Maryellen + Sean | Classic Midwest Wedding

Gorgeous blue and white textures celebrate a love that blooms outward in service, thanksgiving, community, and self-gift.

Before ever meeting, Maryellen and Sean had both come to a point of accepting God’s call to the vocation of marriage. “We knew that God was preparing each of us for our future spouse. We still knew we had to take an active role in God’s plan, but he was going to take the lead,” says Maryellen.

Their first date began with attending Mass together. From that point forward, Maryellen and Sean made efforts to keep prayer a foundational part of their relationship by attending daily Mass and praying regular novenas for various feasts and intentions.

It makes sense, then, that Sean’s proposal was also rooted in prayer. On the final day of a novena for marriage and family, on the Feast of Our Lady’s Nativity, Maryellen and Sean prayed the Stations of the Cross. At the Twelfth Station--Jesus dies on the Cross--Sean got down on one knee.

From the Bride:

Throughout our engagement we made an intentional effort to receive the sacrament of reconciliation once a month and continued our practice of daily Mass attendance and regular novena prayers. We also found a great blessing in the many beautiful models of Christian love in our family, friends, and especially the saints. Our intercessory prayer found a particular home in devotions to St. Joseph, Sts. Anne and Joachim, and St. Angela. To this day they remain steadfast companions, more so than we will ever understand in this life.

Our wedding day can be summarized in three words: joy, love, and laughter. The nuptial Mass was the beginning, and the core, of the festivities. 

We chose to invite everyone in our parish to the Mass, in addition to our other close friends and family; it was truly beautiful and moving seeing so many come together to share in the celebration of our love.

When choosing the readings for the Mass, we prayed God would lead us to the passages that embodied a sense of living for others. We chose the Gospel passage from John that speaks of Christ asking his Father to make the love of his followers full and complete. 

Knowing how much we have been formed by our own families in which we are a part, we know that the love that we share will not be complete unless it is lived out in service of God’s people. 

We took a similar approach to the song selections. In particular, our offertory hymn was chosen to honor the memory of a friend who has truly found this fullness of love. The Mass closed with “O God Beyond All Praising.”

Our celebrant, Fr. Kevin, spoke beautifully about the journey we had been on together and the journey that still lay ahead. Near the end of his homily, he told us to deliberately look out at the congregation, inviting us to look upon the faces of all those who had come together to celebrate and share in our joy.

We were overwhelmed by the love present in that moment, in that space, and were brought to tears even before the time came for us to profess our vows. 

The vows, of course, were a highlight of not just the Mass but the whole day. As we committed our lives to one another before our families, friends, and the Lord, we knew we’d never be alone in the many joys and trials to come. It’s hard to accurately describe the all-embracing love we experienced in that moment, both from those physically present and those with us in prayer. 

After receiving Communion together for the first time as husband and wife, we presented flowers to Mary and Joseph. The Holy Family has been a powerful example for us, so it only felt right to devote our marriage to their intercession. 

Just days before the wedding, one of the bridesmaids had a family emergency and was not able to attend. We presented her bouquet to Mary and Joseph during the Mass, not only for our devotion but also to ask for their intercession in our dear friend’s trials and heartbreak.

We were so overwhelmed with the beauty and joy of the Mass that it almost surprised us to remember we still had a party to attend! Moments before we walked into the reception hall the DJ cranked “On Top of the World” by Imagine Dragons and called everyone to their feet. As we entered, hand-in-hand, the room flooded with joy and excitement. Tears came once again. 

The joy continued with phenomenal toasts by the best man, maid of honor, and father of the bride. Each toast was both incredibly touching and absolutely hilarious.

At a young age, Sean witnessed a foot-washing ceremony at a family friend’s wedding and vowed to one day do the same at his own. We chose to exemplify Christ’s self-sacrificing love at the Last Supper by washing one another’s feet.

Our wedding day was as much a celebration of us as it was of those who formed us. In the act of giving of ourselves to each other in marriage, we were not just giving of our individual selves, but of our families, our communities, and our loved ones; our past, present, and future lives. 

It is so fitting, therefore, to call marriage a sacrament of communion in service of God’s Church--the whole mystical body of Christ.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Church: St. Joseph Catholic Church, South Bend, IN | Reception: Good Samaritan Community Center | Caterer: Callanhans  | Jewelry: Premier Designs | Florist: Martins | Rings: Do Amore | Bridal Gown: Black Cat Consignment | Groom’s Suit/Tux: Menguin | Bridesmaid Dresses: Azazie | Stationary / Invitations: Vista Print

Pray Together with a Family Litany of Saints

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

On your wedding day, you and your spouse become a new family. Family prayer will be important to your marriage, whether you are praying night prayer together as newlyweds or saying grace at Thanksgiving, surrounded by your grandchildren. One way to start a new tradition of prayer with your fiancé or spouse is to begin a family litany of the saints.

This can be a practice which remains with you throughout your marriage.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MARY KATHERINE PHOTOGRAPHY

Start with Favorites

Who’s your favorite saint? Many Catholics have a favorite saint or two (or twenty). If you don’t have a saint BFF yet or you feel like you could use some more (and who could not?) hit up the library with your fiancé or spouse to find some books on the lives of the saints. Then take your books and a picnic to a park. Read some of the inspirational and sometimes outrageous stories to each other to find some new favorites.

Confirmation Saints

Revisiting the namesake from your confirmation can be a powerful way to know a holy person. These saints often, but not always, fall into the “favorites” category. If you don’t know your confirmation saint as well as you’d like, do some research and rest easy knowing that your saint has been interceding for you anyway.

What’s in a Name

What’s your name? What’s your spouse’s name? If it’s not a saint’s name, is it a derivative of one? Most names can be connected to a saintly counterpart, even if it’s just through meaning. If you have children, what are their names? If you don’t have children yet but have some ideas of what names you like, add those saints to your litany as a reminder to pray for your future children.

Careers and Interests

There’s a patron saint for nearly every career and for many different hobbies and interests. If you experience stress in your career, it’s worthwhile to put these patrons on your list. Even if you don’t plan to add these saints to your litany, it can be fun to know who they are.

Remember Souls Who Have Died

If a close family or friend has passed away, consider adding the saint who most reminds you of that person to your list. This is a wonderful way to remember to pray for souls.

Choose a Mary

Our Lady has so many beautiful titles. Do you or your spouse have a special devotion to one of them? Mary, our Blessed Mother, should have a place on every litany.

Once you have created your litany, ask for the intercession of your saints whenever you pray as a family. Tack it to the end of spontaneous or traditional prayers and soon it will become a lovely habit. Be flexible with your litany; there may be saints who stay on your litany for the duration of your marriage and those who will be there just for a season. Consider dedicating a small chalkboard or white board in your home to your litany of the saints. Alternatively, you could use this board as a way to feature one saint at a time, perhaps around feast days.

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Editors Share | Accessories that Made our Wedding Attire Complete

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share our stories with you, as well. Today, the team shares about bridal accessories that served as unique ways to personalize their wedding attire.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MATTSON PHOTOGRAPHY

Jizo Zito, Co-Founder and Creative Director

My accessories were fairly simple, mostly due to budget. Since Etsy and the like were not yet in existence, I bought a mantilla off eBay for $30. My earrings and bracelet came from my mother. While the bracelet was new, the earrings were from her wedding day. I also purchased “dressy” sandals on a budget, but then I wore my old ballroom shoes for the wedding reception for my swing-dancing husband. 

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

I am a super minimalistic person when it comes to accessories. I got my wedding dress on ModCloth for $200. I bought some pearl earrings at a thrift store for $5 and I wore a pair of dress sandals that I already had. I wanted my look to represent who I was in real life! I’m not fancy or formal, so comfort and ease were important for me to feel beautiful and truly myself on my wedding day. 

Kat Finney, Contributing Writer

One of my favorite accessories was a “going away outfit,” solely used for the last 10-15 minutes of the reception.  My parents have a stunning picture from their wedding day of them in their “going away outfits,” and it’s one of my favorite pictures of them. I thought it would be fun for my husband and I do our own take on the going away outfit. I got a birdcage veil, a lace cocktail dress, and some pale blue pumps, and we danced out of our reception to the limo in these outfits. It was a fun way to carry on the tradition my parents and their parents started.

Andi Compton, Business Director

I knew I wanted a tiara and cathedral length veil for the ceremony, and when I went in to purchase it I ended up trying on a blusher and loving it. The tiara and blusher have become heirlooms for our family as our daughters use them for their First Communion.

For the ceremony I also wore a crucifix that I still use daily, and has now been touched to relics from all over the globe and is one of my favorite treasures. At the reception, I swapped my tiara for a jewel encrusted comb and my crucifix for a sparkly necklace (which I’ve since lost!). My shoes felt like sparkly Cinderella stilettos and were so comfy I barely wore the accessory I was looking forward to the most: my jeweled jellies! 90’s kids will know what I’m talking about.

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to wear for my wedding jewelry or what I wanted to give to my bridesmaids either, but it was quickly figured out by the generosity of one of my bridesmaid’s moms! She had recently been to the Philippines to visit family and she brought back jewelry sets for all the bridesmaids to wear (earrings & necklaces) of beautiful faux pearls.

I was stunned by such a generous gift and it was perfect! It was such a joy to not only gift my bridesmaids jewelry on our small budget, but to have the added sentiment that it came from the thoughtfulness of a wonderful woman in my life.

My aunt and mom also gave me my great grandmother’s pearl necklace to wear, which my grandpa had given her as a gift while he was fighting in the Korean War. I treasured wearing the strand of pearls, thinking about the beautiful women in my life who wore it and the great sentiment it had. The jewelry from our wedding day was such a sweet surprise and it was so wonderful to wear a family heirloom—it felt like having generations of women in my family close to me and praying for me!

Emily + Luke | Vintage Lavender Chapel Wedding

A vintage-inspired evening, from the heirloom pearls around the bride’s neck to the 150-year-old chapel. This couple’s lavender-bestrewn Indiana wedding held at their alma mater was the fruit of their friendship and strong foundation of faith.

Emily and Luke credit their relationship to their parents, who raised them both to know and love the Lord. Emily explains that making their faith a priority set the stage to help them live their lives to be the hands and feet of Christ, both before and after the wedding.

From the Bride 

Wise people expressed to me that a couple's friendship before a romantic relationship is the secret to a lifelong marriage. For Luke and I, this has been true. We shared a few college classes together and were in the same bible study. At first, we talked about our childhood. Luke and I were both raised in Christ-centered homes, and we both attended Catholic schools from kindergarten through high school. Then we both chose to attend a Catholic university. My faith is an integral piece of my life, and I was hopeful that my future husband would embody the same quality. 

Eventually, Luke and I began attending Mass together and would go on a date afterwards. These were special, intimate times for us that inspired growth, learning, and trust. We also loved road trips. I believe that being stuck in a car with someone helps you learn a great deal about them. These were moments when we were able to reflect, relax, laugh, and be spontaneous. And those important conversations allowed us to open up to one another about our life and beliefs.

From chatting in a car, our relationship eventually progressed and grew stronger. During one of our road trips, Luke proposed to me! 

It was almost unspoken that we would get married in the Church. This was a true testament to the dedication our parents exhibited to instill the faith in us as children, and they grinned ear-to-ear with gratitude. 

Many moving parts must be planned to help the wedding day reflect what the couple desires. Luke and I talked about what we wanted our day to look like, and I believe we achieved it! We met at Marian University, so our nuptial Mass was celebrated in the campus chapel where we began our relationship. Luke and I did not have a “first look,” so walking down the aisle with my father on my arm was a breathtaking moment. We were beginning our life together as husband and wife in the very space we met for the first time. My eyes were flowing with tears of joy. 

Luke and I love antique and vintage style. From the baby’s breath flowers to the chapel that was over 150 years old, the “old-fashioned” look was well represented. When I looked at veils to choose from, I couldn’t make up my mind. So my cousin reached out and asked if I would like to borrow hers. After I agreed, she explained that my grandmother made her veil for her wedding ten years ago. It was sentimental to wear something handmade from my grandmother. 

My grandfather passed away three months before our wedding. My grandmother (who made my veil) and grandfather were married fifty-six wonderful years. They were a true example of committed marriage. Upon his passing, my grandmother asked if I would like to wear her pearl necklace with my dress. I learned that my grandfather had given her this pearl necklace at their wedding more than fifty years ago. I felt as though a little part of my grandfather was with me each step of my special day, since my necklace had been a part of his wedding. 

Oh the dress! As a young girl, I dreamed about my future prince charming, the flowers, and the dress. 

The gown I chose fit my personality perfectly: it had lace, pearls, and a sash which gave the dress a vintage charm. There were a couple special women who joined me in the search. And after the dress reveal, all of us shared a laugh and mimosas. 

I am a nurse. This has been my calling since high school. I was inspired by my grandmother who was a nurse for many years, and I feel God placed me in this profession to help the less fortunate and to be a light for others. My husband coached high school football. He was inspired by his father who coached high school football for over thirty years. He says he doesn’t coach for money or fame, but to inspire the kids to become real men of Christ. Through the work we do at our jobs, Luke and I continue to walk on our spiritual journeys with Christ and strive to become a stronger couple that serves God.

Many of the teachings and religious practices of our faith are based on traditions from long ago. For Luke and I, our parents paved the way for us. Standing hand-in-hand with Luke before the altar was an incredible experience, and the Church, our family, and friends witnessed us profess our vows to one another with God as our witness. As the two of us become one, we are guided to live a life pleasing to God. 

They say the wedding is just for a day, but marriage is for a lifetime. 

I learned that during tough times, we must remain in love. Love never fails. In each moment, one thing remains constant: Christ is at the center, first in our friendship, and now in our marriage.

Photography: Soul Creations Photography | Church/Reception: Marian University | Cake Vendor: Taylor Made Cakery | Dessert / Appetizer Bars: Longs Bakery | Rings: Diamondsdirect.com | Shoes: Toms | Bridal Gown: Sophias Bridal | Groom’s Suit/Tux: Mens Wearhouse | Bridesmaid Dresses: Davids Bridal | Stationary / Invitations: Paper Source

Newlywed Life | Processing Frustrations in Light of the Big Picture

THERESA NAMENYE

Sometimes, as much as we try not to, we get caught up in seeing all of the annoying parts of life. This frustration can be especially magnified in a marriage. Especially in a new season of marriage when spouses are adjusting to a new way of life together.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MACKENZIE REITER PHOTOGRAPHY

It’s easy to see the dishes piled up in the sink after a long day of work. After dealing with thirty fourth graders all day, the last thing I want to think about is coming home to clean bowls with old pancake batter. If I get hyper focused on that pancake bowl, my thoughts can quickly turn to, “I can’t believe he had the nerve to leave that there for me. I worked hard all day long and now he expects me to wash his dishes?”

Conversely, it’s easy for him to get frustrated when I scroll through my phone in the evening, not cuddling on the couch. “She’s been away from me all day and she doesn’t want to be around me now that we’re home.”

In these annoying, trying, and unpleasant circumstances, it’s so important to rise above our own thought patterns and shift our perspective. 

The bowl of pancake batter wasn’t rinsed immediately because a baby was crying and needed to be changed. Then an errand had to be run and thing after thing took over the afternoon and the watery pancake batter was forgotten. It’s okay. The kids are well fed and they were loved today. It’s fine that the bowl still sits in the sink. It’s not an attack against me. It does not mean my husband is lazy. It means that other important things came up, and cleaning up immediately after meals is still a growing habit. He’s getting there.

I’m on my phone, reading an article about how toddlerhood is difficult. I’ve been up all night nursing a teething baby, I pumped twice at work, I graded ninety assignments, and I haven’t sat down to eat my lunch. I came home to a sink full of unwashed pancake dishes that reminded me that my day of work is far from over. I need fifteen minutes to merely exist in my comfortable chair and unwind as I relate to moms who are in the trenches alongside me in this vocation. It’s okay. Not cuddling my spouse is not a sly message that I don’t want to be close to him. I am working on being more available for cuddles and hugs with my husband throughout the demands of life. 

But recognizing and understanding all of these unseen facets of life--things like dishes and distractions--takes work. It takes love. It takes communication. Seeing issues from another’s perspective and in light of the big picture takes constant practice.

It is a skill to see an unpleasant reality, feel waves of frustration, and mentally transcend them in the heat of the moment.

“Yes, this is aggravating to my inner soul. No, this is not the end of the world. Yes, I am sure there is an explanation. Yes, I will communicate this later when we are both receptive and open to feedback.”

I’m not saying it’s a good idea to bury these annoyances or to continuously conjure up excuses for things that breed frustration. Far from it. I believe that ten times out of ten, sharing how we feel in a way that is loving, calm, and compassionate is better than spouting off frustrations in the throes of a mental picture that the other person is so wildly inconsiderate.

Instead, let us try to offer gratitude in those moments and practice being grateful for the thousands of unseen ways our spouse does love us.

It’s actually very nice that my husband takes out the trash, puts gas into the cars, and takes care of paying bills every month. When was the last time I genuinely thanked him for these things?

It’s actually quite awesome that my wife works hard for our family, folds all of the laundry without complaining, nurtures the children day in and day out, and changes the pillowcases. When was the last time she was thanked for these mundane, ordinary things done out of love?

The next time you feel anger swelling up inside of you against your spouse for doing something annoying, maybe find a way to speak some thankfulness for what they have done right. Not only will you love them better, you will simultaneously feed your soul with the skill to notice the good above the bad. 

You begin to create a culture within your home where the constructive criticism is tempered with the love and appreciation that a simple life deserves.

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About the Author: Theresa Namenye studied Humanities, Catholic Culture, and Philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She lives in Scottsdale, AZ with her husband Garrett and their children Leo and Aislin. When she isn't teaching fourth grade, she loves blogging, painting, and enjoying the outdoors.

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A Tiny Chalice Balanced on your Finger

JAY ROSS

When I was asked by a fellow artisan if I could make a chalice for her son—whom she hoped, obviously, would become a priest, I immediately had a ton of questions. 

What metals can be used? Is there anything that can’t be used? How would I use my jewelry equipment to melt that much precious metal and then pour it into something so big as a chalice? After all, I am a jeweler—not a dish-maker! And even if I can make something like a chalice, am I allowed to according to the Church? 

There is actually a wealth of information on this, and it turns out chalices have a lot in common with wedding rings. Maybe more than you think.

PHOTOGRAPHY: EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY

Much like wedding rings, it is preferred that chalices are made with precious metal. In the Ecclesia de Eucharistia, a document used for Instruction on liturgical norms, there is an explanation of these intentional preferences.

In addition, Saint John Paul II’s 2003 encyclical Redemptionis Sacramentum states, “Sacred vessels for containing the Body and Blood of the Lord must be made in strict conformity with the norms of tradition and of the liturgical books...It is strictly required, however, that such materials be truly noble in the common estimation within a given region, so that honor will be given to the Lord by their use, and all risk of diminishing the doctrine of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharistic species in the eyes of the faithful will be avoided. Reprobated, therefore, is any practice of using for the celebration of Mass common vessels, or others lacking in quality, or devoid of all artistic merit or which are mere containers…”

As a sacred artist, these words are encouraging but not surprising. It’s amazing to read a governing church body advocate for artistic merit in Liturgical practice. 

Though God often has other plans for my life,  I have no intent of repositioning myself as a chalice maker After reading this document, I feel it is my duty to inform people of the similarities between chalices and wedding rings. After all, my calling is to make sacred objects of another type--one that nearly all faithful will wear at some point in their lives: wedding rings.

So I dug a little deeper into the question at hand—why must they be made of precious metal?

I asked my friend Carlos Sacasa, a Canon Lawyer and speaker on prayer and Catholic tradition.  He told me, “Yes, you can make a chalice, but the inner lining that touches the host and the body and blood of Jesus Christ has to be gold.”

“Why gold?,” I asked.

“It is a precious metal. Only precious metals are supposed to be touching the host; it is a sign of reverence. Usually the most traditional chalices are lined with gold.”

Now, there are some priests who may not choose this and use glass vessels instead.But the fact that using gold is a sign of reverence really stood out to me. 

I hear a similar question in my own line of work: Why must wedding rings be made of gold? Why not nylon? Why not titanium? The answer is the same as Mr. Sacasa gave me—it is a precious metal. It is a sign of reverence.

But there is something else. The gold in a chalice  is touching the host. 

Am I going to be so bold as to say that we are as precious as Jesus Christ, incarnate in the Eucharist? Not quite. However, I will remind you that we, the Faithful, are the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27). What touches our bodies as a sign and symbol of the marital sacrament should be held to the highest standard; especially in the gift that is crafted for a man and woman to reveal their union as one body in front of a congregation at a Holy Mass.

As we think more about the artistic merit, the form and function, of both chalices and rings, they are not merely containers. These are not utilitarian items. There should be craftsmanship and care that goes into their design! 

An extraordinary amount of intention and financial cost goes into the bride’s dress, the dessert (our cake was made with real fruit and flowers by an amazing Frenchman named Bruno), and the decor. Most of these wedding essentials are only enjoyed once or twice. The wedding ring is worn as a unique symbol every day beyond the wedding day. Make it more than a generic container. 

Finally, the occasion of the event requires a standard of reverence in the icons that represent the vows. The sacrament of marriage is a sacrament, and the sacrifice, that spouses perform—for better or worse, sickness or health, rich or poor—on a minute-by-minute basis. Wedding rings are the longest lasting reminder of your marriage vows and should therefore be holy. 

In the celebration of the Mass, Jesus offers his body, blood, soul and divinity to us through the Eucharist. The chalice is the means by which we receive his living sacrifice and participate with him in the sacrament. His offering of himself, as bridegroom, to his Church, the bride, is an image of marriage.

The parallel significance of the sacramentals to be created with precious metals—both a chalice and wedding ring—makes sense in light of the communion of persons and God’s call for holiness through the vocation to married life. 

Catholic wedding rings, if not all wedding rings, should be held as sacred reminders of this holy sacrament. 

Jewelry is a language; wedding rings not only represent but, more significantly, communicate a message of the value one holds about marriage. The wedding ring is sacramental, it is a visible, outward sign which communicates your sacrament to the world. Wedding rings are evangelizing.  

When intention, precision, sacrifice and discernment goes into the process of designing either a chalice or a wedding ring, all who encounter the gift will engage with reverence, with wonder and awe. As an ornate precious metal created either to carry the Body of Christ or to communicate the sacrament of matrimony, these products are holy. 

Something with such meaning and depth should be more than something you purchase off the shelf. Like the Chalice which brings the Church closer to the Eucharist, wedding rings help bring husbands and wives into a sacramental bond. Even more, they bring others into an encounter with Love himself. 

Scripture helps us understand the love God has for his people by creating a parallel with the love between a husband and wife. We are invited to take part in that creative, sacrificial act with Him! I encourage you to approach the sacramental artifacts of your marriage with the same reverence by which you approach the Eucharistic chalice on Sunday morning. By doing so, your marriage becomes a living sign of love: between husband and wife and between Christ and his Church. 

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About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

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Choosing Not Just to Feel Change, But to Embody It: A Response from Spoken Bride

It's hard to find the words this week as our country carries the heavy weight of reckoning and a desire for justice and mercy. What is it we can give in this ministry that reveres human dignity and the sacrament of marriage?

There is something so telling about the sacraments of the Church. These great gifts take what is invisible and create something we can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Something tangible.

The righteous anger and pursuit of justice that so many of us are experiencing can, and should, have a sacramental dimension as well. These stirrings of the heart, these calls to pierce through comfort and privilege, are intangible, deep within. But they aren't meant to stay there. As Catholic Christians, we can draw from the reality of the sacraments in our response to racism and division.

How? By choosing not just to feel change, but to embody it. To take our aches, our anger, our burdens and channel them into action and productive change. To empathize first, discuss second. To unveil ourselves, striving to see every person as he or she is. To create a culture of encounter. 

And to start in our domestic churches. Living out marriage and family life with charity, self-awareness, generosity of spirit. Peace begins with mercy and love. And above all, the sacraments beget something greater: from division, communion.

We invite you to join us in praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet Novena on our Instagram Live, June 5-13 (9PM EST). We pray that mankind will be immersed in his abundant mercy and that his peace and healing will come upon the world.

We also continue to seek and encourage stories that reflect the universal church, ones of diversity in culture, ethnicity, and various Catholic rites. Stories of growing in holiness, in sanctification, and in one body. We desire to share your story as a beautiful and powerful witness of God’s love to the world!

Staying Strong When your Spouse has a Demanding Job

KATHERINE FINNEY

My husband is in his 28th year of school this year. Yes, you read that correctly. He is 32-years-old and is currently a fellow at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, which puts him in his 28th year of receiving some sort of formal education. 

When we got married, I thought the idea of being married to someone in residency would be like a fun adventure. I knew his schedule would be crazy, but I figured the challenges of this state of life would be something we could have fun tackling together. Reality has turned out to be quite different from my expectation. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK PHOTOGRAPHY

I am no expert in being married to someone in training. I’m really no expert in marriage either. But I have been married for five years, and in every one of those five years my husband has been in medical training; my only experience of marriage has been as a wife of a resident (and now a fellow). Goals have been accomplished, but we’re still struggling through training. The light is getting brighter and closer, but the darkness behind us can still be a little hard to reflect on.

If I could give myself advice before entering into marriage with someone just starting residency (or any transient stage of training, continued education, etc), I’d say the following:

Pray. 

This is a Catholic blog, so it may seem necessary to include prayer. But here’s what I mean. There will be times when you will wonder when will be the next time you can sit down and have a meal together. There will be times when you feel like you don’t even know who the person sleeping next to you is anymore, because you never see him/her. In these times, you may feel numb and want to give up. I beg you to pray. Pray in a particular way to tangibly receive the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage. This prayer will be answered, and you will know it when it does. Praise God in those moments.

Make sacramental prayer a priority and habit. 

Again, an obvious recommendation for a Catholic blog. But again, without the grace of the Eucharist and the healing power of Confession, how do you expect to be able to receive the graces of your Sacrament of Marriage? Go to Jesus in the Eucharist, because he will be the one to get you through the hardest patches of this trying time.

Let go of expectations, and let go of comparisons. 

You may know a couple or couples in similar situations as you. They may even be Catholic, prayerful people. Do not live your life by comparing your relationship to theirs. Do not expect yourself to keep up with their timelines (of having kids, buying a house, achieving goals within residency/training).

Every couple is different and is called uniquely to their specific vocation. Every couple has different emotional, mental, physical struggles and strengths. Your way of doing things can be different than couples in similar situations to you. The only people who should be involved in a couple’s decisions should be the husband, wife, and God--and helpful spiritual directors/advisors as you see fit. Residency is hard enough to get through without the pressures of expectations you place on yourself to keep up with what others are doing.

Find a support system. 

Surrounding yourself with a community of support, especially if you’re away from family or are having children, is vital. Being away from family with small kids is no joke. When your village is far away, find people who can be your village. Be a village for them too. If possible, find couples in similar situations who are also far from home, so that you can support each other during holidays, postpartum recovery time, or extended periods away from family.

Remember your mission. 

You have been called to serve or to heal. Remember you’ve been called to something greater than yourself. I find that when I view the challenges of being a resident’s wife as part of my missionary call, I’m more inclined to embrace the challenges rather than to run from or resent them. The challenges don’t get easier, but they have purpose when I look at them as part of a greater call.

I asked my husband if he had anything to add to this, from the perspective of both the husband and the trainee/doctor in the situation. Here’s what he had to say:

Go on dates, at least once a month!

Residency (and parenthood) are roles that demand tremendous amounts from an individual; the external pressures can make it all too easy to neglect your marriage. Don’t let that happen! Initially, I tried to connect with my wife while I was also doing something else (preparing for the next day, cleaning the dishes, changing a diaper). But there is something about undivided attention and unquestionable intention that is so much better.

When we started going on dates more consistently, I noticed a huge improvement in our relationship together as well as an improvement in our interactions with the kids. If you are a parent, find some other parents that are looking to go on dates, and do a parent swap to save money on babysitters.

Take time to pray daily. 

During training, I found this to be very effective on the way to and from work. I pray on the way to work every day, which allows me to center myself and be committed to providing the best care possible for my patients before seeing them. Praying in my car after work also provided a timely transition to recap the day—what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what can be done to improve things--before being present to my family.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 12

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

From photographers and videographers who understand how to capture the most significant moments of your nuptial Mass, to coordinators who understand the needs of Catholic couples, artists whose jewelry, stationery, and prints become enduring keepsakes long after your wedding day, clinical and theological experts in the fields of fertility and relationships, and beyond, Spoken Bride Vendors view their work as a call and find deep joy in putting their talents at the service of the Lord.

What’s more, our vendors are truly engaging and fun. With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who they are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month:

Madeleine Deighan Photography
Madi Myers-Cook Photography
Chari Films
Sarah Wirth Photography

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Madeleine Deighan Photography

Madeleine Deighan Photography

Charlottesville, VA | Serving Virginia, Maryland, Washington, D.C. and available for travel

Madeleine Zinman’s career as a wedding photographer started casually with family and friends before she began taking on additional clients. She is inspired by beauty and desires to contribute something beautiful back to the world through her profession. “The wedding day is compiled of  many simple moments and small details.  With every wedding, I take each of these pieces, weave it into a story, and then return it to the couple and their families to remind them of the blessings and love surrounding them on this day and throughout their lives.  I can only hope that the talents given to me by God somehow bring others close to Christ and His Truth.”

Favorite food: A buttery rich steak with a good glass of red wine.  But also chocolate and mochi ice cream.

Favorite saints and devotions: I always felt called to motherhood, even at a young age, so when I was confirmed at sixteen, I chose St. Gianna as my patron. I have my own little litany of saints who have helped me throughout my life and whose intersession I ask for frequently. My favorite prayers are the Memorare and the prayer to St. Michael.

Favorite memory of your wedding day: My home parish was run by the Fraternity of Saint Peter, so we were married in the Tridentine Rite, right at the beginning of the ceremony. As we returned to our chairs at the front to begin the Mass, I distinctly recall feeling a wave of peace  and deep love rush over me. I looked at the man who had just become my husband and felt so at home, so strong in our relationship, now united with God. "This feels so right and full of goodness, this is where I am supposed to be," were the words that came to my mind. I sincerely believe that it was the graces of the Sacrament that were immediately available for us to draw upon, and I am so grateful that I had such a tangible experience with them. And since that day over three years ago, I have never lost that sense of abundant grace that is always there for those harder times that I struggle to be kind, patient, or apologize for wrongdoing.

Learn more about Madeleine Deighan Photography

Madi Myers-Cook Photography

Made Myers-Cook Photography

Dallas, Texas | Serving Pensacola, Florida; Dallas, Texas; Los Angeles, California; United Kingdom, and available for travel worldwide 

Madi Myers-Cook describes her business as “adventurous love story.” On the one hand, she seek to capture the adventure and love of a couple’s story on their wedding day through beautiful photography. On the other hand, she embarks in her own adventurous love story as she receives the Lord’s promises for her life through her relationships and her business. “I love how the Father has already written our love story and we get to wake up to the wonder of it every day!... I want to capture people the way the Father sees every couple--redeemed, beautiful, whole and absolutely in LOVE with each other.”

Favorite saints: The Holy Family, Saint John Paul II, Saint Mary Magdalene, Saint Agnes… the list could go on… 

Favorite thing about working on weddings: I love the small moments between Bride and Groom- the belly laughs, the tickle fights, the goosebumps. My other favorite part is just being friends with my couples!!! The connection and trust that friendship brings to photography allows everyone to be their complete, messy, beautiful, fully alive selves!

Love means: I'm learning that love is, of course, willing to the good of the other. Even more, I'm learning love is an act freely chosen that encourages the other's freedom. Love destroys the ego, the pride, the boxes we try to put other people into and encourages the other's freedom. That's the journey I'm walking through right now. 

Learn more about Madi Myers-Cook Photography

Chari Films

Chari Films

Bronx, New York | Serving New York City, New Jersey, Connecticut 

Justo Diaz was raised in a Catholic home, but developed an intimate and personal relationship with Christ as a young adult. He prayed, a simple prayer: “how would you like for me to serve you, Jesus?” Through joyful memories and a spirit of courage, God called Justo to quit his fulltime job and pursue videography full-time.  His mission is to share the truth of the Catholic faith and to evangelize through his videos. “ My Catholic faith allows me to be vulnerable with my clients, my brothers and sisters in Christ, who are about to embark on a new journey together. It allows me to always begin and end our conversations with prayer, calling upon the Holy Spirit to remain with us as we discuss all of the plans for a given wedding. It helps us to remain in the same Spirit and allows for us to trust in the Spirit to guide every conversation with my clients.” 

Three things on your bucket list:

1. Do the "El Camino" pilgrimage in Spain.

2. Go to Jerusalem to visit the Holy Land.

3. Create a Christian featured film. 

My favorite thing about working on weddings: To witness to the devout Catholic couple who have chosen to come together to live for the Lord. It brings me much hope to witness new couples who desire to live out their faith together and begin their own domestic church with their new union. Being able to film the biggest decision of their lives vocationally speaking and provide them with a memory of their special day that they can forever cherish brings me much joy.

Favorite books, movies, and music: I love to read anything written by Dr. Scott Hahn. My favorite movies have to be anything involving superheroes from all the Marvel movies to the DC Universe superheroes. My favorite Christian band is United Pursuit & Shane and Shane. 

https://www.spokenbride.com/vendor-pages/chari-films-weddings

Learn more about Chari Films

Sarah Wirth Photography

Sarah Wirth Photography

Oregon | Serving Oregon, Arizona, and throughout the United States 

Sarah Wirth is a wife and mother who aspires to create and build authentic relationships through her photography business. With this in mind, she has an eye for the real and meaningful moments of the wedding day, “the moments which create the foundation of marriages.” She recalls a favorite photo from her own wedding day and hopes to capture similar moments for her couples. “It was a simple photo, but one that captured my favorite moment from the day: the unique time we had as a newlywed couple to ask the Blessed Mother to watch over our marriage and begin this new stage centered on faith.” 

Favorite part about working on weddings: Hands down the joy of the couple on their wedding day! It is contagious and inspiring to see a joyful couple just beginning their marriage, and  to witness the love and support of family and friends. I feel like each wedding I shoot I get to relive my own wedding day, and am reminded of our own vows and commitment we made to one another. 

Favorite place traveled: That's a really tough question, and so hard to choose...probably Florence because I spent several months there studying and it became a second home for me. But a close second would be Spain while walking the Camino! 

Favorite memory of your wedding day: My favorite memory from our wedding day was the few moments in our ceremony where we gave flowers and said a prayer before the Blessed Mother. My husband had  surprised me and written a prayer for us to read at that point in the mass, and it was so special to have the little time together to pray and be alone just a few minutes after saying our vows. We have that prayer framed in our living room now, and hope to continue praying it together as a family throughout the years! 

Learn more about Sarah Wirth Photography

How He Asked | Catie + Angelo

We are honored by the opportunity to walk alongside you in this marriage ministry, from Yes to I Do and beyond, and we love returning to our couples' stories as they continue to unfold. If we've featured your love story in our How He Asked engagement series and you now feel called to share your wedding with us, as well, submission details can be found here.

Sometimes the path to the sacrament of marriage doesn’t look as straightforward as we imagine it should be, but the Lord can use any set of circumstances to bring spouses together.

Catie and Angelo’s relationship progressed through many stages before they were engaged. In an unexpected string of events, it wasn’t until Angelo had finally found peace in remaining “just friends” with Catie that she confessed still having feelings for him. 

She describes his proposal as an “intimate, prayerful, and perfect moment.” A moment worth waiting for.

In Catie’s Words: Angelo and I met while volunteering for our parish’s high school ministry. After a year of forming a casual friendship around youth group and swing dancing, he told me how he felt and asked me out to dinner.

In Angelo’s Words: I had feelings for Catie very early on in our friendship, but I held myself back because I had just come out of a low point in my life. I was still “finding myself” and didn’t need another impulse relationship; it would not have been fair to either of us. 

After a year of reconnecting to my faith, finding my place in youth ministry, and forming new relationships, I realized Catie was always there, intentional or otherwise. That summer, I finally agreed to go swing dancing with her. 

I was immediately hooked--both to dancing and to the idea of “Catie and I.” I couldn’t avoid it anymore, so I decided to tell her how I felt and asked her out to dinner.

Catie: I told Angelo that I saw us as strictly friends, and I didn’t think dinner would change anything, but I agreed to a date. He was a nice guy. We ended up getting dinner three times before I admitted my feelings had not changed.

Angelo: I was heartbroken that things didn’t go the way I had hoped, but she let me down early in the night. We continued to have a fun evening, and our conversations weren’t awkward. I felt crummy, of course, but I knew there was something special in our relationship, no matter what it would be. I was grateful to still have a friend in her.

Catie: What I didn’t tell Angelo at the time was that I could foresee a relationship in the future. I felt that dating would lead to marrying him or breaking his heart, and I just couldn’t do either of those. I told him we were friends to avoid giving him false hope, but I never stopped thinking about us. For months, I compared everyone to Angelo. On paper, he was perfect, and I was frustrated that I didn’t feel more for him. 

It took several months to come to the obvious conclusion: in the time since he had asked me out, Angelo had become my best friend. I was relieved to have a label for our relationship, and I finally felt at peace.

Angelo: I had a hard time wrapping my head around our relationship. We were still friends, we still communicated, and we enjoyed each other’s company. It wasn’t awkward. Eventually, I too recognized her as a best friend. I had to value what a deep and meaningful relationship looked like before I could commit to a romantic one. Accepting her as a best friend and letting go of anything more helped me open up to God’s will and taught me to trust that everything has a purpose.

Catie: Through youth ministry and our friendship, Angelo always knew about my family and my prayer requests. At one point, a difficult family situation left me and my loved ones heartbroken and devastated. My friends at the time didn’t understand how much I needed them, but Angelo did. Even though he was away, volunteering at a Steubenville conference, he was the one who came to my aid.

Then something went off like a lightbulb in my head. 

Here was a man who, although far away and occupied, stayed up talking for hours to calm me down. Here was a man who checked in on me and my family and had a Mass said for our intentions. Whatever barriers I had put up were suddenly down, and I realized I had romantic feelings for him. After a few weeks of discerning that these feelings were sticking around, I decided to ask for a second chance.

Angelo: I almost crashed when we were driving back from a friend’s wedding and Catie told me, “I still have feelings for you.” I was paralyzed! At first, I told her we’d be better off as friends (after all, that’s what I had finally accepted), but the next day I was an emotional mess. I was blindsided, even though this was the situation I used to dream about: that one day Catie would “come around.” That night, we talked in the presence of the Holy Spirit, and I took another leap of faith. We decided to give our relationship another go.

Catie: The conversation that finally began our romantic relationship started with two identical prayers. As Angelo was walking up to my door, I prayed “Lord, please be present in our conversation.” When Angelo walked in, he asked to start in prayer: “Lord, be present in this conversation.” It was the first of many signs that this was a relationship that was going somewhere, and we agreed that night to start dating. Fourteen months of bad puns and dad-jokes later, he proposed after opening in prayer on a hike with our best friends!

Angelo: She said yes!

Catie: Angelo and I have no pictures or videos from our engagement. It was an intimate, prayerful, and perfect moment, shared only by our best friends and God. Looking back, that moment was a long time coming. It took some “friend-zoning,” a painfully long discernment period, a second chance, and a year of dating to finally lead us to where we are now.

Throughout our relationship, we found ourselves saying things like “I don’t deserve you.” Neither of us did anything to deserve being loved so wholly and so purely by another person. It’s a simple reminder of how we have done nothing to deserve the unconditional love of God. 

The love Angelo and I feel for each other as we prepare for marriage is a mere reflection and extension of the love of the Creator for His Beloved. It draws us closer to one another and closer to our Lord. 

We remained open to God’s call in each of our lives, and are now preparing to build a marriage centered in Christ. We can’t wait to see where it takes us!

Photography: Claire Watson Photography |  Location: St. John the Apostle Church in Leesburg, VA and Rust House Manor

Coping with Homesickness while Adjusting to a New Life

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

“A man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.” We hear this over and over through the rite of matrimony, not only because it is important, but because it can be hard. Although this is a charge directed at husbands, wives, in becoming one with their husbands, also must leave behind aspects of their families of origin. 

I came from a close-knit family with lots of traditions, and when my husband got a job several states away from my hometown in our second year of marriage, I was devastated. I had always planned to raise my children in the same town as my parents so that they would share the same closeness I had with my own grandparents.

PHOTOGRPAHY: KELLI SEELEY PHOTOGRAPHY

Shortly before our move, my grandmother brought me the DVD of Brooklyn, a movie she wanted me to see because it reminded her of her own mother’s immigration story. As I watched the protagonist, Eilis Lacey, build a life in 1950s New York, far away from her family in Ireland, I began to see the promise in our upcoming move, instead of just sadness for my loss. 

This quiet, lovely film offered inspiration to commit wholly to my vocation and the family that I was creating with my new husband. Whether your marriage takes you across the world or just across town, this movie has some valuable insights for newlyweds.

Before we dive into these insights, a brief disclaimer is in order. As Steven Greydanus says in his review: “Brooklyn is not a Catholic film per se, but the Church stands in the background, an unobtrusive but essential institution in the local community.” In this way, the Catholic church plays an essential role in Eilis and Tony’s lives, but in a moment of grief, they falter regarding chastity, though the scene is brief and not explicit. 

1. Change can make you homesick, but homesickness won’t last forever. 

When Eilis first arrives in New York, she is miserable, clinging to her letters from home like a lifeline, but over time she adjusts to life in America. The shift is gradual, but as the months pass, she realizes how happy she’s become in Brooklyn; even her employer notices and asks for Eilis’ secret to pass on to the next homesick immigrant. Although Eilis attributes it to falling in love with Tony (an Italian-American Catholic), it’s also clear that her routines in work, night school, and her parish life were important to her adjustment.

As a newlywed, there are all kinds of changes that can make you yearn for the life you had before: moving to a new place, having to make holiday decisions, making joint plans with your husband instead of just thinking about yourself, and taking on more responsibility than anticipated over pets, among other things. Many of these challenges are transient and will pass; some will require new routines, while others will need the patience and love of your spouse.

2. Build your community around the Church.

The kind, old priest who sponsored her immigration helps Eilis start to integrate into her new community by enrolling her in a bookkeeping course and asking her to spend Christmas day at the church, serving a meal to men who have nowhere else to go. She also attends parish dances with the other girls at her boarding house, where she eventually meets Tony. Though not all of her time is spent at church, everything in Eilis’ life is affected by her connection to the Church.

In a similar way, your local parish can help you form new routines in your newlywed life. If you’ve just moved, getting involved in a young adult group or Bible study can help you and your husband meet other Catholic newlyweds. If you’re continuing to attend a parish, see if you are being called to participate in a new ministry, either individually or as a couple.

3. Eventually, you will adjust to your new life.

While it initially seems impossible, Eilis finally comes to a place of peace about her new life and how being in America has changed her. Near the end of the movie, she offers advice to another new immigrant, and she tells her, “You'll feel so homesick that you'll want to die, and there's nothing you can do about it apart from endure it. But you will, and it won't kill you. And one day the sun will come out--you might not even notice straight away, it'll be that faint. And then you'll catch yourself thinking about something or someone who has no connection with the past. Someone who's only yours. And you'll realize... that this is where your life is.” 

Eilis’ months of suffering have transformed her, and her visit home has served as confirmation that her life in Brooklyn is the one to which she has been called.

If you’re interested in a more detailed review of the film before you watch it, I highly suggest Steven Greydanus’ take. 

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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If We are to be Molded by the Creator, May we be Bent into the Shape of a Cross.

JAY ROSS

“When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.” 

I wish I had this quote included in my wedding vows. At the time, I was an evangelical Atheist, (far from the homeschooling Catholic I am now). I fought tooth and nail to remove all traces of scripture from my wedding.

If I could plan my wedding all over again, I would be as malleable to God as metal is to its maker.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY

Faith was absent from my wedding and every experience of wedding planning. That process did not yield the spiritual fruit that it could have—and should have. If you let it, you will be amazed by the fruits and graces that come with including God in every step of your marriage. 

I am a jeweler. When I make a wedding ring, the metal is heated to over 1,000 degrees celsius (1832 fahrenheit), banged many times with wood or metal, sanded and stripped away, and polished. For gold or platinum, the precious metals most often used for wedding bands, this is not a pleasant process. But the end result is pristine. 

As the creator, I guide the raw materials through a very difficult process to make something beautiful. In how many ways does God desire to do the same with my heart and soul as I am transformed through the sacrament of marriage? How often do difficult experiences form the beauty of our present lives? 

Now, I know, planning a wedding is hard. We were seniors in college, extremely active in a local advocacy group, and working in the jewelry business. We were inexperienced in the realms of adulthood and underprepared for the responsibilities and financial costs associated with planning a wedding. We never considered the lasting effects that could come with intentional planning. And we never anticipated the difficult impact from the common stressors of wedding planning either. 

Yet, over time, I have been refined. But I often wonder what kind of refinement could have happened sooner if I allowed myself to be formed by my Creator earlier in life and earlier in my marriage. 

To have been present in real time, within my wedding planning, I would have had solace in the times I needed it most. I would have realized my potential as a man and spouse before I approached the marriage altar. 

When we have a relationship with Jesus Christ and bring our difficult experiences to him—in prayer, in relationships, or in the Sacraments—he melts our hearts, strips away our burdens, and forms us into the persons he created us to be, into saints. 

As we think of ourselves as a precious metal waiting to be formed into something pristine, the process is not pleasant. I know it is especially hard in the moment to “offer it up.” Yet, we are invited to bring those difficult, painful experiences of refinement to prayer, into an intimate conversation with your Creator. 

God has formed me through my vows so I have a clearer vision of his design for my life, my marriage and my family. I encourage you to bring God to the center of your wedding planning--bring him into everything you do with, and for, your spouse. Not only will you grow closer to each other, but also closer to heaven. 

Ultimately, you are working with your beloved to bring each other to heaven; planning a wedding together can be a great opportunity to deal with stress, to approach sacrifice and suffering as a cross, and to be shaped and formed together. This is the process which creates the most beautiful offering you can present to Our Lord when death do you part.

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About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.

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Tiana and AJ | Franciscan University Port Wedding

Wildflowers and lace for a pandemic wedding at the couple’s spiritual home, the site of their first steps together toward their heavenly one.

Tiana and AJ were in the same year at Franciscan University, with mutual friends, classes, and the same semester abroad together, yet didn’t talk often. Until the rainy Holy Thursday of their senior year. 

Tiana was eating a bagel in the student center when AJ came over and struck up a conversation. For the first time, they exchanged more than a “Hey! How are you?”, talking about their Easter plans. “Well, what are you doing on Monday?” AJ asked.

“And then it hit me like a ton of bricks,” Tiana says. This kid was asking me out. On a date. Once I figured out what was going on, I started to internally panic. Dating was in no way a part of my plan at Franciscan. I had severely overcommitted myself to too many different things senior year, and there was no way I had any time to date.” She hesitantly agreed. On their first date, they talked for three hours over pizza. “I guess you could say it went pretty well,” Tiana deadpans.

From the Bride: It’s so funny to look back. In some ways, I don’t think I would have ever believed anyone who would have told me, “[AJ] is the man you’re going to marry.” In other ways, I can look back and so clearly see God’s hand in all of it. I remember going hiking on one of our early dates, and there was this moment where we paused and sat down on this big rock. I (very boldly and uncharacteristically) leaned my head on AJ’s shoulder and held his hand.

I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and sense of “home.” I distinctively in that moment remember the Lord telling me, you can rest here. 

I don’t often hear him so clearly, and I am not one to rest. I am often busy and anxious and overwhelmed. I am uncertain and indecisive. But I knew that the Lord was inviting me in to trust him. To rest. And to let myself be loved by him, through this man he was placing before me.

Our relationship is far from perfect. Like any imperfect humans, we can both be stubborn and selfish. We argue. We make mistakes. But we are confident in God’s grace and mercy, especially through the sacrament of marriage. We are so excited and filled with joy to enter into this vocation that Lord has called us to, so that one day we can make it home to heaven, together.

From the Photographer: On a beautiful spring day, Tiana and AJ were wed. Their wedding date was moved up over a month earlier than planned due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This was not where, when or how they ever pictured their wedding day, but nonetheless, it was perfect and beautiful. Their small, intimate ceremony took place on the campus of Franciscan University of Steubenville in the simple, stunning and beloved Portiuncula Chapel.

They were surrounded by a small group of family and friends as they promised to be faithful to one another, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.

Being married in the midst of a pandemic, these vows took on an even deeper and more profound meaning. There was tangible joy felt by all who were present. 

One of the most unique and positive things that I've seen come from this pandemic is how family and friends rally around couples and find new ways to celebrate their love, all while social distancing. Tiana and AJ's friends gathered in their cars along the side of the road to surprise their newly married friends after their wedding Mass. It was so incredibly special. They held signs, threw confetti and played music to celebrate. There were even some friends on Facetime sharing virtual congratulations.

Even though their original wedding plans were good and beautiful, things had to change drastically. Tiana and AJ had to entrust our Lord and Our Lady with their new plans, knowing God is still in control, even in uncertain times. Their intimate ceremony put the focus on the sacrament taking place and allowed those present to really be immersed in the profundity of matrimony. Two lives, two souls were woven together and not even a pandemic could stop that. 

The popular saying in the wedding industry these days is "You can't cancel love." That is very much the truth--because God is Love.

Photography: Laura and Matthew | Church: The Portiuncula Chapel at Franciscan University of Steubenville | Dress: Anthropologie’s BHLDN, Portland Gown by Jenny Yoo | Bridal Bouquet: The “WhichGoose” Shop on Etsy | Rosary: West Coast Catholic | Shoes: Birkenstock’s | Bridesmaid Dresses: Azazie | AJ’s Suit: Ryan Seacrest’s Distinction Line from Macy’s | Tie: Dazi

The Dating Advice I Would Give My Younger Self

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

The man who was my last first date is not my husband.

But he was my type. Perfectly so. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He was college-educated, pursuing a career in a creative field, well-traveled, and a few years older than me. For our date, he took me to a fairy-lit garden full of live music, wine, and delicious food. He was wearing a light blue Oxford shirt, dark jeans, and a confident expression as we got to know each other over the mid-range red he selected for us.

On paper, this was the most perfect first date I’d ever had. This guy was Dream Date. So how did I end up married to someone else?

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

From the age of fifteen, I was almost always in a serious relationship. I dated a few people for long stretches at a time, even if I knew marriage would not likely be the end result. Throughout my decade of serial dating, I considered consulting books about dating with a spiritual perspective; I never read them. Finally, at the age of twenty-five, I decided to consult Jesus.

Weary, like the woman at the well who had had seven husbands but still felt alone, I approached Jesus and asked him to show me what I was doing wrong, and what I needed to do in the future. I saw the array of men I had dated and the attachments I had so easily formed, many of them still intact and causing me pain. Very clearly, I knew I needed to give my dating history over to God and carefully, prayerfully consider how to date going forward.

There was so much peace in my heart as I decided to date intentionally. I would never go on a second date if I couldn’t imagine marrying the person. I wouldn’t fearfully avoid any topics that were important to me: faith, marriage, and kids, for example. 

When I met my husband Dalton, I told him all of this upfront. On our first date at a greasy-spoon diner, I informed him that I would be dating other people, and why. He understood, which surprised me. I continued to see Dalton as I went on other dates. Sometimes I went on one date with a person, sometimes a second or third, but I made no commitments. 

At a Mardi Gras parade about a month later, I met Dream Date. In the parking lot after the date was over, he asked me on a second date. I surprised myself by gently saying no. In spite of the perfection of our date, several things had become clear to me over the previous months and on this date in particular.

Here is some advice I wish I could have given myself before I began dating: 

Age and maturity are related, but they are not the same.

One thing that surprised me about Dalton, my husband, is that although he is five years younger than me, he never seemed immature. In fact, if I tried to guess his age, I would have assumed he was at least as old as me. This was largely due to his quiet confidence and his sense of conviction about what he believed. Dream Date, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what he believed about anything, and he didn’t seem especially interested in figuring it out.

One person for whom age and maturity were related, at least in relationships, was me. It took me ten years and lots of heartbreak to learn how I needed to approach dating. In some aspects of your life, experience will be your best teacher.

You may need to discern. You should never need to wonder.

I wish I had known this. I wish every woman knew this and believed it. 

While dating, you may ask yourself many questions regarding whether you should begin or continue to pursue a relationship. The one question you should NEVER need to ask yourself, at least after a first date, is whether a guy likes you. If he is in any way worth your time, you will know. Even Dream Date, although he wasn’t right for me, was clear in his intentions about this.

Be clear about what you need and what you want in a marriage, and be willing to acknowledge the difference.

It’s crucial to know what you must have in a spouse and what is simply not important. It’s also crucial to know that you may be confused about this. Here’s a tip to help you clarify:

When considering qualities you would like to have in a future husband, make two lists:

The first list should be things you would like to see in him on a first date. Be honest and detailed in your requests. Does he have dark hair and kind eyes? Is he confident as he orders? Does he tell (modestly, and only when you ask) about the fact that he graduated summa cum laude with a Ph.D in 19th century British literature?

The second list should be things you would like to see in him at three in the morning on a night when one of your children is sick. Or when one of you has lost a job. Or when one of your parents has just died. Be honest and detailed in your requests. Is he patient and kind? Does he shoulder his portion of the responsibility? Is he willing to shoulder all of the responsibility if necessary? Can you see yourself laughing with him? Can you see yourself crying, with no makeup and in stained sweats? 

The first list is more fun to make. The second list is vital. Both are important. An ideal husband should have at least a few qualities from the first list, and all, or nearly all, from the second. Keep both lists in mind as you meet new people. Be open-minded, but hold fast to your convictions.

After my last first date, I called up Dalton and told him boldly that I wanted to see him. I had finally learned how to date, just in time to get married.

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Meet Our New Team Members

As we at Spoken Bride strive to continue sharing the truth, goodness, and beauty of Catholic marriage, we are grateful for each of you: the authentic, faithful women who support and participate in our mission.

Today, it’s our pleasure to introduce to you the newest team members who are joining us in carrying out this mission in a tangible way. To learn about the entire Spoken Bride team, read more on the About Us page.

Maria Luetkemeyer, Twitter Manager

Getting to know Maria: My life is all about weddings at the moment! I am blessed to be working with Spoken Bride. My older sister, Emily, is the founder and creative force behind Pillar & Pearl Gifts, a Spoken Bride vendor. My older sister’s Katie recently got engaged, and I am preparing to be a bridesmaid in both her and my best friend’s weddings—God is clearly at work in the world of Catholic marriage!

My favorite saint and devotion: I have a special love of Saint Augustine, kindled by reading his Confessions, and a newfound devotion to the mystery of the Divine Mercy.

A quote I always turn back to: “It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn.” (The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo). Akin to walking through the valley of the shadow of death, it is crucial to embrace the cross of our sufferings of this life to bring us to deeper union with God.

Some personal highlights of COVID-19 quarantine: My older sister got engaged—talk about a light in the darkness! Quarantine has unexpectedly bonded my big, beautiful family together. We’ve been loving having meet-ups of every kind, be it over Zoom or socially distanced cookouts. Also, I have finally started reading the Diary of Saint Faustina for the first time!

Melissa Pfeifer, Instagram & Facebook Feed Manager

Getting to know Melissa: I have always loved to travel and explore, and grew up going to visit family in Ecuador. Since we’ve been married, my husband and I have visited 3 different countries—Norway, France, and Kenya. Of course the experiences are all wonderful in their own respects, but I found attending Mass in these unfamiliar parts of the world incredibly moving.

My favorite saints: Mother Teresa, though St. Ignatius and Sts. Zelie and Louis are important to me as well. 

Bible verses I always turn back to: “Where you go I will go” (Ruth 1:16); ”With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26); ”Be still and know that I am God” (Psalms 46:16)

Some treasured memories of COVID-19 quarantine: Since we’ve been in quarantine, I’ve had more time to get creative with my candle shop on Etsy. I’ve completely changed the shop’s look and feel and am so excited for customers to try my new candles.

Janisse Valenzuela, Instagram Stories Manager

A fun fact about Janisse: My husband and I got married on the feast day of St. Zelie and Louis Martin, July 12th, 2019, we have a special love and devotion to these married saints. Praying for their daily heavenly intercession for our marriage and all marriages in the world. 

My favorite saints: Apart from the Blessed Mother, Pope John Paul II, St. Zelie and Louis Martin, St. Joseph, and St. Therese of Lisieux..... these are my favorite heavenly friends!

A quote I always go back to: "Perfect love passes through the total and constant gift of oneself” (Saint John Paul II). Any Pope John Paul II quote is my favorite! He is seriously my favorite theologian and philosopher of all time! 

A new hobby during COVID-19 quarantine: Cooking homemade meals, taking virtual live cooking classes, and watching cooking Youtube Videos. We are traveling the world by cooking new cuisines every week; so far we have made Mexican, Italian, Indian, Greek, and Asian dishes. 

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

Getting to know Theresa: I love being busy with good things. The more packed my schedule is, the more I thrive and the more I accomplish. Rest feels good to me when it's balanced with a lot of hard work. Quarantine is difficult for me in this regard. But like all things, I have to see it as an invitation to learn new ways of accomplishing goals and seeking the true, good, and beautiful without a normal schedule. 

One of my favorite devotions: I have come to enjoy praying the Rosary of Divine Mercy Chaplet on runs outside. 

Quotes I always turn back to: "In my deepest wound I saw Your glory, and it dazzled me." (Augustine); "We do not need wings to find You." (Teresa of Avila)

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: I wouldn't call it a new hobby, but I've become pretty good at Google classroom and online lesson planning  in quarantine. It is a sorry substitute for the joy of a real classroom but it's still a way to connect with my students every day. 

Maggie Strickland, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Maggie: My parents got married on my grandparents' 28th wedding anniversary and we got married on my parents' 28th wedding anniversary - instead of one big cake, we had 10 smaller ones and my parents & grandparents each had their own cake cutting to celebrate their anniversaries.

My favorite saint: St. Therese of Lisieux

A quote I always turn back to: "Remember: the holiness of 'little things' done well, over and over again, for the love of God" (Servant of God Catherine Doherty)

A new hobby during COVID-19 quarantine: I've dusted off my sewing machine and started working on sewing clothes since quarantine started.

Kat Finney, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Kat: I am always ready for karaoke.  Note:  I did not say I am always good at karaoke.  I am simply always ready for it.

My favorite devotion: I have a devotion to Our Lady of Prompt Succor, who is patroness of New Orleans.  It has been through her intercession that New Orleans from fire, battle, and natural disasters.  We invoke her intercession in all times of need, particularly now in this time of pandemic but also throughout the months of hurricane season.

A quote I always turn back to: This is going to sound pretty cliché Catholic of me, but my favorite quote to live by is "Let it be done unto me according to thy word" (Luke 1:38). It's engraved on my wedding band, and when I read it I am reminded that God has greater plans than I could ever have for myself.

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: I've been struck throughout this quarantine with the reminder that there is so much to appreciate in the everyday normal.  I don't think I realized until these past few months that I don't have to look far to find fulfillment and joy.

Gen Allen, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Gen: One day, I hope to be the patron saint of library delinquents. 

My favorite saints: St. Francis of Assisi and St. Mary Magdalene

A quote I always turn back to:  “Those were the Rommely women...They were all slender, frail creatures with wondering eyes and soft fluttery voices. But they were made out of thin invisible steel.” (Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn)

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: My family planted some flowers and herbs together! I have a black thumb, but we’re learning! 

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

Getting to know Bridget: I started playing the violin when I was 9 years old because I watched the movie, "Singin in the Rain" and there's a classic scene of a cheesy violin duet. Once I saw it, I was inspired to play and begged my mom to let me try it! She wasn't so sure, but I ended up taking lessons for many years—including some lessons in college and during my first year of marriage, too! 

My favorite saint and devotion: I have a devotion to my confirmation saint, St. Therese of Lisieux! I didn't start having a devotion to her until a few years ago when I read about her parents and learned more about her family life. I had some misconceptions about Therese and thought she was kind of annoying (can I say that about a saint?!) until I realized we had quite a few things in common (so, does that make me annoying, too?!). Ever since I started learning more about her, I find her in the most random places around town and in churches - even when traveling! She is now a dear heavenly friend to me.

A quote I always turn back to: "Though we may travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A treasured memory from COVID-19 quarantine: I've been enjoying time with my new daughter and my husband and I have been playing more board games together. A new favorite: Hive! 

Rhady Taveras, Vendor Coordinator

A fun fact about Rhady: My favorite season of the year is autumn!

My favorite devotion: I particularly love praying the rosary on Sundays with my fiance. Reflecting on the Glorious Mysteries always brings us so much joy!

A quote I always turn back to: Too many to choose from! I have a running list, but in the midst of everything happening in the world, I've felt God constantly whispering "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) in my ear. That verse has always kept me grounded, but lately it's been a beautiful reminder to trust in His greater plan. 

A treasured memory of COVID-19 quarantine: My parents have never played board games before. So, my sister and I decided to introduce them to some classic games during quarantine. They love it so much that we've been playing board games as a family every single night! 

Emily Brown, Podcast Manager

Getting to know Emily: I was a ballerina most of my life, so I love to just break out dancing sometimes! I am also a seasoned musician, and play the piano, pipe organ, violin, and viola; so classical music is totally my jam while I’m cooking dinner or doing work. And finally, I’m an avid outdoorswoman. I love being outside (especially at the beach!) enjoying God’s beautiful creation!

My favorite saints: St. John Paul II and St. Gianna

A quote I always turn back to: “Pray, Hope, and don’t worry!” (Saint Padre Pio)

Some treasured memories of COVID-19 quarantine: The mornings my fiancé and I woke up early to watch the sun rise on the beach and we stood in the water for hours And, my future mother-in-law and I really bonded over watching Downton Abbey together! Many evenings have been spent enjoying an episode with conversation and giggles and popcorn! 

Laura + John Hill | Elegant Springtime Wedding

A grace-filled wedding day steeped in familial and spiritual significance

Laura and John Hill met in September of 2017 through a student ministry at the University of Minnesota, where they are both pursuing PhDs. It didn’t take long for them to realize that their connection was more than a casual interest, and they began seriously to date and to discern marriage. 

This time was filled with wonder and joy as they grew closer and became more sure of their mutual call to holiness through marriage, but it was also filled with struggle and sorrow, as they helped each other to navigate the burdens of graduate school, mental health ups and downs, and the death of two grandparents. 

Yet in and through it all, God was faithful.

In God’s perfect timing, John Hill brought Laura back to the same square of sidewalk concrete where he had asked her on their first date, and proposed, this time asking her to be his lifelong partner in holiness.

At the same time that they were discerning marriage, John Hill was also discerning the call to come into the Catholic Church, and meeting and falling in love with Laura was the confirmation of that call. 

Throughout their dating and courtship, Laura was consistently amazed by John Hill’s humble devotion to the Lord, his desire for a strong Catholic spiritual community, and his growing love for the Catholic faith. A convert herself, Laura delighted in sharing the faith she loves with the man she loves. 

John Hill made his first Confession, received Confirmation and Holy Eucharist, and entered into the sacrament of Marriage all in the span of four months. “The grace radiating from him was palpable!” says Laura. 

Prayer was beautifully woven into the whole process of preparing for marriage and planning the wedding day. 

From saying Night Prayer together almost every night before parting ways, to praying over each invitation as they were sealed and stamped, Laura and John Hill were conscious of making prayer the hallmark not only of the wedding day but of every day together. 

When the stress of logistics and planning threatened to become overwhelming, they decided to no longer talk about “The Wedding Day” but instead to call it “The First Day of Our Marriage.” 

This shift in mentality made all the difference, as it transformed the pressure for a single performance-heavy day into an opportunity to witness to the life that Laura and John Hill would start that day.

From the Bride:

The week leading up to our wedding was filled with small graces that made an enormous impact. 

The entire wedding party traveled in from out of town (including my Maid of Honor, who flew in from her Peace Corps posting in Kyrgyzstan!) and the support that they showed in helping with last minute details was inspiring. John Hill describes this feeling of support as like being embraced; everyone’s genuine happiness for us and investment in this day was truly humbling. 

My amazing sister-in-law Ellyn was the mastermind behind the floral for the day, which meant that the house where the women were staying was filled with blooms and life as she whirled around the kitchen crafting the bouquets, centerpieces, and other little touches that went into making the day an offering of beauty.

Because we would be walking down the aisle together in the Mass procession we chose to do a first look in the Church, where I walked down the aisle to John Hill, waiting at the altar. My mom walked me to the door of the church and had me take a moment to collect myself to let this moment be special. 

Yet, in my excitement and my joy, I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to run down that aisle and throw myself into my beloved’s arms. 

And the beauty of that feeling is that it is exactly how the Father wants us to approach Him: with joyful abandon and trust that He will embrace us, no matter how far we’ve had to run to Him.

Elements of family significance ran through the whole day, especially pertaining to those of our family who have gone to their rest. 

In John Hill’s pocket were two tributes to his Papa--his Aggie ring and a small wooden duck from his extensive collection--and tucked into my shoe was the dime that John Hill’s grandmother was married on. 

I also wore my Grandma’ pearl earrings and carried a coin from my PopPop’s collection, while my GrandBob’s rosary was wrapped around my bouquet and my GrandmotherBear’s diamond sparked in my engagement ring. (Fun fact that we didn’t discover until well into our engagement: my GrandBob and GrandmotherBear were engaged in the same church where we were married!)

Because the majority of our family and friends are not Catholic, and many are not Christian, we were very aware of the unique opportunity we had in shaping our Nuptial Mass to be a witness to the truth, beauty, and goodness of our Catholic faith and traditions. 

We chose our readings with the intention of encapsulating the whole of the Gospel message and the place of marriage in God’s plan for the salvation of souls. 

Ecumenism also marked several elements of the Mass, as our Methodist and Anglican siblings did the readings, and John Hill’s reformed non-denomination Best Man offered the Prayers of the Faithful alongside my Catholic Matron of Honor.

One moment of transcendent beauty in the Mass came after communion, when John Hill and I went to spend a few moments in prayer with the Blessed Virgin. 

We had asked our organist to play Schubert “Ave Maria” for this time, thinking he would choose an arrangement for solo organ. To our absolute surprise and utter delight, our cantor’s angelic voice rose over the gentle piano instead. 

This moment was a genuine heavenly gift because it offered a glimpse of how the Father wants to lavish goodness and beauty on His children.

After the Mass, John Hill and I set aside a half hour to simply be. 

As we retreated into the Adoration Chapel, we were overcome with the reality of the sacrament we had just entered into. In these few moments of quiet, John Hill gave me an icon of the Holy Family, in recognition of our devotion to that image and as a symbol that we two are now also a holy family.

The reception was a genuine delight. 

Walking into the ballroom to the sound of our friends and family’s cheering was such a joy-filled moment. There was much laughter, quite a few happy tears, and some excellent dancing that evening. 

John Hill and I chose to have a combined Parents’ Dance, where I danced with my dad while he danced with his mom. We chose Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" for this dance, which ended up being a surprising testament to the beauty that can come through suffering within families. 

Our parents then handed us off to dance our first dance as a married couple to Eva Cassidy’s rendition of "At Last"--an echo of Adam’s love song to Eve in the garden, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). At last and always.

Photography: Meagan Elizabeth Photography | Church: The Church of St. Mark, St. Paul Minnesota| Reception:St. Catherine's University | Rings: Arthur’s Jewelers + Buchkosky Jewelers | Flowers: Ellyn Hefflefinger Rothgeb-Odette the Flower Truck | Cantor: Katy Wehr | Stationary: Minted , Mass Program Designed by Bride| Bridesmaid dresses: Azazie | Groomsman: Gen Tux | Dress: David’s Bridal with significant alterations by Ginny’s Fine Fabrics | Cake: Queen of Cakes

The Deep Roots of Marital Communication--And Why They Matter

THERESA NAMENYE

Of all the advice people give to an engaged or newly married couple, communication seems to be the one phrase that sticks out. I remember hearing that communication is always a hot button issue—the one thing all married couples must conquer in order to attain peace. 

Because my entire engagement was long distance, and we worked opposite schedules and communicating via texting most of the time, I felt pretty confident about our communication as we approached our wedding day. How hard could this possibly be? I thought. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Then, after our wedding, we moved in together.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

Suddenly, all of the beautifully crafted messages that so eloquently expressed my feelings were not very much help. Looking back, I could not point out exactly where and why our communication started to unravel. It was all the small things, of course: but the small things are what make up daily life. Life quickly became an aggravating battle ground for nearly every topic that crossed our path.

The clothes on the floor? The dinner in the oven? The tone of my voice? The implication of that word? The specific verbiage chosen? Everything seemed to be interlaced with unspoken expectations, long-standing familial foundations, and principles singled out as the most important by our different personalities, inherent to who we are from the time we could walk and talk. 

I didn’t realize the simple act of communication is not just an exchange of words; rather, the act of communication is an experience of two inexplicably complex souls attempting to convey meaning to one another. And that is hard. 

Communication in the abstract is wildly easier than long talks, tears, and a stream of frustration spinning like a thousand hamster wheels in my head. 

Epictetus writes, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” I would add that with two people in a marriage, one’s wellspring of experience is tempered by the presence of another throughout the journey of life, wholly together.

What I’ve learned in my five years of marriage is this: every action and every thought that surges through our intellect is an intricate combination of our entire life’s experience. Assumptions, priorities, wounds: these are all embedded in our communication whether we realize it or not. 

The more carefully and thoughtfully we start to unpack these layers in ourselves, the more we come to understand, essentially, who we are. And this is the key starting point in any relationship—marriage or otherwise. It takes a lifetime to fully understand oneself or to even come close to it, and trying to simultaneously know one’s spouse on an intimate level is no small task.

It may seem like a common task to truly understand another person, because so many of us are married and in communication with a spouse every day.

Let me assure you, successful communication in a marriage is no small feat.

At times, it is like taming the wild dragon deep within yourself and extending mercy in places where it could not be more undeserved. It is taking the time, laboriously, to unpack misunderstandings. Other times, it is biting one’s tongue (figuratively or literally) in the hopes of cooling tempers and returning to civility before continuing on. 

At the end of the day, communication shows us what it means to live with a possession of humility. Know thyself, the philosophers write. Doing that takes humility. Why am I the way that I am?

And knowing someone else too? I think it takes double the humility. You are attempting to know, deeply and truly, the beautifully perplexing universe of the mind and heart of another.

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About the Author: Theresa Namenye studied Humanities, Catholic Culture, and Philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She lives in Scottsdale, AZ with her husband Garrett and their children Leo and Aislin. When she isn't teaching fourth grade, she loves blogging, painting, and enjoying the outdoors.

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How to Make Prayer Cards For Your Wedding

SAVANNA POLASEK

Enhance your wedding day with a unique and thoughtful memento: Catholic prayer cards.

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

These cards will allow you to share your faith in a beautiful, inviting way with Catholic guests and with those from other denominations. 

Give a keepsake of your special day that guests will appreciate, keep, and use for years to come.

Choose a saint and/or a prayer

Many Catholic prayer cards often feature a specific saint. For your wedding prayer cards, this could be a chance to celebrate and recognize a saint you connect with. 

You might choose your or your fiance’s patron saint. Or you might choose a saint that has had a meaningful role in your relationship. Do you and your future spouse have a special devotion to a particular saint? Have you consecrated yourself to Mary or St. Joseph? Does your wedding fall on a particular feast day? If you have trouble deciding, you can look to patron saints of marriage and family life.

After deciding on your saint, find or write a prayer to include on the back of the card. You may want to  research different prayers to the saint you’ve chosen then adapt it to fit your prayer intention.

For instance, for my wedding, I chose Saint Elizabeth of Hungary because she is my patron saint and a patron saint of brides. I found a prayer to Saint Elizabeth in the Treasury of Women Saints by Ronda Chervin and edited it slightly for our prayer cards.

Choose the image

Next, find, make, or commission artwork of your chosen saint. 

If you find artwork you’d like to use for your card, check and see if it’s free or licensed. Is there a watermark? Is the design for sale on Etsy? If the art is not free, consider messaging the artist directly, sharing your idea, and seeing if you can use their work.

Design your card

Finally,  it’s time to design your card. If you’re a whiz with graphic design, you can design your own card using Adobe Photoshop or InDesign. Check out this tutorial for more help. 

If not, head to your local printer. Given the specifications of size (3.5 inches by 2.5 inches) and paper type (I recommend a semi gloss card stock), the printer should be able to put one together for you. You may want to bring a prayer card as an example to further explain or clarify your vision. Make sure you ask  for a sample before approving a full print run. 

You can include your unique wedding prayer cards with your mass programs or at your reception. Or you can display them next to your guest sign-in table, on tables, or alongside favors. If you have extra, you can include them with future wedding gifts or cards for others.

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About the Author: Savanna Polasek is the creator of Memoir Ink, a company dedicated to publishing memoirs, autobiographies, and biographies for people. She believes in the power of personal narrative and its impact on our perception of history, ourselves, our present, and future generations. She is a Catholic convert and currently lives with her charming husband in Austin, Texas. In her free time she enjoys exploring Texas, listening to Catholic podcasts, reading, and writing fiction.

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Francesca + David | Rustic Glam Wedding

A love bathed in prayer; the gift of music shared through original Mass compositions; and a summertime barn reception with elegant chandeliers and show-stopping florals.

The night Francesca met David at a Bible study, she found a fellow musician skilled at recording and producing. “This instantly drew me to him,” she says, “since I was actually praying about ways I could record my music for the Lord.” Francesca and David began writing music together, and David asked Francesca out not long after. 

Their first date began in a chapel, where they prayed for the Lord’s blessing on their burgeoning relationship. David asked Francesca’s parents’ blessing, as well, and they continued writing music together throughout their courtship, even building a recording studio in Francesca’s family home.

That first shared prayer, on their first date, was the start of a relationship rooted in prayer: after Francesca’s pilgrimage to Fatima, she and David composed a personal prayer they continue to say nightly, to this day.  

After a year of dating, David proposed in front of the lake near the Notre Dame Grotto, with a ring featuring a cross underneath; he desired that Christ be the foundation of their marriage. He and Francesca’s first act as an engaged couple was, once again, prayer, as they lit a candle before Our Lady. He designed a ring himself with beautiful sparkles on the outside, but underneath, there is a cross because he "wanted Christ to be the foundation of our marriage." 

From the Bride:

We prayed together [all through our engagement], as we constantly need the Lord's guidance and grace. I knew I wanted to marry David the day he took me to the Adoration chapel, and I heard symphonies of music playing in my heart. The music poured over me like it does when I read Scripture before the Lord in Eucharistic Adoration. 

As we were planning our wedding, we knew we wanted to compose music for the wedding mass. This was a challenging feat, but the hard work was well worth it. I am a music director at my home parish, where we’d be married. David designed the church’s sound system--we had spent many date nights working on it! 

The students in my choir begged to sing at our wedding. I knew it would be a bit challenging to coordinate all of it, but I really wanted to have them there. I work with grade school, middle school, and high school students; as much as I wanted our wedding day to be private, I knew having them there would give them a glimpse of a godly spouse that they deserved as well. I wanted to show them real love was worth waiting for.

David and I absolutely love string quartets, and he actually composed all of the music for the quartet. It was heavenly. We promised each other that our wedding gifts to each other would be giving of ourselves to the other and our music.

Since music is so interconnected to our souls and our praise to the Lord, it seemed fitting to compose music together for the big day. It made us feel more connected to each other and to our heavenly Father.

While David wrote the music for the quartet, I wrote all of the arrangements for the choirs. We had about fifty students singing at the wedding, accompanied by the strings, as well as family and friends. 

I walked down the aisle to a song I heard in a dream from the Lord. In this dream, I was walking down a long aisle in a forest to the Lord. While walking towards him, I heard this beautiful choir of angels singing "Set Me As A Seal" from Song of Songs. I woke up from the dream and composed the choral arrangement as quickly as my hands could write. I wanted this to be the song by which I walked down the aisle to my groom.

There are two times in my lifetime I will be walking down an aisle (Lord willing): one to my husband, and the other when I walk down the aisle of heaven to meet my Lord. As I walked down the aisle on my wedding day to this song from my dream, I felt like I was walking towards both David and Jesus at the same time.

I was overwhelmed by emotion while the strings played David's music and my students sang in their beautiful voices. I will never be able to describe that moment in words, but it was such a gift. 

One of my favorite moments was having my dad, my aunt, my uncle, and my two sisters play and sing "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" during the Preparation of the Gifts, which were brought up by David's family. It was just so special to have all my family, friends, teachers, and students at our wedding as we started our marriage. The entire congregation sang during our Mass, and the room was filled with immense music and joy. 

The Holy Spirit was with us that day -just thinking about it brings me to tears. That Mass brought us a glimpse of heaven here on earth. What a gift it was to start our marriage with receiving Holy Communion. I will never forget that day.

Marriage is so deeply intertwined between God and the bride and groom. I felt the Lord tying us together with his grace and love in ways I can never describe. I loved praying with my groom on our wedding day. Kneeling beside him at the foot of the cross before receiving Holy Communion was so very special, especially since, as music ministers, we usually don’t sit next to each other at Mass. 

I felt the Lord's presence with us in every single moment of our big day. I highly encourage couples to pray together. Write your own prayer, go to Adoration, confession, Mass, all of it--together--as frequently as you can. It allows the Lord to mold your relationship in the ways he designed it to be. 

Find ways to have private moments with each other and with the Lord on your wedding day. It makes it even more what it is designed to be--a sacramental day. 

Church: St. Barnabas Catholic Church, Indianapolis | Wedding Reception Venue : The Barn at Bayhorse Inn, Greenwood IN | Caterer: Simply Served | Rentals: Men’s Wearhouse | Bartender: The Barn at Bay Horse Inn | Rings: Jared | Shoes: Nina | Groom’s Suit/Tux: Men’s Wearhouse | Bridesmaid Dresses: Azazie | Stationary / Invitations: Shutterfly | Florals: Mark Stratton | DJ: Kidron Music | Hair: Experience Hair Spa | Videography: Fiat Films | Photography: Soul Creations Photography

"The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing"

KATHERINE FINNEY

One of my favorite Christmas movies (I have about 37) is White Christmas. There is some timeless wisdom sprinkled throughout the whole movie, but one of the most memorable lines is actually the name of a song: "The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing.” For my husband and me, this happens to be true about the entirety of our love story, and it holds true for us even to this day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY

The first week or so after I started to take a romantic interest in my now husband Jonathan, I decided enough time had passed since I met him for me to do a thorough Facebook stalk. The very day I chose to stalk him online, a news story had been released by a local news station featuring none other than this Jonathan Finney, spotlighting his dance moves as a medical student working in Children’s Hospital. 

Apparently when film crews were filming the king of a Mardi Gras parade meeting children at the hospital, a live brass band was playing, and Jonathan took it upon himself to break into dance. The film crew took such interest in him that they decided to do a story on him. Imagine my stomach turning with delight as I stumbled across this video of Jonathan, dancing skillfully and doing his best to entertain his adolescent patients. If there was any chance for me to not be interested in him at that point, it rapidly evaporated after watching that video.

Fast forward a few weeks: Jonathan invites me and a group of other people to go dancing at Rock ’n’ Bowl, a local bowling alley with live music. Eventually, as the night went on and our friends left, Jonathan and I were the only two who remained. We danced and talked until the bowling alley closed. 

At one point, while we were dancing, a lady dressed in denim-on-denim (my hero), danced past us and asked if we were married. “If you’re not married, then you should be. You two belong together.” We laughed and kind of joked about it after she went away. We didn’t admit it to each other until way later in our relationship, but we both felt like we agreed with her. 

The best things happen while you’re dancing.

Our wedding reception could be classified as one big dance party. (I should preface here and say that most Catholic weddings in New Orleans typically have the same people and the same kind of good dancing music, so they’re all pretty much one big dance party.) New Orleans weddings are unique in that there is usually not a sit-down dinner. As a guest, you arrive at the reception, grab your food and your cocktail, wait for the bride and groom to show up, and then everyone starts dancing. There are usually no toasts, though sometimes there are short toasts from parents of the couple or the couple themselves. 

At our wedding, we had no cute introduction of the bridal party, no bouquet or garter toss, no other extra events other than the cake cutting. We wanted everyone to just let loose and have fun, particularly through dance. Dancing was what brought us together, and dancing was what we wanted to do—what we wanted everyone we loved to do—all night of our wedding.

I’ve been reflecting on what it is about dancing that makes us so happy. Scripture mentions dancing as a direct response to experiencing great joy and praise for God. “You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. So that my glory may praise you and not be silent. O LORD, my God, forever I will give you thanks.” For my family, singing and dancing have been a natural response to blessings in our lives.  

Dancing to good music has been educational for our kids. They have learned rhythm, genres, fight songs (very important to my husband), and memorization. My child may not know how to spell “cat,” but she can sing the entire LSU Tigers fight song—which includes the spelling of “tigers,” so that’s got to count for something.

Singing and dancing have not only been a response to blessings, they have been blessings in themselves.

Recently I found myself caught up in an unspoken anxiety about everything going on in the world today. Only over the past few days have I found myself really thinking about how much I’ve been emotionally affected by it. Only recently have I surrendered my feelings about it to God. 

A few days ago, my kids and I were listening to one of our favorites, “Pumped Up Kicks,” when Jonathan came out of his “work from home” quarters. He said, “This is a good cha-cha dance,” and he started to move to the rhythm of the music, holding his hands out for me to join him in the dance. As I took his hands, I realized we hadn’t danced holding hands together in a long time. It felt like, even if just for two minutes, we were young again, we weren’t caught up in the middle of a pandemic. Just for a moment, we could have been newly dating, finding excitement in our relationship as we tried to find our step together.  

We danced as a new couple. We danced the whole night away at our wedding. We danced when we signed on our first home. We danced when we left that house for the last time. We danced when we tried to get our first newborn baby to sleep. We danced as a family when that baby’s sister joined us at home for the first time. We’ve danced while decorating for Christmas, we’ve danced when we’ve been stuck at home in a pandemic, and we’ve danced when we didn’t feel like dancing. The best things happen while you’re dancing. I recommend you try it.

We’ve updated our Spotlfy Playlist “Uplift | For Uncertain Times” with some of Kat’s favorite sing-along, dance-party classics to offer a mood-boost or song of praise to persevere through a difficult season. 

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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