Living in the Joy the Resurrection

CARISSA PLUTA

“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.”

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABIGAIL CONSOLI PHOTOGRAPHY

These words spoken by Pope Saint John Paul II stand as a reminder that even though Easter Sunday has passed, we as Catholics are called to live in the Resurrection of Christ throughout our lives. 

But what does it actually mean to be an “Easter people?” How can we embody this spirit of joy that permeates this liturgical season and practically make it part of our lives and marriages?

Participate in the Liturgy

First and foremost, the best way to enter into the joy of the resurrection is by attending mass with your spouse. When we participate in Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist, we celebrate and enter into the Paschal Mystery. 

I know we are currently in a season where the suspension of public Mass has been deemed a necessity but even when we aren’t faced with a global pandemic, attending daily Mass isn’t always possible for many couples. 

However, the Liturgy of the Hours, or the Divine Office, is an accessible form of prayer that extends the Liturgy of the Mass throughout the day and allows the Paschal Mystery to permeate our ordinary lives.

The Divine Office consists of five “hours”: the Office of Readings, Morning Prayer, Daytime Prayer, Evening Prayer, and Night Prayer. Consider adding one (or more) of these hours into your daily prayer routine with your spouse as a reminder of the mercy and faithfulness of the Lord. 

Keep the Sabbath Holy

Every Sunday, the Church celebrates the Feast of the Resurrection. The unique Easter celebration that we just celebrated is reflected in the sacred events of the Christian Sabbath. 

It’s a little Easter, so treat it as such! Pray in a unique way with your spouse. Enjoy a feast of good foods and treats. Take time to rest and enjoy quality time with your partner.

Every Sunday, my husband and I enjoy a delicious breakfast of baked Brie and toasted, homemade bread--foods we reserve solely for the Sabbath. Indulging in special foods helps us set the day apart from other days of the week, allowing us to enter more fully into the joy of the resurrection.  

Related: How to Plan and Enjoy the Sabbath as a Couple

Live as a Missionary Disciple

As Catholics, we share a universal call to “make disciples of all nations.” By virtue of our Baptism, we are all missionary disciples and we have a duty to live out that call through evangelization. 

If we know the Good News, if we truly believe that Jesus suffered, died, and rose again for our salvation, we should desire for others to know Him too. Our joy is meant to be shared. 

You don’t have to shout your faith on a street corner or become a full-time missionary to do this. 

Be intentional about investing in your friendships and community, invite others to join you in prayer, or share your testimony with a stranger. Witness to your faith with your life and with your marriage. 

Don’t be afraid to boldly live out your faith and proclaim it to others. 

Related: Evangelizing as a Family

Embrace sacrifice 

Living as an Easter people does not mean we pretend that life is all rainbows and butterflies. Our joy should not be a shallow one. 

We must recognize and even face darkness, sin, poverty, pain, and suffering, but live in the light of the Paschal Mystery. We must remember that Jesus conquered sin and death once and for all through his Passion. 

In order to fully rejoice in the Resurrection, we must learn to rejoice in the Cross. 

Find ways as individuals and as a couple to embrace the spirit of joyful sacrifice, specifically in your marriage. 

A friend of mine recently gifted me sacrifice beads that I can carry with me throughout my day to help me build up a habit of offering prayers and sacrifices for others, and particularly, for my husband and children. 

Embracing sacrifice daily helps ready our hearts to fully embrace and live out the joy of the resurrection.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Receiving the Lord's Invitation in Times of Waiting

KATRINA MORETTA

My fiancé and I started dating when I was thirteen and he was fourteen. No reasonable adult entertained the possibility that we would stay together through the tumult of high school and the jarring transition into post-secondary. 

Fast forward almost a decade and we stand at the threshold of marriage, armed with an almost unreasonable amount of dating experience and an extraordinary sense of calm and comfort for a twenty-two and twenty-three year old. As we transition into this new, albeit much shorter, period of waiting, I have begun to reflect more keenly on the place of waiting both in our relationship particularly and in the life of faith more generally.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Over the years, many people have commented how uncommon and antiquated a relationship like ours is. These mildly awkward conversations often end with the phrase “I don’t know how you do it, I could never date someone for that long.” I usually explain that, for whatever reason, the Lord wrote straight with the crooked lines of our relationship. 

We went to separate high schools and the same university, were both leaders in our youth groups and university chaplaincy, and both lived in Catholic houses a mere ten-minute walk from one another. Through the passage of many years and the transition from immature teannagers to young adults, we grew up together. The questions and comments have slowed now that we are getting married and the years of dating have culminated to something a bit more tangible. 

Waiting has been an incredible blessing for me and my fiance. The time we spend learning and growing together has formed in us a very resilient affection for one another and has given us opportunities to sacrifice, trust, pray, and hope together that we would not have had otherwise. 

The daily vocation of waiting provided us an opportunity to love and trust in the Lord and his plan for us, even when the course of our lives seemed murky and difficult. 

I feel a particular connection to our biblical sister, Hannah, in this time, who waits and longs for a child. When her prayers are manifest in Samuel, she presents the fruit of her faith and labour back to the Lord. I hope to keep this story close to my heart on my wedding day when I, too, present the fruit of these seasons of obedience and waiting to the Lord to be sanctified and transformed. 

There are many seasons of waiting in our journeys of faith, some extensive and some momentary. In this day and age, when time and information seems to move with incomprehensible speed and our hearts long for peace, the Lord asks us to stay still and wait. In some ways, the desire and expectation for every experience to be as efficient as it can be has eclipsed our life of faith. 

While many people can easily wait hours for new technology or a favorite celebrity, the virtue of patience is put to the test in a new way when we must wait for matters of the heart. Whether it is the pursuit of a vocation or, even more significant, the Lord of the Universe present in the Eucharist, our response is “I could never wait that long.” 

We are called to seasons of waiting, both the anticipated and the unexpected.

Sometimes they are a decade of dating or an extended engagement, sometimes they are an extra period of waiting to receive Jesus incarnate from hands ordained to hold Him. 

We cannot know what the Lord desires to teach or form in us in the precious moments, hours, days, months, or years. Nonetheless, we receive His invitation to sit and be with him a while; upon reaching the end of this season of waiting, we may call out to the Lord saying “Oh, my Lord! As your soul lives, my Lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you.”

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About the Author: Katrina Moretta is from Caledon, Ontario and went to Queens University in Kingston where she completed a bachelor's degree in English Language and Literature, is currently working on an education degree, and plans to begin her Masters of English Language and Literature in the fall. She and her fiance began their relationship on August 6th, 2011, got engaged on March 25th, 2019, and intend to be married on August 15th, 2020. Over her journey of faith, she has grown in love for Christ in the Eucharist and desires to express that love and devotion in any way she is able.

Vendors Share | Words of Encouragement for Uncertain Times

As both couples and wedding industry professionals navigate this season of discernment, sacrifice, and adjusting expectations during the COVID-19 pandemic, we asked our vendors to share one thing they’d like to share with Catholic brides and grooms right now.

We hope that, like us, you’ll find support, encouragement, and peace in their tips. Here, encouragement from Spoken Bride vendors as you navigate wedding planning in the coming months.

Photography: Mackenzie Baird Photography, c/o Saving the Date

Don't let it rob you of your peace, joy and love. Look for silver linings, they are there! - Allison Girone, G Photography and Films | @gphotographyandfilms

Remember that there is more than one way to handle a wedding affected by COVID.

A lot of it depends on your wedding vendors and their contracts, so before trying to tackle any decisions reach out to all of them and find out their policies for this situation. - Maria, Fenix Photography, Design, & Events | @fenixpde

Your love is not limited to a date. You will get married and it will be the best date. In the end it is about the sacrament and your spouse. - Savanna Faulkner, Saving the Date | @savingthedateevents

Find one bible verse that brings you hope and peace and every time a thought of uncertainty or fear comes to mind (or you have to make a hard decision regarding your upcoming wedding day), say that verse aloud! - Juliana Tomlinson, Juliana Tomlinson Photography | @julianatomlinsonphotography

I have a Catholic friend who got married a month earlier due to the coronavirus and thought her story was very beautiful. [There are still] so many bits of grace and consolation for brides. - Janisse Valenzuela, Janisse Valenzuela Photography | @janissevalenzuelaphoto

Surviving Social Distancing as a Married Couple

The world has been thrust into a season of uncertainty as we deal with the fallout of a global pandemic. 

Navigating these changes like social distancing measures put in place to help slow the spread of the disease isn’t easy. 

Here are some pieces from our archives that we hope will help and encourage you and your spouse during this challenging time.

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRUTH AND BEAUTY PHOTOGRAPHY

Health + Self-Care

Establishing a bedtime routine with your spouse | Professional Resources to Support Your Marriage | Hobby Ideas for Couples | 4 Secular Novels Featuring Insights into Authentic Love + Catholic Marriage | Fun Reads Featuring Strong Marriages | The Bookish Catholic Bride’s Guide to Good Podcasts | Increase the Quality in Quality Time | The Power of Childlike Play in Marriage

Prayer

How to Plan and Enjoy A Sabbath as a Couple | Establishing a Prayer Routine | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home | Creative Ways to Pray for Your Spouse | What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? | Modeling the Catholic Home in the Monastic Style| How and Why to Consider Bringing an Examen Prayer into Your Relationship | When Sacrifice Feels Like Too Much

Communication

The Art of the Apology | Actively Listening to Your Spouse | Tips for Forgiving Your Spouse | How to Talk About Your Spouse | The Habit of Affirmation |The Learning Curve of Communication + The Learning Curve of Prayer |What are the Non-Negotiables in your Relationship? | How to Connect with Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy| Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy | How to Avoid Fights About Money | Avoiding the “Four Horsemen” in Marriage | Cultivating the Spirit of Newlyweds Across Time

Encouragement

God’s Ways Are Not Our Ways: Encouragement to Endure| Do You Suffer Well Together? | You Are More Than Your Imperfections | Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness Into Newlywed Life| Becoming the Sacrament | Finding Heaven in a One Bedroom Apartment

6 Tips for Planning a Wedding Novena

KIKI HAYDEN

You know you’re Catholic when you say a novena for (almost) every occasion. If you never have before, it’s not too late to start!

Photography: Noteworthy Expressions

A novena is a prayer said over nine days, usually for a specific intention. Spending nine days in prayer is an intimate way to invite the Lord into your daily life, whether in thanksgiving or petition. Novenas can be prayed in anticipation of favorite feast days, birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and--of course--weddings. A wedding novena is a beautiful way to unite in prayer with your future spouse, your friends, and your family as you prepare to enter your vocation.

Here, a step by step process for creating a personal wedding novena.

Decide when to pray your novena.

Novena prayers are a powerful way to enter into preparation for your vocation. You can pray a novena early on, just after engagement or betrothal. Developing a habit of prayer early in your engagement keeps Jesus at the front of your mind amidst the overwhelm of wedding planning.

As other options, consider a novena in the nine days leading to your wedding, or beginning on your wedding day and lasting through your first nine days of marriage—a honeymoon novena—to establish a practice of daily prayer in your new life with your beloved.

Don’t limit yourself! My husband and I invited our friends and family to pray two novenas alongside us: one at the beginning of our betrothal, and another leading up to our wedding day. And we privately say a novena for the days leading up to each anniversary. The Lord is so generous and loves hearing our prayers.

Make a list of intentions.

This sets the tone for your novena. You might identify one intention for each day, or you could come up with a list of a few important intentions to pray throughout the nine days. Fitting intentions for your wedding might include commitment to God and one another. 

You can also include personal prayers based on your passions, hobbies, and love languages. Additionally, practical prayers, such as prayers for health for you and your family or for peace in your home, can foster trust in the Lord to provide for your needs as a couple. 

Keep your petitions open to God’s will. And of course, give thanks for the community who is praying with you!

Write a litany of saints.

Invite the angels and saints to join your novena by including a small litany. To personalize your novena, consider including your patron saints and those whose feast days fall on or near your wedding date. 

I also recommend invoking the intercession of saintly couples whose vocation inspires your own, such as Louis and Zelie Martin, or Aquila and Priscilla, as well as any personal devotions to Jesus, Mary, and favorite saints.

If anyone in your family or support network has passed away, you may want to include them in the novena litany too, as a way of intentionally inviting them into your wedding.

If you can’t decide, you can always ask “all the angels and saints” to pray for you. 

Decide who to pray with.

After identifying your time frame, intentions, and litany of the saints, decide which living friends and family members you’d like to join in your novena. Ask yourselves if you’d prefer your novena to be a private prayer for just the two of you, a group prayer with your wedding party, or a prayer open to all your guests through your wedding website and invitations. 

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance as to whose prayers you need the most. If you do invite your guests to pray with you, consider saying the final prayer day at your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.

Consider the religious backgrounds of your prayer warriors.

There are ways to express your Catholic faith that include your non-Catholic guests. If you are inviting Christians who are not Catholic, consider making the litany of saints optional, with an instruction like, “If you feel comfortable asking for prayers from the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), please pray this litany.” 

For those of other faiths, offer the option to pray to God the Father instead of to the Trinity. And for guests who aren’t religious, encourage them to think of intentions as “good thoughts” or “wishes” rather than prayers. These modifications invite non-Catholic guests into your wedding preparation and allow anyone who wishes to participate in the novena prayer. 

The Lord listens to everyone. Our non-Catholic guests expressed gratitude for being included in my husband’s and my novenas, and we really appreciated their support! No matter each guest’s background,  the Lord answered the petitions in abundance.

Pray it forward

After you’ve had the experience of writing your own beautiful and personal wedding novena, consider sharing this gift with other couples.

When friends get married, my husband and I say a novena for them using this process. I usually send a text each day telling the couple  the intention or saint of the day for their novena. 

For my non-Catholic friends, I modify the novena to meet them wherever they are in their spiritual journey (I send them nine days of “wishes/prayers”). Your friends will appreciate your support, and the Lord loves to spend time with you as you earnestly share the desires of your heart for your friends. Novena prayers are a powerful expression of love for your friends and family, your spouse, and Jesus.

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About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. She writes about how God has changed her life through speech therapy at Speaking With Kiki.

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Concerned About the Material Aspects of Wedding Planning? No Matter Your Budget, Invest in Beauty.

MARIETTE RINTOUL

Cultural and generational differences can yield surprising comments about wedding plans, particularly with regard to the size of your budget: What people spend on weddings these days is ridiculous! We spent far less than today’s couples and we've been happily married for years!

It’s enough to make any bride feel materialistic, indulgent, and wasteful indeed if she spends more than the bare minimum on her special day. But is beauty ever a waste?

Photography: Belinda Jean Photography

It's true that the wedding industry wants us to spend the most money possible. You can easily feel pressured to spend a literal fortune on your wedding. 

However, it isn't fair to hold today's bride to the actual dollar amount of her mother or grandmother.

Older women who spent conservatively on their weddings forty years ago will often say it was a still-lovely day with a white dress, flowers for herself and attendants, a cake and punch reception, and time shared with friends and family.

To make a similarly simple wedding happen on that budget today would be incredibly difficult. Our dollar simply doesn’t stretch as far as it did decades ago

But there’s another concern beneath comments about materialism and spending. Even if it isn't the speaker’s intent, these comments can chip away at the dignity and importance of the sacrament.

Marriage is so great and special a union that Christ performed his first miracle at of one.

Christ didn't say, "They've already had some wine; and after all, it's just one day." Instead, he was generous to the bride and groom at Cana, pouring out abundance at so great and important a celebration as their marriage.

Shouldn't we too find great dignity in this day; two people taking on the serious and beautiful endeavor of this holy sacrament?

I'm not talking about plunging into debt or spending beyond your means. Your wedding budget should be comfortable for you and any contributing family members.

Consider that the day you become one with another and pledge yourself to him before God and man is a day worth making as special as is prudently possible.

We don't find it a waste when a seminarian dons special new vestments on ordination day as he becomes a priest; newly transformed with the power to change bread and wine into Christ’s sacred body and blood.

We don't throw babies into dollar store onesies on their baptism days and consider something nicer a wasteful expense as they become children of God and heirs of heaven.

Therefore, a bride who desires to honor her entrance into marriage shouldn’t be held to a different standard.

Our society tends to favor the functional or profitable, seeing most anything else as superfluous. But a beautiful wedding celebration (no matter what your budget) has value and purpose of its own.

Flowers presented to Our Lady and Saint Joseph with petitions to be a holy spouse, a choir singing gorgeous music which can only lift the mind and heart to God, fine garments worn by the bride and groom, special food and drink shared by our dearest families and friends...these elements can’t be invested in a bank or made useful to the world. Yet we can gain so much from what is good for the souls.

Related: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day

No amount of money--large or small--can make a happy marriage. Happiness, instead, comes from holy spouses showing up every day, giving everything they have and loving one another completely with all of the sacrifices the sacrament asks of them. 

However, in recognizing the great graces that come from this sacrament, how pleasing it is to God for two to seriously enter into it, and how beautiful the sanctifying aspects of marriage are. It only makes sense that making the day you pledge yourself to your beloved as beautiful as is prudently possible is a fitting way to honor the gift of marriage.

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About the Author: Mariette Rintoul is a wife and mother, married to her best friend, Ethan. She passionately pursues health and holiness in her domestic church—a small 2 bedroom home in Eastern Nebraska. When she's not reading books to little people or cooking from scratch, she can be found blogging about the Catholic Faith, marriage, parenting, non-toxic living, and more at The Natural Catholic Mom...and probably starting another load of laundry.

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Infinite Depths: What Sex Teaches Us About the Human Person

CARISSA PLUTA

Magazines, books, movies, and other forms of media pressure young couples to “test drive” their sexual compatibility long before they start looking for a ring.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBY CONSOLI

Our culture has taught us to think of sex as something that should be effortless from the start.  

However, if you’re married, I’d be willing to bet your wedding night did not go as smoothly as Hollywood led you to believe (I know mine was filled with a few hiccups and a lot of laughs). 

Newly wed couples need time and patience to learn how their bodies respond to one another, but those initial challenges can leave newly married couples questioning if (and when) they will have it “all figured out.” 

However, sex is not a puzzle to figure out, or a game that you can win. It is something constantly growing and evolving as a husband and wife grow as a couple. 

It takes a lot of communication and intentionality, not just at the beginning of a marriage but throughout it. 

You will go through seasons where it seems like coming together as husband and wife is effortless, but there will be other times where you will need to reevaluate what is working and what isn’t.

As your bodies change over time, your needs and desires will change too. For instance, the marital union will most likely look different before having children, than it does during the pregnancy and postpartum seasons. 

In the same way that our bodies, especially their participation in the marital act, can reveal deep truths about the nature of Love Himself, this aspect of sexual unity reveals the vastness of our God and the depth of His creations.

We can never get bored in heaven because we worship an infinite God. As much as we can learn and know about God through the scriptures and writings of theologians and saints, there will always be more to learn, more to contemplate.

We will spend eternity uncovering the intricacies and mystery of our Heavenly Lover. 

And our Earthly Lover reflects his Creator in this way.

Humans are beautifully complex creatures, and it takes time to even begin scratching the surface of who they are and what they contain. 

We will spend our marriage, unearthing the depths of our spouse, learning how to enter more fully into union with him. 

We will learn how to make ourselves a more complete gift and how to more fully receive the other.

We will see the infinite ways that our marriage bed can make incarnate a heavenly reality. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Are You Currently Abstaining in Your NFP Journey? 3 Scriptural Encouragements to Do So with Purpose.

The ideas in this post have been used with permission, from a talk given at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Ellicott City, Maryland and inspired by Fulton Sheen's talk on the tensions of the celibate life. Citations from the talk are indicated in italics.

In every vocation, God desires an intimate, personal communion with each of us; a depth of love that mirrors that between Christ the bridegroom and the Church, his bride. For men and women called to marriage, this outpouring of nuptial love takes on a literal and physical reality.

Physical, emotional, and spiritual expressions of sexuality are a great gift of married life. And yet, what about times when spouses are called to abstain from sexual intimacy?

Photography: Kathleen Straub Photography

Times of abstinence are built into every relationship throughout various seasons, due to engagement, discernment to avoid pregnancy, illness, or travel. It’s every couple’s prerogative to see these times as purposeful, rather than simply inconvenient or burdensome.

When abstinence is “treated only as a burdensome sacrifice, it isn’t really achieving anything.” Instead, couples are invited to dedicate their periods of abstinence to a particular spiritual purpose.

How? Sacred Scripture can point us to a deeper sense of purpose in married intimacy.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen identified three instances in the Old Testament wherein the Lord “gave a command of ‘temporary celibacy’” that are relevant to the married vocation. Rather than directives, they are ordered toward encouraging and positive purposes.

Abstinence in preparation to encounter the Lord

Chapter 19 of Exodus chronicles “The Great Theophany,” or appearance of the Lord to his people. God instructs Moses to tell his people, “on the third day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people...Set limits for the people all around...Moses came down from the mountain to the people and had them sanctify themselves, and they washed their garments. He said to the people, “Be ready for the third day. Do not approach a woman.”

Abstinence, in this instance, is ordered toward preparation of the heart to meet with the Lord. In your times of abstinence, you might pray that God clear your heart and mind of any idols and distractions, and turn your gaze to him.

Abstinence as preparation for battle

First Samuel tells of David and his men readying for battle in wartime, stating to a priest that they have been “consecrated” for the task at hand--that is, they have been abstinent. They have given themselves over not to license, but “to the Lord and his purposes.”

Even when you and your beloved aren’t preparing for battle in a literal sense, spiritual warfare is real; consider offering phases of abstinence for peace and communion to triumph over unrest and division in your relationships with each other and with the Lord.

Related: What does chastity look like in marriage? | Developing a healthy attitude towards chastity

Abstinence as freedom to serve

Sheen identified Old Testament priests (all of whom, in their culture, were married) who abstained from sexual intimacy when they served their turn in the Temple, or on occasions of dedication of the Temple. Abstinence was intended to free them to “serve the Lord more wholeheartedly.”

In the same way, those called to marriage are called to say “no” to certain things--physical, emotional, and romantic closeness with someone other than their spouse; sex at times not appropriate to their season in life--so they can say “yes” to their spouse and to something greater: a holy union that welcomes the Lord’s will. 

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

When we embrace it, rather than “white-knuckle it,” sacrifice is transformative. It purifies, strengthens, and redeems. If you and your beloved are currently in a season calling you to abstain from sexual intimacy, these Old Testament purposes can bring significance and fruits to this time. 

Consider, then, offering each “stretch of abstinence...for a particular spiritual purpose.” Draw strength from one another and from the one who is the source of love itself.

"Your Father, Who Sees What is Hidden" | A Collection of Lenten Reflections for Catholic Couples

As we enter the desert of the Lenten season, Christ walks alongside us in hunger and thirst. With us he cries out to the Father, and no movement of the heart goes unseen or unheard. Matthew’s Gospel for Ash Wednesday reads, “...when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.”

In the hidden and the silence, we are known. The Lord sees the most intimate parts of who we are, calling us into deeper communion. What is he whispering to you? What is he asking?

Rosary + Photography: Our Lady’s Armory

Here, to enrich your journey, a collection of Lenten posts from our archives.

Prayer, fasting, + almsgiving

15 ideas for you and your beloved to pray, fast, and give alms | The fruits of making sacrifices as a couple, plus a download for an intentional Lent | The books that transformed one bride’s prayer life

The pain, and fruits, of purification

Change is good. It’s okay that it’s also hard. | “Simply knowing and believing that the man I married is trying his best, and holding myself accountable to do the same, has freed me from tendencies to blame and wallow.” Consider giving up self pity, especially in a season of new parenthood. | “Remember you vowed “until death do us part.” Remember that part of the sacramental vocation of marriage is to prepare your beloved for a saintly death. You are called to help each other to Heaven.”

Liturgical living

Holy Week traditions you can start during engagement and newlywed life | Our Business Director Andi Compton’s favorite way to visibly live out the season in your home | 4 Ways to Embrace Hospitality During Lent

The tension of anticipation and fulfillment

Are you engaged during this Lenten season of waiting? Four habits you can start now to prepare for married intimacy. | Ways to view preparation for marriage through the lens of these holy 40 days

Real couples’ stories

Caty and Ryan’s proposal along the Way of the Cross | Brooke and Tim’s Good Friday engagement | How Emily and John fell in love over 40 days in their campus chapel | Bianca and Vitor’s Holy Week pilgrimage to Rome and Paris engagement | How one of Jaclyn’s Lenten promises led her and Tony to each other 

We humbly ask your prayers for us, as we pray for you, during this sacred time. It is our joy to pray for you and hear from you; don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions, by DM or at hello@spokenbride.com.

Lenten Hospitality Ideas for Couples

CARISSA PLUTA

The upcoming liturgical season of Lent invites the faithful to pursue holiness with a greater intention.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS PHOTOGRAPHY

The Church suggests committing to acts of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving and within those areas, there are many ways you and your spouse can intentionally enter into this season together. 

If you and your spouse are looking for a unique way to observe the Lenten Season, you might consider cultivating the virtue of hospitality in your homes in a special way over the next forty days. 

Share a meatless meal

Sharing a meal with another person is one of the more obvious ways to practice hospitality. However, with fasting and abstinence in the mix, sharing a meal during Lent may seem like fruitless endeavor. 

True hospitality doesn’t require an extravagant meal, and even the simplest dish can make others feel loved and honored. 

Invite some friends to join you for pizza, fish, soup, or another simple meatless dish on a Friday. 

Start a Lenten Book Study

Prayer is a necessary part of a fruitful Lent and many people opt to include some spiritual reading into their daily routine. 

If you want to dive into a spiritual book during this Lenten season, consider starting a Lenten Book Study. 

You and your spouse can invite some friends or other members from the parish to join you in reading and discussing the book. You might even consider opening your home to host the meetings to give the others a cozy space to learn and grow. 

There are several books that would make good reads specifically for couples during this Lenten season.

Related: More recommended reading for couples

Get to know your parish’s catchehumans

Your parish may have several new people (and families) who are preparing to enter the Church at this year’s Easter Vigil. 

Catchehumans might not know too many other parishioners other than the people they see at RCIA and this can make it difficult for them to feel like they are truly a part of the parish community. 

Make a point to introduce yourselves and to make them feel welcomed in the Church. Invite them out for coffee or over to your home for that meatless meal. You may even want to invite other parishioners to join you so they can also get acquainted with these soon-to-be Catholics. 

Give up your phone

Phones can make practicing true hospitality very difficult. Notifications from text messages and social media often prevent us from giving others our full attention. 

Obviously, we can’t just give up our phones for all forty days but consider sacrificing your phone when you are spending time with other people, including your spouse. 

Keep it in your bag or pocket when you’re grabbing coffee, or keep it in another room during dinner. Rid yourselves of distractions and allow yourselves to be fully present with the people you are with.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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How Lent Can Deepen Your Marriage Preparation

MELISSA BUTZ

During our season of engagement, my fiance and I have spoken a lot about “dying to self” and what it looks like to put the other’s needs above our own. This idea ties in perfectly to the season of Lent, the time when we remember the sacrifice Our Lord made on the cross, giving His life for each one of us.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY

The idea of "dying to self" completely goes against what society teaches us today. We are fed lies that "I" is more important than anyone else, including our spouses. 

Not only is it countercultural to put another first, but to go one step further and renounce something you desire, only to give another what they want instead... that's mind blowing! 

Yet, this is what spouses are called to do, and how they are called to live and love. The sacrament of marriage is a call to imitate Jesus in the way He loved his bride, the Church, giving up His very life for her and all its members - us! 

“Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the Church.” 

For engaged couples, Lent can greatly deepen the season of preparation before they enter into marriage.  

Anticipate

Naturally, as in most every season of life and in the Church, there is the idea of waiting.

During the entire forty days of Lent, and most especially during the Triduum, the Church anticipates the Resurrection of our Lord. This mirrors the expectations and anticipation felt by the couple during the engagement period. 

Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was done purely out of love for us, paralleling the gift of self during marriage and the union that will shortly take place between the two individuals and Christ himself. It reminds couples of the fact that they must die, to only then be united in full spousal love.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines unity in marriage as, "a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul."   

Lent is a really beautiful time for engaged couples to contemplate the sacredness of the sacrament that will shortly take place and pray through the eagerness they feel before the wedding day, when they will offer themselves fully to the other.

Purify

The acts of giving something up and fasting during the forty days are purifying for both the individuals and the couple as a whole, as they take this step in their vocation. 

It prepares one to say "no" to his or her selfish desires in married life, so he or she can say "yes" to this new vocation and everything it entails. The “no” is necessary so the “yes” can take place and the couple can enter into the conjugal love of the sacrament. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that conjugal love "...not only purifies and strengthens" the couple but allows them “to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving."

This renouncing of self and quenching of greed during the forty days of Lent is the beginning of a much deeper purification. 

“You will fast… for in that day there will be expiation done for you in order to purify you.” 

Sin

Before entering into heaven, each person must endure a purification, to prepare his or her soul to receive God's love in all its fullness. This can either happen through sacrifices on earth or in purgatory. 

Both the bride- and groom-to-be can use this Lenten time to deny their desires, in order to help them overcome personal sins.

While nobody will ever be perfect, our God is a healing God. If we ask for the grace to resist temptation, He will always provide it. Then it's up to us to use it and get back up when we fall, always remaining close to Him.

Thus, taking these forty days to ask for help to overcome specific sins or asking for the grace to grow where necessary can reap many rewards.

“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”  

Prayer

Lent cannot exist without prayer. 

While contemplative prayer on our Lord's passion is important, intercessory prayer is one of the most powerful forms of prayer. In it, we join with the communion of saints, whose main goal is to intercede for us here on earth.

So then imagine intercessory prayer between a married couple, who are united sacramentally in a covenant with Jesus and the Church - it's stronger than anything!

A priest once advised me and my fiancè to pray one Hail Mary every night before going to sleep, and to offer it for the other’s intentions and struggles. He told us this simple prayer for the other is enough to transform spouses into Mary and Joseph, and ultimately lead to holy families. 

He stressed that we don’t have to pray an entire novena or rosary for the other, but just this simple act, prayed with love daily.

These forty days, while just a bit more than a month, can have a big effect on individuals before being joined together sacramentally.

Let's use this time to the best of our ability, to get in the habit of making little sacrifices and praying for each other each day. It's these little "no's" to personal desires that allow us to say "yes" to a beautiful, God-filled wedding and marriage.

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About the Author: Melissa Butz brought her southern Georgia roots to Rome, Italy, where she is blessed with a view of St. Peter's Basilica everyday. She works as a TV journalist for Rome Reports, covering everything Pope Francis and the Vatican.

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Marriage Preparation | The Fruits of Reflecting on Your Sacramental Journey as You Anticipate Your Marriage

In the sacraments of the Church, we are given a great and bottomless gift. In particular, it’s incredible to consider that they are lifelong, accompanying and equipping us all throughout our earthly journey.

As your entry into holy matrimony draws near, have you considered reflecting on your sacramental journey so far, and what it means for your vocation?

Whether you were born and raised in the Catholic faith or you entered the Church at an older age, taking time to contemplate the significance and experiences of the past sacraments you've received can deepen and enrich your anticipation of the one you're about to enter into.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit

Consider these prompts an exercise in thought and prayer, and an invitation to notice the Lord's specific, personal love at work in your life.

Baptism

Recall that in baptism, we are anointed for a lifetime mission as priest, prophet, and king; daughters and sons of a loving Father. 

Ask yourself: what will be our mission as spouses (both in a big-picture sense of evangelism and in the specifics of where and to what God is calling us)?

A family mission statement grounds, inspires, and motivate. Read steps for creating your own.

Reflect on the reality of his grace and the ways in which it has led you to your vocation and to your beloved, from the very start of your membership in the Christian community on your baptism day and on through today.

Reconciliation

Saint Faustina compared Christ's mercy to an ocean, with our  sin but a tiny drop. His love and forgiveness are inexhaustible when we kneel before him in humility and contrition. What's more, mercy involves not just forgiveness, but providence: his every movement in our lives, each decision or area of growth we're led to, is his loving will at work.

Ask yourself: How have mercy and forgiveness shaped my spiritual journey? Are there persisting issues my beloved and I need to work through toward healing? In what moments of my life can I see God making his will known to me?

Reflect on how deeply mercy and love are connected: thank Jesus for his unfailing love even through your weakness; ask him to draw you into deeper trust and dependence. 

Holy Communion

The source and summit of our faith is the most intimate encounter with Christ we can experience in this life. A gift of his living self.

Ask yourself: When have I sensed Christ’s real presence in my life? How am I called to embody self-gift in my relationship and future marriage?

Reflect on the nature of Christ’s complete self gift in the Eucharist. A free, faithful, total and fruitful offering of his body and blood. Consider the ways that sacrifice and intimacy in married life call spouses to imitate this gift.

Confirmation

The Holy Spirit takes root in our hearts in a real way through the sacrament of confirmation. With this fire, grace is truly present, strengthening us on the path to vocation and sainthood.

Ask yourself: What gifts of the Holy Spirit and what particular charisms do I recognize most clearly in my life? Like the Apostles and saints, how is the Lord calling me to put my gifts at his service?

Reflect on the treasure trove of graces on tap through intercessory prayer. No matter where you are in your spiritual life, identify ways to grow in devotion to you and your beloved’s confirmation saints.

Does your relationship have a patron saint? Find holy examples and prayers for your beloved here.

Time and prayer can encourage you to marvel at the good and find redemption and meaning in life’s challenges. As you reflect on your journey of the sacraments, may you be moved to marvel, to thanksgiving, and to closer attention to the Father’s abundance.

Establishing a Prayer Routine as Newlyweds

CARISSA PLUTA

After the wedding day passes and the honeymoon ends, newly wed couples will soon find themselves establishing everyday routines in their home.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

In creating this routine, Catholic couples might want to find ways to continually re-focus their daily lives and marriage on Christ. 

Establishing a habit of prayer, particularly prayer with your spouse, can help couples not only grow closer to one another but closer to God, allowing them to more fully receive the graces provided by the sacrament of matrimony. 

Creating a prayer routine as newlyweds may take a bit of time, but worth the investment. 

Talk about your prayer life

Talking about your prayer life with your husband opens the door to deeper communication on spiritual matters and allows you to discern as a couple how the Holy Spirit might be leading you to pray as a couple. 

For example, in talking about our prayer life, my husband and I realized we were both feeling a call to delve more deeply in the scriptures. We then decided to spend some time each week praying Lectio Divina with the Gospels. 

Ask God to reveal how He wants you to pray together and then talk about it with your spouse. 

Start small

Set realistic and achievable prayer goals with your partner and then, fully commit to them. As great as it would be to add a holy hour into your week, it might not be the right choice for you as a couple. 

Trying to achieve some lofty spiritual goals might add unnecessary stress to your marriage and will ultimately make it harder to actually establish prayer as a lasting habit in your relationship. 

If you and your spouse aren’t praying together at all, consider starting with praying before meals or a decade of the rosary before bed. When it comes to praying together as a couple, there is no devotion too small.

Over time, consider challenging yourselves a bit. Try praying a full rosary or a nightly examen. Maybe revisit and pray with your wedding readings every year or add another mass once a week. 

Put it on the schedule

When you and your spouse decide on how you’d like to pray together, determine how often and when you’d like to pray. Put this on your calendar in pen! Prayer is the most important thing you can do as a couple so it should be given priority in your weekly planning.

For instance, my husband and I pray together each night before bed and pray a rosary together every Sunday afternoon. 

Consistency allows an action to take root and cement into a lasting habit.  

Give yourself some grace

Establishing a solid routine may pose challenges for couples just settling into their new lives together, so recognize that this endeavor may take some time and practice. If you forget to do your devotion one day, don’t feel bad about trying again the next. 

Also know that the way you pray together as a couple may change with the different seasons in your marriage. Allow yourselves some flexibility and space to grow as the circumstances surrounding your relationship change. 

Looking for more practical tips on praying together? From the archives, our favorite past posts on the subject:

Editors Share: Our Perspective on Learning to Pray with Your Beloved | The learning curve of combining your spirituality with your beloved’s | 4 Tips for creating a prayer space in your home | Working through spiritual differences when you feel “unequally yoked” | A guided meditation on praying with your wedding vows using lectio divina | How to plan a personal retreat for you and your beloved | Creative Ways To Pray for Your Spouse | Ora Et Labora, Prayer and Work

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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You and Your Spouse Are Works in Progress.

STEPHANIE CALIS

Raise your hand if you thought marriage would change you into the most perfect version of yourself.

...Tell me I’m not the only one with my hand in the air?

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography, seen in Coleen + Matt | Airy Elegance Wedding

Throughout my engagement, I prayed daily for the Lord to form me into the wife he wanted me to be. I asked for the graces of healthy communication, a forgiving heart, and the strength to overcome my bad habits. And yet.

As we settled into our first apartment after our honeymoon, I nitpicked as we cooked dinner, showing my husband the way I liked to chop garlic. I continued my longtime habit of forgetting to turn on the bathroom fan during a shower. I let our time between laundry days stretch to college-student lengths. 

I knew the sacrament of marriage was transformative in the grand scale of my life. What I’d also expected, while hardly realizing it, was that I also thought it would transform me in smaller, more mundane ways. But as I grappled with my same old controlling, bathroom-fogging, laundry-ignoring tendencies, this time with an audience of my husband, I saw that I was still me. Still the woman I was, in all my strengths and especially in my failures, before my wedding day. I now see that’s how it was supposed to be.

It’s true that in matrimony we become really and permanently one with our spouses. An echo of the heavenly wedding feast. In this life, though, as heaven and earth reach toward each other, some transformation requires our own agency. A decision to cooperate with God’s grace. I thought entering a new state of life would change the parts of myself I was unhappy with. But in reality, it was a new opportunity to make those changes, and it was up to me. 

In my realization that getting married didn’t automatically eradicate my biggest weaknesses, I started trying to see my disillusionment—literally, the lifting of a veil—not as an end point, but an invitation.

In my marriage, I’m not called to stay the same forever, but to change. It’s my choice whether to take action, pursuing change for the better, or to let my struggles remain static. To keep them in the dark and blunder on in refusal. Through the love of a forgiving husband who calls me on in my failings and invites me to do the same for him, the Lord purifies and reshapes us both. He asks if we will let him show us the path to true growth and fulfillment. 

His voice beckons: I am with you always.

Have you had a similar experience of expecting marriage to change you? Even now, several years into this call, I still have foolish, fleeting thoughts that I can pray my shortcomings away without actually taking practical steps toward living out my vocation better.

We are all works in progress, and the Father is merciful, there alongside us. I’m reminded of St. Teresa of Calcutta’s words: “I used to think that prayer changes things,” she said. “But now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.”

Whether you’re anticipating your marriage to come, living out the first months of newlywed life, or deep into your vocation and wondering how to grow, may each of us--me included--open ourselves to constant transformation and a deeper understanding of Love’s demands.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Allow Perfect Love to Drive out Fear.

STEPHANIE FRIES

I remember the the insecurities of my heart as a single woman: intimidated by the inherent beauty of womanhood, afraid of being taken advantage of, unaware of the love God shares with the human heart. 

We are affirmed through Scripture that “perfect love drives out fear.” No matter the wounds we bring into relationships, God desires that all of his children experience love with both purity and passion. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

When I started dating the man I would eventually marry, I feared an encounter of passion without purity. Is he just looking at me or does he really see me? Is this a safe relationship to be vulnerable or will I be taken advantage of when I let my guard down?  

I erred on the side of self-protection. With no vulnerability, physical or emotional, there was no opportunity to be the object of someone else’s physical or emotional lust. In short, I was so afraid of being used that I was unable to receive—let alone offer—an honest act of love. 

My then-boyfriend was frustrated yet courageous as he remained patient, honest, and steadfast. And as he pursued me, I felt an increasing desire to pursue Christ. 

Christ instills confidence; through adoration, spiritual reading, and daily Mass, my heart began to soften at opportunities to share my heart with others—despite the potential risks. The ongoing encounters with pure love from a human man and perfect love from God the Father was a catalyst for my heart to more-fully reveal itself. 

When our hearts are exposed, our souls are vulnerable yet free. Free to establish and fulfill a steady identity in God. Free to love and be loved. Free to live abundantly in the spirit. Free to be fruitful in the vocations and Vocation of our lives. 

We don’t have to anxiously wait for a pure and perfect love to find us. God offers each of us his most Sacred Heart, on fire with love and purity, in our day-to-day lives; most powerfully through the Eucharist. He is waiting to tear down the walls we build out of hopeless fear. And as his perfect love drives out fear, we begin to experience life in new ways. 

For some, the freedom found in Christ may grow in tandem with a romantic relationship. But this is not the only freedom offered through God who is love! As fear fades, a life of adventure, joy, hope, and love comes into stronger clarity. When a heart is set free, everything changes.

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About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter (Geoff and Abby), a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

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What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? 4 Ideas for Catholic Couples.

STEPHANIE CALIS

At the altar, spouses solemnly profess to lay their lives down for one another, come what may and even unto death. The call to Christ-like love is a high one, worth attention and contemplation. But what about action?

Photography: Laura Gordon Photography, seen in How He Asked | Elizabeth + Matthew

For me, the gravity and huge significance of my wedding vows are beautiful to reflect upon, yet in all honesty, they sometimes leave me thinking, what now? That is, how, exactly am I being asked to live out these promises?

At the intersection of the theological and the practical is action: concrete steps I can take to embody the sacrificial love my husband and I are called to.

Here, if you’ve wondered yourself how to live out sacrifices in life’s daily rhythms, four practices that have helped me.

Consider your spouse’s love language.

Whether your spouse most deeply receives love through physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or quality time, take time to identify particular ways and times of day in which you can express these gestures to one another.

Do you know each other’s love languages? Find an inventory here.

For us, we satisfy my husband’s love language of acts of service, and mine of quality time, when we clean the kitchen together before bed. It sounds simple, but the time spent chatting and helping one another with chores has become a treasured ritual.

Dream together, and work toward a financial goal.

If money weren’t a factor, where would you go? Who would you help? Talk with your spouse about a trip you’d love to take, a city or state where you hope to live long-term, educational possibilities for your future or present children, and the charitable causes you’re most passionate about. Identifying specific matters you most deeply value makes budgeting and saving feel purposeful. Consider evaluating your budget for areas where you can allocate more to your financial dreams or enacting periodic spending fasts.

Offer up your workouts.

When framed in a healthy context, exercise can bear more than physical rewards. Fitness can be spiritual, as well. If you work out, consider offering each mile or each rep for your beloved’s sanctification or for specific intentions.

I find myself continually inspired by Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati’s motto verso l’alto; “to the heights.” A lover of nature, sports, and physical activity, Frassati strove to live beyond mediocrity, not for the sake of greatness itself or for worldly glory, but as an offering to the Father. I seek his example in times when I feel spiritually or physically inactive, knowing that self-discipline leads to true freedom and excellence gives glory to God.

Engage in one of your spouse’s hobbies.

Though my husband and I initially bonded over shared tastes in books and movies, we also have hobbies we each personally enjoy that the other isn’t as interested in. That makes the times we engage in each others’ individual interests that much more meaningful--my husband loves when I sit down to play a board game with him, for instance, and it means a lot to me when he chooses to join in on a show I’m watching.

What are your own individual hobbies? Consider the activities your spouse enjoys on his or her own, and choose to participate now and then. 

Sacrifice speaks a language: I see you. I value you. Your time and interests are important to me. I give of myself to you. What would you add to this list? Share the ways everyday sacrifices strengthen you and your spouse in love.

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Editors Share | Discerning a Vocation

The spiritual life is an ongoing journey, constantly propelling us into new stages and seasons of learning, living and loving. The process of discerning a vocation to single, married, or religious life moves each individual into new realities of more fully embracing the call to holiness through love. 

Today, members from the Spoken Bride team share a little about their own discernment processes and reveal how intimate and unique these journeys are for each person in their walk with God.

PHOTOGRAPHY: RED FERN PHOTOGRAPHY

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder and Creative Director

Throughout my late teens and early twenties, I was seriously discerning the call to religious life. Naturally, I visited the Blessed Sacrament and meditated on the Rosary as often as I could and had regular spiritual direction. When God started to close the doors as my entrance date to the convent approached, it was through the gentle and powerful intercession of Our Lady who made it apparent where God was calling me. 

More of my discernment story is available to read here.

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

I always felt a strong call to the vocation of marriage, but it wasn’t until college that I prayed for my vocation with an open heart, really giving God the opportunity to to make His will known. When the call to marriage was made clear (and right after a break-up), I began praying a novena of masses for my future husband and spending time in Adoration. Not only was that time spent with Christ healing for my broken heart, but it deepened my relationship with God, who soon revealed the man I would marry. 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

I met the man who would become my husband on my first day of high school, when I was only 14. He was a devout Southern Baptist, and I was a devout practicing Catholic. Looking back, I realize this is not the typical story! I can honestly say I always took my Catholic faith quite seriously, even then, but I had never entertained an honest thought about discerning religious life. I almost felt afraid of it, or like the idea of becoming a sister or nun was more of a joke than an actual possibility. 

It wasn’t until more than four years later in college that I met other young Catholic adults who actually “discerned their vocation,” whether to marriage or religious life. This was a new mentality and practice I had never encountered before, but I suddenly felt a strong urge to do some actual discernment myself.

To make a long story short, after some interesting Holy Spirit encounters in adoration, I called up my boyfriend-of-four-years and cut off all communication for a month to immerse myself in discernment of religious life and general spiritual growth (imagine the shock of my poor Baptist boyfriend hearing that).

A month later, after discerning no real call to further explore entering an order, I called up my boyfriend again, who had actually discerned himself in that month that he needed to become Catholic! I was absolutely amazed. He entered the Church nine months before our wedding, and we’ve been married almost two years now. The Lord works in mysterious ways!

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

My discernment process started with a lot of fear. I had a very twisted misunderstanding of what it means to live in collaboration with God. To summarize my experience of vocational discernment, I learned three main things:

1. Through many hours in the presence of the Eucharist, I learned how to differentiate between the voices in my head: between temptation from Satan, pressure from my family, a projection of my own fears or wounds, the voice of God, and the tender love of Mary.

2. Through a monthly novena to St. Therese, I learned to see the equal yet different beauty of each Vocation. I grew in my ability to honor and celebrate the various vocations and the ways each individual is called to love and be loved.

3. Through a lot of grace, I learned how to discern the desires of my heart, which are implanted in my heart as a gift from God. In turn, I began to pursue a vocation to married life with clarity, confidence, freedom, peace, and joy.

How to Love Lapsed Catholic Family Members Through Your Wedding

LAURA McALISTER

Your wedding Mass is one of the most special and important moments in your life. In this Mass, a bride and groom make an exclusive, total, and lifelong covenant to each other: to love each other faithfully; and by God’s grace, raise a family together.

It is a moment that you want to share with your family, your friends, and your community. But tensions may rise when you desire a Catholic wedding, yet close family members are not practicing the Catholic faith..

How can your wedding Mass express both love for God and faith as well as love for lapsed Catholic family? 

Pew Research indicates that over half of all adult Catholics in the US have left the Church. While some still consider themselves culturally Catholic, others have abandoned the Church entirely. Some have very positive feelings about the Catholic Church, but others really struggle with the Church—and may well struggle with your decision to be married in the Church they left.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

For many of us, lapsed Catholics aren’t statistics. They are our mothers and fathers, our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Perhaps you’re the only practicing Catholic in your family.

It is important to plan your Nuptial Mass with your family in mind. This doesn’t mean compromising your dreams of a truly Catholic wedding, let alone abandoning your convictions. 

It means finding ways to love your lapsed Catholic family. It means making them feel welcome and included in the Mass. Ultimately, it means extending the loving welcome of Christ who is always standing at the door, knocking at the human heart’s door and calling us back to himself.

Include Your Family

As much as possible, include your family members in the Mass. The most important thing, Jesus tells us, is that we worship God in spirit and in truth. The Mass is the supreme worship of God because in the Mass, we offer the Eucharistic sacrifice of Jesus back to the Father, as he pours his graces on us through the Holy Spirit. 

A wise rule of thumb is to ask people to do things they actually believe in. If your brother doesn’t believe prayer works, invite him to participate in a way other than praying aloud with your guests. If your aunt doesn’t believe the Scriptures are inspired by God, consider others to do the readings.

This not only safeguards the integrity of the liturgy as an act of worship; it also means your family members are not “forced” to “act religious” in ways that might be hypocritical to them. 

There are still non-liturgical aspects of the Mass your family can participate in without compromising either the sincere worship of God or your own convictions. 

For example, your dad can walk you down the aisle, your sister can be your bridesmaid, or your cousin can sign the Wedding Register. None of these is explicitly religious, yet these acts are all ways to include your family in the Nuptial Mass.

Be Patient and Bold

In some ways, having non-Catholic family members might be easier than lapsed Catholic ones. Most of us tend to be more polite and accepting of new things; we don’t want to be seen as difficult or intolerant. When we think we understand something, however, we can be more cutting or even intolerant.

Blessed Fulton Sheen said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

Be very patient and understanding towards your family. Understand they may have wounds or deeply personal struggles with the Church. Unfair though it may feel, inviting them into the Church for your wedding may bring up these tense emotions. Be an image of Christ, open and willing to hear their stories.

Pray for small opportunities to witness to Jesus. Share the meaning behind your decisions. You might be surprised where your conversations end up!

Explain Everything

Always start with the assumption that family members have no idea what you’re doing—even if they themselves were raised Catholic.

For a Catholic wedding, a beautiful and informative Wedding Program is essential. In the program, clearly mark when to sit, stand and kneel. Include all the prayers and responses for the wedding guests to follow. You can also ask the priest to guide the congregation when to sit and stand.

Explaining everything might seem overboard when you’re familiar with the Mass, but it’s a simple way to love others. No one wants to feel confused or left out at a wedding!

Pick your Battles

Even if you can explain something in the Mass, you still need to be aware of how things will come across.

For example, the traditional reading or epistle for the Nuptial Mass is Ephesians 5: 21-33, which begins “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This verse is often misunderstood! 

You and your fiancé might love this passage and understand it in the light of Christ’s radical and self-sacrificial love. But your mom may not. Chances are, lapsed and non-Catholics may simply shut down when they hear language like that.

There is a time to insist on the fullness of the Catholic faith, and there is a time to be prudent. When planning your wedding Mass, keep your guests in mind as you strive to reveal God’s truth and love in every decision. Be Clear but Gentle about the Eucharist

There are some battles you might have to fight—or at least be willing to plant your flag. The supreme gift of our faith is the Holy Eucharist because it is Christ Himself, made truly present under the forms of bread and wine.

Under Church law, only baptized Catholics in a state of grace may receive Holy Communion. Depending on your family and their experiences, some lapsed Catholics will still receive Holy Communion even when they shouldn’t. Others might want to receive, but remember that, under Church teaching, they cannot. Still others might have no desire at all.

Be as clear and charitable about this as possible. Many couples place a small note in their wedding booklets about who can receive Holy Communion. Others ask the priest to clarify who can receive Holy Communion. In the end, your effort can go towards being both hospitable and transparent about Church teaching; any final judgement is not your responsibility. 

Pray for Your Family, including Deceased Family, in the Mass

Finally, pray for your family. Pray for them throughout your wedding preparations and during the Mass itself. 

Pray they will encounter Christ anew and return to the Church. Pray that God will bless and heal them.

Pray publicly for your family in the Nuptial Mass, including deceased family members. Your lapsed Catholic family might not get teary-eyed over your favorite Palestrina or share your devotion to Our Lady, but they will always be touched by your prayers and concerns for them. 

And remember: however much we love our families, our Father in Heaven loves them infinitely more.

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About the Author: Laura McAlister is an Australian Catholic freelance writer and history-lover. She lives in Sydney and iis engaged to a handsome Irishman, whom she met while studying Medieval History in Ireland. Laura blogs about her struggles with prayer and perfectionism at Craving Graces. In her spare time, she loves chatting about Jane Austen, mysticism, and gender roles over tea and biscuits.

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4 Ways Couples Can Practice Hospitality this Winter

CARISSA PLUTA

“Welcoming our brothers and sisters with care and willingness must not be limited to extraordinary occasions but must become for all believers a habit of service in their daily lives.”

Practicing hospitality is an act of service that invites others into a deeper relationship with their fellow man and with God. And as John Paul II said above, it should be a habit fostered in our day to day life. 

Married couples can live out this call in a unique way, especially during this time of the year which highlights the warmth and delight that comes with this gift of hospitality. 

Open your home to out of town visitors

Do you have any family or friends coming from out of town this winter? If you have the space, consider offering them a place to stay instead of them staying at a nearby hotel. 

Opening up your home is the most obvious way to practice hospitality, but also one accompanied by the most stress. Let go of the pressure of making your house absolutely perfect before inviting others into it, and focus on creating a space for others to feel welcomed and loved. 

Celebrate one of the many winter feast days

The Church’s liturgical calendar invites the faithful dive deeper into the rich history and traditions of our faith. 

Intentionally living with the liturgical year can easily include friends or family. Earlier this month, for instance, my husband and I invited several friends over for a taco dinner and praying a rosary in honor of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

The winter months have many beautiful feast days and solemnities worth celebrating. You might want to plan a Catholic themed White Elephant/Secret Santa exchange on the Feast of the Epiphany or you can invite other couples over for donuts after mass on the Solemnity of Mary, the Mother of God. 

Get creative! 

Show some love to your neighbors

Communities often experience a willingness to grow in friendship as the holidays approach. So if you’ve been hoping to get to know your neighbors a bit better, take advantage of the warm feelings that accompany this time of year. 

You can deliver a tin of homemade cookies or offer hot chocolate to people as they shovel the snow off their drive- way. 

Taking time to get to know the people that live closest to you can really improve the strength of a community, and fulfills Jesus’ command to love your neighbor. 

Invite friends to pray Vespers or Compline

If you are looking for a strong way to finish out Advent or even a spiritual resolution for the new year, consider praying one of the hours in the Divine Office. 

The Divine Office extends the Liturgy found in the mass into one’s daily life and activities. It fulfills the Lord’s order to, as St Paul’s said in his letter to the Thessalonians, “pray without ceasing.”

You can easily invite other members from your parish or your friends to join you in praying evening prayer (Vespers) or night prayer (Compline) once a week. Make an evening out of it by offering drinks and desserts to enjoy beforehand.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Christmas Blessings and Prayers from Spoken Bride

In these final days of hope and anticipation for the birth of the Savior, we retreat with our families and friends in joyful celebration of the gift of Christ’s life. As the season of waiting comes to close, we open our minds and hearts to receive Jesus into our homes. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELISSA VOSS, as seen in Emily + Daniël | Christmas Season Wedding

Our Catholic faith is rich with prayers, blessings, traditions, and symbols to bring the beauty of God’s light into the domestic church, the home. Christmas Eve is an opportunity to bring special attention to the beautiful decorations around our homes—especially the Christmas Tree or the Nativity Scene—with an intentional blessing and celebration. 

We encourage you to read and pray the Blessing of a Christmas Tree and/or the Blessing of the Nativity Scene with your spouse or family.

Browse holiday weddings + reflections on Advent and liturgical living | Are you newly engaged or married? Submit your story. | Send us a written contribution

Our team will be taking the next week off from publishing new content and is eager to continue communicating the goodness, truth, and beauty of marriage in 2020! New blog features and reflections will resume January 2. Meanwhile, follow along on social media for continued resources and inspiration, including our top posts of 2019.

From all of us at Spoken Bride, may Christ the Bridegroom be born in your hearts this Christmas season. May God continue to shine his light on you and your loved ones. Thank you for your trust, affirmation, support and participation in our mission—we are full of gratitude for every one of our brides, vendors, and readers and hold each of you in prayer.