Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 9

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who our vendors are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community. We encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings and reach out!

Our featured vendors this month (click to jump):

Emmaus Films
Fenix Photography, Design, & Events
Handmaid Home
Prolific Services

Emmaus Films

Wedding videography; serving Maryland, Virginia, and Pennsylvania.

Kevin Lohrmann grew up with a love for camera work, but after graduating from Franciscan University, he chose to pursue a career in web development instead. The following year, as freelance videography opportunities with Catholic organizations coincided with changes at his company, Kevin took his side hobby full time. Emmaus Films launched in 2018. 

From the start, most of Emmaus’ clients have been Catholic ministries, churches, and individuals. Kevin brings his years of experience to a “personalized, reverent” approach with brides and grooms, striving always to highlight the gift of beauty: “beauty in the sacrament of marriage; beauty in the people's stories; beauty in God's creation.”

I root for...the Baltimore Ravens!

Favorite movie: A Beautiful Mind

Love means: The total self gift of one person to another, while expecting nothing in return. I've also heard it as "The willing of the good of the other, as other."

Learn more about Emmaus Films

Fenix Photography, Design, & Events

Wedding photography; based in Virginia and available for national and international travel.

 Maria W. and her fiancé Dayton have pursued a variety of creative hobbies since their childhoods. When they first learned photography and realized the emotive power of visual storytelling, they were hooked. “Photography is not point-and-click or copying Pinterest poses, it's about creating an environment where you can capture your client's best self, and creatively capturing authentic moments that they will treasure for the rest of their lives.”

 “Our business motto is "God writes the story... we just document it." because we believe that we are just the people who capture the deepest form of love that He can bestow on two people.  We do our best to help our couples keep perspective throughout the wedding planning that even though all of the wedding details are very important, ultimately the joining of them in marriage is the most important part of the day.”

Our coffee order: We prefer Arnold Palmers!

Favorite saint: Kateri Tekakwitha

The best part of working on weddings: Since we spend so much time together on the biggest day of their lives, we love building a relationship throughout [our] couples’ engagements so that by the time of the wedding we are not vendors, but friends. This relationship is what builds trust so that the only thing they need to worry about is being in the moment with their spouse. For us, there is no greater feeling or "rush" than having the honor to capture the exact moment that God joins two souls for the rest of their lives.   

 Learn more about Fenix Photography, Design, & Events | Read Maria and Dayton’s insights into preserving memories beyond social media

Handmaid Home

Custom wedding quilts and bridal party gifts; handmade in North Dakota and available for nationwide shipping.

Kathleen Causapin’s first sewing projects were handmade bags. Years later, she learned the art of quilting and fell in love.

 There’s something special about wedding gifts that don’t stay tucked away for special occasions, but that become a daily, visible part of a couple’s life together. On the couch or hung on a wall, a wedding quilt becomes just that. According to Kathleen, “I see a quilt as a tangible reminder of that special day, with the unique ability to travel with the couple as they enter into the day-to-day life of marriage.” Handmaid Home specializes in quilts and cosmetics bags--the small bags are an ideal bridesmaid gift--with custom colors, designs, and your wedding date.

Favorite prayer: I have a special devotion to the Miraculous Medal.  It was part of our uniform at my high school and we each received a gold Miraculous Medal at graduation, which I still wear and even tied to my wedding bouquet!  Visiting the Shrine of the Miraculous Medal in Paris, where Mary appeared to St. Catherine Labouré, was an incredible spiritual experience. 

Best places I’ve traveled: Jordan is one of my favorites. There is so much history there and because it is relatively untouched, you really feel a part of it. It was incredible to look out from the top of Mt. Nebo and see the Promised Land that God showed Moses. I also studied abroad in Ireland and have been back several times, so it will always hold a special place in my heart.     

 Favorite book: I read Death Comes for the Archbishop, by Willa Cather, two years ago and have been telling basically everyone I know to read it ever since! I think knowing that Cather wasn't Catholic, yet still wrote with such beauty about Catholicism, makes it even more powerful. 

Learn more about Handmaid Home

Prolific Services

NFP Instruction and Fertility Education; based in Texas, with online instruction available worldwide.

From the start of her first NFP class as a bride-to-be, Nia Husk knew she would one day teach it. Captivated by God’s design for the body and the scientific knowledge that illuminates it, Nia became a certified Creighton FertilityCare Practitioner and founded Prolific Services in 2015. 

She and her team offer NFP Instruction according to the Creighton Model, NaPro Technology consulting, and fertility awareness talks. Prolific Services specializes in online instruction, making their services and education available no matter its clients’ locations. Now several years into her business, Nia says, “I'm still loving this way of serving him and my sisters and brothers in Christ as they begin to build their own families.”

On my bucket list: Raise all my kids to be able to defend their faith beliefs, experience Alaska, and try American Ninja Warrior with my hubby. 

Favorite Saints: Edith Stein, JPII, Mama Teresa, Peter Claver, Agnes of Rome, and Padre Pío.

Love means: Willing the good of the beloved.

Learn more about Prolific Services | Watch Nia’s Instagram takeover from Spoken Bride’s Vendor Week

Chastity in Marriage

“All the baptized are called to chastity.” Yes, even you, married friends.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK

How many of us see Chastity as a virtue necessary only until the wedding night (or if the couple needs to postpone a pregnancy?)

However, practicing this virtue in marriage can continue to strengthen the couples’ relationship for the whole of their lives. 

The CCC defines chastity as “the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” 

Humans are sexual creatures. We are body and soul, a cohesive whole, unable to be divided. Our bodies have a unique way of expressing our immortal soul, particularly within the sacrament of marriage and seen most spectacularly in the marital union. 

The marital union is the enfleshment of our marriage vows in which promise to make ourselves a complete and total gift to our spouse. Chastity allows you to make this gift of self and prevents you from seeing your spouse as a means to an end. 

While pleasure is a good of the sexual union, it is not the greatest good. 

More than provide pleasure, sex is meant to unify husband and wife and to bear fruit (both physically and spiritually). Anything that prevents these greater goods, or places pleasure at the center, goes against the virtue of Chastity. 

Chastity requires you to look on your spouse with love and appreciation. It calls you to avoid fantasizing about a more “perfect spouse” whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

Chastity calls you to guard your mind and heart against pornography or other media (even some romance movies or novels) that can titillate the imagination and make it difficult for spouses to fully partake in God’s plan for conjugal love. 

Chastity is radically counter cultural and demands self-mastery and sacrifice. It requires us to have an ordered love of God and in turn, an authentic love for others.

The obvious way of practicing chastity in marriage is remaining faithful to your spouse, or to avoid looking at another without lust, but chastity goes far beyond that. 

You should avoid over-fantasizing about your spouse to prevent them from becoming a way to merely satiate your sexual desires. 

You cannot isolate sexual pleasure from its procreative and unitive purposes, which means you must avoid contraception and sexual acts (such as oral sex or other forms for foreplay) without the intention of consummating. 

It might not be easy at first, but this virtue is worth cultivating.

The grace of the sacrament of matrimony can help couples live out this call to chastity in their marriages and to more clearly reflect the life-giving love of the Trinity.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? 4 Ideas for Catholic Couples.

STEPHANIE CALIS

At the altar, spouses solemnly profess to lay their lives down for one another, come what may and even unto death. The call to Christ-like love is a high one, worth attention and contemplation. But what about action?

Photography: Laura Gordon Photography, seen in How He Asked | Elizabeth + Matthew

For me, the gravity and huge significance of my wedding vows are beautiful to reflect upon, yet in all honesty, they sometimes leave me thinking, what now? That is, how, exactly am I being asked to live out these promises?

At the intersection of the theological and the practical is action: concrete steps I can take to embody the sacrificial love my husband and I are called to.

Here, if you’ve wondered yourself how to live out sacrifices in life’s daily rhythms, four practices that have helped me.

Consider your spouse’s love language.

Whether your spouse most deeply receives love through physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or quality time, take time to identify particular ways and times of day in which you can express these gestures to one another.

Do you know each other’s love languages? Find an inventory here.

For us, we satisfy my husband’s love language of acts of service, and mine of quality time, when we clean the kitchen together before bed. It sounds simple, but the time spent chatting and helping one another with chores has become a treasured ritual.

Dream together, and work toward a financial goal.

If money weren’t a factor, where would you go? Who would you help? Talk with your spouse about a trip you’d love to take, a city or state where you hope to live long-term, educational possibilities for your future or present children, and the charitable causes you’re most passionate about. Identifying specific matters you most deeply value makes budgeting and saving feel purposeful. Consider evaluating your budget for areas where you can allocate more to your financial dreams or enacting periodic spending fasts.

Offer up your workouts.

When framed in a healthy context, exercise can bear more than physical rewards. Fitness can be spiritual, as well. If you work out, consider offering each mile or each rep for your beloved’s sanctification or for specific intentions.

I find myself continually inspired by Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati’s motto verso l’alto; “to the heights.” A lover of nature, sports, and physical activity, Frassati strove to live beyond mediocrity, not for the sake of greatness itself or for worldly glory, but as an offering to the Father. I seek his example in times when I feel spiritually or physically inactive, knowing that self-discipline leads to true freedom and excellence gives glory to God.

Engage in one of your spouse’s hobbies.

Though my husband and I initially bonded over shared tastes in books and movies, we also have hobbies we each personally enjoy that the other isn’t as interested in. That makes the times we engage in each others’ individual interests that much more meaningful--my husband loves when I sit down to play a board game with him, for instance, and it means a lot to me when he chooses to join in on a show I’m watching.

What are your own individual hobbies? Consider the activities your spouse enjoys on his or her own, and choose to participate now and then. 

Sacrifice speaks a language: I see you. I value you. Your time and interests are important to me. I give of myself to you. What would you add to this list? Share the ways everyday sacrifices strengthen you and your spouse in love.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Do You Suffer Well Together?

MARIAH MAZA

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 11/17/2020.

One of the best bits of marriage advice I received as an engaged woman came in the form of a question: “You both love each other very much, but do you suffer well together?”

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY

In our first two years of marriage, my husband and I have been handed more crosses than I ever expected. And that’s coming from a woman who walked into marriage expecting my share of suffering--a fruit of my natural temperament. After all, I thought, if our vocation is a large part of what God uses to mold us into saints, part of that refining process will be painful.

But in that time, I have learned about a different kind of pain: that there is nothing more lonely in a marriage than not learning how to suffer well together. As you prepare for marriage with your beloved, do not be afraid to grapple with the question I was once asked.

After a man and woman truly become “one flesh” in the sacrament, they are connected physically, emotionally, and spiritually for the rest of their lives. This supernatural connection bonds you more intimately than any other human relationship on this side of heaven, and it encompasses every part of your new life together, including suffering.

Before marriage, and especially during engagement, many couples walk through difficult seasons. These don’t have to be trials to merely be endured. They can also become a source of redemption and practice for a lifetime of sharing everyday experiences. There is also profound comfort in the knowledge that, after your wedding day, God has reserved generous, specific, and boundless marital graces for you and your spouse to endure “for better or for worse.”

So how can you prepare during engagement to face the crosses of marriage together? An honest discussion is a great start. Take turns asking each other, “when you encounter suffering, how do you respond?”

Maybe your natural response is to talk about your problems, cry, and be held in the embrace of a loved one. Your fiance may say he prefers to distance himself when he’s upset. He would rather think about and process problems alone, and he’s not one to express his negative emotions. Neither of these tendencies are wrong, but in a marriage, different personality traits can clash unexpectedly.

Genuine love means striving to understand your spouse, even (especially) in areas where you are different. These are often the areas that will require the most sacrifice and selflessness. Learning how to allow your differences to complement each other, especially in painful moments, is an ongoing process that is refined over years of marriage. It is something my husband will continue to refine for the rest of our lives. 

And yet, it is possible through the grace of confession and God’s mercy. You’ll learn how to better answer the next important question: “When crosses enter our marriage, how are we going to face them together?”

There is nothing like the feeling of facing a trial as a team, instead of letting it become a source of conflict, isolation, and loneliness. When husbands and wives suffer well together, they grow closer because of the pain, instead of being driven apart. They hold each other in silent but beautiful moments of shared grief, and are a source of comfort to the other.

I will never forget the day my husband and I received particularly bad news. It was the latest in a string of unfortunate events, some we had handled better than others. We sat together on the couch, and I asked, “what are we going to do?” We talked about our fears, honest and vulnerable, and then we held each other. 

We were both afraid of the uncertainties to come, but I found a strength in his arms that almost felt like joy in the midst of grappling with something out of our control. In that moment we faced fear as a team, and I finally began to understand, just a little, what it meant to suffer together.

When my husband and I said our wedding vows, we stood in front of the altar and held a crucifix between us. In that moment, we were a visible symbol of how we were to carry our crosses “until death do us part:” together, with Christ as our binding strength. Apart from the cross, there is no grace to suffer well. United to the cross, our suffering, especially in marriage, becomes something redemptive, refining, and unifying.

In a true miracle of grace, God can bring spouses closer through their crosses, and in the process closer to him. Do not fear the trials that may come in marriage. If you face them together, with courage and prayer, your love for each other can only grow stronger.

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About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the lead editor for the pro-life non-profit Voices for the Voiceless and one of the journalists behind the Voices Docuseries: West. Read more

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Vendor Week 2020 | Vendors Share: First Steps, Priorities, + Working With Non-Catholic Vendors

As you book your wedding vendors and plan your wedding-day timeline and events, take advantage of your vendors’ expertise! As pros in their respective fields, your vendors are a valuable source of information and assistance with time management. 

We asked Spoken Bride vendors to share their best, tried and true tips for working with your vendors--either Catholic or non-Catholic--from your first days of engagement and on through your wedding day. Here, their responses:

Photography: Mackenzie Baird Photography, c/o Saving the Date Events

What first steps can newly engaged couples take as they look into wedding vendors?

Set clear boundaries. I recommend that everyone involved in planning the wedding--bride, groom, and parents--create a personal list of three priorities for the wedding and three things that are not a big deal. Then, compare. Have a conversation with everyone and create a master priority list. This will help guide your decision-making, as well as your budget. to make decisions. 

Online budget creators are a great tool. Once you have your master priority list, [you’re empowered to] create a budget that reflects your personal priorities, not just industry standards. Together, your priority list and budget will help you narrow down the big selection of vendors. -  Savanna Faulkner, Saving the Date (Wedding Coordination)

 This is quite simple, but so crucial: find a resource that lists potential categories of all the wedding vendors you could possibly need. This will help you to nix the vendors you might not want and then hone your list to those that are non-negotiable. From there, you can play with what’s within your budget for the extra niceties, like a photobooth or décor. -Nia Husk, Prolific Services (NFP Instruction and Fertility Education)

Talk with friends and family who have recently gotten married. For instance, if you are looking for a photographer, ask the couple about their experience, and ask for the link to their entire wedding gallery. With these vendors, as well as others you’re considering, ask yourselves: Do they share my same style + wedding vision in their work? Is creating an authentic relationship with clients a priority for their business? Do they reflect love in their work?

Also, ask your venue if they have a list of preferred vendors whom they enjoy working with; those who take amazing care of their couples and provide a fabulous product. And before booking anyone, meet with them in person first! Make sure you vibe together and that they are a fit both creatively and personality wise. - Michelle and Brandon Horn, Horn Photography & Design

What’s distinctive about what Catholic vendors can offer their clients?

Prayers! As I sew a wedding quilt, I always pray for the recipients-:for peace during their wedding preparations, for grace on their wedding day, and for strength in marriage. I also ask the couple (or the gift-giver!) if there are other intentions they would like me to specifically pray for. - Kathleen Wills Causapin, Handmaid Home (Custom wedding quilts)

Choosing practicing Catholic photographers means you will have photographers who know, understand and value the sacredness of the Mass. They will know when and where they can move in the church for the best photos without ever being seen or disrupting the liturgy. Also, a side perk, is that practicing Catholic vendors tend to know most of the priest and staff in the diocese, as they work with them often and see them at mass. The same holds true for Catholic wedding planners and florists - Michelle and Brandon Horn, Horn Photography & Design

My business is relationship-based (which I love!), and I think most Catholic vendors have a similar business model. When your vendor has a relationship-based business and is someone with similar values to you--and your styles jive on top of that!--I think a deeper amount of trust is built more easily. This trust is important when you're investing with so many different vendors for a very important day! 

 Also, as a Catholic vendor, I pray for my clients during their engagement and during the week of the wedding as I’m designing their wedding flowers. Having extra prayers from those who are helping execute your special day is awesome. - Ashley Krupp, Ashley Eileen Floral Design

I always pray for my couples leading up to their wedding day, and keep them in my intentions long after). It's helpful to have vendors who understand the Mass, and know how to be respectful during the ceremony. All in all, I think catholic vendors can help ease some of the stress, and give you a sense of peace as you prep for the sacrament! - Sarah Wirth, Sarah Wirth Photography

Prayer! Whether the day-of or the months leading up to your wedding, the power of prayer that a fellow Catholic can offer you is awesome. Knowing you can ask for that prayer and share that beautiful aspect with your vendors is so cool! I love being able to tell my Catholic clients I am praying for their relationship from day one. - Lauren Noa, Lauren Emily Photography

Photography: Mackenzie Baird Photography, c/o Saving the Date Events

What are your favorite ways to help couples incorporate their faith into their wedding day?

My favorite way is to encourage a First Prayer prior to the ceremony. This may be back-to-back or a shared Rosary. It is a wonderful moment to add to your day and takes little time to incorporate. - Sinikka Rohrer, Soul Creations Photography

Encouraging couples to provide a beautifully made and thorough Mass program. This is truly an easy opportunity to evangelize non-Catholic guests and encourage everyone to participate in the Mass through song, Liturgy of the Word, and Liturgy of the Eucharist. If you do a Rosary Lasso, washing of the feet for your spouse, blessing of coins, or present flowers to Mary and/or Joseph, you can add these devotions in and explain them in brief. - Nia Husk, Prolific Services (NFP Instruction and Fertility Education)

I love designing the bouquet for Mary that some couples present to her during Mass. I love her, my clients love her, and we all get to honor her on their wedding day with flowers! Oftentimes, I’ll incorporate rosaries or saint medals into a bride's bouquet. I've also had some couples ask for specific flowers tied to their favorite saint, e.g. lilies for St. Joseph and roses for St. Therese. For one of my brides, I was able to use a white rose named after St. John Paul II that I grew from my own garden! If you have a favorite saint, there might be a flower associated with him or her that you can use as a little way to ask for their [intercession]! - Ashley Krupp, Ashley Eileen Floral Design

Our favorite ways to help couples incorporate their faith into their wedding day is to offer times throughout the day that brings in the joy of what we practice as Catholics. For example, inviting couples to provide family religious items for detail shots, a First Prayer or First look right in the church (if allowed by the church), prayer with your bridal party, going to confession right before the Mass if your priest is available, and encouraging our couples to pray together during portraits.- Michelle and Brandon Horn, Horn Photography & Design

I recommend choosing something special related to your faith from your dating days and bringing to the wedding day.  I walked down the aisle with a pair of rosaries my now-husband gifted me while on a trip to Bosnia. I used that rosary every day to pray for our relationship.  After getting engaged, we chose St Padre Pio as our patron to guide us in our marriage. I also find it so special to buy, borrow or receive a piece of jewelry that depicts the Catholic faith, [as gifts between you and your spouse or with your bridal party].   

If there is an opportunity, I recommend that the bride and groom pray before the Tabernacle prior to the processional. In their prayer, they can offer that day up for the sanctity of marriages throughout the world and ask for all Holy Angels and Saints, including their patron saint,  to intercede for their marriage and all married couples always, who entered or will enter into the mystery of this sacrament. - Siggy Evertz, Bebeati Jewelry

How can couples respectfully educate non-Catholic vendors on the religious aspects of the wedding day?

If you choose a non-Catholic photographer, be sure to educate them on the order of the Mass. Often, I'll hear other photographers say that they think of Catholic Masses as being really long without much going on. They stop shooting because, to them, it's redundant. Or they might stay in one spot out of fear that they'll break the church's rules about where a photographer is allowed--some churches are really strict about photographers moving about, but most just want to make sure the photographer is respectful, won't be distracting, and will stay off the altar.  

If it's important to have the Mass documented, you'll need to explain these restrictions and allowances in detail. You might even ask the parish wedding coordinator to help take your photographer around at the rehearsal and identify a safe spot to shoot and where they should be for certain aspects of the ceremony. This can be a lot of information for a non-Catholic to absorb, so I'd suggest they go to the rehearsal and take notes on the program as a cheatsheet. - Claire Watson, Claire Watson Photography

If you are not working with a Catholic photographer, it is important that they know how long your wedding Mass will be and what it means to you as a couple. Assign a friend who knows his or her faith and way around a church and Mass to meet your photographer at the church so they can answer any questions your photographer may have regarding the Mass and what will take place. A non-catholic photographer might not know terms like sanctuary, kneelers, or sacristan. They may not know the order of the Mass, the importance of the consecration, or when you will be able to share your first kiss. Helping them know ahead of time will help your photographer capture the best photos possible.

And the biggest tip: this is your day to soak in all the sacrament of marriage has to offer. Feel the freedom to share your faith with all your vendors! Let them truly know what this day means for you. - Michelle and Brandon Horn, Horn Photography & Design

Vendor Week 2020 | A Photographer's Tips for a Sacred, Memorable "First Prayer" Before Your Ceremony

SINIKKA ROHRER

Your wedding photographer is there to help you discern and plan a First Look before your wedding ceremony begins. A First Look, in addition to offering you and your spouse a moment of personal joy and quiet, makes it possible to get many portrait photos out of the way prior to guests arriving and minimizes the time guests are waiting for the reception to begin. As you plan your timeline with your photographer, talk together about whether you'd like to do a First Look and if you’d like to bring in an element of prayer.

Photography: Soul Creations Photograhpy, seen in Amy + Jay | Fort Harrison Wedding

Whether as a supplement to or substitute for a First Look, I highly recommend considering a First Prayer—not just for photos, but also for a phenomenal, precious moment that you and your beloved can hold on to tenderly before the day begins. 

Will you and your beloved have a First Look? Read more about considerations for making the decision.

As you and your beloved stand back to back, it not only gives your photographer time for additional images, but allows for a sacred, silent moment of alone time—something couples tend not to have much of throughout their day.

Here, 3 steps toward making your moment together sacred and special:

Stand back-to-back

One of my couples, Becca and Brian, wanted to have their First Prayer in the chapel, under the cross of Christ, on their wedding morning. Before we led Becca to her place, Brian had already been positioned, with his body faced away from the door as he stood beneath the cross of the One who loves him so deeply. 

After Brian was prepared, my team led Becca to her place as well, knowing in moments she would be in contact with her groom. Even though she wasn’t able to see him, they were right where they wanted to be: next to each other.

Hold hands

My husband and I chose a First Prayer ourselves for the morning of our wedding. We each brought a card for one another to read, and after doing so, we held hands for what seems like the longest moment of the day. Holding his hand helped me feel connected, united, and secure. He wasn’t going anywhere, and I wasn’t either. We hung on for what seemed an eternity. 

My clients Amanda and Craig held hands, as well, around the large, wooden door that would open again later when Amanda stepped down the aisle for her bridegroom to behold her. 

See Amanda + Craig’s First Prayer and their Classic Ballroom Wedding in Indianapolis

In this moment, Amanda squeezed Craig’s hand tight and let tears slide down her face. She was with her beloved, and no matter what difficulties had come that morning, she was reminded of their sacred bond, their journey to this day, and their unconditional love. 

Pray. 

As each of these men stood waiting to hear the voice of their brides, I placed my own hand on their shoulders and prayed: that they let Christ lead their marriage and lean on his shoulder as their family leans on them. I prayed they see Christ when they see their brides, knowing the love of these women perfectly reflects the heart of God. 

And as these brides, Becca and Amanda, stood anxious to approach their beloveds, I took their hands and prayed, as well: that they lean close to Christ’s chest just as they lean on their spouses’. That they support and walk closely with God, becoming more and more like him, and that they see Christ when they see their groom, knowing his love perfectly reflects the heart of God.

As they stood back to back, hands joined on opposite sides of the door, they prayed. Some of my couples choose to say a Hail Mary, some a Rosary or Chaplet, and some choose spontaneous prayer.

I encourage you to consider including a First Prayer in your timeline! Those moments that you have together are beautiful and will be captured for your album, but the sacred bond that you will feel is even more incredible. 

Take these moments to unite your heart with the sacrament about to take place. I wish you all the best on your engagement journey! 

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About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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Vendor Week 2020 | Embracing Moments More Than Social Media

DAYTON & MARIA

Lights. Camera. Post. After a moment takes place, it can feel like a race to document it and post it on social media. 

What used to be experiences shared only by the people present has evolved into an event valued by the number of likes, comments, or shares it gets, not unlike a competition TV show where your peers are the judges and your followers are the audience voting from home. 

Don’t misunderstand me! We also posted when we got engaged, when we had engagement pictures taken, and we’re excited to share future wedding photos. With a balanced mindset, social media can be a great tool to share moments with a larger group. 

Photography: Fenix Photography, Design, & Events LLC

As a wedding photographer, though, what can be problematic is when choosing vendors  shifts from Who can capture my day authentically and with a style I like? to Who is trendy or has been reposted on featured accounts and will get a lot of likes?

Consider past generations’ experiences: no app to search wedding hashtags; destination elopements, lavish estate weddings, or rooftop receptions. The quality of a photographer’s work wasn’t based on followers and likes—all that mattered was if you and your fiancé “liked” it, not thousands of others. 

Today, so  many brides immediately feel overwhelmed by a cloud of comparison when they start the wedding planning process. Naturally it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important about the day--entering the sacramental union of marriage.

As photographers, we absolutely understand and encourage prioritizing photography for their wedding, but we also encourage couples to focus more on finding someone that is the right fit for them and your  day—and less on whose pictures are the first search result on social media. 

Do we construct our couples’ wedding timelines to allow ample time to take beautiful portraits of the two of them, including extra time at sunset? Yes! Do we make sure to get “the shot” which shows both their emotions and the scenery in such a stunning way that it makes the perfect wall canvas? Absolutely! But during an authentic interaction, the best photographers will never be so focused on the most aesthetically pleasing shot that the attention shifts to taking the picture, rather than the moment itself. 

Of course, as photographers we’re constantly moving, climbing, and laying on the ground to get the best shots, but in doing so we’ll never compromise the moment. If we see your grandmother embracing you at the water station, for instance, we are going to take the best picture, with the best angle we can, at that time. Could we interrupt and ask you both to move over to the flower covered arch and re-create the hug again to make the shot “prettier”? Yes. But we never would.

When you look back at the image years from now, we want you to remember how your grandmother pulled you close, whispered wise words about love, and clutched your wedding dress that had pieces of her own sewn into it. Even though you’ll still have posed portraits with her from earlier in the day, the water station picture is the one you will show your children and say, This was your great-grandmother.

We tell all our brides, “your wedding day is an experience, not a glorified photoshoot.” We don’t want our brides to condense one of the biggest days of their lives into a certain short window, which is why our services include all-day coverage. If we really are putting the client’s investment where our mouth is, then in order to authentically capture the day we know we must allow time for those moments to naturally happen. 

As photographers, we frequently think of ourselves as directors. We’ve developed a sense for when it’s time to give direction and when it’s time to say action and then disappear into the background. For example, if a bride chooses to do a First Look, we will do our job to ensure  the location, angle, and lighting is the best for that spot, then step back and capture the entirety of the interaction until its natural end. 

We don’t have to coach you on how to hug, smile, or cry because the only reaction we want to photograph is the one that naturally happens--which is always the most beautiful. 

Have you noticed when wedding stories make the evening news or go viral online, they almost always revolve around an intensely emotional encounter? A bride is walked down the aisle by her ailing father; a handicapped groom surprises his bride by standing for part of their first dance; a letter titled “read this on your wedding day” is given to a bride that her mother wrote years ago before passing away. The meaning of these experiences walking, dancing, and reading can’t be rehearsed for the camera. 

The sooner you choose to let go of  “the perfect wedding day,” the fewer  distractions and greater focus on prayerful growth you’ll experience during your engagement. A wedding is one day, but marriage is eternal. Whether you have your reception in a small church hall, or at the most luxurious venue, you still are experiencing the day with the same people.

You can put a price tag on almost everything associated with your wedding day, except for the priceless interactions you have with your loved ones, whether that’s a dedicated handful or a loving army. 

The day you became one in spirit with your spouse is irreplaceable. That is why we believe in moments over social media.  

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About the Authors: Dayton & Maria are an (almost) husband and wife documentary photography team based in Virginia and the owners of Fenix Photography, Design, & Events LLC. Their business motto: "God writes the story; we just document it." “Moments in life are fleeting,” they share, “so it's our job to capture the most joyous ones for you to remember for the rest of your life."

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Vendor Week 2020 | A Wedding Planner's Tips for Getting Married in a Historical Catholic Church

JOY FOSTER

Many couples choose to get married in beautiful, landmark Catholic churches that often have a historical significance to them. These churches are known for welcoming non-parishioners when celebrating the sacrament of matrimony. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABERRAZIONI CROMATICHE STUDIO, SEEN IN FABIOLA + COLE | VATICAN CITY BASILICA WEDDING

However, this is more than just the “Catholic” version of a destination wedding. It’s also a viable option for couples who have chosen a wedding date only to discover their parish is not available (already booked, major renovation scheduled, etc.). Others may find their own church too small to accommodate a large guest list. Some may look for a “middle ground” location when families live on opposite sides of the country. Or maybe the bride or groom has a family connection going back generations, and they wish to continue the tradition of marrying at a specific church; no matter if they live two parishes over or a thousand miles away.

Whatever the reason, a wedding taking place in an opulent, historic church offers a wonderful opportunity to evangelize via the atmosphere. The sacred surroundings set the tone for prayer and reverence. The story of salvation history is told in the stained glass windows and frescoes that are usually in abundance. 

This gives your guests an opportunity to witness the holy beauty of our faith in a way they may never have been exposed to before. It is wonderful to bring a more sacred approach to the celebration of marriage (as does any Catholic wedding) in a world where the current trend for marital celebrations is usually a themed party that can take place anywhere.

With that in mind, here are some important things to remember as you plan your wedding at a historic Catholic church.

Take into account any extra cost

However, one concern with not being a parishioner of a particular church is the cost. In most churches the fee is significantly more for a non-parishioner compared to that of registered and active parishioners. You could view paying the wedding fee as an act of generosity to a place whose operating and general maintenance costs can be astronomical--especially since many of these churches have significantly fewer parishioners than those in suburban areas. 

By getting married there, you are also honoring all the founding families whose financial sacrifices helped to build a magnificent church. One boost to your wedding budget is that such a facility rarely needs any additional décor like altar arrangements or pew ribbons, so many couples only purchase bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages when making floral selections.

Become familiar with their policies

Additionally, the logistics involved with getting married outside your own parish can take more navigation than scheduling a wedding at your own. Before you book a date, look over the church’s guidelines and policies very carefully (a good reminder regardless of where your wedding is taking place). This goes a long way in preventing last-minute disappointments regarding what is allowed for music, decorations, dress code, and access times. 

Contact their wedding coordinator

Keep in consistent contact with the parish wedding coordinator throughout the scheduling process, and don’t hesitate to reach out to them should any questions arise. If a church is hosting a fair amount of non-parishioner weddings, they will usually have someone to assist you throughout the process, or someone who can direct you to the appropriate person to help with your concern. 

Get permission from your pastor

The final sentence of Canon Law 1115, under “The Form of the Celebration of Marriage” stipulates that, “With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.” In basic terms, if you wish to be married outside your geographical parish or where you are a registered parishioner, you need the permission of your pastor. That usually involves having your parish priest write a letter giving permission for the marriage to take place in another parish (or university chapel or shrine).

Choose your officiant

Very often, the historic church hosting your wedding will require you to provide your own officiant. If so, he must be a Catholic priest or deacon in good standing within his own diocese or religious order. His bishop or superior will need to provide documentation of this, via a Letter of Good Standing or Testimonial of Suitability for Ordained Ministry. These forms can usually be found on your diocesan website or by contacting the Office of Marriage and Family Life. 

Make arrangements for marriage prep

You may also need to make arrangements for required marriage preparation with your officiating priest or deacon, or perhaps the pastoral associate from your home parish. Some hosting churches offer the use of their own priest or staff to conduct marriage prep, but this is not common, so be prepared to need a little extra time and paperwork before your wedding is officially on the schedule.

Work with the parish when planning your music

Because most of these facilities have a pipe organ, they may require or strongly recommend the use of their parish organist or liturgical musicians. This helps to ensure appropriate liturgical music is used for your ceremony, and a large pipe organ is quite useful for filling an entire cathedral with beautiful, sacred music.

Finally, when getting married in such splendid surroundings, there can be a tendency to feel like everything has to be perfect, perhaps even more than if you were in the familiar environment of your home parish. Don’t let those feelings and pressures take hold. Focus on the beauty of each moment, regardless if your wedding takes place in a chapel, a local parish church, a cathedral, or a basilica. At the end of the day, you and your beloved are now "Mr. and Mrs.", joined in one flesh before God, and that's what matters most.

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About the Author: Joy is co-owner of Something Blue LLC, a wedding planning and coordination service for couples marrying within the Catholic Church. Prior to starting her business in 2018, she served as On-site Coordinator for her parish, which happens to be one of those ornate historic churches that welcome non-parishioner nuptial celebrations.

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Introducing Spoken Bride's 2020 Vendor Week! Tips, Education, and Exclusive Planning Info from Catholic Wedding Pros

This January 11-19 is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content and social media. 

Videography: Visual Rose Films by Nick DeRose, a Spoken Bride Vendor. The bride, Kate Capato of Visual Grace, and wedding photographer, Emma Dallman of Emma Dallman Photography, are our vendors, as well!

The Catholic wedding industry? Yes, it’s a thing! We are proud to offer the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first wedding directory specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Don’t miss our first vendor takeovers, featuring Evan Kristiansen of Evan Kristiansen Photography and Nia Husk of Prolific Services, a certified fertility education resource, over this weekend! Follow us on Instagram @spokenbride.

At the start of this post-holiday engagement season, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide as you begin booking your wedding vendors. Each of our vendors is a true gift, offering their talents for the glory of God and sharing of themselves, their stories, and unique personalities. 

Are you a Catholic wedding vendor interested in learning about Vendor membership? Read about membership benefits and join our waitlist here.

Follow along on our blog and Instagram this week for exclusive and personal education, tips, Days in the Life, and Q+A you’ll only find from Spoken Bride vendors. Forthcoming topics include…

• Tips for planning a pre-ceremony “First Prayer”

• Considerations for marrying at a church that isn’t your home parish

• Vendors’ tips for first steps in finding, choosing, and booking your wedding professionals

• Ways to communicate the importance of your Catholic faith with your vendors

• Instagram takeovers by a marriage therapist, a jeweler, an NFP instructor, wedding photographers, and more

Recently engaged and booking your vendors? Browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide:

Photography | Wedding Coordination | Bridal Attire & Jewelry | Stationery & Hand Lettering | Floral Design | Videography | Gifts & Home Décor | Marriage & Family Therapists | NFP Instructors | Music

Above all, weddings are about the personal: who you and your beloved are, and the professionals you invite in to help tell your story for generations to come. Our vendors are single, engaged, and married, alive with passion for their craft and their Catholic faith. They, and we, are so eager to share and correspond with you this week! Don’t hesitate to engage online and on social media with your questions and thoughts—it’s our hope that this week is mutually enriching, informative, and fruitful as you prepare for your wedding and marriage.

Considering an Engagement or Wedding Submission? Tips for Sharing Your Story.

JIZA ZITO

At Spoken Bride, we are dedicated to communicating the goodness, truth, and beauty of sacramental marriage. You, our brides, are an integral part of our mission to share distinctively Catholic relationship testimonies. Spoken Bride continually accepts engagement and wedding submissions for consideration, and we invite you to share your love story with us.

Most professional wedding photographers and planners are familiar with sending submissions to wedding websites. If you’re not familiar, we’re here to help! 

Here, if you’re a bride or vendor considering a submission to Spoken Bride, some helpful tips for the process. 

Read the Submission guidelines thoroughly

On our Submission page, you will find specific, detailed guidelines and requirements for the text and images you share with us. Due to the volume of submissions received, it’s important that these specific guidelines are met in order for your submission to be fully reviewed for consideration. 

Note, for example, the pixel requirements for images in order for them to appear clear and sharp on our site; or the request that your Dropbox folder include the names of the bride and groom to keep your information organized for our creative team.   

These guidelines let us best showcase your submission while also helping our team work efficiently. We realize that sometimes instructions get overlooked; bear in mind this can  delay the review process or affect acceptance. Therefore, we recommend reading and following each guideline! For more information, see our Terms & Policies. 

Be selective with your photographs

Wedding photographers typically deliver anywhere from 500-1000+ images for your gallery-- we understand it’s no easy task that we request no more than 100 photographs to include in your submission! Some images we love to see in submissions are:

• Detail shots of the rings, invitation suite, dress, flowers, religious items, etc. 

• The bride getting ready 

• The groom getting ready

• The first look or the “reach around and pray” of the bride and groom

• The first look and/or candid images with parents or parent figures

• Many details and images of the Wedding Mass, including...

  • Shots of the church and sanctuary 

  • Your wedding program

  • Walking down the aisle

  • Exchanging of Vows and Rings 

  • The Consecration of the Host 

  • Receiving Holy Communion 

  • The Dedication to Mary 

  • The kiss

  • Any special traditions or customs

  • Candid emotion of the bride and groom

• A few shots with the bridal party 

• Many more shots of just the Bride and Groom 

• Details of your reception, including... 

  • A wide shot inside the venue

  • Decorations

  • The cake 

• The first dance

• Dances with parents or parent figures 

• Any special customs or traditions 

• The Exit 

In your image selection, we recommend avoiding:

• Multiple images of the same or similar thing 

• Poorly lit images

• All of the formal family portraits

• Numerous reception dancing photos

• Unflattering or potentially embarrassing photos of wedding guests

• Images of children, unless you’ve received permission from their parents

Give proper credit

At Spoken Bride, we strive to support small businesses and wedding vendors by attributing proper credit. We do this by providing a website link and/or social media handle, which serves as a way for potential clients to contact them. If you had a great experience with your vendor(s), sharing their work and business information--especially within a public website feature--is an excellent way to compliment them and to help send business their way! It is good practice to give credit and recognition wherever it is due. 

Allow time for review 

It is our joy to read and review each and every submission that we receive. No couple is exactly like another, and it never ceases to amaze us on the way God works with and through the lives of others.

Because we have to carefully review each submission, it requires time from our editors. You can expect a response to your submission form within 2-3 business weeks. However, if you have not heard back from us within that time, send us an email. We will gladly let you know if we have received your submission (because technology glitches do happen!) and where we are in the review process. 

I feel like my story isn’t a Catholic fairy tale, or like my wedding doesn’t look as aspirational as others.

With every story received and shared here at Spoken Bride, we should always bear in mind that God calls each and every one of us to holiness. When we look upon the lives of the Saints or at the stories within Scripture, no two lives are identical. The same goes for each of us as God draws us closer to him throughout our earthly journey. Your story matters, and only you and your beloved can tell it.

No matter your story, the aesthetic of your proposal or wedding, your upbringing, your background, your culture, your failures or your successes, we encourage you to be confident and at peace that “in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.”

Let your light shine before others. Send us your story “so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride’s mission of sharing the truth, beauty, and goodness of the sacrament of Marriage. We look forward to hearing from you! 

PHOTOGRAPHY: STEPHANIE MESSICK PHOTOGRAPHY, SEEN IN VICTORIA + DAVID | ANTIQUE GLAMOUR WEDDING & A CONVERSION STORY.

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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How to Love Lapsed Catholic Family Members Through Your Wedding

LAURA McALISTER

Your wedding Mass is one of the most special and important moments in your life. In this Mass, a bride and groom make an exclusive, total, and lifelong covenant to each other: to love each other faithfully; and by God’s grace, raise a family together.

It is a moment that you want to share with your family, your friends, and your community. But tensions may rise when you desire a Catholic wedding, yet close family members are not practicing the Catholic faith..

How can your wedding Mass express both love for God and faith as well as love for lapsed Catholic family? 

Pew Research indicates that over half of all adult Catholics in the US have left the Church. While some still consider themselves culturally Catholic, others have abandoned the Church entirely. Some have very positive feelings about the Catholic Church, but others really struggle with the Church—and may well struggle with your decision to be married in the Church they left.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

For many of us, lapsed Catholics aren’t statistics. They are our mothers and fathers, our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Perhaps you’re the only practicing Catholic in your family.

It is important to plan your Nuptial Mass with your family in mind. This doesn’t mean compromising your dreams of a truly Catholic wedding, let alone abandoning your convictions. 

It means finding ways to love your lapsed Catholic family. It means making them feel welcome and included in the Mass. Ultimately, it means extending the loving welcome of Christ who is always standing at the door, knocking at the human heart’s door and calling us back to himself.

Include Your Family

As much as possible, include your family members in the Mass. The most important thing, Jesus tells us, is that we worship God in spirit and in truth. The Mass is the supreme worship of God because in the Mass, we offer the Eucharistic sacrifice of Jesus back to the Father, as he pours his graces on us through the Holy Spirit. 

A wise rule of thumb is to ask people to do things they actually believe in. If your brother doesn’t believe prayer works, invite him to participate in a way other than praying aloud with your guests. If your aunt doesn’t believe the Scriptures are inspired by God, consider others to do the readings.

This not only safeguards the integrity of the liturgy as an act of worship; it also means your family members are not “forced” to “act religious” in ways that might be hypocritical to them. 

There are still non-liturgical aspects of the Mass your family can participate in without compromising either the sincere worship of God or your own convictions. 

For example, your dad can walk you down the aisle, your sister can be your bridesmaid, or your cousin can sign the Wedding Register. None of these is explicitly religious, yet these acts are all ways to include your family in the Nuptial Mass.

Be Patient and Bold

In some ways, having non-Catholic family members might be easier than lapsed Catholic ones. Most of us tend to be more polite and accepting of new things; we don’t want to be seen as difficult or intolerant. When we think we understand something, however, we can be more cutting or even intolerant.

Blessed Fulton Sheen said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

Be very patient and understanding towards your family. Understand they may have wounds or deeply personal struggles with the Church. Unfair though it may feel, inviting them into the Church for your wedding may bring up these tense emotions. Be an image of Christ, open and willing to hear their stories.

Pray for small opportunities to witness to Jesus. Share the meaning behind your decisions. You might be surprised where your conversations end up!

Explain Everything

Always start with the assumption that family members have no idea what you’re doing—even if they themselves were raised Catholic.

For a Catholic wedding, a beautiful and informative Wedding Program is essential. In the program, clearly mark when to sit, stand and kneel. Include all the prayers and responses for the wedding guests to follow. You can also ask the priest to guide the congregation when to sit and stand.

Explaining everything might seem overboard when you’re familiar with the Mass, but it’s a simple way to love others. No one wants to feel confused or left out at a wedding!

Pick your Battles

Even if you can explain something in the Mass, you still need to be aware of how things will come across.

For example, the traditional reading or epistle for the Nuptial Mass is Ephesians 5: 21-33, which begins “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This verse is often misunderstood! 

You and your fiancé might love this passage and understand it in the light of Christ’s radical and self-sacrificial love. But your mom may not. Chances are, lapsed and non-Catholics may simply shut down when they hear language like that.

There is a time to insist on the fullness of the Catholic faith, and there is a time to be prudent. When planning your wedding Mass, keep your guests in mind as you strive to reveal God’s truth and love in every decision. Be Clear but Gentle about the Eucharist

There are some battles you might have to fight—or at least be willing to plant your flag. The supreme gift of our faith is the Holy Eucharist because it is Christ Himself, made truly present under the forms of bread and wine.

Under Church law, only baptized Catholics in a state of grace may receive Holy Communion. Depending on your family and their experiences, some lapsed Catholics will still receive Holy Communion even when they shouldn’t. Others might want to receive, but remember that, under Church teaching, they cannot. Still others might have no desire at all.

Be as clear and charitable about this as possible. Many couples place a small note in their wedding booklets about who can receive Holy Communion. Others ask the priest to clarify who can receive Holy Communion. In the end, your effort can go towards being both hospitable and transparent about Church teaching; any final judgement is not your responsibility. 

Pray for Your Family, including Deceased Family, in the Mass

Finally, pray for your family. Pray for them throughout your wedding preparations and during the Mass itself. 

Pray they will encounter Christ anew and return to the Church. Pray that God will bless and heal them.

Pray publicly for your family in the Nuptial Mass, including deceased family members. Your lapsed Catholic family might not get teary-eyed over your favorite Palestrina or share your devotion to Our Lady, but they will always be touched by your prayers and concerns for them. 

And remember: however much we love our families, our Father in Heaven loves them infinitely more.

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About the Author: Laura McAlister is an Australian Catholic freelance writer and history-lover. She lives in Sydney and iis engaged to a handsome Irishman, whom she met while studying Medieval History in Ireland. Laura blogs about her struggles with prayer and perfectionism at Craving Graces. In her spare time, she loves chatting about Jane Austen, mysticism, and gender roles over tea and biscuits.

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How to Customize your Wedding Dress

CLARA DAVISON

When I got engaged, the first question following  the initial congratulations was always, “have you found your dress yet?” As one of seven sisters, I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and spent countless hours critiquing and comparing wedding dresses. However, when I started looking at wedding dresses for myself, I quickly became nervous. 

None of the dresses I saw online were what I hoped to wear on my wedding day. What if I couldn’t find a dress I liked in my budget (which, as a fulltime student, was very small)? What if I found two I liked and couldn’t decide? What if I liked the style of a dress, but it was the wrong fabric? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I finally agreed to go with my mother to a bridal store and shop in-person. As I tried on dresses, I learned I really loved a satin, off-white dress with a dramatic train. I wanted lace sleeves, but I didn’t want too much lace on the dress. I also wanted pockets, which I learned is a very uncommon feature of wedding dresses. 

Now that I could finally imagine myself in a specific style and design, I could not find the right dress. One dress might have the train I wanted, but no straps. Another might have the sleeves I liked, but no pockets or train. I grew more and more discouraged as the process continued. 

My mother suggested we look for an inexpensive “base” for my dress and work with a seamstress to customize it. With this in mind, we found a simple, satin, off-white dress with the perfect train--and pockets. It was a perfect foundation; I spent the remainder of my time and budget customizing more details and features until it was the perfect dress--my perfect dress--for my wedding day.  As you imagine the wedding dress shopping experience, it may be helpful to know some options for customization which may bring your visions and dreams to life. 

Overlays or Underlays

I imagined long, lacey sleeves, and an overlay provided the perfect layer to create the look I was hoping for. There are a wide variety of overlay options, easily accessible from a seamstress or bridal shop. Other dresses may benefit from a sheer underlay to create an illusion neckline. While I chose to go with the overlay option, I have friends who have incorporated a custom underlay option with positive results. 

An important aspect of overlays and underlays involves the skill of your seamstress. When I found a lace overlay that I loved, the lace did not line up with the neckline of my original dress. Rather than hunting for another overlay, my seamstress was able to lift the lace off the sheer base and shift it down half-an-inch to make it a perfect match! 

Belts

When I purchased the very plain base dress, I turned to belts as a way to add some sparkle and texture. I found hundreds of options from David’s Bridal and local bridal salons. I chose my favorites and brought them along to my first meeting with my seamstress to give her an idea of what I was looking for. 

While I ultimately chose not to wear a belt on my dress, the options helped bring my final vision to life. The belts I kept have been shared among friends who also hoped to customize their dresses. 

Splashes of Color

My seamstress suggested  incorporating my wedding colors into my wedding dress. Whether with a belt, tinted underskirt (perfect for cute bridesmaid pictures), or trim, there are dozens of ways you can incorporate color into a wedding dress. You can even do something as small as purchasing a swatch of your dress fabric and dying it to match your wedding colors. then adding the swatch along your neckline. 

These are a few of the many ways to personalize the wedding dress of your dreams! Rather than settling for something I just liked, I was able to create a one-of-a-kind dress that I loved. Keep an open mind as you go wedding dress shopping; think about the possibilities each dress offers, rather than simply focusing on how it looks on that first day. If you are willing to veer from the traditional shopping experience, the options are endless. 

Did you customize your wedding dress? Share your experiences and ideas with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook and Instagram.

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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New Year's Resolutions for Catholic Brides + Couples

Happy New Year from the team at Spoken Bride! 

The start of a new calendar year elicits a natural motivation for new habits, routines and goals. Whether you are embracing the new year in solitude or in collaboration with a significant other, the Spoken Bride archives offer a variety of ideas to kick start a fresh resolution.

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

Book and Podcast Recommendations 

A Review of "The Artist of Love" by Alice Hildebrand | Suggestions if you are preparing for marriage this year | Fun reads featuring strong marriages | Podcasts for women

Encouragement for Physical Fitness Goals 

A Catholic approach to fitness | Foster gratitude for your body

Financial Planning in Marriage and Life

Avoid fights while setting financial goals | Finance tips for Newlyweds | 3 money-management practices for couples 

Prayer Life

Spiritual resolutions from Spoken Bride readers | Praying the Examen | Creative ideas for intercessory prayer | Finding rest in the unknowns with the Litany of Trust

How are you being intentional at the start of a new year? Share your ideas with our community on Instagram and Facebook. 

Newlywed Surprises | What I Didn't See Coming

CADENCE MCMANIMON

“Could you hand me the curry?” I asked, shredding some lettuce.

“Sure,” my new husband replied, then turned to look at me with a cocked eyebrow. “But we’re having tuna wraps?”

“Yes, thus the curry,” I confirmed.

“What?”

We stared at each other quizzically across the kitchen table.

Most brides work hard to be prepared for marriage. My fiance, Chris, and I felt armed against all the common complaints concerning newlywed life. Child planning? Already taken care of with NFP classes. Theology of the body? Two book studies gave us a good grasp. Moving? We arranged his little apartment well ahead of time. Scheduling family events and work shifts? We’d been sharing a calendar for several months by then. We were prepared.

And then Chris and I actually got married. During the first six months, a few issues crept up seemingly out of left field. Nobody had warned us about them! Most weren’t a big deal, and some continued to be fun to explore as we went along. It’s awesome to keep discovering new things about your spouse in the first year of marriage!

So if you’re getting married soon, don’t be surprised if…

Grocery lists suddenly become unfamiliar.

Remember the curry confusion? Chris and I ate slightly different diets, just enough to make a weekly grocery list look a little funky. I had never eaten quinoa, but it was a staple in my fiance’s dinners. He wasn’t big into tomatoes or pastas, whereas I lived on Italian. This was one of those areas that could have been trouble, but turned out to be a lot of fun! I’m no Martha Stewart, but experimenting with new dishes together was a great way to design a pantry for our happy and healthy start. Keep in mind, if you or your fiance have any kind of food allergy or intolerance, plan some meals together beforehand. You’ll thank yourself for double-checking ingredients when you sit down for dinner together regularly.

Your family has anxiety about you leaving.

I’d lived at home almost all my life and was heavily involved in my little siblings’ daily routines. Not having me there every day was a big switch for them. The first few months of our marriage involved lots of letters and video chats between me and my littlest siblings, one of whom truly believed he would never see me again after the wedding. (Seriously, he cried for three hours on our wedding day.) My parents and grown siblings didn’t need the same level of reassurance, but it was still tough for them in other ways. If this becomes your situation, remember to have patience with anyone coping with your new transition--especially if you moved far away or won’t be able to visit on a regular basis. It’s not just you who has to get used to these changes.

You wake up and wonder who in the world got into your bed!

This one was probably harder for my husband than for me. Although I am a light sleeper by nature, I’d been sharing beds with sisters my entire life. Chris, on the other hand, had been used to his own bed for twenty-eight years. To say he was used to sleeping alone is an understatement! Sleeping in a new bed with a new person can be more of a shock to your system than you expect, no matter how much you love your new spouse. Don’t worry, though; in under a week we were both sleeping fine. In fact, your body may get so used to having your beloved beside you, you won’t be able to sleep without them!

Storage takes you by surprise.

I love decluttering, organizing, and keeping space free and empty. Chris doesn’t have a problem with storing things away “just in case” or because they’re sentimental. It was interesting how differently we approached . . . stuff. Honestly, I think we are learning a few good things from each other in this area. I tend to throw things away, even if a few months later it would have come in handy. Chris helps me remember to think ahead, and I help him decide which of those twenty-five Christmas cards are special enough to keep in the “memories box.” Couples may not think to discuss their clutter or organization habits, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal when differences come up. It’s just stuff, after all. Have fun collaborating on methods that work for both of you, and be open to new ideas!

Technology habits block quality time.

We all know how easy it is to spend too much time on our phones, but we often don’t realize just how much time we’re on them. A quick scroll at breakfast, checking media before bed, or a couple videos during a workout adds up quickly. Chris was in graduate school during our entire engagement and used his laptop and phone for hours every evening for homework. I work online, so much of my day was spent on a computer as well. When we got married, our ingrained screen schedules didn’t exactly line up with one another. Sometimes I’d be working well after he got home, or he’d have his phone out at dinner to check up on news and weather. We’ve built better habits by making sure my work hours line up with his, our meals and bedtime are free of phones, and one hour each evening is set aside for technology-free time together.

Chris and I are still newlyweds, just coming up on our first anniversary, so this list is far from exhaustive. But I hope it gives you a taste of the great adventure you are about to embark on. No matter how many little surprises or big changes arise, your new spouse is worth each and every one! If you work together and prioritize each other, discoveries like these can become delightful collaborations. 

Even prepping a quick quinoa dish or sprinkling curry into the tuna can serve as a happy reminder of just how much two can become one in marriage.

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About the Author: Cadence McManimon is a published author and a special education teacher. She writes various types of fiction including Christian, historical, and fantasy. Cadence has always loved the creative world of art and music and took up writing during her years-long battle with Lyme disease. Her novels Name Unspoken and The Lily Girl are available on her website. Her favorite things include crayons, sarcasm, Sherlock Holmes, and hearing from readers!

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Wedding Planning | A Glossary of Wedding Words

Embarking on the preparations for a once-in-a-lifetime day may involve a new vocabulary of words specific to weddings, wedding planning, or the Catholic sacrament of marriage. As you begin planning your wedding and working with wedding professionals, we hope this glossary can be a valuable resource and source of confidence. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAHY & DESIGN

Bridal Attire 

More than your dress! Bridal Attire encompasses jewelry, shoes, hair pieces, accent belts, and any additional accessories you want to include on your big day.

Types of dresses | A-line, ball gown, mermaid, empire waist, and more! We recommend brides-to-be begin with some online research to know what the options are and what they can or cannot imagine wearing on their special day. Taking this information into a bridal boutique may help guide your initial dress-shopping process.

Bustle | A feature on the back of the wedding dress which gathers the train so it's not in the way during the reception of while moving from venue to venue. There are multiple types of bustles depending on the style gown you choose. An experienced seamstress will know what is best for your fabric and cut. Securing the bustle often requires additional hands, so take note (or pictures) so others can help you on the big day! 

Types of veils | Words like fingertip, chapel and cathedral describe the length of the veil as it flows behind you. 

Blusher | The veil worn over the brides face as she walks down the aisle or during part of the ceremony. 

Flowers and Lights

Pomander | A ball covered in flowers as an options for flower girls. Ask your florist about the average weight of a pomander; if you have a young flower girl, this option may be too heavy or distraction for her to carry through the ceremony. 

Posey | A small bouquet of several flowers, often used for flower girls, mothers, and grandmothers. 

Draping | The pretty fabric that is draped and hung on poles around the perimeter of a room.

Up lighting | Small lights places on the floor facing up to highlight an area or add a pop of color to the wall.

Pin spot | A very small spotlight that is pointed at something to make it pop! Pin spots are often used to highlight the cake or tall arrangements on round tables. You paid good money for those decorations and don't want them to get lost in a dark room!

Wash | Washes are a lighting feature which are less focused than a pin spot, but draw attention to a specific feature. Often used on long rectangular tables. 

Gobo | A custom stencil placed in front of a spotlight to project a particular design--such as a monogram--at the reception. Gobos can be focused on the dance floor or on a large blank wall to use lights as part of your personalized decor. 

Photography: Horn Photography & Design

Catholic Wedding Ceremony 

Betrothal or Rite of Betrothal | An ceremony held during engagement, in which a couple makes a binding commitment to marry. The Rite of Betrothal is an ancient tradition of the Church that has had a resurgence in the 21st century. It is optional, but beautiful, and can be as simple or elaborate an event as you desire.

Learn about the Rite of Betrothal here, and see Danielle + Jeff’s betrothal ceremony here.

Consent | The bride and groom profess their consent to one another through the saying of the vows. The consent must be completely a completely free act of the individual’s will. 

Celebrant / Concelebrant | The priest (or priests) present on the altar at a Catholic wedding ceremony stand as witness to the Sacrament as the celebrant. Their blessing of the marriage is a necessary component to make the marriage valid.

Confer | The bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament of matrimony; as they express their mutual consent, they confer the sacrament and grace upon each other with the priests and guests as witnesses to their consent. 

Covenant | Through the sacrament of marriage, a bride and groom are brought together in an unbreakable union as an image of the union of Christ and his bride, the Church. The nature of his union is covenantal. 

Consummate | Catholic theology is made visible through sacramental signs. In the Sacrament of Marriage, the truth of the spoken vows is made visible and complete when the marriage is consummated through the physical intimacy between the bride and groom. 

Receiving Line | This custom occurs at the back of the church when the newlyweds greet wedding guests as they depart from the ceremony. This can take a long time and isn't very common anymore; many couples make a point to speak with everyone at the reception.

Venues, Food, and Beverages 

PP+ | An abbreviation for per person. If a caterer quotes you $50pp+, for instance, it means $50 per person. The plus sign indicates plus service charge (usually 18-28%), then sales tax.

Service Charge | Typically if a service charge is included, it is not necessary to tip the staff. 

Pro tip: Note the customs of the region you are getting married. In the north, it’s customary to tip every single person involved in your wedding. In the south, it is not customary to tip anyone unless they go above and beyond in their job. 

BEO (or Banquet Event Order) | This is a phrase used by caterers to summarize the quote for all notes and details of the wedding day. 

F&B (Food and Beverage) Minimum | If a venue has the ability to host and cater your event, they may inform you of a F&B minimum. This is the minimum amount of food and beverage that must be--or money spent--as part of the event contract. If your menu does not equal or surpass the minimum, you may have to pay the difference as a rental fee. 

Pro tip: Unless noted, the F&B minimum does not include sales tax, service charge or alcohol tax; these are all charged in addition to the minimum. 

Reception

Cocktail hour | Occurs prior to the reception at the reception venue. Generally, this hour provides  the newlyweds, family and wedding party time to complete photographs. 

Budget tip: Cut the cocktail hour to save on additional food and drink costs. 

Escort Cards | Often presented as cards, written on a mirror or printed on a board outside of the seating area, the “escort cards” inform wedding guests what table they are assigned to. This is a tool to create order as guests transition to the reception. Planning seating arrangements requires more time and effort in wedding planning, but provides structure and organization for guests. 

Budget tip: Group families or couples together, rather than one card per person, to save on materials and time. 

Place Cards | These small cards assign each guests to a specific seat at their table. The only time this is necessary is when guests choose their entree before the wedding (if the option is available on their RSVP card). The place cards are used to communicate with the catering staff for effective meal service. 

Introductions | The band or DJ can announce and introduce the bridal party and the bride and groom for the first time! Specific music, dance moves, or accessories can be incorporated to show off the personality of the entire bridal party. 

Pro tip: This time offers a chance for the bride and groom to transition directly from their introduction into their first dance. You already have everyone’s attention and it eliminates an interruption later in the evening! 

Blessing | Consider if you will include a blessing of the meal and, if so, who will offer the blessing at your reception. This person--whether a priest, friend, or family member--should be prepared beforehand. 

Special Dances | Beyond the bride and groom’s first dance, other special dances include the mother-son and father-daughter dance, an anniversary dance, sorority or fraternity dance, etc. It is important that these plans--including the timing and song requests--are clearly communicated with the band or DJ prior to the wedding day. 

Bouquet Toss and Garter Toss | These experiences are often seen as long-standing wedding traditions, buy are not necessary. If you don’t want to draw attention to single wedding guests, or if this elicits an uncomfortable environment for you (or your wedding guests), simply omit this tradition or replace it with another creative tradition, such as a special dance. Whether you decide to include the bouquet or garter toss or not, the plan needs to be communicated to your emcee or DJ. 

Cake Cutting | Beyond cutting the wedding cake, this moment typically includes toasts from parents, the best man, and the maid or matron of honor. 

Pro tip: Beginning the toasts and cutting-of-the-cake while guests finish dinner is an efficient way to capture the attention of wedding guests while they are all still in the room and provides more time to bust a move on the dance floor later! 

Send Off | The moment the wedding guests bid farewell to the bride and groom. Sparklers, confetti poppers, and bubbles are some of the common tools for a send off into their “happily ever after.” 

Pro tip: At the end of the reception, the send off is a great way to signal to guests that it is time to leave. This helps eliminate overtime fees at venues and with vendors who are paid by the hour. 

Rain Plan (or Plan B) | If the reception is an outdoor venue, a rain plan is absolutely necessary! Some venues may require a deposit if you want to include an outdoor tent as part of your rain plan, while other venues have an indoor option available. The peace of mind for the secondary plan may be worth every penny. 

Belly bar | This is a high-top table generally used during a cocktail hour or around the periphery of the reception venue for guests to watch the dance floor or mingle away from the crowds. 

What words did you learn in the process of wedding planning? Or what what words have your heard that you don’t understand? Share your knowledge with and bring your questions to Spoken Bride’s community of brides-to-be on Facebook and Instagram. 

The Advent of Marriage

CARISSA PLUTA

This new liturgical season brings me back to my engagement. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON

In fact, I often described that season of my life as a “little Advent,” as it was marked with the same feelings of joyful expectancy and intense longing. 

Both seasons provide us with a chance to prepare our hearts, not only for a particular day, but also for the new life to come. 

However, far too often amidst the hustle and bustle of both seasons the joyful feelings wane and the seemingly never-ending to-do list takes its place.

It’s easy to forget that we are preparing for something much bigger than ourselves. 

I found myself wishing away that season of my life. 

Honestly, once we completed our marriage preparation, it was hard not to want to grab the nearest priest and get the whole thing over with right then and there. 

I couldn’t wait to get to the day after the wedding, where we could start enjoying our new life as husband and wife. 

However, the joy of Christmas cannot truly exist without the anticipation of Advent. 

The longing helps us fully taste the sweetness of the gift that will be given. 

Engagement changes the relationship between a man and a woman. Their relationship is deeper than their season of dating, but they have not yet experienced the consummation of it found within the sacrament of marriage. 

The desire for oneness with your soon-to-be spouse is at its height. The longing for a life spent growing in love with your future husband intensifies. 

The anticipation helps remind us of what we have to look forward to. And when you finally reach the day where you enter into that holy covenant, your longing turns into a profound rejoicing. 

The ache for marriage during the season of engagement mirrors our souls’ ache for unity with God. It can be uncomfortable, even painful at times. 

But more than anything, it is good. 

If you allow it, that desire can be the purifying fire that refines our hearts to more fully receive, not only our husbands, but Christ Himself. 

Embrace the longing; don’t run hide from it. Enter into it with a prayerful heart willing to be transformed.

Let yourself experience the joy in the waiting, so you can more completely enter into the joy that awaits you.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Honoring Marriages at your Wedding

DENAE PELLERIN

We understand the vocation of marriage through the example of families. In a world full of broken marriages and wounded families, it can be difficult to find families that have withstood the temptation of divorce. 

People say the amount of people choosing to become married is decreasing, and many Catholics find despair in this reality. It was only when I became engaged that I began to consider another perspective as I approached my own sacrament of marriage. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CHELSEA SLIWA PHOTOGRAPHY

“What you guys are doing is amazing,” said my brother as he took photos of the new sparkly ring on my left hand. I was stunned by the words I never thought I would hear him say; he admits he is the last person who will likely get married. He went on to explain how in the 21st century there is no obligation towards marriage--the social norms surrounding sex, marraige, parenting and cohabitation, for example, present a lifestyle in contrast to Catholic teaching. 

He went on to admit that by choosing to get married, my fiancé and I were “choosing to suffer for one another,” intentionally choosing to a more difficult and inconvenient life out of love for one another. 

While he comprehended his observation, I was taken aback by an additional revelation: is choosing to get married more of a witness to Christ than ever before? Could it be possible that a decrease in marriage means the marriages in the world are rare but authentic and significant models of intimacy? 

This reality inspired me to honor the vocation of marriage and family more prominently at our wedding. 

My fiancé and I are extremely fortunate to have come from families where none of our parents or grandparents are divorced. We desired to honor the incredible foundation and value for marriage our families have given us. 

A Tribute to the Past 

Many weddings present a display of wedding photos of grandparents and parents. It is a beautiful way to commemorate their sacrament and to show the family history. We added a unique flair by inviting the women in our family to display their wedding dresses. 

My mother and paternal grandmother, mother-in-law and husband’s great-grandmother’s dresses were displayed. My dad built wooden stands, my mother-in-law found forms to display the dresses on, and my Mom designed and finalized the installation. My mother-in-law had made a baptismal gown out of her dress for our niece, and we ensured it was also displayed. A wedding dress is so special, and it was meaningful to bring the dresses out of the closet and put them on display again! 

In addition to the visual display, our emcees introduced our parents and grandparents and shared how long they have been married as well as something sweet about when they were dating or getting married during the meal. 

A Shared Table 

I once heard that to choose to have a child is to choose to make room for another person at your table. Psalm 128 speaks to children being “like olive shoots around your table,” which, according to Pope Francis, means children are full of energy and vitality while the parents are the foundation of the home. 

As you enjoy your first meal as husband and wife at your wedding reception, you establish a new foundation from which others will be invited to share at your table. But before that day, you were first invited to another’s table. 

On our wedding day, rather than having a traditional head table made up of the bridal party, we sat with those who gave us the foundation to build our own table—our parents. It was a sign of the two families becoming one new family; a moment in time where the tables we came from came together. 

As wedding speeches were shared, we laughed and cried with the four most significant people who taught us what it means to be married and to form a family. It was an intimate experience. And for a bride who was nervous about being the center of attention, I was empowered by the love of those around me to be present in the moment and emotionally vulnerable. 

An Alternative to a Bouquet Toss 

I love a good Beyonce moment, but instead of tossing my flowers, we surprised our guests with a different opportunity to take the bridal bouquet home. 

Our DJ invited all couples to the dance floor and we danced to the Brad Paisley song, “Then.” The emcees began asking people to leave the dance floor based on how long they had been married. To make it more fun, they did this by speaking about historical events in specific years. 

It began with the non-married or most recently married couples leaving the floor, which eventually revealed the longest married couple on the dance floor. This couple received my bridal bouquet and a round of applause for their decades of commitment. 

You learn about marriage and family life from your biological family, long before you say I do. Your wedding day is the first day of your marriage; it is also a day married couples are reminded of their own vows and the joy of new love and new beginnings. I challenge you to find ways to celebrate and thank married couples for their witness and to re-inspire them in their vocation. 

In what ways have you seen marriage honored and celebrated at a wedding? Share your experience and observations with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook or Instagram.

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 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness into Newlywed Life

KATE THIBODEAU

Have you felt a surprising sense of losing independence or control after your wedding day? If you’ve experienced this in uniting your life with your husband’s, I understand. 

Photography: Diane Murtha, seen in How He Asked | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

As an independent thinker and doer throughout my life, before marriage I took pride in going about my daily plans and crafting a great big future for myself. Seeing this resourcefulness bloom as a single adult, I enjoyed my self-reliance. I used my motivation to push myself in planning each future endeavor, from daily meals to progress towards my degree or future career.

Marriage throws a wrench in your independence when you realize you are no longer a lone ranger in complete control of your future.

While we usually recognize we are sacrificing ourselves, both body and soul, at the altar, this loss is felt more keenly in the field when we live out our marriage vows together day by day. 

 As a newlywed, I loved including my husband in my daily plans, spending as much time together as possible. Having survived a distance engagement, we were so enthralled by the opportunity of finally living as one and uniting our daily lives. 

However, after the first few months passed, I realized the difficulty of fully involving another’s thoughts, comforts, and wishes into my everyday decisions. Maybe I didn’t plan to cook tonight, for instance, but he would love a full meal after a hard day: a death to selfishness.

 These everyday inconveniences could be thrown aside with a bit of resolution and love for my spouse. Of course spouses want to accommodate and serve each other. However, the impact of losing this control over your own self and circumstances is a bigger trial. Life becomes completely shared with your spouse--something I was to learn sooner than expected.

My picture-perfect plans for my life, and our unified existence, was shaken by opportunities for trust. The first of these experiences came in the form of allowing myself to consider starting our family sooner than I had planned. In following Natural Family Planning, my husband and I were perpetually open to life, but coming into our marriage, we--rather, I--had been quite clear in the  expectation to attempt to delay pregnancy until a certain number of years had passed. 

 Marriage is compromise accompanied by trust. It shone through brilliantly when I quickly realized my husband’s desire to become a father was growing, and my preconceived notions were founded in a sense of doubt and denial that God could be calling us--calling me--sooner.

As a self recognized control-freak, I would gladly welcome our family’s future wrapped neatly in a box, signed, addressed, and dated with each big event dutifully marked in my planner. 

However, my vocation calls me to fluidity in our plans, to openness to the needs of my spouse and his ability to help support our family, and to patient trust in God’s providence. We must commit to ongoing communication about the direction of the adventure God should decide to take us. Whether that be moving where our careers call or sacrificing comfort for the security of our family, we must always trust in God’s leading hand to point us in the right direction. For when has he failed us before?

As newlyweds, our need to rise above the selfishness of our natures is a daily challenge. God does not call the weak to the vocation of marriage, but he does grant us regular opportunities to strive for virtue. Our vices in our single lives shine through more blatantly when met with the sacrifice needed for a fruitful marriage. 

 The drastic change from the single life to dependency upon your spouse can be jarring and uncomfortable. My experience, however, proves my husband and I feel most unified when allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, allowing God to direct our lives. 

Marriage is not only a death to self, but a death to pride, independence, and all the qualities that drive us to feel in control. 

It is a daily sacrifice to take my husband’s needs and desires into account, and a bigger challenge still to entrust our lives into the hands of an all-knowing God.

I do not pretend to be anywhere near overcoming my desire to be in control or in the know regarding our future. Yet I know the graces of marriage allow us to grow in virtue, both together and as individuals. 

 Rest assured that your vocation to marriage will lead you to a greater understanding of your personal vices, accompanied with a deeper desire to pursue a death to them. I challenge you, and myself, to continuously invite trust in God’s direction for your marriage, and seek to lift up selfishness in prayer. 

In those newlywed moments when you feel disconnected or disillusioned by the ideals of your perfectly planned life, know you are where God desires you to be. He is calling you to a greater future with your husband. A greater holiness.

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 About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. Mama to angel baby, Charlotte Rose, and new Baby Lizzy, Kate has an English degree from Benedictine College, and strives to live the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

What do your Sundays currently look like? Do they align with how you’d like them to look?

Personally, I love coming home from morning Mass to have lunch with my family and read a book during my kids’ nap times, yet I admit I frequently spend the rest of the day cramming in meal prep, chores, and errands in an attempt to feel “ready” for the week ahead. In a culture of busyness and distraction, I suspect I’m not the only one.

Photography: Laurentina Photography

What does “ready” really mean, though? True, my Sunday habits help me feel materially and practically prepared, but too often I experience the creeping awareness that my spiritual and emotional readiness just hasn’t been satisfied. Lots of doing; not enough being. I crave carefree timelessness, but struggle to use my time well.

What do you and your beloved do for fun? Get ideas from the hobbies the editors share with their spouses.

I love the idea of a true Sabbath; a day to embrace the practices that help me, my husband, and our kids simply enjoy being present with one another in the activities that renew us and bring us joy. Here, for any others like me who desire a restorative Sunday routine, four questions to guide you in planning and entering into a fulfilling day of rest with those you love. 

What do we value?

Consider you and your beloved’s temperaments: what relationships, activities, and habits are most particularly important to you? For some couples, the answer might be social time with friends and family and for others, time alone for a date or a few relaxing hours at home. For some, it might be time away from screens, and for others, it might be catching up on movies or a show. For some, exercise is leisurely; for others, Sunday can be a break from the workout grind.

Examine and discuss what each of you values, and build those values into your Sabbath accordingly.

How can we distinguish our Sunday routines from the rest of the week?

Brainstorm and discuss ways you and your beloved can make each Sabbath feel distinctive from your typical weekly routines. This could take the form of morning or nighttime habits that encourage quality time and unhurriedness, like sleeping in and reading in bed, going for a walk, sharing reflections on the Mass readings for the day, or cooking a leisurely breakfast or dinner together. 

If you have children, consider simple, memorable rituals they can be involved with--for young kids, practices as seemingly ordinary as attending the donut Sunday after Mass, taking a family walk, or creating a short, Sunday-only prayer routine can become indelible memories! In my family, we like coming home from church to make eggs and toast and try to go on a low-key Sunday outing to nearby playgrounds or biking trails.

Playfulness enriches your marriage. Read more on cultivating a childlike spirit of joy.

What makes us feel most refreshed?

So many of us wish we had more time for hobbies or have a bucket list of activities we’d love to try “someday.” If you’re like me, perhaps you’ve ignored these lists in favor of scrolling through your phone, only to look up from the screen feeling restless and dull.

I encourage you--along with myself--to take the Sabbath as an invitation to engage in the activities that leave you feeling most alive and refreshed: time outdoors, reading, playing an instrument, or otherwise. Identify with your fiancé or spouse the activities you both love and can take part in together.

What weekend responsibilities can we reserve for Saturday instead of Sunday?

The imminent work week can make Sunday feel like an ideal time to get things done around the house and check off your to-do list, yet in my experience, I so often feel rushed trying to accomplish everything before Monday morning.

Instead, consider the time to breathe you afford yourself when you reserve cleaning, shopping, and organizing for Saturdays instead of Sundays. By doing the bulk of these tasks earlier in the weekend, you provide yourself with a cushion of extra time to get things done, as well as a needed break before your weekly routine begins again. 

So before the weekend starts, talk with your beloved about the responsibilities each of you hopes to accomplish, and plan how you can share and complete them as early on as you can.

What about you? If any of you have similar hopes for creating a true Sabbath, I’d love to hear the practices that have helped you do so and to learn about the weekend activities that bring you fully alive. Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Unexpected Expenses for a Catholic Wedding

Creating a budget is often the first item on a newly engaged couple’s to-do list. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADELEINE DEIGHAN PHOTOGRAPHY

You can easily find wedding budget templates online but they often overlook the expenses specific to a Catholic wedding. 

So before you start planning, don’t forget to include these possible expenses in your wedding planning budget.

Church

The church where you plan to get married will usually provide you with a suggested donation for using the facility, which surprises some couples. 

The church relies on donations to pay their bills and to continue to serve their parishioners well. This donation covers the use of the space for the ceremony and rehearsal, and may also pay for the church’s wedding coordinator and ceremony musicians.

The suggested donation amount will vary parish to parish. However, if the bride and/or groom are registered parishioners (and most likely regularly contributing to the parish), the suggested amount may be minimal, or none.

Be sure to call the parish office and find out what they ask for. 

Priest and servers

It is customary to give a stipend to the priest (or priests) celebrating your nuptial mass as well as the altar servers serving alongside them. 

No specific amount is suggested, but couples may want to consider the time devoted to the marriage preparation, rehearsal, and ceremony.

However, there are several other ways that you can express gratitude to your celebrant for the time he has put into making your day special. 

Flowers for the church

You’ve probably already budgeted for the bouquets and boutonnieres for the couple, the bridal party, and the parents, as well as the centerpieces for the reception hall, but Catholic couples should also include flowers for the church where the ceremony will take place. 

Some couples plan for floral arrangements in the sanctuary and on some of the pews. However, these pieces don’t have to be super elaborate or expensive. 

The church’s wedding coordinator can give you a better idea of what works best with the layout of this particular space and what other couples have done. 

Also, if you want to present flowers to Mary or St. Joseph, make sure to include it in your budget. 

Marriage preparation

The marriage preparation requirements often vary by diocese (or even by parish) so make sure to check with your priest about what you and your soon-to-be spouse will need to do. 

Some couples attend a weekend retreat, while others meet privately with their priest or a "sponsor couple." Others may participate in a series of marriage preparation classes offered by their parish.

Inventories like FOCCUS or PREPARE have become more common in the last several years and also require a small fee for scoring by a facilitator. 

If you want to take a course on Natural Family Planning before your big day, you may also need to add it to the budget. The learning of and the materials for NFP varies by method and by the teacher but is well worth it. 

Looking for an NFP instructor? Check out our vendor guide. 

Designing and printing mass programs

Programs for a Catholic wedding mass tend to be a bit longer than your secular wedding, especially if you want to include more detailed instructions for non-Catholic family and friends. 

This added length may make designing and printing mass programs a bit more costly than couples may initially expect. 

Though the cost would be well-worth it if it helps your guests enter more fully into the sacredness of your wedding.

Check out the Spoken Bride shop for uniquely Catholic (and easy-to-use) wedding program templates that will help make this part of the wedding planning process smoother.