere in the world and still understand the miracle taking place because our liturgy reflects this idea that we are members of a united Body. 

Whether or not you choose to have a full Mass as your wedding ceremony, Catholic wedding vows are said within the context of a liturgy which contains certain essential parts. 

These immutable elements, instituted by God and guarded by the Church, cannot change without affecting the validity of the sacrament. 

But even more importantly, the traditional Catholic wedding vows remind the couple that they are part of something much larger than themselves. 

They unite the couple, not only with one another, but with the entire Body of Christ across time and place. 

Related: Why it matters that we are getting married in a Church

Canon Law

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage.’” 

Consent in terms of Catholic marriage means that the couples acknowledge that the come freely and wholeheartedly to promise their fidelity to each other, and their acceptance and upbringing of children. 

Consent is vital for a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church.

And since a couple declares consent during the wedding vows, the Code of Canon Law requires that the wording of the consent is made abundantly clear. 

If the vows contain wording that place conditions or limits on the marriage, than the Church may have reason to doubt the validity of the sacrament. 

Related: Why I’m grateful for traditional wedding vows

Sacred Covenant

“The sacred character of the marriage rite must not be compromised at the altar with romanticism,” wrote Archbishop Socrates Villegas of Lingayen-Dagupan.

Despite what the wedding industry will try to sell you, your special day is about more than just you and your feelings for your spouse. 

The day contains a sacredness that goes far beyond the couple. And human words will ultimately fall short of the depth and mystery of the eternal weight which is contained in this special moment. 

When the couple recites their vows, they not only enter into a deeper relationship with one another, but they establish an eternal and unbreakable covenant with God Himself. 

The vows given to us by the Church are divinely inspired and reflect the sacredness of the moment in which the two become one.

They allow you to look beyond the joyful feelings of the day and openly receive the grace to help you through the seasons of difficulty. 

And they invite God to be the foundation upon which you build your life together. 

Editors Share | How I Chose My Wedding Gown + Theme

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, for any bride just beginning the wedding planning process, the team shares the stories of how they chose their wedding gowns and an overall theme for their big days.

Photography: Sarah Wirth Photography

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

Planning a winter wedding in Arizona is beautiful. When I woke up on my wedding day, the weather outside was sunny and in the 70s. But what I really loved about our date, December 30, (although I didn’t love the idea of a winter wedding at first), is that it was during the octave of Christmas! That meant the church would already be decorated with beautiful trees, greens, and florals. The Christmas “stress” would already be over for most of our guests, yet the joy of the liturgical season would still remain. And within the following couple days, we could celebrate our newlywed joy with the start of a new year.

Once I let go of the summer wedding I thought I wanted, I fully embraced the joy of the Christmas season. I chose colors for our theme that were more wintry than Christmas-y: navy blues, emerald greens, maroon, and gold as an accent. I incorporated beautiful wintergreens, berries, and gold stems into the bouquets for me and my bridesmaids. I realized that my favorite Christmas hymns could be incorporated into my nuptial Mass as well, if I wanted. 

Read Mariah’s planning tips for a Christmas Octave wedding.

For my wedding dress, I chose dainty cap sleeves and a very full A-line skirt that looked more like a ballgown, with a cathedral length veil that trailed far behind me in elegant lace. A sweetheart/illusion lace neckline lined with pearls completed the look. What other day of your life can you dress in princess attire? And I loved getting married during the mild coolness of an Arizona winter, instead of sweating it out in the 120 degree summer!

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

We got married in August in Houston, so we definitely had to make choices that would be practical in the heat. I am Filipino on my mother’s side, so my husband opted for traditional barongs instead of suits. These shirts are formal in Filipino culture and way more breathable in hot, humid temperatures than suits or tuxes.

Our anniversary is also the day before my parents’, so that reflected a few decisions, as well. My bridesmaids wore pale yellow dresses, like my mom’s did, which I felt was fitting and fun for summer. I also always knew I wanted to wear my mother’s wedding dress, which was still in great shape. Surprisingly, it didn’t even need alterations, so I just had it cleaned by a local wonderful seamstress. 

I made the dress my own by choosing unique accessories. The dress is ivory and has spaghetti straps, so after quite a bit of hunting online with no luck, I finally found a perfect bolero at the local David’s Bridal. I definitely felt it completed my bridal look for Mass.

My favorite part of my wedding attire was my veil. I stumbled upon the perfect lace-edged veil at a bridal shop while on pilgrimage in Lisieux, France during my engagement. I have a strong devotion to Saint Thérese and also knew St. Zélie, her mother, was a lacemaker. My now-husband and I were long distance at the time while I finished grad school up in Europe, and for me, that felt like a special sign that the Lord was guiding us, along with some powerful intercessors, while we prepared for marriage. I also wore silver glittery heels (purchased on a layover in London at Heathrow airport—another fun story!), along with an ivory fascinator from BHLDN during our reception. 

Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

As a born-and-bred Marylander, I’ve always been drawn to classic, preppy styles and bright colors. For our July wedding, I hoped for a casual and summery vibe, choosing navy, pink, and green for décor, florals, stationery, and wedding party attire.

I wanted a gown that reflected the lightness of the season, as well; an unfussy style I’d look back on and think of as timeless. I loved ballgown-style dresses and didn’t want a train or beading, but struggled to find the clean, unembellished look I hoped for. Ultimately, I found a USA-made line of simple styles available in a variety of fabrics, and chose a strapless ballgown with a bow sash in textured slub silk.

Andi Compton, Business Director

By the time I was 15 I had planned several weddings (I even had a binder like Monica from Friends—she gets me!), so when I got to finally set things in motion for myself, I was thrilled! My family throws big, formal weddings and my favorite colors are black and white, so we went with those, with silver as an accent. As far as décor, I just wanted over the top white florals. All my husband Matt said was, “No pink, and I’m wearing my own dress shoes.”

We had already decided to get married several months before Matt proposed, so when I visited Houston with my parents we went to the Priscilla of Boston shop I had been dreaming of since I was a teen. I tried on a giant ball gown with tulle, silk, and tons of beadwork and both my parents said it was what they’d always pictured for me, but we didn’t buy it since we didn’t have a date yet.

Fast forward to when I began working at a bridal store with my friend, and the same dress was on display when we walked in for our first day. She told me it was my dress, but I wasn’t sold yet. After a few months of modeling wedding gowns at the store I had tried on over 50 dresses, so I knew what I wanted: my giant beaded ball gown. It just needed a tulle bolero to be ready for Mass, cathedral length veil, and a tiara. 

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

I don’t think we really had a “theme” for our wedding. Getting married on Long Island, where my family is from, we couldn’t really have the simple wedding we wanted—Long Island weddings tend to be extravagant. So we made a lot of decisions about colors, flowers, stationery, and décor based on our desire to make sure our own personalities weren’t lost in the planning. For example, we chose sky blue and yellow as our colors because it was my favorite combination.

As for my dress, I wanted something timeless and elegant. My mom and I went looking at a small bridal boutique; the attendant there took my vision and immediately pulled the perfect dress off the rack. It was a cap-sleeved fit-and-flare dress, perfect for a May wedding. When I tried it on, I felt beautiful and so much like myself. 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

In truth, I was not much of a wedding daydreamer at any point in my childhood or engagement! I was eager to be married, but empowered my sister, an experienced event planner, to make many of the wedding planning decisions.

Shopping for a wedding dress was a spontaneous activity one afternoon with a friend. I had set a budget, but had no idea what I wanted. I was intimidated by the process and grateful to follow my friend’s exuberant enthusiasm. The professionals at the dress boutique were amazing and kind; they quickly helped me build a vision for my wedding dress. 

After trying on a few dresses, I knew I wanted something feminine, simple, and modest. Most importantly, I wanted to feel confident and beautiful. With those qualities in mind, I went back to the third dress I’d tried on and called it mine! I FaceTimed my parents, sister, godmother, and future mother-in-law to include them in the final decision before I said yes. 

I walked out of the store that day with my dress, a lace-trimmed Cathedral veil, a simple bridal veil and a thin belt--all under budget. The ease of this process was absolutely an answered prayer.

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

As a life-long Disney enthusiast, I always hoped my wedding dress would not only be the most beautiful dress I’d ever wear. I also dreamt this dress would make me feel like a princess. The dress I chose certainly did not let me down!

While we didn’t have a particular theme for our wedding, I was greatly inspired by the live-action Cinderella movie starring Lily James. Inspired by the film, I knew I wanted a ballgown-style wedding dress similar to the sparkly blue gown Cinderella wore in the movie. I wanted something elegant, timeless, romantic, and—of course—magical! 

After a long search, I finally found the perfect dress at Raffiné Bridal. It was a pure white ballgown with a multi-layered tulle skirt, designed by Stella York. It had a sweetheart neckline and was overlaid with lace at the top, which added the perfect modest touch for our Latin Mass wedding.

Planning a nuptial Mass in the Extraordinary Form? Looking for fairytale-style inspiration? See Danielle and her husband Jeff’s wedding feature here.

For a more traditional look, I chose a cathedral-length veil, made by my mother-in-law, and a crystal necklace, earrings, and a jeweled comb. I also had the seamstress (aka fairy-godmother!) replace the jeweled appliqué around the waist for a crystal belt. Just by altering that little part truly made it for the wedding dress of my dreams! For a day I literally felt like Cinderella. And though the magic has since worn away (not all the magic—I still have the shoes), I am more blessed because of that day and so thankful to Our Lady and Our Lord for making my dreams a reality.

Wedding Planning | How the Bridal Party Moves through the Ceremony

Wedding planning is not all color schemes and floral arrangements. As you consider the logistics of your wedding ceremony, you will determine how your bridal party will move through the sanctuary and share in the day as primary witnesses of your vows. 

Whether your vows are embedded within a full Mass or not, think through the order of the ceremony with your bridal party in mind. How can their presence and movement make the invisible reality of two becoming one more visible for all in attendance? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY & DESIGN

Some decisions may carry more significance and intention than others. Throughout these decisions and dialogues, your priest and the wedding coordinator from your church may offer input and perspective to help you make choices. 

The Procession 

Do bridesmaids and groomsmen process into the sanctuary together or separate?

Do men await the procession of women at the front of the aisle? 

There are many ways to think about the bridal party’s procession. If men and women process into the church together, they represent--from the start--the joining of two lives in a fruitful communion. If men and women process into the church individually, they mirror the procession of the groom and bride, who come into the sanctuary alone yet leave arm-in-arm. When men await the women near the front of the altar, they bring to life a quality of receptivity and patient respect for the woman to open her heart, her garden, as professed through aching desire in The Song of Songs. 

The Welcome 

Does the bridal party immediately go to their seats or do they stand near the altar for the bride’s procession?

Whether the bridal party awaits the bride from their seats or surrounding the groom and celebrant, this movement requires some planning and choreography. As a couple, visualize this moment and imagine your surroundings as you approach the altar together for the first time on this solemn day. The bridal party will have a “front row seat” from either perspective. The choice is yours. 

The Celebration of Matrimony 

Where does the wedding party stand during the Marriage Rite?

As you and your beloved exchange vows, does the bridal party remain at their seats or standing alongside the bride and groom?

During the Marriage Rite, the bride and groom will face each other at the foot of the altar. The priest will join them as he facilitates the exchange of consent and the exchange of rings. In addition, the Maid of Honor and Best Man will stand alongside the bride and groom as primary witnesses--and a second set of hands to offer the rings and hold the bride’s floral bouquet. 

There are options concerning the remainder of the bridal party. In most churches, the bridal party is invited to stand alongside the bride and groom in a horseshoe shape towards the wedding guests. While imagining your church’s environment, the side of your bridal party, and your own desires, should your dear friends and family members stand near the bride and groom, stand at the front of the altar but distanced from the center, or remain seated throughout the Marriage Rite? 

The Recessional 

You’re married! How will the bridal party leave the sanctuary? Will they be arm-in-arm in pairs or walk individually?

Would it help to have a conversation about facial expressions and body language? 

This point of the ceremony may be the simplest decision to make regarding the bridal party’s movement. Most often, the bridal party exits in pairs as they joyfully walk down the aisle behind the new Mr. and Mrs. Nonetheless, it’s important to take the recessional into consideration within the context of the ceremony in order to have a full picture of how the bridesmaids and groomsmen represent the coming together of man and woman in the sacrament. 

Are you married or planning a wedding? Did you consider an option for your bridal party that is not included here? Share it with our community on Facebook or Instagram. 

Wedding Planning | Sharing Joys with the Mother-of-the-Bride

ABIGAIL GRIPSHOVER

When my boyfriend surprised me with a proposal much earlier than I anticipated, I found myself with a wedding to plan in the midst of finishing college. While home for summer vacation, my “planner” personality kicked in and I quickly started making arrangements and researching vendors. I rushed to confirm as many details as possible while I spent my summer months in the town we would get married.  

In the midst of my business, I forgot to cherish the wonder of engagement and I forgot to include others in my plans. Most regrettably, I forgot to include my Mom, who I absolutely love and with whom I have a wonderful relationship.

The episode which caused me to finally realize my cold, systematic approach to wedding planning was hurting my Mom still haunts me today. Fortunately, these oversights were brought to my attention before it was too late to repair them. I hope to share lessons I learned the hard way, with the hope that future brides will remember their moms while wedding planning. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

Your Mom Has Expectations and Wedding Dreams Too

The bride is not the only one with expectations and dreams for how the wedding planning process will go. My mom has fond memories of collaborating on wedding plans with her mom, even though their relationship is not as strong as that of my mom and me. She looked forward to making similar memories with me, and I was oblivious.  

Just as the bride may have hopes and dreams for her day, the mother-of-the-bride may carry her own hopes and dreams.

Perhaps your mom has ideas she would love to see at the wedding to make sure you feel as special as you deserve. There may even be details your mom wished she had included in her wedding that she wants to make sure you do not miss. 

Be open-minded and give your mom a chance to make these memories and voice these ideas. Even if your visions are not the same, the opportunity to see how much she cares about this day being perfect for you will be a great blessing.

The Wedding is Also a Reflection of your Mother  

Especially if your parents are paying for the wedding, the event is one that reflects both of you. A calm and loving dialogue about logistics will go a long way in helping your mom feel like a valued contributor to the planning and not just a line of credit.

If the guests are not properly taken care of, if there is not enough food or if the accommodations are poor, your parents will take the responsibility upon themselves. The bride-to-be would do well to listen to her mom's concerns about the guests. She knows her family and in-laws much better than you do and will know what things could cause unnecessary drama. She will also know what details will be meaningful to help everyone have the best day possible. 

I am ashamed to admit I was horrible about giving our guests proper consideration as I planned my wedding.  My mom had to be the voice of reason, reminding me that even though this was "my day," the people traveling to celebrate with us needed to be taken care of properly so that everyone could enjoy the occasion.

She is Gaining a Son-in-Law, But Also Losing You...

As two families are joined together in marriage, each family gains a new member but also loses one. Even though you can still remain very close to your original family after your marriage, the relationship will change. Your husband is your number one confidant, provider, and priority now. You defer to him and the two of you are now a package deal. Though in most happy instances the previous relationships are still able to stay strong, they are going to be different.  

You are going to endure things you may not be able to talk to your mom about, have intimate details that remain hidden from her, and create parts of yourself that belong to someone else. Your spouse, who is new to your life compared to her, will be given all of you. He is your confidant, your family. 

Your mom will understand this new dynamic—she went through the same changes with her family when she married your dad. But understanding doesn't make the transition easier on her heart. By pausing to have special moments throughout the planning process, you show her that she will always be special to you.  Even though your priorities are changing, she will not be replaced—and never could be.

She Might Be Afraid and Unsure of Her Place

You are becoming a married woman now, and your mom might worry about how to appropriately interact with you in your new life. As you grow into your vocation, you will develop opinions about how to do things, which may differ from the way she did things in her household. As you face challenges and hard times, your mom may not know how to support you and respect your privacy.  She may be unsure of how to continue building an open relationship with you without overstepping her bounds.

Open dialogue and forgiveness is important during the wedding planning and newlywed phases of life.

Your mom has a wealth of information she would love to share, but she may be waiting for you to ask. Let her know when you want her advice; if she offers it at the wrong time, find a good moment to have an honest conversation with her about the areas of your life that you would like to remain more separate from criticism.

Ultimately your mom wants to be a part of your life for the long-run, so figuring out how to handle disagreements early on will only make the continued relationship easier to navigate. 

Wedding planning can feel rushed and overwhelming. Pausing to make sure your mom is included and properly cared for during your engagement will ease the tensions of planning, provide special memories for the two of you to cherish, and strengthen your relationship so it can thrive in your changing mother-daughter dynamic.

I hope my experience will help brides remember, love, affirm, and celebrate their moms throughout wedding planning and the transition to married life. 

Now that I have a daughter, it hurts to think of her excluding me the way I initially excluded my mom from my wedding planning. Even though my daughter is only six months old, I've already thought about how special and hard her wedding day will be, if God calls her to marriage. 

If I could go back, I would include my Mom from the beginning and would make sure that in the midst of my wedding day, I took a moment to thank her for everything. My Mom will always be my inspiration and the reason I am able to be where I am today. I hope that she looks back on our wedding planning with the fondness she hoped she would and that other engaged women are able to give their moms the gift of precious memories before they "forsake all others" to cling to their spouses first.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Abigail C. R. Gripshover is a beach girl living out her dual-vocation as writer and wife while striving to overcome chronic illness. She loves coffee shop dates with her husband and believes one can never have too many books or family traditions. Life right now consists of juggling new motherhood with full-time work from home, while prayerfully trying to find a way to balance it all with grace. She writes on her Instagram account and hopes to be starting a blog again soon.

Considering Custom Wedding Rings? A Catholic Jeweler Shares What to Expect in the Process.

JAY ROSS

When I designed wedding rings for my wife and me, it was so easy I barely had to think about it--of course, this is only because I am a third-generation jeweler; at the time (I was in college), my part-time job was working at my dad’s jewelry store,with access to professional casting houses and stone setters. I could have chosen any stone, any design, any metal, any ring, from any one of our many suppliers. 

I had literally every option available through a network of professional jewelers, but I opted for a custom design. It was empowering because I already had an idea of how it worked.

Here, if you and your spouse-to-be hope to pursue custom-designed wedding jewelry, tips, considerations, and information to put you in the same position. 

Photography: c/o 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Material

Tradition has voted in favor of precious metal--especially gold wedding rings. In our experience, many customers choose this metal over platinum. Gold is manufactured in an alloy (a metallurgist term meaning a mixture of metals). Rings can be white or yellow gold (or even red or green gold!), all of which have the same amount of pure gold; a similar price should accompany each metal. Be aware that there may be additional labor charges for metals that are more difficult to work with or require special equipment (palladium and platinum are examples). 

Allergies

White gold often has a high nickel content, so if you are allergic to nickel, make sure to tell your jeweler. There are nickel-free gold alloys that cost a little more because they have more valuable metals (like palladium) creating the white color instead of nickel. Platinum is also a great  option for allergy-prone purchasers. 

Contemporary metals

Materials like tungsten, titanium, or even nylon have begun to make an appearance as wedding ring options. While many jewelers have the torches required to repair or size many kinds of metals, some jewelers may refuse or may not be equipped to work on them because contamination of their tools with non-precious metals may negatively affect the tools or otherwise leave residue that can mar future orders in gold, silver, or platinum. Some jewelers may lack experience with these metals. The upside is that these metals are inexpensive, often offer a wide range of very cool colors, and sometimes offer a wide range of mass, which means a ring can feel almost as heavy or as light as you like. 

Precious metal considerations for Catholic couples

As Catholics we regularly use incense, candles, formal vestments, and precious metals (think chalices) as part of our celebrations. These precious objects do more than articulate the importance of our sacraments; they illustrate the value we place on the sacraments themselves. 

In Exodus, God filled Bezalel with the Holy Spirit to create artistic designs in gold, silver, and bronze (Exod. 31:4); Bezalel was the craftsman who created the Ark of the Covenant. So for those looking to celebrate the sanctity of marriage, in choosing gold you would certainly be in good company!

Developing design ideas 

Draw out some thoughts on paper--and don’t be afraid of your artistic talent (or lack thereof!). Many jewelers are used to rough sketches and are able to incorporate your dreams into something truly beautiful. 

You might find jewelry that almost suits your tastes, but not quite. You can communicate this by creating a Pinterest board for your jeweler or sending pictures via phone or email. Each of these options gives your jeweler an idea of your aesthetic so he or she can create a piece that matches your style and is structurally sound. 

 Determining sizes and widths

Width: Many couples go into ring shopping knowing they need a ring size (a measurement of how big the inside of the ring will be), but without an idea of how wide the rings should be (a measurement of how much of the finger is covered by a ring). 

The most popular ladies’ wedding bands are between 1.5mm for the very thinnest recommended size, and about 4mm wide for the thickest. Most popular men’s sizes are between 6mm and 10mm. I advise my couples to choose complementary rings, rather than exact matches. 

Ring size: Even ordering online, you have many options for determining your ring sizes--many online jewelry stores, for instance, have ring-sizing printables. Alternatively, you can measure your finger with string and then easily google your ring size. 

A more precise method, of course, is to visit a local jewelry store to acquire your size in person. At that time, make sure you have developed an idea of the width of your rings first.

A thin ring may fit you perfectly, yet a wider one in the same size might not even go over your knuckle. This is because of the amount of metal that needs to pass over the knuckle varies by width. 

You may fall somewhere in the middle of a size. Whatever your size, be sure to take note of this and inform your jeweler beforehand, since some wedding bands cannot be sized after their construction. In my business, some customers prefer to try on a ring created on a 3D printer before it is made in gold, just to make sure it fits perfectly.

Photography: c/o 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Choosing an artisan

Many towns have independent jewelers, which allows you to support a small business with your purchasing power--something increasingly important to couples who want to shop small. 

Also consider different jewelers’ areas of expertise. Maybe you are inspired by the wedding story of Sts. Zelie and Louis Martin, or perhaps a special devotion to Mary has a place in your journey with your spouse. A Catholic artist with this knowledge would be a great fit. 

 Perhaps you want your ring to utilize a specialty technique like micro-pave (a multitude of tiny diamonds creating a pavement effect) or makume gane (a Japanese technique of laminating multiple metals to create a woodgrain look). Choose an artisan who specializes  in what is important to you. 

The process

Initial Sketches: A jeweler will help you decide what the rings will look like by drawing a few examples. These are great moments to document and share with family and friends. You can also share these ideas with your children as they plan their own weddings one day! Take pictures or keep the initial sketches your jeweler creates. 

Jewelry models: A jeweler may carve your rings out of wax and use the ancient lost-wax method to cast a ring for you out of your choice of metal. Some jewelers will create a 3D printed model that will be melted away just like a wax carving and cast into the couple’s choice of metal. Both options produce beautiful results. 

One benefit to 3D-printed models is that they can be mailed to a couple for approval before they are made in metal. Wax, on the other hand, can break easily and then must be carved again. Either option gives you another great milestone to document your wedding-planning journey. 

Pouring molten metal: Many jewelers use the lost-wax casting method to create rings. This method actually dates back to Exodus. During this process, the jeweler welds wax models or 3D-printed models to a flat plate using beeswax. A metal cylinder is placed around them, and a mixture of powder and water is poured over the model and left to dry for two to three hours. Then the wax is melted out over the course of roughly eight hours, revealing a negative space that is an exact replica of the rings. 

The artisan measures out enough gold to fill the negative space. They melt the metal in a crucible and inject it into the negative space using either vacuum or centrifugal machines. Voila! Your rings have been created! At this time, any stones are set in place by the stone setter. Any (or all!) of these steps are incredibly interesting and can make a great photo opportunity if your artisan can photograph parts of the process. Just ask!

You should expect to pay an average of about $200-500 more for a custom ring set than for pre-made styles. The weight of the rings and the labor involved will ultimately dictate price. 

Off-the-shelf rings can appear inexpensive at first, but be aware that precious metals are sold by weight; price fluctuations are either due to less metal or undervalued labor.  

For the most important piece you will ever wear, there is certainly great value in considering wedding rings that are entirely unique.

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About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

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Documents You Need to Get Married in the Church

It’s probably no surprise that planning a wedding looks different for couples getting married in the Church than it does for the couples who aren’t.

The Church requires several documents that you will need to have before your big day that might not be required by couples only getting civilly married. 

The following are documents Catholics need; if you or your spouse is a non-Catholic or non-baptized person, you may need to provide additional documents, so make sure to check with the parish and diocese you in which you will marry. 

Baptismal Certificate

Both the bride and groom must have a valid baptismal certificate. You might also be asked for communion and confirmation certificates as well. 

It must be the original copy, complete with church seal from your baptismal church that has been issued within 6 months of the date of the wedding. 

Can’t find yours? Don’t panic. Just contact the Church where you were baptized and ask for a new copy. 

Affidavit of Freedom to Marry

Before getting married in the Church, witnesses must establish the couple’s freedom to marry.

This document is signed by two people (preferably parents or relatives) who can testify to this on behalf of the couple.

The witnesses confirm that the bride and the groom are not related, have never been previously married (or have had their previous marriage annulled), and are entering into this marriage freely and completely. 

Marriage License

Even though your wedding is primarily a sacramental wedding, it is still necessary to have a civil marriage license.

You can obtain your marriage license by going to the County’s Clerk office and presenting proof of your identity, social security number, and the application fee. 

Many states may have a waiting period so you might not get it the same day you apply. Make sure you check your state requirements during the wedding planning process to avoid additional stress during wedding week. 

Marriage prep certification

Often, the parish will ask you to complete (and provide certification of completing) a marriage prep course such as Pre-Cana, a Natural Family Planning class, and Pre-marriage inventories such as FOCCUS or PREPARE.

The marriage preparation requirements vary slightly from diocese to diocese, so talk to your celebrant or parish office to learn about what the requirements are for you and your soon-to-be spouse.

Wedding Planning | Saying the Vows

While considering all of the aspects of a wedding day, attention quickly focuses on decisions regarding location, menus and color schemes. The wedding ceremony itself provides many more opportunities for a bride and groom to make personal and intentional decisions. 

When it comes to saying the vows, there are two primary options—and other variables—for couples to consider. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Called by name 

At the moment of exchanging “The Consent,” or the marriage vows, both the bride and groom receive their calling from God and say “yes” in committing their lives to another in an eternal act of love. The priest initiates the consent by calling first the groom, then the bride, by name. 

When you meet with your priest or deacon  in preparation for your wedding ceremony, clarify how you would like him to address you on the Altar. Should he only mention your first name? Would you prefer if he referenced your first and middle name? Is it significant for your Confirmation name to be included?  

After the presider calls attention to the bride and groom, it is the moment of consent.

Say “I do”

The first option is for the marriage minister to offer the vows in the form of questions, so the couple will individually respond “I do.” This is the format and language used for other sacraments in the Church, beginning with Baptism. 

Recite the Vows 

The second option is for each individual to proclaim recite your name and the vows to the other. You may recite the vows from memory, read them from a printed card, or echo the promptings from the priest or deacon. 

Determining the right option for your wedding day is a personal decision—and there is no right or wrong. Have you and your beloved imagined this moment of exchange in your imagination? When you visualize your wedding day, what do you hear yourself saying? 

If you don’t initially have a strong opinion, your presider may be able to offer insight from his past experience at weddings. Prayerfully invite God into this decision and follow the direction he leads your heart. Perhaps it would also be inspiring to speak with your parents or grandparents to learn about the decisions they made for their wedding day. 

Decisions about the visible environment and logistics of the wedding day are vital and create a lasting impact for everyone present. In a different way, the words you speak in the Consent may be the most important and impactful words you say in your life. This is the moment you offer yourself freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully to your spouse. Prepare with intention and joy as you journey toward your vocation. 

The Mystery of Crowning | The Byzantine Catholic Marriage Ritual

KIKI HAYDEN

Laurel-like leaves and baby’s breath wreathed Michael’s hair. The leaves were difficult to weave into the crown, but my maid of honor and I managed--with some help from my sisters and a lot of flower tape.

Turning to me, Father held out another almost identical crown, and I leaned forward to kiss it. The crown smelled fresh and green amidst the thick, rich incense in the church. As Father placed the crown on my head, I was married to Michael in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

My husband grew up Ruthenian Byzantine Catholic, and we were married in the Byzantine rite, whose liturgical traditions came from Constantinople. The Byzantine Catholic marriage sacrament, called the Mystery of Crowning, emphasizes God’s sovereignty over marriage, his call to martyrdom, and a glimpse of Heavenly community. Learning about another Catholic rite’s marriage traditions can provide new understandings of God’s beautiful plan for marriage.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JONALEE EARLES PHOTOGRAPHY, PREVIOUSLY SEEN IN An Introduction To The Byzantine Rite Of Marriage

On our wedding  day, we exchanged no rings and said no vows. Instead, our wedding began with a crowning ceremony, continued with readings, a dance around the Gospel book, and finally culminated when we took the Eucharist together. 

A Note about Rings, Vows, and Chalices

In the Byzantine tradition, the priest places rings on the couple’s fingers at the betrothal ceremony. Eastern Catholic Churches take betrothal very seriously; an annulment may be required to dissolve it. Because of this, couples have the option to celebrate their betrothal on the same day as their wedding or, if their priest allows, during their season of engagement. Once betrothed, Byzantine Catholics continue to wear their rings just like Roman Catholics wear wedding rings.  The ring symbolizes the commitment to the couple’s vocation together.

Vows were traditionally not a part of Byzantine Catholic marriages. However, in the spirit of blending cultures, some Byzantine couples in America choose to include vows in their ceremony. The vows are not sacramental but carry emotional significance.

Most Byzantine couples share the Common Cup, a chalice of unconsecrated wine that symbolizes their common life together. Traditionally, Byzantine Catholic weddings do not include the Liturgy of the Eucharist. However, if both spouses are Catholic, the couple may choose to replace the Common Cup with the Liturgy of the Eucharist, or to include both in their ceremony.  

God’s Sovereignty over Marriage

“This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church.” 

God calls us to our vocations; we assent to participate in His plan. After assenting to be married, the couple remains silent throughout the wedding. The sacramental moment of a Byzantine marriage is when the priest places crowns upon the couples’ heads. 

“The sacrament is not administered by the couple to each other,” as in the Roman Catholic tradition; “in the Byzantine tradition, the priest gives the sacrament of marriage to the couple like baptism, like the Eucharist,” explains Father Michael O’Loughlin in “The Heart of Marriage,” a podcast episode from Catholic Stuff You Should Know. 

Marriage Crowns: The Call to Martyrdom

“Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” 

Marriage crowns remind the new spouses that they are now the leaders of a tiny church: their family. Just like the Church, the couple is led by the Holy Spirit to do the will of the Father and to draw closer to the Son. The marriage crown says, “here is the beginning of a small kingdom which can be something like the true Kingdom,” wrote Fr. Alexander Schmemann in For the Life of the World.

Marriage crowns are crowns of martyrdom, signs of glory and triumph when man and woman lay down their lives as an act of love for the other. “A martyr gives everything, even their very life for the kingdom of God and for Christ. So the couple is now crowned with martyrdom… they have now died to themselves to live for the other,” said Fr. O’Loughlin. 

By accepting the crowns of martyrdom, the couple has already surrendered their lives to each other and to God. They are led to the front of the church for the Dance of Isaiah, a victory dance for their sacrifice. 

The Dance of Isaiah: A foundation on Christ and a glimpse of Heavenly Community 

“Love never ends… For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.” 

After the crowning and the readings, the priest leads the couple three times around the Gospel book, which rests on a table near the front of the church. The priest holds a small cross in front of them.. Christ is their beacon as they take their first few steps as a married couple. The Gospel is at the center of this dance. They walk in three circles: a circle has no end. This is because the marriage sacrament “is not taken ‘until death parts,’ but until death unites us completely,” wrote Fr. Schmemann.

Married love is an icon of Christ’s love for us as well as a foreshadowing of the redeemed love we will share in Heaven: unending, selfless, and always encouraging each other to grow closer to the Trinity.

Meanwhile, the congregation sings four troparia (hymns). They lyrics include praise for the couple receiving their crowns: “O Holy martyrs, you have suffered courageously and received your reward; pray to the Lord our God to have mercy on our souls.” 

During this dance, the couple is surrounded by the singing of their family and friends, as well as the heavenly community present whenever the sacraments are celebrated. Painted icons around the church serve as reminders that the angels and saints are present. In this moment, the cloud of witnesses is fully present, able to be seen and heard.

A Sacramental Sign

In a shadowbox on the wall in our home, our marriage crowns remind us that God chose Michael for me and me for Michael. We are called to be martyrs for Christ and for each other. Although our love is imperfect, through our marriage, the Lord gives us a taste of heavenly community—unconditional, supported by our community, and always oriented toward the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. To read about how God has changed her life through speech therapy, visit her website.

4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet

Are your currently choosing florals for your wedding décor and bouquet?

Both secular and religious culture have long traditions of ascribing particular symbolism and significance to flowers. The first use of flowers and plants as an invitation to contemplate God’s creation is believed to have originated in medieval monasteries. Saint Basil the Great wrote in a homily, “I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that everywhere, wherever you may be, the least plant may bring to yon the clear remembrance of the Creator.”

Photography: Mel Watson Photography, c/o The Little Flower Company

The thought that living things speak a language, drawing our attention to the Father’s creativity, precision, and beauty, is a profound one. If the language of flowers appeals to you, consider incorporating blossoms that signify Our Lady--the purest, most radiant bride--into your selections. Here, four flowers with Marian significance.

Lilies

Many images of the Annunciation depict the angel Gabriel presenting Mary with a lily as he invites her to shelter and bear from her womb the Word made flesh. Saint Joseph, Mary’s beloved spouse, is also frequently shown with the lily. Both of these connections emphasize Our Lady’s purity and chastity--her perfect integration of body and soul. 

The lily of the valley flower, in particular, is also known as “Our Lady’s tears,” said to have blossomed from the tears Mary shed at the foot of the cross. Even on the joyful day of a wedding feast, these flowers are a delicate, fragrant reminder that marriage calls us to embrace both agony and ecstasy.

Consider, as well, that the lily is mentioned several times in the Song of Songs, a source of beauty among thorns and an element within “a garden closed:” an meditation on what it is to be a bride.  

Bold, sculptural star and Easter lilies are well-suited to spring weddings or minimalist brides, while tiger lilies and lily of the valley are a great fit for summer celebrations and bohemian or rustic tastes.

Roses

The ancient prayer of the Litany of Loreto calls upon the intercession of the Holy Trinity and of Our Lady under various titles, including Mary as the “Mystical Rose.”

Why the rose? Popularly considered the crowning, most beautiful of all flowers, Our Lady has been described by Saint Brigid as “beautiful to the sight, and tender to the touch, and yet it grows among thorns, inimical to the beauty and tenderness...The Virgin may suitably be called a blooming rose. Just as the gentle rose is placed among thorns, So this gentle Virgin was surrounded by sorrow.” As with the lily, the symbolism of roses invites spouses to consider the good times and bad, the easy and the crosses, which they entrust to one another in their marriage vows.

Roses convey a classic sensibility and, in addition to the Mystical Rose devotion, call to mind Our Lady’s gift of roses to Saint Juan Diego at Guadalupe.

Marigolds or Calendula

As prayer gardens grew more prevalent in medieval monastic settings, the faithful frequently reclaimed pagan epithets for plants and flowers by giving them religious names. Marigolds or calendula flowers (variations on a similar species) are now traditionally known as “Mary’s gold,” intended to invoke Our Lady’s heavenly queenship and radiance, the “woman clothed with the sun” in Revelation who triumphs over the grasp of evil and destruction.

Available in warm tones of red, gold, and orange, marigolds are beautifully suited to fall weddings, and can also be found in year-round friendly white.

Something Blue

Choosing blue, the color most frequently associated with Our Lady, for your wedding florals offers an array of choices and shades to complement your wedding colors, season, and style. Consider hydrangea, hyacinth, iris, bluebells, or wildflowers.

Do you plan to choose your wedding flowers based on their symbolism or connections to Scripture and the saints? Share your stories in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

Wedding Planning | Ceremony Seating for the Bride and Groom

When planning a Catholic wedding, the bride and groom consider many details for the liturgy. One important decision is where they will sit, stand, and kneel through the duration of the ceremony.

PHOTOGRAPHY: EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY

Seated next to the Sanctuary, Facing the Congregation 

Imagine the way a priest sits, in a sacramental way, at the head of the sanctuary during the Mass, facing the congregation. In the same way, a bride and groom may choose to sit at the periphery of the sanctuary with their bodies facing the wedding guests.  

In their essence, the bride and groom embody beauty and love. They naturally attract the attention of their beloved family and friends. As they sit on the altar throughout the Liturgy, many wedding guests may gaze in admiration at the subtle movements and interactions between these living icons of love. 

One reason brides and grooms may choose to sit facing the congregation is to serve God as a visible witness of holy love and participation in the Mass. While wedding guests hear the word of God and see the bride and groom, their senses are filled with an image of unconditional, divine love. 

Seated in front of the Sanctuary, Facing the Altar 

A bride and groom may opt to sit facing the Altar, with their backs to the congregation throughout the Mass.

The Sacrament of Matrimony is an exchange between bride, groom, and God. The three become one through the mutual consent and exchange of marriage vows. The congregation of wedding guests attends as a crowd of witnesses, lifting the couple in joy, prayer and celebration for their new vocation. 

When a bride and groom choose to sit facing the altar throughout the duration of the wedding ceremony, their bodies, eyes and hearts are completely directed towards God--on the crucifix and in Scripture. Through their exemplary position in the front of the church, they lead the eyes and hearts of wedding guests to God. 

A Combination Option 

The Liturgy of the Word, the celebration of Matrimony, and the Liturgy of the Eucharist (if included) are three different movements of the wedding ceremony. By speaking with your priest and wedding coordinator at your church, there can be a way to include different seating arrangements for the bride and groom during different times of the Mass. 

Perhaps you and your soon-to-be spouse yearn to be a visible sign to your wedding guests, yet desire to point your eyes and hearts to God as well. Think creatively about how and when your bodies can communicate these desires throughout your wedding ceremony.

It may be possible, for example, to sit facing the congregation during the Liturgy of the Word, move to the front of the church for the Celebration of Matrimony, then remain in new seats and kneelers—facing the sanctuary—for the duration of the Mass. 

The only way to know the right option is by praying through these decisions and discussing them with your fiance and priest. The physical structure of your church may impact your decision, or your priest may have personal preferences based on his own past experience. 

When planned with intention, the little details of your wedding ceremony help create a meaningful and powerful experience for everyone present on the day you enter the Sacrament. 

Are you married? Where did you and your spouse sit during the wedding ceremony—and why? Please share your experiences with our community on Facebook or Instagram.