Wedding Planning | How the Bridal Party Moves through the Ceremony

Wedding planning is not all color schemes and floral arrangements. As you consider the logistics of your wedding ceremony, you will determine how your bridal party will move through the sanctuary and share in the day as primary witnesses of your vows. 

Whether your vows are embedded within a full Mass or not, think through the order of the ceremony with your bridal party in mind. How can their presence and movement make the invisible reality of two becoming one more visible for all in attendance? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY & DESIGN

Some decisions may carry more significance and intention than others. Throughout these decisions and dialogues, your priest and the wedding coordinator from your church may offer input and perspective to help you make choices. 

The Procession 

Do bridesmaids and groomsmen process into the sanctuary together or separate?

Do men await the procession of women at the front of the aisle? 

There are many ways to think about the bridal party’s procession. If men and women process into the church together, they represent--from the start--the joining of two lives in a fruitful communion. If men and women process into the church individually, they mirror the procession of the groom and bride, who come into the sanctuary alone yet leave arm-in-arm. When men await the women near the front of the altar, they bring to life a quality of receptivity and patient respect for the woman to open her heart, her garden, as professed through aching desire in The Song of Songs. 

The Welcome 

Does the bridal party immediately go to their seats or do they stand near the altar for the bride’s procession?

Whether the bridal party awaits the bride from their seats or surrounding the groom and celebrant, this movement requires some planning and choreography. As a couple, visualize this moment and imagine your surroundings as you approach the altar together for the first time on this solemn day. The bridal party will have a “front row seat” from either perspective. The choice is yours. 

The Celebration of Matrimony 

Where does the wedding party stand during the Marriage Rite?

As you and your beloved exchange vows, does the bridal party remain at their seats or standing alongside the bride and groom?

During the Marriage Rite, the bride and groom will face each other at the foot of the altar. The priest will join them as he facilitates the exchange of consent and the exchange of rings. In addition, the Maid of Honor and Best Man will stand alongside the bride and groom as primary witnesses--and a second set of hands to offer the rings and hold the bride’s floral bouquet. 

There are options concerning the remainder of the bridal party. In most churches, the bridal party is invited to stand alongside the bride and groom in a horseshoe shape towards the wedding guests. While imagining your church’s environment, the side of your bridal party, and your own desires, should your dear friends and family members stand near the bride and groom, stand at the front of the altar but distanced from the center, or remain seated throughout the Marriage Rite? 

The Recessional 

You’re married! How will the bridal party leave the sanctuary? Will they be arm-in-arm in pairs or walk individually?

Would it help to have a conversation about facial expressions and body language? 

This point of the ceremony may be the simplest decision to make regarding the bridal party’s movement. Most often, the bridal party exits in pairs as they joyfully walk down the aisle behind the new Mr. and Mrs. Nonetheless, it’s important to take the recessional into consideration within the context of the ceremony in order to have a full picture of how the bridesmaids and groomsmen represent the coming together of man and woman in the sacrament. 

Are you married or planning a wedding? Did you consider an option for your bridal party that is not included here? Share it with our community on Facebook or Instagram. 

How to Decide Whose Family to Visit for the Holidays

The holidays are just around the corner, so if you haven’t solidified your plans for the occasions now is the time to do so.

Deciding where to spend the holidays can surprisingly cause tension or conflict between newly married or newly engaged couples, especially if their families live far away.

But it doesn’t have to.

Pray about it

Every couple has an idea of what their perfect holiday with their new family would look like. Take your desires to Jesus and ask Him to show you how He wants you and your husband to make the most of the holidays. 

Ask Him to help you not get wrapped up in the material elements of the holidays but to always keep the true significance of the holidays alive in your hearts. 

Traveling long distances for the holidays often requires some sacrifices, so pray also for the grace to handle it well and approach the holidays with a spirit of peace and joy regardless of how you choose to spend them. 

Discuss priorities

Each person enters the marriage with unique holiday traditions that are near to their heart. It’s very difficult (if impossible) for married couples to experience the holidays with their family in the same way they did before they said “I do.”

You and your significant other should discuss your hopes and desires for the holidays and determine your family’s priorities, before talking to either family. 

You will want to be united with your spouse before approaching your parents and in-laws. 

Take into consideration the time you will have off work and your financial situation and determine realistic goals for the season. 

Communicate with your family

Obviously, you will have to communicate your plans to your families. But don’t just call them and tell them what you decided you were going to do. Consider involving them in the conversation. 

Give your family the space to feel heard and their wishes respected. If your parents experienced a similar dilemma as newlyweds ask them how they handled it. 

You might not be able to please everybody and that’s okay. But discussing with them the rationale in your decision and (reasonably) taking their wishes into account can help ease some of the disappointment.

Continue the conversation

You don’t have to have every holiday for the rest of your marriage figured out in the first year. The conversation may be worth revisiting and revising.

Some couples decide to alternate holidays each year, while others may decide to stick to the original plan year after year. 

Either way, allowing for flexibility and change can help prevent bitterness from building up over time and allows couples to stay united and joyful during these special times. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

November Giveaway | Collaboration with Sock Religious

The holiday season is quickly approaching, and here at Spoken Bride, we’re in the gift-giving spirit! We’ve collaborated with Sock Religious to give one of our beloved brides her choice of a pair of eye-catching Catholic socks and a tote bag from our affectionately curated Spoken Bride shop.

The giveaway begins November 4 at 6AM EST on Instagram and ends November 5 at 11:59PM EST/ 8:59PM PST. To enter, make sure to follow @spokenbride and @sockreligious on Instagram. Then, tag up to five Catholic brides or newlyweds in separate comments. Each entry increases your chance of winning!

Choose from delightful and distinctly Catholic sock designs like St. John Paul II, St. Joseph, Our Lady of Guadalupe, or St. Therese of Lisieux. And decide which Spoken Bride tote bag from our Beloved Collection best complements your honeymoon getaway or newlywed wardrobe. Check out our Married Saints Tote or Traditional Vows Tote!

The giveaway winner will be randomly selected on Wednesday, November 6, 2019 and notified over Instagram by Friday, November 8, 2019. For a complete list of rules, see below.

As we celebrate a month dedicated to all saints and the holy souls in Purgatory, remember to offer your wedding planning trials for the sake of the souls of the faithfully departed, and ask in joy for the intercession of our saintly friends in Heaven. Be assured of our prayers for you during this exciting season!

In Christ’s love,

The Spoken Bride Team

---

Official Rules:

NO PURCHASE IS NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A PURCHASE DOES NOT INCREASE THE CHANCES OF WINNING.

1. Eligibility: This Campaign is open only to those who follow @spokenbride and @sockreligious on Instagram and who are 18 years of age as of the date of entry. The Campaign is only open to legal residents of the United States of America, and is void where prohibited by law. Employees of Spoken Bride, LLC and Sock Religious and immediate family members and/or those living in the same household of Employees are not eligible to participate in the Campaign. The Campaign is subject to all applicable federal, state, and local laws and regulations. Void where prohibited.

2. Agreement to Rules: By participating, the Contestant (“You”) agree to be fully unconditionally bound by these Rules, and You represent and warrant that You meet the eligibility requirements. In addition, You agree to accept the decisions of Spoken Bride, LLC as final and binding as it relates to the content of this Campaign.

3. Campaign Period: Entries will be accepted online starting on Monday November 4, 2019 at 6:00am EST/3:00am PST and ending Tuesday, November 5, 2019 at 11:59pm EST/ 8:59pm PST. 

4. How to Enter: The Campaign must be entered by submitting an entry following the steps outlined here and on Instagram @spokenbride: Follow @spokenbride and @sockreligious on Instagram and tag a friend.The entry must fulfill all Campaign requirements, as specified, to be eligible to win a prize. Entries that are incomplete or do not adhere to the rules or specifications may be disqualified at the sole discretion of Spoken Bride, LLC. If you use fraudulent methods or otherwise attempt to circumvent the rules, your submission may be removed from eligibility at the sole discretion of Spoken Bride, LLC.

5. Prizes: The Winner of the Campaign (the “Winner”) will receive ONE pair of socks from Sock Religious (winner’s choice of design), and ONE tote bag from Spoken Bride, LLC (winner’s choice of design), an approximate total value of $39. Actual/appraised value may differ at time of prize award. The specifics of the prize shall be solely determined by Spoken Bride, LLC. No cash or other prize substitution shall be permitted except at Spoken Bride, LLC's discretion. The prize is non-transferable. Any and all prize-related expenses, including without limitation any and all federal, state, and/or local taxes, shall be the sole responsibility of Winner. No substitution of prize or transfer/assignment of prize to others or request for the cash equivalent by Winner is permitted. Acceptance of prize constitutes permission for Spoken Bride, LLC to use Winner’s name, likeness, and entry for purposes of advertising and trade without further compensation, unless prohibited by law.

6. Odds: The odds of winning depend on the number of eligible entries received.

7. Winner Selection and Notification: Winner will be selected by a random drawing under the supervision of Spoken Bride, LLC. Winner will be notified by Instagram message and tag within 1 day following selection of Winner. Spoken Bride, LLC shall have no liability for Winner’s failure to receive notices due to spam, junk email or other security settings or for Winner’s provision of incorrect or otherwise non-functioning contact information. If Winner cannot be contacted, is ineligible, fails to claim the prize within 7 days from the time award notification was sent, or fails to timely return a completed and executed declaration and release as required, the prize may be forfeited and an alternate Winner selected. Receipt by Winner of the prize offered in this Campaign is conditioned upon compliance with any and all federal, state, and local laws and regulations. ANY VIOLATION OF THESE OFFICIAL RULES BY WINNER (AT SPOKEN BRIDE‘S SOLE DISCRETION) WILL RESULT IN WINNER’S DISQUALIFICATION AS WINNER OF THE CAMPAIGN, AND ALL PRIVILEGES AS WINNER WILL BE IMMEDIATELY TERMINATED.

8. Rights Granted by You: By entering this content (e.g., photo, video, text, etc.), You understand and agree that Spoken Bride, LLC, anyone acting on behalf of Spoken Bride, LLC, and Spoken Bride, LLC’s licensees, successors, and assigns, shall have the right, where permitted by law, to print, publish, broadcast, distribute, and use in any media now known or hereafter developed, in perpetuity and throughout the World, without limitation, your entry, name, portrait, picture, voice, likeness, image, statements about the Campaign, and biographical information for news, publicity, information, trade, advertising, public relations, and promotional purposes. without any further compensation, notice, review, or consent.

9. Terms & Conditions: Spoken Bride, LLC reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to cancel, terminate, modify or suspend the Campaign should virus, bug, non-authorized human intervention, fraud, or other cause beyond Spoken Bride’s control corrupt or affect the administration, security, fairness, or proper conduct of the Campaign. In such case, Spoken Bride, LLC may select the Winner from all eligible entries received prior to and/or after (if appropriate) the action taken by Spoken Bride, LLC. Spoken Bride, LLC reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to disqualify any individual who tampers or attempts to tamper with the entry process or the operation of the Campaign or website or violates these Terms & Conditions. Spoken Bride, LLC has the right, in its sole discretion, to maintain the integrity of the Campaign, to void votes for any reason, including, but not limited to: multiple entries from the same user from different IP addresses; multiple entries from the same computer in excess of that allowed by Campaign rules; or the use of bots, macros, scripts, or other technical means for entering. Any attempt by an entrant to deliberately damage any website or undermine the legitimate operation of the Campaign may be a violation of criminal and civil laws. Should such an attempt be made, Spoken Bride, LLC reserves the right to seek damages to the fullest extent permitted by law.

10. Limitation of Liability: By entering, You agree to release and hold harmless Spoken Bride, LLC and its subsidiaries, affiliates, advertising and promotion agencies, partners, representatives, agents, successors, assigns, employees, officers, and directors from any liability, illness, injury, death, loss, litigation, claim, or damage that may occur, directly or indirectly, whether caused by negligence or not, from: (i) such entrant’s participation in the Campaign and/or his/her acceptance, possession, use, or misuse of any prize or any portion thereof; (ii) technical failures of any kind, including but not limited to the malfunction of any computer, cable, network, hardware, or software, or other mechanical equipment; (iii) the unavailability or inaccessibility of any transmissions, telephone, or Internet service; (iv) unauthorized human intervention in any part of the entry process or the Promotion; (v) electronic or human error in the administration of the Promotion or the processing of entries.

11. Disputes: This Campaign is governed by the laws of the United States of America AND California, WITHOUT RESPECT TO CONFLICT OF LAW DOCTRINES. As a condition of participating in this Campaign, participant agrees that any and all disputes that cannot be resolved between the parties, and causes of action arising out of or connected with this Campaign, shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action, exclusively before a court located in California having jurisdiction. Further, in any such dispute, under no circumstances shall participant be permitted to obtain awards for, and hereby waives all rights to, punitive, incidental, or consequential damages, including reasonable attorney’s fees, other than participant’s actual out-of-pocket expenses (i.e. costs associated with entering this Campaign). Participant further waives all rights to have damages multiplied or increased. Any controversy or claim arising out of or relating to this contract, or the breach thereof, shall be settled by arbitration administered by the American Arbitration Association under its Commercial Arbitration Rules. The number of arbitrators shall be one. The place of arbitration shall be San Diego, California. California law shall apply. Judgment on the award rendered by the arbitrator(s) may be entered in any court having jurisdiction thereof.

12. The Sponsors of the Campaign are Spoken Bride, LLC and Sock Religious.

13. Facebook and Instagram: The Campaign hosted by Spoken Bride, LLC is in no way sponsored, endorsed, administered by, or associated with Facebook or Instagram.

14. This giveaway is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Instagram. By entering, entrants confirm they are 18+ years of age, release Instagram of responsibility, and agree to Instagram's terms of use.

15. By opting in and entering this Campaign, You, the Contestant, have affirmatively reviewed, accepted, and agreed to all of the Official Rules.

Married Saints You Can Learn From

One of the greatest gifts from our rich Catholic tradition is the communion of Saints.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Our brothers and sisters in the Church Triumphant have left behind a legacy and example we can learn from and offer their prayers for those of us still on earth. 

There are so many wonderful saints we can look toward in this vocation of marriage, who better to ask for help than couples who practice heroic virtue in their own relationships. 

Saints Anne and Joachim

Saints Anne and Joachim are the parents of the Blessed Mother and the grandparents of Jesus. 

Not much is known about Anne and Joachim but traditionally it is believed that they conceived their daughter in their old age but went on to instill in her a deep faith and love of God. 

The Church sees the parents of Mother of God as the ones who taught her how to respond to God’s request with “May it be done to me according to your word.”

Saints Elizabeth and Zacheriah

After being barren for many years and advanced in age, Elizabeth, the cousin of Mary and Zacheriah, a priest in the temple, were promised a son through the messenger Gabriel.

Their son, John the Baptist was a prophet who foretold the coming of the savior, even from within his mother’s womb. He has been called “the greatest man born of woman” and held in high esteem in the Church. 

Elizabeth and Zacheriah are exemplary models for married couples of patience and trust in God.

Related: What the Visitation can teach us about friendship

Saints Louis and Zelie Martin

The parents of St. Therese of Lisieux became the first married couple to be canonized together. 

Louis Martin and Zelie Guerin had both wanted to enter the religious life but learned that God had other plans for them. The couple had nine children, four of whom died immaturely. The remaining five daughters all went on to become Carmelite nuns. 

The Pope stated in his homily during their canonization mass: “The holy spouses Louis Martin and Marie-Azélie Guérin practiced Christian service in the family, creating day by day an environment of faith and love which nurtured the vocations of their daughters…”

Blessed Maria & Luigi Beltrame

Luigi and Maria Beltrame Quattrocchi "made a true domestic church of their family, which was open to life, to prayer, to the social apostolate, to solidarity with the poor and to friendship." 

During the Nazi invasion of Italy, their apartment remained a place of peace as they prayed the rosary together each evening and consecrated their family to the Sacred Heart. It also became a shelter for refugees. 

With Maria’s fourth pregnancy, she experienced serious complications that greatly reduced her chance of survival and was advised to abort the baby. Trusting in God, Maria and Luigi refused. All four children went on to have vocations to the priesthood or religious life. 

The couple was beatified together on October 21, 2001 by Pope John Paul II. 

Blessed Karl of Austria & Zita

Karl became the last Emperor of the Austro-Hungarian Empire during the First World War and both he and his wife, Zita were devout Catholics. On the eve of their wedding, Karl told Zita: "Now we must help each other attain heaven." 

During his reign, Karl worked to create peace within his empire made every decision with the temporal and spiritual welfare of the people in mind. And at home, Karl and Zita raised their eight children to love the Lord and to serve others. 

The couple’s hearts are enshrined together in Muri Abbey, Switzerland.

Related: Married Saint Tote from the Spoken Bride Shop

Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 7

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who our vendors are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month (click to jump):

Saving the Date
Fire and Gold Photography
Quiet Light Creations
FertilityCare

Saving the Date

Wedding Planning, serving the Dallas-Fort Worth and Austin areas.

 After years of planning collegiate athletic events and corporate conferences, Savanna Faulkner’s friends began seeking her expertise as they planned their wedding days. Before long, Savanna says, “I was planning strangers’ weddings.” She began pursuing wedding planning as a business, and Saving the Date transitioned from side hustle to full-time work in 2017.

A love for the Catholic faith infuses everything about Savanna’s client experience, both visually and behind the scenes. “Love is so beautiful,” says Savanna, “and easily the reason why I am so passionate about people. I love to make people feel seen, heard, and understood.” Inspired by the rich sacred art and sensory beauty of the Church and liturgy, she finds design inspiration in her faith and carries it into her couples’ weddings.

Favorite movies: Top Gun and 27 Dresses

Ministries I’m involved in: The pro-life movement is a huge part of my life. In fact, my parents became so convicted in their pro-life beliefs they adopted two foster kids! I enjoy volunteering my event-planning expertise to local non-profits for their fundraisers. 

The best part of working on weddings: Being with people. I love working [hard], just to hear how happy the bride and groom are. Also, the gravity of involving me to be in charge of one of the biggest days of someone's life is incredible. I love that I can portray confidence and peace to the couples who decide to put their big day in my hands. 

To learn more about Saving the Date, click here.

Fire and Gold Photography

Photography; serving Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Western New York. Available for nationwide travel.

Laura Schaefer fell in love with photography in high school and worked on developing her skills during college. Inspired and fortified by the image of gold being refined by fire, making God’s children “stronger and hopefully holier” after a miscarriage, Laura founded Fire and Gold Photography in 2017 and shoots weddings alongside her husband, Matthew. 

A Franciscan University alumna and resident of Steubenville, Ohio, where the university is located, the Catholic faith permeates all of Fire and Gold’s work and relationships: “I am a Catholic photographer,” Laura says, “and those words are in that order for a reason. Catholic first; photographer second. My faith is my way of life and it informs every choice I make. [Matthew and I] both love the writings of St. Josemaria Escriva, and I would say that this quote captures how we view our work as photographers: ‘If you seek sanctity in and through your work, you will necessarily have to strive to turn it into personal prayer.’” 

I take my coffee...Laura: I wish I could say black but let's be honest, I love creamer. Matthew:  Black.

We’re most inspired by: [how God] takes delight in the beauty of His creation. We love photography and running our business because it’s how we get to create and capture beauty. We see it as participation in God’s own creation of beauty. He is Beauty itself, and we honestly see my work as a form of prayer. 

Love means: Sacrifice. To love as Christ loved. To give of yourself fully and completely, without reservation or strings attached. 

It can sound like an academic answer, but we have learned to live this in our marriage and actually living it out takes it from the classroom to the real world. Loving in the good times and bad; loving until it hurts. Loving even when the other person isn't acting lovable. Calling each other on in holiness and becoming the best versions of ourselves. Loving our children and teaching them virtue. Pouring yourself out completely for your family yet always being filled through the grace of the sacrament. 

To learn more about Fire and Gold Photography, click here.

Quiet Light Creations

Gifts; ships nationwide and internationally.

Angela Marinelli, a longtime jewelry and rosary maker, always prays while crafting religious items. One day while praying over a rosary she was creating, overwhelmed with a sense of “darkness in the world” that she’d been hearing on the news, Angela heard the whispers of a call to share her gifts in a fuller capacity. Quiet Light Creations, founded on a love for Our Lady and the Saints, offers handmade rosaries, chaplets, and bracelets that become instant heirlooms when chosen for a couple’s wedding day.

Angela still prays for the recipient of every item she creates, with a hope that through her work, the Catholic faith is shared in an authentic, simple way: “A quiet light is easily overlooked, but once it catches your eye and you pause for a minute to think, it makes you wonder. The quiet light of the tabernacle candle points to someone so much greater, just like the quiet light our Blessed Mother embodies points to someone so much greater. 

“The simplicity draws you into the mystery of faith without the temptations of being known or being acknowledged for our good works. I hope that my shop will share the message that we are all striving saints, we are not perfect, and the trap of comparison even in holiness is not what we are meant for.”

I root for... the Pittsburgh Pirates, Penguins, Steelers and the Chicago Cubs, Blackhawks, Bears. Family loyalty!

Favorite music: James Taylor, The Head and The Heart, George Ezra, Matchbox Twenty, and Twenty One Pilots.

Love means: Trusting that another soul will return the love you give, so much so that the thoughts and worries about yourself being taken care of are cast far out of your mind. Love is choosing another continually and consistently, always showing your love for them more than saying it. Love means being attuned to all the little things they do for you and for everyone else, and doing those things for them. 

A sure sign of love is feeling at peace and at rest. Authentic love casts out all anxiety and fear. To love means to offer that place of rest in yourself where others can dwell in peace.

To learn more about Quiet Light Creations, click here.

FertilityCare

NFP and Fertility Education; offering in-person instruction in the Miami area and long-distance services nationwide.

Sarah McKeown was first introduced to the Creighton Fertility model during her engagement. As a nurse, she found herself particularly drawn to the medical science behind the method. Within several years, Sarah had discerned and answered a call to pursue NFP education more fully. She began accepting and teaching clients the Creighton FertilityCare Model in 2016.

Sarah’s call and conviction have only continued to grow as she’s served her clients; many, but not all, are Catholic, and she loves the opportunity to “[teach] people about the beauty of their fertility; the way God created women's bodies and how we are called to live our marital sexuality in a responsible and generous way...I think having NFP instructors available long distance helps fill a need for many couples who may not have access to someone in their city or don't know how to get started.” She describes her business as “marriage-centered, empowering, and insightful,” and says, “have felt more called to teach NFP than I have with any other job, including being a nurse.”

Favorite wedding day memory: The priest celebrating our mass was Fr. Mike Schmitz, who is amazing! At one point during his homily he said, "this couple doesn't know what the future holds, and they will have difficult times ahead, but even so, you look at the other person and say, you're worth it." 

And at the same time Fr. Mike said those words, my husband looked at me with tears in his eyes and mouthed, "you're worth it". It was so beautiful; I don't know how he knew Fr. Mike was going to say that, but it was such an amazing, grace-filled moment.

On my bucket list: Have as many kids as God will give us, visit one of those resorts in the South Pacific where your little bungalow is on stilts over the water, and become a saint!

The best part of my work: I love to see women become confident in their ability to tell fertile vs. infertile days of their cycles. Couples feel so much more freedom to enter into marriage without the need or use of birth control. They can learn to love each other freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully the way God intended.

To learn more about FertilityCare, click here.

Lauren + Nate | Elegant Washington DC Chapel Wedding

While preparing for marriage, Lauren and Nate entrusted their love to powerful saintly patronage, and were not afraid to share the beauty of the traditions of the Church with their guests. The result was a joyful Washington DC wedding with family, friends, and fiery fourth-of-July excitement.

From the Bride: Nate and I met as freshmen while leading a retreat at the Catholic University of America. We spent that summer getting to know each other and became closer friends. Soon after, we realized there was something more between us, and we decided to begin dating. 

Nate and I found ourselves falling in love with our faith, travel, and each other more and more, especially during a trip to Krakow, Poland for World Youth Day 2016. We found our patron there too: St. John Paul II. JPII became someone we could turn to in times of trouble and peace, and marriage became not a question of “if” but “when.” 

I was in graduate school and working in DC. Nate was a senior about to complete a BS in Civil Engineering and had secured a job. The timing was perfect. We took a trip with my parents to Volcano National Park in Hawaii, and during a hike the kindest man I’ve ever known got down on one knee and proposed to me.

The night before Nate and I were married, we had a holy hour at 4PM on July 4th. We decided on that time, that day because it was the hour one of our favorite holy people passed away: Blessed Pierre Giorgio Frassati. We had the chance to be with his body while we were in Krakow for World Youth Day, and his memory has stuck with us ever since. We also wanted to remember those relatives who could not be with us, so we created a remembrance corner for them in the chapel, blessed by the patron St. Joseph.  

As I planned our wedding, I felt like something was missing. There were flowers, rings, music, food, and countless other things to do, but Nate pulled me back. 

He reminded me this was a sacrament, a covenant, and the most profound thing the two of us would ever do, other than raising a family. And so, the Mass became our epicenter. 

We had the chance to get married in the chapel that started our love story, on the campus of the place that saw us grow up, next to the most incredible church in North America. We were able to share our story with our guests because they came to where it started and where it will continue: Washington DC. 

Most of the people attending our wedding were not Catholic, so we wanted to make elements of the Mass and reception an invitation to a deeper understanding of our faith. Nate and I love Catholicism for many reasons, but the pinnacle for us is the rich tradition of the Church. We decided to sing the Sanctus, Memorial Acclamation, and Agnus Dei in Latin, and used incense throughout the liturgy. 

Our first reading was particularly unconventional because we wanted to highlight the story of Hosea and Gomer. God gave Hosea the challenge to love someone who was “unloveable,” and he found profound grace from following God’s will and marrying Gomer. Our second reading was from Colossians 3, reminding us of the bond we were about to enter into, a bond of love and ongoing perfection. 

Our celebrants were dear friends, and the altar server was Nate’s little sister. The intercessory prayers were another place we could speak about the intentions that mattered to us. We had both lost our paternal grandparents and only had our maternal grandmothers. So we prayed for their deceased husbands and for our missing sets of grandparents. It meant so much to have a remembrance of them on our day of celebration, knowing they were present in spirit. 

Since I was little, I knew “The Servant Song” was the preparation hymn I wanted to begin the Liturgy of the Eucharist. Additionally, Nate and I desired that most of the music focus on the Virgin Mary, as well as St. John Paul II, since they had been such comforts to us. Our mothers, grandmothers, and bridal party entered to “Hail Mary, Gentle Woman.” Schubert’s “Ave Maria” was sung after the Eucharist, and “Be Not Afraid” was a communion hymn to honor St. John Paul II. We wanted our recessional to be a fanfare, and “Glory and Praise to Our God” has always been one of our favorites, especially its lines directing the faithful to trust in God.

I knew I would walk down the aisle as fast as possible to get to Nate, so I chose an entrance hymn that could be shortened, but still be beautiful: “How Can I Keep from Singing.” Our trumpeter offered his talents to us as a gift, and he created the best effect for a bridal entrance. 

My “something borrowed” was Mom’s gorgeous veil. The veil she had spent countless hours stitching tiny pearls on to adorn her own head 26 years before on her wedding day. My “something new” was the beautiful ivory and blush gown I wore, complete with pearls to compliment my mother’s veil, and its draped, dreamy train that made me feel almost ethereal. 

I didn’t know what would be “something blue” until I rummaged in my dresser a few days before the wedding and found my blue rosary from Krakow, Poland. Suddenly, there was JPII again, blessing us along with our spiritual Mother. The rosary, laced into my bouquet for the Mass, helped keep me calm and centered on what we were there to do: enter a lifelong covenant. 

The lights, food, and table linens didn’t matter. What mattered was the incredible man that was waiting for me, and his reaction was all I hoped for. 

Our cocktail hour was spent with just us and our photographer taking pictures at the gorgeous Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land, one of the best kept secrets in DC. Being able to have a moment alone as husband and wife right after we got married, and having our wonderful photographer capture those intimate moments, was something I will forever cherish.

The reception venue was spectacular on its own, but our florist brought in live ficus trees affixed with white lights, making the grand space so intimate that it changed completely. Nate is from Pennsylvania, and I’m from Texas, so we showcased both regions of the country and the town we now call home. The Pennsylvania and Texas elements were in our table names and the artistic signage our friend, Lindsey, crafted so splendidly. 

DC elements came into play with our favors. Nate and I are both heavy coffee drinkers, and we know a small roaster near Catholic University. They had a Capital Coffee Blend with a pun already included: “caffeination without representation.” We were able to customize the bottom of each label with our date and names, making it the perfect wedding keepsake. 

We were married during Fourth of July weekend in DC, which demanded a sparkler send off. I’ve seen this done at countless weddings, but we wanted to pay homage to our country’s celebration and bring everyone outside to see the dome of the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. That night, it just happened to have a spectacular crescent moon nested on top. Our photographer captured a beautiful kiss that now adorns one of our bedroom walls.

Waking up and getting ready on my wedding morning with the most genuine group of women I have ever known was incredible. But walking into St. Vincent’s Chapel on that hot afternoon transcended my every expectation. I felt like I was going to faint for most of the day, but hearing the first measures of “How Can I Keep from Singing” instantly calmed me. 

In that moment, I was reminded that this man promised to give me his whole self, and if necessary, sacrifice his life for me. This man was waiting to call me his wife, and I have never known such peace. The doors opened, and I heard the music ringing. It found an echo in my soul. How can I keep from singing?

The liturgy began, and all I could think about was peace. Our friends and family were all around us, just before we became husband and wife. The homily was genuine, and each time our celebrant mentioned the word “children,” Nate squeezed my hand, and I fell in love with him all over again. 

The exchange of vows finally came. I don’t remember all we said. I teared up trying to say Nate’s name, and once we were pronounced man and wife, I felt like I could shout my joy from the rooftops. 

“The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart. A fountain ever springing. For all things are mine since I am his. How can I keep from singing?”

I thought about how other brides have sat and prayed while holding their new husband’s hand. They’ve all been joyful, but some exchanged hurried vows in times of war, some during week-long, lavish celebrations, and some in the chapel where she and her husband first prayed together. 

“No storm can shake my inmost calm. While to that refuge clinging. Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing?”

The end of our Mass came with a fanfare, and we were whisked away by our photographer for a bride and groom session. It was the best decision I made as a bride, to have that time alone with my new husband. At the end of the session our photographer shot photos of us under my veil, and they have since become my favorites. 

Those photos symbolize not only the physical covenant we now have together, but the movement of my soul and heart to something no longer my own. They exist for the sake of the other. Nate was under the veil with me, a veil that will not allow anyone to come between us. The veil allows us to fix our eyes on our mission: getting each other to heaven. 

During our reception, we had the chance to be with everyone we love, all in one space. It was the single greatest joy of that day. We noted numerous times that those people would probably never all be in the same room again. The amount of gratitude and happiness shared during the toasts, the dinner, and the dancing was everything a little girl in a white dress and her mom’s heels could have hoped for. 

And at the end of it all, I came home to my husband, my best friend, and my fellow heaven-chaser who continues to fill my heart daily.

Photography: Kate Grace Photography | Church: Saint Vincent de Paul Chapel, The Catholic University of America, Washington, DC | Cocktail Hour Pictures: Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land in America | Wedding Reception: Heritage Hall, Father O'Connell Hall The Catholic University of America | Rings: Foster's Jewelers | Cake: Fluffy Thoughts Bakery | Flowers: Allan Woods Flowers | Dress: Maggie Louise Bridal | Tuxes: Jos. A. Banks | Bridesmaids' Dresses: BHLDN, Eva in Violet Grey | Bride's Shoes: Badgley Mischka; Bride's Earrings: Kate Spade New York | Groom's Cologne: Burberry | Bride's Perfume: Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture | Calligraphy: Lindsey Dawson | Bride's Make-Up: Makeup W/ Jossy & Co | Programs: MinuteMan Press

The Integrated Journey | Men and Women Reveal Each Other's Beauty

STEPHANIE FRIES

Men and women are created equal but different. Both share an equality of dignity, yet possess unique qualities apart from the other. Through the lens of the married vocation, men and women are invited on a journey to integrate their complementary masculine and feminine qualities in order to help each other grow in purity and perfection. 

Previously published reflections on the feminine and masculine genius establish some of the qualities born into the hearts and souls of men and women. Expanding on these qualities by looking at their complementarity will help us understand how men and women are called to use their inherent gifts to love and serve the other.

PHOTOGRAPHY: RED FERN PHOTOGRAPHY

As we relate our own being to Adam and Eve, through the creation story in the Garden of Eden, we recall how Adam was created from the external world while Eve originated from man’s innermost being. These different origins yield different natures for men and women; man is attuned to the external and woman is attuned to the internal. 

This reality takes shape in many different dynamics of the human person and human relationship. By taking a closer look at how men and women are invited on a journey of integration pursuing holiness together, we focus on a specific function of this mystery of complementarity: 

Through his origin in and attention toward the external, man shows woman the beauty he sees of her body. Through her origin in and attention toward the internal, woman shows man the beauty she sees of his heart. 

Men and women often differ in their attractions and affections. (And, consequently, men and women often differ in their greatest temptations to sin.) These differences are not meant to stand against each other in conflict; rather, these differences are the design of God for man and woman to unite and grow through authentic love.  

Through the sacrament of marriage, men and women are invited to enter into vulnerability and intimacy to see the depth of their spouse and to be seen by their spouse. The more we are seen, known, and loved—the more we are called beautiful in our spiritual and physical nakedness—the greater our capacity to love and be loved. 

In his presentations of the Theology of the Body, Saint John Paul II speaks in depth about attraction, love, lust, beauty, wonder and mystery. He echoes the romantic poetry of the Song of Songs as he recognizes and affirms that the human person is attracted to beauty. In support of the complementary role of man and woman as they reveal beauty through their complementary union, Saint John Paul II writes,

“It is possible that the bridegroom...expresses more directly the beauty of the bride… with the eyes of the body; The bride by contrast looks rather with the eyes of the heart through her affection.”

Even more, we may more clearly understand how men and women are called to help each other grow in love by acknowledging patterns of brokenness, fear and sin in our world.

Where women struggle with self-image or eating disorders, men have the God-given strength to see woman’s authentic beauty, love her in her weakness, and help her grow in virtue. Where men may act in violence out of a fear of being too emotional or too sensitive, women have the God-given strength to see man’s authentic beauty, love him in his weakness, and help him grow in virtue. 

We find the answers for growth, healing, and love through Jesus, the new Adam, and Mary, the new Eve. They model perfect unity of body and soul, the masculine and feminine, man and woman. They show us the perfect integration we are destined to in heaven.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Remember Your Vows | Daily Strength for Difficult Moments

MARIAH MAZA

If anyone asks me how to deal with conflict or trials in marriage, I will tell them two things: go to your room, get on your knees, and pray that God would shower you and your husband with the graces of the sacrament. And second, remember your vows.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON PHOTOGRAPHY

In times when I am upset with my husband, when life’s unexpected crosses hit us, or when I don’t want to sacrifice in little ways for him, I find the most strength when I remember the vows I spoke on my wedding day: 

“I take you for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

These were the words I spoke in the presence of almost two hundred witnesses, in front of the tabernacle and in the true Presence of God. My husband and I had invited friends and family to our wedding to celebrate our sacramental union, but they were also gathered for another very important, often-overlooked reason. 

Our guests were there to witness our free consent to enter into marriage with each other, “until death do us part.” The Catechism tells us “the consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear,” and that “the public character of the consent protects the "I do" once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it” (CCC 1628, 1631).

And so, in difficult moments, I try to remember that moment in front of the altar, holding my husband’s hand, vowing the rest of my life to him “for better or for worse.” I try to remember that our union is now an example of faithful, sacramental love to my family and friends. 

What matters most isn’t that they never see us go through hard times, but that they see us remain faithful to God and to each other in the hardest times. What matters is that they see us live out not only half of our vows, but every part of them.

Psalm 116 reflects this when the psalmist writes “I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people” (Psalm 116:18). And when he says in Psalm 61 “I will duly sing to your name forever, fulfill my vows day after day” (Psalm 61:9).

The vows you make on your wedding day are lifelong words, overflowing with graces for every mountain and valley you and your spouse will walk through. They have given me strength when I’ve felt incredibly weak and have provided me with powerful accountability. And in the short time I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, I have found them to be an incredible comfort instead of a source of overwhelming fear--after all, who knows what crosses your vows may bind you to endure together? 

A daily reminder of your vows, like daily rhythms of prayer that remind us of God’s presence and love, will help lay a strong foundation in your marriage. Consider printing them out and framing them on the wall in your bedroom, so you and your beloved can see them everyday. Commit to repeating your vows to each other in the morning before your routine begins, or on special occasions like your anniversary or favorite feast days. Strive to memorize them, like you would the Hail Mary or Our Father, so that in moments of distress you can easily and quickly recall them to mind.

And finally, ask the Lord to give you and your husband the grace and courage to remain faithful to your vows, so you may be a public witness to the truth, beauty, and goodness of Catholic marriage. Christ is no stranger to the sacrifice of remaining faithful to his Bride, and we need only to look up at a crucifix to remember the depth of love and faithfulness we have been shown.

---

About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the co-founder of Joans in the Desert, a blog for bookish and creative Catholic women. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST

Avoiding the "Four Horsemen" in Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

In Dr. John Gottman’s research of marriages, he found four major problems between couples that often end up being the most destructive in a relationship. He called them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

PHOTOGRAPHY: EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY

If you’ve noticed any (or all of) these things in your marriage, don’t panic. It does not mean that you are inevitably heading for a divorce. 

However, if they continue they could cause a lot of tension and pain between you and your spouse in the long-term. 

Learning to recognize these negative or harmful behaviors can help you learn to counteract them and communicate more effectively. 

Criticism

Criticism is usually one of the more common mistakes couples make in confronting a problem and usually includes phrases like “You always” or “you never.” 

When you criticize your spouse, you make an attack on their character by implying (or implicitly saying) that something is wrong with them, which usually leads to your partner acting defensive. 

However, it is important to voice your concerns and complaints in a relationship. Instead of focusing on what your spouse did wrong, try using “I” statements and express a positive need. 

You may also want to pray for the virtue of patience in order to approach difficulties and disagreements with more understanding.

Contempt 

Contempt is a more serious form of criticism, and aims at making the other person feel small and worthless. 

Acts of contempt, like mocking, name-calling, eye-rolling, and sneering, wear down a couples’ fondness for one another.

If you find yourself focusing often on the negative aspects of your spouse, you may build up these negatives in your mind over time fueling contempt. So to combat this horseman, practice gratitude everyday and learn how to sincerely affirm your partner.

You may also want to take some time to pray with 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 or consult a priest or counselor. 

Defensiveness

When someone perceives an attack, he or she may respond with an attempt to defend themselves by making excuses or reversing the blame. 

Not only will trying to shift the blame exacerbate the problem at hand, it will also communicate to your husband that you aren’t listening to him or taking his concerns seriously.  

So to avoid defensiveness, practice humility and active listening with your spouse. Take responsibility for your actions when appropriate, and learn to make a sincere apology.

Related: How to actively listen to your spouse

Stonewalling

Stonewalling happens when a listener withdraws--physically or emotionally-- from the conversation. 

It can result when one partner feels overwhelmed by the other three horsemen and it can make the other person feel rejected or abandoned.

Feeling overwhelmed during an argument or heated discussion can be a normal response and it is totally okay to take a quick time-out to collect your thoughts and to take a few deep breaths.

However, to avoid stonewalling, you must communicate your need for this to your husband. Make it clear that you aren’t rejecting him, but that you need that time to ultimately help solve the problem. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Newlywed Life | Sharing a Meal is a Sharing of Who You Are.

Rejoicing over her engagement and the anticipation of married life, Saint Gianna Molla wrote in a letter to her husband-to-be, “With the help and blessing of God, we shall do all in our power that our new family may be a little cenacle where Jesus may reign over all affections, desires and actions.”

What is a cenacle? In Latin, the root translates to “Upper Room,” and in Greek, to the name for the first Christian Church. It follows, then, that Gianna hoped she and her beloved Pietro could create a domestic church centered on divine love. 

Consider, too, the Last Supper. The site of Jesus’s final meal with his disciples, wherein he instituted the Eucharist and granted them the instruction to do the same, is known in the Holy Land as the Upper Room or Cenacle.

Read more on creating a sense of peace and routine in your home life.

The disciples did not remain in the upper room; they were sent forth. There is something powerful and profound about breaking bread and then going out into the world, fortified. Though Jesus’s disciples became the first priests, those of us called to married life can embody these same principles of sharing a meal and sending forth, by cultivating hospitality.

The Catholic faith is a sensory one, whose source and summit is the very body and blood of Christ. It is a faith filled with beautiful settings, art, poetry, music, incense, and more; all called to draw our minds and hearts heavenward to the Father--the source of all beauty. When we experience a desire to create a comfortable, beautiful home for ourselves and our guests or to assemble an attractive and delicious meal, we partake in that desire for beauty that inspires and heightens our senses.

Combining food and faith can be Eucharistic--literally, thanksgiving. Read our interview with Emily Stimpson Chapman, author of The Catholic Table.

What’s more, a desire to share and communicate this beauty with others is a natural outpouring of marriage. Authentic love naturally leads to fruitfulness; a desire to exist beyond the spouses. 

This is seen in an obvious way through the gift of children, but also through the gift of hospitality and invitation. Saint John Paul II wrote in Familiaris Consortio, his apostolic exhortation on the family’s role in the world--in the world, not as an island--that “the family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love, and this is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God's love for humanity and the love of Christ the Lord for the Church his bride.”  

Inviting friends and family members into your home life for a meal and conversation is intimate and revealing for this very reason; sharing of yourselves at the service of others opens a door and encourages true communion. It feels like no coincidence that in a breaking of bread, there is also a breaking down of walls. 

It’s okay not to have a picture-perfect home. Read more on the home as a place of transition.

If, then, you and your spouse find yourselves eager to foster community and invite others into your domestic church, your cenacle, do it! The fruits of hosting and preparing a meal for guests can communicate something far deeper: a sharing of yourselves.

Any guests or dinner parties on your calendar this month? Cookbook recommendations from the Spoken Bride team:

Paleo Comfort Foods by Julie and Charles Mayfield, recommended by Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Against All Grain by Danielle Walker, recommended by Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook by Deb Perelman, recommended by Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

Dining In by Alison Roman, recommended by Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

How He Asked | Allie + William

Allie and William wandered in the same friend groups for two years before officially dating. After that, through daily Mass, prayer, and active discernment, they continued to walk together towards marriage, asking God to be their guiding light every step of the way.

With the help of some friends one exceptionally busy summer, Will proposed in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and Allie said yes to the man who would become her husband.

From the Bride: Neither Will nor I remember how we officially met. It happened through mutual friends, and probably at my house, but we can’t recall exactly when. 

Will jokes that he would come over to hang out with one of my housemates and ask “where her quiet friend whose-name-he-couldn’t-remember was”--without realizing he was asking for his future wife.

Both of us remember two years of “seeing each other around” and hanging out in the same groups of people, but never saying much to each other. We attended concerts, parties, and other events together, but didn’t begin to become “real” friends until the summer of 2018.

That summer, mid-June was when Will first realized he might be interested in me. A friend of ours was playing music at a local dive bar, and a group of us went to support him. That night at a cookout, Will and I got to talking, and it all flowed really well. I remember calling it good banter, but Will claims he was flirting. Regardless, we hit it off. Thus began the summer of Will trying to flirt with me and figure out if he would ask me on a date, and me not picking up on any of it.

When he finally asked me out in October (his housemates pushed him out the door after me, but that’s a whole other story), I was completely taken by surprise, and I was even more surprised to realize I was interested in him as well! We “officially” began our relationship on November 3, 2018, and things progressed quickly from there.

The best way to describe how we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together is that it all just worked. We’ve gone to daily Mass most days throughout our relationship, and we found that when we stayed close to the Lord in the sacraments and in personal prayer, both as a couple and individually, we could move forward and trust God was guiding us. We could trust he would make it clear if he wanted us to move in a different direction. That’s the approach to discernment we’ve taken, and the Lord kept moving us forward. We’ve clearly seen God at work in our lives through our relationship, and we wanted to keep saying yes to him.

This past summer was a busy one for both of us. My job had me working almost every weekend in June and July, and Will did a lot of traveling for his job. We set aside time in August to visit both our families, so Will knew he wanted to propose before then. With our crazy schedules, there ended up being only one day that made sense: July 29th.

A few weeks before, Will called up key people, told them he was going to propose, and asked them to be a part of it. My mother was going to be in town from the 26th to the 28th, so he asked if she would stay a day later for an engagement party. He also called his mother and my close friends to ask if they would travel out to Steubenville for the celebration. Then he asked my friend Laura if she would figure out how to get me dressed up for the proposal, take pictures, and host the party.

About two weeks before the big day, Laura asked if Will and I could come over for dinner with her and her husband. We had been trying to plan a time for this, so it didn’t seem weird. But when she asked me a week later if we could get dressed up and go out instead, I knew something was up. And when July 29th rolled around and she asked us to meet her and Matthew at Franciscan University of Steubenville (Matthew and I both work there) and then “leave from there,” I definitely knew something was up.

We arrived on campus, and Will asked me to go pray for a while in the Portiuncula chapel, where there is perpetual adoration during the school year, while we waited for Matthew and Laura. They were “running late.”

So we prayed together, Will had some beautiful words to say, and then he asked me to marry him. We later found out July 29th was the feast of Ss. Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. My favorite story in the entire bible is the raising of Lazarus. God knew.

It turns out the ring arrived that day at 11:30AM, so Will had been in a full-blown panic for several days before. And I never knew I wanted proposal pictures until I had them, when Laura was there to take them. It's an amazing gift to have pictures during and immediately following such a huge moment in our lives.

In the weeks since we got engaged, Will and I have only grown closer and deeper in love with each other. We’ve also tested each other’s patience and been frustrated with each other more times in the past month than all nine months before, mostly due to wedding planning stress. 

But that opened the door to some great conversations and has prompted us to learn how to better communicate. The lessons we are learning now will bear fruit in our marriage, and we are excited to keep learning and growing together, guided by the Lord.

From the Photographer: Allie and I met the summer before our freshman year of college. We have known each other for ten amazing years! She is one of those people that changes you and inspires you after just one conversation. She is a close, dear friend of mine, so it was an absolute privilege to photograph their proposal. 

Watching our Lord guide one of my best friends toward marriage has been such an honor. It's shown me in new ways how God knows us each so perfectly and completely. Will and Allie complement each other well; only the Lord knew exactly what they each needed in a spouse. I can not wait to see what the future holds for them. They approach their relationship, their work, and their friendships with the same amount of dedication and love, and I know the Lord will use them in incredible ways to show forth his glory!

Photography: Fire and Gold Photography | Location: The Portiuncula Chapel at Franciscan University of Steubenville | Bride’s Dress: Piper & Scoot

Celebrating Saint John Paul II on his Feast Day

Today is the Feast of Saint John Paul II. Through the fruits of his own intimacy with God, he became a great modern saints who continues to influence how many people know, understand, and live out the Catholic faith. His writings and teachings regarding God’s design for marriage are powerful resources for couples worldwide. 

In celebration of Pope Saint John Paul II, we invite you to reflect on some quotes about married love from our beloved heavenly friend.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

“Life teaches us, in effect, that love—married love—is the foundation stone of all life.” from The Love within Families

“As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” from his Homily in Perth

“Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it.” from Redemptor Hominis

“The person who does not decide to love forever will find it very difficult to really love for even one day.” from The Love within Families

“All married life is a gift; but this becomes most evident when the spouses, in giving themselves to each other in love, bring about that encounter which makes them “one flesh.””  from Gratissimam Sane Letter to Families 

“Love consists of a commitment which limits one’s freedom-it is a giving of the self, and to give oneself means just that: to limit one’s freedom on behalf of another.”  from Love and Responsibility

“If Christian marriage can be compared to a very high mountain which places the spouses very near to God, we must acknowledge that climbing this mountain requires a lot of time and effort. But is this a reason to suppress or raze the mountain?” from his Homily in Kinshasa

Do you have a favorite quote from Saint John Paul II about marriage and family life? Share it with our community on Facebook or Instagram. 

Editors Share | Strategies for Gift-Giving

Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and acts of love; store-bought, homemade, experiential and meaningful—there are so many opportunities and strategies surrounding gift-giving. What traditions do you and your spouse have in giving and receiving gifts?

With the holiday season around the corner, the Spoken Bride team reflects on different approaches they have used for reciprocal gift-giving with their spouse and family. We hope our reflections affirm there is no right or wrong way to offer an act of love.

We would love to hear your approach to gifting! Share your personal reflections with our community on Facebook and Instagram.

Andi Compton, Business Manager

We don’t really have any traditions for gift giving, it usually depends on the budget and what we need. In the early years we had a strict budget for $50 per gift (for each other), but now we just have one big gift budget for us, the kids, and family that we play around with. For birthdays we tend to do outings, using Groupon whenever possible. Matt got me a nighttime kayaking trip to watch the fireworks in the harbor for my birthday and it was a lot of fun. We ended up doing a big family trip for our 10th anniversary that we hadn’t really planned on, but everything came together and the kids are begging to do it again. Lately we’ve been replacing things for our anniversary: last year it was a new blender and vacuum, this year he got me a new showerhead and I got him a cast iron griddle and a spice for when he makes apple pie (it’s the gift that keeps on giving.) And we’re going to try another cooking class together! 

I buy all the Christmas presents except my own, so Matt usually goes all out and gets me something I wouldn’t normally by myself such as new pajamas, a peacoat or boots. It really helps that I keep a detailed spreadsheet of gifts and outings from the entire Advent and Christmas season because it can be so hard to remember that we need a little gift from Santa for our Christmas party, St. Nicholas gifts, Christmas gifts, and gifts from the wise men all times 5 for our children. Plus extended family gifts! 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

My husband and I are still building traditions surrounding holidays and celebrations as we continue to establish our budget, our love languages, and our desires for exchanging gifts or sharing experiences. For our most recent first wedding anniversary, we debated sticking with the traditional “paper” gift, leaving it open-ended, or allocating money to take a weekend vacation together. In the end, we did a mix of all three. He brainstormed a weekend getaway and I offered him a gift to start a new hobby (involving paper!). 

We don’t have a set plan for gift-giving yet, and that’s okay (I still appreciate the spontaneity and flexibility depending on the year and our budget)! As we prepare to celebrate various holidays in this season of life before children, I enjoy having conversations with my husband about the traditions we want to establish and why, with the hopes they will continue--and expand--as our family grows. 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I are less than 2 years married, so we haven’t built any strong gift-giving traditions--but I have learned to be okay with that! For our first anniversary, he surprised me with a 24-hour romantic getaway to the Grand Canyon, and I bought him a few small gifts I thought he would find useful. At first I thought my little wrapped presents paled embarrassingly in comparison with his surprise trip, but he loved each one because I had taken the time to think of his needs.

One of my favorite things to buy my husband for birthdays and holidays are Groupons. We’ve done horseback riding, boat rides with dinner, and more. In fact, he was so in love with an online barista/bartending course I bought him (for $2!), that he started pursuing mixing drinks as a serious hobby. He’s steadily learning all the different kinds of liqueur, has a nice bar set, and a thick bar book with recipes and inspiration. Plus, I’ve gotten a lot of tasty, fancy free drinks in the process! 

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

I think spousal gift-giving can be somewhat challenging at times, especially as a wife. I just think, in general, that buying gifts for men is more difficult than buying gifts for women. For my sister or other girl friends I can easily think of cute feminine products that are not too expensive that women always love — such as bath bombs, makeup brushes, eye shadow, earrings, scented body lotion, perfume, candles, etc. Unfortunately, there really isn’t a male equivalent to some of these easy, affordable, staple gift items.

Luckily, my husband has an active Amazon.com wish list that he keeps up to date and I frequently refer to it when buying a gift for him for his birthday, our anniversary, a Christmas gift, etc. Currently, my husband has been interested in a book series that is 8 volumes called Sacrae Theologiae Summa. Since I know he is interested in collecting the whole series sometimes I will get him one of those books as a gift for his birthday or another occasion.

But many times, instead of buying a physical item as a gift, we will also use our money to have fun experiences together. One year, for St. Valentine’s Day, I got my husband concert tickets to see Eric Whitacre and it was an experience both of us thoroughly enjoyed! Earlier this year we went to see a Jim Gaffigan comedy special and we are also planning to take a trip to Walt Disney World in January 2020 as our wedding anniversary gift to each other. Many times, I prefer the shared experiences together — which turn into lasting memories we can fondly look back on.

When Your Proposal Isn't Picture Perfect

CARISSA PLUTA

It seems like there is a lot of pressure nowadays on the proposal to be just as photo-worthy as the wedding itself.

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love seeing photos from that special moment and the story attached to it. I love hearing about how he asked, and I love celebrating the couple’s love for one another. 

But I also know the temptation to compare your story to someone else’s can sometimes feel overwhelming.

My husband asked me to marry him while sitting on a bench in a graveyard (yes, a graveyard). Without any fanfare or extra words, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. 

I had seen the proposal coming from a mile away so I didn’t gasp like you see in the movies, and I barely cried. My answer was simple and straightforward. 

We didn’t go home to a huge party with all of our loved ones, instead we went home to get ready for work. 

And while I wouldn’t have changed a thing about our proposal,  I was tempted to wish it was a more glamorous tale whenever another engagement announcement popped up on my news feed. 

Thanks to social media, it is far too easy to feel discontent when your life and your relationships don’t fit perfectly into those curated little squares. 

Maybe you dreamed about that moment since you were in high school and set unrealistic expectations that your finance could never live up to. Or something about it fell short of what you hoped for. 

Maybe, it was quieter. And maybe, that bothers you a bit when you scroll through your feed.

But your proposal story (or your wedding for that matter) doesn’t define your marriage. The highlights reel doesn’t make up for all the messy or hidden moments that purifies and strengthens a couple. 

The private and intimate moments throughout your life contain a sweetness that a quick shot on your iPhone can never contain.

Don’t give into the lies sowed by comparison and discontentment. 

Whether it began on a gorgeous, picturesque mountain top with a photographer or in the summer stillness known firsthand only to you and God, your season of engagement will see many of these hidden moments. 

Profound moments of growth and change, sorrow and beauty, joy and forgiveness--this is where you’ll find yourself becoming the person you were meant to be.

And in these moments, God dwells. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Our Favorite Quotes on Love + Marriage

Are you in search of quotes for your wedding program, reception tables, family mission statement, or other planning elements?

Truly, the Church is a body; community. There is comfort in knowing alongside God, the saints, and faithful peers, we never walk alone. Here, to form, guide, and encourage you in your vocation, a selection of wise words on marriage and authentic spousal love.

From Scripture

This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. - Genesis 2:23

Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife. Send down your mercy on me and on her, and grant that we may grow old together. - Tobit 8:7

Glory in his holy name;let hearts that seek the LORD rejoice! - Psalms 105:3

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory. For the wedding day of the Lamb* has come, his bride has made herself ready. - Revelation 19:7

For you were called for freedom, brothers. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love. - Galatians 5:13

From the Saints

Pure love is capable of great deeds, and it is not broken by difficulty or adversity. As it remains strong in the midst of great difficulties, so too it perseveres in the toilsome and drab life of each day. - Saint Faustina

May you seek Christ, may you find Christ, may you love Christ. - Saint Josemaria Escriva

It is necessary that the heroic becomes daily and that the daily becomes heroic. - Saint Zélie Martin 

I lay my face against the Beloved's face. Everything fell away and I left myself behind, abandoning my cares among the lilies, forgotten. - Saint John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul

Love and sacrifice are closely linked, like the sun and the light. We cannot love without suffering and we cannot suffer without love. - Saint Gianna Molla, The Journey of Our Love 

From Theology

God, Who has fatherly concern for everyone, has willed that all men should constitute one family and treat one another in a spirit of brotherhood. For having been created in the image of God, Who "from one man has created the whole human race and made them live all over the face of the earth" (Acts 17:26), all men are called to one and the same goal, namely God Himself. - Gaudiam et Spes

Love alone brings a human being to full awareness of personal existence. For it is in love alone that man finds room enough to be what he is. - Dietrich von Hildebrand, Man, Woman, and the Meaning of Love 

Every mystery of life has its origin in the heart. - Hans Urs von Balthasar, Heart of the World

Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.- Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility

We do not have to become saints by our own power; we have to learn how to let God make us into saints. - Jacques Philippe, In the School of the Holy Spirit

There is no greater force against evil in the world than the love of a man and woman in marriage. After the Holy Eucharist, it has a power beyond anything that we can imagine. - Cardinal Raymond Burke

From Literature

Now I have seen the most beloved music living. I have seen it with its closed eyes, its breathing body, its beating heart. I have seen the soul and mind of this music, which is you. I have seen the music open its eyes and look back at me. And in that moment there was no distance between the composer, the musician, and the one who hears the music...the future opens ahead of us a great mystery before which we can only kneel in reverence. - Michael O’Brien, Island of the World

Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation. - Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace

Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves.” - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

It is love and friendship, the sanctity and celebration of our relationships, that not only support a good life, but create one. - Wallace Stegner, Crossing to Safety

To know and love one other human being is the root of all wisdom. - Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited

We love sharing in your own journey and the words you live by. Share your favorite quotes on love and marriage in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Madi Myers-Cook Photography

Mary Kate + Jason | Rose & Lily-Trimmed Michigan Wedding

Mary Kate and Jason reflected deeply on the sacrament and liturgy as they prepared for their wedding day, in hopes that their guests would experience with them the true beauty of a Catholic marriage. In the end, the presence of God was felt as deeply and as plainly as the joy on Mary Kate and Jason’s faces.

From the Bride: To say I prayed for my future husband is a bit of an understatement. I said many novenas and rosaries for him while asking Jesus to make me into the wife he needed me to be. 

Eventually God brought along Jason. He had been a friend for a while but was in seminary, so I never really considered him as more than that. After Jason left seminary, we began to get to know one another more, and he eventually asked me to be his girlfriend. 

For nine and a half months we began to fall more and more in love with each other. And not in a “rainbows and unicorns” way. 

We learned about each other. We grew together. We had fun together. We had disagreements and hardships. But through it all we prayed together, and we asked the Trinity, Mother Mary, St. Joseph, and St. John Paul II to be with us. 

Then on March 27, 2018, Jason got down on one knee in our local adoration chapel and asked me to be his life companion, the phrase St. John Paul II used in his play “The Jeweler’s Shop.” And I said yes!

Our engagement lasted a little over a year, so it felt like the wedding day took forever to arrive. When it finally did, I woke up early and met my bridesmaids to get our hair done. Afterwards, we went to my parents’ house to make sure various little details were prepared. Eventually, my mom and I drove to the church. 

For a little while, it was just her and I in the basement of the church as I put on my makeup. That was one of my favorite moments, being there alone with her as she helped me prepare. Then girls started arriving, and I put on my dress. My dad saw me all dressed up, and he got a little emotional. I’m the last one in my family to get married, and I’m also the baby of the family. 

When the moment arrived, I walked up the steps to meet my dad in the back of the church. The couples we chose to be in the wedding were walking up the aisle, as were the ring bearers and flower girls. And then suddenly it was our turn. I couldn’t stop laughing at how amazing it all was. 

The moment Jason saw me, he didn’t know what to feel, but he was crying and laughing at the same time. My dad handed me to Jason at the end of the aisle and reminded him that it was now his duty to get me to heaven. We stood before the altar as our friend Fr. Andy began to celebrate the Mass. 

Jason and I had done all we could to ensure the Mass would lift the hearts of our guests to God. We had four priests who con-celebrated the liturgy, all very good friends, and one who had just been ordained the week before. Three of our good seminarian friends were altar servers, and our dads read the readings from Tobit and Ephesians. Our Gospel reading was the Wedding Feast at Cana, and we dwelt on Mary’s words: “Do whatever he tells you.” 

During our vows, Jason and I adopted a European tradition of holding on to a crucifix. It reminded us of the crosses we would face in marriage, but also that Christ would be with us in the midst of those crosses. 

Another detail that was special, that truly showed what marriage is all about, was that four of my bridesmaids were pregnant at the time. At least three little ones were being held by their parents in the party. What a show of married love! It wasn’t something we planned on, but it was beautiful to behold.

Jason’s ring was engraved on the inside with the words “Totus Tuus.” This pointed to his devotion to Our Lady and also to our patron saint: St. John Paul II. It described Jason’s fidelity to me as well, since the words translated mean “totally yours.”

One of the most beautiful moments was receiving Jesus in the Eucharist with Jason by my side. During our marriage prep, a good priest told us something amazing. The word “amen” means “I believe It is so.” And so, the very first thing Jason and I agreed on in our married life was that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist. 

We presented a rose to Mary and a lily to St Joseph, to symbolize our devotion to them and to ask for their guidance in our marriage. At the end, we were presented as “Mr. and Mrs. Jason Payne,” and we walked out singing “Oh God Beyond All Praising” with massive smiles on our faces. In the back, we signed our marriage license amid hugs from both our families. 

We took lots of pictures at the church and in a local Japanese garden nearby. Jason’s best man drove us to different places we needed to be, provided us with snacks (I hadn’t eaten all day), and even snapped a picture of us sleeping in the back seat. 

When we arrived at the reception hall, we were ready to celebrate! The DJ announced our parents, all eleven couples in the party, the four ring bearers, and five flower girls. Finally, it was our turn. Mr. and Mrs. Jason Payne! We were so excited to be married. 

My sister, the matron of honor, and Jason’s best man gave their speeches. Then we all ate dinner. There’s a Polish tradition in my family where the bride and groom eat a piece of bread doused in salt to remind them of the bitterness they will experience in life, but also the joys. And during dinner, my aunt, a nun that lives in Italy, called to congratulate Jason and I. 

We performed all the usual dances including our first dance, the father/daughter dance, and Jason’s mother/son dance. Instead of the garter, Jason and I washed each other’s feet. Marriage is about laying down your life for the other and serving each other, so that’s what we wanted to convey. Jesus gave us the example of how to love, and we wanted to emulate him. 

The rest of the night was spent dancing and celebrating with friends and family. It was one of the best days of our lives.

Jason and I wanted everything about the day to point to God. It wasn’t only about us, but about the glory of God and his infinite goodness. 

Looking back, our favorite part of wedding planning was designing the liturgy itself. We loved asking four priests to con-celebrate and our seminarian friends to serve (and letting them know they should “light it up” with the incense!). God is our rock and our fortress, and we wanted that truth to shine through in every way, from the readings and songs to our actions in regard to one another and to Christ, who was truly present with us. And it truly was, in my humble opinion, a Mass that gave all honor and glory to the God who had gathered us there.

Photography: Titus Photography | Church: Holy Family Catholic Church | Reception: LFA Hall for the Reception | Attire: Unique Bridal | Catering: Alvie’s Catering. | Flowers: Enchanted Flowers. | Hair: Envy Hair Salon. | Music: Rusch Entertainment | Desserts: Sam’s Club.

Wedding Planning | Sharing Joys with the Mother-of-the-Bride

ABIGAIL GRIPSHOVER

When my boyfriend surprised me with a proposal much earlier than I anticipated, I found myself with a wedding to plan in the midst of finishing college. While home for summer vacation, my “planner” personality kicked in and I quickly started making arrangements and researching vendors. I rushed to confirm as many details as possible while I spent my summer months in the town we would get married.  

In the midst of my business, I forgot to cherish the wonder of engagement and I forgot to include others in my plans. Most regrettably, I forgot to include my Mom, who I absolutely love and with whom I have a wonderful relationship.

The episode which caused me to finally realize my cold, systematic approach to wedding planning was hurting my Mom still haunts me today. Fortunately, these oversights were brought to my attention before it was too late to repair them. I hope to share lessons I learned the hard way, with the hope that future brides will remember their moms while wedding planning. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

Your Mom Has Expectations and Wedding Dreams Too

The bride is not the only one with expectations and dreams for how the wedding planning process will go. My mom has fond memories of collaborating on wedding plans with her mom, even though their relationship is not as strong as that of my mom and me. She looked forward to making similar memories with me, and I was oblivious.  

Just as the bride may have hopes and dreams for her day, the mother-of-the-bride may carry her own hopes and dreams.

Perhaps your mom has ideas she would love to see at the wedding to make sure you feel as special as you deserve. There may even be details your mom wished she had included in her wedding that she wants to make sure you do not miss. 

Be open-minded and give your mom a chance to make these memories and voice these ideas. Even if your visions are not the same, the opportunity to see how much she cares about this day being perfect for you will be a great blessing.

The Wedding is Also a Reflection of your Mother  

Especially if your parents are paying for the wedding, the event is one that reflects both of you. A calm and loving dialogue about logistics will go a long way in helping your mom feel like a valued contributor to the planning and not just a line of credit.

If the guests are not properly taken care of, if there is not enough food or if the accommodations are poor, your parents will take the responsibility upon themselves. The bride-to-be would do well to listen to her mom's concerns about the guests. She knows her family and in-laws much better than you do and will know what things could cause unnecessary drama. She will also know what details will be meaningful to help everyone have the best day possible. 

I am ashamed to admit I was horrible about giving our guests proper consideration as I planned my wedding.  My mom had to be the voice of reason, reminding me that even though this was "my day," the people traveling to celebrate with us needed to be taken care of properly so that everyone could enjoy the occasion.

She is Gaining a Son-in-Law, But Also Losing You...

As two families are joined together in marriage, each family gains a new member but also loses one. Even though you can still remain very close to your original family after your marriage, the relationship will change. Your husband is your number one confidant, provider, and priority now. You defer to him and the two of you are now a package deal. Though in most happy instances the previous relationships are still able to stay strong, they are going to be different.  

You are going to endure things you may not be able to talk to your mom about, have intimate details that remain hidden from her, and create parts of yourself that belong to someone else. Your spouse, who is new to your life compared to her, will be given all of you. He is your confidant, your family. 

Your mom will understand this new dynamic—she went through the same changes with her family when she married your dad. But understanding doesn't make the transition easier on her heart. By pausing to have special moments throughout the planning process, you show her that she will always be special to you.  Even though your priorities are changing, she will not be replaced—and never could be.

She Might Be Afraid and Unsure of Her Place

You are becoming a married woman now, and your mom might worry about how to appropriately interact with you in your new life. As you grow into your vocation, you will develop opinions about how to do things, which may differ from the way she did things in her household. As you face challenges and hard times, your mom may not know how to support you and respect your privacy.  She may be unsure of how to continue building an open relationship with you without overstepping her bounds.

Open dialogue and forgiveness is important during the wedding planning and newlywed phases of life.

Your mom has a wealth of information she would love to share, but she may be waiting for you to ask. Let her know when you want her advice; if she offers it at the wrong time, find a good moment to have an honest conversation with her about the areas of your life that you would like to remain more separate from criticism.

Ultimately your mom wants to be a part of your life for the long-run, so figuring out how to handle disagreements early on will only make the continued relationship easier to navigate. 

Wedding planning can feel rushed and overwhelming. Pausing to make sure your mom is included and properly cared for during your engagement will ease the tensions of planning, provide special memories for the two of you to cherish, and strengthen your relationship so it can thrive in your changing mother-daughter dynamic.

I hope my experience will help brides remember, love, affirm, and celebrate their moms throughout wedding planning and the transition to married life. 

Now that I have a daughter, it hurts to think of her excluding me the way I initially excluded my mom from my wedding planning. Even though my daughter is only six months old, I've already thought about how special and hard her wedding day will be, if God calls her to marriage. 

If I could go back, I would include my Mom from the beginning and would make sure that in the midst of my wedding day, I took a moment to thank her for everything. My Mom will always be my inspiration and the reason I am able to be where I am today. I hope that she looks back on our wedding planning with the fondness she hoped she would and that other engaged women are able to give their moms the gift of precious memories before they "forsake all others" to cling to their spouses first.

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Abigail C. R. Gripshover is a beach girl living out her dual-vocation as writer and wife while striving to overcome chronic illness. She loves coffee shop dates with her husband and believes one can never have too many books or family traditions. Life right now consists of juggling new motherhood with full-time work from home, while prayerfully trying to find a way to balance it all with grace. She writes on her Instagram account and hopes to be starting a blog again soon.

Considering Custom Wedding Rings? A Catholic Jeweler Shares What to Expect in the Process.

JAY ROSS

When I designed wedding rings for my wife and me, it was so easy I barely had to think about it--of course, this is only because I am a third-generation jeweler; at the time (I was in college), my part-time job was working at my dad’s jewelry store,with access to professional casting houses and stone setters. I could have chosen any stone, any design, any metal, any ring, from any one of our many suppliers. 

I had literally every option available through a network of professional jewelers, but I opted for a custom design. It was empowering because I already had an idea of how it worked.

Here, if you and your spouse-to-be hope to pursue custom-designed wedding jewelry, tips, considerations, and information to put you in the same position. 

Photography: c/o 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Material

Tradition has voted in favor of precious metal--especially gold wedding rings. In our experience, many customers choose this metal over platinum. Gold is manufactured in an alloy (a metallurgist term meaning a mixture of metals). Rings can be white or yellow gold (or even red or green gold!), all of which have the same amount of pure gold; a similar price should accompany each metal. Be aware that there may be additional labor charges for metals that are more difficult to work with or require special equipment (palladium and platinum are examples). 

Allergies

White gold often has a high nickel content, so if you are allergic to nickel, make sure to tell your jeweler. There are nickel-free gold alloys that cost a little more because they have more valuable metals (like palladium) creating the white color instead of nickel. Platinum is also a great  option for allergy-prone purchasers. 

Contemporary metals

Materials like tungsten, titanium, or even nylon have begun to make an appearance as wedding ring options. While many jewelers have the torches required to repair or size many kinds of metals, some jewelers may refuse or may not be equipped to work on them because contamination of their tools with non-precious metals may negatively affect the tools or otherwise leave residue that can mar future orders in gold, silver, or platinum. Some jewelers may lack experience with these metals. The upside is that these metals are inexpensive, often offer a wide range of very cool colors, and sometimes offer a wide range of mass, which means a ring can feel almost as heavy or as light as you like. 

Precious metal considerations for Catholic couples

As Catholics we regularly use incense, candles, formal vestments, and precious metals (think chalices) as part of our celebrations. These precious objects do more than articulate the importance of our sacraments; they illustrate the value we place on the sacraments themselves. 

In Exodus, God filled Bezalel with the Holy Spirit to create artistic designs in gold, silver, and bronze (Exod. 31:4); Bezalel was the craftsman who created the Ark of the Covenant. So for those looking to celebrate the sanctity of marriage, in choosing gold you would certainly be in good company!

Developing design ideas 

Draw out some thoughts on paper--and don’t be afraid of your artistic talent (or lack thereof!). Many jewelers are used to rough sketches and are able to incorporate your dreams into something truly beautiful. 

You might find jewelry that almost suits your tastes, but not quite. You can communicate this by creating a Pinterest board for your jeweler or sending pictures via phone or email. Each of these options gives your jeweler an idea of your aesthetic so he or she can create a piece that matches your style and is structurally sound. 

 Determining sizes and widths

Width: Many couples go into ring shopping knowing they need a ring size (a measurement of how big the inside of the ring will be), but without an idea of how wide the rings should be (a measurement of how much of the finger is covered by a ring). 

The most popular ladies’ wedding bands are between 1.5mm for the very thinnest recommended size, and about 4mm wide for the thickest. Most popular men’s sizes are between 6mm and 10mm. I advise my couples to choose complementary rings, rather than exact matches. 

Ring size: Even ordering online, you have many options for determining your ring sizes--many online jewelry stores, for instance, have ring-sizing printables. Alternatively, you can measure your finger with string and then easily google your ring size. 

A more precise method, of course, is to visit a local jewelry store to acquire your size in person. At that time, make sure you have developed an idea of the width of your rings first.

A thin ring may fit you perfectly, yet a wider one in the same size might not even go over your knuckle. This is because of the amount of metal that needs to pass over the knuckle varies by width. 

You may fall somewhere in the middle of a size. Whatever your size, be sure to take note of this and inform your jeweler beforehand, since some wedding bands cannot be sized after their construction. In my business, some customers prefer to try on a ring created on a 3D printer before it is made in gold, just to make sure it fits perfectly.

Photography: c/o 31 Four Artisan Jewelry

Choosing an artisan

Many towns have independent jewelers, which allows you to support a small business with your purchasing power--something increasingly important to couples who want to shop small. 

Also consider different jewelers’ areas of expertise. Maybe you are inspired by the wedding story of Sts. Zelie and Louis Martin, or perhaps a special devotion to Mary has a place in your journey with your spouse. A Catholic artist with this knowledge would be a great fit. 

 Perhaps you want your ring to utilize a specialty technique like micro-pave (a multitude of tiny diamonds creating a pavement effect) or makume gane (a Japanese technique of laminating multiple metals to create a woodgrain look). Choose an artisan who specializes  in what is important to you. 

The process

Initial Sketches: A jeweler will help you decide what the rings will look like by drawing a few examples. These are great moments to document and share with family and friends. You can also share these ideas with your children as they plan their own weddings one day! Take pictures or keep the initial sketches your jeweler creates. 

Jewelry models: A jeweler may carve your rings out of wax and use the ancient lost-wax method to cast a ring for you out of your choice of metal. Some jewelers will create a 3D printed model that will be melted away just like a wax carving and cast into the couple’s choice of metal. Both options produce beautiful results. 

One benefit to 3D-printed models is that they can be mailed to a couple for approval before they are made in metal. Wax, on the other hand, can break easily and then must be carved again. Either option gives you another great milestone to document your wedding-planning journey. 

Pouring molten metal: Many jewelers use the lost-wax casting method to create rings. This method actually dates back to Exodus. During this process, the jeweler welds wax models or 3D-printed models to a flat plate using beeswax. A metal cylinder is placed around them, and a mixture of powder and water is poured over the model and left to dry for two to three hours. Then the wax is melted out over the course of roughly eight hours, revealing a negative space that is an exact replica of the rings. 

The artisan measures out enough gold to fill the negative space. They melt the metal in a crucible and inject it into the negative space using either vacuum or centrifugal machines. Voila! Your rings have been created! At this time, any stones are set in place by the stone setter. Any (or all!) of these steps are incredibly interesting and can make a great photo opportunity if your artisan can photograph parts of the process. Just ask!

You should expect to pay an average of about $200-500 more for a custom ring set than for pre-made styles. The weight of the rings and the labor involved will ultimately dictate price. 

Off-the-shelf rings can appear inexpensive at first, but be aware that precious metals are sold by weight; price fluctuations are either due to less metal or undervalued labor.  

For the most important piece you will ever wear, there is certainly great value in considering wedding rings that are entirely unique.

---

About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

What to Do With Your Dress After the Wedding

CARISSA PLUTA

Your wedding dress is arguably the most beautiful, meaningful, and often expensive piece of clothing you will ever wear.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA DESIGN

And now that your big day has passed, you may be wondering what you can do with that gorgeous gown hanging in your closet. 

Thankfully, there are so many options for your dress that guarantees that it will remain a special reminder of the occasion. 

Keep it

Many people choose to keep their wedding gown for posterity’s sake. 

Having your dress preserved is not as complicated as it sounds, and it makes it possible for you to pass it down to a sister, friend, daughter or even granddaughter. 

You can do it yourself, however, hiring a professional preservationist ensures that you get the most effective and safe cleaning procedure for your unique gown by surveying its unique material, embellishments, and even stains.

Sell or Donate it

There are many options for people looking to clear up closet space by selling their previously worn wedding dress. 

You can choose to sell your dress online to a soon-to-be bride or you can choose to donate it to a worthy cause. 

There are many nonprofit organizations that gift or repurpose used wedding dresses to support many different groups or individuals. 

Related: 6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Dress

Repurpose it

The material of your wedding gown can likely be repurposed into another item that can be used again and again. 

You could make it (or, for us less crafty ladies, have it made) into a Christmas tree skirt, pillow, or quilts which will serve as a regular reminder of your special day. 

Or you might consider having your dress made into a baptism gown or communion dress for your children, another option for a bride who wants to create a family heirloom to pass down.

Not only is this a meaningful gift for your children, but it also serves as a powerful visual reminder of the fruit (both physical and spiritual) borne through your vows. 

Wear it 

As I will always consider my wedding dress to be the most glamorous dress I’ve ever worn, it seems a shame to only be able to wear it once. And who says you have to?

Some brides make a new tradition by wearing their wedding dress to celebrate their anniversary. (You can even invite your friends to join you in celebrating by doing the same). 

If your dress still fits and you’d love to get back in it, consider making this part of your annual tradition.

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Newlywed Life | Supporting Your Spouse During Pregnancy

Preparing for married life is its own journey of knowledge and experience. Preparing for parenthood, a great gift and invitation into the Father’s own creative genius, isn’t so different: there are plans, anticipation, the sense that your life is on the precipice of permanent, formative change.If you and your spouse find yourselves expecting early on in your marriage, how can you support one another?

Here, five suggestions for deepening your relationship and growing in self-gift during the season of pregnancy.

Photography: Kirsten Ann Photography

Express your needs clearly.

In these weeks and months of physical and emotional change, any fatigue, sickness, and nesting-induced desires to remain at home more often are normal. As you and your beloved navigate these changes for the first time, communication--just as in so many other dimensions of a healthy relationship--goes a long way in keeping the both of you on the same page. Rather than assuming your spouse knows your current physical and mental states or expecting certain acts of service or help, voice them! A loving spouse will be more than happy to serve you when expectations are communicated clearly.

Are you expecting a “honeymoon baby?” Insights into the joys and challenges.

Know how much--or how little--practical preparation is healthy for you and your beloved.

Some couples devour as much literature on marriage as possible before their wedding day; others prefer more practical wisdom and experience over the written word. Neither approach to preparation is right or wrong, but simply a matter of preference and personality.

In the same way, the world of baby and parenting books is vast. If you find yourselves overwhelmed by information or in disagreement with certain principles you encounter, know you’ll be no less loving or capable parents if you choose to step back from reading and education. As an alternative to intensive reading and research, try simply talking with your spouse about the birth experience, career plans, education possibilities, and family culture each of you envisions.

Develop habits of sacrifice.

The family is built on self-gift and service. Each of our domestic churches is a school of loving sacrifice, and this call is particularly evident in the demands of caring for a newborn. And yet, even before your child is born, you and your spouse can strengthen yourselves in self-giving; willing what is best for another person even when it’s inconvenient and when the feelings aren’t there. During these months of preparation for parenthood, identify concrete ways each of you desire to grow in sacrifice and self-discipline and help one another put these ways into action. Consider practices like fasting, avoiding your snooze button, or limiting screen time.

Find ways to stay connected to your spouse while raising young children.

Seek compromise in all things.

Another milestone, another registry. As you and your spouse choose the items you’ll use to care for your baby, you might find yourselves in varying states of excitement and disagreement, just as you did while creating your wedding gift registry. Strive to see and listen to one another and communicate your priorities.

Compromise in parenting, of course, extends beyond material matters. Know that it’s alright not to be in complete agreement over every matter of sleep, discipline, feeding, and more before your baby’s birth. As you and your spouse enter into your roles more fully after baby arrives, you’ll find greater freedom and flexibility in making decisions best suited to your child’s temperament and to each of your needs. Your child’s life is eternal, allowing you more than enough time to determine your outlook on parenting!

Do decisions about the future stress you out? Read about finding rest in the unknown.

Invite each other in.

Although men and women experience pregnancy in distinctly different ways, there’s no denying the deeper closeness that arises from sharing an intimate, particular love for your child; your love for one another, made embodied and visible. So savor this sacred time, and embrace the gift of being revealed to one another in a new way. Check in frequently on one another’s feelings, meet any fears with hope and sensitivity, and pray together for your child as he or she grows and as you choose a name.

If you and your spouse struggle with infertility, you are seen and aren’t alone. Read past pieces on infertility here.

We love walking beside you in your vocation. Are you currently expecting? Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media with your best tips for nurturing your marriage during pregnancy.