"The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing"

KATHERINE FINNEY

One of my favorite Christmas movies (I have about 37) is White Christmas. There is some timeless wisdom sprinkled throughout the whole movie, but one of the most memorable lines is actually the name of a song: "The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing.” For my husband and me, this happens to be true about the entirety of our love story, and it holds true for us even to this day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY

The first week or so after I started to take a romantic interest in my now husband Jonathan, I decided enough time had passed since I met him for me to do a thorough Facebook stalk. The very day I chose to stalk him online, a news story had been released by a local news station featuring none other than this Jonathan Finney, spotlighting his dance moves as a medical student working in Children’s Hospital. 

Apparently when film crews were filming the king of a Mardi Gras parade meeting children at the hospital, a live brass band was playing, and Jonathan took it upon himself to break into dance. The film crew took such interest in him that they decided to do a story on him. Imagine my stomach turning with delight as I stumbled across this video of Jonathan, dancing skillfully and doing his best to entertain his adolescent patients. If there was any chance for me to not be interested in him at that point, it rapidly evaporated after watching that video.

Fast forward a few weeks: Jonathan invites me and a group of other people to go dancing at Rock ’n’ Bowl, a local bowling alley with live music. Eventually, as the night went on and our friends left, Jonathan and I were the only two who remained. We danced and talked until the bowling alley closed. 

At one point, while we were dancing, a lady dressed in denim-on-denim (my hero), danced past us and asked if we were married. “If you’re not married, then you should be. You two belong together.” We laughed and kind of joked about it after she went away. We didn’t admit it to each other until way later in our relationship, but we both felt like we agreed with her. 

The best things happen while you’re dancing.

Our wedding reception could be classified as one big dance party. (I should preface here and say that most Catholic weddings in New Orleans typically have the same people and the same kind of good dancing music, so they’re all pretty much one big dance party.) New Orleans weddings are unique in that there is usually not a sit-down dinner. As a guest, you arrive at the reception, grab your food and your cocktail, wait for the bride and groom to show up, and then everyone starts dancing. There are usually no toasts, though sometimes there are short toasts from parents of the couple or the couple themselves. 

At our wedding, we had no cute introduction of the bridal party, no bouquet or garter toss, no other extra events other than the cake cutting. We wanted everyone to just let loose and have fun, particularly through dance. Dancing was what brought us together, and dancing was what we wanted to do—what we wanted everyone we loved to do—all night of our wedding.

I’ve been reflecting on what it is about dancing that makes us so happy. Scripture mentions dancing as a direct response to experiencing great joy and praise for God. “You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. So that my glory may praise you and not be silent. O LORD, my God, forever I will give you thanks.” For my family, singing and dancing have been a natural response to blessings in our lives.  

Dancing to good music has been educational for our kids. They have learned rhythm, genres, fight songs (very important to my husband), and memorization. My child may not know how to spell “cat,” but she can sing the entire LSU Tigers fight song—which includes the spelling of “tigers,” so that’s got to count for something.

Singing and dancing have not only been a response to blessings, they have been blessings in themselves.

Recently I found myself caught up in an unspoken anxiety about everything going on in the world today. Only over the past few days have I found myself really thinking about how much I’ve been emotionally affected by it. Only recently have I surrendered my feelings about it to God. 

A few days ago, my kids and I were listening to one of our favorites, “Pumped Up Kicks,” when Jonathan came out of his “work from home” quarters. He said, “This is a good cha-cha dance,” and he started to move to the rhythm of the music, holding his hands out for me to join him in the dance. As I took his hands, I realized we hadn’t danced holding hands together in a long time. It felt like, even if just for two minutes, we were young again, we weren’t caught up in the middle of a pandemic. Just for a moment, we could have been newly dating, finding excitement in our relationship as we tried to find our step together.  

We danced as a new couple. We danced the whole night away at our wedding. We danced when we signed on our first home. We danced when we left that house for the last time. We danced when we tried to get our first newborn baby to sleep. We danced as a family when that baby’s sister joined us at home for the first time. We’ve danced while decorating for Christmas, we’ve danced when we’ve been stuck at home in a pandemic, and we’ve danced when we didn’t feel like dancing. The best things happen while you’re dancing. I recommend you try it.

We’ve updated our Spotlfy Playlist “Uplift | For Uncertain Times” with some of Kat’s favorite sing-along, dance-party classics to offer a mood-boost or song of praise to persevere through a difficult season. 

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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Catholic Podcasts to Enrich the Vocation to Marriage

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

I was first introduced to podcasts as a newlywed, when we moved away from family for my husband’s job and entered a season of regular road trips up and down the East Coast. I was hooked and have since curated a selection of favorite shows that I’ve listened to during various stages of our marriage. 

I’ve listened as I drove through the Pennsylvania countryside for a volunteer job, as I waited throughout the long weeks of pregnancy to meet our son, and, now, as my toddler and I run errands in the car and do chores at home. I’ve chosen a few of my favorite, can’t-miss-a-new-episode shows for the next time you want some accompaniment in your day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADELEINE DEIGHAN PHOTOGRPAHY

Hobo for Christ

Whenever I’m in need of a boost in my spiritual life, I turn to Meg Hunter-Kilmer’s podcast. Meg is a former high school theology teacher turned hobo missionary, as she describes herself, who travels the world speaking about the Father’s love.

Her podcast consists mainly of recorded talks, as well as some interviews during her travels, but everything revolves around the central message of Divine love. The archives are full of gems, like her saint stories for kids and topics like how your personality type can inform your prayer life, all of which will encourage you in your pursuit of holiness through your vocation to marriage. 

One of my all-time favorite talks is Some are Teresa, because often we need reminders that authentic, faithful Catholic womanhood doesn’t look the same for everyone. It’s especially easy during engagement and early in marriage to compare ourselves, our spouses, and our marriages to the marriages we see in our extended families, our parish family, and on social media, but God doesn’t call us to be carbon copies of somebody else. Meg provides examples of holy women throughout the centuries whose diversity of experience and calling can inspire us to holiness right where we are. 

Meg publishes new episodes sporadically, but she has been uploading them since 2015, so there are plenty of episodes in the archives. 

Risking Enchantment

This podcast is, to quote the show’s introduction, “a podcast about art, beauty, and the Catholic faith,” hosted by Rachel Sherlock and a variety of guests from Rachel’s Dublin apartment.

This podcast is a particular joy for me, a former English major, because of the way Rachel and her guests see reflections of Catholicism in beauty of all kinds. Whether they are discussing the hidden Catholic elements in Vermeer’s art, or the Catholic understanding of people that makes a good detective story, they have a keen ability to find the truths of Catholicism embedded in the world around them, which helps me be more attuned to find and create beauty for my family.

While a podcast episode about World War I might seem like a strange topic to suggest to a bride-to-be or newlywed, I highly recommend the episode Green Gables and the Great War.

Rachel and her friend Phoebe Watson (yes, Sherlock and Watson, although I don’t believe they solve mysteries) discuss Lucy Maud Montgomery’s novel Rilla of Ingleside and how doing one’s duty in challenging circumstances takes a particular kind of moral courage, which is also needed in marriage. Especially when the necessary day-to-day tasks of my life seem unpleasant or unwanted, Montgomery’s story of people who do their duty, no matter how difficult, out of love, inspires me to do better—much like St. Therese’s Little Way. 

Risking Enchantment usually has 2 new episodes per month, but they are worth the wait.  

American Catholic History

Despite the fact that I attended a Catholic high school, most of what I knew about the Church in America was pretty limited: I knew of a few American saints, that Maryland was founded as a haven for English Catholics, and that Spanish missionaries built the famous California missions.

Through this short podcast, hosted by husband and wife Tom and Noelle Crowe, I’ve been introduced to a treasury of people and places in the Church’s history: people completely new to me, like Daniel Rudd, a black Catholic journalist; people I knew, but didn’t know were Catholic, like Babe Ruth; and places I’d never heard of, like Mount St. Macrina, a pilgrimage site in western Pennsylvania that’s home to an order of Byzantine sisters. 

A few of the Crowes’ podcasts have been about American saints-in-the-making, including Servant of God Julia Greeley, who, after entering the Church in 1880, tirelessly helped the people of Denver, Colorado, often at night so they wouldn’t be embarrassed about receiving charity from a black woman. Although she never married, her story is a beautiful reminder to married couples that holiness can be found in the small or unacknowledged things we do for each other

American Catholic History has been published weekly since June 2019. 

I hope that these podcast suggestions are helpful, whether you want to grow in your spiritual life, learn to see beauty in unlikely places, or learn more about the history of the Church in America. If you’re looking for more podcast ideas, Features Editor Mariah Maza has shared a list of her favorites as well. Happy listening!

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About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Receiving the Lord's Invitation in Times of Waiting

KATRINA MORETTA

My fiancé and I started dating when I was thirteen and he was fourteen. No reasonable adult entertained the possibility that we would stay together through the tumult of high school and the jarring transition into post-secondary. 

Fast forward almost a decade and we stand at the threshold of marriage, armed with an almost unreasonable amount of dating experience and an extraordinary sense of calm and comfort for a twenty-two and twenty-three year old. As we transition into this new, albeit much shorter, period of waiting, I have begun to reflect more keenly on the place of waiting both in our relationship particularly and in the life of faith more generally.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Over the years, many people have commented how uncommon and antiquated a relationship like ours is. These mildly awkward conversations often end with the phrase “I don’t know how you do it, I could never date someone for that long.” I usually explain that, for whatever reason, the Lord wrote straight with the crooked lines of our relationship. 

We went to separate high schools and the same university, were both leaders in our youth groups and university chaplaincy, and both lived in Catholic houses a mere ten-minute walk from one another. Through the passage of many years and the transition from immature teannagers to young adults, we grew up together. The questions and comments have slowed now that we are getting married and the years of dating have culminated to something a bit more tangible. 

Waiting has been an incredible blessing for me and my fiance. The time we spend learning and growing together has formed in us a very resilient affection for one another and has given us opportunities to sacrifice, trust, pray, and hope together that we would not have had otherwise. 

The daily vocation of waiting provided us an opportunity to love and trust in the Lord and his plan for us, even when the course of our lives seemed murky and difficult. 

I feel a particular connection to our biblical sister, Hannah, in this time, who waits and longs for a child. When her prayers are manifest in Samuel, she presents the fruit of her faith and labour back to the Lord. I hope to keep this story close to my heart on my wedding day when I, too, present the fruit of these seasons of obedience and waiting to the Lord to be sanctified and transformed. 

There are many seasons of waiting in our journeys of faith, some extensive and some momentary. In this day and age, when time and information seems to move with incomprehensible speed and our hearts long for peace, the Lord asks us to stay still and wait. In some ways, the desire and expectation for every experience to be as efficient as it can be has eclipsed our life of faith. 

While many people can easily wait hours for new technology or a favorite celebrity, the virtue of patience is put to the test in a new way when we must wait for matters of the heart. Whether it is the pursuit of a vocation or, even more significant, the Lord of the Universe present in the Eucharist, our response is “I could never wait that long.” 

We are called to seasons of waiting, both the anticipated and the unexpected.

Sometimes they are a decade of dating or an extended engagement, sometimes they are an extra period of waiting to receive Jesus incarnate from hands ordained to hold Him. 

We cannot know what the Lord desires to teach or form in us in the precious moments, hours, days, months, or years. Nonetheless, we receive His invitation to sit and be with him a while; upon reaching the end of this season of waiting, we may call out to the Lord saying “Oh, my Lord! As your soul lives, my Lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you.”

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About the Author: Katrina Moretta is from Caledon, Ontario and went to Queens University in Kingston where she completed a bachelor's degree in English Language and Literature, is currently working on an education degree, and plans to begin her Masters of English Language and Literature in the fall. She and her fiance began their relationship on August 6th, 2011, got engaged on March 25th, 2019, and intend to be married on August 15th, 2020. Over her journey of faith, she has grown in love for Christ in the Eucharist and desires to express that love and devotion in any way she is able.

The Sophia Series | Sylvia

SYLVIA BASS

We invite our longtime married readers to share the experiences that have marked, refined, and anointed their marriages; months and years that, by grace, transform the mundane, the bitter, and the incomprehensible into the fruits of holy wisdom. A purification and a clear vision for the path to heaven that lies ahead. The Sophia Series.

"There is definitely a heart defect and we see a lot of soft markers for Down syndrome," said the perinatologist, moving the ultrasound wand across my pregnant belly. 

She went on to ask disdainfully how old I was and why I hadn't done the first trimester screening for genetic abnormalities. "You don't have much time to make a decision now!" she exclaimed. 

I met my future husband, Scott, in a tiny dingy dorm room while we were both freshmen at the University of Georgia. He was a country boy and a Southern Baptist; I was a city girl and a Cuban American Catholic. We went dancing at a "club" (it was more of a bar) with our friends in downtown Athens, Georgia shortly thereafter and this boy stole my heart. He kissed me, he got my number, and he called to ask me out the very next day. 

We dated for six long years. Neither of us were particularly devoted to our respective religions, and we made many mistakes. We grew up together, and with that came a lot of growing pains. But we felt inexorably drawn to each other no matter what. 

We both decided to attend law school. Scott took a gap year and pursued his degree at a school an hour and a half away from me, but we continued to date each other despite the distance. We were engaged during my second year of law school (his first), and married that summer. Fortunately, I was able to attend Scott’s school my final year yet receive a law degree from my original school. 

As newlyweds, we decided to use natural family planning; not out of any religious fervor, but because I was opposed to putting a bunch of chemicals or devices in my body. Our first unexpected pregnancy came a few months after getting married. We miscarried that child. Our second unexpected pregnancy came a year after that. That time, I was pregnant with twins. To my sorrow, we miscarried the twins as well. In my grief, I turned to the Church—particularly, Our Lady—for consolation. 

I found myself becoming more and more entranced with Church teachings on love and marriage and more and more devout in my faith.

We got pregnant (on purpose this time) with my eldest child, Ruth, and I quit work to stay at home with her. Then we had five more accidental pregnancies in quick succession resulting in six children about a year apart from each other. My husband became Catholic right after baby number six arrived. 

But the story I began with takes place during my pregnancy with Baby Number Five. We had the 20 week scan and found out we were having our fifth girl, when my doctor came in with that stunning announcement, “...soft markers for Down Syndrome.” Worst nightmare for a pregnant woman, right? 

In the chaos that was reigning in my mind, I impulsively turned to my husband, who was standing right next to me, holding my hand. I had no idea how he would react. 

"We are not making any 'decisions,' we are going forward with the pregnancy," he said quietly. The doctor was stunned. "You are so courageous!" she stammered to him. "No," he responded, "I am her father." And in that moment, I felt overwhelming peace. Because come what may, I had this man by my side, doing the right thing, no matter how difficult. 

It is not the fairytale bliss that makes a marriage. Rather, the times when you must weather a storm together truly make you fall in love with each other all over again. 

Iron sharpens iron, and as your mettle is tested, you can experience anew the wonder of the person you married; not because of a stupid reason like, "wow, he is really sexy when he dances!" (cough, Sylvia), but because of something worthwhile and praiseworthy, like, "wow, he is really heroic in how he defends and protects me and our children in the times when we are most vulnerable!"

Baby Number 5 was born shortly after Christmas, a little more than three years ago. We named her after the Blessed Mother. She withstood open heart surgery at four months old like a boss, and my husband never left her side. She is now a boisterous and busy little three-year-old. She does indeed have Down syndrome, but so far she hasn't let that slow her down. 

Every day, she runs to my husband when he gets home from work, gleefully shouts, "Daddy!," wraps her arms around his legs, and he hugs her right back.  I see the love in his eyes and I remember that, if you let them, trials can bring you closer together than you ever thought possible.

In the same way, trials in life can bring you closer to Jesus when you unite them to his suffering on the cross. The trials we endure throughout our lives, when suffered with hope and faith, bring us evermore closer to Love itself. 

Sylvia’s three pieces of advice for brides:

1. Don’t assume that he knows what is bothering you. He doesn’t. Just tell him. 

2. Read Fulton Sheen’s “Three to Get Married” right now. It is life changing. 

3. In the grand scheme of things, the wedding is just a day. Living out the sacrament for the rest of your life is the important part.

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About the Author: Sylvia Bass is a former attorney turned stay at home mom to her six children: five little girls and one baby boy. One of those little girls is rocking Down syndrome. Sylvia and her husband Scott have been making NFP look bad since 2011.

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Surviving Social Distancing as a Married Couple

The world has been thrust into a season of uncertainty as we deal with the fallout of a global pandemic. 

Navigating these changes like social distancing measures put in place to help slow the spread of the disease isn’t easy. 

Here are some pieces from our archives that we hope will help and encourage you and your spouse during this challenging time.

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRUTH AND BEAUTY PHOTOGRAPHY

Health + Self-Care

Establishing a bedtime routine with your spouse | Professional Resources to Support Your Marriage | Hobby Ideas for Couples | 4 Secular Novels Featuring Insights into Authentic Love + Catholic Marriage | Fun Reads Featuring Strong Marriages | The Bookish Catholic Bride’s Guide to Good Podcasts | Increase the Quality in Quality Time | The Power of Childlike Play in Marriage

Prayer

How to Plan and Enjoy A Sabbath as a Couple | Establishing a Prayer Routine | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home | Creative Ways to Pray for Your Spouse | What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? | Modeling the Catholic Home in the Monastic Style| How and Why to Consider Bringing an Examen Prayer into Your Relationship | When Sacrifice Feels Like Too Much

Communication

The Art of the Apology | Actively Listening to Your Spouse | Tips for Forgiving Your Spouse | How to Talk About Your Spouse | The Habit of Affirmation |The Learning Curve of Communication + The Learning Curve of Prayer |What are the Non-Negotiables in your Relationship? | How to Connect with Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy| Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy | How to Avoid Fights About Money | Avoiding the “Four Horsemen” in Marriage | Cultivating the Spirit of Newlyweds Across Time

Encouragement

God’s Ways Are Not Our Ways: Encouragement to Endure| Do You Suffer Well Together? | You Are More Than Your Imperfections | Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness Into Newlywed Life| Becoming the Sacrament | Finding Heaven in a One Bedroom Apartment

To You, Our Community, in This Time of Uncertainty.

It’s hard to know what to say as the state of our physical, social, and emotional wellbeing seemingly changes by the day amidst the coronavirus pandemic.

Photography: Pillar & Pearl

In this desert, it’s normal, and alright, to feel heavy-hearted: concern for loved ones, especially the vulnerable and those working in essential industries. Anxiety over sickness and suffering. Social loneliness. Cancellation of Masses and the sacraments. The delay and uncertainty of long-anticipated milestones, including weddings.

From all of us at Spoken Bride to you, our community of readers, we see you.

We feel the pain and helplessness of your engagement and wedding looking different than you imagined; at the prospect of few to no guests in attendance; of delaying your wedding date or honeymoon; at confusion over deposits made and vendors booked. Our team members and vendor community hold you in prayer, wishing so deeply that we could offer concrete support along with the spiritual.

The answers to these wedding-related challenges might not be easily determined in the coming months. Yet through it all, the certainty of the Father’s love is as relentless and unchanging as ever. 

As we adjust to a new normal of social distancing and self-quarantine--a literal turn toward the interior--we’re here alongside you in striving to embrace this time as an invitation; a new depth of spiritual interiority and trust in God’s unceasingly merciful care.

We’re also here for you, in solidarity and practical assistance. Together we’ll navigate the challenges of decision-making and the practicals of adjusting your expectations and wedding plans, sharing insights from our team members and vendors here on Spoken Bride’s blog and on our social media.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions and to tell us your stories during this season of unrest. We want to hear how you and your beloved are entering into social distance, whether you’re together or apart, who we can pray for, and what changes your wedding plans have undergone. 

As we learn to move forward, life feels a little in a state of suspension. The edge of the dawn; during Lent, no less. Join us in praying the Sisters of Life’s Litany of Trust, knowing we are his beloved and that surrender brings peace.

How to Talk About Your Spouse

CARISSA PLUTA

When sharing your heart through conversation, especially with other married women, you may find yourself wanting to share the challenges and difficulties you face in your marriage and in your role as a wife with them.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

However, there is a fine line between talking about your husband and gossiping about him. 

How you talk about your spouse and your marriage is important, not only for him but for you. Scripture reminds us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”

Gossiping or complaining do just as much (if not more) harm to the speaker than to the person being spoken about. It can foster feelings of resentment and bitterness that will only grow over time, to the detriment of your relationship. 

When seeking wisdom and understanding from other women striving for holiness in a similar way make you speak about your husband in a way that breathes life into your marriage. 

Communicate first with your spouse

Your husband should always be the first person you speak to, especially if the problem you are struggling with deals directly with him or something he did/said. 

While your husband may not be able to understand your feminine heart the same way a girlfriend can, it is good for your relationship for you to share your thoughts and feelings with him. 

Not only does it deepen your emotional intimacy, it also allows you to talk about problems (or potential problems) in your relationship before they worsen. 

Related: The Learning Curve of Married Communication + the Learning Curve of Prayer

Choose your confidants wisely

Choose who you talk about your husband and your marriage wisely, especially when dealing with sensitive or difficult topics. 

Don’t speak negatively about your spouse to family members, especially your children. Even your parents might not be the best choice for sharing these personal issues with. This could cause a loss of respect or tension in their relationship with your husband. 

Confide to friends of the marriage, or people who know and love your spouse and want your marriage to succeed. 

Speak with charity and prudence

How would your spouse feel if he heard you speak about him in this way? Or, how would you feel if your spouse spoke about you in the same way?

Remember, talking to a trust friend about your husband and your marriage is not an invitation to vent. Rather it is an opportunity to grow as a wife and be encouraged in pursuing holiness in this life God has called you to. 

Speak fairly and with consideration to the fact that each story has two sides. Paint a full picture of the situation. Focus more on how you felt, what you said or did instead of focusing on what your husband did (or didn’t do).

You also don’t have to divulge every little detail of the scenario for someone else to understand what you are saying or how you are feeling. Use prudence when deciding on what you want to tell another person.

Your marriage is sacred, and it deserves for its mystery and dignity to be upheld. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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6 Tips for Planning a Wedding Novena

KIKI HAYDEN

You know you’re Catholic when you say a novena for (almost) every occasion. If you never have before, it’s not too late to start!

Photography: Noteworthy Expressions

A novena is a prayer said over nine days, usually for a specific intention. Spending nine days in prayer is an intimate way to invite the Lord into your daily life, whether in thanksgiving or petition. Novenas can be prayed in anticipation of favorite feast days, birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and--of course--weddings. A wedding novena is a beautiful way to unite in prayer with your future spouse, your friends, and your family as you prepare to enter your vocation.

Here, a step by step process for creating a personal wedding novena.

Decide when to pray your novena.

Novena prayers are a powerful way to enter into preparation for your vocation. You can pray a novena early on, just after engagement or betrothal. Developing a habit of prayer early in your engagement keeps Jesus at the front of your mind amidst the overwhelm of wedding planning.

As other options, consider a novena in the nine days leading to your wedding, or beginning on your wedding day and lasting through your first nine days of marriage—a honeymoon novena—to establish a practice of daily prayer in your new life with your beloved.

Don’t limit yourself! My husband and I invited our friends and family to pray two novenas alongside us: one at the beginning of our betrothal, and another leading up to our wedding day. And we privately say a novena for the days leading up to each anniversary. The Lord is so generous and loves hearing our prayers.

Make a list of intentions.

This sets the tone for your novena. You might identify one intention for each day, or you could come up with a list of a few important intentions to pray throughout the nine days. Fitting intentions for your wedding might include commitment to God and one another. 

You can also include personal prayers based on your passions, hobbies, and love languages. Additionally, practical prayers, such as prayers for health for you and your family or for peace in your home, can foster trust in the Lord to provide for your needs as a couple. 

Keep your petitions open to God’s will. And of course, give thanks for the community who is praying with you!

Write a litany of saints.

Invite the angels and saints to join your novena by including a small litany. To personalize your novena, consider including your patron saints and those whose feast days fall on or near your wedding date. 

I also recommend invoking the intercession of saintly couples whose vocation inspires your own, such as Louis and Zelie Martin, or Aquila and Priscilla, as well as any personal devotions to Jesus, Mary, and favorite saints.

If anyone in your family or support network has passed away, you may want to include them in the novena litany too, as a way of intentionally inviting them into your wedding.

If you can’t decide, you can always ask “all the angels and saints” to pray for you. 

Decide who to pray with.

After identifying your time frame, intentions, and litany of the saints, decide which living friends and family members you’d like to join in your novena. Ask yourselves if you’d prefer your novena to be a private prayer for just the two of you, a group prayer with your wedding party, or a prayer open to all your guests through your wedding website and invitations. 

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance as to whose prayers you need the most. If you do invite your guests to pray with you, consider saying the final prayer day at your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.

Consider the religious backgrounds of your prayer warriors.

There are ways to express your Catholic faith that include your non-Catholic guests. If you are inviting Christians who are not Catholic, consider making the litany of saints optional, with an instruction like, “If you feel comfortable asking for prayers from the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), please pray this litany.” 

For those of other faiths, offer the option to pray to God the Father instead of to the Trinity. And for guests who aren’t religious, encourage them to think of intentions as “good thoughts” or “wishes” rather than prayers. These modifications invite non-Catholic guests into your wedding preparation and allow anyone who wishes to participate in the novena prayer. 

The Lord listens to everyone. Our non-Catholic guests expressed gratitude for being included in my husband’s and my novenas, and we really appreciated their support! No matter each guest’s background,  the Lord answered the petitions in abundance.

Pray it forward

After you’ve had the experience of writing your own beautiful and personal wedding novena, consider sharing this gift with other couples.

When friends get married, my husband and I say a novena for them using this process. I usually send a text each day telling the couple  the intention or saint of the day for their novena. 

For my non-Catholic friends, I modify the novena to meet them wherever they are in their spiritual journey (I send them nine days of “wishes/prayers”). Your friends will appreciate your support, and the Lord loves to spend time with you as you earnestly share the desires of your heart for your friends. Novena prayers are a powerful expression of love for your friends and family, your spouse, and Jesus.

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About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. She writes about how God has changed her life through speech therapy at Speaking With Kiki.

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Setting Priorities Straight: A Responsibility of Marriage

STEPHANIE FRIES

Through the sacrament of marriage, each spouse is empowered with grace and commissioned to love beyond comfort.  

Husbands and wives not only receive the gift of marriage, but also the responsibility of marriage. A responsibility to uphold your spouse, and your marriage, as the top priority in your life.  

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY

In so many facets of our lives, we are pressured to believe that everything should be ‘the most important thing.’ In the workforce, we work long hours and bring work home—literally or emotionally. In the social setting, we overcommit our schedule and strive to keep up with the latest trends. Even at church, we can be pulled in many directions. 

A vocation to marriage helps us simplify our priorities by defining the most important things: God, spouse, children, and everything else. In that order.  

We are filled by the love of God in order to pour love into the lives of others. I’ve heard of an image of an overflowing glass to help visualize this truth. 

Imagine yourself as an empty glass. You receive the love of God which fills you to the brim. But God’s love, mercy and grace is infinite; so as you continue to receive the love of God beyond your fill, the overflowing contents spill from your capacity to others’ lives. Through our vocation, we are called to pour into our spouses first—and always. 

The beautiful and serious thing about this responsibility is that no one can do it for you and no one can do it as well as you. 

God has journeyed alongside you into this vocation. From the single years, through dating and engagement, and beyond the exchange of vows, he has been by your side. When a heart is receptive to his grace, God provides the strength and wisdom to make sacrifices for love. 

Satan is attacking marriages and families; Saint John Paul II says, “as the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” We are berated by the devil’s temptation to choose anything over God and family, because the conditions of our world mirror the conditions in our families.  

Because the threat of temptation is so real, the call to prioritize your marriage is even more important. You are called to love God, love yourself, and love your spouse in good times and in bad. You have vowed to say “yes” to love in sickness and in health. You are empowered to be the best version of yourself and bring out the best of your spouse all the days of your lives. 

Choosing your spouse and making them a priority is oftentimes a sacrifice. And choosing your spouse each day is a gift, an act of faith and love. 

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

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How to Use Personality Inventories in Your Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

When my husband and I were engaged we both accidentally found ourselves at a Myers-Briggs personality assessment class hosted by Career Services on our campus.

We both were required to attend for different reasons, and were surprised when we walked out of the class with a better understanding of our future spouse. 

Assessments like the MBTI, the Four Temperments, and the Five Love Languages are used to give people insights into their personalities and to help foster self-reflection.

While it’s true that these assessments such cannot paint a full picture of an individual (nor do I think they should be used to define compatibility), they can provide useful information that can help you better understand yourself and your spouse. 

Related: The Limits of Pre-Marital Inventories

Highlight Strengths (and weaknesses)

Individuals can use personality assessments to gain a better understanding about who they are as a person and can help individuals recognize their strengths and weaknesses and gain insight into how that may affect their relationship with their fiancé or husband.

For example, according to the four temperaments, I am a Melancholic. This means while I am a thoughtful, reflective person, I also may have a difficult time with offering forgiveness to people who have hurt me. Learning about my temperament has made me more aware of my problem-areas and have personally helped me better deal with them. 

Again, tests like this can be affected by a person’s upbringing and lifestyle, so it is not an all-encompassing glimpse into an individual; however, it can increase self-awareness which is important for a successful marriage. 

Foster Understanding

Ben and I learned that our Myers-Briggs types were similar in many ways but we noticed many of our miscommunications and arguments stemmed from our differences. 

Learning about how the other processes emotions, and how they perceive and interact with the world around them allowed us to “step into the other’s shoes.” It gave us a better awareness about how they might view and react to a situation, and in doing so, helped us approach them with more understanding and compassion. 

 Understanding the differences in the individuals’ personalities can help alleviate animosity and criticism within a marriage. 

Keeping these differences in mind when approaching a difficult situation can help couples navigate challenges with more patience and empathy. 

Grow in Love

Personality assessments can also help give you a more clear idea of what would make your spouse feel the most seen and loved, and can give you the tools you need to love them well. 

For example, knowing your spouse’s love languages can help you to show affection in that specific way more often. Or perhaps you might choose to intentionally nurture a structured home environment knowing that your husband thrives in order. 

Personality assessments can ultimately give you a deeper appreciation for the uniqueness of each person, including your spouse and your children and can ultimately help you see this uniqueness as a gift from God. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Infinite Depths: What Sex Teaches Us About the Human Person

CARISSA PLUTA

Magazines, books, movies, and other forms of media pressure young couples to “test drive” their sexual compatibility long before they start looking for a ring.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBY CONSOLI

Our culture has taught us to think of sex as something that should be effortless from the start.  

However, if you’re married, I’d be willing to bet your wedding night did not go as smoothly as Hollywood led you to believe (I know mine was filled with a few hiccups and a lot of laughs). 

Newly wed couples need time and patience to learn how their bodies respond to one another, but those initial challenges can leave newly married couples questioning if (and when) they will have it “all figured out.” 

However, sex is not a puzzle to figure out, or a game that you can win. It is something constantly growing and evolving as a husband and wife grow as a couple. 

It takes a lot of communication and intentionality, not just at the beginning of a marriage but throughout it. 

You will go through seasons where it seems like coming together as husband and wife is effortless, but there will be other times where you will need to reevaluate what is working and what isn’t.

As your bodies change over time, your needs and desires will change too. For instance, the marital union will most likely look different before having children, than it does during the pregnancy and postpartum seasons. 

In the same way that our bodies, especially their participation in the marital act, can reveal deep truths about the nature of Love Himself, this aspect of sexual unity reveals the vastness of our God and the depth of His creations.

We can never get bored in heaven because we worship an infinite God. As much as we can learn and know about God through the scriptures and writings of theologians and saints, there will always be more to learn, more to contemplate.

We will spend eternity uncovering the intricacies and mystery of our Heavenly Lover. 

And our Earthly Lover reflects his Creator in this way.

Humans are beautifully complex creatures, and it takes time to even begin scratching the surface of who they are and what they contain. 

We will spend our marriage, unearthing the depths of our spouse, learning how to enter more fully into union with him. 

We will learn how to make ourselves a more complete gift and how to more fully receive the other.

We will see the infinite ways that our marriage bed can make incarnate a heavenly reality. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Are You Currently Abstaining in Your NFP Journey? 3 Scriptural Encouragements to Do So with Purpose.

The ideas in this post have been used with permission, from a talk given at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Ellicott City, Maryland and inspired by Fulton Sheen's talk on the tensions of the celibate life. Citations from the talk are indicated in italics.

In every vocation, God desires an intimate, personal communion with each of us; a depth of love that mirrors that between Christ the bridegroom and the Church, his bride. For men and women called to marriage, this outpouring of nuptial love takes on a literal and physical reality.

Physical, emotional, and spiritual expressions of sexuality are a great gift of married life. And yet, what about times when spouses are called to abstain from sexual intimacy?

Photography: Kathleen Straub Photography

Times of abstinence are built into every relationship throughout various seasons, due to engagement, discernment to avoid pregnancy, illness, or travel. It’s every couple’s prerogative to see these times as purposeful, rather than simply inconvenient or burdensome.

When abstinence is “treated only as a burdensome sacrifice, it isn’t really achieving anything.” Instead, couples are invited to dedicate their periods of abstinence to a particular spiritual purpose.

How? Sacred Scripture can point us to a deeper sense of purpose in married intimacy.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen identified three instances in the Old Testament wherein the Lord “gave a command of ‘temporary celibacy’” that are relevant to the married vocation. Rather than directives, they are ordered toward encouraging and positive purposes.

Abstinence in preparation to encounter the Lord

Chapter 19 of Exodus chronicles “The Great Theophany,” or appearance of the Lord to his people. God instructs Moses to tell his people, “on the third day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people...Set limits for the people all around...Moses came down from the mountain to the people and had them sanctify themselves, and they washed their garments. He said to the people, “Be ready for the third day. Do not approach a woman.”

Abstinence, in this instance, is ordered toward preparation of the heart to meet with the Lord. In your times of abstinence, you might pray that God clear your heart and mind of any idols and distractions, and turn your gaze to him.

Abstinence as preparation for battle

First Samuel tells of David and his men readying for battle in wartime, stating to a priest that they have been “consecrated” for the task at hand--that is, they have been abstinent. They have given themselves over not to license, but “to the Lord and his purposes.”

Even when you and your beloved aren’t preparing for battle in a literal sense, spiritual warfare is real; consider offering phases of abstinence for peace and communion to triumph over unrest and division in your relationships with each other and with the Lord.

Related: What does chastity look like in marriage? | Developing a healthy attitude towards chastity

Abstinence as freedom to serve

Sheen identified Old Testament priests (all of whom, in their culture, were married) who abstained from sexual intimacy when they served their turn in the Temple, or on occasions of dedication of the Temple. Abstinence was intended to free them to “serve the Lord more wholeheartedly.”

In the same way, those called to marriage are called to say “no” to certain things--physical, emotional, and romantic closeness with someone other than their spouse; sex at times not appropriate to their season in life--so they can say “yes” to their spouse and to something greater: a holy union that welcomes the Lord’s will. 

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

When we embrace it, rather than “white-knuckle it,” sacrifice is transformative. It purifies, strengthens, and redeems. If you and your beloved are currently in a season calling you to abstain from sexual intimacy, these Old Testament purposes can bring significance and fruits to this time. 

Consider, then, offering each “stretch of abstinence...for a particular spiritual purpose.” Draw strength from one another and from the one who is the source of love itself.

"Your Father, Who Sees What is Hidden" | A Collection of Lenten Reflections for Catholic Couples

As we enter the desert of the Lenten season, Christ walks alongside us in hunger and thirst. With us he cries out to the Father, and no movement of the heart goes unseen or unheard. Matthew’s Gospel for Ash Wednesday reads, “...when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.”

In the hidden and the silence, we are known. The Lord sees the most intimate parts of who we are, calling us into deeper communion. What is he whispering to you? What is he asking?

Rosary + Photography: Our Lady’s Armory

Here, to enrich your journey, a collection of Lenten posts from our archives.

Prayer, fasting, + almsgiving

15 ideas for you and your beloved to pray, fast, and give alms | The fruits of making sacrifices as a couple, plus a download for an intentional Lent | The books that transformed one bride’s prayer life

The pain, and fruits, of purification

Change is good. It’s okay that it’s also hard. | “Simply knowing and believing that the man I married is trying his best, and holding myself accountable to do the same, has freed me from tendencies to blame and wallow.” Consider giving up self pity, especially in a season of new parenthood. | “Remember you vowed “until death do us part.” Remember that part of the sacramental vocation of marriage is to prepare your beloved for a saintly death. You are called to help each other to Heaven.”

Liturgical living

Holy Week traditions you can start during engagement and newlywed life | Our Business Director Andi Compton’s favorite way to visibly live out the season in your home | 4 Ways to Embrace Hospitality During Lent

The tension of anticipation and fulfillment

Are you engaged during this Lenten season of waiting? Four habits you can start now to prepare for married intimacy. | Ways to view preparation for marriage through the lens of these holy 40 days

Real couples’ stories

Caty and Ryan’s proposal along the Way of the Cross | Brooke and Tim’s Good Friday engagement | How Emily and John fell in love over 40 days in their campus chapel | Bianca and Vitor’s Holy Week pilgrimage to Rome and Paris engagement | How one of Jaclyn’s Lenten promises led her and Tony to each other 

We humbly ask your prayers for us, as we pray for you, during this sacred time. It is our joy to pray for you and hear from you; don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions, by DM or at hello@spokenbride.com.

Spring is in Bloom | Recognize the Buds in your Life and Prepare for a New Beginning

STEPHANIE FRIES

I walk outside and sense a simmering energy on the verge of explosion. You can feel it, smell it and see it. In fact, in many ways, you can even taste the anticipation. 

As a resident of Japan, it is impossible to avoid the hype of cherry blossom season. The “sakura”--the five-petaled, baby pink flowers--have started to bloom! With the start of springtime comes the start of all the seasonal weather, events, festivals, and flavors. (You want sakura-flavored ice cream? Got it. Coffee? We can make that happen. Kit Kats? Done.) 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CLAIRE WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

It’s amazing to see how the Japanese culture is deeply embedded in the ever-changing seasons. Whenever the trees shift into a new phase of life, there is a new celebration for the gifts of the present moment. With anticipation and a timely response, everything shifts in unison to embrace the current season. 

This responsiveness to change is a metaphor to how we can adjust to changes in our lives, in our relationships. There’s no denying that our relationships move in and out of various seasons. Of course, some circumstances arrive suddenly or even as a complete surprise. But as the bud on a tree foreshadows the coming of spring, a personal new beginning can often be anticipated as well. 

To await change with a spirit of celebration is an attitude I have not-yet mastered. Made in the image of God, we are created with an intrinsic craving for infinity. Yet in our humanness, we are invited to embrace the ache of starting and stopping which magnifies this desire for the eternal.

Many circumstances of intimate relationships come with expectation: the transition from dating to engagement to marriage; the birth of a child; a military deployment or homecoming; a spike of demands at work; holidays, vacations, or time with extended family. 

Recognizing the buds of change in your life enables you to prepare for a new beginning. 

When spousal relationships transition into a different circumstance, it is helpful to adjust the method and means of communication. How, when, and why we communicate must flow in tandem with the ever-changing seasons of our lives. Being proactive with the effects of change can diminish the challenges of transition.

I am striving to shift my role in and purpose of my own marital communication as our lives continue to grow and change. 

As we’ve begun caring for our first baby over the last few months, my communication has become more direct. I’ve had to be intentional about stating my needs--for love, help, and collaboration--in a way that is unfamiliar and, honestly, uncomfortable. But the outcome has served us well as we navigate this sacred time in our family. 

As we prepare for a deployment in the coming months, we constantly discuss what kind of communication can support both our intimacy and our companionship. Phone calls, email, Facebook messenger, FaceTime, and the occasional snail mail each serve a unique purpose in how we stay in touch while we are apart for long periods of time. 

The movement in-and-out of seasons will look different for every relationship. The way we anticipate, prepare for, and respond to the fluid dynamics of a relationship will also vary on an individual basis. 

In the same way the Japanese look to the earliest signs of change and adjust their flavors and customs to enrich the present time, we can acknowledge dynamic change in our relationships and prepare intentional adjustments to support each new beginning.  

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

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From the Groom | Even Through Imperfection, Peace Conquers All.

BENJAMIN TURLAND

It was May 2nd, the day we would become one flesh in the sacrament of holy matrimony. We had been waiting for this day for over 15 months.

I think I am not much different than most people, where I dream what the wedding day will look like and think, "my wedding day is going to be perfect, no problems. It will be the best day ever!" We don't always say it out loud, but we think it, right? I expected all our problems would go away and life would be serene for the days surrounding our wedding.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK PHOTOGRAPHY

Though it was the best day ever, I had to let go of these expectations—in reality, life did not stop happening for our wedding day. The week before the wedding, I was shaken by an uncontrollable event. The immense stress left me sick in the days leading up to our big day. We still had a lot to do and I was running around from here to there, picking up people from the airport, making and changing plans every day. My wife had an allergic reaction to a facial, and she broke out (which never happens). 

Rather than processing the stress, I pulled away from my groomsman, I didn’t talk to anyone, and I found it difficult to calm myself and focus in the hours before our wedding day. 

Then came the wedding day. I was still super nervous, stressed and sick. My groomsman could see it: I was the stressed-out groom. 

My groomsman came over to me, chose me, and prayed over me. Even though I had pulled away from them earlier in the week, they said “yes” to love and the Holy Spirit gave me peace through their presence. I realized the situations leading up to my wedding had been imperfect, but I could not let them ruin my peace. 

Between the once-in-a-lifetime wedding day and being surrounded by all my best friends, I chose to be present. I knew I could not change the past, but I could decide how much the past events were going to control me.

Through the Holy Spirit, it became easier to choose the moment. The prayer ended and I walked down the aisle. Here I was, before my God. Then came the bridesmaids, the flower girl, and finally Megan, my soon-to-be-wife. The person I had journeyed with to be here, through ups and downs. 

With Megan, I have never had someone who has brought me so much joy, laughter and love. But I have also never experienced hurt, distraction, frustration or anger with anyone like I have with her. This is love: it's not always perfect, but she is my best friend. Our relationship was not perfect, and no relationship is. I choose her in the imperfections. 

The Mass was everything I wanted. Becoming one—before God and friends—was the best experience. Our wedding day flew by and I still get sick and stress still creeps in. I have learned that marriage is just like my wedding day. 

Sometimes I idolize marriage and think that because I am married, life or the relationship will be perfect. This is hardly the case; marriage is another step in the journey towards heaven, towards intimacy with  God, towards sanctification. Marriage is the start, not the finish. This is the vocation that will get me to heaven. Megan will help get me to heaven. What is beautiful is that we are a sacrament. We offer grace to each other every day.

On that day, and every day in my marriage, I have to choose to love myself in my imperfections, while realizing I am on a lifelong journey and will never be perfect. I also have to choose to love and have mercy on Megan in her imperfections and support her on the journey she is on. 

Life is full of imperfections, but I try my best to not let those imperfections control me.

In marriage, you learn things about yourself you didn't even know existed; however, your spouse and the grace of the sacrament bring more joy than we can imagine. The experiences of marriage also bring extremes of every other emotion in the book. 

Even though the problems will not go away, I have someone who I know will battle with me till death do us part. Despite the stress and changes in expectations, I look back at pictures and truly see my wedding as the best day of my life.

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About the Author: Benjamin joined the Catholic Church at age 17. Originally from a small mountain town, In British Columbia, he is now a full-time Catholic missionary with Catholic Christian Outreach and lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Benjamin loves sharing his faith, snowboarding, drinking coffee and traveling.

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A Love That Never Fails

CARISSA PLUTA

“Love is patient, love is kind...”

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH WIRTH PHOTOGRAPHY

You’ve probably heard this passage from Saint Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians at countless wedding ceremonies, or seen it written on numerous Valentine’s Day cards and on rustic-looking pallets in every craft store you’ve ever entered. 

I mean, I totally get it. Patient, kind, trusting, hopeful--who doesn’t want their love described like that?

But for me, it’s easy to let these pretty words just sit decoratively on a page or a canvas but much more difficult to actually have a love that never fails. 

The first Valentine’s Day I spent with my now husband was a memorable one, and one he would still (surprisingly) describe as the best yet. 

We were still in college and since it was my first Valentine’s Day in a romantic relationship, I was determined to make it special. 

However, when I woke up that morning with a sore throat (that turned into chills and a fever by the evening), we abandoned our previous plans, and opted for a quiet night of movie-watching in my apartment. 

Then, to my absolute horror, just as we were saying goodbye, I turned and got sick right in the middle of my tiny kitchen. Ben helped me up to bed and then cleaned up the mess I had left behind. 

Many of us, myself included, sometimes cling too tightly to the nice feelings associated with love. We want romance--candlelit dinners, dancing under the stars; we don’t often find ourselves yearning for the messiness of everyday life. 

The sentimentality that often accompanies this holiday in particular certainly has a place in relationships; feeling loved is a beautiful gift, romance is meant to be enjoyed. 

But this memory of my first Valentine’s Day with Ben is what I think of when I hear the definition of love given to us by Paul.

St. Paul describes love as an act of the will. Love demands that we make the choice time and time again to practice patience, kindness, or selflessness, especially when it is difficult. 

It often looks less like long walks on the beach and more like Christ on the cross, laying down our life to serve another. 

This makes the Christian understanding of love stand in stark contrast to the idea presented to us by the media and the culture. Love, we are told, is something you can fall in and out of as the winds change and it shouldn’t cost over whole selves. 

But love must be tested and found worthy before it can be said to be one that never fails. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Join Our Team | Social Media Manager + Vendor Coordinator

Through discernment, and with our gratitude for the growth of the Spoken Bride community, we are excited to announce we’re expanding our team! We’re eager to work with individuals who share in our passion for Catholic marriage, with an eye for beauty and a voice of authenticity.

Spoken Bride is seeking a Social Media Manager & a Vendor Coordinator (Administrative Position) and are accepting applications until March 2.

Our ideal candidates are collaborative-minded servant leaders with original, creative takes on Catholic wedding-related content and an eye for growing and expanding our ministry. Above all, candidates should have a heart for Spoken Bride’s mission and for the sacrament of marriage. Experience with writing, digital marketing/PR, weddings, and/or theology is ideal.

Feeling called to apply? Find information and application forms for each position below.

Social Media Manager

The Social Media Manager will handle all facets of scheduling, drafting, and posting for Spoken Bride’s social media platforms, utilizing appropriate strategies and applications for long-term growth and engagement.

Vendor Membership Coordinator (Administrative Position)

The Vendor Membership Coordinator acts as the liaison between Spoken Bride and the small business and professional members of the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide. In this administrative position, the Vendor Coordinator will be responsible for all aspects of vendor membership, serving as the primary point of contact for membership-related questions, recruiting new vendors, and organizing vendor-related events.

Please Note: Both positions are unpaid & volunteer positions with a year commitment.

We look forward to hearing from you! Thank you for considering sharing your gifts and experience with Spoken Bride, and be assured of our prayers.

Establishing a Prayer Routine as Newlyweds

CARISSA PLUTA

After the wedding day passes and the honeymoon ends, newly wed couples will soon find themselves establishing everyday routines in their home.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

In creating this routine, Catholic couples might want to find ways to continually re-focus their daily lives and marriage on Christ. 

Establishing a habit of prayer, particularly prayer with your spouse, can help couples not only grow closer to one another but closer to God, allowing them to more fully receive the graces provided by the sacrament of matrimony. 

Creating a prayer routine as newlyweds may take a bit of time, but worth the investment. 

Talk about your prayer life

Talking about your prayer life with your husband opens the door to deeper communication on spiritual matters and allows you to discern as a couple how the Holy Spirit might be leading you to pray as a couple. 

For example, in talking about our prayer life, my husband and I realized we were both feeling a call to delve more deeply in the scriptures. We then decided to spend some time each week praying Lectio Divina with the Gospels. 

Ask God to reveal how He wants you to pray together and then talk about it with your spouse. 

Start small

Set realistic and achievable prayer goals with your partner and then, fully commit to them. As great as it would be to add a holy hour into your week, it might not be the right choice for you as a couple. 

Trying to achieve some lofty spiritual goals might add unnecessary stress to your marriage and will ultimately make it harder to actually establish prayer as a lasting habit in your relationship. 

If you and your spouse aren’t praying together at all, consider starting with praying before meals or a decade of the rosary before bed. When it comes to praying together as a couple, there is no devotion too small.

Over time, consider challenging yourselves a bit. Try praying a full rosary or a nightly examen. Maybe revisit and pray with your wedding readings every year or add another mass once a week. 

Put it on the schedule

When you and your spouse decide on how you’d like to pray together, determine how often and when you’d like to pray. Put this on your calendar in pen! Prayer is the most important thing you can do as a couple so it should be given priority in your weekly planning.

For instance, my husband and I pray together each night before bed and pray a rosary together every Sunday afternoon. 

Consistency allows an action to take root and cement into a lasting habit.  

Give yourself some grace

Establishing a solid routine may pose challenges for couples just settling into their new lives together, so recognize that this endeavor may take some time and practice. If you forget to do your devotion one day, don’t feel bad about trying again the next. 

Also know that the way you pray together as a couple may change with the different seasons in your marriage. Allow yourselves some flexibility and space to grow as the circumstances surrounding your relationship change. 

Looking for more practical tips on praying together? From the archives, our favorite past posts on the subject:

Editors Share: Our Perspective on Learning to Pray with Your Beloved | The learning curve of combining your spirituality with your beloved’s | 4 Tips for creating a prayer space in your home | Working through spiritual differences when you feel “unequally yoked” | A guided meditation on praying with your wedding vows using lectio divina | How to plan a personal retreat for you and your beloved | Creative Ways To Pray for Your Spouse | Ora Et Labora, Prayer and Work

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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You and Your Spouse Are Works in Progress.

STEPHANIE CALIS

Raise your hand if you thought marriage would change you into the most perfect version of yourself.

...Tell me I’m not the only one with my hand in the air?

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography, seen in Coleen + Matt | Airy Elegance Wedding

Throughout my engagement, I prayed daily for the Lord to form me into the wife he wanted me to be. I asked for the graces of healthy communication, a forgiving heart, and the strength to overcome my bad habits. And yet.

As we settled into our first apartment after our honeymoon, I nitpicked as we cooked dinner, showing my husband the way I liked to chop garlic. I continued my longtime habit of forgetting to turn on the bathroom fan during a shower. I let our time between laundry days stretch to college-student lengths. 

I knew the sacrament of marriage was transformative in the grand scale of my life. What I’d also expected, while hardly realizing it, was that I also thought it would transform me in smaller, more mundane ways. But as I grappled with my same old controlling, bathroom-fogging, laundry-ignoring tendencies, this time with an audience of my husband, I saw that I was still me. Still the woman I was, in all my strengths and especially in my failures, before my wedding day. I now see that’s how it was supposed to be.

It’s true that in matrimony we become really and permanently one with our spouses. An echo of the heavenly wedding feast. In this life, though, as heaven and earth reach toward each other, some transformation requires our own agency. A decision to cooperate with God’s grace. I thought entering a new state of life would change the parts of myself I was unhappy with. But in reality, it was a new opportunity to make those changes, and it was up to me. 

In my realization that getting married didn’t automatically eradicate my biggest weaknesses, I started trying to see my disillusionment—literally, the lifting of a veil—not as an end point, but an invitation.

In my marriage, I’m not called to stay the same forever, but to change. It’s my choice whether to take action, pursuing change for the better, or to let my struggles remain static. To keep them in the dark and blunder on in refusal. Through the love of a forgiving husband who calls me on in my failings and invites me to do the same for him, the Lord purifies and reshapes us both. He asks if we will let him show us the path to true growth and fulfillment. 

His voice beckons: I am with you always.

Have you had a similar experience of expecting marriage to change you? Even now, several years into this call, I still have foolish, fleeting thoughts that I can pray my shortcomings away without actually taking practical steps toward living out my vocation better.

We are all works in progress, and the Father is merciful, there alongside us. I’m reminded of St. Teresa of Calcutta’s words: “I used to think that prayer changes things,” she said. “But now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.”

Whether you’re anticipating your marriage to come, living out the first months of newlywed life, or deep into your vocation and wondering how to grow, may each of us--me included--open ourselves to constant transformation and a deeper understanding of Love’s demands.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Allow Perfect Love to Drive out Fear.

STEPHANIE FRIES

I remember the the insecurities of my heart as a single woman: intimidated by the inherent beauty of womanhood, afraid of being taken advantage of, unaware of the love God shares with the human heart. 

We are affirmed through Scripture that “perfect love drives out fear.” No matter the wounds we bring into relationships, God desires that all of his children experience love with both purity and passion. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

When I started dating the man I would eventually marry, I feared an encounter of passion without purity. Is he just looking at me or does he really see me? Is this a safe relationship to be vulnerable or will I be taken advantage of when I let my guard down?  

I erred on the side of self-protection. With no vulnerability, physical or emotional, there was no opportunity to be the object of someone else’s physical or emotional lust. In short, I was so afraid of being used that I was unable to receive—let alone offer—an honest act of love. 

My then-boyfriend was frustrated yet courageous as he remained patient, honest, and steadfast. And as he pursued me, I felt an increasing desire to pursue Christ. 

Christ instills confidence; through adoration, spiritual reading, and daily Mass, my heart began to soften at opportunities to share my heart with others—despite the potential risks. The ongoing encounters with pure love from a human man and perfect love from God the Father was a catalyst for my heart to more-fully reveal itself. 

When our hearts are exposed, our souls are vulnerable yet free. Free to establish and fulfill a steady identity in God. Free to love and be loved. Free to live abundantly in the spirit. Free to be fruitful in the vocations and Vocation of our lives. 

We don’t have to anxiously wait for a pure and perfect love to find us. God offers each of us his most Sacred Heart, on fire with love and purity, in our day-to-day lives; most powerfully through the Eucharist. He is waiting to tear down the walls we build out of hopeless fear. And as his perfect love drives out fear, we begin to experience life in new ways. 

For some, the freedom found in Christ may grow in tandem with a romantic relationship. But this is not the only freedom offered through God who is love! As fear fades, a life of adventure, joy, hope, and love comes into stronger clarity. When a heart is set free, everything changes.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

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